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#kind of obsessed with her today (Ariadne)
yousaytomato · 2 months
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Ariadne Abandoned by Theseus (1774, Oil on canvas) - By Angelica Kauffmann (1741–1807)
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multifandom08x · 2 months
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20 Questions for writers
Got tagged by @thewildballyntynesgrow
1 How many works do you have on AO3?
74... which is a lot i think.
2 What is your total AO3 word count?
123,098 - honestly not as much as i thought...
3 What fandoms do you write for?
I have currently written 67 fics for star wars, 2 for macgyver (2016), 1 original work, 1 for criminal minds, 1 for supernatural and 1 for avatar the last airbender. But i do have a lot more drafts for both star wars and avatar
4 What are your top 5 fics per kudos?
The force's will - Obi-Wan finds Anakin in his quarters after Ahsoka left. And his life hanging by a thread.
I got you - Padawan Anakin got kidnapped and waits for his master to safe him. He may or may not get tortured too.
Help her - Anakin and Ahsoka get hurt on the battlefield and because Anakin is Anakin he only cares about her safety.
Make it stop - Anakin got kidnapped (yet again) and was tortured for weeks. He just wants it to end.
Protective - Anakin and Ahsoka get caught on a mission and Anakin is the most protective older brother you can imagine.
5 Do you respond to comments?
Yes. To each and every one. Even on old fics, it doesn't matter.
6 What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
That would have to be Too late. I don't really like it but it does have the angstiest ending. I mean almost everyone dies so...
7 What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Uhhhh... the best I could think of was Lightning because it is pretty angsty throughout the story but then ends on a happy note. But i don't really know tbh.
8 Do you get hate on fics?
Not until now. No.
9 Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
No. Not now, not in the foreseeable future.
10 Do you write crossovers?
Nope, cause I don't really like them.
11 Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that I know of at least.
12 Have you ever had a fic translated?
Nope.
13 Have you ever co-written a fic?
No, though I do think it could be fun.
14 What is your all-time favourite ship?
That would be Zuko and Katara from Avatar but through my (very) recent Inception obsession Arthur and Ariadne are also high up on the list.
15 What is a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?
i have one unposted WIP because I always finish them completely before posting. The lines from the Last Line Challenge are from that WIP. I'm kinda stuck there...
16 What are your writing strengths?
Uhhh... I would say I can describe rather good. And least in my mouther tongue (not english) I can also write rather poetic which I haven't tried in english so far.
17 What are your writing weaknesses? (psssst @thewildballyntynesgrow I think you missed this one 🤫)
I would say needing a lot of motivation/inspiration to even start and sometimes loosing the thread of my stories when I didn't plan them out beforehand. I also always need something to play in the background, either music, youtube or a tv show wich leads to A LOT of distractions but otherwise it's even worse...
18 Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fics?
I do like it, as long as there's a translation somewhere. For example in the notes.
19 First Fandom you wrote for?
Star Wars. Still writing for that fandom today but now I'm shifting around. My username is Multifandom after all so...
20 Favourite fic you have written?
Honestly, one of my yet unpublished ones.
But from the ones online it's Don't ever say that again - Ahsoka keeps Anakin from jumping off a cliff after a hard battle. I sometimes struggle with those kind of thoughts (jumping off a high building and so on) and found that writing about it helps. That's why I have a deeper connection to fics I wrote about it in.
OR it's Visions - Anakin has visions (duh) of someone murdering whole villages, the disaster trio is sent to investigate. Just because I spent SO much time working on it.
I'm tagging @astranite and @flyinghalfaship
And anyone who just wants to join as well
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bffhreprise · 3 years
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Best Friend For Hire Reprise, Entry 381
 “Not tired are you?” questioned Ariadne, who had been testing my abilities and helping me understand how to use them for hours.  There were differences between how to accomplish tasks, since Ariadne’s magic needed control of her emotions just as much as clear mental pictures, but her explanations really did help.
 “P-Processing.” I told her, wondering if she actually thought I ever grew tired.  I felt she should know better, considering she knew what I am.  At the moment, I was still revising her first lesson, current lesson, and all of the ones in-between as well as considering some other possibilities for my magic.  I was thankful to know that my weird ability to see other places wasn’t monstrous, since Ariadne could do it too, just not as well.  Part of my mind was still coming to terms with the idea that I had been subconsciously using magic my entire life.  Thankfully, Ariadne didn’t think I had inadvertently hurt anyone.
 “No, Dani, I don’t think you should make requests of Raine quite yet.  Let her keep practicing.” stated James in reply to something Dani had asked in her native tongue.  The musical language of her people was still beyond me without lessons, but a few words seemed to make sense to me.
 “But Daddy!  This would be practice!” she insisted in English.
 James switched to Dani’s native tongue, and Dani’s smile turned impish, a sure sign she had been caught being mischievous again.
 Alma took a few steps over to hug Dani from behind before saying, “Dani, behave.  Birthday girls get to make the requests here.”
 “I… d-don’t mind.” I told them, moving back and forth between where they were talking and where Ariadne was, not wanting Ariadne to think I was ignoring her.  I was aware of the vampire brothers watching me, probably unaccustomed to seeing someone in two different places, but playing with Papak had shown me that they were practically frozen in place compared with me, just like everyone else.
 Meanwhile, Ariadne was telling me about tricks she had discovered over the years to quickly diagnose health problems in different types of creatures.  I doubted some of the tricks would work quite as well for me, not having a couple thousand years of experience in recognizing different types of cellular damage, but she seemed confident that I’d get the hang of it.
 James was staring at Dani, whose smile only grew.
 “A playmate for Alberich!” she suggested, finally letting us know what she wanted.
 Alma sighed before saying, “She probably shouldn’t attempt life yet.”
 “Is that really possible?” questioned Maple.
 “Of course, though creating life takes far more energy than you’d probably expect.” replied Ariadne, having finally reached them.  “I certainly can’t recommend doing it until Raine is very confident in her abilities.  Getting something slightly off is very easy and potentially lethal for the new creature.”
 “What about creating an enhancement suit for Pufflewink?” suggested James, obviously thinking that Pufflewink could keep up that way.
 For several seconds, I considered different modifications to the suits, considering how cute they could look.  While considering cuteness, I also considered whether or not Pufflewink would feel comfortable.  Like all kitties, Pufflewink liked warmth, and the suits were designed to ensure a certain level of warmth.  Everyone else had adapted to the feel fairly quickly, so I imagined Pufflewink might as well.  After letting myself enjoy numerous scenarios of my kitty playing around in her new suit, I double-checked a rather important part of this idea, asking “I c-can?”
 James nodded, saying, “As long as Jarod doesn’t mind.”
 “That’s an awesome idea, man-slave!” insisted Emma, grinning broadly.
 “I’ll admit that I’m intrigued to see what spells go into these things.” commented Vito eagerly.
 “Suit design is a trade secret, so no giving it away to anyone.” stated Jarod loudly to be heard over everyone.  “Mila, would you mind adjusting the design for felines?”
 “Already optimizing the fiber configuration.” she replied, sounding amused.  “Master, mind if we borrow your office briefly?”
 “Feel free.  Raine, I think she wants you upstairs.” encouraged James, smiling as well.
 I nodded to him, and then went into the office.  Quest gladly accepted!  At the speed of Mila, the entire room transformed into screens for me to inspect with additional screens forming up from the tiny ball things that came out of the floor.  Everything from molecular composition of the substances involved to the details on how James’ spells interacted with the physical form were on display.
 Downstairs, James was commenting to Jarod “I hope you know that she’ll never forget the designs.”
 Jarod grinned broadly.  “And I hope you realize that I have many, many plans that could use her aid.”  He was doing his villain act again.  On one hand, he really was good at looking like an evil mastermind.  On the other hand, he was a good person and wouldn’t actually attempt anything evil.
 In the free time I had between taking in the different screens, I considered if I was really capable of meeting Jarod’s expectations.  Yes, I was learning to use my magic, but I didn’t have anywhere near Ariadne’s level of mastery.  Sure, the best way to get there was practicing, but what if I oopsed again?  Energy research could be dangerous.  Would I be able to contain things?  Maybe Jarod wanted safer experiments first…  He’d listen if I told him I wasn’t ready for anything dangerous, right?  More scenarios erupted in my mind, but I didn’t have faith in them.  Jarod was very nice, but he could also be a little… obsessive.
 “If she comes back with a finished suit, I’ll be most disappointed.” stated Vito with a frown.
 “No need to be disappointed.  I’ll gladly show you the spell.” James told him.  “I just ask that you don’t utilize it for your kind yet.”  When Vito nodded his agreement, James created his spell.
 For once, I really studied what went into the spell, committing the entire arrangement of energy to memory.  Though I didn’t have confidence in duplicating such effects with my own magic yet, I could arrange residual energy, just like the others.  Mila was already showing me modifications to the spell on some of the screens, having shown me a 3D model of it already.
 Emma sighed and said, “You guys really know how to bring down a party.”
 “We’re partying?” questioned Noelle, seeming to have forgotten the conical hat on her head.  She was so adorable, and I wondered what she was showing the others.  Sadly, her magic couldn’t affect me through my own magic, so I couldn’t see.
 “Yes.  Today’s Raine’s birthday.” replied Dejon with a patient smile.  He had been working with her lately.
 I mentally danced through the room I had already prepared for them as a couple, in hopes of them dating.  He liked her, paying far more attention to her than he had paid attention to anyone else, and she certainly seemed interested whenever she looked at him.  I put the new memory of them together in goofy party hats up on a shelf, admiring it.
 Noelle’s eyes brightened, happy as ever.  “I should tell her Happy Birthday!”
 I mentally thanked her again, adding another tally in my mind’s personal room for her under the times she wished me a happy birthday today as I continued studying and connecting all of the pieces Mila was feeding me.
 “She’s off making something for her cat at the moment.” explained Dejon.
 “She has a cat!?  I love cats!” she exclaimed excitedly.
 There was a whole section of Noelle’s private room in my mind dedicated to her playing with Pufflewink.  The adorableness delighted me.
 “Me too!” exclaimed Kayla, lifting up Alberich, who had been leaning against Alma’s leg for the past minute.
 Alberich was a very proud, very small lion, but he didn’t swipe at Kayla this time.  Through our chats, I had learned that Alma spoiled him far too much when he was young, which was probably why he could be a bit snooty.  Luckily, even Alberich found Noelle cute, affected by her magic just like most everyone else—poor James didn’t know what he was missing.  When Noelle pet him, I could imagine how easily Alberich recognized her delight.
 Not long after Noelle and Kayla started playing with Alberich, Mila informed everyone that I would be indisposed for several more minutes—she could only show me things so fast.  I would also need some time to practice before I would be satisfied.  Everyone but me went to the ballroom to dance instead of gaming for once.  There were more cat-themed party decorations in there, and I was determined to join them soon.
 After I finished the material that Mila had for me, I started asking her questions and was surprised to find she liked my ideas for a few modifications in the suit.  She had originally assumed that I would simply remove the suit whenever Pufflewink wanted to go potty, but agreed with me when I pointed out that my little kitty would probably get disoriented by the sudden loss of enhancements more than our friends did.  With a bit of work, we came up with some alterations that should work, and Mila found some additional cleaning spells she felt would be better suited for cats.  Four-hundred-and-seventy-two variations later, Mila and I were satisfied that we had a suit Pufflewink would like, so I fetched her and created the suit around her.
 The difference was notable as soon as I saw my little kitty move.  She was confused, but I talked to her and warned her she’d need to be a little more careful.  Mila insisted the difference in strength and speed was considerable, so I took her word for it.  Satisfied that Pufflewink was happy, I took her down to join the others, dancing along with her in my arms.
 Mila felt the need to stick a spotlight on me the moment I arrived, but I didn’t mind.  James and Alma came over to examine the suit.
 “Were you successful?” he asked.
 “M-Maybe.” I replied, not as confident as Mila.
 He grinned as he said, “We should test it later before Alberich and Pufflewink play too much together.”
 I nodded in agreement.  Pufflewink would need more time to adjust to her new abilities.  “I-I should… visit… with… Ariadne.” I told him after considering a number of scenarios where Ariadne examined my kitty to make sure the enhancement suit was agreeing with her.
 When James and Alma moved to hug me, I was surprised, but I only considered dodging for a very brief moment.  I did like hugs, and neither of them would accidentally squeeze Pufflewink too hard.
 “I hope you’re having a wonderful birthday, Raine.” stated James as he hugged me.
 I nodded and smiled at my friends, telling them “B-Best ever.”
 “No.” stated James, making me consider what was wrong.  He then clarified “We plan to make each one better.”
 I probably stared at him too long when he said that and nearly let myself cry.  James was such a kind, wonderful person, and I would be grateful to him forever.  I was certain he underestimated how much he had done for me—modest as he was—but giving me a home where I am accepted, despite what I am, was already the best present I could receive in a lifetime.
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Shadowhunters Short Story #39. When Ariadne Fairchild (Née Bridgestock) finds herself in a scary situation she goes to the one person she can trust, Anna Lightwood.
It is a beautiful, warm spring morning in 1908 and just as Anna Lightwood is getting ready to go to The Institute to train her little brother Alexander, she hears a knock on the door. Furrowing her brow in confusion, Anna makes her way to the front door, wondering who on earth could be visiting her at this early hour.
When she opens the door Anna almost stumbles back in shock when she sees who is standing in front of her.
“Hello Anna.” Ariadne Bridgestock quietly says, smiling weakly at her old friend.
“A-Ariadne, w-what are you doing here?” Anna stammers in a tone of confusion. She hadn’t really seen Ariadne in years, since they were 17. She had seen her around of course, she was married to Anna’s cousin Charles Fairchild, but she hadn’t spoken to her since they were teenagers, not because she was angry or held a grudge against her but because they were both so different now, Ariadne was married and trying to start a family, Anna was still happily single, living on her own and wooing all the beautiful ladies in London. Perhaps Ariadne had changed her mind about staying in the closet and had told her family about her attraction to women and had left Charles.
“I.... may I come in?” Ariadne quietly asks, begging Anna with her amber eyes. 
“Y-yes... yes of course.” Anna says, stepping back and holding the door open for Ariadne. She would send a fire message to her Aunt Tessa and Uncle Will in The Institute and ask them to let Alexander know she wouldn’t be able to train with him today, she would promise to train with him tomorrow, she hated disappointing her little brother, who she simply could never say no to.
As Ariadne settles onto the sofa in Anna’s living room, Anna quickly scribbles her message to her Aunt and Uncle and sends it to The Institute. 
“I don’t wish to sound rude or un-pleased to see you Ariadne, but what are you doing here?” Anna asks in a curious tone, taking a seat on an armchair across from Ariadne. 
“I... well I just.... I need to talk to someone and I had been thinking about our brief relationship and how it was one of the happiest times of my life and I... just found myself on your doorstep, I will go if you do not want me here, I would understand.” Ariadne quietly explains, looking down at her clasped hands in her lap.
“No I do not want you to leave, if you want to talk me then you certainly can.” Anna softly says. 
“Anna I am so sorry for breaking your heart when we were younger, I realize now it was a bit insensitive of me to ask you to be with me behind Charles’ back, I know you are loyal and kind and would never wish to hurt him like that, I understand that now, I never wanted to hurt you Anna, I loved you but I... you understand why I could not be with you? Why I had to agree to marry Charles?” Ariadne asks in a tight tone, close to tears. This was such a difficult subject for her. Her life with Charles was not unhappy, he was very kind and sweet and loving to her, and ever so gentle and caring when they made love, but still Ariadne could never be fully satisfied with her life, though she very much wanted children she was tired of lying on her back, her eyes screwed shut, wincing in pain as Charles made love to her, as gentle as he was it was still absolutely awful for her, and she had decided that she never wanted to do it again after she became pregnant, she would tell Charles pregnancy was difficult and painful for her and she did not want to go through it more than once, they could adopt if they wanted more children, she just couldn’t bear to make love to him anymore. 
“Of course I do, I am so lucky to have such wonderful and accepting parents who love me for me, I know everyone is not that lucky and I understand why you are afraid you will be one of the unlucky ones, you don’t need to apologize, you were only doing what you thought was best, we were young and stupid and I did stupid things too, if you are happy then I am happy for you.” Anna softly says, reaching over to grasp Ariadne’s hand in hers.
“Charles is wonderful, he is sweet and loving and gentle, he never makes me feel pressured into doing anything I do not want to do, on our wedding night I-I couldn’t bear the idea of being with him in that way, or any man and he was so sweet and understanding, he didn’t make me feel guilty or anything, he helped me change out of my dress and then he read to me until I feel asleep, the next morning he brought me breakfast in bed and was so kind, of course he thought I was scarred because it would be my first time, not because I am not attracted to men.” Ariadne says in a teary tone, tears rolling down her face.
“I am glad he treats you well, you deserve someone who loves you and treats you well.” Anna gently says.
“A few months ago... Charles and I started trying for a baby, you know how much I want to be a mother, more than anything I have ever wanted. Charles was and is so sweet and gentle but I still hate it Anna, I hate it so much, it hurts so much every single time and I never get any pleasure out of it. A few weeks ago I woke up feeling really sick, worse than I have ever felt before, I ended up throwing up all day, I couldn’t keep anything down, lately my sense of smell has been really strong and everything makes me sick, I missed my period last week, so I went to The Silent Brothers today, Brother Zachariah told me I’m almost 2 months pregnant.” Ariadne quietly explains, the tears continuing to roll down her face. 
“I thought you wanted children.” Anna quietly says.
“I-I do but now that it is actually happening I am beyond terrified Anna, you hear all these horror stories about pregnancy. Charlotte was telling me about her pregnancies with Charles, Matthew and their sisters and she told me how she was so sick with Matthew and in so much pain all the time, and then she told me about her miscarriage and how she almost died too, and she told me about how Matilda almost died before she was born, too, the cord got tangled around her neck. I am so scared I’ll have a horrible pregnancy or loose my baby or die when I give birth and even if the whole pregnancy goes well I have no idea how to raise a child, I know nothing about children, Charles has 3 younger siblings and countless younger cousins, he has so much experience with children, whereas I have never even held a baby.” Anna’s heart breaks as she listens to Ariadne confess all her fears, she could not imagine what she is going through, she would be terrified too if she were pregnant.
“Oh Ariadne, I understand why you are so frightened but I promise you that not every pregnancy and birth is complicated, I don’t remember when my mother was pregnant with Chris, I was only 3, but I do remember when she was pregnant with Alex, I really don’t think I have ever seen her so happy. She had a little bit of sickness but not much and she said her labor with Alex was the easiest she ever had, she says she barely felt a thing and before she knew it he was out and perfectly healthy, my Aunt Tessa had a really smooth, easy pregnancy with Jamie, my Aunt Sophie had two smooth, healthy pregnancies too, Thomas was born early but he ended up being fine. You don’t need lots of experience with children to be a good mother, I know you will love your child more than anything and give them the best life anyone could ask for, you will be a fantastic mother Ariadne, Charlotte will help and so will your mama, and you’ll have Charles to help you with the baby.” Anna softly explains. 
“But there is no guarantee I will have a smooth easy pregnancy.” Ariadne sniffles, wiping at her tears.
“No but there is no guarantee that you won’t, either. When mama was pregnant with Alex, she had weekly check ups from The Silent Brothers, because she was a bit older which meant that there was more of a risk of Alex not being healthy, you can have weekly check ups with The Silent Brothers too and they will be able to tell straight away if something is wrong with you or the baby and then the chances of fixing it are a lot higher.” 
“Really? I can? I-I thought that was only for older women or women who have had complicated pregnancies in the past.” Ariadne says. 
“No not at all, Uncle Jem will be happy to check up on you and your baby every week, that’s what Silent Brothers are for, they’re healers.” Anna explains. 
“Your Uncle is a Silent Brother? I thought my family was unique!” Ariadne says in a light tone. Anna grins at her and says
“Oh that’s not the worst, my grandfather was a worm.” 
“Oh? Why? What did he do?” Ariadne asks in a curious tone. 
“No I mean literally, he was literally a giant worm, he contracted demon pox and turned into a giant, blood hungry demonic worm.” Anna says, smiling widely and remembering back to when she and Chris were little and would beg their parents to tell them the story of when papa’s papa had turned into a giant worm. 
“Demon Pox is real?” Ariadne asks in an amused tone. Anna laughs and nods.
“My Uncle Will was obsessed with it when he was younger, for some reason, still is really, so you can imagine his delight when he found out it was real.” Ariadne laughs and gently squeezes Anna’s hand. 
“You are a good friend Anna.” She lightly says. Anna smiles softly at her and says
“I am glad you think so, do you feel better now?” 
“Yes actually, I do, I really needed a good laugh, thank you.” Ariadne says in an appreciative tone. 
“My pleasure, it’s what friends are for, and I would very much like us to be friends.” Anna says. Ariadne smiles widely and says
“I would too. You shall have to come over sometime and have dinner with Charles and I, and you will have to help me with the baby’s nursery and picking out her clothes and such.” Ariadne says in a tone of excitement. 
“That sounds lovely, send me a fire message once you have talked to Charles and let me know when I can come for dinner, and then you two will have to come here for dinner, not that I am much of a cook but I do make a mean roast dinner.” Anna lightly says. 
“I would love that, thank you for listening to me today, I appreciate it.” Ariadne says, rising from the sofa. 
“Anytime, see you soon, yes?” Anna asks, as she and Ariadne embrace.
“Of course, very soon.” Ariadne replies, as they make their way toward the front door. 
When Ariadne arrives home, she is surprised to find Charles in the drawing room with a book in his lap. She had thought he would still be at work, he usually works very long, late hours.
When Charles hears footsteps enter the room, he looks up from his book and grins widely at his wife. 
“Hello beautiful.” Charles softly says, as Ariadne sits down beside him. 
“Hello to you too, what are you doing home?” Ariadne asks in an inquisitive tone.
“Work was not very busy for once, there wasn’t much for me to do today so I decided to come home and spend some time with you, where have you been?” Charles lightly asks. 
“I was seeing The Silent Brothers.” Charles’ eyes widen and he sits up straight. 
“What did they say?” He asks in a hopeful tone. Ariadne grins, takes his left hand in hers and presses it to her stomach. 
“I’m pregnant.” She quietly says, smiling widely at him. Charles’ face lights up in delight and tears start to form in his eyes. 
“Are you sure?” He quietly asks. 
“I’m sure.” Charles laughs in delight and pulls Ariadne into him, hugging her tightly, the tears now rolling down his face. He was going to be a father! He could not be more thrilled! A sweet little baby that looked just like Ariadne, the thought of it was exhilarating. 
“I love you.” Charles quietly says, pressing a kiss to Ariadne’s forehead. “Both of you.” 
“We love you too.”
Ariadne is beyond relieved when by the time she is 3 months pregnant, her sickness seemingly disappears and she has had no complications at all. Throughout her pregnancy Charles becomes extremely protective of Ariadne, he barely lets her lift a finger and is even worse than Will for summoning The Silent Brothers over every little thing.
Anna and Ariadne grow even closer during her pregnancy, Anna often comes around to their home for dinner and they will often go to hers for dinner too. Charles is very happy that Ariadne is so happy and has made such a good friend, he had always worried about her as she always seemed a bit sad and lonely. 
When Ariadne was 6 months pregnant she asked Anna to be with her when she gave birth. At first Anna was reluctant, she didn’t want to see Ariadne in so much pain but in the end she agreed, wanting to do whatever she could to make her friend more comfortable. 
Ariadne and Charles chose not to find out if they were having a boy or a girl, but decided to come up with one boys name and one girls name. They had almost immediately settled on a boy’s name, Benjamin Henry Fairchild, but they simply could not settle on a girl’s name. For a while they considered Charlotte, after Charles’ mother, but it didn’t feel right at all so they were back to square one. Currently Ariadne is nine months pregnant and they still have not come up with a name for a girl. Right now she is sitting on the couch with her legs in Charles’ lap, both of them looking through books of baby names. 
“Charles, what about Pearl?” Ariadne softly asks. she had seen the name a few times and had always thought it was a lovely name, but she was not sure if it was the right fit for her daughter, but she was constantly pulled back to it and couldn’t get it out of her mind. 
“It’s beautiful, I really like it, Pearl Fairchild, it sounds lovely.” Charles softly says. He places a hand on Ariadne’s swollen stomach, where he can feel the baby kicking. “Hello Pearl, do you like that name sweetheart? Do you want to be called Pearl?” Instantly the baby starts kicking like never before. Charles and Ariadne look at each other, wide eyed in shock.
“I think she likes it, if she is a girl.” Ariadne says.
“So it would seem, what about a middle name?” Charles asks. Without even thinking, Ariadne says
“Anna.” Charles raises an eyebrow at her and says
“Anna? After my cousin?” Ariadne lightly shrugs and says
“It can be if you like, I just like the name Anna.” Charles nods thoughtfully and says
“Pearl Anna Fairchild, yes I like it!” 
“Charles.. I think it’s time.” Ariadne suddenly says in a strained tone, clutching her stomach tightly. Charles’ eyes widen in shock and he leaps from the couch and dashes off to summon The Silent Brothers. 
When Brother Zachariah arrives 10 minutes later, he confirms that Ariadne is in labor. Charles helps her up to the infirmary and contacts Anna, his mother and Ariadne’s mother and father, his mother would tell his father, brother and sisters and everyone else so he wouldn’t have to worry about contacting them.
When Ariadne’s parents receive Charles’ message, they write back telling him they are out of town on business but will try and get back as soon as they can.
Anna and Charlotte soon arrive and immediately go into Ariadne, while Matthew and Henry wait outside with Charles, while Matilda and Ruby, who are only 2 and 3 months old, are with Sophie and Gideon. 
Ariadne’s labor is long and painful and nothing seems to relieve the pain. Brother Zachariah had given her countless pain killing runes but they did nothing and Ariadne felt absolutely everything. She was so desperate to have her baby that when the time came to push, she did not care one bit that everyone in the room could see everything, she just wanted this baby out.
She had been pushing for hours now, but this baby seemingly just did not want to budge. 
“I can’t do this anymore.” Ariadne weakly says, as a contraction passes and she leans back into the pillows. 
“Of course you can.” Charlotte softly says, brushing her daughter-in-law’s hair back from her face.
“I can’t, this baby just will not come out.” Ariadne says in a tight tone, close to tears. 
Ariadne I understand you are exhausted and in a great deal of pain but I promise you this baby is coming soon, I understand how difficult it is for you but you cannot give up, your baby needs you, it will not be long now. Brother Zachariah calmly tells her. Just then Ariadne is gripped with another intense contraction. She groans in pain and starts pushing again, grasping Anna’s hand tightly. 
“You’re so strong Ari, you can do this.” Anna softly says, giving her fiend’s hand an encouraging squeeze. 
I can see the baby’s head Ariadne, you are almost there. Brother Zachariah tells her, giving her a tiny bit of hope.
Ten minutes later, Ariadne feels a weight lift from her which is closely followed by the low cry of a baby.
“Oh is my baby okay?” Ariadne asks in a breathless tone, straining to get a glimpse of her child. 
Yes everything is perfectly healthy and well, you have a daughter, congratulations. Brother Zachariah tells her, carefully passing the baby to her.
“Oh a girl, oh my little Pearly, hello baby girl, you are so perfect.” Ariadne coos in a tearful tone, holding her baby close and gazing at her beautiful ,perfect little face. She a perfect mixture of her and Charles. She has dark skin like Ariadne, her bone structure and mouth shape, while she has Charles’ eye shape and nose shape as well as his hair color, though Pearl’s is a few shades darker.
“Oh Ariadne she is absolutely beautiful, you did so well, well done sweetheart.” Charlotte softly says, smiling softly down at her granddaughter, her first grandchild. 
“I am so proud of you.” Anna quietly says, bending to kiss Ariadne’s cheek. 
A few minutes later, as Charlotte and Anna are tidying away the bloody sheets and towels, Charles comes in to meet his daughter. 
“We have a daughter Charles, a girl.” Ariadne says in a tone of delight, smiling up at Charles, who grins back at her. 
“Our beautiful Pearl Anna Fairchild.” He softly says. When Anna hears the baby’s middle name, she freezes. 
“A-anna? Her middle name is Anna?” Anna asks, straining to control her tone. 
“Yes, Ariadne suggested it, I hope you do not mind.” Charles says.
“I... no of course not, excuse me Aunty Lottie, I-I have a bit of a headache, I need to lie down.” Anna quietly says, quickly making her way from the room, hoping nobody saw the tears rolling down her face. 
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witchqueenofthemoon · 6 years
Text
BODY AND SOUL Part 19 (Duncan Shepherd/Mackenzie Stone Millory AU)
BODY AND SOUL MASTERPOST
Author’s Note: At 49 pages this part is decidedly the MOST EXTRA OF THEM ALL thus far, though I suspect the Gala chapter(s?) will be even longer. I’ve realized the duality of the chapters has made it so I have to cram everything I want to be from one of their perspectives into any given part, but, like, who cares, right? I’M AN AMERICAN AND MORE IS BETTER! I thought of Pilar as Ecuadorian from the outset, the Virgen di Quito is a local deity related to the Virgin Mary--I don’t think she has an effigy at the Basilica, but I stretched reality a little bit there; she reminded me of Billie somehow, and I like comparing Kenzie to feminine deities--she has that vibe to people. Here’s the version of CRYSTAL Samuel is playing on their way home; one of my favorite love songs ever, and my favorite of the various versions ‘Mac has recorded over the years. Agent Provocateur boxes are very distinct and look like this. The hanging lights in Duncan’s bathroom look like this. Here’s Kenzie shampoo (I use their hair holding spray, their stuff smells AMAZING). I found Kenzie’s peony glass! She has the other ones too, the peony one just happened to be the one she grasped first that day at her apartment, and now Duncan is wildly attached to it. Had to include some avocados in this part as a nod to Cody’s avocado obsession. Here’s Duncan’s Keurig. Adelaide’s silver tray looks like this, her little bowls with dogberries look like this. THE ECSTASY OF ST. THERESA is a sculpture I’ve loved for a long time. ARIADNE is also listed as being owned by a private collector, and as Bacchus/Dionysus’ wife, it seemed only fitting to me that Duncan would desire it as a gift for Kenzie, a companion piece to THE YOUTH OF BACCHUS, as it were. Duncan remembering Marissa Montague (my Madison/Emma AU) laying there like lead, checking her phone while he tried to kiss her is an homage to Emma’s character Chanel Oberlin in SCREAM QUEENS doing that exact thing--Marissa is indeed asexual in my AU, though she would never admit that publicly, and she has no real interest in sex, only in money and fame, thus her lingering interest in Duncan--she will indeed be at the Gala, and she will indeed try to corner Kenzie. Claire’s dog Snicky/Snickerdoodle looks like this, we’ll meet him eventually. The photo of Kenzie on Claire’s shoulders is based on a real one of Billie and Leslie here and the caption I put on it mirrors Leslie’s. Kenzie’s story about volunteering for a woman who did horse therapy for kids is based on me doing that exact thing in high school, and Kenzie’s dream of having a garden house with room for horses is my dream (I, like her, miss being around horses terribly). A reminder that this is the sleeping set, this is the white tulle lingerie, and this is the rose choker (ugh, I want it). If you’re a person with a vagina and you’ve never used one of these (the kind Kenzie--and I--have), y’all...I can’t recommend that shit highly enough--Diah ( @impiorumrequies ), Kenzie keeping her vibrator in a fake copy of The Picture of Dorian Gray is for you, lol. Here’s Duncan’s balmorals, his chinos, his shirt, his sunglasses. I’m glad I could finally put some sexting in this chapter, that stuff was fun. Here’s the dress Annette’s wearing when Duncan disses her. Here’s Kenzie’s crop top, here’s her skirt. The peonies look like this (but Kenzie’s are real, of course). Here’s the gold vases. Here’s Duncan’s Waterford wine glasses (god, I love those). His kanso knives. His wok. It was important to me that Duncan had taught himself to cook, and to cook WELL, anxious to be independent from Annette--I said this before but men who can’t are a turnoff, being useless isn’t hot, it’s stupid and annoying. Here’s the recipe for the quinoa fried “rice”. Here’s the tutorial I based Duncan’s dumplings on. I had Kenzie choose Bowie’s LET’S DANCE while they made dinner as I’ve always found Bowie to be an aphrodisiac (and TMI lmao but I’ve had sex to that album and...it was great)--Kenzie’s singing along to MODERN LOVE, the first track. Regarding the sex, it was very important for me to strike the delicate balance between sexual domination and Kenzie’s autonomy--please note how Duncan consistently checks in with her throughout the entire thing, following directions, and paying attention to her reactions and needs. It’s deeply important to me that all of the sexuality in this story is centered around the deep, true love they feel for each other, grounded in personhood, autonomy, and mutual respect, and it’s important to me that you, my beloved readers, understand that too. Thanks--as always--for reading. Thank you for your love for them and your affection towards me.
Duncan kissed Kenzie’s cheek gently from where she was sleeping against him in the plane seat, breathing in the saltiness of the sea still in her hair, the sweetness of her skin; she stirred a little, a tiny moaning sigh falling from her lips, but she didn’t wake. Pat had landed the plane a few minutes before; Pilar had already opened the plug door and was handing bags to someone beyond his eyesight (maybe Samuel), but Duncan continued to watch Kenzie’s serene face, looking down at the half-halos of her eyelashes, the aureate crown of her hair. Back to reality tomorrow, back into the jaws of the paps and my mother and the world outside. Wish we could just stay here and I could watch her sleep, deep into the night. Duncan felt tired himself; tired at the prospect of the week to come more than anything, the responsibility of it pressing into his psyche. Meetings all day tomorrow, interviews on Tuesday and Wednesday, an audience with the President on Thursday, the Gala on Friday. And our getaway in the woods still so far off.
Kenzie felt so small and delicate under his arm; Duncan wondered vaguely if he could carry her into the car without waking her, but as he unbuckled her seatbelt and tried to carefully pull her under his grasp, her eyes fluttered open and she leaned forward, hand coming against her cheek as if to wipe away an imaginary tear.
“Baby, we’re back in DC. It’s time to go home. Did you have another dream?” Duncan let his hands fall against her knees, studying the confusion in her eyes.
“Yeah,” Kenzie breathed in a tiny voice, eyes falling down, falling on her beach bag, which she scooped up with a sleepy hand. “I was in a bathtub this time. I was fully clothed, in a bathtub...I was sobbing with blood running down from my eyes, and Candice was holding my face and speaking softly into my ear as I cried and screamed--I knew someone was going to die but I couldn’t stop it, I had to stay with her, I had to let them die. God, these dreams don’t make any fucking sense, baby. I hate them. Why was I in a bathtub?”
“Maybe we really should go see a clairvoyant or something.” Duncan stood, reaching for her hand. Kenzie gripped it and stood herself, swaying a little, still half-asleep. He pulled her gently down the aisle, her beach hat in his hand, his body full of tenderness, wishing he could have carried her to the car in his arms. Kenzie yawned rather than answering--he watched her and wanted to hug her against him. He thought suddenly of the man who had gotten into the Post building and almost hurt her. My poor baby, and she has to go back there tomorrow. She should take a day or two off. I wonder if I could convince her.
They reached Pilar; it had been Samuel she’d been handing bags to, and now he was taking the beach blanket, the last thing left. He smiled at them, his very white teeth flashing in his dark face. “Kissed by the sun today, I see.”
“It was a perfect day,” Kenzie murmured, and Duncan watched her face again, her eyes low and tired, her expression sleepy and nostalgic. “Thank you for moving our bags, Samuel. And thank you for the drinks, Pilar. I love you both very much.”
Pilar and Samuel both laughed a little, and Duncan grinned at them. Isn’t she an angel. I think so too. She’s so kind and lovely to everyone. She’s the one I love most in the world.
Samuel turned back to the steps with the blanket clutched under his arm as Pilar turned to Kenzie and grasped her little hand, smiling down at her. “It was a pleasure for me to make them for you, preciosa. Your aura...is very powerful. Like La Virgen de Quito. I used to look at her image in the Basilica del Voto Nacional when I was a girl, used to pray to her that she’d find me a beautiful boy to love.” She laughed a little, then her face grew serious again. “I wanted to say that...you remind me of her, mami. It was my honor to meet you today.”
Kenzie’s expression had become a bit more alert at Pilar’s words; suddenly, she leaned forward and put her arms around the older woman, and Duncan could see the shock on Pilar’s face--then a warm, serene expression came into her eyes, and she closed them and brought her arms around Kenzie’s small body and held her for a moment before they broke apart. Duncan’s heart felt heavy with emotion, watching them--he couldn’t help but feel as though Kenzie had blessed Pilar somehow with this action, as if she were a healer touching someone who was sick, or a mother touching a child, though Pilar was the one who was older and more motherly. To be near her is to be blessed. To be held by Kenzie is to be touched by her gold. I know that because I’ve felt it too--I’ve been blessed by her again and again and my heart is so full of her light I have to share it, I can’t keep it all to myself. She’s Persephone, scattering flower petals wherever she walks.
“Thank you for everything today, Pilar,” he said, and he could see the tiny pricks of tears glistening in her eyes. “Claro, miho. You know I love you very much.” She leaned across to hug him, too--Duncan’s arm came around her, feeling warm and dizzy. I know how you feel, he thought to her. I never know how to describe how wonderful Kenzie is, either, but it’s like she is literally an angel, and we’re all lucky just to be close to her. Pilar laughed a little against him, as if embarrassed at her own sudden emotions, then let go of him and stepped away, waving goodbye to them. “Buenos noches, vida bellas.” Then she turned away; Duncan could still see the tears glimmering in her eyes, and he knew innately that she suddenly wanted to be alone. He pulled Kenzie gently through the plug door and down the steps, the evening air cascading against them suddenly--the sun was setting to the northwest, far on the horizon that faced them, falling into a skyline that was going dark with indigo, bleeding into dappled orange and rose. He turned to look up at her as he stepped down ahead, their hands still clutched together, her hat pressed gently under his arm; the wind blew her hair against her cheek, the sunset falling in a gauze, like a veil, over her eyes, turned down to watch her feet on the steps, ungainly in her sleepiness, the tiny gold necklaces at her throat glinting in the shadow. Saint Mackenzie, patron of lost souls, bringer of light and golden love. Bringing deer back from the dead. Bringing tears into the eyes of her faithful followers. Kissing flowers into my lungs.
He helped Kenzie into the car; she let him, not speaking, but he got a tiny burst of her thoughts; I really don’t want to go to the office tomorrow, god, I’m scared now, I’m scared the minute someone leaves me alone at my desk for a minute someone’s going to come and try to rip my arm out or kidnap me or something and he slid in beside her and snapped the door shut, nodding to Samuel in the rearview. He could hear Stevie Nicks low on the sound system tonight--her voice lowered and deepened by time, enriched by the glow of the sunset in this moment. I turned around, and the water was closing all around...like a glove, like the love that had finally, finally found me...and I knew, in the crystalline knowledge of you...as Samuel drove away, he turned to Kenzie, watching her face--she looked out the window, her fingers twined atop his in the middle of the BMW’s backseat, and he could see that her cheeks were just the tiniest bit sunburnt, at the stretch of her face below her eyes. She was singing along softly under her breath, and he ached at the sound of it--the sincere lilt of her beautiful voice. How the faces of love have changed, turning the pages...and I have changed, oh, but you, you remain ageless…
“Baby...I think, maybe, you should take tomorrow off from work,” he said to her, gently, as the car turned onto I-66. “I know...you’re still upset about what happened on Friday, and you have every right to be. That was traumatic for you, and no one should expect you to get over it right away. I think...this week was so much…” He watched Kenzie’s eyes flutter closed as he said this. Yes, baby, so much. It’s been so fucking much. “It would...it would give you a chance to settle in at home. Sleep...have a day to yourself...put all your things where you want them. What do you think, Kenzie?”
She was quiet for a long moment (drove me through the mountain...through the crystal like a clear water fountain…) and then she nodded a little. “I’d like to do that, I think,” she said softly, almost whispering. Duncan moved his thumb carefully over her hand, loving the bumps of her little knuckles, the softness of her skin beyond them, the rise of her wrist bone. “Okay, baby. I think I will.”
“Ben wants to do that interview on Tuesday, so I’ll be with you at work the next day, too.”
She turned to him, and the smile of relief in her eyes fell against his heart with a hard pressure. He could feel her thoughts immediately drift into calm; could feel her hand relax under his, and she moved closer to him, dipping her head down to the crook under his arm. Her spot. Duncan thought of what he’d found on the Sotheby’s website while she’d been sleeping on the plane--in a few week’s time, Waterhouse’s Ariadne would be going up for auction. He thought of the lines from Edith Hamilton’s book, the one he’d read over and over as a child: Some time during his wanderings, Dionysus came upon the princess of Crete, Ariadne, when she was utterly desolate, having been abandoned on the shore of the island of Naxos by the Athenian prince, Theseus, whose life she had saved. Dionysus had compassion upon her. He rescued her, and in the end loved her. When she died Dionysus took a crown he had given her and placed it among the stars. In the painting, Ariadne sat languidly upon a chaise, her face turned upward in serene repose, a leopard sleeping beneath, another standing near the end of the seat where lavender robes were gathered under her. Ariadne’s right breast was bare, her other covered by a crimson robe over one shoulder, knees gathered together, long flowers growing around her. In the distance there was a ship, sailing into the pink horizon away from a white dock, and bushes of white flowers. Dionysus comes from reveling and finds his Ariadne, and knows she will be his starlight, his moon, his sun and every spinning celestial planet in the sky. He thought of the way she stared at The Youth of Bacchus, wanted to look into it as they fucked, touched by eroticism. Duncan’s hands trailed languidly through Kenzie’s hair, still feeling of sea salt and the last of the sun. Ariadne will be for you and you alone, my love, and we’ll hang it in the empty space in our bedroom, and it will always be your face to me, turned up in sweet sleep. Only unlike the wine god to his bride, I have not saved you. You have saved me.
Duncan opened his phone as Kenzie breathed quietly into him (Stevie was singing another song now and it floated into his ears: well one more night I’d like to lie and hold you, yes, and feel…); the drive back from the airport would take half an hour, and if Kenzie wanted to sleep for the rest of the ride, he was determined to let her use him for a pillow. He gazed down at the photos they’d taken today--he smiled looking at the one of Kenzie in her little bikini, the embarrassed expression of happiness in her eyes. Princess Kenzie. It currently had over 700,000 likes and 6,000 comments. He scrolled down, looking through some of them.
I wish I was this skinny, maybe I could get a billionaire to date me too
She’s not a Princess she’s a QUEEN an ANGEL a GODDESS (Yes, she is.)
I’m going to frame their wedding pictures and hang them in my house
How is anyone this pretty honestly
DUMP HER FOR @marissamontague ALREADY (Pfft, never a fucking chance in a million years, honey, Duncan thought. I’m sure she’ll be at the Gala and she better not try to sink her claws into Kenzie. He noticed Marissa had liked the comment and made a face. Ugh. It’s not just her fans who are strange. She’s insane. Fuck off, Marissa. He thought of the one time they’d almost slept together with mild disgust, how she’d laid there as if she were made of lead--even reached for her phone at one point--until he climbed off of her after a few minutes, aghast. Duncan was relatively sure Marissa was actually asexual, though he doubted she’d realized that herself--and that her main motivation in the dating world was optics: the richest, most successful potential boyfriend was the one she was most interested in.)
If they did a photoshoot together I think I’d go into cardiac arrest (Now there’s an idea,  Duncan thought, and made a mental note to talk to his PR.)
BUY HER MORE DIAMONDS DUNCAN (That I will do.)
#DUCKENZIE 4 LIFE #DUCKENZIE 4 EVA
JOIN THE OFFICIAL #DUCKENZIE FAN CLUB AT DUCKENZIEFANS.COM (Jesus, okay. We have a fan club now. Can’t look at that right now.)
He noticed Claire (@clairebear) had left a comment on it: a long line of heart-eye emojis and lipstick stains. Same, Claire, same, he thought, liking her comment and going to her profile, hitting the follow button. He scrolled down Claire’s photos (lots were of food and designs on coffee drinks and a miniature boxer puppy who seemed to be named Snickers/Snickerdoodle/Snicky or some variation thereof, selfies, and fashion/glamour shots of models and couture from her job with Morgan Winthrop), liking several of them, until he came to one of her with Kenzie up on Claire’s shoulders, both of them laughing as Kenzie seemed to be falling, leaning down over Claire’s head. I mean sure why not @kenzielouwho the caption said. Duncan grinned at it--every time he saw a new picture of her it was like his heart wanted to burst out of him and start flying around his head. He liked it and left three black heart emojis on it.
Duncan scrolled through his email for awhile, thinking over the week to come--Ben’s interview with him the day after tomorrow, another harrowing day after that, no doubt, devoted to Annette on Wednesday. He thought of the task before him on Thursday, to try to gain Claire Underwood’s trust. No easy task when Annette has done everything she can to try to scare the President into legislation rather than negotiation. Something tells me her “breakdown” isn’t what it appears to be at first glance. And of course the Gala on Friday. I still need to decide what I’m wearing, shit. I should ask Kenzie to choose for me--I want my look to compliment hers, but she said she wants it to be a surprise after all. Duncan’s phone vibrated in his hand. A text from Mom.
Your Uncle had a consultation over the weekend. The cancer is moving more rapidly than the doctors had hoped and they expect him to be bedridden in a month’s time. I will be talking to him about his Will this week, after the Gala. You were completely out of bounds to tell Mackenzie about our plans for Shepherd Unlimited going forward. I expect you to use more discretion in the future and leave her out of business dealings. We have two interviews scheduled for Wednesday, one with Forbes and one with Vanity Fair. She’s expected at both. I will do most of the talking.
Leave her out of our business dealings. Duncan went out of his texts, not answering. Once I’m primary shareholder, Mom, she’s going to be intimately involved in our business dealings, she’s going to be making executive decisions for the fucking business on the board with Madeline and you’re going to have to accept it and stop being so selfish and let something generous into your heart for once. We’re going to change it. I’m going to change the Shepherd legacy--not through blood but by the desire to do something good. Samuel told me to let my heart guide me, and Kenzie’s going to help me, and that’s what I’m fucking going to do.
Duncan wondered, idly, if Kenzie wanted children. He never had, despite knowing it was something his mother expected eventually--the world, he’d always thought, was no kind place for children. And he still didn’t want to have kids, even though Kenzie was here now--it didn’t feel like their Fate, not like meeting each other hand, not like being together seemed to be. We’re still not really sure how this telepathy thing works, he thought, hand gently trailing over the bottom of Kenzie’s ear as her cheek rested on the right breast of his beach shirt. But what I feel from her is that she doesn’t want them, either. I know she has a birth control implant in her arm, but I can’t remember when we talked about that. Maybe we didn’t. Maybe I just know because I heard what she was thinking. And maybe that’s how I know she doesn’t want kids, either. Not now, and not ever. She wants to write, be a good journalist, and spread her passion for life to as many people as she can. And now I want to do that too--spread happiness as far as I can, to the people who are already here. If we can reshape the Foundation, we can make it into something that can help people for generations, even after we’re gone. And we can do that without having kids of our own.
But we should talk about it. I want to be sure that she’s sure. And I want her to know that I’m sure. Maybe tomorrow, when we’re not so sleepy. Maybe tomorrow.
It was fifteen minutes later when Samuel glided up to the sidewalk in front of the penthouse, hopping out of the driver’s seat to start unloading the baskets and beach gear from the trunk. Kenzie had stirred herself awake a few minutes before this time, and she was yawning again, running a hand through her sun-dried hair, leaning up to Duncan to kiss him, sleepy-eyed. “I don’t know why I’m so tired,” she murmured. “I do,” Duncan said, grinning, “Too much sex.” Kenzie slapped his chest, lightly, gasping. “Probably true.” She slipped out of the car before he could catch her, grabbing one of the baskets from Samuel’s hand before he could protest, skipping down the sidewalk into the high-rise’s foyer. Duncan shook his head, grasping the towels and beach blanket and shutting the trunk, smiling at Samuel, who was laughing after her. “That girl is like a little comet,” Samuel said, and Duncan was struck by the image of her flying across a sky full of stars--he saw her wings and halo again, the ones he’d seen in his dream, and they were dazzling to recall. My little firefly.
Jerry swung the door open for him and Samuel and Duncan nodded to him. Kenzie had stopped at the front desk to talk to Anchaly; Anchaly was leaning down to her conspiratorially, telling her something, and Kenzie’s face was blushing, looking back at Duncan as he came toward her. “Anchaly says there are boxes for me upstairs,” she said, turning to Duncan. “You have to stop buying me things.”
“Never,” Duncan said, shaking his head, glancing at Anchaly, who was looking between them with delighted interest. “Get used to it, Kenz.”
“Mr. Shepherd, Mackenzie--the chandelier hook was installed today while you were away.”
Kenzie looked at Anchaly with a puzzled expression, then a dawning realization came over her face and she turned to Duncan for a long moment, her eyes spinning with flecks of gold, then she turned again and thanked Anchaly, smiled at him sweetly (you little sneak, baby, he heard her thought), waved goodbye to the man and went to the elevator, leaning against it to hold it open for Duncan whose arms were full. She gazed up at him as he looked down at her, moving inside; then she reached for the other picnic basket from Samuel’s hand and leaned up to the much taller, older man; he leaned down, hesitatingly, and Kenzie kissed his cheek. Samuel’s huge, very white smile fell over his handsome face, and he stepped backward out of the elevator. Duncan watched Samuel’s hand come up to his cheek where Kenzie had pressed her little lips, and the expression in his eyes was bright with emotion as the doors slid shut. Everyone loves her so much. Our Kenzie. Our angel. I’m so grateful. I need everyone’s help to protect her. To keep her safe, no matter what. Nothing like Friday can happen to her again. He lost himself in the devolving swirl of his thoughts for a moment until Kenzie came up against him as the elevator climbed, looking directly into his eyes, her head turned up, her little arms pressing into his sides, her little breasts pressing into his stomach, making warmth pool there.
“What did you get me, baby,” she whispered, raising her eyebrows, her eyes huge and jade-chocolate under her long eyelashes, her little mouth open to him.
“You’ll see.”
“Tell me,” she whined. “Is it a pony?”
“Not a pony.”
“But I want a pony, baby.” She pouted, and he could see the indecorous smile she was trying to hide.
“Then I’ll get you a pony. But I don’t know where we’ll keep her.”
“At my garden house, of course. The house I’ll have someday in the country, with a greenhouse, and verdant fields of flowers, and a garden, and a bonfire pit, and magic in every corner.”
“Kenzie, baby...is that what you want?”
“I’ve always wanted it. I’ve dreamt about my green country house for as long as I can remember dreaming about anything.” She sighed against him. “To have a place to steal away from everything and grow things and eat the things I grew from my own garden, and write something and sleep under a dozen quilts with rain falling outside my window. And keep a pony. Or maybe a few ponies.” She was grinning at him now, and he loved her little teeth, wanted to press his finger along them, wanted to devour her mouth. “For a few summers during high school I helped this friend of Momby’s, she owns a charity that does horse therapy for kids with mental handicaps. We’d take care of the horses and clean their stalls and she’d let us ride them. They’re so sweet and so big and they have these huge beautiful eyes and ears and they’d eat apples out of my hand. One was named Foxglove and he was dappled and he was the most beautiful horse I’ve ever seen and he was as sweet as honey, so gentle and quiet. I’ve liked horses ever since and....I miss being around them.” Suddenly, Kenzie seemed to grow shy, seemed to remember the opulent gold elevator they were rising in, seemed to remember that they were going to Duncan’s huge penthouse, and that she was no longer ordinary Kenzie Stone, but Mackenzie Stone, girlfriend of billionaire Prince Duncan Shepherd. She stepped back from him, looking away, and Duncan’s heart clenched.
“Look at me, baby.” Her eyes came back into his, confused, unsure. “I told you I was going to give you anything you wanted. I want you to tell me everything. Your hopes and dreams. Your desires. So please--tell me everything. I want to hear all of it.” The elevator opened; Kenzie slid away, shyly looking down again from his eyes, smiling through the blush that had spread over her cheeks. Duncan followed her to the penthouse door, his arms full of the remnants of their beach day, and pressed his face to the side of her ear as she fumbled for her key. The door swung open and she suddenly turned and pressed her mouth up into his and Duncan dropped everything he was holding and his hands came around her to clutch her little body against him. He could feel how tired she was--it licked at his mind as he pressed her into him, how exhausted she felt, her body and her heart and her mind lost in a sort of fog, a low shadow of overwhelmed, washed-out color. He picked her up under her thigh and at her waist, the better to lift her mouth up into him, and Kenzie wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his hips as he brought her inside, hitting the light switch to the diamond chandelier with the crook of his elbow, setting her down, light as a feather, on the obsidian island. He could see the telltale hint of pink from the corner of his eye--he glanced there from where Kenzie’s lips were still pressed into his and she pulled back from him, also having noticed.
“Dunny, oh my god,” she whispered. There were four boxes in all, neatly stacked atop one another--Agent Provocateur was visible along the box at the top, in swirling gold script, black ribbon on the top corner and the bottom right, tied in a bow. Duncan let go of her and brought the first box over to her where she sat on the island’s edge, her feet dangling a few feet above the floor; she held the box in her lap as he knelt down to untie her sandals, and he looked up into her eyes to see her swallowing nervously, her eyes glittering inside his.
“Open them, please?” Her first sandal came undone in his long hand, and Duncan leaned his mouth to her bare ankle again--the marks these shoes had left were not nearly as dark as the one that night (that first night, that night I will never forget), but he kissed them just the same, loving the salty taste of her sea-drenched skin under his mouth. He watched her neck incline, her eyes close at the feeling of his lips--then Kenzie opened them again, looking down at the box, and pulled at the black ribbon, soothing it away from the box and lifting the lid. He worked at her other ankle as she gasped into it, setting the lid beside her atop the ribbon. She lifted the silky black kimono out--it shone in the light of the diamond chandelier, to where the delicate lace around its sleeves and hem fell in graceful waves.
“This is beauuuutiful,” Kenzie whispered, longingly. Duncan kissed her other ankle as the sandal came free, resisting the urge to kiss all the way up her leg, kiss between her thighs again. She’s too tired tonight. Be patient. Be content to give her these beautiful things--beautiful but not half as beautiful as she is. “Oh, Duncan, I love this. It’s so soft.” He stood up, hands falling on her knees against the wrap dress, gazing down at the kimono in her hands, smiling. “I’m so glad you like it. After I went through all your clothes I wanted to...I just wanted to buy you some beautiful things. And I felt like I had a good idea of what you would like--”
“Dunny, I love it. I’ve always wanted something like this…” Duncan could see the glittering wetness of her eyes, knew she was on the edge of tears. He soothed his hand up her thigh. She sniffed and blinked rapidly for a moment, until the threat of tears dissipated. “I’ll wear it every night.”
“Open the other ones.”
Duncan pulled the first box with the kimono gently out of her lap, then passed her the next one, soothing it against her thighs. Kenzie swallowed again, and he noticed her little fingers were trembling as she undid the ribbon. This one had the nude white lingerie in it--flowers cut out along the bare bust (your little nipples visible under the silkiness baby) and along the panties and the waistband of the suspenders, with long transparent stockings. Its silky tulle slid under her small fingers, and watching her look at it, her eyes like wet jade, made his nerves burn for her.
“Dunny,” she whispered.
“Do you like it? Is it okay?”
“Are you fucking kidding? Is it okay? It’s the most beautiful lingerie I’ve ever seen...the most beautiful I’ve ever had. Nobody has ever gotten me anything like this.”
“Baby--I’ll get you as many you want. One for every day of the year. God, you’re going to look so beautiful in it, Kenzie.” He pressed his face down to her and she kissed him with her mouth open, her hand sliding away from the tulle of the bra and coming around his jaw, fingers trailing along the shadow of his stubble. He went to kiss her more deeply, but she pulled away from him, her hand falling a little to grip the top of his throat.
“Give me the next one, baby,” she said, and the command in her tone made blood surge into his cock, made it ache for a moment with the hint of arousal. Duncan already knew they weren’t going to fuck tonight--he could see it in her eyes somehow, had felt it in the tired drift of her as he carried her inside, but she was making him a promise--the promise was tomorrow night, and he already felt a bone-deep anticipation.
The third box had the black lingerie. It was even more beautiful than it had appeared in the photos; the leaf-like lace motifs reminded Duncan of clusters of ripe grapes (Dionysus sees Ariadne in the moonlight, and is struck with longing) and the geometric artistry of its elegant shape seemed to make Kenzie’s eyes even darker--she held the suspenders up, eyes roving over the black band that would go around her waist, the spindly, criss-crossing designs that would fall on her abdomen, the black stockings on her slender legs rising up to her curvy thighs, and then she looked up at him, opening her mouth just a little. Duncan felt trapped inside her gaze--he moved back and leaned against the wall directly across from her, crossing his arms behind his back, dipping his head shyly and looking up at her from the halo of his hair falling down over his forehead.
“You like it.”
He could see the delicate hum of her breathing under her skin--see the tiny hammering vibration of her heart at her throat and between her breasts, see the tiny shivering in her shoulders and her fingers.
“Yes.”
“I can’t wait to see you in that.”
She lifted her chin and smiled at him, and the smile was full of need, and he was stunned to see its power, too--it was a smile full of power, full of her divinity. The knowledge in it struck him like the weight of a heavy hand. She knows I belong to her. And I do, baby, I do, I fucking do. Eat me, devour me, push me down into your hands where I fall to pieces under your touch, push me down between your legs and make me beg for you, tell me every need, every desire, and I will bring it to life. You’ve brought me to life and I will give you any pleasure you have long sought, for your arms only have brought the truest pleasure to me.
“Mhmm.” She didn’t say anything else, just let her fingers trail over the black tulle, not moving her eyes out of his. “And what’s that last one, baby.”
Duncan stepped over to the box and brought it to her; she stacked the one on her lap atop the others and slid her hands down his fingers, taking it from him. Duncan shivered. That’s it, baby, make me dissolve under your touch. Turn me to warm liquid, spilling down over your body.
In the last box, the sleeping set rested, neatly folded in pink and black lace, in the center--and on top of it was the rose choker. Kenzie seemed to stop breathing for a moment as she looked down at it. Then, Duncan watched her reached out her little fist and grasped it tightly, her thumb trailing over the thick black leather, her index and middle fingers gently caressing the silvery rose at the throat. Kenzie lifted it out of the box and let a harsh breath out of her body--it seemed to shake the entire room, seemed to send heavy gold waves against every surface, and Duncan felt stunned by the energy that crashed against him from her, her eyes planetary in their golden insistence towards him. You saw this, and you thought of me, didn’t you, baby, you thought of your angel, your deep red rose, blooming under your touch.
“Duncan...this is so beautiful.” Kenzie said the words with aching slowness. She trailed her little tongue over her lips and Duncan couldn’t stop the moan that escaped from between his own, quiet but insistent. She looked up at him (I see the storm in your eyes, baby, she said into him, I see that storm that wants to devour me into sweet fragments, and if you can be patient, I will give you redolent nectar, I will give you ambrosia, and soon, very soon), holding it still, and then Kenzie smiled and bit down into her lip, her immediate need crashing against him again. “You’re gonna put this on me tomorrow night while I watch you do it in our fucking mirror, baby. And then we’re gonna lose ourselves in each other.”
“Yes, Kenzie. Yes, angel. I will. We will.”
She set it down gently into the box and pulled out the sleeping set as he stepped back toward her, his hands falling down her knees again, kissing her forehead. Kenzie set the box on the counter on top of the others, and held the silky pink satin in her little fingers as Duncan gripped her waist and carefully, with aching gentleness, lifted her down from the edge of the island, so her little face was hovering at the top of his chest, and her eyes were gazing up at him, the curve of her sunburnt cheeks turned to him, the frame of her chestnut hair around her shoulders cast in the sheen of the chandelier, her feet bare. She undid the tie at her waist that held her wrap dress on her small frame, and Duncan pulled it off her shoulders, folding it over and setting it gently on the island beside the boxes.
“Take a shower with me and then let’s go to sleep, please, baby? I’m so sleepy.” She breathed the sweet words up to him, standing there in her little bikini for the last time that day, and Duncan nodded, leaning into her with his own mixture of longing and tiredness, closing his eyes, kicking his sandals off, his hands on her arms and in her hair. She gripped his fingers and pulled him into the bathroom, carefully setting the little satin pyjamas on the bed on their way through the bedroom--their eyes skirted over where the hook and bronze chain had been extended down from the high penthouse ceiling in front of the mirror, but Kenzie continued on to the bathroom, and though Duncan longed to examine it, he resolved to do it later. Plenty of time to look at it, day after day, and dream of all we can use it for. As soon as they stepped into the bathroom, the low hanging lights at their dimmest setting, Kenzie discarded her bikini in a little pile on the cold, seamless stone tiles, stepping inside the glass-doored shower as Duncan pulled his shirt and swim trunks off, stepping in behind her, reaching out to her as steam immediately began to coat the glass. Kenzie was already massaging shampoo into her long hair, scrunching up her nose in the scalding water--if only I could take a picture of this too, Duncan thought, but he knew he’d never forget it regardless. “I love the sea but fuck does it stink,” she laughed a little, and Duncan nodded, smiling into her, kissing her. She reached her soapy hands up and massaged them into his hair, kissing him back, her little tongue slipping between his teeth, then sliding away again before he could twist his own tongue against her, moving under the shower head so the soap washed away from her body, her little face turned up to the stream.
“Kenzie,” he said, thoughtful, contemplative, reaching for the bath sponge along the shower wall, squeezing jasmine soap into it, lathering it in his hands and soothing it down between her little breasts as she stood under the water. Her eyes opened a little, slitted against the pressure of the shower head, looking at him expectantly, her mouth opening to him just a little. He could see the slight dusting of hair that had begun to grow back between her legs (he fought his desire to slip his fingers against her there) and under her arms where she’d lifted them, could see the dusting of sun along her back and collarbones from the beach today.
“Mmm?” Kenzie pulled down the second bottle of Givenchy face cleanser Duncan kept in the shower and squirted some into her hand, lathering it into her face as he ran the sponge along her back, still hesitating to go on. Then he finally spoke. I guess it’ll be today and not tomorrow. It feels like the right time.
“Do you ever want children?”
Kenzie continued to rinse the wash off her face, then rubbed her hands carefully into her eyes and turned, stepping out of the shower’s stream, gripping his arms to bring him under it instead. She eased the sponge out of his fingers, squeezing more soap onto it, her wet hair, now rinsed of shampoo and conditioner, over her shoulder. She ran the sponge down his chest to the top of his groin, the soap sliding down his hips and limp cock and testicles, down his thighs. Her eyes looked up into his, and he knew her answer before she spoke--the answer he’d known already but needed reassurance for.
“No. I don’t, Duncan. Do you?”
She kept staring--she knows what I’m going to say too.
“I don’t, Kenzie. I don’t either.”
Kenzie stepped closer to him, and he watched her breathe out--a sigh of relief.
“Did we talk about this?” Duncan really didn’t know--he tried to recall the conversation, the mention of it. “I feel like I knew that, somehow--that you didn’t want to have any. But I can’t remember when you told me.”
“I don’t think we did, baby. But I think I knew it anyway, too. That you don’t want them either. Maybe it’s...maybe...we heard it? From each other? Like...like we can sometimes. ”
“I still can’t believe that. That we can do that sometimes. It’s...beyond words. Literally.” He laughed a little, then shivered as she continued to move the sponge along his arms and down his back over the rise of his ass. Kenzie playfully pinched him there with a sharp pressure and he writhed away, still laughing, coming back to her, gripping at her wrists to keep her quick little fingers away, pressing his forehead down against hers. ”You better stop that.”
“Or what.” Kenzie giggled and stuck the tip of her tongue out between her teeth at him, trying to wrestle her wrists out of his strong hands.
“Or I’m gonna push you into the glass and fuck you, Princess,” he murmured down into her mouth, his hands still pressing into the soft flesh at the bottom of her palms, feeling her heartbeat through the veins there; rapid and fluttering.
“Duncan Shepherd, I demand you let me go.”
Duncan immediately let go of her, but he could feel the expression of longing that pressed into his face. “I can’t wait to see you in that lingerie, baby. Oh my fucking god, I can’t wait.”
“Try thinking it this time. I wanna see if I can hear you. Think about how much you wanna fuck me, baby.” Kenzie spun around very slowly in the rising mist of the hot water, turning her head to look at him over her shoulder, leaning down just a little and wiggling her curvy ass towards him, straightening up and spinning back around, eyes in his. She reached out, trailing one little finger down from the dip of his collarbone to the space between his breast, down the center of his belly to his bellybutton, dipping her finger in for a moment, then letting it hover in the center of his abdomen, right above the not-entirely-limp rise of his cock. “Think about me. I wanna see if I can hear.”
Duncan stood still for a moment, shivering at the small pressure of her delicate touch, then he thought, carefully, specifically, and tried to push it into her mind, into the space behind her eyes, as he had a few nights ago, Annette between them--but Annette was not between them now, and he gripped her wrists again and pushed her, gently, back, so her shoulder blades fell softly into the fogged glass, and his hands came up around her breasts and he pressed his face down to her neck and kissed her, softly, not speaking, but pressing his feelings into her. Kenzie, I want to tie you up on that hook and lick the soft, wet, sweet space between your legs. I want to fuck your beautiful little pink cunt and your sweet little ass, fuck you until we are lost inside each other and lost in our pleasure, and I want you to come all over my cock and I wanna come inside you until our release runs down between our legs and I want you, baby, I want you all day long, every minute, as soon as we fuck I just wanna fuck you again, I wanna lose myself in your body and your eyes, Kenzie, they’re like stars hovering over a shadowed forest or the bottom of the dark sea with its green and gold relics, like the nebulas of time. Kenzie had arched into him as he went on and on--and he’d felt the push again, flowing out from him, and as he pulled his face away from his attentions at her neck to look at her, the gold flecks had seemed to emerge in her gaze and swirl there, the rings of the planets and the galaxies inside her.
“Like the nebulas of time,” Duncan saw her little mouth move, saw the whisper of his thoughts in the words she spoke. “Baby. I heard that. I heard all of that. I think when we’re touching, it gets stronger. I think that’s how it works best. We have to push and if we are touching, it’s like it’s...a stronger radio signal, or something.”
“Touch me, try me. I wanna see if I can hear you too. Tell me a secret.”
Duncan grasped Kenzie’s hand and pressed it into his chest--spread her fingers carefully so her palm was flat on him and her hand stretched gracefully. She looked up at him in the rising steam, her wet dark-golden hair flat against her head, wetness glistening on her cheeks and on her lips, her eyes still full of whirling flecks of shimmering dust. Then he felt her--felt the pressure of her, the gold cloak of her fall over his mind--it was soothing and sweet and as comforting as a soft bed in a bone-deep tiredness, and he almost felt as if he could taste her, honey and rosewater and apples.
I’ve always wanted to write a book. Something very beautiful and very true and totally mine. But I’ve always been afraid to do it. I’ve always doubted myself. But you, Duncan...you make me feel like anything is possible. That I can bring deer back to life. That I can make Annette love me. That I can write my book. That there is such a thing as a Soulmate, and there is a One for me, and it’s you, it’s you, it’s you baby, it’s you now and forever, the other half of my soul and the body that fits against my body like we’re two breathing pieces of a living puzzle. I believe in everything now. I don’t believe in luck anymore. I believe in destiny, because I’ve found mine. My destiny is you.
Duncan heard himself gasp a little as she let go, and the pressure in his mind lifted away like a tide pulling back out from shore into the sea. “Baby. Yes. I heard you. My destiny is you. You want to write a book. And you don’t believe in luck anymore. And I’m your Soulmate. And I am. And you are mine, baby. You’re mine, too. I heard you, so loud and clear, like you were whispering into my ear.” He pulled her little face against his shoulder and gripped the back of her hair, softly, in his fingers, letting them fall through it, feeling her hands come around his back, the pressure of her nose and the tickle of her eyelashes. “I heard you.” Kenzie lifted her head and looked at him and smiled, and the feeling of her against him was beyond any comfort he’d ever felt from anything else. Beloved, he thought into her, and he felt her rebound the word and wrap herself around it, the gold of her, and push it back into him, so it was echoed in her voice towards him, beloved.
Kenzie moved away from him and turned the knob of the shower. She pulled her hair over her shoulder and squeezed it out so a rivulet of hot water fell down the drain, her eyes on his feet then up over his thighs and his cock, his hands and neck and lips and eyes and his hair. “I really lucked out in the Soulmate department,” she said softly, and he felt shyness press into the back of his mind as she opened the shower door, looking back at him over her shoulder--he tried to think of something that could possibly, ever, somehow, describe the depth of his emotion for her in this moment, trying to think it into her instead, again--whatever you feel towards me, Kenzie, know that my feeling for you is equal to it, if not even greater...what I feel for you is an ocean that doesn’t have a final depth. It knows no end and it only grows with time.
“It knows no end and it only grows with time.” He heard her voice extend towards him as she pulled one of his hydrocotton bath towels down from the hook against the wall and wrapped it around her petite shoulders, her wet hair tucked into it, then reached for another and brought it over to him, clutched in her little fingers--he took it from her lovingly, his fingers falling against hers, then rubbing it down his face and through his hair as he stepped out behind her and she turned to the sink, wrapping the towel around her breasts and reaching for her toothbrush. “I heard that too, baby. I heard everything. How amazing. To feel you that way.” She turned her little face up to him as he came up beside her, sunburned and sleepy and glowing. “To feel the warmth of you inside me. It’s like nothing else I’ve ever felt, either. It’s like you’re the night sky and I’m falling up into you. Oh, baby. It’s so wonderful.”
Duncan wrapped the towel around his waist and pressed his fingers through his damp hair, pushing it back from his forehead, feeling unable to speak again. Sometimes, words just aren’t enough, my love. His emotions right now felt like a color, vast and bright, vibrating and flowing, a color that only materialized out of the ether when they were together like this--a color that belonged only to the two of them, a new color, staggering in its beauty.
“It’s okay, baby,” Kenzie said, holding her toothbrush, covered in turquoise toothpaste, pausing, seeming to recognize the depth of his affectation. “You don’t have to say anything. I can feel you. Even this way. Even confused--even...overwhelmed.” She reached her hand out and soothed it along his arm, and Duncan looked down at her, nodding, his mind clouded over with her. They both brushed their teeth without speaking, the glow still drifting between them, looking at each other carefully in the bathroom mirror, shyly looking away, and looking back again, drawn to each other like two moths to the glow of a warm light. I want to marry you, Kenzie, Duncan thought, unable to stop himself, and he saw the blush fall over her cheeks despite her sunburn as she spit into the sink, rinsing her mouth out--saw the way her eyes fell on him, glittering, consort to his thoughts, saw her rose-colored affection, the provocation his thought stirred in her. We’d have so many flowers, flowers everywhere, lilies and lilacs, roses and lavender and iris and peony, lining every pathway, flowers surrounding you like an altar, flowers in your hair and around your head and flowers for you, goddess of spring, the queen of my heart--the true gold in my life, all riches be damned. Your ring would be a moonstone, because you’re my moonlight and every star dims to you, bows its head--and I can only imagine your gown and its shivering beauty and the sight of you in it and the well of my happiness and my heart spilling over into the endless love I feel for you.
“Ugh, stop thinking such beautiful things, baby. I can’t stand it.”
“I can’t help it. It’s how I feel.”
She slid away from him as he reached across the sink for her, out of the bathroom, looking back at him. Come here. Come to bed, hold me, kiss me in the dark and fall away into sleep with me, beloved, my Prince of Shadow, aching in your beauty.
He came after her, letting his towel fall to the floor, uncaring. Kenzie was slipping the little satin sleeping set over her hips, lifting the camisole over her head, toweling her hair dry as he watched the silken fabric press against her thighs and her little breasts, her nipples visibly hard through it. He slid his hands down around her hips, impossibly smooth in the little pyjamas, standing behind her, pulling her insistently into his nakedness, his nose coming down to smell her--jasmine soap and her shampoo, like lemon and roses and lily. She turned into him, discarding her towel on the floor, too--and then he watched her eyes skirt over to where the chain hung down, glinting in the low light, from the heavy hook now expertly installed in the high penthouse ceiling, and watched her gaze through the mirror beyond it at the shape of them pressed together.
Tomorrow, she thought into him, and he looked at them too, their reflection in the great and provocative mirror that now stretched its wide eye in their room, and he was overcome again by how beautiful she looked in his arms, how small and delicate, her damp hair falling into his hands, the silky-softness of her against his belly and his arms.
“Sleep now, please, baby,” she murmured, and pulled at his hips. At first Duncan followed her, hungry and aching, but then he remembered, with a wave of disappointment, that all of their beach things were still scattered in the hallway, forgotten in the distraction of their desire. They hadn’t even bothered to eat anything for dinner, but he didn’t feel hungry somehow. I expect to be distracted for the rest of my life. If you’ll have me for that long. “Kenzie, we left everything in the hall. I have to go get it. I’ll be right back baby, I promise.” Kenzie was already laying down, looking up at him with hazy eyes, and she nodded a little, tucking her hand under her chin. Duncan pulled the duvet over her and kissed the soft space beside her eyelid, hand against her damp hair--then he went into the closet and pulled on a pair of black boxer briefs, moving through the living room (he noticed Kenzie’s roses had begun to wilt with a touch of sadness--I’ll just have to get her more, he thought) and through the kitchen, eyes skirting over the pink boxes, pulling the black door of the penthouse open and gathering the beach things they’d abandoned, placing them inside the doorway, bringing the picnic basket onto the island, putting the dishes in the long steel sink and the remnants of food away in the big silver fridge. He looked at Kenzie’s succulents as he did this, with long, meandering affection--she wants a garden, he remembered, she wants a house in the country and a garden and some horses to take care of, and when I take over the company, she’s going to have them. It’ll be our secret, beautiful place, away from paps and prying eyes and my mother, away from everything that gets in the way.
When Duncan went back into the bedroom, twenty minutes later, Kenzie was fast asleep, her thumb tucked against her bottom lip, her breathing very slow and even, her damp hair across the pillow. Sleeping beauty, he thought, sentimental--I don’t care, she is. She’s my Briar Rose, my ethereal fae princess, my wood nymph, dancing in the forest clearing, and I come upon her and I’m struck forever with need for her. Ariadne, bathed in moonlight. Persephone, dancing in the flowers, singing, kindling desire and hope in my wine-dark heart. O gods, Fates, whatever have I done in your eyes to deserve her, whatever can I do to deserve her? How can I hear the gentleness of her emotions, the fall of her thoughts, how have you seen fit to bless me, as doubtful and flawed and selfish as I have been? I’m utterly moved inside her embrace, moved by her grace, moved by the gentleness of her soul. I’ll do whatever I can to be worthy of her love. To be inside it is to be redeemed from all darkness, and I’m grateful.
Duncan climbed into bed beside her, switching the lamp off, his eyes falling over the mirror over his shoulder again. It seemed to wink at him; a cascade of secret gold flitted over its surface. His eyes fell with shuddering longing up the length of the chain (the chain I’ll tie her velvet ribbons to, the chain by which she’ll give herself to me in complete devotion, and I can’t even bear to think of it, her trust is so dear to me), then he turned away, overcome, and laid down beside her to watch the shuddering softness of her breath and her eyelids. The full moon is on the night of the Gala, he thought. And it will shine for her and her alone.
Soon after that, Duncan fell asleep, his hand on Kenzie’s pillow, his fingers gently twined around a wave of her golden hair.
--------
He woke first the next day; he could see the lines of tiredness still on Kenzie’s face as she turned away from him in her sleep to fold herself deep into the corner of the bed, faraway in an unknown dream. Duncan pressed his hand through the chestnut waves of her hair, now dried to silkiness during the night--the light was still dim, the morning just arrived, but his mind was already wide awake and buzzing with need--already his thoughts hung low, toward the evening. He felt relieved that Kenzie wouldn’t be going to work today--he reached for his phone on the nightstand, sending Harris a text saying Kenzie would be staying home today and that she would message him to request his supervision if she needed to go anywhere. We should make dinner together tonight, he thought, idly, watching her breathe quietly. I want us to cook together--I think she wants that too. I love that--the idea of coming home to her and making something with her that we can enjoy together. That’s all I ever want to do now--things with her that make her happy.
He climbed out of the bed, reluctant to leave the warmth of her cocoon, and went to the closet, willing himself to move past the mirror, staring at himself in it all the way--it seemed to wink at him again, familiar, full of some secret knowledge it refused to divulge, its mystery captivating. Why do I feel like I’ve seen it so many times? Why do I feel like I know it so well? Why do we both feel like it’s belonged to Kenzie for a long time? How could it have? Duncan moved past it, almost glad to be away from its colossal gaze, into the closet, reaching up to where several of his signature long-sleeved dark-colored Oxford shirts hung in a neat row, and pulled a navy one in jersey down around his shoulders, hand through his hair and around his chin, absently--then buttoned it slowly, up to the curve of his throat right before his adam’s apple. Maybe if I can believe in Soulmates and in Fate and in destiny and if I can accept that my girlfriend and I can read each other’s thoughts, I can accept parallel lifetimes or reincarnation or...something, too. And maybe we really should go see a psychic, hell, I guess I believe in those now, also. Unicorns, I’ll add you to the list, why the hell not.
He reached for his gold Movado today--why not. It’s summer and I’m wildly in love with my Soulmate. Everything gold reminds me of her, so gold it is. He pulled a pair of well-tailored gray chinos on and chose a pair of Louboutin leather balmorals that he particularly liked from his shoe shelves--Duncan clutched them between fingers and thumb and moved out of the closet into the front room, hoping not to wake Kenzie--I really want her to sleep in today. And I want her to have breakfast in bed like the Princess she is. He placed the spotless balmorals on one of the high chairs of the center island, carefully gathering the pink boxes in his arms and moving them to the long leather couch through the divide--then he went back to the kitchen to make breakfast: a simple one for him, a green kale and avocado smoothie with his Vitamix and two pieces of sprouted bread toast with unsalted peanut butter--and a beautiful one for Kenzie on a priceless silver tray that used to belong to Adelaide. It consisted of two more slices of the sprouted bread toasted with strawberry preserves and organic rolled butter, a perfectly ripe avocado, sliced in half with the pit removed, sprinkled with ground pepper, a tiny silver spoon in its soft flesh, and two perfectly peeled and separated clementines, arranged so they fanned like the petals of an opulent flower in a silver bowl with tiny clusters of silver dogberries on the sides (also Adelaide’s--she’d given all of her silver to Duncan in her Will, and most of it was priceless). Grandma would have loved Kenzie. Unlike Mom, she had perfect taste, he thought, going into the dining room and finding one of the cloth napkins in the china cabinet drawers, coming back to place it beside the plate. Mom is too worried about what other people think of her to trust her own instincts entirely. But Grandma would have seen how special she is in an instant, because Adelaide was like that too. Luminous. I could see the way Harris glowed when he mentioned her--Harris loved her. Maybe he really loved her. It seemed to be there in his eyes.
Drifting between these thoughts of his grandmother and his lover, Duncan made Kenzie a medium-roast black coffee in one of his clear glass mugs with the Keurig that lived beside his espresso machine, as sleek, black and silent as the other machine was. Then he poured grapefruit juice (admiring its deep coral color) into the peony glass, water into one of the Waterford tumblers (I’m the black coffee, Kenzie is the rosy juice surrounded by flowers--Hades beside his Persephone), setting the glasses carefully on the tray, carrying it through the kitchen on careful feet, stopping at the coffee table to pull one of the roses (wilting just a little, but still deeply red and beautiful) by the stem out of the bouquet and placing it long-wise on the tray along the back of the glasses. Then he moved on through the bedroom to where Kenzie still lay fast asleep, her hair silky and tossed over the pillow and her shoulder, her little palm open under her cheek, turned away from the doorway. She stirred a little as he sat carefully on his edge of the bed, facing her, holding the tray steadily in his hands. She turned to him, stretching cat-like and almost subconsciously, her hand coming up to the corner of her eye, her mouth opening a little.
“Oooo, baby...is that for me?”
He nodded and smiled at her--words slipping away to behold her sweetness, her loveliness in the morning light. Kenzie sat up, and he felt another burst of painful affection at her sleep-mussed hair, the fall of the satin-and-lace sleeping cami off her shoulder, revealing the dip of her breast to him as she leaned down to straighten herself, her little hands pushing her hair back and coming together in delight as he placed the tray on the mattress in front of her, pushing the duvet away with his arm.
“Dunny, ohhh. You made me breakfast in bed.”
“I should do it every day.” He couldn’t help it--in her eyes he always felt shy, and he could feel the blush on his cheeks, the way he wanted to look away under her gaze because it made him feel so bare. They were impossibly bright this morning, the memory of her dreams still shimmering behind them, and he leaned over the tray to kiss her, his hand coming against her cheek; Kenzie’s little face leaned up to him and he was struck with the smell of her hair, jasmine, roses, lemon, and marveled at the way he could feel every feverish beat of his own heart. He could feel the smile in her kiss and as he pulled away, reluctant, she looked down again at the tray, her little teeth grinning, reaching out to the little silver spoon in the avocado, admiring it, scooping some of the green flesh out and popping it into her mouth. She swallowed, gazing at him, that gold sheen hovering over her. “This tray is really beautiful, and this little silver spoon, and ooo, this little bowl.” She touched the silver dogberries on the bowl that held the clementines, licking the spoon held against her lips.
“They were my grandmother’s. Adelaide, who Harris used to protect. She would have loved you. She wasn’t like Mom. She was beautiful and graceful like Mom, but her energy was different. She was gracious.”
“I wish I could have met her.” Kenzie’s hair fell over her shoulder, catching a burst of early morning sun, as she continued to spoon morsels of avocado into her little mouth. Duncan reached out for her hand and she grasped his fingers, and her touch was like a burst of sweet sunlight into his hand--you’re my sunlight, baby, like a sunbeam right into the center of my soul.
“I do too, baby.”
Duncan pulled his phone off the nightstand as he watched her--he couldn’t help it. Kenzie looked so beautiful this way, sunlight on her face just-so, her hair falling in a golden wave over her shoulder, her face turned down with a radiant smile, the strap of her cami off one shoulder, silver spoon poised in her hand. She reached for the grapefruit juice, and he knew she recognized the peony glass--her eyes looked up at him with affection and he was ready, snapping a picture before she could protest.
“Ugh, oh no, baby, I’m all messy.” Kenzie made a face at him, sticking out her tongue.
“No, you aren’t. You’re fucking beautiful. Can we make dinner together tonight, baby? I wanna cook with you. I’d really love to do that.” He lowered his phone, recognizing the need in his voice, but he didn’t care. With you I will always say what I feel, Kenzie.
“I would love that. What should we make? Oo, baby, Claire gave me this recipe the other day--well, a few weeks ago, I guess--it’s for vegetable fried rice but it has quinoa instead of rice. It looked so good, I really want to try it.” He watched her talk, the tiny motions of her hands and her shoulders as she reached for the toast, bringing it up to her lips, taking a bite, watching the incline of her neck and the tiny shifts of her eyes and the flutter of her eyelashes, and Duncan felt lost in her--full of gratitude again to even be near her, an emotion he was becoming deeply intimate with. “That sounds really good, baby,” he replied, reaching for her hand again. She lifted her eyes up to him.
“Duncan. I’m so happy.”
“I am too. To be with you. It’s like...my heart is constantly so full. It’s so--”
“Amazing.” Kenzie nodded. “It’s extraordinary. It’s fucking bliss.”
Bliss. That was the word.
“Here, baby,” Duncan reached over to his nightstand, ripping a memo off a pad of sticky notes stacked there beside a glass with several expensive fountain pens in it--it had been originally placed there for work notes when he woke up at night in the past, thinking about the show or the app or the company--but it had become obsolete to him in the past week. Like everything that isn’t her--it’s part of my old life. And its purpose has changed. Now, it’s for Kenzie to write grocery lists or me to write her name over and over and over. Mackenzie Stone. Mackenzie Louise Stone. Mackenzie...Shepherd. Mackenzie Shepherd. He shivered at his own longing. “Write down anything you want the concierge to get today for dinner--and anything else you want. They’ll deliver it this afternoon. I already texted Harris for you and told him you aren’t going to work.”
Kenzie took the paper and fountain pen from him, munching on her slices of clementine, her expression still turned to him, full of affection. “We could make dumplings too, I’m pretty good at them, Claire and I did them together one time and it’s fun to fold them.”
“I’ve made them before too, actually,” Duncan said, smiling shyly at her. “I’ve spent a lot of time cooking for myself since I turned 18 and moved out of my mother’s house. As soon as I moved in here I started buying cook books like crazy because I didn’t want to hire a chef. It made me...less lonely, I guess.”
Kenzie reached for him. He grasped her hand, tightly, emotion bubbling in him.
“I’m not lonely anymore, baby. I’m so far from lonely now that you’re here.”
“Good. I love you so much.” Kenzie leaned over the silver tray again, and their lips came together, deeply, with aching hunger. She tasted wonderfully sweet, the citrus falling into his mouth, the creamy taste of the avocado and the butter lingering there. “Ooo, how about green tea ice cream, too.”
“I love green tea ice cream.”
“Of course you do, because you have excellent taste.” She grinned at him, then turned down to write ingredients on the little paper, leaning over to grab her phone and find the recipe. He watched her quietly as she wrote, then paused to look at the phone screen where she’d pulled up a recipe website, reading carefully as she pressed the edge of the pen into her bottom lip, and Duncan wanted to pull her against him and kiss her more, wanted to push the tray away and press her down into the bed and pull the satin demandingly away from her shoulders and cup her roughly in his hands in the dappled sunlight over the bed--yesterday was so short. I long for you.
“I can’t wait for tonight, baby,” he murmured to her, unable to stop himself. “I can’t wait to tie you up in that lingerie.” He heard Kenzie’s breath catch and she paused her furious writing, lifting her eyes to him. He grasped the peony glass in his long fingers, lifting it to lips, his stare unwavering, taking a long mouthful, licking the tanginess from his lips, slowly. I’m going to devour you.
“I can’t wait to wear it for you, Prince Duncan.” At that, Kenzie went up on her knees and carefully pushed the tray aside, crawling over to him across the sheet--Duncan’s head went hazy-soft as Kenzie climbed into his lap, her legs straddling his thighs, the soft weight of her ass pressing into his crotch. She was so small in his arms--he was struck by it again, a wave of desire. His hands fell up and down the satin of the little pink-and-black-lace sleeping set he’d gotten for her, marveling at its softness on her, marveling at how perfectly it fit against her little body--staring into her hazel eyes, loving the sweet smell of her pressed to him.
“Ugh, baby, I don’t wanna go to work,” he whined. “Not at all. I wanna fuck you, baby, right now, I wanna kiss every inch of you.”
“Awwww, poor baby, my poor Dunny,” she murmured into him, pouting with a mocking smile. “My poor baby wants it real bad, huh. You wanna fuck me real bad, huh, baby.”
“Yes,” and at that Duncan clutched her more harshly into him, digging his fingers harshly into her skin, pressing his mouth roughly into her neck, sucking and biting. Kenzie moaned into him, turning her little head up, her hair falling back, and his hand fell down between the silkiness of her thighs, fondling at her folds there, feeling the mound of her sex over the slippery fabric that covered her. He whispered up into her ear, his nerves on fire. “Play with yourself when you’re here alone today, baby. Play with yourself and think about me. I’ll go somewhere alone and I’ll make myself come and I’ll think of you, I’ll think of how I’m gonna fuck you tonight, how hard I’m gonna fuck you, Princess, angel, baby--”
Kenzie was nodding and rolling her hips against him, her breath shallow, shivering at the feeling of his lips on her ear, her tiny hands coming up to grip at the stubble of his cheeks, fall into his hair. “Uh huh, okay, baby, I’ll make myself come--” she shuddered again, more violently, and Duncan gasped at the sweet feeling of her against him, “--and I’ll think of you, I promise--I’ll touch myself for you--I have this vibrator, I didn’t show you yet--”
“Ugh, baby. Show me.”
Kenzie continued to shiver in his arms--Duncan moved his face away from her neck and stared into her feverishly glimmering eyes. “Show me, baby, please. I wanna see it.”
Kenzie nodded, biting her lip, climbing off his lap, trailing her fingers down his thighs as he gazed at her face. That’s it, baby, get yourself worked up. I want you to think about what I’m gonna do to you tonight all day. I want you to be so wet while we make dinner that you can’t stop thinking about me fucking you on the counter, I want your panties to be soaked from your thoughts when you take them off to put that silky tulle on your beautiful skin. I want to tie you up and fuck you for hours tonight. Fuck you until we’re totally exhausted and can’t even move anymore. Fuck you until we can’t breathe. Fuck you until every part of us is so sensitive it hurts for us to touch each other and still we’ll touch anyway because to touch you is to be soothed by a goddess. Let me worship you. I’m gonna worship you.
Kenzie went to one of the boxes of her belongings that still clustered around the corner (Duncan watched the sway of her body in the little pink satin pyjamas, her legs bare, her hair over her shoulder, her expression suddenly dazed with arousal); she pulled books from one until she found the thing she was looking for--it looked like a copy of The Picture of Dorian Gray, but she opened the cover and Duncan realized it was a secret box made to look like a book, its interior hollow. She lifted out a small pink toy--one end had a rounded vibrating egg, and a short cord extended down from it to a battery square with a knob, climbing in intensity from 1 to 5. She turned the knob and Duncan could hear the small electric sound of the vibrator turning on. The egg end hummed against her hand.
“I’m gonna use this while you’re away today and when I come--and fuck, baby, this little thing makes me come so hard--I’m gonna scream your name, and think about what you’re going to do to me tonight.” Duncan could see that she was shivering as she said it, goosebumps lifting on her arms. His cock pressed into the tailored crotch of his chinos and he moaned to look at her, to hear what she was saying. Kenzie lowered the little egg between her legs, letting it press gently against the satin of her little pyjamas there, staring at him expectantly, still visibly shivering.
“Fuck, baby, I wanna watch--” Duncan couldn’t stop himself, fuck, I want to watch her use that on herself so fucking bad, but Kenzie bit her lip, her expression amused, shaking her head.
“No, baby. You have to be patient and wait and go to work. And at some point today when you’re alone, you have to touch yourself and think about my mouth on your cock, think about your cock fucking my pussy and my little ass, wet for you, and you have to stroke yourself until you come for me. And then we’re gonna make dinner together when you get home. And then you’re going to tie me up and buckle that fucking gorgeous rose choker tight around my neck and fuck me senseless. Do as I say, okay? Do what I told you to do, baby.”
“Yes, baby. Yes, Kenzie.” I could fucking die inside your eyes, Kenzie. I love it when you command me. I’ll tie you up but I’m your slave and I know you know that. I’d do anything you told me to do, baby. Divine and staggering in your beauty, my Kenzie, beloved angel of heaven.
Kenzie put the vibrator back into the hollowed book, setting it back into the box, a satisfied air to her now--she stood up very straight, completely awake now, sleep brushed away from her, and she climbed back onto the bed on the opposite side so he couldn’t grab onto her. Duncan reached for her but she said “No, Dunny, let me eat my breakfast.” And he stopped, his breath harsh, full of terrible crimson-gold-flushed waves of need for her. She stared into his eyes--the golden nebula of her soul--and lifted the clementines to her lips, and devoured them until none were left, and he did not look away, trapped in her gaze--no, not trapped, he thought, aching. Completely supplicant to her. I don’t want to be away from her. I want to stay inside her eyes always, for her gaze is sanctity in my sight. I am your most faithful, devoted lover, Mackenzie. Whatever you will--it is my desire to realize it. I’m yours until I lie in my grave, feeding flowers that will grow in your honor.
-------
Duncan was slipping the balmorals on his feet as Kenzie carefully moved the little silver dishes to the sink to rinse them, still wearing her little satin sleeping set--Duncan already loved it fiercely, and knew the image of her wearing it would grow to be ingrained in him with time, a certain memory of many days to come. “Is it okay to put vintage silver in the dishwasher?” she asked, turning her head around to him, holding up the little bowl with dogberries along the side.
“It is, actually, just put them in without any other dishes and run the cycle by itself,” Duncan replied, smiling at her attention to detail. “I’ll ask Anchaly to tell the housekeepers to skip us today so you have privacy.”
“Okay, baby,” Kenzie replied softly, moving away from the sink and coming up to where he stood at the table beside the front door, pushing his wallet down into the back of his fitted chinos, a pair of squarish Gucci sunglasses he’d chosen for today in his hand. “Have a very--” and here she leaned up, her long chestnut hair brushed out now and floating around her in delicate waves, her little feet tiptoeing to reach his face, kissing his stubbled cheek before he could turn his face into hers--”good--” and now she pressed a kiss to the other cheek--”day--” and she finally let him gather her against him now, tenderly pressing her open mouth against his, and Duncan wrapped his arms around her, greedy for the scent and taste and feeling of her against him, the satiny texture of her little pyjamas, the soft fall of her hair and her arms and her tongue brushing against his.
“It’s so hard to leave you, every fucking time--” he whispered into her, his voice aching in his ears, and he felt it in his bones, how true the words were.
“Baby, just think about how fucking wonderful tonight’s going to be. And text me when you’re alone later. I want to know when you’re thinking about me.”
“Kenzie, I am always thinking about you.”
She smiled into him. “Don’t forget to give Anchaly that list. When do you think you’ll be home?”
Home. Home is when I’m with you, Kenzie. We could be anywhere and if you’re there, it’s home.
“5 at the latest, I think. We don’t have too much to do today, the news has been slow--well, except for you and me, I guess, baby.”
“Claire texted me, BPF posted all the stuff we put on Instagram on their website already. They should be giving us royalties or something.” Kenzie rolled her eyes, but Duncan could see the smile in them. That’s right world, we’re together, get used to it, he thought, smiling in return to her. Then he grew serious again for a moment, lost in thoughts of Shepherd Unlimited and the soon-to-be-defunct Gardner Analytics.
“I’m wondering when I should tell Melody I’m planning to dismantle the show and the app when I take over for my uncle. She’s done a lot of work on them and I don’t think she’s going to be happy about it. Of course I plan to rehire her for another position in the company if she wants one, but…”
“I guess there’s a possibility she’d be upset enough to tell Annette about your plans.” Kenzie went down on her heels, leaning away from him.
“A very real possibility. I feel bad for concealing it from her, though. As I said, she’s worked hard on them. But Mom messaged me yesterday--my uncle is getting sicker faster than the doctors originally thought. Apparently he’s going to be in confinement by the end of the month. Which means I’m going to be taking over a lot sooner than we originally thought.”
A serious expression came into Kenzie’s eyes. “So that means Momby and I would be going on the board a lot sooner, too.”
“Yes. Probably by the end of next month.”
Kenzie blew out a long breath, and Duncan stood before her, his hand falling down the waves of hair over her shoulder. Kenzie is so fucking beautiful. Baby, you look like a fucking angel right now, in your little pink satin, your hair silky-soft down your back, your little face scrunched up so serious. Your eyes are like fucking stars. And you’re mine. And I still can’t believe it.
Then Kenzie nodded, as though she’s felt or heard his tenderness. She probably did. “Whatever happens, we’ll get through it, baby. We’ll get through everything. I have such a hopeful feeling inside me every day now. Like something fell into place and now everything is moving, traveling on into the future.”
“I feel that way too, baby. Like our destiny is in motion. I love you. I’ll see you later tonight.” He lifted her face up to him with the tips of his fingers and kissed her once more, open-mouthed, closing his eyes, and he saw when he opened them and pulled away that Kenzie’s were still closed and her mouth still open just a little in a rapturous visage of desire, and he thought she looks like the Ecstacy of St. Theresa, glowing in the light of an angel, only she is the angel, the angel is her, and the ecstacy is mine. As Duncan went out into the hall, he turned around and saw her little face peeking at him through the doorway for a moment, then she smiled and blew him a kiss, and Duncan pretended to catch it in midair and pressed his hand against his heart, turning away from her, recalcitrant, as the door swung shut, slipping his dark sunglasses over his eyes.
-------
Duncan was drifting through the day--he had stayed tight-lipped at the paps who were hanging out outside Shepherd Hall (“Where’d you go on your baecation this weekend, Duncan?” Gary Spencer had called out to him as Ricky Aspen (Gary’s token photographer) snapped his camera, angled at Duncan’s face) and Duncan had shot daggers toward him, pressing his lips together defiantly) despite their insistence. He had tried to appear interested in the episode overview and the charts regarding the apps “numbers”, but he was utterly absorbed in the thought of Kenzie’s promise to use the little pink egg on herself (I’m gonna scream your name); his thoughts made him feel too hot, his mind smoky and thick, his groin throbbing and aching, making him shift in his seat, restless to be alone. Seth and Melody continually gave him sidelong glances over the long conference table as Richard, one of the showrunners, rambled on about Claire’s prolonged breakdown, entering its fourth week. Annette was probably expecting him at another meeting today, this one regarding finishing details about the Gala, but Duncan bristled at the thought of seeing her, angry at her treatment of Kenzie on Saturday--storming out on her like a child when you insisted on consuming her day. And none of you know I’m secretly meeting with Claire Underwood on Thursday, best to keep it that way, Duncan thought, shifting again, trying to refocus on something that wasn’t the dip of Kenzie’s pale skin around her throat, the softness of the space behind her jaw under her ear where he liked to press his fingers, continually amazed by how delicate she was, or the space between her breasts where he could feel her heartbeat if he pressed his lips there, or the sweet ache between her legs (me pressing my lips there yesterday as I held her legs apart and sucked at her and she cried out for me over and over, fuck, or my come falling down the side of her mouth as she sucked me dry), but dipped back down into the endlessness of her, the whirling storm of her. God, when will this meeting be fucking over. Everything is a waiting game now. None of you know what I’m going to do when Bill dies. And he’s going to die soon.
“How long, exactly, do you think it will take for the paps to not be swarming around here every single day like we’re Beyonce’s entourage, Duncan?” Melody leaned over the table, and Duncan looked up from where he’d been gazing into space, imagining Kenzie in her little satin pyjamas, straddling his lap, murmuring into his mouth. He hadn’t noticed when the meeting adjourned, and some of the other crew for the show had already left the conference room--Richard was staring at him from the head of it, a frown creasing his brow.
I guess we’re back to not being friends. Duncan sat up, blinking at her, crashing down from his heavenly imaginings. “Melody, what the fuck, may I ask, would you like me to do about it?”
“I dunno, maybe stop posting photos of your half-clothed girlfriend on Instagram every day?”
Duncan looked over at Seth, whose eyes skirted away from both of them as if there was something extremely interesting going on outside the window. Duncan felt a flare of anger course down the back of his skull, felt his teeth clench at the insinuating tone of Melody’s voice. Everyone’s obsessed with Kenzie, and I understand why, but god, I hate the idea of people wishing her ill. I hate the idea of anyone thinking cruelly towards her. When it came to Kenzie, he wished he could surround her in an impenetrable cocoon of safety, an invisible barrier between her and all the evil intentions of the outside world. She’s my Joan of Arc--far too wonderful, too brave, too bright for any of you.
“I’ll post photos of her whenever the fuck I feel like it in whatever the fuck she happens to be wearing. Lay the fuck off, Melody.” Melody’s eyes flashed at him and she shoved out of her seat, yanking the conference room door open and stalking out.
“Duncan,” Seth was the only other person in the room now besides him, Richard having made a beeline for the door as soon as Melody had shot her venomous question at Duncan. “Be forgiving of her. She’s...I don’t know how happy she is with the work lately, to be honest. And I have to say this, because it should have been said a long time ago, but Melody has been in love with you for...years, and seeing you with someone else this way is just...a lot for her.”
“Seth, what.” Fuck, I should have realized that. I did realize that. I knew she was. But I have never felt that way about her and god, that night I was fucking hammered out of my mind, and I knew it was a mistake right away. But my apology was late, wasn’t it. Really late. Fuck. And I convinced myself I was imagining that she was romantically interested in me. I pretended like I didn’t know because I was trying not to hurt her feelings. But somehow I’ve done that anyway.
“I agree that you don’t have any obligation to engage emotionally with someone who you don’t share the same affections with,” Seth said, carefully. “And for all intents and purposes you seem to have issued the apology she was looking for--but just forgive her, I guess, is what I’m saying. Melody and I have spent a lot of time together, and…” Seth trailed off.
“You care about her.”
“Yes. Yes, I do.” Seth looked at him, and Duncan was surprised to see how much warmth was hiding behind his eyes. In fact, Duncan thought, it seems as though you might, in fact, be the one who loves her, huh, Seth?
“Seth. Don’t worry. I’m not going to fire her if that’s what you think. There are...changes on the horizon for this company. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about, at least to a certain extent. I’m going to have the power to move the people in this company where they will be most happy and well-placed. And I really do mean happy, Seth. Soon, Melody will have her pick of where she wants to be regarding Shepherd Unlimited. I give you my word.”
Seth was quiet for a long time; he seemed to regard Duncan with a mixture of suspicion and wary vulnerability.
“Duncan, you’ve really changed lately.”
“I know it. God, I fucking know it.”
“It’s that woman, isn’t it. The woman you’re with now. Mackenzie Stone.”
“Yes, Seth. It is her. She’s made me the happiest man on earth. I want to spread it outward and give it to others, too. It’s like I...I really understand that I have too much now. And it needs to be shared.”
“If I’d heard you say something like that a year ago, I think I would’ve thought you’d gone the way of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Annette must be absolutely nonplussed.”
“She is. It’s been interesting to attempt to navigate all of this with her.”
“I don’t doubt that.”
“Go comfort Melody.”
Seth slid up from his chair and gave him one last long look, then nodded. “Mr. Shepherd.” Then he smiled a little, and Duncan smiled back at him, lifting his water glass to his mouth as Seth left the room. Duncan waited for the door to click shut, then he stood and went to it, snapping the lock into position. Then he went to the second door to the room across the other side of the table and snapped the lock there too. Duncan pulled the blinds of the long office windows down carefully. Next, he went to a side-table that had a box of tissues atop it, pulling several out and gripping them in his hand, then he sat back down in the chair he’d been in for the past half hour, setting the tissues on the smooth surface of the conference table, carefully unbuckling his belt. He went to his text messages and typed to Kenzie.
I’m alone now baby. Can’t stop thinking about you in my lap like that. Can’t stop thinking about putting that rose choker around your soft little white neck. Can’t stop thinking about how beautiful you’re going to look in that white lingerie. I’ve been lost in thoughts of you all day. Just totally lost to you, baby.
He saw the telltale text bubbles pop up underneath almost immediately.
Baby, I’m taking my clothes off for you now, laying down on the bed for you. Are you touching yourself yet?
Duncan set his phone down on the table in front of him and finished unbuckling his belt, pulling down the button and zipper of his chinos, slipping a warm hand down into the waistband of his tight briefs, bringing his rigid cock up so it was standing to attention, pressing into his stomach with the waistband holding it there. He grasped his hand over it and turned his phone towards his unbuttoned crotch and the fist over the head of his cock. He snapped the photo and sent it to her, adding a short bit of text: Yes, baby.
The text bubbles appeared again.
Show me, baby. Take a picture of your bare hard cock for me so I can look at it while I press that egg into my clit, baby, god it feels fucking good, almost as good as when you’re fucking me. I have it right here beside me on the bed now, and I’m naked, I took off everything I was wearing and laid here for you. I’m waiting for you to tell me I can start.
Fuck, Duncan thought. Fuck, Kenzie, you are the most erotic, the most alluring, the most exquisite person I have ever met. You’re so goddamn fucking beautiful. I keep trying to find words for you but they haven’t been invented yet. You’re beyond my dreams--you’re the only person I will ever truly love and I know it with every part of me. Duncan’s thumb slid over the precum that was already leaking from the head of his cock, slathering it along the sensitive underside of where his shaft began, and jerked his hand along the length, down about halfway. He angled his phone’s camera on his crotch again, moving his hand, pushing his pants and briefs down further so its hardness, its thick need, was exposed. He moved his hand along the precum again, wetting his cock’s length. Then he took the photo and hit send; his large hand was pressed to the side of his erection, so though only half of it was exposed in his waistband, the evidence of his length was apparent. Start now, baby, he added in text underneath. Think about how I’m gonna fuck you long and hard in a few hours  and you’re gonna watch me do it in all your glorious beauty.
Duncan felt dizzy as he dragged his fingers along his length in the quiet conference room. Kenzie thinking about me fucking her raw as she works at her clit in our bed, her little naked body lying on top of the duvet, her legs spread, her hair tossed into the pillow, her head turned up and her eyes fluttering and her mouth open with need, like holy fucking fuck, baby, my fucking angel, my beloved, wild and sublime, my goddess in the throes of her desires.
Nothing from her end for a minute--Duncan jerked needily at his cock under his briefs, little moans falling out of his mouth as he read her texts to come before--baby, I’m taking my clothes off for you now. Then a photo came through his phone--Kenzie staring into the camera, bare neck and the roundness of her little breasts exposed, one of her hands clutched between them, the other lifting the phone to take the photo, her nipples hard, an expression of need on her face, her eyes heavy-lidded and her lips parted just a little. You have to come, okay, baby? You have to touch yourself until you come. Think about how you fucked my tight little ass the other night, baby, made me dissolve into screams of ecstasy under your hands, Dunny baby, stared into my eyes as you did, made me look at you, fuck, made me look into your sky eyes, my love.
Fuck, angel, he replied, typing carefully with his thumb as he worked at himself, biting into his lip as the sensations riding through his cock rose in intensity. This picture. I’m going to keep it forever, a secret just for me. God, baby, you look so fucking gorgeous. I can’t wait to see you, I’m going to kiss every part of you, I’m going to make you feel so fucking good, angel baby.
Kenzie: I want you to spank me tonight. I want you to spank me hard when I’m tied up, spank me and grab my neck and choke me because I’m yours. I want you to do it, baby. Do as I tell you, okay? I’m gonna tell you to spank me and I want you to do it until I tell you to stop. Please, baby. I want it. I want you to be rough with me.
Okay, baby. I will, he replied, shuddering under his own grip on his length. I’ll do whatever you want me to do. Duncan imagined Kenzie’s little mewling cries as his hands came down hard against her soft skin, the keening of her hips as she fell against his palms, the pressure of her little neck under his hand as he clasped her with demanding fingers. Whatever you want baby, whatever makes you feel good, he typed, I’d do it a thousand times if you told me to, your pleasure is everything to me. Are you using it on yourself?
Kenzie: Yes, baby, god I’m so wet for you and it’s making me fucking ache for you, you’ve been so patient and I wanna make you feel so good tonight, I wanna give you all of myself, my body totally at your mercy my beloved, my sweet beautiful Prince, baby.
Duncan felt the shudder of his orgasm rising and he snatched the tissues from the table, bringing them carefully along the underside of his cock, emptying himself into them, gasping into the force of his release, leaning over the chair as he came, his body wracked for a moment with the force of it. “Uhh, Kenzie, baby, Kenzie--” Fuckkk. He looked down at his phone again as he gasped, and saw Kenzie had texted him again--Fuck baby, I just came so hard, I screamed for you like I told you I would, I’m lying here, shuddering and naked and thinking only of you in our bed and your big beautiful hands and your big gorgeous cock and your beautiful mouth and your eyes like the sky full of storms, I need you, Duncan, I need you and I’m aching for you baby.
Duncan used the tissues to carefully wipe the dampness from his crotch, wincing a little, crumpling them in his hand, carefully pushing his now-sensitive cock back down into his briefs, buttoning and zipping his pants, standing on shaking limbs to toss the tissues into a nearby trash can, then turned back to his phone and typed. Fuck, Kenzie, I need YOU, I need you every minute, I can’t think of anything but you, everything is you, the sky and the stars and the moon and the ocean yesterday was you and every flower and every beautiful thing is only half as beautiful as you, your eyes are like gold-flecked galaxies and your hair is like liquid sunlight and your mouth is sweeter than any fruit to me, and the space between your legs sweeter than the nectar of any god, your body so small and exquisite under my hands every time you give yourself to me. I came with your name on my lips because I belong to you forever and when I see you tonight I’m going to make you feel it, going to give you every bit of my devotion, going to press wild prayers into your body.
He hit send. Then he typed I love you, I love you, I love you.
Kenzie: And I love you, until the last star fades.
Until the last star fades.
He typed again. See you in a few hours, baby. I’m going to make you feel so wonderful. I swear I will, on everything, on the sun and the moon and the stars and the universe inside your eyes.
Kenzie: Baby, you already do, you’re my beloved, exalted in my eyes. See you soon. She left a long line of lipstick stain emojis after it.
Exalted. Something about the word was so familiar and so comforting. It was the best word to describe how he felt to be around her. Exalted: lifted up, held high in esteem. Blessed by your eyes, blessed by your thoughts, your touch, your grace, your love, Kenzie. Exalted in the eyes of a goddess. How could anything ever be so beautiful.
Duncan unlocked the door, took a deep, shuddering breath, and went to wash his hands.
------
The meeting for the Gala was unbearably tedious and redundant, and Duncan had stayed tight-lipped at his mother’s angry expression when she saw him--she had glared at him across yet another conference table, this one in a Shepherd Hall room a few floors up from the one they used for the show downstairs, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Duncan had gazed off her right shoulder into space instead, hand trailing along his jaw, his thoughts on Kenzie in the red dress he’d bought her at Nancy’s shop, redoubled on his imaginings of flowers in her hair, thought blushingly of his imaginings of their wedding, the hundreds of flowers surrounding them, the delicate moonstone on her finger, crystals and white and pink roses twined through her hair, a dress made of yards of lace and tulle, a delicate dress only a goddess would wear. I’ll get her peonies today, he thought, as soon as this fucking meeting is over, peonies to replace her roses that are slowly wilting, I’ll always make sure she has fresh flowers now, the goddess of spring can’t be without her flowers. Kenzie wants a garden, but I swear her touch alone could make things grow, pull verdant art from the ground.
Annette had approached him after, about to say something biting, no doubt, her mouth opening in a downwards tilt (she’d been wearing a black cashmere wrap dress with a sash and low pointed black heels, her neck bare, as usual), but Duncan had leaned down to her, kissing her cheek (he felt her stiffen in surprise, felt her anger melt under his touch), and then he turned away. “Duncan--” Annette had said after him, but he noticed the biting tone he’d expected to hear from her expression seemed to have faltered, and his name came out softer, more confused, from the back of her throat.
“I love you, Mom,” was all he’d said, stopping for moment, his back still turned to her, and then he’d walked away from her, and she hadn’t tried to follow him. I love you, but I won’t suffer your ill will towards her. I simply won’t do it. You will come to understand that. Already I feel as though this company is in my hands. I can feel the future coming, it’s nearly the present. It’s nearly here, its weight falling down on me, and I can’t do this without her by my side, it simply can’t become without her. Nothing of me can be without our destinies tied as they are. And this company will become nothing if we don’t change it. The Fates have already set in motion the thread of the events to come, I feel it acutely, it’s being spun now and soon, when Uncle BIll dies, it will be alloted. He could feel the ways in which Annette was fighting against that thread--could feel his mother trying to snap it, trying to stop it somehow, but Duncan knew that his destiny, now as clear as crystal, could not be broken by the will of Annette Shepherd. As he slid into the backseat of the BMW a few minutes later, he smiled up at Samuel, whose good humor was as bright as a warm lantern in the dark today, Ella on the stereo (I love the looks of you, the lure of you, the sweet of you, the pure of you, the eyes, the arms, the mouth of you) the interior of the car very cool and even compared to the hot June day outside, the sky full of cumulus clouds.
“I’ll be requesting that we stop at English Rose Garden very often in the future, Samuel,” Duncan added to Samuel as they glided away from the curb, having asked his chauffeur to make a stop there now. He took his sunglasses off to look Samuel in the eyes through the rearview, evenly. “I want Kenzie to always have fresh flowers in the house. She told me her dream is to have a garden house. If I can’t give her a garden yet, I’m determined to bring the garden to her.”
“That’s lovely, Mr. Shepherd. She’s like a garden herself, isn’t she.” Samuel’s eyes skirted between him and the road. “To be near her is to feel flowers around your heart.”
“Exactly, Samuel. Exactly.”
“I’ve heard Mr. Bill is not very well these days, Mr. Shepherd.”
Samuel glanced at him in the mirror, then back at the road. Duncan hesitated, hand moving up to his chin. You know you can trust Samuel. He’s been your closest confidant since you were still in a car booster seat.
“Samuel, I want you to know that I plan to reorganize this company. I know I can trust you to tell you this--I trust you with my life. Kenzie and I are...we’re going to make Shepherd Unlimited into something that will help the world. I want you to know that.”
Samuel suddenly laughed--his face had broken out into a radiant smile, and it made Duncan laugh too. Kenzie has made me realize that to spread joy is the greatest of all emotions, the strongest and the most lasting.
“Duncan,” and to hear Samuel call him by his first name brought pinpricks of emotion into Duncan’s eyes--Samuel hadn’t called him that for years, not since he was a child. “Duncan. To hear you say this makes me so happy. I am speechless. Mackenzie has kindled your best self. I am moved beyond words to see this change in you. Love is truly everything.”
Duncan felt a tear fall down his cheek. So what. Let Samuel see. I’m moved beyond words, too. It was all he could do to nod at the other man, nod and smile and feel the depth of this moment, sure inside it that Samuel was right, that love was everything; the only thing.
------
It was a little after 5; Duncan was finally at the penthouse door, a wildly beautiful bouquet of pink-and-white peonies under his arm--he felt like his body was vibrating to finally be home, finally be within close proximity to her embrace. Kenzie had posted several pictures on her Instagram throughout the day, tagging him in all of them--one of them with the sunlight over her shoulder, succulents along the kitchen window behind her (our little garden @duncanshepherd), one of the three photos he’d found in one of her boxes, clustered together on the bathroom wall now (he could tell from the light fixtures and the corner of Kenzie’s face which was visible from the angle that caught the side of the mirror beside the framed pictures), Kenzie with Momby, with Claire at Disneyland, and with her father. I just need one of us here now, @duncanshepherd. There was another of three of her little china birds (a robin, a partridge, a raven) all clustered on Duncan’s study desk, around his expensive fountain pens and a heavy paperweight in the shape of Atlas, holding up the Earth. To keep him company @duncanshepherd. Another of her sun and moon chimes, now hanging near one of the reading chairs in the living room, the expanse from his long picture window visible from behind them. Up in the clouds with @duncanshepherd.
Now everyone will know we’re living together, he thought. And instead of feeling apprehensive, Duncan felt a thrill. That’s fucking right. We are. Now you know Mom, now you know Madeline, now you know, World.
“Kenzie,” he called into the penthouse as he opened the door. “Baby, I’m home, where--” and suddenly he saw her racing toward him from the sink, a radiant smile in her eyes, and she threw her arms around his neck, pulling him down to her, her mouth falling against his (“baby, baby, baby,” she breathed into him), and she tasted like mint and smelled like roses and Duncan thought oh god, thank the gods, thank you, relief washing over him to be in her arms again. Kenzie was wearing a white, lacy strap-sleeve top (one of the straps hung down low off her shoulder, like her satin pyjamas last night), cropped just below her ribcage and coming down in a V over her little bosom--Duncan saw the moon diamond necklace there, heart racing--and a floor-length dark navy skirt with bursts of red flowers that seemed to float into him as she wrapped herself against him; Duncan lifted her up into him with his arm clutched around the bottom of her back, lost in her kisses for a long moment, her hair falling against his cheeks as if to kiss them too--she’s so small in my arms, he thought again, and not just that, but her trust in me is what I feel--her trust in me to hold her how she wants to be held, to touch her just so, to speak the secret language into her skin that one the two of us know. He set her down, but their lips didn’t part--Kenzie brought her hands up to his jaw and held him down against her, and he had to fight the sudden urge to toss the peonies to the floor and rip the clothes off her body right there.
“I saw that your roses were wilting--” he spoke into her mouth, pulling back--”and these reminded me of you so much--of that little water glass.” He watched Kenzie’s face, the brightness of it as her eyes widened over the clusters of soft-hued flowers, hair in her eyes, and she said “Ohh, Duncan. These are lovely. Thank you, baby. I--I really love them.” He saw the tears at the edges of her eyes and pressed another insistent kiss into her--”I just wanna buy you flowers every day now, baby--” and Kenzie laughed and the diamonds around her neck flashed and Duncan couldn’t help it, he reached his hand up and grasped it and rested his skin against her over her heart there and his other hand fell down over the back of her hair and he tried to kiss her again but she turned her face so his lips fell on her face, right on the space beside her eye and she murmured “Baby, you can buy me as many flowers as you want, I love them so much, it’s like I have a garden here, kiss me, kiss my neck baby--” and Duncan moaned into her softness and said “Kenzie, I missed you so much today,” and moved his mouth down to the space below her ear and then down to the dip of her little neck into her shoulder and he lifted her up into him again with the flowers still in her arms the better to reach her.
“How was your day?” She gasped into his touch, and Duncan lifted her back down, again, reluctantly, his mind full of bursts of bright need for her. “Ugh, it was the longest day of all time, except for when we were texting--” Kenzie pulled away from him, stepping back while she stared at him for another moment, arms full of flowers, and he could see the mischief in her eyes--baby is gonna get me worked up first, I see, be patient, Duncan. He moved towards her as she turned away from him, going under the sink where he knew she’d seen him get the other vase--there were several others there, another crystal Waterford and three of varying size, painted in gold leaf, their lips artistically wavy. Kenzie leaned down to one of the gold vases and pulled it out, lifting the peonies out of their soft paper wrapping and arranging them inside it on the counter, using the tap (turning the filter attachment) to fill it with water--Duncan’s hands came around her, and he pressed his cheek into the side of her head, his stomach against her back, still full of wild relief to be close to her again. “--I loved that, baby.”
“I did too,” Kenzie said in a quiet voice, but he could hear her delight, hovering just around the edges. She turned to him with the vase in her arms. Duncan pulled his phone out of his chinos, quickly, and snapped a picture of her before she could protest--Kenzie seemed unable to suppress a laugh at his eagerness, and he managed to catch it, her little head dipped down and her grin apparent. My Persephone. @kenzielouwho
“I had such a wonderful day, baby,” Kenzie said, moving around the island to the coffee table, setting the peonies beside the roses. “I got everything else unpacked and called Momby and told her we’re living together now--she seemed surprised but also...sort of okay with it? ”
“I saw your pictures--we definitely need to put one of us with your framed photos, baby. Madeline’s been so good with everything,” Duncan said, going to the fridge and pulling it open--it seemed to contain everything they needed for dinner (pork shoulder, bok choy, mushrooms, broccoli, carrots, zucchini, eggs, green onions), so it was obvious the groceries Kenzie had written down and Duncan had given to Anchaly on his way downstairs that morning had been delivered without a hitch. Duncan turned to the island, where Kenzie had laid out what looked like most of the cooking supplies they would need for dinner: a skinny rolling pin for the dumplings, several large mixing bowls, two cutting boards, Duncan’s kanso knives, and a frying pan for the dumplings as well as his copper wok--spices were lined there too, soy sauce (tamari and light) and garlic cloves and a long ginger root, sesame and olive oil, sriracha, and rice wine. “This is lovely, baby, thanks for setting everything out like this.”
“In anticipation of the evening,” she replied, coming back over to him and staring up at him--the sun hadn’t set yet, so the cool, low light of the the early evening was still illuminating the kitchen, but Duncan saw the lengthening shadows fall over her, through her hair.
“You look beautiful today,” Duncan said, reaching for her, gathering her against him, breathing in her scent. “Oh Kenzie, baby, I’m so glad to be home.”
“I’m glad you’re home too,” she whispered into him, her little hands skirting under his shirt, falling against his bare torso there, and he leaned into her touch, his lips on her forehead. “Let’s make dinner, okay?”
“I’m making the dumplings,” Duncan said. “I have to prove to you I can actually cook.” Kenzie laughed and nodded. “Okay, but I expect only the best, baby.” “Challenge accepted.”
Kenzie moved to the fridge as Duncan rolled up his sleeves, and she started to pass him the fresh vegetables--he pulled out one of his knives (“Kenz, you should see how great these knives are, watch,”) and started on the pork shoulder, slicing it into tiny tenderized morsels and tossing them in a clear glass mixing bowl beside him for the dumpling filling.
“Wow, baby, you weren’t kidding that you’ve made those before,” Kenzie marvelled, watching him work swiftly at the vegetables, chopping the green onion and garlic cloves and ginger root deftly, tossing them into the bowl as well. “Can I put on some music?” She looked up at him as he worked, her eyes shining, and he paused with the knife. “Baby, you don’t need to ask. This is your house. Everything here belongs to you.” With that Kenzie flitted away from him, that mischievous glint back in her eyes--and as Duncan finished combining the dumpling ingredients, he heard a jumping guitar line with heavy drums come over the speakers, a sultry masculine voice with a British accent bleeding in: I don’t want to go out, I want to stay in, get things done...he could hear Kenzie’s little voice coming back through the living room, singing along in lovely harmonization. She pointed at him playfully, using her fist as a pseudo microphone as he grinned at her, stirring the bowl with a long wooden spoon. “I catch a paper boy, but things don’t really change, I’m standing in the wind, but I never wave bye-bye--but I try, I try!” She wiggled her hips back and forth and tossed her hair and Duncan had to fight the urge to drop the bowl and grab her and press his mouth on hers. Fuck, I love this girl.
“This album is so hot,” Kenzie said, hopping around him, her skirt swirling around her legs, pulling more vegetables out of the fridge and bringing them over to the second cutting board to chop beside him. He leaned down to her and pressed a kiss into her mouth for a moment, stopping himself from tasting deeper even though he wanted to. One thing at a time. “It makes you want to dance and fuck at the same time. Ugh, I love it. You have such a great record collection, baby.” 
Duncan smiled at her. “If you notice anything that’s missing from it make sure you get it with that card I gave you, baby. I know it has some holes still.”
“Well, I noticed you don’t have all of Stevie’s solo albums, which is just not acceptable.” Kenzie was still wiggling her hips to Modern Love, and Duncan could see her toes doing the little lift and twist-out that seemed to be her tick.
“You know what to do, Kenz. Did you ever do ballet?”
“For all of elementary and middle school, yeah. I realized I was never going to be really good at it, my center of gravity is too low,” and Kenzie slapped a hand against her hip, indicating her natural curves there, “but old habits and all that.” Duncan watched her press one foot in front of the other at a side-angle, then move her arms from a low position to above her head, gracefully, turning up onto the balls of her feet, grinning at him.
“Fucking lovely,” he said, sincerely.
“Oh shut up, Mr. Shepherd.” Kenzie started chopping the vegetables, blushing deeply--Duncan could see the light sunburn on her cheeks from yesterday had already almost faded entirely, so the blush was her own. They grew quiet together, Duncan mixing the dumpling ingredients together in another bowl (flour, salt, boiling water), and Kenzie going to the streamlined stovetop to cook the eggs, then add them to the wok and toss the chopped vegetables in sequences--the garlic and onion, then the rest with the quinoa, using one of Duncan’s many long wooden spoons to toss it all. Duncan watched her in glances between kneading out the dough, then rolling it into round portions, spooning the filling into each one and pressing the edges together--Kenzie looked at him over her shoulder, her expression clearly surprised at how quickly and carefully he could fold them together.
“These are so easy to make, I’ve done them for dinner so many times,” Duncan said, a little embarrassed at her wondrous expression. “I still like ordering takeout, but teaching myself how to do these was one of my “adulting” milestones,” he laughed a little at himself, knowing it was true, and Kenzie rolled her eyes. “Getting away from mom’s constant hovering was one of the other big ones.” Her face softened at that, and she turned back to the wok. Duncan came up beside her with the dumplings lined carefully on the cutting board, frying pan in his other hand. As she tossed the quinoa he pressed his mouth into the side of her hair again, and Duncan felt her lean into him, her eyes fluttering closed. He doused the center of the pan with olive oil and let it warm for a moment, then lined the dumplings neatly in a swirling pattern with a pair of long chopsticks. He noticed Kenzie still watching him out of the corner of her eye, her expression bright--aroused. I didn’t know you could cook so well, baby, he heard her thought, the glow of it. God, it’s fucking sexy. You’re fucking perfect. The most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen and you can cook like that. And you have your own jet. And you have a big cock and eyes like the sky and your beautiful hands exploring me the way they do and your hair falling so perfectly and your mouth and the sweetness of your soul--
He pressed himself against her, hands roughly coming up to her neck and under her breast, the dumplings forgotten for a moment--”You better stop thinking about me like that, baby--” he moaned into her mouth, and Kenzie arched up into him, dropping the wooden spoon into the wok, her hands coming down to his belt to pull at it insistently, “or you can fucking forget about dinner. I’m fucking dying for you, Kenzie--”
“Shhhh, sorry baby, I’ll try to quiet down,” she whispered into him and her mouth was so wet and soft he wanted to force the waistband of her skirt down and bury his face between her legs right there, but she gently pushed him away and dutifully turned back to the wok, her face flushed, Bowie’s elegant voice ringing overhead (see these eyes so green, I can stare for a thousand years, colder than the moon, it’s been so long). Duncan willed himself down from his ardor and turned the electric off, using the long chopsticks to move the dumplings into two shallow black bowls. Kenzie’s quinoa fried rice seemed to be done, too--she flipped the switch on her side off as well and pulled a ladle from the wall where several utensils hung elegantly, moving carefully in front of him (Duncan reached a hand out and trailed it along her waist) to dish a healthy serving into each bowl beside the dumplings.
“Oh my god, this we have to take a picture of,” she said excitedly, pulling her phone out of one of the deep pocket hidden in the skirt. Duncan watched over her shoulder, as she chose a filter, smiling down at her screen--their handiwork really did look delicious.
“Pinot noir?” He asked, hiding how happy her eagerness made him. “It’s my favorite to pair with dumplings.”
“That sounds perfect, baby,” and he could see her typing a caption onto the post; Our first time cooking together, but you wouldn’t fucking know it!!! @duncanshepherd is secretly a master chef! I ain’t bad either. Duncan went into the study and pulled the glass door of his wine box open, selecting a hundred-dollar bottle from the temperature-controlled interior, a five-year vintage. When he emerged from the study, Kenzie was carefully stepping towards the bedroom, their shallow bowls in her hands, two pairs of chopsticks visible in her hand underneath one of them, two of his Linsmore Waterford wine glasses carefully tucked into the crook of her arm. He leaned his hand carefully over her and pulled them out of her grasp by the stems.
“I wanna eat in the bedroom, baby,” she said, eyes steady on him. “I wanna stare into our mirror and think about what we’re gonna do to each other.”
“Fuck, Kenzie,” and he laughed a little again. “You are killing me, baby. I beg of you, end my suffering.”
“Even Princes must be patient,” she replied, and turned away from him, angling her chin up.
This fucking angel. I’m gonna get you, baby. I’m gonna fuck you so good.
By the time Duncan came back in the bedroom with a bottle opener and a small tablecloth to drape on top of the sheets, Kenzie was in the bed, the bowls balanced carefully on her bare thighs--she’d taken her skirt off and was now in only her little lacy crop top and her underwear, the diamonds still glittering at her neck, her hair falling over her shoulder. An ache fell over him to look at her--god, fuck, so soon, hang on a little longer.
“You’re so gorgeous,” he said as she got up slowly to let him lay the linen down. He continued to stare at her as he opened the wine bottle, carefully pouring the dark liquid into the glasses, handing one to her after she settled again, their fingers brushing. He saw her eyes skirt back behind him, watching them in the glass of the mirror, looking at the glinting hook and chain that seemed to stare at them, waiting. Kenzie took a long drink, her throat bobbing as she swallowed twice, and leaned back to place the glass on the other nightstand.
“So are you,” she whispered. The record had stopped--the quiet hung around them, not unpleasant but deeply anticipatory, charged with their mutual desire--he could feel it coming off Kenzie is long, rolling golden waves, and he felt drunk already though he hadn’t even had a sip of the wine yet. “I was thinking of that night we went to Le Diplomate, all those roses in the bathtub--god, baby, that was such a wonderful night.”
“Every night feels like that now that you’re here,” he said, and Kenzie didn’t reply, only smiled at him, her eyes forest-bright, using one of her chopsticks to pop a dumpling into her mouth. “Fuck, Dunny, these are so fucking good,” she said, bringing a hand up over her mouthful as she spoke. “Can you make me some with chicken next time?”
Duncan laughed, untying his shoes and pulling them off, climbing onto the bed next to her, hand on her knee. This girl fucking loves chicken. My Kenzie. “Of course baby, you should have put it on the list. I would have made them for you tonight. I’ll make you anything you want, angel.”
“You’re my angel,” and Kenzie leaned up so her little ass was hovering in the air, and she kissed him and Duncan thought dinner can’t be over soon enough, baby. As they ate Kenzie told him about where she’d put all the things she’d unpacked today--going over the nuances of her thinking with him, and Duncan loved every moment of it--the excitement in her voice, the smile on her face, the movements of her hands as she waved them around to her words. “I wonder what Ben’s going to ask you tomorrow?” she said, cocking her head as she popped the last dumpling in her bowl into her mouth. Duncan had finished his food a moment before and was drinking a long mouthful from his wine glass--they were on their second round by now.
“No doubt something very invasive. I plan to be honest with him, but I was thinking of asking him to wait to publish the article he writes until the majority share reverts to me. I don’t...I don’t think it’s going to be very long, Kenzie, like I was telling you yesterday. I think my uncle’s going to die sooner than anyone thought.”
Kenzie was quiet, looking down. He couldn’t see her thoughts at all--they were too indistinct.
“It’s strange to think so much happiness might come from one person’s death,” she said eventually, and he could see the muddled sadness and contemplation in her eyes. “The world is so strange and obtuse sometimes.” He pulled her now-empty bowl from her hand and set it on the nightstand with his.
“Drink a toast with me, baby,” he said, gripping his wine glass. Kenzie seemed to emerge from her contemplative state, and reached behind her to bring her glass against his, giving him a small, secretive smile.
“To you, Mackenzie, and everything you’ve kindled in me. Only you.”
Kenzie’s eyes fell into his--a forest with a starry sky at night, he thought, and he saw the hidden tears there that she was unwilling to let fall. Duncan. My love.
They both drank, but neither of them broke the gaze that hovered between them. When Duncan lowered his glass, Kenzie leaned over to him again, her lips falling into his, tasting of salt and sweet red wine--and she whispered “It’s time for me to get dressed now, baby.”
Duncan groaned immediately--his eyes closing almost involuntarily, now that the moment had finally come.
“I’m gonna go get dressed in the bathroom. You can’t come in. Go get the shoes you want me to wear from the closet, okay? If I have heels on you...you’ll be able to reach me better,” and she kissed him again, her tongue falling into his, her fingers on his jaw--”I’ll come out when I’m dressed. The velvet ribbon is in the drawer with my underwear...the plug and my egg toy are in there too. You can decide what you want to use on me.”
“Fuck, baby--” and he tried to clutch her but she slipped away from him--skipping on her quick little feet in the lacy crop top and her white cotton underwear to the bathroom, swinging the door shut, glancing back at him with a grin--then he heard the lock click. Duncan fell back on the bed, another involuntary groan falling out of him, rubbing his hands down his face. This woman is legitimately everything I have ever wanted, and it makes me feel like I’m always on the verge of cardiac arrest. Get the fuck up and go to the closet, Duncan. You already know what shoes she’s wearing. You already know you’re using both of those toys on her. God, and that gorgeous choker around her little neck--Duncan launched himself off the bed and threw himself into the closet, yanking the drawer he knew he’d organized her (god, it seemed like hundreds) of pairs of panties in--the velvet ribbon, pink egg and the plug with the little white jewel in the end were to the far left, and they seemed to wink at him as he pulled them out. For Kenzie. It’s your duty to make her feel fucking good.
Duncan placed the toys and the thick ribbon carefully on the top of Kenzie’s side of the shelf--under the dangling line of her necklaces. He pulled his socks off, working at the buttons of his Oxford shirt, noticing how badly his hands were shaking--I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to fucking her, honestly, he thought. Every time I can’t believe it, I can’t believe I get to, I can’t believe she chose me, I can’t believe it, an actual fucking angel chose me, I can only try to make her feel as good as possible, I can try, god, Kenzie is so fucking beautiful, her hair and her eyes and her sweet clit and her little round breasts and the tiny dip of her waist and the rising curves of her hips, I’ll never forget how she looked in the starlight on that balcony, I knew, I fucking knew, didn’t I, that she was my fucking Soulmate--and heard a small ripping sound, realizing in his nervous eagerness he’d managed to tear the remainder of the buttons out of their seams towards the bottom. Duncan threw the shirt onto the floor, uncaring--and immediately reached to where he saw the tying strappy gold sandals Kenzie had worn the first night they met--that night, burned into my mind, into my soul, forever. Duncan moved back out into the bedroom, now only in his tailored chinos, the toys clutched in one careful hand, her heels in the other--then he placed everything he was holding gently on the bed, pulling the linen away, climbing onto the bed, leaning against the headboard in a sitting position, facing the bathroom door. Then--he waited, his heart slamming into his ribcage, his stomach somersaulting.
“Baby. Are you ready? Tell me when.”
He heard Kenzie’s voice from the other side of the bathroom door.
“Yes, baby.” He was careful to make his tone even and firm. “Come out.”
The door swung inwards and Kenzie emerged in the frame of it, pushing her golden hair back from her shoulders as she did--her cheeks wildly flushed in the low light, but he could see her desire to fight off her nervousness in her bright eyes--they glittered at him and she smiled. Hey baby.
“Hello, Mr. Shepherd.” Kenzie put her little hands on her hips, cocking her head to him, sending her breathy whisper out to him across the bed.
Holy fuck. Holy fuck, baby.
Duncan immediately sat up--all his composure lost in the rushing tide of need he felt as soon as he looked at her this way, as soon as his eyes fell over the delicate hold of the lingerie on her body--her little breasts and the dip of her hips outlined in the white framing and white flowers of the bra and panties, the sheer tulle embellishing the soft loveliness of her shape and laying it bare for him--the roundness of her nipples, hard in her arousal, and the lips of her sweetness between her legs, any hair there shaved away again, leaving her smooth as silk, held tight in the silky tulle--and the suspender belt around her waist, white flowers sewn along her there and a bow in the center, another in the middle of the waistband of the panties, straps down either thigh clipped to sheer stockings starting a few inches down, a stretch of bare leg between them. Kenzie clutched the rose choker in her hand, its silvery embellishment and dark, smooth black leather making him instantly hard--he felt blood rush into his cock with an almost painful intensity.
“Come here right now.” He didn’t mean for his tone to be so demanding, but it was out of him before he realized--his need was like a wave that had washed over him, sudden and colossal. He moved from the headboard to the side of the bed, pressing his feet carefully to the floor, sitting up straight and shirtless, and crooked his hand. Come, angel.
He saw her eyes flicker, felt the surge of emotion come out of her towards him--that’s it, baby, be rough with me, be bossy with me, be my Prince, driven wild with your need for me, I want your hunger, give me all your desire, pour it over me like honey. Then she stepped toward him, swaying her hips just a little, back and forth, her hair glowing, her eyes burning, and when she was close enough, Duncan reached forward with one hand, stretching his long finger to press it against her stomach just above her belly button where the strap of the suspenders laid across her waist, and said “Stop.”
She did, and Duncan could see the wild excitement more clearly in her eyes now--you love this, baby. Oh, Kenzie. You look like heaven. He trailed the finger down, relishing the shiver of her under his touch, being sure to stare into her eyes, down to the soft waistband of the panties, and down further, over their achingly smooth tulle, to dip between the lips of her sex through the fabric--he could feel the dampness there, feel how wet she was already--and a shudder fell down his spine, rocking his body forward toward her. He fought the urge to force her against him, to pull her into his mouth, and reached across the bed to the strappy heels, leaning down to her (bowing to you my love) to place them on the floor, facing her. Then Duncan reached for her little hands, pulling the choker out of one and setting it on the bed beside the other things there, and Kenzie stepped toward him carefully, knowing what he wanted without him having to speak.
Duncan slid off the edge of the bed, onto his knees in front of her, as she stepped carefully into the heels, and his hands came out to the straps, tying them with aching gentleness. Kenzie’s little hands fell down into his hair, and he heard a tiny moan escape from her mouth. He could see their reflection in the mirror behind her--the panties were entirely transparent in the back, showcasing her round little ass, kindling the desire growing low in the pit of his belly. God, I love your round little ass, baby, and you told me you want me to spank you, fuck. He looked away from the mirror, back up into her eyes, finishing one heel in a double-knot, his hands moving to the other ankle, meticulous and slow. As he finished, Duncan’s lips fell against the sheer stocking, his mouth moving up to the bare stretch of thigh between the straps on her legs--and Kenzie’s head fell back, a tiny, whimpering cry escaping her now.
He lifted his head up from his kisses, hands gripping into the bottom of her ass now, his eyes turned to her face. Kenzie smelled like roses and vetiver, but there was a muskiness underneath her perfume that reminded Duncan of the way he’d sometimes felt looking at The Youth of Bacchus alone in the middle of the night, the sleepless midnights he’d studied it to low music coming from his turntable, his mind hazy with bourbon and animalistic lust. The Bacchanalia. The revelry of the wine god. Wantonness. Your need for me, my love. “Okay, baby. Turn around now, and walk to the mirror, and lift your hands up to the chain, and hold it.”
“Uh huh, baby.” Kenzie’s voice was shiveringly low--and the supplicant edge in it made Duncan feel as though the seams of his mind were being pulled apart. This angel is going to unravel into soft sweet spools of pleasure into my hands and I don’t know if I can stand it. Kenzie turned towards the mirror--Duncan saw the flush rebound in her cheeks as she looked at herself fully there, and despite her shyness, he could tell she liked what she saw, liked herself with a desirous approval. That’s right, baby, you look fucking beautiful, and you know you do. That’s right. She stepped carefully to where the chain extended down, still staring at herself, a smile falling across her mouth, her lips painted lightly pink, and her eyes came back up into his in their mirror as she reached up to where the chain hung just above her, her grip loose and languid, her mouth opening a little, her little body stretching in the tulle lingerie just enough to bring a heady wave of need through his mind again.
“I’m gonna tie you to that hook now, baby.” Duncan continued to stare at her, reaching for the velvet ribbon from the corner of his eye in the mirror’s reflection, standing up. Kenzie couldn’t seem to suppress her grin--she bit into her lip as he approached her from behind, his mouth hovering just at her neck, but not touching her. She moaned a little, needy. “And then I’m gonna strap this tight around your little neck,” and his fingers trailed down the rose choker’s soft leather strap, now clutched tightly in his fist, his eyes inside hers. “And when you’re tied up nice and tight, baby--only then will I kiss you,” he whispered into her skin, and he watched a shiver extend up her back, the smile slipping away from her mouth, but she still bit into her lip, harder now, her breath more harsh. Duncan turned his eyes up to where the chain hung down, her little fingers twined in it--he placed the choker carefully on the floor beside them, then reached up with the ribbon, his fingers brushing against hers now, and she shivered again--then he pushed the end of the ribbon through one of the chain’s links, then across to the other that hung down beside it. He pulled the ribbon through until its length was evenly distended, then he crossed the two ends and brought the first one around Kenzie’s left wrist, twisting it around her twice--then did the same with her other wrist, and then he brought the two ends together with a yank, so Kenzie’s wrists were pressed together, tethered to the chain with just enough of a stretch to make her little chest rebound with a gasp. Then Duncan tied the two ends at the bottom of her wrists, now pressed together, in a firm double-knot.
“Try to move your wrists, baby.”
Kenzie pulled down, struggling against her constraints. Her wrists stayed tightly bound, her body now prostrate in the mirror, lifted up so he could see every inch of her in the white-and-transparent-tulle ensemble, and Duncan couldn’t help but feel hot, aching arousal at the power he knew he had over her in this moment--now, you’re mine.
“Baby,” Kenzie breathed. “The straps are underneath my panties--so you can slip them off without having to unclip the suspender. So you can fuck me with everything else still on.”
Duncan’s eyes fluttered close at her words--another surge of need through the length of his cock, staggering him. “I’m gonna strap your choker on now, baby.” He watched her breath catch as her shoulder blades rose and fell, a little more labored now with the effort to breathe with her arms lifted above her head, and he leaned down to grasp it, unbuckling it carefully with measured, slow precision, their eyes locked. The choker came unbuckled with an oiled silence--Duncan lifted it around her chin and he saw her eyes flash, seem to spin (the universe inside her, turning, colossal, its greatness focused on me) as he carefully pressed its smooth underside against the white, delicate rise of her neck. Kenzie breathed in, once, sharply--her mouth fell open, and her breath rattled out, overwhelmingly fragile and gossamer-slight. Duncan steadied his mind and the surge of heat to his groin, then brought the buckle around the back, deftly pulling the strap through the metal trappings, one end, then the other, and culled it until the choker was stretched tight around her, the rose winking below her jaw in the clear-golden sheen of the mirror. Duncan tugged it one more time--Kenzie gasped a little at the tightness, but didn’t protest.
“Good, baby, good,” he murmured into her ear, his hand coming around to trail down the rose, down the strap below her jaw, checking that it wouldn’t constrict her airway too much--checking that it was tight enough--snug to the point of the edge. “Baby, you’re doing so good--you’re my angel baby, aren’t you?”
“Y-yes, baby, Duncan, yes, I’m yours. I’m yours, my Prince.”
“Kenzie. Okay. I’m gonna take your panties off now. And then I’m going to kiss you.”
“Yes, baby, please.” The desperate longing in her voice--Kenzie was begging now, her little mouth dipping open, her eyes shining. He could see tears at the edges of them--”Please kiss me, baby.” God, that rose. My little rose. My achingly sweet Persephone, supine in my hands.
Duncan brought his hands, gently, to the edges of the achingly delicate panties, and then he slid them, carefully, quickly, down from her hips, exposing the smooth hairlessness of her vulva, glimmering with moisture, and the cheeks of her round ass, shivering under his gaze, the bottom of her golden hair brushing against the small of her back. Kenzie stepped out of them as he brought them down around her feet in the little golden heeled sandals, kneeling again--this time he pressed his mouth into the delicate space at the back of her knee, and Kenzie’s leg buckled, a moan falling out of her, this one louder and full of need, her head coming back and her wrists straining against the velvet. “Ahh, baby--”
“Shhhhh,” he soothed, looking at her in the mirror, the shiver of her breasts in the sheer tulle, the tightness of the straps on her thighs, the tiny dip of her waist wrapped in the tailored suspender, the wonderful curve of her hourglass shape. “Shhhhh, baby, we’re just getting started. Stay with me, Kenzie.”
“Uhh, Duncan--”
Duncan kissed further up her thigh until his lips pressed into the round softness of her asscheek--she leaned back into his mouth, her eyes rolling upwards--Duncan bit softly into the flesh there, his fingers twining through the straps along either edge of her backside, and she cried out a little again, softly. He worked his way up, his mouth pressing into the small of her back and then up the delicate incline of her spine, pushing her hair aside with a firm hand, gripping it with a delicate, possessive tightness. His other hand came around to the silky tulle around her breasts, caressing her with a slowly building need, feeling around her hard nipples, a heady roughness buried in his touch, and Duncan’s mouth pressed into her shoulder blades, first one, then the other, then into the nape of her neck where he could feel the hairs there prickling under the choker as she shivered, her head dipped to the side, her eyes half-lidded, lost in the sensation of his touch. He moved around to face her, glancing at them in the mirror for a moment (we looking fucking good together baby--you’re my goddess of spring, aching and open and bursting into bloom, I’m your god of shadows and riches, I’m yours entire), then turning to her.
“I’m going to take the rest of my clothes off, then I’m going to kiss you more, baby.”
“Okay,” she whispered, “Show me that gorgeous cock, baby.” Kenzie’s wrists strained around her confinement again--her eyes shimmered at him, full of lust now, and he could see the way the choker was laboring her breathing--flushing her cheeks, forcing her mouth to hang open.
Duncan leaned back, his back touching the coldness of the mirror behind him--and he lazily pulled at his waistband, pushing the chinos down until they pooled at his ankles, kicking them away, eyes buried in the sight of her, shivering, wrapped in velvet ties, strapped into transparent tulle, gold hair in the light, pink lips open for him, the choker gripping her throat. Time to frustrate you, my little angel, all tied up and about to get fucked so hard--but not quite yet.
He dipped his hand down into his tight black briefs, biting his lip a little, staring into her liquid eyes--Duncan moaned as his fingers fell along his erection, its mound straining through the fabric--Kenzie whimpered, eyes fluttering and he grinned at her.
“You like that, huh, angel? You like watching me touch myself?”
“Yes,” she whispered, her voice trembling. “Yes. I love it.”
“I’m gonna fuck you hard, baby.”
“Uh huh.” Kenzie’s mouth opened more, and her little tongue came out to lick along her bottom lip, her labored breathing making her shoulder blades cascade up and down, her stomach shudder, her thighs shiver. “Please, baby. Please fuck me, baby.”
He pushed the briefs off with a lazy hand, slowly, the other one still gripping his length--a sigh of pleasure fell out of Kenzie’s mouth as her eyes fell over his nakedness, and Duncan let go of his cock, leaning off the mirror and standing straight, the better to absorb her gaze, loving the way her gold-flecked eyes roved up and down his thick length, hungry for him. His hands came against her hips, gripping her against him with a heavy demand, and he pressed his erection flat against her stomach, his mouth coming against hers and his tongue pressing against her tongue, probing into her insistently--he felt her buckle downwards again, shuddering, and pulled her little body up into him with strong hands, dipping one down between her legs, his fingers pushing up into the wetness of her cunt, one finger, then two, then three, and Kenzie arched into his kiss, her eyes closed and the moans now falling out of her in a steady, soft wave. “You’re mine, aren’t you, angel,” he asked as his mouth crashed against hers (sweet honey, wine, spiced nectar), and heard her murmurs and her probes into his mind “Yes, I fucking am,” I belong to you beloved, “I’m yours baby,” Fucking fuck me now baby, “I’m yours forever, I belong to you,” Gimme that cock baby, gimme that big cock, I need you so fucking much, I’m your baby, your angel, I’m fucking weak for you, I can feel myself coming undone--
Duncan broke away from her, loathe to do so but eager for the other things he’d left on the bed--Kenzie whined as he stepped away from her to grip the plug and the egg--he came back around to face her, his back to the mirror again, clutching them both with one hand, and the other hand came out to grip onto her neck harshly against the metal and the leather, pressing her mouth roughly into his again, hushing her lamentations and her need. “Shhhh, baby, be calm. Stay calm. We have a ways to go. Shhhhh, breathe.”
Duncan loosened his grip on her neck and Kenzie sucked in a deep breath--it shuddered out and he felt the pressure of her under his finger tips, the shiver of her throat and the leather and her skin. “I love your hand there, baby,” she murmured, a dazed sheen in her eyes. “I just love that so much.”
“I love you, baby,” he whispered, dipping his face down to hers so his lips hovered over hers, without letting them touch. “To touch you is...heaven. To touch you everywhere like this--it’s fucking heaven. You tell me if anything is too much, okay?”
“Mhmm, baby.”
“I’m gonna touch you more, okay? Kiss me.”
Duncan let his mouth fall down on hers again; Kenzie lifted up into him, her tongue pressing into him again, and his hand came down from her neck to fondle at her breast under the tulle, then he kissed along her jaw and her neck and into the dip of her clavicle and his lips pressed into the tulle around her nipple as his hand went between her bare thighs again, his fingers going into her cunt and emerging wet with her arousal, and he slid his index finger up into her clit, lubricating her as he bit softly into the fabric that covered her breast, and she keened up into him, crying up towards where the hook was now buried in the ceiling. Duncan probed into her cunt again, and then his wet fingers slid back to the pucker of her ass and pressed inside, wetting it with her need, too--back and forth, until everything under his fingers was shuddering and soaking wet, and then he slid the plug into her cunt for a moment--wetting it too, Kenzie rocking back and forth in her constraints--then pushed it into her ass as he stared into her eyes and her mouth lifted up to him and she let out a sound that was halfway between a sob and a moan--he shushed her with his lips, kissing her deeply, soothingly, sending calming waves of gold-silver into her from the center of himself, and he felt her soften under him, felt her soothe, felt her calm inside the intensity of the moment.
“Okay, baby, breathe,” he whispered into her again, and Kenzie nodded, wrists straining a little against the velvet again, hair shimmering, eyes wide--he pressed gently into the jeweled end of the plug and she shivered, but didn’t cry out this time, biting into her lip. “I’m gonna use this on you now.” He opened his palm with the pink egg inside it. “And then I’m gonna fuck your sweet little pussy. And then I’m gonna fuck your tight little ass.” He pressed against her again, hands clutching at her asscheeks, spreading them out from the plug, making her gasp. “And you’re gonna tell me when to spank you. And you’re gonna tell me when to stop, okay? Okay, baby? And I’m gonna do what you say. And I’m gonna make you feel so fucking good, Kenzie, my Kenzie, I love you--”
“Yes, baby, fuck yes, yes, I love you,” Kenzie was shuddering helplessly again.
“Breathe, baby, just breathe, okay? Remember to breathe.”
“Uh huh, okay--” Kenzie blinked rapidly, shook her head a little as if to clear the haze away, and  Duncan thought fuck, Kenzie, I fucking love you so fucking much, I love you so much, I love you, I love you and then he turned the knob on the egg and the rounded end hummed with vibration and he brought it up, carefully but pointedly, into the mound of her clit between her legs--Kenzie jerked forward, lifting her neck, her eyes drifting upwards again and then into his, her mouth open and her moan immediate. “Dunny--baby--fuck, I can’t--fuck, that feels--uhhhh--” and with that Duncan moved around behind her, clutching the egg harshly against her as she keened back into him, her moans rising in intensity, and he looked up at her in the mirror now, looked at her little wrists tied tightly into the velvet, looped through the chain that hung from the sturdy hook far above them, gazed over the cascade of her soft chestnut hair and her eyes, half-lidded, overcome, staring into his over her shoulder, the white fall of her arms extended helplessly, the flash of the silvery rose under her chin and the tight strap of the leather buckled tightly against her neck, the erotic loveliness of her body in the lingerie, fitted against her with its achingly tight touch, the straps at her thighs and the bareness between her legs where he pressed the egg between her lips on the round bud of her clit, her slender legs in the sheer stockings and her little feet strapped into the golden heels, and his lust crested into the front of his mind and he pushed himself, dripping with precum and painfully hard and raw, into the wet canal between the plug inside her little ass and the rise of her clit, an impossibly warm space that seemed as though it was made for him and him alone.
“Duncan, fuck me,” he heard her voice, suddenly very clear and very demanding, a clear command that he knew he had to obey, knew he would obey fully, and pressing the egg harshly into her clit Duncan pounded his length in and out of Kenzie with a primitive concentration that demanded he remove any other thought from his mind--there was nothing for awhile but the two of them locked together, Duncan staring into the shape of her in the mirror, this mirror like a spell that’s weaving us together even more tightly, even more utterly, irrevocably, a spell around our sex that will make us close beyond all earthly pleasure, fucking her with an intensity of sensation that left them both speechless and unable to feel the reality of anything except the press of his thick length into the stretch of her cunt, up into her, so deep he wondered if he’d ever reemerge. Duncan’s hand shuddered and he dropped the egg from her clit--”I need to touch you baby, I want to touch you--” he murmured, and Kenzie nodded, her mouth open, her moans returning, sucked back into her lungs. “I’m so--fuck, baby, I’m so--god, you feel--like we’re locked together--”
“I know baby, I know--fuck--”
Duncan pressed his middle finger into her clit, rubbed back and forth, wetting it with her arousal, slicked along the space between the lips of her--let his finger fall down to the opening where his cock was pounding into her, unceasingly--back up into her clit, and his other hand coming up to her neck again, his mouth biting down into her shoulder. Kenzie let out a little scream of pleasure--one that reverberated in his skull like someone had rung a giant bell right next to his ear, and Duncan pressed his hand into her neck more harshly, cutting off her cries--”Shhhh, baby, be inside it with me--breathe, feel me, feel all of it--”
Kenzie quieted, and he could feel her throat working under his hand, trying to catch her breath--he loosened his grip and she gasped, and as he fucked her, pounding his entire length into her again and again he pushed his index and middle fingers roughly into her mouth. “Suck, baby, suck,” he demanded, and he watched her eyes flutter open and shut as her lips closed around his skin, doing as he instructed needily, a thin line of saliva dripping down the side of her mouth as his palm gripped around her chin, his mouth at the space under her ear, open and desperate for her, his senses overwhelmed in her.
“I’m gonna fuck your ass now baby, okay--” and he watched her nod in the mirror, knew she wanted him to, and Duncan pulled out of her and waited for a moment, lifting her down a little, his mouth staying there, breathing into her skin, and he moved his hand down to grip at the plug gently--he felt the pressure against his hand as she pushed it out of her, and Duncan dropped it on the floor, instantly forgotten. Then he took a deep breath and stared at her--her expression was dazed and her eyelids fluttered again, and then she nodded to him again as he pulled his fingers out of her mouth. “Do it, baby,” she said. “And spank me.”
Duncan positioned the head of his cock at the entrance of Kenzie’s tight little asshole--then he pressed into her, his eyes rolling back--Kenzie let out another little aching cry, but this one was more controlled, edged with a demand for pleasure--that’s it, baby, Duncan thought into her, feel it with me, I know you’re doing it now, it’s like we’re coming together, against each other, blending into each other--and then he brought his palm down, flat and insistent, on her right asscheek with a loud snap.
“Oh fuck yes, Duncan,” Kenzie said, and her voice was demanding now, as he moved his cock in and out of the impossible tightness of her, her eyes full of such an intensity of gold he felt mesmerized by them, utterly unable to look away. “Do it again.”
Duncan brought his hand up, hovering for a moment, then back down again with even more force--the snap that reverberated off Kenzie’s skin echoed up into the high ceiling and Kenzie gasped, the sound of her sharp and heavy in his ears. “Yes. Fucking yes. Again.”
Duncan’s eyes drifted closed--fuck baby, that makes me so fucking hard. Fuck, that unravels me into a thousand strands, your commands, your ecstasy at this from me. He steeled himself, then lifted his left hand this time--he brought it down at an angle, and as his slap reverberated off her skin he saw the immediately outline of his hand begin to form there--the harsh red marks on her right were forming as well. “Fuuuuuuck me,” Kenzie moaned, and Duncan continued to plunge himself in and out of her--let it go, let it all go, he thought into her, let everything that isn’t us go, baby, your little wrists in velvet, your body in silken bindings and dark leather at your perfect throat, your needs prostrate against my needs, our souls pressing into each other, baby--Duncan brought his hand down against her left asscheek three more times in quick succession until Kenzie was whimpering on the edge of tears--”Baby, should I stop--” he said, breathing harshly--
“No, baby, no, don’t stop, don’t stop--”
Duncan sucked in a deep breath, his body shuddering--he didn’t know how much longer he could hold on now, such was the grinding need gnawing into him from where the lips of her impossibly tight ass were gripping at his cock--and he hesitated, loathe to hurt her, even for her pleasure. “Please, just a little more, baby,” she murmured as he did, and then Kenzie’s eyes met his in the mirror again and she said “Do as I say, baby, fucking spank me,” and he moved his hand up over her right cheek again and brought it down three times in quick succession, each one harder than the last, and she gasped and shuddered and she said “Fuck, I’m gonna come,” and then Kenzie was looking into his eyes through the mirror’s crystalline surface as she screamed and lifted herself back into him, straining against her bound wrists, and Duncan moved his face down to the space beneath her ear again and continued to fuck her as he watched the spasm of her cunt, watched the wetness of her release drip down her legs in the reflection, watched her eyes flutter closed and then he was coming deep inside her and groaning into her neck, the sweet sweat of her on his tongue, one hand pressed tightly to her clit, the other coming up into her hair and twisting there. “Baby, Kenzie, sweet angel, beloved, Kenzie, princess, baby love--” his words bled out of him until he couldn’t stop, murmuring every sweetness he could think of into her as she gasped, and the muskiness of her was overwhelming to him, and he felt lost in it as if she were a sky full of stars and he were floating inside her vastness, untethered, minute. Then he came back to himself and pulled out of her, watching the thin line of come that fell out of the head of his cock, down his thigh and the inside of the back of her leg, dripping down the space behind her knee. 
Duncan immediately reached up and worked at the knots that pushed Kenzie’s wrists together--he could see how she was sagging against them, her knees shaking, and he worked quickly to untether her--as he lifted her down from the chain Kenzie seemed to collapse down toward the floor, and Duncan reached behind her shoulders, bringing her gently earthwards where she hovered in his arms, her face turned against him, her cheek resting on his bare chest as he looked down at her, worried, gently clasping her wrist, red with the harshness of her straining, and kissed it again and again--lifted her other wrist to mouth to repeat the motions, over and over, fretting over her. His hand came up to work at the buckle around her neck, quickly pulling the choker away--he moaned a little to see the red marks it had left on her throat, his fingers coming up to massage her there, watching the shudder of her breathing--
“Kenzie, are you okay, is everything okay, your body--”
“Yes, baby,” her voice was tiny but she gave him a sleepy smile, her eyes fluttering open. “Yes, Dunny, I’m okay. I feel amazing.”
He smiled down at her with relief--then Duncan lifted her up and carried her to the bed, laying her with aching softness on top of the duvet, eyes still roving over her face with concern, hands coming down to the laces of her heels, undoing them carefully and quickly with soft hands, dropping the shoes on the floor. God, was that okay, is she okay, she seems like she’s on the verge of passing out, is she really okay--
Kenzie’s eyes snapped open--they were surprisingly clear suddenly, and she looked down at him, cocking her head on the pillow.
“My green tea ice cream!” she said, suddenly. “I want it.”
Duncan gave her a puzzled look, winced, then burst into a peal of laughter.
“Kenzie. Baby. Fuck. Kenzie. You are...you’re the most wonderful person I have ever known, Mackenzie Stone.”
She smiled at him, her eyes hazy-bright, and he felt her push her love into him--resplendent and approving and satisfied--and then Kenzie shut her eyes again.
“Thank you, baby. I feel the same way about you. Now, can you go get me my ice cream, please?”
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cassandraclare · 6 years
Text
Anna, Ariadne, sexuality and genderfludity in the Belle Epoque
SPOILERS (and a mass of text, much under a cut)
jonginflicted said: cassie i loved every exquisite thing so much oh god, i could almost see myself in ariadne, like a sort of refusal to fully be herself (we were born in the same place too!) and i'm wondering, does ariadne really love anna or is this just a time-pass or an experiment for her. she does say that she likes anna a lot, but her willingness to marry charles seems a little off to me (or am i seeing things) as always, thank you so much for writing for us!
-Thank you!
Ariadne is under crushing social pressure to marry a man. She does love Anna 
— she’s fallen in love with her the same way Anna has with her, with that sort of sweeping at-first-sight romantic overwhelmingness that sometimes happens, especially when it’s your first time. I really tried to avoid any suggestion this was an “experiment” or anything like that for Ariadne. She’s a lesbian and she knows she’s a lesbian. She just also believes it’s impossible for her to live an authentic life as a lesbian woman in 1901 without being cruelly punished. I don’t think you’re seeing things so much as it’s hard to understand what Ariadne is facing in 1901 (and would face in some places now):
From Strangers: Homosexual Love in the Nineteenth Century by Graham Robb: 19th-century homosexuals lived under a cloud...Most of them suffered, not from the cruel machinery of justice, but from the creeping sense of shame, the fear of losing friends, family and reputation, the painful incompatibility of religious belief and sexual desire, the social and mental isolation, and the strain of concealment.
That’s a horrific thing to face. (Not that we live in an LGBT+ utopia now and they lived in an LGBT+ dystopia then: it’s a lot more complicated than that.) Ariadne’s parents, unlike Anna’s, are extremely conservative, and this union with Charles is the thing they want. So it wouldn’t matter much to Ariadne whether it was Charles or some other guy – it’s not going to be the thing she wants except that she doesn’t want to be isolated, to be abandoned, to be rejected by her parents and family, which are totally normal things to be terrified of. 
Everyone has layered identities. Ariadne has identities as a woman of color, as a lesbian, as an adopted child, as the daughter of conservative government officials, as a woman who wants children, and in many ways those identities are in conflict for her in ways Anna’s identities are less so. Ariadne isn’t a coward, or a cruel person. She is making the best choices she can within a set of limitations that are oppressive, and that she did not invent or ask for. 
ti-bae-rius said: Hello Cassie! Firstly, wow okay turns out I have a huge fiction crush on Anna Lightwood. Hot damn. Secondly - and slightly less flippant/lovestruck - is Anna happy with female pronouns? Is that what Anna identifies with or was it more due to conformity of the time? Basically, is Anna’s gender expression limited by temporal factors? Such a badass character who is seriously fuelling my waistcoat obsession right now. Love the new GOTSM and all the best! x
I'm so happy you enjoyed the new GOTSM and that you like (have a huge crush on) Anna! I would say that Anna is happy with female pronouns, yes, as she's happy with the gift of the necklace that her mother gave her, something she can be comfortable with as she's not with dresses. That said, temporal factors are certainly a part of that! Today Anna would consider and call herself genderfluid, but the term didn't exist at the time, and of course many genderfluid people today refer to themselves by “he” or “she” pronouns, as well as many others, according to what feels most comfortable to them. Anna is a product of her time: had she been born in a different time many things might have been different — but that is the case for every single one of the TID and TLH characters, and for all of us alive today, who express ourselves in ways which would have been extremely unconventional in the past and will likely be considered backward and oppressive in the future. :)
In 1902 (a year after the events of EET) people were academically discussing the idea of a third or “intermediate” sex, but it was a very new thing — not something Shadowhunters would know about, or the average mundane. It was also referred to as “sexual inversion” which was seen as an academic term at the time. The idea of LGBTQ+ sexuality was a taboo topic--sexuality at all was a taboo topic, with people getting arrested for indecency for publishing pamphlets about contraception--and the idea of LGBTQ+ identity was scarcely understood at all. 
Anna herself, and those who love and accept her, would find it very hard to conceptualize or articulate gender fluidity. Feelings have always existed long before there were words for them, and many words once used are not the words we use now. I wanted to be accurate and faithful to the time period, but I also wanted to be as sensitive as possible to the modern day, real life readers, and not hurt them by using terms which would have been acceptable then but are certainly not acceptable now. (A whole code for speaking about homosexuality existed at the time, ranging from the gentle “Is he musical?” or “Does she like Achilles?” to words I would just never use whether they’re historically accurate or not.) Anna, as we see, has strong feelings about not only romance with women but friendship and alliance with women, and female pronouns to her feel like another way of expressing that alliance, even while she wants to be true to herself and express her complex and beautiful identity as fully as she can. 
ariadnebridgestock said: hello cassie!! I was incredibly touched by how understanding and supportive Cecily and Gabriel were about Anna so I was wondering, will we be seeing other support that Anna receives from the rest of her family, like her brother Christopher, her aunts and uncles and her cousins and family friends like the Fairchilds etc?  thank you for taking your time to answer questions! 
archerondale said: Hi, Cassie! I was just wondering- what does the Clave think about Anna wearing man's clothes and preferring women?
EET is set two years before TLH, so in 1903 Anna's already openly living a fabulous lifestyle in her own abode in Percy Street, and her family and friends are all fully aware and supportive of her lifestyle. We will see her family support her, though not every single one of their specific reactions to her starting to dress as she prefers, as that's well in the past. Everyone responds with love, in their characteristic ways, so we see Matthew, a loving and fashionable friend, giving her his clothing: Christopher, her sweet and science-minded brother, offering to perform a saving act of science (Christopher would blow up the Tower of London to make Anna feel better, any day of the week). Everyone offers support in their own way. Lucie asks to hear about Anna's scandalous love life so she can write about romance in her novels. James reads up on people like Julie d'Aubigny, who dressed as a man, fought duels, and liberated her lady beloved from a nunnery. 
However, the Clave as a whole, and even the Enclave in London, is vaguely horrified by what Anna's up to, but Anna's helped out by the attitude that what Anna's doing can barely be true--there is a myth that Queen Victoria refused to believe in women feeling passion for other women, which reflects the prevailing attitudes of the time (which again, aren't the same as Shadowhunter attitudes, but Shadowhunter attitudes are influenced by the world) that love between women didn't happen, or if it did, didn't count (Unlike sex between men, lesbianism was not illegal in 1903). 
That said, in 1902 (after EET, before TLH) society became interested in “sexology”--examining the different kinds of sexual attractions and activities that existed, and the terms sapphic and lesbian came into more common use. Lesbian activity wasn't criminalized in the same way as gay activity (though the denial of women's sexuality is a problem in itself): Oscar Wilde's fate would not happen to a woman, though as we see with Ariadne there was still horrible pressure to conform. During this same period, Vita Sackville-West (later, Virginia Woolf's lover) and Violet Keppel, the daughter of King Edward's mistress, were involved in a schoolgirl romance, but Violet's mother urged concealment and both were to go on to marry men. You can read their love letters here:
Oh, Mitya, come away, let’s fly, Mitya darling —  let’s go away and forget the world and all its squalor — let’s forget such things as trains, and trams, and servants, and streets, and shops, and money, and cares and responsibilities. Oh god! how I hate it all — you and I, Mitya, were born 2000 years too late, or 2000 years too soon.
:(
Anna insisting on living openly, dressing the way she wants and publicly loving who she wants, has created something of a sensation in the Enclave society. Sona's worried about Cordelia consorting with the infamous Anna: Mrs Bridgestock is appalled by the idea of Anna, now living so scandalously, approaching Ariadne. Many mothers are whisking aside their children and many proper Shadowhunters are shunning Anna. London society says Anna should be got under control, or that they should stop her from fighting because it's given her ideas: all manner of microaggressions are visited upon Anna, but Anna prefers to steadfastly ignore them (not that they don’t bother her or add up over time — this is just her particular coping strategy). Sometimes she trots off to Paris if they annoy her. But the fact she's learned to just avoid or not think about unpleasantness may become a problem for her, later, since eventually unpleasantness that she can't avoid does come and she has to face it.
Still, the constant love and support from her influential family and friends is very helpful, not just emotionally but socially: it matters that Charlotte's the Consul, that her Uncle Gideon is influential in the Clave, that her beloved Uncle Will is Head of the London Institute and loves and looks out for her. With them standing by her, the Clave has been able to mostly overlook Anna--maybe she's just going through a wild phase! Even the Consul's son Matthew is running wild, what will become of the children! They say nasty things sometimes, and Anna isn't invited to the most proper parties, and Anna DEFINITELY wouldn't be able to wield political power within the Clave or marry a really respectable Shadowhunter boy (luckily...Anna isn't at all in the market for a husband), but Anna's extremely popular with the younger set and well-supported by the older set. Which is all to say: as it has been for people like Anna in many generations and many places, one can create a society within a society where you feel comfortable. She is lucky that her own family home and the homes of her friends are places she can feel comfortable (the same is not true for Ariadne, for instance) but outside of those safe spaces, there are places where she would (and is) stared at, commented on, and subject to prejudice. 
* One of the fascinating things about LGBT+ history is the way there have always been subcultural spaces where the non-straight and non-cis were able to carve out networks of neighborhoods, bars, clubs, salons and spaces where they felt safe and were able to be open. I don’t just keep mentioning Paris randomly: neighborhoods in Paris were a lesbian and gay haven during the Belle Epoque — one of those subcultural places I was talking about, where Anna and other non-binary and LGBT+ people could feel comfortable. Fin de siecle society in Paris included bars, restaurants and cafes frequented and owned by lesbians, such as Le Hanneton and le Rat Mort, Private salons, like the one hosted by the American expatriate Nathalie Barney, drew lesbian and bisexual artists and writers of the era, including Romaine Brooks, Renee Vivien, Colette, Djuna Barnes, Gertrude Stein, and Radclyffe Hall. One of Barnes's lovers, the courtesan Liane de Pougy, published a best-selling novel based on their romance called l’Idylle Saphique (1901). Descriptions of lesbian salons, cafes and restaurants were included in tourist guides and journalism of the era, as well as mention of houses of prostitution that were uniquely for lesbians. Toulouse Lautrec created paintings of many of the lesbians he met, some of whom frequented or worked at the famed Moulin Rouge. — Wikipedia
Sounds like a great place and we’ll definitely be visiting :)
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yourladyocs · 7 years
Note
Hard mode: emoji asks for Vesta !
Oooo! Challenge Accepted! 
(I am going to do older Vesta (around 15). But if this time line changes, the answers might change)
🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?
That I actually miss my family. Sure they weren’t the greatest, but I love them. I almost regret running away as many times as I did. 
💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be? 
My dad, Mort. 
🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?
Mismagius! I love the aesthetic, but also feel like they are one of the Pokemon that would love me the greatest! 
🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?
I don’t want that responsibility. I guess it would be free and have a good value system. I am not very good at this type of thing and I don’t want to be. 
👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?
That I was standing on a boat with the sea mist splashing on my face as I went sailing forth. I had no ties to hold me back, but yet I felt guilty. 
☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?
My closest friends would be Ternelle and Ariadne. Personally, I love their drive and their freedom. They are the most care-free people I know, yet the most hardworking. And more importantly, they stop and take care of each other. They stop and love each other. I don’t know if this is true, but I think the reason I like them so much is because they stop and share that love with me. It’s silly I know! :p
😘 talk about your crush or partner
I have several. Its a whirlwind to keep them all under control, but I do it. 
💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?
I probably just accept it and move on. I will sing a jam about them later to get back tho. Everyone will know about the rude thing you did to me! 
🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)
I love me, but I don’t know specifics. I love my ability to play an instrument. I love the way I can fight. I love the way I move. 
🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?
Being stuck in this town forever. I left obviously. 
🎁 what never fails to make you happy?
Hearing Uncle Ternelle play his music! Or Ariadne showing me the ships! Or listening to Cade talk about Mae! Or Mae talk about Cade! I love how Arthur hangs out with me sometimes! 
💙 what annoys you about some people?
That sometimes they can’t see the problem right in front of them. That some people are just blind to everything around them. 
😤 do you get angry easily?
I don’t like to think so. 
🐇 what do you always daydream about?
Escaping! Running Away! ...Trading parents...Living a new life... a happier one. 
🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?
I would change the way the city is run. I would change the fact that are pirates attacking Ariadne. I would change the fact that I am a demigod. 
🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?
(I don’t really know how to answer this one.).
✈️ what is your dream city and why?
Any place far away from here. 
☕️ talk about your ideal day
When my parents are home and don’t fight. But thats a dream! A day I don’t get yelled at! Impossible! 
🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?
I don’t know dude. I am not social. I like sticking within my bubble. I guess I wave high to the kids at the university, but I haven’t hung out with them. I usually bug Arthur or Cade or Ternelle, etc. 
💧 when was the last time you cried?
Yesterday. 
🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment
Friends- MarshmeloI’m Born to Run - American AuthorsThe Wolf- PhildelHeads Will Roll- Yeah Yeah YeahsRun or Hide- Run River North
⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?
Teleportation or Invisibility because then I could run away with ease. 
💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?
Arthur is your best companion, but learn how to hide earlier. 
💚 who are you jealous of and why?
Any kid with a functional family. 
💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?
Bravery because then you can stand up to the things you are afraid of instead of running away. Or you will have the courage to run away fully out of a bad situation. 
🙊 what are you ashamed of?
I mean I feel bad for running away, but I had to do it. 
🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?
Elvish, Common, and I am working on others! 
🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?
I would love to be Sophie’s, from Howl’s Moving Castle, best friend. 
☁️ talk about your dream universe.
Where the city didn’t fall into the ocean, so that way my mother wouldn’t be mayor of the city. 
💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?
Plan for the kids at the university or help in the tenements. 
🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?
I would love to be a fairy! I would love the ability to flutter and explore small spaces. 
🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike
Ohhhh.... I mean it would be mean to say. But I really truly dislike Ophelia. She may be my mother, but I wish she would pay some good attention to me. I don’t want her scolding me all the time. I don’t want her yelling at me, forcing me to wear this or that, or performing my tasks properly in a certain way. Just stop and tell me you love me for once!!
😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately
My home life has. 
🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?
I as a kid wanted to be someone who impressed my parents. I wanted to be a cleric and then maybe they would love me. But now I realized that I want to be a bard and play music. 
🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?
Vanilla Cake! 
🍑 what are you obsessed with?
Running-away seems to be a theme. I kid! I don’t have a current obsession. 
💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?
I panic and flee. I have to get out of the situation now and run away. 
😪 what are you sick of?
These questions. I don’t want to keep stating this, but I am sick of my home life and running away. 
🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?
I guess?
💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?
That you can be Lawful, but doesn’t always make you good. 
☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?
I am pretty neutral. 
😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?
I love playing my instrument! I got a violin. My mother wanted me to pick a ‘noble’ instrument. 
🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?
Friends by Mashmelo and Anne-Marie
🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?
My lack of ability to stick in a stressful situation and solve the problem. I want to, but I don’t know if I can at this point. 
🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?
Flowers and hearts! 
🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?
Money? Attachment? A need for a family connection? My want to stay with my support system? Good answers. But really it’s my cowardice. 
🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you?
ENFJ. I don’t know. I tend to put out my emotions, but also everyone is usually happy to see me. 
🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite!
(can’t do this one)
👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?
(she doesn’t know)
🐴 opinion on __?
On horses? I mean they are a mode of travel. 
🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?
Yes! Unfortunately. 
📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.
I only read education books. I don’t have very many good books outside of that.(I think she would like Madame Bovary, The Family Fang, Maupassant. “She cut him off. ‘You know what I said. If you’re not happy, you know where the door is. Nobody’s stopping you. But I’ve promised, and I’m going.’” from Femme Fatale by Maupassant).
😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?
I always play my instrument or practice fencing. Or I run-away and go hang out with Arthur or Ternelle. Of course it does! 
😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?
That there will be tomorrow. That tomorrow could be better. 
🌍 which country do you live in?
(Fictional world)
🐧 describe yourself in 3 words
Romantic, Wishful, Musician. 
🐵 which quotes changed you?
“Feel what is great, cherish the beautiful” or “Her will, the veil of her bonnet, held by a string, flutters in every wind” 
💭 do you keep a diary?
Nope! 
💫 who inspires you?
Ternelle and Cade. They got to live their lives and making the most of it. 
👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?
I mean... I haven’t met one. 
🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?
I wish I could wear pants! I hate dresses. I want to wear a suit. Like I want beige pants with a white shirt and some sort of vest. 
🎬 what are some of your favourite films?
I don’t know!(Madame Bovary probably. Or some sort of run-away story).
🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?
I remember the one time Ternelle taught me to play an instrument. It was a pan-flute I believe. When I expressed interest with it to my mother, she gave me a violin. I honestly think it was one of the best things to happen. Sure, my mother got her way with the instrument choice, but at least she gave me one! 
🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?
Maybe I could meet Arthur’s family? I mean they are my family technically. 
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dommesticpet · 7 years
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Dawn of the Butterfly - Entranced Day 1
Friday started with breakfast.   I got to meet @ellaenchanting​ and Damn Hypsters, plus we were joined by @tennfan2​ and of course @dommestic .   It was empty, but not particularly speedy.   I got to see a little of the opening ceremonies as it was super packed and that room heated up fast.  Other rooms were icy cold, which was not what I was expecting from a July convention.
What panels did we see?  I'm so glad you asked.  I won't go into too much depth because nobody was asked, but there's a public program guide so I'll keep it superficial.
First up was Talking Body with Spiral Turquoise and Ariadne.   This focused on largely nonverbal inductions with verbal awakenings.   You could see full-body takedowns and the real highlight was a tickle induction using alternating tension and release in a way that makes complete sense once you see it in action.
Next was Crystals and Pendants and Watches: Oh My! with the well-versed @mrs-prism.  The lights in the room were largely brought down so you could get the most out of the many glowing, blinking, and reflective toys in the room.  A shopping list was distributed highlighting some of the items as well as where to get them, with loads of things I had not seen before.  There was also a brief induction with the Euler's Disc which worked out in a surprise way.   There were also some freebies thanks to the generosity of the host, and I dare not spoil how they were distributed.   It was also the first time I saw a Nova Pro 100 in use from the outside.  Confidential to everyone: keep your eyes closed when the glasses are on.  This is not a suggestion.  This is a safety requirement.
Hypnosis in Kinkland was set to be presented by @enscenic and @tennfan2, plus special guests.  Not wanting to break what may be confidentiality as their, it was awesome.   The special test subjects (and guest presenters and hypnotists) who shall remain nameless as they weren't in the printed synopsis were an absolute treat to watch, with one person's bubbly, giggling enthusiasm being the reason you come to an event like this.  If you could bottle it and sell it, you'd make a fortune.   This event focused on kinky ways to make hypnosis fun and hypnotic ways to make kink fun, and you got to see slapping inductions and a real powerhouse baller move involving slapping, a wall, and some kneeling.   If there's an opportunity for you to see this, you should.  If you know who the players are, ask them how it went.  They will tell you "very well" and then press them for more specific details.  It's worth it.
We got lunch.  We rushed back.
Dommestic went to The 7 Essential Skills Every Hypnotist should learn.  I went to Subjects 102 with the delightful @daja-the-hypnokitten and hypno-sandwich, followed by Daja with Tennfan for 103.  Good information overall for setting limits, saying no, and other things which as of yet have not come up.  It's sort of like the DARE program, in that I'm being trained how to deal with issues that never actually came up.   You should probably see these.  These should probably be some level of mandatory or signed off on just to get people on the same page.
Consent and Etiquete in the Community 101 brought more of that to light, with hosts Tennfan, sex-obsessed-lesbian, and AlianneCimorene (not on Tumblr?)   You got to see people throwing around all sorts of questions on consent and hypotheticals using a rainbow mustache and a plush octopus, which is really how more classes need to be presented.  A few specific anecdotes were tossed around regarding how to deal with situations, how to fix situations, and how to not fix situations, meaning this and the Subjects classes would've been pretty awesome primers as part of the opening ceremonies too.  
After a brief dinner with @wellgnawed and Lady Irkalla (not on Tumblr?) we had to rush back to check out @zanythoughts in her entry-level rope class.  How entry level was it?   It's so entry level that it was entirely appropriate to our skillset.   We learned what the bite of the rope was, how to do a basic single column tie thing, and the right way to do a square know.  I was the demo dummy for Dommestic, but you probably knew that.  It was a worthwhile experience, and if she can find the time I'd be up for trying more of this kind of thing.
And that was day 1 until about 8 PM, when I wrote this. There’s an after dark portion but I don’t know if any of that will be sharable.  I haven’t had any trancing done my way yet today, but I got to see a lot of stuff that would probably be worth making your way out here to see next year.
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lutzpresserheadless · 5 years
Text
HEADLESS
by
Lutz Presser Exhibition catalogue
ISBN: 978-9963-275-78-6 © 2018 Lutz Presser All right reserved. Published by Lutz Presser Cyprus
Tumblr media
Gian Lorenzo Bernini, The Ecstasy of Saint Teresa, 1647-1652, Cornaro Chapel, Santa Maria della Vittoria, Rome.
The following is a brief clarification of a series of ten padded paintings of floating heads I fabricated in 2018 after Bernini’s Ecstasy of St Teresa (1647-1642). I employ extracts from my The Art of Man Ray (Edwin Mellen Press, New York, 2018).
St Teresa’s description of “transverberation” relates to female “enlightenment”, which is a linking of the womb and the heart and is radically different to male enlightenment, which links the genitals and the brain. The latter is often described as the opening of the thousand-petaled lotus atop man’s head. Both the female and male experiences supposedly meld sensual and spiritual occurrences, where matter and spirit become one.
St Teresa of Avila’s experience of transverberation was achieved only after long sessions of physical suffering. She describes it as an ecstatic linking of the heart and womb. She said:
It pleased the Lord that I should sometimes see the following vision. I would see beside me, on my left hand, an angel in bodily form—a type which I am not in the habit of seeing, except very rarely…He was not tall, but short, and very beautiful, his face so aflame that he appeared to be one of the highest types of angel who seem to be all afire. They must be those who are called cherubim: they do not tell me their names, but I am well aware that there is a great difference between certain angels and others, and others still, of a kind that I could not possibly explain. In his hands I saw a long golden spear and at the end of the iron tip I seemed to see a point of fire. With this he seemed to pierce my heart several times so that it penetrated my entrails. When he drew it out, I thought he was drawing them out with it and he left me completely afire with a great love for God. The pain was so sharp that it made me utter several moans; and so excessive was the sweetness caused me by this intense pain that one can never wish to lose it, nor will one’s soul be content with anything less than God. It is not bodily pain, but spiritual, though the body has a share in it—indeed, a great share.1
Bernini’s Baroque marble, life-size, carvings of the saint and cherubim is the central sculptural tableau situated in an elevated aedicule in the Cornaro Chapel of Santa Maria della Vittoria, Rome. Although the Teresa group is often pictorially reproduced, the two theatre boxes of male witnesses observing her ecstatic swoon, located on either side of her, are not.
Patriarchal society has traditionally mistrusted women who like St Teresa have experienced “headlessness”.
Between 1936-1939 Georges Bataille, Curator of Oriental Coins at the Bibliothèque Nationale in Paris, saw published a magazine entitled Acéphale. Today Bataille is credited with being a major contributor to Surrealist thinking, advocating in his writing male transcendence through the violent suppression of the female, and as a curator of ancient artifacts had access to material others didn’t. He and his close friend Michel Leiris moved in artistic circles and influenced a number of them including a major figure such as Picasso.
Acéphale was a Gnostic god of magicians, who was directly linked with the Egyptian Set and his solar counterpart Horus.2He was a god of empowerment who could render men immortal.3When headless, or ass-headed, he represented male and female principles, or darkness and light in a single body, as well as the triumph of life over death through resurrection.4He is often depicted wielding his detachable phallus or “fouet”. In the ancient Egyptian Book of the Dead he is described as:
Un lion puissant, aux plumes élevées, qui possède la double couronne et est armé du fouet…Tu possèdes un phallus fort au moment du lever (du soleil), luminaire qui se lève sans limites. Tue es celui qui revêt des apparences multiples, et qui se dissimule à ses enfants, l’intérieur  de l’oeil (du soleil).5
Bataille’s Acéphale, as seen in his magazine, when not headless was depicted as bull-headed and synonymous with the Minotaur . Thus Bataille’s god, who could assist sorcerers’ apprentices to become masters of magic, symbolized male solar empowerment through the experience intérieure. Bataille’s cover version of Acéphale as drawn by André Masson was a headless, human form; the head reappears as a skull in the place of the genitals. Apart from the bull-headed version, another image from the journal shows Acéphale/Dionysus with Medusa’s castrating head in place of his genitals. The exposed abdomen reveals the intestines in the form of a dodécadale labyrinth. According to Allen Weiss: The Acephale is a contestation of the Platonic body politic, where reason, seated in the head, rules the lower spirited and appetitive forces.6
In his left hand he holds a sword which signifies violence and power and was the instrument which decapitated the god, cut out his heart (held in his right hand), and lacerated the abdomen to expose the labyrinthine section of the viscera. Weiss continues: The paths of chance are indicated in the center of the figure of the Acephale, where intestines in the form of a labyrinth are revealed. The labyrinth, equivalent to the Nietzschian sign of earth, is an all-encompassing signifier, embracing every contradiction and possibility from the chaotic to the structured, the aleatoric to the necessary, the sacred and the profane, and from life to death.7
The purpose of such single-line labyrinths is not to get lost, but to persevere in the difficult quest, for it is through the difficulty of the quest that the contradictions or opposites are reconciled. Bataille clarifies:
He (Acephale) reunites Birth and Death in the same eruption. He is neither man nor god. He is not me but is more me than myself; his abdomen is the Daedalus in which he himself loses his way, misleads me along with him, and within which I rediscover myself as him, that is to say as a monster.8
This total man (Nietzschian Übermensch) that Bataille speaks of is the monster in oneself which must be sacrificed within the Labyrinth. This interior experience entails loss of identity and dissolution of the self which enables the self the opportunity of an indefinite series of identities and transformations. This process gives the creative male the power of Eternal Return.
Thus it seems when the female is masked or headless she becomes the catalyst for the male to see the face of the god and initiates the transformational process. Hence even an undated and hastily scribbled over sketch like Esquisse d’un centaure found in one of Picasso’s sketchbooks, where a horse-headed, not ass-headed, female whose hands are tied behind her back, would appear to be replete with layered meaning. Meanings seemingly unrelated to quaint picturesque images of mythology, but personal, pictorial keys or triggers to male empowerment through violent suppression of the female. The “rubbing-out” of the figure equates with Man Ray’s Nu voilé .
Ecstasy stems from the Greek ek, out, and histani, to place, which means to stand outside oneself, to be beside oneself with joy, to stand forth naked.9Out-of-body experience is linked with madness because one loses one’s head. The Surrealists often depicted headlessness, particularly of women. Sidra Stich in Anxious Images states:
And though the bodies show considerable development, the figures carry only the most embryonic of heads, or no heads at all, thereby displacing emphasis from the intellectual realm to the corporeal, sensorial realms. Without heads or reduced heads, the figures no longer offer evidence of their superior status. On the one hand this lowers and declassifies them from an exclusively human rank, and on the other, it devalues thinking itself.10
Rosalind Krauss in the Optical Unconscious argues that in The Phenomenon of Ecstasy (1933) Salvador Dali rotates the women from a vertical to a horizontal state in order to represent ecstasy, and equates them with the hysterical “falling” women the Surrealists were so fascinated and obsessed with observing, and thereby lowering their status from human to animal.11She also equates the labyrinth, the home of the Minotaur to horizontality.12The labyrinth is a female domain and with patriarchy seems to have become an artificial womb, or bachelor machine, where man gives birth to himself. It became the birth place of heroes. The original myth is a Cretan one and we are told that the labyrinth was designed by Daedalus, who had been taken in by King Minos after escaping Athens. Daedalus designed the labyrinth in response to Queen Parsiphae having had sex with the white bull. The issue of the coupling produced the Minotaur. The labyrinth became the monster’s prison. The minotaur fed on human flesh and the Athenians were obliged to send regular tributes of young men and women. Ariadne fell in love with Theseus, who was a member of the final tribute and requested Daedalus’ assistance to save her lover. He gave her a ball of string. Theseus entered the labyrinth unraveling the string, killed the Minotaur and retraced his steps by rolling up the string again, and exited the treacherous labyrinth by the same way that he had entered. The labyrinth appears to be a transformational place of empowerment, where men can give birth to themselves as heroes. Krauss is correct in highlighting the horizontality of this action, because Theseus exited the artificial womb a new man, a superman, but still left the same way he had entered. However, according to the myth Daedalus himself and his son Icarus were imprisoned in the labyrinth by Minos when the king realized Ariadne had escaped to Delos with Theseus. How would this punish Daedalus when he had designed the labyrinth and held its key? It would seem that the labyrinth also stands for the birthplace of male genius, because Daedalus and Icarus escaped vertically into the air by constructing wings of wax. Unfortunately Icarus wasn’t brilliant enough, because his wings melted and he plummeted to his death, whereas Daedalus flew off to further adventures.13
Justine does not experience her clairvoyant visions horizontally, but vertically, she is a pendu femelle and a veritable goddess. However, just like Ariadne she remains an object of exchange and a muse, or conduit operating between male polarities. She hangs between God and Seabrook, while Ariadne is the lifeline between Daedalus (genius) and Theseus (hero). Justine (a young woman who participated in William Seabrook’s experiments who was photographed by Man Ray) does not experience her clairvoyant visions horizontally, but vertically, she is a pendu femelle and a veritable goddess. However, just like Ariadne she remains an object of exchange and a muse, or conduit operating between male polarities. She hangs between God and Seabrook, while Ariadne is the lifeline between Daedalus (genius) and Theseus (hero).
There are numerous examples of photographs in Man Ray’s oeuvre of nude women with their arms raised, so much so it could be seen as a signature pose for the artist. In terms of body language this gesture appears to be very meaningful for Man Ray. It has been demonstrated above that he uses the raised arms in images ranging from constructing the head of the minotaur, to a nude whose head is solarised and thereby uses the arms as a framing device to further isolate the lack of head, to images where the head is in shadow and looks non-existent, to documenting Seabrook’s SM sessions of hanging women. Clasping the hands behind the head is a gesture of confidence and superiority, whereas fully raising the arms above the head is a universal sign of surrender or abandonment. In both situations then, raising the arms is a gesture moving from a symbol of self-empowerment to one of relinquishing power totally. In terms of the foregoing analysis it seems a short distance from raising the arms/surrender to tying and dangling. There are also a number of images by Man Ray, always of females, where the arms have been removed completely. Vénus restaurée, which is a cast of Venus DeMilo, is armless, legless and headless, but it still appears vital for the artist to restrain the cast with a rope binding it, similarly to Enigme. Lee Miller in a still from Cocteau’s film Blood of the Poet (1930), Nude (circa 1930), the four shots of Nude Female Torso, (circa 1930), all share being deprived of their arms. Man Ray achieves the illusion of armlessness in Figures 60 and 61 by carefully encasing the models’ arms in a dark fabric, so when photographed against a dark background the arms disappear, just like the masked heads do. Figure 62 is entitled Statue et Tête (c. 1921) where the artist grafts a living head to the armless, legless Venus plaster cast. Either way, whether the women’s arms are raised or cut off, it seems that for Man Ray, Seabrook and other creative men, such actions are about disempowerment of the formidable Other, and these visual gestures co-inside and correlate with André Masson’s 1928 design for de Sade’s Justine, where the practice of algolagnia and female sufferance and suspension generate erotic release, transcendence and fulfillment in the male, whether she goes “through the wall” or not. Sometimes it seems such games get out of hand, as is testified by a police photograph of one of Jack the Ripper’s gutted victims of a pendu femelle, used to illustrate Maurice Heine’s “Regards sur l’enfer anthropoclasique”, published in Minotaure, of an imaginary conversation between a professor, the Marquis de Sade and Jack the Ripper.14Thus, as Georges Bataille proposes throughout L’Érotisme, female passivity and sufferance are the catalyst for male transcendence and are directly linked with death.15
If Bernini’s Saint Teresa was devoid of drapery, Dali’s women had bodies, and Duchamp’s Bride of the Etant donnés was accessible, their reclining, relaxed abandonment, would be similar to the mannequins produced by Clemente Susini (1754-1814). His didactic, life-sized, anatomical models are as realistic as was possible in his day. They have human hair, glass eyes and at first glance are highly erotic images of nakedness, rather than nudity. His Statua Scomponibile wears only a pearl choker.16Her supine body lies on soft cushions and loose drapery, her slightly parted lips look moist and kissable; her eyes are vacant and half closed; her nipples, erect. She is made of wax and her body colour is life-like, exhibiting the glow of health and youthfulness. She does not display the pallor of death. When her almost heaving breast is removed, one can access her exposed viscera. Susini’s Statua della Sventrata is similarly seductive. The right leg of the reclining, languid blonde, is slightly raised; her expression is vacant and her cheeks are flushed. Her partially braided hair carefully frames her fully disemboweled entrails.17This bizarre object is distinctly sexual and reminds us of the concept of “woman-as-shit”: woman as the source of warmth, heat, gestation and fecundity, here displaying not only her dissected uterus, but also the organ wherein the process of transmutation is completed, i.e., the labyrinthine bowel. Both models recall Ernst’s Anatomy of the Bride, where the inquisitive male has cleared out all the female’s internal plumbing in search of what makes her tick. La Sventrata, in particular, is reminiscent of another photograph used by Heine illustrating his Minotaure article, where we see the remains of Jack the Ripper’s sadistic and frenzied excavation of the Other. Thus we see what results if Saint Teresa’s male inquisitors, or Seabrook and Man Ray’s observational probings had expressed their curiosity in an even more aggressive and socially unacceptable manner. Furthermore, it leaves the impression that Duchamp’s second Bride would appeal to necrophiliacs in her invitation to join her in her eroticized dance of death.
Woman as muse elevates her, but disconnects her from the process of making art, her role is to inspire great works in men. Patriarchal fear of the Other, creates a special place for her power. It is the elevated and untouchable position of the Virgin who conceived immaculately, who hovers in the sky, the pendu femelle, suspended somewhere between heaven and earth. Antonius Andreas von Kresimowsky’s 18th century illustration, entitled Christliches Wanders-Mann (1756), demonstrates that Virgin-Ariadne-Muses such as Justine/Renée/Janet (Seabrook’s helpers), can survey the pitfalls of the man’s journey from her elevated, clairvoyant position, allowing her to guide her male charge, with her “super-vision”, to the centre of the labyrinth, the place of his rebirth as immortal hero. That Kresimowsky follows a patriarchal model can be deduced from the observation that the feminine hovering presence acts as the conduit between male god, depicted as the eye in the triangle, and the journeyman she guides through the earthly maze, while she floats in no-man’s land. On reaching his goal and absorbing his guide’s power, he returns the same way, having symbolically given birth to himself. It is a model of the male’s quest for immortality.
Man Ray participated in the Ariadne syndrome and demonstrated his nervousness in relation to female creators by depicting Meret Oppenheim as a phallic woman. Moreover, he played a crucial role in introducing Dora Maar to Picasso.18Ray clarifies that Picasso rewarded him with a signed copy of Minotauromachy, arguably the most complex and layered of Picasso’s images about himself as Minotaur.19
Jean Franco, in Plotting Women, demonstrates that female ecstatic desire was directly linked with female self-creation, and equivalent to the hero’s troubled journey towards immortality. The ecstatic or hysterical woman gives birth to herself as does the hero in the labyrinth. The female’s blissful soaring appears to be no different from the male’s, in that both are an escape from the self. Patriarchal systems may acknowledge that the female appears to be more gifted with the ability to experience visions, raptures and revelations, but because males interpreted these experiences, they were also perceived as extremely dangerous.20Franco, citing a Mexican inquisitor states:
Since women are not only weaker and more susceptible, but are humid, crass, and viscose by nature, and because this temperament are not only subject to lunatic impressions, but are easily overcome by passions of hatred, love, happiness and sadness.21
The knowledge gained by female mystics was not male intellectual understanding, it was a bodily sensation as Saint Teresa pointed out. Franco continues: Transported in dreams and visions beyond the narrow confines of the cell, the mystic flew across time and space, beheld the future, and was allowed to penetrate the secrets of purgatory and heaven itself, before returning like a homing pigeon to her cell. This flight was the feminine equivalent of the heroic journey of self-transformation, with the difference that it met no obstacles and was less a narrative than an epiphany. The epiphany, however, tended to make the mystic mute and secretive.22
1 The Complete Works of Saint Teresa of Jesus, 3 vols., tran & ed. E.A.Peers, Sheed & Ward, London, 1946, vol 1, pp.192-193. 2 Delatte, A. & Derchain, Ph. Les intailles magiques greco-egyptiennes, Biblioteque Nationale, Paris, 1964, pp.23-76 3 ibid, pp.42-51 4 ibid, pp.44-46 5 ibid, pp.45-46 6 Weiss, A.S. “Impossible Sovereignty: Between ‘The Will to Power’ and ‘The Will to Change’”, October, 36, 1986, p.130. 7 ibid, pp.130-139. 8 Acephale, no. 1, “La Conjuration Sacree”, 24 June, 1936 (unpaginated). 9 Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, Dorset & Baber, New York, 1983, pp. 574-575. Petersson, op.cit. pp.25-35. 10 Stich, S. op.cit. p.40. 11 Krauss, R. The Optical Unconscious, MIT Press, Cambridge, Massachusetts/London, 1993, pp. 156-157. 12 idem, pp.168-171. 13 Presser, L. Modernism and Patriarchy in the Work of Picasso, Duchamp, Beuys, Warhol and Kahlo, PhD Thesis, Monash University, Melbourne, 1995, pp.1-358. 14 Heine, M. “Regards sur l’enfer anthropoclasique”, Minotaure, 8, 1936, pp.41-45. 15 Bataille, G. L’Erotisme, Les Editions de minuit, Paris, 1957, pp. 17-306. 16 Buci, M. Anatomia come Arte, Edizioni d’Arte II Fiorino, Florence,1990, pp 189-202, plates VIII-XIII. 17 Buci, ibid, plates XVIV-XVII 18 Hubert, R. R. “From Dejeuner en fourrure o Coroline: Meret Oppenheim’s Chronicle of Surrealism”, Surrealism and Women, pp.40-41. Ray, M. Self Portrait, p. 179. 19 Ray, idem. 20 Franco, J. Plotting Women: Gender and Representation in Mexico, Verso, London, 1989, pp. 16-21, 106-112. 21 Franco, ibid, p. 7 22 Franco, ibid, p.16.
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