#kisuke and tessai

[acquired-stardust]

Bleach: Memories of Nobody Studio Pierrot 2006

[owarinaki]

Bleach EP211 - Urahara recap

[plutos-planett]

ururu is so cute and fun to draw :(

[indigerizz]

more sketches of the shoten gang

[toxictaicho]

Bridge of death

watercolors, ink, oil pastels

Chernobyl HBO & Bleach crossover. In Bleach movie - Memories of nobody they stood on bridge and were watching portal in the river.

Watching burning nuclear power plants is always bad idea. Happy earth day!

[tossawary]

I was rewatching some episodes of Bleach a few months back and I still have a fondness for it. It's one of the first animes I ever watched at all, though I never got very far past that first big Soul Society arc; I used to watch episodes on TV as a kid with my family and I saw cool Bleach cosplays and other stuff frequently at anime conventions. I have a general idea of what happens later thanks to some fanfiction and other forms of Fandom Osmosis.

And I realized while listening to the episodes play in the background that I had... no idea where Urahara's kids came from??? Why are there two children just living with the former Soul Society captains??? I'd never gotten that far (if it was revealed in the main manga or anime at all) and had never come across the information in fanworks or on the few wiki pages that I'd browsed. So, I looked it up on a wiki, and it turns out that Ururu and Jinta are artificial souls like Nemu (this is revealed in one of the novels). Which made sense! I'd been expecting something like that or adoption of random spirit-sensitive humans (this was my guess) or whatever.

But it does make me wonder HOW something like that happened... and also WHY? It's very funny to me that someone in the Urahara-Yoruichi-Tessai throuple (non-canon to my knowledge, unfortunately) apparently decided that they wanted kids (with superpowers, of course) and Urahara just... made some. (Or Urahara was just experimenting and then decided to raise his mad science experiments properly. Maybe it was a "I can do ANYTHING better than that fucker Kurotsutchi and I'll fucking prove it" kind of thing.) Ururu and Jinta are Ichigo's younger sisters' age (uh, maybe, hard to know with artificial souls), so it kind of looks like this mad scientist babymaking went down after Ichigo was born.

My mind keeps going back to that "Text your partner: 'I want a baby'" meme from several years ago as a fic idea.

Tessai: I want a baby.

Kisuke: we already have the cat

Yoruichi: I'm baby

Yoruichi: fuck kisuke beat me to it

Yoruichi: kisuke this is your fault I told you not to let him hold ichigo

Tessai: He's very cute.

Tessai: I want one.

Yoruichi: where are you gonna get one? I'm not doing it

Kisuke: we are also exiled criminals, that feels pertinent to mention here as a consideration when family planning

Tessai: :(

Yoruichi: I mean we've done stupider shit

Yoruichi: still not doing it

Tessai: :'(

Kisuke: wait, don't ask another guy, I'll do it

Kisuke: give me a week

Kisuke: what color?

[crazy-dark-rainbow]

Tessai: Do you accept constructive criticism?

Urahara: I only accept cash or card.

[wordsfromthymouth]

Happy Birthday, Tessai

𓇬 a short fic for my favourite found-family in bleach, and a little Tessai appreciation cause my man is severely underrated 𓇬

❤︎‬ characters: tessai tsukabishi, jinta hanakari, ururu tsumugiya, kisuke urahara & yoruichi shihouin.

warnings: fluff, some nudity, implied yoruichi x kisuke. word count: 1.4k

A knock at the door roused him from his sleep. Bleary-eyed and groggy, Kisuke looked over at the alarm clock next to the futon. It was a minute to six o’clock in the morning.

Groaning, he rolled over, turning his back on the clock and door as he did. He closed his eyes, willing sleep to return. There were a few seconds of silence before he heard a pained yelp followed by hushed whispers. It was Ururu and Jinta.

He groaned again, his mood souring just slightly. Of course, it wasn't their fault; they'd done exactly as he'd asked of them the night before: 'Wake me before six!'.

He knew he had to get up, but with how heavy his eyes felt, it seemed like an impossible task. He closed his eyes once more, relishing the feeling of relief as he did, but it was short-lived because not even a minute later he heard another, louder, knock.

"Yes?" He called out, his voice gruff from sleep.

The door slid open, just a crack, and Ururu’s timid, soft voice spoke.

“M-Mr. Kisuke?"

Kisuke glanced over at his side, where Yoruichi was lying, still asleep and naked. Her clothes, along with his own, lay discarded on the floor.

Reaching over, he pulled the blanket back to her shoulders, covering her, before sitting up and pulling his haori on, loosely tying it shut.

“Come in,” he said, a hand coming up to smooth down his bedhead.

The door slid open, and they walked in, still clad in their pyjamas.

“We got everything ready, Mr. Kisuke,” Jinta said, quiet and confident, crossing his arms over his chest. Ururu stood at his side, nodding in agreement.

“Good work, team. Is Tessai still asleep?“ Kisuke asked, rubbing his eyes.

“Yup. Still out cold from the tea Ms. Yoruichi gave him last night,” Jinta said, grinning mischievously. Kisuke chuckled.

Slipping Tessai a sleep aid in his evening tea was the only way they could ensure they’d all get up and out of bed before him—his penchant for early mornings and being a ridiculously light sleeper made it especially difficult.

“Alright then, you two. Go on, we’ll be down in a minute,” he said, waving them off.

“C’mon, hurry it up!” Jinta said, pushing Ururu towards the door.

They scampered off downstairs to the kitchen. Kisuke turned to Yoruichi, and then, wrapping his arms around her, he leaned in close to whisper in her ear.

“Wakey, wakey~!” He said playfully, which prompted her to groan softly. She looked back at him, her face scrunched up, hair ruffled from sleep.

“Good morning, kitty,” he sang lightly, and her hands came up to cover her face.

“Noo…” she muttered, turning her head back into the pillow.

"I know, I know. It's early. But the kids are up,” he said, and she could hear the shit-eating grin in his voice.

A tactfully placed elbow to the stomach, not enough to do any real damage, but enough to leave him doubled over and gasping for air, was the next order of business.

After that she sat up, stretching and yawning with ease, as if she hadn’t just knocked the wind out of him.

“Hmm…where’s my shirt?” She asked, scratching her head as she aimlessly dug through the sheets.

Kisuke sat there, still bent over heaving; he reached over with one hand for her discarded clothes.

“Here you are,” he said weakly, holding them out to her.

She took them in hand, laughing a little at the state of him, and stood up. Kisuke lay back, taking a deep breath in as the waves of pain finally subsided.

He watched as she dressed herself with careful, slow movements. She turned to see him still in bed, watching her, and she quirked a brow.

“What are you still sitting around for? Get up out of bed already,” she said, crossing her arms. He grinned up at her.

"Just admiring the show," he said, hands held up innocently. She gave him a flat look.

"Yeah, well, show's over," she said, tossing him his hakama before smoothing down her hair to put it into a ponytail.

“Yes, ma’am,” he grinned.

After he dressed, they made their way downstairs. Jinta and Ururu were in the kitchen, only it looked far different from usual.

Colourful streamers hung from the ceiling, decorations lined the walls, and the table was fully set, with a frosted cake sitting in the centre.

Kisuke laughed, peering down at the candle-covered cake. The entire top surface was jammed full, a few even sticking out the sides. At a glance, he could guess there were at least 50.

“That’s quite a bit of candles,” he said thoughtfully. Ururu nodded.

“We put as many as we could find,” she said.

Yoruichi appeared then, peering over Kisuke's shoulder; she couldn't help but laugh at the sight of it. Ururu looked down at the cake now, feeling a little self-conscious now; Kisuke smiled down at her.

“Looks great; I’m sure he’ll appreciate it,” he said, patting her head lightly.

"Yes, of course he will," Yoruichi added, biting back her laughter. Ururu smiled meekly.

“So, should we start making breakfast?” Jinta asked. Yoruichi nodded.

“Yes, he won’t be asleep much longer,” she said, rolling up her sleeves.

The four of them made quick work of preparing breakfast. They were sure to include all of Tessai’s favourites: rice with pickled plums, tamagoyaki, natto, and strong tea, among other things.

“So, how old is Tessai, anyways?” Jinta asked; he and Yoruichi were preparing the fruit.

He washed and dried each one before passing it to her for cutting. She hummed thoughtfully at the question, not looking up from her work.

"He must be ancient," Ururu said, looking at Jinta, who nodded in agreement. Kisuke laughed.

“He’s actually about the same age as Yoruichi and I; we all grew up together, you know,” he said, scratching his chin lazily.

He was busy plating the grilled white fish he and Ururu had prepared. Jinta and Ururu both gasped audibly at that, and Yoruichi cringed internally.

“How old are you guys?” Jinta asked, wide-eyed.

Kisuke opened his mouth to reply, but the answer died in his throat when he caught a glimpse of the glare Yoruichi shot him over her shoulder.

“Old enough,” she quipped, firmly ending the subject, making Kisuke laugh again.

“Yes, indeed," he said smoothly, tipping his hat forward.

Ururu and Jinta looked at each other, snickering, but didn’t push the subject further. Clearly, Ms. Yoruchi did not like to discuss age.

“Alright, let's get this all cleaned up so we can eat,” Kisuke said cheerfully.

They finished cleaning up all the cookware and, one by one, brought all the dishes to the table. It was almost seven now, and the sun was shining brightly through the kitchen window.

“Jinta, bring some extra plates for the cake,” Yoruichi said, moving to set the last of the food out.

Suddenly they heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and they all scrambled to sit down, each putting on one of the birthday hats they'd set out.

Tessai yawned as he made his way to the kitchen. He'd slept in, which was unlike him, but for some reason he'd had the hardest time waking up that morning.

He couldn't recall what had made him so tired; he'd done nothing strenuous the day before. Perhaps it was age catching up to him, he thought, ignoring how foggy his mind felt.

He fought back yet another yawn as he turned the corner into the kitchen, where, unbeknownst to him, they were all waiting.

“Surprise!!” They all yelled out in unison.

Tessai gasped, startled by the noise at first. Taking a step back, he took in the scene in front of him.

Everyone was sitting around the table, smiling wide; the table was set with a wonderful spread, a large cake in the centre. He peered around at the streamers and paper decorations pinned up along the walls and felt himself getting emotional, sleepiness all but forgotten.

"What do you think, Mr. Tessai?" Ururu asked but Tessai was speechless.

He pulled off his glasses with shaky hands, wiping the lens with the corner of his apron before putting them back on. Big crocodile tears threatening to spill over.

Jinta walked over towards him, with a birthday hat in hand, and Tessai leaned down so he could place it on his head.

“Come on, Tessai. Let’s eat,” Jinta said, guiding him over to the table. Tessai sniffled quietly and nodded.

He sat down, and Ururu poured his tea while Yoruichi gave him a big helping of rice.

“Go on, help yourself. It’s your day,” Kisuke said, his smile partially hidden by his fan. Tessai wiped away a stray tear on his cheek with the back of his hand.

“Thank you, everyone."

[incorrctbleach]

Tessai, after hearing a loud noise, turning to look at Urahara: Did that come from your lab? Urahara: No! No no no no no. No, there's definitely nothing wrong with my inventions because they for sure don't explode for no reason sometimes.

[iamumbra195]

random bleach time travel inccorect quotes from an AU I will probably never write (Ichigo becomes soul king post tybw cause yhwach body doesn’t hold up and then time travels to the Turn back the pendulm era for reasons I’m too lazy to explain)

Ichigo joined Squad 6 under Ginrei Kuchiki in this AU

...

Ichigo: *likes sitting in the sun, hates the rain, touch starved but still prickly enough to pretend he doesn’t like it ‘cause he was soul king for three years and barely had any proper human contact for all that time, has weird eyes and other weird traits from his hollow*

Hiyori + Kaien: *spying on him*

Ichigo: *straight hissed at someone who got to close when he was injured*

Hiyori: *ticks something else off on the list of reasons why Ichigo might be a cat in human form*

Yoruichi, the real cat shapeshifter:

...

Love: Isn’t it weird that we pay money to see other people?

Ichigo: Plane tickets?

Shinji: Concert tickets?

Lisa: Prostitution?

Love, holding holding his broken sunglasses: Glasses.

...

Hollowified!Shinji: *Screams*

Hollowified!Hiyori: *Screams louder to assert dominance*

Kisuke, concerned: Should we do something?!

Ichigo, observing: *thinking back to his hollow training and how much the Visored fucked with him for fun*

Ichigo: Nah, I want to see who wins this.

...

Kensei: Dammit, Mashiro!

Mashiro: What?! It wasn’t me!

Kensei: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Shinji!

Shinji: Not me either.

Kensei: Oh...Then who destroyed the entire training ground?

Ichigo + Kaien who thought it would be fun to spar but went a little too far: 

...

Ichigo: *Gently taps table*

Kaien: *Taps back*

Hiyori: What are they doing?

Kisuke: Morse code.

Ichigo: *Aggressively taps table*

Kaien: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

...

*Lieutenants on a mission*

Kaien: I think we're missing something.

Lisa: Teamwork?

Hiyori: Cohesion?

Ichigo: A general sense of what the fuck we’re doing?

Kaien: ... Where’s Mashiro?

Mashiro: *fighting a bear in a forest three districts away*

Lisa:

Hiyori:

Ichigo: ... Fuck

Kensei: *in Squad 9 barracks* I  S E N S E  A  D I S T U R B A N C E

...

Shinji: Tonight, one of you has betrayed us.

Kisuke: Is it me?

Shinji: No, it’s not you.

Tessai: Is it me?

Shinji: It’s not you either.

Aizen: Is it me, Captain?

Shinji, dying because of Hollowification:

Shinji, mockingly: Is IT mE CaPTaIN?

...

Kyouraku: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Kisuke: I’ve been dissociating for the past two and a half hours.

Ukitake: I got distracted about halfway through.

Lisa: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

...

Ichigo: Can I be frank with you guys?

Kaien: *confused* Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.

Mashiro: Can I still be Mashiro?

Shinji: Shh, let Frank speak.

Ichigo: 

Ichigo: *lunges at Shinji*

...

Ichigo: *trying not to laugh* Tell Kensei about the birds and the bees.

Mashiro: *serious* They're disappearing at an alarming rate

...

Yoruichi: Soifon, keep an eye on Kisuke today. He’s going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Soifon: Sure, I’d love to see Urahara get punched.

Yoruichi: Try again.

Soifon, sighing: I will stop Urahara from getting punched

...

*The Visored+ Hollowified!Kaien is getting into a car*

Ichigo: *the only one who know how to drive* I’m driving

Mashiro, out of view: Shotgun!

Kaien, turning to face Mashiro: Aww! But you had it on the way here-

Everyone except Mashiro: WOAH-

Mashiro, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! *Pumps gun*

...

Lisa: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

Hiyori: *turning to Shinji* How tall are you?

...

Kaien: 

Ichigo:

Kaien: In my defense--

Ichigo: You have no defense you let Byakuya meet Gin

Kaien: but--

Ichigo: Byakuya. The same cocky shit that tries to fight anything that moves fast enough. And Gin. The creepy shit that thought it was a good idea to work with megalomaniac rather than talk to people

Kaien: You don’t have any room to talk about bad communication but in hindsight it wasn’t my greatest idea--

Ichigo: understatement of the century

Kaien: But I was bored and you have to admit it was a little funny

Ichigo: 

Ichigo: *covering his face because the sight of baby Byakuya getting punted into the Kuchiki Koi pond by baby Gin was actually hilarious but he refuses to admit it* I hate you

...

Kensei: I sometimes drink milk straight out of the container

Mashiro: the COW?

Kensei:

...

Kisuke: You have to apologize to Shinji

Hiyori: Fine.

Hiyori: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

...

Kaien: I told Ichigo his ears turn red when he lies

Mashiro: Why?

Kaien: So I can do this

Kaien: Hey, Ichigo! Do you love us?

Ichigo, covering his ears: No.

Mashiro: Aw, Berry-tan

Ichigo: Shut up, seaweed brain!

...

*Shinji and Kisuke sitting in jail together*

Shinji: So who should we call?

Kisuke: I’d call Hiyori, but I feel safer in jail

...

Shinji: Hey, how old are you?

Ichigo: Twenty-four--

Ichigo *remembers that the soul society doesn’t have the same age system*

Ichigo: two hundered

Shinji: 

Shinji, concerned: did you just say--

Ichigo, nervously: TWO HUNDRED

...

Shinji: What do you think Ichigo will do for a distraction?

Kaien: He’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.

*several building explode due to Getsuga Tensho*

Kaien: ... or he could do that.

...

Kisuke: I know you’re a time traveler, Kurosaki-san

Ichigo: (Play dumb!)

Ichigo: Who's Kurosaki?

Ichigo: (NOT THAT DUMB!!!)

...

Love: What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?

Kensei: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-

Mashiro: Smad

Kaien: Ichigo

Ichigo:...

...

Shinji: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

Kensei: You’re a hazard to society

Hiyori: And a coward. DO TWENTY.

...

Ichigo, babysitting: Violence isn't the answer.

Byakuya: You’re right.

Ichigo: *sighs in relief*

Byakuya, reaching for a brick: Violence is the question.

Ichigo: What?

Byakuya, running to hit Gin on the head with a brick: And the answer is yes.

Ichigo, running after him: NO-

Ginrei, watching the chaos while drinking tea: ... Today’s a beautiful day

...

Kisuke: *Accidentally hits Hiyori in the face*

Kisuke: *Trying to decide between saying 'I’m fucking sorry' and 'Are you okay'*

Kisuke: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!

Hiyori, confused: What’s wrong with you?!

Shinji: *wheezing in the background*

...

Ichigo: Can you please be serious for five minutes?

Mashiro: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

...

Kaien: Do you think different paints have different tastes?

Mashiro: They do.

Ichigo: ... Why did you say that with such certainty?

...

Shinji: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

...

Kisuke: I’d like to offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals.

...

Kaien: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.

Ichigo: Killed without hesitation.

Kaien: No.

...

Kisuke: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*

Ichigo: What did you do?

Kisuke: Nobody died.

Ichigo: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

...

Kaien, euphoric from his date with Miyako: Date someone who will drag you outside at 3am to look at the stars.

Kukaku: If anyone, and I mean anyone, wakes me up at 3am to go look at the damn sky they will be removed indefinitely from my life.

...

Aizen, trying to be friends with Ichigo b4 he died: I made tea.

Ichigo: I don’t want tea.

Aizen: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.

Ichigo: Then why are you telling me?

Aizen: It is a conversation starter.

Ichigo: That’s a lousy conversation starter.

Aizen: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.

Ichigo:

Ichigo: *two seconds away from a homicide

...

Mashiro: what is it called when you kill your friend

Ichigo: Amicicide

Kensei: Murder

Mashiro: Homiecide

...

Ichigo: *looks like Kaien and Isshin*

Kaien: *suspicious but has no proof*

Ichigo, lying becuase he doesn’t want to deal with the emotions that come with seeing Isshin again: I’m not a Shiba

Ichigo: *uses Getsuga Tensho*

Kaien, throwing a table: oKAY, I CALL BULLSHIT

...

Ichigo: *having a chill day in Rukongai by himslef

baby Rukia, Renji, and their gang: *chased by a merchant they stole from*

Ichigo: 

Ichigo: *adopts them*

...

Okay, that’s more than enough for one post

Yes, Kaien is hollowfied here because I want him to be, yes, I really like adding animalistic traits to characters I love don’t ask me why

This is so much longer than I planned but it was too fun to stop

[shinigamihechicero-kun]

Pobre Ururu, ella pensando que le iban a pegar

Pero Urahara es un buen papá

Así se calma a un niño o niña.

A darle Bruce Willis.

[owarinaki]

Bleach EP212 - Urahara recap 6/6 END

PART 1 // PART2 // PART3 // PART4 // PART5 // PART6

[the-sage-libriomancer]

i feel like the fact that Isshin probably spent several months learning how to be a living person post-EBTR is severely overlooked by the fandom. this man was born and raised in Soul Society, a place that is heavily modeled after feudal Japan (except worse) and also notoriously behind the times, and his only experience in the living world is as an invisible, intangible ghost. he has no fucking clue how to function as a living breathing human being in 1980s Japan. and the main people teaching him basic social skills is a mad genius with a perchance for humiliating people, an unhinged cat lady who doesn't think there's anything wrong with running around butt naked, and a persnickety househusband.

like. imagine the comedy potential.

[bleachtitlepages]

[suprememysticalbeing]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/56862448/chapters/173518390

Chapter iv: prompts: Trust me? and Not allowed to die

The Unexpected is not reached by Search or Trail

[mushi-shield]