#kishiar is right

[birb-catto]

Yuder accepting Sunz and Emun's daggers is so hilarious to me.

Yuder said something about the backup daggers of Imperial soldiers being given to their significant others.

If I have doubts about Yuder's faithfulness to Kishiar, I would have thought that he accepted Sunz and Emun's double marriage proposals 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[mintjeru]

it probably wasn't the smartest decision to start an ongoing 1000+ chapter webnovel when i know it'll consume my every waking thought but here we are

open for better quality | no reposts

[yudrein-aile]

Sorry for the beyond rambly turning posting today but I’m procrastinating on everything in my life right now.

anyway.

Need a 5+1 fic of Yuder doing things in Kishiar’s name that he’s not actually officially been permitted. One of them needs to be blatantly signing off of paperwork in Kishiar’s name right in front of Keilusa. And the plus one something like. after they’re married and he’s very well within rights to do something as Kishiar’s spouse but the person who came to talk to him is so annoying that Yuder just prettily refuses

[anrisimps]

Ch 415

A smile like a wild beast preparing for a feast appeared over his expressionless face.

And then, all the windows in the auction house exploded at once.

Ch 420

"Yes?…" "That's something I can do myself. I'll be right back." Kishiar closed the door and moved forward, his reply even lighter and more carefree than if he were going out for a night drink. Watching the duke pass by them, barefoot and dressed in disheveled formal wear, the nobles all wore expressions as if they were about to faint. "Yo, Your Grace! You can't go like that!" "Our request did not mean that… Your Highness!"

Kishiar turned his head towards those chasing after him. Fearing that he might ask them to come along, they all recoiled in surprise. Kishiar smiled brightly at their comical reactions.

THEY ARE CHAOTIC HUSBANDS YOUR HONOR 🤣🤣

[parlerenfleurs]

Man, I don't know how many more mentions and recollections of Yuder killing Kishiar I can take. The more he remembers/reconnects with his emotions the worse it gets. He's about to dream of it and I'm not okay. I have to prepare myself.

I kept thinking and thinking that it made no sense for Yuder to simply obey Katchian and kill Kishiar, even if Kishiar let him. How did he manage it? How did that boy just become a cold-blooded assassin by killing his (admittedly, complicated and conflicted) lover? It made no sense unless he was already under some sort of spell. Did that fucking staff with it's "useless" magic stone do it?

He's right to want to avoid the past at all costs. He doesn't do well on his own. He didn't have the experience back then and he doesn't much have more of a moral compass now - not that he's amoral, but his view of the world is too simplistic. He does much better when following and aiding the bright, intricate-minded, fundamentally kind Kishiar...

Anyway *big breath* let's do this. Let's see the painful scene of that awful assassination and how it wrecks present-day Yuder to dwell on it...

[corvidaes-crow]

Fighting the temptation to write more ghost!Kishiar but this time it's not his obsessions that linger, it's his wonder and love and adoration. Not his memories, but his core. Yudrein Ail sitting in the courtyard in a rare moment of peace, rolling his cane along his aching thighs, and a cheery ghost with vibrant crimson eyes and hair like milled gold appears next to him.

"You look tired."

Yudrein's fingers faltered on his cane, and both he and the new arrival watched it clatter down the low stone steps in a dramatic, echoing tumble. "You."

"Me?" The man asked, bemused yet not deterred. "Oh dear, have I upset you already? I'm sorry. My name is Kishiar la Orr. It's a pleasure to meet you!"

A semi-transparent hand entered Yudrein's vision, gloved in expensive white leather. It looked exactly like Yudrein remembered it. The ghost wiggled his fingers expectantly. Yudrein closed his eyes, hands fisted on his knees, and breathed out slowly.

"What are you doing here?" he bit out once he reopened his eyes. Instead of taking Kishiar's extended hand - if such contact was even possible - Yudrein shuffled down a step to reach his cane. The ghost moved out of his way, expression downtrodden yet outwardly genial all the same.

"If I'm honest with you...?"

Yudrein's cane struck the stone too forcefully as he rose. "Commander Yudrein Ail."

"Commander Ail," Kishiar said, as if he had never given Yudrein such a name, such a title, "I'm not sure myself. My memories are a bit of a blur, you see." His smile faltered. "Did I- ah, did I die?"

"Yes." Yudrein's throat hurt. He remembered someone had once described such a feeling to him before. What was it?

Kishiar mulled over the brisk answer, staring through Yudrein as if Yudrein was the ghost, of the two of them. "By someone's hand. Yes, that's right."

Yudrein snapped his gaze up at the ghost's sudden certainty. "And what do you intend to do?"

"Find them." Kishiar clenched and unclenched his hands in contemplation. "I think... I might have had something more left to do with them." His smile returned, a secretive and sorrowful thing that sent instinctive frissons up Yudrein's spine. "I always thought I would die without unfinished business. It seems all my plans were for naught."

"Why did you approach me?"

Kishiar looked him up and down, gaze lingering on the hand gripping his cane. "Well," he started brightly, "something in me says that you will be most helpful in my search."

Yudrein swallowed, but it did little to wet his mouth. "And... when you find who you are looking for?"

The ghost rose to his feet with stately grace, casting his ruby eyes directly at a sun that could not hurt him any more. "Would it be remiss of me to ask for a Round 2?"

[monsxiii]

Guilty as Sin?, Renegade, and Kishiyu

I'm combining two of my interests which are pop music and fictional characters. This is an analysis and purely for fun. I'm bending the lyrics/song meaning a lil bit because I just can't stop thinking of kishiyu while listening to Guilty as Sin? and Renegade.

WARNING

I've read the recent chapters in ridi so there will be spoilers in this post. It's been a long time since I reread Turning so there might be some mistakes with my analysis. Lastly, english is not first language so I'm sorry for the grammar.

Guilty as Sin?

Guilty as Sin? is a song about fame and love with very noticeable sensual and religious imagery. People might think that this song is a sexual song or a song about cheating, but I think there is another meaning that flew over people's head which is the negative response from the people/public regarding a relationship. If you take the fame out of the song, the writer wouldn't feel guilty as sin. It's the criticism of the relationship by the people that makes the writer feel like they're doing something wrong.

Before the bridge, the writer tells us how miserable they feel and how they're yearning for this person and then the bridge comes.

What if I roll the stone away?

They're gonna crucify me anyway

What if the way you hold me

Is actually what's holy?

If long suffering propriety

Is what they want from me

I interpret the bridge from the POV of first timeline. In this bridge, we could see that the writer finally chose to be with their lover despite all of the negative response they would get. In the first timeline, Kishiar and Yuder had a very complicated relationship. When Yuder got the commander position, everyone thought that he got it because he slept with Kishiar. Yuder wanted to deny it, but he couldn't because he did sleep with Kishiar. However, no matter how bad the rumours were, they had never stopped even after Kishiar was no longer the commander. Kishiar continued to visit Yuder at night and Yuder never asked for him to stop.

They don't know how you've haunted me

So stunningly

I choose you and me

... Religiously

This part of the bridge reminds me a lot of the day Kishiar died. Kishiar continued to haunt Yuder even after his death, literally and figuratively. We know from recent chapter that a part of Kishiar became a part of Yuder after that heat incident. Kishiar (the white gloves) could see what Yuder had been through in the first timeline. In the second timeline, we see how hard it is for Yuder to talk about that day. Kishiar is the first man he killed. I keep being reminded of that part when Yuder kept repeating the day he killed Kishiar. It only stopped when the second timeline Kishiar showed up in his dream. Even with all of the fear of repeating the same mistakes, Yuder still couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't fall for Kishiar (chapter 200).

It's the same with Kishiar. We can see in the second timeline that Yuder is like a god to him. Kishiar is said to be like the Sun God and yet, he always doubted the religion. He worshipped Yuder who came to his life like a salvation. Yuder didn't only save Kishiar, but he changed him to become a better person.

A little bit of a context. Taylor Swift wrote a song called Labyrinth (hedge maze). The song is basically about falling in love again with someone after going through a seperation. The lyrics are as follows.

It only hurts this much right now Was what I was thinking the whole time Breathe in, breathe through Breathe deep, breathe out I'll be getting over you my whole life You know how scared I am of elevators Never trust it if it rises fast It can't last Uh oh, I'm falling in love Oh no, I'm falling in love again Oh, I'm falling in love I thought the plane was going down How'd you turn it right around

Now, let's see the chorus.

What if he's written 'mine' on my upper thigh

Only in my mind?

One slip and falling back into the hedge maze

Oh what a way to die

The chorus is basically about how easy it is to fall in love with this person again. It doesn't need to take some grand gestures or this dramatic moment, the writer just needs to make one mistake to fall back into loving this person again and it's over.

I see the chorus from the POV of the second timeline. No matter how hard Yuder tried to get away from Kishiar, he couldn't refuse him. Yuder knew that them being together could lead to a bad ending like the first timeline. He tried to do everything differently so it wouldn't end up that way. He knew he was risking the plans that he had made, but then, he finally gave himself up to Kishiar (chapter 200).

I keep recalling things we never did

Messy top lip kiss

How I long for our trysts

Without ever touching his skin

How can I be guilty as sin?

Yuder kept dreaming of the memories of the first timeline. Those were the memories of him and Kishiar, memories that never happened in the second timeline. Yuder was uncomfortable of the rumours that stemmed from their relationship. Even Kishiar was surprised with this (chapter 306). If there was someone who was not afraid to refute Kishiar, it would be Yuder, but Yuder had seen how people react to their relationship in the first timeline. He didn't want that to happen again.

It's very interesting how their relationship is slowly developing in the second timeline. They were not suddenly thrusted into this relationship where they suddenly could feel each other's emotion like two different fabric forcibly sewn together. In this second timeline, the heat incident didn't happen and so were the rumours surrounding their relationship.

Renegade

This is a song about being in a relationship with a partner who has mental issues. The writer was asking to their partner if they wouldn't open up to them because of their mental illness or because they just didn't want to.

We start with the first verse.

I tapped on your window on your darkest night

The shape of you was jagged and weak

There was nowhere for me to stay

But I stayed anyway

And if I would've known

How many pieces you had crumbled into

I might've let them lay

Kishiar in Yuder's memories were not the charming and lively man from the second timeline. The Kishiar he knew was a pale and languid man whom he could never read. Kishiar never told Yuder his plans and yet, Yuder still stayed. As dysfunctional as their relationship was in the first timeline, Yuder only closed the window to his room when Kishiar cut off their relationship. Their relationship was not always like this. It might've took a longer time for them to be together in the first timeline, but it started as a harmonious relationship before the heat incident.

Next, the chorus.

Are you really gonna talk about timing in times like these?

And let all your damage damage me

And carry your baggage up my street

And make me your future history

It's time, you've come a long way

Open the blinds, let me see your face

You wouldn't be the first renegade

To need somebody

We can see that even in the second timeline, Kishiar has self-esteem issues. Yuder hated it when Kishiar undermined himself. He has been sick for almost all of his life despite having so many blessings, so he has a very pessimistic idea of life. In the first timeline, we could see how being injured by the red stone again made Kishiar became avoidant to Yuder.

In the first timeline, Yuder tried to find answers from Kishiar, but every time, Kishiar avoided the questions. Kishiar probably didn't want to give hope to Yuder for something long term, but he also didn't want to let him go. This made Yuder's feelings for him dulled overtime. Not to mention, he always thought Kishiar wore the white gloves when he touched him because Yuder was a commoner. They were in a stalemate, basically killing time at a cemetary, never quite burying this relationship until before Yuder needed to kill him.

I really like the "make me your future history" line. In the first timeline, their relationship was not exactly working. Yuder couldn't make Kishiar open up to him, only Kishiar could do that. If Kishiar wasn't reaching out and Yuder never responded the way he did in the second timeline, they would end up like the first timeline. They were not trying to repeat the same mistake, so they both tried to be open with each other.

In the second timeline, the first person to let their walls down was Kishiar. He was very open to everything Yuder wanted to know. It was Kishiar who needed to break down Yuder's walls for Yuder to open up to him too. They both were people who went against the grain. Kishiar was a brilliant leader who has a cursed blood and Yuder as one of strongest awakeners who went back in time after his execution. They both needed each other.

The playlists I made for kishiyu.

NSFW version.

[dukeofpelleta]

Kishiar could hardly listen to anything the baron said. His eyes sought Yuder with every breath he took. He had to physically contain himself to not look at his lover. To not check if he was still there or everything Kishiar had seen since the forest was a mere illusion. 

Involuntarily, his eyes closed in on Yuder again. 

Yuder who was covered in blood. 

Yuder who nearly died in his arms. 

Yuder who was still injured and covered in blood again.  

Did he bleed? Was he hurting and not saying anything because he doesn’t feel it's important enough? Kishiar had no idea what happened in brief period of time when he wasn’t by Yuder’s side and it made him anxious. He knew Yuder was capable but he was still worried. 

Yuder’s blood soaked clothes weren’t helping either. Just a few hours ago he was helping Yuder get dressed and now-

“Commander”

Kishiar’s eyes locked with Yuder’s calm ones and he forced himself to think rationally as well. He had quite a lot of things to say when he heard Yuder’s plan but held himself back. It wasn’t the right time or place to do that. 

He allowed himself to hold Yuder close as he guided him away from the Baron and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. 

‘Don’t get hurt again,’ Kishiar wanted to say but after looking into Yuder’s determined eyes, he held back. 

As Yuder’s back slowly disappeared from his line of sight, Kishiar’s hand clenched into a fist, unnoticeable because of his coat. He turned towards the worthless Baron with a dangerous glint in his eyes. 

Yuder would be fine. He trusted him. Yuder will not be alone this time. Everything would be fine. Even if it wasn’t, Kishiar would make it so. He owed it to Yuder. 

[domokunrainbowkinz]

yeah man I didn't read a whole lot this time bc I got distracted by a webnovel with 1000+ chapters (which I will talk about below)

titles discussed:

turning (18+)

my way with you (18+)

it's just a dream...right? (18+)

murderous lewlynn's candlelit dinner

dear. door (18+)

my way with you (18+) - short contained story that feels like a warm, soft blanket 🥺 its very low key and feel-good, just a straightforward, no-nonsense, no unnecessary drama/bullshit story about 2 people finding each other and learning how to move on and live. would definitely recommend for a short and sweet read 😌

turning (18+) - YES I've decided to open my heart again and try an omegaverse story and i am so glad i did bc oh my god yall. the manhwa is still very early in the novel (around ch 56 i believe??) but its got me intrigued enough to start the novel and if u have been following me for the past 2 months. u kno how bad the brainrot is LOL. I was worried about the omegaverse aspect but honestly it's so in the background I sometimes forgot about it. I also think it plays with the concept in an interesting way, since in the story this is something that only recently occurred so it discusses a lot about how society would respond to ppl suddenly having a 2nd gender, as well as how individuals deal with these profound changes to their body. anyways easy rec from me I love you fantasy I love you political intrigue power struggles I love you badass characters with autistic swag, if you liked the manhwa I highly HIGHLY recommend you read the novel as well (the translations are up to ch 730-ish i believe?? out of the current like. 1200 chapters that are out) as I actually prefer the way they describe yuder's thought process and emotions, especially wrt kishiar (early novel yuder has A LOT of baggage about him that is just sooooo tastey to read about).

it's just a dream...right? (18+) - this ones got good reviews but honestly after reading 15 chapters idk if this one is for me. the ML lowkey annoys me with how unprofessional he is, like there are certain scenes where I'm like "if I were the MC I'd be so annoyed like this is the worst coworker Ever". idk I may revisit this one but as of rn the tone is a bit too unserious for me.

murderous lewlynn's candlelit dinner - this one is interesting!! a down-on-his-luck writer befriends the eccentric neighbour next door, but the neighbour is actually the serial killer who's been terrorizing your block 💀 the tension was quite good in the beginning when the MC finds out the neighbour is the serial killer and is trying to maneuver and manage is way thru their interactions so he doesn't become the next target. I honestly thought this would be more toxic and I stopped after s1 bc I got a little bored, but I definitely want to give this one another go when I have the time and energy.

dear. door (18+) - MAN THIS ONE WILDIN. haven't gotten too far into it but I definitely want to dedicate my time and energy go reading this one fully, I'm always a slut for supernatural demon shit, and the MC is so cool in this one. this ones quite long tho (200 chapters I think??) so like I gotta invest some time into it lol.

[mintjeru]

in kuyu's historical fantasy webnovel turning, protagonist yuder aile is described to have only focused on the development of his own abilities prior to his execution and subsequent regression. in an attempt to prevent the disaster he saw in that future, he begins to build genuine connections and trust with not only his cavalry member peers but also his commander, kishiar la orr. the slow-paced and natural progression of yuder's relationship with kishiar, beginning with curiosity, progressing to mutual respect, and later encompassing loyalty and romance, is a major point of interest. however, their relationship still manages to not obscure the equally compelling plotlines, politics, and character dynamics present in the story. yuder's complex relationship with kishiar and the story's refusal to revolve solely around romance strongly mirrors the arospec experience. in this essay i will-

[yudrein-aile]

@corvidaes-crow Can’t offer in character but I can offer this.

Song stuck in my head:

Hair Tie - SKYLAR / Chapter 1 / Chapter 11 / Chapter 100

[yudrein-aile]

okay ngl there are few kishiyu moments that I love more than this exchange in chapter 56

"What were you planning to do with that power of yours when Count Gallon came to the Cavalry?" While contemplating, Kishiar suddenly started talking. Yuder kept silent for a moment, then briefly glanced around to check where Kanna was. She was slowly following from quite a distance. It seemed safe enough to respond. "I was planning... to give him a bit of a hand." "How much is 'a bit' in your terms?" "Enough for rumors to circulate that anyone who messes with a member of the Cavalry won't be able to leave in one piece." Hearing Yuder's response, Kishiar tilted his head with a peculiar smile. "Who do you think will clean up after that?" "Didn't you say you would take good care of your assistant, sir?" He boldly retorted, implying that surely he couldn't handle even that much. Laziness, like a well-fed beast, shimmered above Kishiar's red eyes. "That's right. I did say that."

like, for one, yuder saying "won't you take good care of me" to kishiar is absolutely delicious, but also how obviously Kishiar revels in having Yuder rely on him. That Yuder has the expectation that he can do whatever and Kishiar will back him up.

And this does set the beat! Obviously it starts much earlier with Yuder humiliating Kiolle, but this is verbalizing it. How much leeway Yuder has, that Kishiar trusts him to make the right choices and that he will support him, that he is willing to pull his entire weight as the Emperor's Most Beloved Favorite Baby Brother to let Yuder piss off whatever noble annoys him.

And Kishiar is so fucking pleased with Yuder's actions, with being tested just quite how far his capabilities extend. Honestly, I would not have minded if their dynamics remained a little longer in this ambiguity bc ngl it's just really fucking hot

[yudrein-aile]

"This loyal knight had helped clean up the mess following the manifestation of his second gender, and there had even been a one-on-one duel between them when he had defied Kishiar.

'A significant incident where both of us ended up wounded, and I discovered that Nathan Zuckerman was a hidden Swordmaster.'

-- screaming. I need more details on the duel but also the fact Nathan had to clean up the whole heat fiasco is so juicy just in terms of like, character dynamics and perspectives n such

oh you're going to love some of the Nathan and Yuder interactions to come (they get a whole mission to themselves that's just. a riot imo).

But yeah, I really love how thisd also shows their different concerns?

Like, I'm sorry but first timeline Nathan had to deal with the aftermath of Yuder's second gender manifestation, Kishiar dying, Kishiar making his situationship his successor, the fact that there was a situationship at all - and teaching this 20-21 year old kid how to act like a noble in a year. Bestie was beyond overworked.

And now here in the second timeline, he spends most of the first half telling kishiar to not fuck the spy to be more careful around a highly suspicious individual - and Nathan is right btw!!! Yuder is sus af.

But watching him, he actually comes to like him. they bond over mutual worry for what the fuck kishiar is doing to himself.

[yudrein-aile]

I might be reading too much into it, but is it just me who felt like there was a misunderstanding from kishiars side (I think) that yuder reacted the way he did in general at first, especially during his first heat, was because he was abused by an Alpha male?? I don't even remember if I'm right here or not but I have a notion of being left feeling like that was being implied.

Thoughts??

I need you to know that I misread your ask and first thought you were speaking about his 2nd gender manifestation and had written out a whole answer to that before I realized you were referring to the heat in the 600s.

In chapter 159 - during his second gender manifestation - we have this exchange:

"Right now, I'm the Commander of the Cavalry, responsible for you. You bravely stepped forward alone for my sake, so now it's my turn to return the favor. I can handle this much easily, so all we need to do is find a safe place within and escape together." Thud. A shock reverberated in his head once again. However, Yuder was so focused on Kishiar's words that he could barely register the pain and heat from the shock. "Yuder Aile. Whatever you're afraid of now, I promise it will never happen. Won't you trust me?"

Kishiar very clearly registers that Yuder is scared - he keeps talking, of his own experiences too, to keep Yuder calm, to reassure him to a point. I think that here Kishiar is connecting the dots back to the events of the Red Stone Retrieval mission, where Yuder rather outspokenly insists that they need to have guidelines and protocols for when second gender manifestation occurs before something goes wrong (Chapter 38).

This again is mirrored when Yuder, Gakane and Jimmy head East together. Kishiar warns him that Jimmy has shown signs of second gender manifestation and that he needs to keep an eye out (Chapter 68).

So I think it's less Kishiar assuming Yuder has been hurt, and more that Yuder - above any other Awakener Kishiar has met - appears to know exactly how second gender manifestations and heats can go wrong and thus is afraid.

OKAY NOW TO THE ACTUAL HEAT. Chapter 612-620s

I re-read them and honestly I did not get these vibes? Could you point out what lines tipped you off/made you think that?

[yudrein-aile]

Keilusa giving Kishiar a hero welcome from the return to the west... reminded of that meta you wrote about him settings things up so that Kishi can be next emperor instead of Katchian...

I am vibrating out of my skin. Yes!!! Keilusa is SO setting Kishiar up for it. Like I’m still waiting for that one meta on Inella to properly jot down my thoughts but

Kishiar received the same education as Keilusa for at least the first decade of his life

It is commonly known that the Emperor dotes on his little brother

Kishiar went “I want to start a new military organization” and Keilusa was like “okay” and didn’t even fucking ask why and just have him supreme authority over all Awakeners (!!!) in the empire

Every time the Cavalry/Kishiar does something great Keilusa is like “we must celebrate this even tho I am dying”

Keilusa giving last names to everyone in the Cavalry who didn’t have them and bestowing the title of “Sir” on the Red Stone Retrieval gang

And a couple more things that would be spoilers for you so I’m not gonna put them under spoilers at the bottom!

But like yeah. Damn. Keilusa is really out here using every resource to make it clear to everyone that his baby brother is the most perfect candidate actually and they should endorse that. But yeah that’s actually also why I love Keilusa so much. Beyond the fact that I think his interactions with Yuder are also hilarious, my guy just really loves his family

The way they deal with the whole divine sword announcement

The point where Faria straight up says “yeah Keilusa has been trying to make him crown prince”

Chapter Thousand motherfucking thirty. Giving him a title of the first emperor. Formally re establishing his right to inherit. Granting him a residence in the capital,,,, Keilusa was SO smug and happy in that moment

[yudrein-aile]

KISHIAR WAS AT MOST 15 WHEN HE WAS BANISHED!

"In chronological order, the order at the very bottom was the oldest one, he said. Yuder pulled it out. The date written on the paper was about 15 years ago."

This was when they went to Peletta on vacation, right after Kishiar's 30th birthday.

He was actually likely a preteen, because it says he spent a few years solidifying his position/ forces in Peletta before reaching out with that document.

"The young boy Duke spent a few years keeping a low profile after coming to Peletta."

They were sending assassins after a twelve year old T^T.

Spoilers for the 1070s.

YEAH THAT ENTIRE FUCKING CHAPTER KILLED ME.

Especially because like. Okay. You're telling me now that Kishiar (15) and Nathan (13) were out there fighting monsters because despite having been an Imperial Prince, Peletta is still really fucking broke?

They're children!!!!

But that also really explains why Hellem treats them like her grandchildren - they are, in a way. Or why all the other adults in Peletta respect them, but also very much kind of have the "it takes a village" vibe?

If the sickly 15 year old shows up with his - maybe still indentured servant i'm not touching that yet - 13 year old best friend. i'm like. if nobody is going to adult supervise them. I am.