#kinda biphobic if they don’t let her in bi month

[thetorturedlovergirl]

Happy Bi visibility month to Clara Oswald I hope she gets to fuck that old man

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Dear How to Do It,

I am currently in my early 30s, and I’m almost four years into the most loving, supportive relationship I’ve ever had. My queen (let’s call her Emily) has been there for me through the passing of both of my parents, I helped her get her business up and running, and we weathered the storm of her being a small business owner during a pandemic. I feel like we communicate very well, I only have my frame of reference but I feel like the sex is phenomenal. I bought a ring last November and plan on proposing.

At some point, after I purchased the ring, we had a party and she got very drunk and revealed that she was “kinda weirded out” by bisexual men who hook up with other men. She believes that they MUST be closeted homosexuals, and should stop duping women into believing that they are capable of male-female relationships. I was shocked by this; we are both forward-thinking, seemingly progressive people. The problem is, for about three months in college I was in a same-sex relationship. It started out very innocently, with a few drunk hookups but it was a pretty serious thing for a significant part of my life. I had two or three other flings that were similar, but have not had any desire to do anything with a man since. The only two other girls that I have been remotely serious with, the relationships turned awkward and uncomfortable after I revealed this part of my past to them.

To that end, I have not revealed this information to Emily. I am both uncomfortable with her opinions and terrified that she’ll leave me if she finds out. I am weighing the pros and cons of just burying this part of my past—the friends that I still have who know about that part of my life are people that I trust would never reveal that information. But I do feel like you can never really be in a relationship with someone if things like that are topics you feel uncomfortable disclosing. What do you think that I should do?

—Occasionally Curious Carlos

Dear Carlos,

I think there’s a high-minded, extremely principled answer to the effect of, “Dump her to show her the error of her ways and make the world that much less biphobic.” But I don’t think that’s necessarily practical. People are imperfect, and even the seemingly coolest people may hold onto some outdated and/or toxic beliefs. (Remember how Cher had an issue with her son Chaz’s initially stated sexuality and then gender identity?) Everyone is a work in progress, including the queens among us. You get to set your limit for what you will tolerate in a partner. You also get to say, “I would like to continue being with this person who practices bi-erasure as a matter of course,” and then continue being with that person.

Emily is coming from a place of ignorance that your life experience could in theory obliterate, if she is open to enlightenment. That’s a big if. Whether tempting fate is worth it depends on how important your past experiences with men are to you. Did they contribute to the formation of your identity, or are they merely discrete encounters that happened and were nice, but will be relegated strictly to your past? Do you think you’ll get curious again and want to act on it? If your bisexuality is mostly circumstantial and won’t really come up again other than in conversation, I think you’re justified in letting her comments slide. Her ignorance needn’t blow up your life; it’s bad enough that it colors her worldview. If you foresee a time when you’ll be in an open arrangement and theoretically available to hook up with another dude, or if it’s too big a part of your identity that suppressing all acknowledgement would qualify as effective deception, you should reveal and hope for the best. I’m guessing you’re leaning more toward the circumstantial scenario as it had not yet come up in your years together prior to her reveal.

Also! She was drunk when she said this, which could mean that she really feels like bi dudes aren’t a thing. It could also mean she was exaggerating for effect, or even better, that she was just talking shit. Alcohol can be a truth serum, yes, but it can also be liquid bullshit. I think you need to engage her on the topic when she’s sober to get a better grip on her actual position. You can take the opportunity then to push back on her misconceptions about bi men without divulging your personal experience. If you position the conversation as a thought exercise, you can collect information that could help you plan the next step.

[audible301]

I don’t know if tumblr cares about If/Then (if you do WHERE ARE YOU) but here’s some late night If/Then thoughts

- this one is pure lack of memory: What were Elizabeth’s issues with Oren that didn’t involve living in Pheonix? (Like when she gets to New York she has straight up changed her phone number. What happened?)

-“you’re a kindergarten teacher?” “Im the fucking best kindergarten teacher” is immaculate character set up

-TURNTABLE!!!!!!

-Lucas is just Mark Cohen one universe over and 10 years later

-will any staging hit like quite like the subway map lights in Aint No Man Manhattan?

-Still bitter my mom wouldn’t let me buy the “What the fuck?” Shirt

-Elizabeth is the token het of her friend group

-can I get a spin off about Kates kindergarten class?

-I love that the villains of this show are time, Business Men™, and the US military. Its very real.

-why is this cast full of amazing, talented, beautiful people. My bi ass cannot handle it.

-Speaking of bisexuality, why is Liz clearly biphobic? Lucas is bi!

-Steven is the worst!

-“you got student loans?” “They’ll get them when they get them... it’s their fault for loaning that much money to an urban planning major” is MASSIVE dick energy

-I still hate The Moment Explodes... don’t get why it needs to be there...

-After 6 months of quarantine and talking to a guy who lives in Pheonix I kinda get Elizabeth’s decision to leave NYC for Arizona just to get dicked down... (this is a joke I would never move to Pheonix)

-WHO LET LUCAS AND DAVID NAME A KID HUCKLEBERRY?!

[murasaki-murasame]

With chapter 54, Ao no Flag is finally, officially over, and even though I think this finale is going to be extremely controversial in many different ways, I think I . . . kinda loved it? Mostly. There’s at least one big Thing [tm] that bugs me about it but anyway the rest of this will be under a cut because spoilers lmao.

Anyway TL;DR: it has it’s flaws, but this series is basically revolutionary when it comes to LGBT representation in shonen manga, and I think that’s worthy of respect in it’s own right. Also the physical volumes are gonna start coming out at the end of this month in English and this is basically gonna be my last chance to shill for it :)

Oh boy where do I even start with this ending, lmao. So much shit went down and a lot of people on all sides are probably gonna be upset and disappointed for one reason or another.

Just to get my main complaint out the way, I’m really not a big fan of Masumi ending up married to a man [especially one that she seems to not even really like that much]. On the one hand yes I don’t want to be biphobic about it, but on the other hand it just feels like another instance of this whole cliche of a character being set up as pretty explicitly gay, with it being made clear that they aren’t attracted to the opposite sex, but then they end up in an m/f relationship at the very end and I guess we’re meant to think they were bi all along. I feel like it does bi people a disservice to basically portray them as ‘gay people that just eventually find the right man/woman to end up in an m/f relationship with’. But it’s not really my place to talk about it one way or another. In general I just think Masumi deserved more screen-time and development to flesh out her own character growth, but one way or another it feels like this series ended a bit earlier than it was probably intended to, and I think she just got the short end of the narrative stick when it came to prioritizing which characters to focus on in the second half.

I’m also still not really a fan of how little of a voice Touma got as the series goes on, to the point of there being multiple chapters where he straight up doesn’t get any dialogue even if he’s the perspective character for most of it. At least there’s a sense of artistic intention and merit to it, but in the grand scheme of things I just wish he could have gotten to DO stuff more as the series went on.

I did at least end up liking how that set up the big ‘twist’ of this finale, though, and there’s no other way the same twist could have been pulled off, but I almost just kinda wish that the author had chosen to write this finale in an entirely different way if it meant we actually got to see Touma, lmao.

But anyway that brings us to the other big reveal that’ll probably dominate at least half of the discussions about this finale and the series as a whole, that being that not only did Taichi and Touma end up in a relationship, they’re actually married. And honestly the inner writer in me can’t help but respect how effective the set-up for it was, with us seeing everything through Touma’s eyes without anyone referring to him by name, and him writing his family name in the wedding registry thing as ‘Ichinose’, to lead the reader to think that we’re just seeing things through Taichi’s eyes as a literal cypher protagonist situation. But then you get the scene at the end where Touma meets back up with Taichi, who was at an entirely different wedding, and we get the whole final scene that paints a pretty clear picture of them being a happily married couple living together in their own house. Which also kinda has to be taken in the broader societal context of how Japan more or less still hasn’t legalized gay marriage yet, which makes the twist even more effective. And also goes to show how much of a message this is trying to send.

I think it’s 100% valid to be upset about how things ended up with Masumi, but honestly if you think that Taichi and Touma ending up together is completely out of nowhere and not set up at all then lmao get over yourselves. To be perfectly blunt I think like 90% of the people who are upset about this part of the ending are just bitter that the gay dude got to have a happy ending and wasn’t just subjected to live in single misery forever. Let’s just say that after all the gloating I saw straight people do in the last chapter about how ‘things don’t always end up happily for gay people’ and ‘this series was always about the cruel realities of life’, I feel pretty fucking vindicated now, lmao.

In general I’ve got mad respect for Kaito for pulling off the galaxy brain scheme of having a shonen romance manga where the protagonist gets a girlfriend halfway into the story, then right at the end of the penultimate chapter we find out that they broke up, and then we find out that the protagonist ended up married to his gay best friend instead. I can see why people are mad about it, but I’ve always wanted to see this sort of thing happen in a manga like this. I just wish that Masumi could have also gotten a happier ending, but oh well.

Sadly I have a feeling that the whole twist of this finale also means it’s going to be even more unlikely for them to ever make an anime adaptation of this series, even though I think it could work really nicely if they made one.

I feel like I’m gonna have to reread the series at least once now that it’s over and we know exactly what everything was building toward, since it really changes a lot of things in hindsight, especially all of the various hints about Taichi’s own feelings for Touma which I always thought was just wishful thinking on my part but now seems like genuine foreshadowing. I think even this final chapter itself might feel a bit different if I go back and reread it knowing the twist, especially with how it changes the context of Masumi’s husband talking to Touma about his relationship insecurities, and what he indirectly says about Touma and Taichi’s own relationship.

In a lot of ways I think this series was a master-class in visual storytelling, and leaving things unsaid. But unlike a lot of stories that relegate the LGBT thematic arcs to metaphors or hints or unspoken words, this lead to a really concrete ending that gives you a lot to look back on and re-examine the story with. I’m honestly a lot more willing to excuse how little of a voice Touma got as the series went on now that he actually got his happy ending, one way or another.

There’s also a lot to be said about editorial censorship and pressure to keep certain story elements unstated and implied, if not removed entirely, which has to be taken into account for pretty much everything like this. Not like it’s an excuse for everything, but we all remember stuff like the censorship and whatnot that went on behind the scenes with Yuri on Ice from the various higher-ups.

I really hope that series like this can slowly pave the way for more straightforward and explicit LGBT narratives within mainstream shonen manga, but these things take time, and for now I’ll take what I can get.

Anyway I’m at least definitely going to be buying the series in English even though I already own it all in Japanese already, lol.

[thank-your-lucky-stars]

There’s a list of reasons as long as my arm as to why a Rebecca pregnancy storyline would be terrible. I mean, on the surface it would be boring, lazy, predictable writing, and it’s a storyline that has been done 24884849491 times before across all soaps. Not to mention the fact that, with this couple and these two characters, it was simply not needed.

Of course, at this stage, nothing is confirmed. So while quite a few of us are preparing for the worst, of course I’m keeping my fingers and toes crossed that it won’t actually happen.

But if it does happen, here is the reason why I’d be most upset about it (aside from the reasons I stated at the start of this post!!!).

Robert cheating on Aaron just three weeks after they got married is hideous in the first place. It was horrible for bi representation and just horrible and unnecessary in the first place.

But I also think if Emmerdale do make Rebecca pregnant, this would also be completely awful for bi rep, and here’s why.

I really hope I can articulate what I want to say here, so I’m going to try my best. 

So we have Aaron who, from the start, has been pretty biphobic from time to time. Now, we could argue that his comments towards Robert now and then aren’t really about Robert being bi, but about Robert having form as a cheat combined with Aaron’s insecurities, but that’s another argument all together. There’s no denying that some of the things Aaron has said to Robert, on more than one occasion, aren’t okay, and definitely scream of biphobia.

Now, for the most part, I would say Aaron has tried to understand his partner. I think he was (is?) just.....uneducated?? I don’t know. I do think a lot of Aaron’s issues with Robert being bi is more about Aaron himself than Robert’s sexuality. But the bottom line is, for Aaron, he was so threatened by Rebecca. He was so scared that she could offer Robert something he couldn’t. (and this is another reason why I’m so pissed off that, of all the women in the village/world, Robert had to sleep with her.)

Okay I’m kinda getting off track a bit here. What I’m trying to say is, Aaron is only interested in men, and Robert is interested in men and women. BUT Aaron is the love of Robert’s life. He has never loved anybody the way he loves Aaron. I truly believe that they can be blissfully happy together for the rest of their lives. I honestly believe that Robert wouldn’t ever be tempted to stray, not by a man or a woman. I honestly believe that Aaron is enough, and we had months and many conversations where Robert really stressed that fact.

Two men, living happily ever after. They can get married, and do all of the things a male/female couple can do. They can even have children nowadays, through adoption or surrogacy!

HOWEVER.

They cannot make a baby, biologically, together. Of course any child they would raise together would be theirs equally, biological or not. It would still be their son or daughter if they adopted or had a surrogate. They would still be parents and the child would still be theirs in every way that truly matters. 

But the one thing Aaron can’t physically “give” Robert is a baby. He can give him love, marriage, sex, a home.....but he cannot physically bear Robert’s child. They cannot “make” a baby together.

And this is what fucking pisses me off.

Because if, IF Emmerdale DO go there.......it’s like them saying; 

“look, two men can be together, they can be in love and married and they can have everything.....BUT LOOK! they can’t make a baby together the traditional way! and oohh, one of the men happens to be bisexual.....he digs women too.....so let’s have him fuck a woman, get her pregnant, and have her give him the one thing his husband cannot. you need a man and a woman to make a baby!!1!! so let’s have them make a baby!!!!!!! and let’s have his insecure, paranoid husband’s fears justified!!! let’s “justify” his biphobia!! because being in love and married won’t be enough!!! not when there could be sperm and a womb and a man and a woman and a BABY!!!!”

It would be like a massive, giant FUCK YOU not only to Aaron, not only to any real life person in Aaron’s position, but for any bisexual who is in love with somebody of the same sex. Because it’s almost like saying “you can have so so much, but you can’t quite have everything, can you?” which is....fucking BULLSHIT because yES YOU CAN. You can still have children. You can still have a family. You can still be parents, even though you can’t just randomly have unprotected sex and make a baby - planned or not. You can still have everything that truly counts. With same sex couples it actually takes more effort to have children, which proves their desire and need to be parents, and the child is so appreciated at the end of it. 

But it’s like a big fat reminder that it can’t be easy for a same sex couple to have kids. Like, they can’t just decide one day they want a baby and then make love and make a baby. There are things they have to go through, steps that need to be taken (and I’m not being naive, I know that there are plenty of m/f couples who can’t naturally have children, I know that it isn’t easy for everyone to conceive and that’s not me saying that at ALL just in case anyone misinterprets what I’ve said. but bottom line is, two men or two women can’t have sex and make a baby. that’s the point I’m making) - it can be a really long process for a same sex couple to get a child.

So I feel like....to have these two characters; a bisexual character who has struggled with his sexuality for half his life, and a gay character who has been shown to not always understand bisexuality, to then have the bi character cheat and make a baby with somebody else is just......I think it’s so horrible, and nasty, and offensive.

And maybe I’m thinking about this too much, because kids are important to me. But I just find it horribly insensitive. I feel like it’s pushing the narrative that, in a relationship between a gay man and a bi man, the gay man will never be enough for his partner because he can’t give him a baby in the “traditional” way. And therefore it’s almost justifying the gay man’s insecurities about his partner’s sexuality to the viewer; making the viewer think “aww see, this is why he was worried. because look what a woman can give him that a man can’t.” (which....isn’t actually true, as I said above, because same sex couples can have kids)

I’ve always loved kids and enjoyed baby storylines and even enjoyed a good Who’s the Daddy? storyline, as cheap and cheesy as they can be.

But in a situation like this it just feels....nasty. Not cheap and cheerful, but cheap and nasty. I find it offensive to both characters. 

I don’t know if I’ve put my point across properly and I hope people understand what I’m trying to say. But it’s just something that leaves a nasty taste in my mouth, even just thinking about it. It’s probably the reason I hate most about the idea of this actually happening, because I find it deeply offensive. 

because, intentionally or not (and even if this does happen, I don’t believe Emmerdale would’ve actually meant to cause offence), I do believe it’s pushing the narrative that a same sex couple can never quite be complete, and that ultimately a man and woman are needed to make new life.

and I really really don’t like or agree with that. at all.

[amalgamezz]

Submission by Anonymous

(I tend to leave all submissions on Anon for the sake of the sender’s privacy unless they state otherwise, but if you don’t mind being outed, please let me know.)

Hellooo

I only started following you today and I instantly love this blog so much? What sorcery did you use? 😂 Seriously though, reading your posts made me go through a wave of emotions.

I used to run a Jumin blog so I feel a strong connection to this blog, it just made me so happy today that I discovered it. I was kind of defensive of Jumin back then, so I might’ve said some stupid things which might’ve be seen as aggressive to non-Jumin fans (not my finest moment), but I do acknowledge his flaws, and that’s why I really love your assessment of his character. I think you do a better job at spreading positivity and fun towards Jumin in the fandom than I did 😂😘

Anyways, I wrote this because I have a particular memory from the past which I find interesting. One of the things I have in common with you is how I feel about DJHIG meme (I’m so glad Cheritz cleared that up btw). I used to be salty and ranted about it a lot, sometimes using sarcasm or satire. I didn’t call them out for being homophobic, because I think that’s a strong word and didn’t really want to use it, I just said it was inappropriate and unfunny. But guess what? I was the one that was called homophobic for being pissed off. I find this amusing because from your rant tags, I conclude that usually the responses are “it’s not homophobic” or “we’re just having fun”

So, back on track, after seeing my rant about the meme, one of the meme lovers private messaged me. I don’t remember exactly how it went, but pretty much she was berating me, accused that I only get pissed off because I would hate Jumin if he was gay/if Jumin’s character was associated with gayness and that made me homophobic. I was just like : ?? Where.did.that.logic.come.from?? She also said that if Jumin was canonically gay, and the meme was Does Jumin Han is Straight, I would be fine with it. At that point, I started wondering what planet she came from, as she clearly missed the whole point of the rant. After that, I re-explained to her what I meant, but she was probably still upset, so I got blocked.

I just thought that the whole thing was peculiar, and I’m kinda curious of your thoughts, so that’s why I shared it with you haha

Btw, I think you’re a nice person, at least from what I’ve seen so far. I’m glad that you’re serious enough to look at real life issues that might have an association with a piece of fiction, but not being hypersensitive. Because, well, many people nowadays scream “misogyny”, “abuse”, “rape”, and other bad terms without exactly logically analyzing the situation or even understand the meanings of those terms. I take a strong stance on claims having to have evidence before it gets thrown out. I’m not saying you’re always right, but I’m glad that you are willing to see things from both sides of an argument. (Even if the subject here is mostly from a piece of fiction, it’s still admirable)

You remind me of my older sister, I miss her 😊 I’m an awkward person so sorry if this submission got cheesy and weird real quick, I don’t really know how to start conversations hahah, I just ramble on and on about what’s on my mind

Have a good day, m'lady 💕

Welcome, dear one. Please take a sit and stay as calm as you can. We have bad news for you.

Warning: Looong post, DJHIG (yes, I’ve made it a TW now), Me trying not to be salty (trust me; I tried)

We suspect that you are under the effect of an unnaturally dark and deathly powerful spell, which we, unfortunately, have yet discovered the cure or identified the source. However, it has been scientifically proven by our headmaster Han that every reblog, like or comment that you make on this blog will significantly delay-- who am I kidding? I’m not gonna do this lol

Ahem, joking aside.

Hello there~ Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m so glad to hear that you enjoy reading my blog ^^

At first, I'd like to make a confession. MM is the very first fandom I’ve ever so deeply invested that I even made a Tumblr account for it. If you told the three-month-ago me that I’d have a discourse over a fictional character, I’d thought it was a joke lol. Originally, this blog was not even supposed to be about Jumin. Well, tbh, it was more like a small personal corner where I threw shade and I threw a lot at the game’s plot holes and, occasionally, the fandom’s issues while lowkey surfing for high-quality smuts. I honestly have no idea how it had come to this, but apparently, I’ve already fallen so deep and there is no turning back now lol

Also, thank you for trusting me to be a nice person despite the quite dubious morals of mine. May I make another confession? When I first approached Jumin (or any other characters), I viewed him more of a character I’m interested in analyzing rather than the one I gonna romance with. I never thought I’d fallen for him to begin with; it just sorts of happened in the process, haha. Anyway, the flawed Jumin is the one that I already love, not the idea of him; so there are no reasons for me to go around, making excuses for his shitty behaviors as if he was perfect or innocent. I don’t do that; I don’t just have to; not to mention how counterproductive it would be. I enjoy seeing all sides of an argument because you’re right, I know I’m not always right, and I’d be happy to be proven wrong. I love (civilly) debating over stuff since it’s fun; it’s stimulating; it’s an INTP curse. But... when people purposely twist him into something he isn’t, I'd start getting a little bit salty, which sometimes may come off too aggressive to others. Admittedly, the last discourse happened due to my insensitiveness. My point would still stand, but I also learned that I should choose a more considerate approach and (try to) be less salty from now on.

Well, maybe except for the next topic...

DJHIG. God, I will never run out of salt for this one. If you guys are ever curious about where this amount of salt even comes from,��this post is currently my favorite salt mine. Gotta love those not-so-homophobic comments/reblogs.

The reasons that I hate this shitty meme, or anything equivalent to it with a burning passion:

1. It erases aromanticism/asexuality by assuming one’s romantic/sexual orientation based on their lack of interests in dating/frick-fracking, and as an aroace myself, I am offended. It is a personal attack on my own identity; and guess what, people still goes “Let us have our fun.” I could go on and on with this, but heh, given how the current society treats us, I can’t even bother anymore at this point.

2. It IS homophobic. There is no other way round to put it. Even if Jumin Han WAS gay, it would be homophobic. Why, you ask? You are using his sexuality as a punchline. You are pointing and laughing at him because you are thinking haha HE.IS.GAY, because you find being gay is something funny to you. Now, tell me, how is that not homophobic? Please don’t even get me started on those who think they cannot be homophobic because they have gay ships (my head hurts already; apparently, being too salty will make you dehydrated). It doesn’t matter whom this meme is about, or what their sexual orientation is. If Seven is bisexual and ‘Does Seven is Bi?’ happens, it is biphobic. FGS, just don’t degrade other people’s sexuality into a joke just for you to laugh at. And, please, don’t make assumptions about it either because it is wise to acknowledge that they probably know their own business better than you.

3. It is commonly used in the case in which Jumin is usually being oversexualized, which means you guys are very close to associating a pure gay relationship with a fetishized one. Do I even need to explain how screwed up this is? This is not shipping, guys.

...Anyway, my apologies if this is getting too long. I... got carried away. You are so kind for thinking such highly of me; thank you for sending me such a sweet message ^^ Please don’t feel pressured if you ever wanna come for a chat. I honestly would befriend with anyone who is willing to endure my nonsense lol

I hope you have a good day, Nonny :”)

[fruitywhovian]

HAPPY BI VISIBILITY MONTH !! 🩷💜💙 YES CLARA GET THAT OLD MAN

Happy Bi visibility month to Clara Oswald I hope she gets to fuck that old man