#kinda cheating cause i did most of the work in 2021

[lindalung]

rambles on armed reaction & feminism

So I just finished Armed Reaction IV (I’ve been on a slow binge-watch of the series since last August cause I love Joyce Tang) and I have some thoughts I guess. Disclaimer: This is in no way a cohesive essay or anything just pure rambles cause it’s 1am. 

TWs for rape mention

Chan Sam Yuen (Joyce Tang) has always been the heart of the series even if the first female lead is always another actress in each series. In the first series she’s a complete tomboy, and the series is trying to have a feminist message and empower women. She was the first female cop in HK to fire a gun and gun-toting female cops/female cops in general were scarce so it was a big deal. To be honest I’ve never been really into the whole Sam Yuen/Ching Fung relationship from the start (even Joyce/Marco🤮 stuff irl aside). 

Anyways, Ching Fung (Marco Ngai) literally admits to being a misogynist and discriminates women based on their gender which is just... a red flag. The show wanted a nice enemies to lovers arc and sure their relationship is portrayed as cute sometimes but they sure go through a lot of shit. Even before the main messed up cheating arc with Wing (Angie Cheong) he gets drunk and hooks up with some girl in the first series too. 

I feel like the first series has a lot of these little feminist moments, where Sam Yuen is adamant that women can do anything men can do. Her character is contrasted with Yu Sau Ngo (Esther Kwan) who, at the start of the series, is a housewife who works a deskjob cause it’s more acceptable for women. She prioritizes her kid and her husband, but in the end her husband leaves her. I didn’t really like Bobby Au-Yeung’s character Siu Sang either. I’m glad Chi (Ada Choi)’s character actually broke up with him cause I don’t think I’d forgive a man if he switched out my birth control to try getting me pregnant like... red flag. 

Anyways, then as the series progresses and she becomes a mother, and starts to prioritize her family over work which I guess is normal and happens to women irl. It just felt like her character started changing too much and didn’t feel like the original feminist her from the first series. I suppose people change, and they wanted to show character development, like the tomboy in her early 20s can become a good wife/mother etc. I was kinda iffy on that, I don’t think she should’ve changed too much. Or maybe it’s meant to show that women can lean into “traditional” female roles and still be strong feminists or whatever idk. Then I noticed in 2021 series, they bring back the feminist quotes from Sam Yuen. She challenges Moses Chan’s character a lot, saying things about strong women, and telling him not to assume certain misogynistic stereotypes about women. I think it’s a little on the nose and trying to get the audience to remember the first series like ‘Hey remember her?? The strong female character?’

Now let’s get into her experiences. Chan Sam Yuen is notorious for being one of if not TVB’s most tragic characters. Father already dead, violently raped, ptsd and other trauma, son killed, daughter kidnapped, nearly died giving birth to her second son, husband killed, etc... like... can she please have a break??? What was the reason for all this... Did the show keep throwing curveballs at her to prove how strong she is despite all that? Why does she have to suffer so much? Is it like those horror movies where she’s being punished for being a feminist? But ironically, it’s the things associated with traditional femininity like motherhood/being a wife where she gets hurt the most, like she loses her children and husband. Is this supposed to mean anything or am I reading too much into it?? 

The ending of series 4 was kind of an open ending (well until the 2021 series came), and was supposed to be hopeful. (And another TVB BBQ finale) Sam Yuen spends the rest of her life being optimistic that maybe one day, her husband will return. Maybe he’s alive out there. This is very similar to Joyce’s other notable character Hung Sheung Sin from Come Home Love: Lo and Behold who also spends 20 years yearning for a husband to come back. I feel like with all the grief Sam Yuen endures, it could’ve been explored a lot more. I mean, there were 40 episodes in Series 4! Dragged on way too long on things that I didn’t particularly care about if you ask me, and a lot of the Bobby/Ada stuff was like an exact rehash of the Bobby/Esther stuff in earlier series (he gets the girl, he doesn’t get the girl, etc.)  Then in Armed Reaction 2021 she finally gets some closure and learns to move on and finally accept that her husband is gone. Very emotional, well acted, and the best part of the reboot.

I feel that at the core of the series, the strongest points have always been the female friendships between Sam Yuen and the other female lead, whether it is Esther Kwan or Ada Choi’s characters. TBH They should’ve just been gay together They have always been supportive of each other throughout, which I appreciate.

BONUS:

Not even getting into the queer-coding discussion rn but bonus points for Sam Yuen saying she doesn’t discriminate gay people klsdjflsd.

And bonus points for Cherry (Mandy Lam) showing up in Armed Reaction IV. I didn’t expect her to be in so many episodes and have a whole plot based around her being forced to drug-deal. I thought she would only be in 1 episode so I’m pleasantly surprised <3 Love her and wish she could’ve interacted with Sam Yuen.

[inedoodle]

Quand la couronne (comme ta belle-famille) commence sérieusement à te peser... / When the crown -and your in-laws- start feeling seriously heavy to bear...

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E123 (Feb. 2, 2021)

After last week’s thoroughly relaxing and brief episode, tonight’s guests are Sam Riegel and Liam O’Brien!

Brian, to Sam: “You look like Tim Curry moved to Nantucket to become a sommelier.”

How did Caleb and Veth approach the ally-ship with the Tombtakers? Sam: “I mean, we got some information, and I think we got a little closer to Lucien and knowing whether he has any of Mollymauk inside of him, which is I think the most important knowledge that we’re seeking right now. Is there someone to be saved inside there? We got glimpses, and we got a little hint that Mollymauk is maybe still in there? Maybe? And we got a little more insight into their plans, so that was useful.” Liam: “We know why we were having that fucking dream.” Sam: “But other than that, it was just a road trip with assholes.” Liam: “All our plans have been ripped in a new direction, and it’s just been improvisation.” Sam notes that it feels like we’re always about to rip into Caleb’s backstory, but haven’t yet followed that thread all the way through. Liam: “It’s partially frustrating, to be sure, but also I like the idea that-- his whole shit has been selfish, it’s been dealing with the trauma that he’s been through and not the greater world, and that’s been shifting somewhat.”

Does Caleb think the book was worth it, and is he still interested in reading more? Sam: “How do you ask Caleb not to read a book?” Liam: “Caleb has spent enough time with the Nein to know you shouldn’t put a hand on a hot stove. After what happened with the book, he knows it’s a terrible idea. But maybe. But it’s a really bad idea. But reserve judgment, but it’s a really terrible idea. I think that Caleb is very aware that mages and people like him very easily fall prey to their curiosity and it can lead to bad places. But there is still that amount of scientific endeavor where you think there is value in knowing and learning, and maybe we can ride that line. He was True Neutral at the start of the campaign, and maybe he’s Chaotic Good now, but part of him is hubris, even if it’s a little bit, still.”

What about Otis has drawn Veth’s focus? Sam: “I mean, he’s a little shit. She was curious about Otis because he’s a small like she is, and in talking to him, he seemed to be real creepy, but he was just creepy and distant and didn’t value his past or family or anything like that. She sees someone who’s like her, but so not like her, and maybe that scares her a little bit more.”

How does Caleb feel about Beau being on this ride with him? Liam: “The dream is another example of how Caleb had very narrow vision of the things he wanted to do. It used to seem so massive to him, but now... To have Beauregard involved feels right. If anyone in the group is going to stop him from grabbing something he shouldn’t, it is probably Beauregard. She’ll punch him in the fucking face to stop him, which I think he needs, to a certain extent. They’re two different kinds of nerds, and I kind of like that, that this group of nine philosophers, they’ve reached out and somehow grabbed the two nerds in the party.”

How do Caleb and Veth see the Somnovum? Sam: “I mean, they seem real bad. Anything that’s a quorum of powerful entities heading towards your planet to unleash an energy of any kind, typically bad? I assume they’re bad, or at least the Tombtakers wish them to do ill.” Liam: “I think they want the kind of peace that comes from snapping your fingers and turning people to dust. Caleb sees them as a cautionary tale; they’re the worst-case scenario for arcane inquisitiveness.” He sees Allura Vysoren as the antidote to that.

Why the staunch refusal to use Halfling Luck? Sam: “I don’t like Luck! I just don’t like Luck. I think it’s cheap, I think it’s a cheat, I think it’s stupid. It just feels like a do-over.” Liam: “I am your antithesis! If I ever voice a halfling, I am going to hammer that feature!” Sam: “What I love about D&D is that you don’t know what’s going to happen. If you roll bad, okay, that’s it. If you roll well, it makes the success more enjoyable to know that it’s a pure success and don’t one where you’re like well actually... it’s so stupid. If someone was about to die, I would probably use the fuckin’ Luck feature. Well. It depends who. If it was Travis, yeah, no, he’s fucked, sorry.”

Liam drops that he’s picked Sam’s character class and race again for a hypothetical campaign three. Sam: “It’s not what I was thinking for future characters, but I’m excited to explore.”

Cosplay of the Week: an amazing Mollymauk by KatofValkyrie!

What was it like to bring the Tombtakers into the tower? Liam: “It is complicated, because he does not like him. Lucien’s just a fucking dick. But Caleb also knows that Molly’s in there somewhere. That tower’s only for the M9, and Lucien’s not in the M9. Their situation with these people is shitty, it’s terrible. Caleb doesn’t feel like they have the upper hand. He doesn’t like that they’re even going on this journey per se, because life is bigger than his bullshit. He feels like they’ve been losing over and over again, so it was a gamble to try to get on equal footing.

What spurred Veth into making sure she and Yasha have some one-on-one time? Sam: “Yasha hasn’t been getting a lot of moments to shine. Now that she’s back, I just got the impression that Yasha feels out of place sometimes, or timid, or unsure of herself. When Veth was Nott, Nott certainly had her share of those moments. I think she sees a kindred spirit and wants to make sure that she’s been giving all the opportunity she can to flourish and thrive. Dani, you’re just laughing at my mustache, aren’t you?” Dani: “Yes, that’s the only thing I’m laughing at through this whole bullshit.” Sam denies all knowledge of trolling, but eventually admits, on the topic of Yasha and Beau getting together: “They’ve made me wait this long... I’m going to make them wait a little bit longer!”

What was it like to show his friends the upper floors? Liam: “I kinda expected somebody to sneak up there before that. That being part of the tower is not even a conscious choice of his, it just is. The reason Caduceus has creeped Caleb out for a long time is because he talks about how-- Caduceus is a really kind person and wants Caleb to let go of the past. And in a really simplistic way, turn that frown upside-down. And that’s just not who Caleb is, and it’s not who everybody is. There is something to be said for trying to stay open and positivity, but thinking you can shut out the past, especially a traumatic one, is just not true. When things happen to us, we carry them. But to candy-coat it and say, ah, I’m free, or everything is good, or I’ve turned the corner... life is way messier than that. It’s not flipping a switch, it’s not bad-to-good, it is such a work in progress. Even when you make strides and start to get to a better place, you can backslide a lot. So the tower is who he is, and the tower is 7/9ths love for his friends, and 1/9th hope, but there’s still a percentage of him that carries everything from the past, and knows that he should, and knows that he should not go back to where he was. And the way to do that is not to say everything is rainbows, but to remember it. The tower is just like an extension of who he is. He’s never going to forget the past, and he’s never going to be like, I’m good, or I’ve turned a corner. He should remember the past, and he should do better, always.”

Does Veth still believe it’s possible to get Molly back? Sam: “Well, she was a person trapped in another body for many years, so has some experience there, and definitely believes that the spirit and soul of Molly is in there and just needs to be unlocked somehow.”

Fan Art of the Week: an amazing group shot by HarpySN!

How are Caleb and Veth dealing with their guilt and fear about being in the middle of this? Sam: “It definitely was a deep conversation that might have repercussions going forward. The problem with all of what we’re doing now is that we don’t have time to deal with our petty problems anymore. It’s all high tension all the time!” Liam: “It’s true; they’re not in control of their situation at all anymore.” Sam: “It’s good to have these check-ins, but it’s not like we can do anything about them. We’re reactive right now.” Liam: “He’s not happy with where they are, but they wouldn’t even be this far if the goblin hadn’t pulled him out of the mud. So part of it is, you saved me from where I was and got me on my feet again, and now it’s disconcerting to see it all just get knocked sideways by something he never could’ve predicted. I think Caleb felt nostalgic for when things were simpler, in a way, for them, when we’re both troubled drifters.”

What was it like to see Gelidon’s return? Liam: “I am the least superstitious person at the table. Ashley’s dice suck.” Sam: “It was fun fighting a dragon!” Liam: “Two massive battles in one episode, neither of which came away with a victory. I guess surviving is a victory.” Sam: “I’d forgotten about the dragon, honestly.” Liam: “I loved it. I was so upset at the idea that we were going to stealth and not get into it.”Sam: “Mercer doesn’t keep a live dragon around and not do something with it. That dragon’s coming back.”

How do Caleb and Veth feel about going to see Essek? Sam: “He can be very helpful, I believe, but as Sam Riegel, a player of D&D, I’m super suspicious. What the fuck is Essek doing up there, so close, now? I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him. And I can throw him pretty far because he floats.” Liam: “I 100% agree with you. I do not understand what Essek could bring to what we are going through. I know the audience loves him, I love him too. He’s a really cool character. But he’s fucking toxic. He out of curiosity caused a war between two nations. And Caleb has been changed for the good by the M9 from months of travel with them. Essek has had none of that. Caleb has changed for the good, but not because of people like Essek. Essek is where Caleb came from. We kept the lid on the pot during the whole treaty at sea and it almost all went fucking sideways, and only because we pressed him into a corner. I hope that guy finds some sort of balance and peace for himself, but I do not see how his input here would be helpful. There’s other heavy hitters that I would try to pull in.”

Liam notes that the Cloven Crystal is in the Bag of Holding. Sam: “Do I have Fluffernutter, or is Fluffernutter gone?” Liam: “Nope. 300 pounds of fireworks? Gone. A dead mage, a threshold crest, and fireworks.” Dani: “Your basic essentials.”

[deanscherrypie69]

I posted 2,365 times in 2022

That's 2,365 more posts than 2021!

211 posts created (9%)

2,154 posts reblogged (91%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@iandmyannabel-lee

@evansbby

@justconfettiandsomeddew

@angrythingstarlight

I tagged 1,957 of my posts in 2022

Only 17% of my posts had no tags

#chris evans - 554 posts

#ari levinson - 110 posts

#chris evans fanfiction - 85 posts

#lloyd hansen - 83 posts

#andy barber - 81 posts

#ariiiiii my love - 75 posts

#chris evans fandom - 64 posts

#chris evans fic - 63 posts

#steve rogers - 59 posts

#chris evans x fluff - 55 posts

Longest Tag: 58 characters

#i like how this pops up when i’m putting him in my fic lol

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Breaking And Entering

Pairings; Dark!RansomDrysdale XFemaleReaer Warnings; Stalking. Language. minors DNI- Adults only!! 18+

Do not post or translate my work! You have been warned!! Reblogs and comments are welcomed please!! Not edited (I hate this sm, might delete)

-Dark themes ahead-

Ransom watched you. He was parked on the other side of the street. He hums and takes out his binoculars.

He watches you from across the street. Your kitchen windows give a direct view out to the street.

He sees you wearing an oversized t-shirt. It wasn't his. Who's was it? Ransom pulls the binoculars from his eyes and looks in your driveway. He sees a motorcycle. And your car was in front of it.

"What the fuck?" Ransom growls his hands tighten around the binoculars, almost breaking them in half. He sees movement and puts them back up to his eyes.

He sees a guy with blonde hair and no t-shirt on walking over to you. His hair was wet. Like he was freshly showered.

You didn't notice because you were washing the dishes.

He comes up behind you wrapping his arms around your stomach. He sees your breath get caught in your throat. You lean your head back into his bare chest.

The guy quickly spins you around. Your wet hands colliding with his bare chest. Your trail your hands down to his chest.

The man mumbles something to you causing you to stop your movements. He tugs at your shirt and smirks.

Now Ransom knew who's shirt it was.

You and Ransom broke up almost three weeks ago. And here you were fucking some guy you probably didn't even know? Ransom felt his heart begin to beat faster and faster. It was about to pop out of his chest.

The guy removes the shirt from your body. Leaving you in only your bra and underwear. He licks his lips before sliding it onto himself. He grabs your chin and places a wet kiss upon your lips.

Ransom could tell you liked it. They way your hands gripped his shirt. He knew you were a moaning mess. The guy pulls away and says something.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" He hums.

You nod biting your lips. "I'll walk you out."

Both you and the blonde guy leave the kitchen. You make sure to turn off the light on the way out.

Ransom curses when he loses visual on you.

But then your front door opens.

The guy walks out. He kisses your cheek. Ransom watches him walk to his motorcycle he turns it on and reves it up.

"Bye Steve!" You shout.

Steve shoots you a wave and drives into the night.

Closing the door behind, locking it too.

You rush upstairs.

Steve was a good guy. You guys were kinda fuckbuddies. You didn't want anything surious. Because you had just gotten out of a relationship. with a guy named Ransom. God he was a controlling fuck. He didn't even let you hang out with your friends.

And if he did he would follow you without your permission and watch you. He was convinced that you cheated on him too.

You had enough. So you broke up with him over text. And it has been the best 3 weeks of your life.

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528 notes - Posted June 21, 2022

#4

if ur comfortable will u write something with chris evans and his wife!reader where he comforts her after she gets a little jealous🙈💞

Jealousy, Jealousy ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

Pairings; Chris Evans X Wife!FemaleReader Warnings; None really, just Y/n being jealous. Mentions of smut. So 18+

Please please!! Send more requests. Smut. Angst?!? ANYTHING!!!!

Reblogs and comments are welcomed! Gives me more motivation to write for y’all!

The gif is by: @katlarence you can find it here

[: I do not give permission for my work to be posted, translated or published to any third party site or app. ]

Join my celebration!

🤍

It was the annual fourth of July cookout at the Evans household. Where friends and family gathered around the big backyard making smores and catching up on life.

"Mommy." Your song Xaviar tugs on the bottom on your dress.

"Yes, baby." You say putting out more snacks on the patio. "Can I have a piece of chocolate?" He questions, his big blue eyes looking up at you.

"Yes, but don't tell your dad." You whisper grabbing the Hershey bar from the counter.

"Thank you!" He squeals.

You laugh as you watch your son runs in the yard.

"Why is he so happy?" Stong arms wrap around your waist. His face nuzzled into your neck.

"He just wanted a snack." You say turning to kiss Chris' head. "You having fun?" He says kissing your neck.

"Tons." You laugh putting a clip on the potato chips.

"I'm glad." Chris moves his face from your neck.

"You need another beer?" You hum moving from his grip.

Chris nods and throws the glass can into the trash bin. Reaching down into the cooler, you pull out a beer.

"Ya know. You ass looks good in this dress." Chris stands behind you rubbing your ass through the thin material.

"Chris." You squeal turning around to swat his arm, "There's children here!" You say pushing the beer towards him.

Chris rolls his eyes, "They didn't see a thing." He says ripping the top off the bottle.

"Dad?" You and Chris' head to the sound of your daughter's voice.

"That's my cue." Chris kisses your cheek.

"Have fun!" You wink.

You watch as your and his family begin to play water balloons.

--------

A couple of hours later as dark began to set in, you found yourself in the kitchen cleaning up, looking out of the kitchen window. You see your children and kids saying goodbyes.

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706 notes - Posted August 3, 2022

#3

Prevy Neighbor Steve

Pairings PervyNeighbor!SteveRogers XFemaleReader! Warnings Smut! NON-CON-oral (male receiving!) threats! threatening, with a Knife! mentions of bodily harm, Read at your own risk! 18+ Is advised!

Thank you for the betta read @nomadstucky !!!

Most of this IS in Steve's POV!!

[NOTE: I do not give permission for my work to be posted, translated or published to any third party site or app. If anyone sees my work anywhere but here, it has been reposted without my permission. Please let me know!]

>Part Two&lt;

🌹

It was around two in the afternoon when Steve saw the big moving truck pull into the driveway across the street. He was mowing his lawn. He cuts it off and grabs his water bottle. He wipes the sweat off his forehead. He squints when he sees the truck door open.

He tilts his head when he sees a female figure get out.

The house next door had been up for sale for a while. He maybe thought a nice family would move in. But boy was he wrong.

Jumping out from the truck with a groan. You slam the door. Closed.

Steve watches as your tan legs walk to the back of the truck. Lifting the door open revealing all of your stuff. He notices the sigh that leaves your lips.

Steve carefully sets his water bottle down on his porch. Walking on his freshly mowed grass, he looks both ways before crossing.

Once he was close, he shoves his hands into his shorts.

"Need any help?"

Yelping you turn around to see a tall blonde man with a smile spread across his face.

"Oh, hi. Um yea that would be great." You smile reaching into the truck to grab a box.

"You can grab whatever."

Steve nods at your words. He watches your hips sway when you walk away.

Sighing you set the box down by the front door.

Fishing in the pocket of your shorts. You pull out a key. You hum and put it in the door. Once unlocked you open the door widely.

Walking through the house you set the box in the center of the living room.

Behind you Steve had three boxes in his hands.

Setting yours down, Steve follows suite, "Thanks." You mutter.

"No problem, I'm Steve by the way." Sticking out his hand, you grab it.

"Y/n." You shake his hand firmly and pull away,

"I don't want you to think I was some kinda creep watching you from across the street." Steve chuckles. His laugh bounces off the bare walls.

"No- your good." You lightly smile. Walking past Steve and back outside. He takes a good look at the boxes.

One was labeled.

'Y/n's clothes.'

See the full post

717 notes - Posted July 4, 2022

#2

The Escape Plan

Parings; Michael Myers X Female Reader

Warnings; Language. And Michael's love for Y/n, he's all touchy and stuff. Muder, blood. You know the drill guys. 18+ only

Disclaimer: This is my spin on RZ Halloween But With Y/n. I also took some parts out and changed them too! So i hope you guys like this ;) I've never written anything like this before. But this is my second attempt. Hope you enjoy.

(MY MISTAKES ARE MY OWN DOING :)))

Part one!

"Michael." You say standing up slowly. He towers over the door frame. Looking down you see one of the guards laying on top of the door. Did he use them to break down the door?

Michael huffs and looks at you through his orange mask. He motions his head for you to follow him. He walks away quickly leaving you in the room.

You get a good look at the guard. His head had a huge gash in it. His brains were painted all over the tan door. You gulp and walk around the scene before you.

Michael was waiting for you by one of the doors. He was breathing heavily. Looking to the side you see blood down on of the hallways. Gasping. You wrap your hands around your body. Did Michael do this?

Stopping dead in your tracks. You sprint down the hallway. You ran. Passing all of the bodies on your way. You scream when you loose your balance.

Were you really sacred of what he hand done?

Next thing you knew you were on your back looking up at the ceiling. Groaning you touch your forehead. Opening your eyes you feel wetness.

Pulling your hand back. You see read coating your hands. You scream and sit up. Looking to your sides you see blood covering your body. It was all over your sweater. And backside.

Groaning you stand up. You almost slip again. But someone grabs you.

Michael pulls you up on your feel, He roughly grabs your hand not giving you time to speak.

"Did you kill them?" You whisper. Michael lets go of your arm.

He pulls something out of his pocket. It was a key card. You assume he got it from one of the guards, His bloody hand swipes it along the door. It buzzes and opens loudly. He grabs your hand once more.

"Michael!" You scream. He turns to look at you. His eyes scanning your face.

"Why." You shake your head in disbelief.

Did you not remember the promise he made to you? He was determined to get out of this place. And he wanted You to come with him.

Michael grunts and drags you through the halls by your hand. He never let go.

Then it hits you. As Michael reaches two double doors that look from outside. "My journal!" You scream. You try to escape from His grip. But he pulls you closer.

Michael shakes his head no.

A tear rolls down your cheek. That was the only thing you had left. It was important to you.

He pushes open the door. You shiver from the cold. It was a cold night in Haddonfield.

You stand there taking it in. You haven't been outside in fifteen years. It didn't feel real. (You tried to escape too many time) You look over to see Michael doing the same thing.

You shiver from the cold. Michael notices and looks down at you. His hand still intertwined with yours.

"You actually kept your promise." You chuckle. "We're free." Your voice break a little bit.

See the full post

844 notes - Posted June 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

RZ Michael Myers likes boobs. If you don’t agree with me. Argue with the wall😌

852 notes - Posted June 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[massivedrickhead]

Bechloe Week 2021 - Day 6

July 31st: Neighbors AU or Famous AU

Read on AO3

So, yeah, should have posted this yesterday but I didn’t have time to finish writing it and then I got drunk. I’m not super happy with it, it didn’t come out like I planned, but I hope you like it anyway. Hopefully I can get day 7 written and posted tomorrow.

-

Fame for Beca had always been a double edged sword.

It allowed her music to spread across the globe. She got to meet fans and hear about how she had inspired or helped them, just by existing. She got to work with and meet her peers and idols, and perform in places she never dreamed of.

She got to provide for her family. She got to give her kids the childhood she never had, and she got to give her wife the life she deserved.

But she also had to deal with paparazzi following them around everywhere they went.

She had to deal with articles written about her every other day, and intense fans that crossed boundaries, and ones that would trash her online.

Beca was finding that she had more bad days than good days, and it was beginning to weigh her down.

She had to remind herself daily, that there were billions of people who were suffering in the world, and that she was incredibly privileged to live the life she led.

But Chloe could see the toll it was taking on her wife, and it was killing her.

After she was almost in that car accident, Beca had taken a couple of weeks off work. She spent her time taking care of Chloe, playing with Blake, and obsessively re-writing and re-working the songs on her upcoming album.

And it was an insane success.

Everyone who had slated her single ate their words, and Beca found herself skyrocketing to fame for the second time.

Their money worries disappeared almost overnight, but other problems replaced them quickly.

Beca had always been a relatively private and introverted person. It was one of the reasons she had always wanted to be a producer rather than an artist.

So while her fame rose, her anxiety did too.

She tried to keep it to herself, but Chloe has always been able to read Beca like a book.

She always knew when Beca’s anxiety was bad, but she also always knew how to calm Beca down.

So they were dealing with it. They had a system. Beca would work until she couldn’t, and then Chloe would pick her back up.

“People are dying,” Beca would mutter to herself, her eyes squeezed shut, her hands on the back of her head. “Children are dying. They’re going without food, water, and medicine, and they’re dying. My problems are nothing.”

When things were at the worst, she would repeat this to herself over and over as wave after way of anxiety crippled her. Chloe would find her and hold her, and whisper reassurances until Beca calmed down.

It wasn’t an ideal situation, but it was working.

At least Chloe thought it was.

But then Beca reached her breaking point.

It had been a rough week to begin with - she had had to read an article on a prominent gossip site about how she was apparently cheating on Chloe with another musician - so she was already on edge.

Chloe had assured Beca she knew it was all bullshit, but Beca still hated that Chloe had to deal with that stuff. And she hated even more that Blake was old enough to read and understand it.

It was Riley’s third birthday, and she was walking with her girls to get ice cream from the kids’ favourite place.

Riley was up on Beca’s shoulders, Chloe was walking at her side, pushing Riley’s empty stroller, and Blake was walking between them.

“What ice cream are you gonna get, peanut?” Beca asked.

“I don’t want any,” Blake said, frowning, kicking her shoes against the ground.

Beca shot a look of confusion at Chloe. She had been excited when they were in the car, and had seemed perfectly happy a few minutes ago when Beca had taken her hand to cross the street.

“Why not?” Chloe asked.

“I just don’t. I wanna go home,” she said. She stopped walking, so Beca and Chloe did too.

“Hey, what is it?” Chloe asked, crouching down in front of her. She pushed Blake’s dark brown hair out of her face, and lifted her sunglasses so she could see her eyes. “Are you not feeling well?”

“People keep taking pictures of us,” she said in a quiet voice. “And I don’t like it.”

Chloe glanced up at Beca in time to see her face fall.

“None of us like it very much,” Chloe said. “But your Mom is famous. And that means people wanna see pictures of her when she’s out and about.”

“Well I hate it!” Blake snapped. She looked past Chloe and let out a groan of annoyance. “They’re doing it again!”

Chloe turned and saw a man sitting at a table outside a coffee shop pointing his phone at them. He shoved it into his pocket and turned away when he realised he’d been caught.

Beca sighed, and took Riley down from her shoulders. Riley fussed and started crying when Beca put her back in her stroller.

“Sorry baby girl,” Beca said. “I’ll be right back.”

“Beca,” Chloe said in a warning voice.

“I’m just gonna talk to him,” Beca said.

She left Chloe with their daughters and approached the man.

She saw recognition dawn in other peoples’ faces as she got close.

“Hey,” she said, keeping her tone friendly. “Can you do me a favour and delete those pictures you took?”

“I didn’t-”

“Come on, man, even my nine-year-old clocked you. She doesn’t like having her picture taken, and I don’t like photographs of my kids being on some stranger’s phone,” Beca said. “I’ll happily take a selfie with you, if you want, but I’d really like it if you deleted those photos.”

“Yeah, I kinda don’t want a selfie,” he said. “TMZ won’t pay me anything for a selfie.”

Beca clenched her jaw and forced a smile. “Delete those pictures, dude.”

“No,” he said. “It’s a free country.”

Beca could feel the eyes of every other table watching them. She knew they had all fallen silent to eavesdrop.

“Delete the pictures of my fucking kids, do you hear me?” Beca said, trying to keep her voice down.

She was sick of this. Sick of the entitlement that these people had. Like they had a right to her life, and she was sick of the impact it was having on her family.

“Are you gonna make me?”

She saw he was pointing his phone at her again.

She swallowed down the anger that was building. “I’m asking nicely, dude. Delete those pictures.”

“I was taking them of you and Chloe,” he said. “You can hardly see the kids.”

“Is there a problem here?”

She looked at the man who had just arrived and figured he must work for the coffee shop, based on his brown apron with the shop logo, and the name tag that read ‘Dylan’.

“Beca fucking Mitchell here won’t leave me alone,” the guy said.

“This pervert took pictures of my kids!” Beca snapped back.

“What did you just call me?” He stood up from his chair quickly, the raised voice and abrupt noise of the chair scraping attracted more attention.

“How many other pictures of little girls are we gonna find on your phone? Let’s take a look,” she made a move to grab the phone off the table, but he tried to stop her, and caused it to slide off and onto the floor.

Without thinking, Beca drove the heel of her Doc Marten boot into it, hearing a satisfying crunch as the screen broke.

Yes, his pictures were probably already on the Cloud, but she didn’t care right now. He wasn’t going to be able to ruin anyone else’s day today.

“Yes!” One of the patrons of the coffee shop cheered. “Work bitch!”

“That was a $1,500 phone you… talentless whore!” He shoved her, hard, and Beca fell backwards into another table.

With a look of panic in his eyes he ran off, as Chloe rushed towards her with the girls.

“Mommy!” Blake cried, letting go of Chloe’s hand and running over to Beca who was now sitting on the ground, her hand gingerly touching the back of her head. “Mommy, he pushed you!”

She climbed onto her Mom’s lap and wrapped her arms around her.

“I know,” Beca said, hugging her daughter tightly. “But I’m okay.”

A bigger crowd had started to form around them now, and more people had their phones out. Beca could feel the panic building in her chest.

People were touching her, Beca didn’t know if they were trying to help her up or not, but she needed them to stop.

“Can I get through, please?” Beca heard Chloe shout. “Excuse me, I need to check on my wife.”

Dylan managed to clear a space for Chloe to get through with the stroller.

Riley was starting to get upset, and Chloe could see the panic rising in Beca’s eyes.

“Are you okay?” Chloe asked, her voice as quiet as she could make it so Beca would still be able to hear, but that it might not carry to the crowd.

“I can’t be here,” Beca said, her voice shaking. “I don’t want them to see.”

“Okay,” Chloe said. She stood up and quietly asked Dylan if there was somewhere they could sit in private, and he nodded. “Blake, honey, can you help your Mom stand up?”

Blake climbed off Beca’s lap, and held out her small hand for Beca to take. Beca took it, and stood up as Blake pulled.

Dylan led them through the shop and to a small room with a couple of sofas that must have been meant for staff.

“I’ll make sure no one bothers you,” he said.

“Thank you,” Chloe said. “We really appreciate this.”

He left the room and closed the door behind him.

Beca dropped onto one of the sofas and let her head fall into her shaking hands.

She forced herself to take deep breaths as Chloe sat beside her, rubbing a comforting hand up and down her back.

“Mommy?” Riley asked.

“Yeah?” Chloe replied.

“Can we get ice cream yet?”

Beca burst into tears without warning, which created the domino effect of Riley crying and then Blake crying.

“Okay,” Chloe said, surveying her tearful family. “Who needs a hug the most?”

“Mom does,” Blake said, sniffing and wiping her eyes.

“Can you give it to her while I take care of Riley?”

“Uh huh,” Blake said. She climbed onto Beca’s lap again, and Beca pulled her daughter into her arms. “It’s okay, Mom, the bad man is gone.”

“I know,” Beca said, trying to stop crying. “I’m just sad that he ruined Riley’s birthday.”

“We can still get ice cream,” Blake said. “I won’t be angry about people taking our picture anymore.”

“No, baby, you should be angry about that,” Beca said. “They don’t have your permission, so they shouldn’t be doing it.”

Her eyes met Chloe’s who was soothing a still sobbing Riley. Something was going to have to change.

They left the coffee shop once everyone had calmed down, and Beca gave them a big tip for the trouble they’d gone through.

They made it back to the car without any more trouble, and Beca ordered some ice cream on DoorDash to get delivered.

They hung out in their garden for the rest of the day, playing in the pool, and eating junk food.

Chloe kept noticing the smile that would slip from Beca’s face whenever she thought no one was looking.

Once the kids were bathed and put to bed, Chloe poured them both a generous glass of wine, and joined Beca on their comfy sofa in the living room.

“I don’t want you confronting people like that again, Bec,” Chloe said, trying to massage the tension out of Beca’s shoulders.

“I know,” Beca said, closing her eyes.

“I mean it,” Chloe said. “He could have hurt you.”

“I know,” Beca said again. “I promise, I won’t do that again.”

“Good,” Chloe said. She placed a kiss on the back of Beca’s head.

They were quiet for a while as Chloe continued slowly massaging Beca’s shoulders.

“Come on,” she said, planting a brief kiss on her neck. “Let's go to bed.”

They climbed the stairs, briefly checked on the kids, and then changed for bed.

“What are you thinking?” Chloe asked, watching Beca as stared up at the ceiling. She could see tears building in her eyes again, and she brushed one away with a sweep of her thumb.

“I don’t wanna do it anymore, Chloe,” Beca said, her voice breaking. “We can’t take our kids for ice cream. Blake is getting too anxious to leave the house, and Riley is gonna start picking up on that soon. You can’t even work anymore. I don’t… I don’t wanna be famous anymore, I don’t want to live in this stupid town, I don’t want any of it.”

“I know,” Chloe said, softly.

“I’m serious.” Her voice was wobbling dangerously now. “I can’t… It’s crushing me.” She brought up a hand to cover her face as she started crying. “I can’t do it anymore.”

“Hey, shh, it’s okay. It’s okay, we can figure this out,” Chloe said, gathering Beca into her arms. “We’ll be okay.”

“It’s gonna kill me.”

“I know, baby, I know. But I won’t let it,” Chloe said. “Tomorrow we’re gonna call Theo, and we’re gonna figure it out.”

“Thank you,” Beca said, feeling calm relief begin to wash over her. Things were going to change. Things were going to get better. “I love you.”

“I love you too. No matter what your job is or where we live. I’m always gonna love you.”

[neoaevis]

How Much I Love You/Hate You 3

Taglist: @ijuuy​ @brrrrrrah

Word Count:1689

Warnings: None

A/N: Aaah finally part 3 is up sorry if this is short and kinda fast paced but I wanna get into to it so yea expect part 4 is into it(the arrange marriage scene will start there proly) and I feel like the last part is really rushed but plss give me some feedback I ish need it alsoo plss chat me or ask me if you wanna be tagged.

Y/N’s POV:

The bright light of the sun hurts your eye the moment it tries to open up making you groan and stretch your arms as you were now getting up slowly from your deep slumber, you eye your room and notice the things you failed to notice the night of your arrival, your childhood room has undergone changes with example the colors that used to be in a pastel shade now in a dark shade to compliment your mature taste but you will never fail to see how all the pictures of your childhood were still on full display on the desk you used to use whenever you were studying, getting up you can’t help but smile how things change so fast the girl who was once playing around in this very room was now getting ready to enter the corporate world, you wash yourself up before coming down to the breakfast that your mom asks the maid to make every single time. The bath made you smell like a full bloom rose which is one of your personal favorites, the outfit you chose for today was the Versace mini blazer dress with a pair of black Louboutin heels and underneath is a sexy lingerie from Victoria secret, the scent you went in for today was from Giorgio Armani Sì.

As you went down everyone was in awe seeing you big smiles evident in their faces, when you were munching yourself with breakfast your mom can’t help but compliment from head to toe and tell you how much she misses you and things she plans now that you are here, her stories made you really miss her so you also told her stories about your stay in New York “Mom, did you know there was one time I was actually really drunk in this one party and when I went to class the next day with a massive hungover my shit ass professor dropped the bomb at how we have a quiz the next day because of that I had to cave myself up the whole day and review this much” you showed her your hand and she chucked at your story remembering how she was during her college days, more exchange of stories went on and that made you feel your mom’s warmth once more( well you were always close to your mom she was the only one you had growing up) the breakfast was special today not until your mom dropped a question you find odd “Honey, do you perhaps have a boyfriend or any potential husband right now?” she asks with a smile plastered on her face which makes you raise your brows “Mom, why talk about that you do remember me saying that I don’t want to get married right?” you tell her with a firm tone but she begins to sigh “You’re only saying that now Y/N, I was like that once but eventually I got married” she counters what you said but you feel frustrated “You got married and dad cheated” you tell her while eyeing her “Y/N not all men cheat, it doesn’t mean if your dad cheated all the boys cheat” she tells you to comfort you a little “Either way I have no plans on marriage, but why the sudden question mom do you perhaps plan to get remarried?” you ask her as you stand up to tuck the chair back in to leave but she replies “M-me no I prefer being single’ she said feeling flustered “ So am I mom” you tell her as you now finally make your leave to go to the company

Mark’s POV

Mark was awaken due to his alarm but truth be told he was never actually been able to sleep well ever since the day his heart got broken and maybe that’s the reason why he would drown himself from too much workload or sultry nights with different girls, as he got up he eyes his room that he never thought he would go back to because this was the room that witnessed his lovely passions to his miserable state but he knew he should not dwell into it much because he is different now, this room should no longer remind him of the girl that tore him, he should move on and be stronger to prove to her how she wronged him. Mark decided to take a shower to finally get ready for another dreadful work day, he did not really enjoy working in a corporate world rather he enjoys creating music but due to too much guilt towards his parents and how he gave up on the life he enjoyed with her he decided it was best to follow the footsteps of his parents, honestly it was hard at first but through time he learned that it was not that bad after all, today he wore a grey suit from Armani that perfectly showed his toned body.

Mark did not bother to have breakfast as it was not really his thing even though his mom insists he eats something, he was fetched by his secretary Taeil and the car ride was rather cold he did not bother to chat with Taeil like would do normally, arriving in the company he was greeted by different department heads right from the entrance and was escorted towards his office, his arrival was a gossip amongst different staffs some saying he was a “playboy”, “spoiled” ,”kind” and many different mixed opinions but one in particular has caught his attention “he got a girl pregnant before they say and the baby died” that caught him in his tracks and immediately diverting his attention towards the girl “What did you say?” he asked with anger filling his eyes making the girl feel small as she was caught red handed “N-nothing s-sir” she said stuttering “Let me just remind you, you don’t get paid to gossip you get paid to work” he said slamming the desk of the girl and immediately heading towards his office Taeil seems to catch on so he gave small apologies towards the people and then following Mark after “S-sir are you alright” he asked the moment he entered Mark’s office but Mark just signaled him to leave to which Taeil cooperated too, deep thoughts occupied Mark’s mind especially since every day he dreams of his baby that died, it always fills him with guilt how it died so soon not even given the chance to see the world.

When Mark’s father knew that he was now in his office he immediately wanted to see his son that he misses so badly, “Mark” his father exclaimed opening his door to which he smiled at “Dad” Mark replies while giving the same enthusiasm “You look great in the office son” he compliments his son to which Mark replied to with a small “Thanks” but since Mark has a meeting soon he tells his dad “I actually have a meeting in about 10 min, let’s catch up later dad” but his dad stops him as he has something really important to tell him and it’s about the most awaited event where there big announcement will be known “I actually have something important to tell you son” Mark raised an eyebrow towards his father at him being so serious suddenly “What is it dad” he asked “We are hosting a charity ball son and I need you to be present” he announced “Yes, you told me” Mark replied “But son this ball will not just be a ball but we will be merging with another company-“ but before his dad can finish his phone rings “Excuse me son” his father said but then left immediately cause he also has a important meeting, Mark just shrugged it and went on about his day as he did not really think of it as something serious.

Y/N’s POV:

You were chilling in your office when your friend Yuna barged in “Y/N,Y/N” he said with a full glee to which you chuckled at “Don’t you have a company to run” you ask her while welcoming her for a embrace, the embrace was rather long with how much you miss each other, well before coming to New York , Yuna was your best friend as you have known each other till you were in diapers “Well I do but it’s lunch time” she said with a smile on her face and a cute doe eyes, you can’t help but giggle at how adorable she is “What brings you here” you asked her while motioning her to sit while you page your secretary to bring you some tea “First of all I miss you and second of all because you are merging with the Lee family and third we need to go shopping for dresses for the ball” she said while pointing her fingers at you “W-wait what merging and what ball?” you asked her very confuse about what’s happening “Oh you don’t know?” she asked again as if she could not believe you don’t know “Well yes idk” you repeated “ Well your mom is merging your company with the company of the Lee’s” you were shocked as your mom did not even bother to tell you “Second they will be holding a charity ball to announce the merge” at this point you really don’t know anymore “When is it” you asked her to which she happily replied to “Saturday”, well it’s basically three days from now “My mom hasn’t told me about that” you tell her as you tea arrived “Thanks” you tell your secretary “Maybe she will, but at least I told you didn’t I?” she said while taking a sip of the tea. Your Mom did indeed tell you within the day that there will be a ball that you need to attend to and it’s with the Lee’s who she wants to merge with, the whole situation made you feel like you are in a very fast paced world because it’s just your first day in Korea yet there are too many surprises that awaits you.

“All Rights Reserved”  © sibehpoor  2021

[365days365movies]

January 15, 2021: Casino Royale (2006) (Part 1)

So...we meet again, Bond. What’ve you been doing for the past few years?

...What. Not who, James, WHAT. Jeez.

Whatever. BrosBond had 3 movies after GoldenEye, and they were...not great, from what I’ve heard. Remember, I wasn’t as big of a fan of GoldenEye as many critics and fans were; so, I can’t imagine what I’d think of the latter three. Maybe one day, but not today!

Today, I’m focusing my sights on the revitalization of the brand. See, in 2002, Die Another Day came out, and that movie was apparently crazy. TOO crazy. So crazy, in fact, that audiences and critics accused it of losing the plot, and the production studio in charge (Eon Productions) had a yearning to change direction. And their inspiration came from...a surprising place.

See, Joel Schumacher’s campy, over-the-top Batman films were basically wiped out by Christopher Nolan’s 2005 reinvention of the character in Batman Begins. Which is, in my opinion, a highly underrated classic, Seriously. And in 2005, this film was absolutely a smash-hit. Batman was cool again, which a lot of people never thought would happen in film. Eon saw this, and thought...how can we apply that to Bond?

Out with Brosnan...in with Craig.

The first of the new, darker, reinvented Bond films is planned for release in 2006, starring Daniel Craig as the suave, sophisticated spy. And the director of the film was selected to be...Martin Campbell? From GoldenEye? The guy who kinda sorta started the modern over-the-top Bond? Really? I mean, OK. The writers this time are different...except for one. I didn’t talk about the writers last time because I don’t like putting people on blast if I don’t gotta. This time...maybe. We’ll see.

If this Casino Royale is basically Bond Begins, I’m definitely interested. Maybe this’ll revitalize that Bond-love from the Connery days. Let’s find out! We’re also gonna look at the Bond checklist again!

Gadgets: better have more cool gadgets than GoldenEye, I swear...

Bond Girl: GoldenEye’s Natalya wasn’t bad, to be honest; let’s see who his Inevitable Love Interest is this time.

Villain: Alec Trevelyan had so much potential. I need my dastardly villain, let’s do this. Oh, and let’s throw the henchman in here, too. Xenia Onatopp was...a lot...but she was a memorable henchman, at least.

Music: Of course. GoldenEye’s theme was good, and we’ll see how 2006 does.

OK, movie time. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

We start at an office building in Prague, where a man makes his way up to his office. Waiting there for him is, of course, James Bond (Daniel Craig). The man is Dryden, section chief at the British Embassy in Prague, whom M has accused of selling secrets, a big no-no. But Bond...isn’t a double-0 agent. Huh. You got me interested.

Apparently, agents get the two zeroes once they’ve killed two people on file. James hadn’t killed anyone...until recently. Which is when we get this.

OH SHIT

This is an absolutely BRUTAL fight. It’s not choreographed flashily, it’s not pretty...it’s rough. It’s intense. And it’s...oh my God, wow. Made me feel it. And what’s astonishing is that it’s SO short.

On learning this, Dryden tells him not to worry, the second one is...

...YOU GOT ME. I’M IN FOR THE FUCKIN’ RIDE

HOW??? How is it that in 3 minutes of screentime, I’m already more satisfied by Craig’s Bond than I was for the ENTIRETY of GoldenEye? That is masterfully done, right off the bat. WOW. We even get a smooth-as-silk segue into the classic bullet turret sequence, and that takes us right into the song and opening credits. And...wow.

Here’s the thing about Bond openings, as I mentioned last time: they were all directed by one guy up until GoldenEye, and were basically all silhouetted women with themes and scenes from the movie projected around them. The Brosnan movies followed suit, always having silhouetted women in one way or another. Die Another Day used CGI women and...a really bad Madonna song. It was...it is NOT GOOD, guys. Look it up, it’s the most 2002 thing I’ve ever heard.

But here’s the fin bit about Casino Royale. This is the first Bond movie opening with no women in it. Yeah. It’s the first one. And the song is Chris Cornell’s You Know My Name, and it’s good! Not sure it’s going in my soundtrack, though.

Finally, the opening credits sequence itself: it’s once again Daniel Kleinman doing it, and it’s actually inspired by the first James Bond book Casino Royale, which had already had a TV special and unofficial Bond movie made from it! The cover had a playing card motif, and the opening carries over that motif creatively. I really dig it, if I’m honest! Definitely a welcome break from the 44 years of Bond films preceding it.

Uganda! And we meet the villain of this film: Le Chiffre (Mads Mikkelsen). And GODDAMN if that isn’t a Bond villain! He’s a banker, making a deal with a rebel leader, Steven Obanno (Isaach de Bankole), via their liason Mr. White (Jesper Christiensen). Setting up an attack by supplying Obanno with money, he sells his stocks of a company called Skyfleet, knowing that they’re about to fail.

Meanwhile, a ferret’s fighting an Asian species of cobra. In Madagascar. My zoology senses are EXPLODING, OH my God. So much wrong there. Anyway, there’s a bombmaker in the crowd watching the fight. He’s being tailed by Bond and another agent, Carter, who tips off the guy by being a bad spy. Bond chases him to a construction yard. What now, James?

Awesome. Why is this awesome when I said that the tank was dumb? Because at least it makes sense for a bulldozer to go haywire in a construction yard, just sayin’. Plus, this dude clearly isn’t the best, as he fires on construction workers and cops.

Eventually, this chase sequence brings us to the top of a crane, where this exchange happens.

I, uh...I love this movie already. That’s goddamn great.

The chase scene as a whole is also fantastic, as it continues off the bridge and into an abandoned building, then escalates into the streets, brings in law enforcement, and eventually ends with Bond at an embassy, facing down both the military and the bomb maker. He kills the guy, shoots some gas tanks, grabs the bomb, and then gets the hell out of there.

...Y’know what, that was fucking amazing, but he also almost certainly caused an international incident there. And I should be annoyed about that, but guess what! It makes sense! This is an inexperienced Bond, one who’s JUST been promoted to 00 status as 007, as the prologue explained. So, y’know what? I’m into it!

Cut to a yacht, like you do in a Martin Campbell Bond film. There, we have our villain, Le Chiffre, playing a card game. Also, he weeps blood. Yeah. HE WEEPS BLOOD.

OK, if that isn’t some Bond villain shit, I don’t know WHAT is. He’s also asthmatic, because I love it. I love it so much. He’s a mathematically-brilliant asthmatic that weeps blood. More, please. 

He’s also a person aware of what Bond did at the embassy, as it’s already become an international incident! Thank you for showing consequences, movie! Damn! I love it! This has two additional consequences. One, Le Chiffre notes that the code “Ellipsis” used by the bomber may be soon to expire, indicating a connection between the two. And the second consequence? M’s pissed.

M! DAME JUDI DENCH! One of my favorite things about GoldenEye was bringing in Judi Dench as M, and she made it through the reboot! And she’s still as entertaining as she was before, calling Bond out for his stupidity, and explaining that she misses the Cold War.

In her apartment, M does her normal exposition schtick, and her interactions with Bond are fantastic here. She’s understandably angry at him, and gives him what for, but she’s also clearly impressed that he FIGURED OUT WHERE SHE LIVES, as well as her REAL NAME. Shows her opinion of Bond and aspects of Bond’s character in a single, masterful stroke. 

Well. Goddamn. Done.

The Bahamas! Bond’s here to find Alex Dimitrios (Simon Abkarian), a Greek businessman who’s believed to have a connection with Le Chiffre himself. And, as James Bond is wont to do, he finds him at a party, playing cards. And here’s where the reinvention of Bond comes full circle.

See, Bond’s doing all the typical Bond things, yeah. But there are some differences present here, as well as some neat nuances. Bond isn’t wearing the suit, first of all. He actually hasn’t worn a suit the whole movie, which makes perfect sense for a spy. Suits aren’t exactly the least conspicuous thing in the world; bound to get you noticed if you don’t want to be.

And then, there’s the girl. This is Solange Dimitrios (Catherina Murino), the wife of Alex who was treated BADLY by him at the party. That gives her a reason to take Bond’s offer for a ride to his place, outside of just his raw animalistic charm that he seems to have in some of these movies. Look at that, already more chemistry than he had with Natalya in GoldenEye.

And yes, this results in her cheating on Alex. Is her cheating justified from a moral standpoint? No, of course it isn’t. And of course, this leads to the typical Bond-handsome-sex-GOOD sequence, but again, some nuance here! First of all, he doesn’t win her over with corny clever lines, like what we saw in GoldenEye multiple ties. Second, this is actually all an attempt to get some infomation from her about her husband. Bond might be enjoying it, but his womanizing here actually has a purpose. And that’s rare!

That’s further punctuated by the fact that he STRAIGHT UP LEAVES BEFORE ANYTHING HAPPENS. Yeah, she tells him that Alex just made his way to Miami, and he leaves! Dick move, yeah, but it makes sense! James isn’t here for pleasure, he’s here for work!

He follows Alex to a Bodies at Work exhibit (you know, the preserved and skinned cadavers put into poses that used to tour around the USA? I saw it in Times Square at the end of its popularity. A little ghoulish, maybe, but I think it’s pretty cool), where the two of them get in a very tense close-up knife fight in public.

Alex is dead, but not before passing off a package to someone else at the exhibition. Bond tails the guy to Miami International Airport, where the largest airplane in the world is set to be unveiled. Using the code sent to the bombers, Bond gets into the back, and goes to intercept the disguised bomber who’s set to blow up the SkyChonk (I mean it, that giant airplane is THICCC).

Time for another cool chase sequence! Some luggage is destroyed, along with a bus, the cops join in on the chase, an airplane is prevented from landing (making someone on that plane probably very upset), and Bond somehow manages to prevent the plane from blowing up. And it’s by the SKIN of his teeth, lemme tell you. Also, he blows up a dude with his own flashlight bomb.

Nice. Somehow, Bond isn’t arrested, and makes his way back to the Bahamas. And it looks like Solange isn’t the Bond girl after all. Because she was thought to be the information leak (which she was, to an extent), she was tortured to death. Whoof.

M’s in the Bahamas now, and the exposition continues. She’s done with Bond’s bullshit, and she plants a tracker under his skin. She explains that with the big boi plane destroyed, somebody stood a lot to gain financially from the stock crash to come. Except that the plane wasn’t destroyed, and that person lost $100 million by “betting the wrong way.”

That person, of course, was Le Chiffre, a manthematical genius and chess prodigy, who plays poker for fun, and plays the stock market with his clients’ money. Bond’s the best poker player in MI6 (a good addition that we already saw foreshadowed earlier! See what I mean?), and she’s sending him to a high stakes poker game that Le Chiffre’s looking to regain his money from. 

Bond FINALLY dons his suit, and gets on a train in Montenegro, where he meets...

Vesper Lynd (Eva Green). THERE’S our Bond girl! Although, there’s a reference to Miss Moneypenny in their introduction, which is interesting. But Vesper is an agent for the British Treasury, supplying the money for the buy-in for the tournament. And their conversation on the train...wow. Now THIS is chemistry, seriously.

Vesper’s a great character, and she gives Bond NO quarter. She reads his character, and calls him out very accurately. They also explain why both Bond and Vesper are good at poker: it’s all about reading people. I’m genuinely impressed by how this movie is put together, and how well-thought out Bond is as a character. And this is the dimension I love to see in a Bond girl as well!

GODDAMN, I am in love with this movie. More coming in Part 2!

[derangedroyalfae]

April 20, 2021 6:41pm (touched up a couple times until 10:59pm)

I finally figured it out, why I wanted to know about how Capybara and the girl met. It’s cuz I wanted to know which groups I should be concerned about it happening again in, if he met her in VA group or in a gaming group (or maybe through a friend, though that one I doubt would be it).

I told Jem earlier that most days, more than half the time, I’ve kinda lost general motivation to exist. Take that as you will, I know better than to result to suicide as I know it’ll hurt some people. As I put it:

“My brain feels melted as of late, focus is a bust - all I can really give my attention to is what sounds really sounds interesting to me in the moment (i.e. record videos but can't do that), or I can sleep, cuz I feel like if I let myself stay awake, I'm gonna get hit with feelings and cry

Maybe I should try to take ADHD pills as of tomorrow

I honestly just feel like disappearing more than half the time and have a general disinterest and lack of motivation to exist. And it sucks, cuz I often don’t feel that way around Capybara, when there isn’t a negative issue brought up between us, and it can be as simple as texting (but even that nowadays isn’t doing as much) but especially if we’re on VC with each other, I feel too happy or at home to feel those things. And I know I can’t use him like a crutch like that. It’s a lot of responsibility to put on someone, so I know he can’t be the only thing I turn to in order to just not feel negativity or just in order to feel motivation to live and move forward. But it hurts being this far from him, both in miles and in timezone, and even more so to not know when I won’t be.

I don’t want to get back on antidepressants, and I worry about getting back on T. I’m scared of what might happen to me if I don’t do either though.

I wish I hadn’t been born with the chemical imbalance I was born with.”

I had stated that topic with almost a meme format

things I should do:

write scripts for NDitD

go through composer and artist auditions for NDitD

organize through files in my room

organize through my clothes properly

what I wanna do:

cry

sleep

maybe video games

Capybara asked why I was so jealous the other day. Where it comes from. I don’t know, I thought it’d be obvious that it comes from the fear of losing him, losing my time with him, not wanting to share him with someone else on a romantic or sexual. I don’t want to be shared anymore, I don’t want to have a life with anyone but him and potential future children. I want a monogamous life with him. Even if it’d fall under the realm of a cishet life, where I’d be his wife and mother of his children. I actually crave that more than words can describe. I don’t want him to have what we have with anyone other than me. I thought what we had was something special, something only he’d feel comfortable doing with me, something he’d only ever want to do with me. And maybe that’s the asexual/demisexual part of my brain that tricked me into believing that was normal of allosexual people. I could never fathom doing anything with anyone but him, and I hoped he felt the same. But clearly he can, clearly he could, clearly he did, clearly he would. I felt I worked hard for it, but he was so easily able to do it with someone else, easier than he ever was with me. I always should have known I wasn’t special and I do know that, but having to actually accept it from the one person in the world that made me feel like I was on top of the world, it hurt. I don’t understand myself why it still hurts me so much almost a year later. I can’t stand the thought of him jerking it to someone else, fucking someone else. It makes me sick to my stomach, like actual real physical pain. It honestly does. And the day I messaged him, and knew that he lied to me when he said he was just playing video games, but I knew he was actually lewding her instead, but he didn’t want me to feel bad (as he confessed was the case). I felt such physical agony. Even to this day. Remembering that. I feel that pain. And I don’t know how to make it go away. Overexposure is supposed to make you go numb but it almost feels like the more I think of it the worse I feel. I know he didn’t cheat, and I’m not saying he did, even if he feels like I’m trying to accuse him of it, which I truly genuinely did not mean to make him feel that way (though I feel like we both should have handled the situation better in general), it still hurt that I wasn’t his only. For so long he kept saying he was monogamous, that he’d never pursue a purely sexual relationship, but then that happened, and I knew I was the only one to blame. I was living in a fucking fantasy. And sometimes I still hope that my fantasy can become real. That if someone else at this point in time were to try and come onto him, he’d deny them, not because he’s worried about how I felt, but because he doesn’t want anyone but me. I know, who in their right mind would want just me? But it’s a dream I still have and want to believe is true. I truly wonder if what happened last summer wouldn’t have happened if I spent more time with him, and since I’ll never know, I’ll always blame myself for it. That I neglected him. I hadn’t told him soon enough that I wanted out of polyamory and wanted to be exclusively monogamous with him. Didn’t make it more obvious that I wanted him to see my girly side more. I didn’t push hard enough, I didn’t share enough, I wasn’t honest enough, I wasn’t enough. No matter what direction I spin the situation in, aside how long it took him to tell me there was someone else in the picture, everything else is and was my fault.

I feel like, even what happened this weekend, when I tried to address what was actually happening, because it was over text, he read it all wrong, the emotion and intent behind it. I only meant to tell him that the joke made me feel insecure, that it actually caused physical pain, because I was reminded of how I felt replaceable back in December when he joked things didn’t turn out for the better because we were dating. A joke I setup in the first place that only ended up in my own defeat. Because yeah, I know I’m not good, I clearly keep hurting him, so I would never expect anyone to say dating me was for the better, but just like my fantasy that Capybara could ever want to be monogamous with me, I had hoped that he wasn’t going to joke and say “yes, of course things are better: you’re here,” because I really needed to hear that in that moment. Death had just occurred and I was feeling isolated and scared in a foreign country, so hearing something like that is what I thought I needed to hear, to be validated. But it didn’t happen, it wasn’t a test and he’s not a mind reader, but I was already being at the end of an emotional rope, I got sad and jealous and felt so much like nothing. So when the girl that the joke was revolved around came up again, those feelings crept back, especially since I’m once again at the end of an emotional rope, and when the joke started to evolve into one about him being destined for her, and I was no where welcome to be part of this fantasy as his lover, of course I felt pain. I wasn’t trying to tell him he couldn’t make those jokes, I just wanted him to know I felt that way and why. But I felt like his response was like he was yelling at me and saying I accused him of cheating, and I never meant to trigger him so badly. I never want to hurt him, but I somehow did all because I was in pain and wanted him to know I was. I wasn’t trying to blame him for that pain, I just wanted him to know. But phrasing can be so hard in a text, especially if you can’t read the emotion correctly. I wasn’t trying to manipulate him, I wasn’t trying to put words in his mouth or act like he committed a crime. I just felt so vulnerable and easy to pain. And no matter how I tried to frame it or explain it, it was like I was a villain through and through, and I accepted that role, because I did feel like a villain for making him so upset. And I promised that I’d never tell him again that I was feeling jealous or pain from jealousy, because it hurts him to hear. So I’ll deal with that pain on my own. It can go into the list of things I promised him I wouldn’t mention again, the eggshells I won’t tread for him. It’s the least I can do. And he can keep making those jokes that will trigger me into pain, and hopefully, in time, I’ll stop feeling that pain, that I’ll just go numb.

Honestly, some of the low days as of late, some of the thoughts that hit me had to do with my thoughts of jealousy, the feelings of pain I get imagining him with her, feeling I failed him, feeling replaceable, and mourning that I don’t have monogamy with him as I so wish, and knowing that’s my fault.

I know my jealousy or possessiveness of him will never go away, but I really hope that it becomes less visceral. He’s everything I could have wanted. I want to be his wife or life partner or whatever term is most appropriate. I want to have a nuclear family with him.

I’ve already had to accept that I feel remorse at times for my hysterectomy, not because I want to experience something as traumatising and terrifying as pregnancy and childbirth, but because I want to have given him and experience with him those hallmark moments of pregnancy. Him laying his head against my pregnant belly, putting a hand on my stomach to feel the kicks, taking care of me whilst I deal with morning sickness. I know there’s expectations vs reality, that it’s almost never that sweet and perfect, but I’d like to think we could make it so. And I would have loved to see what our genes combined would have made. And I try to shun the regret or remorse I feel with thoughts of how I know very well the child or children I’ll bring into this world will more than likely have medical and mental health issues up the wazoo, and it’d feel terribly irresponsible of me to knowingly bring someone who would have to struggle in most aspects of life into this world. However, there’s this hope in me that remains when I see that I could still possibly get pregnant with a uterine implant, though it’s expensive and not full proof. So if the day comes, when we’re finically stable and emotionally ready, and we both decide mutually that we want to have genetic offsprings, not just adopted, then I can see if I can make it happen.

I’m mainly waiting until I’ve become a UK citizen before I turn my Male gender markers back to Female, but it’s possible that I might feel the urge to do that sooner. I've already started looking into it.

I thought about the fact that I should break up with the girls come summer and I still felt the same. Because the more and more I think about it, the more I realise I want nothing more than a platonic relationship with the both and that I feel guilty wanting monogamy with Capybara when I am still technically in a relationship with two other people, even if only by label, since we more or less have been doing nothing but platonic stuff since before I told Capybara of the monogamous relationship I desire. I fear losing my place in my home and having to return to my family, not because they’d kick me out, but because of the grief they’d feel and the guilt I feel. But I’d risk it for Capybara. And I’d risk it because it’s the right thing to do, cuz it’s so fucked up that I’m dragging them along, using them, lying to them, treating them like a safety net and fallback plan. No matter what, if I moved to be with Capybara, I’d break up with them, so at this point, it’s undoubtedly using them. But that’s getting to be a hard decision to make with how bad Hummingbird’s condition has gotten. Today she couldn’t even remember things she was told 30 secs before.

Deciding to stay off testosterone has kinda put me in a scary predicament as it really helped me deal with my depression in ways antidepressants never could and it’s hitting me really hard. And I don’t see the psychiatrist for another month. And I wanna wait until she presents me with my options before I decide I want to stay off it for sure. I don’t want antidepressants. Kitty has suggested I try Dutasteride along T as a way to limit T from doing it’s full affects of transitioning me, as Dutasteride will make it harder for me to have a voice drop, slow facial hair growth, etc. I don’t want to become more physically masculine as I am now, but I feel like the mental affects of T was so helpful.

I’ve thought about seeing a therapist again, but I worry there’s not much they can actually help me with. Cuz I need help with in the moment things, and I already know the exercises and the breathing techniques and all that jazz. Kitty said maybe they can help me figure out the source of my depression, I think I’ve already got that mostly figured out as stated above. But maybe here’s a few more: I feel aimless, I feel hopeless, I feel untalented, and I feel like all my goals are pipe dreams, that I’ll never be noticed for my writing or art or creations, not even for voice over, and I’ll be a burden upon people and society as a hopeless manic depressive NEET. Besides, when you have a mood disorder, sometimes you don’t need a reason, just a trigger, and it all just hits at once. You can makeup reasons, come up with them, because you feel depressed and you feel like you need some sort of excuse as to why.

When I get hit, I get hit with everything at once: separation anxiety from Capybara, my jealousy, every mistake I’ve ever made, ever thing that’s ever made me feel awful, my lack of self-worth, feeling I’m not going anywhere, wondering the point, etc etc.

I feel like I’m gonna burst. Judging thinking about having to wait for the psychiatrist is making me anxious. It hasn’t even been a full month since I returned home and it already feels like ages. I’ve even thought of the idea of having myself committed. Not the first and probably won’t be the last.

The thought “I can’t do this” keeps playing in my head. I just have to lie to myself and say, “you have to, you can, and you will.”

[haydewan]

Hi! So I did some digging and now I’m even more confused. Apparently he had more than one bracelet made by Briar.

The first time he was photographed with any bracelet was on March 8, 2020. It was a bracelet matching with Briar’s, long loose end of the string with a red bead

Another one was seen on June 27, 2021, it was pink and green with a silver bead, again, matching with Briar’s

Then there were the two with multiple strands seen on July 18, 2021. Can’t really tell the colours but one of them could be the one he wore in the video

And finally, the most recent one was seen on November 8, 2021. The one with the orange strand and colourful beads, still matching with Briar’s

That’s about everything I can find about his bracelets, not sure which exact one he wore besides the beady one during the press tour, but I believe that was his gesture of love towards Briar when he was away from her❤️

I read your post about Hollywood PR. I agree on what you said about “making a PR's move out of a man who cheats on his 25 years wife” would be totally weird, the backlash of the scandal alone could’ve sabotaged his career to some degree, why would he risk so much to cause extra trouble? It doesn’t make sense. So yeah, that was a genuine affair. However, the part of their relationship which makes me most uncomfortable, and probably the most PR-like, is now he’s dragging her into everything he does. I understand he has more resource in the industry and it’s reasonable to hook her up with some work opportunities, fine, go ahead; but geez, was it really necessary for her to be in the same things as him??? First Birds of Prey now Star Wars - and it’s the Ahsoka series! The one which Hayden will also be in!🙄I was beyond pissed off when I heard the casting news, like wtf McGregor?!?? It’s not like everyone’s rooting for your epic affair alright???

As for the girls, I think they’re trying their best to move on, dwelling in the past would only make things more painful. They’ve spent Christmas 2020 over at Ewan’s new home, Clara is easing up their relationship by doing more projects with him, and Esther was willing to audition for the Kenobi show and act opposite dad…It takes time and eventually time heals all. So when Laurie was born, the girls posted the pics not only to make some kinda soft official announcement of his birth, but also to show the world they’ve buried the hatchet with their father.

However Esther did tweet this last year:

The girls also didn’t post anything from the wedding. In fact, I’m not even sure they went cuz if I remember correctly they were at home keeping Eve company during the wedding weekend apparently. So I can understand their affection towards Laurie, he is their half brother after all; but with that woman? Nah-ah. They can maintain some temporary peace on the surface for the sake of their dad’s career, but deep down? No fking way🤗

Please watch this and tell me what you think about

https://cinematicsstuff.tumblr.com/post/690782439092764672/boyfriends-bestfriends-sending-coded-messages-to

Also, for Ewan touching his wedding ring during other solo interviews, I wonder if he's not doing it with Hayden in mind.

I may be crazy, but I also wonder if Ewan's marriage to Mary Elizabeth winstead isn't a PR stunt to hide Ewan and Hayden's marriage ?

I know it's a bit crazy, but I can't help wondering, especially since, when the Obi-Wan Kenobi series was released, Lucas Film offered a product: two alliances, one being that of Obiwan and the other that of Darth Vader. Yes, it's probably to promote the series, but I wonder if it wasn't a way for the team behind Lucas Film to show that they support them?

I'm probably going to far away but well, I can't help it 😅

Well hello there! Thank you for your kind words, I very much appreciate it☺️

Here are my thoughts:

The touchy-touchy

I’m 99.99% sure that’s a bracelet Briar made for him, it’s colourful, vibrant, childish, with beads and stuff, very handmade look. I’m not an expert in body language, so I tend to not read too much into it and I don’t think most of the movements have any specific intentional meaning. I’m sure everyone does this from time to time, like I’ve been wearing a Marvel-related necklace for years, sometimes I touch it and think: “Wow, I really love this necklace”, but other times I touch just to adjust it or make sure it’s in the right place. Still, I could be wrong. Maybe it’s not my area of expertise, I’m just a simple gal trying to make my way in the fandom. Don’t rule out any possibility tho, however small it might be.

The PR stunt

I don’t know a lot about how Hollywood PR works exactly, but this one doesn’t look like one to me. From the “reality point of view”, it started long before he and Hayden reconnected, then got really ugly really quick, it was an utter disaster. But again, if it really were a stunt, wouldn’t it be a bit too much to add a shared child into an already complicated chaos? I mean with all the property and custody issues, that’s too high of a cost and stake so it wouldn’t make much sense. One thing I find really interesting tho is Hayden was in LA on April 21, just before the wedding(April 23), I wonder if he got invited👀

Also, the Kenobi press tour basically started right after the wedding and the first two stops were Germany and UK, which made it look like a European honeymoon for these two. Now that I think about it, this theory actually makes an awesome fanfic idea, I’ve never thought this way but it could totally work!🤯

The rings

I would very much like to meet the genius designer who thought “Obi-Wan and Darth Vader themed wedding bands, what a great idea!” Unfortunately, this is just another co-branding strategy to promote the show and sell more merchandises. If anything, Lucasfim was merely showing support for Obikin/Vaderwan, not the actors, otherwise both their agencies would have to pay Disney and Lucasfilm huge money to do so. Sorry if I come off as negative and disappointing, but the corporation is all business, like the Kenobi-inspired vehicles collaborated by LFL and Volkswagen(VW sponsored the show), they even got Doug Chiang to spend six weeks designing it and had Ewan over to visit their factory in Wolfsburg.

The Vanity Fair interview

Here you go, you must’ve read it before. It’s one of, if not my most favourite interview ever. It uses their real-life relationship as the entry point, weaving together the developing process of the show and the character dissections, bit by bit, tells the story of how they reunited and returned to the characters, so beautifully written and full of small details, it’s like the wildest dream come true.