#kinda excited but tbh kinda dreading it too

[theloveoftoms]

i'm moving into my uni dorm today 💅 wish me luck babes

[mikavlcs]

Not On My Mind

Pairing: Wednesday Addams x reader

Summary: You leave school for a trip, and Wednesday doesn’t miss you. Not even a little bit.

Warnings: soft/ooc!wednesday but she’s like...in denial about it, my writing

Word count: 2.8k

Notes: this is kinda messy, but cute. nothing else to add tbh. hope you guys enjoy<3

Masterlist

Wednesday Addams was not soft.

She simply wasn’t. She never had been, and she never would be, for as long as she drew breath. The word didn’t even exist in her vocabulary.

Because she, Wednesday Addams, was a singularity. Unlike any other lowly mortal, she was not born from a womb, but forged in the hottest, most ferocious flames of hell by Lucifer himself. She was pure menace and dread given a small, but formidable physical form.

A vile miscreant equipped with a smile that could make even the purest of angels scream in terror and a glare that could make the devil shed tears of despair. Judge, jury, and executioner—someone capable of horrors beyond even your worst nightmares.

(Well, not executioner since she was unfortunately not yet a murderer, but she would be someday. It was the only incomplete task on her bucket list.)

So, no, Wednesday Addams was not soft. Nor could she ever be capable of such abominable behavior.

And yet…here she was displaying signs of this weakness. Because of you.

You were going on a family vacation. An event which, to Wednesday, sounded like a particularly gruesome method of torture, but you were positively buzzing with excitement about the trip.

Either way, you were going away with your family for a week. An entire seven days without you constantly at her side, chattering in her ear between classes, and lounging around her room in the evenings.

This, in theory, should have been great news. Lucifer knew how much more writing she could get done without you dragging her out to Jericho after classes or trying to read over her shoulder despite her threats of bodily harm. But it wasn’t great news. In fact, the information brought forth an odd sort of discomfort. A dull ache in her chest she’d never experienced before.

It was disgusting, it was vile, and it would certainly stain her reputation if it ever got out.

She supposed her reputation had already been defiled by the fact that her roommate and self-appointed best friend was the human embodiment of a rainbow, but this? This was a new low.

Her shamefulness was all she could think about while she watched you pack from her place on your bed. Well, “pack” was a generous way to describe it. You were actually just frantically grabbing clothes and other various items from around your room and throwing them into your suitcase and duffel bag, much to the disapproval of the meticulously organized Addams.

You insisted that you had a system, a method to your madness. Wednesday disagreed but didn’t bother voicing it.

From the ground, your voice rose, sounding far too winded for someone doing so little exercise. “Can you hand me that box on the dresser, Wends?”

Wednesday exhaled sharply. She came here to see you off, not help you pack last minute. Still, she obeyed, not without sending you a scathing glare that you promptly ignored.

The box in question was easy to find, already open atop your dresser where you directed her. She took a passing glance inside to survey the contents within—a bunch of mismatched jewelry that sparked vague recognition but no interest.

Just as she was about to close it, something caught her eye. A ring, sitting in the corner of the box. It was a simple, visually unobtrusive black band with silver engravings wound throughout. She recognized it as one of your most frequently worn pieces of jewelry, but it had never captured her attention before now.

She was overcome with the sudden, overwhelming urge to take it. Wednesday very nearly stifled it, but she figured since you were subjecting her to these horrific feelings, she was entitled to a settlement of some kind.

Swiftly, she pocketed the ring and snapped the box shut, venturing back over to you, none the wiser as you messily stuffed clothing into your suitcase. She held the box out to you, eyes narrowing in condemnation at the messy state of your things below.

“Why are you taking the entire box?” Wednesday asked neutrally.

“Because these dorms are not the most secure,” you answered, taking the box from her hand with a smile and placing it on top of your clothes. “And I would hate for something to get stolen while I was gone.”

Wednesday’s lips twitched. “Yes, that would be unfortunate.”

Soon enough, you were finished packing and ready to go. Almost. For some reason, you were struggling to carry both your duffel bag and suitcase at the same time. It was quite humorous, watching you struggle, but she took pity on you knowing you were on a schedule.

“You’re weak,” she grumbled as she snatched the duffel bag from your hand, slung it over her shoulder, and stepped around you to open the door.

You followed closely behind, flashing her a grateful, slightly sheepish grin while closing the door behind you. “Thanks, Wends.”

She said nothing, just kept walking, finding amusement in the sound of you fumbling to catch up. When you found your footing, you took your usual place at her side, shoulders brushing while you easily fell into step with her.

The whole way down, you chattered on and on about what you were excited to do on the trip, but Wednesday wasn’t tuned in. Her attention was on the way her stomach fell further with every step closer to the waiting car outside and the pit she could feel forming for seemingly no reason at all.

She despised it, this ever-growing weakness you unwillingly made her develop.

Walking out, you found the car parked right by the curb outside, Principal Weems already leisurely resting against it while she waited for you to arrive.

The tall woman greeted the two of you with a smile, to which you offered a wave in return while Wednesday just stared. She came to collect your luggage and went to put it in the back of her car, leaving the two of you to say your goodbyes.

You turned to her, rocking back on your heels, clearly unsure of what to say. Wednesday, though she’d never admit it, was in a similar predicament, without the slightest clue of what to do now.

She didn’t know why, but she was tempted to pull you back into the school and drag her back to her dorm. The urge was utterly ridiculous, yet grew more powerful by the second, nagging at her as she watched your agonizingly slow internal debate.

“I guess I’ll see you in a week,” you finally said, worrying your bottom lip between your teeth. “It’ll be over in a flash, and I’ll be back to talking your ear off before you know it.”

Wednesday gave you a firm nod in lieu of a verbal response. You sent a sideways glance to the principal’s car, clearly remembering you had a flight to catch.

“Bye, Wends,” you said, then added, “Please don’t kill anyone while I’m gone.”

“No promises,” she deadpanned, earning a laugh from you.

After another moment of indecision, you pressed a chaste kiss to her lips, feather-light and entirely too quick for her tastes. But she didn’t voice that embarrassing thought, just watched you walk off and enter the vehicle with her arms crossed.

As the car pulled off, you turned and waved to her out the back window, and she lifted her fingers from her forearm slightly in response. The smile you gave her got smaller and smaller with distance.

Wednesday stayed standing there until the car was out of sight, the unidentified pit in her stomach never abating.

—

The week that followed was…weird.

It was the same as any other week at Nevermore, yet entirely different.

She was indeed able to get much more writing done, but it wasn’t as triumphant as Wednesday imagined. The silence in her room was refreshing for all of twenty minutes before the tone of it shifted, and the quiet felt empty. It didn’t impede her workflow—if anything, it increased it—but it just felt wrong.

There were a number of notable happenings throughout the week as well.

Bianca suffered her 47th defeat at the hands of Wednesday during their weekly fencing practice (she was very excited to get to 50), Eugene somehow got six bees stuck in his hair and, in a show of true incompetence, Xavier managed to spill an entire can of paint on himself. Something he would never, ever live down as far as Wednesday was concerned.

In all of those instances, she found herself looking to her right to see if you were smiling or laughing. Until she was met with the empty space you would’ve occupied, and she remembered. You weren’t here. It made a certain hollowness settle in her chest, making her mood drop ever so slightly.

It was pathetic, honestly. It made her want to self-lobotomize herself to attempt to determine just how much damage you’d done, to see if it was reverible.

Still, she mentally cataloged the events to recount for you upon your arrival. Only so she wouldn’t have to deal with your whining about her not telling you anything once you inevitably heard it from Enid.

Throughout each day, your ring accompanied Wednesday everywhere she went. Slipping it on right before leaving her dorm and taking it off just before bed quickly became her new routine.

She had never fully understood the obsession that people had with rings as the only hand jewelry she ever enjoyed wearing was brass knuckles, but she was beginning to get it now. The light weight on her hand was somewhat soothing, especially in moments when your absence was particularly potent.

She hoped that no one would notice it. Most wouldn’t have even known it belonged to you, but your shared group of friends (acquaintances on Wednesday’s end) would likely recognize it since you wore it so frequently.

Knowing this, Wednesday did her best to take it off in group settings, slipping it into her blazer pocket to put back on after, but it was harder to remember during classes. This oversight ended up being her undoing.

It wound up taking three days for someone to notice the ring. And, of course, that someone was Enid.

They were in Botany, listening to Miss Thornhill drone on about some rare carnivorous plant. Enid was in the seat next to her to “fill in the void” you left behind in your absence with her peppy, prismatic presence.

Entirely unnecessary, but so were most things Enid did. Wednesday had long since learned not to question her anymore.

Wednesday, having already known everything there was to know about the plant, had finished taking her notes five minutes after class started, but Enid wasn’t even trying to take notes. She was instead doing seemingly everything in her power to irritate Wednesday. Incessantly doodling, clicking her pen, constantly fidgeting and shifting, drumming her fingers against the desk.

It was positively maddening. And not in a good way.

In an effort not to snap at her, Wednesday occupied herself with your ring. Tracing the engravings and twisting it around her finger. It was soothing. Enid, nosy as she was, glanced over at the movement and paused her pen clicking.

“Hey…” she started, and Wednesday immediately knew she would hate where this was going. Enid leaned over, making Wednesday lean back in turn. Her eyes narrowed then widened moments later with a soft gasp. “That ring, isn’t that—"

“None of your business? Absolutely,” she gritted out, sending her a scathing glare. “Now, perhaps you should actually pay attention. Maybe then you’ll have a chance of finally getting something higher than a 70 on the next test.”

Her roommate looked like she wanted to say more but eventually conceded with a disgustingly wide smile and a mumble that sounded awfully like that’s so cute of you, roomie.

Wednesday swore that if it were anybody else, she would’ve finally completed her bucket list that day.

—

After what seemed like an eternity and many more tests to Wednesday’s patience (almost exclusively from Enid), seven days passed and the time for you to return to Nevermore arrived.

It had actually been longer than seven days—170 hours and 17 minutes, to be exact—but who was counting? Certainly not Wednesday.

The principal’s car pulled in just as the sun began to set, and Wednesday was there, standing off to the side of the school’s entrance. Not because she was waiting for you, she simply had matters to attend to in the courtyard around that time.

You stepped out the car moments later and your eyes found hers instantly, expression brightening. Bags in hand, you ran over to her but stopped just short of her, excitement fading into uncertainty.

Wednesday stared at you, then, with an audible sigh, stepped forward. Your smile returned, increasing tenfold as you dropped your bags and wrapped your arms around her, careful not to squeeze her too hard. If you questioned the way she barely leaned into your embrace and turned her face just slightly into your neck, she would say it was entirely in your head.

“Did you miss me?” you asked once you pulled back, hands coming to rest on her shoulders.

“Not for a second,” she answered. “I was able to get twice as much writing done without your constant prattling and distractions.”

“Uh-huh.” The sly smile on your face told her that you definitely weren’t buying it, but you plowed on before she could confront you. “Y’know, you could have texted me if you had a phone,” you persuaded, fixing her with a look she’d become intimately familiar with since you’d started dating. “I could always get you one.”

Wednesday blinked, shot you a dubious look. “You’re broke.”

Your shoulders fell dramatically, but your tone remained light. “Damn, Wends, you didn’t have to say it like that.”

She didn’t dignify you with another response. Knowing you would need time to unpack before dinner, she slung one of your bags over your shoulder and took off in the direction of your dorm, leaving you to catch up.

It wasn’t long before you were by her side, matching her pace easily. And, of course, you had more to say.

“Do you wanna hear about my trip?”

“No,” she said. A beat. Then, “But you may tell me while you unpack. I know you like to run your mouth while completing tasks anyway. I have things to tell you as well.”

“Really? Thanks, Wends,” you grinned brightly. Wednesday shot you a glare, and if you noticed that it was softer than usual, you didn’t comment.

Unable to keep your mouth shut, you started ranting about the traffic you hit on the way back to the airport, or something related to that. Wednesday wasn’t quite listening. She was instead taking in the unfocused drawl of your voice in her ear, the strides perfectly matching hers, the light brush of your shoulder against hers—just appreciating the familiar presence at her side once more.

It had only been a week, yet it felt like a lifetime since she had last experienced this.

Without thinking, her hand drifted to fiddle with your ring, and your eyes caught the movement. You stopped suddenly, prompting Wednesday to come to a halt as well with a questioning look.

Gently, you grabbed her hand and brought it closer to your face to inspect the band around her finger.

“This is mine, isn’t it?” you asked, brows knitting together. “I’ve been wondering where it went, I swore I packed it...”

Wednesday snatched her hand away. “I have no idea what you’re talking about but grab my hand like that again and yours will be swiftly removed.”

“But—” you started to protest but stopped abruptly. She watched, curious, as your expression smoothed over into something even she couldn’t quite read. You nodded, smiled. “Yeah, I must be confused, sorry.”

Wednesday narrowed her eyes but accepted the apology with a nod.

The rest of the walk was spent in silence. It was odd. Wednesday stole a few glances to see if you were upset, but you seem to be. If anything, the opposite.

Still, the silence stretched on even when you both arrived at your destination, and you were pulling the door to your dorm open for her. She strode inside, trying to find a way to broach the subject without sounding too concerned.

But there was no need.

Just after the door closed, you put a hand on her shoulder and leaned over into her space. She gave you a startled glare but didn’t move away, ignoring the way her ears burned at the sight of your soft smile and the equally soft whisper that followed.

“I missed you too, Wednesday.”

—

everyone @ wednesday while reading this:

anyways happy pride to my fellow loser gays 🥳🏳️‍🌈

[runningfrom2am]

cold nights // epilogue

summary: a few years later...

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 3.7k

masterlists / nav / requests

tags/warnings: tribute!reader and mentor!coriolanus, r is very sweet (too kind for this world. literally.), sunshine x grumpy trope kinda, he falls first, violence typical for the source material, depictions of mental illness, also she's is very smart (as she should), district twelve!reader.

a/n:

here it is :) the epilogue :)

(i'm crying, could you tell??) i figured it was time to post this now that we've officially entered the overlapping requiem/michigan cherry era. tbh i was just afraid to let these two go bc i love them so much.

thank you all again SO so much for all the love on this fic. it has truly meant everything to me that so many people came on this actual JOURNEY with me, i never intended this to be so long but here we are.

anyway, stick around for requiem!! and i hope you loved this if you made it this far!!

my asks are also open to talk about this series! (i do have emoji anons open now too!)

send me any and all of your thoughts! here!

series masterlist // playlist // pinterest board

You were all dressed up in one of your finest gowns, attending the gala that preceded the presidential election.

Coriolanus was running, of course, and you were so incredibly proud. He's worked toward this for years, and you had been there every step of the way since the tenth annual Hunger Games, all those years ago. It felt like a distant memory- albeit one that still haunted you regularly.

You were a whole new person. A Capitol citizen most of the year, and you were happy most of the time. You and Coryo had always gone home in the summers, though, to spend your days surrounded by friends and family under the District Twelve sun. You always looked forward to it, but three months never felt like quite enough time. You missed your old life, but that's all it could be now.

While some Capitol elite was talking your ear off about the upcoming games, that's all you can think about. Well, how after the election that your boyfriend would most certainly win, those summers of peace would be a thing of the past. It was hard to think about, which is why you focussed on how you could work around it. Perhaps you would make smaller visits throughout the year- although Coryo was prepping you for the endless tasks that would even be put onto you as the First Lady of Panem. Once he wins the election, he would propose- and it would be followed by the wedding of the century. You didn't know if you dreaded it or if the pressure of it all just scared you beyond what excitement could repair.

"Miss Y/L/N?" Your train of thought is abruptly interrupted and you hum in response, bringing the champagne glass to your lips, acting like you were paying attention the whole time.

"Yes?" You respond as you lower your glass. "My apologies, I just spaced out for a moment there. It's a big day, after all..." You chuckle to recover, tilting your head slightly at them.

"I was just asking if you had any input in the arena for the next Games, if you could give us any hints." The man asks, seemingly impatient with you getting distracted.

"Oh," You reply, smile fading softly. "No, I- I really try to stay out of all of that." You laugh nervously, gripping tighter onto the glass as you take another sip, relieved when you feel someone's hand on your arm.

"Y/N, come sit. Coriolanus's speech is about to start, he got me to save you a seat at my table." Sejanus says, linking his arm with yours.

You politely excuse yourself from the conversation and allow him to pull you away. "Many thanks." You whisper to him, chuckling slightly as you glance back over your shoulder at the older man you were speaking to. "Some people are so tone-deaf, aren't they?"

"Most definitely." He sighs, shaking his head as he guides you toward his table at the front of the banquet hall, close to the stage. "Apparently that will never change."

Sejanus Plinth was your saving grace all these years, that, however, had never changed. You didn't see him as much anymore, with you being locked up in your office in the Snow penthouse focused on writing book after book until you were burnt out. His role as a doctor in and out of the Districts certainly didn't help either, but you knew he was partial to working back home in Twelve so he could spend more time with Lucy Gray. You were glad he was much more fulfilled in his adult life than you were; you always knew he would do well and you were proud. You had to take moments every so often to remind yourself that when you first met him and Coryo, you had been sad that you wouldn't get to see the men they would become but you had wondered. Now, you had your answers.

"Is that not the truth." You scoff under your breath, smiling and giving a quick wave to a few familiar faces as you pass. You had become somewhat of a people-pleasing expert, the same way Coriolanus had.

You sit down at the table at the front of the room just as the lights slightly dim, and the spotlight hits the stage. You gently cross one leg over the other, careful not to wrinkle your dress and clap in just the perfect polite way you had learned how to over the years, smiling as you see Coryo walk up onto the stage.

He waves, and people whistle and clap, and the smile on his face seems a little more genuine than it normally is during these speeches. Of course, though, this is his final address before he no doubt gets voted in as president, and you know that he is excited.

"Hello, everyone. Thank you so much for coming out tonight..." He says, in a subtle cue to get people to quiet down so he could speak, a drink still in his hand that he delicately hovers above the podium next to him. "This has been such an incredible opportunity for both of us running, and I must say, it's been fun." He tips the glass toward the other table at the front, and your eyes follow the movement to the other candidate, your friend and former classmate, Hilarius Heavensbee. They've never gotten along, and you know Hilarius wants nothing to do with this job. Not really. It makes you sad, a little bit, that his family would push him this far when he had confided in you in his freshman year that it wasn't what he wanted.

The man just gives Coryo a polite but nervous smile, taking another sip out of his own champagne glass. From where you were, you could see his hand trembling. You knew he would have to go next, and Coriolanus Snow was always a tough act to follow.

"Now, I am very happy about this turnout, because I have two important announcements to make." He continues, and whispers fill the room. You look over at Sejanus, a slight look of shock on your face. You didn't know he had anything special to announce, and he always kept you in the loop on everything. Sejanus just shrugs, looking back up at Coryo again. It must not actually be a big deal- it was probably just thanking some more people who have donated to his campaign.

"Firstly," He clears his throat, taking a step to the side as the screen behind him lights up. "For just a moment, see me as your head game maker and forget all about me running for president. Or don't, actually, maybe keep that in mind, but at the back of your mind." He chuckles, the little joke making the audience laugh. He was much more personable now than he once was, you smile a little as you remember helping him write his earlier speeches in a way that would make him more likable. "With the help of my fellow candidate and personal good friend, we are trying something new when it comes to The Hunger Games."

When he speaks, your heart drops and you sit up a little straighter- feeling all eyes on you as you just focus on him. For the first time, he looks down at you and gives you a small smile, the slightest nod in an effort to reassure you that it wasn't as scary as it sounded. You swallow and just keep your smile on as best as you can, ignoring all the stares.

"So, we all love The Games. They're exciting, the stakes are high, and I know every year we all pick our favourite tributes to root for and it's hard to watch them fall but, god, do I know better than anyone how good it feels when they win." Your cheeks burn intensely as Coryo sends a smile and a wink your way, and the screen behind him flashes to a picture of the two of you, taken after your shared university graduation just a couple of years ago. You were both smiling, but he was looking at you as he held you tight around your waist, and you looked into the camera and held up a three-finger salute. People are laughing and awe-ing at the photo of the two of you, and you laugh nervously, looking over at Sejanus with slightly panicked eyes.

You would be absolutely fine with this if he had just run it by you before, and you knew that whether you liked it or not, the Games were an integral part of who you were now, and always would be- but you certainly didn't want your name on anything to do with these new changes they're making. But, he wouldn't be talking about you at all if he knew you would hate it. You had to remind yourself of that.

"So, you all know my beautiful Y/N, of course, we're all big fans of hers here," Coryo says, gesturing to where you were sitting and you let out a nervous laugh, shaking your head at him in a way that would appear teasing to everyone else while he waits for everyone to finish clapping for you. "Don't get embarrassed already, darling, I've got a bit more to say about you so just sit tight, okay? Nothing bad, I promise." He says to you, looking into your eyes even as he stands up on the stage, everyone's laughter echoing in the background.

"So, I have known Y/N and her outstanding mind for years now. The Games are what brought us together when we were both just kids, but you all already know that story so I'll spare you the details. The bottom line is, I am so proud of the woman she has become. She's written two books that will soon become three, she graduated in the top three percent of our class with only a District education to build on, and she is the single most well-spoken, well-mannered, beautiful, and caring woman I have ever met. Truly, she has changed my entire outlook on life." He says, talking more so to the audience than to you, knowing that you're so embarrassed by this. And he would be correct. "It has truly been a privilege to know her, and to love her."

"But that was a long journey for us both, and a seemingly endless uphill battle for her recovery, despite her strength. The Games can be scary, let's be totally honest. It's life or death, and winning will change you, but Y/N came out the other side and wanted to make a difference for her family and that inspired me. And she continues to inspire me every day." Coryo says, pausing to take a sip of his champagne again. "So, all of this is to say, I'd like to thank her for all her support through my education, this campaign, and through the life we're building together. She inspired this idea in me and with the help of my fellow game makers as well as the Plinth family..." You look over at Sejanus as he continues, suddenly realizing he must have known about what was happening. He keeps a small smile on his lips as he watches, refusing to make eye contact with you.

"This," Coryo says, turning to look up at the screen while a picture comes up of a small cul-de-sac of beautiful homes. "Is just the beginning of the Victor's Rehabilitation Initiative."

You tilt your head, a shocked and confused smile on your face as you take in the photo and try to decipher what he's talking about.

"So, recently, Y/N has been more open with everyone about the struggles that came with being crowned a victor in our Games. Yes, they get to walk away with their lives, but what if winning meant something more? What if it meant security for them and their families, so they're not returning to their Districts with no sense of what to do next? That, everyone, is what this program is for. To help the strongest of them find a purpose again, and to encourage the bravest of Panem's children to get back on their feet after such an impressive feat as winning the Games."

You have to very consciously force your jaw to stay shut when you realize what he is saying, clapping along with everyone else while your smile relaxes into something more genuine. You knew that he wanted to abolish the Games altogether, and you knew that no matter who won the election, they wouldn't proceed for much longer. This was the first step in that direction, and you were flooded with emotions. Pride, excitement, relief.

"For ten years, until the beginning of the mentorship program, our victors were cast aside. Never to be heard from again after their win, I, for one, became curious as to what happened to them after the Games as soon as I met Y/N, and I have heard that question from many of you as well since we were all given the pleasure of getting to know her." Coryo's smile is one of pride and excitement, sparing a glance at you as he allows the audience to have their responses. So far, all seemingly positive despite the present undertones of him caring about the people in the Districts. He was a smooth talker, he knew exactly how to command a space and get people to believe what he wanted. And he was using it for good. "I mean, how many other victors have something extraordinary, just like her, that won't be utilized or nurtured? We never knew."

"From now on," He continues, the crowd quieting down. "Our victors will be given homes in what we've decided to call Victor's Villages in each of the Twelve Districts. They'll have ensured security for themselves and their families, and a generous sum of prize money to help them with whatever they need. Whether that's medical attention, both physical and emotional, or, if they so choose, when they reach the appropriate age, they could apply at our university to further their education. Though, between you and I, admittance is not guaranteed." He winks at the end and it's accompanied by laughter, which you try and go along with, but you're too close to tears to even process fully what was going on. This was a huge step in the right direction, even if like he said, acceptance was not guaranteed. "What I mean, is that it will be up to them. They can live their lives to the fullest, just like our gem, Y/N."

He looks at you again, and you can really only see his blurry form through your tears until someone is handing you a handkerchief to dry your eyes while people clap and cheer over the idea.

This was something you couldn't have imagined years ago. This was everything you've wanted since the Games- to make a difference, for people to care. And it was happening right before your eyes. Thanks to him. Thanks to you.

"And with that," Coryo says after a few moments, waiting for the crowd to quiet down after taking in your reaction. "We can move on to my second announcement, which is my formal withdrawal from the presidential campaign."

Gasps fill the room and your smile disappears, a hand coming up to your mouth as you look up at him, shocked and confused with the announcement that blindsided even you.

"Are you happy here?" You ask quietly, not wanting to disturb the peace of the evening as you walk from your parent's house back to your own in the Victor's Village.

"I couldn't be happier." Coryo replies through a soft sigh, swinging your hand gently as it's clasped between you.

"Are you sure?" You say again, feeling a little uncertain despite weeks of his endless reassurance that this was, in fact, what he wanted.

To him, this scenario was perfect. He could keep his job as head gamemaker, planning to only return to the Capitol for a few months or so every year for the Games. He knew that wouldn't last much longer, though, not with Hilarius Heavensbee in office. Coryo gives it a few years and a few major "accidental" mistakes on his part for the viewership of the annual event to die out and open the door for the president to call them off, just like he had always wanted to.

And every day Coryo would wake up to see you in your happy place, the only place you'd ever felt truly at home. He was more than happy to give it all up for the greatest sake of seeing you smile.

"Of course." He smiles, never growing tired of telling you the same thing over and over again if it meant he could ease your mind.

The moonlight bounces off his in a way that makes you think it could be glowing if you didn't know any better.

"I told you that I would be. Years ago. You remember?"

"Of course I remember."

He lets out a breathy laugh at your reply, shaking his head. "That was a foolish question. I don't think you've ever forgotten a single word anyone has ever spoken to you."

"Sure I have." You say, tilting your head as you look up at him, trying to catch the same moonlight reflect in the blue of his eyes as you walk down the path. "I just don't forget... the important bits."

"I will try my best to take care of you while you're here."

"My honest, best advice? Figure out a way to escape."

"I can't have killed them all for nothing."

"You are not a beast."

"Please, don't walk away again."

"I survived because I had to learn to love you."

"Like in your books?" His voice interrupts the swirling of speech from years past, and you shrug.

"Not exactly... it feels different. Because I can hear it, still." You explain, voice dropping into something more quiet as the remnants of your fear eats away at the back of your mind, the cold night breeze imprinting your skin.

"God, the way your mind works, love." He says, and as you look up at him to be met with an expression of pride that always changes everything. "You amaze me every day."

You stay quiet, cheeks getting hot as you look back down at the path.

"Are you happy?" Coryo asks after a moment, eyes never daring to leave your profile as you walk next to him, hardly more than a silhouette in the dark. But certainly more than a ghost, now.

"I am." You reply, the smile creeping back onto your lips. "Such hours are beautiful to live, but hard to describe..."

He hums softly in response. That was a yes, but also a no in the most you fashion possible. His heart remains heavy in his chest knowing that there is nothing more he can do for you to help you heal besides be present. "Is there anything more I can do?" He asks anyway, hoping that maybe you would come up with something.

You shake your head, giving him a tight-lipped smile laced with reassurance.

"Well, then..." He sighs, rather dramatically. "I did have an idea, you know, something that might make you happy. Even just for this one beautiful hour."

You let out a laugh, squeezing his hand a bit. "If that was you asking me if we could-"

"I would like to marry you." He says, for the first time ever, not feeling guilty about interrupting you.

You stop in your tracks, and he stops with you instantly as if he were waiting for it, his hold on your hand not faltering for a second.

"I... you-"

"Darling," He starts, stepping in front of you now, blocking out the moon but hardly putting a dent in the presence of the stars over his shoulders, their soft light reflecting off his blonde curls. "I do love nothing in the world so well as you."

Your shock and confusion begins to wear off as he speaks the familiar words, and you laugh softly. "In your own words, Coryo."

He tilts his head at you, clearly not having expected that kind of response. He expected a lot of things. He planned for everything that could go wrong, he prepared for rejection, for tears, panic, even, but he did not expect that. "I, uh..." He chuckles nervously, giving his head a quick shake to get himself back on track.

He had read that play just for you. Just for this- because he knew how much you loved it, and he remembered the joy it brought you. The smile on your face when you told him about it that day at the lake had never left his mind.

"If you ask me in your own words, I shall say yes." You assure him, hands gripping tighter onto his despite your surprisingly calm demeanor.

"I thought you would like that... You know, knowing you..."

He's quick to defend himself, and your eyes almost sparkle as you look up into his own. "We should have learned by now that our story is our own, yes?" You ask. "We are not Beatrice and Benedick, or Laurie and Amy, or even Romeo and Juliet, just like I used to think we were supposed to be when my days were numbered. I thought I wanted one of those stories to be mine at least once before I died, but I was wrong." You say, taking in the embarrassed flush of his cheeks even in the dim lighting. "You are you, and I am me. No matter what you say I will be happy to marry you, so long as you ask me yourself, and not as someone else."

"Alright then." He gives you a curt nod, a smile on his face as he lowers himself in front of you, careless of the dirt that would no doubt cake into the knee of his pants. "You're everything to me, Y/N/N. My world... my heart, my soul. I didn't know what love was until I met you. I've spent the entirety of my adult life learning to love you, and I never intend to stop. Not even for a moment, so please, let me marry you, love."

"A Coryo indeed." You say softly, recalling the first day you had met him- when you only knew him as Coriolanus, and how far you both had come since then. The growing smile on your lips twitches and you nod, holding his hand a little tighter and attempting to pull Coryo back to his feet. "Of course I will. Nothing would make me happier."

He stands again and very quickly his arms are around you, holding you just as tight as they always had.

taglist: @soulessjourney , @that-veela-girl ,  @dreamyysouls , @rockstarbfs , @maysileeewrites , @baybieruth , @kitscutie ,  @fratboyharrysgf0201 , @totallynotkaibiased , @stelleduarte , @secretsicanthideanymore , @bejeweledreverie , @drewsandsebastianswife , @niicole-87 , @queenofshinigamis , @innercreationflower , @nallasstuff , @iovemoonyy , @thatmarvelchick19 , @wearemadeofstardust0 , @regulusblackcore , @puredreamagination , @fantasticchaosthing , @becauseseaotters , @secretsicanthideanymore , @cascadingbliss

if you want to join the taglist for future fics (requiem, michigan cherry, etc.) as well as the bonus content for this fic, follow me over on @runningfrom2am-library and turn on post notifs! all i do over there is reblog my own writing, so it's effectively a taglist :)

thanks again for being here.

xx, raye

[eliteseven]

I feel u on struggling to find time to write. Currently in the cycle of coming home exhausted from work but spending the time chilling and doing other stuff instead of writing, and then regretting it as I sit in work the next day frustrated lol. Plus theres other projects i need to work on like a dnd one shot and an old dragon age fanfic(which im not even sure i wanna finish since my wardens home has been nuked in the new game :/) And Arcane! My friends also recommend it highly but im certain it’ll consume my life as soon as i watch it lol. Feels like dozens of other shiny things that want attention. Theres just not enough hours in the day! Wishing u the best of luck, and a few spare hours to get ur fix in

Yesss exactly! 🫠 so many projects, so little time. I actually dread getting into new series/games bc I know I’ll love them but also I need to be working on the projects I already have!

(I’m so sorry for your Warden lol. That game nuked…like everything to be fair.)

I also hate being late to shows/games (happened already with BG3 lol) because I feel like I have to play catch up and I kinda missed the fandom momentum. And I’m so late to Arcane 🥲 so tbh that helps me put off watching it bc I feel like I wouldn’t have much to contribute fandom-wise.

Writing makes me so happy 😭 it entertains me for hours and I feel proud of my work afterwards. I have some ideas that I’m itching to share. I wish I could illustrate! I wouldn’t hesitate to do an original graphic novel or comic or something to that effect. I hateeeeee my job, I want to weasel my way out of this and into writing fictional works, somehow. Is it possible? Idk but let a girl dream 💀 keeps me going lol

I hope you find some spare time, too! 😊 I’d be really excited to see what you will write, either for DA or DND, if you wanted to share!!

[steveharrington]

longlegs spoilers and also sorry this is long, been trying to decide how i feel about this movie lol

ty for saying that about nicholas cage. he was good but i was never interested by or attached to longlegs as a character tbh; i found the bait and switch w the sotl vibes fun but i did come away feeling like longlegs was a meh buffalo bill remix (esp w the flashback scene where he sings). imo we should have spent less time w him; particularly the scene where he's at that hardware store and the driving scene - i think he would have been better served by having his presence known via the dolls, surviving victim, letters, lee's mom, and flashback exclusively first so his behavior in the interview could land better. i felt like i was too used to him being weird by that point for anything he does in the interview to actually land. i think lee's mom was way more interesting and i also found that scene w the surviving bday girl more unsettling than anything w longlegs himself. idk if you feel this way but i always felt kind of distanced from the movie? like i appreciated the craftsmanship and had a good time watching but i was never really invested in the action or characters so i never got tense/anxious/etc watching the movie.

yes!!!! i personally never felt the dread that everyone has been talking about, and that was very disappointing :/ i read so many review that were like “you’ll feel a sickening sense of dread that follows you home…….” and i just didn’t. when i think about a movie that creates an atmosphere of dread, my brain automatically goes to lake mungo. what makes lake mungo so successful imo is that it’s VERY restrained and holds back the scariest moment until the perfect time to really sucker punch you. blair witch is also great at building dread and making you feel trapped until the scariest scene, which is the end. i feel like longlegs was so eager to show you their spooooooky titular villain immediately, like literally the opening scene is the most disturbed i felt in the whole movie. from there, you just get used to longlegs. you understand his character from the hardware store scene and then there’s nowhere else to go with him.

i was so excited for the scene with lee and longlegs. it was all over the marketing, they used maika’s heart rate in the ads, i thought like omg this is gonna be SO scary but then it was just. confusing. longlegs just speaks in riddles that you as the audience member have no chance to figure out on your own, because the revelation just gets explained to you by lee’s mom in two minutes. you’re exactly right that it makes you feel less involved in the story and just like you’re kinda watching through glass, which makes it hard to feel dread or anxiety or fear

i hate that my brain does this, but when i’m watching a horror movie, if the thought “this movie is trying too hard to scare me” enters my brain, it’s so over. from there it’s doomed. i’m out and i can’t get back in. if i get the sense that a movie is throwing everything it can think of at the wall to try and scare me, and i only feel at most slightly unsettled, it reallllllly annoys me. and unfortunately i felt that with longlegs 💔 and i do like the story, the visuals, i LOVE lee harker as a character and maika’s performance of her, so i still enjoyed the movie and think it’s good! but i don’t think it’s unfair to weigh if a horror movie is actually scary when discussing it, esp when it was a core part of the marketing that everyone who watched it would pass out and throw up and die from fear, and yeah it didn’t hit in that sense

[internetgiraffekid1673]

Musings on How I Experience Love

A.K.A. I learned about a queer identity, and it made me have thoughts about my own identity that are only tangentially related, and I didn't want to derail existing posts.

TL;DR at the bottom.

Introduction

Ya'll. I just learned about a thing called aplatonicism. Aplatonic. Does not experience platonic attraction. And it got me thinking.

To be clear, while I am super happy for and very supportive of all the aplatonics out there, I am not aplatonic. I have a number of friends and I feel all my feelings about my friends very strongly. Probably more strongly than most of them tbh.

Buuuuut, learning that this was a thing made me start poking at how I experience ALL my types of connection with people.

So, consider this post an exploration of my queerness and my relationships in general. If anyone has labels they'd like to introduce, please come forth. I find comfort in labels, and they're kinda fun.

BTW, this is all coming from someone who identifies as aroace and/or asexual arospec.

Familial Love:

If I had to list the most important and valued relationships in my life, all the top spots would go to family members. This is reflected in my day-to-day behavior.

My friends will have to wait hours or days before I can build up the emotional fortitude to text them back, and I find myself dreading receiving texts from them. With my family, I will initiate conversation, text them for no reason, open my phone in the hopes of having recieved texts from them, and feel immense relief when I see the text is from them and not a friend.

I can receive calls from my family without immediately panicking and spend literal hours on the phone with them, where I can barely stomach a few minutes from friends (I have phone anxiety).

I will cancel in person meetings with friends IN EXCHANGE for in person meetings or phone calls with family if I am having a bad day.

I trust my family with information I don't trust my friends with.

When I am home and I have the option to, I will spend more hours of the day being around my family than being by myself, despite being introverted. The same consideration does not apply to friends.

My family is allowed to upset me in ways that my friends are not. I still adore my family and easily forgive them after they push certain boundaries and triggers, but I won't even keep talking to a friend who does that.

Large gatherings of people I know well and consider friends are intimidating and draining. Large gatherings of people I have accepted as family, even if we haven't spoken in years and I don't know them too well, are exciting and relaxing.

All of these things combined make me inclined to conclude that I experience familial love much more strongly than platonic love. I progress from "like" to "love" much easier with family than with friends, I feel more strongly about my family than I do about any of my friends, I will choose family over friendship every time. I've developed a couple of friends over the years that I've become exceptionally close to, and I literally refer to them as "my second family" or "like my siblings."

This is. . .interesting to me, and was sparked by learning about aplatonics. I discovered aplatonicism when I stumbled across a couple aplatonic tumblr blogs, and all the ones I happened upon specified that they were "loveless," indivudiuals whi didn't experience familial love either. But, they still introduced the concept of thinking about platonic love and familial love as separate.

I'm wondering if anyone has words to describe feeling familial love really extra strongly, even if you also experience platonic attraction and are decidely not aplatonic? Oh, also, I have social anxiety, but it isn't really triggered by family members, where it is easily and frequently triggered by friends. I have been overstimulated to the point of tears at large family gatherings before, but it was only with people I literally had no memories of and did not mentally consider family.

Also, I'm not really sure how my brain classifies "family." It certainly isn't "people I've lived with," since there are at least 3 of those that don't count, and most of my extended family does. It obviously isn't "people I'm biologically related to," because of in-laws and legal guardian situations that I do count, but it also isn't "people I am/was legally related to," because a lot of legal extended family that I've never met or just don't talk to don't count in my brain, including people that I technically have a closer legal relationship with than people who count as family. It's some combination of a bunch of factors, and I can't even name most of them.

Basically, familial love is much higher and much stronger in my emotional hierarchy than any other type of love, including platonic friendship, and I find that noteworthy.

Platonic Love:

So, as mentioned in the introductory section, I think I feel my feelings about platonic love/attraction more strongly than the people on the other side of those relationships.

However, I don't think this actually has much to do with my attraction level. I think it's a symptom of allonormativity. Almost all my friends are allorose, and I think this influences the way they view friendships in general. Friendships are generally considered a less valuable, less intense, less committed kind of relationship by an allonormative society. They're like an in-between step between strangers and a romantic/sexual relationship, and people don't really consider that they can both give and take just as much as those other types of connection.

Any friendship involves an obligation. A social contract of things you do for each other. An unspoken agreement that you'll care about and put effort towards each other. They take just as much work and care to maintain as any sort of romantic/sexual relationship will. For people who experience platonic attraction, they also provide connection, safety, emotional fulfillment, enjoyment, happiness, and all the other things that are also affiliated with romantic/sexual relationships.

As an aroace person, friendships and familial connections fully provide all my emotional needs. I don't need or want a "higher" relationship. And when I look at the people in my life who are or were involved in a romantic relationship, some of them continued to put more effort towards and recieve more fulfillment from their friendships than from their romance.

So, I place a lot of importance on my platonic love and affection for my friends, especially those that edge towards that "second family" territory. For those not in that zone, though, I think they would generally consider friendships nice, but far more casual and less important and all-consuming as romantic love. Even if we do experience the same levels of attraction towards and affection for each other, they place less importance on it because they have other emotional needs that are not being met and that society values more.

These thoughts also developed from reading about aplatonics, by the way, and their frustrations with the fact that because friendship is undervalued, people don't extend the same care towards forming and maintaining friendships as they do towards romantic and sexual relationships. People don't ask if they can be your friends as adults, and they don't really do platonic DTRs to determine how much you can reasonably expect from each other. That means an aplatonic who has no interest in being friends with people will suddenly be shoved in this box that comes with all these expectations and they DID NOT sign up for it.

I also have experienced strong queer platonic attraction towards at least one person, and I would use the aromantic term "squish" to define how I feel about this person. If I didn't know that this person is allorose and actively seeking a romantic partnership with someone, I would want to platonically date this person, and we have already acknowledged that our relationship is fully platonic but exceptionally close, and we like it that way.

Romantic Love

In my intro, you may have noticed that I identify as aromantic AND/OR arospec. This is mostly because I am relatively new to identifying myself as aromantic, and I don't have a whole lot of experience with thinking about how I feel about romance through this lens. I only discovered aromanticism was a thing like a year and a half ago, and I have only been exploring the label and identifying with it for a few months.

Before learning about aromanticism, I would hear about romance and crushes and think, "Huh, I've never felt that way. Oh well, I'm sure I will eventually." Now that I know this isn't necessarily true, I have some mixed up feelings.

I have never felt romantic attraction towards anybody. The question comes in my DESIRE for that attraction/relationship. I feel like I could happily live my entire life without a romantic relationship. But, I also wouldn't be upset if I developed romantic attraction for a close friend and entered a romantic relationship with them. That idea isn't bad for me, and I find myself enjoying the thought, even if I don't wish for it and have no desire to seek one out.

However, a lot of the things people consider part of a romantic relationship are things I would do with a QPR. I know I'm not feeling whatever it is they're feeling, and I know I wouldn't behave in the same way, but I can't exactly verbalize those behavioral differences. Just some examples:

Going on dates: I would 100% platonically date someone and actually already do. I also do familial dates. Both these things involve planning a specific time to go do stuff with a specific individual just to be with them because we both like being around each other and we want to spend time together and do things that make the other person happy. If it is a person I have established a touchy-feely relationship with, it will also involve all of the touchy things we do together. With my parents, this is up to and including pecks on the lips and holding hands. With my squish, this regularly goes up to cuddling and laying right next to or partially on top of each other.

Touching each other, even when not on dates. I am a very touchy-feely person. Touch is my love language, but how much I am comfortable touching a person depends.

My parents kiss me, but in the same way you kiss a baby or a puppy. This includes on the lips sometimes. That would feel weird with anyone else, but it feels nice, normal, and affectionate with them.

He never has, but I wouldn't be uncomfortable with my brother kissing my hair or my forehead, which is something my extended family does pretty frequently (aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc.). I don't think I would feel uncomfortable if my squish or my second family friends kissed my hair or forehead, but I'd feel pretty weird if any of my other friends did it.

I don't mind holding hands with my family, my second family, or my squish either, even if that isn't my preferred form of contact (I like something a bit more solid).

I hug everyone who is okay with it. Anybody who likes hugs and has made this known to me gets hugs from me. The same can be applied to cuddling, hair petting, etc.

While I don't tickle other people, I am very ticklish and enjoy getting tickled by people I am physically affectionate with. Anyone who gets forehead kiss privileges gets tickle privileges.

I was in scouts and speech and debate and consider sleeping in the same bed a non-intimate activity. It would feel weird if they're significantly younger or older than me and not family, but as long as we're similar in age, I'll share a bed with a total stranger. We'll probably even end out cuddling in our sleep since I'm a little heat leech when I'm sleeping.

Dancing: I'll happily do anything from formal waltz to intimate tango with family, second family, or squish. I will feel only sort of weird about doing it with friends, acquaintances, and strangers at events that are made for that kind of thing. The more formal the dance, the closer to sort of weird we get. Intimate latin tango? Kinda weird, but not awful if nobody MAKES it weird. Old timey jig? Honestly, it's pretty normal.

Buying Gifts: I don't really buy gifts for other people unless it's their birthday or Christmas, but my friends get handmade presents all the time.

Flirting. While I'd feel really put off by a stranger flirting with me, my friends and I jokingly flirt all the time. In high school, I had a friend who would greet me every day with variations of "Hey sugar lips, nice eybrows." While I have only engaged in this behavior with my straight female friends (I'm a woman), I wouldn't feel uncomfortable if my female-attracted friends of any variety did this too. It would be really, really weird if anyone did it seriously, though.

Sharing drinks/food. I already do this platonically all the time. The only reason I don't share straws with friends is because we're all the age where none of us can guarantee we don't have mono unless we've been recently tested. I do share straws with my family if none of us are currently sick.

Marriage. I would marry my QPP and/or best friend. I know I would like to raise kids if I am ever emotionally capable, and I want to do it with a partner. I would love to live with someone I'm platonically attracted to until the end of time and would appreciate the benefits of legal civil union. That opening sequence in Up called "Married Life?" Apart from the actual making out and implied sex, I would do literally all of that in a platonic relationship. I don't think I NEED it to be happy, but it certainly feels like something I WANT (as opposed to an actual romantic relationship).

So basically, I have no desire for a romantic relationship, but I am not repulsed by the idea, and a lot of the trappings of a romantic relationship are actually something I'm interested in platonically. People with labels come forth!

I also am not freaked out by other people in romances. I have no issues with my friends being lovey dovey with their partners around me, although unless they're really REALLY obvious about it, I won't be able to tell their dating without verbal confirmation. I dislike most romance plots and subplots in fiction, but I can also think of a lot that I enjoy (almost all of which lack sexual elements as well).

Sexual Love

I am very VERY ace. I have absolutely no desire or interest in sex. I have never had a desire. I can't picture myself EVER having a desire. I am disgusted by the thought of myself ever having sex by any definition of the word, including just kissing in a mildly erotic manner. I feel uncomfortable seeing people lingering kisses in front of me, including fictional people, and I skip anything in books that could be remotely classified as sexual. Multiply any squick by like a thousand if it's non-consensual.

I am, however, fine with the idea that other people have consensual sex with each other, as long as I'm not given details. My roommate could look me dead in the eyes and tell me every fictional character she desperately wants to bone, and that she and her boyfriend boned in our room last night, and I would be absolutely fine. The minute she starts describing details, I'm like, "No thanks." Fade to black fiction scenes are great. Implied/referenced sex is fine, even implied/referenced rape in works of fiction as long as it's treated with the necessary gravity (obviously, it's never okay that real people go through that).

I should also add that when spoken about in a purely biological context with clinical language, you can give me as many details as you want, and that I also find my irl horny friends funny during their horny episodes.

But yeah, no sex for me ever, thanks.

TL;DR

I read about aplatonicism, and it got me thinking about all the different types of attraction and love and how I, as an arospec asexual with social anxiety, experience them.

I experience intense and powerful familial love that is far more important to me than any other relationship can hope to get.

I experience platonic attraction, including queerplatonic attraction, but feel that the people on the other end of those relationships don't value them as much or feel they take as much effort as I do because of allonormativity.

I don't experience romantic attraction, but am perfectly fine with the idea of a romantic relationship, even if I don't actively seek it out. I also have a lot of confusion about if a romantic relationship would even look different than a platonic one for me, since a lot of things people DO in romantic relationships are things I do platonically, up to and including kissing and marriage.

I don't experience sexual attraction, don't want to, and am generally grossed out by sex. I'm fine if other people do it, I just don't need details and I don't ever want to think about having any kind of sex myself.

Anyone who has labels to offer is welcome!

[snufflepup]

I'm glad you'll check it out! Though sorry, I'm like kinda just ranting on about my favorite media in these asks -_-' but I can't wait to see if you like it! I like knowing people like the things I recomend^^ I loved loved Mike and Mal, but since I saw season one back a bit ago, I was a total Duncan fan girl (now fanboy lol) >.< he's just so!!!! Yk? Though his character development over the seasons wasn't the best :< I remember I liked Gwen and zoe a lot, and scott was cool too from what i remember. I used to hate Alejandro, but tbh he warmed up to me in the last season he was in, I think. And there's the book of Bill that came out recently, teasing at stuff, though. idk if anyone knows what's going on with it lol. And I think I might be fine on watching that video, it takes a lot to make me cry (not to try and be insulting or anything). I think the last time I cried was when my gf broke up with me, but I mean before that Idk when I cried lol.

I remember when I was 5, I'd cry every night cause I thought the sun would explode and we'd all die lol. I think tears would look cute on you, a cute little puppy face all puffy and wet with tears, ahh! It just sounds the cutest!<3 but yeah, I had existential dread at that age too, wondering whats the point in living if no one will really actually care. Thats why i wanna become a famous youtuber one day! Then everyone would remember me, or that'd be the plan. Though the older i get, the less i feel like that dream is obtainable for me. All that youtube cares about is clickbait and dumb shit, and i cant see myself gaining an audience cause i mean i post on my tiktok weekly and i struggle to even get 100 views, so its kinda depressing the more i think about it. I used to be so hopeful and excited to be able to share myself online and make people happy, but it kinda just feels out of reach now. And given I used to be a gifted kid, I mean I could have actually done something with myself when I was younger, but as I got older I just couldn't apply myself as easily and gave up on thinking entirely. I actually can't think at all because of that and just hope I understand the concept on the first try like before or I'm fucked lol. I'm actually sad now kinda and realized I just kinda vented to you- sorry puppy :<

-ike<3

It's alright ! I don't mind at all !!

I remember liking him in the beginning, but not so much later on, I understand what you mean about his character development didn't go in the best direction !! I'm really excited for whatevers going on with it ! I feel like I can get really emotional very easily at times, I wouldn't say that I cry a lot but . I kind of do at the same time . I recently cried over a video of someone talking about how they lost one of their pets, and the other one missed them a lot and stuff . I probably cried harder than I should have . It was so sad (◞ ⸝⸝ ◟ ) aaa ! I'm blushing . /pos

I think I had the same kind of thoughts, the memory is a little fuzzy now though, so I don't really remember exactly what they were. I'm sure if you keep at it, you can do it !! I think, from what I know at least, it's definitely harder than what it was at like the start of youtube and like you said it's all like . click bait and disengenuous and things like that, but I also see a lot of people talking about how they don't like it so I'm sure that means it's not hopeless ^–^ A lot of people also say you should do what makes you happy, and not to focus so much on views and stuff but idk ! I'm not one so take what I say with like a grain of salt !! Growing up is hard. . . I think it's okay to feel like things are harder now, because they are ! I don't think that means your not like, gifted or anymore, I think it just means things have changed . Sorry I don't think I made very much sense. . . I feel like I just said things, but I'm trying to say I think you are still important

I hope you feel better now ! I'm sorry this took so long, too

[padfootagain]

not a request but i’m so excited for chapter 20 but like also kinda dreading it cuz i know it’ll be over after that 😭 i just know i’ll be crying over the last chapter in a few hours.

Hi!

Thank you so much, I'm glad you're excited!

Ngl, I'm very emotional this week over oaa ending. I've been working on this fic since January, it's been with me every day for so long now, it's always very emotional and such a strange feeling to finish a series. I cried a lot editing the chapter today tbh.

I'm so happy you enjoyed my writing, thank you, and I hope you like the final chapter too.

Have a lovely day 💕

[carnivorousyandeere]

Student Council Intros

Short descriptions of their positions, personalities, interests, and relations to one another. I will elaborate more on their specific yandere tendencies in another post soon~! requests about them are also okay <3

President: Hailey (she/her)

Eldest of the triplets

Undergraduate

Double Major in Math and Business

Queen bee, popular, pretty, ambitious, ruthless. Dedicated follower of the clean-girl aesthetic; bloodless, antiseptic, minimal, devoid of any evidence of actually living. Competitive, cutthroat.

Totally having the time of her life in college and her sorority!! (Maybe…?)

Probably destined to climb a corporate ladder somewhere.

Short; light green eyes; shoulder-length blonde hair (dyed)

Likes: being heard, being in charge. Being the center of attention, admiration, and jealousy. Tennis, running, smoothies, scrunchies, being just mean enough to watch people squirm but not mean enough to get called out on it

Dislikes: being challenged (well… depends on context), being away from her sisters (literal sisters not the sorority sisters), anything super messy or woodsy/outdoorsy

Vice President: Kaylee (she/they)

Youngest of the triplets

Undergraduate

Law Major

Minor in Latin

Devil’s advocate, casual, incisive, irreverent, witty. Competitive, though not as much as Hailey. Argumentative, blunt, analytical, but also committed to the bit.

Kinda hates college but wasn’t sure what else to do after high school.

Short; light green eyes; dark brown hair in a pixie cut (not dyed)

Likes: debating, arguing, true crime, reading the wackiest court transcripts she can get her hands on, chess, drama and theatre

Dislikes: math, science, being compared to her sisters, the law enforcement system and most of the judicial system too tbh (corrupt from the start and ineffective)

Advisor: Emerson (they/them)

Kendra’s older sibling

Graduate student and T.A.

Studying architecture

Typically calm, easy-going, and thoughtful, although busy places can overwhelm them. Generally asocial, but kind, and cares deeply about the people close to them. Punctual, organized, artistic.

Heavily burnt-out from school, but their deep love of architecture as a subject keeps them going.

Tall; dark brown/black eyes; hair in thick, long, jet-black dreads.

Likes: sketching, watercolor, prismacolor markers, learning about architecture, reorganizing their collection of markers

Dislikes: being a T.A., loud environments, most strong smells, bright lights, inconsiderate and closed-minded people

Treasurer: Rayleigh (she/her)

Middle triplet

Kendra and Jace’s friend

Undergraduate

Double-Major in Biology and Geology

The rare shy extrovert (?). Talks your ear off when you get to know her. Passionate and excitable, tends to be literal-minded. Comes across as very anxious and high-tension if you don’t know her well.

Wasn’t too sure about college at first, but she’s really starting to open up some and enjoy herself more.

Short; light green eyes; long light brown hair with highlights and stuff (dyed), but also her dark brown roots showing

Likes: her friends! :D, archaeology, fossils and “living fossils,” SHARKS, anything outdoorsy, anime, documentaries

Dislikes: being the center of attention, alternately having to compete with her sisters for scraps of attention, debating, writing papers for humanities classes 😣

Secretary: Kendra (she/her)

Emerson’s younger sister

Rayleigh and Jace’s friend

Fashion Design Major

Another shy extrovert? Emotional, excitable, creative, always up to try something new, once you get to know her. Otherwise comes across as very quiet, deep-in-thought, serious, or maybe a little spacey?

Loves college overall even though the professors in her major can be real assholes.

Short; dark brown/black eyes; keeps her jet-black natural hair in an afro sometimes, and pulls it back and up into a puff a lot too. Has a collection of pretty, colorful hair bands for this reason.

Likes: anime, cosplay, writing, daydreaming, blue jean material as a medium for her art, heels (not comfortable but she wants to feel taller 😭)

Dislikes: anything super outdoorsy, math classes (“I already know all the math I need for my patterns! 😫”), a lot of the required classes tbh (“Booooring.”)

Honorary Member: Jace (he/they)

Rayleigh and Kendra’s friend

Undergraduate Researcher

Biology Major

Shy, reticent, cautious. Just wants to keep his head down, but their friends keep dragging them into stuff like the student council… for better or worse. Analytical, meticulous, curious.

Hates college, but is determined to graduate anyway.

Short; dark brown/black eyes; short, black, shoulder-length hair.

Likes: camping, hiking, rowing, campfire food, stargazing, ALGAE (their research topic)

Dislikes: most people, his voice (started T somewhat recently and is embarrassed by the voice cracks 🥺💕)

[tadpolesonalgae]

i like that we finally got to see reader with the ic but it always leaves me feeling even worse for her because they are overlooking her like crazy. i like that nesta came back to invite her to day court with her but the fact that eris knew about the trip before she did? i get that she doesn't really ask or care much for what they do (i think it's more she doesn't think she deserves to know which is even worse) but i mean at this point it's safe to say she barely knows what's happening with her family and even if she likes to isolate herself and all that it's not a good thing. i like the way she was thinking during the dinner because i have that problem too even with family so it really felt realistic but im sorry to go in on the ic again but mor was the only one who tried getting her to talk and mor is also one of the ones that isn't really related to her. it's also a bit weird that rhys doesn't really try talking with her because one thing about rhysand he likes the sound of his own voice, also cass especially when nesta was talking to her, cass is the friendliest one so even him kinda ignoring her is a bit.. all i'm getting is they don't trust her, whether because they don't think much of her or think she'd fuck things up or even they just genuinely don't.

and i mean the part with eris was nice but it just shows even more how out of it she is at home and doesn't really leave any indication that she should stay there. like she was dreading being with her family but she was excited to speak to the dude she barely knows and is kind of an asshole and that part "I don’t get to spend my days simply lying around to pester the only person who’ll give me a scrap of attention." like he's right and it sucks tbh. her family really doesn't give her any attention. and even how he already has her figured out by a couple interactions and no one in the ic even knows shit about her like i get that eris is very observant but so is literally everyone else in the ic and you can kinda see az starting to observe her and try to figure her out (he was observing her way too closely like i love him dearly but i know for a fact mr spymaster over there can be less obvious to the point she has to tell him to stop staring and he doesnt). idk i just wish the ic didn't treat her like a child that can feed herself so they don't even have to check on. and as mean as eris was being he's right so many times like this part "It’s a little embarrassing that you don’t already know. What are they teaching you over there? How to be an emotional burden?" too like it was so mean but it's true, they're not teaching her literally anything and it is embarrassing to watch like i just want her to speak up for herself. i get that she doesn't want to be like nesta probably because she was on the end of her sharp words way too often but it's so frustrating seeing her hide herself like that and i refuse to believe no one in the ic noticed she's holding back, unless they're really not even giving her a single thought or maybe they don't care enough to try to get her out, i dont know which one is worse

also this is still before the 2 weeks were up i'm guessing? so they still don't know about her powers? that's probably going to be a shitshow but i can't wait for her to stop trying to do everything herself at the risk of her own health and mental stability at this point. i'm also guessing after that she won't get overlooked as much because they could see her being useful but then it would leave a bitter taste to see them only care about her after thinking she could help them instead of being because they genuinely care about her, which i can't really see from that many people here i'm sorry, elain and her are the only ones who actually look like they like each other, feyre and even nesta just look kinda tentative (is that a word) with her like they don't want anything bad for her but as long as she's breathing and healthy i guess they don't look like they care and the rest of the ic probably can't even tell if she's there on most days or not, shoutout to mor for trying again though. really can't wait for her to stop pretending and just let her emotions out and tell them she's been feeling like a burden and it's their fault for not giving a fuck about her. i hope she gets her little trip with eris too because 2 weeks with eris and she'd get her claws all the way out but idk how she would manage to go to autumn in a peaceful way like as much as i'm going in on the ic, i still want them to fix things with her because like i said before if the endgame here is her getting together with azriel and staying in the night court a lot of things have to change and it's not just with azriel

is this going to be a really long series? because since it's chapter 8 and reader still honestly hasn't had much of a development i'm guessing it's going to be long right? i mean i kinda hope so because the more the better lol

also i'm glad mor is taking her shopping because the white cotton nightgown that goes down to her ankles told me everything i needed to know about her style and i'm glad she's getting an upgrade

i feel like this was mostly me rambling about the ic but it's really frustrating to watch her making herself look dull like eris said and pretend everything is always okay so she's not a burden but it's also frustrating that no one even cares enough to realize that she's quite literally a mess mentally or pretend they don't see it - 🧶

‘i get that she doesn't really ask or care much for what they do (i think it's more she doesn't think she deserves to know which is even worse)’

We love a low self-esteem girlie 🫶

But yeah, arguably part of the whole problem links back to her not wanting to bother anyone, so it comes across as blatant disinterest which perpetuates the issue :/

‘i like the way she was thinking during the dinner because i have that problem too even with family’

On a separate note, I’m so glad you have this problem too (that sounds so mean 😭, I’m glad it’s not an isolated issue) because it’s honestly so bizarre? Like all you need to do is say something like “hey, would you mind passing the [Dish X], thanks!” And you’re basically golden but it’s so difficult for absolutely no reason.

Anyway reader has that fun little struggle too, which someone’s taking a notice of🍜

‘it's also a bit weird that rhys doesn't really try talking with her because one thing about rhysand he likes the sound of his own voice,’

😭😭😭 Poor Rhys

I think that point (as well as the Cassian one) is more an insufficiency on my part—I just didn’t want to write a conversation involving the whole table one, because I couldn’t think of a way to make it seem organic and two, I think reader would have genuinely had a mental breakdown right then and there if she had to be involved in a full-scale conversation 😭 (kinda funny, kinda not but oh well)

‘all i'm getting is they don't trust her, whether because they don't think much of her or think she'd fuck things up or even they just genuinely don't.’

So, I’ve already started on Part 9 (since there was something near a whole month between part 7 and 8, oops and sorry) and a while ago someone suggested writing something from Azriel’s pov so at least his actions might be understandable? Also since reader’s perspective on things is slightly skewed by her poor perception of herself 😬

Anyway, hopefully in Part 9 you’re going to get to see things from the IC’s view point which might clear somethings up and make it more believable? Idk, I like having some of the confusion of not knowing what’s going on but I suppose after a certain point it might become a little deus ex machina? I like miscommunication but I think it would be a bit of a stretch to put everything on “hey they didn’t know”, so I’m going to begin sorting that out :)

‘and is kind of an asshole and that part "I don’t get to spend my days simply lying around to pester the only person who’ll give me a scrap of attention." like he's right and it sucks tbh’

I think part of the appeal of Eris for reader is that while what he says is sometimes hurtful, he does treat her like an adult and doesn’t really pull his punches at all? 😭

But then obviously there are moments like in part 8 where he strikes a raw nerve which triggers a bit of overthinking (only a bit)

‘(he was observing her way too closely like i love him dearly but i know for a fact mr spymaster over there can be less obvious to the point she has to tell him to stop staring and he doesnt)’

I’m going to expand on this part later (maybe in Part 9 if I get the plot together) but he was connecting some dots in that moment (bless him 🫂)

‘like i just want her to speak up for herself.’

Personally kinda scared for that moment but you do you—I’m sure she’ll manage to express herself in a totally calm and concise manner 😌

‘also this is still before the 2 weeks were up i'm guessing? so they still don't know about her powers? that's probably going to be a shitshow’

Yeah I realised I didn’t put that in at all, but part 9 is set about a week after that initial agreement is settled on, so halfway to the end!

‘i'm also guessing after that she won't get overlooked as much’

Something along those lines… 👀

I mean, it would be a bit bizarre if they ignored that mess?

‘is this going to be a really long series? because since it's chapter 8 and reader still honestly hasn't had much of a development i'm guessing it's going to be long right?’

I’m awful at guess series length but I’d say we’re coming up to the halfway point? Maybe another three or four chapters then we’ll be halfway through? There’s still a lot of stuff to happen and a lot to be resolved, so yeah, it’s going to be a while—hope that’s okay 🧡💛

‘also i'm glad mor is taking her shopping because the white cotton nightgown that goes down to her ankles told me everything i needed to know about her style and i'm glad she's getting an upgrade’

Yeah, Erie was completed right when he made the comment about readers fashion sense—there’s a lot to be desired 😭

Also, the shopping trip might happen in part 9 but I don’t yet know if it will fit in so we’ll see what happens and where it goes :)

Hopefully Mor will work some of her magic with reader and get her to be a little more comfortable around Velaris :)

‘i feel like this was mostly me rambling about the ic’

I think your little rambles are one of the things I’ve missed most about updating CBMTHY 😭

It’s so enjoyable reading through these and it also helps me know what needs to be mentioned in future chapters 🧡💛🫂

[the-cryptographer]

finished A Game of Thrones today. rambling post that covers stuff over the last couple weeks.

Incredibly embarrassing to me that both Renly and Littlefinger lay out terms for their support of Ned, he refuses them both, but then still goes on believing he can rely on their help on his terms. Like him expecting Renly to stick around and support him and being so shocked pikachu face that Renly up and left overnight. Of course Petyr betraying Ned was really a matter of 'when' more than 'if', and I'm only tentatively willing to believe that Renly was better in that regard, but any support better than no support in those circumstances, Ned, omg.

Ned and Cersei really do have chemistry hate to say it. Did very much enjoy him telling her to take her children and flee, something something Robert's wrath. And Cersei's line, 'And what of my wrath?' Extremely good and sexy.

Was kinda dreading the story of Tyrion's first love/wife being brought up, and I was right to be. I don't remember having this strong a reaction to his character first time around, but the madonna-whore dichotomy between [vaguely-described first wife who I think tbh would be entirely justified wanting to marry this dude for his money first and his personality second because we certainly have very little info about why she fell for him] and Shae is a-ha *grimace*. I'm a fan of the books over the show in most regards, but I do think the show deciding to just focus more on Shae is one of those choices I think was unequivocally for the best. and knowing where all this is going (femicide) the thing I am most excited to see is how intentionally evil the whole thing comes off to me in this rereading. I think there's a lot to be said about Tyrion being the child that most resembles Tywin - for better and for worse - but it will be nice to see how much the worse part gets textual acknowledgement.

For some reason I thought Maester Aemon being a Targaryen was something they didn't reveal until later books. Tho tbh with a name like Aemon it was hardly a secret so idk why I thought that.

Hoster Tully appearance! I am liking the juxtaposition between Brynden Blackfish and Lysa Tully Arryn. Two people who Hoster Tully drove away by trying to get them to marry people they did not want to marry. But Brynden, by virtue of age and sex, esd successfully able to refuse, where Lysa wasn't. And in the end Brynden and Hoster are able to reconcile, where Hoster and Lysa are not.

I have like... zero interest in involving myself with the discourse about whether Sansa or Dany is the worse expression of white feminism. (You just have to accept these books were written by a straight white dude at some point, lol) But I will say I found the whole section with Mirri Maz Duur pretty fascinating for touching on some of the discourse topics. Like- Dany alienates the khalasar by disrespecting their culture and interpretation of the maegi, after building up her influence in contrast with her brother by embracing the khalasar's culture. Dany is told that her attempts to 'save' Mirri Maz Duur were fumbling and naive and far little too late, and she wasted time patting herself on the back for being nice without considering what Mirri lost to the khalasar. And I don't know how much it was intentional, but Mirri's challenge 'you see how much life is worth, when everything else is gone' is kind of interesting in the context of Dany making the decision to free the remaining slaves of the khalasar in the aftermath. Like... in a weird way it's almost an answer to the questions Mirri ended up posing. 'What gives a life value?' And Dany perhaps deciding life by itself doesn't mean much, but freedom is one of the things that gives it meaning, and therefore investing in that? Idk, I don't expect this whole arc to be handled with the utmost tact, but I will say I think early on the story gets in on questioning how much Dany understands the cultures she is imposing herself upon and building her legacy off and how much she can meaningfully answer many of the questions being posed to her by woc.

In general I'm surprised at how much this book feels incomplete and more like a setup for later developments than a standalone work. A lot of these characters' storylines are ending on rising action rather than falling, and I think it's not until Storm of Swords that many of them end in a more natural (if temporary) resolution.

Am thinking I will take a break before I get into A Clash of Kings. I am currently one chapter into Diamond's Guns, Germs, and Steel, so I'm planning to finish that before moving forward with more asoiaf. But-!

What I'm Most Looking Forward To!

THEON CHAPTERS! I believe the Theon Greyjoy chapters start next book and I am super hyped for them, partially because he's such a horrible bitch from everyone's perspective in the first book! There's not a single POV character who likes him in book one. Every section with him is there to point out that he's a sadistic little shit that's always mocking everyone. I'm so hyped to see him take the spotlight and show us how horrible or not he is from his own perspective.

More Sansa! And the Sansa who's no longer blindly in love with Joff! Excited to see her endure her time at King's Landing now that she is solidly cut off from any meaningful support.

Unexpectedly excited for the Cat chapters as well! I'm really enjoying the drama with the Tullys and the Freys. And I believe she is the most direct perspective we get on Renly next book - and I'm excited to see how much I believe he always intended to claim the throne himself, or whether he was sincere in suggesting he and Ned use Joff as their puppet ruler instead.

[expecto-kedavra]

The Healer pt. 3

note: Sorry this took so long. Some stuff went down in my life and I needed a minute. We back though!

Tbh this guy is kinda a filler episode. I still wanted to get it out there. Something is coming though! 👀

Pt. 1

Pt. 2

Pt. 4

Several weeks passed before Sebastian told us he wanted to find Anne. One night after class, he sat on his bed staring at his hands. "I apologize for taking so long. I'm afraid that even after she's cured, she'll still leave me." He had a point. Healing Anne's curse does not bring back Solomon. I didn't know how to respond, but luckily Ominis did. "She may not ever forgive you. We knew that before. All we can do is take heart that she isn't in pain, and in time she can heal her heart." He nodded silently. It had been several months since we visited Anne in Romania. While she missed her brother dearly, she was still hurt by his actions, and steadfast in her decision to distance herself from him. I decided to speak up. "Whatever happens next, we must face this together." We all looked at each other, the familiar words ringing in our ears and hearts as we fell asleep.

I was coming back from Quidditch practice with Imelda when Ominis ran up to me. "She responded." he said, out of breath. "Who?" Imelda asked, nosily. "Uhhhh, a girl- that i asked out- on a date?" he stammered. We had decided to keep our plans secret, as we didn't want the wrong person to find out. "Funny. What does Anne have to say?" Imelda said, laughing. "I...don't know what you mean." Ominis replied, doing his best to be stoic. "Oh, come on." Imelda laughed, eyes rolling. "All of a sudden your blindness is healed, and now you run up saying that you received an owl from a 'she', and who is a she that all three of us know is in need of healing?" I looked at Ominis. "I've got nothing." I confessed, defeated. Ominis sighed. "Not here. Come on." Imelda followed us, happy that she her nosiness paid off.

"So yeah, that's it." Imelda sat on the couch, eyes wide but not seeming all too shocked. We brought her to the Room of Requirement, as it was the most private place we knew, and told her everything. "Wow. Well, what did she say?" she asked, intrigued. I couldn't say I wasn't thinking the same thing. Ominis opened the letter, and read it. I was nervous. What if she had grown bitter? What if she didn't want the help? As my mind was filled with more and more possible negative reactions, I was relieved when he smiled. "She'll meet us. She's suspicious but she's willing." He looked up at me. "She wants to meet tonight." I was so excited, I picked up Imelda and spun her around. Had I been waiting a year to do that? Maybe. "Well then!" Imelda said as she brushed herself off, pretending to hide her blush. "When do we leave?" Ominis and I looked at each other. "What, you think I'm not coming? Anne was my friend too!" Imelda was stubborn, bossy and occasionally snotty, but she was also loyal, caring and deathly loyal to those she cared about. I could tell she was hurt by the fact that we would leave her behind. "It's only right. We told you everything, you deserve to come." I told her. She beamed. "Yes, I do." We planned on meeting at the fountain by the stairs in the Slytherin common room after curfew. As Imelda bounced out of the Room and I turned to leave, Ominis stopped me. "What should we tell Sebastian?" The dreaded question. I turned to face him. "He should know, but I hesitate if he wants to come with us." It was a hard question. I wanted him to come. Anne was his sister, and so much happened because of this damned curse. But I knew that she may disapparate as soon as she saw him. "You're right. He deserves to come, but should she be bitter, it could end quite poorly." I heard the pain in his voice. His two oldest friends, I knew he wanted her back more than ever. But he knew what Sebastian had done.

We found Sebastian as he was leaving the Great Hall, and told him of the plan, and confessed our fears of him accompanying us. "After all this time. I would like to come, but I shall keep my distance." he said firmly. I saw Ominis release the tension from his neck and shoulders. "Good idea. You should be there, but it's best we gauge the situation before we bring you into the conversation." He clearly wanted him there, maybe for his own sake. "All right then." I took over. "We're meeting Imelda after curfew. Then, we go to Anne." Sebastian stopped, confused. "Imelda?" he asked. Shit. We forgot that part. As Ominis and I tried to find the words, he shrugged. "Alright. She's cool." and walked off. Ominis and I shared a look of relief, and the three of us continued on with the day as best we could.

The day was agonizingly slow. I could barely pay attention. I was deep in thought when Professor Sharp's gruff voice bounced me back to Potions. "Well, MC? Where might I find a bezoar?" he said impatiently. We hadn't yet slipped him any miracle tears, and he was as sour as ever. "Oh, uh, from the stomach of a goat." Luckily, I was smart and adaptable. "Hm. Very well. Points to Slytherin." he grumbled as he made his way back to his desk. "I expect 14 inches of parchment on my desk by next Tuesday, detailing all major antidotes for poisons. Class dismissed." I decided that along with my report, I'd include a new antidote for him. I smiled to myself as I thought of his reaction. Eventually, sunset came, and the four of us gathered by the door, staying out of sight of the prefects sitting on the couch. "Ready?" Sebastian asked. I heard his fear. "Absolutely." Ominis said confidently. I knew he shared the same fears, but he was being strong for Sebastian. "Ready as can be." Imelda said happily. She was clearly glad to be included. "MC?" Sebastian asked me. I took a deep breath. "I'm ready. Let's do this." I ensured I had the potion in my bag, and we set off.

Anne's letter told us that she had been staying in London. Luckily, we had all recently passed our Apparition test. Since I used to live in London, I provided us with a photo as well as a detailed description of our destination. We arrived all in one piece, no splinching, even down to the fingernails. "Quite drab from the lovely scenery of the castle, isn't it?" Sebastian said as we looked out over the gray landscape of the city. Our destination was the top of the library my parents would take me to in my youth. After the time away, it was quite the change from the rolling hills and greenery of the Highlands. "Yes, I hadn't realized the world could be so...plain." Ominis said glumly. "Anyways, where to?" Imelda asked. "Anne said to meet her just outside the city, near some woods." Ominis said "It's not too far and we should be able to make it before-" But he didn't finish. In the blink of an eye, someone apparated behind Sebastian, grabbed him, and disappeared. We all ripped out our wands, but what could we do? "What just happened? Who the hell was that?" Imelda said, whipping around frantically, looking for our friend. "I don't know, I didn't recognize them." I could sense the desperation in Ominis' voice. A deep anger filled my chest. "I did." I said darkly. "Who was it?" Imelda begged.

"Ruth Singer."

[g0nta-g0kuhara]

Tbh, I'm someone who hasn't explored chapter 4 much (despite how much I love Gonta) and even avoided thinking about it and even skipped it on replay. The main reason is that it was just too painful. Literally made me sick to my stomach, more than any other Danganronpa trial I think. I don't know if maybe that plays a part in other people's avoidance of it too—that it's just too raw of a wound. I really really liked Miu Gonta and Kokichi, so seeing the roles all of them in this case broke my heart. It just hurt so badly, I hated even contemplating it, tbh.

Anon I couldn't empathize with you more. I'm currently going through all the DR games with a friend, and although we're halfway through dr2 and I'm very excited to start v3 with her, I'm feeling a lot of dread about playing 3-4 again. I've talked to her a few times how there is a part of the third game that I might not play with her because It might just be too much for me. I haven't touched it with someone else since I first played it. Certain parts of trial 4 STILL give me heart palpitations from the anxiety and it took me a long time after I finished it to be able to face it again. I honestly still don't get how some people take certain parts of it so lighthearted, but also I know not everyone took it so viscerally as I and it sounds like you did anon. (ie: people using "Killing Game Busters" casually to refer to gonta and kokichi as if the phrase doesn't manifest deep dread in my soul)

Its a brutal trial, no one is having a good time, there is no feeling of gentle sadness of an almost heroic act like in the previous ch4s. Gonta dies with a determined look on his face but his last words were self deprecating. Kaito is more angry than we've ever seen him, and Kokichi alienates himself from everyone as the villain. There's no win. Its just viscerally, deeply upsetting and it feels like you're constantly getting salt ground into your wounds.

But weirdly, I found that after I finished that trial, cried my eyes out, and woke up the next morning, rather than never wanting to think about it again I found that I couldn't *stop* thinking about it. I kinda leaned all the way in and am simultaneously constantly replaying it in my head and wincing away from certain parts that still trigger the fight or flight response in me. I really was a more casual DR fan until this trial. Finishing it rewired my brain chemistry and I haven't been the same since.

[elegyofthemoon]

im posting this before i forget and also sorta leave for the night cuz i gotta sleep a little early

• Posted stuff today ☺️

• I decided to do a bit of the writing tag game on my other account and it is WILD to see just how much i wrote the past few months??? im kinda proud tbh. I may be a little discouraged from posting these days but it's honestly really nice to see myself posting as much as I do - and esp to see how much ive written during all this time. this is aside from all the logs i do bc thatd just add further to my word count, but hdhfjdjd really despite the horrors, i'll always have writing. or well, writing's just been such a huge part of my life that if i cannot write then I'm not myself anymore. njdjrjd and my friend nick has mentioned this too that i dont seem like myself if i dont have a wip and all that jfjdndd

• i hate to say the rafayel birthday event made me embarrassingly happy but it really did 🙈

• speedwriting a fic. much shorter than something i wrote earlier but like !! idk i havent felt that surge of inspiration that was fun lmao wish that happened more often

• getting another message from a job i applied to that might be interested in hiring me. the positive is this ones a little more interesting than the one i did a recent interview with but same general position. still very 👀

• my friend finished london holiday and might start second key real soon and im so fucking sorry to him about the person i'l turn into when he starts liveblogging at me about it BUT ALSO im actually really happy and excited about it .3.

• OH FOUND OUT THAT MY SISTER WILL BE HOME EVEN FOR THE LITTLE BIT WHEN I GET BACK!! i thought i'd miss n entirely when she's back which made me sad but she'll be there for at least a day when she's back so !! i will beat my jet lag to hang out with her if i have to >:(

• n sending me something that reminded them of me was really sweet 🥹 it made me very happy tbh jfnfnddjj i was kinda shocked

•also saw new artist drawing characters from anti entropy that genuinely made me very happy 🥹🥹

• ngl thinking about tomorrow after the exam has me excited. i still have one more exam to go, but for once, i feel excited by the idea of saying goodbye. i dont really care anymore how i do for either exams, but it's one more step out of this life and one more step into the new one. i think thats exciting and im excited for it. i wish i could say the same about doing the practical exam but that one i just know ill go home dreading so ✌🏼 but tomorrow! lets have fun after the exam and visit the bakery ive been wanting to go to and finally get that silly plush ive been eyeing 🤧 let's give this life a nice farewell and send off before i go

[veryferaldistributions]

3. For each of the fandoms from day two, what were your favorite characters to write?

Fish Hooks: Mr. Baldwin (duh!).

I enjoy the challenge of this character. Mainly because his struggle in my stories is that he’s pregnant and about to be a dad and instead of being excited about it, he doesn’t really know what to feel. So I got to write his journey as he goes through the different emotions that he has about this process.

I also really enjoy writing the version of Ms. Lips I have in my work. She’s a much gentler, more emotionally-intelligent, and wittier character than the show’s version. She’s a much better partner for Baldwin, and he deserves good things! I also really loved exploring how she’d feel about becoming a mom to someone else’s kids.

I also just loved making Coach Salmons even gayer than he was on the show. (He flirts with Baldwin to annoy him.)

Penny Dreadful: Victor Frankenstein.

Granted, my fic features only him and Caliban, but I really enjoyed taking his paternal joy that he showered on Proteus, and exploring what might happen if he showed Caliban that same kindness. I loved getting to write him so soft, and have this AU where Caliban’s re-birth is something wonderful and celebrated instead of being a traumatic nightmare for both of them.

MamaBoy: Ditto. (No, seriously, that’s his name.)

I’m not certain how many people have seen this movie, but basically Ditto is the wingman of the main character, Kelly (who is also a boy, just for clarification). He is one of the WEIRDEST characters I’ve seen in anything ever. He wears the gaudiest clothing, is so nerdy and ADHD and socially awkward, yet somehow is best friends with the most popular guy in school and is BURSTING with self-confidence. (And is also played by Sinjin from “Victorious.”)

He is also a genuinely supportive, kind hearted friend who is in a heterosexual-marriage with his BFF. And flirts with him constantly. (But I couldn’t end up shipping them! I like them better as friends, tbh! Possibly the first/only time that’s happened to me.)

He is the perfect “Leah” to Kelly’s “Juno.” I love him, and loved writing him. (This movie is not good, btw, but Ditto IS.)

Good Omens: I’m sorry, this one is a copout, because I loved writing both Aziraphale AND Crowley too much to pick between them. I enjoyed writing Zira’s fussy, fretting, and uptight dialogue, but then also Crowley’s more laid-back relaxed parts. I also enjoyed just writing them very domestic and warm-fuzzy, then to have them kinda thrown into a panic when this baby (a girl) gets dumped on their doorstep…who happens to be the second coming of Jesus. 😂

The Neighbors: Jackie Joyner-Kersee.

For two reasons. First reason is the dialogue pattern of the aliens in this show. It was a fun challenge to stay in character with them without feeling like I was completely copying from the show. (For instance, they use their full names like a first name, or their pet-name for their significant other is just “husband” or “wife.”)

Second reason is that this fic focused on the cliffhanger ending of the show, where we find out the leader of the aliens, Larry Bird (Jackie’s husband) is pregnant with his third child, and then he and his family stay behind on earth when their whole colony goes back to their home planet. (The show got canceled after season two, so the plot was never resolved.)

It was fun to focus on a woman/man mpreg story, specifically when writing about Jackie’s envy of her husband’s ability to carry the children, she feels like he has this special relationship with them. So in this rare moment of kindness from Larry (he’s kind of an ass in the show), he helps her connect with their baby.

Re-Animator: (Do I even need to say it?) Herbert West.

I have THOROUGHLY enjoyed writing Herbert. He is an enigma all his own. I’ve mainly enjoy writing him because:

1. He is VERY autistic.

2. I get to do another Frankenstein story. (I’ve also done original work that mimics Frankenstein.)

3. This is my first time writing a trans character.

I am autistic, so I’ve enjoyed using him as my first exploration of writing an autistic character (even though some of my original characters have autistic tendencies). He’s just got this quirky yet dark sense of humor, but he’s also a workaholic “reagent” addict, and he’s completely full of himself. But he’s also, at least in my fic/Combs’ headcanon, asexual. Which is nice, because I am greysexual, so I don’t feel forced to write sex scenes in this fic! 😄

He’s also a MAJOR asshole! But that’s part of the fun of writing him; he says everything I could if I had no filter or common courtesy.

Also, yes, in my fic (and MANY others) Herbert is a trans man. This is admittedly hard for me to know if I get right, because I am not a trans man myself (I am, however, genderqueer/questioning) and while his transness is not the central focus of the story, it does play a big role in it. So it’s been interesting to walk this tightrope of investing some story in this side of the character, while also keeping Herbert, well, Herbert.

Equally hard tightrope is writing him as much of an ass as in the movies, while also trying to show enough of a reason for Dan Cain to want to be married to him. 😂

[wiredalienvampire]

My Thoughts on Retinal Bloom!

I finally listened to Liz Lehmans new album after eagerly waiting for it for so long, I listened to it twice actually. And I'm gonna talk about what I thought about it because wow,I have a lot to say on this album.

To start off, I loved it,like I really really enjoyed listening to it. When Liz released magic hat early back in March (I think) I was immediately sold on their new project.

But what I noticed when listening to it and seeing what the album cover looked like,I knew this was going to be way more different from their past works, admittedly, I couldn't help but be conflicted about it after being so used to the synthpop/bedroom pop music they made, but I couldn't help but admire that they were going to be more aesthetically experimental with their music and I was on board none the less, also magic hat was a banger, and it was a new tsj album, you know I was gonna by hyped no matter what. I followed the release to retinal bloom so closely for a while, listening to the early releases of the songs of the album and reading the articles they premiered in.

And I honestly wished I pre-ordered the vinyl and cassette tapes,cause my excitement for the album was So worth it, hands down.

For starters, the world ethereal comes to mind when listening to this album, it has such a spacey and dreamy feel to it unlike any other tsj album which had a more child-like,nostalgic and zestful feel to it, Since Liz was going for a more psychedelic pop kind of direction with their album. And with this album also being said to be more personal, dealing with liz's struggles and their experiences with the real world, it also has a more darker and even dreadful tone, especially once you get to "forever in you" . I really like how the melodies are more mellow and melodic, like with how "riptide" has this fluid harmony to it that I can't properly describe. I also noticed that the lyrics are more poetic than their past works, usually they would be more of a combination of being metaphorical and literal, with Burn Pygmalion straight up having a narrative involving the relationship of Jeanie and Sylvia. It kinda makes alot of sense with the overall sound of retinal bloom being more abstract, and I really love that.

In terms of the songs,I have plenty of favorites, a few even stood out to me even.

Magic hat is just amazing, Uzumaki is really good, riptide is memorable, our murderous decent is a bop, forever in you is literally in my top 10 of favorite tsj songs of all time,liz has the voice of an angel, rage is weirdly comforting and retreat to celestial bodies... that.. that is the song that stood out to me most in RB, unlike every other song in the album, its only an instrumental, no lyrics, and it polarizes you and the song has a moody,noisy and even slightly depressing tone to it, and when combined with the rest of the album, it gives of this feeling of dread and lonliness, but in an oddly comforting way as the song slowly and quietly ends, its kind of my #1 favorite song in this album.

The few complaints I have (which are not much tbh) is that some songs feel like they go on for a little too long and while I do like pathogenesis, it is my least favorite, it's not a bad song by any means,it's a good song, but I feel like the melody can get a bit meandery in some parts.

But overall,i loved retinal bloom, its a genuinely great album and while I do perfer the older tsj albums,it's mainly due to preference and well I have listened to those albums so many times and got attached to them eeeeee. That aside, I'm would like to thank Liz lehman (and even Angel Marcloid)for making this lovely album, their work has meant so much to me and helped me go through the darkest moments of my life and if you haven't listened to retinal bloom yourself pls do.

TLDR: retinal bloom is a great album and I really wish I pre-ordered it and I'm upset at myself for not doing so sooner