#kn makes media

[trainerethan]

In my world oak isn't a malicious abusive bastard. But he is unintentionally greens villain origin story. And I don't think I will write about green being the bigger person and forgiving oak for constantly being obtuse and seeing the worst in green for no good reason. Sometimes people write their conflict as "maybe we were both wrong...you made me miserable during my developing years but....I WAS rude as an 11 year old with no parents and a grandpa who was always scolding me and telling me he's dissapointed in me so...I guess is deserved it..." Especially when oak never actually apologizes or realizes how he hurt green. But it's just like "okay we're good now :)" I refuse. That said I think I am obligated to write them eventually having some sort of heart to heart and good relationship once green is an adult. I don't want him to be miserable forever and in pokemas green gets excited when you bring him up so i don't want to make their relationship seem worse than it actually is. Granted this is also a fanfic where green is an autistic she/him lesbian so canon doesn't matter THAT much but y'know. Still.

[copdog1234]

I think that people forget that fiction is not exclusively escapism. It is, more often than not, actually a lens through which to look at real world issues and cope with them.

[hardrockshrimp]

More things that are actually finished

[trivia-yandere]

request for yandere!ex-husband jk trying to prevent oc from divorcing him 💀😭 (only because they got a child together and he loves her more than anything but she just can’t take him anymore)

hello! yes we can :) this one might take a little turn but this is a yandere account so

nefarious

You knew who Jungkook was prior to having his children and marrying him, so you serving him with divorce papers wasn't going to do anything but anger him.

@momnomnom @darkuni63 @sweetempathprunetree

word count: 4.442

warning: yandere themes/tendancies, non-consenual touching/rape, smut, cursing, dark theme, spitting, degradation, possessiveness, fingering, dirty talking, emotional/mental manipulation, biting, restraining, crying, slapping,

“Get it out of my sight.” Jungkook tosses the paper away aggressively with a roll of his eyes. One of his men - Sung-ho, stands straighter to appear obedient. “That bitch thinks she’s going to divorce me after I made her?” Jungkook leans back into his chair with a huff. He shakes his head. “After I got her out of the slums she was living in?”

Jungkook’s eyes glance at the picture onto his desk - one of you and him on your wedding day. He grasps it and hurls it at Sung-ho who barely manages to dodge the attack. “You find that bitch and bring her back to me!” he screeches, eyes wide with rage. Sung-ho truly had no reason to be a part of Jungkook’s rage and he would make sure to apologize about it another time.

It’s been three months.

Three months since Jungkook has allowed you your little vacation away from him. And now you dare serve him with divorce papers that claimed that you wanted full custody of his daughters - you were insane. You had no job and had not worked in the last five years you and he had been married. You swiped his card without a care in the world and wasted close to millions since then - as a man and your husband, he never bat an eye.

But to think that you were willing to divorce him because - by your words - Jungkook was not the man he claimed to be was preposterous. You knew the type of man he was - the same man who you kept returning to every night to wet his cock and warm his bed. The same man who gave you lavish gifts every week and the same man who managed to not only marry you, but grace you with two of his offspring.

So what if he orchestrated a few murders every now and then? Or stole money and expensive pieces during heists? Sold a few (thousands) pounds of unthinkable drugs? You lived in a mansion, his daughters and you wanted for nothing - isn't that what a man was supposed to do? Ensure his family was alright? Why the fuck did it matter what he did as long as you and his girls were safe?

Jungkook knew you had no problem with what he did for work. Your problem was that you clearly missed him - he had to be gone the majority of the time and that left you in such a large mansion to care for the children alone. But a divorce? Wasn’t that a little excessive? No, this was nothing but a little stunt to get his attention and clearly, now you had it.

Sure Jungkook and you didn’t meet on simpler terms - normal people met at coffee shops. Maybe out grocery shopping. Hell, social media and dating sites were normal now. 

No, Jungkook and you met during one of many (unbeknownst to you) bank heists he had gone on. You recall the day had been fairly slow, only a few people coming in every hour. You had been assisting an older man when the doors slammed open and a group of men entered. 

The men wore all black and wore masks that covered their entire head. They pointed guns at everyone, telling them to get down. You - of course it had to be you - were escorted to the back. To think that this wasn’t even your shift initially and you picked it up from a fellow co-worker. 

But again, you weren’t as normal either. Jungkook noticed how you appeared to not take anything serious. He pointed his gun at you and though he would never use it - hurting women and children was not his forte - you didn’t know this.

Jungkook knew you were different when you flirted with him as you opened the safe. If this was your way to assure your safety, then it was a weird way to go.

“Do you do this often?” you speak as Jungkook fills the bags with stacks upon stacks of cash. “I always wondered what robbing a bank would be like.”

You. You were a weird one. But Jungkook liked it.

“I saw something like this in a porno once.”

Jungkook halts in his tracks, unable to control his thoughts. He turns towards you, eye sockets - dark and nearly invisible to you, stare at your grinning figure.

“The robbers break in and find a defenseless woman…” you lean back onto the wall, tilting your head. “...take advantage of her. But deep down, we both know she wanted it.”

Jungkook was ashamed of himself for allowing himself to be consumed by you. You had all the control that day and you knew it. You enticed him so much that he was able to forget about the heist all together and that’s when he found himself inside of you - ravishing you against the very wall you leaned against.

What could Jungkook say? He was a man and you were a willing participant. You begged him for more, edged him on as he fucks you. You liked the way he was treating you - hands clenching your neck, the manhandling. You started this, all Jungkook did was follow your lead.

“I could say you raped me.”

There it was - the kicker.

You could say that indeed. You had managed to not only get Jungkook off of his game to fuck you - but to do so without a condom. Jungkook had been so excited by you that he came the hardest he has in months - right inside of you. His cum drips out of your pussy and down your thighs, you not even bothering to wipe it up.

“Say that you took advantage of me and when they do a rape kit…” you shrug.

Jungkook points his gun at your head, but both of you knew that he wasn’t going to pull any triggers. You sensed no threat when it came from this man - Jungkook is who he would soon introduce himself as.

“What do you want?” This is the first time you have heard Jungkook’s voice. He was young, you note, his cock and stamina confirming it. Possibly around the same age as you.

“Money.” you shrug your shoulders. “But I can’t take it now.” you laugh. “I guess that means I’ll have to see you again, huh?”

Jungkook swallows. He’s thankful the mask remained on his face and you didn’t see his red cheeks and shocked expression.

“How about I give you my number and you can call me later?” you offer.

“I could kill you later.” Jungkook retorts. 

“You can kill me now.” you fire back. “Your friends can kill the entire bank and get away with it. Burn it down and get rid of any evidence you have left inside of me.”

Jungkook swallows.

“But you know that. You’re a smart boy.” There you were flirting with him again. “If you wanted to hurt me, you would have. Truth is, I could care less about this job and my life is quite boring. All I want is a little company. Who better than a random thief with obviously nothing else better to do?”

Jungkook found that from right there he was fucked and you were truly a vixen - an agent of chaos sent from Hell (Heaven would never allow something like you) to torment him. But he was rather intrigued for the first time in who knows how long.

“What’s your name?” Jungkook asked.  

“Y/N.”

 Jungkook lowers his gun. “Jungkook.”

You chugged the champagne down in nearly one gulp and slammed the glass onto your vanity. Your eyes dart to your reflection in the mirror and you scoff. You should have known Jungkook wasn’t going to let you go without a fight.

You recall the way all hell had broke loose when Jungkook had found you. Your daughters were at school luckily and didn’t have to see their father’s demeanor change. He told you it wasn’t hard finding your hotel room and slamming the door open. You had been dozing off when he entered and Jungkook was anything but content. 

“I allowed this little break to go on long enough, Y/N.” Jungkook was aggressively grabbing your belongings, hauling them onto the bed. “Pack your shit.”

“No.” you hissed.

“No?” Jungkook scoffs. “You think you’re going to divorce me and take my daughters?” Jungkook wants to laugh at how stupid you sounded. “With no job?”

“I’ve been saving money.” you retort, eyes glaring at him.

“Oh,” Jungkook snickers with a clap of his hands. “So you’ve been planning on leaving me for a while. What’s changed?”

Jungkook came closer to you. He looked manic, eyes wide and glaring into your soul. 

“You even threatened to expose me if I didn’t give you a divorce.” Jungkook is livid. “Take down all of my legitimate businesses just to divorce me? You think you’ll get away with that, baby?”

Jungkook was never one to be rough with you, but he’s pissed. He pushes you onto the bed and hovers about you. “You don’t think you’ll go down with me? You tell them what I do on the side, I’ll tell them you were alongside me the entire way. We’ll both go to jail and our daughters…” Jungkook shrugs. “They’ll go to my brother.”

Your eyes widen at Jungkook’s words. “You wouldn’t.”

“I would. Take me down, Y/N. You’re going with me.” Jungkook pushed himself away from you. “Pack your shit and let's go home.” he hissed, not waiting for a response from you.

And now here you sat in said home. You were fresh from a long shower, having ignored Jungkook the following days and only tended to your daughter's needs.

You were feeling bitchy today, however, and decided that if Jungkook didn’t want to give you a divorce - that you were going to force him to. That, or annoy him until you felt as though you were done.

You continued to lotion your skin until it glowed, then you grabbed the perfume bottle - one of the many expensive gifts from Jungkook - and sprayed it until you knew it would linger. You take one last look in the mirror before smiling to yourself.

“We haven’t done a bank heist in years.” Jimin says with furrowed brows, bored and a little offended with the conversation. “We aren’t children anymore. Are we going broke?”

Jungkook snorts, but leans back into his chair. He pours himself the whiskey - courtesy of Yoongi - and lifts his eyes to the surrounding men that he considers brothers.

“I agree.” Taehyung nods. “Bank heists are for the lower ranks. Who’s idea was this?”

“Mine.” Jungkook slams the shot glass down onto the table and shakes his head at the powerful taste. “Don’t you guys remember the adrenaline rush?”

Namjoon snorts with a roll of his eyes. “Leave it to the baby of the group to say this.” he murmurs, a smirk forming onto his lips.

The doors of the meeting room open and heads turn towards the noise. Jungkook’s eyes land on you - and your lack of clothes all together. You adorn lingerie, black and lacy that fits you perfectly. His eyes darken when he meets your gaze.

Jimin is interested now. He leans forward and waves at you. “Y/N, hello.” he says. You were always Jimin’s favorite out of the girls Jungkook had brought around - one of the main reasons being that you actually became a wife. You didn’t remain someone he left in the shadows of his bedroom and actually gave him two adorable nieces.

And of course, you and Jungkook were one of the same. You were stubborn and took no shit and Jungkook got a taste of his own medicine. One of the countless reasons why you two bumped heads often - but it made for great make-up sex.

“Jimin.” you wave back. “I missed you. You don’t come around as much.”

Jungkook watches you with glaring eyes as you make your way closer.

“Y/N.” Jungkook’s tone is low - a warning. Not now, he wants to say. He had no time for your petty bullshit.

“You know me, I always keep busy.” Jimin continues the conversation as if you aren’t wearing the bare minimum - but Jimin didn’t see you in that way. Plus, he loved annoying Jungkook just like you did.

“That you do.” You reach the edge of the table, grasping a glass and a half empty bottle of brandy. “I see you all been drinking without me.”

“Y/N.” Jungkook continues, leaning forward. His firsts were clenching as he awaits for you to answer him. 

Taehyung fights back the cackle. It was always something when it came to Jungkook and you. The fights were never to be taken seriously - it always ended the same way. You and he entangled together declaring how much you pissed the other off.

“You’ve been ignoring us lately.” Taehyung pipes in. “What did we do to deserve the cold shoulder?”

Jungkook could feel the atmosphere shift. You were mocking him - he was once told by Yoongi that he allowed you to walk all over him and he was beginning to agree. You had no respect for him - and even his brothers were going along with your foolishness.

“I’m sorry.” you sigh, pouring yourself the brandy and glancing at Jungkook. “Maybe when the divorce is finalized-”

There it was - the cherry on top. Jungkook’s chair screeches as he pushes himself away from the table and lifts himself up. He’s fast as he rounds it and lunges at you. However, you’re just as fast at hauling your drink into his face.

Jimin watches in amusement as Jungkook pulls you over his shoulder as if you were a toddler throwing a tantrum. He rushes out of the room - slamming the door open with a loud bang while you’re punching at his back.

“Well then.” Namjoon claps his hands, shaking his head. He allows a few laughs to be released from his lips.

“I think this little get together is over.” Hoseok continues.

Jungkook is livid when he slams the bedroom door open just to slam it shut behind him. He shoves you off of him and onto the king sized bed. You fall on your back with a grunt, bouncing off until you catch yourself. 

“You think you’re cute, huh?” Jungkook grumbles, towering over you. He would admit that he wanted to be furious with you - but your attire didn’t help him. You knew what you were doing to piss him off but you wearing his favorite perfume was doing nothing but distracting him.

“Had to do something to get your attention.” you retort, swallowing when your eyes meet the bulge in his pants.

“Ah, so that’s what it is?” Jungkook tsks. He isn't hesitant to push you back, hand wrapping around your neck. “You missed me, baby. I haven’t been as attentive to you as a husband.”

It’s his knee you feel so close to your heat, the friction causing you to groan. Jungkook was always the one to take control, never fully allowing you to unless it's what he desired.

“Why must you always take things too far?” Jungkook loosens his grip onto your neck, palm gliding down to your breast. “Am I not good to you?”

“You see me as nothing but a whore!” you hiss, turning away from him. Jungkook does notice the way your thighs quiver and your hips jut towards his knee for friction. 

“A whore, no.” Jungkook shakes his head with a laugh. “My whore? Yes.” His eyes are burning into yours, offering the same venom you were giving him. “My whore to fuck, to please, to care for. You’re mine, Y/N.”

Jungkook moves his knee from your heat to replace it. His palm slaps it roughly, wet spot not going unnoticed. You shiver at the impact, ashamed that your body was giving away just what he was doing to you. You felt weak when it came to Jungkook - married for five years and together for nearly 7, he knew your body like the back of his hand. 

Jungkook slaps your clothed clit more - over and over again until your juices are soaked through the lingerie, and even then he doesn’t want to stop his torment.

Jungkook’s fingers dig through the lacy fabric of your lingerie to toy with your clit. So wet - so inviting. He could never get enough of your pussy.

“You ignore me days just to show up in lingerie you knew was going to drive me crazy.” Jungkook rubs along your throbbing clit, bulge twitching at just how sopping wet you are. “Then you say it again. Threaten me with divorce.” Jungkook’s scoffing now. He doesn’t want to waste anymore time.

Jungkook enters two fingers inside of you, not bothering to give you any warning - nor be gentle in the slightest. 

“You make it seem like life with me is bad.” Jungkook begins pumping his fingers inside of you. Your body gives him the reaction he always expects - clenching walls, juices flowing down his wrist and flinching form. 

You want to push Jungkook away, to say that you aren’t his anything. You wanted out of this marriage from him - you were nothing but someone he had control over and you allowed it for far too long. It didn’t feel like a marriage between two lovers, instead you felt trapped in a home and made to be nothing but a body to warm his bed every night. The only gift you could truly appreciate from Jungkook was your daughters.

However, it was your body. Your body could never agree on what your mind was telling it to - you find yourself moaning lowly at his thrusting fingers. Jungkook is pissed, and when he is it tends to show in the way he pleases you. Dominant and in control.

Jungkook’s tongue licks upon your cheek. Hot, wet and slimy - all before he spits onto you. In his eyes, the ultimate sign that you were truly his.

“I fucked over enough people in my lifetime that they have given up trying to take it out on me.” Jungkook’s pumping only increases. “You and our daughters are the true targets that they know could truly get to me. I’ve done nothing but kept you and them safe.”

Your eyes roll when you feel the familiar bubbling churning in your stomach. The wet slapping of Jungkook’s fingers inside of you are echoing filthy throughout the bedroom.

“Leave.” Jungkook removes his fingers from inside of you just when you were seconds away from releasing. “If you want the divorce so bad, then I’ll give it to you. Our daughters are staying with me.”

You’re panting, high coming back down to Earth. Your eyes flutter open to see Jungkook pushing himself away from you.

“I’m not leaving without them.”

“Too bad.” Jungkook shrugs. “You want the divorce. You leave and you’ll see them whenever you come here. Take whatever money you saved and find yourself somewhere to go.”

“You’re bluffing.” you find the courage to say, but your voice is so low and meek.

Jungkook hums, lips twitching as he watches you. Poor you, eyes wide and chest heaving. You never truly thought he would give you what you asked for - no matter how brattish and petty you’ve been towards him. 

Jungkook was going to show you just how much you needed him and not the other way around. You were his woman regardless and no divorce was ever going to change that - not even in death would he allow you to part ways with him. He just had to show you how truly vile the world was without him.

Jungkook strokes your hair as you continue to cry in his arms, visibly shaking and trembling. Your fingers are clenching onto his shirt tight as if never wanting to let him go.

How the tables have truly turned - but all Jungkook could think was “I told you so”.

You were only gone a week and it was all it took for you to find yourself in trouble. Jungkook wasn’t lying when he said that revenge toward him was sought out by harming those he loved.

You sat in your hotel room when the knock sounded onto the door. You had ordered food not long ago, so when the knock sounded you wasted no time in going to open it.

Your first mistake.

Your door crashes open when you unlock it and you’re shoved onto the ground. You don’t manage to scream when you feel your screams being muffled. There's two of them, you note, both men. Their clothing was dark and loose fitted and their face had been hidden completely, you can see from a facial mask to cover their mouth and scarf on top of their heads. You couldn’t make out the eyes, yet you weren’t intended to. You were flipped onto your front quickly when one man had yanked you onto your feet, face burying into the hotel bed.

Your legs and arms thrashed around in an attempt to free yourself from the men, but you quickly realized that it was pointless - and that you were doing nothing but exhausting yourself. 

Your eyes swell with tears, anxiety peaking when you realize that this might be what Jungkook was talking about - your mind telling you that there was no way you were leaving here alive. 

Your arms are restrained by one man while the other pulls at your clothing. Your legs shiver when your pajama pants are ripped and you’re exposed to the cool air of the room

You feel nauseous and your head is pounding at the thought of you being defiled by these men - that you were in this situation at all.

You managed to lift your head to breathe, a choked sob releasing from your throat. Your tears blinded your vision, but you could see in the corner of your eye flesh - the man behind you ripping your clothing off. Without thinking, you sink your teeth into his skin in hopes of buying you time for an escape.

A hiss sounds through your ears and you feel a sting across your cheek. Your arms are being restrained tighter until you feel them cramp and sob.

You pleaded and begged for them to leave you alone - that you’d give them whatever money you had saved. Your pleas fell on deaf ears and you realized what they truly wanted was you.

You clenched your eyes shut when you felt yourself being stuffed by the man behind you. He wastes no time in pumping inside of you, not caring just how uncomfortable it felt for the both of you. You feel something wet, warm and slimy drip onto your folds, you conclude he had spit onto you to get any form of lubricant.

The thrusts are brutal and his hands upon you are tight and unmoving. Your sobs do not subside and you feel as though your body is betraying you. It didn’t feel good to you - you felt disgusting and utterly embarrassed; especially with the grunting sounds from the man defiling you. But your body is allowing this to happen, naturally lubricating your walls for more - your stomach churning and bubbling to reach a high you didn’t desire.

Skin slapping echoes off the wall and you had no tears left in you to cry. You wanted this torture to end, to be freed from the nightmare -  but the man was cruel. You feel his hand tuck themselves beneath you and fingers twirl at your clit. You cry upon impact, shaking your head. 

“She likes it.” you hear faintly - it had to be the man restraining you. His voice felt so far away even if he was right across from you. 

The man behind you grunts, hips snapping into you roughly, fingers toying your clit harshly. Your pussy clenches around him unwillingly and you remain shaking your head - you didn’t want this. Your body doesn’t understand the difference between this and what it's use to.

“She’s about to cum.” the muffled voice from the man restraining you says. He holds onto your arms tighter as his partner flips you around. You come face to face with the masked person and your heart drops. You close your eyes, not wanting the man to see your reaction.

“It’s okay to like it. Whore’s like you love this, don’t you?”

The man doesn’t stop his thrusts - no, he appears to be thrusting into you even harder. Your moans of protest fill the room, but to these men, they were moans nonetheless.

Hands clamp around your neck and another around your lips. It silences you completely and you no longer have any strength in trying to protest. You felt your walls clench around the masked man until you were finally letting go around him unwillingly, but by then you were losing consciousness.

“I told you the outside world isn’t the place for you, Y/N.” Jungkook murmurs into your hair. “You’re lucky I came just in time. Who knows what they were planning on doing to you.”

Your tears are now soaking Jungkook’s shirt, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want to let you go - and now he would never have to. 

“Come on. Let’s get you in the shower, yeah?” Jungkook says, pushing you away to look at your tear-stained face. “I love you, Y/N. Always.”

You sniffled, feeling yourself fall apart all over again. Your head crashes into his chest and your hold on him becomes tighter. “I-I’m sorry.” you apologize. You should have heed his warning - that you were safe with him. He kept you in this mansion for this long because the outside world was indeed not safe - you and your daughters could never be safe if it wasn’t with Jungkook. You’re grateful that you had not taken them with you. Who knows what the masked men would’ve done to them.

Once Jungkook manages to get you into the shower, he closes the bathroom door behind him with a sigh. He gets your pajamas ready for you when you’re out and some sleeping pills - you’d need it if you were going to get a good night's sleep. 

Jungkook proceeds to lift his sleeve up and sigh at the mark on his wrist. It was beginning to sting. You managed to draw blood when you bit him - but he was grateful that the wound wasn’t too severe. 

After all, Yoongi’s plan had worked. Jungkook regained his control over you - even if he had to take desperate measures and insert fear. But, he had you nonetheless - his wife.

part two (prequel) a look back into your and jungkook's fatal attraction - before the marriage, kids and the detachment coming soon...

[cam1lla]

Swiftie solidarity call in for Interview with The Vampire Fans

Hey guys, I’m making this post in the spirit of love and solidarity, not fandom bickering. Some people in the IWTV fandom have been making some pretty great joke posts and memes about The Vampire Lestat’s pop diva era and the fan beef he could have with Taylor Swift and while it’s been hilarious and many of us have shared jokes and had some very interesting conversations, there’s also unfortunately been some arguing and bullying on both sides. I think we should put that behind us and take a really rare opportunity to come together and do some good.

Yesterday, a horrible tragedy occurred in the UK. At a children’s dance class that was focusing on teaching choreography to Taylor Swift’s music, a horrific knife attack took place. A seven year old child, an eleven year old, as well as another children were killed and several others were left critically injured. I think now would be a really great time for other fandoms to come together and show support for the victims and their community. Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could come together in solidarity and mobilize our forces for a worthy and noble cause?

If we could come together to support the victims, their families, and their community in this time, not only would it be a great show of what fandoms can be at our best, which is a community of people who not only share a passion but share values, and will come together to do what is good and just, but it could also make more swifties consider getting into assorted Anne Rice vampire media, or more ITWV fans to consider listening to her music. Which means more fun jokes and fake Lestat/Taylor beef. It’s a win win!

Please consider at least sharing this post, if you’re unable to donate at this time. I really think this could be a great opportunity to turn this whirlwind of an imaginary stan twitter beef into something meaningful.

[andreabandrea]

I absolutely don't mean this in a bad way, but I think a lot about how Pokemon is a power fantasy for kids. And I know this is obvious because it's a game for children, but let me ramble.

Think about it: you can go wherever you want, knowing you're safe because your Pokemon will protect you. In the later games, you can dress however you want and express yourself freely. You can connect with nature and communities of friendly kids and adults around you. You can make a meaningful, positive impact on the world. You can stand toe-to-toe with adults who, in real life, would ignore or even belittle you because you're just a kid. (And, of course, you have superpowered pets that love you.)

I think about how in the original games, Brock and Misty are presented as kids/young teens and become friends with Ash. But, Lt. Surge presents a difficulty spike-- if you chose Bulbasaur, you can easily sweep the first two gyms with it, but now you don't have a supereffective match up unless you plan more. I think it's meaningful, then, that Lt. Surge is portrayed a big, scary adult man and military to boot. In the anime, he's presented as being condescending and intimidating toward Ash. But, you as the player are able to overcome this intimidating man through the power of your Pokemon. The same can be said for people like Team Rocket and Giovanni-- Giovanni's original sprite in Red & Blue makes it look like he's looming over you, sneering at you.

It can easily be forgotten by adult fans, but you're seeing this world through the perspective of a child. Giovanni looming over you represents how it feels to be a child, powerless, and face an adult who's cruel to you. But you defeat him at every match up.

Satoshi Tajiri would go on to say that Pokemon was inspired by his childhood, in which he'd go out and collect bugs. Miyamoto would say that the first Zelda game was inspired by his childhood in which he'd explore the local area and caves and so on.

It makes me sad to think that, as the world becomes more modern, more urbanized, and (as parents tend to see it, at least) more unsafe, this childhood that inspired these classic games become further out of reach for kids. When I was growing up, I lived in a suburb full of concrete. I couldn't walk anywhere, and even if I could, my mother was too anxious to let me just go around unsupervised.

This is why getting the bike is such a big moment in Pokemon-- you can go so much farther as a kid on a bike! But, I also could only ride my bike up and down my boring street before running into a major street full of cars going 50 MPH that would have murdered me instantly.

This isn't a doom post. I still believe that we can repair the damage that capitalism and cars have done to the world. But, I think that in times like this, it's more important than ever for kids to have access to these power fantasies, these escapes from a world that they have no ability to fix, but still suffer from regardless.

Ironically, I think that when I play Pokemon now, I play it to feel smaller rather than to feel bigger, the opposite of how I played it as a kid. Now, it's comforting to escape from work and stress into a world in which your only concerns are walking to the next town, catching a new Pokemon, and maybe fighting a gym leader. The same can be said of any piece of media that someone is nostalgic for, but I think Pokemon feeds into it well because its design is so baked in the experience of being a child.

When I'm playing Pokemon, especially when replaying an old game, I still remember things like only saving in Pokemon centers so that my character could sleep there in a nice building, or imagining them setting up camp if I had to save and quit on a route. If I had time, I would feed my Pokemon some Pokeblocks or etc. at my little 'camp' so they wouldn't be hungry (which is why I felt like the cooking and camping systems from SwSh were so real for me, haha).

I don't think that there's a 'wrong' way to play Pokemon-- I know people enjoy competitive Pokemon, and strict challenge runs, and stuff. And I can enjoy that, too! But, for me, Pokemon is about childhood, you know?

[lolasimms]

a midsummer nights dream

summary: the night after your first time with her, Ellie wakes you up from a nightmare and makes it up to you in her favourite way she knows. It’s all new to you, but she teaches you just how to enjoy it.

warnings: smut, strap use, swearing, mentions of past toxic relationships.

“Why can’t you just shut up?.” You hear her scream at you. Her face is red with anger, seething even. The veins in her neck shine through her pale neck and the sounds of her fingers crunch and crack as she clenches her fist.

Her other hand holds a glass of whiskey, neat, the drink almost at the bottom of the rock glass. You hold yourself in your arms, awaiting what was to come when slowly but surely she began to lift her hand. In one quick motion her arms extend; chaos ensues.

Your eyes shut closed, fight or flight taking over you as you cover your ears with your hands. The sound of glass shattering rings around the apartment and you feel the last bits of liquid from it splatter onto you. Leaving you a screaming shaking mess.

-

A hand rubbed firmly over your back and another stroked at the side of your face. When you opened your eyes, you were met with an orange and pink hue shining through the blinds. The sun had finally risen.

“Wake up, baby. Come on, wake up. It’s just a bad dream, come on,” Ellie’s voice rumbled softly below you.

You whined quietly and buried your face deeply into her chest.

“I know,” Ellie soothed. Her hand on your back moved to squeeze your arm. “Just wake up for me, okay?”

With a small puff of air from your lips, you nodded. “I’m up.”

“Good girl.” Ellie went back to smoothing her warm hand up and down your spine. Even through her thick shirt you wore, you could feel her soft fingertips drawing the stress from your body. “Bad dream?” She asks in a hushed whisper.

You nodded, ashamed at the context behind your panicked night terror. “It was stupid, don’t worry about it.”

Ellie hummed. “If it scared you, it’s not stupid. You were getting super worked up, twisting and turning.” She strokes your face as she says this, her eyes worried.

Heat flooded your cheeks and you finally managed to look up at her through the embarrassment of it all. You hated her thinking you were weak. “I hate that I had to wake you with my baggage.”

Ellie pushed a few stray hairs from your face. “It’s okay. If you hadn’t, and then I later found out you’d had a bad dream that I didn’t protect you from...” She trailed off with a sigh. “I’d feel like a dick, are you okay baby?”

“I’m fine.” You shrugged in response and rolled onto your side, away from her. Ellie turned to hold you from behind, her arms wrapping tightly around your middle as you reached over to the nightstand to check your phone. Her lips met your neck to place sleepy kisses on your skin, causing you to melt.

“Was the dream about her?” She asked quietly, causing you to wince slightly as you continued to fidget and scroll through your phone, a way to distract yourself from talking about the dream.

You nodded, checking through your messages and social media’s. The sleepiness in your body and eyes urged you to lay back down with Ellie, to let her envelope you in her warmth, but your anxious brain needed to make sure that your ex hadn’t contacted you. To make sure your dream wasn’t your subconscious warning you of her unwanted return to your life.

Ellie hummed and reached up to turn off your phone, her lips still kissing at your neck and jaw.

“Hey!” You hissed as she took it from your hands and placed it on the nightstand beside her side of the bed.

“She’s not going to come back, and as long as I’m around she won’t hurt you. I promise,” she mumbled into your skin before her lips got sloppier, leaving trails of dampness that somehow both cooled and heated your skin.

“How did you kn-” you words were cut off by a gasp leaving your lips as her teeth found their way to the skin of your ear and tugged on it gently. The feeling went straight to your core. The hand coming from below your body moved under the sweater you were wearing until it found your breast and squeezed gently, making a soft gasp leave your lips at the contact.

“I know you way more than you believe me too, Princess.” Ellie’s mouth met your own when you turned to look at her. Her other hand trailed down your body until it met the dampness building between your legs. “Already ready for me, hmm?” She asked quietly as her slender finger found your sensitive nub and started massaging gentle circles over it.

You moaned softly in response and pushed back against her body, where you were met with damp crotch pressing against your ass through the boxers she’d worn to bed. Ellie promptly left the bed, running over to retrieve what you assumed was her strap. Promptly she returned running back with it harnessed on along with a bottle of lube in her hands.

“My sweet girl. Just relax, okay? I’m gonna fuck you nice and slow,” Ellie whispered against your ear. The hand that had been on your clit moved off of it, earning a whine from you. From behind you you heard the gentle ‘click’ of the lube bottle and felt her hands nudge your back as she rubbed it onto her strap.

You felt the cold of her strap pressed firmly against you before she nudged it in between your legs. “Have you ever been fucked like this?” She asked you softly.

You turned to look at her and shook your head shyly. “Never, Els”

She hummed and tapped your thigh. “Lift this up for me, princess.”

You hesitated and she raised an eyebrow at you. “Do I have to keep it up the whole time?” You question her.

Ellie simply chuckled and shook her head. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you’re comfortable.” She pecked your lips softly. “I promise.”

You nodded and raised your leg up a little. There was an obvious weakness in your legs after the night before, and they started to shake after only a few moments as Ellie lined her cock up with your entrance. You let out a low whine as the head pushed into your dripping hole, and the second she was on a clear path, Ellie used her hand to help brace your leg. She pushed in slowly, watching your face relax with pleasure more and more with every inch of her cock.

“That’s a good girl. Just like that. Still so ready for me after last night, hmm? So relaxed and soft for me. Taking me so well,” she praised softly.

Once Ellie was fully seated in you, she lowered your leg so it lay bent on top of the one on the mattress and her hand trailed up to gently hold your neck. Her thrusts were slow and gentle, pushing right up against the soft spot where you needed it most, deep inside your body. The hold she had on your breast was soft, and she methodically squeezed it in time with her hard thrusts to draw low moans from your chest. Her other hand just held your neck, reminding you she was there. She had you. You were safe, with her.

Your head was dizzy with sleep and pleasure as she drew herself in and out of you. When you turned your head to look at her, she caught your lips in a soft and passionate kiss.

“So good,” she mumbled against your mouth. She hummed and the hand on your neck traced over your curves and down your belly until it reached the apex of your thighs. Her fingers quickly found your clit and she rubbed delicate circles into it, drawing a gasping whine from you. “Can you feel how wet you are, baby? It’s covering your thighs.”

You couldn’t do anything but whimper and nod. Of course you felt it. Her cock pushed through your plush skin, spreading your slick everywhere, making a mess of your aching cunt.

Ellie’s teeth gently nipped at your jaw. “I’m gonna make you come.” She grunted softly. “And then you’re going to fall back asleep with my cock still buried inside your cunt. How does that sound, princess?”

“Sounds good, so good Ellie,” you whined. The sleepiness in your body was matched by the building pleasure in your core. Your eyes were falling open and closed from both the pleasure and the need to sleep.

In the past, sex didn’t make you fall asleep. That being said, you’d never come when you’d had sex in the past. For some reason, the orgasm you’d received from Ellie just made you sleepier than anything else ever had.

Ellie hummed and let the pace of her thrusts increase ever-so-slightly, pulling a long, drawn-out whine from your chest that was stuttered each time she bumped at your g-spot.

Your body was on fire in her hard grasp, and the only thing that could put it out was for you to come.

“I’m gonna come,” you managed to breathe out.

Ellie hummed in response. “I know. Just relax, let it happen, baby. It’s gonna feel so good, hmm?”

“Mhmm,” you whimpered, squeezing your eyes shut. A few high-pitched sobs left your mouth with the next few thrusts, and the fire in your body blazed higher and higher until it seemed to explode out of every inch of your skin. Your hips stuttered back and forth in a desperate attempt to draw out your pleasure as long as possible, and a series of whimpers left your mouth as you came.

She was right there as you began your descent, holding you close and pleasuring you consistently as your body shook and jolted in her grasp. “That’s it baby, that’s it. You did so well for me. My good girl.” She took a shaky breath to calm herself. “You’re gonna come and you’re gonna fall right asleep after. My sweet girl needs my cum to fall asleep, doesn’t she?” Ellie asked through a groan and you just nodded sleepily.

You were all but passed out as she spoke to you, your brain lightyears away after your long orgasm. She gave a few more slow and firm thrusts before she groaned deeply into your neck.

Ellie panted into your neck as she came down and brushed some hair from your face so she could kiss your cheek softly.

“So tired , wanna sleep Els,” you mumbled softly.

Ellie simply chuckled , still slightly out of breath. “I know, baby. Go to sleep. I’ll be right here when you wake up.” Her arms wrapped back around your middle and you blinked slowly a few times as sleep finally came over you. Your whole body was warm and her strap was still inside of you when you drifted off into a dreamless sleep. Safe from any harm, safe in the arms of your lover.

[waiting4inspiration]

To Want (Aemond Targaryen x Sister!Reader)

Summary: Having chased away yet another suitor, you admit to your brother that you only want one person; him. Aemond wants you too and will do anything to have you

Warnings: INCEST (this is the GOT universe), mentions of blood, mentions of rape, mentions of arranged marriages and courting, sneaking around, fluff, angst, strong language, you are responsible for your own media consumption

Word Count: +4.5K (off to a good start for my first Aemond fic)

Aemond Targaryen Masterlist II House of the Dragon Masterlist

“You cut his fingers off?”

Hearing your brother’s voice breaks your attention from the book laying in your lap and makes you look around the huge trunk of the Weirwood tree you sit under. Aemond walks towards you with an almost proud smile on his face, his hands folded behind him, and a coy look in his eye. “I did not cut his fingers off. Lord Hawthorne’s limbs were still attached to his body when he left my presence,” you mutter, just loud enough for him to hear as he sits down beside you. “I had my reasons for doing what I did.”

“I don’t doubt that you do,” he says, looking down at the blood staining the sleeve of your dress. “Though, I don’t think mother will appreciate how you’ve driven away yet another suitor,” he adds, pointing to your sleeve with a finger.

You quickly glance down at your sleeve, letting go a deep sigh as your attention returns back to your book. “I’ll deal with that later.”

When you both hear footsteps in the gallery, you know that it is your mother, the Queen. She has her hands folded neatly in front of her, dressed in her signature dark green, and her eyes land on you as she walks into the garden. “You may have to deal with that sooner than you think,” Aemond whispers as he pushes himself off the ground. 

You stare at him with wide eyes as he leaves, almost as if you beg him to not leave you alone with your mother because you know that this conversation may end up in a fight with her. Aemond simply gives you an amused smile as he glances back over his shoulder at you, making you huff out a frustrated breath as you slam the book shut. 

When Alicent reaches you, you stand up from your seat between the roots of the tree and fold your arms over your chest as you look at her, waiting for the scolding to come. “I have managed to keep this situation from escalating. Lord Hawthrone will accept an apology-”

“Which I will not give him,” you snap, interrupting your mother as she speaks which makes her give you a stern look. 

“This is the seventh suitor that has asked for your hand that you have turned down or chased away. At this rate, word will spread and you will not find a husband,” she fights back, gripping her hands tightly as she takes another step toward you. 

As you shift on your feet, you shake your head and press your lips into a thin line. “Fine. This wasn’t my idea anyway,” you stubbornly say, turning away from her to flop back down on the ground where you had left your book. 

Alicent sighs as you bury your nose in the pages again and she urges herself to move and sit beside you. “Perhaps we should take a break from finding you a suitor. Let things calm down a little bit and defuse any rumors that might arise,” she gently says, placing a hand over yours and making you look up at her again. “For now, please don’t go looking for trouble?”

You bite your lower lip, slowly nod your head at her and then turn back to the book in your hands. Your mother gives you a warm smile before she stands up and walks away from you, out of the garden. 

As she leaves, you look up at her again, watching as her hair bounces as she walks. You can’t believe that she made this out to be your fault. It seems that everything you do is your fault, according to her. You’re sure that her trying to find you a husband is just a way for her to get you out of her hair. 

But you don’t plan on leaving your home as someone’s wife anytime soon. Not if you can help it.

You didn’t have dinner with your family that night because you knew that Aegon was going to make your encounter with Lord Hawthrone the topic of conversation. He was going to tease you and you were not feeling up for that turning into a fight. 

Instead, you stay in your room, sitting in front of the hearth with a burning fire inside. You stare at the flames, watching them dance in red and orange streaks that flitter up and vanish into nothingness. Breathing out a heavy sigh, you drop your eyes to your hands laying in your lap. When you close your eyes, you can still see the flickering flames now burned into your sights. 

Hearing your chamber’s door open, your head immediately snaps over your shoulder to see who it is that has disturbed your peace. Upon seeing your brother Aemond, walking through the door and giving you a small smile, you allow yourself to relax and look back into the fire.

He doesn’t say anything as he makes his way closer to you. All he does is sit down beside you, a leg spread out in front of him as the other comes up bent where he can rest his arm while the other keeps himself propped up behind him. “So, am I allowed to know now what happened?”

You take a deep breath but don’t look at him. You just keep staring into the fireplace, bringing your knees up to your chest and resting your chin on them. 

“I know you don’t attack without reason. I taught you that myself, sister,” he states, smirking at you when he sees a small smile creeping on your face before it quickly disappears. 

Aemond did teach you some self-defense when you were young. After he had spent so much time training in the yard with various weapons and realized that if anyone decided to attack you, his dear sister, and you were alone, how could you protect yourself. He tried to get mother to agree that you train the same as he and Aegon but she would not have it. You would grow the same way and learn the same things as Helaena did. But Aemond didn’t agree with that and took it into his own hands because he saw that you are nothing like your older sister. 

He saw a fighter in your eyes and he would feed into it. So he privately taught you how to yield a weapon. 

“It doesn’t matter what I say. I am just a woman and everyone will believe his word over mine,” you mumble, refusing to look up at your brother as you talk. 

Aemond shifts closer to you, lifting a hand to move the hair covering your face from him behind your ear. “And if I know, I will defend you if anyone says differently,” he whispers, turning your head towards him as he gently cups your chin between his thumb and index finger. 

You relax under his touch, your shoulders falling as you sigh out a deep breath, and lean against his hand. “His hand ventured a bit too low as did his lips. I knew what he wanted from me and I didn’t want the same. He wouldn’t take no for an answer so he got rough. And I had no choice. I reached for my knife to threaten him away, but it caught his hand and cut him,” you quickly explain, wanting to get the words out of your mouth as if they have a bitter taste on your tongue. 

Aemond knows how fierce you can be, how strong you are in front of everyone. And yet, here you sit, so delicate in front of him. 

“I know what people say about me and I know this will only add to everything. ‘Seven suitors that she’s chased away. She must have inherited the Targaryen Madness.’ They think I don’t hear them whispering in the hallways but I do,” you say, turning your head and pulling it out of Aemond’s touch. “They all think I’m mad.”

“Let them think what they want. They only think those things from what they see, not from what they know about us,” he says, shifting closer to you. “Look at me.” Your head turns again, looking straight into his face, your gaze meeting his. “They see me as mean and vicious and hot-tempered and cruel because of this,” he starts, gesturing to the patch over his missing eye and the scars peeking out beneath it. “I’m sure they think me mad too. Tell me, do you think they are right about me?”

You’re quick to shake your head. “No. No, you are so loyal to the family and bold and you have been nothing but caring to me,” you state and a smile grows on his face. “Though, sometimes you can be hot-tempered,” you laugh, smiling with him when he chuckles at your words as his hands fall over yours. 

“So you see, they do not know us for who we truly are. Let them think those things. You and I both know that they are wrong,” he whispers, his thumb caressing the back of your hand as he continues to stare into your eyes. 

You want to follow his advice as you always have. You want to just forget about the rumors and forget about those that spread them. But you cannot ignore the persistent twinge in the middle of your body, the fact that you cannot just forget and ignore everything.

“I can’t do that,” you sigh, shaking your head as you drop your head to look at his hands enveloping yours. “I can’t let them think of me as that when there is reasoning for the things that I do. And it feels as if no one will listen to me and what I have to say to explain myself and hear why I do not want to marry some stranger from the West,” you ramble, lifting your gaze back to Aemond’s face. “I already know who I want.”

You don’t need to say anything else for Aemond to understand. He understands because he feels the same way and knows that you know that. He wants you the same way you want him. You both know this from the times you two have spent together in secret, whispering, touching, and gazing at each other as lovers do. You’ve felt the pull towards him, just as he has felt it. Neither of you can say when you first felt it, but you just do. 

And as you two stare into each other’s gaze, you can feel the same pull between you two.

“You know mother would allow it,” he whispers, keeping his voice low as if there were another person sitting in the corner of the room. 

“We’ve always thought that because she had Helaena and Aegon married that they were enough to keep with the Targaryen tradition and that the rest of us were to marry to create alliances across Westeros. But we’ve never brought this up with her. We don’t know that she won’t allow it,” you mention, keeping your eyes on him as he drops his head with a sigh. 

You reach up, holding his cheek in your palm, the tip of your thumb almost touching the scar on his cheek as you lift his gaze up to you again. “I know who I want, Aemond. I am not going to change my mind no matter how many suitors she sends my way. I want to marry you, Aemond.”

Not another word is said between the two of you. Aemond’s hand reaches up once more to cup your cheek, allowing that magnetizing pull to draw him closer to you. He touches his lips to yours, your eyes fluttering shut as your heart leaps into your throat, your hand on his face pulling him even closer so that your shadows cast by the fire melt into one figure. 

It feels as though this was meant to happen. It was only a matter of time before you and Aemond could no longer fight the attraction you both felt toward each other. You’ve never wanted more than for this moment to happen. You’re sure you’ve dreamed of it, imagined it every moment you’re alone with Aemond, doubting whether he wanted the same thing as you. 

This only proves that it is you that he wants. 

“Will you stay?” you question softly when he pulls away, resting his forehead against yours. 

Aemond’s thumb gently caresses your cheek, an action of such tenderness you’re sure that those that speak rumors of the two of you could never imagine him capable of such a thing. “I cannot. I have duties to see to before the day ends,” he whispers, leaning ever so closer to nuzzle his nose against yours when he feels your body slack in sadness. “And you must rest, little fighter.”

That makes you laugh, a sound so musical to Aemond’s ears. 

As he begins to move away from you, he places one last kiss on your forehead before leaving you in the peaceful quietness of your room. He knows he has felt you wanting more for he feels the same want in his own body. Soon, he tells himself. Soon he will have you and you both will be allowed to give into that want.

His duties are not as important to him as the new mission he has thought of as he closes your chamber doors. Your words of how Aegon and Helaena are the family’s traditional sibling marriage rings in his mind. He knows that the Queen is ceasing the search for a husband for you for a while. 

Perhaps he can try and persuade her. He can entice her with the prospect that she no longer needs to continue the search. Alliances can be forged in other ways.

Aemond knows that his mother is still awake from the light flickering under her door. He knocks, waits for a response before pushing open her door to enter. 

“What are you doing here so late, Aemond?” she asks, standing from her desk and leaving the paperwork laid out in front of her. It is clear that she has not thought of turning in yet, business still on her mind. Aemond is not sure if that is a good thing or not. 

“You still intend to marry off (Y/n)?” 

Alicent sighs, folds her hands in front of her, and gives him a gentle smile as she moves toward him. “The right suitor for her will show up. Someone who can keep up with her personality. We just have to wait and see what comes from the incident that happened to her,” she begins, stopping just in front of her son to examine his expression.

“Give her to me,” he quickly states, causing her gentle and motherly look to drop from her face. “She knows who she wants. It is me she wishes to marry and I want her as well. Let us wed and end all of your strife to try and find someone who will tolerate her when I can do just that and you know it.”

The Queen stares hard at her son, her mouth in a thin line as she mulls over his words in her mind. “You know I cannot allow that. I am waiting for word from the Starks in the North. If their son agrees to marry her it could strengthen Aegon’s claim to the Throne-”

“Aegon,” Aemond sneers, cutting her off as he steps away from her. “Betrothing him to Helaena was to strengthen his claim and now you will marry off the rest of us to other lords and ladies around Westeros to do the same.” 

You were right about that. 

“Aegon is all you care about. You have never thought about the happiness of your other children and what it is they want,” Aemond accuses, glaring at his mother in disdain. 

Alicent gives him a sad look, stepping forward to place a gentle hand on his shoulder. “I am sorry you feel that way, my son. But I have made up my mind. (Y/n) will marry into another House as will you. It is all arranged.”

Her words make his body go stiff. So she has already started planning on finding him a wife. “Arranged with who?” he questions. 

But she simply smiles, turning him towards the door, and starting to lead him out. “Let us not talk about that now. It is late in the night,” she whispers as if not wanting to wake the castle. In truth, Aemond knows that she does not want to stir up his anger. 

Doing so only allows it to boil inside him, fueling the fire he feels to have you as his and to not see you shipped away to a faraway land where he cannot follow because he is being forced to go the other direction. As the door closes, the lost fight with his mother makes it feel as if you’re slipping away from him. Losing the fight means losing you. 

He doesn’t turn in for the night. His bed remains made and untouched and the candles continue to burn and melt all the way down. He watches as the flame of the candles reaches the end of the wick, burning out just as the sun begins to rise, lightening the sky and chasing away the darkness of the moonless sky. 

Aemond’s mind has been whirring with plans since he set foot inside his chambers, thinking of a way to get what both you and he want; each other. He knows that he will not get the Throne as he previously wanted due to the Queen’s insistence and so he has stopped fighting against that. But you are not lost to him just yet and he will fight to have you as long and hard as he has to. 

He knows his mother is somewhat religious and he knows that any act done before the Gods is sacred to her. It’s the setup in his plan that he will carry through. 

By the light of the day and the first sign that the castle is awake, he moves to see out these plans of his. 

You thought you would see Aemond the next day, that he would come to see you in the gardens or at least bump into him in the hallways. But even when you ask people if they have seen him and they say no, has you confused and concerned. It makes you overthink that perhaps he didn’t feel what you thought he felt last night. 

Perhaps he thought things would feel different if he kissed you and if he gave in to his wants. Maybe he changed his mind and you are not what he wants. 

Your mind races and you don’t even take in the words on the page of the book in front of you. All you’re doing is staring down at it while thinking of the million possibilities of where your beloved brother could be. It worries you deeply as to where he could have disappeared to. 

He’s most likely run away, you think after hearing that Vhagar is gone too. He must have regretted kissing you and fled in the night on dragon back. It breaks your heart to think that and think that it is the most likely scenario. 

These thoughts keep you occupied all day and by the night, you’re tired of thinking. All you can do is stare up at the ceiling as you lay in bed, allowing for the first time in the day your mind to be quiet. And yet, tears threaten to escape from your eyes. 

You never thought that without Aemond you would feel so alone. You thought that being so close to him meant that he would tell you anything bothering him. You thought…

Sighing, you bring up your hands to your face and shake your head to yourself. You don’t know what to think anymore. You turn onto your side, trying to go to sleep and hope that tomorrow you wake and this will have all been a nightmare.

But you continue to stare out the window, feeling the cool wind blowing through your room on your skin, and the question still etched into your mind. “Where are you, Aemond?”

You feel the bed dip behind you and it’s as if the intruder knows what your next move is because they grab your wrists before you can throw a punch. However, seeing Aemond’s face hiding underneath a hood makes you breathe out a sigh of relief. “Where the fuck have you been?” you ask, throwing your arms around his neck. 

He doesn’t answer you. Instead, he chuckles as he pulls you away to wrap a cloak around your shoulders. “Stay quiet and follow me,” he whispers, pulling the hood up over your head before leading you off your bed. 

“What are you up to, Aemond?” you whisper back, your hand slipping into his as you follow him out of your room. 

“All your questions will be answered soon. Just do as I say,” he whispers over his shoulder to you. 

You do as you're told. The thought that he came back for you is more than enough to make you happy. You know he has something planned but you’re not sure what it could be. Knowing that it includes you makes you feel stupid for having thought that he no longer wants you. 

He leads you out of the Red Keep, all the way to the Dragon Pit, consistently looking behind him to make sure you’re still following him despite having your hand so tightly held in his own. You’ve only been to the Pit a few times, not having the pleasure of having a dragon as your egg didn’t hatch. It was the thing that brought you and Aemond to each other. After seeing him bond with Vhagar, the Queen of Dragons, it reassured you that you don’t have to have an egg hatched to be a dragon rider. 

Aemond tells you that you have enough fire in your soul and that you do not need a dragon. 

There are no Keepers around Vhagar who seems to be waiting for her rider. Aemond lets go of your hand to move towards the dragon, places his hand on her neck and speaks to her in Valyrian before he looks over at you again, finding you staring in awe at the huge beast before you. 

He holds out his hand to you, beckoning you closer and you step forward with hesitation. “Relax,” he whispers to you, taking your hand and pressing it against the scales of the old dragon. 

You gasp when she moves, jumping back into Aemond’s chest when Vhagar moves her head to look at you. “She won’t harm you. Not when you’re with me,” he says in your ear, his other hand coming to rest on your hip. 

Then he moves you to the ropes draped over her neck in order for her rider to climb to their saddle. You look back to Aemond to see if he really wants you to do what you think he wants you to do. He simply nods up, silently telling you to climb. And so you do. 

You’ve never ridden a dragon before, never soared above the clouds and over the seas as you have seen your brothers and sister do before. You have longed to experience it and thinking that this could be your time to do that makes your heart skip a beat. 

Aemond isn’t far behind you, settling into the space of the saddle behind you. As he wraps an arm around you, commanding Vhagar to fly, you feel your skin tingle with goosebumps when she begins to move. 

Although she moves slowly, every movement feels a hundred times rougher than riding a horse. And when she rises off the ground, flapping her huge wings to ascend into the sky, your hands shoot for Aemond’s forearm wrapped around your waist. 

When Vhagar reaches the clouds, Aemond feels you relaxing with a deep breath. He watches you glance around at the open sky and then up at the stars that peek through any opening in the clouds. He can’t properly see but he can only imagine the look of awe on your face. 

He can see you closing your eyes, feeling the fresh air blowing against your face and through your hair. There is nothing that compares to riding a dragon and he knows this very well. But there is also nothing like seeing you experience this for the first time. 

Vhagar drops towards the waters below, giving you another spectacular sight to witness. You want to reach out to touch it, but Aemond stops you from leaning over, preventing you from possibly falling. With both his hands firmly holding onto your hips, you look over your shoulder at him. 

“What are you doing, Aemond? Why have you kidnapped me?” you ask in a laugh when you finally land on a small island you think is not far from King’s Landing. 

He doesn’t say anything as he helps you down the ropes, his hands not leaving your hips until your feet land firming on the ground. And when he takes your hand, leading you away from Vhagar, a bright smile grows on his face. 

Something in the distance catches your eyes and you force yourself to look away from the gleeful look on his face. Candles glow in the dark, all placed in a way that makes up an aisle that leads to a Septon standing beneath a tree. 

Suddenly you know what is happening and you look back to Aemond. “Mother will not allow us to marry. But how can we ignore what the Gods have destined for us?” he asks, still leading you toward the set up for this secret wedding. 

You cannot break your gaze from him the closer you walk toward the Septon. You admire Aemond’s plans and how he had done them so quickly and quietly. You don’t even want to know how he got this Septon to agree to do this. You’re just happy that he did. 

When you both come to stand in front of the Septon, Aemond gives him a nod to start, and you cannot keep the smile on your face from growing bigger. “We stand here in the sight of gods and men to witness the union of man and wife: one flesh, one heart, one soul, now and forever,” the Septon starts, your hand holding tightly onto Aemond's as he lifts it for the holy man to tie your hands together in a blood red ribbon. 

“Let it be known that Targaryen are one heart, one flesh, one soul. Cursed be he who would seek to tear them asunder. In the sight of the Seven, I hereby seal these two souls, binding them as one for eternity.”

You know that your mother cannot do anything now for this ceremony is done before the Gods. When the sun rises, you will be Aemond’s wife and he will be your husband. 

Just as you both wanted. 

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[heavyhitterheaux]

Forever My Ariel

Gifs not mine

AN: Don't ever let people discourage you from making your dreams come true and if you haven't seen The Little Mermaid, go see it!

Synopsis: The trailer has just been released for your first feature film and the secret has finally been revealed. However not everyone is happy that you were chosen for the role of Ariel in The Little Mermaid

Pairing: Jack Harlow x Famous!Reader

Always thankful for my loves @hoodharlow and @nattinatalia 💕

Warnings: mention of racism

Jack Harlow Masterlist

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

As you were scrolling through your timeline on different social media apps, the tears were steadily cascading down your cheeks and hitting your pillow that was covered by a white satin pillowcase.

You were so excited that your trailer for your acting debut had finally gotten released at midnight and you were incredibly proud of yourself. You had stepped out of your comfort zone and got into acting since you were primarily known for singing with your older sister. 

The Little Mermaid had been one of your favorite movies growing up and now that you had an opportunity to play her was a dream come true. Even though you did have to audition for the role, they approached you first telling you that they wanted for you to play Ariel. 

Then seeing you sing Part of Your World had everyone’s mind set.

They had found their Ariel. 

What you didn't expect was the backslash and people being up in arms simply because….

You were a black woman

Even though Ariel is a fictional character and also a mermaid who everyone knew not to be real, they didn’t mean the outrage was any less.  

One of the top trends on social media was 'Not My Ariel' and of course after you saw it, you had been crying ever since.

At midnight you had sent your boyfriend the trailer to watch on your instagram and he couldn’t stop saying how proud he was of you and now you were thinking that you might not have made the right decision regarding the role.

It was now later in the day and Jack was rehearsing for his upcoming CHTKMY tour and he was due to be back at your condo at any minute and the last thing that you wanted for him to see was you being upset.

You tried to wipe your face as best as you could when you suddenly heard the front door open.

“Shit.” You muttered and you knew that it was too late.

“Babe, where are you? Did you eat yet? I’m starving. Did you want…” Jack immediately stopped talking as he came into the bedroom and saw your tear stained cheeks and you furiously trying to wipe them away. 

“Um, no I didn’t. I’ll eat whatever you order. I don’t really feel like cooking anything tonight.” You said while shrugging and he immediately came over to you.

“Now you know you can’t hide those tears from me so what happened and how can I do my best to help fix it?” Jack asked as you were now sitting up and he quickly slid you onto his lap.

“It’s silly, baby. Don’t worry about it.” You answered trying to reassure him, but you knew deep down that he wasn’t having it. 

“It’s not silly if it has my girl upset.” Jack replied while kissing your cheek but all you did was shake your head.

All you did was sigh in response and you quickly went to lay your head on his shoulder and without warning, the tears started all over again.

“Baby, the last thing I want is to see you cry and you know that.”

You simply opened Twitter and handed him your phone so he could see the trending topics.

He immediately clicked on ‘Not My Ariel’ and began to scroll looking at the phone in disbelief at what people were saying about you.

“Why? Why are people so mean?” It almost came out as a whisper and Jack’s heart was breaking seeing you so upset.

“Because they have nothing else better to do. This doesn’t change anything, babe. I know you’re upset with good reason but the movie is finished and I know from the trailer that you did a damn good job and no one else they would’ve picked would’ve come close. Fuck them.”

“I worked my ass off for this.”

“I know and they can never take away how incredibly talented you are because everyone sees it. You’re amazing at what you do and people being racist fucks are never going to change that. And since when are mermaids based on real people? They could’ve made you blue and people would still find a reason to be upset and I would have still watched that shit.”

“Baby, this isn’t Avatar.”

“You get what I mean!”

“I do and I.. thank you for always being there for me when I need it.” You said while smiling up at him. 

“And you know that’s never going to change. I just…. It’s easier said than done but do not let them win. You’re letting them win by you allowing them to get you upset and that’s the last thing that we want or need. You’re amazing in your own right and no trending topic on Twitter is going to tell me otherwise. My baby is the shit and she’s everyone’s Ariel and I’ll kick anyone’s ass who disagrees with me.”

“I just… want everyone to love my performance in this just as much as I do.”

“And they will and I’m going to need for you to stop worrying what people think about you all the time. If you know that you did your best that is literally the only thing that matters. Haters are always going to be there, but while you’re over here making millions, what is their ass doing but sitting at home and hating from a social media app?”

“That’s true.” You said while nodding your head and agreeing with him.

“For now, I’m keeping your phone because the last thing I want is for you to be scrolling looking at unnecessary outta pocket shit that people are saying.”

“But what if….”

“No, if it’s something important I’ll give it back to you, but other than that no. We’re ordering food and having a movie night and no social media.” Jack was soothingly rubbing your back as you tried to scoot yourself closer to him if that was even possible.

“I want chinese and what are we watching?”

“The Little Mermaid of course and anything my baby wants, she gets.”

“Fine, but I’m singing the entire time.” You said while finally smiling up at him.

“Oh, so I get early access?”

“You always get early access, just don’t tell anyone because they might get jealous.” You answered while leaning over to kiss him and pinching his cheek.

—

It was now premiere night and you were extremely nervous and kept fiddling with your dress trying to smooth away any imaginary wrinkles that might be there.

Jack noticed and quickly went up to you and grabbed both of your hands to get you to stop.

“It’s going to be fine, baby. Remember what I told you.”

“I feel like I’m going to throw up at any minute.” You said while feeling extremely overwhelmed and your eyes were starting to brim with tears.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Breathe for me and relax. I’m right here and I will be here with you the entire time. I’m not leaving your side for the entire night.”

“Promise? I… I….”

“Shhh…. I promise, baby. You got this. Now everyone is about to see why you were the perfect person for this role and no one else. Take some deep breaths for me.”

You did as you were told as you heard Jack taking deep breaths with you and you could feel that your heart rate was now finally starting to slow down. You focused on your breathing and holding Jack’s hands to help ground you as he massaged small circles on yours.

This was something that he always did for you when you were nervous before an event.

Jack knew how your anxiety was and his priority was always making sure you were okay. 

“I love you, you know that right?” Jack asked you and you couldn’t help but to immediately smile at him.

“I love you too, more than I can put into words.”

“You feel any better?”

You simply nodded and smiled as you reached up to hug him and he quickly embraced you back and leaned down to give you several kisses. 

“I just… I know I say it all the time but I love you so much and the way you support me is just…”

“Oh no, babe Deidre is going to kill me if I make you cry because of how long it took for her to do your makeup. You can cry after! But you do the exact same thing for me. We’re always going to show up and support each other no matter what.”

“Always, nothing about that is going to change.”

“Now come on so I can sing all the songs and give a Grammy winning performance. Been waiting months for this!” Jack said and you immediately laughed as he took your hand and the two of you began to make your way downstairs in order to head to the theater where the premiere was being held. 

As promised, Jack didn’t leave your side for the entire night and would give your hand occasional squeezes to let you know he was there for whatever you needed him for. 

“Now it’s time for people to see why you’re forever going to be my Ariel.” Jack whispered to you once the two of you were finally settled in your seats and the movie was getting ready to play. 

Jack held your hand the entire time just like he promised and would periodically look over at you and smile

He was amazed at how well you did, but not surprised

He knew that you had it in you from the very beginning

When the credits of the movie started rolling, you were startled by everyone erupting in applause and giving you a standing ovation as you made your way up to the stage to say a few words. 

You couldn’t help but to cry looking out at the crowd and seeing how so many people were supportive of you and that they love it just as much as you did.

When the applause finally died down, you were doing your best to hide your tears before you spoke.

“I… I knew I was going to cry but damn. Just… thank you.” You said and heard laughter while you finally wiped away the rest of your tears.

“Words cannot even form a sentence of how grateful I was for this opportunity and so many amazing people had a hand in making that happen. I’m so happy that Disney trusted me along with everyone involved in the cast and crew to make Ariel come to life and I just want everyone to love this film as much as I loved making it. Never let anyone deter you from making your dreams become a reality. I remember being little and seeing the original film for the first time and now look, twenty something years later and I get to bring her to life on the big screen. I’m not just Ariel for some people and not others, and my boyfriend had to tell me that. I am everyone’s Ariel and I am so damn proud of stepping out of my comfort zone and letting little girls who look like me know that they can do this too.” 

Liked by jackharlow, neelamthadhani, lolabroke, latto777, dojacat, champagnepapi, urbanwyatt, theshaderoom, and 6,870,921 others

yourinstagramname: always thankful that you get to be a part of my world and me in yours 💕

jackharlow: forever and always. so proud of you. you did amazing just like I knew you would.

yungmiami305: bitch you made me cry when I watched it even if I knew what was going to happen lol

neelamthadhani: job well done! I knew they picked the perfect person for this role!

maggieharlow: you were a literal dream the entire time. you didn't just play Ariel. YOU ARE ARIEL.

urbanwyatt: I see Jack is dressed like the ocean and ready to dive in yourinstagramname 😏

yourinstagramname: urbanwyatt you are always so outta pocket, I CANNOT but yes. I agree lol

yourinstagramename: thank you so much everyone, you have no idea how much this means to me

See all 201,829 comments

Liked by yourinstagramname, urbanwyatt, claybornharlow, dualipa, icespice, lildurk, teyanataylor, and 4,823,031 others

jackharlow: Forever My Ariel 💕

yourinstagramname: jackharlow loveee you now how many times have you watched the movie? lmao

urbanwyatt: yourinstagramname this might be number six

jackharlow: not the both of you shaming me. my baby did amazing 🥰

urbanwyatt: and keeps asking me to refill the snacks so he can continue

neelamthadhani: urbanwyatt I'm joining so bring me some popcorn too

urbanwyatt: neelamthadhani imma start charging yall asses for this. I am making one more trip and that's it!

druski2funny: why didn't anyone invite me to the party?

yourinstagramname: druski2funny because you don't like to answer your phone

druski2funny: yourinstagramname but I'm here now!

jackharlow: druski2funny your ass is about to be late to your own funeral

See all 110,927 comments

Liked by jackharlow, claybornharlow, yoursistersinstagramname, theshaderoom, latto777, lolabrooke, neelamthadhani, and 4,126,720 others

yourinstagramname: this is what a mermaid named Ariel looks like 😘

jackharlow: you got damn right and I don't wanna hear any negative shit! my baby did that!

lolabrooke: don't play wit her, don't play wit her

yoursistersinstagramname: my little mermaid 😍

yournamesource: forever our Ariel!!

yourbestfriend: she did what needed to be done and left no muthafuckin crumbs!

yournamesource: I need a sequel and idc what that shit is about. we just need to see you on the big screen more.

yourinstagramname: yournamesource something is getting revealed soon lol stay tuned

See all 461,780 comments

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[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for slowly ghosting a fwb instead of confronting him when I found out he's been stalking people again?

He (twenties, M) and I (twenties, X) knew each other from college. He's genuinely a fun guy. Also, a cis person being into you as a nonbinary person (as your gender, not despite it) in a non-fetishy way is frankly too powerful. So yeah, we started talking more some time after graduation, and it turned into a digital-only friends-with-benefits situation.

I was wary of him in college, but willing to give him a second chance. It was an open secret among our friend group that he'd stalked a couple of people he was into in college -- resulting in court ordered therapy and a restraining order and everything. I was still mentally/emotionally recovering from an abusive relationship years prior that the ex stalked me after for a few years. So you can see why it was a big deal that I gave this distant friend another chance, willing to get as close to him as I did. I guess I thought that like, the therapy had worked?

Well, fast forward to us being close after college. He doesn't know that I know about his previous two times getting nearly expelled for stalking people. I have not told him anything about my years-ago abusive relationship, but it's possible he has some awareness of it due to mutual friends. I kept firm with a boundary that he will have no more specific geographic information about me than my city, and he's certainly never learning my address. He has no way to know about my more "personal" social media like Tumblr. I am protecting myself.

But a few months into us being fwb and having fun and me repeatedly asserting my boundaries regarding irl interaction. He complains to me that someone is claiming that he's stalking them. I casually ask about the situation, assert that yeah what he's doing is shitty, he should stop, and it does sound like stalking (even though he insists it isn't). We never talk about it again.

He started showing up in my trauma nightmares, and suddenly the second chance I gave him seems like a terrible idea. So, over the next few months, I make a planned retreat. I respond less frequently, less promptly, and with less emotion. I planned out my strategy by the week to look like a natural loss of interest, or a natural "got busy with other stuff."

My logic is that he clearly has not learned to stop stalking people. I am not willing to continue exposing myself to that personal risk. But I am also not willing to say "I refuse to remain friends with an unrepentant stalker." I'm afraid that if I do that, he will get the wrong lesson: that he needs to never admit to any other friend what he's done, or else he'll lose them. The right lesson obviously would be: don't follow people to their houses after they've cut contact and don't send them letters asking whether they're living alone again yet, what the fuck. I am afraid that if I tell him why I'm ghosting, he will simply never talk about this pattern ever again, thus removing the ability of future friends like me to make informed decisions about who they're spending their time with.

We're now one year into when I fully ended contact. I did not block him. I still get two texts a week from him -- sometimes "are you okay" sometimes life updates, usually just "hey". He has made no indications that he has visited the city where I live, thank god. I have not explained to any of our mutual friends what I did. I have not talked to anyone, not my therapist not my spouse, about what I did. I am not going to speak to him again, but I am not going to block him, because I need my cutting contact to look natural.

So yeah. AITA for not making a bigger deal of his continued stalking of other people? In my mind I'm protecting myself, and reducing the likelihood he'll start hiding his nature from future friends, so this way they can be informed and protect themselves as needed. But AITA for lowkey ghosting him instead of having a serious conversation about his behavior? I know he sucks. I just don't know if I also suck.

What are these acronyms?

[redsnowdrop]

CARLOS SAINZ X OC

CHAPTER 9 -love at first sight; “cheating”-

To my -> F1 Masterlist <-

To the full version -> link here

It was time for dinner but he wasn't hungry, it was dark outside and too cold to go for a walk to clear his head. He took his jeans and polo shirt from the front of the bed as quietly as possible and got dressed. He took the key and went down to the bar.

-Carlos!- his friend smiled at him, raising his hand to attract his attention but the smile immediately disappeared – sex didn't seem to be that terrible, what's happening? Looks like you just saw a ghost-

-I forgot...- he sighed and ran a hand through his hair -protection- he sighed.

Lando placed the glass on the table. -and you...- he tried to investigate with his eyes so as not to embarrass him but after a few seconds of waiting he said -let it, I mean. You ... outside?-

Carlos looked into his eyes, worried.

Norris opened his mouth in surprise but closed it as soon as he realized it so as not to make his friend uncomfortable. -What about her? Don't know want to tell her?-

-I have to tell her-

-But? Are you afraid that she might pretend to… I mean, are you afraid she wants you to knocked her up? You told me she struggles with money...-

-No, it's not like her. She never took advantage of it. There would have been other signs-

-Then you are not ready to have a child-

-You know I want to start a family-

-Yes, indeed. Please tell me what the problem is because I'm starting to not understand anything anymore-

-Rebecca and Isabella-

Lando opened his mouth again but didn't close it. His eyes didn't lie. He is, a bit, judging his friend. –What happened with them?-

-Emma- he saw Norris confused, too many names, too much important information in too little time – the girl upstairs is Emma, She couldn't come to the GP due to personal problems and so - he sighed looking down - let's say Rebecca happened to be there -

-Yes, I had seen her but I didn't know about the brunette yet- he corrected himself immediately –Emma- he took a sip of coke –and Isabella?-

-In Japan, right after Emma rejected me-

Lando sighed, turning his head slightly away from Carlos –I wouldn't have done it-

-I know, that's why I'm asking you for help-

-What do you want to do? Look, driving for Ferrari and being a playboy are no excuses for acting like an asshole, dickhead-

-Ok, the last insult was free-

He glared at him and fell silent.

-I like Emma- he admitted.

-Do you prefer her to Isa? She was your great love - he asked genuinely.

-I know-

-But what happened with her and Rebecca?-

-Too much. It’s a very long story-

-I understand. But then again… aren't you two together? No? Perfect. Hold on to that and pray she doesn't find out. Definitely close with the others because I won't support you in bad decisions. I'm going now, my girlfriend is waiting - he left ten euros on the table and left.

Carlos was alone at the bar for a moment. He had left his phone and wallet in the room, so as soon as he noticed it, he decided to go upstairs to confront Emma.

He entered the room and turned to put the key on the cabinet -Emma, ​​before...- and saw her in tears. Fully dressed in the same clothes she had on when she first arrived. –Are you okay?- and behind her on the bedside table there was her phone ringing.

“Rebe <3”

And she read gossip magazines online. He knew perfectly well about both Isabella and Rebecca. The news of the kiss with the second at the after party in Monza had made the rounds on all social media, among other things.

-I have never had any demands or expectations. But I'm still disappointed, I knew what I was getting into and... - she sighed with her heart in her throat - I went ahead hoping, believing, that I too deserved a bit of happiness - her voice choked. –it was beautiful but it's not the life I want to live. The ugly lover who breaks up the beautiful happy couple - she smiled through her tears - thank you anyway for everything you have done for me -

She took her things and left. She knew that out of pride she would never return to her parents, she hoped to be able to rely on him. And Carlos had just realized that he had betrayed her when she needed him most.

She furiously slammed the door behind her and Carlos realized that all she had left of her was a red velvet hair tie lost in the white sheets.

Helplessly he took it and turned it over in his hands.

Hy everybody! This is a small spoiler from my Carlos Sainz x OC FF! Hope you like it!

I will post it on AO3 (and maybe on Wattpad as well) in the future!

Let me know what you think and if you like it!

You can’t find more spoilers and info on my profile; go to F1 Masterlist and then look for the F1 Fanfiction Masterlist!

xoxo

[walesfootball]

Shyness Is Nice - Mapi León x Reader

Haven't posted for a while. This fic has been written, re-written, scrapped, and annoyed me for a long time now. But I'm happy enough with it to show it to you. It's alright. Let me know what you think.

This was requested by @dying-to-live-living-to-die who wanted a shy and Swedish Reader. Mapi wants to know more about them. I took the idea and ran with it, hope it's okay.

You had accepted an offer to play at a dream team of yours. Barcelona. You’d never been to the city, let alone travelled to Spain. Your bucket list was full of things you wanted to do, but never had the courage to actually do. This was you pushing the boat out, dipping your toes into the water. It felt more like thrusting your body into the deep sea, but you knew this move would be good for you. A new city, new people, a new team, and a new culture to soak up.

You grew up in a small southern town in Sweden, Ystad. You loved it. You woke up every morning to the sound of the sea. A small house set by the harbor; your father was a fisherman while your mother was a professional handball player. The small football team in Ystad had crumbled to nothing. Every game had been lost, and every footballer in the small town had turned their craft to handball. It was natural, the sport was huge in such a small place. Your mother had tried to push you to try it, but it never appealed to you.

Your mother would drive you to the nearby city of Malmö where football was bigger. You loved it. You couldn’t get enough of the sport. Wherever you went you’d take a football with you. You’d train on your own during the week in Ystad, and train with others like you in Malmö.

You were scouted by Chelsea very early on in your career. They saw something in you that you had not cared to see before. You only wanted to play football, you didn’t think there were any professional leagues out there. Football wasn’t shown on TV in Ystad and the internet was rare. You were 18 when you got that call. Your father had pushed you to go, wanting you to make something of yourself to make your small town proud. Your mother was more reluctant to let you go, she didn’t like the thought of someone so young venturing out in a city as big as London. But you went anyway. Caught a plane from Malmö to London. It was possibly not the most clever thing you’d ever done, but it was the greatest thing you’d ever done.

You didn’t know anyone, you felt uncomfortable in a city so huge, and football seemed more like a money-grabbing machine to you now. You caved into yourself. You missed home, you missed your family, and you missed everyone knowing everything about you. But you carried on playing. You’d never get a chance like this ever again. 

You earned a name for yourself. Playing in the WSL and the Champions League earned you the title of one of the best midfielders in the game. You didn’t think anything of it. You felt uncomfortable during media duties and social media escapades that Chelsea would push you to do. You didn’t have the heart to tell them you couldn’t be bothered and only wanted to play football, so you caved into yourself, even more, becoming overwhelmed with the attention.

You were called up to the Swedish National Team during the Olympics. It was such a huge stage for your first time playing for your country. You felt honoured wearing the yellow and blue kit. Your family couldn’t be there due to the Covid restrictions but would send you pictures and videos of them watching you wearing your Sweden jersey at home in Ystad. Your number 34 becoming almost legendary for the Swedish team. It was like Zlatan Ibrahimović’s number 10 or Magdalena Eriksson’s number 6. It was a big deal. Playing for Sweden made you feel at home. It revitalised your love for football again and would constantly remind you of why you started to play in the first place.

You’d won the gold medal in your first-ever international competition. You cried tears of joy as you leaned on your best friend's shoulder, Fridolina Rolfö. She knew what it was like to come from a small town and move to a big city. She’d made the move from the small town of Linköping to Munich in Germany. She felt so lost and hopeless, a bit like you. She shared your fears and anxiety, helping you through most of your troubles.

So when you had the call from your agent telling you that Barcelona was very interested in your signature, you couldn’t turn it down. You called Frido as soon as you found out, but nobody was as excited as her. You tried to share that excitement with her, but you were having doubts again.

“I really want to come to Barcelona, but I’m not good enough. I won’t fit in. And I’m not a cool person to be around, I don’t have anything interesting to say. They won’t like me and-”

“Can you just be quiet for one second?” Frido calmly yet significantly annoyed stopped you, “You are one of the best players I’ve ever seen. Not only that, but everyone in Barcelona thinks that too. You need to believe in yourself as much as I believe in you, this team believes in you, your family believes in you, and the whole town of Ystad. They will finally see one of their people make it out of there, winning things like the Champions League! You have to believe in yourself, not just for the people that love you deeply, but for your future self. You’ll regret not coming if you say no. I know you will.”

You didn’t need to think about it. Frido was right. Your whole life you had never taken risks, apart from joining Chelsea. And even then you only went because your father had basically forced you on the plane. This was your chance to get out there and beat your anxious thoughts from arising every time you wanted to try something new, but a magnet was stopping you each and every time. Whether that other magnet was stuck to your bed or just your house in general. That magnet was your comfort zone, and as much as you tried, you couldn’t escape from it. This was your time to break free from it.

“Okay, I’m packing! My flight is next week.”

“Yes! I’m so excited to see you! I’ll pick you up from the airport.” Frido squealed.

You felt the excitement leaking through the phone’s speaker.

You packed everything necessary, possibly a bit too much but you were never one for the minimalist lifestyle. Your football gear, your own clothes, your shyness, your shoes, your toiletries, your crippling anxiety, your laptop and chargers for everything, your intense fear of new things, and your passport and important documents. Everything is packed, you think.

Getting on the plane was your worst nightmare. You were flying alone, and turbulence was your worst enemy. You liked traveling with someone. Just someone to talk to and to distract you while the plane was dancing in the air.

As soon as you landed, you grabbed your carry-on and almost ran for your luggage. You’d messaged Frido to say you had landed and had received many emojis back. She had a language with emojis that never made sense to you, but you loved her anyway. You grabbed your two suitcases and walked quickly towards the double doors where you knew Frido would be waiting for you. You could see her from a mile away, towering above everyone else. She shot you a massive smile, as you ran towards her, dropping your bags as you got close enough and jumping in her arms.

“I’ve missed you so much!” You said excitedly into her shoulder.

“I’m so excited that you’re here!” Frido put you back down on the floor, “Oh, and two people wanted to come with me to meet you.”

You looked behind her to see a blonde woman with tattoos scattered over her arms and an obvious one on her throat. You’d never been mesmerised by a person like this before. Her face was carved perfectly. An old painter like Da Vinci or Michelangelo could’ve painted her. Her brown eyes bore deep into your soul as she gave you a soft smile. Not for the first time, you were lost for words. Words don’t come easily, but you lost your entire vocabulary taking in this woman before you.

“This is Mapi, and this is Sandra.” Frido must not have noticed you staring at this wonder before your eyes. Sandra definitely had, giving you a knowing smile before taking one of your bags in her arms.

“Hi.” You were so disappointed in yourself. Was that all you could say?

They chuckled, with Mapi staring at you a little longer before grabbing your other bag.

“You don’t have to do that.” You stated quietly.

“No, I want to. You must be tired from travelling.” Mapi smiled at you as the four of you began walking. Frido and Sandra led the way as you and Mapi trailed behind.

“Welcome to Barcelona. I can’t wait to play with you. You’re one of the best players I’ve ever seen.” She winked at you, and you could no longer function. Not that you were beforehand.

“Thank you. I’m excited to play with you too. Not only you, of course, everyone else. Not that I don’t think you’re good or anything, because I think you’re amazing. A really good defender in fact. And I’m happy I’m not playing against you because that would be horrible because you’re so good.” You rambled. You tried biting your tongue, but couldn’t stop. It was like the dam broke and the only thing holding it together was tape, which leaked all the way through.

“I forgot to mention that she can’t talk around pretty women.” The look of horror on your face as Frido turned around to share that piece of information had you wanting to dig a grave. Why would she say that?!

You didn’t even chance a look at Mapi. Had you, you would’ve seen her with a soft look on her face, looking at you the exact way you had been looking at her. Her smile never left her face as soon as she’d set eyes on you. Mapi loved watching you play, and would watch the Chelsea and Sweden games as often as she could, which was more than she’d like to admit. If anyone were to ask her why she was watching Chelsea and Sweden specifically, she would say she was scoping out the competition. You always looked like you had fun on the pitch, your smile never leaving your face. You played the game with ease, something Mapi hadn’t ever seen. You made difficult long passes look easy as they glided through the air straight to the feet of your teammate with accuracy. You scored goals just for fun, and assist your teammates close to every game.

Frido, of course, would talk about you to her teammates. Boasting. The Barcelona team was excited to meet their new teammate because of this. They were excited to get to know the person you were on and off the pitch.

The car journey to your new flat was daunting. You sat next to Mapi in the backseat.

“So you come from Sweden, no? Beautiful place.” Sandra had said from the front seat.

“Yes, it’s beautiful. I’m from Ystad in the south of Sweden. You should go some time.” You smiled, thinking of home.

“I love visiting the smaller towns nobody goes to. There’s more character to them.” Mapi offers.

“You would love Ystad! It’s quiet and everyone is so kind. Many people would rather go to Stockholm or Gothenburg. And I love those places too, but there’s so much more to see in such a beautiful country like Sweden.” You grinned while looking out the window, loving the look of Barcelona already.

“I would love for you to show me around sometime.”

Your head swiveled quickly over to where Mapi sat, widely smiling at your reaction. You could feel yourself malfunctioning again. You laughed awkwardly and brushed it off as if she wasn’t telling the truth. Frido smiled through the rearview mirror at the both of you. You had moved to look back out the window, while Mapi looked toward you.

——

After settling into your flat, the three girls left you to your thoughts. As you were unpacking, you thought of what you could have said. You looked around the flat, your new home. It was mainly empty; only consisting of a small fridge, kitchen appliances, a washing machine, and a bed. You’d need to use this week to make your house a home. At least you had a bed to sleep in tonight, you thought. You started making a list of all of the things you’d need to buy, all ready for tomorrow. You were exhausted from traveling, it was weird thinking you had woken up in London and would now be sleeping in Barcelona. You changed into your brother's old t-shirt and a pair of sleeping shorts and retired to bed. Everything will have to wait until the morning.

——

You had made several trips to the nearby IKEA in order to buy some decor and furniture for your home. You had only managed to build a comfortable armchair. Looking around the room you took in the several cardboard boxes full of new furniture. You weren’t good at building things. There was a new coffee table needing building on one side of the room, a clothes rack next to your bedroom, and a small dining table in the middle of the room. As you were about to fetch some water from the kitchen where your new utensils were scattered on the kitchen surface, you heard a knock on the door. You’re sure Frido said she was going on a date with her boyfriend, so you had no idea who it could be. It’s not like you knew anyone.

Opening the door, you were met with Mapi, holding a bottle of red wine in her hands.

“Hola. I thought you’d like some company after your first full day in Barcelona. And it looks like you need it.” She said as she peered in to see the mess that was in your flat.

Your shoulders dropped, happy to see her, “I didn’t realise how hard it would be to build things.”

She laughed, as you stood aside to let her in. You walked to the kitchen, trying to find wine glasses.

“How have you been so far? Is it weird living on your own, or is that a regular thing for you?” Mapi made herself at home, sitting on one of the many boxes. The sofa was delivered the next day.

“I have never lived on my own before. It’s so weird. I go to tell someone something about my day or a thought I have, but nobody’s there. I’m not the biggest fan,” You had finally found the wine glasses, bringing them into the living room, “I’m sorry, I haven’t put anything up yet.”

“Don’t worry about it. I expected an empty house when I knocked. I’m lucky that I have a cat to live with. I don’t know what I’d do without him. But I’ve moved around a little too, not as far as you have, but around Spain so I can relate.” Mapi opened the bottle of wine, pouring some into both glasses and handing you one.

“Thank you so much.”

“Not a problem. Frido mentioned you were very nervous about coming over here, so I wanted to welcome you properly.” She smiled.

“I am a little. I’m quite nervous to meet everyone tomorrow.” You took a deep breath. You had no idea how they’d take to you. Would they like you? Would they think you’re too weird? What would they think? A mass of questions flooding through your mind, clearly a panicked look on your face as Mapi reached her hand out to tap you on your thigh, she had now joined you down on the carpet where you had settled.

“Hey. We’re not that bad.” Mapi laughed a little.

“I know. Frido talks about all of you so much I feel like I know you already.” You smiled back at her, noticing her hand had remained on your thigh. Your skin had warmed up beneath her hand, a warmth you weren’t exactly accustomed to. It’s fair to say that you knew nothing about being in a relationship. You’d had your first kiss when you were 13 years old, and you didn’t want to count that as your first kiss. A boy who lived on your street, and is now a nobody to you. As you got a little bit older, you realised it was girls who made your heart race and stomach explode with butterflies. You’d never been in a relationship with a girl before… or anyone for that matter. It never bothered you as you were always busy with football to have a social life. But looking at this beautiful girl before your eyes, trying to make your first few days in Barcelona a bit more comfortable and welcoming… you couldn’t help but be enamoured.

“We’re a nice group, I can promise you that. And if there’s anything I can do to make life here in Barcelona a little easier, I’d be more than happy to do it.”

“You’ve only just met me. I could be the leader of a drugs cartel and get you to do all of my dirty work.” You took more sips of your wine, the alcohol giving you some confidence. You don’t drink often, so when you do it does seemingly go straight to your head.

“No offense, but you don’t seem the type to be into something like that.” Mapi laughed at the absurdness of your statement.

“You never know!” You threw your hands up in your defence.

“Oh, I know. I know I’ve only just met you, but I can’t see you doing something like that. You’re too beautiful.” Mapi tilted her head to the side, watching your reaction with a coy smile on her face.

Your face was burning, and it wasn’t from the amount of alcohol you were consuming every minute. How do you take a compliment? What do you say back? You weren’t used to compliments, apart from in football terms, what are you going to do?

“Pablo Escobar was a drug lord.” Yep. That’ll do it.

Mapi raised her eyebrows, her smile growing, but her eyes gave away the fact that you’d made an absolute idiot of yourself once again.

“Do you think Pablo Escobar was too beautiful to be a drugs lord or something?” Mapi giggled, as you cried on the inside. Next stage of making a fool of yourself: deflect!

“More wine?” You filled your wine glass to the brim. If you were going to make an idiot out of yourself, you’d rather not remember anything about it. Mapi nodded and offered her glass out to you, which you gladly filled.

“Do you want some help with building these things,” Mapi laid her hand down on one of the many boxes adorning the flat, “We might not get much done, but I heard that if you build things while drinking wine you get things done quicker.”

You laughed, “Wouldn’t you rather be elsewhere than helping me with this furniture?”

“No. Not really. You’re good company and I’m also very good at building things.”

Mapi had taken to build the coffee table, while you’d opted to build the clothes rail. You’d thought the clothes rail would be a little easier with alcohol in your system. After figuring out which pieces went where, your eyes wandered over to Mapi and the coffee table, which was literally all of the pieces of wood laid on the floor with a confused Mapi staring at the screws.

“Are you okay over here?” You asked as you walked over to her position.

“Yes, of course. I just can’t figure out which screws are the right screws.” She held up the two differently shaped screws to your face, pleading with you to agree with her.

“I’m not a genius, but I’d probably pick that screw because it’s the right size.” You gave her a tight-lipped smile, as she looked at you and then at the screws again.

“Yes, I was just testing you. I want you to learn from the master of building things.” Mapi grabbed one of the legs of the coffee table, while you were still staring at her, humour sparkling in your eyes. Mapi threw the leg to the floor in frustration.

“I thought you said you were good at building things?!” You laughed.

“I was before the wine! I promise!” Mapi looked at you with the frustration still leaking through her veins, but couldn’t help but laugh along with you.

“I don’t believe you.” Mapi laughed, even more, the night going on with nothing fixed but wine in your systems. You felt good around Mapi. She made you feel instantly comfortable in an environment that made you nervous the second you received a phone call from your agent to say Barcelona was interested. Having at least two friends here in Frido and Mapi made all the difference.

——

Mapi had left very early in the morning after falling asleep next to you on the carpet. Was it comfortable? Absolutely not. But it was nice to spend time with one of your teammates. You now had to meet the rest of them. The team was training today, while you had a few things to sign, meeting your new teammates and the staff, and having a day of social media duties. You were nervous at how you’d come across, but a little excited for the day ahead. Walking into the large building with the training pitch, you were amazed. This is where some of the world’s best players trained, and some of your favourite players too.

One of the Barcelona staff took you to the changing rooms to change into your new training kit and to meet the team. You walked in and the whole room went quiet. Your nerves came back, a small sweat dripping down the back of your neck. You took a deep shaky breath in as you looked around the room. The silence felt like it went on for 10 hours when in actuality it was five seconds. Alexia was the first player up to you, with a massive smile on her face and her hand reaching out to shake yours. You wiped the palm of your hand in your shorts, ridding it of sweat, before returning the handshake.

“Hola. My name is Alexia. It’s good to meet you finally.” You liked that she introduced herself like that, even if you’re pretty sure the whole world knows who she is.

“Hi.” It came out like a rushed whisper, cursing yourself inwardly, feeling like an idiot yet again. Alexia didn’t seem to mind, almost as if she was expecting that answer.

“Your locker is right there with your training kit.” Alexia pointed towards the last locker which had been set up for you: the number 26. You sat next to Emma Ramírez. 

“Thank you.” Before you could sit down and get changed, it felt like a tsunami of people attacked you after Alexia left to change herself.

“I’m Patri. I’ve been so excited to meet you. You’re a very good midfielder.” Patri pulled you into a quick hug, pulling back and holding you back by your shoulders to get a proper look at you.

“Thank you so much.” You smiled back at her, you couldn’t believe one of the best midfielders in the world had said that to you.

“Hi. I’m Claudia!” The smaller girl hugged you. You didn’t realise how affectionate Spanish girls could be, with almost all of them pulling you into a hug. You were thrown from Claudia into Mariona, who then pushed you towards Laia Codina, who wanted you to meet Aitana, who called for Jana to talk to you. You hadn’t said a word other than ‘thank you' and your name. You were getting so overwhelmed with everything that you almost ran out of the room to cool down until you felt a pair of hands grab your hips and pull you back into their body. Their hands wrapped around your torso, which felt really safe to you.

“Okay, give her some breathing space. You have all season to talk to her.” It was Mapi. The relief flooded through you as you spun around to see her dressed in her training kit.

“Hi again.” You gave her a wide smile, a little too happy to see her.

“Hola. I’m sorry about the girls, they can be a little excited, especially when someone new comes in. But I told you there’s nothing to worry about.” Mapi rubbed her hands up your arms, trying to comfort your nervous state.

“It’s fair to say I wasn’t expecting that much love.” You chuckled. Mapi walked you over to your locker where she sat next to you and joked about last night while you got changed. You usually wouldn’t be comfortable getting changed next to somebody you barely even knew, but something about Mapi gave you a warm feeling.

“Mapi! Stop hogging the new girl! I want to talk to her!” Patri shouted across the dressing room, Mapi turning red as you turned to look at her giggling.

Before anyone could say anything, most of the team was out of the door and running onto the training pitch, but you were dragged away to do some media duties with the promise of joining them with the training sessions the next day.

——

You were resting at home when you realised what a good day you had. The next day you had the opportunity to actually play football, which is what you were here for. You didn’t care about anything else, other than playing football which is what you would consider your first love. No person could ever compare.

——

You were the first in the dressing room. You slept okay until around 4 o’clock in the morning, and couldn’t get back to sleep. You opened the curtains to the darkness, still looking like nighttime to you as the lampposts below on the street were still lit up, and not a soul on the street. The training facilities were open early at 5 as there is a gym connected to the facility, which you were thankful for. You got there by 5.30 and didn’t leave until 6.30. Training would start at 7 so you weren’t sure if anyone would be there yet.

Walking in you found Alexia, Irene, and Sandra getting changed. Alexia takes a double take to see you walking over to your locker.

“You’re here early?” Alexia questioned.

“I couldn’t sleep very well.” You smiled up at Alexia before sitting down on the bench and grabbing your kit.

“Excited, huh?” Irene asked, smiling at your apparent eagerness.

“Yeah… something like that.” You smiled and continued to get changed. You didn’t want to go into too much detail with them, not wanting to bother them.

Walking onto the pitch, you felt good. You took a deep breath as you looked out onto the green grass with the footballs scattered around the place. This was where you felt most comfortable and yourself. The rest of the girls came on to start their training, talking amongst each other. Mapi walked out with a frown on her face, which turned into a smile when she saw you on the pitch. She jogged up to you.

“I thought you were late, or ill.”

“That’s not how I would’ve wanted to start at Barca.” You chucked along with Mapi.

“Ready for your first training session?”

“I think so.”

“You’ll be amazing. Just play like you always do.”

And you did just that. You danced away from the defenders, slotting in goal after goal, tackling others. Sandra Panos, Alexia, and Irene were all standing on the side in awe, staring at the way you were on the pitch. The confidence oozed out of you as you ran up the wing, looking up to boot a perfect ball towards Claudia’s feet, the perfect assist to her goal. You were a machine on the pitch.

A break was called. The three veterans’ eyes followed you as you sat down quietly on your own and drank your water. They couldn’t believe the difference between the person you were on the pitch and off the pitch. They were the complete opposite person. They saw Mapi sit down beside you, soft smiles now on their lips, as they see your body leaning in towards Mapi’s. Neither of you said anything, but no one needed to. It was like the both of you were communicating through brainwaves or something.

———

A few weeks later after training, Mapi was adamant that she’d walk you home. She almost begged you at one point. It struck Mapi that she didn’t actually know a lot about you, but that you knew a lot about her. She loved your company. Something about you was enamouring to her, even after a few weeks of knowing you. But you were more of a listener and loved asking Mapi questions. Mapi loved talking so it never bothered her, but she needed to know more about you. The team was constantly asking Mapi about you, wanting to know a little more than you let on.

As the both of you were walking back to yours, Mapi had her mission objective and was adamant about completing it.

“I want to know more about you.”

“Like what? I’m an open book.” You were more than happy to share with Mapi. She’d become the closest friend you’d made since coming to Spain.

“You’re a very closed book. A book with a lock over it. And chains. And-“

“Alright! I get it. I don’t know. I just feel more comfortable keeping myself to myself. Standing back and being quiet. I’m from a small and quiet town, so I’m used to being… you know?”

“Small and quiet?”

“Yeah. Words are valuable. I’d rather speak when it matters, rather than just say something stupid. And trust me, I feel like I always say something stupid around you.”

“I don’t think you’re stupid. I think you’re amazing. And I like that you’re quiet. It doesn’t make me think any less of you. I think you’re perfect just the way you are.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry that I’m like this.”

“Don’t ever apologise. Please. I just want to know more about you. The whole team does. Because we really like you and want you to be as comfortable as possible.”

“That means a lot to me.”

“So…”

“Um… my favourite colour is green? Is that the type of facts you’re after?”

“Sure. Favourite club?”

“Arsenal.”

“Y/N! Really? You’re meant to say Barcelona.”

“But then you wouldn’t know the real me!”

Mapi started asking some quick-fire questions, even writing some of your answers down on her phone like when your birthday was and your favourite food. A keen smile never left your face the whole evening you and Mapi spoke. The more you were in Barcelona, the more that heavy weight of anxiety was lifting off your chest. And a certain tattooed blonde had a lot to do with it.

————

The next few months you and Mapi got closer and closer. She kept wanting to learn more about you. The both of you were over at each other’s houses, having dinner together, Mapi *trying* to help you build the furniture in your flat, and the both of you always sitting next to each other in meetings and team dinners. Wherever Mapi was, you were never far from her side, and vice versa. The team quickly got used to it, placing bets on when the both of you would get together.

The pre-season had finished, and you were ready for the start of the season.

Your first away game was against Atletico Madrid. You took a deep breath while looking around the stadium. A small section dedicated to the Barcelona fans where you could see them waving the flags around, holding up signs, and cheering already. You felt like you belonged somewhere; a feeling you’d never really become accustomed to before. Of course, you belonged to Ystad, your home and place of birth, but in Barcelona, you had people who shared the same love for football as you did.

Looking behind you, you saw Leila giving you a thumbs-up and a wide smile. You couldn’t help but chuckle at her positivity which always radiated off of her. Looking to your right you saw Alexia, the captain, looking straight ahead. Her gaze was the complete opposite of Leila’s. She was ready and nothing could stop her from winning this game. Casting your eyes to the player before you was Frido, your favourite person. She was in game mode like Alexia, and nothing could break her out of it. You looked behind you again to find Mapi already looking at you. When she noticed you looking back she softly smiled. She gave you a small nod as if to ask if you were okay, to which you nodded back.

You turned back around, with a similar look on your face to Alexia and Frido. You were ready for this game.

——

You ran for most of the game. Your running stats must be through the roof. You assisted Alexia’s goal in the 23rd minute and scored two goals of your own. You couldn’t believe it. Frido was the first to get to you when you scored your first away goal for Barcelona. Mapi assisted your second with a well-placed free kick. You ran back to her position where Mapi lifted you up into the air. The rest of the team made it to you, hugging you with words of praise. Mapi stayed next to you, keeping her arm around your waist. The team had left the both of you two it, with Mapi hugging you again and bringing you back into her.

“I’m so proud of you, amor.” Mapi kisses your cheek. No one had ever looked at you in a way that Mapi looks at you. She made your world spin a little bit faster. She made your love for football shift to the side a little, allowing her to take over your head. Mapi dominated your thoughts every minute of the day. No one has ever made you feel this way. It scared you, but for the first time, it excited you. Something that wasn’t football made you excited. Mapi always made you feel safe, wanted, and enough. You wanted to take her home to Sweden, and you wanted to share all of your triumphs with her.

It was the 83rd minute when things got a little messier. You were charging up the left wing when your legs were taken out from underneath you. You didn’t see who it was that tackled you. You could only grab onto your ankle which began throbbing. Frido ran to you as quick as she could.

“Are you okay? It’s your ankle? Do you think you can walk?” Frido rambled, reminding you a little bit of yourself.

“Yeah… I think I’m alright.” The pain subsided as you got up and walked on it gently. The medics not needing to come on. Raised voices were heard as the both of you turned around to see Mapi holding the Atleti player, who you could only guess had tackled you, by her collar. No one had ever seen Mapi so angry. Alexia tried to pull her away by her shoulders and Leila tried to get in between the two players. The veins coursing through Mapi’r arms were apparent with how strongly she gripped this poor girl.

“Maps! I’m okay!” You shouted towards her. Her gaze flickered over to you momentarily but shook her head.

“She could’ve hurt you badly!” She glanced at you once again and quickly back at the player. One of the Atleti players moved out of the way so you could see the player's name was Latorre. You knew she was a good midfielder and had been chasing after you all game. She clearly had gotten frustrated and took it out on you. You couldn’t blame her. It had happened to you in several games. But no teammate of yours had ever reacted this way towards the other player.

“You could’ve broken her ankle!” Mapi pushed Latorre to the floor. Alexia and Leila took the chance to grab Mapi and pull her back, pushing her toward Sandra’s goal. You looked up at Frido, asking her silently what you should do. She shook her head as the both of you watched Mapi with steam coming out of her ears and pushing Alexia away. You’d never seen her like this. What was up with her? You debated running up to her to calm her down, but with Frido’s steady arm holding your shoulder, it wasn’t something you were prepared to do.

You watch the referee blowing her whistle, trying to get Mapi’s attention. The ref’s hand was dangerously close to her back pocket. This couldn’t be happening. Mapi turned around to see a red card flung her way. Your eyes widen. Surely that wasn’t red card worthy. Alexia shook her head in disappointment, while Sandra put her head in her gloves. Mapi walked off the pitch, muttering in Spanish under her breath. You were stuck. You couldn’t move from the spot your feet had been planted in. Frido had let you go, not knowing what to do after that shocking red card. It was stupid what she had done, probably yellow card worthy, but everyone knew if they argued with this ref they’d get a booking. The ref was notorious for stupid bookings, but this was a new feat.

After the game had finished, you went around shaking the other team's hands and congratulating them on a good game. Thinking you’d finished, you began walking through the tunnel to make your way back into the dressing room. You felt a tap on your back. As you turned around you saw Latorre with a sorry smile on her face as she reached out her hand for you to shake, which you took.

“I’m so sorry for that tackle. You were too good for me to stop most times…”

“No, it’s fine. I completely understand.” You smiled back at her. Before you could carry on your walk to get changed you felt her pull you back.

“I would love to apologise properly to you. Maybe over dinner?” Latorre said bluntly. You couldn’t believe your luck. You had never been asked out on a date, and you’d been in Spain for a few months and a date is already on the table?! Unbelievable. Your mouth opened and closed a few times, not a sound coming out. She was attractive, sure, but she wasn’t blonde, she didn’t have an art gallery of tattoos adorning her body, and her name wasn’t Maria. These were deal breakers for you. You looked into her eyes and realised that you liked Mapi, probably more than Mapi will ever know. And this girl had been the final nail in the coffin for you to help you realise that.

“Or you could even come back to mine?” Latorre looked you up and down, biting her lip, winking at you. Your face cringed at her arrogance. Mapi was never like this. You still hadn’t said anything. Cursing yourself again, a body came between you and Latorre.

“Back off. She won’t be going out to dinner with you, and she definitely will not be going to your house.” It was Mapi. She had been keeping a watchful eye on you ever since she saw Latorre approaching you. She never did like Latorre.

“It’s your bodyguard, Y/L/N. You don’t answer for her, Maria. Let the girl make up her own mind. I asked her, not you.” Latorre never took her eyes off of you. You gripped onto the back of Mapi’s shirt for your safety. You hated confrontation more than anything, and the fact that they were fighting over you was even worse. You tried tugging Mapi back, a signal for her to wrap up this conversation and walk with you. She wasn’t budging. Mapi took a step forward, threatening Latorre to do something.

“She’s busy tonight.”

“You’re right. She is. With me, having dinner.” Latorre smiled again, talking through her teeth.

“Just leave her alone. If she wanted to be with you, she would’ve said ‘yes’ instantly. Now move.” Mapi pushed Latorre, which was returned.

“Mapi, leave her. She’s not worth it.” Your words were meaningless to Mapi as Latorre kept pushing her not only with her hands but with her words. Mapi punches Latorre, with the former falling to the floor. The look she gives Mapi from the floor is one of anger as she gets up quickly and rugby tackles her into the wall. You could only stand there staring at the both of them in shock. Latorre holds Mapi by the collar of her shirt, punching her back. You were shaken out of your frozen position with Mariona stepping in front of you and pushing you back, asking if you were okay and how the fight had started. Alexia and Patri were pulling Mapi back into the changing room with blood mainly streaming from her fists.

You don’t see Mapi when you walk back with Mariona. Her bag and shoes are gone. You change as quickly as you could as you raced onto the bus, looking around to find the ever-present blonde who had taken over your life. She was nowhere to be found. You shrugged down into your seat, popped your earphones in, and looked out the window. The team began coming onto the bus, the journey back to the hotel a short one. You were the last off the bus as the nerves of seeing Mapi overtook you suddenly. She must’ve been angry with you. You did nothing to help her as she fought with another, you just stood there watching it all happen. You could’ve said ‘no’ straight away instead of stuttering, but you didn’t. You felt so stupid and useless. Of course, she was angry with you. And now she’s hurt because of you.

Getting off the bus with your bag on your back, you noticed a flowerbed in front of the hotel. There were yellow flowers on the left, orange flowers in the middle, and pink ones on the left. You looked around, looking for any of the staff, as you seized your chance and grabbed a few of each colours. They wouldn’t mind, you thought.

Running up to the room you and Mapi shared, you opened the door and then knocked, not wanting to disturb Mapi if she didn’t feel like visitors.

“This is your room too… you don’t need to knock.” You heard Mapi from inside the room, weirdly you could hear a smile in her voice. You peeped your head around to see her. She was laying down on the top covers of her bed, her phone in her hand, and her eyes waiting for you to walk in.

“Sorry. I didn’t know if you’d be in the mood for people or not.”

“I’m always in the mood for you.” Mapi smiled as you blushed furiously. She sat up, never taking her eyes off of you.

“I got you these as an apology. I know that it’s literally nothing but-” You had your eyes on the flowers, not wanting to look at however Mapi was looking at you.

“What do you have to apologise for?”

“Well… everything? I should’ve done something or, better yet, said something. It’s my fault you were sent off, and it’s my fault you got into that fight, and it’s my fault you’re bleeding, and it’s my fault you’re angry…”

Mapi had gotten up as she saw the panicked look on your face, “Amor. Stop.” Her hands rested on your hips, as she leaned down to make eye contact with you, “I’m not angry. I mean… I was. But not with you. With Latorre. None of this is your fault. Maybe I could have reacted better on the pitch and with Latorre, but I can’t help myself with you. You bring something out of me.”

“But I should’ve pushed her away or something, or told her to go away, you know?”

Mapi laughed slightly, “That’s not you though. You didn’t make today an easy game for her, and she got frustrated and took you out. Asking you out after doesn’t make any sense to me, but I didn’t like how she was with you. Trying to push you to say yes. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. You deserve to be treated like a princesa.”

No one had ever looked at you the way Mapi was looking at you now. Mapi’s right hand had moved up to cup your cheek, her lips impossibly close to yours. She looked down at your soft lips, biting her own in the process.

“I don’t know about that. I’m just me.” You whispered.

“And I wouldn’t change you for the world,” Mapi whispered back.

Mapi leaned in, waiting for you to lean into her. You hadn’t had your first kiss yet, not a proper first kiss anyway. What if you were an awful kisser? What if this put Mapi off you for good? After a second of stalling, you leaned in towards Mapi. She felt the shaky breath you gently let out. She wanted you to decide what to do here, not wanting to push you to do something you didn’t want to do or weren’t ready for.

Before you could completely lean in, there was a knock on the door. You jumped back, clearing your throat, feeling a little awkward now. Mapi held your chin, forcing you to look at her. She smiled at you once the eye contact was made, and kissed your cheek before moving passed you to get to the door. You went to sit down on the bed as Mapi spoke to one of the staff at the door. Something about her red card and being suspended in the next game. Everyone knew it would happen, but you didn’t hear the rest of the conversation as your leg bounced nervously up and down, and your heart beating loudly that you’re sure Mariona and Aitana could hear it in the room next door.

You heard the door close and the bed dipping where Mapi had sat next to you. The both of you sat in silence for a few minutes.

“I’ve never…” you gulped and shook your head. You had to tell her the truth, “I’ve never done this before.”

“Never done what?” Mapi watched as your leg continued to bounce and how you were playing with your fingers continuously.

You looked to your right where Mapi was, still pulling and pinching at your fingers. You felt so embarrassed. “I’ve never been on a date before. I’ve never… you know… kissed anyone. I’m at level one, compared to whatever level you’re at.”

Mapi chuckled a little. You put your head in your hands, terrified that she thought that low of you and thought it was funny.

“I’m not laughing at that. Sorry. I just liked that you said you’re at level one. I’ve never heard anyone say it like that before.” Mapi laughed again but moved a little closer to you so your thighs were touching, “I don’t think differently of you. I’m happy you told me though.”

You looked up towards Mapi, who was still looking at you the same way she did the first day she met you at the airport. That look of wonder and affection. Mapi reached out to wipe the tears that had escaped you, cradling your cheek almost the same way she did a few minutes before, with the same care and gentleness.

“Please don’t be embarrassed. There is nothing wrong with when or if these things happen. I just want you to know that I really like you.”

“I like you too. A lot.”

“Really?” Mapi sounded almost surprised.

“Obviously.” You smiled brightly at her. “Is it okay if we go really slow though?”

“Like level zero type of slow?” Mapi laughed after the look you gave her, but held onto one of your hands and squeezed it in confirmation, “We can go as slow as you want. I’ll wait for as long as you want.” Mapi landed a kiss on your cheekbone, a pink blush following afterward, “Was that too quick? That was too quick, wasn’t it?” Mapi panicked. You laughed, Mapi smiled lovingly at you and pulled you down to the bed. The both of you lying down, looking up at the ceiling.

“Do you want to do something with me? Like, go out? Maybe for some coffee or something one day? Just me and you?”

“Are you asking me out on a date?” The smile in Mapi’s voice wasn’t to be missed.

“Was that the worst way you’ve been asked out?”

Mapi laughed loudly, turning to her left to look at you. You remained to stare at the ceiling. “It was the sweetest way someone has ever asked me out on a date. I’m going at your speed. Level zero, remember? Whatever you’re ready for, I’ll do it.”

“So that’s a yes?”

“Of course it’s a yes!”

——

The date was the best date you’d ever been on. Not that you could compare it to anything else. Mapi told you she wanted to arrange it, as it was your first one she wanted it to be special. She picked you up, took you for dinner, took you to play crazy golf, and then took you back to hers where she had set up two comfortable chairs close together with pillows and a blanket to stargaze. Mapi made you feel a way that nobody else made you feel. A warm feeling in your heart was constantly there every time Mapi walked into the room. Your eyes always found each other at a party, the not-so-subtle winks and smiles she’d give you on the pitch, and constantly gravitating towards each other wherever the both of you were.

For the first time, you had another love in your life besides football. And that was Mapi.

[m3r1m4r5u333]

Btw I've been so shaken by the last episode that I don't think I've even remembered to say how grateful and emotional I am for the bi representation. Because I am. I am. I so am.

Umm. So. To tell a little real life story to explain why this bi representation matters to me...

I'm bi. Hi.

Took me ages to really wrap my head around it. Ages. Years. Even now, well into my adult age (yeah I know I sound like I'm 14 but no I'm not)...

I'm still not out to my family. And it's not that they're the most queer-phobic people in the world. They're actually pretty great.

The thing is... Bi erasure is real. It really is. Even today, bisexuality is not taken seriously.

The amount of times I've witnessed people dismissing bisexuals and bisexuality... Lost count.

Often the idea never even enters someone brain. They don't consider it to be possible. They miss every possible clue because to them, we are practically mythological creatures. Sometimes it feels like people expect to meet a bisexual about as much as they expect to meet an unicorn. Why look for one, they're not real, you know!

"Oh, they're not really bisexual, they're just trying to be trendy, to get attention! Everyone is "bi" nowadays!"

So many times I've heard people dismiss bi people who are out.

Some act like every out-of-the-closet bi/pan person is actually just pretending, that secretly they are 100% into the same sex and just say they're bi because they think that's more accepted.

Some will express that to your face. "Hey, you know that it's okay to come out, right? Just making sure! I'm fine with gays!"

And the amount of times I've witnessed people thinking that bisexuality is like a light switch...

If you're a woman and start dating a woman - you're NOW a lesbian! If you end the relationship and start dating a man - Did you hear? She's straight now! Or alternatively... She's dating a man now? Oh what a headcase, she went back into the closet! How sad!

How and when are we bi, then? Only in polyamorous relationships?

So... Let's just say that this repeated dismissive environment, this persistent refusal to take bisexuals seriously messed with my head.

For years, it kept me in the closet even to my super lovely and queer friends.

I just kept doubting my own feelings and reactions. Surely, I could not be bi, that's not a REAL sexuality! No, I must be just confused. This is what I told MYSELF. Even though I had actual out and proud bi people in my life, whose identity I never doubted.

And also... The representation.

Do you people even realise how widespread the utter ignorance still is?

Imagine trying to come out as bi... after you realise that the person you consider coming out to... May not even REGOGNIZE the word "bi"!!! Yes, SERIOUSLY!!

You know... Because this was a real life event for me. Fun times!

I was playing scrabble with elderly relatives. Realised I had the letters B and I, realised I could score very nicely if I played them.

I felt daring, and had a hunger for winning, so I played them.

Guess what the reaction was?

Confusion.

..."What's "BI"?"

Yes, really.

My elderly uncle did not even KNOW the word. I was so taken back and shaky when I realised this that I could not even manage to come up with a reply. Thankfully SOMEONE knew because man was the mood awkward.

And guess what. It made zero sense that they did not know.

This person who went "What's BI?" was not a person who lived out of touch with the modern world. Nope.

I'm from a nordic country!

My country is supposedly one of the "progressed" ones!

The laws are pretty inclusive,

the media has freedom of speech,

and I know for a FACT that my godparents watch the news EVERY DAY, and even not just watch the news...

They read newspapers. They watch tv. Including silly fictional series with silly queer characters!!

But he still freaking didn't know what "bi" means!!

So that's why representation MATTERS. These dumb fictional queer characters and stories make the real queer people understandable. Visible. Known.

And hopefully some day we won't have to worry if the person we're trying to open up to can accept or comprehend what we're talking about.

So yeah. I'm so grateful for the representation. THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS, darlings ❤️❤️❤️ I love you.

[moccahobi]

The Creamed Pie

Summary:  What a gross bakery name you thought as you entered, too hungry to turn down the promise of food. Allosexuals were getting more and more brazen by the day but succubi were worse, even if they were ace. And somehow you were helping that ace succubus now.

Pairings: Seokjin (BTS) x Reader 

Rating: SFW (although I ask that because of the number of sexual jokes and comments, please just 18+ people read)

Warnings: sexual innuendos, mentions of death

Genre: fluff, humor, angst, succubus au, slow burn

Word count: 7.9k

 The Creamed Pie

The cafe sign looked down at you with welcoming arms, steam and water puffing out from the name. And if it weren’t for your hunger, you might’ve looked over the bakery because of that name… you might not know much… but that was sexual. You barely even paid mind to how as you were about to give in and look up food nearby on your phone, such a tasty looking place came into view. 

It was too good to be true. 

Just a short walk from your new apartment was a cafe that could fuel you before work and fulfill your cafe loving mind on mellow days? It was a miracle and you could imagine the times you’d spend in here.

The cafe name though .... Were allosexuals ok? 

You laughed and shook your head, your growling stomach you in. Despite the name, the inside wasn't playing off of such sexy themes. 

In fact it was full of pastel colors and vibes. The tables were full of soft rainbows, each table and chair set a mix and match of all the colors. An accent wall of luscious ivy seemed to wave you over to settle into the couch right below it, full of plushies. There were even more plushies sitting on chairs and resting on the counters. It was an eclectic and interesting place that you could see becoming popular for its aesthetics off of social media… especially if they had those aesthetic bathrooms that people would spend twenty minutes in getting the perfect selfie.

The handsomest man in the world with a blinding smile rushed from the backspace, his smile wide and excited as he started fretting behind the counter. Pink oven mitts were barely off before he was shouting welcomes, his pastel blue apron dusted with flour that was sprinkling onto the counter. 

"What can I get for you ?" 

"An Iced americano, please." 

For the briefest second, a frown took over his face before he rushed to make it. After he finished he grabbed a muffin and plated it.

"Here you go."

"Uh. How much is it?"

"Oh! Shoot. Forgot about that. You all normally have registers, right?"

"What?"

"Nothing. This is on the house," The man flashed a large smile. "For being my first ... customer." 

You nodded, grabbed your stuff and sat down. He probably hadn't had customers because of the cafe name… Looking back over though, he didn’t even have a register.

Or… wait… there was one? 

It seemed fuzzy, barely there in your mind but the longer you looked at it, the more you were sure that there was and always had been a register there. You shivered and looked down at your order. Maybe you should of gotten a hot americano. 

Despite the off putting name (who thought of that name and approved it?), taste of the food was out of this world. Everything was bursting on your tastebuds and between the chewy fruit and a crunchy topping, the muffin was the best muffin you’d ever eaten. The owner knew what he was doing by giving you this on the house. You were groaning and vibrating with excitement with each bite. 

Half way through your muffin though you froze, the hair on the back of your neck sticking up as you turned to look at the counter. The man was staring with a big smirk on his face, his plump lips spread thin and teeth on display as he watched you eat.

Creepy.

His smile dropped and he quickly went to the backroom to do something. You deflated once he was gone and finished up your coffee before rushing out. Maybe the cafe wasn’t a place you needed to go to again. That man was creepy and unless you were able to figure out a schedule for other workers, you don’t know if you’d want to stay long enough to eat there.

The cafe stayed with you like a ghost and before long, you were trying to seek it out matter how again. No matter how badly you searched though, you couldn't find it. Somehow the cafe wasn’t in the same spot as last time and you felt a shiver as you thought back to the man. Something wasn’t right with him. His smile haunted almost you as much as the muffin did. Yet he seemed friendly too… just… off. 

The longer you thought about the cafe and him, the more you wanted to return (maybe with another person) to find out more about him and his cafe… if it managed to survive past a week.

It wasn't until you were caught by the rain on your way home from work that  you found it again. Its name was still the same  but the surrounding logo of food outlines made it look much more appealing and feel much less sexual. Gone were the water droplets and now there was a few different baked goods on it. Maybe the owner was upgrading his business to get more customers.

You rushed inside and stopped at the doorway to shake off the water, shivering as the cold stuck to you and the water refused to leave. During your move your umbrella broke and although you could use it if you kept your hand up to push it open, you didn’t want to do that… especially after working a long day. It was mindless of you to not get a new umbrella. 

"Oh! Y/n-ssi! You're shaking. Here's a towel! Let me prepare some tea." The same man as last time said after popping out from the back room. You could hear him clamor around and before long you found yourself ushered to one of the cushioned chairs and wrapped up in a warm towel. 

It wasn't until he came back with a hot cup of tea that you processed what he said, another shiver running through you at the realization. 

"How did you know my name?" You asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Your credit card shows it on the chit system."

"You gave me my stuff on the house."

He froze before collapsing in the seat. across from you with a dramatic sigh, "Acting human is hard. Other succubi don't have this challenge!"

"What?"

"Oh shit. Be not afraid." He said, waving his hands around as if to try to put a spell on you.

What the fuck? 

This can’t be real!

“It’s real, Y/n-ssi.” 

…

No one else was in the cafe… you should play along. There was no telling what he might do to you if he thinks you didn’t believe him. 

"So… You're a succubus? Well I hate to break it to you, you won't get any food from me."

"Oh on the contrary. Your first visit here was delectable."

"How! I'm ace! you feed on orgasms! Omo! The name makes sense now." You said, trying to think of anything to keep him talking. 

"I'm ace too. And succubi feeds off of desire. Not orgasms."

"You're an ace succubus?" You asked, laughter rising from you at the contradiction. This man was pulling shit out of nowhere at his point. 

"Hey! I hear your thoughts," The man said as he laughed, "Just because common media shows us as sex hungry demons doesn't always mean we are. And I am telling the truth. I don’t know how I can prove that to you but I am. I won’t hurt you if you don’t believe me. You don’t have to worry about that." 

You froze. Any self aware man who--

“Knew about the struggles people have with strangers would be able to realize you’re worried about your safety?” He said, giving you a flat look.

Your mouth was hanging open as you gaped for something to think of… Were you actually talking to a demon? How was that even possible? The whole thing felt surreal but the same cafe showed up in two different spots ... he knew your name. No one else was here. He was unrealistically handsome. His food was unimaginably tasty.

"If you're trying to live like a human, you're failing."

"Care to teach me?" He asked and despite the suggestiveness of his words, when he looked up at you, you saw desperation and concern, “I only have a few more months to give this a try before they bring me back to hell and try to get me to do the usual succubi business of sex dreams and,” He shivered, “I can’t do that. I can’t go back.”

His anxiety was something you felt so viscerally. All the moments of people not believing your sexuality, questioning your jokes and actions when they didn’t fit into the stereotype of what an ace person should look like, the times people thought they could change you… you knew his pain and his anxiety. Maybe not as extreme as him if he was a succubus but you knew it. 

“Yeah. I’ll help. But I will have you know, I do not like how you went to food. I get you want to do something different than sex but… food? It’s the oldest ace stereotype in the book! ” 

He blinked slowly. 

“What?” 

“Media always portrays ace people as replacing sexual urges with food.” 

The man started laughing, slapping his knee as rolled around in the chair, “It sounds to me like they try to understand their desires by putting others through a filter of their understanding. But food is one of the next biggest desires so I am not changing it. I’ve gotten enough desire from those who’ve visited already. Only a little though. Almost not enough. And so many other desires offer much less. But you’ll help me, Y/n-ssi?” 

You sighed, “Yeah. I will… What’s your name?” 

“Ah! I almost forgot you all can’t read thoughts. It’s Seokjin. Kim Seokjin. Nice to meet you. I hope you’ll help me stay on earth with this job...” 

Seokjin groaned and threw a damp washcloth at you. Stupid demons have good aim it seemed because it hit your book, forcing it out of your hands, “I can’t believe you’re reading that.” 

You shrugged and grabbed your book, “I’ll read sex scenes if the rest of the book is good. Besides, I mostly read what they say and skim the rest.” 

“I can literally hear you reading each sentence.” He said and when you looked over at him, his ears were bright red and a frown was twisting his face. 

“Would you like me to stop reading it for now? I have some other books I can read while you can hear my thoughts.” 

He sighed and nodded, “I’d appreciate that. I can’t believe that you convinced me to buy an actual shop! Now I have to be in the shop more.” 

You laughed as Seokjin whined, “You won’t get tons if you only target people who are desperate for food! You can still give them stuff on the house but now you’ll get more people with small amounts of desire as well.” 

He groaned and threw his arms in the air like a petulant child and you were once again struck by the fact that he was a demon. A succubus. How the hell was this stuff real? How had you been roped into helping an ace succubus? It explained so much and yet so little about Seokjin. His looks, his flirty nature… but his humor? And his past? And his personality? Still so much was unknown to you and something deep in you was pushing you to learn more.

“I’m glad I’m able to still,” He twirled his hand, a beautifully decorated cake in an ornate cake display shimmering into view and telling you that it’d always been there, "I wouldn’t be able to own an actual shop if it weren’t for this.” 

That was still something you’d need to get used to. He’d materialized so much around you, made it real and with a past in your mind. The world of magic that you’d been thrown in was overwhelming. 

Whether or not Seokjin heard your inner monologue, he didn’t say, instead going about and cleaning tables. You watched from your corner seat, not yet gathering energy to open your phone and find a new book to read. 

The ding from the door pulled you to your phone as you let Seokjin tend to his client. Business in the evening was slow for him and that’s when you enjoyed coming in to rest and help him navigate the human world. The man refused to get an apartment or home despite claiming he wasn’t going to hell to sleep. Where he slept, you didn’t know and that worried you only a little more than his incessant winking when he greeted new customers. And those occasional smirks he gave you when he was feeding off of you… well you were fairly positive he was feeding off of you. 

You shivered and tried to bury yourself into your phone. 

The next time you came over, Seokjin was struggling with his taxes, screaming at a computer that has always been behind the counter and shaking his head.

“You’re scaring customers away.” You said flatly as you entered, setting your work bag down on your seat. 

“The shop is closed.” 

You didn’t even jump as the shop sign flipped over to closed and Seokjin went back to yelling about taxes and eating the rich. A laugh left you as you watched him, his veins popping as he worked up a sweat with each hit of the computer. 

“Do you want help?” 

“No. I am going to make the landlord vanish.” 

“Your contract literally had a clause that if the landlord died, his kids would get the place and they might force you out. Nothing will stop the onslaught of taxes, Seokjin.” 

He sighed, “Silly humans and their useless taxes. What even is the use of business taxes?”

“I am the last person who’d know. I don’t do taxes nor do I own a business but I am sure the internet could tell you.” 

Seokjin threw himself into the chair across from you and your heart leapt out of your throat as his chair wobbled dangerously before finally settling down. He wailed dramatically and grabbed your hands, warmth spreading from his touch as he complained about taxes more and more. 

You laughed and shook your head again, grabbing a book from your bag and settling into your seat, “Have you eaten enough desire today?” 

He sighed, “No… Especially with this frustration, I am so hungry.”

You should open your shop again then.

“Why would I when my favorite customer is here, though?” You looked up, heat rising to your cheeks as he sent you a wink.

What did this man have in store?

“Want to try the latest treat I’ve made! It’s a decadent lavender and lemon cupcake!” Seokjin was already up and about before you could say anything, his focus on making the cupcake look pretty on the plate. As he walked over, you noticed how he stuck his tongue out in focus. He was a cutie, you’ll give him that. 

Before you could even blink there was a steaming mug of tea next to the cupcake as well and he watched you expectantly as you set down your book and took a sip.

“Ohhh. A chocolate tea with this is really smart.” You said, trying to focus on the flavor and not at how excitedly he was looking at you. It made you shy and yet at this point in knowing Seokjin, you couldn’t help but be edenred at how excited he got for you to try his food. 

You tried to tell yourself that it was just for the desire he’d get from you but there was always a small voice in your mind telling you differently. Gingerly taking the cupcake, you unwrapped it and broke off the bottom half to put on top. 

Seokjin groaned, “Can you not butcher cupcakes like that again?!” 

“What! It’s a smart way to eat a cupcake and reduce mess!” 

“It’s blasphemy!”

“Shouldn’t you like it more then?” You asked, silencing Seokjin with a bite of his cupcake.

Damn it. 

Seokjin made good food. 

Begrudgingly, you gave into the wonder that was the cupcake. It wasn’t too sweet, the tart lemon cutting through the sugar and allowing the lavender to hang in the back of your mouth for longer. And the frosting? A soft and tart cream that melted on your tongue, allowing the spongy cake to be eaten smoothly and softly. 

Seokjin was smirking at you as you ate and damn it, he looked good. 

You set the cupcake down and drank more of the tea, thankful for the change in flavor. 

“It’s good.”

“I’m glad. I am feeling much better now myself.” 

You scoffed and looked away as you tried to calm down your heart. This man would be the death of you. 

Seokjin shook his head at a customer, a pout on his face as he handed over her food and drink. She didn’t seem phased though, waving bye with a smile and sitting down close to you. It wasn’t common to have people come in shortly after you arrived in the evening, the evening rush often starting closer to eight pm with students cramming for the next day. Yet here was someone who’d visited a few times before and was now fluttering her eyelashes at Seokjin as he cleaned up. 

You chuckled into your computer as you watched him shy away, glaring at the counter that he was cleaning as she watched him intently. Maybe he was embarrassed by her thoughts. That made you laugh. The man was so handsome and whenever his forehead made an appearance (instead of his common bowl cut) people seemed to flirt with him more than normal… which was to say about every customer was more friendly with him. 

Poor guy. 

Seokjin glared at you, his nostrils flaring as he dramatically went into the back room. 

The other customer deflated, turning to her food and phone as she settled in for the meal. You found yourself deflating as well, turning to focus more on your work. Normally you were good at enforcing a work-life balance but when the deadline for the project you’re heading is nearing and everyone else on your team is enforcing a healthy work-life balance, it was on you to pick up the slack. In the past, they were bad about working overtime without pay even when there wasn’t much to do so you were proud of your teammates. Truly… but the work wouldn’t complete itself. 

The next time you looked up, it was because Seokjin had placed a big sandwich, bursting with luscious vegetables and egg salad on your table. A cup of tea that had always been there also greeting you. Your heart fluttered as you thanked him and watched as he sat down with a big sigh. 

“I am so tired from standing all day, Y/n-ah! Why do people do this?” He said with a groan, rolling his feet under the table without a care for your shins he was beating. 

You shrugged, “Put a chair back there then.” 

“That’s really smart!” 

“Thank you.”

“What are you working on? I don’t normally see you with your computer out.” He asked, leaning over the table and shoving his face near your computer screen. As if he could possibly read the document upside down.

Could succubi?

“No. I am too tired to go around. Besides I don’t know what it would say upright anyways.” 

You nodded. It was always surreal when he read your thoughts but you were getting more used to it as you spent more time with him. 

“Please eat by the way.”

Is he really hungry still? It was Monday and every Monday evening he bragged about how stuffed he was because of the worker rush. 

“I know you’ve not eaten since this morning. Silly, silly, silly. Don’t overwork yourself.” He said, gently flicking your forehead. 

You didn’t know if you believed him. 

You looked over at the woman who was finishing her food… she was still here so you couldn’t change the subject to something succubus related… like how he always managed to have such a rush or how he still targeted people whose desires were strong and not in the area.

“Speak for yourself. You are open every day.” 

His brows furrowed, “Is that not normal?” 

“Are you a big corporation who goes through workers like wheat in a mill and refuses to close?” 

He pouted and you felt the urge to coo, “I’m not a big corporation who is mean to workers. Are those? I wonder who--” 

He stopped and looked at the lady eating. Were inhumane capitalist systems created in hell?

“From my understanding they’re human.” 

You sighed, “Either way. Working every day, with the hours you work isn’t common.” 

“Oh. I should close some days then. Would you want to do something with me those days?” His eyes lit up and you knew you couldn’t say no to him. 

“Sure. That’d be fun! And I can help you find some other people you can spend time with.” 

His brows furrowed once again, “But I like spending time with you. Why would I need others.” 

Damn it. 

Seokjin wasn’t good for your heart. 

“Y/n! Y/n! I found this awesome song! Cake!” Seokjin was shouting excitedly, waving around his phone as he bound towards you, blaring an overtly sexual song and blissfully unaware of the many angry people looking at him. 

“P-Please! Quiet the song!” You said, trying to take his phone as he pouted and kept it away.

CAKE! ON MY BODY! CAKE! PUT IT ON MY BODY!

“But it perfectly encapsulates my feelings about cake!” He said with a pout, wiggling around in a poor attempt to dance.

After way too long of him dancing and avoiding your grasp, you were finally able to get him to sit down and silence the song, your whole body bright with embarrassment. 

“Seokjin… you can’t play a song like that in public. Even if you feel like it fits your feelings about a food. It’s so sexual.” 

“What? How?” 

“Oh dear. How do you have your bakery named The Creamed Pie and not know what cake is?” You wanted to cry at having to explain this to a grown ass man… a succubus. 

“What about the Creamed Pie? Why are you bringing my love into this! It’s a beautiful name” 

“Oh dear.” You shook your head, “It’s a term for a… sex action.”

“O-Omo! What? I had no idea! It fits so well! And cake?” 

“Ass.” 

“What?! No wonder my friends laughed when I told them what my bakery was named and my favorite song! I know! I will change the bakery name! Double Stuffed is another name I was considering.”

You facepalmed.

“Do succubi naturally make innuendos?” 

“What?!” 

“Just keep the Creamed Pie. It’s stuck at this point.” You said with a sigh, shaking your head as you looked at Seokjin fondly. 

The man was getting so much better at blending into the human world. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think that he was human. But you knew better so you could guard your heart better. He was an immortal demon and you were a human teaching him how to act human. 

You watched as he jumped up excitedly to greet a mutual friend of yours who worked at a pet shelter. Hoseok was being pulled excitedly by a new puppy who had to stay with the vet for the night. Laughter bubbled out of you as you watched the two interact, Seokjin throwing his whole body into snuggling the dog while the two interacted. Helping him get into different communities to make friends had been beneficial to you. Sure you had a few friends from work but that was about it, the move removed you from most of your previous friends after all. Seokjin got you into shelter work, a bookclub, a gardening club full of sweet old ladies. He’d made your world better by being in it. 

How long would you be able to have Seokjin in your life before he’d have to move to keep his image up? 

Would he last ten years before people started to notice he didn’t age? 

You sighed, not wanting to get up and interact yet. 

These thoughts of Seokjin’s transience had been bogging you down more and more. Sure he could live here for a long time… but would it be enough for you? He’s someone you want in your life for… as long as you live. Ignoring the flutters that have been occurring more frequently, he’s made your life so bright and you didn’t want it to end. 

You hoped that Seokjin didn’t sense this from you. Aside from the embarrassment of these thoughts that he might hear, you imagined that your want to keep him in your life could feed him almost as much as his food.

Seokjin was looking at you, an unreadable expression on his face.

You shivered. 

Maybe he already knew. 

With a heavy sigh, you got up. The walk to Hoseok and Seokjin was full of trying to wipe your mind of the thoughts and the gloom. Think about puppies.

“You’re tired, Y/n. Take a nap.” Seokjin said with a sigh, taking a now empty plate from your table. 

“Huh? I’ll be ok. I need to work on a bit more.” You said, waving him off as you continued to type away on your computer. A possible new job was opening in your work and you had to finish the application soon.

The laptop slowly closed on your hands, Seokjin’s frowning face greeting you. There was a blanket and a pillow on your table, the two plush and calling to you stronger than this application was. Was this succubus magic? 

Seokjin sighed, “You won’t get the job if you’re burnt out. Take a short nap. I’ll wake you up in thirty minutes,” He must’ve seen something in your eyes because all too soon he was crossing his arms and sitting across from you, “I will bar you from the bakery as well. The door takes people to where they most desire but I can make it so it’ll take you to where you’re dreading.”

“The door can do that?” You asked, looking at the door with a new suspicion. You guessed it made sense that the door had some magic too since he could bring people in from all over the area who were desiring food. 

“I am not changing the topic to educate you on one of the many things I’ve learned over my lifetime. Nap.” 

“I’m not even that sleepy.” You said, but as you looked back at the door, you knew that you didn’t want to risk no longer being able to see this place. With a glare and a few curses for Seokjin, you grabbed the pillow and blanket, spreading out on the couch and trying to get comfortable.

Sleep didn’t come to you easily though. Seokjin was working still and despite your mind feeling oddly quiet, you couldn’t get comfortable. It was all made worse when Seokjin came over and adjusted the blanket, his hand removing hair from your face gingerly. He sighed what felt like a thousand unspoken words before finally going back to work. 

But the ghost of his kindness didn’t leave you. Not the rest of that day. Not during your time at the pet shelter. Not at work. Not during book club. 

You shouldn’t be so flustered by a friend’s action. You’d probably do something similar if his hair was in his eyes. It was just a caring thing to do.

Plus, the two of you talk about being ace all the time… but not romance. He still turns down every flirty customer… he could be aeromantic. Or not interested in humans. If you were an all powerful and eternal demon, you don’t think humans would appeal to you. 

His touch haunted you as you watched as Jimin collapsed into Seokjin with laughter, Hoseok and Namjoon clinging to him at some joke that they’d told. It was barely even funny (if only you’d been listening). Physical touch has always been something you felt neutral about or blatantly shied away from and generally it didn’t affect you when others were able to so freely be physically affectionate. It was a ghost of a barrier keeping you minimally stimulated that you rarely ever overcame and no one else seemed to try to broach. There were some family members and childhood friends who you hugged or snuggled, but touch had never been something that you wanted or needed. Bodies were warm and quick to getting damp. You cringed at how Seokjin was attacked with affection and yet another part of you longed for that kind of affection from Seokjin. 

To hug. To be caught by him. To be able to lean on him. To hold hands. 

Jimin, Hoseok, and Namjoon never had a challenge with it. 

Seokjin accepted it willingly… but you struggled to broach that. 

Speak of the demon… Seokjin looked over at you, welcoming you closer on the picnic mat, his hands pointing to some cold fruits that had always been part of the picnic. 

You leaned over and grabbed something to munch on with a smile, Jimin launching on you with his next roll of laughter. A cringe rolled through you but you didn’t push him off, his heaving chest tickling you into laughing as well. 

The guys had been swapping strange customer stories for the past hour. It had urged them up the mountain they hiked and been the background noise of the picnic setup. Despite not working at a customer service facing job, you enjoyed the stories and how they reacted. Like Jimin had someone who wanted white black eyed susans in their bouquet… which didn’t exist. They meant daisies… but they refused to believe they weren’t black eyed susans. It didn’t take Jimin too long to convince them that white black eyed susans were super rare and upcharge the poor person on the common flower.  

“You’re so devious!” Seokjin said, quieting his laughter with some of the fruit and watching as others around started to eat. 

“Nuh uh! The dude was being really rude and I tried to explain it to him for over fifteen minutes. If he wants to think he got something special, let him. He came in wanting to spend more than he needed to anyways.” Jimin said with a hum.

Namjoon shrugged, “Here’s hoping he doesn’t find out ever. Hyung, this fruit is so good! Probably the best I’ve ever had.” 

“Thank you!” Seokjin said, smiling broadly and winking at you. 

Jimin giggled and gave you a look and you tried to shake it off. Seokjin winked often and this was about your little inside secret. They didn’t know he was a succubus or that he was feeding off of them as they are this fruit… or that he’ll live forever and eventually leave everyone here behind. 

Seokjin looked into the woods around everyone as Hoseok took control of the conversation. He was talking about a tragic vet case he worked recently… which was as sad as your thoughts were.

“Why do you keep thinking about me leaving?” Seokjin asked as everyone started hiking back to the parking lot. He’d fallen behind with you and was speaking quietly as if he was worried about others hearing. 

Probably because this got to his demonic ways… which they didn’t know. 

You shrugged, “You can’t stay here forever. You’re immortal. Sooner or later people will realize that you’ve not aged a day and to keep eating desire you'll need to move. I’ve seen movies and read books about this.”

“You’re acting nonchalant but I can tell how much it’s hurting you. You’ve grown so distant.” 

The trail was getting smaller and to continue talking and walking next to each other, your shoulders bumped together repeatedly. His warmth was welcome. 

“I like you in my life.”

“And I’m in your life right now.” 

“But for how long?” You asked, looking over at him with a glare. 

“I don’t know. It’s not like I can’t figure out how to stay with you forever.”

“Seokjin. I don’t live forever. You do.” 

“I don’t have to.” He said, untold words swimming in his eyes at that. 

Before you could continue though, the parking lot came into view and Jimin was urging Seokjin into his car. You were once again alone with too many thoughts bogging you down.

Damn it, Seokjin. 

You watched the back door swing open, two people sauntering into the bakery who you’d never seen before. Seokjin hadn’t talked about hiring people to work here and that was something the two of you talked about often. One of them made their way over to you, tattoos on full display as he dusted off his jacket and gave you a once over. 

“Come here often?” He asked in the worst pickup line ever. It took physical strength not to cringe and turn back to your book. 

“No.” 

“That’s good to know. Want to come over to my place after?” 

“Jungkook! What in the world are you doing?” Seokjin’s loud voice made the man, Jungkook, stand on edge. His eyes were wide and face pale. 

“That is no way to talk to…” He looked over at you before looking at Seokjin again, the two entering a staring contest that could rival battles. 

Was Jungkook a succubi? 

You looked over at the other man, tall and lanky but dressed to the nines. They practically walked out of romantic dramas. Why were demons so bad at blending into the human world? 

The other man started laughing wildly, Jungkook and Seokjin whipping around to looking at him, “S-Sorry. This human… they have such hilarious thoughts! I can’t tell if they’re insults or not.” 

“Yes. When I first moved in they had a lot of comments about my shop’s name. Still can’t quite tell if they were meant to be positive or negative.” Seokjin said, not even sparing you a glance as he sized up the other demon. 

“They were negative.” You said and immediately regretted it as Jungkook whirled on you once again sizing you up and giving you one of the worst smolders you’d ever seen in your life. What a disgrace to Flynn Rider.

“Hey! I will have you know that my shoulders are amazing! Wait-- Why aren’t you affected by it?” The poor man looked so confused and sad that you weren’t falling at his feet.

Seokjin coughed and Jungkook and the other demon’s attention was brought to you once again, “What are you two doing here?” 

“We wanted to visit you. Especially with the current whispers we’ve heard down below.” The other man said, sitting down in a chair by you and taking a sip of tea that had always been there, waiting for him. 

“I wanted to try your food! I’ve heard it’s really good!” Jungkook said, “And Taehyung said that we should have a serious chat with you about giving up immortality.” 

Taehyung slapped Jungkook’s arm and shot you a look. 

Your eyes shot up as thoughts started rapid firing in your mind. Why would Seokjin give up immortality? 

“Y/n, I think you should leave for now.” Seokjin said, not taking his eyes off of Taehyung and Jungkook.

“But they seem like fun! Don’t you want to have fun, Y/n?” Jungkook asked, sending you a wink.

A growl tore you from Jungkook’s gaze, quickly making you pack up your things, “Seokjin’s right. I should get going. Good luck with the conversation, buddy.” You said, not wanting to give space for anyone to speak as you raced out of the cafe. 

To your shock, exiting the cafe led right to your apartment door. How in the world did that happen? 

The next time you saw Seokjin, he looked sickly and tired and was moving around the shop with half the energy and excitement that he normally had. He still tried to put on a smile for customers who came in and any time you opened your mouth to say something he glared at you. He wasn’t wanting you to bring up what was happening to him but you worried nonetheless.

Do demons get sick? 

Is it possible for him to not be getting enough desire? 

If so… you wished you could give him all your desire. Anything to keep him healthy and here with you. 

Seokjin was so tired that he sat down at multiple points. It was during one time when he was resting his head against a table that you got up, determined to help him somehow. You moved behind the counter and started to make him a cup of tea. 

Except… this man didn’t have any mugs. 

You sighed and next thing you knew, a mug was greeting you. It had always been there. Looking up, you saw Seokjin looking at you from the table, his head turned to rest and watch what you did. He winked but didn’t do much else. Quickly you made the tea and grabbed one of the display sweets. It wasn’t much and Seokjin likely had something similar all the time but it was the most you could do without talking about whatever was going on. Before bringing the stuff to him, you went to the door and flipped the sign to closed. Seokjin wasn’t in a place to serve people right now. 

You sat across from him, cringing as he struggled to get up and slowly sipped his tea. The cafe was filled with the sounds of him slowly eating and drinking, the man a loud slurper and chewer. Probably his one flaw.

“Hey! I am flawless!” He shouted, crumbs flying across the table.

“I don’t know about that.” You said, “Noisy eaters can be a big deal for some people. Can trigger main receptors in some!” 

He scoffed, “Well not you.” 

You shrugged, “No. But I don’t like it much still.” 

He huffed but started to eat with less noise, “I will not change my slurping. It’s how you aerate the hot drink and cool it down. I don’t want to burn my tongue.” 

“Didn’t know demons could.” 

Seokjin stayed silent at that. 

What did Jungkook and Taehyung talk about? What was happening to Seokjin? 

He glared at you. 

Puppies. Think about puppies. 

“You think about puppies a lot. Do I remind you of them?” He asked, his cheeks filled with food and eyes playful. 

“Hmmm. I think you remind me more of chipmunks or hamsters. But I like puppies! They’re cute.” You said with a laugh, half wanting to grab your phone and show him some pictures or videos of puppies. 

“What about chipmunks and hamsters? No love for them? They live a short time, is that why?” 

“I like them.” 

“Yeah?” 

You nodded, “I don’t know how long I’ll be able to see them when I do. Their life span isn’t a worry either. They might only be around for a short period of my life, but their owners… and I when I see them, love them for their whole life. Their life is full of love. Should be.” 

Seokjin looked at his tea and nodded.

“You should make your way home early tonight,” Seokjin started, “I think it’s going to rain soon.” 

His eyes were watery when you finally left. 

Hoseok and Jimin could tell there was something up with Seokjin… they’d planned a small gathering and while Seokjin didn’t say anything, with only four people there, the tension was palpable. They were carrying the conversation and your worry for Seokjin only allowed for you to add in every once in a while. The chatter of the bar that you’d gathered at was practically screaming into your conversations. When he excused himself for the bathroom but left through the front, you followed.

“Seokjin. Are you ok?” 

He jumped, his hands rising up to his face as he whirled on you, eyes wide, “Why are you out here? You should be inside having fun.”

Shaking your head, you came closer, “I wasn’t having fun before. It’s no fun when I’m worried about you. What’s up? I’m here for you.”

“The lights are up.” He said, his back hitting the wall as he sank to his knees.” 

You grimaced. You’ll tell him about not touching the outdoor walls of buildings, especially bars, “I love your comedy but now isn’t the time. I want to help you. Do you need food? I can… I can give you desire.” 

“Bars are rife with desire… I don’t,” he sighed and shook his head, “I’m feeding fine. It’s… this change is taking so much out of me. I’m exhausted. Change is hard.” 

“This chan-” His immortality.

Seokjin didn’t look at you but you felt tears well up as he started talking more, “Jungkook and Taehyung told me the risks… and I still decided that…” 

You grabbed his hand, your heart in your throat, “What are the risks, Seokjin?”

He squeezed your hand, pulling you down to squat next to him and despite the fact that your shirt likely had piss on it now, you wanted to be closer. The warmth of his hand and heat from his shoulder wasn’t enough. You didn’t move and he didn’t speak. 

The hustle and bustle of the bar filled the tension like air to a black void and like a black void, nothing satiated the tension. 

“I don’t know how long I have left on earth.” 

“Do you have to return to hell?” 

He shook his head.

“Fuck. Seokjin, what will happen?”

“If I’m not strong enough to not live with immortality?” He sighed and leaned his head on your shoulder but you couldn’t find any comfort in his warmth, “I guess my life will be like a hamster. Short but full of your love.” 

Tears were fighting their way out of your tear ducts, “S-Seokjin. Wh… Don’t…” 

“Would you run The Creamed Pie when I’m gone.” 

You scoffed, tears getting into your mouth, “Aside from the fact that I have a job and hate the name--” 

“It’s grown on you.” 

“I’m not done, idiot.  You’re talking like you won’t make it. Don’t talk like that.” 

“Well… it’s--”

“There you two are!” Hoseok shouted, his eyes not yet adjusted to being out of the bar, “Get off of that piss stained wall and come back inside!” 

Seokjin’s cafe disappeared. 

It’s been weeks since you, Hoseok, or Jimin have seen him. 

You had to take days off when you realized what had likely happened. 

Damn it, Seokjin.

He didn’t even say goodbye. 

You’d been crying your eyes out for hours at the realization. He was gone. You’d never see him again. The light that he brought into your life was gone. You were alone in your isolation, your heart breaking loudly in the silence of your apartment. 

On day three of your crying, you got a knock at your door. Probably your neighbor wanting to complain about the noise again. Stealing up your energy, you hobbled over and prepared for her to berate you. 

You looked through the peephole. 

Seokjin. 

For a second you had the strong image of opening the door and closing it on his face. But you were frozen, unable to move as a thousand thoughts rushed through your mind all too fast and jumbled to even process.

He was alive. 

“I know you’re there. I can hear your thoughts. Please open up.” He shouted, knocking on the door once again. 

You couldn’t face him though. He… you’d been grieving him. The loss of a friend and someone you loved. How could you just… 

“Please? I missed you.” 

If you weren’t dehydrated, you’d be crying. 

“Don’t cry! Please let me in? I have so much to tell you.” 

“LET THE DAMN MAN IN! I AM TRYING TO NAP.” A neighbor shouted and you finally found yourself moving, opening the door with shaky hands. 

A warm embrace was wrapping around you before you knew it. Seokjin’s soft arms and firm hug holding you up as you lost your strength once again. He was cooing for you, rubbing your hair. For once, physical touch felt like a wash of warmth. Slightly too warm, yes, but it was filling a deep crave in your body that had never been there before Seokjin. 

He practically carried you to your living space and set you down on the couch before going off to the kitchen to get something. 

“No wonder you came to the cafe so much. This kitchen is really underdeveloped.” He said as he clattered around, opening cabinets and drawers. 

You watched, open mouthed as your brain tried to process the man who was in front of you. He was glowing more than you think he had before, more youthful and handsome than he was before if that was even possible. There was a slowness to his actions that you didn’t remember being there before but that could have also been your shock of seeing him again. 

“You’re here.” You finally manage to say when he sets a cup of water down in front of you. 

“I’m here. Mortal.” 

“Mortal.” 

“Yeah. I… I didn’t say this before,” He started, grabbing one of your hands and forcing the water into it before grabbing your other hand, “I… I couldn’t stay immortal. Not… I can’t see my life without you.” 

“So you risked me not having you in my life? Seokjin, I grieved for you like you were dead. I-” Your voice gave out and you saw tears bud in Seokjin’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“How could you!” You gripped his hand tight, shaking it as you heaved, no tears coming, “I grieved for you! Seokjin I- I loved you and I lost you.”

“I’m back! And I will never leave you. I love you too.” 

You shook your head, “I grieved for you, Seokjin. I need time. I can’t. I can’t disregard my upset because you’re back.” 

He nodded, “I understand. I’ll be at the cafe when you’re ready. Is… is there anything I can do to help you right now?” 

“Get out.” 

A week later, full of Hoseok and Jimin pestering you, you walked into The Creamed Pie. You didn’t need a phone to direct you where to go after visiting it for so long but you didn’t even need to take ten steps to get there. Its door right outside your apartment, where it had been for the whole week. The fresh smell of baked bread hit your nose before the warm hug of Seokjin.

“I missed you so much.”

He was ushering you inside with a bright smile, the closed sign flipping over as the two of you sat down. Seokjin refused to leave you, tea and a sandwich appearing on your table. They’d always been there and you savored each bite. Their wonder was miniscule in comparison to being next to Seokjin again.

“Thank you.” 

“For?”

“Returning to me.” 

You grabbed his hand, bringing it over your shoulder as you leaned into him, “The cafe was always with me.”

[butterflydm]

More thoughts on the Seanchan Problem (TM)

I recently ran across a very interesting set of posts about what we know & can guess about historical Sparta and how it doesn't much match Sparta as it gets glamorized in media: acoup[dot]blog/category/collections/this-isnt-sparta/

It got me to thinking about the Seanchan, and I wrote up a lot of what I'm posting here and but, funnily enough (I guess it makes sense that we're all thinking about how the show will handle the Seanchan right now!), some discussion about the Seanchan came up with @ofthebrownajah re: the show needing to handle the Seanchan differently than the books did (very much agreed on that point) and @markantonys re: the issues with how the Seanchan were handled in the books (also very much agreed) and it all seemed pretty related to this post that I had been working on.

So, the thoughts in the Sparta blog posts that I linked, about how a majority-slave population works (or fails to work), reminded me a lot about various questions that I've had about the Seanchan, especially as I've gone through my reread.

We know that the Seanchan were kinda a mishmash of Every Empire, but the slavery mentioned in Spartan society in particular seems to strike a pretty familiar chord (because it sounds like it was pretty brutal even by Greek standards).

This does get critical and it does get into major spoilers through Knife of Dreams.

We know from The Fires of Heaven (Rand & Avi's honeymoon trip) that there are constant uprisings and slave revolts on the Seanchan continent. The Seanchan like to playact at being the embodiment of 'order' when they come to try to conquer the Westlands, but they cannot even keep their own house in order. The whole reason they're good fighters/generals is explicitly because they've been fighting each other this whole time (we learn that in Winter's Heart).

Which is one of the reasons why Crossroads of Twilight and Knife of Dreams feel like such bizarre departures from the previously established 'reality' of the Seanchan as we know them -- in CoT & KoD, we're suddenly living in Tuon's sheltered dream-world about how the Seanchan work and the narrative (at least in Mat's storyline) seems to be asking us to take it at face value, both because Mat doesn't challenge it (and he should know better -- and DID know better back in WH) and because it backs her PoV up by giving us ~glowing~ recommendations from all her slaves that just adore her ~oh~ so much -- she's a GOOD slaver-owner who only beats her slaves *checks notes* when they say something that pisses her off while doing their best to obey her orders (Tuon's intro in Winter's Heart). Ah.

But at least she... allows them to get their wounds treated once they've groveled enough and convinced her that they love her more than anything and will lick her hand like a dog! So it's totally okay!

idk, even after some distance from my rereads of CoT & KoD, they are such a jarring experience. I have some complaints about the Sanderson co-authored books, which I talked about in-depth in my last reread post about AMoL, but nothing that approaches how I feel about how the Seanchan were handled in CoT & KoD, specifically in Mat & Perrin's storylines(*). Just... the whiplash that I get from the 180 that got pulled in-between WH & CoT in Mat's behavior alone(**).

And it's really that soft-focus glamorizing of the Seanchan in Mat & Perrin's storylines in CoT & KoD that makes me think about historical Sparta and how pop-culture history only focuses on the elite 5-10% of the population and not on the vast majority of the population who were being abused by said elites (if you're looking for a group in WoT that really does resemble "the 1%", then you should be looking at the Seanchan High Blood, not the Aes Sedai).

It does look like the show will be going hard with the Seanchan during S2 and really showing how horrific the slave-breaking is and I feel like, since they do have an overall plan in place, they probably already know what their endgame is for the Seanchan, so we won't get an abrupt "okay, slavery bad, sure but... what if the slaver is HOT when she tortures her slaves or prospective slaves? Have you thought about that?" and "What if you could save your wife for the low low price of selling two hundred women into a torturous existence for hundreds of years? What a bargain! Slavery is such a convenient tool, isn't it?" face-heel narrative turn like we had in CoT & KoD for Mat & Perrin.

But that kinda ties into a larger issue that it feels like Jordan was only partially aware of -- on one level, he definitely realized that objectification of women is not a great thing, but he also fell into it a lot without seeming to realize that he was doing it. There tends to be a vibe of "women being killed is an evil thing but women being tortured forever is okay because they're technically alive and that's all that matters; the quality of that life is not relevant in the way that it would be for a man".

In plotlines where Jordan was focused on women as people, he tended to do a lot better, but that only makes it stand out more in the places where he's failing to do that, imo.

The two hundred Shaido Wise Ones who get thrown into slavery are treated with less humanity than the single (male) Shaido prisoner whose hand Perrin cuts off. They're just the background element as Perrin thanks and praises the slaver who helped him buy his wife back with blood. Jordan frames two slavers (Tylee and Tuon) as "good ones" without actually making anything about their behavior different from the "bad ones" of the Seanchan, because they are important to the narratives of two of the main male characters and so get boosted into being 'better than the other Seanchan' without any actual behavioral changes on their parts(***). Protagonist-centered morality at its most 'yikes'.

When you combine this with Rand sending the damane back to the Seanchan after Semirhage's attack as a 'gesture of good faith', it just adds up to a vibe of "women's freedom is negotiable". And because of the focus in the latter books on the damane as opposed to the da'covale(****), it is women's freedom specifically that is shown not to be valued in the main male PoV chapters. We'll make a big deal about how we can't kill women, but we can let them be tortured and enslaved.

It's a very ugly theme for the three Two Rivers' boys all to be sharing in at the end of KoD. Jordan makes all of them make choices that are very dark, but Rand is the only one getting real narrative push-back about those choices (*!) by having people he respects with openly disagree with him on the matter (*!!).

The show really does need to either commit to having the change in Seanchan society actively begin to happen on-screen (*!!!), or they need to not have the boys willing to throw their morals away so easily. Ideally, both.

As it is, in the books, Perrin is just straight-up selling people into slavery at the end of KoD. Mat is having thoughts about how he would just curl up and die if this horrible slaver lady got killed. And, like Perrin, Rand has decided that women are property to trade around, though he is much more reluctant about it than Perrin (*!!!!).

...

(* Hmm, random thought but - I wonder if, for me, being so deeply unhappy with what Jordan was doing in Mat, Perrin, & Rand's storylines in CoT & KoD, meant that the different take that Sanderson had on the story (which is inevitable; no matter who took over the series, they would have a different take than Jordan did) was more likely to be something I would find positive because I was so disappointed with the state that Jordan had left things in?)

(** I know I repeat this a lot but Mat flips from sympathizing with the slaves to sympathizing with the slavers in less than a week, all off-the-page in-between Winter's Heart and Crossroads of Twilight so it just really stands out to me when he starts doing things like using slavery as a threat against the Aes Sedai and forcing former slaves to share a wagon with their former abusers; Bethamin was actively abusing Teslyn a week ago and Mat makes them share sleeping quarters, meanwhile Tuon gets to be in a wagon alone with her slave and Setalle Anan who, just like Mat, has flipped from sympathizing with slaves to sympathizing with slavers in less than a week, taking Tuon under her wing and behaving as if she's a wee child in need of protection and being amused when the child throws tantrums and breaks things)

(*** contrast this with Egeanin, who does have to undergo a lot of changes, and who actively goes against the Seanchan norm more and more as her storyline progresses -- but, notably, Egeanin has a lot less temporal power in the Seanchan empire than either Tylee or Tuon, and also notably, her change in direction began when she was part of Elayne & Nynaeve's storyline and finished up in Egwene's storyline -- meanwhile, Tylee making a deal with a local in order to secure two hundred more damane sounds like something any Seanchan Blood would be willing to sign off on, and all we see from the Mat and Tuon 'relationship' is him making concession after concession to her while she throws tantrums, makes threats, and hurts his companions. We do have Alivia as representing the people who are injured and marginalized by the Seanchan elite, but we get so much less on her background and narrative PoV than we do for Tuon, who is on the top of the social heap. Giving Alivia more page time and a PoV or two would have helped balance out all the Tuon/elite High Blood focus in CoT & KoD; instead all her big conversations with Rand happen off the page and the books never explore her justified anger at her oppressors)

(*** though even the da'covale seem to be weighted towards women? The 'entertainment slaves' who dance for the Blood's pleasure always seem to be women and it seems like the majority of the da'covale that we see are women)

(*! though the Wise Ones disapprove about what Perrin does, the narrative ignores them just as much as Perrin does; and the same goes for Mat's bizarre choices in CoT & KoD -- we're never let inside the PoV of one of the people with him who disapproves of what he's doing)

(*!! Nynaeve, though even she, in accordance with the laws of No One Is Allowed To Offer Solutions About The Seanchan Especially Not To Rand, doesn't tell Rand any of the information that she has that might actually help him make better choices, like all sul'dam being capable of learning to channel, which is important military information for him to have!)

(*!!! which means that we, at least, need Tuon acknowledging that she can channel and that their society needs to change - it has to come from someone who actually has power in the Seanchan Empire, not just exiles like Egeanin)

(*!!!! I will also never back down on this being one of the biggest TACTICAL mistakes that Rand ever makes in the series. Sending back the sul'dam would be fine, whatever, because they're essentially prisoners of war, but sending back the damane tells the Daughter of the Nine Moons that Rand agrees that women who can channel are fair game as property to be bought and sold, which is the worst possible footing to begin his negotiations with the Seanchan on, as he has already conceded that women can be property)

[mortumslab]

My first attempt at Fanfic for the Fallen Hero universe. I am a science nerd in healthcare, so I'd like to try the first Dr. Halabi note as a SOAP (physician) note at Dr. Mortum's facility for my Sidestep (Arya).

Arya, as Retribution, is an anarchist set on justice and has been revealed to the Rangers, but Sky-Raider got her out before any of the Rangers could make a move.

__________________________

Note: These records are for internal use ONLY. Disclosure of these forms will be met with swift recourse.

Date: 5-10-21 

Facility: Mortum Site 01

Patient #: 2344

Patient Name: Arya Skovsgaard

Gender: Female (She/Her)

Attending: Dr. Halabi, MD

CC: Traumatic MVA

HPI:

Arya Skovsgaard is a 30 y.o. AFAB transferred to Site 01 two days following a motor vehicle accident. Per LDPD reports, the patient was restrained, and airbags were deployed. The patient appeared to be driving down the opposite lane on a two-lane highway and struck an oncoming truck. The larger truck was undamaged, but the vehicle the patient was driving was no longer operable. The patient is a known telepath (T12345678), Alpha level. She is known to be capable of operating other individuals through telepathy. The patient was transferred from the care of the Los Diabolos’ Rangers prior to arrival at Site 01. Previous to this, they were at Memorial Hospital under the care of another, unknown physician, wherein lower extremity injuries were treated. The patient chart was consulted prior to transfer. During their stay at this facility, the patient was discharged to inpatient care with a bilateral tibial fracture along the mid-diaphyseal line and a right femoral fracture at the mid-epiphyseal line. Lastly, physicians at the Ranger facility note left SI joint disjunction. It is not known if the accident was intentional, but the Ranger discharge notes allude to this as a possibility. For this reason, the patient will be under constant security detail. 

HPI is incomplete due to the current AMS.

ROS:

Patient arrived to facility in a state of alterted mental status leading to an incomplete ROS

Head: Positive for trauma

ENT: Negative for dental trauma

MSK: Grossly apparent damage to bilateral lower extremities

Integumentary: Positive for abrasions, lacerations, ecchymosis

Psych: Altered mental status

Neuro: Loss of consciousness

Physical Exam:

Physical exam from Dr. Petroza at time of surgery and reconstruction is included as a separate document. Below is Dr. Halabi’s secondary PE upon admission to Site 01.

Head: Trauma noted to bilateral orbitals. Ecchymosis around orbitals with classic appearance of trauma.

Neck: No trauma noted

Lymph: No abormalities noted.

Musculoskeletal: See diagram. Dr. Petroza and team applied bilateral leg casting to patient from femural head distally to ankle. Difficult to assess. Otherwise noted 

CV: No murmurs, rubs, gallops. Normal rate, rhythm. 

Respiratory: Some wheezing. Imaging from Ranger HQ shows no pneumothorax. Brusing to ribs, possibly due to CPR on scene.

GU: No abnormalities noted

Integumentary: Diffuse ecchymosis and bruising to regions visible, patient has [REDACTED] on skin noting them to be [REDACTED].

Psych: Unable to assess

Neuro: Unable to assess. Known telepath.

Assessment:

Agreement with prior disagnosis of bilateral tibial fracture along the mid-diaphsyeal line and right femoral fracture at the mid-epiphyseal line with protrusion from the medial right femur and bilateral media tibia.

Dipostion:

Inpatient discharge.

Progress notes:

5-20-21

2320: Call recieved that patient is en route.

5-21-21

0023: Patient arrives to Site 01.

0024: Dr. Halabi, attending, in room and performing phyical exam. 

0100: Patient woke briefly and [REDACTED] attacked them - they were removed from the premises. Security was tightened on the room.

0300: Patient awakens and requests food. Dr. Mortum in room and discussion plan with patient.

0800: Phone call received on patients cell phone from number listed “Julia.” Voicemail left. 

TRANSCRIPTION: “Arya, I know you’re out there. I… I’m glad. We’ll talk when you’re ready. I know you don’t want me to be around for this - but we need to talk. I want to help. I had some time to think… you might not have gone about this in the way I would have expected, but I think you have the right idea. Please call me. I love you.”

0830: Patient requesting discharge to their home. The Site will send her with an escort.

Electronic Signature:

Dr. Halabi, MD

This report is to remain within Site 01. If it is found outside of these servers, it should be destroyed, and the aforementioned party should be warned.