#kind and safe space for everyone not a venting place full of negativity and self hatred

[princeofyorkshire]

sigh

[thevtuberconfessional]

HIIII CHAT ☆ !

Hi there, everyone! I bid you all welcome to the vtuber confessional with wide open arms. ♡♡♡ here, you can vent all your thoughts regarding vtubing and vtubers, of every kind! However, please proceed below the cut for more information before submitting any confessions!!

☆ RULES! ☆

While this is a safe place for everyone, since this is a confessional booth, feel free to express any unpopular opinions you have as long as they don't involve any of the following: racial slurs, homophobic slurs, nazism, zionism, extremely excessive and detailed thirsting (you'll know it when you see it), or detailed gore. It's hard to keep a confessional blog both a safe space for everyone AND up and running, but it can definitely be attempted!

You can shill for your oshis, too! It's in fact encouraged. The only thing that isn't allowed is shilling for the same vtuber multiple times in a row (especially in short amounts of time, that's just spam), or excessive self-promotion. Additionally, all vtubers you promote MUST be over the irl age of 18. This is a confession blog, not an advertisement blog-- but you can throw in some shilling too. You ARE here to express your thoughts!

You can only send in one ask/confession at a time, sorry! This is to avoid spam.

Yes, you can talk about Vtuber drama. This is actually one of the main things I expect this blog to consist of. That said, since I want to encourage positivity in the vtuber community, please no excessive doomposting or negativity. A little negativity is fine (this is what you'd expect to see in some confessions, of course!) but not too much. I'll close asks or make a post detailing it if it gets too overwhelming.

I'll add trigger warnings to confessions mentioning certain, potentially triggering content. That said, if possible, you can do me a favor by including trigger warnings with your ask. It seriously can help me and is a lot less stressful!

6. Please don't start fights with other confessers. You can comment on their confessions within another confession once, but don't get in a full back in forth with them. Again, in-fighting is one of the things that causes the vtuber community to get so toxic.

7. Thirsty confessions are allowed, but PLEASE nothing graphic. If I allow graphic stuff, this blog will become a dumpster fire faster than you can type tskr to your kamioshi having a cute sneeze /j. But seriously, nothing graphic at all.

8. I'll delete asks I'm uncomfortable with by making a post that briefly states the first few words of the confession (not the full confession), and explain why it wasn't allowed. ((EX: "Attention Confesser! One ask was found in the pile that was against the rules: 'I want Marina to...' this ask was deleted for being overly lewd and graphic. Try and tone it down next time, please!))

9. I might likely comment on or reply to your ask instead of just posting the ask itself! However, if you would rather not me respond/take the chances of me responding, please specify that you would not like me to comment on it!

10. I'll change this as I see fit. For now, if you need to submit a confession, you might want to skim the rules every time to make sure nothing has changed.

~ ☆ ~

MOD INFO!

You can call me, the mod, "Iris !" I go by any and all pronouns, so use whatever.

My Oshis are currently Rin Penrose, Nanashi Mumei, and Rosco Graves. ✨️

I might occasionally post about vtubing stuff and post some positive vtuber spotlights!

(If the vtuber I spotlight is caught in any controversies, please let me know. I will take them down if I see fit)

~☆~

I'm super excited to hear what y'all gotta say! I hope you all have amazing days. :] See you!

[wildwoodcaretaker]

Welcome to the Wildwood, young one.

My Wildwood is a place of comfort for all that need it; you are safe beneath these boughs. In this quiet space, you can relax. Breathe deeply and without fear.

I am the Caretaker, the Guardian, the Keeper of this Wood. You may refer to me in whatever non-parental way you wish. I am here to offer advice, compassion, and comfort to all who seek shelter in my home.

The Wildwood is governed by rules its occupants must follow. You will find them below. Anyone found to be breaking these rules will be permanently barred from the Wood.

Hello! I'm Lucky, and I'm the writer behind the Wildwood Caretaker. I'm the host of a professionally diagnosed DID system and am autistic.

This is a carer blog for anyone who needs it, but it's geared specifically towards age regressors and child alters!

A small warning: there will be some content here that people may find spooky, like dark forests, the unknown, and related things. I will tag accordingly!

This blog is open to asks, but I do have a few stipulations!

Please don't send asks if you are a minor! (I'm over 25 and don't feel comfortable directly interacting with minors. You can still like/reblog though!)

Keep asks positive and light as possible; though I am happy to try to offer advice and comfort, I want this blog to be a safe and comforting place for everyone (including my mental health). Overly negative or vent asks will be deleted.

Though I'm fine with some minimal text quirks, I have a terrible time understanding heavy baby talk and things like that. Please include a translation if you can, or tone it down in asks so I can understand.

Anons can feel free to use emoji tags!

Full DNI

NSFW/sexual blogs, ageplay/kink-derived "regression", MAPs/pedos, minors in kink or supporters

Bigots, LGBT+phobes, generally hateful blogs

Pro-SH/ED, yandere, fujoshi, vent blogs

Endogenic systems + supporters

FAQ

So what exactly is this blog?

I personally feel very safe in the woods and nature in general, and the idea that some greater being, a protector of nature, is watching over me is super comforting to me and child alters in my system. So I thought maybe other people would like that kind of thing too, a unique carer experience that lots of other blogs (I hope).

The Caretaker will make posts about self-care, in-character comfort posts, and reblogs with cozy, nature-related things. It will also answer asks from regressors/child alters/whoever else with advice, comfort, or positivity.

Is the Caretaker a real thing? Is it an alter?

No and no! The Caretaker is purely a fictional character I've created, so this is essentially a roleplay on my end; however, this is not a roleplay blog in itself, meaning I won't respond to other super "in character" posts or asks.

In character posts (so the Caretaker talking) will be in italics! Anything out of character (so me, the writer, talking) will not be in italics, and will usually be under a cut.

Do you accept asks? What about messages?

My private messages are closed, but asks are open! Please see above for ask rules!

What/who is the Caretaker?

That's up to the reader! I see it as a kind of nature spirit, a protector of the woods. I will say it's more creature than human, but what it looks like beyond that, it's gender/pronouns, and other details are totally open to interpretation.

Blog banner and icon are from Unsplash. Dividers and DNI banners are made by me and are not for public use!

I hope other people can find comfort in this sort of thing! Even if not, I'm having fun with it~

Thanks for visiting!

[universal-kitty]

“You’re going to be okay. Everything is going to be fine.” for your self ship with G'RAHA TIA

prompt list i. ♡

   It wasn’t unusual for Rhela to be scatterbrained or lost for a few days at a time. In fact, it was typically expected for the Miqo’te healer to get distracted with flowers or something for an unknowable period of time. The idea behind it was to typically wait out their disappearance...or wait for the linkshell call that signaled that they were very, very lost and needed some help. Even in areas very familiar to them, one could not assume that Rhela’s directions would be perfect; even in their homeland of the Twelveswood, one could still watch Rhela get turned around when going places!

   It was something of a talent, many joked.

   G’raha had not time enough to learn of these quirks his partner had, but even after a few short weeks, well... He learned quickly enough. Although Alphinaud and Alisaie waited patiently, Y’shtola and Thancred prone to make jokes, Urianger...typically silent, but otherwise patient... G’raha couldn’t keep himself still. Constantly pacing and fussing whenever Rhela disappeared for some reason or the other. Worse yet if Ah’dan wasn’t in tow... Were they okay alone? Did they get hurt?! Maybe he should’ve walked with them...!

   He, truly, was a worrywart that none of the other Scions could control, so they also ended up leaving him to his worried fussing until the healer inevitably showed up again, likely with new stories from a previously-traveled land. In funnier cases, one again getting lost... Some things never changed, after all, and it was a relief to have them safely within eyeshot again!

    ...Shame it never lasted for long, however.

   On a trip to Gridania (much to G’raha’s thrill; a place he hadn’t been to in a long time? Rhela’s home?? IT WAS JUST THEM?!?) one day, however... Rhela was silent. Opening the journey with joy and their chatterbox nature coming out in full, G’raha originally thought they just wore themself out. Maybe after a break- a camp for the night (or an inn room stay, if they were lucky)- would bring up the spirits again.

   But when they didn’t perk up after that, a few days passing by in complete silence save for the sound of chocobo feet on dirt, something had to be said. In fact, he considered piping up right then and there to talk about it, but hesitated. Well, he reasoned to himself mentally, perhaps trying to talk over the walking of our chocobos will be too difficult. I’ll just wait until we break.

   Except break came and went. Still in silence, though G’raha tried to talk about some things. Anything that came to mind and a few things he thought Rhela could get into. Yet there was little response aside from “mmhm” and “yeah.” It was...kind of a downer, but worse was the fact that he so desperately wanted to help, but didn’t know what to do. How can you help someone when you don’t know what ails them? When they won’t speak of their problems to begin with?

   For a lack of something, anything else to do...he forced the proceeds to stop. Instead, decidedly causing trouble by turning his chocobo and darting off when they were about to leave Bentbranch Meadows for Gridania.

   “Wh- G’RAHA!! G’raha, where are you going?!? G’RAHA!!!!” Yet he would not turn back, instead riding for the docks. A place that Rhela often fondly spoke of as their most favored spot in all of the Shroud...and so where he’d bring them to open up. His heart leaping for burst of joy when his ears picked up additional footsteps behind him, eyes blown wide and hopeful.

   This could be his only chance...

   It didn’t take Rhela long to catch up, confusion in their eyes as their frazzled chocobo was given a rest, storming over in a mix of confusion and a bit of hurt. “Wh-What in the world was that about?! Running off like that...! We’re almost to Gri-”

   “You’re not speaking with me!” G’raha snapped back, his worries finally free and flowing, catching the other Miqo’te off guard. Their eyes widening and stepping back slightly at his outburst. “I...I can tell something’s bothering you. Something’s been bothering you this whole trip, and you haven’t been talking to me about it... I want to help you, Rhela. I really do. Yet I cannot help someone who won’t tell me...what’s wrong.”

   ...The silence that followed worried him, leaning back as he watched the expression on their face. The subtle shifts from hurt, to awareness, to more pain...and tears bubbling up behind their glasses. Sniffles sounding as their head dipped down.

   “Rhela, I...”

   “Don’t be sorry,” they choked out, a hand raising up to wipe away their growing tears. “I... You’re not wrong. And I’m sorry; it’s just...really hard to talk about...”

   “I’m so sorry. I didn’t-”

   “Don’t be sorry!” They reprimanded with a shaky laugh. “You can’t be sorry for something you didn’t know about... Here, let’s sit down. I’ll... I’ll try my best to explain everything.”

   It was most certainly a lengthy explanation, most of which centered around their own perceived failures, shortcomings, and an insecurity over things that G’raha had fallen for in the first place. (So it was silly to him, but... He could understand their hesitations, not always certain in everything they did. It was so humanizing and refreshing... G’raha always could get carried away in his hero worship; he loved Rhela for the Miqo’te they were- are, even- but sometimes he was still that older Mystel in another realm, pining for what he thought was beyond his reach...)

   Rhela was curled into his side by this point, on and off in tears as they let it all out. His arm was protectively around them, ears keeping tabs on any new adventurers passing by... Now would not be a good time for them to be overheard, after all. They needed all the space they could to vent safely; he’d do anything to ensure that.

   “You’ve been carrying this...for all this time?” Rhela nodded and he sighed, head turning to nuzzle his nose against their hair. A faint scent of flowers still there... “Oh, Rhela... I’m so sorry to hear that. Please know...that if anything like this ever comes to mind again, you can speak of it to me? Right?”

   “I know,” they murmured. “I just... Worry about being perceived as a bother for being so...negative. Everyone expects so much of me; I don’t want to show too much weakness-”

   “But that’s what makes you wonderful. What makes you a hero above the rest,” G’raha assured, pulling away to look down at them. “It’s in my opinion that all too many heroes put on the brave face for the populace. I cannot say that it’s wise to spread fear...so while I sadly can see where some of this comes from... I think it’s important to consider that your weaknesses are what make you even stronger. A reassurance to the people that you are still so very much raw and down-to-earth. Close to them. Does that make sense?”

   Rhela nodded with a sigh, leaning back into G’raha. He squeezed them close, just for a moment, so they might soak up his comfort. An ear brushing against the side of his head, making him smile a little at the feeling. So, so cute...

   “To put it one way... We’ll figure it out eventually,” he said, shrugging. “The world’s greatest hero- once again, in my opinion- shouldn’t be suffering for the greater good of others. I’m certain we can find a...happier balance.”

   “If you say so...” Rhela sighed softly, eyes closing. “It’s ideal for sure, but is it truly possible?” G’raha blinked, looking down at them a moment. For a split second, he didn’t know how to respond to that...but with a soft smile, he slipped a finger under their chin, gently tilting their head up. Rhela’s eyes fluttered open, nearly stealing his breath away as he stared into them, that small, affectionate smile never fading from his lips.

   “You’re going to be okay. Everything is going to be fine,” he insisted gently, pressing a kiss to their temple. “I promise it.” A kiss to their nose, that had a return smile growing. “We’ll do this...together.” A kiss to their lips, soft and sweet. The soft inhale had him dizzy with delight, still far too in love with Rhela to not swoon at their every little action and movement.

   And when he pulled away, the shine of love in their eyes had him melting into a puddle as his heart squeezed tenderly. Positively overwhelmed with love as they bumped heads gently, tails slowly twining together behind them.

   “Thank you,” they said, breathless and quiet. “I...I love you so, so much, Raha.” (His heart beat like a drum all over again, hearing those words anew.)

   “I love you, too, darling. Now... Shall we finish our trip? I’m sure a cozy inn room is waiting for us...”

   “Hmm.... Nah, not yet! You dragged me out to my favorite spot, so... We’re gonna take pictures first! Then we can go to Gridania~” G’raha could only laugh in delight, their twined tails swishing in conjoined delight.

[ami-incants]

Sleep Charm Pouch

Pictured: Store-bought blue pouch, angelite, black tourmaline, lapis lazuli, rose quartz, charoite, amethyst, malachite, lavender, ‘My sleep is peaceful’ sigil.

This pouch was requested by @femsiriuslyobsessed​. My pouches are usually to be carried on your person, but this one belongs under your pillow. See under the cut for general information about using charm pouches and their components.

Pouch Colour: Blue - Calming, peace White - Protection, peace Green - Healing, freedom Brown - Wards off bad omens, grounding

Crystals: Charoite - Promotes deep sleep, soothes nerves, calming to those with ADHD and autism, releases fear and negativity, puts things into perspective, reduces resistance to change. Amethyst - Aids sleep, eases depression and anxiety. Promotes calm, motivation, self-belief, control. Enhances calm, strength, physical and emotional healing. Lessens conflict. Protective stone. Black obsidian - Dispels nightmares by absorbing negative energies and shedding light on past traumas that allows the emotional trauma to be resolved. Aids falling asleep by reducing self-destructive thoughts. Fosters self-belief and motivation for positive change. Protective stone. Labradorite - Aids falling asleep by calming the mind and clearing worries and fears. Can help you to understand and move past nightmares. Eases depression and anxiety. Enhances strength. Protective stone. Rose quartz - Aids sleep, eases depression and anxiety. Promotes calm, self-belief and self-care. Supports all kinds of relationships. Protective stone. Angelite - Healing and protection for environment or body, converts fear, anger and anxiety into faith and tranquillity. Black tourmaline - Grounding, cleanses negative thoughts and anxieties, good for relinquishing chronic worries. Green aventurine - Calms and balances emotions, halts over-analysing, soothes emotional wounds and encourages recognition of root issues. Selenite wand - Not for in the pouch, but to cleanse the room  (see below for suggested accompanying spell, or simply focus on your intention while spreading the smoke around the room. Pay particular attention to doors, windows and vents).

As this pouch is going under your pillow, be aware of the size and shape of your crystals when choosing them. A pointy crystal in the ear is likely to have an adverse effect!

Herbs/Spices: Lavender/Chamomile - Calming/soothing. Calming/Soothing incense - I use Lily of the Valley. Do not leave candles or incense burning when you fall asleep. Sage - Cleanse your bedroom with sage smoke (see below for suggested accompanying spell, or simply focus on your intention while spreading the smoke around the room. Pay particular attention to doors, windows and vents).

Charms: Broom - Brush away negative influences Hammer - Drive away malevolent energies Personal charms - Any which bring you comfort and calm feelings, would recommend a stuffie.

Sigils: Choose either/both if they suit your situation. My dreams are pleasant

My sleep is peaceful

Spell: Choose any that suit your situation. Sleep Pouch Charging Spell - Hold the pouch in your hands while reciting this spell aloud or in your head. This spell unfortunately won’t suit everyone’s belief system, I wrote it to charge a pouch for a family member. You can use one of the other spells below to charge the pouch, but I have found these need recharging daily whereas this spell works for a week. Remember, it’s possible to charge a pouch by simply sitting with it and concentrating on its purpose. This spell can also be used with candle magic and a sigil can be carved into the candle before it is lit. The candle must burn out/down as much as possible. Preferably bury the candle nub in the earth once cool. Recharge weekly.

When this beneath a pillow lies, Let those who rest their head Be visited by Hypnos to Sleep soundly in their bed. And if his sons must send to them Dreams through either door, Let them not be troublesome. Disturb their sleep no more.

Re-energising Spell - When you feel that special brand of drained that sleep isn’t aiding, cast this in bed for a productive following day. You can use one motivating or event-relevant crystal for the whole spell, or use the following recommended crystals. While reciting the first line, hold amethyst to the centre of your forehead. For the second line, run malachite down both arms, or across a problematic area. Take amazonite for the third line and hold it over your heart. For the last line, place each stone, in the same order, under your pillow (or into a pouch to be placed there) as you say each statement. Recast nightly.

Heal, heal, the worries in my mind Heal, heal, this tired flesh of mine Heal, heal, this weary, wary soul Let me sleep, help me heal, make me whole.

Nightmare Warding Spell - If relevant, use nightly as required. To ward off nightmares. Can be recited aloud or in your head while holding your pouch, a relevant crystal or a personal charm (such as a stuffie). Recast nightly.

Let me sleep without my tears Make me not relive my fears Dreams be happy, else be none Peaceful be ‘til morning come

Nightmare Banishing Spell - I wrote this with the intent for it to be used after a nightmare, but support it being used however you see fit. I would recommend using a cleansing item (a crystal such as selenite would probably be best, or a little moon water) or holding a black stone (for grounding and absorbing negativity) while reciting this out loud or in your head. Recast as required.

Take these demons from my dreams For they serve me no more I am safe. I am strong. I have closed that door.

Self-Cleansing Spell - Use as required. I use this while combing my aura with my selenite wand. You could use your favourite method of cleansing, whether it’s with smoke, water, moonwater, crystal-infused water or music. I use this before spiritual work but also anytime I’m feeling a little woolly or run down. The purpose of including it here is to rid yourself of any negativities that may be clinging to you and getting in the way of a peaceful sleep. The words ‘keep’ and ‘leave’ can be swapped or substituted with ‘make’ if it feels appropriate. Recast as required.

Cleanse my mind, Cleanse my soul, Keep me kind, Leave me whole.

Area Cleansing Spell - Use as required. As above, I use this spell to cleanse an area before spiritual work, and I have included it here to rid the bedroom of any negative energies that may be lurking and interrupting your sleep. Use your preferred method of cleansing while reciting this spell. Repeat the spell if necessary to cover the entire area that you want to cleanse. Pay special attention to doors, windows and vents. Recast as required.

Let negativity dwell no more. Banish evil, close the door. Let this area peaceful be. Protect this space and protect me.

Ask box is open for suggestions!

Below the cut for more information on how pouches and each element of them work. 

About Pouches

Pouches can be made of any material, but natural is better. I prefer to use natural cloth as it is easy to carry around, easy to access and I can feel the energies from the crystals through the material, and smell the herbs. Pouches do not need to be professionally made, you can use a simple drawstring bag that you have made yourself, or even use a handkerchief/cloth square secured with a ribbon. If you cannot source a suitable pouch in the desired colour, the protecting energies of white or the grounding energies of black work well for most situations. It is up to you whether you cleanse your pouch and its contents as a whole or as individual components. Due to the multiple ways I use my crystals, I cleanse and charge them regularly so do not feel the need for a full ritual when putting together a pouch. It is not necessary to use an item from each of the suggested categories, go with what feels right to you.

About Crystals

Chose the number of crystals that feels right for you, and is practical for you to carry around. My magic tends to work in odd numbers, particularly 3, 5 and 7. Black stones tend to need cleansing more frequently as they can get clogged up with the negative energies they have absorbed. Smoke and moonlight are easy and safe ways to cleanse. Sunlight can be used but may discolour some crystals. It’s common advice to cleanse crystals in water/moonwater but this can be risky as many crystals may dissolve, rust, discolour or release toxins. (Crystals that end in ‘-ite’ are particularly likely to react poorly with water.) I cleanse all of my crystals under the full moon each month, and with sage smoke if needed in the interim.

About Herbs/Spices

Follow your nose and use herbs that you enjoy the smell of. Whole fresh herbs are highly preferable where available. They will be much more potent and can be added to the pouch as they are. If using dried herbs, you may want a smaller pouch/vial to contain them within your charm pouch, to avoid the mess. Some herbs are better ingested, and many are available in tea bag form so could be carried within the pouch that way for their scent and for a cup of tea to pick you up if the occasion arises in a location where herbal teas are unlikely to be available. Ginger can be used to give added potency to any spell.

About Charms

Certain objects have particular meanings, but sometimes the most powerful charms are ones personal to us. I have two items of jewellery that I always wear to connect me to three important people in my life, and a third I wear in times of particular need. A personal charm could remind you of a person, place or time. As long as the memory it evokes matches the energy you want in the pouch, it should complement the magic of the other items. Not all charms need to be inside the pouch, you can wear them as you would normally, but if you want to give them a boost you could put them inside the pouch while you cleanse/charge it. If the suggested item seems too large for a pouch, assume I mean a toy/miniature version e.g. broom, hammer.

About Sigils

The sigil can be drawn (preferably in the pouch colour) onto paper, stone, wood etc to be placed inside the pouch, or can be marked onto the pouch itself. When drawing the sigil, think about the affirmation and visualise it already achieved. If using candle magic to charge your pouch, the sigil can be carved onto the candle.

About Spells

Spells do not have to be written down and kept within the pouch. They can be used to charge the pouch, or recited from memory at times of need. If writing it down to serve as a reminder, it is beneficial to write it in the optimum colour for that pouch.

[cutsliceddiced]

New top story from Time: I Let My Child Create Their Own Gender Identity. The Experience Has Been a Gift for Us Both

“What are you having?” I’d be standing in line at the post office or a movie theater, and I’d realize a stranger was staring at my belly. The kind person thought they were asking me a simple question with a simple answer: Is it a boy or a girl?

If you want to get technical, my partner Brent and I had found out our child’s sex chromosomes in the early stages of my pregnancy, and we had seen their genitals during the anatomy scan. But we didn’t think that information told us anything about our kid’s gender. The only things we really knew about our baby is that they were human, breech and going to be named Zoomer. We weren’t going to assign a gender or disclose their reproductive anatomy to people who didn’t need to know, and we were going to use the gender-neutral personal pronouns they, them and their. We imagined it could be years before our child would tell us, in their own way, if they were a boy, a girl, nonbinary or if another gender identity fit them best. Until then, we were committed to raising our child without the expectations or restrictions of the gender binary.

I have a gender-studies degree and a Ph.D. in sociology. In the decade before Zoomer was born, it was literally my job to study and educate others about gender. There was no shortage of gender-disparity statistics, but I felt confident that progress toward gender equity was gaining momentum. In my Sociology of Gender and Sexuality course, I would lecture on discrimination against queer people, the motherhood penalty, men’s higher suicide rate, violence against transgender women of color, and the way intersex people–those born with biological traits that aren’t typically male or female–are stigmatized or completely overlooked. But I also taught about the victory of same-sex marriage equality, more women running for office, fathers demanding family leave, the rising visibility of transgender actors in the media, and the movement to end intersex surgery.

With every new semester, the number of students asking me to call them by different names and use different pronouns than they were given at birth grew. Women confided that they were experiencing sexism from their chemistry professors. Men vented about the pressures of masculinity. These 18- to 20-something-year-olds were feeling crushed by gender stereotypes. I could relate. I was raised as a girl in the Mormon church, and it took a long time for me to untangle myself from the conditioning that the only things I should want (and could be good at) were marriage and motherhood.

I could see the trail of bread crumbs. How gender inequalities get their start in childhood. How girls do more chores than boys and are paid less allowance. How kids are dressed in shirts that say “sorry boys, Daddy says i can’t date until I’m 30,” yet when a child says they’re gay, they’re told they’re too young to know that. How girls are discouraged from running for student government. How boys are discouraged from playing with dolls. How queer and trans youth are kicked out of their homes. People have asked me to prove that gender-creative parenting will have positive outcomes. I double-dog dare someone to prove that hypergendered childhood is a roaring success.

Kids fare better in environments where they are accepted for who they are. The negative outcomes that are often experienced by queer and trans youth are mitigated by supportive families and friends. Parents take precautions to keep their children healthy and safe by enrolling them in swim lessons, teaching them to stay away from fire and cutting food into tiny pieces. Holding space for the possibility a child might be trans or nonbinary or queer is also preventative care.

The goal of gender-creative parenting is not to eliminate gender—the goal is to eliminate gender-based oppression, disparities and violence. The aim isn’t to create a genderless world; it’s to contribute to a genderfull one. We as a society have an opportunity to shake up childhood gender socialization in a way that creates more healthy and equitable adulthoods for everyone. What have we got to lose? The patriarchy? Good riddance.

The summer before I was pregnant, I noticed a young sprints track meet banner fastened to the chain-link fence of the local high school. I can’t wait till I have a little one who can run in that! I thought.

Three years later, I left that track meet in tears after I found out that despite assurances to the contrary, the 2- and 3-year-old girls would run in different heats than the boys. “I not running?” Zoomer asked as we drove away. I felt terrible for leaving. Zoomer just wanted to run. But I also would have felt terrible if I had stayed. It is these moments that plant the seeds that boys and girls are dramatically different, and in the case of track and field, that boys are better. I refused to have our family participate.

The experience was disappointing, if not unexpected. When I was pregnant, I would dream up hypothetical situations with cruel pediatricians refusing to use they/them pronouns and flight attendants treating Zoomer like a stereotype and anxiously think through how I would react to these circumstances. I was afraid that my family members might be so nervous about accidentally using a gendered pronoun for Zoomer, so nervous about offending me, that they would distance themselves from us.

But for the most part, the past four years have not been filled with tears and strife (at least no more tears than you’d find in any home of a young child and tired parents). Our life looks remarkably like a lot of other families’ lives, filled with joy and affirmation. And color. Lots of color.

Courtesy Kyl Myers (4)Top left: February 2016; Top right: June 2018; Bottom left: Father’s Day 2017; Bottom right: March 2016

When people think of gender-neutral, their minds often go to a grayish beige, potato-hued color palette. But we don’t dress Zoomer in burlap sacks, or only give them toys the color of Wheat Thins. We give them options, and they thoughtfully pick what they like the most. For a while, Zoomer’s favorite color was pink; then it was orange. They picked the pink, purple and aqua bedsheets; the fire-truck socks; the outer-space sleeping bag; and the violet climbing shoes. They wanted the Cars Pull-Ups one time and the Minnie Mouse ones the next. Zoomer has a stuffed dog named Dante that goes everywhere with them and a baby doll that they named DeeDee. Zoomer loves Play-Doh and molds neon-colored animals and pretend food. They say, “I’m not going to eat it.” Then I see that their teeth are bright blue, and they have, in fact, tried to eat it.

A common critique of gender-creative parenting is that “the kid will be confused,” but Zoomer doesn’t seem confused at all. In fact, they have a more nuanced understanding of sex and gender than a lot of adults. We teach them to use gender-neutral words until a person tells us about themself. We call kids friends. We have taught Zoomer about their own body without using boy-girl labels. Zoomer understands that some girls have penises and some boys have vulvas, and some intersex kids have vulvas and testes. Zoomer knows some daddies get pregnant and some nonbinary parents are called Zazas. At day care, I tell teachers, “Please snuggle them and wrestle with them. Please compliment their painted toenails and let them get muddy. Call them handsome and beautiful; sensitive and brave. Give them the opportunity to play with the Hot Wheels and the kitchen set.” Because Zoomer has been raised with a focus on inclusivity, they have an instinct to make everyone feel welcome. When a character on a kids’ show says, “Hello, boys and girls!” Zoomer adds, “And nonbinary pals!”

A friend of mine recently told me when she first found out how we were going to parent, she thought, That’s going to be endless work for Kyl. “But now I actually think that you are so lucky and had some great foresight,” she said. “I spend so much of my time tearing the walls down that people are trying to build around my daughters. People aren’t trying to build walls around Zoomer because they don’t know which walls to build.”

I wanted to give my child a gift. The gift of seeing people as more than just a gender. The gift of understanding gender as complex, beautiful and self-determined. I hadn’t considered how much of a gift I’d also be giving myself. While curating an experience for Zoomer to come to their own identity, I inadvertently started taking a closer look at mine too.

One day, Zoomer and I were playing hide-and-seek. They cupped their eyes as I hid in the pantry, then walked around the house mimicking the words we use when we are trying to find them. “Mommy, you in the plant? No … Mommy, you under the couch? No.” As they got closer, they called out, “Kyl! Where are you?”

Gender-creative parenting comes with a giant mirror and forces me to ask myself, “Kyl! Where are you?” I’ve examined my own gender identity and expression more in the past four years than I had in the three decades before becoming Zoomer’s parent. As I’ve tried to create an environment where Zoomer is free from the chains of binary gender, I am working to figure out what about my gender is authentic and what was prescribed to me, and is it even possible to differentiate at this point? I love my body, but I don’t love that I was assigned a specific gender role because of it. In my early 30s, I’m climbing out of the girl box I was placed in in 1986. I’m trying on new labels and pronouns, and giving myself the same encouragement to play with gender that I am giving my child.

Not everyone has the support that Brent and I have. We sprang gender-creative parenting on our families, and they decided to get on board. They shared in the emotional labor and took it upon themselves to educate our extended family and their co-workers, neighbors and friends. They are champions at using gender-neutral pronouns. Some of my friends have not been so lucky. They’ve lost touch with family members or have strained relationships because of their decision to do gender-creative parenting. I know of a grandparent who keeps a stash of clothing, so whenever their gender-creative grandchild comes over, they change them out of the outfit the child picked to put them in something more stereotypically associated with their sex. Some of my friends’ family members have called child protective services, reporting their grandchild is being abused, simply because they weren’t assigned a gender. This is also a reason I feel strongly about being a public advocate for parenting this way—many others don’t have the safety, support and resources to talk openly about it.

Around their fourth birthday, Zoomer started declaring a gender identity and claiming some gendered pronouns. Brent and I are honoring Zoomer’s identity and expression and answering all their questions in an age-appropriate and inclusive way. (I’m using they here because Zoomer is still exploring gender and I want them to have some autonomy over how they share their identity with the world.)

I’m witnessing my child create their own gender—and who Zoomer has become is greater than anything I could have imagined or assigned. Instead of us telling the children who they should be, maybe it’s the children who will teach us how to be. We just have to get out of their way.

Myers is the author of Raising Them: Our Adventure in Gender Creative Parenting, from which this essay is adapted

via https://cutslicedanddiced.wordpress.com/2018/01/24/how-to-prevent-food-from-going-to-waste

[wombwonders]

The steps taken so far to find my passion

This post is from my previous Cairo Phoenix blog (2014)

So YES I have finally started DOING and it feels so good. We began our first weekly meetups end of 2013 and they have been very rewarding thanks to the amazing women who joined them. In this post I will share some of the steps I took so far towards making this idea come to life. Just a intro for the new followers:

The project is called Cairo Phoenix, (The rising of the phoenix bird symbolizes a person that has gone through difficult times, but has resurrected). We are designing a programme to stimulate creative expression by using all kinds of art forms that can help in the healing process for women who have experienced sexual assault. Let’s express and create!

My first step: helped me find my passion in life. After some of my long travels in Asia and north America I started to notice that certain topics move me more than other topics. That it has to be different for everyone, I figured that If I wanted to understand myself better and get closer to my own core values and passions I needed to somehow document those particular things before they would just ‘poof’ desolve again in thin air. What was it that made my heart pump faster, those moments when I would feel butterflies or as someone recently called the negative equivalent; Bats flying in my stomach. Anything that gave me goose bumps, made me cry my eyes out or laugh till me cheeks hurt I would try to collect somehow. It could be anything: music, blog posts, movies, books, conversations, songs, pictures. At some point I began to see a very clear and personal theme.

The second step: involved an exercise my dear friend Kelly calls: The Ideal Wednesday Exercise. It’s very simple and I would recommend this to anyone, you describe your ideal ‘random’ Wednesday in the future. Somehow mine ended up with me living in a different country and helping create a safe community full of free creative expression and specifically for women who have been through sexual trauma.

My third step: happened 3 years ago when Amr sat with me at the kitchen table and was finally able to convince me to start this blog (for more info see 'about’ section). It has helped me al lot to gather information and blog about issues I found relative to the subject and document my journey to follow my hearth and make a positive contribution to our world.

My forth step: Time for change. I wanted to commit more time to this project so 3 years ago I resigned from my job as communications manager for a Fairtrade fashion store brand called Nukuhiva in Amsterdam. My background is in fashion and I liked being around beautiful creations but mostly I enjoyed meeting lots of new people, making connections, finding out what people want, and what drives them, I loved hearing about other peoples journeys and working in a fairtrade store meant; meeting lots of conscious people who actually live an inspiring life.

My Fifth step: After Nukuhiva I started to work at & for a coworking space (now) called: Impact Hub Amsterdam. I had come across this coworking space half a year earlier and fell in love with the overall feel of the place; Open, welcoming and buzzing with friendly, motivated people, I just felt I needed to be part of this not even knowing yet what this 'coworking’ was all about. Needless to say that this became my workspace and soon I also worked there part time as a members host until I moved to Cairo for real. As a members host I organized some events and attended several trainings and workshops like: Practice of Art of Hosting. Where you learn different tools to facilitate and host groups and tap into the collective intelligence of that group. Speaking Circle: Practice being with one person at a time, allowing natural silence, and listening without judgment, and something simply amazing called; Circling: Where a small group pays exquisite attention to one person, they share, explore patterns and co-discover in a way that encourages growth.

My sixth step:During my Hub-time I also worked with Rambler; a very inspiring initiative that combines being a social venture (providing teens from the street a creative outlet) and being a street fashion brand where the proud teens can sell their end product in the form of street fashion wear. A few years earlier I met Carmen the (co)founder of Rambler and we agreed to share our skills, I offered my experience in the fashion industry and the Rambler team shared their knowledge and their office with me. I worked with some of the young designers and watched them create their moodboards, writing, photography, fabric samples or listened when they just needed to vent about what was going on in their life. I helped with some sale/communication training and traveled with the team for the Berlin fashion week.

My seventh step: Moving on: 2 years ago I ended up leaving Amsterdam  and moving to Cairo, I ended up in the right place at the right time; a new coworking space called The District , In a previous blogpost you can read more about this great place that has become my new home base in this strange country. I have been working here since (off and on) by organizing events and together we have helped the District grow from an office space into a rich community of entrepreneurial coworkers. It has been an amazing experience all around.

Being around all these inspiring people made me think about pursuing my own passion and so; It’s only baby steps and more than 2 years later than planned but I like to believe that all things happen at the right time.

This month we will have our 10th Cairo Phoenix gathering where women who are interested in exploring new ways of expression through art on the topic of healing after sexual violence. My point was to start small and slowly but surely build this community. So far around 20 different women joined a gathering with around 7 people each time. Our private Cairo Phoenix facebook page has about 70 members. We are now preparing our first Phoenix retreat where we will dive a bit deeper and will discover new ways of creative self expression.

More details about the Cairo Phoenix gatherings will come soon, you can subscribe/follow this blog and, or find 3choices on facebook. If you are interested in being involved than please feel free to contact me via fb also if you would like to join our gatherings. We (the other Cairo Phoenix women and me) would love to hear from you!

[rhondawoody]

Detox it ALL

When we think about detoxing we think about food. Normally we don’t think about our money or social media. Yet everyday we are saturated by toxic influences in our surroundings. Lets face it, it takes a lot of work to clean stuff up and out. We are always on the go and many times we don’t even realize that we are being impacted by our environment.

For example, you and a girlfriend decide to go out to lunch. She picked this great restaurant close to your office but it’s kind of pricey. You get there and everything on the menu doesn’t exactly support your clean eating habits. You start to feel a little overwhelmed. Salads are normally safe so you’ll order a salad and have them hold all the unhealthy stuff. Since you showed up a little early, this gives you a chance to catch up on your social media. As you scroll through your page, everyone is sick...venting...or needing suggestions for some kind of issue. Your girlfriend shows up and you two start to talking up a storm. She looks great, put together, and completely confident. During lunch she suggest you go see her hair stylist, demand you make more time for your self because you look exhausted. She’s a concerned friend, right? So in the past hour you spent money that you didn't have for food that you really didn’t like, your social media wasn’t very inspiring, and your concerned friends just confirmed that you really need to get yourself together. There must be something wrong with you right? WRONG! You just spent an hour being completely polluted. Here’s a few things that could have went different. For lunch, go online and look at the food and the prices. Suggest a different place for lunch. One that’s in your price range and that offers food that’s in your diet. Next, clean up that social site. It’s your page and you get to choose what shows up on that wall. Use your social media pages for inspiration, creativity, and for keeping in touch with positive relationships. As for your friend’s suggestions, don’t compare yourself to anyone else. Sure you may need to get your hair done but it's not because you’ve let yourself go. It’s because you've been busy spending time with your family and that was a bigger priority at the time. You’re family is going to remember the fun time you had camping over the weekend and I promise your hair isn’t even apart of those memories.

Of course I’m not encouraging you to develop a defensive attitude. I want to point out the fact that you’re life is impacted by what you surround yourself around. Here’s a few areas that might be ready for some detoxing. Even if you pick one area a week to clean up and detox, you will be amazed how much lighter you will feel. Want to detox on a bigger scale? Create a fun challenge with your partner or as a family.

*Eating habits           *Finances           *Your closet          *Social sites

*Your cell phone and digital devices          *Your schedule      

*Your car          *Your living spaces          *Relationships           *Music

We aren’t victims. We choose what we allow to impact our lives. When we are healthy, balanced and happy it effects every area of our lives. We can choose to be happy and full of life or to be negative and unbalanced. How do you want to spend your time? How do you want your friends and family to see you? For more ideas and tips on how you detox your life, feel free to email me at Rhonda12and12@outlook.com