#kinda like a falconry glove!

[shmorp-mcdurgen]

Seth showcasing how to properly handle an infant mimic

[kiwisoap]

One thing I don't understand is how do they not just.... keep coming back with gifts at the end of the season? Even after you released them? And also, how do you release them on hunts without them then being like "ok bye" and not coming back?

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I kept meaning to answer it but kept forgetting 😅

ANYWAY, this is a good opportunity for me to ramble about falconry more so I hope you want a several paragraph explanation lmaO

SO basically the answer to the first part is that the hawk isn't hunting for the falconer, it's hunting for itself - it doesn't actually bring the kill back to the falconer! Its goal is just to catch what it's hunting and then begin eating; it's the falconer's job to then go to the bird and do a "trade off" to get it off the kill (usually by covering the kill with a towel and then offering the bird some meat on the glove). So the bird doesn't have any incentive to bring anything to the falconer, because it already got what it wanted! Which is why they just kinda go off and do their own thing once they're released.

And the answer to the second part is: A combination of trust, training, and weight management. The bird needs to trust that you're a good hunting partner (aka, they need to understand that they're more likely to make a kill when they're with you) and that you don't want to harm them or fight with them over their kill, they needto be trained to follow and to return to the glove/lure when called, and - THE MOST IMPORTANT PART - they need to be at a proper weight when you release them on a hunt.

Weight management is super important because all the trust and training in the world won't get a fat bird to come back to you LMAO. Raptors (like most predators) are pretty lazy, and if they don't have a reason to hunt (like, for example, if they have enough fat stored), then they won't be very interested in working for a meal. Many many falconers have lost birds by flying them at too high of a weight and having the bird just fly off and stop responding to them.

Weight management is honestly the most important part of successful falconry, but its something that doesn't get talked about much to non-falconers because a lot of people hear that the birds are kept "hungry" and assume they're being starved, which is NOT the case - they are kept lean (or "sharp"), aka their body weight/body fat percentage is low enough that they're a little bit hungry and motivated to hunt, but high enough that they have enough energy to chase and subdue prey. The weight of a falconry bird is super closely managed (especially during the hunting season) to ensure that they're not losing or gaining too much weight. Some falconers (typically those that work with smaller birds like kestrels or sharp-shinned hawks) maintain their bird's weight within a super narrow range, like 1-2 grams. For Odyssey, I keep him within a roughly 40g range during the hunting season (790-830g) - right now he's allowed to get fat though since it'll be time for him to molt soon LOL

ANYWAY, hope that answered your question(s) :-) thank you for asking!

[urisk-factor]

Creedock Headcannons:

If Dock decides to lie down, Alastor can and will sit on his stomach.

Dock can be kinda flirty and it always gets Alastor flustered.

If anyone touches Alastor he will instantly murder them (or try to). Dock is exempt. In fact, Alastor really likes cuddles with his big husband.

One time a politician was trying to get the support of the Jury, but it came out that the politician was super homophobic while visiting the Jury's bass (which I like to call the Court). Alastor walked over to Dock and they just started kissing. The politician left quickly and stopped trying to get thr Jury's support. He soon faded away into oblivion and was only remembered by a few people, including the Jury because holy crap what a day.

Ok but Superhero AU where Dock and Alastor are both heroes, and as civilians like to joke about how each other's alter ego have a nice ass. (I have thought a lot about this AU and would be very happy if someone were to ask about it.)

Alastor and Dock would absolutely have adopted a raven. Her name is Melissa "Big Sexy" Ear Infection, Melissa for short.

(The "Big Sexy" part is from Lance (and IRL me was inspired by that cat named Big Sexy from the "Bring Sexy Back" article. Basically the cat, Big Sexy, went missing, but was later found.))

Alastor likes to introduce Dock as his "Big Husband".

Alastor once tried on Dock's mask while he was away and almost threw up. Later asked Dock what he does with that thing to make it so stinky. The answer is drink poison. Lots and lots of poison.

Ok but They're Only Human from Death Note (the Musical) would be pretty good for the Immortal Husbands AU (that I would get around to writing but...).

Their cats (Thierry, Edward, Tumour, and Stem) are all rescues.

Dock's magick could allow him to turn into a raven if he wanted to, but Dock doesn't like his magick so he doesn't. Alastor still carries ond of those falconry gloves or whatever they're called in his coat pocket at all times.

Dock makes a kissy sound or kisses in Alastor's direction and Alastor immediately gets super flustered, complete with childish giggling, a red face, and playing with his hair.

Dock sometimes does Alastor's hair in the morning. Alastor really enjoys when Dock does this.

Dock is constantly having to lift Alastor up so that Alastor can reach the top shelf.

Alastor sometimes comes home in the middle of the night, finds Dock asleep, and just curls up next to him, pulling one of Dock's giant arms over him and snuggling close.

[justicewinged]

headcanon: quinn’s birds

Valor isn’t the only bird Quinn has ever had. Quinn has flown more birds before him and will fly many more birds after he passes. Falconry is so embedded in her life and livelihood thanks to her job and her mother, there just isn’t any room for her to do anything else.

Beware, LONG HEADCANON POST AHEAD. I am a nerd. I am nerding out. doN’T LOOK AT ME. Images are included.

Winter | Gyrfalcon | hand-trained, deceased

Sex: Female Age at Catch: Hatchling Height: 24in. (2ft) Wingspan: 48in. (4ft) Weight: 3.5lbs

Quinn first learned falconry on her mother’s hand-trained bird. Irma swore by Winter in all cases and kept her on hand in the stables, despite the fact Winter was a big female with a mean streak. For a falcon, she was huge, and for Demacia, her white plumage was only ever useful in the snow, but given someone to flush quarry, she thrived. When Irma disappeared, she took Winter with her, and Quinn hasn’t seen Winter since.

A handful of Quinn’s scars are from Winter. She’s still sore on this fact.

Shiv | Broad-winged Hawk | re-released

Sex: Male Age at Catch: 4 y/o Age at Release: 6 y/o Height: 13in. (1′1″) Wingspan: 31in. (2′7″) Weight: 0.5lbs

After Quinn showed an aptitude for falconry, her mother helped her catch a new bird. The broadwings in the area around Uwendale are very familial, so having one as a falconry bird was never too much of a trouble. Shiv was trapped as a juvenile, and Quinn kept him through two molts, but ultimately, he had a personality that did not jive with Quinn very well in the long run. The two parted ways on decent enough terms for falconer and bird, and Quinn could hear his cries in the afternoons around her family home until she moved out.

His bad habit was whacking her in the face with his wings as he came into land. 

Valor | Azurite Eagle | hand-trained

I use Chilean Blue Eagles (aka Black Chested Buzzard-Eagles) to represent a young Valor.

Sex: Male Age at Catch: 1 y/o Height: 38in. (3′2″) * Wingspan: 73in. (6′1″) * Weight: 12lbs

* size current to Valor at 5 y/o. He lives to be 17, and only grows larger.

Quinn projected a lot of the grief of Caleb’s death onto Valor, and he became the new Caleb -- the one she was taking on all her adventures. The pair of them have been through a lot together and he trusts her more than anyone else in the world. He has a tendency to bite strangers, and a bit of a mean streak when it comes to people he doesn’t know. His intuition is unparalleled when it comes to intention. He’s the kinda bird Quinn will talk to and confide in, even though he can’t talk.

As an eagle, he’s prone to bad habits. Valor foots at the glove when he’s upset or antsy, has days when he refuses to come down, and occasionally will shred his equipment. Quinn is constantly making him new things because he trashes so much. He also eats cats on occasion, making him a terror to the populace of Demacia City.

Valor dies in the middle of Dying of the Light arc. Which brings me to the next bird...

Arcane | Great Red Kite*| bred warbird

* invented species based on the real-life Red Kite.

Sex: Female Height: 29in (2′5″) Wingspan: 76in (6′4″) Weight: 3lbs

Arcane was never really Quinn’s bird. They worked well enough together, but they never got along, and Arcane was distinctly Noxian trained. Despite her comparatively diminutive size to Valor, she bit harder and clawed harder than he ever did. Between the two of them, Arcane was in charge often, and Quinn rarely so. They never interacted outside the arena, but Quinn was glad to let her go when she did. In her later life, many of the bird-looking scars are from Arcane’s beak and talons.

Note that Arcane wore a whole helmet for combat, whereas Valor only wore wing guards.

Kapo | Ornate Hawk-Eagle | hand-trained

Sex: Male Age at Catch: Hatchling Height: 23in (1′11″) Wingspan: 51in (4′3″) Weight: 2.6lbs

Illaoi actually found Kapo while she was on a walk, trying to debate how she might allow Quinn to find motion again. She’d been doing everything in her power. Kapo had taken grave injury by a warf rat, and was very sick and hurt. Illaoi took her back to Quinn, who found purpose in nursing the little guy back to health. And in nursing him, he nursed Quinn’s mental health back to a place where she could be her own person again. 

The most important thing about Kapo is that he wasn’t Valor, nor was he anything like Valor. He was shy at first, where Valor would ordinarily thrive. He was meek and needed Quinn to take the lead. But this was by no means a bad thing -- it forced Quinn to think differently, and that helped her grow.

Liberty | Freljordian Eagle Owl* | foster

* based on the real-life bird the Siberian Eagle-owl, a morph of the Eurasian Eagle-owl.

Sex: Female Age at Catch: 12 y/o Height: 27in (2′3″) Wingspan: 70in (5′10″) Weight: 7lbs

Quinn took Liberty in when she moved to the Freljord with Kapo. Due to him being a tropical bird, his already poor, aging health took a sharp decline. She knew he was going to die, but she didn’t wish to keep him out on the open ocean for longer than she had to. Enter: Liberty. She was found a little outside the hovel Quinn took up upon starting her time living in the taiga south of Avarosan lands. Both Liberty and Quinn were older, and Liberty already had in her mind the ideas of all she wanted to do, so training was a bit of an uphill battle. But the two of them clicked somehow, and Liberty became Quinn’s main bird upon Kapo’s inevitable death.

[axecop--moved]

Mercury n Essen. All

screams thank u!!

Mercury

1: What's your OCs favorite color?Blue? I wanna say blue. That’s so generic tho omg.

2: Where does your OC work?UHM. He used to work as an intern at a lab by his hometown, and then he got a gig as a head scientist at one of the most powerful labs in the region, and then he became the head of an evil organization. Long story short.... He’s a scientist.

3: What's your OCs favorite food?What the fuck do they even eat in pokemon??? Berries??? Vegetables?? Slowpoke tails?? Macarons?

4: Does your OC prefer paper or plastic?I dont know?? Pokemon>? ? ??

5: How old is your OC?He’s 19 when the story starts... and i wanna say he’s 30 when he’s the head of the evil organization but like what the fuck Cyrus is 27 and he leads Team Galactic?? Shit boi I don’t even know. The story starts with Mercury at 19 tho.

6: Does your OC have any supernatural powers?Uh. No but for an hour or so of his life he literally had the powers of God.

7: Is your OC in a relationship?He WAS. yea. Good Times. He dated Essen.

8: What are some of your OCs strengths?SUPER FUCKING SMART and EXTREMELY passionate. Will always achieve his goals and is such a hard worker and can persevere through any situation without giving up.

9: What are some of your OCs weaknesses?He values his work and research over evrything else and can be very reckless because of it. He will (and does) literally leave everything in order to achieve what he wants to do.

10: What is your OCs favorite outfit?Mercury has no fuckin care in the world about what he wears.

11: What is your OCs spirit animal????? arceus.

12: Is your OC sexually active?this is a pokemon story.

13: What is your OCs earliest memory?His parents giving him his skitty!

14: Does your OC have a cell phone? If so, what kind?Uh... Xtransceiver I guess?

15: What makes your OC angry?When people belittle him or don’t put any faith or care about what it is he’s doing. He had to go through a lot of shit for his research.

16: When is your OCs favorite time of year?He doesn’t care... This boy is such a shut-in he never goes outside.

17: How long can your OC hold their breath?A Long Time. Probably well over a minute.

18: What kind of underwear does your OC wear?I dont??? Know???

19: Does your OC prefer plaid or polka dots?Plaid???

20: What's your OCs favorite kind of pizza?Veggie

21: Who is your OCs best friend?His delcatty!

22: Has your OC ever killed someone?I wouldn’t be surprised if he did fnhebwiwfeuj

23: Whats your OCs biggest secret?HOOO BOY he secretly used to do awful experimentation on pokemon before he got found out

24: What does your OC smell like?A chemistry classroom. 

25: What time of year does your OC prefer?He doesn’t care he never goes outside.

26: Is your OC a human or an animal? (or something else idk)He’s a human! 

27: What languages does your OC speak?English ig? Since the region he’s in is based heavily off of California.

28: Does your OC like anime?No?

29: Can your OC swim?No

30: What does your OC choose to do about the, er, hair down there?This is a pokemon story, Janice.

31: Does your OC believe in fairies?Fairy pokemon are in fact a thing that exist.

32: Did your OC go to college? What did they major in?I don’t think pokemon has college? He did go to a trainer school but was not interested at all in the “trainer pokemon adventuring” aspect of it.

33: Are your OCs parents dead?No 

34: Is your OC religious?He is religious in himself. He convinces himself that he’s God at a certain point.

35: How flexible is your OC?Very

36: What turns your OC on?Janice!! This is a pokemon story!!

37: What was your OCs first word?I dont know?? mama/??

38: Does your OC have any pets?He has a Delcatty! and like... a pokemon team I haven’t developed yet.

39: Who is your OCs biggest enemy?All those assholes who undermined him and didn’t think his research would amount to anything becausE LOOK WHERE HE IS NOW BITCHES! HE CAN KILL ALL OF YOU.

40: What is the craziest thing your OC has done?OHDUEG. RUN AND LEAD AN EVIL ORGANIZATION SOLEY FOR THE REASON OF SPLICING AND COMBINING GENES TO CREAT THE ULTIMATE SPECIES AND EVEN GOES AS FAR AS TO TRY AND MERGE HIMSELF WITH AN ALL-POWERFUL LIFE-CREATING SPECIES.

41: What is your OCs motto about life?Life’s gonna beat u up so u gotta like study and shit so that you can own it.

42: Does your OC drink coffee or tea?Coffee. A lot of coffee.

43: Who is your OCs biggest hero?Himself :3c

44: What color eyes does your OC have?Green? 

45: Does your OC like reading?Yes, immensely. 

46: Is your OC loyal?Uhhh. I would say yeah but he literally ditched the love of his life so that he could pursue in his research.

47: Does your OC tolerate violence?Yeah. He gets violent himself.

48: What social class is your OC from?Pokemon is a communist society. (i dont fucking know)

49: What country was your OC born in?The region I made up for him.

50: Does your OC cry easily?Noyes?? He doesn’t have good control over his emotions and he’s emotionally unstable. Half of it is him not even being able to cry and half of it is probably nonstop waterworks.

51: What is your OCs favorite genre of music?Opening up his windows and hearing the very nice, soothing sound of Kricketunes’ nonstop DELE-DELE-DELE-DELE-WOOoOoOOooOOOOP

52: How does your OC feel about insects?He likes bug type pokemon ig.

53: What is your OCs sexual orientation?Bisexual and crying.

54: Does your OC smoke?No

55: What gender is your OC?Male

56: What kind of clothes does your OC wear?Worn out clothes. He throws on whatever. 

57: Would you call your OC adventurous?Nope.

58: Is your OC introverted or extroverted?Introverted.

59: What is the first thing that someone would notice about your OC?His hair is so fucking long and he’s so... He looks so not taken care of...

60: Does your OC enjoy nature?He wouldn’t know if he does.___________________________

Essen1: What's your OCs favorite color?Earthy green.

2: Where does your OC work?He’s a member of the Elite 4, and this region that basically means that he looks over the defense and justice of the region and he also oversees and determines the fundings of all the scientific facilities.

3: What's your OCs favorite food?I dont know,,, what people eat in pokemon,,, like are they all vegetarian??? I know they eat slowpoke tails but like????

4: Does your OC prefer paper or plastic??????

5: How old is your OC?Bruh I don’t know. He’s in his 20s for a good part of the story.

6: Does your OC have any supernatural powers?Nah man

7: Is your OC in a relationship?He was extremely committed to Mercury until shit hit the fan.

8: What are some of your OCs strengths?Really cool guy honestly. Super skilled trainer that can bring out the most potential from his pokemon and he comes off as just really trusting and he has super good judgement... He kinda needs to be a strong guy since he kind of takes part of overseeing a huge part of the region.

9: What are some of your OCs weaknesses?You know what?????? He loved Mercury so fucking much I can’t even express this enough it’s super lame and honestly that made him blind to a lot of things.

10: What is your OCs favorite outfit?UHM. It’s actually a rule in the Elite 4 that you need to wear an outfit that establishes and matches your theme. So Essen wears a pilot hat w/ goggles, a leather bomber jacket, aviator pants, and boots. So basically he dresses like a pilot. But he also has this falconry glove on his right arm.

11: What is your OCs spirit animal?bird

12: Is your OC sexually active?JANICE!!!

13: What is your OCs earliest memory?Sitting at his window, watching a flock of pokemon take flight and feeling an overwhelming sense of inspiration.

14: Does your OC have a cell phone? If so, what kind?xtransceiver????

15: What makes your OC angry?

16: When is your OCs favorite time of year?Summer and spring! It’s usually when his pokemon are most active!

17: How long can your OC hold their breath?A while I guess? He flies at high altitudes so he’s used to having to control and regulate his breathing.

18: What kind of underwear does your OC wear?I don’t!! fucking know!!

19: Does your OC prefer plaid or polka dots?Plaid.?? I don’t think I’ve ever picked polka dots for this question.

20: What's your OCs favorite kind of pizza?suhBFWIDWBHJE PINEAPPLE.

21: Who is your OCs best friend?The other members of the Elite 4. 

22: Has your OC ever killed someone?nO

23: Whats your OCs biggest secret?I don’t... think he has one. I don’t know man it’s pokemon.

24: What does your OC smell like?Leather, dust, and like birds.

25: What time of year does your OC prefer?Summer and Spring.

26: Is your OC a human or an animal? (or something else idk)Human

27: What languages does your OC speak?English. idk.

28: Does your OC like anime?No????

29: Can your OC swim?Yes

30: What does your OC choose to do about the, er, hair down there?J A N I C E

31: Does your OC believe in fairies?yEah fairies exist in pokemon. 

32: Did your OC go to college? What did they major in?No college in pokemon idk. Uhm I guess Essen would be the equivalent to a pokemon ornithologist  though!

33: Are your OCs parents dead?NO

34: Is your OC religious?Arceus?

35: How flexible is your OC?Not very.. 

36: What turns your OC on?no!!!!!!!!!!!

37: What was your OCs first word???//

38: Does your OC have any pets?He owns a ranch that kind of doubles as a sanctuary for bird pokemon. So he has many pets.

39: Who is your OCs biggest enemy?jdhinriwruirfihn there was a point in time where the answer of this would’ve been Mercury but guess where my gay ass put them now.

40: What is the craziest thing your OC has done?Essen is so fucking cray. Like he has such a sappy and lame theme. He rides his pokemon while he’s in battle because he wants to show whoever he’s battling that having trust in your pokemon is the #1 priority. Homeboy has almost been killed while battling 10 year olds several times.

41: What is your OCs motto about life?I dont know. Follow your dreams.

42: Does your OC drink coffee or tea?Coffee. Him and Mercury just drink multiple pots of coffee everyday. 

43: Who is your OCs biggest hero?His dad.

44: What color eyes does your OC have?Brown????

45: Does your OC like reading?Indifferent to it. 

46: Is your OC loyal?hahah yeah. Very.

47: Does your OC tolerate violence?No. I mean aside from pokemon battles fhufijweufwf.

48: What social class is your OC from?i dont know

49: What country was your OC born in?The region I made up.

50: Does your OC cry easily?Probably,,, he’s a fluffy boy,,

51: What is your OCs favorite genre of music?i dont know

52: How does your OC feel about insects?he can beat them UP with his bird pokemon.

53: What is your OCs sexual orientation?Gay?

54: Does your OC smoke?No

55: What gender is your OC?Male

56: What kind of clothes does your OC wear?Outside of his pilot get-up he just wears your typical jeans and a T-shirt?? I’m so uncreative sue me.

57: Would you call your OC adventurous?Hell yeah.

58: Is your OC introverted or extroverted?Extroverted.

59: What is the first thing that someone would notice about your OC?He’s so fucking cool and he’s like one of the top celebrities of the region.

60: Does your OC enjoy nature? Yes. Immensely. 

[abstracttravel]

LOQUA - CIOUS

La Segunda Parte

James has the luxury of his own connecting flight. A bare foot straddles the wheedling away foam seat.  Jangling keys penetrate instead of the emergency screwdriver. The no seatbelt sign lights up and a “merge” into the foot traffic. Slow going with floaties, cozies and backward flippers jostling for the wrong of way. Make the bend at Duke’s statue and back to side street shorts and dodging the hotel detritus. A spill in that swill of air conditioner runoff, greased out oven dregs, eclairs gone sour and most likely some semen is a faux pas to the Nth. Ugh.   

James pops the kickstand, quickly imprinting the black tar, and steals a glance at the track team lapping on the stadium turf. The light will diffuse slowly this long summer evening, casting a hazy sombre over his military cornered sheets. The outer common area is jamming to Jamrock cuts and the Spliffs are sweating through the open doors. No time for that now, the daily party prepping and preening must commence post-haste.

The door was slightly ajar as always, no threat of the non existent Air Con seeping out. The sink sticky sweet with pineapple rinds and a small protectorate of ants from last night’s swarre. The typical random foreign pastiche of 7-11 wrappers of three less than hypoallergenic roomates, occupy the hinterlands of the formica. The sinkcastles of solo cups, dotted with watermelon seeds strew aside stockpiles of spent wasabi packets and chopstick splinters.     

“Hey man do you have anything on Saturday?” bellows Dave from the foggy bathroom.

“Not too sure depends on the morals of Val’s friends haha.” James jests.

“He told me they have some Pika frat dude boyfriends back UCSD. Good luck with that!” Daves says.

“Yeah I’ll be with Nikki anyways so I haven’t told her about the these girls. Ha. Besides they are only here this weekend. Should be a hotel party then I’m thinking.” James suggests.

“I was thinking to go to Diamond Head in the day and get smokey, walk around and bullshit.” Dave hints.

“You remember that time we went to the waterfall with Kate, right? We smoked behind the waterfall and your dumbass wants to climb to the top! Look mannnn… There’s a path!” James recalls.

“That was Stockholm syndrome bro! You wanted to go too.” says Dave.

“How long was that hike? Maybe getting lost for 3 fucking hours. Grabbing roots in wet boardshorts.. Going practically vertical with no path, that was you itinerary” James says.

“Yeah but…..” drags Dave.   

“So no, to joining your expedition.” James replies.

“Whatever, I’m taking my second nap…” trails off Dave as his dirty towel sundae sprinkled with backne jimmies disappears into the funk that is his den.

James lily puddles his way into his realm of borderline OCD. Throws the beyond the pale green Clive deck packin pack onto the doubled tucked sheets. He flickers the sticker cocooned LapBottom to submissive consciousness, the grogginess of 2 GB lists. The dregs of a Mickey’s Grenade tumult slightly as the BoySetsFire menaces. A quick cold douse in the hot water devoid petri dish, his salt and arenas ankles add more sand to the box. A dollar store PC speaker pixelates a tepid squawk through the limed fish curtain. Seth, the agoraphobic gamer and wisp chined squatter, has not left the nest for 3 days apparently. Why study in Hawaii when you could learn about stale kleenex sculpting stateside.

A few squeaks of the shower shoes come found loungewear and the bright vans Cholo button down is anchored in tight Element pants framing crisp unskated Es Blue Sal 23s. The smell of spaghetti pomodoro a la studienti poveri wafts from the neighbor’s cucina. Prefacing the dinner triangle there is usually some impromptu, 2 winded sheets foray into the dorm’s 10 communal iceboxes. Some quasi Italian or Mexican carb accompanies a yardsale of dogeared veggies and a non-spread-covering over/under of seasoning. The too many cooks but ample pot situation flies here as baking and pre-heating are pre-ordained. The vegetarian option usually turns out the be the former of bad and evil.      

This sundown, the juvenile California pink backed hawks have returned to their falconry gloves with Mai Tais in their gullets and Jack in their maws. Drunk and lit as their Gaslight District street lamps, they are in various states of undress and redress as James peers through a shade on approach. There is some “Thong-g Thong-g Thong-g” from the warm beer coaster slash Ghetto Blaster on the red carpet. The song became some kinda of late-night jam of the Summer, tho ironic or just ass-shakin left to debate.

The girls were in bathing suits, bras, or in various stages of blowdry. Everyone was sunburned, spilling and succeeding at life.

Shila and Noelani are in the kitchen, both cooking,  only one with the spliff.

“James what took you so long to get here? We need some more salsa from your house. We didn’t want to see your weird roommates hahaha.” Shila says as Noelani blows rings.

“Nah nothing just tired from the sun. We were there for like 4 hours and YOU can get the pasta. The creeper and the lurker are in their rooms.” James says.

“Hmm… Sara you go, we are busy. If we hear you scream we got your back!” Noelani laughs, exhales and coughs for the next 45 seconds.

“Ugh...only because you are too high to find it psssssh! Get lost in a cabinet haa.” Sara says.

“Where is Nikki? Megan did you see her in your place?” James asks.

“Yeah she was waiting for the shower, but you know Liz takes forrrrr ever in there.” She should be finished now tho?” Megan reports.

“She told me you lost at Vodka-Cran Pong last night so you  both have to do the dishes. Good luck with those 40 plastic fluorescent shot glasses you stole from that Tiki Bar! Haha… We need immaculate” Winks James.

“Ok J, I’m more worried about these greasy-ass Enchilada pans. Damn…” Megan confesses.

Cologne starts to intermingle with Ancho Chilli dust, and it can only James best dude. Val pops his head in the door with those stupid Terminator-Style sunnies leading the way. He is wearing some pomegranate red and bleach white hibiscus Tommy Bahama reject.       

“Jamessssssssss!!! Vatoooooo!!! Where you been bro.” Val So-Cal drawls.

“Just back from the beach with the girls. Came home and got spicy and breezy for a few. Hooked up that aloe.” James says.

“Yeah I was at econ class, hangover AF. Needed like 3 of those dollar Maki rolls just to get me straight.” quips Val.

James snickered. “Yea I was Bento boxing before the beach. That Giant Clam tho. Everyday I think I can do it, but nah… Ha!” replies James

“Gross. You always eat weird shit. Here man do you want a Corona.” Val offers.

“ You got lime? I want a Michelada” asks James.

“ Yeah we got that, but the muy picante hot sauce I brought from Cali is finished.So you got Food Lion.” grins Val.

“Weeeeeeeaaak… like that Hale crackerjack prize shirt. Psssssst!” James jibes.

“Man this is solid tiki barbeque quality shit. Some Kalua pig worthy wardrobe. Look at you with your sister’s tight jeans.” Val barbs.

“Whatever man… I’m not gonna know you at the club later. Wear those glasses too pimp.” James mocks.

“Shut up gringo haha. Take this beer before it is sweating. Make your own drink.” Val tosses the perspiring projectile across the counter.

“ Fine… so what’s the plan for tonight? You know what hotel the girls are staying at?” James asks.

“They are in some Ambassador place close to the beach. Told me it’s nice but not to nice to get thrown out of. Ha.. Remember, these are girls who do like 3 spring breaks a year!” Val replies.

“Yea you told me Haha. So we go to the hotel for some pregame and pick them up. After, come back here and get everybody rounded up?” James says.

“Def, let's check out Planet Hollywood later. They have specials for girl drinks.  It will be funny or stupid haha, and then we can dance at Hard Rock after.” Val proposes.

“Ok that’s all good. We can taxi there, maybe 2 vans? When do we bike over to the hotel?” James asks.

“Yeah man they should be at the hotel around 8. But supplies are running low so we need to get some refrescas before then.”

“Oh…. are you using my best friend's sketchy-ass looking Fake ID? It’s not even the same skin shade as me bro! It’s his shitty fake, not even mine Ha!! Like paying $25 bucks for six degrees or something.” James jokes.

“You buy stuff for the girls everyday. The people believe it. Just don’t go to that old Kamehameha guy’s place again.” Val says.

“Yeah that knife collection is massive…. Ok, but only because my Hawaiian Princess is working the 7 now.” James winks.

“She has some Hale crush on you man. Na Sked Brudah! Just cause she is big and has that weird eye thing. Haaha!” Val mimes the looks to James.

“Yeah she is def a better choice than Nikki. I’ll write her a poem and tape it to some Spam Musubi Ha! Unrequited love, right?” James pumps a beating heart.

“Whatever, I don’t think you could even find a hotter girl than Nikki. Even if you had those Julio iglesias swag!” Val invokes his Padre’s favorito.

‘Ha yea man, it's probably true. I know you are thinking some hook up with her and your girl.” James smiles.

“It’s not my fault Megan that sees that in the shower everyday ha! She said it, not me.” Val grins.

“Stupido… Let’s walk to the 7-11 now. Get the money and what people want. Remember we gotta carry all of it back. F.” James grimaces.

Val is quick and convincing, as if he’s done this before… Every day since June. The girls seem to always have their stash, and most are already half cornichoned at this junction. They request the always seaworthy Captain. Guys tend toward Coronas, sometimes conjuring and confiscating all the limes in Food Lion… Thrice. Val visits Seattle Mark and his seemingly sister wives roomies, who always got the good green and that perpetually high phosphoric, panorama swiveled chameleon. All from the Emerald City, Mark moved with his waif girlfriend and her wife hermana to UH even though he didn’t pay tuition or have a bed there! They always were burning, baking and flush with kush. Conex, conex. They threw in for more cervezas.

James and Val took the short walk past the track stadium, where they could see the UH Rainbows finishing up suicides. That Seven was an almost omnipresent blessing always being within reach and selling spirits. The staff smelling of endo and those bleary eyes easy to miss the DOB. The Japanese heritage of Hawaii probably is the reason there are so many Sevens, but the Spam Musubi sushi, and the mashup Loco Moco bentos are def under the rising sun.

Alana is working so the acquisition of imbibables should be no prob. A little flirting from James and a little extra dinero is all. They crip walk trying to look hard and then bust up in laughter at the absurd entrance. The condensed freezers beget condensed crowned cervezas. A funk wafts metalic from the freon fumigation, but the beer is always ice. Schlitz cicled stalagmites protrude skyward, kinfolk with Boones Farm’s Northern lighted hues.

They deadlift two cubes and put them on the dirty sanded tiles. Val takes a quick stroll to the Spirits section, literally a Ruffles shelf repurposed. The cheap bum whiskies and vagrant brandies segregated on the lower rungs for inconspicuous consumption. The mid-management Finlandias, the Oldschlager and the firesale Firewater slunk and shimmer at eye level. The Captain, Malibu and the Crown Royale perch and parry for parity. Two handles are handled.

The Hales waltz towards the register, past the acrid frankfurters and hypnopompic slushy machines. The two Morgans are plonked down next to the hand saran wrapped Spam Musubi by Val. The kettlebells on the ceramic floor.

“Looking good tonight Alana, your hair is a lot longer now” Val says.

“Yes I haven’t cut it for a while. I’m trying to grow it longer. Thinking about dying it too,” Alana replies.

“I think you should do it lighter, and I don’t like short hair,” smiles James.

“Aww you would say that with your always white blond hair. How many boxes did you use this time haha,” laughs Alana.

“Only two, I just did the roots. It takes so long though, it always burns me,” James responds.

“Well then maybe I will make it lighter James, if you like it,” coos Alana.

“You know his girlfriend is going to Maui soon. James you should take her on a date. Go to the moto-sushi spot. Candles and Sake, right Alana,” Val suggests.

“James! We couuuld do that. I know how to keep a secret,” winks Alana.

“Ok yeah we can see, Ummm… I have some tests next week but I can give you my number.” James says.

“Awwww. Yay, here write down your number. I don’t work Monday and Thursday next week” giggles Alana.

“No worries, here. Just send me a text. We are having some party tonight, you can come to one. You are like our bootlegger anyways, hahah,” James smiles.

“ Ok, but you know I can get in a lot of trouble for you guys. The ID isn’t even you. Everyone here knows that….. But it’s ok, You are cute and this job is sooooo boring.” she sighs.

“Hahaha, that was James before the plastic surgery! I think he looks worse now,” Val interrupts.

“Whatever… You guys are sooooo funny, are you stoned now?” Alana squints.

“ Noooo…. But I know you are, or will be on your break! I see you eating all those twizzlers and Starburst wrappers sticking to your arms.” jokes Val.

“No I don’t, idiot! James, give me that dumb ID and get Val out of here. Stupid Hales.” says Alana.

“Look Val is high or something, forget it. I’m gonna bring you a present next time since you are so sweet.” James apologizes.

“Yeah he’s going to bring you a box of Starbursts! HAHAHA.” Val says as he grabs the cases and starts to leisurely bolt out the door.

“Here is the cash and a little extra for your smile. Text me. And i'll bring Sour Patch kids instead.” James says as he picks up Cap’n.

“Hahaha. I will! Be safe Mr. James.” Alana blows a kiss.  

   With two 24 count Mexican suitcases, and two handles of mustache growers they plod up the incline. The only caveat of the location is the scooter non gratis, anti two passenger, four carry-ons doesn’t land well. They laugh about the upcoming night, make plans for a day of tandem moto tourism and get winded thrice.

They arrive to the pumpkin rust glow of overhead moth raves, and a few cigarettes and Natty ice cubes melting around the table. Kobe, Sara’s Virginian main squeeze is laughing really quietly to himself. When he gazes up, his eyes implicate the culprit. Mark is at his side, checking us on approach. He has his signature T-shirt wrapped angels on horseback style, a Bedouin top-hat that has become the rage for the beach days and the wee hours. Scruffed up and dressed down, his cuts a figure that is Pac NoWest for days. His silhouette always shaded X Files style by the enveloping and ever evolving kush conduits.

Mark perks up hazily glimpsing the MRE’s tucked under fatigued wings. Kobe just laugh-coughs a “Vaaa...llllll….llll…..l”

“Ahh Dopeman! We are gonna have some good times tonight! Glad to see you got the supplies” Mark rasps.

“Oh man, pass me one of those! I can’t ‘cough’ sto ‘cough’ p choking from this new bud.” laments Kobe.

“Damn Mark, you got some good shit? A good hook-up this time?” Vals asks.

“Yea man, Kobe’s boy came through. Was a little short, but dude this shit is horseshoes and clovers good! Hahah,” Mark says.

“Yea man let me try that blunt, then. Don’t be a shyster, parcero.” jokes Val as he reaches over the table.

“Thats cool dude. Kobe looks like he is lampin’ for the rest of the night haha…. So I think this is the plan. Val has some chicas flying in from home. They have a place close to the beach, maybe a pool? So we will go scoop them up, come back here for some preparedness. Then van to some spot. Maybe some club. But def trying for a pool party late night,” James proposes with a double thumbs up and a shrug.

 Kobe’s roommate Mike, always self-confident and with a coozie, shimmies over from next door offering an outstretched low five.

“Ah dudes, you got the goods for sure! You gonna skinny dip later, like at the beach last week? Hahah,” Mark pokes.

“Whatever, man. I was drinking vodka crans with the girls, and my boardshorts fell off in the waves. I didn’t see anyone complaining…. Ok I wasn’t seeing much of anything that whole day. Hahah! Anyways, did you pitch in for beer this time?” James says straightforwardly.

“Yeah I always pay… Or give extra cash the next time.” defends Mike.

“Well you didn’t last time, or even last week, so just checking,” James replies.

“Hey man, what time do you want to go out later?” Asks Kobe.

“Maybe like 10-10:30. They have drink specials for girl at Hard Rock. One time, Megan gave me one of her free ones and the security grabbed that Rum and Coke right out of my hands. Like 15 seconds top haha!” Val laughs.

“Man you gotta just share it and she holds it! Amateur Hour over here,” James shakes his head.

“Yea mannnnn haha. I don’t know if I am mobile tonight, I don’t think I can get up for a while. I’m so faded…. Wake me up if I fall asleep out here,” Kobe says, remembering the time everyone went to the beach, locked the doors and woke him up at 4AM with a communal shot.

“Ok Val, let’s put this case in the freezer and bounce.” James says finishing his Corona.

“You want to hit this? Its reeeeally good,” Val giggles.

“Naw man, you know I don’t smoke and drive. I’m still feeling it from the beach, anyways. Haha… You don’t even know where this place is. We gotta check that tourist map,” James says.

“Yeah, you check it. My brain is taking a siesta right now…” Val squints and grins.

They pass out a few more brews, even to skint-ass Mike and grab the Malt icebergs and giant plastic squeezy handles.

The kitchen is much quieter than during the Iron -ic Chef competition, where seesaw dull knives were swinging between tomatoes for pico de gallo and a burros-worth of limes for dranks. Everyone was sasiating there salivary glands after the long day on sand. The usually crammed fridge was trolling for  some Air BnB’s as most of the BBQ sauces, Texas Pete’s and the aloof ranch were postin for a fortnight. A figurative cornucopia of veggies was 1/2 chopped, 1/6 turned and ⅓ defrosted. That back of the fridge can be cooler than a polar bear’s toenail.

“Yayyyyy!” was enthusiastically shouted in stuffed face unison.

“Hey what took so long, guys?” Sara squeaked out, half a sloppy-joe looking burrito in her vice grip.

“You know James had to butter the cupcake. The juice is loose! Ahhaha I just thought of that. I need to write it down!” Val laughs in almost falsetto.

“Bitch, shut up! Yeah I was chatting with girl working at 7. She always hooks it up. So ask Val to go next time. Yep!” says James pointing at the cases.

“Hahaha yeah Valentino. You go!” Megan jokes at her now sheepish looking boyfriend.

“Ok here are the 2 Captains. Put this one case of beer in your room Megan. Val’s laaaaaadies… need some. Wink. Wink. Haha. We can put everything else in the fridge.” James says.

Shila busts out laughing and Carley starts to poke Megan in the side.

“Carly quit it!” Megan gasps, holding Carly’s wrists now.

“Val better be a good boy, right Val….. We have tickets to go to Maui, but I can just take Shy.” threatens Megan.

“I know these girls. They won’t be laying down anywhere. They drink Tequila like coffee. Haha. Don’t worry babe,” soothes Val.

“Ok player, get that case, and help me,” James asks.  

The freezer was half full with about 9 gangrene, about to burst roadies. These already had their asses blown out, so they could only roll on the Formica. The Captain and a few new hires were granted Ice Bar VIP. The rest, cheese drawered.

“Hey where did these Budweisers come from?” says Val.

“Oh my God! We forgot to tell you!! Noelani saw those Chinese students outside with this case of beer. They were looking for you James!!” Sara blurts out.

“What?!? Those kids who stopped to watch me and Mark skateboard over that fucking exercise bike! No way!” James says in disbelief.

“Yeah they were looking for you to give you the beer, because they were happy to meet you and liked hanging out here.” Sara replies.

“Thats crazy! They watched us kickflip that old janky thing Mark found in one of the rooms. I said come party with us some night. They really bought this? Are you serious?” James asks wide eyed.

“Who knows? Maybe that's what they do in China? Hahah! Let’s go there Shy!!” Megan laughs.

“I think they really didn’t understand English! Only the two kids were talking and everybody else was giggling…… Wait! Are they coming back?!?” James asks excitedly.“ That would be amazing and so funny!! We can take them to the clubs!!” Val says.

“Wow! So fun… But we should not drink the Budweiser just in case. Only at the end if they don’t come.” states James.

Everyone starts laughing and speculating what they would do if they came. Plans and arrangements start to get absurd. There is a soft knock on the door. A faint whiff of CK One and  super expensive conditioner waft into the salsa and cerveza clima. James’ smile and buzz percolate into a gum flashing smile. A “Hello Nicole.” wafts out before he starts to turns around.   

She is a vision, part Yahweh’s angel and part Victoria’s angel. Straight blond locks, always a few flyaways, curtain calls her collar bone. Perfect GMO Cali whites. A smile as big as her heart. Refractive mute pink lip gloss that says I like what I like. A plunging neckline that repels to a taut tummy. Some tiny amputated dungarees that shape and lift things that don’t need it. She is that Cali girl with a brain and that laugh.        

 “Hey sweetie! I thought you went to pick up Val’s friends. I was a little jealous.” Nikki says feigning a pout.

“Noooo. I was waiting for you before, and we just went on a seven run…. Jealous about what?” James asks.

“Well Liz and I have the flight to Maui in a few hours, so you will be with these new girls the whole weekend.” Nikki frowns.

“Yeah we can’t go out with you the flight is at 10. So we are already packed.” Liz says.

Liz is about the totally atithetical model of Nik. Unruly brown curls act as a mane for soft Italianese features. Big brown eyes that only come up to Nik’s shoulders. Curvy and opinionated, she is the more rational and conservative or the pair. She also has a boyfriend back at Notre Dame, which does not preclude some topless wilding. 100% They will be on that flight, sauced or not. She starts asking Val about calling Taxis.

Nikki comes inside and kisses James and clasps her arms are his thin waist.  

“Baby you know you don’t have to worry about me. I think I’ll never meet someone like you, like never ever.” quotes James as he gets those familiar butterfly feels.

“I trust you about girls, but I worry that you will get really wild. I know you want to show them a crazy party.” Nikki brow furrows.

“I know sometimes I get too excited and do crazy things. You are trying to help me and I really want to do it for both of us.” James confesses.

“Yes I know. You are like my kid. Haha. I have Megan watching you and Val. He makes you more wild.” Nikki squints. “Do not drive the scooter tonight… I mean it!”

“Well we have to pick those girls up now. I’m fine to drive. And anyways, we are taking a taxi babe. So really don’t worry. Just call me right when you land.” James asks.

“Ok. We are staying in a really nice hotel. I wish you were sleeping next to me not Liz.” Nikki pines.

“We will plan a trip here and we will ask Shy to borrow her car and camp on the beach for some days. Just us. No Liz. No Val.” James grins.

“Hahah you are joking, right. She will never. She already thinks we stole her car and had lots of sex in it.” says Nikki in disbelief.

“Oh man. Yeah they were mad for days… I shouldn’t have told them I took it to the beach not the store. With you. Hahaha.” James says.

“It was amazing with the full moon and no clothes! Don’t worry we will do something when I’m back Honey.” Nikki reminices.

“Ok baby, I think we have to go soon. I’ll be a gentleman. Promise! I’m going to miss you so much. Your cuddles.” says James with a puppy dog face.  

“I was missing you in the shower. Mmmm. I know you will be good because of what I’m going to do when I’m back.” Nikki whisper in his ears. A little parting bite to remember her by.

“Exactly, I’ll be in the bed when you walk in…. With flower petals everywhere!” James promises.

They hug tight and kiss deep, until Val and Liz shouts “Soooooo gross! Get a room!”

Like that, they go their separate ways. Liz and Nikki to take their luggage and call a taxi. Val and James to grab their bike keys and jet. They rendezvous at James’ door and walk to the bikes.They are already late but firmly on Aloha Time, so no rush. They saddle up and walk the bikes back.

“Val are you ok to go? You smoked a lot of that kush. We should go slow.” James advises.

“Haha yea… That stuff was good. I think it will be like Playstation driving there haha. I‘m straight dude, but you def need to find the hotel. I’m just gonna follow you bro.” Val says lackadaisical.

The taillights fade.