#kira is pretty widely accepted by society

[graham--folger]

you know what's tragic. soichiro yagami's death is doubly sad because at this point in the story light barely even cares about his dad anymore. his lust for power and status as kira come far above his family. he cares more about his dad knowing mello's real name than the fact that he is literally dying in front of him. his breakdown and grief are all an act.

[monsterleadmehome]

Monsterleadmehome 2018 Works Masterpost

Well, this is overdue, but I wrote ~200k words in 2018, so here’s a handy masterpost of my my fics! 

Reylo Fics:

Midnight in the Resistance Base - Rated T. My first Reylo one-shot! This was a scene I just couldn’t get out of my head after seeing TLJ. Leia discovers the Force bond between Rey and Ben.

Dawn of the Rebellion - Rated T. taking place immediately after Midnight, this was my first multi-chapter. Basically my wishlist for IX.

Chariot - Rated E. My first attempt at the smutty one-shot! Title is from a song that had little to do with what actually happens in the fic, but I was drunk when I wrote it so it made sense at the time. Modern AU. Ben and Rey meet at Dr. Anakin Skywalker’s memorial.

Training Day - Rated E. Canonverse. One-shot. Ben and Rey are good at sparring, not so much at sex. But all that is about to change...

Code 288 - Rated E. One-shot. Detectives Ben Solo and Rey Johnson have been partners for the last five years. Now he's going to another precinct to take over as Captain. He asks her for help saying goodbye with a romp in the interrogation room.

Careless Whisper - Rated E. One-shot. 80′s AU. Rey doesn't know why she lets her college roommate Rose talk her into going out, but she does. She should be studying, but instead she is at the bitchin' new club everyone is talking about. Then a stranger in a Duran Duran shirt catches her eye and suddenly it's not a wasted evening.

Truth Be Told - Rated M. Multi-chapter. Unfinished (but hoping to start back on this one soon!) Alias AU. Rey is an agent with SD-6, a secret branch of the CIA. But a chance encounter with the mysterious agent Kylo Ren could send everything she knows crashing to the ground. Could she be working for the very enemy she thought she was fighting?

Spicy Dreams - Rated E. One-shot. Probably one of the dirtiest things I’ve written. It’s Breylo tentacle, ya’ll. What happens when Rey eats a burrito then takes a nap.

America’s Asshole - Rated E. One-shot. Ben Solo is a critically acclaimed (but widely despised) movie star. Dubbed "America's Asshole" by the press, he has recently finished a stint in an anger management facility after punching his last agent in the face.Rey Niima is a top talent agent and is outraged to find out she has been assigned to be Ben Solo's newest victim. When they start to work together the sparks will fly (in more ways than one).

let’s be human (while we still remember how) - Rated E. 2 chapters. Complete. Canonverse. Kylo Ren has defected to the Resistance and will only speak to Rey of Jakku, much to General Poe Dameron's chagrin. Can Rey get the information from him that she needs for to turn the tide of the war? And what is she supposed to do with all these feelings that Ben Solo has stirred in her soul?

caelum et infernum - Rated E. 10 chapters. Complete. A/B/O. Supernatural AU. Kylo Ren is a hunter. You name it, he hunts it: demons, vampires, ghosts, werewolves, etc. His alpha designation makes him exceptionally good at it. Scarce in today’s mostly beta society, alphas are treated as outcasts, making his life on the road lonely. That is until he meets Rey Johnson, a prophet who sees visions of the future. She also happens to be a rare omega. Once he saves her life, she must join him on the run as they are caught up in a battle between Heaven, Hell and their inexorable pull to each other.

Whiskey & Superstition - Rated E. 6 chapters. Complete. Reylogan AU. Rey Johnson is a junior agent in the FBI, trying to prove her mettle. So when Special Agent Sarah Grayson sends her on a secret mission to Boone County, West Virginia to scope out the Logan family, she readily accepts. Only the mission may not be all it seems, and Rey certainly didn't expect to fall hard for the bartender with a heart of gold, Clyde.

Walk This Way - Rated E. 3 chapters. Complete. Modern AU. Rey Johnson is the lone female on a crew of construction workers renovating a building in the NYC neighborhood of SoHo. She hates the way her teammates ogle and catcall women. One day, a handsome passerby catches her eye and she develops a staring problem. Her foreman, Poe Dameron, notices and decides to help her out. Ben Solo works for a publishing company in the heart of SoHo. He's made a comfortable, quiet life for himself. Then a pretty construction worker shows up on the stoop by his work and suddenly he's got a new morning routine. The last thing he expected is for her to actually be interested in him.

pools of sorrow, waves of joy - various ratings. 35 chapters. A collection of Reylo song prompts.

Aim True - Rated E. One-shot. Robin Hood AU. The masked bandit Kylo Ren has been robbing from the rich and giving to the poor, much to Sheriff Hux's chagrin. There is a sizable reward out for his capture. However, when another masked thief crosses his path, he is presented with an interesting choice.

Reylo Monster Week (One-shots)

Catacombs - Rated E. Vampires.

Howl - Rated E. Werewolves.

Don’t Fear the Reaper - Rated M. Demons & Angels.

Out of the Ashes - Rated E. Mythological Beings.

The Great Lake - Rated E. Sea Creatures.

Torchlight - Rated M. Naga.

Boys & Ghouls - Rated E. Free Choice (Bigfoot)

Tryptophan and Seratonin - Rated E. 2 chapters. Complete. Ben Solo hates Thanksgiving at his family's house. However, this year, his mother has invited a special guest - Rey Abrams, the girl he's been crushing on at work. When Ben consumes too much turkey, he falls asleep on the couch and has a rather vivid dream about Rey. Will he be able to hold his composure and finally ask her out?

Category 4 - Rated E. 3 chapters. Complete. Ben Solo goes home for his parents' anniversary party. Little does he know they invited the girl he had a major crush on two summers ago. Or that they're about to be stranded together in the midst of a hurricane.

Mind if I Move in Closer? - Rated E. One-shot. It's Christmas Eve and Rey has left her shopping till the last minute. Fortunately, she runs into a fellow last minute shopper and they decide to get a bite to eat at one of the only places still open...

The Echoes They Left Behind - This originally published in the Reylo Charity Anthology so I’m counting it for 2018. Rated E. 7 chapters. WIP. In present day Takodana, upstate New York, Rey Johnson is the caretaker of the abandoned Takodana Sanatorium, a facility that used to be an asylum for the criminally insane as well as a tuberculosis ward during the epidemic. Ben Solo has been sent by First Order publications to do an article on the old asylum before it is torn down. In that same sanatorium, in the 1940s, Kira Kenobi is an idealistic nurse whose world is upended by the arrival of the dark, mysterious patient Kylo Ren. As the past and the present collide, can Rey find out the secrets the spirits of the asylum want her to know before the wrecking ball destroys it all?

The Stairwell - Rated M. One-shot. Ben Solo has worked with Rey Johnson for the past two years. And he's been in love with her the whole time. He just needs to work up the courage to tell her... unless she beats him to it.

All At Once - Rated E. One-shot. Canonverse. The First Order has taken over the planet Neftali in the Soccoro system. Every year, the town of Cordel Cove hosts a winter carnival that culminates in a masquerade ball. The presence of one Supreme Leader has been requested. The Resistance has come to Neftali to strike a deal with a shady organization, using the carnival as a distraction. They send Rey to the masquerade to keep an eye on things. After one too many drinks, the masked man all in black catches her eye and asks for a dance. But what will happen when the masks come off?

Dramione Fics:

Marked - Rated E. One-shot. A/B/O. Hermione Granger's heat wasn't supposed to start for another two weeks. But that was before the intoxicating scent of an unknown alpha triggered it as they passed in the atrium. Can she make it through the rest of the day before starting her leave? And who is the mysterious alpha who smells like her perfect mate?

A Fantastic Assignment. Rated E. Projected 4 chapters. WIP. Fresh off a win from the passing of Dobby's Law, Hermione Granger is given a new assignment for her job in the Department for the Regulation and Care of Magical Creatures: track down a missing selkie that has been kidnapped from the care of Rolf Scamander. When reports of the selkie being taken to New York City show up, the ministry assigns an Auror to accompany her to the US: Draco Malfoy. Can the two of them work together in order to capture the thief and bring the selkie safely back to Britain?

Stay tuned--I’ve got more Reylo and Dramione planned for 2019!

[tyrus-time]

my perspective on TJ’s story (as of 3.13)

Over the past few days, I’ve gone back and forth several times about whether to post my response to, yknow, the Gay Angst. OBVIOUSLY I’m heartbroken, as a Tyrus shipper and someone who is deeply invested in their characters as individuals, to see the two of them hurting. But I know this drama is a plot device and that Tyrus, one way or another, will be endgame. 

Currently, I am feeling anxious about how much development we will actually get to see for them... but that’s in the future, and I’m trying to focus on the now.

No, there’s some other stuff that made me feel angry and disappointed and honestly, foolish when I first watched the episode.... I wrote out a rant on my phone, and then I added to it later, and now I’m trying to make some sense out of it... now that I’m calmer (but still sad) about it. 

This is a pretty long, critical post, so feel free to keep scrollin! 

(I reallyjust need to get this out of my system so I can move on.)

I know some people are actually glad that TJ’s storyline is addressing homophobia, but I gotta be honest with yall: I, personally, am not. I’m honestly devastated that this is the route they took, especially since it still seems the gay themes are mostly subtextual. 

As of now, there is a LOT of room for interpretation regarding what is going through TJ’s mind and what Kira’s implied threat was actually implying. I don’t interact with children, like, at all... so I really have no idea how much they’d be picking up on.

And I feel kinda uncomfortable with the show using themes of homophobia/the threat of being outed/etc... just to create drama and conflict between characters? Using homophobia as a plot device in this way, without even beginning to deconstruct homophobia, comes off as semi-exploitative to me?? Which is probably because I’m just so tired of Gayngst, which is really my main issue with this storyline...

I am exhausted of the pattern of gay characters struggling with homophobia (internalized or otherwise) and this then causing them to hurt/betray their (gay) love interests. 

Being gay and having relationship angst is one thing. But always having angst related to being gay? It is a well-worn trope that I am do not like.

It’s “realistic,” yes, but it’s frequently been done before — hence the TV tropes page on it.

While it is important to portray the affects of homophobia upon LGBT+ and questioning individuals, there must be a balance! 

When Gayngst-y representation is the main representation you see, it feels like that’s the ONLY narrative. You are left with the idea that being LGBT+ means you WILL suffer, that you NEED to struggle with your sexuality/gender because that’s how the identity development process is ‘supposed’ to go. And it shouldn’t have to be that way.

(I speak from personal experience)

This is why I’m so passionate about studying LGBT+ media representation. Media informs us of social norms, scripts, expectations; what is acceptable and what is appropriate; how we’re supposed to think and feel and behave. It’s often very subtle, but all of those images and narratives become internalized and affect how you understand yourself, the world around you, and how you fit in to that world.

Media images shouldn’t just reflect society as it is today; it should offer images of a brighter future.

There’s this resonant quote from the musical Hadestown:

“He could make you see how the world could be, in spite of the way that it is.”

And that’s what I so dearly want to see in LGBT+ representation. 

It breaks my heart whenever people say things like, “it’s unrealistic for a young gay teen to be comfortable with their identity.” It truly breaks my heart and makes me want to change the narrative.

We should have stories that should how the world CAN be, not just how it often ‘realistically’ is. 

I want to see worlds that AREN’T heteronormative, because I’m hopeful for a future in which we truly do dismantle heterosexism. 

I want to see queer relationships that go through the “normal” difficulties of dating someone, such as dealing with typical awkwardness and learning to communicate better... instead of dealing with external and internalized homophobia. 

Perhaps I’m asking too much, and shouldn’t be this hopeful in 2019, but I will continue to assert the need for joyful, celebratory queer stories that diverge from the trend of queer tragedy.

And I really was hoping that Andi Mack could show this radical possibility that gay people can just be HAPPY sometimes, but.... this is Disney channel.... So I guess I’m not really surprised, but I am still disappointed.

Disappointed not just because I was hoping for an unashamedly gay character, but also because I could see TJ realistically having little conflict over his gayness. (I made a post about this months ago, and I’ll probably be repeating those points now.)

TJ’s concern about how people perceive him has been well-established, re: the dyscalculia storyline. However, I’ve always had an affinity for the concept that because he cares about Cyrus so deeply, he is able to come to terms with his gayness without as much turmoil as one might expect. I think this concept is even more valid after the gun incident, with TJ standing up to his previous friends in order to do the right thing, and admitting that Cyrus is the best thing in his life.

“But ash, this is just you being a hopeless romantic!” you might say. But wait! I have more evidence!

I now realize just how much I was projecting myself onto TJ in regards to his insecurities, and it really had nothing to do with romance:

I have always had this complex duality of “I don’t care what people think!! I gotta be true to myself” and “Oh my god, I care so much and I’m so socially anxious.” (I bet some of you can relate.) 

The thing is... while I feel self-conscious about my transness on a near-daily basis... I’ve been pretty unapologetically queer since I realized that I actually had a gay crush. 

Granted, I was already a big ‘ally’ with several LGB friends in a fairly liberal area, and this gay awakening was in high school (not middle school). So TJ wouldn’t have all of that going for him.

But my thought processes (regarding my insecurities) has always been: 

If people don’t like me for who I am, then they’re not worth my time... 

But if people negatively judge me for my abilities? Game over, I’m an insecure mess. THAT’S what I’m most insecure about: seeming dumb or weak or incapable. 

And again, maybe this is just self-indulgent projection, but I think this fits TJ, too.

In S2, TJ clearly is so insecure because he thinks he’s stupid since he struggles with math. And since he’s a jock, perhaps at first he can play off his bad grades with the whole “Oh, I’m a athlete, and getting good grades is for nerds, and I’m cooool” (or whatever rhetoric is used nowadays but middle school boys). BUT having a learning disability is far scarier, because it solidifies (in HIS mind) that there is something inherently wrong with his brain.

I could go on and on, analyzing TJ’s inner psyche, but the point is: 

I could see him being insecure about his physical and mental skills such as basketball and math, yet being self-assured of his sexuality. 

This would also be a realistic option for his character — in my opinion at least, because my own life experiences align well with this interpretation, and well, that’s gotta count for something because I’m pretty sure I’m a real person, even if my experiences aren’t widely shared?

TLDR; The way that they ended taking TJ’s character is a “realistic” option, but it’s not the option that I would’ve chose — both for personal reasons (personally relating to TJ, and wanting to see Tyrus be happy) AND social reasons (believing that children should be able to see a character who isn’t show to struggle with self-acceptance, especially since we already saw Cyrus be scared of himself for being gay).

This isn’t to take away the validity of anyone who DOES relate to/support TJ’s current arc! This is me just sharing my own perspective (and trying to get the sad feelings out of my system). 

My whole approach to media representation is challenging the “good representation” vs “bad representation” binary, because doing so is incredibly counterproductive and oversimplified. Instead, we should be constantly asking “What is the context for this representation? What is valuable about it? What are it’s flaws? How could be possibly do better in the future?” So I can see advantages of this particular storyline, but I also have some criticisms that I believe to be substantiated.