#kim also spent like 2 years with him before coming to her senses and spending the rest of her life flourishing far far away from him

[coochiekrab]

Dylan's mom has such a cute design. I think she should divorce whatshisface and get lesbian married to uhhh that sheep you drew once if the age gap isn't horrible 👍

Kim and kuri/dylans dad were never married both of kids were born of WEDLOCK

[sxfik]

wednesdays at 11 pm

read on ao3 • main masterlist • law school masterlist

summary: a progression in time, lives, and goodbyes.

a/n: best read while listening to dark red by steve lacy. this is very short but it was written for personal and therapeutic reasons lol!

dedicated and written for someone i had to say goodbye to, to someone i wish i could spend more time with. i'll miss every moment we had together, but we will still have our own time, just for each other. this distance is only temporary :)

reach out to me @chayenzo_sxfik on twt and @sxfik on tumblr! as always enjoy :)

Every wednesday at 11 PM, Han Joon Hwi, second round judicial exam passer and the star student of Professor Yang and Professor Kim, could be found sitting in the Hanguk Law School Library. Now, one would think, a man who is so effortlessly smart as him, wouldn't need to study that late, correct?

Well, what they failed to take into account was the girl sitting across from him, one Kang Sol A. Every single wednesday, without fail, students could find the two huddled in a corner of the library. The girl would scrunch her eyebrows at the textbook, the words turning into mush as she read and re-read the paragraph, whist the boy would sit, patiently at her side, on standby for her.

He sat in the seat next to her, rolling the chair and sliding closer to her as he'd patiently explain the concepts. He'd explain from the ground up, carefully as he could, checking in every couple minutes to make sure she understood the explanation. There were times where she couldn't grasp it despite his different examples, times where she was terrified that he would get frustrated and give up, finally realizing that there was no use for her here. Still, he sat by her side, with endless patience, determination and smiles, as he poured over the texts with her just to make it easier.

It was a simple tradition, meeting at that date and time every week in the library or at the cafe or grabbing late night snacks. Unspoken, yet somehow set in stone, it was clear that time was for them and only them. Despite 7 billion people, living and breathing through that exact time, that exact moment, Wednesdays at 11 PM was moment that belonged to the two students as they accompanied each other in silence, in conversation, in sadness and in happiness.

The two best friends grew up in the years that passed by, graduating from law students to lawyers. They worked through the failures, and successes, with law, as well as friendships and life. At every up and down, every change and unexpected circumstance, the two friends still had a simple moment reserved for them.

Despite being in their late twenties, they were just starting life together as they joined firms and the prosecutor's office. Days were long and hard, their bodies aging faster under the emotional stresses of the job. The pressure, as emerging stars in a competitive field where corruption is rampant and morals are stored away, was close to crushing. Despite graduating from the top law school in Korea, their life was no easier as they journeyed together, this time as partners and soulmates than friends.

Even though there was so much to pull them apart, their long hours and stressful lives, the trauma and weight of what they went through their 1L, it was never enough to pull them apart from each other.

They clung to each other, to their moments together each week, at a bar, at their apartment, at their office. They held each other firmly, in each others arms, in firm clasps and through the long nights. They clung to every day, every hour, minute and second.

Kang Sol had to say goodbye many times in her life. Some were by choice, some were by circumstance, and well, some were unforeseen. It was a simple constant in her life, the coming and leaving of her closest friends, the people she was surrounded by.

Her first goodbye, was to a man she had never known. Her father, an enigma of a man, someone who had left her mother before she was born. She had not known the man, how he looked, the cadence of his voice, the comfort of his arms. Still, she missed something that she never had, a goodbye to something she never knew.

Her second was to her sister, her twin Kang Dan. Her disappearance was mystifying, leaving her half of a set. It was sudden, and she could only lament for a proper goodbye, a last message, a last look. Soon, that lament turned into confusion, then pain, then anger. Still, it never turned into acceptance, because she knew that she'd find her other half one day, even if it took years.

As she grew, goodbyes were frequent, some angry and painful, some bittersweet and aching. Temporary or permanent, the wounds never truly healed, but the ache would dull with her repeated prodding. Slowly, goodbyes were something that was part of her, something anticipated.

Her final goodbye, she knew was inevitable, and it would be to the man she shared a life with, to the man who sat by her side.

It was still a week until her leave, as she packed up her clothes for her move. Sol was stood at the threshold of their closet, her fingers ghosting through the hangers as she catalogged the clothes she was taking with her and the ones she was leaving. She moved efficiently through them, her fingers knowing which blouse and which shirt was which just by the feel of the cloth.

Her hands finally reached for the last hanger, as her fingers touched the fabric of the old cardigan. The memory was instantaneous, her senses flooding with the fateful day.

It was evening, the summer air thick and humid, and it enveloped the two walking side by side. It was a long week, the two lawyers just settling into their positions at work. Still, the wednesday nights were reserved for just them, as they walked on the sidewalk leading to Sol's apartment.

The two were talked about everything and nothing, the years of familiarity with each other allowing them to read and guess each others moves before they were even made. Still, they yearned to learn more about each other: about the fears, and joys, and childhood memories.

It was no surprise that they also learned the feel of their hands held firmly in each other, the feel of soft loving kisses left on each other's lips, the feel of their hands on each other's warm body.

It was a simple matter of time.

Sol blinked, and hot tears rolled out of her eyes. Her throat constricted, her chest feeling tight as she thought about every moment that she would no longer share with him after her leave. There would be no more moments spent in bed, soaking in the sun as she lay across his lap in silence, watching him in his gold-rimmed glasses as he read. There would be no more moment spent in each others company as they took long trips, the conversation straying into the most mundane and the most unique topics. There would be no more moments, spent having conversations conveyed through their expressions across the courtroom. Nor would there be parties, where Sol could seek him out, joining his side as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her in.

That night, as she crawled into bed with him, she held him a little closer, a little tighter. She clung onto her Joon Hwi, her constant and her love.

Kang Sol sat in the front seat of his car, the trunk loaded with her bags for the next 6 months. The skies were dimming, as the sun disappeared at the horizon. The skies were colored with pinks and blues, the clouds light and airy, almost like cotton candy. What a beautiful day to say goodbye.

After a whirlwind year, she was offered a position in law research at a university in the UK. It was an opportunity of a lifetime, and with the support of her boyfriend and her family, she accepted. Still when she said yes, it was just a dream of a land so far away, a goal that seemed mythic.

There were days spent in joy and bliss, ones spent in sadness and frustration. Sol waited for the moment she could get closer to her dream, to the name and place she was working towards for years. Yet the months passed, time picking up momentum as they got closer and closer to her leave.

The car ride was spent in small conversations and chatter, the silence and pain developing within them as they got closer to the airport. They avoided talks of their destination, instead choosing to talk about all the mundane things in their life. The pain built in her chest, the tightness in her throat growing steadily as they grew closer and closer. She would refuse to look out the window, choosing to look at Joon hwi.

She forced her mind to memorize him as he sat in the driver seat. The angle of his jaw, the smoothness of his skin. The small birthmark near his collarbones, and the way his eyes would flit across the road and towards the mirrors. She memorised every small movement of his, the rhythm of his breathing and the light drumming of fingers on the steering wheel.

The drive that usually took half an hour, whisked by in what felt like 5 minutes. The time flew by too fast, as he parked at the side of the drop off lane in front of the airport.

They paused. For 1, 2, 3 seconds, they sat frozen in their seats, her eyes on him with his hands gripping the steering wheel tight, his knuckles almost white.

Joon hwi twisted in his seat to face her, the busyness of the world around them lay forgotten.

"I'll call you, sol" he said, his lips curved into a smile. his eyes crinkled, as he reached out to tuck a stray hair behind her ear. "Wednesdays at 11, right?" he asked her, his head tilting, his eyes sparkling with mirth but glistening with unshed tears.

She laughed, biting her lip to prevent the tears threatening to overspill, to hold down the part of her that desperately wants to beg to stay with him. "I love you, Han Joon hwi," she whispered to him and their eyes never left each other, their confessions private as they left soft kisses for each other.

Sol knew then.

Goodbyes would hurt entirely different when she was with him.

Goodbyes, even temporary ones, were a lot harder than they used to be.

[artificialqueens]

Tree House Kisses, Chapter 18 (Adorney) - Scorpio and Veronica

A/N: Click here for previous chapters. Xoxo!

Chapter Summary: Someone’s planning a super sweet sixteen, and love is in the air...

Chapter 18: Those Magic Changes

Courtney skipped into the kitchen, trilling, “Gooood morning, mommy!” and giving Karen a big, warm hug. She turned to Karen’s new boyfriend, who was struggling with the coffee maker. “Hi, Todd. Let me help you with that.”

Karen raised an eyebrow at her daughter’s sunny disposition. “Okay, what do you want?”

“Well, now that you mention it, I was thinking about my party…”

“Oh god, here we go--”

“Moooom,” Courtney whined good-naturedly. “It’s my sixteenth birthday. We’re doing it here in the backyard, that’s saving a lot of money, right? I mean, Kim’s was at the Hilton.”

“Courtney, I don’t need to remind you that both the economy and our financial situation were very different back then, right?”

Courtney smiled and put her arms around her mom’s shoulders.

“I know, mommy. That’s my point. Kimmy had a booming economy and the emotional stability of two-parent family. I mean, I’m dealing with a divorce and two wars and a terrible president. I should have a nice birthday party, don’t you think?” Courtney pouted her lip.

Karen laughed. “Well, when you put it that way…”

“So listen,” Courtney said, getting down to business, “Roy’s cousin Tomas is a DJ, and he said he’ll do it for the friends and family rate.” She placed a business card on the counter. “I found a caterer in Pasadena that has tons of vegetarian options and she gives a huge discount if you go pick the stuff up from her.” She put a printout of another business card down carefully. “And she’s like 2 blocks away from a bakery that does vegan cakes and look at this!” Courtney pulled out a picture of a black and white cake with a bright pink bow. “It’s my colors!”

Karen shook her head. “I thought we’d get a cake from Costco, honey.”

“Mother. Costco?” Courtney clutched her chest dramatically. “Omigod, this is worse than the divorce.”

Todd, who had been silent, began to laugh. “I’m pretty stoked on the vegan cake idea, Court.”

“Thank you! Oh, and Party Planet can deliver tables, chairs, lights, decor, everything, early in the morning and then pick it up the next day. They did April’s quinceañera last year, and they are AMAZING.” She put the last piece of paper down triumphantly. “I’ve been doing a lot of research and these are the best deals in town, mom.”

Karen shook her head. “Fine, I will talk to these vendors. I’m not promising anything, though.”

“Thanks, mommy! And remember, we’re also saving money since Darienne and I are doing the invitations and placecards ourselves.”

“You spent three hundred bucks at Michael’s, Courtney. I don’t know how much money that saved.”

“Mommy...have I told you how beautiful you look today?” Courtney batted her eyelashes. “And so young…”

“Go get dressed for school, Courtney.”

She kissed Karen on the cheek and departed from the kitchen, singing, “This will be the best party ever! Because I have the best mother!”

Todd shook his head. “You’re getting so played.”

“I know,” Karen sighed.

-

Adore and Willam were the last to arrive at lunch; Fame and Pearl were deep in conversation about who knows what and Violet sat across from Trinity, giving her answers to some homework that she didn’t do.

“What’s up, guys?” Adore asked, plopping down in the grass next to Violet and Trinity. Willam sat against the tree butting his way into Fame and Pearl’s conversation.

“Hey, Adore. Just trying to get this finished before class--heard Mrs. Davis is checking for correctness.” Trinity rolled her eyes in annoyance.

“And Violet's helping you. Aw, look who's being nice today,” Adore teased Violet, trying to elicit some kind of response from the girl. Violet had been ignoring Adore since the locker incident and she just wanted things to get back to normal between them. Or as normal as possible, under the circumstances.

Adore sighed when Violet stared at the paper in front of her.

“Did you read the story at all Trin? He dies at the end,” Violet grabbed pencil from Trinity, erasing her answer.

“Lenny dies?!”

“Yeah-” Adore started only to be interrupted by Violet.

“Maybe, you should have read the book. I don't even know why I'm helping you,” Violet passed the paper back.

“Because you love me and like to see me succeed in life,” Trinity flashed a smile and Violet playfully rolled her eyes.

“Never suggest such a thing.”

Adore let out a frustrated groan before flopping back onto the grass between the two girls, “Can you, like, stop acting like I don't exist.” Adore said, a pout on her lips, hazel eyes blinking at Violet.

“Fame,” Violet called over Adore.

“Yes.”

“Do you still have some grapes left?”

“Mhm,” Fame nodded, ready to toss the ziplock to Violet.

“I'll come get them,” Violet said, crawling over to the others.

Adore sat up on her elbows, watching Violet crawl away. Then looked up at Trinity who was shaking her head, “Can you talk to her?”

“I'll try, but you know how Violet is.”

-

The cast was scattered all over the place waiting their turn to get on the stage and go over blocking and lines. And Adore didn’t hesitate to find her way to where the other pink ladies sat in the back of the theater, plopping down beside Raja.  

“Hey,” Adore said softly, bright eyes admiring the beauty of the older girl.

“Sup,” Raja nodded, pulling the headphones off her ears.

“You look good,” the words left Adore’s lips before she could stop them and her face reddened in turn.

Raja was wearing a Cyndi Lauper t-shirt under a frayed jean jacket, patches sewed carefully along the sleeves and front. Her caramel skin peeked through the rips in her jeans, her long dark hair was braided back, bangs swept to one side, and battered black boots giving her more of an edge and pulling the entire look together.

“I ‘look good’?” Raja raised a brow and Adore face grew redder but she nodded, because it was true. “Thanks for the compliment but I threw this on in two minutes. You, look like you took some time getting ready this morning, though,” Raja said, putting her feet up on the seat in front of her.

Raja wasn't wrong, Adore had been spending more time in the mirror in the mornings than usual.

“Not really,” Adore lied, remembering how she kept messing up her eyeliner and nearly wanted to cry because her right eye wasn’t perfect.

The smell of weed and Raja’s perfume had Adore’s stomach doing flips as she leaned in close; the music from her headphones echoed between them.

“Well, you look good,” Raja looked over Adore, before moving to take her feet off the seat.

“Thanks.” Adore tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“Wanna go to the vending machine with me?” Raja asked.

“Yeah.” Adore hurriedly stood up, the pair making their way out of the theatre.

“Have you seen the jackets?” Raja asked as she put her money in the machine.

“No, have you?” Adore leaned against the machine as casually as possible.

“Yeah, I’m helping with the costumes. I gotta show them to you when we get a chance.” Raja said, moving closer to Adore after grabbing her pack of skittles. “Maybe try them on to make sure they fit?” Raja suggested, fingering at Adore’s jacket, brown eyes staring intently into Adore’s.

Adore’s thoughts raced with possibilities, but she only nodded in response.

“Uh, you wanna hang out later?”

“Sorry,” Raja smacked her teeth, stepping back and opening the bag of skittles. “Got work, but another time, okay?”

“Yeah,” Adore nodded.

Once back in the theatre, Raja put her headphones on Adore, going through her music seeing if the younger girl could name the songs from ear.

“You don't know this one,” Raja teased.

“Yeah, I do. Give me a sec; the song just started,” Adore smiled.

“Let me see what part it's on,” Raja leaned in, her scent filling Adore’s senses again. Raja’s hand found a spot on Adore's thigh as she leaned toward her. Raja put her ear to the outside of the headphones and the pressure on Adore’s thigh made it hard for her to concentrate on the song.

“If you haven't gotten it by now, then you're not going to get it,” Raja laughed, hand squeezing Adore’s thigh slightly. Adore turned to look at Raja, heartbeat speeding up when she noticed how close they were to each other; noses nearly touching.

“Whatever, it's all stuff from before I was born. It’s stuff from before you were born,” Adore pulled the headphones off.

“Exactly. When you come to my place… I'm going to have to get you acquainted with some real music.”

-

Courtney walked back to her seat, trying not to watch Adore’s ridiculously obvious flirting. Frankly, she found Raja to be a little bit pretentious and full of herself, but Adore seemed to think she walked on water, so she was just keeping her opinions to herself.

It wouldn’t be so bad, but she’d canceled their plans twice in the last week, which irritated Courtney to no end. She couldn’t be totally sure that the last time had to do with Raja, but Courtney had her suspicions. She sighed, approaching Roy and Darienne, who were of course dutifully studying for a US History test while everyone else in the theatre was fucking around.

“You alright, babe?” Roy asked.

Courtney looked down at him and smiled sweetly. “Mmmhmm…” She ran a hand through his thick hair and settled into his lap, demanding attention.

Roy grinned, dimples deep in his cheeks, and went in for a long, slow kiss, wrapping his arms around her waist.

“Roy, when did Teddy Roosevelt start the National--” Darienne began and then looked up, rolling her eyes. “You guys, come on...”

“Sorry, am I interrupting?” Courtney asked coyly, batting her eyelashes.

Roy laughed and sucked on her pulse point, one hand trailing down her thigh. “Yes. And don’t stop.”

“You used to be a really responsible study partner, you know!” Darienne said.

Courtney giggled as Roy buried his face in her hair, giving Darienne an apologetic shrug. “Sorry.”

“Whatever. I guess I’ll just be ruining the curve by myself now.” Darienne flipped her hair and went back to her textbook.

Roy lifted his head, eyes blazing. “Fuck you, I’m still gonna ruin the curve. I’ll get a higher grade than you without even studying.”

“Wanna bet?”

“Twenty bucks says I beat your grade on Friday without cracking this book.”

“Deal. Give me the book.”

“You don’t trust me?” Roy clutched his chest in mock dismay.

“Not as far as I can throw you, Del Rio.”

“Hmph. Well, you’re smarter than I thought.” Roy handed over his textbook, chuckling.

-

“Knock knock…” Adore said, standing at Courtney’s back door.

Courtney pulled off her headphones, sweaty after just getting back from a run, and threw open the door. “Hiya babe, come in!”

“I’m just here to hand-deliver the RSVP for the most ridiculous invitation I’ve ever received.”

Courtney clapped her hands, jumping up and down excitedly. “Did the glitter go everywhere?”

“Yes. You goddamned asshole.”

“Roy was so pissed. He was sitting on his unmade bed and now it’s like, in his sheets. And when I saw him there was even a piece of pink glitter in his eyelashes,” she doubled over laughing. “He said he’s gonna have his mom put a Santeria curse on me.”

“I’d support that.”

“Too bad she loves me!” Courtney giggled mischievously, then sat down at the table, sighing dreamily. “This party is going to be amazing. I almost feel bad for using the divorce to manipulate my parents into spending so much money…”

Adore laughed. “Almost, but not quite?”

“Well, do you remember Kimmy’s sweet sixteen party, at the Hilton?! Come on! I deserve this!” Courtney pouted.

“Of course you do, princess. So...I wanted to ask you a question about the guest list.”

“Yes, I invited Pearl and Willam and no, I did not invite Violet.”

“Noted. But, I was wondering if I could invite Raja.”

Courtney stared at her for a moment, blinking rapidly.

“I mean, you know, we’ve been hanging out, and...things are...why do you look like that?”

“Because Raja has never even said one word to me.”

“Well…” Adore bit her lip. “Maybe, she can just be my plus one.”

“This party is about me, Adore. Why would you need a plus one?” Courtney whined.

“Uh...” Adore hesitated, knowing how Courtney got when it came to her birthday. She was the most important person that day and she’d fight anyone who said otherwise.

“Whatever,” Courtney finally sighed crossing her arms in annoyance.

“Whatever? So, I can-”

“Yeah, you can invite her, I guess. But I expect your present to be the best one I open at my party. I want to be wowed and everyone else to be jealous that you’re my best friend.” Courtney raised a brow, challenging Adore.

Adore let out a nervous chuckle at her friend’s ridiculousness.

“Okay, yeah, it’ll be the best present you could ask for. I promise.” Adore leaned across the table planting a kiss on Courtney’s cheek.

-

“Pearl, if you can do the school over here, I can work on the foreground,” Sasha said.

“Sure!” Pearl settled down over by the corner as directed, arranging her brushes, chatting with Sasha about the plans for the other backdrops. She was especially excited about getting to take the lead for the drive-in, since Sasha had loved her sketches.

“Sasha! Did you know that the US History test is tomorrow?!” Shea came running around the corner in a panic. She glanced down at Pearl and tried to regain her composure. “Hey Pearl.”

Pearl flashed a coy smile and Shea returned a shy grin.

“Yeah, hon, I know. Do you wanna come over and study later?”

“Uh, yeah, duh. And can I borrow your notes too?” Shea smiled charmingly at her friend.

Sasha laughed. “Sure. I’ll go get them.” She rose from the ground and walked over to her backpack.

Pearl looked up at Shea, standing with one hip cocked, head tilted. She was just so damn cute.

“Shea, I love that dress. Where did you get it?”

“Oh, um...I made it.”

“You made it? Are you serious?” Pearl jumped up to examine it closer. “You are kidding me; this is incredible!” She ran a finger over the colorful fabric.

Shea cleared her throat. “Thanks.” She took a small step back and Pearl wondered if she’d crossed some boundary.

“You know, I heard that they need someone else to do costumes. If you’re interested, I bet Thorgy would kiss your feet.” Pearl tried to give her a friendly, non-predatory, no-homo smile.

“Cool, yeah, that’s…” Shea trailed off, looking into Pearl’s eyes, clearing her throat.

Sasha handed a red notebook to Shea, looking between them with an amused expression. “Here you go. I’ll be done here by 4:30.”

“Okay, thanks. See you later,” Shea said, quickly taking the notebook and bolting.

“Something I said?” Pearl asked.

Sasha laughed. “Don’t take it personally.”

-

“So, mother,” Courtney skipped into the kitchen, a sly smile on her face and a piece of paper in hand.

“Courtney, please don’t tell me-”

“Just a few last-minute things that I must have for my party.” She held the list out for her mom to take, but Karen only glared at the paper.

“Come on. It’s not bad, I promise,” Courtney waved the paper in front of her face, coaxing her to take it out of her hand.

With a sigh, Karen took the paper from Courtney, folding it up.

“Wait, what are you doing, look at it.”

“I will, when I have time.” Karen assured.

“What’s more important than your baby girl’s sweet sixteen?” Courtney crossed her arms.

“Courtney, don’t start,” Karen squinted at Courtney.

“Ever since you and dad finalized your divorce, it’s been like I don’t even matter,” Courtney eyes watered and her bottom lip quivered for effect.

“You know that’s not true,” Karen sighed, knowing Courtney’s tactics, but couldn’t help feeling the guilt that would eat her alive if Courtney didn’t have the birthday she wanted. “Let me see what you wrote.”

“Two cakes and an ice cream cart,” she looked up with wide eyes.

“We’re doing the vegan cake from Sweet Pea, plus I want a regular chocolate cake for everyone else and an ice cream cart for people who don’t like cakes plus it’s cute and fun and the awning matches my color scheme.” Courtney smiled and Karen rolled her eyes.

“You’ll get the vegan cake and one or the other; not both,” she said before she continued reading. “Smoke machines, strobe lights? Disco balls? Courtney--”

“They are just little add-ons to the lighting package! It’ll make the dance floor sooo much more fun, Mommy, please!”

“Balloon arch? Confetti cannons? A photographer AND videographer? Do you want a clown too?” Karen murmured under her breath, but Courtney heard her mother and only rolled her eyes.

“Mom, we need production value, and the photographer is to capture the memories, it’s going to be such a special day.”

“We can all take pictures. I have a camera, and so does your father, and Todd, plus I’ll borrow the video camera from Bonnie. And doesn’t your friend Thorgy take beautiful pictures?”

“Yeah, but that’s not as good as a professional!”

“Whatever,” her mother shook her head.

“Keep going,” Courtney waved her hand. Her mother grew silent as she continued to read the list.

“Okay, Courtney. No!” Karen slapped the paper on the counter, wanting to get it out of her hands as quick as possible causing Courtney to frown.

“What?”

“No spray tan, no teeth whitening! Even if we had that kind of money, which we don’t, that stuff is full of toxic chemicals.”

“But, mom, it’s winter and I’m so pasty, I need a tan!” she whined.

“I said NO! And I’m not hiring a professional makeup artist, or hairstylist either. Kimmy can do your hair and makeup. I don’t have the money for this stuff and you know it.”

“What about daddy?” Courtney asked. Did she know her list was a bit much, yes, but did she think it was unreasonable, no.

“Pick out three things that you really want from this and then I’ll call your father,” she slid the paper across the counter to Courtney.

“Mommy!”

“Courtney. Don’t.”

They glared at each other, before finally Courtney decided to give in.

“I’ll rewrite the list.”

“Thank you, I’ll call your dad.”

-

Fingers intertwined with Roy, Courtney made her way to her locker, going on and on about her plans for the party in a couple of weeks.

“I already have it narrowed down between three outfits that I might wear for my party. I just can’t figure out which one would be the best one,” Courtney pouted.

“You’ll look beautiful in any outfit you choose,” Roy leaned in, placing a soft kiss to her cheek.

“You haven’t even seen the outfits. How would you know?”

“That’s because you won’t let me and you’re the most beautiful girl no matter what you wear,” Roy smiled, tugging Courtney’s hand, pulling her into his chest as they walked up to Courtney’s locker.  

All Courtney had been able to talk about for the last week is party plans and Roy found it absolutely endearing how adamant she was on making sure everything was less no than perfect. His only job so far was to find the perfect birthday gift for her, which was stressful in its own right.

“Thank you,” Courtney said, stopping in front of her locker before pulling Roy into a sweet kiss, “but you’re no help right now. I just have to decide on what color I want to wear and then it’ll really narrow it down. Everyone else will be wearing black and white so that means I need to pick the perfect color to POP compared to everyone else.” Courtney continued as she unlocked her locker.

“I thought you’re wearing pink.”

“Oh my god, do you know how many shades of pink there are?” she rolled her eyes. “I mean- OHMYGOD!” Courtney squealed as she opened her locker, startling Roy.

“What!? What’s wrong?” Roy pulled the locker door open wider to see a black box decorated with glittery numbers saying “1996” sitting on top of a note. His brows furrowed in confusion as Courtney bounced on her feet in excitement.

She grabbed the box out of her locker and opened it, another squeal leaving her before she closed the box, looking up at Roy with teary green eyes. She reopened the box a big smile spreading across her face as she ran her finger over the pretty silver brush and pulled out a familiar bright red hair bow and slipped it onto her wrist.

-

Courtney sat at the table watching her mother take the cookies out of the oven, setting them aside to cool down.

“Are we going to take allll the cookies over there?” Courtney asked, blinking up at her mother, hoping that she would let her keep a few for herself; it had been her idea to bake cookies for the new neighbors instead of the lasagna Karen wanted to take over, secretly hoping that she’d get some cookies too.  

“We’ll keep a few here, since you were so helpful today,” Karen said taking her oven mitts off, “Now go wash up while the cookies cool down.”

Later, Courtney skipped down the sidewalk at her mother’s side, excited to be the first one to meet the new family out of all of her friends.

“Does the new neighbors have kids?” Courtney asked.

“Well, I saw a boy a little older than you and I saw a little girl around your age, when they were still moving yesterday.”

“I’ll ring the doorbell!” Courtney yelled, running up to the door and pressing the button, beyond excited to meet these brand-new kids.

“Just once,” Karen swatted Courtney’s hand away from the doorbell as she went to push it again.

Courtney mimicked her mother, smiling wide when the door swung open to reveal a woman with dyed curly blonde hair and a young girl hiding behind the woman’s leg.

“Hi! I’m Karen and this is my daughter, Courtney. We thought we’d welcome you to the neighborhood with some homemade cookies.” Karen held out the container.

“They’re vegan!” Courtney added, smiling up at the woman.

“Thank you! Vegan cookies, wow. Never had them before.” Bonnie gave a tight smile, taking the cookies from Karen.

“They’re really really good,” Courtney said, addressing the girl behind the woman’s leg more than the woman herself, hoping that they would like the cookies as much as she did.

“This is really appreciated. I’m Bonnie, and this is my baby girl Adore,” Bonnie said. “Do you want some coffee?”

“I’m not a baby!” Adore exclaimed, before hiding again, biting her lip.

Courtney smiled at Adore, wiggling her fingers at the dark-haired girl. She couldn’t see much of her as she peaked at Courtney from between Bonnie’s legs; but the bright red bow wrapped around the girl’s ponytail caught Courtney’s attention and she had an urge to tug it.  

Courtney was shaken from her thoughts as Karen’s hand on her shoulder guided her into the house.

“Adore, why don’t you and Courtney go play. You can show her your new bedroom,” Bonnie suggested, and headed into the kitchen, chatting with Karen along the way.

“I really like your bow. It’s so pretty, I don’t have any bows,” Courtney said reaching to tug at the bow, but Adore moved out of her reach, causing Courtney to frown for a moment until she saw a big smile spread across Adore’s face.

“Do you want to go upstairs and see my other stuff? I have so many bows,” Adore touched her own before turning to run up the stairs and Courtney followed.

-

She closed the box sitting it back in her locker and picked up the card that the box had sat on.

“Uh, so who is it from,” Roy asked even though he was ninety-nine percent sure he knew who it was from.

Courtney ignored him as she read the card:

Remember my favorite red bow I used to always wear? When we first met, you’d beg me to let you wear it. When I finally gave in, you lost it the next day. I can’t believe we stayed friends after that. :p It must be because you were the only one who had patience for my “tender-headed bullshit,” to quote my lovely mother. This is gift 1 of 10, for our 10 years of friendship. -Dory

-

Courtney watched Adore whimper, grit her teeth and stomp her feet as Bonnie detangled her hair.

“It's okay, Dory,” Courtney said softly, hating to see Adore like this. She sat in front of Adore, trying to distract her from the brush running through her hair.

When Adore let out a cry as the brush snagged on a particular knot, tears started to fall from her eyes. Courtney leaped forward, pulling Adore into a tight hug.

Bonnie shook her head, finding the whole scene adorable and over-dramatic.

“She'll be fine, Courtney.” Bonnie assured.

When the girls didn't let go of each other, Bonnie decide to send Courtney off.

“Courtney, can you be an angel and go get Adore's big red bow out of her bedroom for me.”

Courtney nodded, peeling away from Adore, running to get the bow, knowing that it was Adore's favorite and wanting to get back to her as soon as possible.

Running as fast as her little legs could carry she burst through Adore’s bedroom door, grabbing the red bow from her night table. Courtney hesitated for just a moment, admiring the brightness of it before Adore’s yelp from downstairs pulled her out of her thoughts, causing her to spring back into action.

Passing the bow to Bonnie, Courtney plopped back down in front of a crying Adore.

“Hold my hand, Dory.” Courtney said, shoving her hand towards Adore and they stayed like that until Adore’s hair was finished.

-

“Babe, are you crying?” Roy wrapped his arms around Courtney.

“No,” she sniffed, “I just really miss that red bow,” she turned around to face him.

Fuck, he thought, he completely forgot that he was going to be going up against Adore for the title of best gift. Best friend vs Boyfriend.

Around the corner, Adore watched Courtney’s emotional reaction to her gift with a satisfied smirk. Nailed it.

-

“Dory, pretty pleasssseee,” Courtney begged, hugging Adore tight.

All Courtney wanted was to wear Adore’s red bow, when her Grandma Muriel came to visit tomorrow, but Adore didn't want Courtney to wear it because it was hers.

“No,” Adore huffed.

“But I promise to bring it back,” Courtney pouted, blinking those wide green eyes.

Adore crossed her arms, red bow tight in her hand. Courtney smiled mischievously hand inching toward Adore's. She gripped the tip of the bow and tried to lightly tug it out of Adore’s hand.

“No, Courtney!” Adore yelled, hopping off the couch. Crossing her arms and turning her nose up.

“Pretty please! With cherries on top,” Courtney bottom lip quivered, her feelings hurt that Adore was being so mean to her to today. “I thought you were my best friend.”

“I am.” Adore uncrossed her arms nodding.

“No, you're not because you won't let me wear your bow.” Courtney pouted.

Hurt was evident on Adore’s face at Courtney's statement of no longer being best friends. She looked down at the red bow that she had taken off her hair earlier and contemplated her options. The red bow was hers and it was her favorite. She also liked being Courtney's best friend; they played together all the time, watched movies and did everything together.

She was scared Courtney would try to keep her bow, but she didn't want to stop being Courtney's best friend.

“Okay,” she sighed, “you can wear it.” Adore held the bow to Courtney, who squealed in delight, attacking Adore in a tight hug, sending them both to the ground.

-

“Here, hold this,” Courtney shoved the box and the card into Roy's hands. She raked her hair high above her head like she’d do on game days and wrapped the bow around her ponytail.

As Courtney fixed her hair, Roy noticed Adore moving toward them from the lockers behind them. Eyes wide in surprise that he hadn't noticed her there earlier, he moved to the side as Adore snuck up behind Courtney, wrapping her arms around his girlfriend’s waist.

“P.S. I'm still a little bitter about you losing my bow, even though your mom bought both of us replacements,” Adore snickered as Courtney squealed for the third time that day, turning around and throwing her arms around her neck.

“I didn't do it on purpose,” Courtney pouted and Roy cleared his throat. Adore immediately noticed the intimacy of their position and stepped back.

Courtney, distracted by the surprise, only turned back to the locker.

“Does it look good?” she asked straightening it out trying to look in the small locker mirror.

“Looks amazing,” Adore smiled.

“It looks perfect,” Roy nodded, before shooting Adore a quick glare, wracking his brain for the perfect gift to beat Adore’s.

[lnc2]

i’ve been having dreams

Summary: Delirious and heat-stricken, Ladybug searches for Chat Noir and stumbles upon Adrien instead.

AO3

Adrien stared up at his cavernous ceiling, making shapes in the plaster and moonlight, reciting physics formulas in his head and doing his damnedest to keep his thoughts from wandering.

He couldn’t sleep.

Not entirely unusual these days, but annoying nevertheless.

Plagg said it had something to do with the miraculous.  At least, the parts of it that weren’t induced by his hormone-ridden adolescence. Which, really, was just an additional kick in the balls.  Being an alpha was difficult enough as it was– did his body need to add lack of sleep on top of it all?

But even if he wasn’t seventeen and less than a month away from his rut Adrien knew he wouldn’t be sleeping.  Not after he’d made such an ass of himself.

What was it about pretty pheromones that turned him from an otherwise perfectly rational being into a stuttering, forward fool?  He’d questioned his kwami on the matter, red-faced, head buried into his pillow as he tried to smother the memories from his brain, but Plagg only laughed at him.

“You’re a young kit, yet.  It gets easier.”

Which, while relieving to know, did nothing to quell the horrifying memories of the last twenty-four hours.  Raging hormones aside, he knew better than to let his mouth run away from him.  Or at least he thought he did.

But how else could he explain propositioning not one, but two of his dearest friends in less than a day?

The first he could probably forgive himself.  Adrien had been stupid in love with Ladybug the moment she stood up in front of the whole of Paris and told Hawkmoth to fuck off.  His heart was always running away with his tongue. Add in her pre-heat pheromones, sluggish hugs, and sleepy-eyed chatons it was hardly a wonder he’d gone and put his paw in his mouth.

It was the end of patrol, a patrol his lady really should have skipped out on judging from her smell alone, and she was curled up into his side, head resting in the curve of his neck, hair tickling beneath his chin and wreaking havoc on his nerves.  The smell of marigolds, wet soil, and rain filled his senses like a heady bouquet and he swore the most lavish gardens in the country had nothing on her .

“I’m so tired,” She murmured, eyes closed and nearly dozing.

“Far be it from me to send you away, but maybe you should head home, bug?”

“Don’t want to,” She said, turning her face into his neck, breathing deep.  “Comfy. Smell good.”

Chat’s ears were as hot as her breath on his skin.  “C-could say the same of you.”

“Pfft.” She sighed and he shivered.  “This heat is going to suck, chaton.”

“Oh?”

“Mmm,” Ladybug pulled away, eyes half-lidded as she looked out over the city.  “My alpha friend. The one who usually stays with me?”

Chat nodded, trampling the ugly, prickling sense of jealousy that crept up every time her other friend was mentioned.  By all accounts their relationship was platonic. But that didn’t stop him from wanting to track her down and tear her out for getting to spend Ladybug’s heats by her side.

“She’s out of town.  I’m gonna be a lonesome bug.” She fiddled with her hands in her lap, shoulders curving inward.  “I’ve never been alone for one before.”

It was the pooch of her lips that did it.  The slight downturn of the smile he loved, the insecurity in her voice.

How could he help himself?

“You could spend it with me.”

What?

“What?”

“What?” He blinked, horrified.

Ladybug pulled away from him and his tail twitched at the distance as she stared at him, more alert than she’d been in over a week.

“Did you just…?”

Chat grabbed at the edge of the roof, suddenly feeling very small.  He couldn’t meet her eyes as he asked, “Would that be so terrible?”

The silence was so thick he could feel it as he waited for her answer.  Chat nearly jumped out of his suit when one of her hands found his and clasped it in her own.  Risking a look at her, his heart fell at the sweet rejection in her smile.

Ladybug’s eyes were soft and sad when she shook her head.  “No, Chat. It wouldn’t be terrible at all.”

Stupid.  He was so stupid.

He must of said that aloud or she read it on his face because she squeezed his hand, hard.

“It’s not that, kitty.” She sighed, settling back into his side and leaning against his shoulder.  “I know you’d never hurt me.”

Hurt her?  Never.

Bite her? Well.

But he could control himself.  He could.

It would be safe, she would be safe with him.

“It’s just a lot to ask of you,” She said and Chat heard the undercurrents as loud as her words.

It would be too close to what he wanted.  Desperately. Painfully.

And god help him, she knew it.

Swallowing down his own feelings, Chat grinned, poking at her side until she squirmed away, giggling.

“What are partners for, LB?”

“Probably not that,” She said, gentle smile for a gentle rejection.  “But I adore you for offering.”

Just not enough.

Ugh, Adrien groaned, rolling over to bury his face in his pillow.  Ladybug was even wonderful when she was letting him down. How the hell was he supposed to handle that?

But even being rejected (again) by his lady was not nearly as mortifying as what had happened at school this morning.

He couldn’t really blame his wayward heart for that mistake.

Adrien had come in halfway through the day thanks to a poorly timed photoshoot.  Doing his best to join the class without drawing too much attention to himself he slid in beside Nino and pulled out his notebook.  His friend, lifesaver that he was, passed him the notes from the morning without Adrien having to ask.

“Just let me know when you’re done,” He whispered as Ms. Bustier’s back was turned to the board.  “I need to make copies for Marinette.”

Marinette?

Adrien turned around to glance at their friend only to find her slumped forward over her desk, eyes barely open as she struggled to pay attention.  Beside her Rose was combing her fingers through her hair and rubbing slow circles over her back.

Alarmed, he looked towards Nino who grimaced and tore out a piece of paper from his notes. Scribbling a few words he passed it over.

Her heat is coming up.

Oh.  Adrien’s heart went out to his friend.  Having just seen Ladybug in a similar haze he knew the days just before it started could be brutal.  Hot flashes, shivers, listlessness– it really wasn’t fair.

Frowning he passed the paper back to Nino.

Should she be at school?

Nino shrugged.

Probably not. But you know Marinette.  Usually Alya is here to help take the edge off but she’s in Martinique visiting family.

Adrien grimaced.  Poor Marinette.

Heats and ruts were always rougher during adolescence.  The first few years being the worst as foreign hormones flooded the system, unfamiliar and overwhelming.  He knew from textbooks and friends that the worst of a heat’s effects could be abated by spending time with an alpha.  He also knew Marinette spent most if not all of her cycles with Alya since middle school.

God, no wonder she looked so rough.

“Would– would it help if I sat next to her for the day?” He whispered, once again glancing over his shoulder to their miserable friend.  “I’m not Alya but I could help.”

Nino looked stunned by his suggestion.  So much so that Adrien could feel his pride as an alpha bristling in indignation.  Sure he wasn’t the most aggressive alpha in their class.  He didn’t parade around with his chest puffed out like Kim or bark orders like Chloe.  But that didn’t mean he couldn’t help.

Between his friend’s incredulity and Ladybug’s rejection from the night before, Adrien wasn’t entirely sure what happened next was avoidable.

Collecting his things in one arm and grabbing his bag with the other, he stood up and mounted the steps to the bench Marinette and Rose were occupying.

“I can take it from here.”

Rose merely stared up at him in disbelief.  It wasn’t a challenge, not really. Any other time and Adrien would have recognized her stunned immobility for what it was.  As things stood, however, he took her stupor as a refusal and felt a low growl building in the back of his throat.

“Move,” He said, his voice brooking no refusal.

Rose squeaked and scrambled out of his way as Ms. Bustier scolded him for his interruption.  He ignored her and slid into the space beside Marinette. She seemed oblivious to the change as she blinked sleepily up at him.

“Let me help you,” He said, smiling gently, pulling her to lean into his shoulder.  She did so, willingly, slumping into his side with a quiet whine. Marinette smelled like warm bread, fresh flowers, and cinnamon.  It was thick around them, filling his senses.

The afternoon passed quickly from there.

It wasn’t until he and Nino had dropped Marinette off at the bakery after school that he realized he may have overstepped.

“Dude.”

Nino didn’t have to say anything else.  The amusement and accusation were more than present in his eyes.

I fucked up.

Plagg spent the afternoon laughing at him.  Teasing him about claiming his girlfriend in the middle of class.  About how pigtails would lose her mind when she realized just who she’d spent the afternoon cuddled up against.  About what Ladybug would think.

That’s when Adrien had chucked his pillow at the kwami and told him to fuck off.

He hadn’t done anything wrong.  He’d been helping out a friend.

It wasn’t a big deal.

And yet, here he was, half past 2 am and unable to sleep.

“Arrcg,” He groaned into his pillow.  Kicking his sheets off of his legs in a futile effort to expel his embarrassment Adrien nearly missed the sound of a thump against his bedroom window.

Lifting his head, his eyes widened as they adjusted to the familiar silhouette slumped against the window pane.

“Ladybug?”

No sooner was her name out of his mouth than he was scrambling from his bed, kicking his sheet-entangled foot that nearly had him faceplanting onto the floor.  He rushed for the window, knowing from the events of the night before and the way she was hunched over that she was in no condition to be navigating rooftops.

No sooner had he opened the window than she proved him right by toppling forward into his unwaiting arms.

“Oof ,” He grunted as her full weight collapsed into him.  He took several steps back, arms locked tight around her waist.

“Ladybug?”  Adrien reached up to feel her flushed cheeks.  She stared up at him through heavy-lidded eyes.  “Are you all right?”

“Sorry,” She murmured, not even trying to stand up.  “Too much.”

The smell hit him then, floral and musk and want.

Oh god, she’s reached her heat .

Panicking, Adrien searched the dark for Plagg only to come up empty.  Why did she come here ?

Ladybug shifted against him, lips moving faintly against his neck.  Repressing a shiver, it took him a moment to realize she was speaking.

“What was that, bug?”

“Chat,” She whispered and he froze.  “Need to find Chat.”

Adrien’s shoulders slumped in relief even as his heart kicked into overdrive.  She didn’t know.

And still …

“You– you were looking for Chat Noir?”

She nodded, bangs brushing against the underside of his chin. “He promised.”

As if spurred by the thought she pulled away from him only for her body to sway into the window.  She held out her hand to keep upright.

“Whoa, hey there,” He said, reaching out to steady her.  “Ladybug, you can’t go anywhere like this.”

She shook her head, slowly. “Can’t stay.”

“Well I’m not letting you leave either.”

She frowned.  “But… your father–”

Adrien shifted his hold on her and she slumped into him. “Shh. He’s out of town.”

Ladybug nodded, eyes glassy. “Milan.”

He laughed. “I’m not going to ask why you know that.”

“Know a lot of things,” She murmured.

Adrien didn’t doubt it.

Tacit acceptance secured, he slipped his arm around her waist he helped her towards his bed.  There was no way he was going to let his partner swing across Paris in this condition. She would have to stay.

It said a lot about his lady’s state of mind that she barely protested even as he guided her to sit on the mattress.  Feverish and swaying, she merely blinked at him as Adrien rushed for his closet.

“What are you doing?”

He hummed as he rifled through his clothes and linens.  Grabbing every scrap of fabric that might be considered useful, he started bringing her scarves, blankets, sheets, towels, pillows– anything soft or pretty or vibrant.  Ladybug squeaked as he dropped the first pile of material at her feet before running back to the closet. He caught Plagg’s eyes glittering at him from the depths of his shirt rack but chose to ignore him.  He had more pressing issues to deal with at the moment than his irritated kwami.

Adrien ran his hands through his hair, heart pounding.

Ladybug was here.  For better or worse she was here and she would be spending this cycle with him. Or at least the night.

 Further still, she’d gone looking for him.

Well, Chat Noir, but still.

God, if he knew she’d actually take him up on the offer he would have… well he absolutely still would have made it.

He’d dreamed of spending Ladybug’s heats with her.  Bringing her courting gifts, watching her build her den, being welcomed there in turn.  Holding her close, whispering promises, making her his. Maybe, one day, in the far flung future when super villains and school and identities weren’t in the way – giving her pups of her own?

This was not how he thought this would go.  But like hell was Adrien sending her away now.

Steeling himself, Adrien left the closet only to nearly collapse back into it as caught sight of Ladybug shuffling around his bed, fluffing up pillows and laying out scarves, head barely visible over the wall of blankets she built up to bolster the edges of the mattress.

A whine escaped his throat before he could help himself.  Ladybug looked over to him with a welcoming, sleepy smile.

“Come here.”

Legs shaking, Adrien stumbled forward to the edge of her nest.  Ladybug reached out for him from where she was snuggled under one of his many comforters and tugged him tumbling into the bed.

His blood rushed through his ears as his heart tripped into overdrive as his lady wrapped her arm around his stomach and snuggled into his side.  Her breath was hot against his skin as she took him in, deep and even.

“Sorry,” She said, eventually, softly.  “For invading your space. I… I really was looking for Chat.”

You found him. 

“Don’t mention it,” He croaked.

There was no sleeping now, not with the feeling of Ladybug pressed against him cheek to neck to torso to thigh.  Not with her scent, heady and thick, filling the air, drugging him. Not with her soft sighs in his ear or whimpers as he shifted– as if she thought he would leave her.  As if he could.

God help him.  He’d never know a good night’s sleep again. 

Not with these memories at least.

Long after he thought she’d gone to sleep, Adrien stared up at the ceiling and willed his poor heart to stop skipping every time she so much as breathed.  True to his promise, he remained a gentleman, making sure that any particular… byproducts... of her proximity were under control. Or at least, as much control as a teenage boy could reasonably expect when plastered against the love of his life.

Which was why, when he felt her gloved hand gliding across his chest to rest over his heart, he nearly launched himself off the bed like a scared rabbit.  Fortunately, his pheromone drugged reflexes were slow on the uptake and he didn’t dislodge her too much.

Either way, Ladybug didn’t seem to notice as she buried her face in his neck and breathed, long and deep.

“Thought about this,” She confessed.

“This?”

Ladybug nodded. “Having you with me.”

Adrien suddenly found it impossible to swallow.  “M-me?”

Her fingers tightened at the fabric over his chest.

“Mmm, you.” She said.  “And Chat.”

“Chat?” He squeaked.

Ladybug frowned, eyes closed.  Some part of him, the part she hadn’t just shocked senseless, wanted to pull her closer, kiss away the furrow between her brows.  Fortunately or not, Adrien found he couldn’t move at all.

“Won’t happen,” She sighed. “Don’t think Chat could share.”

No, he absolutely could not. 

Then again, she wasn’t asking him to.  Not really.

“You never know,” He said.  “He might surprise you.”

Ladybug hummed, happy.  “Hope so. Would be nice.”

“Y-yeah?” He looked down at her only to find her smiling up at him.

“Two alphas?  My alphas?” Her eyes slipped closed and she nuzzled into him, lips brushing just beneath his ear.  “Lucky.”

Adrien would laugh if he didn’t feel like crying.

She’d be lucky? 

Ha. Hah.

Being considered her anything was enough to shut him down completely.  Only natural when every thought and feeling and wish his heart ever hoped to want was wrapped up in the woman who was currently wrapped around him.

His heart pounded, heavy and sluggish beneath her hands.

“I’d like that,” He whispered, finally. “Being yours.”

Adrien had been thinking of Ladybug as his for so long when all he really wanted to be was hers.  He was hers.  Whether she wanted him or not he was hers.

And she was here. 

Even when she didn’t know where to go, she found him.

His arms tightened around her shoulders, hugging her closer.  He could tell from her breathing that she was asleep. He also knew, from experience, that her transformation wouldn’t make it until morning.

Plagg floated out from his hiding place, green eyes inscrutable as he took in his charge.

“You sure you’re ready, kid?”

Adrien didn’t know.

He didn’t know if he was ready to find out who was on the other side of the mask.  He didn’t know if he was ready to wake up to blue eyes and sleepy smiles and revelations.  He didn’t know if he was ready for Ladybug to know how deeply and truly fucked he was over her.

But as she shifted into him, face buried in his neck, hand resting over his heart,

he knew he was ready to find out.

[margridarnauds]

1) How'd you get into Japanese Musicals?, 2) Favorite Celtic Myth?, 3) Favorite POTO Cast (Real Trio that existed together + make a trio of anyone you want)?

(1) I feel like this is a fairly common origin story for the international fandom of Japanese musicals, but I got in, primarily, through German musicals that had been given Japanese productions. I had the...luck (?) of falling into Frank Wildhorn musicals around 2011-2012, which was perfect because it was timed EXACTLY so that I was there when the very first Japanese production of Dracula happened, and so I watched the proshot of that. I thought it was okay, not my FAVORITE (that went, at the time, to the German, though now I’m firmly #TeamKorea), but it was good! And it was a good introduction. 

Because of the German production of Dracula, I fell into Elisabeth (aka “The Reason I took up German in the first place) and, like a ton of people, fell into the Takarazuka production of Elisabeth (and The Scarlet Pimpernel, because Wildhorn) because of that, though it still wasn’t a great, overwhelming love for me. It was okay, it was pretty, but not an OVERWHELMING love. 

I was interested in Lady Bess...fairly early on, I want to say 2014-2015, not long after its premiere, because I was like “Oh, Kunze and Levay are doing a musical on Elizabeth I? PRETTY COSTUMES?” I think I actually was there to see the very early press releases, ft. the English demos, as they were released. But, of course, Lady Bess was a bit of a white whale. There was NOTHING on it, the cast album was phenomenal, but that was ALL, really. Very little in the way of video, very little in the way of pictures (now I could probably find them, but back then I was a bit on my own), nothing in the way of plot. So, I basically gave it up for lost, though I retained hope that, one day, SOMETHING would surface on it. 

Then, 1789. Attending the European Musicals Streamathon in....around 2017. Seeing the Takarazuka 1789. It was like LIGHTNING. I’d loved the French production, though I fell out of it due to the general disdain for it that I felt in the French Musicals fandom at the time, but, if I’d loved it before, the Zuka made me fall in love with it x10. I wrote fanfic, for the first time in my fandom life (or, at least, fanfic that saw the light of day), I got involved in the world of Takarazuka (I’m not as much there as I am with Toho, and I know some people probably think I actively dislike it, but it IS where my roots are, and I retain a ton of affection for it), attended streams, etc. It got me into the rabbit hole of Japanese musical theatre, really, though Toho would have to come a little later. 

Then, in 2018: The announcement that Lady Bess was coming back. I don’t know how, but even then, I had the sense of “What if they do a proshot, like they did for Elisabeth and Mozart? What if we get that?” And then, shortly afterwards. The announcement. It was a “HOLY SHIT” moment, because I’d been waiting for FOUR YEARS and there it was. And it was expensive, especially for a family that. Well, no nice way of putting it, we’re well below poverty level. 

It was also...perfectly if also morbidly timed as well, because 2018 is on the record as being one of my most difficult years, even next to 2020. In 2018, I was a senior, just wrapping up my undergrad, I was overworked, exhausted, terrified of not getting my capstone in, and my uncle had just died in the last month or so of my program (along with my paternal grandfather), with my mom, who’s generally my #1 supporter, not able to be there for me at home because she was often over at his place, taking care of him.

 I was, frankly, absolutely miserable. 

But my mom told me that, as a present for dealing with....everything, I could get any Japanese musical that I wanted. And I chose Lady Bess. 

I remember taking it back from the post office, SO excited because it was actually REAL and I could hold it after all that time, and then getting my mom and aunt to play it in the front room so that I could finally see it. And then, with that first shot of the night sky as the overture plays, as Ascham takes the stage, I was totally in love and, more than that, my family was, too. 

Then the announcement that 1789 was going to re-run. As soon as I saw it, I thought of Lady Bess, and I was like “....are they....?” And then the resulting announcement shortly afterwards, which had me conflicted because, on one hand. It was *1789*. Arguably the single greatest musical love of my life, the musical that got me to write and publish fanfiction. And it was the TOHO one, the one that the entire fandom had been curious about since 2016. But also. My family had just spent the money on Lady Bess. It was hard to justify pre-ordering 1789, no matter how in love they were with Lady Bess. 

But, as it was, I had a streak of luck - I’d been given some money as a  graduation present by a close friend of the family (which was given under the STRICT order that I buy something “frivolous”), and so, with nothing else really frivolous to spend it on...I was basically vibrating around six months later, when the proshot arrived in the mail, and got to put it in the DVD player. 

If my family fell in insta-love with Lady Bess, they REALLY fell in love with the energy of 1789. To the point where we watched either it or Lady Bess once a night. And, from there...I was sold. No real going back for me. The last year, I’ve not been able to keep up with the new releases (I know when they happen, but I can’t buy them), but I’m still very much IN, and it’s me the chance to know some very, very awesome people. It was a long road, but definitely worth it, in my opinion. 

(2) Cath Maige Tuired! My actual baby, my child, the love of my life, the one that really got me into it in the first place. (Read the Elizabeth Gray translation, skip the Stokes.) It was reading John Carey’s article on “Myth and Mythography in Cath Maige Tuired” that I realized that people could study this stuff AS A FIELD and, not only that, but Americans could do it to, and since that point...I never really wanted anything else, besides the odd break. It is funny because, when I was doing aforementioned Capstone, my mom wanted to read up on it, since it was a major part of my work and she wanted to get involved. And I was like “Sure, here!” 

...since I’d been reading CMT since I was 14. I had forgotten that it contains one of the single most explicit sex scenes in medieval Irish literature. 

Coming from a fantasy background, it’s probably the closest you can get to a fantasy novel, in terms of scope and characterization - you have this vast variety of characters who, even though we don’t get INTERIORITY into them as such, do have quite a bit of depth to them once you pick below the surface, and it has a hundred different angles. I think that the best description was by Mark Williams, who described it as being “like shards of mirror stuck into the ground at angles to one another”, because that really is it. You have a hundred things going on, a hundred characters reflecting and refracting against one another, a hundred different social contexts, and the result is a work that, while seemingly a very simple tale about kingship and power and good and evil, is very complex. 

(3) I can’t speak as much about acting since, in all honesty....I haven’t. Really. Watched any POTO bootlegs. All the way through. (I’M A FAKE FAN, I KNOW. I KNOW.) 

That being said, I THINK that, as far as trios that have played, Kim So Hyun, Hong Kwang Ho, and Son Jun Ho have my entire heart. Kim So Hyun has a BRILLIANT voice, and a very distinctive porcelain doll-esque appearance that fits her very well, Hong Kwang Ho has a magnificent voice (first fell in love with him in Death Note), and Son Jun Ho....you can tell that he’s married to Kim So Hyun in real life because there’s such a tenderness to their performance - It really sells R/C. 

Honorable mentions include Claire Moore’s Christine, who’s had my heart from the first time I heard her very distinctive, haunting “oo” cadenza, Ivan Ozhogin, Celia Hottenstein (got to see her live so I’ve had a soft spot for her Christine ever since), Jeremy Hays, Hugh Panaro (who was once kind enough to deal with a teenaged fan at stage door for a concert of his and take a picture, as well as sign my playbill) and....there are definitely others. 

[inyournightmares97]

Her Dowry (Part 2)

The handsome Mr. Park Jinyoung is proud, haughty and says exactly what he thinks. He doesn’t need anyone meddling in his life… much less a spoiled and rich young heiress who is shamelessly in love with her own fortune.

Can two such selfish people ever find comfort in each other?

Warnings: Regency!AU, pretty much a Jane Austen fanfic with GOT7 lol. Angst, Fluff, some attempts at me being posh and using big words that might seem cringey. Please don’t ask when I’ll update because I’m trying my best!

Word Count: 4.2k

Read Part 1 here!

“There is no need to be too careful with those,” you called out to the footman in a breezy tone. “Feel free to drop them if they are too heavy.”

The carriage transporting Mr. Park Jinyoung’s belongings arrived late in the morning. You had been taking a walk with your dog after breakfast in the front gardens, when you noticed the full carriage rumbling up the stone pathway to the large manor. The footmen were currently struggling to take the suitcases up to the guest rooms. You stood to the side among the rose bushes and watched in displeasure. The little Pomerian on a leash beside you noticed your distress, and pawed at your skirts desperately. 

“Come here, Snowball,” you cooed as you picked up the little fluffy white dog. She panted at you happily and licked your arm. “Do you see those packages there? They belong to Mr. Park Jinyoung. Now, we don’t like Mr. Park. So whenever you see him, I would like for you to growl at him and make it clear that he’s unwelcome here. Understood? What are you going to do?”

Snowball yipped at you happily. 

“No, growl!” you ordered firmly. The little Pomerian merely blinked up at you, her tongue hanging out of her mouth in a cheerful pant. You sighed and patted her on the head. “I really should have gotten a bloodhound like Jackson but what could I have done? You were too adorable.”

Snowball licked you again and you laughed, putting her back on the grass. She danced about your feet happily. You spent a few minutes letting her attempt to jump in order to take a treat from your hand and clapped when she reached the required height. Snowball was munching on her biscuit, when the clip-clop of a horse riding up the stone path became audible. 

Mr. Park Jinyoung had arrived on horseback. You watched silently as he rode up to the front of the manor, a classically handsome figure in a simple yet fashionable jacket. He dismounted gracefully and his dark eyes turned to you. You straightened while he approached you with a gentle smile and a polite bow. 

“Miss Lim,” Mr. Park greeted you warmly. “I see you are out on a stroll. Isn’t the weather lovely this morning?”

“It was. I’m afraid a rather ugly dark cloud is passing by at the moment,” you commented drily. Mr. Park’s eyes flickered up towards the clear sky. His lips curled into a handsome smirk when he understood that you were not referring to the weather. 

“Perhaps a dark cloud now and then is inevitable in life, Miss Lim.”

“I suppose it is. The important thing is that the cloud learns its place and does not ruin everyone’s fun by raining down upon them,” you quipped. 

You were interrupted by a sudden tug at the leash in your hand. Snowball had darted forward and was now sniffing eagerly at Mr. Park’s shoes. You tried to pull her back in horror but Mr. Park Jinyoung only laughed. It was a very charming laugh, you had to admit, but a detestable one all the same. 

“And who is this?” he chuckled, reaching down to pick up Snowball. She licked at his hands happily and you sighed. Stupid dog. Mr. Park laughed again as Snowball yipped at him. The corners of his eyes crinkled up fondly when he held her up to look at her. How could such a horrible man have such a mesmerizing laugh? 

“Her name is Snowball,” you replied. 

Mr. Park smiled as he set her down. “I see. A noble name, indeed.”

“Hardly. I named her such because she's round and white, as is evident,” you replied, tugging on Snowball’s leash to pull her back. She let out a small whine and pawed at your skirts sensing that she had upset you. “And I’m sorry to say that I don’t appreciate other people touching her. She’s a very delicate dog. I would prefer that you did not attempt to play with her.”

Mr. Park raised an eyebrow. “I am not ignorant of the fact that you clearly dislike me for some reason, Miss Lim. But asking me not to touch your dog is rather childish, is it not?”

You bristled. How dare this man! Not only did he insult your musical talent before your entire family but he also had the audacity to call you childish? How could a man who was relying on your hospitality and proclaimed himself a gentleman speak to you in such a rude manner? You glared at him and pressed your lips together tightly. 

“Then perhaps I am a very childish woman, Mr. Park. You will have to excuse me. I am afraid you interrupted my morning walk. I am sure the housekeeper would be more than pleased to show you to your rooms.”

Mr. Park sighed. “My apologies. I will take my leave, then.”

You turned away from him and pulled Snowball along behind you, waiting until Mr. Park had disappeared inside the manor to pick her up and cuddle her to your chest. “There will be no more licking Mr. Park, do you hear me?” you scolded the little dog in a hushed voice. “If you lick him once more, you will not get your daily treats.”

Snowball whined and nuzzled her nose into your hand in apology. 

--

“Dear, will you be going down to the assembly rooms this evening?” your Father asked you during lunch. You had spent most of the meal glaring at Mr. Park Jinyoung while he ate, and listening to Colonel Jackson rant about some of the antics the officers in his regiment indulged in. You were too busy brooding over your absolute hatred for the man who sat across from you to notice that your Father had spoken to you. 

“Sorry, Father. I could not hear you over Jackson’s babbling,” you snapped. 

Your Father chuckled. “I was only wondering if you intended to go down to the assembly rooms for the assembly this evening, my dear. It should be a lovely opportunity for Mr. Park to become acquainted with the society here at Portsmouth. The three of you had better go and have a dance or play some cards to entertain yourselves. Surely, it cannot be very enjoyable to spend your evenings here with me.”

You smiled at your father. “I like spending evenings here with you very much, Papa.”

Father chuckled. “Yes, but a young woman like you had much rather go and interact with the society in town, or you shall become an old maid before you know it. And it is our responsibility to introduce Mr. Park to the society here.”

Jackson smiled and nodded. “Of course! We certainly cannot miss the assembly. I will introduce you to some of the officers, Mr. Park, they’re all extremely fine fellows and they play an excellent hand at cards. The society here is almost equivalent to that in London. We lack nothing. And I’m certain you may find a beautiful woman or two to tempt you into a dance!”

Mr. Park nodded with a smile. “It sounds very pleasant. I should be delighted.”

“I will call for the carriage to take us there this evening!”

You huffed and folded your arms across your chest in irritation. You didn’t want to go to the assembly rooms. This was all because of Mr. Park. You gave him one final glare to which he responded with a simple, smug smile. 

--

The assembly rooms were where the cream of society gathered on scheduled evenings to gossip, gamble, dance and flirt. Colonel Jackson’s regiment was currently in town so there were a significant number of officers crowding the card tables this evening. Beyond the card rooms was the dining room where tea and supper was served, and beyond that was the ballroom for dancing. Everyone was dressed very fashionably but you were evidently the best-dressed woman in the room. You smiled to yourself as you smoothed down your expensive silk dress with your gloves. 

Jackson was instantly distracted by his fellow officers at the cards tables, and he persuaded a very reluctant Mr. Park to join them for a game. You merely greeted the officers politely and then moved onwards to the supper room. 

“Oh! Miss Lim!”

You turned with delight at the familiar voice. The woman who hurried towards you was one of your best friends; Miss Kim was dressed very prettily in a light pink dress and she wrapped her arm around yours eagerly as soon as she saw you. You smiled back at her. 

“Oh! What a relief that you are here, Miss Kim! I thought I was going to have to spend the evening alone and miserable.”

She giggled. “Of course I am here! My brother is in town for some business and I simply had to come and visit my dearest friend. I was going to call on you tomorrow if you did not come to the assembly rooms tonight. Oh! But we must sit down and talk. How could you not even write to me about your brother’s wedding? It was so shocking to have to see it in the papers!”

You followed her eagerly to a pair of vacant seats. “I would have written to you if I’d known myself,” you replied bitterly. “I was completely unaware that Jaebum was even courting anyone. He merely wrote to say he was engaged and then two days later, he and his bride had arrived from London with her family in tow. Oh! It’s so unpleasant and painful! Miss Park smiles far too much and her brother is the rudest man I have ever met!”

Miss Kim’s eyes shone. “Ah! That Mr. Park! I have heard that he is very handsome.”

You pouted at her. “If you flirt with him I shall never forgive you.”

“I would never! You know that I have eyes for no man other than your brother, Colonel Jackson. I do sincerely hope that if he should decide to marry someday, you would not allow me to find out through the papers. I really may just die of heartbreak!” she cried dramatically, before the two of you burst into giggles. 

Miss Kim had been harboring a fancy for your brother for years now but he never showed her any affection beyond what he would show any other woman. She took the rejection surprisingly well, so you doubted whether her affections were very serious. “Oh! But there is a surprise for you here tonight!”

You blinked. “Oh? And what might that be?”

“Mr. Choi Youngjae is here,” she told you with a teasing smile. “That kind, gentle soul whose heart you constantly trample upon with your leather slippers. I would not be surprised if he came here tonight in the hopes of meeting you. Perhaps he will attempt to propose again!”

Your smile fell. “I should hope he does not. It was difficult enough to persuade him not to do so last season. An official proposal should only serve to embarrass us both.”

Miss Kim looked at you sympathetically. She loved you, but it was difficult for her to understand your behavior. 

“Do you really have no intention of accepting him? He is such a good and kind man. Everyone in society loves him and he seems to care for you greatly. He is among the few other eligible men in town. And you are always so determined not to go to London for the season and meet new men. Where will you find a husband if you insist on locking yourself up away inside your home like this? A man is not going to come knocking at your front doorstep.”

You bit your lip. “Then I shall not get married.”

“But why?” she insisted. “Come to London with Mother and I next month. I insist. There are so many wonderful men and I shall have my brother introduce you to them all.”

“Oh? And if there are so many wonderful men then why do you still pine after Colonel Jackson?” you teased. 

Miss Kim flushed. “Oh! True love is another matter entirely, my dear. Perhaps I should have been successful in my love if his sister had been a little kinder to me and done a better job recommending me to him… but we are not all so lucky,” she sighed as you laughed. She was constantly bemoaning that you did not do more to draw your brother’s attention to her. “How can you laugh at my despair, you terrible friend?”

You smiled. “Because I do not believe that you are truly despairing, Miss Kim.”

“Well, then!” she stood up, playfully offended. “I shall take my leave now. It is my intention tonight to extract a dance from Colonel Jackson without your help and I will be grateful if you should refrain from interfering. I would rather not end up an old maid.”

“He is at the card tables. You will have to tie him to a pair of horses to drag him away from there. Good luck, Miss Kim!”

Miss Kim giggled and hurried away to the cards room, hoping to find a seat at the same table as Colonel Jackson. You smiled at your silly friend. She had already lost a good amount of money to your brother at the card tables in the hopes of capturing his attention, but Jackson only laughed at her and took her money and never asked her to dance. 

You were watching Miss Kim disappear into the next room when you heard a pair of elderly ladies talking at a table nearby. They were sipping their tea and looking at you with distaste. As is common with elderly women who are hard of hearing, they spoke so loudly that it was impossible for you to not overhear their conversation. 

“Look; she has come alone again. How terribly inappropriate for her to attend such social events without a female chaperone. Does her father think it is appropriate to send her here with only her brothers? A young woman who has only been out in society a few years?”

The other woman scoffed. “For shame. That girl will find herself in a scandal soon enough. Nothing good comes of letting a young woman with a fortune of a dowry run about in such a loose and careless manner. Who would marry her? She has never had any decent gentlewoman to teach her how to behave. ”

You took a deep breath and clutched your handkerchief. Your eyes flickered sharply over to the elderly women, who fell silent the moment they realized that you were glaring at them. Disgusting creatures. They were so old and withered and wrinkled that they had nothing to do but comment on other women. It was not the first time they had said such things about you, nor the first time that people had commented on your lack of a female chaperone for these events. Your mother had passed away while giving birth to you and you had no aunts, no close female relatives to take you under their wing. The only woman available to accompany you to social events had been your governess; and she had left once you were too old to require one. 

You merely glared at the women and turned back to your cup of tea. They could only dream of owning the amount of money that you possessed as your dowry. You knew better than to be affected by their envious words. 

Mr. Park Jinyoung entered the supper room just as you were finishing your tea. He seemed slightly lost and uncomfortable. You smiled to yourself at the sight of him looking around blankly until he finally spotted you. Your smile fell when he made a beeline for you and took the empty seat beside yours. 

“Miss Lim,” he greeted you politely. 

You raised an eyebrow as you sipped your tea coolly. “Is it not extremely inappropriate for you to sit beside an unmarried woman such as myself at a social gathering? I believe propriety demands that we be accompanied by a chaperone.”

Mr. Park raised an eyebrow. The bored tone of your voice indicated that you did not truly care about the absence of a chaperone, but were merely attempting to find some fault in him. 

How could a woman as beautiful as yourself could be hiding so much hatred inside? It seemed impossible, but your words only became more poisonous with each conversation you shared. He sighed. 

“I am afraid it would be much more improper for me to approach anyone else at this gathering, since I have not been introduced to them. You and Colonel Jackson are my only acquaintances here. I am certain that I shall cause less offence by sitting with my sister’s new family than by approaching someone who does not know me at all.”

You sighed. Unfortunately, Mr. Park was not wrong. “I suppose so.”

Mr. Park smiled. “And is the purpose of a chaperone not merely to ensure that a young man and woman do not cross the boundaries of ordinary acquaintance? I am certain there is no danger of that here.”

You gave him a sharp look. “Certainly not. Although I wonder why you do not choose to stay by my brother’s side; he is surely the more pleasant company.”

Mr. Park sighed again, a hint of discomfort appearing on his handsome features once more. “Colonel Jackson’s company is excellent but I have no desire to lose more money at the card tables. Gambling has never caused me much enjoyment. I prefer not to push my luck, what with me having so little of it in the first place.”

“One would not look at your face and deem you a man of meagre luck, Mr. Park.”

Mr. Park raised an eyebrow and his dark eyes twinkled. You were irritated at how handsome he was and how aware he seemed to be of his own god-given charms. There was no use denying that Mr. Park Jinyoung was extremely attractive. However, once one overcame the deceptive barriers of his perfect face and handsome countenance, it was not difficult to identify Park Jinyoung’s many flaws.

“Is that a compliment, Miss Lim? I am flattered.”

“Not as much of a compliment as you might imagine, Mr. Park. I tend to place more importance in aspects of a person that cannot be covered by luck; such as manners, good-breeding and most importantly, benevolence.”

Mr. Park laughed. “Benevolence! Surely?”

“You do not believe me?” you demanded. “Or do you think my own character to be so lacking in benevolence that it is absurd for me to expect it from others?”

“Indeed; I have no idea how benevolent you are.”

“Let me assure you that I am extremely benevolent!” you insisted firmly. “A necessary quality in a woman who possesses as large a dowry and such excellent prospects as I! A woman with such a large fortune and natural beauty must do everything in her power to share her gifts with those less fortunate in this world.”

“I see you are very inclined to charity, then.”

“Indeed. We live in a world where beauty and a large dowry are the most powerful things any woman can possess.” 

Mr. Park Jinyoung's smile suddenly changed; the curve of his plump lips was more forced than it had been earlier. He nodded silently. There was a brief and unpleasant silence which was interrupted by the arrival of another gentleman at the tea table. The only person in the entire city of Portsmouth before whom even Mr. Park was preferable. 

Mr. Choi Youngjae. 

“Miss Lim!” Mr. Choi greeted you politely and kindly, with a bow. His manners were impeccable and he was always well-spoken and kind, but his sudden appearance made your stomach turn. “It is so wonderful to see you here this evening. Please; allow me to convey my apologies at being unable to attend your brother’s wedding. I was detained in London.”

You smiled politely at Mr. Choi. “Of course Mr. Choi; I am certain that my brother understands completely. There is no need for your apology.”

Mr. Choi smiled hopefully. “Yes. Thank you. I was wondering, Miss Lim, whether-”

“Mr. Choi, have you yet had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Park Jinyoung? He is the younger brother of Miss Park; or should I say Mrs. Lim now, the woman whom my brother has had the fortune of marrying. He is staying in Portsmouth for some time on business. Mr. Park, this is Mr. Choi Youngjae. A good friend of mine and a businessman who often comes to Portsmouth to do his business,” you explained hurriedly. 

The two men shook hands politely and exchanged perfunctory greetings. Mr. Choi’s eyes were fixed on you and you knew that he was hoping to speak to you alone. You could not allow that to happen. You quickly rose from your seat and gave the two gentlemen a polite smile. 

“Well; since you are now acquainted, I hope that you will find some topic of conversation suitable to both of you. I am on the lookout for my good friend Miss Kim, so I will excuse myself,” you curtsied politely and hurried out of the dining room.

The two men blinked after you in surprise. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Park Jinyoung could not help but feel a little pity for Mr. Choi. 

The young man had evidently approached in the hopes of obtaining your attention, but you had hurried off and left him to converse with a near stranger. It only took a few minutes of conversation with Mr. Choi for Jinyoung to determine that the man met all of your expectations in a person. Mr. Choi had manners, good breeding and plenty of benevolence. He heard of Mr. Park’s hopes to avail of certain business opportunities in the shipping industry and immediately offered his assistance. 

“I would be very glad to see you at my offices soon, Mr. Park!” Mr. Choi said welcomingly with a large smile. “We would have a much easier time discussing business there than in this noisy environment at the assembly rooms. I am based out of London for the majority of the year, unfortunately, but I do travel to Portsmouth often. How long do you intend to stay here?”

Mr. Park bit his lip. “I do not know; I am currently residing at my sister’s home on the Lims’ estate. If business goes well then I may need to look for some more permanent residence so that I do not impose upon their hospitality. If not, then I shall return to London to stay with my mother.”

Mr. Choi nodded. “Indeed; I look forward to furthering your acquaintance in either city.”

“May I ask if you are closely acquainted with the Lims?” Mr. Park asked curiously. Although he did not want to interfere in your personal business, he felt extremely curious about your evident desire to avoid such an amiable and harmless young man. It was one thing to detest Jinyoung, but what problem could you possibly have with Choi Youngjae? 

Mr. Choi blushed at the sudden question but there was something disappointed in his expression. “Ah; I have never had the pleasure of meeting Lord Lim himself, but I am acquainted with Mr. Lim Jaebum in passing and have also had the pleasure of losing to Colonel Jackson at cards. As for Miss Lim, well, I uh, I happened to meet her while she was in London a few years ago and we have continued our acquaintance since then. She’s a very charming and beautiful young woman.”

Mr. Park nodded. It was clear to him that Mr. Choi Youngjae was interested in you. He cleared his throat and smiled. “Well, am I to believe that some sort of congratulations will be in order in the near future?” he wondered. 

“Oh! No; that is, I don’t think Miss Lim has any such inclinations,” Youngjae admitted. His cheeks flushed red fiercely. “She has told me quite firmly that she has absolutely no intention of marrying and leaving Portsmouth to live far away. I… I had rather hoped that she would compromise but the truth is that my estates and business are primarily located in London and there is nothing much that can be done about that. I do travel down to Portsmouth a few days in a year but that is…”

Jinyoung blinked. “I suppose it’s not sufficient for our spoiled young Miss Lim.”

Mr. Choi’s eyes widened. “Oh!”

“Surely, Mr. Choi, you cannot be so blind to the fact that the woman you are pursuing is indeed rather spoiled?” Jinyoung demanded. “She speaks to people just as she pleases and has no qualms boasting of the size of her dowry in public!”

Mr. Choi Youngjae smiled. “I see you do not understand Miss Lim very well yet.”

“Don’t I?”

“Indeed you don’t,” Mr Choi replied. “It is human nature for us to be proud of what we have, Mr. Park, especially when deep down we know that there are many other things we lack. Miss Lim has been deprived of a great many things that most young ladies have. I suppose we may let her have her dowry, at least.”

Jinyoung frowned.

What could a rich and beautiful heiress with a loving family possibly lack?  

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[yoon-kooks]

With Love and No Regrets💋 2

Pairing: ??? x Reader, Taehyung x Reader (this chapter)

Genre: Angst, Handwritten!AU, inspired by TATBILB

Summary: Seven stories, seven regrets, seven letters… to all the boys you may or may not still think about…

Word Count: 2.8k

Parts: Prologue // 1 // 1.5 // 2 // 2.5 // 3 // 

Warnings: none

A/N: hands up if you remember your first crush ever 😔✊

Fifth grade might’ve been your prime. You were a whopping ten years old, all the kindergarteners looked up to you as their senior, multiple boys in your class had their eye on you, and you developed your first crush. His name was Kim Taehyung.

Unlike Jungkook who you had met in kindergarten, the existence of Kim Taehyung was unknown to you until fifth grade came around. And boy did he hit you like a truck.

Taehyung was cute. Perhaps one of the cutest boys in your class, up there with Kim Namjoon and Jung Hoseok. And sure, you would’ve loved for fate aka your teacher to seat you right next to him for the entire school year. But the truth is, fate wasn’t always so kind. Because Taehyung always somehow ended up on the opposite side of the room from you.

But why leave everything up to fate? You weren’t that passive when it came to love—at least not at age ten. So you found another way to connect with the boy.

One stormy October morning, you discovered a common interest between Taehyung and yourself. Rainy days were always your favorite because your class was blessed with some free time in the school’s computer lab during recess. After all, you were the type that opted to stay behind a screen instead of facing things head on.

“Ahin, how are you level 77 already?” you asked your best friend as you glanced back and forth between her level 77 mage and your level 32 bandit on the computer screen. Her character had a lot more swag with the sunglasses and shit compared to your basic ass character with the default clothes.

“That’s because my screen time isn’t limited to one hour a day like you,” Ahin shrugged. “At this rate, you’ll be a noob forever, Y/N. Taehyung’s gonna over-level you soon.”

“Taehyung plays StapleMory, too?” You were intrigued because StapleMory was already your favorite MMORPG, but with the addition of a cute boy thrown into the mix, you’d have to beg your mother for an extra hour of play time.

“Yeah, he started playing a few weeks ago and he’s only a few levels behind you.”

“What’s his username? I wanna add him to my friend list.”

“Why? Are you in love with him or something?”

“What? No, of course not.” You didn’t have a crush on him just yet. You didn’t even know what a crush felt like.

“Well I don’t know his username either,” Ahin said. “I just heard him talking about it with Hoseok. Try asking them instead.”

You’d only made the smallest of small talk with Taehyung in the first month back from summer break, so you didn’t know him well enough to casually start a conversation with him at recess without it feeling a little forced. On the other hand, you did have an already established acquaintance with Hoseok thanks to summer school a few years back.

You peered down at the pair of boys several computers down from where you sat, locked onto your target, and rolled your chair over in that direction. When you caught a glimpse of familiar character sprites on their screens, you knew what to do.

“You play StapleMory, too, Hoseok?” The character on his screen was a heavily armored warrior holding a long blue spear.

“Y-you play too, Y/N?” He looked shocked. Shocked but not upset. Though maybe if you both had put two and two together sooner, you could’ve advanced your acquaintanceship with him beyond summer school.

“Yeah, and Ahin plays too.”

“I play too,” Taehyung jumped in. Contrary to his natural handsomeness, his character was on the ugly side equipped with a bow and arrows. “Well I just started, so I’m only level 30.”

“Oh, so you’re still just a noob,” you laughed as if being two levels higher than him was anything to boast about.

“Well what level are you then?”

“Higher than you.” You really should not have had that smug look on your face, but you did.

Taehyung narrowed his eyes at you. It was a challenge. “What’s your username? I’ll add you.”

“YoungHinata.”

“Is that some kind of Naruto reference or something?”

“Yeah, duh.” You didn’t know. It wasn’t your username.

After typing the username in, Taehyung’s jaw dropped. “Level 77? That’s… impressive. You already have your third job advancement?”

You wanted to psych him out a little, not impress him. Clearly that didn’t work out, so you abort. “Nah, I’m just kidding. That’s Ahin’s character.”

“Haha very funny. I guess I’ll add her then, not you.” Taehyung sent Ahin a virtual friend request right in front of your eyes. “Unless you wanna tell me your username.”

Were you feeling threatened? No. But did you want Taehyung to be your friend? Yes.

“It’s… TacoCat98.” You admit you were self-conscious about the name, and you would’ve picked something a little wittier like TacoBelle if you’d known you’d be playing with a cute boy. But nobody could’ve predicted that.

“Seriously?” Taehyung laughed at your username as he typed it in. He had no right to clown you when his own username was something as simple Vante, and you totally did not get the reference if there was one. And he only stopped laughing once he saw your character. “You called me a noob when you’re only like two levels above me? Noob.”

“It doesn’t matter! I’m still higher than you, so ha!” You got the last laugh, but not the last say.

“Not for long, Y/N… Not for long.” The confidence in Taehyung’s voice was admirable with a hint of flirtiness, but you wouldn’t let him get the best of you. Or so you thought.

-

It had quickly become a regular thing for you to hop online after school with either Ahin, Hoseok and Taehyung, or just Taehyung. Your mother was pleasantly surprised to see you zipping through your homework with newfound motivation, and she even granted you an extra hour of screen time to reward your excelling academics. Little did she know that your motivation had everything to do with a boy.

With that valuable extra hour of play time, you did everything in your power to stay ahead of Taehyung. You grinded, took on quests, asked Ahin for advice on the best equips and places to train, and you did so without a minute to waste. The only time you took a break from leveling up your character was when a certain notification popped up on your screen.

[Vante has logged in!]

[Vante sent you a message!]

Vante: hi Y/N >:)

TacoCat98: why r u sending me a mean face? :P

Vante: freedom of speech?

TacoCat98: ok?

Vante: come train with me :(

TacoCat98: where r u now?

Vante: where the fire boars are

TacoCat98: kk

You might’ve been in the middle of a jump quest that you’d have to restart later, but you were willing to forfeit some good EXP in exchange for time with Taehyung. The two of you were close enough in level where it’d be mutually beneficial to train together on the same map anyway. So you hustled over to the fire boars.

As soon as you walked through the portal to where Taehyung said he was, you witnessed a hoard of flaming pigs chasing an ugly green-haired archer. Rather than extending a hand to help the boy out of danger, you take pleasure in watching him struggle to find safety on a nearby platform.

“why didnt u help me????” A speech bubble appeared over Taehyung’s character. “i almost died!!”

“i didnt wanna kiss you,” you typed, with a very embarrassing typo. “i meant KS you… not kiss you lol”

“r u sure that was a typo?” Taehyung changed his character’s facial expression to a hmm face.

“KISS wouldnt have made sense in that context!!” K.S. was the abbreviation of kill steal, which was when someone (often a noob like Taehyung) is trying to kill a monster but then a higher level player passes by and instantly kills the monster as a form of mockery. Kiss, on the other hand, meant something very different.

“right…”

“RIGHT.” You made your character flail around in the air like a kid having a tantrum before jumping down to release all your awkward energy out on the fire boars. “can we just train now??”

You sent Taehyung a request to join your party, and he accepted it, but he remained right where he was instead of joining you on the battle grounds.

“or we could just talk,” he typed. That not only surprised you, but also meant something to you. It meant he’d rather spend time chatting with you over leveling up his character. You were more important to him than the game itself.

You jumped back up to the safe platform and faced Taehyung’s character. “we could.”

You didn't know if he was just luring you away from training so he could sneak past you in levels as soon as you logged off, but maybe it didn’t matter. You only had two hours a day to do whatever you wanted on the computer, and Taehyung was what made your time feel well-spent.

And if he ended up surpassing you in levels as a result of that, you’d lose bragging rights and that hold over him, but something in you wanted to believe he wouldn’t leave your noob ass behind.

-

For a solid year, you never grew bored of Taehyung and his antics. Even in the classroom, it became apparent that you two were no strangers. You teased him about his new haircuts, he teased you by shouting “TacoCat98” across the school yard, and you both exchanged ugly faces as you passed by each others’ desks. All of that was innocent and cute, though the more intimate stuff remained online.

You can’t remember the exact moment you first acknowledged your feelings for Taehyung because it was your very first crush and you had no way of recognizing the signs. For a while, you assumed your first crush would be Namjoon because he had all the stunning physical qualities you thought you wanted in a boyfriend. But with Taehyung, it was something else that you couldn’t quite comprehend. All you knew was that he made your day a little brighter. And you found yourself thinking about him. A lot.

But nothing could’ve made you realize your crush more than when he asked you about it right after graduation.

Vante: hey

TacoCat98: hey

Vante: do you like anyone?

It was your chance���the golden opportunity. You wanted to scream “YES, IT’S YOU” through your computer. But on the off chance that he didn’t feel the same way, you wanted to save yourself from a potential rejection. You told yourself you’d only confess to him if you felt 100% confident that he felt the same way. Despite having a gut feeling that that might’ve been the case, you needed more answers.

TacoCat98: lol why r u asking?

Vante: bc u know how my group of guys had a talk after the grad ceremony?

TacoCat98: umm no? and yall arent “guys” yet btw. youre still boys lolol

Vante: whatever -_-

Vante: anyway

Vante: the BOYS had a talk about who we liked in our class

Vante: so i know who likes u

Someone liked you? That was definitely news to you. No one (to your knowledge) ever had a crush on you in your ten years of life. Naturally, you were curious as a kitten as to who it was, and if it was in fact Taehyung himself. Or maybe he was just bluffing. If that were the case, you were going to bluff back.

TacoCat98: well i know who likes u too :P

Vante: who?

For some reason, your dumbass didn’t anticipate him asking you to spill the tea. Especially not when you were alluding to your own crush on him.

TacoCat98: u tell me first and then ill tell u

Because how romantic would that be if the feeling was mutual and realized on the online platform where it had all begun to bloom?

Vante: hoseok

TacoCat98: wat

Vante: hoseok said he likes u

Vante: ok next

You needed a long minute to comprehend what had happened. Hoseok liked you? Hoseok? Hoseok didn’t even know you the way Taehyung did. You rarely even spoke to him outside of when he’d play StapleMory with you and Taehyung. So how was it possible for Jung Hoseok to develop a crush on you out of nothing? Spoiler alert: It wasn’t possible. But you didn’t know that at the time.

Vante: so… who likes me?

An idiot liked Taehyung. And that idiot was you. But after he didn’t confess to you like you had hoped, there was no way you’d confess either.

TacoCat98: actually i promised to keep that a secret

Vante: but u said u would tell me >:(

TacoCat98: well im srry!!

TacoCat98: it’s not like you were sharing your OWN crush, so why r u so mad lol

TacoCat98: hoseok probably wanted to keep that a secret but u told me anyway

Vante: true

Vante: dont tell him i told u >.<

TacoCat98: ok i wont

Vante: good

Vante: now back to the original question… tell me who u like

TacoCat98: i dont like anyone lol

Vante: seriously…

TacoCat98: really i dont lol

Vante: everyone has a crush

TacoCat98: and your crush is…?

Vante: ahin

He typed it without hesitation, not a sliver of doubt. He confidently told you about his crush on your best friend as if that information wasn’t going to get back to her. Maybe he intended for you to tell Ahin so he wouldn’t have to confess himself. Or maybe he just wanted to make you jealous. The latter was what he accomplished.

As a friend, you loved Ahin and envied her for how easily she got along with the boys in your class. Just as her StapleMory character outshined yours, she had the same effect at school. It honestly didn’t surprise you that Taehyung chose her over you. You had just hoped and envisioned that this time it was you.

TacoCat98: AHIN!!! can i tell u something?

YoungHinata: sure lol

TacoCat98: i like tae

YoungHinata: omg

YoungHinata: really????

YoungHinata: u should tell him!!

YoungHinata: he always acts like he likes u too

TacoCat98: i dont think he likes me like that

YoungHinata: y tho???

TacoCat98: i just have a feeling :(

YoungHinata: well youll never know for sure unless u confess to him

TacoCat98: nah im fine with him never knowing

TacoCat98: i just wanted to get it off my chest so i told u instead of him lol

-

After elementary school ended and middle school started, you were more thankful than ever that you and Taehyung had established an online friendship. You wouldn’t have otherwise known he attended the same middle school because you had zero classes with him in sixth grade and literally never saw him on campus. You owed a lot to the online platform for all the opportunities it provided you with in chatting with your crush. At the same time, a relationship built upon online engagements had its limits.

[Vante has logged in!]

TacoCat98: hihihi

Vante: i havent seen your face around these parts in a while

TacoCat98: blame my teachers >:(

TacoCat98: more hw = less staplemory

Vante: same

Vante: dont u think it’s weird tho

TacoCat98: whats weird?

Vante: how we talk on here but not irl

TacoCat98: i guess we never see each other at school anymore

There were a million better ways to respond to Taehyung’s comment, but that’s how you chose to respond. You had every opportunity to say, “hey let’s meet up at lunch tomorrow” or “wanna get milk tea after school?” But you were too dense to realize what he wanted out of that conversation. You took it more as a subtle breakup like “we can’t be friends anymore because things are awkward now irl.” After all, you were on the wrong side of an unrequited love, and it was almost inevitable that he’d develop other crushes on his new classmates who outclassed you.

It was only after you both quit StapleMory later that year and left your friendship to die in cyberspace that you heard a rumor floating around regarding you and Taehyung. One of your new middle school friends said Taehyung had asked her if it was true that you had a crush on him.

How did Taehyung know about that? And why did he even care? He was supposed to like Ahin. He told you himself that he liked Ahin. If you were his crush, he would’ve told you. He should’ve told you. Because you were fully convinced he no longer cared about his little gamer friend when there were plenty of prettier kids to pursue. And whether or not it was the truth, you took it to heart, despite all the other signs that had said otherwise.

So, no. The rumor wasn't true. You didn’t have a crush on him. Not anymore.

[exobyharu]

PCY - Ch1

Chapter 1: Nothing’s a coincidence

(Part 2)(Part 3)(Part 4)(Part 5)(Part 6)

Summary: You didn’t die because you weren’t exactly trying to. Also, Chanyeol does not want you to take pictures.

⏰ 10:46 PM 🌏 42nd floor of some fancy hotel (S), City of (L) 🌚 Moonless night, but light pollution drowns the stars out 👥 YN, Park Chanyeol, Kim Jongdae (mentioned), your best friend Jane (mentioned)

Notes: A little mention of suicidal ideation, but nothing really happens. Not even close. And I love you, PCY. How he acts or what he says here has nothing to do with his true nature or his real opinions on anything. It’s fiction! All from my head. Hate me, not PCY. Jk. No hate please.

Words: ~1,900

💙💙💙

Even though your hands were loose on the railings as you leaned too far over the edge of the balcony, you were not afraid. Frankly, despite your volatile impulses, better judgment prevailed. You were not going to kill yourself - that much you were certain of. Not tonight. But just what would happen if you did manage to lose your balance and tip over? Wouldn’t that be a way to go?

It was almost like a curse to stay where you once worked abroad and if you were to be honest with yourself, it should not feel like this. It had been years. Three? Four? You did not keep count. In your efforts to leave everything behind, your mind would refuse to consciously to take you back – to depict an accurate picture of what happened, how, and why.

Because your brain would not cooperate, you only trusted your psychiatrist who prescribed you three daily tablets that you would take on time, more often than not; and a change of environment, which you had been pursuing for the past six months. This was why you decided to move back to your home country, in hopes of putting the past behind you, and starting anew in the same city where you once grew up as a child.

You’re pretty darn privileged if you have all the time to be depressed, you remembered your mother saying over last night’s phone call, and frankly, it did nothing to lift your spirits. If your mother had intended it to be a wakeup call, you ought to let her know that it only made her loving daughter spend the entire day sleeping in and unable to come to terms with her not-so-wretched circumstances.

And now this loving daughter was draining all of her internship savings to spend five straight nights in a ridiculously overpriced suite room at Hotel (S), as her final attempt at self-exploration after constantly moving from one neighbourhood type to another. This city was your last stop and here, you hoped that what you were looking for at a proverbial level was already patiently, and eagerly awaiting your discovery.

Whether you liked it or not, you had to work soon. And if you did not know what you wanted, it looked like you were going to take your parents up on their offer of an old-fashioned arranged marriage and take over your family’s small business enterprise in your hometown.

If the problem is within you, it won’t matter where you are. You got this, you willed, as the evening breeze gently shook the umbrellas by the sky pool just a couple of floors below. The air was surprisingly cool and thin, which was a sharp a contrast to how humid and saturated with smog it was about forty floors down. And maybe it was just you, but when you closed your eyes, the wind made you feel as if you were truly by the shore.

Somehow, an unusual minty scent managed to reach you too. It smelled more like musk, now that you focused harder. Or almonds? You screwed your eyes shut even tighter to concentrate on what it was exactly.

Vanilla?

“You okay over there?” a voice called out.

Certainly, it was now more than just your nose – or your head, for this matter, that was messing with your senses. As far as the functional part of your brain can remember, the voice in your thoughts never spoke to you in clear baritone.

So despite the distrust that you equally harboured for all strangers, you did mean to look past the frosted glass boundaries of your balcony territory to what seemed like an even more spacious accommodation that was your neighbour’s. There, you saw him: a tall and remarkably well-proportioned guy, whose princely face you cannot quite put a name on yet. If only you could get him to drop the cautious glare - because you swore that even though you looked like it, you were not going to jump - maybe you would remember. Anyone would recognise his smiling face. Anyone who had wi-fi service, a television, or a pair of legs to take the subway to work. You knew that you did, even though you had only been back in this country for about a month.

“I recognise you,” you responded, as an immediate segue to conveniently avoid the lie, while passing to let him in on your pity party. You would have spent a few seconds ignoring his reaction while pondering how rude you may had just been, but as your eyes travelled from his nameless face and down to what was written on his purple pullover hoodie, all that overthinking flew right by you.

The words SEXUAL FANTASIES were printed in bold, right across his chest.

You chuckled. He did too, although you were not entirely sure what that was about.

“S-sexual fantasies, I know,” he finally said with a cheeky grin after what seemed like a split-second of hesitation. His cheeky grin though made it unclear to you, whether he was pertaining to the jacket or himself. Sensing the ambiguity and seeing the face you were making, he made a gesture of tugging at the hem of his jacket and pointed at the print for emphasis.

That did not really help. But okay.

“Can’t say I’m surprised to find a world-famous somebody right next door,” you started, almost smiling. “BTS, right?”

In response, the guy craned his neck sideways as if telling you to think harder. When you did not, he finally figured that he had to correct you himself. “That would be EXO, actually.”

EXO. Right.

It was your only other guess. Your friends only ever mentioned those two groups to you, anyway. It was a regretful matter, how you paid so little interest in what they always gossiped about in your group chat. Now, all you could do was avoid eye contact and read the words on his jacket over and over with an unfocused stare.

“R-right,” your mouth said, because the awkwardness was escalating quick. “Kim Jongdae?”

Instantly, the guy’s smile fell and it made your unease quickly turn to embarrassment. Not only did he catch you in a rather intense olfactory investigation while you were on your tiptoes, sniffing with your eyes screwed shut and your nose up in the air, you even got their group name wrong even though you had a fifty percent chance of guessing it right.

And now here you were, fucking up three times in a row, calling this man Kim Jongdae as a knee-jerk reaction, only because your dumb mouth had a mind of its own and that mind only knew to speak that name. This dashing guy’s mouth, on the other hand, despite his forced smile, was now revealing to you a perfect set of teeth that confirmed your mistake because Jane always raved about this certain Kim Jongdae’s adorably mis-aligned lower incisor. In terms of Kim Jongdae’s appearance, you at most knew that much. Besides, because of your best friend, you only ever listened to the vocally-gifted balladeer’s painfully sad music.

Still, this person was certainly not Kim Jongdae.

Ultimately, you gave up and let your head fall to your hands. There was no way that you were meeting his eyes now. “Look, I’m not gonna pretend to be a fan anymore, I’m sorry.”

Nameless™ probably made a face before saying, “funny, because a lot of fans like to book rooms next to ours and pretend that they don’t know us.”

“What about coincidences?” you asked nicely, and his answer came almost immediately.

“What of coincidences?”

You did not like his tone very much, but you had to make sure that it was not just your imagination. You decided to finally face him and what you saw was the same guy, looking as smug as he sounded, with his chin tilted upwards and his arms crossed. He towered right beside the glass baluster that separated the two of you and now, you noticed how much taller he looked up close.

Still, that had done it for the short-fused you. Ten-feet-tall or not, you were not going to take anything from a dignified snob. Mirroring his body language, you took a step forward, making sure to remember the smell of his perfume as a warning sign to leave the balcony as soon as possible next time. 

With one deep breath, you looked at him and said, “honestly? I truly don’t care who you are or what you do. The hotel just got me this suite room and I only happen perfectly match your fan demographic. I’m just saying that this time’s a coincidence.”

“Well then, I’m just saying that maybe you’re pretending to pretend. Maybe this time isn’t a coincidence.”

You blinked rapidly in astonishment. How was this guy a freak for arguments as much as you were? He was basically just like you, stubbornly distrustful and borderline hostile, just taller and much more attractive, which in your opinion, only contributed more points to his intimidation and shade factors, respectively.

“You’re a lot cynical, you know that?” you told him, surprisingly more curious than upset this time. 

Unfortunately, the observation made Nameless™ more upset than anything else. “I don’t care what you think. I just don’t appreciate people who call themselves fans but do not respect our privacy. All the way up here? Come on. We’re people too!”

“Uhuh,” you responded, his exasperation not getting through you because only a fraction of your attention entertained his minor outburst. Your fingers were busy flying over the keys on your phone, going over the roster of the world-famous EXO and trying to find the name of this world-famous jerk before you.

Park Chanyeol.

“Got it. This is you, no?” you finally asked him, who was now looking up to the sky, arms still crossed and skin still bunched between his eyebrows. When he turned to you, you waved your phone at him, showing a photo of a Park Chanyeol of the smiley variety that the world knows, wearing a similar sweatshirt and some kitty headphones that one of your friends has. “Look, I know you must be tired of having stalkers follow you everywhere you go, but trust me. I’m not one of them.”

The rapper only seemed to believe the first part of what you said. “Look, just stay out of my way, all right?”

“Stay out of your way? I was minding my own business here, you know?” You answered back. You could feel your voice rising along with your temper once again, but he was no longer listening.

“…and no pictures,” he told you, waving you off to head back inside his room, making it clear that you had just ruined his night.

Left alone sighing on your side of the balcony, you figured that it was at least an eventful evening for you. Also, for the record, at least tonight, you had a discovery and it was something that online pages would probably never say and those die-hard fans would never know about The Park Chanyeol: He’s tired and he’s done. He’s just so done he takes it out on anybody. 

And if he wanted you to stay out of his way, then so be it. It was the least you can do. If it was to prove a point, it was just like you to take it that far anyway. After all, relocating to another room was for free and you would not seem to enjoy staying in a balcony right next to his either.

💙💙💙 - to be continued -

[gwoongi]

𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗅𝖺𝗌𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗎𝗌 ✰ taehyung (3)

𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗅𝖺𝗌𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗎𝗌 kim taehyung / reader genre: zombie apocalypse au words: 5114

“This won’t be forever, Y/N,” he said, with such a sincere and genuine voice that you felt your stomach knot and churn, a lump forming in your throat. Suddenly you need another drink of water. “You won’t be sad forever.”

warnings: graphic content, death references, gore, swearing, dark themes

a/n: some people really might dislike the flashback additions i add, but they’re pretty much there to add context to the situation + to also develop the characters more, without me adding unnecessary dialogue or details which will slow each scene. omg also a note, (potential writer bias here), but y/n is a very . troubled character, and so she really isn’t this “strong unaffected leader”, she has some issues + i hope the story reflects these issues respectfully ((bc i worked rlly hard))

01. denver ↝ 02. holiday with me ↝ 03. sad forever ↝ 04. surely ↝ 05. scorpion ↝ 06. shakespeare

5 WEEKS LATER.

At nobody’s surprise, the car ran out of gas around three days after Oklahoma. Since leaving the car on the side of the road in the middle of Oklahoma, it had been just Taehyung and yourself, walking the open road, deprived of water and a place to sleep. It was impossible to tell where you were now, walking like biters yourselves, staggering across the dusty roads.

Waking to the sound of refreshing birdsong, you squinted in the tawny sunlight. Rolling your head to your shoulder, your gaze landed on Taehyung crouched before you, the back of his hand pressed against your forehead worriedly, a frown etched to his lips.

You yawned, and he moved away his hand. “You’ve got a fever.”

A shaky laugh left your lips. ��Ain’t that funny.”

His boots shifted on the gravel of the floor inside the multi storey car-park, your back leaned against the graffiti covered wall. A halo above your head in yellow spray-paint, Taehyung figured you looked pretty despite looking as you’d expect in an apocalypse. Though, he didn’t bet that he looked any better.

“Tired?” he asked, cocking his head to look at you as he zipped up his backpack.

“My legs hurt,” you admitted quietly, voice hoarse. “Thirsty.”

“Me too,” Taehyung muttered, stroking hairs away from your damp forehead. “We’ll find somewhere to stay, I promise, and I’ll find us something to drink. Just...don’t close your eyes, okay? Try and stay awake for me, okay?”

Keeping your eyes open as he helped lift you off the floor felt like the most impossible thing in an impossible world. “I’m gonna die from dehydration. Isn’t that hilarious?”

He grunted, supporting your weight. “We can’t afford to think like that.”

“‘m gonna die on you,” you continued, attempting to walk without his help. “I’m the leader and I’ve led you to death.”

“Don’t think like that,” Taehyung replied, out of breath slightly as he carried himself and your weight down a short flight of stairs. Despite being your companion crossing the country, he wasn’t sure if he was comfortable enough calling you a friend, yet. There was a tension, an unspoken thing between the two of you - a refusal to get to know each other, but an urge to know everything at once. Taehyung never asked questions, feeling he wasn’t close enough to get the answers. Still, same as before, he needed you to survive, and you needed him, now more than ever. “You can’t let it guilt you. Stop talking, it’s gonna wear you out. Just stay quiet and keep walking, okay? I’m right here.”

“I’m the worst leader.”

“Nu-huh. You’re the best leader, okay? You’ve got us so far. Don’t give up now, come on.”

Heaving himself forwards through the closed iron door, a flood of light made you grimace with a loud hiss, bringing your sleeve to cover your eyes as Taehyung carried you across the length of the car-park. Occasionally he would stumble, jumping you back up straight with an arm around his shoulders, your legs giving away and dragging like a doll across the concrete.

“Hey, hey, stay awake, okay?” Taehyung said, his voice more frantic now, as he crouched his head to look at your face closer. The sweat had opened up your pores, and your dark circles were even more prominent as a feature of your face. He didn’t mind. “Eyes on me, Y/N. Can you hear me?”

An incoherent grumble was good enough and he cursed softly, walking quicker across the park, his breaths laboured and a line of sweat building up at his hairline, his fringe sticking like mixture to a bowl to his forehead. Each step was followed with a breathless, “please,”, his fingers tightening on your skin, his heart physically hurting at the thought of letting you down...just a bit further, now. Just a little bit further-

Losing his steps, stumbling over his own feet as you hung limp by his side, Taehyung let you fall to the ground with a soft exhale of breath, your hair spilling out like a halo around your head. The sun was hot on his skin as he bent over you, checking for a pulse, relieved when he found it. By now, you were unresponsive.

He was panicked- his hands trembled as he cradled your face in his hands, calling you back to him, searching for a response in your face. Never before had he felt so afraid at the thought of being alone in this world, alone without a companion- without a possible friend. Without you.

“Stop right there!”

Hands still cradling your face, Taehyung looked up immediately, his eyes squinting in the midday sunlight. In a few seconds, they focused on a dark silhouette standing on top of a barricaded storage container, painted a navy blue with the words, “WILL SHOOT ON SIGHT!” sprayed on. Clearly he hadn’t noticed that. He was mostly thankful they hadn’t shot on sight. The figure did not move, standing still with their gun pointed in his direction. Without looking, too, Taehyung could sense about three other bandits pointing guns at him, masks pulled up over their faces, caps covering eyes.

“Please-”

“Are you infected?” the same voice called, gruff and loud. A shooter nearby shot down an approaching biter, slow in movement but regardless, still a threat.

“What? No, we-”

“Is she bit?” the voice repeated, pointing the gun at your body laying on the floor, sweat pooling by your arms. Taehyung looked down at you worriedly and then looked back up.

“No!” he was confident.

The figure lowered their gun for a moment. “Is she dead?”

“No,” Taehyung replied without a second of breath. “No! We’ve been walking for days and we ran out of water. She’s dehydrated.”

A second shooter scurried across the top of the container. “The girl’s down. Not a threat.”

“Anybody who’s not us is a threat.”

The second shooter frowned behind the mask. “Give them the water. They ain’t a threat to us yet. You’d want them to do the same.”

Although he seemed irritated, the first figure lowered his gun and pushed past the female shooter, hopping down from the container onto the floor. The girl remained indifferent, glancing at Taehyung in the middle of the street. Wordless, she waved her hand and the containers swiftly shifted, as if on cue, revealing a gate into a cluttered road, decorated with newspapers and large crates with, “NORTHGATE” engraved on them. Taehyung let out a sigh of immense relief, shifting to collect you in his arms, and without objection, moved towards the gates.

NEW YORK CITY, DECEMBER, 3 YEARS AGO. 2 WEEKS BEFORE THE OUTBREAK.

“What a way to spend Christmas.”

Taehyung had never spent a Christmas away from his family. Of course, with his sister being a second year student at NYU, she was breezing through her second Christmas away with ease. To the corner of her dorm room, a Christmas tree shedding bristles stood at an angle, with ugly decorations and a sponge at the top acting as the star- “Christmas on a budget,” she said when he mentioned it, and he laughed. In a room further down the hall, her roommates finished wrapping their gifts to give out in three days time, and Taehyung, amongst the sound of carols, focused his attention on the thickening pile of snow on the windowpane outside, the frost glued to the glass in web decorations.

“Tell me about it,” Taehyung replied animatedly, turning his attention to his sister who sat down on the circle carpet in front of him. She wore a bright green jumper decorated in gingham and flashing bulbs sewn into the wool, and plain black leggings with fluffy red and white socks. On her hair, a set of reindeer ears finished her look, meanwhile Taehyung settled with a similar jumper and bare feet, numbed by the fire.

His sister’s dorm sufficed as home. For now, at least.

“I can’t believe we can’t make it home this year,” she continued, dunking a Custard Cream into her hot chocolate. “You think they’re okay back home?”

“We can’t afford to think any different,” Taehyung replied, trying to remain optimistic. But with upper-New York in quarantine, and evacuations running almost daily, he was finding it harder to hang onto hope. “We’ll catch a flight when the airlines are back open. Knowing Dad, he’s probably taken them all to Grandma’s place. For comfort, and safety, while the raids finish. Did you hear about the riots in Detroit the other day?”

She nodded. “Scary stuff. I did some research before the internet shut down in the dorms, and it doesn’t look as extreme in Korea. I mean, the President was assassinated and there’s currently no stable Government, but, aside from that, everything seemed to be in working order. Daegu was fine, at least. I didn’t look anywhere else.”

At that, Mandy, a second roommate, stepped out from the thin corridor. “I heard England was the same. Brits executed their prime-minister a few nights ago. There was articles about them wanting to have Tom Hiddleston as the leader of the UK, which, to be honest, sounds pretty good. I’d go visit.”

Laughing, his sister thought nothing of it. She turned to Taehyung with a gentle gaze, not enough to cause panic, but enough to send a message without words.

“Did your friends leave campus already?” Mandy asked Taehyung, switching on the kettle. The TV fizzled to a static and she frowned, “great. Looks like the power’s cutting out too. Is it this bad in the Halls?”

“We still have internet. And, a few left campus. I think Zac is still in the dorms, though. He hasn’t left in a couple of days. He said he wasn’t feeling well. Figures he got sick from walking past the quarantine zone. I didn’t wanna take chances so I haven’t been there in a couple days.”

“Maybe you should stay here for the night,” Mandy offered kindly, sipping her freshly brewed tea. “I mean, until the storm has thawed. If Zac is sick, we don’t want you to catch it. We can drop by on the way to the student store in the morning and get your things. I don’t think the airlines are gonna reopen anytime soon, and subways were closed months ago, and I don’t think we’ll catch a ride on the bus in this weather. We’ll have to hole up in here until the military says it’s safe to leave.”

Taehyung accepted, taking a blanket from Mandy after she hurried to their storage closet to fish one out, with pillows spare for the couch, a new makeshift bed in front of the roaring fire.

“We’ll be together if anything bad happens,” his sister said, in a whisper, minutes before mandatory curfew at 9pm. “Promise?”

“Yeah,” Taehyung replied, his hand gripping her own. “I promise...”

PRESENT DAY. [x]

At the sound of bed sheets rustling, Taehyung jolted awake. Unable to differentiate the past and the present, Taehyung opened his eyes expecting to see the fireplace, and the Christmas tree, and his sister on the circle rug. Instead, he noticed an unfamiliar room, drowned in a desert-beige, the light peeping in from a rectangular barred window.

He dragged the chair he had fallen asleep on closer to the army bed you were lying on, the noise as grating as the sound of chalk on a blackboard. Checking for injuries, his hands smoothed away strands of hair from your face, the trembling anxiety faded but still present if he really concentrated.

With a groan, you tried to sit up, but his hands came to your shoulders and settled you back on the canvas sheets. “Where are we?”

“How are you feeling?” he asked, avoiding the question.

You pondered the question- “stiff. But I’m okay. What is this place?”

Taehyung looked over his shoulder at the empty room. “You were passed out on the road when they found us. We were headed for their camp and they stopped me for questioning. They let us in, gave you water, let you rest.”

“Oh,” your voice said, scratchy. By the headboard of the small, iron bed, Taehyung reached for a glass of warming water, handing it to you quickly. “Thankyou.” You swallowed half the water. “Are we staying here?”

Taehyung looked hesitant, taking a sip from the almost empty cup and setting it back down on the table. “I don’t know if we can trust these people. At the very least, we’ll stay for the night. They could give us some supplies to leave. I’m already running low on ammo, and we have nothing left to eat. I don’t think we have any other choice but to stay.”

You knew that there was no other way. Despite his efforts to keep you down, you shuffled back up off the bed, your back leaning with a heavy thud against the drywall. Taehyung pushed back on his chair, his hands knitted together anxiously as he watched you grimace, and scratch your throat absentmindedly.

“How long have we been here?” you asked.

“Not long,” Taehyung said quietly, looking the window to see the falling sunlight change angles. “It’s been a couple hours.”

“Are they at least nice? Does the camp look secure?”

Taehyung opened his mouth, but paused, trying to find the right words. “It’s not a camp. It’s more like, a street. A small little community of really angry people. I didn’t get to look around much, but I overheard one of the shooters saying that there was another small group of survivors outside near the farm. But, from what I heard, I think we got lucky being let inside.”

Having nothing of value to say in reply, you simply stayed quiet. Picking the skin around your nails, Taehyung shuffled back on the chair and pulled it to the wall with the window, standing on the plastic and peeking outside. The window was on the ground, meaning you weren’t, and he gulped at the sight of jeep wheels driving past, and black boots, similar to the military. It reminded him of New York, and the night before the bombing of the quarantine near NYU. He cringed and moved away, placing the chair back near the bed and hovering nearby, debating whether to sit or stand.

“You talk in your sleep, too,” you said quietly, meeting his gaze as it fluttered up from beneath his overgrown fringe. He offered a lopsided smile, curious yet nervous all at once.

“Yeah? Must have picked it up from you.” Instead of the chair, he sat on the bed. “Did I say anything funny?”

“No. Most of it was mumbles,” you replied, smiling up at him.

Taehyung laughed through his nose, his face downcast and fingers twiddling in his lap. “Ah, pity. I wish we still had cameras, you could have filmed it for fun.”

“I wish I still had my camera, so I could look back on my life before now,” you answered, after a short delay of silence. “Remind myself of people’s faces. Manipulate myself into thinking this is all a dream.”

Without really thinking, Taehyung reached to grip your hand. These days, he hasn’t really thought at all. You looked up at him, comforted at the way his hand felt on your own, smoothing circles into the skin of your knuckles, exploring the lines on your palm, fingering each separation. Oh, how beautiful it was, to find comfort in the presence of someone you barely knew, but trusted entirely.

“This won’t be forever, Y/N,” he said, with such a sincere and genuine voice that you felt your stomach knot and churn, a lump forming in your throat. Suddenly you need another drink of water. “You won’t be sad forever.”

Before you could reply, the door swung open, and his hands moved from your own back to his lap. He rose, too, reaching for the back of his jeans, gripping the pistol tucked inside.

The same female shooter from the container entered, her rifle swung over her shoulder, skin sweaty and tanned from the camo tank-top she wore underneath her black jacket, discarded somewhere. Taehyung remembered the details.

“She’s awake, then.”

“Yeah,” you replied bluntly, polite enough to suffice as gratefulness. “Thank you. For letting us in.”

The woman sighed, her shoulders sagging in the movement. “Well, no need to thank me yet. It’s still being cleared with the boss. Rules are rules. Feeling better, at least?”

You nodded slightly, staring at Taehyung as he chose to speak for you. “Can we leave this room, yet? It’s stuffy, and I think she’d like to walk for a while, isn’t that right, Y/N?”

He stared at you, sending messages without words. You nodded again, “please.”

Rolling her shoulders, the woman stepped to the side, leaving space for you to both walk out. “Don’t make yourself too at home, but you’re free to look around. Inside this building is restricted to outsiders, but the outside near the farm is free. There’s another group of survivors nearby- they’re cranky and hostile, but, they had children. We never refuse kids.”

Already, you were learning little things about this place. To be truthful, you didn’t even know what to call where you were- were they captors? Saviours? Enemies? You hesitated to jump to conclusions, instead moving to follow Taehyung out of the confined room with a curt nod and no words. The woman didn’t seem to mind; she slammed the door shut behind her and pointed her gun in the direction of a raised shutter, leading out to the luscious-looking farmland out back. She didn’t follow. She took off in a different direction, signalling to her group with words neither you or Taehyung could understand.

“I have a really bad feeling about this place,” you admitted in a low voice, sticking to Taehyung’s side like glue. The faint smell of sweat and grime that would have repelled you now comforted you instead, and without wanting to come across as unnecessarily clingy, you gently held onto the back of his shirt, letting him lead you out into the scorching sunlight.

“Hopefully,” he began, setting off towards the red and white barn pushed towards the corner of the premises, “we won’t be here long. As soon as we’re clear to leave, we will.”

Realistically, Taehyung knew what happened to newcomers who joined groups where everything felt perfect. Nothing was ever truly perfect, he thought, especially so in a post-apocalyptic world where dead people were coming to life to eat people. Taehyung had seen the movies, bought the T-shirt, played the game- he knew what happened. However, he hoped humanity had changed. He was willing to give this place a chance. If he wanted to survive another night, he’d have to.

The barn was ordinary looking, painted a brick red with white outlines, the picture-perfect barn that every farm had on TV. Surrounding the barn, a field of dead crops created a barren landscape that everybody felt familiar with, the weather not being right to grow crops. Approaching the barn, Taehyung paused when he noticed a young child running out, chased playfully by a Saint Bernard whose pants were louder than birdsong.

It had been a long time since he had seen a child. Or a dog.

He headed towards the barn, smiling affectionately when the little boy looked over with curiosity, his eyes widening in surprise and fright and he yelped in alarm, running back inside the barn. Taehyung hesitated, making you stiffen behind him as the dog growled in your direction, only halting when a man came out of the barn with the child cowering behind his leg. He didn’t look old enough to be a father, but a lot had happened since the outbreak. The man smiled nonetheless, his smile being nothing but warm and inviting.

“Hey, look, it’s the newbies.”

“Newbies?” you mocked without thinking. Although Taehyung gave you a look of mild disappointment, the man did not deter, in-fact he laughed and placed his hands on his hips.

“It’s good to see new faces,” he said earnestly. “They don’t bring in new people often. Welcome.”

“I’m Taehyung. This is Y/N, we won’t be here long,” Taehyung promised, stretching out a hand and shaking the man’s. The man laughed shortly, constantly smiling. His energy was like a breath of fresh air, almost enough to convince you that everything was normal.

“Namjoon. This here is Daniel. Not mine, of course. There’s a couple others in the back of the barn,” the man- Namjoon- replied. “I wouldn’t place your money on getting out of this place so easily. We’ve been here for a few weeks now. We planned to stay for three nights until Jenny’s fever levelled out. They took her in for testing. Said she’s in care, but we haven’t seen her since then.”

Taehyung moved to greet Daniel, crouching to his level. Meanwhile you stared blankly at Namjoon, an expression of doubt and question on your features. He noticed, but didn’t comment.

“They won’t let you visit?” you repeated. “Why?”

Namjoon shrugged, nodding for you to follow him into the barn. “Apparently their main building is off-limits to outsiders. A lot of them in here think she’s dead already. But, it’s nice to keep holding onto hope.”

Without approaching too closely, you made note of the six people in Namjoon’s group, not including himself and Daniel, who was still outside with Taehyung, giggling innocently. What they lacked in looks they made up for in numbers- you hadn’t seen a group look so wrecked in such pristine conditions. Namjoon had turned away, taking a seat on a bale of hay, stroking the Saint Bernard behind his ears lovingly.

“What is this place?” you asked, inching towards the dog whose tag read Leo.

“They don’t really tell us anything since we’re outsiders,” Namjoon began, occasionally looking up to make sure you were listening. He did that a lot. “But, a lot of their crates say Northgate. Nate says it’s a military name, but we obviously can’t prove that from in here, can we?”

“Is it...safe?”

Namjoon hesitated. “I don’t know. The barn is secure. I don’t know much about the actual camp. We mostly stick to ourselves and do whatever they ask. We’re in their territory, after-all. It started out good; they had enough food to go around, we joined them for dinner in their halls and there used to be pigs out in the fields. And then, it changed. They reduced our food supply and gave us small jobs to help out. We’re doing it for Jenny, mostly, otherwise we would have tried to leave. One of our group members, David, left a few days ago.”

“They let him go?” you gasped, trying not to sound too unconvinced that he made it away. But, as expected, Namjoon nodded, thinking purely of the situation. You wondered if it was an act, a coping mechanism. The look of life and hope in his eyes made you feel somehow guilty.

“They asked us if we wanted to leave a few days after the food began running out. David was the only one to pick up and head out.”

Why didn’t you leave?

In reply, however, you said nothing. Nothing seemed like the right thing to say in that moment. Seeing someone so hopeful for the world to change made you feel at ease, almost comfortable in the new and unfamiliar setting. After petting Leo, you stood, turning around to head back towards the entrance to the barn. Daniel hurried past you on your way out, a smile on his face, hair now tied into a bobble above his forehead. Taehyung stood alone, now, outside, watching Daniel leave with a smile.

“Making friends?” you asked, referencing Daniel.

Taehyung nodded with a hum. “I love kids.”

Meeting by his side, you stood in silence, both looking out towards the giant building you walked out of. It looked bigger on the outside- a giant bricked building, with modern windows and a slightly falling apart roof, but intimidating in size and length. It seemed never-ending.

“Taehyung,” you started, your voice quiet so that Namjoon or anybody else wouldn’t hear, “I really don’t like this place. I don’t think we should stay.”

He looked over at you with a frown. “You heard what he said. They’ve been here weeks and still haven’t left.”

“I don’t like that,” you insisted, shaking your head. “I’ve seen thousands of movies like this one, Taehyung. I’m telling you- this is exactly what happened in Season 4 of the The Walking Dead. They get to the safe place and then suddenly find out that the people they’re staying with are cannibals-”

“You’re being paranoid.”

“No,” you reasoned, looking at his face, “I’m being realistic, as usual. Look, it’s your call. If you wanna stay...we will. I’m just putting it out there. Something doesn’t feel right about this place.”

Even though he sighed, Taehyung said nothing; instead, he nodded, patting your shoulder comfortingly. He continued to stare out towards the building, and his mouth dropped to a circle when he noticed two groupies heading in your direction, accompanied by a larger, more plump woman. He pointed it out silently, nudging your shoulder, and as you looked up, you recognised the same woman from earlier, and a shooter that Taehyung seemed to recognise as he jolted in discomfort by your side.

“I see you’ve found the barn!” a voice nobody recognised called from across the lot. The larger woman came into view, the sun bouncing off her skin, a natural highlight made from sweat and grease blinding you as she got closer. “Hi, I’m Rose. You must be the two newcomers everybody’s talking about.”

She looked at you specifically, “it’s good to hear you’re back on your feet. I heard from Snowdon here that you were passed out when you arrived. How do you feel?”

You squirmed. “I’m okay. I was just thirsty. I appreciate the water.”

“You know what,” Rose started, her voice elevated in pitch as she turned to address Snowdon, the female member you barely knew, “I think we should run some tests on this young lady. Make sure that nothing is wrong. Just for safety precautions, of course.”

“No, oh no,” you replied, perhaps a bit too quickly for everybody looked at you with alarm. Rose raised her eyebrows subtly, and Snowdon paused in movement entirely, “I’m fine. Really. I don’t think you need to take any tests. I feel great.”

“Only if you’re sure,” Rose said in reply. She looked silently at the two members behind her and they turned without further word. “I just wanted to let you know that you’re perfectly welcome to stay here for as long as you need. Unfortunately, we can’t let you leave just yet, at least not until we know it’s safe to reopen the gates. Until then, you’re welcome to stay in the barn with the others. Dinner is usually at around sundown, sometimes it’s earlier depending on the weather.”

Taehyung, now slightly uncomfortable, nodded stiffly. “We won’t be of any trouble. As soon as it’s clear, we’d like to head out. We’re with a group, but we got separated. We’re on our way to them, now. We can’t be late.”

Rose smiled, her face like plastic. She reminded you of a robot. “I do hope it’s doable.”

The sound of Rose’s voice must have alerted the others further in the barn, as the sound of footsteps made you look away from the woman and back towards the entrance, where several people you only saw from a distance came out, tanned and burnt, parched and weak. Daniel bounded forward with childlike interest, meanwhile a woman who looked like his mother, or something similar, tumbled after him.

“Excuse me,” the woman said meekly, her voice quiet in comparison to Rose’s challenging authority. “I was wondering if Jenny was alright? We haven’t heard from her in weeks. Is she okay? Is it possible to see her?”

“Where’s Mommy?” Daniel asked, innocent and oblivious to the world. Rose continued to smile.

“I can arrange you to see her,” she suggested. “Only two of you, though. The others do not take so kindly to strangers. I can allow you and the little one access to see her.” She reached for a walkie-talkie burrowed in her pockets, “Nevis, please come out to the barn. The little one and his friend request to see the patient in Room 16. Show them the way.”

At that, Namjoon came out, shielding the sun from his eyes. “She’s okay?”

“Barely,” Rose nodded. She seemed to not care for Namjoon, and turned back to Taehyung suddenly: “forgive me for seeming so...brash, but I must ask if you have any weapons. It’s against the rules.”

You fought all urge to give away Taehyung’s pistol tucked in the back of his jeans. If she knew that there was a weapon there, she didn’t show it. Taehyung shook his head and folded his arms.

“Nothing,” he lied smoothly. “We ran out of ammo before we got here, and when Y/N fell, I couldn’t carry everything. I dropped most of the stuff along the way. The guards took the bat and the rifle. I have nothing else.”

Rose hummed quietly. “Very well.” Nevis joined her side, the same man as before. He had removed his mask, revealing a gruesome scar across his cheek, a hollowness under his cheekbones. He remained emotionless as Rose showed him Daniel and the woman, and without question, he led them towards the building.

Watching as Rose followed, the group left behind at the barn remained quiet in return. The group went back inside, and Namjoon joined by your side as the shutter to the building closed with privacy, separating the barn and the rest of the camp entirely. It seemed to be quieter, then, without the whir of machinery and occasional scream, which you guessed was either from outside the camp or the cannibalistic lair you were putting money on existing.

“I know you have a gun at the back of your jeans,” Namjoon said simply, looking at neither you or Taehyung but straight ahead. “Let’s hope nobody finds it.”

Taehyung gulped. “Yeah.”

Namjoon looked over then, and it felt weird not seeing a smile on his face. For the first time since you had met him, he looked serious.

“I won’t say anything,” he said honestly. “And if it’s any consolation- I don’t trust them either. I just do and say what I have to to make it easier to stay.”

NEXT CHAPTER.

[anahera-sdm]

Hotel Del Luna (2019) Thoughts

Warning: will contain spoilers. I suggest you watch the drama first to relate with what I’m talking about because it will be messy.

Disclaimer: Everything written only reflects my own thoughts. There’s a possibility of incoherence. Forgive me, sometimes my brain is all over the place.

Ever since IU was announced as a main lead for this drama, I have been looking forward to it. I have enjoyed IU’s other dramas especially her most recent one in Netflix - Persona. Yeo Jin goo is an actor I like but the last drama of his that I was able to finish (and barely at that) was Orange Marmalade (2015). I couldn’t get into his next dramas after that and ended up dropping them. 

After seeing the plot and the fantasy tag (I always have a soft spot for fantasy dramas), as much as I enjoyed and looked forward to new episodes of its predecessor, Arthdal Chronicles, I also could not wait for it to start. 

Additional warning: Everything is all over the place and this is going to be a lengthy post. I wrote everything that I wanted to talk about right after watching the subbed version of the last episode but there is no proper structure. I apologise in advance if you decide to read everything.

I don’t even know where I should start. The Hong Sisters really did well with this drama - the years spent on it was worth it. That ending was, I can’t believe I’m saying this but I was so satisfied even though they didn’t spend much time together in this life. I was expecting a bittersweet ending when the drama started anyway. I loved the ending and that reincarnation scene (although it is not definite but just an ‘eventually, it will end up that way’ scene) was everything to me. I don’t know why but I loved how they didn’t try to extend Man Wol’s time with Chan Seong (example, releasing her from the hotel and making her human again). It was enough for me because Man Wol also spent enough time suffering. Her time with Chan Seong, although brief, was good enough because she experienced the love she needed and she gets sent off full of it.  

That twist at the end though, how Chan Seong was chosen by Mago - I’m crying. Chan Seong was definitely a reincarnation of someone from her past. They were actually acquainted during Man Wol’s childhood - and he was the one who introduced her to the guesthouse of the moon. 

So now, let’s go to the other parts I really wanna talk about.

One of the reasons why I got hooked and invested with Hotel Del Luna was the fact the way they executed the comical elements despite the horror and drama tags. Additionally, the music and the CGI were really well done. The soundtrack really gets me.

The other reasons, well, IU can really pull off Jang Man Wol - a protagonist who can be ruthless, has a slightly bitchy attitude, crooked (but her actions can be justified) and holds a deep resentment. Yet, she has her cute sides too; all the Kim Joon Hyun moments were a sight to see (her obsession for the restaurants he’s been to, enjoyed it! Later we find out her obsession to find good restaurants were actually influenced by Chan Seong who went to the past! Mind blown!). And her fighting scenes were so cool. IU’s eyes are really expressive in my eyes - 

Appreciate.

I love how despite being crude in her ways when it comes to dealing with the grudges of the souls she’s helping, there is an underlying meaning to it - example, Hyun Joong being able to graduate because of the money donated by his friend. And, I can’t blame her for loving money and wealth. After all, that was what she didn’t have when she was living. I have to add that one of the things I look forward to every episode was IU’s outfit changes. She looks so good in everything! [I actually couldn’t stop myself from buying some of the stuff she wore. Hold your horses, I can only afford the cheap ones like the earrings and hair clips from Get Me Bling that she wore. And I wanna do a face palm because I accidentally bought 2 sets for one of her earrings so now I’m like, what do I do with this?]

The bickering between the leads together with that comical/mischievous soundtrack, pure gold. It’s easily one of my favourite moments. It’s just really funny how sometimes Jang Man Wol is left without words because Chan Seong is right.

The more I watch this gif tho, it starts to look weirder to look at so don't watch it more than 10 times.

I also like how they dealt with Man Wol’s back story - not giving the viewers everything in just one episode. Instead, it was spliced and distributed nicely throughout. Oh but gods, I was a wreck when everything was laid down - Chung Myung’s sacrifice... I just can’t. And how he was with her as a firefly since the beginning... My heart... I actually forgot that scene from the beginning until they showed it again. I though it was just an artistic shot. I actually wanted Man Wol to go with him to the afterlife when it was finally time for him to go. When she escorted him, I wanted her to walk with him during that moment. But at the same time, I can see that there was only a one-sided love left between them because Man Wol spent so many years resenting him that there was no love left. When she finally learned the truth, the only thing left in her was forgiveness and that was the only thing she can offer. The CGI on the bridge to the afterlife though, the aesthetic, props to the CGI team.

Can I just talk about how the actor grew on me? Like, omg, I’m now looking forward to any drama he’s going to be on. [Note: I have since seen him in a new drama, The Great Show (I was watching it because of Lee Sunbin (one of my favourite actresses)) and he’s the teen version of the male lead! I screamed when I saw him.] I should check him out on his previous dramas but when I saw the list of dramas, I don’t think I’ll get into them yet.

Help my heart, their story is so sad.

Helping Kim Seonbi /Kim Si Ik solve his grudge was really fun to watch. And the ‘fact’ that he was the writer of those stories almost all Koreans know, what a twist. Man Wol really cared for him despite not showing it to him - how she tried to find a way to solve his grudge and how she cried after he finally left. 

Choi Seo hee’s story was an unfortunate one but it added more flavour to the already flavourful drama. Those who value family ties or still have crooked views when it comes to family lineage will resonate with her story and perhaps have a change of heart.

Hyun Joong; I love how they gave more depth to his story. That it was not only because of his sister that he was staying as a hotel staff but deep inside there was a resentment. When they wrapped his story up, all I can do was to smile wistfully. His story arc with Yuna was a great addition despite their bittersweet goodbye.

The Sanchez story arc; I... I... He was such a fun character and a good friend to Chan Seong. I sincerely thought they were going to get rid of his character when he went overseas to oversee the funeral of his girlfriend. But we got him back and see another side to him - a rather relatable side where if one loses a loved one, they would find ways to reconnect or hold on to any sliver of hope that they’ll be able to once more be able to talk to them or give them something. Probably, not making sense anymore, but if you’ve lost a loved one before, you’ll get what I'm talking about. After finally getting over it, well, he was not the same Sanchez after that but there was growth in his character.

Mira and Young soo. A twist of fate, these two. Enemies in the past life but became lovers in their current life. Their bitter fates became sweeter this time around. I can't entirely hate on Mira’s past life because her next lives were spent repenting (although it wasn’t shown). Her currently life was finally rewarded, if you can call being with Young soo in her current life a reward. I kept on thinking Mira was just like Chan Seong (not a rich person) but I was so surprised to learn her parents were kimchi factory owners and that Young Soo ate those kimchi since young. 

Mago - easily my favourite character. Wait, characters. Because of how many personalities/sisters she has. Really have to give mad props to the actress. She is just so good. Probably my favourite sister has to be the pink sister and then the eldest. It was so funny when they were having a meeting discussing about the new hotel owner and mentioned the ‘poor’ sister still stuck in Joseon dynasty.

Ah, the cameos in this drama. I can’t not cover that.The amount of cameo is just, whoa! This drama is so rich with it. Some really memorable ones to me are: Kim Won hae (as a corrupt mayor), Lee Joon Gi (as an exorcist; Park Il Do hahah, The Guest feels (I ought to make a post on my thoughts about this drama soon); can’t forget the Scarlet Heart feels too), Lee Si Eon (as an astronaut; I couldn't help laugh at the scene), Lee Yi-kyung (as an actor who can’t really act; Waikiki feels!), Kim Joon Hyun (as himself; I screamed because the first few scenes didn't show his face), Park Jin Joo (as an imaginary spirit), Sulli (as the granddaughter of Chairman Wang), Nam Da reum(as a water deity; I really don’t like the fact he’s younger than me; kidding. He’s a talented kid.) Hwang Young Hee (as IU’s previous manager; she’s a really good actress) and Kim Soo Hyun (as the new owner of the hotel; He renamed it Hotel Blue Moon. I’m telling you, I hyperventilated when his scene came. Such a good way to end the drama - at least for me. Hotel Blue Moon as a drama please!)

For the last episode, I wanted to watch it during the actual broadcast time but I actually calculated the time wrongly (thinking I'm 4 hours ahead but actually just 3 hours; good thing I checked the site). I missed the first 25 mins of the actual broadcast. But I eventually re-watched it with subs and came to write this post). I can only understand roughly 80-85% of the dialogue for the raw version but even then, I was bawling - all the goodbyes; it was so sad but so satisfying at the same time because they were sent off really well. From Kim Seonbi’s to Choi Seohee’s. Painful to see the goodbyes but also very heartwarming; how they finally come to resolve their resentments, came to realizations and tied up loose ends - it was so beautiful. The relationship between the Hotel crew was just so precious - Jang Man Wol crying as she realises how she’ll miss them. Feels. Feels. Feels. 

Overall, I learned so many things in this drama and came to certain realisations such as treasuring the time you have with others, don’t take it for granted. One day, when the time to say goodbye comes, you won’t regret anything. Also, even the people who did bad things in their life can have the chance to live a better one in the next once they have paid for those wrongdoings.

This drama was a perfect blend of comedy, drama, horror, fantasy, romance. In terms of food, it satisfied my cravings. Watching this drama was one of the best things that I did this year. As much as I want to talk more about this drama and cover more areas, I should stop here. All in all, I would say, I really loved this drama. I’ll definitely go back to watching this when I have nothing else to watch. P.S. I ought to make a Jang Man Wol inspired look but when I tried, I failed. 

I’ll miss you, Jang Man Wol-ssi.

Rating: 10 / 10

Re-watch value : 10 / 10

Soundtrack : 10 / 10

[kangmochii]

Title: Perfect timing

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader, a little bit of everyone

Genre: Fluff, Angst? Bestfriends turned into lovers?

Summary: A little bit of you falling inlove with Namjoon.

Authors note: I am sorrry for the incorrect grammar such being English not my first language I tend to have hard time editing grammar and everything. This came unto me while I was in working and actually spent the whole day writting about this. Please tell me if you like it. I am trying to gain my confidence back in my writting. Take care of yourself and be happy all the time 🤗😘

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“Is Namjoon coming?” Your room mate Taehyung asked one Friday afternoon. You were preparing dinner for the guys who usually hangs in your place (because it’s bigger than our place – Jin quipped one time) it was actually a blessing that you were free that day. Fridays are worst at the hospital and there were so many people coming – but the medical director said you can go and take a rest and you’re planning to spend it with the boys whom you treat like brothers. It started with just you and Namjoon then you met Taehyung while you were in college. He was also an aspiring doctor that time that became your emotional support when Namjoon is away which end up with you and Namjoon arguing about it. The fighting only stopped when he found out that Taehyung was dating Jungkook, a cute freshman that time. The three of you hung out as much as you can Namjoon appearing when he can, often bringing Yoongi – his quiet roommate who dates this cheerful boy Jimin which made the atmosphere lighter when you guys hung around. Jin entered your lives in a different manner since he was your neighbour. You always thought he was dating his roommate but after a couple of teas and random passing in the corridors you realized that he doesn’t and in fact he and Hobi are childhood friends and nothing else. Your love for these boys and your best friend will always be limitless. But it will always be different with Namjoon. He is and always be special. It has been like this ever since you were kids. You were always like Namjoon’s little sister, you were always crying in his arms when one of the girls bullied you, or that time when both of you were in high school and you were crying in his arms because of a boy. It was extremely difficult for you when you guys went to different colleges- you pursuing Medicine and him going to a music school, but there was always this promise that you won’t let each other down. That is when you realized that you had actually fallen in love with your best friend.

“Stop asking me about it. You know he is coming and brining that girl again.” You replied to Tae- a little too harsh but you felt guilty as soon as you saw his face fell sad. “I’m sorry hun, you know how I feel about him dating her I’m happy for him but I just feel a little uncomfortable about her.” Maybe it’s because of your feelings for your best friend that you pushed away because you’re scared of or maybe you’re scared because she knows. She knows a little too much that’s why whenever you’re around she pulls Namjoon a little closer but Namjoon doesn’t and it makes you crazy. “I’m sorry for bringing it up, y/n. but you can’t blame him if he doesn’t know what you feel for him. Jungkook keeps on telling me that he knows that Namjoon likes you but you kept on thinking about ruining your friendship.”

“I know. I can’t exactly blame anyone in this matter. It’s just a lot to handle you know. I barely see him nowadays. He’s always in her place or with her or doing god knows what with her.”

“If he doesn’t bring her with him tonight you have to tell him, y/n.” Taehyung said hugging you.

As you continue to ramble on the door opened with a loud thud and a lanky figure came with it “I bought soju!” Jin quickly entered with Hobi next to him rambling about chips and their new fishing adventure (which ended up Jin failing to catch a single fish) hanging out with the guys is very comforting and fun in a way. You don’t get to be overdramatic with them because they know and they understand. At some point of your intertwined live you suspect that everyone knows what you felt about your bestfriend but nobody said anything about it. Except Taehyung. While you were preparing dinner you heard Namjoon came in with Yoongi and the other guys with more chicken and beer and everyone was happy to experience a little comfort after a hardwork that week.

As soon as dinner was finished you and the guys were seated at the living room watching a horror flick that Jungkook pick (“come on hobi hyung done be scared!”) and you were nestled against Namjoon trying to savour these last moments because his girlfriend isn’t there you should feel guilty because you were pining over someone who was in a relationship but theres nothing to be guilty about since he is your bestfriend.. right?

In the middle of the movie, Namjoon could feel you getting nervous as the scenes progresses but shows nothing instead he just snaked his armed around you and hugged you closer “you okay, babe?” he whispered earning a soft “hmm” from you. He felt you melt in his touch – something that he missed for a long time ago. “I missed you. We haven’t done this for a long time” he quickly said.

“I know. It’s been like this since you’re busy with her”

“Do I sense a bit of jealousy here?” Namjoon shockingly asked.

“Of course she is you dumbass. She likes you.” Out of nowhere yoongi’s strained voice appeared and then you realized that he was cuddling with Jimin and everyone was watching your little interaction with Joon.

“Hyung. You should talk with y/n. she might tell you something.” Jungkook suddenly said earning a yes from Taehyung.

“Yah. Go talk to her. Im tired of listening to her bitching ass everyday because of this. And Im also tired of listening to rants, joonie. Settle this in the room and we will be here watching this stupid movie Jungkook picked” Jin said.

“Let’s talk, y/n” Namjoon quickly pulled you to your room.

Your room doesn’t really have much- study table with a chair and a bed, just a few pictures of your family and your friends, the boys with you on a beach last summer and a picture of you and Namjoon in your college graduation. Namjoon quickly sat on your bed and said “in all seriousness, y/n what the hell is happening? Tell me everything. No secrets and any bullcrap. You know that I klnow when you lie”

“What do you want me to tell you?”

“What were the boys telling out there?”

“What were they talking about you earlier too?” you shot back suddenly annoyed with all the questions.

“Tell me first then I’ll tell you.” He replied.

You took a deep breath and reminded yourself that this is now or never,. Whatever yopu will say here will change your friendship with him and eventhough you were scared in your wits you pulled hyourself together and tell him the words you were dreading to tell him since day one.

“I love you, Joon.” You quickly mumbled

“what?” he stool there mouth hanging open.

“I know it seems stupid for me too. Im sorry that I fell inlove with you. It wasn’t something I planned and something that I wanted. I know were good friends and I don’t want to ruin it because of this. I also know you’re dating her which makes it more stupid than ever but I swear joon I don’t want our friendship to end because of this” tears cant stop falling from your face this time. It felt like a dam opening lots of feelings how many years did you try to hide it from him? All those touches? All those smiles? Who wouldn’t fall inlove with Kim Namjoon? He was beyond perfect and he was the perfect bestfriend for you.

“When did it start?” Namjoon asked.

“I don’t know. These things don’t have a starting date you know.”

“Has been like this since last year?”

“2 years ago I guess. It was around the time I got my physicians license.” You smiled sadly. Fondly remembering how you guys celebrated when you and taehyung passed the physicians licensure examination. “Why haven’t you told me?”

“How could I tell you I was in love with you? How can I ruin our friendship? I know you only see me as a friend and nothing else. I’d rather have this feelings hidden instead of losing you, you know.” You sad beside him and grabbed the Ryan plushie he got you last time.

He chuckled sadly and looked at your straight into the eye “I guess its time we both come clean, huh?”

“What do you mean?”

He cleared his throat and said “I loved you ever since, y/n. before you going to medical school, before you crying because a guy hurt you way back high school. I guess ever since we were kids; I always have this thing about you. Then thing is, I can’t really pursue you that time since you were so determined to be a doctor so I decided to just help you and be there along the way – or maybe that’s what I was telling myself that time but seeing you right now all grown up and smartass makes me want you more but it got me more afraid because why would you like me? You’re a doctor, I’m just someone who makes music with his friends and sells it for a couple of bucks. You wouldn’t want me because I was just a jerk who comes here every now and then to make you smile and eat your food since you buy too many. I was a nobody, y/n and about her; you know that we broke up months ago right? Finally got the guts to tell her that I’m not really into her I guess she finally caught me since she told me she knew it was you all along.”

“That’s the most stupid reason I heard, and stop eating the food I kept on buying for Taehyung and Jungkook. You know they eat like Vikings “ you said. Can’t believe what was just happening right now.

“So that makes us both stupid, huh” Namjoon smiled at you showing his dimples.

You giggled and hugged him this time all the worries in world forgotten. What matters as of now is his smile and his lips leaning into yours and feeling his lips better than you imagined. Then suddenly

“YAH DON’T HAVE SEX WHILE WERE HERE!!” a loud voice shouted from outside which you guess was Hobi along with “I’m glad this is finally settled. Im tired of hearing Namjoon whine about her”

Then you realized, this is the perfect timing for the both of you. <3

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Can someone tell me how to make the (read more) link thing? I am editing on my phone as of the moment and I cant seem to find it. 😅 tysm, my loves! 😍

[chvrrybaby]

*itzy  vc*  hey  hey  hey   !   (  i  see  that  i’m  icy  )   what’s  up,  i’m  diana,  i’m  nineteen,  and  i’m  ur  resident  girl  group  stan.  i  reside  in  the  est  timezone  &  go  by  the  pronouns  she/her.  now,  finally  introducing  ...  loona    !!   jk,  her  name  is  blair  &  u  can  learn  abt  her  under  the  cut   !   my  discord  is  lana del rey is coming <3#5522   (  stream  her  new  album  august  30th  ),  so  feel  free  to  message  me  there  or  through  tumblr  im’s  if  u  prefer  that   !   otherwise,  i’ll  come  to  u <3

—  kim doyeon. she/her. cis female. | was that blair ryu i just saw in the hideaway lobby ? i hear the nineteen year old spends most of their time working as a sugar baby/studying classic literature and women’s studies, but i’ve always just seen them writing in her dream journal. they live in 5A and i often see them in the halls. they always give me a vibe of loosely curled hair, cherry lip gloss, the lingering scent of vanilla in the air.

(    𝑩𝑨𝑪𝑲𝑮𝑹𝑶𝑼𝑵𝑫.   )

born on october 5th, 1999  ( this is literally a day before my bday ooc but anyway ajkdhsjdh )  in rochester, new york, blair’s first impression of the world was a crisp autumn day

she was her parents first and only child. her mother was an elementary school teacher, while her father worked at a nearby power plant in ontario

the family never made too much money, but they were able to get by, at least at first

she had a fairly happy childhood, though it was a lonely one. her father was always working odd hours, and with her mother gone during the day, she spent most of her time with a babysitter and the family golden retriever

eventually, she herself started going to school. she immediately excelled in the english department and fell in love with reading. blair realized early on how much she enjoyed escaping reality with a novel, immersing herself in a story so exciting compared to her dull life

almost everything was fine until her high school years. aside from the fact that she never had a present father figure, she was closer to her mom and still loved by both of her parents. however, when her high school years came around, her father lost his job

her father was the families main provider, and her mothers salary alone would not be enough to take care of the entire family. while he searched for another job, they had to give away the family golden retriever to one of blair’s aunts because they couldn’t afford the extra cost :(

on top of losing her beloved pet, the loss of her father’s job prompting the family to pick up and move their entire life

already in the midst of high school, blair had to leave her life as she knew it behind. the family moved to statesboro, georgia, and her father found a job at the nearby power plant

the transition to life in georgia was not easy for blair. though she didn’t exactly have trouble making friends, she didn’t feel like she could truly connect with anyone

once again, blair turned to losing herself in a book to pass the time

shortly after the move to georgia, her parents experienced some difficulties within their marriage. they ended up separating, and blair spent the remainder of her high school years living with each of them for half of the time

she did not mind her parents separating, as she knew it was for the best. however, her father found a girlfriend fairly quickly, and blair would eventually find out her father had been having an affair

her father spent most of his free time with his new girlfriend and her family. blair was upset at how he prioritized his the new people in his life over her when he was barely ever around for her growing up

meanwhile, her mother was having trouble adjusting to being alone, so she moved back to new york to live with her sister

blair stayed behind in georgia to finish high school, but knew she wanted to go elsewhere for college. she wanted to get as far away from her father and his new life as possible

once blair turned eighteen, she began to sell pictures for money. she wanted to earn as much as possible so she could afford to go away for university. she created an alias and began to sell pictures and videos of her feet. eventually, she expanded her horizons once she realized how much money she could earn

she never went as far as sleeping with her clients, but she would go on dates with them and spend the days with them to earn more money ( kind of like ludovica/chiara in the italian show baby on netflix minus sleeping w them )

she dated a few people throughout her high school years, and began to more “seriously” date a guy during her senior year in high school, though she knew the relationship wouldn’t last. despite appearing as a more serious relationship, to her, it wasn’t really anything of the sort, and she mostly wanted a relationship for senior prom and other trivialities

after senior year ended and she had accepted admission into uni in seattle, she basically cut ties with everyone in georgia aksdjskdjh she said good bye forever ! rip poor unnamed boyfriend he didn’t see it coming ...

her father also did not see it coming because she didn’t even tell him where she applied. but at the same time, did he ask ? no :/

once she left for uni, her relationship with her father became very very estranged. she still speaks to her mom on a pretty regular basis, but even then, she has a whole secret life and doesn’t feel particular close to either of them sjkdfhskdjh

and that’s that for background !

(   𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀.   )

blair is a libra sun leo moon ( rising sign & other placements tbd )

she is definitely a friendly/sociable person. she can be pretty outgoing and loves to be around people. idk her mbti yet but she is def an extrovert ! ( she does tend to keep her feelings to herself tho )

despite her friendly demeanor, she does have a fiery spirit. if u wrong her she will hold a grudge against u until it gets settled/sorted. she can be more on the mean side when she’s upset, but even then she does not have a bad heart at all

when it comes to relationships, blair is all over the place. she can be very flirty/charismatic and is constantly hopping from one relationship to the next. she hasn’t quite been able to settle down, but it is possible. she kind of thinks being in a real relationship means losing her freedom, because that’s kind of what she saw happen with her parents, so she doesn’t really want to be tied down to someone in fear of losing herself in a way. does this make sense ? maybe ? ok !

blair has a fairly strong sense of self, but she’s still very young so she’s still growing and changing. she is the type of person to know what she wants and go after it ( yes, even with ppl ! ). she will stop at nothinggg to get what she wants ( oop ). u could say she loves the chase, but kind of gets bored afterwards unless u have more to offer !

omg she literally loves 2 be the center of attention. i mean, who doesn’t love attention ? but blair takes it 2 another level. she gets all :( if she’s being ignored or isn’t receiving enough attention

kind of bouncing off the whole attention thing, blair loves a good party ! she’s young and here for a good time. she def loves to drink at parties and stuff even tho she isn’t legal here in the us, why should that stop her am i right ? when it comes to drugs, she’s a veryyy casual user and doesn’t do anything crazy. a social weed smoker n will do pills here and there

being a libra sun with a leo moon, i think it’s safe to say she can be a bit dramatic at times ( i mean, as a libra sun with a leo venus i am not one 2 judge xx ). she reads 2 much and watches 2 many movies like ajkdhsjkhd life rly isn’t that serious but she can b a lil overdramatic sometimes whew ! we told u this was melodrama ... lorde stans make some noise !

blair’s fav books are anything by jane austen and les liaisons dangereuses by pierre choderlos de laclos, aka the book cruel intentions was based on ( which happens 2 be one of her fav movies )

shows she loves: gossip girl ( she shares a name w blair so she probably used 2 call herself queen b in high school or something ), desperate housewives ( no wonder this binch is so dramatic ), big little lies, pretty little liars ( the early seasons only ), the netflix show baby, and buffy the vampire slayer

movies she loves: clueless, almost famous, thoroughbreds, moulin rouge, palo alto, marie antoinette, coyote ugly, american beauty, cruel intentions, and valley of the dolls ( to name a few )

her fav colors are pink, red, and white !

u can find her pinterest board here.

she is bisexual babey !!

(   𝑾𝑨𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑫 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺.   )

party buddies - this is pretty basic and self explanatory, but someone blair can go out and have fun with. their friendship might be more surface level, or started that way at least, but it’s possible they’re closer friends ( maybe she opened up under the influence and it brought them closer aksdhsdjh drunk blair def would )

ex-fling/gf/bf - blair relationship hops, so she could have quite a few of these. we can plot it however, there can b feelings there, they can hate each other, of they can be just friends now, u name it !

unrequited crush -  ur character could have feelings for blair, but maybe she doesn’t feel them back or is unaware that they like her. this could develop into her eventually having feelings for ur muse or not, whatever we want ! OR blair could def have a crush on someone who does not like her back. maybe that person is super non-committal, or they simply do not like her back. we could plot this out however <3

current fling/friends w benefits - someone she is currently seeing/sleeping with. could be no strings attached, or there could b some feelings there. maybe they don’t want to make it anything serious, or maybe they’re ready to take it to the next level. maybe one person is ready to go further, and the other isn’t.

enemies w benefits - imagine the tension!!! they started out hating each other, but ended up hooking up. maybe it was a one time thing, or maybe they can’t stop going back to each other. i think it would b cool if they kept it a secret, they don’t want anyone else to know. this could develop in soooo many ways !

ex-friends - someone she used to consider a close friend, but they had a falling out for whatever reason n maybe they hate each other now. maybe they want to re-kindle their friendship but don’t know how

sibling-like friendship - someone she sees like a sibling. they’re there for each other and look out for one another, always have each other’s backs. being an only child and not really close to her parents, blair would love a friend that she could basically call family !

dynamic duo - basically like her current best friend. this person is prob one of the closest people to her and knows her very well ! they could b a power duo, always looking out for each other 

take care - someone who kind of looks after her ?? maybe when she parties a lil too hard and drinks a lil too much, someone who kind of takes care of her n makes sure shes ok ! they would be someone she trusts a lottttt

confidant - someone who confides in her or someone she confides in, or they confide in each other. they don’t necessarily have to be the closest friends ever, but they get along, trust each other, and maybe they talk more in private

rivals - they hate each other for whatever reason. maybe it’s jealousy or their personalities just clash, but for whatever reason they do not get along. i love a good enemies plot. they can just b nasty to each other !!! maybe they bring out a really bad side to blair that most ppl dont see. someone who makes her act like blair waldorf ( i’m def kidding abt the blair waldorf part )

bad influence - blair isn’t a goody-two-shoes by any means, but doesn’t really do anything crazy, so i’d luvv for someone to kind of influence her to do shit she normally wouldn’t on her own

these are all the plot ideas i can think of for now, but i’ll prob make a plots page later on and add more stuff !

so this is everything !! this has taken me longer than it should have but i’m finally done whew,,, cheers 2 me <3 anyway i would absolutely luv to plot, so feel free to hit me up on discord or tumblr im’s, or i can also come to u ! i’m so excited to get started <333 i’m gonna b logging off now most likely, since it’s 3 am my time, but i’ll be back in the morning

[martiniblves]

mijoo and her iconic entrances DFKLSJGDF

yes, i really am recycling the intro some of you probably Just caught when you followed me DGSFLJLGSD

hey y’all, i’m kat, english student and an old hag :/ also slowly coming down from an anxiety moment, hence only deleting old shit now and potentially going rogue from my blog for the night after posting this ( aka, best if y'all send me your d*scord users bc it's much easier for me there ) sfdgjgfd i’m super excited for this group and can’t wait to read all about your muses !  and hoping you feel the same, i’ll get right to introducing avalon bay’s resident messy brat, dahlia !

[ lee mijoo ] dahlia kim, twenty-four, cis female, she/her, radio dj — a world-class traveler in the making, self-proclaimed “ reformed ” groupie, has been a tennant at avalon bay for two years, her cherry blaster obsession is the sweetest thing about her, she slept with an ex-best friend’s roommate and crush as revenge. [ kat, 22, nt, she/her ]

she often goes between dahlia and dia, first and foremost sdfglkj

came from a super small town in upstate new york where there wasn’t much to do or much to see, so growing up she had an adventurous streak that would run rampant when she was able to go off by herself, able to drive, and finally able to leave it behind

her family life was rather average, her parents scraped by financially but her and her two younger siblings never really went without — aside from a toy or two at christmas or a brand new car for their sixteenth birthdays sfgkljgdf

gets on fine with them, but her and her little/middle sister have had an on-and-off contentious relationship that, at the moment, is very much ON SDFGFG

small town life was.. okay overall, she was social Enough and polite but never really maintained any close relationships with her childhood pals once high school came and went, mostly bc the town was full of gossips so everyone thought poorly of each other and passed it onto their kids LSKFDGJGDFL

and yes, i’m kinda basing this off of the antics of adults from my hometown, what about it ??

she spent most of her formative years with her head in the clouds and music always around her or on her mind

so you bet she wound up taking guitar and piano lessons when she was a kid and well into her teens, and dare i say she was pretty good at it fsdglkjgdf

having that skill gave her the boost of confidence she needed from middle school onward, having been a tad reserved before then

idk what else to add bc i honestly can’t think of anything else about her past Before moving away. dull as hell probably, more than it’s already been said LKGSDF

upon moving to the city, she attended nyu just to keep her parents from completely losing their minds over her not.. wanting to go on a sure path, majoring in communications and spending much of her time as a dj for the campus radio station’s late night shows

soon began searching for dj gigs at major radio stations once she’d graduated and landed a spot as an intern to meet with artists the station wished to interview, etc, and even had an opportunity or two to interview them herself

through that job, she became more exposed to the groupie lifestyle and — having always been somewhat intrigued — soon became one ( of sorts ) 

sorry if you’re a fan of h*lsey bc this might come across as a dig, but this is where she becomes the chill version of groupie!h*lsey that h*lsey wishes she had been DFLSKJDGSFL

she liked the attention from drummers, singers and rappers alike — plus having sex with talented, rich people whenever they were in town didn’t hurt one bit — and she kept it all separate from her job, although it did help the station land more interviews, tickets for contests, etc

wasn’t big on hard drugs, but she never shied away from a bong being handed to her or a couple of xanax tablets, just so we’re clear here sdflkgjfdgk

however, the no-strings set-up quickly shifted for dahlia upon meeting a rising indie band’s lead singer

he was smooth as hell, which she already knew alongside his tendency to get bored easily with fangirls-turned-groupies like the rest of the musicians she’d met, so when she played along with his game, it didn’t take long for him to maintain an interest in her and for them to forge something of a friendship

she’d never admit it to anyone, but he was her first love as the initial sexual attraction very quickly became romantic after long conversations about music and aspirations, mundane happenings in their lives separate from their encounters and who should’ve won immunity on the recent ep of masterchef; dia knew he wouldn’t settle down now and she knew that while she was his number one at that point, she wasn’t the only one he had. a couple of months passed where it seemed like he was going only to her, that his interest rarely waned to the other girls that would swarm him, which led her to believe he was at least somewhat into her and to her confessing when they were both drunk one night — only to be shut down but not shut out

dejected and heartbroken, she still couldn’t quite distance herself from him like she knew she should and the front she put up — that she exaggerated her feelings and would get over it — made him none the wiser

however, he couldn’t get over the thought of his fwb still being in love with him and cut ties with her abruptly before his nth departure from nyc

it took her right out of her bubble, left a horrible taste in her mouth to even go back to being a groupie for others over how poorly it all went with him, so she abandoned the sexual aspect and potential intimacy of it — but not before taking herself completely out of that lifestyle for a few months to get over him

which.. lbr, she’s only 90% of the way there to this day sfdlkkdfsgl

upon going back, she showed up to shows and parties solely as a friend of the performer.... before that got old Quick and she realized how soul-sucking it was for her sexually frustrated And repressed ass KFSLJGS

though ask her pals and they’d think she’d given it up altogether, hence her supposedly being reformed

.. at least she isn’t indulging in drugs like she occasionally used to, so that counts for something lksdfjlgdf

as for her time in radio, she got promoted to a morning slot as a dj with a couple of co-hosts last year, though once an afternoon slot opened, she high-tailed it out of there

anything to get back to her chill, late night roots and this was the first step

lastly, she moved to avalon bay 2 years ago, after uni was done and she had to move out of the dorms. in that time, she’d become best friends with another girl and had a massive falling out bc the other was. well. changing for the worst sgfjgfd

she became selfish, judgmental, advantageous and disloyal, and soon dia had enough of her hypocritical and generally nasty antics ( and not without a brutal argument that left both of their egos bruised )

dahlia isn’t always one for petty revenge, but when the ex-bff’s roommate and crush — who dia had a slight interest in as well — bumped into her in the hallway of their dorm one night, she took her chance to knock the other down a peg by initiating a flirtatious conversation that quickly turned sexual

with her ex-bff being on the other side of the wall of said roommate’s room

safe to say that their ( final ) conversation in the morning was a fucking disaster SDFLGKJGFDK

it’s not something she’s entirely ashamed about, but dia doesn’t feel the need to disclose what happened

PERSONALITY AND OTHER SHIT

she loves her friends, would die for them, would kill for them. let’s get that straight first and foremost !

does that mean she’s the nicest or even the most tolerable person ?? fuck no SFGLJGKDF

i described her to one of my pals as a “ chaotic free-spirit with a mean streak when she doesn’t get her way, ” which. could also describe a couple of my bitchier muses tbh FLDKGJDS

but she’s stubborn, irritable and has a sense of high self-worth and self-preservation

she obviously has an attitude that can and will come out if you hurt her or someone she cares about/someone she thinks doesn’t deserve it

or if you think you’re a god or something

and it can get ugly.. as explained above dfskgdgkf

however, we love confident women on this blog and here you have one !

she’s chill for the most part, so you ( probably ) won’t have anything to worry about if you stay on her good side gfsdkljgfd

passionate af about radio and music as a career, wants to have a gig like zane lowe’s beats hosting job or even annie mac’s one day

although she also wishes to put out music of her own at least Once before she dies dfgsljdfgk

bit of a wild child, likes to party and just do her own thing — partially bc she’s scared of getting older and having to give that all up/being forced to act her age

doesn’t mean she doesn’t like her quiet nights in though !

closet romantic, just wants to be swept off of her feet..... but no one needs to know that, at least she doesn’t think so FSDJKGFD

won't let you see it anyways, at least unless she's Interested and knows you're not someone who's only useful for her in the short-term

also quietly doting, will never be the mom friend bc it’s too much responsibility and patience, but will always be a good shoulder to cry on who tells you your feelings are valid before she tells you to toughen the fuck up and amend a situation yourself, might even tell you how

some exceptions may apply FDLSJGSFLK

a bit vulgar at times, just warning you now fgldskf

wants to see the world and has travelled a little as it is bc of her connections. loves it

JFKDGS

has a pet succulent bc she Knows she can't look after the big fluffy dog of her dreams rn

named him bobby after one of the characters from the love island game DFLKGSJF

i honestly dk what else to add rn, plus i’m eager af to post this so we’ll end it here ! cute extras can always be posted later !

[neriad13]

Best of the Best Media Consumed 2019!

This year I had a whole lot of focus on nonfiction, film and comics. Resolution for next year: read more fiction. Seriously, I read over three times more nonfiction than fiction this year. I read a little over one novel a month. But I really do love picking up a book on something I know nothing about and coming away knowing more than something. X-P

Anyway! The list!

Books - Fiction

Out of the 17 works of fiction I read this year, the best of the best is...

The Snow Queen, by Joan Vinge

The Snow Queen was one of my absolute favorite fairy tales as a child. The 2002 film adaptation of it was one of the things I watched endlessly. 

It was SO MUCH FUN picking apart this sci-fi retelling and discovering which characters are meant to represent the ones from the original story (of particular interest: the character representing the reindeer is human in this...and he has a one night stand with the character representing Gerta. Yes, I’m still cracking up about this. Yes, it actually was a pretty well written scene). 

But the absolute best part of it was the masterful characterization. Every single character has ulterior motives and often heartbreaking reasons for why they are the way they are - especially including the Snow Queen herself, whose final scene is horrifying, tragic and beautiful. 

I always like me some solid villain characterization.

Runner Up:

Fairy Tales: Traditional Stories Retold for Gay Men

I am not a gay man...but this very much spoke to me. It was at turns heartwarming and hilarious and the turns these fairy tales took felt so natural, like they’d been told that way all along. 

There are also many allusions to AIDS in the stories - sometimes as something a character is directly dealing with whether in himself, or a loved one and sometimes under the guise of a metaphor for inevitability. These ones were my favorites (aside from The Frog Prince, which was turned into a metaphor for accepting the process of aging with grace). 

Books - Nonfiction

Oh boy. There’s...definitely going to be more than one here. Of the 65 works of nonfiction I read this year, my favorites were...

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes & Other Lessons From the Crematory

A memoir about the author’s time spent working as a crematory operator and her entry into the funeral business. This book was absolutely hilarious (it contains a story about the author getting absolutely soaked with corpse fat that wouldn’t stop flowing straight out of the incinerator), tragic (a 12 year old girl is cremated and her ashes are mailed back to her parents as part of a cremation mail-in program) and extremely poignant (the author talks openly about the time she was contemplating suicide). 

I love Caitlin’s youtube channel and I loved this book even more.

My Age of Anxiety

Partially the memoir of a man who has battled his extreme anxiety his entire life, a historical study of famous figures who have also endured it and a scientific look into why it exists at all. 

Ultimately, it offers no answers. As of the writing of the book, the author has found no treatment that helps him for longer than a few months. But what he has found over the course of his research is that he is not alone - that anxiety has historically been a factor in scientific breakthroughs and artistic accomplishments. And that perhaps most importantly, that anxiety has been a key part of human evolution from the start, which served a vital role in the survival of the species. 

Mental illness or evolutionary adaptation? Is there even a line between them?

Cassell’s Encyclopedia of Queer Myth, Symbol and Spirit

This is the only book, period, devoted to queer mythology, that I have ever been able to find. But the good news is that it’s fairly extensive (though the authors themselves admit that they had trouble finding as much information about non-western mythology as they did for western mythology), is chock full of references and is extremely thorough in the information it presents. 

I’ll admit that it was a slog to get through at times, but what it’s provided has been invaluable to my conception of history and my own place in it. 

Also, I can now say beyond a shadow of a doubt that almost every culture on earth has at some point in their history had a tradition of transgender shamans.

Hope After Faith

This is the memoir of a charismatic Pentecostal pastor turned atheist. It follows him from teenagerhood and the beginnings of his dream to be a preacher to a little bit after his deconversion decades later. 

The eventual crumbling of his faith was something that spoke to me on a deep level. The scene that I still think about months later is the one in which he finally gives up his belief in the afterlife and accepts the finality of death by saying goodbye to everyone he ever loved who has died with the words “I love you, but I’m never going to see you again.”

I was not a huge fan of the writing style at first, but this one won me over totally and completely. It touched me immensely at the time when I needed it most.

Comics - Fiction

I read 52 fictional comics this year and 46 nonfiction. I absolutely raided my library’s graphic novel section for months. It was a good time.

Beautiful Darkness

A French graphic novel wherein tiny people survive and feud over the corpse of the child they came from. It’s...hard to explain. Kind of a fairy tale Lord of the Flies, but more subtly horrifying. It’s a story about decay and collapse - of society, of the physical form, of the dreams of a child. It has no single interpretation and different people may take something very different from it. The most inventive horror story I read this year.

My Brother’s Husband

A story about microaggressions and how their buildup over time can drive a wedge between people without them even noticing. I cried. Go read it.

Mis(h)adra

A semi autobiographical account of a college student learning how to live with his epilepsy. I also cried over this one. 

The art is stunning, the metaphors are amazing (the main character’s epilepsy is visually portrayed as a set of ghostly knives that follow him around) and the ending is extremely affecting if you’ve ever dealt with any kind of chronic illness. 

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba

The absolute most fun I had reading a comic this year. Gets extremely dark and incredibly sad but never feels overwhelmingly heavy, thanks to its great sense of humor. 

Edward Scissorhands: Parts Unknown + Whole Again

A series of adventures set decades after the movie, after Kim’s death, in a time when her granddaughter begins wondering if the stories about the castle on the hill are true. 

It deals with such issues as the difficulties Kim had with her daughter growing up, when all she would do is tell stories about Edward rather than give her the emotional support she needed, whether removing the thing that both makes you unique and brings pain is worth it and how to stop angry villagers from burning down your house (again). 

Also, seeing Edward be surrounded by a group of friends who care about him was extremely healing.

Comics - Nonfiction

My Solo Exchange Diary vol 1-2

A series of updates about the author’s continuing battle with mental illness and about how recovery is anything but a straight line. 

Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant?

Finally, some light reading!

It’s a memoir about the decline and death of the author’s aging parents. 

I found it...extremely comforting. Extreme old age, whether in one’s self or in one’s loved ones, is a scary and often obscured prospect, despite being a near-universal human experience. This book took the mystery out of aging and the fear out of taking care of aging parents. I’ve seen it done now. I’m more ready to do it myself.

The Best We Could Do

A memoir of the author’s family’s flight from Vietnam and their immigration to America, through the lens of the birth of the author’s first child. About how being a refugee changes a person in small, often unexpected ways, how trauma leaves its mark on families - and how, knowing all this, one can still keep living and raising the next generation.

Film - Fiction

I caught up on a lot of classics I’d not seen before and really got into Jidaigeki this year. Me putting only four of them on the list is a show of restraint. Of the 64 films I watched this year...

The Fall of the House of Usher 

Impeccable costume and psychedelic set design. The unanswered question that bounces throughout the entire movie: is it the curse or is it the fault of human belief in the curse?

Patch your walls, dude.

A Monster With a Thousand Heads 

A Mexican thriller about a woman whose husband is denied cancer treatment for seemingly no reason. The doctor gives her the runaround. No one can answer her questions. No one listens to her.

So, naturally, she and her teenage son spend a night kidnapping and holding at gunpoint every person she needs to get her husband’s cancer treatment approved. Wild and intense and timely.

Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

I watched a couple of Kubrick movies I hadn’t seen before and of them...I died laughing at this one. The tight plotting! The inevitable buildup to disaster over something so insanely stupid! 

I did not live during the Cold War, but damn do I feel for the inherent ridiculousness of it now.

Seven Samurai

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAFGFTRTRNHUKIJUHNJNHHHHHHHHHHHHYHYHYHYHYHYHYHYHYXCVVGGERDSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

...this movie is insanely good. I watched Citizen Kane this year. This movie’s better. 

It has a plot which can be described in its totality, in a single sentence - a group of samurai are hired to defend a village from bandits - but what they do with that premise is so much more than that. 

This movie is three hours long. It did not lag once. 

Hara Kiri

As the Tokugawas secure their grip on all of Japan, war ceases. Great houses are dissolved and their retainers, cast into the streets. The relevance of the samurai is ending and the cities are awash in starving ronin. 

Once, one of these starving ronin approached a great house, asking if he might be able to end his life honorably, in front of witnesses there. So impressed was the lord with this ronin’s resolve, that he instead hired him on as one of his retainers. 

Hearing this story, other ronin, having no intention of actually offing themselves, tried the same trick in the hopes of securing a job, or at the very least, a little something to eat. 

It became a common scam which, in the end, fooled no one. Most houses gave the ronin a handful of cash and sent them on their way. 

But one house, seeking to preserve their warlike spirit in these peaceful times, chooses to treat one beggar ronin very differently. 

This is the story of vengeance taken for that death.

Yojimbo

A ronin enters a town that is being torn apart by gang warfare and decides to play both sides in order to end the conflict. It contains such comedic gems as:

 - the ronin suddenly deciding not to take part in a street battle, leaving both sides evenly matched and extremely nervous about fighting each other, while he watches it all from the top of a watchtower, laughing his ass off

 - the ronin is critically injured and being smuggled out of town in a coffin. A fight breaks out while this is happening and scares away one of the people carrying the coffin. A less intelligent goon of the gang he just escaped from is cheerfully recruited to carry the coffin the rest of the way

 - standing up in the coffin, declaring that he’s fine and immediately fainting

Also, you should totally bring a knife to a gun fight. 

Ran

A jidaigeki reimagining of King Lear. 

A visually astounding, sweeping epic with amazing acting and a complex interplay of conflicting passions which might just be more bleak than the original play. 

The scene in which the main character goes mad and is cast out into the wilderness is especially haunting.

Jojo Rabbit

I don’t think I’ve EVER experienced such violent mood whiplash in a movie before. One moment you’re crying-laughing from a joke that hit with absolute perfection and the next you’re...actually crying. In the same scene. Within thirty seconds. Multiple times. It is the oddest feeling to be so elated by the best joke in the entire movie while every character we’ve come to know across the course of the movie is in the process of dying violently. It’s not a feeling everyone’s going to like, but for me it was completely new and fantastic. 

The best part of the movie is the main character’s relationship with Imaginary Friend Hitler. He’s wildly funny and relentlessly charming. I got excited every time he appeared in a scene and was, oddest of all, actually comforted by his presence. 

He was all of these things until, in the most terrifying scene in the movie, he was not.

This movie shows you the mechanisms through which fascism becomes an appealing idea for a lonely child by putting the audience through a version of the same process. It’s so clever, so funny and so sad. 

What do you do when your world is destroyed by absurdity and there is nothing left for you to return to?

You dance in the streets.

TV Series

Good Omens 

Wildly hilarious comedy, fantastic costume design, multiple androgynous characters for which NO ONE bats an eye and honestly?? the best queer love story I’ve ever seen in television or film. 

The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance

I am not sure if I have ever seen a production with so much love poured into it. The dozens of painstakingly crafted sets and characters, the sheer level of artistry on display - the next thing I saw was always more amazing than the thing I’d seen before it and the amazingness just kept coming with no end in sight throughout the entirety of the show.

And the story itself! The way it deepened and played with the lore of the original movie in the most perfect and unexpected ways! It felt like I was watching the most fantastic and labor intensive piece of fanfiction ever conceived, that was written by a person with a deep passion for and knowledge of the source material. 

Speaking of fantastic throwbacks...

Dororo

I’ve said a lot about this one already. While it ultimately fell kind of flat, what it did get right was phenomenal. The motherfucking FIGHT SCENES! The love between bros! The fascinating reconception of Hyakkimaru’s powers and its emphasis on a disabled character actually being portrayed as disabled! The journey of good characters going down the path of evil with good intentions!

Mwah!

Primal eps 1-5

Genndy Tartakovsky’s next big project after the completion of Samurai Jack! 

It is gory. Like, extremely gory. Do you know how much gore a thing has to have before I consider it ‘extremely gory?’ It’s a lot. Like...really a lot. There’s a thirty second (or possibly longer. time lost all meaning as I watched it) sequence in which the main character punches the intestines out of a horde of hominids in loving, exacting detail. It’s like Genndy’s letting out all the pent-up gore he was forced to keep in check during the years when he was working on Samurai Jack. 

But it isn’t just gore. It’s a journey about the main character’s grief over the sudden, horrific, unexpected death of his entire family. A story which is also mirrored by that of the dinosaur he joins forces with. There were parts during it in which I literally felt my heart being torn in two over the travails of these two, as well as wildly funny and completely adorable parts.

The settings, creature design and fight choreography are insanely creative, as is the decision to do it with no dialogue whatsoever.

And that cliffhanger, DAMN!! They’d better get the next five episodes out soon!

Honorable Mention:

Rick and Morty S4 eps 1-5

This one doesn’t entirely make the list proper because the latter two episodes...were rather subpar. But I can’t entirely keep it off the list because the quality of the first three episodes was off the charts. A particular shoutout to ‘The Old Man and the Seat’ and ‘One Crew Over the Crewcoo’s Morty’ - the former, which somehow managed to use toilet humor, of all things, to reach a crushingly tragic conclusion and the latter, which has a twist better than that of some of my favorite horror movies. 

Games

Shogun 2

I didn’t do a whole lot of gaming at all this year. But what I did do is have a fantastic time getting into the Total War franchise. Shogun 2 was my entry point and a FANTASTIC game. The ninja animations! The tiny, exacting animations of every single person running around on a sinking ship! The way Realm Divide changes the game into something much more dangerous and the way I learned to dance on the edge of it until I was good and ready! 

Plays

Love’s Labours Lost

One of two Shakespeare plays I saw this year, the other being The Tempest - which was also excellent (especially the part where it legit started raining when Ariel summoned the storm in the first scene and then that showing had to be cancelled. The second time was the charm). 

Love’s Labours Lost had some excellent comedy and the usual absurd web of misunderstandings you’d expect to find in your standard Shakespeare romcom. But the thing which pushed it over the edge for me was that...it had a sad ending. It goes against the definition of comedy and has a sad ending. Because it was so unexpected, it hit unexpectedly hard and made it that much more memorable.

[sweetheartjeongguk]

rosy cheeks

pairing: namjoon x reader

genre: fluff, a sliver of angst, parents au 

rating: pg-13 (cursing)

warning(s): mentions of sex, language, namjoon gets his feelings hurt a little bit

word count: 2.4k+

summary: a tale in which two newly-wed 24 year olds tackle parenthood. 

a/n: i just wanted to post a cute little story for namjoon’s birthday! hope you enjoy, sorry if it’s a little short! 

masterlist

If you told your 13-year-old self that you were going to marry your middle school sweetheart and get knocked up less than 2 months after the wedding, you’d probably run out screaming about some crazy lady spewing nonsense about the nerdy kid that sits at the “nerd” table during lunch and stole your cheeseburger.

Truth be told, the 13-year-old you was an asshole so maybe it would have served you right to smack you headfirst with a major glimpse of your future.

But there’s no doubt in your mind that you wouldn’t have believed that you wouldn’t have married Namjoon. After all, he was your first love and after declaring his love for you (of course, after your little cheeseburger debacle) through numerous hand-written letters and personal songs sung just for you, you know that he’ll be your last.

That’s why you approach the pregnancy situation with a light yet fluttery heart. The night the two of you had sex – you knew that you didn’t have a condom with you. Since you two of you are already married, it kind of seems like a no-brainer. Namjoon used to be a major stickler for condoms (even though you had to work a little bit harder since latex isn’t Little Namjoon’s most favorite thing in the world), but he seemed to forget all about that after you finally got hitched.

One night when you come home from work just before your husband, you decide to put together a cute little box filled with little candies and chocolates that you know Namjoon adores before adding the picture of the ultrasound underneath the mass of confectionery. Namjoon stares at you warily when you hand him the box, knowing full-well that his birthday wasn’t for a couple weeks and you (despite trying your best to act nonchalant) buy his gift the day of.

“You’re kind of scaring me, babe,” Namjoon says jokily, but there’s a hint of hesitation in his tone. “don’t tell me they’re divorce papers. I told you I’d fix the toilet when I get to it.”

“Babe, no, that’s not it.” You laugh but stop abruptly at the last bit of information. “Also, I’m holding you against that last part. This is why you don’t invite your drunk friends over because all they do is break things and forget to flush their shit down the toilet.”

“Alright, alright…” Namjoon waves a passive hand before going to open the box.

You bite your lip in anticipation as he rips open the cardboard and stares into the space filled with sugary goodness. His eyes light up in happiness at the little Ryan-themed candies and the rich chocolate he came to love when the two of you went abroad to Europe and spent the whole day eating authentic chocolate at a fancy ass store that practically ate up your savings.

“Honey, this is great! Thank you so much.” He leans over to kiss you sweetly. “My tummy and I will cherish them.”

“You’re missing something!” You point at the bottom. “It’s the most important thing in there!”

“What?” Namjoon chuckles in confusion. He digs around until he feels an edge of what feels like a photograph brush against his knuckles.

Your palms sweat as Namjoon pulls the photo out and puts it up to his face. There is a long period of silence where you can’t tell his expression – mainly because the man shoved the entire picture in his face. It isn’t until you see his shoulders shaking and little droplets drip from his jaw that you know.

“Aw, Joon…”  You pull Namjoon’s arm down to take in his tear-soaked face.

“Babe, we’re gonna be parents?” He chokes out, eyes trailing down towards your seemingly unnoticeable baby bump.

“Yes, honey…” You chuckle wetly. “We’re going to be parents.”

The next thing you know, you’re being body-slammed by Namjoon’s large frame, practically drowning in his tight embrace. His crying calms down for the most part, but you can feel his body twitch from the residual hiccups. You smile to yourself – in that moment, you know that you found the right one for you.

“Oh no…”

You tilt your head up from Namjoon’s chest to stare up at his worried expression.

“How are we going to pay for a child?”

Both of your eyes widen in realization.

Well, shit.

At most, your combined salaries make up a decent amount – not something that immediately pay for a trip to the Bahamas twice a year, but enough to get by each day.

Children are a different story. No matter how money you have, you’re still going to spend a fortune on that little bundle of so-called joy – more like soul-crushing, money-smuggling tiny adults.

Diapers run out in a blink of an eye. Formula costs an arm and a leg, especially if you want that good stuff that basically claims to make your baby into Einstein by the time he’s up and walking. Doctor appointments and babysitters are going to be a pain in your ass. You could always ask your parents for some help whenever the two of you are stuck at work, but you don’t want to become one of those parents that never see their kid.

All of the stress of parenthood suddenly comes crashing down, and you can’t help but fall with it.

Your mini breakdown happens four months in your pregnancy. The two of you are painting your child’s bathroom a pretty purple color, and you get a few strokes in until your thoughts eventually catch up with you.

“I can’t be a mother.” You cry, throwing your paintbrush down. “I’m going to fail miserably, and our child is going to hate me. You’re obviously going to be Father of the Year while I’m stuck here looking like a bloated clown.”

Namjoon looks up from his own painting at the sight of you babbling on and on about your incompetence, black tears falling down your cheeks. You look a little funny, but Namjoon knows better than to mess with a pregnant lady with makeup smeared on her face.

One wrong look, and it’s sleeping on the couch for two weeks. Namjoon didn’t want to endure that (again).

“Baby, look at me.” Namjoon puts down his brush to cup your face in his hands. His warmth heals the tiny worry in the center of your chest – but just barely. “You’re going to fail.”

“Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence, Kim.” You grumble heatedly. “Guess whose bed you’re not sleeping in tonight?”

“What I meant to say is…” Namjoon cuts your words off before you can ramble again, “you’re going to fail from time to time. That’s normal for parents to screw up – you’re not going to be perfect, and you shouldn’t make our child think that.”

“But…I just want to be good.”

Namjoon smiles weakly. “I know, honey. But life’s not that easy. The best that we can do is to teach him or her how to be loving and how to love. That’s all you need in life, after all.”

“How corny.” You snort, but the smile slowly but surely returns. “Also, it’s a he. I can feel it.”

“Liar.” Namjoon squints accusatorily. “I can sense it, and it’s a girl.”

“How can you sense it? I’m literally the one growing this thing like a sea monkey.”

“Please don’t refer to our child as a sea monkey. At least not in front of our parents.”

The months go by fast – a little too fast in your opinion. While you’re happy that you’ll be rid of the giant baby bump, you’re now in the stage of anxiety about actually giving birth. You take advice from any book or website that looks credible, but nothing can soothe the panic zipping through your veins. Advice from your mother and mother-in-law never helps – you’re sick of watching old baby videos and cooing about your future as a mother.

Sometimes, you just want to throw it all away and just think your own thoughts for once.

“Is giving birth even worth it anymore?” You sigh with a hand propped underneath your chin.

Your best friend Chaeyoung stares at you in disbelief. “What’s this Debbie Downer attitude, Mrs. Kim?”

“I don’t know, Chae…” You run your fingers through your hair in frustration. “I’m so ready to stop being pregnant, but my whole new life begins right after that and I’m…”

“Scared?” You nod sadly. “Honey, that’s okay. You’re allowed to be nervous, it’s part of life. If nobody was nervous, don’t you think a lot of reckless shit would be happening around here more often?”

“It’s just that…Namjoon’s so happy and excited, and I feel guilty because I don’t feel like that right now…” You feel a pang in your chest at the thought of Namjoon’s cheery grin flash behind your eyelids every time you blinked.

“You’re the one pregnant, of course you’d be feeling more anxious about it. Guys just have to stick their dick in you, and their job is done.” Chaeyoung shrugs her shoulders.

“You know, sometimes, I think I’m just going to go to Jisoo for my problems.”

“Jokes on you, Jisoo and I share one braincell.”

“Push!”

Namjoon watches in full-fledged panic as you struggle to push through the pain of delivery and birth your child. Your face strains with effort, and your erratic breathing makes it sound as if you’re two seconds away from passing out.

You glare darkly at your husband when you feel his hand awkwardly pet the side of your face.

“You’re doing great, sweetheart.” Namjoon chuckles nervously. “You got this.”

“Thanks, coach. I won’t let you down.” You grit your teeth as another wave of pain floods your body like a violent tsunami.

“First kid?” A nurse jokes, her eyes not leaving your crotch as she helps assist – now it’s even more awkward.

“Um, yeah…” Namjoon wipes away the sweat on his palms.

“And last.” You snarl through another push.

“Ha-ha…she doesn’t mean that.” Namjoon rubs at the back of his neck.

A tiny sting tugs at his heart at your words, but you’re quick to write it off as him mediating the awkward energy in the room. Namjoon’s been pretty vocal about having two, maybe even three kids. To hear the possibility of there never being another opportunity to give life to something the two of you created together…

It kind of hurt.

“You’ve been quiet.”

Namjoon looks up from the tiny human resting in his arms to glance back at you who he thought fell asleep half an hour ago. You’re laying back in the reclined bed with your cheek pressed against the soft pillow Namjoon grabbed from home for you. It’s the one thing that helps you sleep at night, and you’re silently grateful for the thoughtfulness of your husband.

Even in the heat of the moment, Namjoon still remembers what you need most.

“Oh…I’m just admiring our little sunshine…She’s beautiful just like her mother.”

You can sense there’s something he wasn’t telling you. “No offense, but I thought you’d be jumping for joy after finding out your prediction was right.”

“Oh, yeah, that.” Namjoon tries to laugh, but it feels too hollow. He doesn’t even try again.

“Babe, what’s wron—”

“Do you really not want to have another kid with me?” Namjoon winces as his voice cuts through the silence of the hospital room.

Thankfully, your daughter doesn’t wake up from her nap. If anything, she seems to snuggle further next to her father’s warmth.

“Honey…” The corners of his mouth dips into a pout.

“It’s really okay if you don’t want to…it’s your body.” Namjoon quickly adds. “I don’t want to be that guy that forces his wife to just be a baby-making machine and make her out as only being important for that because you’re so kickass in everything you do.”

You keep silent as he continues, albeit with a blossoming smile.

“It’s just that…I really enjoyed the things we did together for the baby. I liked painting the baby room with you and smearing paint all over your face. I liked going to the boring doctor appointments with you just to see your face light up when they show you our baby on the screen. I liked when you’d wear my hoodies and I can see your little bump underneath.”

Namjoon pauses with a sigh. “I guess…I just loved knowing that you’re mine and that we created this beautiful life together. It made me happy to do these things with you, and I…really want to keep doing it.”

Your heart thumps unevenly. Your eyes glisten with tears, but you don’t want to cry – not right now. Right now, you want to stare at your entire world in the form of a tall beanpole of a man and the tiniest dumpling with clear vision. You want to look into Namjoon’s eyes and see the light behind them that you fell in love with at the tender age of 12 in the lunchroom when he stole the last cheeseburger and you stomped on his foot when he laughed at you. You want to stare at your baby’s face and only see the future ahead of you – the future with you, her, and Namjoon together.

“Joon…” Namjoon still holds a dejected look. “I know what I said was harsh, and I’m really sorry about that. The pain of it was insane, and all I could think about was that I don’t want to feel like that ever again.”

You pick yourself back up in order to erase the seemingly permanent discomfort from your husband’s face. You don’t want him to think that you’re blaming him for the pain. “But looking at the two of you together…it made me remember that it’s all worth it in the end. Just as long as I can see you smile at the end of the day.”

In this moment, he reminds you of how grateful you are that your fate found itself tied up with the red string of Namjoon’s life. Anytime that you try to think of a life without him – whether it’s when the two of you are fighting or if he’s been gone on a business trip for a couple days and the days just feel a little bit too long – it feels like poison coursing through your body. It makes you sick to think of a life without Namjoon by your side. He’s been through it all – the good times and the bad. He’s selfless in that way – the perfect attribute for a father.

“Maybe another kid doesn’t sound half as bad…” Namjoon brightens up at your words. “Just not right now because my uterus may have exploded, and my tits are too sore.”

“Beautiful imagery, honey. You should be a poet.”

“You know what, I take that back. Try getting another kid out of me again, Kim Namjoon.”

Needless to say, your twin boys were born the following year.

[artificialqueens]

So Emotional (Sashea) Chapter 6 -MissChimKi

A/N: Here’s a Thanksgiving chapter 2 months after Thanksgiving. I’m really going to try to get better with updating but I keep getting distracted by side projects.

Summary: Shea looked over at Sasha, who was completely frozen, she looked terrified and completely unsure of what to do. The tension in the room was almost unbearable, everyone not sure how to go about the awkwardness. It was like that for a moment before Trixie burst out laughing. Shea’s eyes stayed trained on Sasha who looked like she might burst into tears.

In which Sasha and Shea are roommates for their freshman year of college and Sasha is a useless lesbian who doesn’t want Shea to know that and Shea is just trying to live her best Chicago life while being in NYC.

Shea wasn’t sure how she’d done it but she’d managed to get through midterms and now she was in the home stretch of the semester. There was about a month left and Shea was ready for a break. College had chewed her up and spit her out but she was still alive somehow, and it was only the first semester so she knew it would only get harder.

She was laying on her stomach on her bed, sketching and writing in her journal. Sasha was across the room at her desk sketching something as well. Something was definitely different about her now. Ever since Halloween she had been sneaking off even more now. Sometimes being gone overnight, which had never happened before, so Shea was sure she was seeing someone, she just didn’t know why it was a secret.

She also didn’t know why she didn’t just ask. In these few months rooming with Sasha she felt closer to her than some people she’s known her whole life. And more than anything she wanted to continue building on this friendship. So she bit her tongue and never pried into Sasha’s social life.

Her phone buzzed and she groaned when she looked at it. It was her mom, texting her about Thanksgiving once again. Her family was set on her coming home but it was a long and expensive journey that she didn’t necessarily want to make. She just didn’t know how exactly to let them know that.

“You sound stressed,” Sasha commented from across the room.

Shea turned to her and nodded, “A little. My parents want me to come home for Thanksgiving next week and they keep sending me flight deals and whatnot but I don’t really want to go all the way to Chicago just for a weekend. Especially when I’m already going to be going home like two weeks later for winter break,” she explained.

Sasha nodded, “Yeah that makes sense.”

“Plus none of the other Chicago girls are planning on going home so I wouldn’t even be able to have a travel buddy,” Shea sighed, “I love my family and I miss them a lot but I really don’t want to go. They’ll be mad if I don’t though especially since I don’t have any other plans.”

Sasha looked thoughtful for a moment, “Well if you want you can spend it with my dad and I. We always do a full spread even though it’s just the two of us. It was my mom’s favorite holiday so we like to honor her. Actually maybe the other girls would want to come to, it could be a full thing.”

Shea smiled widely, “That would be amazing actually. And my parents wouldn’t be able to be mad about it either.”

“Awesome. I’ll tell my dad and extend an invitation to the other girls,” Sasha smiled back, pulling out her phone and texting her dad and then the group chat. Shea watched as Sasha smiled at a new text that appeared on her phone, that one wasn’t from anyone in the group message and Shea would be willing to bet it wasn’t her dad, but again, she didn’t want to push it so she just kept her mouth shut, put her earbuds in and went back to sketching.

*

Later day Shea called her mom to let her know her plans for Thanksgiving. Her mom was disappointed but she thought it was nice that Sasha offered to host her. She made Shea promise to make a pie to bring over and to be extra respectful. That made her roll her eyes of course because when was she not? Shea agreed with everything her parents said most of the time just because it was easier. The only times she’d really ever called them out was when they were making jokes about how many queer friends she had. She made sure they knew that their sexuality wasn’t a problem at all and it definitely wasn’t theirs. Other than that she usually just kept quiet when she disagreed.

One of the things Shea had prided herself in was being a ride or die type of friend. Once someone had her loyalty she would do anything for them. She constantly had defended Vixen back in high school, even when she was fighting a losing battle. She always made sure to defend her queer friends and wanted to be the best possible ally she could be to them. Her parents were more traditional though and while they were getting a little bit better when Shea would scold them, they still had some choice things to say.

Every time they brought up the subject of her friends they typically asked her if she was gay. She would always say that she wasn’t but that it wasn’t the point. She wondered if the tolerance that they had gained would be different if she herself was queer. She didn’t like to think about that because she loved her family with her whole heart and she didn’t want to think any of it was conditional. It didn’t matter though, because she was straight, but a part of her still wondered.

Her mom went through the motions of asking about school and her friends and telling her she needed to find some kind of part time job. They chatted about new friends and whatever else they needed to catch up on. Shea had been talking about Sasha a lot apparently. Probably because they spent so much time together and because she was a new addition into Shea’s life. Her mom seemed suspicious of something but Shea didn’t feel the need to defend anything. It didn’t matter what her mom thought anymore, not as much, and Shea didn’t mind this new mindset. She told her mother she loved her and hung up.

She buried her face into her pillow and groaned. Sasha was out again, no surprise now and Shea couldn’t help but feel lonely. She didn’t want to bug anyone though so she ignored it. She pulled out her computer and started watching a movie and eventually called it a night, at least she was getting more sleep now instead of talking to Sasha until 3am every night, but that was the only silver lining to the situation.

*

Thanksgiving had come sooner than Shea thought and the night before she made a pumpkin pie for dessert. Sasha poked fun at her and insisted that she didn’t need to bring anything but Shea had been raised to never enter someone’s home empty handed. A full stomach meant a full heart, plus no one could resist her mom’s pumpkin pie recipe. She and Sasha took the train to her dad’s house early in the morning to help him get all the food ready. The others would get there later in the afternoon for dinner. Again Sasha told Shea she didn’t need to do anything, but Shea wanted to. It was a good way to spend more time with Sasha and get to know more about her life history.

Sasha’s dad, Mark, greeted both of them with hugs which Shea was surprised by. “It’s wonderful to meet you Shea was hoping to meet you on move in day but I’m glad you and Sasha have become such good friends,” he smiled warmly at her.

“Yeah, I’ve heard a lot of roommate horror stories I’m thrilled that I got a great roomie and a best friend out of it,” Shea smiled back at both him and Sasha who had stopped glaring at her dad to blush at Shea’s statement.

“Well the turkey won’t stuff itself, come on,” Sasha changed the subject and led them into the kitchen.

“Is there anything specific you want me to do?” Shea asked, setting the pie down on the counter.

“Oh no, Shea you’re a guest and you were already kind enough to make a pie, you don’t have to do anything,” Mark told her.

Shea waved her hand, “I don’t mind at all, I’d feel bad if I didn’t help.”

“Well if you really insist on helping, I’ll probably have you help with food in a little bit but right now if you want to set table so we don’t have to worry about it, that would be great,” he said.

“Sounds good,” Shea agreed. Sasha showed her where all the plates and silverware were and Shea went to the dining room to get to it. She wasn’t necessarily eavesdropping but she couldn’t help but here Sasha telling her dad not to embarrass her and that these were her new friends and she didn’t want them thinking anything bad about her.

Shea smiled at that. It was sweet that Sasha genuinely wanted to impress them. Though she didn’t need to be worried. Shea and the others loved her and accepted her fully as a part of the group, getting to know her and her father more would only strengthen that bond.

Shea joined them in the kitchen again and was assigned to cutting up veggies or the salad. Sasha joined her once she finished making the whipped cream for the cranberry salad. Apparently Sasha’s dad had done a lot of prep work the day before so mostly he just had them doing busy work, but Shea was happy to help regardless.

“I am so ready for this food, can we just eat it all before everyone else gets here?” Shea joked, eating a carrot to help her rumbling stomach a little.

Sasha laughed, “I think Kim would single handedly fight you but Trixie would probably help anyways.”

Shea laughed along with her as they finished chopping all the veggies, it was nice to be spending this time with Sasha, considering she hadn’t seen her much in the past few weeks. Sasha’s dad waved them off when they asked what else needed to be done so they headed to the living room to watch the dog show. Neither was really very into it but both picked their favorite to win. It was no surprise that Sasha picked the greyhound. Shea chose the Bichon.

Both of their dogs ended up winning their categories but in the end they lost to the German Shepard. Shea’s dog ended up taking second though so she of course had to gloat.

“It’s just a dog show, it’s not even your actual dog,” Sasha pointed out, “Besides if Vanya was the one competing he would have no doubt won,” Sasha patted Vanya on the head.

Shea rolled her eyes, “I won’t argue with that,” she patted the spot beside her so Vanya would come next to her instead. Sasha pretended to be offended when the dog went over to Shea and accepted her head scratches.

“He seems to like you, he’s usually very finicky when it comes to people,” Sasha told her.

Shea smiled, “Well they do say dogs are the best judges of character.”

“They do,” Sasha agreed, “I might just have to keep you around then.”

“Like you have a choice,” Shea nudged her with her foot and they both giggled.

Sasha heard the doorbell ring and sprung up. “Oh I bet the others are here.”

Shea stood up as well and they went to answer the door. Sure enough the others were waiting outside. They all greeted each other with hugs and cheek kisses, even though they’d just seen each other the day before.

“Thank you so much for inviting us, I haven’t had a good home cooked meal in ages,” Kim gushed.

“It’s nice to have you all, seriously Thanksgiving is about being with family and friends so I’m happy to host you all,” Sasha told them.

“As am I,” Sasha’s dad came up behind them and put a hand on his daughter’s shoulder, “I’m Mark, it’s great to have you all here,” he smiled and greeted them all.

“Thank you again for having us, my mom wasn’t going to bother doing anything this year so it’s nice to be able to spend it somewhere,” Pearl thanked him.

Mark shrugged, “Of course, Sasha’s friends are always welcome here. Sasha would you get drinks for everyone everything is ready so we can get started soon.”

“I’ll help move everything to the table,” Shea offered while Sasha took everyone’s drink orders. She followed Mark into the kitchen and began moving all the food to the table. Within a few minutes everyone was settled in and ready to dig in. Shea was happy the Velour’s weren’t the religious type or the type to go around and share what they were thankful for. Instead they just got right into eating.

The dinner was mostly quiet, besides people asking for food to be passed they were all too busy stuffing their faces with all the delicious food. Once they were all full they decided to move out to the living room. Mark assured them that they could get the dishes later and that they could just relax for a little while. Shea definitely was in a food coma so sitting down was much needed for her.

“That was so good honestly, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to eat for like a week,” Shea joked, there were murmurs of agreement.

“Speak for yourself I’m still ready for that pie,” Kim looked wistful, probably thinking about all the dessert.

Shea smiled, “I mean my family’s pie recipe is kind of a big deal.”

“We’ll be the judges of that,” Pearl winked at her. She and Max were seated on the loveseat and there was definitely some love going on there. Ever since Pearl and Violet’s breakup the two had been closer than ever. Shea wasn’t sure exactly what was going on between them but she was happy for her friends nonetheless. Especially considering Max had been crushing on Pearl since the dawn of time pretty much. She hoped it worked out for them.

“You two seem like a lovely couple. How long have you been together?” Mark gestured to Pearl and Max who were cuddled up even more than before.

Max blushed, “Oh no we’re not.”

Pearl interjected, “It’s pretty new still. We’ve been friends for a long time and there’s always been the hint of something more lingering there, were just trying to take it slow and go with whatever happens,” she squeezed Max’s hand and the two shared a sweet smile. It made Shea smile as well, seeing her friends happy always brought her happiness.

“Well you two make a lovely couple,” he complimented before turning to Sasha, “What ever happened to Aquaria? You two were inseparable, I thought you had something special.”

Shea looked over at Sasha, who was completely frozen, she looked terrified and completely unsure of what to do.

The tension in the room was almost unbearable, everyone not sure how to go about the awkwardness. It was like that for a moment before Trixie burst out laughing. Shea’s eyes stayed trained on Sasha who looked like she might burst into tears.

When Trixie’s laughter died down she turned to Sasha, “I’m not laughing at you it’s just that a few months ago we were worried you might be homophobic so hearing that it’s the opposite is ironic,” she explained. Sasha seemed to ease up a little bit but the tension was still clearly there.

Her dad looked embarrassed, “I’m sorry Sash I didn’t realize,” he apologized.

Sasha seemed to find her voice, “No it’s fine,” she took a deep breath, “I wasn’t keeping anything hidden really I just didn’t think I needed to disclose anything.”

Pearl smiled at her warmly, a knowing look in her eyes, “No of course you didn’t. It’s fully up to you but everyone here is more than fine with it.” The others nodded in agreement.

Sasha gave a small smile, “I don’t want any kind of big deal to be made about it so if we could just move past it that would be great. Pie anyone?” she got up quickly to go set up dessert. The others followed her to the kitchen to eat pie in an awkward silence.

“I think I’m going to have dreams about that pie for the rest of my life,” Kim told Shea once they were done eating.

Shea laughed, “I can give you the recipe girl, it’s not some sort of secret recipe or anything.”

“I’m holding you to that,” Kim informed her.

Shea saw that Pearl had volunteered to do the dishes so she ventured over to help her.

“Need a hand?” she asked even though she had already begun drying dishes.

“I would say no but it wouldn’t make a difference,” Pearl smiled and continued to wash.

Shea glanced around to make sure everyone was in the other room, “So, you didn’t seem particularly shocked by that reveal,” she commented.

Pearl gave her a pointed look, “I mean it wasn’t that big of a surprise.”

“I thought it was,” Shea defended herself.

“Sasha’s like a textbook lesbian it really isn’t,” Pearl told her.

Shea sighed, “I just don’t get why she felt like she couldn’t tell me. We’ve gotten so close and I’ve told her basically everything important about me. I can’t help but wonder what else she’s been hiding from me.”

Pearl turned to look at her, pausing from the dishes, “I know that you’re feeling hurt but coming out is a scary thing in any extreme. When I came out to you all it was intimidating but I knew it would be okay and that everyone would accept me. She’s entitled to handle it however she wants, she probably just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Shea took a moment to think over what Pearl had said, “I’m not though. Nothing has changed and nothing is going to change.”

“I think you need to talk to Sasha then,” Pearl urged her.

Shea nodded then headed out to the other room where everyone else was. She scanned around for Sasha but didn’t see her. Mark saw her looking, “She went up to her room I think,” he pointed up the stairs, “Third door on the left.”

She thanked him and headed up the stairs. Sasha’s door was open but Shea still knocked to alert her of her presence.

“Hey, can I come in?” she asked.

Sasha nodded and Shea stepped into the room, “I think we should talk,” she announced.

“Okay,” Sasha agreed, going over to sit on her bed.

Shea made her way over and sat beside her. She took a second to organize her thoughts before speaking, “I’m not mad, I’m just a little hurt. I want you to know that this doesn’t change anything. You’re still my best friend and I love you no matter what.”

Sasha let out the breath that she was holding in, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was out in high school but I didn’t want to creep you out at first by telling you and then we got so close it just seemed weird to tell you. I didn’t know how to navigate the whole straight roommate thing,” she explained.

“I get it. I don’t want to feel like our friendship was artificial but that’s also a huge part of your life that you kept hidden and I’m worried that that was just the tip of the iceberg,” Shea admitted.

“That’s understandable, but at the same time how I chose to discuss my sexuality is my own business. You got to know me for me and everything about that was genuine,” Sasha offered.

Shea sighed, “I know and I believe that. I’ve had a past with putting too much into my friendships and relationships and getting way too invested in them. I’ll put in 100 percent and barely get 20 in return. I just always worry when people aren’t open with me especially when I’m as open as it gets.”

Sasha considered what she said for a moment before responding, “Well from now on you’re going to get way to much information on my gayness,” she joked.

Shea smiled, “Please I want all the dirty details. Starting with your secret girlfriend.”

Sasha looked shocked, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Shea rolled her eyes, “Please, you’re out all the time, sometimes overnight. I knew you were seeing someone but now I know it’s a girl.”

“Okay fine,” Sasha relented, “There is someone but she’s not my girlfriend, I don’t really know how to categorize what we are.”

“But you like her?” Shea inquired.

Sasha smiled at the ground, “Yeah I do.”

“When do I get to meet her?” Shea asked, “I gotta make sure she’s up to standard for you.”

“You just found out I’m gay how do you even know what my standards are for girls?” Sasha laughed.

Shea shrugged, “Well you obviously have higher standards since you like girls.”

Sasha giggled, “True. You can meet her sometime this week, we can go out for lunch or something.”

“I’ll look forward to it. We should probably go back downstairs we kinda just left everyone with your dad,” Shea pointed out.

“True.” They both stood up and Shea pulled her into a hug.

“I’m really glad you’re in my life I just want to reiterate how little it matters to me that you’re gay. You’re still my favorite person and now you even get to be my favorite gay person,” Shea told her once they pulled away from their drawn out hug.

Sasha shoved her, “Wow what an honor.” They linked arms and headed back downstairs to join the others once more.

*

After Thanksgiving Sasha and Shea’s friendship had grown even more. Sasha had told her all about Aja and Shea wouldn’t lie, she sounded like a pretty cool person and definitely someone Shea could be friends with.

Now that the cat was out of the bag it was pretty much all Sasha talked about. Aja and all of her friends from the bar. Shea couldn’t believe how much of Sasha’s life she’d been missing. It wasn’t like Sasha was a new person or anything but there was a new openness to her and it seemed like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Shea was happy she didn’t have to hide anymore and she made sure to listen to Sasha more dutifully than ever.

Shea had spent most of the week pestering Sasha about meeting Aja. Sasha promised it would happen soon but soon wasn’t soon enough so she kept nagging.

Finally Sasha had had enough of it and agreed to let Shea crash their lunch date that Wednesday. Shea was excited to meet Sasha’s not girlfriend. Shea was the type of friend to size up all of her friends potential love interests. She would give them the whole “if you hurt them I will kill you speech.” She liked to think it was intimidating and that her loyalty as a friend would be appreciated.

When they met for lunch Sasha was already done with classes for the day. Shea still had more to go but she had a gap in her schedule. Apparently Aja was a part time student who worked and made music on the side. It was a compromise with her parents and it seemed to be working out so far. She lived off campus with four other girls. She had her own room so it made sense that Sasha was over there most of the time.

Shea was early so she texted Sasha asking what to order for Aja and ordered for herself and Sasha while she waited. Sasha sent her order and arrived a few minutes after.

“Hey,” she greeted, “Aja should be here in a few, she’s coming from her house.”

Shea nodded. They chitchatted about their classes while they waited. Finally the girl in question showed up. Shea noted that her hair was curled and laid perfectly. She had a pretty face and a good fashion sense. Sasha could definitely do worse. What a horrible thought honestly, she really needed to tone down her whole over protective friend thing, but she couldn’t help that she cared so much.

“Hey sis,” Aja greeted Sasha with a hug, before turning to Shea, “You must be Shea, nice to finally meet you,” she surprised Shea by pulling her into a hug which Shea returned.

“You too, I’ve been hearing a lot about you lately,” Shea told her.

Aja grinned, “You as well, Sasha doesn’t shut up about you. I’ve been bugging her to meet you and the rest of your friends. Sash don’t take this the wrong way because being outed sucks but I don’t think it would have ever happened otherwise, and I’m happy that you don’t have to live two lives anymore,” she squeezed Sasha’s hand gently as she sat down beside her.

Sasha sighed, “You’re not wrong,” she admitted, “And I really am sorry for not telling you Shea. You’ve been nothing but supportive of me and your other friends I should’ve known I could trust you.”

Shea gave her a genuine smile, “It’s water under the bridge honestly,” she narrowed her eyes playfully, “But the dorm rules still stand, no fucking girls while I’m there, I’ll need at least an hour’s notice.”

Sasha reached across the table to shove her but she was laughing while she did it. Aja was laughing too but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Shea could sense some jealousy. She wasn’t entirely sure what the extent of Sasha and Aja’s relationship was. She knew they weren’t official but it seemed like something more than just hooking up. Shea hoped they figured it out soon because the tension was stressing her out already.

Their food came out and the conversation thinned out while they ate. Shea asked Aja all the typical questions about her life, her major and her roommates. Aja studied business to make her parents happy but her real passion was in song writing and rapping. She also worked as a barista on the side. She lived with her four best friends and the way her face lit up when she talked about them reminded Shea of herself when she talked about her friends.

She wasn’t entirely sure why but she wanted to dislike Aja upon meeting her. She knew it was wrong and bitter of her but she had a certain protectiveness over her friends. The problem was that Aja was actually really cool. She was totally the type of person that Shea would want to be friends with, and it was clear she liked Sasha a lot. While Sasha was hard to read at times Shea could tell that she liked Aja as well. If it was Shea’s approval that Sasha was seeing, which she doubted, she had it.

After finishing their food and chatting for a while more Sasha got up to use the restroom leaving Aja and Shea to deal with the inevitable awkward silence. “So,” Aja started, “You and Sasha are pretty close it seems.”

Shea nodded, her face lighting up, “Yeah I got really lucky with her as my roomie, it seems like it was meant to be.”

Aja had a tight smile on her lips, “Yeah I can see that, you guys are really something.”

Shea nodded, sensing some animosity she figured it would be best to tread carefully, “Yeah, well she is one of my best friends and I always look after my friends.”

“Yeah of course,” Aja replied.

Shea tried to keep a composed smile on her lips and a light tone, “I know you two aren’t official or anything, but I feel like it’s my duty to let you know if you ever hurt her, I will cut you, but also if she hurts you I’ll give her a stern talking to.”

Aja sighed, “And I totally respect that I really do, it’s just, can I ask you a question?”

Shea smiled hoping to loosen her up, “Sure anything.”

“You and Sasha are just friends right, there’s nothing more to it right?” Aja bit her lip nervously.

Shea paused for a moment before looking at Aja, “Yeah I guess I can see why you’d think that. Sasha has a special place in my heart for sure. But I’m very straight and even if I wasn’t we don’t see each other that way. Our connection is totally platonic. Don’t get me wrong though I’m gonna make sure she stays in my life because she is a great person to have in my corner. So even when you two are dating just know I won’t completely step to the side.”

Aja looked taken aback. She stayed silent for a moment before speaking, “Okay that’s fair the last thing I want to do is come between her and her friends.”

“Good I’m glad we’re in agreement now,” Shea took a sip of her now cold tea.

“Right,” Aja nodded firmly.

Shea was serious for a moment before she broke out into a grin, Aja did the same. “For what it’s worth I think you’re pretty chill, I’ll be sure to put in a good word for you.”

Aja grinned, “Wow thanks.”

Sasha finally returned with three shortbread cookies, “You two getting along?” she asked, taking her seat once again.

“Definitely,” Shea said through a bite of her cookie. She wasn’t completely lying either, she’d still keep an eye out, but Aja had passed the first test so Shea could stand down a little bit.

They finished their cookies and drinks before Aja had to head to work. Shea still had some time before her class and Sasha was done for the day so they hung around and talked still.

Once Sasha had finally had enough of the small talk she brought up the elephant in the room. Shea was surprised it took her so long honestly. “So tell me honestly. What did you think of Aja?” She looked hesitantly at Shea.

“She’s really cool, I’d like to get to know her more,” Shea told her earnestly, giving her hand a comforting squeeze.

Sasha gave her a relieved smile, “Oh great now do I have to be jealous about you two hitting it off?” she teased.

Shea rolled her eyes, “Oh yeah we’re gonna run away together and start a brewery/chicken farm.”

“Doesn’t sound very sanitary,” she raised a brow.

Shea waved her off, “We’re still working out the details.”

Sasha laughed, “Whatever you say.”

“Seriously though, you and Aja seem to really like each other, why aren’t you going for that?” she asked.

Sasha shrugged meekly, “It’s kinda stupid, but I was waiting to have someone to talk about it with I guess. You’ve been my go to person for advice lately and I just needed someone to talk it out with.”

Shea’s heart soared hearing that. She was happy to have Sasha’s full trust now and she wanted to keep it, “So let’s talk about it then,” she smiled.

Sasha let out a breath that she appeared to be holding in, before explaining everything that had been going on with Aja to Shea. Shea listened patiently, she had heard most of it but hearing it now after talking with Aja made her realize how serious it was.

“I really think you should go for it. Aja really likes you and it’s clear you feel the same so now that there’s nothing holding you back you should go get your girl,” Shea told her firmly.

“Yeah you’re right I think I will,” Sasha smiled.

“But you better not forget about your best friend while you do that,” Shea pressed.

“I could never,” Sasha said seriously, “And you should not forget about your class,” she pointed to the clock.”

Shea saw the time and jumped up immediately, “Shit I gotta go,” she gave Sasha a peck on the cheek, “You better keep me updated, I expect you to be in a relationship by tonight,” she called to Sasha as she ran out and straight to class.

*

When Shea got back to her room that night Sasha wasn’t there. She wasn’t surprised by it, she had figured that if she and Aja got together they’d probably want to spend some together. After the conversation she had had with Sasha today she was feeling confident that their friendship would remain solid so there was nothing to be jealous of. The pit in her stomach didn’t seem to be getting that memo though.

She tried to distract herself by texting her friends but they all seemed to be busy. She sighed and threw her phone on the bed and pulled up her English paper and began to work. She wished Sasha was there to help her proof it but maybe she could ask her to do it the next day.

Her phone buzzed and she got up to look at it. It was a text from Sasha telling her not to wait up and that she’d be at Aja’s that night and promised to tell Shea all the deets later.

Shea sent back ‘get it girl!’ with a winky face and decided to give up on writing her paper. Instead she decided to binge watch 90210 until it was time to get to sleep.

*

It was three days later when Shea started to understand the pit in her stomach. In those three days she hadn’t seen Sasha at all. She had been spending the night at Aja’s as well as meeting with her for lunches too apparently. Shea had tried to meet up with her multiple times but Aja seemed to always beat her to the punch. She didn’t expect to be so frustrated. She hadn’t realized how big of a space Sasha had taken up in her life until it was empty. She was getting sick of eating alone and not having someone to stay up late and talk with. She had even stayed the night with Kim and Trixie the night before just so she didn’t have to be alone.

All her classes were gearing up towards finals the next week so she had a lot of work and studying to do. Milk, Naomi and her had started a little study group for their shared classes so at least she had that.

Recently she had been doing some thinking about Milk and his flirting. He was an attractive guy and clearly had an interest in her. She had to think about why it was that she kept turning him down. She wasn’t bothered that he was bi or that he wore makeup and had a more feminine style. In fact she found it refreshing, but maybe there was a small part of her that felt a little uncomfortable with it and maybe she should start challenging that discomfort.

She pulled out her phone and sent a text to Milk asking if he was free for dinner that night and decided that whatever happened she would just go with it. There was no point in holding back anymore.