#kinda vent post? also silly
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Me, finally not sick, going to work regularly, having a good time: :D
My brother with the immune system of a military tank: Gets super sick
Me with the immune system of melted plastic wrap: :(
#I’m sick again#I got bapped#I’m in denial I want to go to work#kinda vent post? also silly#I’m drinking tea and eating hummus like it’ll fix me#A Disco Post
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turns out a brief moment of feeling ok doesnt mean im done grieving
anywho, heres a vent doodle with a pose i saw online, might not reblog the road trip thread posts for a bit (i feel bad for not being able to participate in my own trend but as long as people enjoyed it then i dont mind all too much)
i dont wanna call it a break bc i cant help but be on tumblr, but things might go quiet in terms of art or me talking.
hope yall are doin well today/tonight/timezone n ill see yall when i see you :3
#oz rambles#aaaaaaa sorry for the venting#i try to not do so much on the sideblog bc i wanna make this a place to chill#but i dont want anyone to think im ignoring in reblogging their posts#i see every road trip post n i love it when yall tag me in stuff#i just dont have the spoons for the next while to respond in a way i can properly express my gushing towards them#i love how i say its just a silly little event but i also get beaten up by the fact i cant properly do the prompts atm /lh#anywho impromptu ramble in the tags over#also if anyone who has reblogged my earlier post abt my situation sees this. tysm for your messages. /gen#i cant properly find the words to express it. but they mean a lot and i thank you for taking the time to write em#gonna go and rest mentally now#love you all#cw death#vent#artswin#kinda#tis just a doodle#naroz#ozrator#digitalmuse#selfship#qpr selfship#self ship
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Spirit animal SQH
#svsss#shang qinghua#but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but#but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee#also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but#I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg#oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left#I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something#or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird#LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm#I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either#I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself#eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up#I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa#man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong#cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk#its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment#with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig#and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down#but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications#and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly#man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk
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*some of my guts falling out of me onto the floor” oh, sorry :( *guts falling out a little more* haha im really sorry i- *my guts falling out of even more and im barely able to stand or breathe* (mouthing with no audible voice) im so sorry I didn’t mea-
#this is how it feels#not sure what ‘it’ refers to here#cw gore#cw organs#cw body horror#trauma#cptsd#actually cptsd#vent kinda#vent but silly?#silly in a pathetic way#(blurry)#also what working in retail as a chronically ill person feels like#actually ocd#ocd#obsessive compulsive disorder#this can be about many things#from the drafts#our posts#thoughts
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The silly thing about being a person is that sometimes I'll find out I got blocked by someone I dont even know and I have to be normal it and not get anxious that I'm somehow doing something wrong
#i am normal i am normal and do not have crippling social anxiety#um. this feels like it needs a tag#vent#where's my vent tag lemme dust that off#the pit in the backyard#kinda silly that my tags are dog themed but Im a rat#I guess rats can also dig probably#OH YEAJ THIS IS NOT A WOE IS ME PLEASE UNBLOCK ME POST#you dont have to do shit Im just rambling#(... oh wait shit is it because im a multishipper and dnn main?)#(no! stop thinking about it stop thinking about it!!)
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man.
#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#gonna say I'm venting a bit (kinda of a lot)#but I may seem selfish from this and let me say now ik everyone was putting themselves first (which is a very good thing)#but having three mutuals deactivate their accounts within I think two months or so??#I rlly don't like to be negative and I might also take a break from Tumblr (as much as I love posting here#so I'm still unsure if I'll even stick to that) bc of how negative I've been lately#I just don't want to keep venting and putting that on everyone so#but yeah I just. It makes me sad to see old/new mutuals go#I never thought I'd have to like#witness it#Idk#I've cried over losing them all and it feels rlly silly but I mean idk#I (try to — my feelings with crying are iffy and I hate admitting I do cry) not cry over everything but I just can't word stuff rn#might be posting less/not posting at all for the next few days or so#I'm gonna be busy in July anyways so it's probably better to just say that now#sorry guys I'm just dealing with some stuff mentally lately (an example being gender dysphoria but I can't even word the stuff going on#not to sound like I'm overexaggerating bc I rlly don't wanna seem like I am. It's nothing too serious so don't#be worried at all pls I'm ok enough I won't just disappear)#I just wish I could have alone time in my room with my cats without my family bugging me for a few days#It's tiring atp#I wanna lock myself up just to recooperate and figure out how to deal with certain things the best I can#anyways yap fest over I'm gonna go play wuwa and build Jinshi more#sorry for venting again 🫡🫡
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#one of the biggest things i worry about is people memorizing my pronouns but still seeing me as a girl/feminine 🙃#pls i know i don’t pass well but pls pls don’t see me as a girl 😭#i’m just a silly little guy#in a nonbinary way#but also please call me masculine pet names and call me pretty boy#baby boy#etc#ignore this i should be sleeping and my brain is being mean#tldr: not a girl ❤️#also not quite Full boy#a secret third thing#it’s called transmasculine ✨#but fr if y’all are ever confused you can either ask or check my pronoun page in my linked post#vent post#gender dysphoria#kinda#anyways#shut up spencer
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How many times can I go "I feel like ass but it's fine I'll be fine" until it becomes hollow to everyone around me. BHASJGFNJFGNK
#ventings#<- ig#i feel like this happens so. frequently#im fine one moment and then bad the next and i feel bad for it. i hate having some weird brain instability#i will be real this one time ! me going `ill be fine` is more my ward so i dont feel guilty or attention-seeking for venting than it#is an actual true statement atp. i mean like. tbf. i will be fine. my mood kinda just Swings and ive dealt with this brain long enough#to be used to that and used to the fact that ill just feel like this until my brain latches onto something and is able to snap back#but eh. euuuhghhhhhhhhhhhh. fuck#also while im giving myself one post to talk abt this shit before falling silent on it again. i always feel bad when people tell me i can#vent to them. bc its like. my brain wont allow it#i feel like a burden for it when i know ill be fine eventually even without getting to talk it out with someone#i will never tell people its better to check in with me than it is to tell me i can vent. bc my brain wont let me open the door but#if the door is held open for me then i feel i am allowed. ive been invited. does that make sense#but again ill never tell anybody bc thats just. it feels like a lot to ask when nobody needs to hear my bs anyways#idk. idk if i even wanna talk about this really. i feel bad still for typing it all out. beh#im gonna go play some silly billy and then maybe start doodling. that or i play silly billy and then check in with my mom#to see if she remembers the wendys thing. cuz i know she struggles with remembering things too
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it's incredibly funny to me that on tumblr you can post the best thing you've ever drawn and it gets like. 3 notes. And then you post a silly doodle from some random surface that you made in like 6 seconds and it's your top post for a month. Why
#I understand the allure of Silly#but also as an artist on here it kinda sucks bc very few people care about the pieces I actually put time and effort into yk?#idk it's like 1:40 am and I need to go to sleep#vent post#does this count as a vent post??#idk tagging just to be safe#art#artist problems#Ig#oc
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slight rant/vent
Though I'm also posting on twt at @bluravenite in case you want to interact with me outside of hate anons
Yk there's probably hate anons going around all the time but it's been really apparent this past week that some people genuinely don't know to shut the fuck up... I have stopped posting with the same frequency as i was bc i am working on commissions and drawing takes time but i might just keep a more sort of closed parasocial relationship/ treat Tumblr more as a portfolio than as social media if that keeps happening... Sorry that i rant in here a lot but it's genuinely exhausting sometimes when most of your mutuals on this app are getting rude anons...
#it's genuinely worrying bc it really makes you question what kinda people have it against u/ur friends#like why cant you just leave some people alone#and it makes me feel guilty too for wanting to also protect/defend my friends?? you know nothing about these people#but thats never an excuse to be such an asshole to people#once talked with someone who had me blocked here and they told me they didn't remember why but “clearly my values didn't align with theirs”#that still hurts because my values have always been to make this page safe for everyone#posting my silly little doodles and hoping it means something to people#because right now?? THIS is the closest I'll ever get to my dreams#so it really sucks that the closest thing to being a concept artist and freelance illustrator is seeing my friends getting hate for nothing#i might actually close comissions for the public after this... 1 because i need higher prices for my work#and 2 because i am unfortunately scared that im never gonna be good enough#because people who draw cant catch a fucking break sometimes#sorry for the rant again#raven vents
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I love it when im looking at my own post on my own Tumblr and it shows me the 'more like this' collection of posts and it shows posts from blogs I've blocked like?? Yes girl that’s exactly what I wonna see :D man this site is insufferable lol
#ig this is kinda like a vent but not really im just being petty :p#man I fucking hate this webbed site#would y'all hate me if I left Tumblr and moved to twitter fr this time LMAO#this also happens to posts by people I've blocked reblogged by others like?? Tumblr STOP I do not want to see that askdjhadkj-#I don't really need to know when my mutuals are doing that come on now ://#also the blacklisting feature?? why do u need to give me the option to see posts just just let me mute things for good <//3#in some strange way I think twitter functions work better than Tumblr lol#at least my notifications are real there and half my followers aren't bots </3 blocks actually fucking work#so much easier to tell what people believe in/stand for too akjdhjd-#someone liked a tweet of mine and right in their bio they had like all the twt factions they're in and Saw Some Alarming ones and nope righ#to the blocklist- I don't have that type of security on Tumblr ppl actually keep parts of their lives private here wtf /lh /hj#the issue with twitter though is that im afraid to be annoying there cuz I mostly just post art and interact with like the 5 mutuals Im -#not afraid of#also tags on Tumblr my beloved <33#also no one on twitter knows im a Furry Artist Primarily and atp im too scared to let it be known </3#im just a silly wolf girl who accidentally grew a following release me from this hell /lh#Maybaps it’s time for me to take a Tumblrer break now that the season is bungover
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Been in a very Evalur mood lately
#something something all-encompassing grief or whatever idk#this is chill to reblog btw it's only kinda a vent post lmao it's also just about drawing a silly traumatized elf man cuz i like him lol#three eyed cats in my living room#Evalur#Evalur Braveheart#warlock#dnd warlock#warlock dnd
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Had enough items to speedrun and read both parts to Silvio's, then found more items and was able to read the sweet end for both Clavis & Jin.... aw hell yeah, triple epilogues baby 👀
I still feel very torn about how they're running things lately though, Ikepri is starting to feel much more cash cow-y with the high point requirements, the premium ends requiring BOTH readthroughs, and no more bday stories but instead grinding through events... love the characters & the storylines but like.. damn. i'm getting genshin ptsd ngl💀
#aerin.txt#same thing w genshin regarding fomo and requirements and stuff sometimes#im just grateful this isn't one that requires you to have strong cards and grinding up those cards just to progress..im so tired of farming#it's a big chunk of why i don't play obey me as much if at all these days.. and why i dropped mr love to begin with 😢#tears of themis is lucky I'm still invested but also like that one doesn't always feel as bad#...maybe that's just bc of how behind i am idk. but the gacha rates & 50/50s still suck ass.#at least they allow you to post cards and translations in places so you don't HAVE to catch em all lol#what in hell is had is also on thin ice bc its quite possibly the WORST gacha I've ever seen. rates suck; no pity; no info/breakdowns ;;#you don't even know what characters are available on the standard banners aside from the main characters.. what if i wanted a side hoe 😭#but anyway i think that's enough of a vent outta me. i really need to get my ass and neck away from gacha games or at least try to aksjdjf#hope everyone's been doing well and hope yall enjoy the event#i really really loved silvio's route bc of how silly they are (and how hot it was). kinda liked clavis' but jin's felt kinda meh imo.#lowkey a ventpost
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Been unable to sit down for more than 15 min to draw anything lately bc I have a funky little medical issue rn that I’m getting an ultrasound for in uhhh 7 hours !! Cannot walk, sit, or lay down without pain <//3 so it’s also made drawing for long periods of time kinda unbearable
Hopefully will be free of this after this doctor’s appointment but sorry for lack of any completed works o7
#Besties it’s either a cyst or I have cancer again#genuinely the only two options they gave me#dandyleyen lore#I also have no health insurance but sh we’re ignoring that rn#ANYWAYS#I just wanna be able to draw#my silly zelink art#this is kinda a vent post lol#yeah it’s a vent srry
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posting stuff online because i truly just love sharing my silly creations with anyone who may also love them vs. wanting to deactivate and move to a forest every time i'm met with positive feedback (i am terrified of people and of being recognized/acknowledged)
#THUS IS NOT A GOOD MENTALITY I KNOOOOOWWW I KNOW DBSJDBSJH im just a non functioning little guy ok#i've gotten out of the 'worried about numbers' phase early but now it's been this fdhsjhsjghs the content machine is unforgiving#there's so many layers to this im TRYING to like slowly untangle all of it but. ugh :(#sometimes i think maybe i just need to stop doin merch and art altogether and touch grass or whatever but...#i dont want it to be my irrational fears that force me to stop doing stuff i like. it's not like there's any other problems#really -- otherwise i like doing what i do!! i don't even really care if ppl hate me and my shit BUT --#i think i care too much about not doing good enough for the people who DO like my little sillies 😭😭 and i think that's my main issue#maybe also explains why it's so hard for me to like.. talk/put my PERSONALITY out there? im scared that ppl who enjoy my stuff will hate ME#implying i have much of a personality anymore i think whatever was there kinda melted away these past few years djshkshk#SORRY FOR THE VENT POST sorry if u actually read all these tags oh my gosh#i'm just a weird guy aaaaaa i'm silly aaaaaaaaaaaa#the void screaming
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kinda venty/rant thing in tags cause im embarassed by it and dont wanna put it in a post HDJSK
#not that tags are. any less visible than a post#i honestly have no idea why this feels safer but it does so like#im gonna take advantage of this loophole my brain has created for me#anyway#i am being very dumb recently and i dont really know why?#i mean it's social anxiety but i dont know why it's so promenant right now cause i've not had too much of a problem with it for a lil while#my brain has convinced me once again that all my friends are just kinda. putting up with me and don't really like me all that much#which. i hope i'm wrong#yk these are the things i would love to be proven wrong about#but in the process of my brain bein stupid i have kinda. left a bunch of discord servers that i care about#i've been fixated on what i'm 'allowed' or 'supposed' to say recently and i got too freaked out by not knowing if i was 'allowed' to#say anything that was more self indulgent in case everyone got mad at me or i was ignoring someone by accident so i just kinda left#and now im worried that ive made it seem like i was mad at people in those servers cause i wasn't saying anything for a little while and#then i just left without saying anything#i tend to isolate myself if im worried ive done something wrong which does end up with me in dumb situations#equally idk if i should actually like. say any of this#i genuinely have no idea what the best way of aproaching this is#like. do they want to know? or would i just be dumping a bunch of shit on people who dont know how to help#cause i dont wanna do that cause thatd just be a lil rude#i get freaked out if someone just Tells me a huge thing and i cant help them with it cause i wanna help but i have no idea how#which i dont wanna do to someone else cause. i mean obviously GDSHJ#anyway uh#my hopes is that someone involved reads this and knows im not mad it's just my dumb brain#but also i dont want anyone to read this cause im being very dumb#this is all very silly#the bright side is that my depression means im not actually feeling any emotions about this#which doesnt sound like a huge bright side but yk im kind of chilling a bit#vent#cw vent#tw vent
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