#kind of bias wrecked by him every day but okay we deal with it i guess

[lovelyjuju]

i have arrived to req what nico would be like as a bf pls and ty 🫶🏻

YAY WE LOVE BF NICO!!

okay okay let's start with the very obvious: fashion. given his passion for fashion, bf!nicholas would for sure love to go shopping with you (needless to say, you would defs get pretty, matchy outfits, too)

i also feel like, besides clothes, he'd love to get other small matching items with you, such as keychains, jewelry, or maybe phone cases? it would just always remind him of how you're his, even when you're apart.

i think he'd absolutely love little photoshoots with you, too (read: ootd pics are a must). not only would you trust you to take the perfect photos for him, he'd definitely love taking pictures of you and he's absolutely the type to hype you up when he does :(

another very obvious thing about nicholas, and yes i've mentioned this before, but bro is soo sleepy. while i think he does stay up late, he for sure would never wake up early unless he really, really has to. that being said, i feel like he'd be super pouty and grumpy in the morning. somewhat cute but then again murmuring something about being too tired in his raspy voice that just sends goosebumps down your spine even if you've heard it a hundred of times? yes.

since he just recently mentioned it again; he's 100% the type to play with your hair until he falls asleep :(

seems like the kind of person to really enjoy holding you close in his sleep, not only for you to feel warm, comfortable and safe, but because let's not lie, he does give off protective (possesive) vibes?

he'd definitely not have it if someone else were to be too close to you. would neither accept anyone trying literally anything with you, nor others speaking only the hint of a bad word about you. like, he would literally not even need to say a word – just glaring at them would be enough to shut them up.

also also one last thing (very important) : since nicholas has been hitting the gym lately, i think he would definitely show off his progress. would either genuinely prove how he's been working out his arms, chest and back or would goofily square up 😭 either way, who would not fold? (cause i would)

[jamaiskookie]

can i request a soft fluffy little drabble of fanboy yoongi and idol reader?

soundcloud rapper meets professional idol- myg

it’s #starrieselcaday !! where everyone posts their selfie in the hopes of their bias replying to them! alternatively, yoongi is a shy fanboy and you’re an idol with an undercover account where you stalk your fans. 

masterlist

listen

min yoongi is not a liar

HOWEVER, if you happen to ask him what kind of music he likes to listen to..... that’s a rare exception. 

he’ll probably reply by rattling off some of his favourite hip-hop rappers etc etc (emInEM!!! KANYE!! THE CLASSICS!!!!! beyonce)

which,, is not entirely a lie, okay?? he DOES listen to those artists! but his greatest guilty pleasure is this ... idolgirlgroup UGH he feels lame just thinking about it. 

not that it’s a pathetic thing, ya know? it’s just that he’s ~min yoongi~ jin literally told him once that he would be re-born as a rock and he AGREES WITH THAT. 

it’s not like he’s ashamed of saying he’s a fan of your group, it’s just that it’s not expected of the stone-cold soundcloud-rapper yoongi. 

but secretly, he winds down by watching your fancams, mass streaming your albums, screaming about your debut anniversary, the list goes on... the day in a stans life never ENDS GOD.

he literally screamed at his laptop and bursted into tears for a good 4 hours your last comeback.

he even got jimin and namjoon to end up liking his ult group!!!

seokjin refuses to ‘lower himself’ to their standards but everyone knows he secretly has all of your albums downloaded 

the group (lomls) called dreamcloud consists of five members- yoona, jisoo, lia, chae, and y/n. the fandom name is called starrie, even though nobody knows how that came about??

(his favourite single is their newest song called cloud 9)

three guesses to who’s his bias gO!!

if you guessed y/n congrats you’re CORRECT. other stans say that the bias they started with is NEVER the bias they have no but you’ve been yoongle’s ult bias since debut and it’ll forever be that way!!!

he’s been bias wrecked approx. 30 times but we don’t talk about that. 

like lia is THIS close to stealing the bias spot but you’ll always have such a special place in his heart :,-)

which is why when he sees the hashtag #starrieselcaday which was trended by you when you tweeted out a selca he POUNCES ON THE CHANCE TO POST A SELCA

on his secret fan account of course.

oh boy he really hopes nobody from uni is going to see this..,,, he’ll deal with it if the time comes. 

he definitely spends 30 minutes with jimin trying to figure out where the best lighting in the dorm is and then an additional 30 minutes just taking the damn picture. 

he ends up taking the photo in his black bucket hat (the e-boy one) with this slightly awkward half smile plastered on his face. 

he kinda hates it but it was also the best shot out of the 2000 he just took so that one it is!! (he’s also pretty tired of jimin telling him to ‘pOSE’)

he just posts it on his twitter with nothing but the #starrieselcaday hashtag. it’s the first time he’s participated in these so he’s kinda ~nervous~ but whaddya know!!

other starries are already hyping him up in his mentions!! [proud tears] gosh he loves this fandom so freaking much. he links jimin’s selca below his, telling his followers to go hype jimin’s picture too. 

it’s slightly concerning how big of a following yoongi has on his stan account. 

#STARRIESELCADAY! ✨@/liabby

replying to @/ynssuga

you look so cute suga!!!! ur bucket hat omg where did you get it send LINKS!!!

dreamcloud D-14!!! 🍬@/starriejoonn

replying to @/ynssuga

so THIS is what you spent an hour doing with jimin. owo looking good my friend! 😎

jade 💜ot5 @/vitaminchae

replying to @/ynssuga

omg you did #starrieselcaday !!! congrats on 50k by the way!! we’re all anticipating your album review (keysmashes) <3

awhhhh

how cute!

see? best fandom. 

honestly he wasn’t even aware that he hit 50 thousand on his stan account what the FRICK that’s insane!!

the only thing he does on this stupid account is give album reviews (which are quite useless at this point it’s always a 10/10) and scream about the comeback stages. 

occasionally he’ll go on to remind his fellow starries to drink water and take breaks from streaming- because contrary to popular belief he can be soft. 

☁️STREAM #CLOUD9 ☁️@/yoonsoohearteu

replying to @/ynssuga

hOOOOOOOTTTT!! woohoo!! why didn’t you tell us you were attractive irl?? 👀 ru single bby? 👉👈

yoongi snorts reading that comment, replying to tell @/yoonsoohearteu that he’s far from attractive and is unfortunately, single. it’s all y/n’s fault, he jokes in his reply. dreamcloud has raised his standards too much. 

y/n ✅@/dreamcloudy/n_official

replying to @/ynssuga

💞💞💞

[blink]

[bliiiink]

[?????????]

wut.

are his eyes deceiving him? WHAT? 

yoongi checks again, and sure enough, the little checkmark verifying your OFFICIAL twitter account lays next to your handle,.,, WHICH IS BELOW HIS POST. 

he takes a deep breath, trying to recall whatever breathing exercise his therapist taught him just last week. 

it doesn’t work. 

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- “

💤☁️.

“y/n!“ yoona calls from the kitchen. in your large XL hoodie, you step in, humming a ‘hmm?’ to your leader. all the other girls are camped out in their rooms, preparing for the comeback coming soon. 

yoona’s scrolling on her phone with a confused look on her face. 

“why is hashtag starrie-selca-day trending? did you tweet something or was it chae?“ she asks, and you hide a slight smile. 

“oh yeah,“ you reply. “i tweeted my selca this morning. you guys can tweet out yours too.“ 

yoona raises her eyebrow. “okay,” she asks. “just be careful.” you blink. 

“be careful... of?“ 

“make sure the agency doesn’t find out about your secret account you use to stalk the starries.“ you sputter, spitting out a random excuse. 

“you’re too obvious these days, y/n,“ yoona says, not unkindly. “i figured that your comment wasn’t intentional... was it on that guy suga’s page? anyways, your official account didn’t reply to any other fan’s selcas, so maybe you should comment on some other fans twitter accounts too.“ 

huh?

what on earth is she talking about- OH NO. 

you scramble to take your phone out, immediately clicking into your twitter notifications. 

you groan when you see ‘y/nsuga’ is already trending. you should’ve double checked which account you were on before commenting, for god’s sakes!

this is amateur stuff, you scold yourself. how could you forget?

like yoona said, you begin commenting on other selcas, so it doesn’t look like you’re singling just one fan out. 

(except you kind of already did that.)

yoona stifles a laugh. “so,” she says. “we’re not going to talk about how you commented three heart emojis on this guy’s selca on your secret account... right?” 

your cheeks heat up. “please don’t tell the other girls.” you plead. jisoo unnie would never let you live this down. 

it’s not your fault some of your fans are. like, really cute, okay? 

this guy- ‘suga’. well, that’s the name you’ve been calling him in your head- since it’s the alias he goes by on twitter. 

he was one of the first fan accounts opened on twitter- just when you debuted! he posts these detailed and insightful reviews every time you have new music, and he’s always been such a loyal fan!

(plus, it’s super fun seeing him shut down your haters!! he always comes up with the most awesome comebacks)

((your personal favourite is ‘y/n could single handedly step on you with the heel of her five inch stilettos while she continues to do the choreography perfectly. shut your bitchass mouth up’))

so is it a crime to check up on a devoted fan’s twitter page every once in a while... on your secret twitter account??

he still hasn’t replied to your comment, which you’re slightly down about. he’s just busy, you reason with yourself. it’s not like you can expect his world to revolve around you, you scold. 

yoona nonchalantly waves her hand. “i already screenshotted the evidence though, so that’s going in my y/n blackmail folder.” 

you let out a multitude of complaints, noises that mostly consist of various versions of ‘fuck you uwu’ 

at least it was yoona who found out first. she’s the most gentle in the group... even though she has blackmail folders for each of the members. 

you reassure yourself by telling yourself that she’d never actually use the folders for real blackmail purposes.... probably. 

looking down at your phone, you frown. 

cute boy suga still hasn’t replied. 

you don’t know it, but the only reason why is because he’s still screaming. 

“AHHHHLHFH*HDFGLHHHHH?&$5FLIQJARSODFILJQWOI?!!!?!?!!”

[hyunjizns]

dating jungwoo

⤷ idk why but jungwoo always gives me the softest, innocent vibe and that’s why he’ll forever be my bb

how you started dating

so i wasn’t sure if to make this an idol au or not but i finally settled for idol because i’m going for that “realistic” feel, lol

how you two met? well it was actually predebut when jungwoo used to work at a café 

you know, to get that extra cash because being a trainee isn’t the eaiest thing

and you frequented that café since it was pretty near to where you lived

you often saw jungwoo because you’d come during his shift and he’d always give you a warm smile 

you couldn’t explain but he was just so welcoming and warm-hearted unlike the other other employees so that was definitely fresh

before you learnt his name you had deemed him “the cute worker with the pretty smile”

seriously, every time he handed you your drink, his cute little smile would appear and your heart basically melted everytime

but tbh, anyone would melt at his smile, it’s precious, okay?

and after handing you your drink, he’d never fail to wish you a good day and ahh !!!

anyway, this continued on for a while until you didn’t even have to tell him your order anymore and he’d just have your drink and name there whoosh

he just knew that well

so you were kinda getting tired of this back and forth and wanted to get to know him better

you did the obvious bc you’re a smart person and slipped him your number when you were giving him a tip and walked away smugly

the look on his face was priceless

yes, we’d have a sh00k jungwoo because, wow, you gave him your number ??

now, now jungwoo is a bit shy so it’d take him a bit to actually text you but when he does you’re basically a candy who just got candy

but look, this boy contemplated what he was gonna say for way too long and spent majority of the time fiddling with his phone

you would never have seen someone type and erase as much as he would’ve then

“y/n, right? wanna meet up soon? this is jungwoo btw”

“sure,, any specific time? i’m free this week”

sure you may have sounded cool in your reply but your were actually just dead inside bc jungwoo !! texted !! you !!

when he sees your reply though, he would be relieved and text you the details

the two of you would kinda just drift into texting cute, soft emojis for the rest of the day

jungwoo is a bit.. clueless.. so it probably wouldn’t seem like a big deal to him unlike you who was practically combusting

p.s: it seems you’ve developed a crush on him,, but to be fair who wouldn’t?

anyway, we can fast forward to when you two actually do meet up, it’s a small bistro and everything is pretty casual 

jungwoo is a bit nervous but so are you so that leads to nervous giggles every second but you two manage through

it was a pretty, nice and calming “date” tbh and you guys started to do it more often

um yeah, that basically meant that your crush on jungwoo was getting bigger

i mean, the boy told you so much about himself already and same for you, you learnt he was a trainee, etc, etc and it just felt you got really close to him

but you weren’t sure if he liked you too since he was a bit odd with his actions

tbh i don’t think he was even planning to tell you because he was sure that it was you who didn’t like him

let’s all give a huge round of applause to his boss lol get it boss? no? okay bye sorry who told you that he knew jungwoo definitely liked you too

sorry, but basically everyone in the cafe knew about you two

and with a little courage from your friends, you found it in yourself to confess

better take no for an answer than never know, right?

so one day you called jungwoo outside and told him that you needed to talk to him and yes that kid was nervous

“I.. I kind of really like you.”

He’d be so shocked that he wouldn’t reply which would make you s c a r e d but then he gets all excited and relieved

“I kind of really like you too!” he was a bit too enthusiastic

and the rest is history 

i made this too long, oops

jungwoo as a boyfriend

we all know that jungwoo is some kind of precious human being that needs to be protected at all costs

yes

well, you’re that human being to him now

idk but we all know how he’s always smiling, well people would be starting to wonder how his cheeks aren’t hurting at how much he smiles when he’s around you

he always looks at you with so much affection in his eyes, it’s unreal

it’s that “ get you a man who looks at you the way *insert* looks at *insert*” meme

so your relationship is basically two angels protecting each other

talking about soft, idk man but this would be one of the purest, softest things for anyone to watch, your interactions would be down right precious

oh gosh, i’m already squealing, jungwoo, i see him legit defining boyfriend goals

like he would spoil the shit out of you and give you whatever you wanted, even if you didn’t ask for it

you’d be telling him it wasn’t necessary but he wouldn’t listen to you

i feel like he’d use that as a way to express himself since physical expression wouldn’t be something that he’s best at

oh yes and taking it slow and making sure you’re comfortable is one of his biggest concerns too

he absolutely doesn’t wanna rush you to do anything that you don’t wanna

as for pda, i don’t think jungwoo would go too far

he seems like the kind of person, no matter how long you’ve been together, to just enjoy soft hand-holding

yeah, your fingers are always intertwined, it’s basically the signature thing in your relationship now

even when you two are alone,he still isn’t the b i g g e s t displayer of affection

you can expect a shit ton of hugs from this one too, and no, i don’t mean those short, seemingly meaningless ones

i’m talking jungwoo style kms with full on embracing, neck snuggling and even some butterfly neck/face kisses on the occasion

his arms would be so tight yet gentle around you

i’m telling you !! this boy treats you as if you were made of legitimate porcelain

as for kisses, i feel like he’s too shy to out right kiss you, especially at the beginning of the relationship so your gonna have to ask or initiate

after he’s more comfortable though, kisses may still be shy but he isn’t afraid to do it himself

his displays of affection are actually the sweetest, like he has the gentlest hands, and does the cutest things, you’d swear he just stepped out of a romance novel

he has actually made a scrap book with all of your couple pics for you

i’m wrecking my bias list help

he’s a cuddler 100% so you can expect a lot of that from him

especially due to the fact that he’d prefer simple dates or those ones where you can just stay at home

you can seriously expect to lie in bed and just be happy with the other’s presence.

but it’s not like that everyday kind of cuddling, he’d prefer that once in a while, significant cuddle session

plus i can see him being really talkative, i don’t think he’d wanna cuddle in silence and most conversation topics would be pretty deep

maybe about your guys’ future since he doesn’t plan to break up soon or ever at that

his favourite position is you beside him with his arm around you so that he could look at your face and every little detail on it

don’t be surprised if you suddenly feel his hand under your shirt !! he just does that innocently 

he’s the boy that’d space out while looking at you because he actually can’t get over your beauty

“ how did i get so lucky ? “

he’d think that all the time

sometimes his hand is already going to brush a strand of your hair from your face before he even notices what he’s doing

yeah, it’s something that he does pretty often too

jungwoo also really cares about the little things, just enjoying small talk

like everyday you can expect him to ask how your day was and if you were okay

on that occasion that you were pissed, he’d freak because he wouldn’t be sure what to do but jungwoo being the good listener that he is, i feel like he’d just let you vent

he’d let you vent all you want while rubbing your back, not saying anything

after, he’d probably offer to make your favourite food/drink or suggest you two do something that he knew you’d enjoy

or maybe sing you one of your favourite songs since he knows that you love his voice ahh

also

okay so y’all remember that iconic vlive when doyoung was asking jungwoo what he wanted for his birthday and yea h sbksks

jungwoo would be cheeky like that pretty often when he wants something

he’s like a puppy that really just needs your love sometimes so 

this boy isn’t showing the signs correctly and you’re like “what do you want babe?”

“i um..” cue stuttering and cute giggles !!

rip you bc you just look at him like ???

“i want your love” he’d smile and tap his cheek

and you’re just like ofc you do and kiss his cheek and that’d make him 12x more giddy oho

jungwoo adores you i swear. every wallpaper on his phone is a photo of both of you

omg my heart is bursting with love for this boy

and like there was that one day when nosy yukhei took up jungwoo’s phone and was sh00k at the number of couple photos, oh dear

that would be teasing material for the other boys to use against him but y’know, jungwoo doesn’t really mind

he wouldn’t be fazed, he’just give them one of those smiles because he’s actually hella proud of those pics

but don’t ask him how things are going because he can’t really reply, he’ll kinda just scratch the back of his neck and again, s m i l e

because he wouldn’t be sure how to explain one of the best things in his life

he isn’t a master of words, y’know!

that’s why short and sweet gestures + compliments are his thing

this was also lowkey a secret relationship and you would always remember the look in his eyes after his first debut stage

you honestly felt so happy for him because you knew he deserved it 

he cried that night and it was just one of the softest things you had ever experienced, like you could tell he didn’t wanna cry but the tears still came

you patted his head as he cried into your shoulder tears of complete happiness

and when you whispered how proud you were of him, that set off more waterworks 

that just proved to you that he isn’t afraid to show his emotion when he’s around you

BuT when it came to super important things like the first “i love you” he was a nervous wreck because he wasn’t sure how you’d respond

but then he’d realise you love him just as much as he loved you so he had nothing to worry about

all in all, you guys would live that innocent relationship and every moment you spent with jungwoo would be deeply cherished

[jejublr]

boyfriend!dino

A/N: Who thinks Lee Chan has been wrecking our bias list as of lately??? Bc I do! It’s definitely his boyish charm and smile. I don’t see a lot of Dino stans??? You just give him another year or two and you won’t know what hits you. Mark my words *evil cackle*.

ah yes, young love

can’t say I’ve experienced it lmao too busy drowning in assignments help

I can see him being the type that if he finds you attractive, no matter how shy he would get, he would definitely come up to you and attempt a conversation

and maybe slip some compliment here and there ;)

he learned from the best, ok?

even though his hyungs are pretty useless most of the time jk Joshua gives pretty good tips

learns how to be smooth from his hyungs’ mistake lol

probably prefers text messages over phone calls at first bc he’s too shy

asks you out to watch a movie and a dinner for the first day

ok it might sound mediocre but you had so much fun??? 

he doesn’t seem like it at first but he has a lot to say

tucks the stray hair away from your face

having to hide away from him hyungs whenever you call bc he’d never hear the end of it

“OoOoOo who’s tHAT?”

“OUR AEGI HAS GROWN.”

“introduce them to us!”

omg save him from his weird hyungs

wins you a plush toy from the arcade and gave you so you’ll think of him whenever you look at it ffff

“just hug it whenever you miss me :)”

like Vernon, he’d buy you things that you’ll like when he’s away as souvenirs

saved a playlist on his phone filled with songs that reminds him of you

smiles at himself whenever your favorite song comes up

ICE CREAM DATES!!!

he’ll be super cheesy oml

like, you know how messy eating an ice cream could be

and maybe you’d get some on the corner of your lips

he’d notice and be like “oh, there’s some on your..” and proceeds to wipe it with his fingers as he smiles fondly

SO SMOOTH, CHAN, SO SMOOTH.

BUT ALSO ARCADE DATES!!!

wins you all the plushies and let’s you win at games

bc although he loves to win, he loves the smile on your face when you win even more so it’s totally worth it

swinging your hand back and forth while walking on the streets

always asks your permission whenever he wants to make a move on you bc he’s taught to be a gentleman

ahhh, Joshua will be so proud :’)

he takes care of you really well, okay

like one day you’d maybe forget to eat breakfast and he’d be like

“have you eaten yet?”

“no.”

“here, I have some biscuits.”

WHAT AN ANGEL

lending you his jacket when you’re cold and side-hugging you

I can imagine him liking that cheesy act of sharing one drink together with two straws as you stare at each other’s eyes

but you’ll end up laughing bc wOW that’s kinda awkward

but also his eyes are pretty

ok but Chan is also savage ok

like, have you seen how he roasted his hyungs?

s a v a g e

“channn~ can we get that hat??”

“you’re only this nice to me when you want something.”

also having to deal with his michael chanson moments

*mj randomly plays in the store*

“Chan, no.”

him: *moonwalks his way around the racks*

“oh my god.”

I think he’d be one of the most generous boyfriends?

doesn’t hesitate to buy you the stuff you like

but will also nag if it’s something you don’t really need?

“y/n you don’t need that collar.”

“BUT ITS SO CUTE.”

“YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A DOG.”

what were u guys thinking when I said collar u thirsty ppl

will pay for your meal every time despite your protests

will try teach you seventeen’s choreography but would end up just jamming to hit songs and laughing breathlessly on the floor

sitting on the company’s front steps, eating junk food and talking s***

him gasping dramatically when you curse lmao

FALLING DEEPER IN LOVE WHEN HE LAUGHS

honestly it’s probably his laugh that first got you hooked

I know I did

him laughing at you but his laugh is just too precious?? so you just pout but it’s ok bc you get to hear that laugh

being so proud at him? bc he’s done and accomplished so much for someone his age??

he gets all blushy and cute whenever you start to look at him in admiration

and those twinkle in your eyes whenever you talk

‘ah how can they be so cute?’ he would think

falling asleep on his shoulder on the bus ride home, sharing earphones

bc even though you may live on the other side of the city, he’d still go out of his way to accompany you home

him giving quick, cheeky pecks on your cheeks and running away laughing

being lovable brats towards the rest of seventeen

“Dino, stop corrupting y/n.”

“more like they corrupted me, hyung.”

low-key scared you’re going to leave him for one of his hyungs lol

bc he thinks that they’re much more mature than he is

but you’ll slap him on his side bc what kind of nonsense is that?

bc honestly, he’s more mature than some of his hyungs are and he should never feel insecure that you’re going to leave him just bc he’s the maknae

he’s forever grateful that you’re always there beside him, whether he’s shining on stage or having a moment in the practice room

you saw him as lee chan instead of dino and he feels like he could be himself with you instead of someone he is not

pls cherish our lovely lee chan, he deserves all the love <3

Other Boyfriend!Seventeen

S.Coups | Jeonghan | Joshua | Jun | Hoshi | Wonwoo | Woozi | DK | Mingyu | The8 | Seungkwan | Vernon | Dino

[what-am-i-darlin]

February 13, 2019. Insight.

Stop defending him and taking all the blame on yourself, the truth is that in these kinds of relationships that are based on closeness and that are very specific because of that immense intimacy, there can never be only one person to blame. Stop carrying those heavy things by yourself. From what you have told me you have clearly expressed what was a problem to you and you’ve also said what the solution to that problem was. You have clearly communicated what trust means to you and which actions diminish and destroy that trust. Remember that you pointed out which ACTIONS he clearly did, made you trust him less, and not his PERSONALITY.

- I know that is how I felt as well and that is what I’ve told him and tried to explain, but he has completely shattered my core beliefs and my values so that now I do not know anything anymore for sure and above all I don’t trust my self or my judgment anymore. I don’t think I am enough as a person, I was never enough for him.

You are enough and all people are enough. When he decided to leave, he decided that your way, for some reason isn’t the right way for him, but that has nothing to do with you being enough. What you need to know is that you’ve done everything you could have to stop that, that when you were doubting your self and your decision and what you thought was right you asked for help from him and for both of you, you asked him to come here with you and have someone that is not bias help you solve things, and he refused that. Why do you think he refused that?

- Because at that point he had already given up..

I don’t think that is true, can you think of another reason perhaps ? Do you maybe think that he didn’t want to or wasn’t ready to hear all of this?

- I don’t know.. I don’t think so..

Okay.. let’s go back to what you have said about your trust, that from the very beginning you have told him what trust means to you, that it isn’t something to be played around with, that trust is something that you do not hand out easily and to everyone, that it’s something that is hard to build and so very easily shaken and destroyed. And most importantly that for you it will take TIME and work to get there. To me that person is not mistrustful, that is a careful person who has had their trust used before this, like you said, and still decided to start over again and to place new trust in someone else. A person who says all that to another person and gives them all the tools to fix it is not a mistrustful person. What did we say about it the last time? Your trust or mistrust like you call it was a deep wound for you. You told him look, can you see this wound here it hurts very much, here are all the band aids that I need for that wound to heel. And here is the salt that will make the wound deeper and hurt even more. And which of those did he choose for you??

- I know.. I have also told him that I needed stability and security and a period of time where everything is alright for a while and that there isn’t any turbulence and fighting and harsh words and wrecking things. I told him that I think things will settle down once we start living together and once we have our own stability and future and home.

That was a valid point, usually that is when that happens to people and relationships, when they start living together and have their own lives without huge disturbances, things become settled and trust strengthens. It is completely logical and it’s good that you have recognized that. Situations MATTER, situations are important, and the situation you were in was a specific one, you were apart, in different countries and your communication and time spent together ( I am referring now to that closeness and the quality of a relationship ) were strained. And in that situation he chose to do the thing you asked him not to do, for whatever reason, we are not here to judge him or say anything bad about him, but the fact remains is that he did something you specifically told him NOT to do, not to hurt you. And then he told you that you are a mistrustful person. I am sorry Tea it may be really hard for you to hear this but by all definitions THAT is not love.. it isn’t even a friendship love. He chose WAYS which were destructive to you, to deal and express whatever he was feeling. ( we will come back to that again )

Let’s go back to that situation.. I don’t think what you have said about yourself, about you being irrationally jealous is true. What you have experienced in this moment is called healthy jealousy and I as a therapist I can assure you of that. That doesn’t mean that you have never experienced unhealthy jealousy, you most probably have, we all have! But in this specific situation your reactions, though emotional, were normal and expected. And I don’t know many people that would be okay with that, actually I know only a few.. and I am telling you now not as a therapist but me as a private person, I would never be okay with my partner doing that to me. What is a positive thing here is that you were very prepared to deal with it the right way and you asked for therapy and rightfully so because you are not ALONE in that relationship and only one person cannot solve things. That shows real strength and maturity from your side. You really did want to mend things. And again he made his choice here.

- I cannot believe that I am sitting here across from you and hearing back the same sentences I’ve once told him. I cannot believe it. I came here ready for all possible answers, for all scrutiny and admitted all sorts of horrible things and scorned myself ruthlessly, only to hear back the same words I gave him. I don’t know whether that helps me actually because that means that I have done everything, absolutely everything I could and now I am STILL here. I wish I was wrong, I wish everything was completely and utterly my fault, I wish I actually deserved everything he said to me and what he has done to me.

His choices are his own and he has made them for whatever reason, and we will never know what he is feeling now or how this is affecting him. What we can do is focus on the three pillars of relationships which I have told you about.

1. Trust ( and I don’t mean trust in a you-can-sleep-in-a-bed-with-another-woman-if-you-want-I-trust you kind of way, but in other ways that you have definitely shown and given. Like saying what your weaknesses are and trusting that they won’t be used against you, showing what matters to you, being honest and open and vulnerable, communicating, wanting and planning a future together, wanting to live with that person, to start a life together, build a home and a family. You said you wanted to get married. - all of this and many many other things require real trust.

2. The ways we show love.

3. The intensity and amount of love we give and receive and how we interpret it! ( sometimes small dozes of love are enough to last someone for days, months and even years.. but sometimes it happens that others need a lot more and it lasts them mere minutes ) and that is okay because all of us are different and we need different dozes. But when that, like all of the above, doesn’t match, things begin to fall apart and crumble.

And from all we have talked about and all you have said about your relationship, what he has meant to you ( the things you have counted, your best friend, your companion, your soulmate, the love of your life, your home, your family ) I don’t think you ever really had what was really important to you, I cannot say anything about him because I don’t know of course, but for you, you were incompatible on at least two of these levels. Him leaving you the way he did was destructive and ruinous for you. Again we shall not judge his decision but his ways are not suited for you. Like you said, you could never abandon him completely like that, see how different your ways are? On the opposite sides.

- I still cannot believe he did that to me, after everything, he completely abandoned me as a person! Not only as a friend or a lover, as a person. For all he knows he even destroyed my future and my education. I could never do that, not to anyone, LET ALONE HIM. That was so incredibly selfish of him! Thank god for my dad, my parents actually, who picked up my broken pieces and decided to save it somehow and to help me achieve it nevertheless, I owe them my life literally and figuratively.

You are right that particular behavior is really selfish and I repeat that is not love. You planned this together and you placed again YOUR TRUST in his hands that you will carry it out together, however hard that may be. He broke your trust in this matter too. That decision was not even friendship love. I am sorry I can see how hard it is for you to heart that but I can also see that you yourself recognize it that way and that that WOULDN’T be your way of dealing with things. And now a huge question for you, can you and would you ever see yourself with that kind of a person again? With those ways?

- I don’t know.. no.. I don’t see myself with anyone ever again. I still stand by with what I have said about hating everyone that isn’t him. It’s really really hard to let go of that feeling. I feel like I will never be ready to let him go. Every ounce of my body hurts because it feel so so used. He used me.

What do you mean by that?

- I mean that I feel like he used me from the very beginning of our relationship. He used the fact that I was vulnerable, lonely and in love with him. He used all my insecurities and used my help and my friendship and love and time. He was so insecure and I have helped him with a lot of things and made him feel better about everything he disliked about himself. I have waited for him to come back home from Spain, I have waited for him to decide to choose me, to tell everyone and be with me, I have supported him in everything, I have again supported his education, followed him and trusted his decision that even though that happened everything will be okay ( even though I wanted to let him go and experience this alone, he convinced me that his decisions will be for us and that it is for our future and that the most important thing is for us to be together, that we could solve anything so long as we are together ) I again decided to trust him, go with him, follow him and support him even though all of that was immensely hard for me and difficult, he never even asked himself about it. And what have I gotten for trusting him with these decisions?! I have given him so so much trust and he couldn’t fucking NOT be alone with other girls in a fucking different country - that trust was the only trust that mattered!! But that he destroyed every other trust I voluntarily placed in his hands, is not important enough for him.

- Looking back on it now, he has always always put himself first, HE was always the selfish one, the opportunist one, choosing only what he needed at the time, all the while convincing me how I am the most selfish person he knows. Isn’t that genuinely sad? I am sad. I feel so used, such a horrible feeling, even my body feels used, I hate that I have given it to him, shared it with him. I feel disgusted with myself. I hate that I feel like he only slept with me because he could. That he recognized that I was in love with him so he used it. No matter how rational or irrational those feelings are, it is how I feel. And sometimes I want to throw up because of it.

- I feel absolutely and completely used up, warn out, depleted, I’ve got nothing left! I wish I had never kissed him that morning. I would have rather been unhappy or unsatisfied for the rest of my life than feeling what I feel now and continuing to live like this. I don’t know whether this is considered living at all. Or rather struggling not to end it for however long it last.

[kchatjjigae]

Stephanie would give you a reporting on her BTS experience but she’s  dead. Totes dead. Killed by Kpop. Time of death, Friday, March 24th, approximately 8.30 pm. She died happy. May God have mercy on her pervy noona soul.

After meeting up with all factions of the Kpop Nerd Herd, we gathered at a Biergarten outside the Prudential Center–because apparently, pregaming kpop is a thing. Also, get this! The doors to the concert actually opened at 5.30! Holy smokes. Usually, my biggest complaint to kpop concerts is the fact that they are still loading in guests way past the time when the concert is supposed to start causing us, even with seated tickets, to have to get there way early in order to make sure we don’t miss anything. This time, nope, we walked through the doors, right through security and directly to our seats, not a single line to be waited in. It was a close second part of the evening. (First part of course, being anything having to do with BTS.)

As we all bought out tickets separately, we were all seated in various areas in the arena. I was by myself in section 7. Turns out 7 was one of the better sections of the group, beaten out only by Alexis who lucked out with P1 with sound check. Alexis who got in line, with her tent and sleeping bag, at 3am. Gads! I’d say that was crazy, but she got close, really close. Close enough to have full on Alexis/Jungkook interaction. I’m dead? I’m guessing she’s probably headed to the plot next to me.

I get to my SEAT, last to fill in the row, seated next to a J-HOPE and a Rap Monster bias. Not a bad place to be. My seat was right at the corner of the stage extension. The crowd screamed their excitement with every change of the monitors with their music video rotation. You know, because we kpop fans have no chill. We are like the anti chill. Eternally grateful they either allowed my camera in or didn’t find it in my bag, as my phone battery situation was scary–could you imagine what a sad, sad fangirl I would be if I came out of that thing without photographic proof I was there? Nope. Hellz nope.

Soon (as I really slipped in just moments before the show started) the lights darkened and due to my corner seat, I could literally see that all that separated us from BTS was a thin curtain. Yes, me and my (Let’s just come out and admit it) hands down favorite band were in the same country, the same state, zip code, building, room, we were breathing the same air. It’s a heady experience.

Then the curtain was gone. And there they were. Thank goodness I did have the camera as my memory of the thing is a hazy mess of happiness, fangirl squeeeeing, and BTS sweat.

After a disastrous attempt at video-chatting the experience with the McFeeleys  (damn you, cell service at the Prudential Center!) It was just me and the boys…and like 13000 other screaming fans.

Now. I’m not one of those girls who like any sort of sneak peak of what’s going to happen at a concert.  I avoid set lists. I run and way from fan cams. I feel like the surprise is part of the experience. This one going in though, especially since several members of the herd went to both nights, there were some details I was unable to avoid.

From the escaped set list, I knew everyone did a solo from the Wings album. I wasn’t really looking forward to this as I haven’t really listened to the wings album and I am under the assumption that I don’t like them, preferring my BTS as a whole rather than pieces. I knew, from Regina, that the costumes were made from lots of velvet, lots of sparkles.

Hrmmm…. BTS in sparkles? In velvet? And finally, I learned that they had some sound issues the first night where the background music was louder than the voices, which I wanted to believe that they would have fixed the second night around. Second-night people! When possible, always choose night two. Wait. Unless this would make it harder for me to get tickets to night two in which case, woah, first night, first night is the bomb! Get ’em fresh! Jet lag is sexy!

So, that being said, they sang the first one, being awesome of course, but then, since I was trying to live chat, I missed a good portion of it. However. The next song? BLEW MY EVER LOVIN’ BTS FANGRRRL MIND. What was it? Bapsae! Gah! I love this song so much, and not only that but, though I’m not really a ‘ooh look at that dance’ person, I’m all, look at that dance! This is the one song I honestly didn’t think that they would play, and I was literally sad that I’d never get to see them perform that awesome song and adorable dance in person. But I was wrong!!! They played it. It was awesome. The only thing was I couldn’t decide between video and photo so I basically put both down and just jammed out. Screaming my head off of course, but still jamming. If only they’d played it on the extended stage, it would have been perfect.

Side note. Just lost a massive amount of post due to a faulty save draft button. Endeavoring to continue. Harumph.

So. Unlike other bands that had multiple stages ahemBigbangahem BTS actually spent a fair amount of time on both stages, which made me–and the Rap Monster bias next to me very happy. Every time we caught sight of that front stage trap door opening, it was arm thumping and squeeeeing. This was also good because of their lighting choices made it so that anytime they were on the back stage, all video evidence of them were just white glowing orbs of happiness and gyrations. 

Also, you’ll notice my photos are a little Rap Monster and J-HOPE heavy. This was not an artistic choice. Okay. So maybe it was a bit. I couldn’t help myself. However, in my defense, they did spend a great deal of time on my side of the stage. It was almost like they knew and wanted to hang out with me. Plus I was egged on by the realization that I would make some of the members of our crew very happy documenting a little J-Hope. I wasn’t wrong.

Now. As I mentioned before, I did actually know they would be performing their solo stuff, and I have to admit it, I’m not the hugest fan, even after seeing them performed live. They aren’t terrible, they just, to me, aren’t very memorable. Except maybe Hobi’s song? Was he the one who sang about his mom? Oh, and Rap Monster when we all shouted that we loved him because his song is about not loving himself or something? Maybe if I give the songs more of a listen I’ll come to appreciate them more. 

Another song I kind of wished I’d been prepared for? Because I kind of lost my shit? Cypher 4. Holy fudge guys. I always meant to write a post on this song as, though I refused to listen to Wings, I do have it on my phone and one day I was on the train, heard this mind-blowingly awesome song that immediately hooked me in–turns out it was Cypher 4.

Gah! I love this song. To see the rap line out there all sexy strutting and growls it was flat-out amazeballs. There is really no other word to describe it. The jackets they wore. The saunters. The interaction. Not kidding, if they ever decided to eventually do a rap line sub unit, I would be all in. 

We should now probably talk about their costumes. Regina was right. They were heavy on the velvet, heavy on the sparkles, which is just weird, isn’t it? Thinking of their past concepts? Comparing BTS image from now to the little wannabe thug bunnies they first debuted as? Even their solo stuff was bedazzled.

My favorites, of course, will have to be the long robes that the rap line wore for the Cypher, but also the red knitted outfits they wore when they first came to the front stage. Jimin in that oversized red sweater?

Although everything was so oversized and layered it looked a bit like the outfits were actually eating the band. But who can blame them? Nom, Nom, Nom baby. The costume that did not go over well? Hands down would have to be what the KPNH referred to as the pink pearled Jackie O jackets. Seriously? What were they thinking? Whoever came up with that concept should probably…not be allowed to do that again. 

The stages itself was pretty simple, no fuss, no big show, the most they had were a few rising pillars in the back

and what appeared to be a glass phone booth that Rap Monster went into at the end of his performance and…I want to say Taehyung came out of at the beginning of his?

Hoseok had a chair, Yoongi an upright piano, but all in all, it was pretty minimal. They did have some backup dancers, but they were fairly unnecessary, really it just distracted from the main event rather than added to it–with the exception of the time that they lifted Jimin–that was pretty freaking cool. Go Jimin, go.

I think it showed that you really you could just have a great performance be a great performance. It’s like when good singers use autotune. Why? It certainly doesn’t add anything. And why bother with the expense?

There was a fun thing that they did at the end with the light sticks. The venue handed out colored bags that you could put your light stick in (the JHope fan grabbed me one and told me I could just use it with my cell phone battery–I totally would have if I hadn’t already run out of battery.) They handed out each section a color, so that at the encore when they boys came out again, the stadium would be lit up like a rainbow. That was pretty nice.

Rap Monster talked about how all colors could enjoy their music–or something like that–I was pretty much a wreck at that point, so I may have missed his meaning. 

Hands down this was one of the best concerts I’ve been to. Not just because the guys were there performing their asses off, but also knowing that I was there with almost all of my friends (shout out Cherry Cordial! Have fun at your concert soon!) were there in the stadium with me.

Knowing we were all having the same experience, knowing how much each and every one of us love this band, knowing that after this we would all get together and talk and squeee and laugh over the whole thing? Yeah, that’s what pushed the night over the edge for me and I will really never, ever forget it. 

Sappy much?

Anywhoo–I took way too many photos and here is a gallery of just a fraction of them….

The Wings Tour Or How BTS Murdered The Fangirl Stephanie would give you a reporting on her BTS experience but she's  dead. Totes dead. Killed by Kpop.

[thezombiemamma]

Between all the K-Pop groups I squee over and all the dramas I watch, it might seem impossible for me to have time to obsess over any one thing. However, being the multi-tasking zombie that I am, I find that no matter how many things I’ve got going on, there’s always time to squeeze in a little obsessing. Especially when all that really involves is playing the same ridiculously amazing album over and over and over again.

It may seem a bit funny, obsessing over an album that was released back in November, but let’s be real. We all know that sometimes things just kind of pop up randomly and smack you upside the head with their awesomeness. Which is exactly what’s happened me with this album. When Good Timing first dropped, I immediately fell in love with the title track, “거짓말이야” (A Lie) but the rest of the album somehow got overlooked. (What can I say? Sometimes I fail as a fangirl. *hangs head in shame*) However, when B1A4 came to Chicago last month, I was suddenly reminded that I had a whole new album I’d yet to enjoy so I went back to my trusty K-Pop collection, pulled up the album, gave it a listen and haven’t been able to take it off repeat since.

I can’t even find the words to express how much I love this album. Every song has its own set of charms and each of them highlights a different facet of B1A4’s many talents. Of course there are some songs that have found a special place in my heart and “I’ll Find You” is definitely one of them. Why? Well, why don’t you give it a listen and see if you can’t figure it out…

*weeps uncontrollably* Augh! My heart! It aches every time this song starts to play! *sniffles* It’s just. so. darn. perfect. And catchy to boot! I can’t tell you how many days this song has been stuck in my head over the past month. I think it’s become a permanent resident in my brain. Oddly enough, I’m perfectly okay with that.

While we’re on the subject of ridiculously catchy and perfectly wonderful tracks, “Nightmare” is definitely up there. OH MY WORD! This track has to be one of the sexiest these boys have ever released. It’s just so… *swoon* (I know, I’m so good at describing things, aren’t I?)

I honestly can’t listen to this song without being transported back to B1A4’s night in Chicago. I’m immediately reminded of CNU and the unexpectedly sexy side of him that literally took my breath away. Having seen these boys perform twice before, I thought I had a pretty good idea of what I was getting myself into as I headed to last month’s concert. But, boy oh boy, was I wrong! I don’t know when CNU transformed into such a confident, sexy god but OH MY WORD! It was NOT okay with that transformation! (Well… Okay… We all know I was really all kinds of okay with sexy CNU… I just didn’t know how to deal with him at the time. Or now, for that matter. Darn bias wrecking boy!) With visions of slinky, sexy CNU in my head every time this song plays, I have no choice but to rank it as one of my favorites.

Of course more than one track on this album takes me back to that one perfect February night. Every time “Good Timing” plays, I immediately picture Baro’s smile as he doused the audience with an endless supply of water bottles. Sure, the other boys joined in the fun but Baro is the one who stands out the most in my mind. Possibly because he was my first B1A4 love, but also, it could have something to do with the amount of attention he bestowed on us poor lowly balcony dwellers that night. Unlike so many other artists I’ve seen in the past, he made sure he gave as much love to those of us in the balcony as he did everyone on the main floor and that just made the whole night more special. It made us all feel like we were actually an important part of the evening and not just a bunch of forgotten spectators. *happy sigh*

I suppose a lot of my love for this album could stem from the fact that listening to it brings back so many happy memories. But really, how is that a bad thing? If I can listen to great music and be reminded of an amazing evening, all at the same time, I call that a win. Of course even without the memories, this album is fantastic and totally obsession-worthy. But that’s just the humble opinion of one very fangirly zombie. The question is, what do you think of B1A4’s Good Timing? Let me know in the comments below!

My Current Obsession: B1A4’s “Good Timing” Between all the K-Pop groups I squee over and all the dramas I watch, it might seem impossible for me to have time to obsess over any one thing.