#kids. my favorite Christmas movie of all time is about a cow who wants to become one of Santa’s reindeer and fly. it’s called

[deathsmallcaps]

Ok when I reblogged this last night, I picked 3rd because that’s what I’ve heard, but I also said maybe a little bit #4? Because at the time I thought ‘well something not really mattering to you = a sort of rejection” so I was a little confused as to how they were separate options?

And then when I woke up and I saw this I remembered that the ‘rejection’ idea was an antisemitic talking point. As in supposedly you saw the undeniable truth of Jesus and were like nah.

So I’m not sure how else it could’ve been worded - it was quickly visible to me after a good night’s sleep - but I wonder how many other people were thinking similarly to me when they picked #4, and how many are genuinely antisemitic. But I hope there’s just a lot of confused people.

[princesssarisa]

Character ask: Goofy (Disney)

Favorite thing about them: How funny he is, obviously, but also how sweet, friendly, and earnest he is, which makes him truly likable and more than just a one-note bumbling idiot.

Least favorite thing about them: Probably his well-meaning yet questionable parenting choices in A Goofy Movie that make Max miserable. Though of course the moody teenage Max is at fault too, and once they finally have a heart-to-heart talk, they come to a beautiful resolution.

Three things I have in common with them:

*I'm friendly most of the time.

*I can be clumsy.

*I'm at least a little eccentric.

Three things I don't have in common with them:

*I'm not tall or skinny

*I'm not nearly as accident prone as he is.

*I'm not an anthropomorphic male dog.

Favorite line:

From one episode of Goof Troop:

"If there's one thing I don't like about falling off a roof, it's the pain involved."

As Marley's Ghost in Mickey's Christmas Carol:

"And so as punishment, I'm forced to carry these heavy chains for eternity!... Maybe even longer!"

From A Goofy Movie, his response to Max insisting that he's grown up and has his own life now:

"I know that! I just wanted to be part of it! You're my son, Max. No matter how big you get, you'll always be my son."

From Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas:

"Of course there's a Santy. Otherwise, we'd have a lot of jobless elves running around."

And from Lonesome Ghosts, a line that either inspired Ray Parker Jr. when he wrote the theme for Ghostbusters, or else is a hilarious coincidence:

"I ain't a-scared of no ghosts!"

brOTP: Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and his son Max.

OTP: Max's mother, whoever she might have been, and sometimes Clarabelle Cow. (Yes, I also know about Sylvia from An Extremely Goofy Movie, but I've never actually seen that movie, so it doesn't feel quite right to list her too.)

nOTP: Max.

Random headcanon: His two favorite foods are pancakes (since he sings about them at one point in Mickey and the Beanstalk and eats them in the breakfast scene in A Goofy Movie) and homegrown tomatoes (since he sang a cute song about them on the '90s kids album Funny Food Songs). Sometimes he combines them: for example, he makes BLT sandwiches with pancakes instead of bread, or griddled tomatoes with butter and maple syrup.

Unpopular opinion: I'd like to see an explanation of what happened to Max's mother that didn't kill her off. I know it's generally accepted fanon that she died, but in the first place, there are too many dead mothers in media, and secondly, the idea that a character as happy and silly as Goofy should be a widower feels so sad and wrong. But then, the alternative of a divorce that ends with Max's mother no longer in his life might be worse. The only explanation that wouldn't be incredibly sad for Goofy would be if Max was adopted and Goofy was always a single parent. But that doesn't seem likely: all evidence points to Max being Goofy's biological son, since he has his buck teeth and his laugh. Maybe it's just as well that Max's mother has never been mentioned at all.

Song I associate with them:

"The World Owes Me a Living" (although it was first sung by the Grasshopper in The Grashopper and the Ants, who just happened to be voiced by Pinto Colvig using his Goofy voice, it later became a signature song for Goofy himself)

"On the Open Road"

"Nobody Else But You"

Favorite picture of them:

[novelmonger]

Moments That Bring Me Joy: Air Bud

Because Disney+ finally put up Air Bud, I decided I'd do one of these for one of my favorite childhood movies. I have no idea why this movie in particular grabbed my heart and never let go, amongst all the other dog movies I watched. I mean, come on - this is a movie about basketball, for crying out loud! Why would I, who have never had even a smidge of interest in any sport whatsoever, fall in love with a movie about a basketball-playing pooch?

But I did. I loved it almost from the first glimpse of that beautiful golden retriever face (possibly partly because my aunt and uncle had a golden retriever at the time who was the sweetest dog ever). I cried like a baby the first time I watched it (we had to pause for lunch right after Snively takes Buddy, and I could barely eat). I identified with Josh surprisingly strongly, considering I was a girl who had never had a dog or played basketball or lost my dad or anything this kid goes through. But empathized with him really strongly, and for the next year or so, I got through boring schoolwork by daydreaming highly dramatic scenarios involving me training on various sports teams with my imaginary dog Peter. (Peter was a collie, not a golden retriever, but I can definitely point to Air Bud as being the spark of inspiration for him.) Or I think sometimes I would be training Peter for a dog show or something, and he would successfully jump through a hoop or do a trick each time I answered another question in my workbook XD

But anyway, enough about that! Here are the moments in the movie that still give me joy, all these years later (and remember, joy doesn't necessarily mean happiness):

THE OLD DISNEY LOGO! Oh gosh, the nostalgia! *_* I think I got this movie for my seventh birthday or something. That was such a long time ago....

"Fernfield, Where Everything Is Possible." What a town motto XD

"Hey, kids, it's Happy Slappy Time!"

All of the unimpressed expressions on the audience during the disastrous clown antics XD The extras in this movie are just. The Best.

All the cows watching Buddy through the fence after he falls off the truck. Simple humor, but effective. Love it.

Oh gosh, who does the music in this thing?! ...Brahm Wenger. Never heard of him, but the soundtrack in this movie is incredible. Way better than it needed to be, but we're hardly 8 minutes into the movie and I'm already noticing it. Mr. Wenger, you were wasted on all those Air Buddies movies.

When Josh is walking past the kids playing basketball, running his fingers along the chain-link fence. I can't quite put it into words, and I certainly couldn't then, but I remember sitting in the living room at seven years old, seeing that for the first time and thinking, "That's me." The best I can explain it is it's something about being on the outside looking in.

Just realized the first word we hear Josh say is "sucks" XD

When Josh breaks down the rotten fence and the music swells as we get that gorgeous view of the lake(?)

There's nothing like seeing a sad little boy and a sad little dog bonding and having fun for the first time in forever <3

*right after Buddy has utterly destroyed the living room* Josh: "So...can I keep him?" Mom: 😒

Josh's mom letting him keep Buddy as a Christmas present :')

"Sigmund twins moved to Canada, God knows why." - I don't remember this line at all, but it makes me laugh now XD

That doggy smile Buddy gives Josh the first time he makes a basket ^_^

That "well, crap" look on the coach's face when he realizes he has to put Josh on the team after embarrassing him in front of everybody, because Josh is that good of a player

I just really like the fat referee. He's having the worst night of his life, and I want to give him a hug and tell him it'll be okay XD

I take a vicious sort of joy in the rightness of the first coach getting caught red-handed in the abusive way he punishes Tom for fumbling the ball, and Coach Chaney taking over instead.

Man, the music in this movie! It turns a simple scene of the new middle school mascot doing a trick into a heroic moment of sheer triumph, followed by that montage of them winning games that just makes you want to get up and cheer.

Josh's mom coming out the morning after Snively takes Buddy away, and finding a newspaper on her driveway for the first time...I like the subtle touch.

"I don't want my dog to do beer commercials. I got ethics!" *30 seconds later* "Out of curiosity, how much are we talking for one of those beer commercials?"

Snively's unbelievably terrible truck - and driving XD Plus his pathetic little "No, I needed that!" when the steering wheel falls off :P

The whole scene where Josh lets Buddy go. Yes, that scene brings me joy - and I'm tearing up, even though I can't even count how many times I've seen this movie and know perfectly well that everything will turn out fine very shortly! It's just so perfectly done, showing their bond and providing an opportunity for Josh to explain what he's doing even though there's no one with him except for a dog. And that music, I just...it's in my soul. It's the heart's cry of the little girl I used to be, lonely and wishing I could have a dog that wasn't just in my imagination, because that was the only kind of friend I could imagine having. And that bit where the music is swelling and Buddy is racing after Josh through the brambles and dead bushes...I can point to that moment as the beginning of the many, many daydreams I would have about my imaginary dog Peter as I'd gaze out the window of a moving vehicle.

"Ain't no rule says a dog can't play basketball!"

"Hey, Water Boy...nice shot." - I FORGOT ABOUT THAT!!!! I LOVE THIS!!!! Even Larry has to finally acknowledge Josh is a good player!

The whole trial is so silly, but somehow...lovably so? I'm not sure if that would be the case to someone who's actually a lawyer, though ^^' But it's just so full of fun moments:

"What is that dog doing in the courthouse?" "That's the, uh...child, sir." "That's a pretty ugly kid."

"I will not have my courtroom turned into a circus." *literal clown walks in*

"I'm the plaintiff." "You look like an idiot."

"Who are you, Barnum or Bailey?" "Arthur Chaney, Your Honor."

"Mr. Chaney, during my forty years on the bench, I have heard a lot of lame-brained, cockamamie proposals. But this one...I like."

"Case closed! Thank God."

Oh, interesting! I never noticed before, but in the credits, right under the note about "no animals were harmed," there's a note that says, "No special visual effects were used in the basketball sequences of this Motion Picture."

And again, that soundtrack! I can guarantee you, if seven-year-old me had known soundtracks were a thing, I would have begged and pleaded to get my hands on the Air Bud soundtrack, and I would have worn it out completely as I daydreamed about my adventures with my imaginary dog. You know...I still might see if I can get it, because the music alone brings me so much joy ^_^

[queenofbaws]

Howdy Queenie! I’ve been thinking about this for a while, ever since you wrote it a while ago. But can I please have the transcripts from Emily emailing Conrad and threatening him in Fuck No: The Movie. These two powerhouses going toe to toe with “my daddy is richer than your daddy”, I live. Have a wonderful Sunday and I hope you remember to do something nice for yourself this week - you deserve it :)

six sentence sat(or)sunday!!!

The email, she thought, was perfectly worded. Perfectly professional. Perfectly civil.

To Whom It May Concern:

My name is Emily Davis. If that sounds familiar, I wouldn’t be surprised. It’s been brought to my attention that you’re representing an author (one B. Winters, of The Mouth in the Frost) who is, without my express permission, selling a novel that includes a depiction of me.

That would be why my name sounds familiar to you: I, along with seven others, one of whom I know beyond a reasonable doubt is hiding behind the “B. Winters” pseudonym, survived what’s come to be known as “The Blackwood Pines Incident” back in 2015. You can only imagine how distraught I was to see The Mouth in the Frost trending, only to open it up and recognize myself as one of its main characters.

Again, I gave no one - especially not Ashley Brown (”B. Winters”) - permission or encouragement to use my likeness in something as disgusting as this book, and I certainly never waived any rights to be reimbursed for said usage of my likeness. I would like to be put in contact with the author’s legal team effective immediately such that we can get these wrinkles ironed out.

Best,

Emily Davis

She hit send, refreshed her phone to make sure she saw it show up in her Sent mailbox, and then furiously went about her day, overly aware of the weight of it in her front pocket.

***

A civil email it was. Oh, the civilest of emails! So civil it absolutely had him quaaaking in his chair, breaking out in a cold sweat and...

Pffft.

Yeah.

Sure.

Conrad Bishop was a lot of things (most of them unsavory), but easily cowed by angry internet messages? Yeah, not on the list. He’d done his time in XBox live rooms - he knew how to handle a little harassment thrown his way. Honestly, if this was the worst this Davis chick could dish out? He could handle her in his fucking sleep.

Still, just because it was in the contract and all, he kicked his feet up onto his desk and whipped his own phone out, hitting Wash’s speed dial.

“We got a biter!” He snickered, leaning further and further back in his chair, tempting gravity, inertia, and fate itself. “One of your Blackwood buddies is filling my inbox with crocodile tears. Whaddya want me to do about that?” And as Josh talked, he nodded, listening, a single dimple appearing to punctuate his smirk. “I mean, honestly, I think that’s letting her off a little easy, but...hey, you’re the bossman, Bossman, so you got it.”

He hung up (after double-checking the four of them were still on for that great steakhouse down the street tomorrow at eight, which of course they were because ever since the fucking Blackwood Incident, God help you if you got between Josh Washington and a slab of still-bleeding meat), hit reply, and began what would become their favorite story to tell over drinks.

Miss Davis:

Thanks for your concern. However, as you can see clearly in the front matter of the aforementioned novel, your likeness was not used. Below you’ll find the passage I’m referring to.

“Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.“

But thank you for bringing this matter to my, and my client’s, attention! We love hearing from fans, after all.

Cheers

C. Bishop

And then, since he’d heard the story about a hundred times himself and knew Emily’s character arc through-and-through...well...he waited.

Like a kid on Christmas fucking Eve.

***

She was shaking from her toes to her fingertips as she read and reread the fucking message that slimeball had had the nerve to send her.

Did he think she was stupid?! Obviously the answer was yes, but still, this was fucking unacceptable. Did he have any idea what it had been like, being one of the “Blackwood kids” her whole life?! The scrutiny? The media attention? The endless side-eyes and whispering that followed her wherever she went?!

And this was how he was going to talk to her. This was how he was going to fucking talk to her, all because goddamn Ashley, of all people, had gotten into his ear?! No. Absolutely not. It would. Not. Stand.

Emily took a deep breath, steadied herself as best she could (which wasn’t, turns out, very well at all), and replied.

Good afternoon,

With all due respect, we both know that that is a hollow platitude put into the book to prevent we, the other victims of the Blackwood Incident, to have our say in the production and mass selling of this story. Since our last communication, it has been brought to me that there is not only a movie based on this story currently in production, but an ARG, and while I cannot claim to have any specific understanding of what the latter entails, what I do know is that this is not only disrespectful of my and the other victims’ stories, but it is, in fact, intellectual property theft.

I had asked to be put in contact with the author’s legal team, and I didn’t miss how you avoided answering that question. I will now not only ask again that you put me in contact with them, but that you also put me in contact with the legal team working with the film team (I’m going to go ahead and assume it’s a branch or subsidiary of Washington Pictures, Inc., since this is unquestionably Josh Washington’s project), and whoever is working with the ARG team (who I can only imagine would be Christopher Hartley’s associates). The sooner you put me in contact with these individuals’ legal counsel, or the individuals themselves, the sooner we can get this fixed and I can get out of your hair.

Thanks,

Emily Davis

And then, throwing her phone into her purse, she fumed.

***

When he called Wash that time, he actually got Hartley, which was a-okay by him. He’d gone and forgotten about Wash’s eye surgery because...well, because the guy was always having some kinda work done those days, wasn’t he? And truth be told, sometimes it was a relief to talk to Hartley instead.

The jokes he could live without, but at least he wasn’t always cracking wise about fucking his mom like Josh did.

“Yeah, I’m sure he told you about your Blackwood girly getting her panties all twisted up?” he asked, tossing a stress ball between his hands. “Emily?” He couldn’t help but snort at the reaction Chris had to that. “Yeah, so whatcha want me to say here? I gotta be honest with you, man...I think...I think I know what I wanna do, but full disclosure, it’s a real dick move, and since you guys are the ones who pay me to represent you as squeaky-clean as I can...” Conrad went quiet as he listened...and then grinned. “Yooou got it, Four-Eyes,” he beamed before hanging up.

He drafted his masterpiece.

Miss Davis:

I’m so sorry for any miscommunication that occurred between us! Unfortunately I’m not at liberty to give out my clients’ contact information (legal red tape, you know how it goes), but I think I have the next best thing. You’ll find attached a document that I think will be extremely helpful in “fixing” the situation, as you’ve said. Hope this helps!

Cheers,

C. Bishop

And because he knew it would drive her up the fucking wall (and because Hartley had laughed like a motherfucker when he suggested it), he copypasted the statement from his previous email into a Word doc and attached it.

Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

He couldn’t believe he was getting fucking paid to do this.

***

She was going to scream.

She was going to scream, and then she was going to reach through the screen of her phone and choke the life out of C. Bishop like she should’ve choked the life out of Ashley fucking Brown when she had the chance.

This shit was too much. She wasn’t eating right, she wasn’t sleeping right, every time she got a ping in her inbox, her stomach dropped like she was going to puke. This was dredging it all up again, every nasty detail, every shred of guilt and fear and anger and disdain she’d held the others in, and now this jerk - this asshole - had the audacity to play games with her?!

No. Absolutely fucking not.

He had no idea who the fuck he was up against.

Bishop.

This isn’t funny. This isn’t professional. All this is is wildly fucked up, and you and I both know that. Either stop printing these books, stop filming the goddamn movie, or - and here’s where it gets interesting for someone like you, I’d imagine - OR, you can start cutting checks to the rest of us for turning our lives into a shitty straight-to-Netflix feature. How about that?

If you think Josh Washington is the only person on Earth who can pay someone to cover his ass for him, you are sorely mistaken. You put me in contact with these leeches, or YOU will be hearing from MY legal counsel, and I’ll warn you right now, that’s not something you want.

CHEERS,

Emily Davis

***

He was going to piss his pants laughing. He was absolutely going to piss himself and work, and then what? Then he’d be the pisspants guy. Never live that down! God, this Emily chick was a piece of work, they’d been right about that.

That time, he didn’t even bother calling the creep squad up. Nah, they’d had their nice, cushy dinner already, and when Ash had heard about what was happening, oh, she’d told him what she wanted.

“She pushed me in front of those things,” she’d said, her expression a little too calm, a little too uncaring, “She would’ve let them get me. So hey. How about this...”

So what he did was drag and drop an image file into the message box.

Miss Davis:

the email read. And then, instead of any text, a high-definition photo of the book’s front matter:

Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Cheers,

C. Bishop

This was quickly turning out to be the best week of his life.

[aestheticallyunaesthetic17]

100 questions and answers

Who is your hero? Probably future me, i want to be able to grow up and be the better person that i hope they are, and the only way of knowing that is by making it happen.

If you could live anywhere, where would it be? New Zealand, Canada or USA. I lived in TX for 3 months and loved it there and I have family in NZ and Canada.

What is your biggest fear? Wasps, 100%. Not being stung but the way they look scares me.

What is your favorite family vacation? When we went to Krakow in Poland.

What would you change about yourself if you could? My skin color. I hate it so much.

What really makes you angry? People hating others or stopping others from being themselves.

What motivates you to work hard? To make future me happier than I am now.

What is your favorite thing about your career? I want to be in cabin crew, so probably the traveling.

What is your biggest complaint about your job? Being away from family.

What is your proudest accomplishment? Getting through the shit 2020 brought me without killing myself.

What is your child's proudest accomplishment? No kids rn.

What is your favorite book to read? Noughts and Crosses by Malorie Blackman

What makes you laugh the most? My boyfriend.

What was the last movie you went to? What did you think? Freaks. I was a bad movie, a little like the scary movies franchise. My friend was scared at parts which was super funny to watch

What did you want to be when you were small? An actor. Typical Leo ;)

What does your child want to be when he/she grows up? They can be anything they want to be.

If you could choose to do anything for a day, what would it be? Visit Edinburgh alone.

What is your favorite game or sport to watch and play? To watch, American Football. To play, archery.

Would you rather ride a bike, ride a horse, or drive a car? Drive a car, it's peaceful and warm. I would blast music.

What would you sing at Karaoke night? no idea.

What two radio stations do you listen to in the car the most? Heart and Capital

Which would you rather do: wash dishes, mow the lawn, clean the bathroom, or vacuum the house? Dishes or vacuum.

If you could hire someone to help you, would it be with cleaning, cooking, or yard work? Yard work!!!

If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be? Tandoori Prawn curry.

Who is your favorite author? Jacqueline Wilson or JK Rowling (only her books, not her)

Have you ever had a nickname? What is it? Just Em. But id like to be called Millie.

Do you like or dislike surprises? Why or why not? Depends on the surprise tbh, I like to plan a lot.

In the evening, would you rather play a game, visit a relative, watch a movie, or read? Watch a movie.

Would you rather vacation in Hawaii or Alaska, and why? Hawaii. I was meant to go this year but covid and leaving the US fucked it up.

Would you rather win the lottery or work at the perfect job? And why? Work the perfect job, id get bored sitting around all day.

Who would you want to be stranded with on a deserted island? my boyfriend.

If money was no object, what would you do all day? Travel and see the world.

If you could go back in time, what year would you travel to? 2012. To see my Nana again.

How would your friends describe you? Stupid.

What are your hobbies? Traveling, photography, music and shopping.

What is the best gift you have been given? Forgiveness from myself.

What is the worst gift you have received? Sixe XXL jacket when im an XS

Aside from necessities, what one thing could you not go a day without? My macbook.

List two pet peeves. - Breaking trust - Bad table manners

Where do you see yourself in five years? Hopefully working my dream job, maybe moved to a different country and traveling the world.

How many pairs of shoes do you own? too many, roughly 16

If you were a super-hero, what powers would you have? Invisibility or teleportation.

What would you do if you won the lottery? build my own house

What form of public transportation do you prefer? (air, boat, train, bus, car, etc.) Train, its so relaxing. Then planes.

What's your favorite zoo animal? Lions or tigers.

If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be? My time in America.

If you could share a meal with any 4 individuals, living or dead, who would they be? - My nana - my bf - Princess Diana - Obama

How many pillows do you sleep with? 4, two on each side.

What's the longest you've gone without sleep (and why)? 26 hours, traveling to Texarkana from Edinburgh.

What's the tallest building you've been to the top in? Idk tbh

Would you rather trade intelligence for looks or looks for intelligence? looks for intelligence because then you can earn enough for plastic surgery.

How often do you buy clothes? 1/2 a month

Have you ever had a secret admirer? Idk I guess so.

What's your favorite holiday? Summer vacation Christmas for an actual holiday

What's the most daring thing you've ever done? Moved half way across the world and lived with strangers.

What was the last thing you recorded on TV? Nothing

What was the last book you read? 1984

What's your favorite type of foreign food? Indian

Are you a clean or messy person? Both, but relatively clean

Who would you want to play you in a movie of your life? Millie Bobbie Brown probably

How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 1 hour

What kitchen appliance do you use every day? Kettle

What's your favorite fast food chain? Chick fil A (i know, i cant buy it now tho)

What's your favorite family recipe? Nana's bacon and egg pie

Do you love or hate rollercoasters? LOVE

What's your favorite family tradition? Opening gifts on Christmas Eve

What is your favorite childhood memory? I dunno really, Ive forgotten a lot of my childhood.

What's your favorite movie? Ferris Bueller's Day Off or Beautiful Boy

How old were you when you learned Santa wasn't real? How did you find out? Probably 7/8 but I dont remember.

Is your glass half full or half empty? Half empty.

What's the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of love? Said i'd come back one day.

What three items would you take with you on a deserted island? A boat and food. Yes i am that person.

What was your favorite subject in school? Scottish school, geography. US school, government.

What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten? Haggis

Do you collect anything? Foreign coins

Is there anything you wished would come back into fashion? Skinny jeans, my ass looks gooood in them

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert that likes being sociable

Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest? hearing

Have you ever had a surprise party? (that was an actual surprise) nope

Are you related or distantly related to anyone famous? my dad is well know in the whisky business. Has his own prime tv show

What do you do to keep fit? Walk a lot and swim.

Does your family have a “motto” – spoken or unspoken? nope

If you were ruler of your own country what would be the first law you would introduce? everyone is equal.

Who was your favorite teacher in school and why? Scottish School, my geo teacher. US school, my english teacher.

What three things do you think of the most each day? My bf, my mum and America

If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Sad, angry and anxious

What song would you say best sums you up? 17 again

What celebrity would you like to meet at Starbucks for a cup of coffee? Timothee Chalamet or Tom Holland

Who was your first crush? a boy called Finlay who i rode the bus with

What's the most interesting thing you can see out of your office or kitchen window? sheep or cows very often

On a scale of 1-10 how funny would you say you are? 5

Where do you see yourself in 10 years? kids, married, settled down and happy. moved countries 100%

What was your first job? never had one

If you could join any past or current music group which would you want to join? 5sos

How many languages do you speak? 1 - english

What is your favorite family holiday tradition? opening gifts on Christmas Eve

Who is the most intelligent person you know? my mum

If you had to describe yourself as an animal, which one would it be? a cat probably or a tiger

What is one thing you will never do again? trust people fully

Who knows you the best? my bf.

[sickhumor]

Redneck taglines

Back in the late 1980s - early 1990s, telecommunications took place over telephone lines and communal computing existed mostly on Bulletin Board Systems (before the WWW). It wasn’t uncommon to sign off a message or an email with what was called a “tagline” - usually a one-line expression of good wishes - or a joke. Here’s a compilation of redneck taglines I saved from a BBS listing posted in 1994.

...URA Redneck if your dad walks you to school because he's in the same grade.

...URA Redneck if directions to your house include, "Turn off paved road.”

...URA Redneck if after making love you ask to roll down the car window.

...URA Redneck if Jack Daniels makes your list of admired people.

...URA Redneck if less than half the cars you own run.

...URA Redneck if Redman Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card.

...URA Redneck if the primary color of your car is bondo.

...tRA Redneck if the taillight covers on your car are made of tape.

...URA Redneck if there's a wasp nest in your living room.

...URA Redneck if truckers tell your wife to watch her language.

...URA Redneck if you answer the door with a baseball bat in your hand.

...URA Redneck if you can have sex without spilling your beer.

...URA Redneck if you can't visit relatives without your car getting muddy.

...URA Redneck if you come back from the dump with more than you took.

...URA Redneck if you consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.

...URA Redneck if you consider a family reunion a chance to meet women.

...URA Redneck if you drove to elementary school.

...URA Redneck if you entertain with tapes of championship bowling.

...URA Redneck if you entertain yourself for an hour with a fly swatter.

...URA Redneck if you entertain yourself for an hour with a bug zapper.

...URA Redneck if you've ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.

...URA Redneck if you get an estimate from the barber to cut your hair.

...URA Redneck if you get Odor-Eaters as a Christmas present.

...URA Redneck if you get your oil changed by your barber.

...URA Redneck if you had to remove the Marlboro to kiss the bride.

...URA Redneck if you have "dress" boots.

...URA Redneck if you have a civil war chess set.

...URA Redneck if you have a Hefty Bag instead of a passenger window.

...URA Redneck if you have a picture of Elvis on velvet in plain sight.

...URA Redneck if you have a velvet bedspread.

...URA Redneck if you have any relatives named Elmer or Jed.

...URA Redneck if you have more appliances in the yard than in the house.

...URA Redneck if you have more than twelve dogs on your porch.

...URA Redneck if you have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

...URA Redneck if you have to move the transmission to take a bath.

..,URA Redneck if you hold a frog and *it* worries about getting warts.

...URA Redneck if you keep your thermostat on 85 in the winter.

...URA Redneck if you own a homemade fur coat.

...URA Redneck if you own more TVs than books.

...URA Redneck if you prefer car keys to Q-tips.

...URA Redneck if you quit your job to avoid paying child support.

...URA Redneck if you record WWF Wrestling while you're at work.

...URA Redneck if you skipped school in the 8th grade to vote.

.,,URA Redneck if you think BMW is the call letters for a radio station.

...URA Redneck if you think cow tipping should be an Olympic sport.

...URA Redneck if you think Ernest is funny.

...URA Redneck if you think Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

...URA Redneck if you use more than one can of hairspray per week.

...URA Redneck if you voted Tammy Bakker as "Year's Best Dressed Woman".

...URA Redneck if you want to be a disc jockey when you grow up.

...URA Redneck if you've been arrested for getting relief in an ice machine.

...URA Redneck if you're entertained by a 6 pack and a bug zapper.

...URA Redneck if you're holding a beer in your wedding picture.

...URA Redneck if you're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.

...URA Redneck if you've ever BBQ'd Spam on the grill.

...URA Redneck if you've ever bought a used cap.

...URA Redneck if you've ever cut your grass and found a car.

...URA Redneck if you've ever given rat traps as a gift.

...URA Redneck if you've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

...URA Redneck if you've ever rolled your riding lawn mower.

...URA Redneck if you've ever shot a deer from inside your house.

...URA Redneck if you've ever used lard in bed.

...URA Redneck if you've ever vacationed in a rest area.

...URA Redneck if you've ever worn a cowboy hat to church.

...URA Redneck if you've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

...URA Redneck if you've never paid for a haircut.

...URA Redneck if you've spray painted your girl's name on an overpass.

...URA Redneck if you've worn something to church having sequins on it.

...URA Redneck if your all-time favorite movie is "Cannonball Run".

...URA Redneck if your appearance got you fired from a construction job.

...URA Redneck if your baby's favorite teething ring is a garden hose.

...URA Redneck if your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers".

...URA Redneck if your belt buckle is heavier than 4 lbs.

...URA Redneck if your best suit is a Budweiser cap and an orange vest.

...URA Redneck if your brother-in-law is also your uncle.

...URA Redneck if your bumper sticker says "My other car is a combine".

...URA Redneck if your car has never had a full tank of gas.

...URA Redneck if your car's rear tires are twice as wide as the front.

...URA Redneck if your chain to your wallet is as big as your dog chain.

...URA Redneck if your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

,..URA Redneck if your dog can smoke a cigarette.

...URA Redneck if your dog sleeps closer to you than your wife does.

...URA Redneck if your father is in the same grade as you.

...URA Redneck if your father made your personalized license plate.

...URA Redneck if your favorite Chinese meal comes from "LaChoy".

...URA Redneck if your first grandchild is born on your 26th birthday.

...URA Redneck if your funeral has more pickup trucks than cars.

...URA Redneck if your Home library is a Bible and the Farmers' Almanac.

...URA Redneck if your home needs a hitch.

...URA Redneck if your house warming involves removing the tires.

...URA Redneck if your idea of health food is pork rinds.

...URA Redneck if your kid takes a siphon hose to "Show & Tell".

...URA Redneck if your kids are described as "dumb as a brick".

...URA Redneck if your Levi's have Skoal can prints on the pockets.

...URA Redneck if your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

...URA Redneck if your living room sofa is covered by a foam backed throw.

.,.URA Redneck if your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.

..,URA Redneck if your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

...URA Redneck if your neighbors have ever asked to borrow the lightbulb,

...URA Redneck if your pocket knife's been referred to as "Exhibit A",

...URA Redneck if your porch collapses and kills more than seven dogs.

,.,URA Redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

...URA Redneck if your sister subscribes to "Soldier of Fortune" magazine.

...URA Redneck if your truck cost more than your house.

...URA Redneck if your wedding looks more like a family reunion.

...URA Redneck if your wife ever burned out an electric razor.

..,URA Redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

..,URA Redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

...URA Redneck if your wife's best shoes have steel toes.

...URA Redneck if your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.

...URA Redneck if your will states all your possessions be sold at auction.

...URA Redneck if your 9x9 living room has a Spanish décor.

...Redneck foreplay: (Nudge) "Are you awake?"

...Redneck foreplay: "Get in the truck, bitch."

[gryfon-spanish-werewolf]

Uuh dunno if you would like this prompt : Anna and Elsa as a mythical creatures.

Would love too see what you will write them as ^^

@like-redhead-probably I sat thinking about this ask for a long time, because while I IMMEDIATELY thought of one for Elsa, Anna’s absolutely eluded me. And I know you were probably looking for a story, but I am unable to stop myself from first EXPLAINING my choices xD

I was already thinking about the myth of the Hulder (or huldra if we’re speaking of the creature in general instead of the specific Norwegian myth) for other story-related reasons, and as I did more research, I felt like the Hulder REALLY shared similarities with Elsa.

Generally speaking the huldra is a Scandinavian myth of a pale skinned, blonde or brown haired, attractive young woman who lives in the wilderness, often luring men away with song or dance to be killed or misled, stuck wandering forever. Sometimes she’s connected strongly to water, and instead of making men lost, she drowns them. Sometimes she is described as similar to an elf or fey-like creature, with characteristics related to other Huldufolk (we’ll get to them later) such as living in a parallel world, or a world Underground, and therefore preferring caves or appearing and disappearing suddenly. Sometimes she is depicted as having a hollow back, or a cow’s tail, which she hides out of embarrassment or to conceal her true identity. Which… how cute is that?

Before the 11th century, the myths were focussed more around the Huldufolk, which literally means “Hidden Folk”. There are lots of stories as to why and how the Huldufolk came to exist, but for the purpose of Elsa I think it most appropriate to look at the Christianization of the myths. Why?:

Frozen and Frozen 2 are modern movies made by an American company and Christianity is nigh untanglable with American culture, they take place in ~1840s Norway, F1 has a dedicated place of Christian congregation depicted in said movie, an official royal crowning overseen by a Christian faith leader, and the adaptation of Frozen generally comes from author Hans Christian Anderson and therefore should take his life and society into account, etc.

The Christianized myth says that one day Eve was washing her children (presumably after Cain, Abel, and Seth) in the river, when she heard God approaching. Ashamed that He would see her kids unclean, she hid the half she wasn’t done bathing, and when God asked, “Where are the other children?” Eve claimed that she had all of them present, indicating the clean ones. This gave God pause, but in the end He said, “Then let all that is Hidden, remain Hidden.” The children that Eve lied about became the Huldufolk, unable to live among humans. These people would eventually become characterized as dwarves, elves, fairies, etc., as time and interpretations rolled on, the huldra being just one of many mythical “species”.

So. Who is Elsa? She’s a:

fictional, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, fair-skinned young woman who led thousands of men wlw to wander helplessly into the dark caves and wildlands of social media with a power ballad and a jaw-dropping transformation sequence

Okay I’m joking… mostly…

In fact my interest in choosing the Hulder for Elsa lies purely outside of any romantic or sexual appeal, especially since Elsa as a character exhibits next to 0 romantic or sexual interest across two whole movies and an additional two shorts. Indeed, there’s a reason people headcanon her as either asexual, aromantic, or both! No, the reasons I chose the Hulder are:

Elsa’s name

Her upbringing

Her duty as queen, and

Her general behavior, specifically in regards to Frozen 1, as Frozen 2 Elsa is, at times, an almost completely different character

Elsa’s name was chosen very specifically by the filmmakers because it means “God is my Oath”. Oaths are binding, heavy, and invoke the maker’s or subject’s actions and personhood in the future. In Elsa’s case specifically, it invokes divine witness: perfect for a queen, someone born to rule. A promise to be fair, to uphold, to protect, to lead, to be a dignified and honorable face for the country. And Elsa was so ready to be that… except for the powers of course. Or at least, when they became something other than a magical gift of wonder and joy. When they became dangerous. Then there comes another oath, spoken to powerful creatures of magic, the Trolls, and born from parental fear: “She can learn to control it.”

Binding, heavy, invoking of Elsa’s future. As she grows, Elsa becomes closed off, quiet, hiding in her own home. She still takes her duties seriously, but now that she has been Other’d, taught to hide herself and her curse, she is just as much shadow as person. To young Anna, Elsa must have been almost ghostlike, disappearing right when Anna thought she’d cornered her, only to reappear sometime later down the hall, out of arm’s reach.

God promised Adam and Eve that their children would inherit the earth, even after leaving the Garden of Eden. Then suddenly that changed, due to Eve’s fear and shame of her unwashed children, and some would now inherit Underground, or somewhere else entirely. The lost children of Eve had become Other’d, needing to hide, disappear, and resort to inhuman tactics just to exist. Maybe they’re jealous, maybe they're just tricksters. But it’s not their fault. And it wasn’t Elsa’s either. Another reason they are similar.

Now, it’s not all doom and gloom for the Hulder, or for Elsa. While the Hulder is generally known for her more chaotic and negative attributes - just like our favorite snow queen, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. There are a few myths that say burning a charcoal fire -instead of a coal or gas one- is most pleasing to the Hulder, that she’ll even watch over it during the night, and wake the sleepers in case something happens. If a traveler leaves supplies behind with a note or offering for the Hulder, they will travel safely. In fact, some people leave caches for her, as though to cater to specific requests. Coming across the Hulder by chance can have a multitude of outcomes, but if an astute observer spots her cow tail and mentions it, she may become shy and run away. Don’t mention the empty back though, that’s almost certain death.

Basically my point is… trade out the word “traveler” for the name “Anna” and we can draw all the similarities we want. Anna did all of those things, in a way. Anna gave Elsa a little gift of their favorite snowman every Christmas. Anna knocked on Elsa’s door and spoke to her, treated her kindly despite the distance between them, literal and metaphorical. It’s not hard to imagine that Anna left little notes around the castle, hoping Elsa would find them, read them, and know that Anna still loved her, still missed her. And, well, hopefully Anna wasn’t setting any fires and falling asleep next to them - but Anna always kept a light on for Elsa, in her heart. And it flickered and wavered sometimes, but it was a strong fire most days. And we know Elsa was always drawn to it, drawn to Anna because she loved her right back. Loved her first, even. And because it was a warmth that pleased Elsa, she tended it, quietly, carefully, warmly. Like putting a blanket over an Anna that had fallen asleep in the painting room, refusing that slice of chocolate cake so Anna could have two desserts, and listening, for hours and hours, days and days, for the sound of Anna’s glorious bonfire-like soul outside her bedroom door. Even when her secret was revealed, Elsa believed that the best way to protect Anna’s life, her flame, was to distance herself, running to a secret, special place all her own - much like the Hulder might run away back to the Underground.

And this last part’s just me, but I’d like to think that if the Hulder was treated kindly, respected, and given dignity, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if someone came across her accidentally. That instead of being instantly drowned, or the Hulder becoming sheepish and attempting to run, it would feel recognized. It could be called by name. And instead of feeling the need to hide it’s Otherness, it could be treated as part of it, and cared for just the same. I don’t even need to be subtle here: Anna called Elsa by Name, really saw her, and reframed her darkness into light. Anna hasn’t fought God yet, but she did walk through hell and back for a sister that everyone else saw as a threat, monster, and sorcerer. A category 9 Other. Too bad for them, Anna’s got a Category 10 heart.

Speaking of. We finally got to Anna.

Anna was difficult to pin down because to me, Anna is so very, very human. That’s what makes her special! Yes, yes, you could throw any mythical creature at Anna and the fun part would be trying to make it work within her personality and characterization BUT since the question was Anna AS a mythical creature, that changes the game! The word ‘creature’ itself tends to conjure something distinctly INhuman. So I…. tried, and cheated maybe a little. Because I picked for Anna the Norse Valkyrie.

Most people know what Valkyries are so this one takes significantly less explaining. Valkyries are women that are warriors, shieldmaidens, and the hands of Odin, and they choose who lives and who dies during battle. Their chosen dead ride with them to Valhalla, while those they choose to live are usually granted honors in life. There are the darker sides of Valkyries that paint them as blood hungry maidens waiting on the sidelines before a war, singing the names of who will die with glee… but generally speaking the version of Valkyries that most people know and admire today are accurate! And thank goodness because attempting to depict Anna the other way would probably give me an ulcer.

Anna, much like the Valkyries, is a woman of valor and strength, who is perceptive, guides others, sees into people’s hearts and reveals their goodness. Valkyries are also warriors of prowess themselves, and Anna in Frozen 2 with that ice sword? We all know she was ready to use that for real. She also exemplifies traits that Valkyries both look for and have! Bravery in the face of danger: hello Marshmallow, Elsa’s own blizzard, Hans’ lethal sword strike, LIVING MOUNTAINS, and a damn collapsing.... dam. She also defends those who cannot do it themselves: saying publicly that, “My sister is not a monster… she was scared, she didn’t mean any of this,” even if that cast suspicion or doubt on herself, and the crown, as a whole. Anna knew and believed in Elsa, despite all the years and heartbreak and anger. Despite the impossible magic that literally just happened before her very eyes. Belief in character, despite appearances. And once they were reunited, Anna made every effort to stay by Elsa’s side because she STILL had that faith in her. Anna’s name means “Grace” or “of Grace”, and damn if she didn’t extend that to the person others found most unworthy, even to Elsa herself. Valkyries see what others don’t, and their decisions are final.

[Deep breath] SO! You asked for Anna and Elsa as mythical creatures. You got… a small academic paper, by social media standards xD. I intend to write a little piece about a Valkyrie who encounters the Hulder on the edges of a battlefield and… realizes she never made a choice about this particular woman. And wonders why she can’t ;). BUT I didn’t wanna leave you hanging any longer. Hope you like my choices!

Oh also, nobody asked, but Kristoff is a werebear. No research required

[theyearoftheking]

Book Sixty-Two: Full Dark, No Stars

“Come 2030, only the rats will be happy.” 

Constant Readers know I consider Steve’s novellas to be the strongest of his works. It’s his sweet spot, and Full Dark, No Stars is absolutely no exception. These dark, twisty stories knocked me on my ass. Truly. They even inspired me to do something I never do... turn to the interwebs to get insight. I knew these four stories had something in common... they were bound by some theme I couldn’t quite put my finger on. 

Well, according to Wikipedia, that theme is retribution. If you had asked me, I would have guessed rats. Because every damn story seems to include some cringeworthy scene involving rats. I just can’t handle them. Despite my beloved Sarah Silverman recently saying on her podcast that rats are just an uglier version of squirrels. Maybe I’m too much of a midwestern girl- give me the damn squirrels any day. 

But back to retribution! This is the darkest, dirtiest collection of stories about retribution I’ve ever come across. Trigger warnings abound: rape, violent murder, and rats. 

Here’s the requisite list of Easter eggs before I get into the stories:

“Chap in the belly”- which was a phrase we read countless times during Susannah’s pregnancy in The Dark Tower

“Happy Crappy”

Derry: with additional nods to The Barrens and Bill Denbrough’s mom 

Juniper Hill

“Long Days and Pleasant Nights”

“Fall of the Towers” 

Heminford Home, Nebraska: I can’t take any credit for this one, Wikipedia helped me with this Easter egg. But- this is Mother Abagail’s (The Stand) hometown; and it’s also where Ben Hanscom (It) moves when he’s all grown up. 

The first story is 1922; and heavily influenced by Edgar Allen Poe. With a side of rats. The story is written in the form of a letter from Wilfred James, confessing to the murder of his wife, Arlette James. They had some disagreements about whether or not to sell their farm, and he solved the issue by killing her and throwing her body in a well. Their son, Henry was an accomplice to the murder, and the letter details Henry’s subsequent downhill slide after witnessing his mother’s murder. The most graphic part of the entire story is a rat ripping the udder off one of the cows. I just cringed. So much cringing. But it’s got atmosphere for days. 

The second story is Big Driver; and I think it’s the most disturbing thing I’ve ever read by Steve. Tess, the author of the Willow Grove Knitting Society series accepts a last-minute speaking invitation from Ramona Norville at the Chicopee Public Library. As she’s leaving the event, Ramona gives Tess a short cut to keep her off the highway. Tess ends up with a flat tire, and the good Samaritan who ends up stopping to help her change her flat, violently rapes her, and leaves her for dead. Trigger warning: it’s a graphic story. Tess doesn’t want to bother calling the police; so she takes justice into her own hands. After some internet research, she finds out Ramona is actually the mother of the man who raped her, and she may or may not have intentionally sent Tess on the alternate route. Tess refuses to be a victim, and takes care of business. It’s bloody, but she gets hers in the end. 

Third up is Fair Extension; which is the most honest of all the stories. It’s human nature to hate when good things happen to people we don’t deem worthy. But what if you had the opportunity to reverse another person’s luck? Would you do it? Would you pay for it? How would you feel sitting back and watching one bad thing after another happen to this individual? Would that honestly make you feel better about your life? 

Finally, we have A Good Marriage. This is the story that every single true crime documentary and Dateline special is based on... how well do we really know the people in our lives? Do you think you could be married to a murderer? Where are they hiding the evidence? Steve actually based this story off the Dennis Rader, the BTK Killer. That’s Bind, Torture, Kill for all you non-murderinos out there. I mean... just look at this dude... does he scream serial killer; or bored, suburban dad?

 This was my personal favorite in the collection, but they’re all delightfully dark in their own way.

We even had a Wisconsin mention! Steve based 1922 on a book called Wisconsin Death Trip, which included photos from Black River Falls. Steve was impressed with the isolation in both the geography and the individuals. I’ve spent a decent amount of time in Black River Falls: it has a large rest stop which I have visited and enjoyed many a lunch on my way back from northern Wisconsin. I have enjoyed the views of the falls (yes! actual falls!) and the large moose at the truck stop. FYI: the book is out of print, but you can get copies on Amazon for about $31. I know what’s going on my Christmas list this year!!

Total Wisconsin Mentions: 41

Total Dark Tower References: 59

Book Grade: A+

Rebecca’s Definitive Ranking of Stephen King Books

The Talisman: A+

Wizard and Glass: A+

Under the Dome: A+

Needful Things: A+

On Writing: A+

The Green Mile: A+

Hearts in Atlantis: A+

Full Dark, No Stars: A+

Rose Madder: A+

Misery: A+

Different Seasons: A+

It: A+

Four Past Midnight: A+

Stephen King Goes to the Movies: A+

The Shining: A-

The Stand: A-

Bag of Bones: A-

Duma Key: A-

Black House: A-

The Wastelands: A-

The Drawing of the Three: A-

The Dark Tower: A-

Dolores Claiborne: A-

Nightmares in the Sky: B+

The Dark Half: B+

Skeleton Crew: B+

The Dead Zone: B+

Nightmares & Dreamscapes: B+

Wolves of the Calla: B+

‘Salem’s Lot: B+

Song of Susannah: B+

Carrie: B+

Creepshow: B+

From a Buick 8: B

The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon: B

The Colorado Kid: B-

Storm of the Century: B-

Everything’s Eventual: B-

Cycle of the Werewolf: B-

Danse Macabre: B-

The Running Man: C+

Cell: C+

Thinner: C+

Dark Visions: C+

The Eyes of the Dragon: C+

The Long Walk: C+

The Gunslinger: C+

Pet Sematary: C+

Firestarter: C+

Rage: C

Desperation: C-

Insomnia: C-

Cujo: C-

Nightshift: C-

Faithful: D

Gerald’s Game: D

Roadwork: D

Lisey’s Story: D

Christine: D

Dreamcatcher: D

The Regulators: D

The Tommyknockers: D

Next is 11/22/63; which I have read and loved. I also really enjoyed the series on Hulu as well, and James Franco does an excellent job as Jake Epping. And he’s easy to look at. So there’s that. 

Until next time, Long Days & Pleasant Nights,

Rebecca

[workofmark]

when your bestfriend only sees you as a friend - mark lee

[a/n: hiii this is my first sort of angst back so i hope it doesn’t suck too much. please let me know what you think of it!] [a/n pt 2: hey fari, remember when you cussed at me in our dms? this ones for you! @zhengtongue]/ master list

We’ve been friends for years, her and I. It was just a typical friendship when it started out. We had the same math class in middle school and the two of us just sort of...clicked. And though I wasn’t worthy of her time, she gave me all of the time in the world.

We continued to be friends all throughout middle school. We hung out often. Her parents even invited me to go with them on a week long trip to a farm that her grandparents’ had owned. That summer, our lips were stained red from strawberries, hair as wild as the wind, doubled over every second of the day with laughter, sleeping with the fireflies, sun kissed, happy. It’s a summer I’ll never forget. A summer neither of us will. A summer that frequents our late night conversations with questions like “Mark, remember when you tried to milk that cow and totally cried?” or “Mark, remember when we swam in the pond all day long and were shriveled up like raisins for days afterwards?” or “Mark, remember when we spent the entire night counting the stars?”

But there’s one question that has never made it into our late night conversations. A question that keeps me up until the crack of dawn.

“YN, remember when I was pushing you on that old tire swing and you stopped, leaned out and kissed me?”

No. She’ll never bring that up again. And I won’t either.

Because that’s what happens when your best friend only sees you a friend.

The summer ends as quickly as ice cream melts on a long day. We enter high school that year. We start to find out more about ourselves that year.

She joins the volleyball team, I join the music club. She goes to all of my recitals, I go to all of her games. We’re each other’s biggest fans. She and I...we’re best friends and everybody knows that.

But we have our own friends too.

I have Haechan from music club, she has Jisoo from volleyball. I have Johnny from forth period, she has Jieqiong from seventh period. I have Jaehyun from the youth center that I play basketball at afterschool and she has...

She has Lee Taeyong.

And I see that way she looks at him.

Lee Taeyong is our student body president - a junior. He’s tall, smart and handsome. He sometimes oversees the music club when our president, Ten, is out. He’s part of the mathletes, a teacher’s favorite, does the morning announcements, best friends with the principal, number one in class rankings from his year, captain of our dance team and volunteers at the animal shelter on the weekend.

His parents must be so proud of him.

That’s why it’s no surprise to see the way her eyes light up when they accidentally crash into each other in the hall, sending her papers flying like some cliché high school drama. I help out too, of course, but all of her attention seems to be on him. I watch her cheeks flush bright pink and the way she stumbles over her words like she always does when she’s nervous. She pushes her hair back behind her ear and apologizes once more.

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Taeyong says, smiling gently at her. His persona now is completely different than when he’s on the stage. His eyes are softer, more welcoming. Nothing like the hard glare he gets when he dances. “You’re YN. Right?” I can see her eyes flash with confusion. How does Lee Taeyong know my name? she’s asking herself. He helps her to her feet (while I push myself up off the ground) and says, “You’re friends with Jisoo. She talks about you to me.”

She makes a noise - a squeak almost. “What does she say?”

Taeyong chuckles. “All good things,” he says. “She says that you’re really into movies.”

And that was the first time I lost her.

Her and Taeyong start to date a little over a month after that incident. They’re the talk of the town. She’s known for how well she plays volleyball, she’s known for how kind hearted she is, she’s knows for her intelligence, she’s known for being the perfect match for Taeyong.

I see her less and less. I assure her that it’s okay. I tell her that if I were in a relationship, I would be doing the same thing and would hope she were as understanding as I was. But one too many times, she blows me off for Taeyong and I’m at Johnny’s house, crying over a tub of ice cream.

“Well Mark,” he says, “if you were going to be this heartbroken over her, then you should’ve just asked her out in the first place. You fumbled the ball there, bud. Now there’s nothing left you can do.”

It hurts. I know Johnny is coming from a good place but it still hurts.

It hurts because it’s true. I did fumble the ball. I could’ve asked her out so many times. I could’ve asked why she kissed me that summer so many times. I could’ve done so much but I was so scared of losing my best friend that I decided to just shove my feelings down my throat and let them stop the words from leaving my mouth.

It’s my own fault. And I know that.

But even if I am hurting, I’m still her best friend. I still should help her pick out her outfits for her next date with Taeyong and I should still help her try to find the perfect gift for him for Christmas and I should still be there for her when she lets me. Because even though I may not be her person, she’s still mine.

Yes. She’s still my person.

It’s a little after Taeyong’s graduation when she tells me of their decision.

“We’re breaking up.“ Her eyes are solemn as she says that, kicking the gravel under her feet as she rocks back and forth on the swing at our neighborhood playground. “He’s going to the states to study and doesn’t want me to stay here and wait for him. It’s for the better.”

And just like that, their two years together are down the drain and she’s here with me again.

We spend another summer together that year. This time, we take the long way home. We’re still kids and we’ll be entering our senior year that next year so we decide to spend this summer to our fullest.

“You’re never gonna know what’ll happen next summer. This is the last summer we’re gonna have together before college, Mark. I want to spend it with you.”

Of course the words make me as sad as they do happy. She’s right. Even though we are both applying for the same college, you never do know what will happen after high school ends.

So we spend the entire summer at pools and at the old park we used to play at when we were young. We go bowling and to the movies and blow our allowances on arcade games and photo booths. We spend almost every day together. Our parents don’t see us all day long and come back late at night. They know not to look for us. We always find our way back home.

We always find our way back to each other.

“If it’s meant to be, then it’ll be Mark,” Jungwoo, my next door neighbor, tells me one night after dinner. I had accidentally ranted about my feelings for her after he commented on our framed picture on my nightstand. “Don’t worry too much about it, yeah?”

And then we chow down on snacks and play video games - content.

Because if it’s meant to be, then it’ll be.

And then, before I know it, we’re both on the road, off to college.

College brings stress.

With that, college brings outlets to relieve stress. While college brought me a new guitar and hours in the studio, college brought her Lucas.

Lucas Huang.

He’s a barista at the coffee shop she really seems to like (but now I’m not sure if she liked it for the coffee or because of him).

Lucas is kind, from what my classmate, Jaemin, tells me. He’s a freshman, like us. He’s kind of an airhead but his heart is in the right place. He’s on a basketball scholarship. He comes from a poor family but was blessed with amazing athletic abilities that lead him to receive a full ride to the college we attended. He’s humble. He’s nice.

He makes YN’s heart pound.

They have math class together and he asks her to tutor him.

“But you suck at math,” I laugh as she glares at me over her drink.

“Yeah but Yukhei doesn’t know that,” she snorts.

“Yukhei?” I repeat.

She sighs, as if she’s offended that I didn’t know who the hell Yukhei was. “Lucas,” she grumbles. “Now if you excuse me, I’m late for tutoring.”

“Whatever,” I roll my eyes as she gets up from the table and leaves to the library.

And then it’s like...all she can ever talk about to me is Yukhei. Yukhei this or Yukhei that. Yukhei, Yukhei, Yukhei.

Yukhei who is sooo good at basketball. Yukhei who smells sooo good. Yukhei who is sooo cool. Yukhei who is sooo funny. Yukhei, Yukhei, Yukhei-

“Enough already, dammit!” I snap at her. Maybe I was irritated because I hadn’t slept in two days. Maybe I was annoyed because I had a raging headache from downing coffee after coffee to keep me from falling asleep. Maybe I was hurt because my person was once more, falling for someone who wasn’t me. “I don’t give a damn about Wong Yukhei, YN! And if that’s all you came here to discuss with me then go back to your stupid dorm! I invited you here to make sure you eat! Not to hear about how head over heels you are for that- that- that airhead!”

She huffs, standing up so abruptly that I almost spill my takeout. “I don’t know what your problem is Mark but you had no right to snap at me like that,” she crosses her arms.

“If you knew my problem, you’d understand why I’m acting this way,” I mutter under my breath.

“I’m leaving,” she says, gathering her things from around me just as I notice little raindrops beginning to pelt against the window.

“Hey,” I stop her at the door. “You forgot this.” I throw my umbrella her way and see the way her face softens just a bit.

“Text me when you’re done throwing your fit,” she tells me.

“Don’t count on it,” I reply as I lazily shut the door.

Doyoung, my roommate, laughs as I throw myself down on the bed.

“It truly pains me to watch you, Mark. It truly does,” he says.

“I’m going to sleep. Enjoy your food, hyung. Don’t wake me up until she’s done with her Yukhei phase.”

And I fall asleep.

The next time I wake up, it’s to a body squishing itself between me and the wall. I open my eyes and see a familiar head of hair. I turn to see if Doyoung is home but he isn’t - probably out for the night with his friends like always.

“YN?” I push her hair back. “What’s wrong?”

”I’m an idiot,” she mutters, face flush against my chest. “He has a girlfriend back in China, Mark. A whole ass girlfriend who he’s very loyal to and who he calls all the time and who he loves. And he only told me that after I confessed. What the fuck! I’m a big idiot.”

“Hey, don’t say that. You didn’t know,” I soothe her, sitting up. I reach over and grab the water bottle off the nightstand, thrusting it her way. “If it’s meant to be, then it’ll be.”

She takes a sip after sitting up herself before screwing the cap back on, and leans against the wall. “Yeah. I guess.”

“What?” I know that look. I’ve seen it plenty of times. That look when she wants to say something but isn’t sure if she wants to say it. “YN, just say it.”

“It’s just...what you said to me,” she shrugs.

“What about it?”

“Well,” she says. “What if there’s something that you want, something that you want so badly that you feel like it’s meant to be but in the end, it isn’t? Then what?”

I shrug, too choked up by everything to say anything. It’s suddenly too hot in here and I can’t breathe.

“Like, haven’t you ever liked someone so much and swore you were meant for that person but in the end, you weren’t meant for them?” she asks. I swear she’s doing this on purpose. My palms begin to sweat the more she speaks. “Like...isn’t that just sad? Loving someone who you know wouldn’t ever love you back in that way?”

“Yeah, sucks.” Those are the only words I can manage, my throat too dry for much else. I take the water from her and gulp down half of the bottle in a single take.

“Mark? You okay?” she asks.

“What? Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

I nod. “Yeah, let’s just go to bed. I haven’t slept in days,” I remind her before throwing myself down onto the pillow.

She resumes her previous position of having her head on my chest and plays with one of the strings on my hoodie. If she can feel my heart pounding, she doesn’t mention it. Instead, she sighs and says, “Thanks for this, Mark. You’re gonna make somebody very lucky someday, you know?”

I bite my lip. “YN?” She hums in response. “Can I ask you something?” Her eyes flutter up at me, expectantly waiting for me to continue. “Do you think...do you think that it’s okay for two best friends to date?”

“Like how close is their friendship?” she replies. “Why? Are you in love with Jaemin?” she gasps.

“What?! No! Jaemin is not my best friend, by the way. It’s-“ I stop before I say her name. “Just...tell me.”

“Well,” she begins. “If they’re best friends like that and the feeling is mutual then why not?”

“Best friends like that?”

“Yeah. Like...best friends who have always had heart eyes for each other. Not best friends like us.”

“Like us?” I frown.

“Yeah. We’ve never felt that way about each other! That’s why we’re so close and there’s so much trust. No looking so see if there are other intentions or anything like that. It’s just...you and I. Ride or die. Besties for the resties! Right?”

And she breaks my heart for the millionth time.

“Right,” I reply.

Because even if I see her in that light, even if I love her in that way, even if I want to give her the world, I can’t be selfish enough to tell her that. Not when she’s still in the dark, not when she’s already got her hands full with another person’s adoration.

My best friend will always see me as just her best friend.

But I love her so much that I’d rather have that than not have her at all.

Because that’s what happens when your best friend only sees you a friend.

the end.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #280

“this is the place in our mind with a crooked crown / we came to execute its own perfect shutdown”

Do you have a strong local accent? No. Do you prefer green or red grapes? Red, but either is fine so long as they’re crisp. Can you stand on your hands unassisted? pffff Who was the last person to knock/ring at your door? Pizza guy. How old were you when you last went trick or treating? No idea. Have you ever been bobbing for apples? ”No. That’s a gross game lol you’re dipping your head and mouth into water other people are dipping their head and mouth into.” <<<< This. What’s your most expensive piece of clothing? No clue. What’s the last thing you took a picture of? Guys I actually took a selfie bc for once in my goddamn life, I felt really pretty with the makeup Summer did on me. She's working towards a degree in cosmetology and is so talented with it. What’s the last thing you drew a picture of? A meerkat pup. Have you ever been on a pogo stick? Omg, yes. I got one for I think Christmas one year as a kid and I got SO into it. I learned how to do it really well. Can you down a pint (of anything) in one? Probably not without throwing up. Have you ever been banned from a public place? No. Have you ever been in a newspaper? A couple times, I think. I know once in elementary school for when I was in chorus; we went somewhere for a small Christmas show. Then I believe I was in it for another school thing? Idr. What football team do you support? I don’t care for football or sports in general. What did you want to be when you grew up? My phases included paleontologist, vet, movie director, author, game designer, aaaand I know I’m forgetting one. But my current and long-term goal has been to become a photographer. Being an artist as a free time “job” has always been an aspiration, too. Have you ever tie-dyed your own clothes? In school, yeah. How often do you buy new clothes? Very rarely. Usually just around Christmas or my birthday from gift cards I get. Are you reliable? In some ways yes, in other ways no. Are you proud of yourself? No. If you could ask your future self one question what would it be? If she’s ended up happy. Do you hold grudges? Nah. Do you decorate the outside of your house for Christmas? Mom does pretty much last minute, but only sometimes when looking at the past few years. Can you solve sudoku puzzles? Sure, they’re fun. What’s the most unusual conversation you've ever had? Who knows. Are you much of a gambler? Not at all. I don’t fuck around with money, especially when just $5 makes you feel great. Have you ever been to Disneyland? I’ve been to Disney World. Do you sing in the shower? Very rarely. Almost never now that I don’t play music while I’m in there. As a child did you ever suck your thumb or fingers? I mean probably? I do know I loved my pacifier and was SO upset when Mom’s doctor or someone playfully told me I was gonna have to give it up because my upcoming baby sister would want to steal it, and guess what? Nicole never fucking used a pacifier so I was tilted lmao. What time do you usually go to bed? Lol BRO it can be as early as 7 PM on bad depression days to as late as like, 2-3 AM. I’d say the average time is like… 9:30. What's your favorite animal? MEERKATS hngggggggggggggggg Have you ever been in marching band? No. Do you have any enemies? No? At least I don’t consider anyone to be. Have you ever been a cheerleader? As a kid, Mom wanted me to so I could do something with my sisters, who were actually interested in cheerleading. She certainly didn’t force me to or anything, I just agreed to it despite not being into it. We were with this Christian sports group for a long time doing various sports all the while being taught lessons in Christlikeness. I’ve actually got warm memories of it Did you ever date anyone on the football team? No. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No, not that I’m against the idea tho. The plushy would just have to be very special to me and also comfortable to hold. How many consecutive days have you ever missed of school? I missed an entire week when I learned about Mom’s cancer. I could barely function. With how much school stressed me, I would NOT have managed. Have you ever been pregnant? No, not in my to-do list. When was the last time you wanted to speak out, but couldn’t? I’m sure it was recently over Facebook; most times, I keep my mouth shut over political things on there that might get me fired up because I’m afraid of confrontation. Are fingerless gloves awesome? I love them. Wore them daily in high school. I still have some of my favorites, though I’m doubtful they still fit my hands… Would you rather be cannibalistic or die in the wilderness? Okay so I’m gonna actually go kinda in-detail, so the squeamish be warned. Realistically, I think I’d choose to die. ESPECIALLY if I was the one expected to kill another person; then, there’s no question. I wouldn’t be able to do it either if I knew the person. If it was some stranger someone else killed and cooked, I don’t know with absolute certainty; starvation really can make animals out of people. I do know for sure I’d vomit. I far more heavily lean into still preferring to die, because I just believe some things aren’t worth living after they’ve been committed. I’d hate myself. I’d rather die feeling clean of conscience. Would you survive on a deserted island? Hell no. Have you dyed your hair eccentric colors in the past? Yeah, I want to do it far more often… What size drink do you usually get at fast food restaurants? Medium, sometimes small. What do you think is the best thing in life? Love, both platonic and romantic. Have you ever sold anything online either on Craigslist, eBay, Amazon, etc.? If not, what is your website of choice like any of the above for buying things? We sold our previous dog over Craigslist, and I sold my iguana there as well. I know Mom has used eBay and Amazon, but idk for what. Have you ever seen an animal give birth? Have you ever had a pet give birth before? I’ve seen old pet cats give birth many times. What is something you want to try to accomplish within the next year? I want a job that I’m content with and can mentally handle. Oh, and I REALLY want to make strong progress on recovering from the muscle atrophy in my legs. What’s the most unusual kind of pizza you’ve ever tried? I have no clue; I’m not that adventurous with pizza or food in general. If you were given the chance to decorate an entire house the way you wanted, with no limit to cost, how would you decorate it? GOTHIC AS A MOTHERFUCKER WELCOME TO THE GOTDAMN ADDAMS FAMILY. What’s one of your favorite things to touch/feel? My cat. :’) How often do you wear tights? Ew, never. Has there ever been anything you’ve become interested in much later than other people? I guess Instagram, but only as a viewer. I don’t have a personal one, just for my photography that I only rarely post. Have you ever had a veggie burger? Yeah, during my vegetarian streak. Burger King’s really aren’t that bad so long as the patty is made well. Do you like candles? Yeah, sure. When was the last time you wore a sports bra? Forever ago when I was doing Wii Fit. Where did you get the shirt you’re currently wearing? I think Hot Topic? It’s an oversized Umbreon shirt. Who last messaged you on Facebook? My friend Summer when we were planning our lil witch photoshoot w/ friends. Who last walked you home? lol you don’t just have someone “walk you home” here. Bundles of homes are way too far and in-between for reasonable walking distance. Did you make any new friends lately? If so, what are their names and how did you meet them? Not really recently, no. Would you rather see your favorite band/artist in concert with 2 other people or have a free $20,000 shopping spree to Walmart? Seeing Ozzy with my mom would be a DREAM, but to be realistic, I’d take the shopping spree pretty damn quickly. $20k? That would do WONDERS for us, especially as we’re about to move into a new place. When was the last time you threw up and why did you? A long time ago when I started a new medication. Do you want revenge on the person who has hurt you the most? … I’m gonna be REAL honest. For the most part, no. But ngl there are times I’m like “I’m gonna work on getting back in shape and become H O T” like a petty bitch lmao this is embarrassing to admit. Has anyone ever claimed that you saved their life? Yes. Did you ever have that near-drowning experience? No. Have you ever performed on stage? For dance, yes, but I never did a solo. Are you a jealous person? Not jealous (usually), but I’ve come to realize I’m a pretty envious piece of shit. Morning person or night person? I’m in my best mood in the morning because I have the “it’s a fresh start” ideology. Then I repeat exactly what I did the day before. :^) Have you ever written a poem for someone? Numerous times. Do you meditate? No, but I wish I could without it only causing more stress. Do you like cranberries that they serve for Thanksgiving? EW I hate cranberries. What don't you understand that frustrates you? Finances. Do you plan on going to college? I’ve tried college three times and dropped out each time. I’m done trying with school. Do you believe the governments hide technology and information from the public? AbsoFUCKINGlutely. Which is your favorite Pokemon? Ninetales! What horror fiction character scares you the most? What’s the name of the villain in the Scream series? Ghostface? I don’t feel like looking it up, but he TERRIFIED me as a kid, and I still think he’s mega creepy. Were you part of the Brownies/Cubs/Scouts/Guides etc? I was in Girl Scouts. Have you ever invented a fairly unique meal or drink? No. Do you have any family secrets? Don’t think so. Do you often read your horoscope? Never. They’re bullshit. Have you ever had a proper Tarot reading? No; also bullshit. Have you ever milked a cow? No. Do you love or hate rollercoasters? They’ve always scared me because I’m afraid of throwing up. Now with how dizzy I get, I absolutely refuse to try one because I WILL faint with all the movement. What’s your favorite sportswear brand? idc Who’s your favorite superhero? Does Deadpool count? Who’s your favorite villain/baddie? If we’re still in the comics/superhero universe, the Joker. Have you ever won a giant-sized cuddly toy from a fair? No. What would you say is your favorite album of all time? Black Rain by Ozzy Osbourne. I fucking adore it; it was my introduction to metal, and still after all this time, every track S L A P S. I deadass played that CD so much that it scratches at a few points. Do you dislike hairy people? lol fuck this question. I’m guessing you’re asking if I find them attractive and not as if people I “dislike” them, but in both cases, it’s no. We’re mammals, who the fuck cares how hairy you are. Do you like your own name? I actually do really like my name. My first one, anyway. Would you ever sign a Prenuptial agreement? NOPE. Want one? You’re gonna have to find someone else willing to, my man. How long has your longest ever phone call been? No less than two hours, but I know more. I have three instances in particular where I talked with either friends or Jason for SO long. Could you ever have an affair with a married person? Hell no. What is your family Christmas like? Nicole comes here so she and I open presents with Mom, then we spend the day at my older sister’s to be with the kids. We also try to squeeze visiting Dad in there the same day, but sometimes it has to be a different one. If you met a genie who offered you three wishes, what would you wish for? (more wishes does not count) Just three is hard… but #1 is indisputably world peace, and then uhhhh the end of poverty and maybe the cure for cancer. I’d have a super hard time picking a third; so many things matter to me. Have you ever had your national flag painted on your face? No, not in my plans. Do you have any strange body things? Well, define “strange,” I guess? Nothing like, really strange. What fairy tale character would you most associate with? Can I be Snow White and attract cute critters like moths to a flame? Also I would 100% take a Good apple. If a loved one was to serenade you, what song would you most like them to sing? It would depend on the person and our bond, really. Is there a cherished song between us? What is our relationship like? There’s no umbrella song I can think of. Is your dad an embarrassing dancer? GUYS!!!!!!!!!!! My sister’s wedding, okay? Father/daughter dance? He actually has MOVES and it was incredible man, never gonna forget that. What if any unusual objects have you swallowed? Nothing, I think. If you were stinking rich, would you only go to places other rich people went? Hell naw, man. There are plenty of great, affordable places in all categories. I could be a millionaire and you’d still see my ass in McDonald’s ordering a burger and fries lmao. Have you ever owned a slinky? My sisters and I had multiple as kids; those were d o p e. Teenage parents, good, bad, or indifferent? An AWFUL idea. A teenager is physically, most likely financially, and mentally unprepared to raise a child properly. It can seriously affect the kid, and of course the parent. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve ever broken? I’m unsure. Pirate downloads, good or bad? It’s bad… yet plenty (myself included) have/do do it. Democracy, good or bad? Good. It’s very important to me that rule should come from the people’s majority versus a small coalition of rich guys. While the majority is not always right, it seems like the best option to me. Communism, good or bad? Okay so to be totally honest I actually don’t entirely understand what communism outlines. Like I just read multiple definitions and small articles and I’m still kinda like “????”, though judging by the countries listed as those governed by communism, I would guess it’s bad? Have you ever been electrocuted? On an electric fence, but it wasn’t too bad. Have you ever been hit on by someone of the same gender? Yeah. The war in Iraq, good or bad? Get the fuck out of it. To start with, I’m a pretty fierce pacifist, and just… killing and killing and killing for YEARS is so goddamn pointless and is just a massacre. The war in Afganistan, good or bad? jfc ^ Have you ever appeared on YouTube? LET’S NEVER TALK ABOUT THIS lmfao Have you ever eaten anything prepared by a celebrity chef? No,, but that’d be dope. Have you ever been on radio? No. Do you prefer male or female singers voices? ”Their gender doesn’t matter, but their talent does.” <<<< Do you have a list of things to do before your ‘x’ years old? Goals should not be judged by age. I’m bad at this and have to remind myself of it a lot. A goal is a goal regardless of a number. Celebrate for *you*. Are you proud, comfortable or ashamed of your body? Very very much ashamed. Do you know html? Super poorly. Have you ever flown first class? lol hunny What are better, violins or pianos? Violins. How old is your oldest blanket? As old as me. My baby blanket is stored somewhere. Do you take enough vacations? lol hell no. I’ve maybe gone on three vacations in my entire life. Have you ever been sick on your birthday? Yup. Then one time I was recovering from a wicked stomach virus but went to Olive Garden anyway lol. I was fine though, and it’s actually a sweet memory because Jason (he worked there at the time) got the staff to do the whole “happy birthday” thing. I got a bombin’ brownie. Who is your favorite person? Sara and my mom. What do you do to stay healthy? lol you assume I’m healthy. What is your favorite form of exercise? Swimming. Do you like going to church? I never did. As a kid, I would cry when/if Mom decided we were going to mass after Sunday school lmao. It’s always been boring and too long to me, even when I was religious. Have you ever fallen asleep during a sermon? Probably as a kid. Do you like to pray for others? No. I don’t believe anyone hears them or will intervene somehow if I ask anyway. Have you ever witnessed a miracle? No. I don’t think I believe in those anyway. Have you ever been the recipient of a miracle? Definitely not. How did you or whoever come up with the name(s) for your pet(s)? I thought “Roman” was a majestic name for a male cat, and Venus has the coloration that the planet does. Who did you last walk a dog with? Sara and I walked Buster the last time I was there. It was windy as SHIT so we didn’t get far because my ass was absolutely freezing, all the while Sara was used to it. Ride bikes with? Wow, good question. I haven’t ridden a bike in many, many years. Hold hands with? My friend Summer did yesterday when she was trying to reassure me of something. For what reason did you last high five someone? Ryder and Aubree each caught Pokemon in Pokemon GO. :’’’’) I was watching them in the car while my sister/their mom was doing something at work, and they wanted to play it; they’ve come to learn that between my phone and DS, I’m the Pokemon provider, lol. I was the proudest fucking aunt ever bc they did SO GOOD after getting the hang of throwing the ball like Y’ALL. When Ash came back to the car, I gave ‘em each high fives before getting back in. What color and type is your vehicle? Don’t have my own car. Looking to upgrade or add any time soon? I doubt I’ll have my own soon. What animal do you have the most possessions *of*, or featuring? Like, décor or stuffed animals, things like that? Not the actual living creature? Easily meerkats, holy shit do I have a collection. What do you use to wash your dishes? Gain soap. Last thing you measured? Uhhh idk. Last thing you weighed? Myself. Last song you danced to? *shrug* What do you remember from your dream last night? I just remember it was a nightmare about Dad being angry. How old were you when you got your first credit card? Lol I don’t have one. Do you talk to your parent(s) [almost] every day? Mom, yes. Dad, no, because we don’t live together. What does your shampoo and conditioner smell like? I just started using a Dove brand shampoo targeting dandruff, so I don’t think it has a specific smell. I don’t use conditioner, just adds grease to your hair, plus mine is short anyway. Last person to tell you that you smell good? Idk. Last person you told that they smell good? I also don’t know. If you smoke marijuana, what is your preferred or typical method? I’ve never touched it. Last person you ran into unexpectedly? Ummm idr. How many plants can you see right now? There’re none in my room. Last compliment you received on your appearance? HA On your character/personality? That I was a loving sister. Do you remain friends with anyone you met at your first job? N/A Who have you hugged in the past month? My mom, Summer, sisters, niece and nephew, Dad… Newest musical discovery? 3TEETH is great. Like, I'm obsessed. Their cover of “Pumped Up Kicks” snagged my attention, despite actually being iffy about it at first. Guess what I’m listening to this minute lmao. Last thing you cleaned? A cup. What exactly do you carry around all your stuff in? A purse. What do you carry around, typically? Phone, keys, wallet, hand sanitizer, and my iPod are items of note. Where is your newest scar? It’s on the palm of my left hand from Roman playing with me. Where is your oldest scar? Idk. Last thing you disposed of? The milk carton. What was the last picture someone sent you? Mom sent me a gif from Hocus Pocus to fit the witch photoshoot Summer, her friend, and I did. Did you hear a siren today? No. What do you typically drink? I would rather not pretend I tend to drink soda lmao Last bad news you heard? My aunt’s brother committed suicide a couple days ago. Last good news you heard? I don’t really know. How far away is the closest cinema from your house? It’s like, 15-ish minutes away. Have you ever been to the emergency room? Many times. Are you one of those people who can’t go without their morning coffee? Y’all know me and coffee. But in place, I have my morning Mountain Dew, rip in fucking pieces. Have you ever worn fake eyelashes? No, though I’m honestly curious what I’d look like. Do you know the story of how your parents met? If so, tell me? They were coworkers; that’s all I know. What is your favorite Chinese food? I love pork fried rice. Do you live far from your parents? I live with my Mom. I live around 20 minutes or so away from Dad. What was the last hot food you ate? I’m assuming you mean spicy as opposed to just hot as in temperature. In that case, probably hot wings. Have you ever seen a meteor shower? No. Describe your current position: I’m lying down in bed, just kinda perked up by my two pillows. Have you used a microwave today? Yes; I had a Jimmy Dean breakfast bowl. Do you prefer going out for coffee or brewing your own? N/A Have you consumed caffeine today? If so, in what form? yikes- Do you know anyone who follows a raw vegan diet and lifestyle? Not that I know of. Have you killed a bug this week? Yes; we’re dealing with a lovely mix of gnats and fleas. What was the first food you learned how to cook? Scrambled eggs. Or maybe pancakes with Mom’s assistance. Idr. Do you have a Bachelor’s degree? If so, what in? No. How many email accounts do you have? Two. Can you go see a doctor alone or do you like to take someone with you? I like my mom to be with me. How long is your average shower? 15 minutes, maybe? It depends on the routine I feel like doing. When’s the last time you had a headache? Yesterday. What woke you up this morning? I think I woke up naturally? A rare occasion nowadays. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Summer, yesterday.

[lovemesomesurveys]

800 questions part 6

251) If you could steal one thing without consequence what would it be? Even if there weren’t any consequence, I’d still feel wrong and uncomfortable doing it.

252) Who’s your favorite celeb with the same first name or surname as you? Nikki Bella, one of the Bella twins from WWE, is actually Stephanie Nicole. I don’t watch WWE, but I watched Total Divas, a reality show about the lives of some of the women wrestlers and their spouses. I also watch Total Bellas, a spinoff of that show that just follows the lives of Nikki and Brie Bella.

253) If evil-doers invaded your country would you rush to the battle lines to defend the motherland or hide in a box? Oh, I’d be no use at all in battle. 

254) What’s your favorite flower? I don’t really have one.

255) Do you believe in ghosts? Not like Casper, but I do believe in spirits or guardian angels. <<<

256) Do you believe in the loch ness monster? No.

257) Do you believe in Aliens? I believe that there is life on other planets, but I don’t think that it’s stereotypical little green men. Haha. <<<

258) Do you believe the Governments hide technology and information from the public? Absolutely.

259) Which is your favorite Pokemon? Jigglypuff was always my favorite, back when it was a fad. <<< Me tooooo.

260) What horror fiction character scares you the most? I love Michael Myers, Pennywise, and Ghost Face. They’re creepy, but I love it.

261) Can you do 10 revolutions of a hula hoop? I can’t hula hoop at all.

262) Do you think Great Britain should have a National Day? They don’t have one already?

263) Do you think Great Britain should be part of a United Europe? I don’t know about this topic to have an opinion.

264) Would you want the Euro or keep the British Pound? I have no opinion on this as an American.

265) Were you part of the Brownies/Cubs/Scouts/Guides etc? I was a Girl Scout.

266) Have you ever invented a fairly unique meal or drink? No.

267) Do you have any secret family recipes? No. I’m not a cook or baker.

268) Do you have any family secrets? Yeah.

269) Are you good at keeping secrets? Yes.

270) Have you ever been up in a hot air balloon? Nooooo. I would never.

271) What’s your favorite Sci-fi film/program etc? I don’t enjoy a lot of sci-fi television shows or movies, really. Sabrina the Teenage Witch, when I was younger, I suppose. <<< Ha, I’ve been binging that lately. Anyway, I love Star Wars and The Twilight Zone.

272) When playing checkers or chess do you prefer to be black or white? When I played checkers as a kid the choices were black or red. I think I usually chose black.

273) Which is better, a Pastie or Sausage Roll? A what?

274) Do you prefer shopping on the high street or online? I do my shopping online.

275) Would you ever want to learn to fly? No.

276) Do you often read your horoscope? I never do. I used to sometimes when I was younger for fun, though.

277) Have you ever had a proper Tarot reading? No. I don’t believe in that.

278) What’s your favorite brand of newspaper? I don’t read the newspaper.

279) Have you ever milked a cow? No.

280) Have you ever used the phrase “back in my time” to someone younger than you? No, not yet - I’m only 30. <<< Haha, I’m only 31 but I’ve said that a lot. :X

281) Do you love or hate rollercoasters? I am definitely not a rollercoaster person with the exception of two at Disneyland--the Car’s rollercoaster and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. They’re just my speed, with enough to get the adrenaline going but nothing too crazy. 

282) Which was the greatest Empire? I don’t know.

283) What’s the cleverest word you know? *shrug*

284) What’s your favorite sportswear brand? Adidas. I’m not athletic or active, but I really love Adidas shoes and clothes.

285) Do you buy any weekly/monthly magazines? Nope. 

286) Who’s your favorite Superhero? Iron Man, Spiderman, Star Lord, and Ant-Man.

287) Who’s your favorite Villain/Baddie? The Joker.

288) What was the last Album you purchased? I haven’t purchased an album in many, many years.

289) What was the last DVD you purchased? I don’t recall.

290) What was the last piece of clothing you purchased? A shirt and a pair of leggings.

291) When pulling crackers does everyone get one each regardless or whoever gets the big ends keeps all the prizes? I’ve only did the crackers thing once. I had a cousin who got them for all of us there and wanted to try it one Christmas. I think everyone got something from what I remember.

292) Do you ever make your own greetings cards? I did that when I was a kid.

293) Do you have a Swiss army knife? No.

294) At what age did you twig onto the fact Santa wasn’t real? I think I was 8. 295) What’s your favorite fruit? Bananas. 

296) Have you ever done something really unbelievable, only to have no one around to see it? Yeah. And it’s so incredibly rare for that to happen as it is.

297) Do you buy from charity shops? No.

298) Have you ever sold your services? I’m not skilled or good at anything that I could offer to do for others and get paid for.

299) Have you ever raised money for charity? Yeah, I’ve done a lot of that in Girl Scouts and for the psych club I was in while at community college.

300) Have you ever won a giant sized cuddly toy from a fair? Yes.

[szopenhauer]

Have you ever tried to walk on a moving vehicle and fallen over?: I didn’t fall When was the last time you were a passenger in a car and sat in the back?: I always sit in the back

What is the longest your hair has ever been?: to my butt Who does the grocery shopping in your household?: we all do but me and dad most often What is the best thing you’ve ever bought at a thrift shop?: I bought so many things! Have you ever been pulled aside by security at the airport?: not applicable Do you watch The Simpsons regularly?: I don’t but I like this show anyway :) Did you ever go to summer camp when you were younger?: twice Do you know anyone who is fluent in a second tongue?: me Have you ever been pressured into doing drugs? Did you say yes or no?: I said no

When you were younger, did you have a swing set or a playhouse in your backyard? had a swing Do you burn incense? I heard it causes cancer :(

Does being in love make you nervous? yep Have you ever been so quiet that nobody noticed that you were there? from what I remember Did you ever stop having feelings for someone and then started having those feelings again for them? yeah Do you stay home when you are sick or do you still go out? stay home What’s your relationship with the person you last texted? we’re datinh Have you had more than 3 gfs at the same time? nooo Are you in a good mood right now? sigh... Have you kissed someone with braces? I have XD Who’s your favorite redhead? real, celeb or character?

How do you feel about being in the house alone? cool When was the last time you burnt your mouth from eating something too hot? it happens often as I don’t feel it being hot most of the time :( Do you prefer instrumental songs or ones with lyrics? lyrics Do you have any old friends who you still kinda speak to but it’s awkward? sigh...  When was the last time you used a quote from a movie in real life? today? Do you forget things easily? depends/some

Would/Do you like having brown eyes? maybe Do you spend a lot of time on the internet? too much Have you bought anyone a Christmas gift? not yet

What is one of your favorite compliments to recieve? compliments are awkward :x Do you compliment other random people? rarely What do you use Facebook for? texting mostly Do you love cartoons? some are nice Do you paint your own nails? I did

Describe your style in one word. comfy Describe your current personality in one or two words. complicated Are you afraid of child birth/pregnancy? it’s one of the reasons why I don’t want any kids What are you favorite bottoms to wear? leggings or pajama pants Do you like dresses? not really Do you eat cake with a spoon or a fork? tiny fork but spoon is fine as well What is your favorite sex position? ;) I'm not a fan of sex What color will you paint your nails next? black if any Are you afraid of ghosts/hauntings? kinda What is your favorite game to play with family/friends? board games and/or car racing games with dad What is your beer of choice? I don’t drink beer Do you like glitter? could say so Have you ever owned a Ouija board? hell no Do you like to text? it seems If you had to be an animal for Halloween, what would it be? bat, cat or wolf (eventually a raccoon but it’s not a Halloween related animal) Do you have more dry skin or oily skin? mixed

Name something that starts with the first letter of your first name. zoo Name something that starts with the first letter of your middle name? - And your lastname. chicken Would you spend 20 dollars on a candle? no way What is the goriest thing you’ve seen in real life? hmm... Twilight or Harry Potter? HP Would you rather be a vampire or a mermaid? vampire P.E or Math? Math or Science? dunno What do you do when someone is really rude to you in public? hard to tell Do you argue with your significant other a lot? we don’t argue  Have you ever had a really painful breakup? they were painful to me What do you like to write with? my hands lmfao Do you prefer to be pale or tan? Don’t say in between. pale What is your favorite thing about Christmas? decorations and gifts but also spending time with my parents Do you prefer white or black electronics? black A stranger comes up to you and gives you a big hug, what do you do? :o Do your eyes tear up when you’re nervous? might Apples or Bananas? apples Water or Milk? water Would you milk a cow given the chance? it’s weird Where do you shop for your underwear? I don’t have a fav place to do that

Do you feel more comfortable sleeping in your own bed or in a hotel bed? my own 

Do you prefer to travel by plane, car, or boat? car

Who is your favorite travel buddy? dad

What’s the best souvenir you have ever purchased? can’t choose

What’s your favorite book to read during a long ride? I don’t read while travelling

What’s the most entertaining story you have about getting lost? me and my father been talking so loud that someone on the street just stopped by and told us where the place we’re looking for is ^^”

What was the most expensive trip you have ever taken? ask my family

Which songs are on your travel playlist? whatever

Which travel blogs do you follow? none

Do you complain when you are bored, or look for something to do? I’m never bored so I don’t complain about it

Do other people’s complaints ever get on your nerves? some/depends

How did you develop your specific taste in music? can’t explain that 

If you drink coffee, how do you like it (with cream, black, etc)? I don’t drink coffee

Did your parents sign you up for things like piano lessons and ballet? no and now I’m a loser

What is your favorite children’s song? Kokoszeczka

Are you good at telling jokes? I am

Other than gas, what do you frequently purchase at a gas station? I don’t purchase anything there

Ten years ago, did you think that this was how the world would turn out? ...

Ever think you might be better off living in a different time period? yup

Do you walk regularly? not regularly but often

If you could have the answer to one question, what question would that be? personal

Do you like any bands from other countries? obvi, most of those I like aren’t from Poland, I don’t like polish music 

When was the last time you mailed a handwritten letter? years ago

Do you still receive Christmas cards? my mom does

Do you know anyone who is really hard to please? sadly

What gets you through the day? I wonder myself

If you found out your bf/gf was homosexual, how would you react? I know she is - elseway we wouldn’t date (ok, she could be bi, I know)

If you are homosexual, and you find out your bf/gf is straight, then what? we break up 

Have you ever sung karaoke? What songs? Was it fun? it was Ich troje song *embarassed*

Have you called anyone today? What did you talk about? not today

Do you drive around the neighborhood to look at lights around Xmas? I like to look but I don’t ride around just for that

Why are so many single people bitter on Valentine’s Day? because they’re lonely and because this day is fake 

What is one tradition you hate participating in? personal

Have you made a fool of yourself today? probably

When was the last time you did something for someone else? recently

Do you let other people choose the radio stations in your car? but I don’t have a car 

Would you say that you are an accepting and openminded person? am not

Have you ever been convinced to try something you didn’t want to do? I have been

When was the last time you cheated–at anything? last time I used motherlode in The sims 4 game?

When you are mad at someone, how do you show them? depends

When was the last time you felt you had a reality check? blergh

Have you ever felt out of touch with reality? dissociation, derealisation, depersonalisation etc.

Have you ever had a tooth pulled? not since I was a kid

How long do you you usually chew a stick of gum? didn’t check the timing

Was there any teacher that made life living hell for you? it wasn’t THAT bad but it wasn’t good 

How about any student(s)? I’ve been bullied if it’s what you’re asking me about - still could be much worse

When was the last time you felt overwhelmed? 24/7

Do you have any coffee mugs with funny pictures/sayings? Did I just rolled my eyes out loud 

Describe something strange that you own? where should I start...

Do you think graffiti is a valid form of artistic expression? I don’t approve of it when it vandalizes property

Are you afraid to walk places at night if you are alone? I’m a petite woman so...

What do you think of people who are shy? hard to keep contact with them

Have you ever gone through a time when you had no friends? How did you deal with it? not counting my family - last several years - I was ok with it as I’m a loner, homebody, introvert

What is something that shouldn’t bother you, but does anyway? fuck off!

Has any food ever made you sick to the point where you’d be afraid to try it again? that happened more than once already

Can you hear traffic right now? I don’t hear anything :3

Have you taken a painkiller today? no

Have you had a nap today? neither

Are you currently in a relationship? If so, do you think it will last? don’t feed my paranoia...

Do you have a hyphenate name or know anyone with one? (eg. Carter-Brown) my sister

Do you take your Christmas decorations down before or after New Years? after

Have you made a large purchase today? I didn’t buy anything today, it’s Sunday

Have you ever used a leaf blower? we don’t own one, we’re not rich

You see someone running around naked in the street. Your reaction? if it’s neighbor’s kid that’s no surprise

Has someone close to you died of murder? no one close to me but still a family member of some sort

Would you ever have sex with the last person you texted? done

Do you abbreviate when you text? that’s lazy of me, I know

Is anyone in the room on the phone right now? I’m playing a game

[purplesurveys]

874

What's something you couldn't live without, other than the obvious? It’d be very hard to have to get by without my glasses. I’d technically survive, but I’ll have to get used to bumping into things a lot and never recognizing anyone unless they’re right beside/in front of me. What's something that will always cheer you up? Dogs. Real life dogs, photos of dogs, videos of dogs, stories about dogs, etc. Who's had the biggest positive impact on your life? My orgmates. They made me happy when I needed it the most, called me out when I needed the help, and idk I’m just happy whenever I get to see them. I can’t recall a time where I felt like it was a chore to spend some time with them. Do you wear flip-flops during the winter? Sigh...moving on... What was the last thing you said out loud? I asked Nina to help me bring Cooper and his stuff up to my parents’ room; specifically, I asked her to bring his food and water bowls.

What's something that irritates you to no end? Backhand compliments. An uncle once congratulated me for getting into my dream school but ended his sentence with “are you sure you don’t wanna go to [2nd top university in the country, (which I also passed the day before)]? You’ll fit better there.” This was like two days after I found out I got into UP, so I was still on cloud nine. I don’t know how my face contorted after that but I wasn’t pleased.

Honestly, do looks matter to you? Yes, but not as much as personality and intelligence. When was the last time you had a girls/guys night out? Not sure. I just have nights out in general; I never plan out gender-exclusive hangouts with my friends. Do you still watch kiddie movies/tv shows? Sometimes, when I get in the mood to. It’s not something I feel the need to do regularly. What's your worst habit? Never learning my lesson and being careless just because everything is going well. Best way I can illustrate this is when a couple of a months ago I started getting regular headaches because I’d sleep at 3, 4 AM – I addressed it by giving myself an earlier bedtime. When the headaches went away and I started feeling better, I went right back to sleeping late lol. Procrastinating is a good example too; I’ve submitted work early occasionally and it’s satisfying as fuck, but I never learn for the most part and stick to doing stuff at the last minute. Do your parents call you by any embarrassing nicknames? No. Byn is a nickname, but I don’t find it embarrassing. Do you have road rage? Yeah but there have to be certain conditions for me to get to that point, like once I’ve seen enough stupidity on the road and I can’t take it anymore; when I’m tense about something; or when traffic has been standstill for too long. Is there a certain word that you always forget how to spell? Not really. I know my spelling pretty well. Are there any books in your room? Which ones? Yesssss but it’s mostly because I owned a lot of books as a kid and I’ve thrown none of them out. My book collection is sorely not updated because I stopped reading as I got older. Do you take too many surveys? I wouldn’t say I take too many, especially considering the fact that I used to take like 7-10 surveys everyday back in high school. I do take them regularly. Write some lyrics from the song you're currently listening to: "You know I’m always coming back to this place, you know I’m always gonna look for your face.”

When it comes to dating, what's your preferred age range? 0-1 year. When was the last time someone gave you a weird look? Continued the next morning, lol. I was dancing in my seat over dinner last night because the fried chicken we had was super good, so my mom looked at me strangely. Do you like to cuddle? Only with a significant other, and an animal if they’re willing to cuddle. Do you like the band Cartel? I don’t think I’ve heard of that band yet. Do you play any instruments? No, but I’m always wishing I could. Do you ever blare the music in the car and dance like an idiot? I used to do that when I drove to and from school. It’s the only time in the day where I’m not working and I’m alone, so I allow myself to let loose. Though I gotta say, most of it is recorded because I always have a dashcam on HAHAHAHA so I definitely have some footage I don’t want getting aired in like my funeral or something. Do you like playing in the rain? When I was a kid.

What's something you miss? Going to the mall is a big one. Anything unpleasant coming up soon? The worst thing I can think of is the first anniversary of Nacho’s passing. It’s not till September, but when I think about how March literally feels like yesterday September doesn’t seem too far away anymore. If you had a pet moose, what would you name him? Probably the name of another animal, like Cow. I’ve seen other people name their dogs the names of different animals and it has always sounded so hilarious to me. Do you often hold back what you really want to say? If it’s gonna make me look unnecessarily blunt and hurtful then yes. Are you currently wearing any jewlery? Nope. What was the last gift you gave to someone? Cooper, for Father’s Day. It was my mom’s idea but I helped chip in with the graduation money I got from one of my aunts. Do you decorate for Christmas? (If you celebrate it, that is.) We do. I’ll probably put a tree and some stockings up once I live alone, idk, just so I don’t feel too lonely. Are you hungry? A bit, but it’s manageable. On that note, I miss continental breakfasts. I’ve been having Filipino-style breakfast for months and I really would just like a goddamn croissant or bread rolls with butter for once, lol. When was the last time you went bowling? Sometime in September and October last year. Can you whistle? Yes. Is there a certain genre of music that you just can't stand? Country. Are you allergic to anything? Nope. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. I lay my head on one and hug another. If I don’t have a ~hug pillow~ it takes much longer for me to fall asleep. You've just won a free vacation! Where do you want to go? Covid restrictions hypothetically put aside, I’d love to go on the New York/Texas trip I initially planned as my grad gift. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? I have a good relationship with my dad. But it’s not like I feel comfortable enough to tell either of my parents any of my secrets. What's your favorite thing about yourself? Gabie likes to tell me “you’re too selfless, you don’t have to help everyone” in sort of like an annoyed tone because that’s exactly what I do lol - help anyone, even if I have to go out of my way or even if it’ll inconvenience me to do it. But I love it about me. I like when I get to make people go home with one less issue on their shoulders. Do you have any health problems? Scoliosis. Have you ever had a near-death experience? Almost smashed into a car that suddenly braked while I was going 50, 60 kph. Are you extremely picky when it comes to guys/girls? That’s what demis essentially are, lol. Do you ever listen to classical music? It’s my last resort when I’m studying and no other music is helping me get focused. What was the last concert you attended? Paramore. What's a movie you'd like to see right now? (Old or new) Ammonite, it’s an upcoming film with Kate Winslet and Saoirse Ronan. Do you take life too seriously? Most of the time. I just find it necessary that way. When was the last time you were truly scared? This weekend when my mom watched a jumpscare with the sound on, so I heard the loud demon scream that came up in the end. What's the funniest trick you've ever pulled on anyone? I don’t like pulling tricks because I don’t like them pulled on me. The most I’ve done is take Gab’s phone and pretend with her that it’s lost. Do you like orange juice? I’ll drink it if it’s served for free, but I wouldn’t buy one for myself. Do you own any skinny jeans? Yes, nearly all my jeans are skinny. Do you have a diary/journal that you frequently write in? You’re looking at it. When was the last time you had a good workout? November, back when I still had that intense PE class that made me work out for an hour every Wednesday and Friday. Do you like your eye color? I find it too common but I’m not actively complaining about it. I don’t feel the need to change it. When was the last time you played with Play-Doh? Two or three years ago at a cousins’ place. One of them was still a baby then, so the toys they had around were clay and kinetic sand and stuff. What's something that you think people waste too much time on? Fighting on Facebook comments lol Do you think they should outlaw talking on your cell phone while driving? They already have, at least here. Are you embarrassed to burp or fart in front of your friends? For the most part. I’ll burp only in front of Angela and Gab. Do you like peanut butter cookies? Yesssssss, but I don’t get to have it a lot. :(

[special-operative-cordovin]

Mystery Science Theater 3000 Starters Part 2

(feel free to change the pronouns)

"Don't laugh, they made me in a hurry."

"Okay, breasts, we get it!"

"I'm, uh, ordering a Hawaiian pizza, because I'm ___."

"The touch of ___ softens your hands while you do the dishes."

"They're magnetized."

"Get me some butter."

"When in California, be sure to visit beautiful- oh."

"Boy, I'd hate to shoot a butt like that."

"Hold on, I'm having a series of elaborate heart attacks."

"Let me die first, then I'll tell you."

"This serrated edge will slice tomatoes so thin you can see right through them!"

"Please don't use those stairs!"

"Come to our club and discuss cleaning your bathroom tile."

"I just feel like you might not be ready for some football."

"Ahhhhh!!!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, please accept our sincere apology for all of this."

"It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"___'s going to need an emissions test, pronto!"

"Haven't we seen this before?"

"I thought we all agreed to wear blue, ___!"

"First base is larger than I remember!"

"___, he flies like a moron."

"That's one small tush for a man."

"It's clobberin' time!"

"___, seriously, what's so hard about 'Head, shoulders, knees and toes'?"

"___, I love you!"

"Bad movie?"

"You're soaking in it!"

"Keep walking, I don't think they see us."

"Why'd you park so far away?"

"___, I'm getting motion sickness."

"You can always tell when a building used to be an IHOP."

"Hey, I've gone color blind!"

"I'll harm you!"

"You know, rainy days and Mondays always get me down."

"You folks at home be a little more careful, don't involuntarily turn anyone on, okay?"

"I've got guests."

"I've got 99 problems and a flaming oil silo ain't one."

"Oh my God please say this isn't happening!!"

"Get away, the stock footage is erupting!"

"I'm gonna ask this once again, and it's only for conversation, but what do you think is the tastiest part of the human body?"

"Somebody's sasquatching their every move."

"Alright, I found my Nintendo!"

"He's battling the Ghost of Christmas Future."

"Yep, what do we got, another citizen who isn't ready for some football."

"Hi, I'm ___, enjoy the film!"

"Pole dancing 101: first get familiar with the pole, make friends with it, shake it's hand!"

"Eat lead, Spring!"

"He looks like Spider-Man if Spider-Man worked for UPS."

" Croquet mallet!"

"Yes, that's right. I said a full case of Vodka."

"Did she just get punched by a ghost?"

"I regret nothing!"

"Lots of loose soil to bury someone out here, Hey!"

"That's what happens when you leave a potato in the microwave."

"Dear God, I left the iron plugged in!"

"Oh, so that's where ___ comes from."

"Hi, uh- You got a bong?"

"So, professor, you made this entirely out of bamboo, huh?"

"My therapist says I laugh when I'm uncomfortable!"

"Let go of him, you BITCH!"

"Make it stop!"

"Do you see half of what I see?"

"He triiiieed to kill me with a forklift!"

"There's got to be a better way!"

"I like you, I think I'll kill you first."

"Look, I'm not going to get this out of the gutter every time you kids throw it up there, okay?"

"___'s pissed."

"Sirs, when are you going to realize that when you kill each other, you're only hurting yourselves?"

"When ___ attack!"

"Oh, company! My favorite snack!"

"___ will be back in THUNDERBALL."

"I have no powers but I can skip reasonably well."

"I don't need feet, I'm all charisma!"

"I'm okay, but when I do die, I want you to carry on the family haircut."

"Whoa, big reveal!"

"___? That's not a name, that's a bad Scrabble hand."

"Mom, I found a space man, can I keep him?!"

"There go the piano lessons!"

"Oh, I'm VERY vulnerable there!"

"Holy cow, that's 40 pounds of butt in 30-pound butt capacity pants."

"See, ___? It's really fun to be psychotic!"

"What is with all the ethereal stuff today?"

"Ah, my failure looks more and more imminent."

"I'm afraid of intimacy!"

"My God, honey, what have you done to our lives?!"

"Out. Of. Paper."

"You ain't bad! You ain't nothing! You ain't nothing!"

"Oh, he should really be wearing eye protection."

"You guys watch ___ movies?"

"Yeah, it's not doing it for me, either."

"It's Red October, hi ___!"

"Still, it was worth it!"

"He's not good at parallel parking, but if it's a diagonal spot he can do it."

"Okay, what'd I do?"

"Appears he's adopted a Dutch family!"

"This is my turf now!"

[xxx-theartofsuicide-xxx]

I’ve seen Beetlejuice on broadway and Lydia has a whole musical number about how gross Lydia/Beetlejuice is (Creepy Old Guy). It was one of my favorite songs but it’s also ripe for weaponization by a certain subset of fandom. I thoroughly enjoyed your smackdown of the one would-be policer, and I hope there’s not about to be a big influx of THAT type or worse into your fandom

Oh man. Dude, the fandom’s already been infiltrated by the worst kind of antis. I just have a particular disdain for Rock-and-Roll-and-Rats because they once attacked me out of the blue to call me a pedophile, a gatekeeper, and a slut. Our very first interaction! And they’re a shipper! What kind of fucked moral superiority is that? I let them know that I’m a CSA survivor and they owe me a goddamn apology, and they haven’t been good enough to pay up.

I’ll let you know right now that I… just… despise everything about the musical. Lydia and BJ both have really fucked up characterizations. The entire plotline with Lydia’s mother is so disrespectful to the cartoon and the movie. Absolutely the thing I hate about it most is the effect it’s had on our tiny little fandom. This used to be a small group of really chill people. If someone disagreed it was like “hey, whatever, nbd man” and that is no longer the case. It’s tragic really.

I always find it funny when these new kids try to use the musical to discredit the ship— cause that’s something that’s already happening. First of all, these are people that initially wanted to make Lydia blonde. These are people who couldn’t be bothered to watch a single episode of the cartoon. These are people who don’t give a shit about these characters and were out for their own cash cow. I don’t give a fuck about musical plot/songs/or literally anything else that has sprung forth from that travesty of a show.

BUT, even if I did care about the show, the ship is STILL so fucking valid it hurts. Bullying messages like the one Rock-and-Roll-and-Rats posted aren’t for me. They’re for kids new to this fandom who just might want to step outside of the box and write/draw something that doesn’t fit the acceptable narrative. That is beyond evil to me. Censorship must never be tolerated.

There is no moral law on shipping. My best friend, my boyfriend, both my parents, all my siblings, and my nieces all know that I ship it and write fan fiction. Not one of them has reacted with disgust. In fact, they started giving me Beetlejuice stuff for Christmas. That’s about the only change I’ve seen.

Ships don’t have to adhere to a checklist of “healthy and non-toxic” for me or anyone to indulge in them. That’s some purity culture bullshit that I have zero time or patience for.

Despite my own personal disgust for the musical, I would accept any musical fans into my discord with open arms. I would listen to them rant and rave about their favorite/least favorite things. I would theorize with them. I would read their fics and compliment their art and let them express their love for fandom however they wanted. People like Rock-and-Roll-and-Rats are not that courteous. If you have a group of people in the corner saying “you can only fandom THIS way” and another group in the opposite corner saying “you can fandom however you want”, the right choice becomes… painfully obvious.

[volleydorkscentral]

ANSWER ALL OF THE QUESTIONS IN THE UNUSUAL ASK GAME, YOU COWARD.

First of all: 

Second, questions under the cut: 

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? - Spotify! all the way. i hoarse my bf’s account so he can never listen but i don’t care it’s mine now it’s full of my music and my playlists and whenever i’m listening to it and it suddenly changes cause he tries to use it on his phone I call him, “are you using spotify?” “oh. i mean i can listen to something else?” “cool, thanks!” and i get my music back. :D

is your room messy or clean? - it’s somewhere in between. my actual ROOM (bed room, i assume) is pretty clean, except i never make the bed. but the house is .. a work in progress. it’s not dirty but it’s cluttered so my bf and I are having to work together to clear that and build shelves and stuff for more storage space.

what color are your eyes? - dark brown! (with little green flecks when I cry)

do you like your name? why? - Not really? i don’t hate it. My mom wanted to name me Savannah but they had her sign the certificate while she was still drugged from her c-section so it ended up as Crystal?? Idk. She named her dolls Crystal when she was a kid.

what is your relationship status? - dating for almost six years. 

how many times a week do you shower? uhhh idk. I don’t shower every day (unless i get gross). AT LEAST four times… but I don’t wash my hair every time cause that’s bad for my hair. I SHOWER WHEN I AM DIRTY.

favorite tv show? does Haikyuu!! count? that’s probably a given. HM. Well, we don’t have cable so I don’t watch a lot of NEW shows? …. OH. Duh. Fuckin me I’m a dumbass. Bob’s Burgers. I literally have it on ALL THE TIME. I don’t like silence so it’s ALWAYS on in the background if i’m not listening to music. I’ve seen every episode a zillion times. I can usually pinpoint every scene and the major lines/jokes.

shoe size? most brands it’s 5 1/2 

how tall are you? SHORTER THAN NISHINOYA BUT TALLER THAN YACHI. I’m like… 5ft-5’1 depending on how much my back hurts. (i used that earlier and someone said it was funny and i’m trash so i’ll repeat it here!)

sandals or sneakers? i wear Bobs LOL. (knock off toms) and i’ve got one pair of sneakers and sometimes I wear my ballet flats around even though my bf says they look dumb fuck u they’re comfy.

do you go to the gym? No. I used to, but where I live now it’d be like a 45 min drive. I don’t really LIKE gyms though? working out is boring to me. No matter how hard I try. I’d love to start dancing again for real.

describe your dream date - April 25th because it’s not too cold and not too hot. Okay but jk that’s a lie where I live it’s balls hot in april. Idk. I’d like to go hiking when it’s not very hot? Take my dog, let her run around. Take a picnic. Sit in a grassy field and talk about dumb shit cause we know each other’s dreams and hopes by now.

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? UHM. fuck like…. $27? i know there’s a twenty and a handful of ones. And a handful of change.

what color socks are you wearing? - NONE. MY FEET ARE COLD. FOREVER COLD.

how many pillows do you sleep with? - pft like 6.

do you have a job? what do you do? - No; I quit after being over worked, under appreciated, cheated out of my paychecks a few times, and no job still due to lingering health issues.

how many friends do you have? answered this already!

whats the worst thing you have ever done? - UHM. Idk i haven’t murdered anyone. I don’t like this question cause if i really try to answer it i’ll spiral into a frustrated, furious depression and self-hatred so… NOPE.

whats your favorite candle scent? i’ve got this candle i got from etsy that’s like… Scottish Highlands? It’s grassy and kinda MAGICY.

3 favorite boy names - i don’t really have favorite names?

3 favorite girl names - answered already

favorite actor? god idk. i’m so bad with names and celebrities. uhm. I really like don’t have a favorite. I LIKE a bunch. Benedict Cumberbatch; Freddie Highmore… uhm. uh. Hugh Laurie? 

favorite actress? IDK OKAY?? I LIKE a bunch but i don’t favorite?? I really like Gwendoline Christie. Uhm. Anne Hathaway makes me laugh. MAGGIE SMITH. how could i forget!??!

who is your celebrity crush? I LEGIT don’t have one.

favorite movie? CLUE takes the top spot most days.

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I used to read a lot more. The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt

money or brains?  personality, bitch.

do you have a nickname? what is it? not *really* but people online used to call me Chrys. My bf calls me ‘sweetie’ sometimes but he also calls the dog that so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

how many times have you been to the hospital? - uhm. like the er? Once when I broke my arm. Doc in the box? Not since 2017.

top 10 favorite songs - PFT. Uhm. Jesus just let me die a little. Excluding all Disney; Not in any order:

No One - Biometrix

Danser - Lisandro Cuxi

A Single Moment of Sincerity (E) - Asking Alexandria (the band I was listening to when I designed my rockstar MC that I love so much)

The Annabel Trilogy (a series of 3 albums) - Alesana. Can’t pick a single song because they’re all a part of a huge story. Listen to them.

Chucky vs. The Giant Tortoise - Dance Gavin Dance

Anticoagulant - Sianvar

Ohioisonfire - Of Mice & Men

Coincidance - Handsome Dancer (Watch the Video for the love of god. THANKS ASH FOR THIS GEM)

Devil’s Backbone - The Civil Wars

Still Here - Digital Daggers (i’ve been listening it to a lot for inspiration for a new AU so… yup. That’s gonna be fun and painful)

do you take any medications daily? - yup

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) - i got dry ass skin it sucks

what is your biggest fear? - uhm… physical fear? idk. Heights is a big one that I developed? I used to not care but a while ago I was walking on a bridge and I just… looked over and got FUCKING DIZZZY with nausea and fear that I was gonna fall and almost fainted. 

how many kids do you want? - HONESTLY… one or two.

whats your go to hair style? - tried to brush but gave up so just threw it in a claw clip

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) - moderate? one story, four bedrooms. big ass yard though for the dog

who is your role model? - I don’t really have one.

what was the last compliment you received? - answered already

what was the last text you sent? - actual TEXT message? ‘as long as there’s someone with her overnight she’ll be okay during the day cause of the dog door and stuff. just play with her before you go to work and maybe hide some treats around the house for her to hunt for’ - texting my friend that’s gonna house sit while we go on a family vacation soon.

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? - UH idk the age? i know I saw my mom writing scavenger cards though. My fam has never had a lot of money so to make Christmas more interesting my mom/grandparents (we lived with them till I was in 3rd grade) would make these elaborate scavenger hunts for me and my cousins to do to find our presents around the house or out in the barn or, on one memorable occasion, at the bottom of our pool! Good memories. 

what is your dream car? - one that RUNS and has badass AC and speakers

opinion on smoking? - hate it. please don’t do it around me. my bf’s family alllllll smoke all the time and i get so sick when i have to go on vacation with them and be around it for a long time. 

do you go to college? - i DID. I went to Culinary school and majored in Baking & Pastry

what is your dream job? - Author or Dog Trainer

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? - rural as all hell. give me trees, cows, and horses. 

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? Not usually? but usually the people i’m with do. 

do you have freckles? Not on my face (except one) but i’ve got more like… on my arms and just randomly all over but i dont think ‘freckles’ would be what anyone thinks of when they think of me

do you smile for pictures? - only if i’m forced to be in them

how many pictures do you have on your phone?  - HAHAHAHAHAHA. Well. Before I got my new phone it was over 10k. Now though its only about 2k. 

have you ever peed in the woods? - Only when I was camping. 

do you still watch cartoons? - ALL THE GODDAMN TIME

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? - neither. but i HATE WENDYS and can tolerate McD’s fries and they’ve got ballin’ sweet tea so I guess McD.

Favorite dipping sauce? this honey dijon creamy thing at my favorite French restaurant but idk what is is.

what do you wear to bed? - t-shirt 

have you ever won a spelling bee? - YUP. 2nd grade.  

what are your hobbies? - writing, crocheting, photography, reading, uh… i forget what else

can you draw? when i was doing it all the time i did ok? but i’m WAY TOO IMPATIENT now a days to do it. 

do you play an instrument? - no but i wish i did :(

what was the last concert you saw? - i’ve never been to a concert. crowds are icky

tea or coffee? - tea!

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? - already answered this

do you want to get married? - Yes pls

what is your crush’s first and last initial? - (bf, but I suppose i still have a crush on him? is love considered a crush?) J. Y. 

are you going to change your last name when you get married? god yes. my current last name is my shitbag of a sperm doner and i hate it. my mom kept it after they divorced only cause she thought her maiden name would be too hard for me to spell but i would give anything to have that name instead

what color looks best on you? - idk. i prefer black but i’ve been told green and certain shades of pink/yellow. 

do you miss anyone right now? - not until i thought about it, thanks

do you sleep with your door open or closed? open so my pupper can go in and out

do you believe in ghosts? not until i’m faced with darkness and creepy things 

what is your biggest pet peeve? people chewing their food loud. people not picking up after themselves. people interrupting me (but not in the excited, OMG way. that we can work though) but in the ‘i don’t care what you’re saying i’m going to talk now’ way

last person you called` - my bf to discuss plans for his brother’s bday

favorite ice cream flavor? cookies n’ cream!

regular oreos or golden oreos? DOUBLE STUFF OF EITHER

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? FUCK SPRINKLES

what shirt are you wearing? a shirt that has my dog’s face on it :D

what is your phone background? - the art that Ash drew of Bokuto from my fic Just a Taste!!

are you outgoing or shy? - i hate talking to strangers but with my friends i’m pretty fucking loud and chatty

do you like it when people play with your hair? only people i know

do you like your neighbors? nope. he’s an asshole who neglected his dog and i wanna skin him alive

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? i do my best to remember to do it at night but i always do it when i shower

have you ever been high? yup. 

have you ever been drunk? yup

last thing you ate? BIRTHDAY CAKE

favorite lyrics right now - idk? i guess the first lyrics that came to mind, even though they’re not my favorite, just ones that i like and were stuck in my head for a while: “All of the handsome fiction / will melt away / and when the flame burns brighter / Evaporate” Evaporate - Dance Gavin Dance

summer or winter?  WINTER FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. IT’S SO FUCKING HOT IN SUMMER I DIE EVERY DAY

day or night? both have their merits

dark, milk, or white chocolate? - all chocolate but i prefer white to just EAT. 

favorite month? uhm. uhh. November maybe? for NaNoWriMo. 

what is your zodiac sign - pftt.. i think i used to be a Gemini? i don’t believe in all that stuff 

who was the last person you cried in front of? - ….. my dog? but probably my mom and Grandmother when my GM basically said my bf didn’t love me and was a shit human being and i was a shit granddaughter for loving him. i was both upset and furious and i walked away from them. (my mom called and apologized, but i haven’t spoken to my GM since)

THERE ASH ARE YOU GODDAMN HAPPY. that took so long LOL (I hope the formatting came through I had to redo it on this tumblr page UGH)