#kh1 selphie

[holly-natnicole]

It'd be so awesome to see the sapphic girlfriends fighting any evil Heartless, Nobodies and Somebodies side by side together and back to back!!

[accessoryslot]

[dullahandyke]

i need to replay kh1 and also play the rest of the kh games so i can think thoughts about yuriverse!rikai

[chungledown-bimothy]

ooouuuggghhhhh just thought too long about the beginning of kh2 and roxas and hpo and how everything in kingdom hearts is trios.

this is pre days and bbs, so it's not as codified, but even just with the context of kh1- sorikai, sdg, mickey donald and goofy, leon yuffie and aerith (yes there's also cid but he's by and large presented as separate in kh1), titus wakka and selphie- people exist in groups of three.

from minute one, we're shown the thesis of the first couple hours of kh2 and really his core struggle as a character: roxas Does Not Belong.

which is why i will never respect people memeing on "who else will i have ice cream with?". the constant across hpo and the days trio was the sea salt ice cream. that was the thing he associated with friendship, with safety, with belonging.

he just wants to exist and belong and the entire fucking universe screams at him from minute one that he doesn't and/or can't. it's WRONG but he doesn't know that and has absolutely no reason to believe it even if anyone actually told him so.

[holleighgram]

Hold onto your keyboards, cause I'm about to get ✨️controversial ✨️

I'd like to preface this by saying all interpretations/ headcanons/ readings/ etc. Are valid and I'm in no way discouraging anyone to change their ways.

I watched (and enjoyed) Baloney's "The Truth About Kingdom Hearts!" And I absolutely adored their take on the series, but one line stuck out to me that I really want to expand on because I don't see it being talked about as often as it should.

Kairi doesn't like Riku.

And I think this is a very RICH and IMPORTANT aspect of the Destiny Trio dynamic. It adds to the complexity of these characters, but especially Kairi.

(Another shout out to @violethowler and their INCREDIBLE Constructing Kingdoms series. The video on"The Girl Who Never Grew Up" made me like and understand Kairi so much more. Highly recommend checking it out.)

Kairi doesn't like Riku, and with some pretty valid reasons, but I'll get to that after I compile all the evidence towards this:

In KH:

Kairi likes her life the way it is. She doesn't desire change, but Riku wants nothing but change. He wants to grow up and move on and see the outside world.

And because Sora looks up to him, Sora has jumped on the bandwagon too. Kairi is going along because Sora is. But it is clear that for Kairi, change =/= good. So what does she say?

"You know, Riku's changed."

Sora asks her how, and she kinda bites her tongue. Clearly she had opinions, but doesn't want to badmouth Soras best friend to him. Later she says, "Sora, don't ever change."

Later, after everything, when Kairi is restored and in Travers Town, she doubts that Riku can be saved, despite the fact that she LITERALLY saved Sora from being a heartless. She almost seems like she's trying to convince Sora not to go, or to at least let her come with-- not to save Riku but because she wants to be there with Sora.

At the end of the game, she obviously return to destiny islands and draws the paopu.

During Chain of Memories, everyone forgets about Sora, but the memories of Riku stay intact. For a year. Kairi is well aware that her "friend" is missing. In fact, last she knew of him, he was still taken by Ansem and presumably dead or at least suffering. She doesn't know.

She knows she's a Princess of Heart and has powers thay can help (as she restored Sora after being a heartless). But the most we get is "he's far away, but I know we'll see him again." Like, do you?

I mean, SELPHIE is the one that says "I sure miss him." That's way more than we EVER get from Kairi.

So for a YEAR, she doesn't spare Riku a single thought. But the SECOND she remembers Sora, she is willing to do anything to see him again.

Here's a little bit of speculation for WHY she doesn't like Riku:

1) Perhaps when she first met them as kids, he reminder her of Xehenort, who kidnapped her and yeeted her into space.

2) Kairi wanted to be best friends with SORA, but not Riku. She's afraid that Sora will follow Riku to the outside worlds (where she doesn't want to go) and leave her behind. If it wasn't for Riku, Sora wouldn't want to leave at all.

3) He (as far as we know) opened the door and damned their home into Darkness. That's probably a point of contention for her. Even though Sora so forgiving.

4) He hurt Sora in KH1, but Sora is still loyal to him. She probably sees that as him taking advantage of Sora-- the person she cares most about.

5) He's the reason Sora never came home. If it wasn't for him, they would have gone home at the end of KH1 together.

I can't say for sure how Riku feels about Kairi. He DID drag her corpse around and give into the darkness to save her, but that can be interpreted as solely wanting to "beat " Sora at being the hero. Even still, we get moment in COM where he reflects on missing her. We even see Namine come to his rescue in her form. I definitely feel like there is less animosity there, but who knows.

That's all.

Roast me, Kairi stans, but I love the depth this reading gives to the story and the potential for arcs and character growth for her and she is forced to face who she is without Sora.

[freckledhylian]

Riku actually held that KH1 paopu for a whole day.

In KH1, the paopu tree seems to have space for holding 4 fruits. Yet, only 3 are shown. The first person we’re shown alongside that tree is Riku. And what does he gives Sora at the end of the day?

“Maybe he took it just before leaving”

That’d be a possibility, but, the next day, not a single paopu is missing on the tree.

Which mean, Riku actually had the fruit before the sunset scene. Not only that, but the spot where the 4th paopu should be, would actually be the easiest one to pluck. Then what was he doing with it for so long? Well, during that sunset scene, Kairi said that to Riku;

He sure did. Remember what Selphie said about not plucking a Paopu fruits without being serious about it? Riku would never just pluck it for “just a joke” especially if he knows one of his friends would be upset over it. He spent all this time thinking about whether would he share one with Sora or not. He apparently chose to, since he plucked the fruit, but ended up not doing it for some reasons that I still don’t know for sure. He maybe took a tiny bite and gave it to Sora in hope that he would just take it home and eat it, who knows?

To back this up I also have a manga panel where Riku is shown regretting not trying “that paopu thing”

(Pic from @/blowingoffsteam2)

So; Riku actually plucked that Paopu fruit surely after finishing working his part of the raft and just sat there, looking at the sea, thinking about if he would share it with Sora or not. Or more like would he find the force to actually do it. Time went by and the sunset scene happened. For some reasons, he just tossed it to Sora, maybe either hoping Sora would just eat it or just watching what would his reaction be.

About the reasons that maybe made him “give up” I have a theory:

Remember when Riku says if he win, he’ll share the paopu with Kairi? I’m pretty sure that’s what he used in his own mind to determine if he would share the Paopu or not, but with the sparring one. He was probably so lost that he just ended up using what they always used to decide something; sparring, or just competing against each other. “If I win, I’ll share a Paopu with Sora.” Now, I don’t know the canonical result of the sparring, but I think Sora won and hence why Riku stayed true to his words and didn’t share it with him. Not so sure about that one though.

Thinking about Riku looking at the fruit and imagining himself sharing it with Sora, just for him to see the paopu drawing the next day just shatter my heart.

[themattress]

Untitled Kairi Post II

Kingdom Hearts II is Kairi's other good game. It's (sadly enough) where she peaked.

However, many fans were and still are disappointed in KH2 Kairi. Is that reasonable?

…..Yes and no.

I feel that Kairi’s role in Nomura’s base story for KH2 is really good, barring one factor. She starts remembering Sora and even makes contact with his heart via Roxas which causes her to send her poem out to sea, she befriends Pluto and goes through a Dark Corridor to Twilight Town where she befriends Hayner, Pence and Olette, she gets kidnapped by Organization XIII and held captive in the Castle That Never Was, is rescued by Namine (the other half of herself) and reunites with Riku and in turn reunites him with Sora, is given a weapon and is able to fight as part of the heroic party, she saves Namine from fading through reassimilating her into her heart, and ultimately her poem inspiring pure feelings in Sora allows him to open the Door to Light and bring himself and Riku home after all hope seemed to be lost; he even is finally able to return her good luck charm to her as promised in KH1.

The one factor that needed to be altered was the kidnapping part. It still had to happen, but it preferably should have happened a good while after showcasing her stay in Twilight Town and fleshing out her character. The scene where she goes to Twilight Town should have happened much earlier, and we could constantly cut back to her after completing each world (maybe even have a playable moment or two with her). Do that and everything’s perfect.

However, not only was this factor not altered, but three glaring problems also transpired.

First of all, notice a pattern in all of Kairi’s major scenes?

WE GET IT. Kairi really, really likes Sora; she’s his love interest. That was a huge part of her character in KH1, but there (as I just got done analyzing) Kairi still had a backstory and feelings on matters that were unrelated to Sora and an inner life and an actual character arc that progressed from beginning to end…all of this despite Sora being the one whom she primarily interacted with! And it’s terrible that KH2 isn’t affording her the same treatment when at the same time it gives her so many other characters to interact with like Selphie, Pluto, Hayner, Pence, Olette, Namine, King Mickey, Axel and Saix. The best she gets is with Riku:

Secondly, she gets a weapon. Did it have to be a Keyblade, and did that Keyblade have to be so flowery? No, but whatever. It’s a weapon, and she can fight with it. She says so herself!

She does so against a horde of Heartless - in a cutscene. Where we only see her take out two enemies and then the remainder of the fight largely happens offscreen. Afterwards, we never see the goddamn thing again! Not even when it clearly is supposed to be there:

Come ON! We needed way more than that! And hey, game developers, couldn’t you have given Kairi a non-party battle AI? You gave one for Axel who wasn’t even supposed to make it that far into the story; so why not Kairi? It makes this whole pay-off underwhelming to many.

Third and finally, what is she doing when not fighting or having a scene centered around how much she cares for Sora? Mainly just idly standing in the back row of the party and saying “Sora!”, “Riku!”, or both. Now, this point isn’t quite as bad as the others since this is shared with Donald and Goofy rather than be exclusive to her, and the game also has several screens where you can talk to Kairi and she has text boxes with dialogue that actually showcases more of her personality beyond just being Sora’s love interest. She reminds you of her knowledge of nautical superstitions, is perceptive enough to recognize the Proof of Existence chamber as a graveyard, says she doesn’t like being left out of adventuring, says that she wants to get more skilled as Sora and Riku in combat so that they get hurt less, and outright puts her foot down and tells Sora in non-negotiable terms that from now on where he goes she goes too (please ignore Nomura totally ruining this in the games past KH2, ‘kay?)

So, that’s why people are often hard on KH2 Kairi. BUT I still say that she still deserves credit for the things done right with her, namely the important plot-relevant actions she undertakes, the fact that she gets to forge connections with so many other characters at all, the fact that she even has a weapon and gets to fight competently with it, those aforementioned text boxes, and her still getting some measure of character development through learning that “waiting isn’t good enough” (again, ignore Nomura’s post-KH2 fuckery!) Plus - her attitude!

And this leads me to my final point, which is….

Kairi in the Kingdom Hearts II manga doesn’t get kidnapped until after quite a while spent in Twilight Town and even receives a focus chapter while being held captive, her relationships with other characters are fleshed out beyond her just talking about Sora with them, she has much more impressive showcasing of her combat skills and is even outright acknowledged as possibly a fiercer fighter than Sora and Riku, she displays her character the whole way through and not just in optionally viewable text boxes, and on top of all this her facial expression are always on point, which isn’t even something that can be said of other characters in the manga! She’s got all of the game upsides, and none of the downsides.

[wait-still-rendering]

You know what I genuinely love? So in KH1 when Sora loses everything, his entire world is gone. Kairi is in a coma and can barely respond, and Riku has ditched him out of jealousy and because of Maleficent's manipulation. For all he knows, he'll never see his other island friends (Tidus, Wakka, Selphie) or family again. They could even be dead. He's fourteen and doesn't know what's going on. He's fourteen and completely out of his element even if he has had small sparring sessions with his friends on the island. He's fourteen and his sparring sessions don't prepare him in the least for what he's about to face. He's fourteen.

And he's alone.

Then come along Donald and Goofy with their, "Our ship runs on happy smiles," or whatever the line is. Sora is most likely in a huge depression right then, but he still musters up the courage to smile.

(This can also be detrimental to his character with him saying he can take on everyone's pain in later games, of course.)

[ultraericthered]

Rating KH Character Vocal Performances (English Dub)

(This list only uses KH original characters, Final Fantasy guest stars, and the Disney characters who are main characters involved in the KH original storyline)

GOD TIER: Billy Zane as Ansem/Terra-Xehanort (KH1)

Derek Stephen Prince as Vexen/Even (All Appearances)

Christopher Lee as DiZ/Ansem the Wise (KH2 and Days)

Paul St. Peter as Xemnas (All Appearances)

Mark Hamill as Master Eraqus (BBS and KH3)

Leonard Nimoy as Master Xehanort (BBS and 3D)

Christopher Lloyd as Master Xehanort (KH3 DLC & MoM)

Kathryn Beaumont as Kairi’s Grandmother (BBS)

Susanne Blakeslee as Maleficent (All Appearances)

Jim Cummings as Pete (All Appearances)

Wayne Alwine as King Mickey (KH1 and KH2)

TOP TIER: Hayley Joel Osment as Sora (KH1, Re:CoM, KH2 and KH3)

Hayden Panettiere as Kairi (KH1, KH2, and BBS)

David Gallaghar as Riku (KH1, Re:CoM, KH2, BBS, 3D, and MoM)

Richard Epcar as Ansem/Terra-Xehanort (3D, 0.2 BBS, and KH3)

Tony Anselmo as Donald Duck (All Appearances)

Bill Farmer as Goofy (All Appearances)

Bret Iwan as King Mickey (BBS)

Eddie Caroll as Jiminy Cricket (KH1, Re:CoM, and KH2)

Joe Ochman as Jiminy Cricket (Re:Coded and KH3)

Jesse McCartney as Roxas (All Appearances)

Meaghan Martin as Namine (Re:CoM and Days)

Brittany Snow as Namine (KH2)

David Boreanaz as Leon (KH1)

Doug Erholtz as Leon (KH3 DLC)

Christy Carlson Romano as Yuffie (KH1)

Mae Whitman as Yuffie (KH2)

Chris Edgerly as Cid (KH3 DLC)

Steve Burton as Cloud (KH1 and Re:Coded)

Quinton Flynn as Axel (Re:CoM, KH2, and Days)

Shanelle Grey as Larxene (Re:CoM and KH3)

Dave Boat as Lexaeus/Aeleus (Re:CoM and BBS)

Corey Burton as DiZ/Ansem the Wise (Re:CoM)

Alyson Stoner as Xion (Days and KH3)

Kirk Thornton as Saix (All Appearances)

James Patrick Stuart as Braig/Xigbar/Luxu (All Appearances)

Ryan O’Donohue as Demyx (All Appearances)

Robin Atkin-Downes as Luxord (All Appearances)

Will Friedle as Seifer (KH2)

Justin Crowden as Hayner (KH2)

Sean Marquette as Pence (KH2)

Jessica DiCicco as Olette (KH2)

Corey Burton as Yen Sid (KH2, BBS, and KH3)

Jeff Bennett as Merlin (All Appearances)

Rachel Leigh Cook as Tifa (KH2)

Matt McKenzie as Auron (KH2)

Hedy Burress as Yuna (KH2)

Tara Strong as Rikku (KH2)

Gwendoline Yeo as Paine (KH2)

Luke Marinquez as Little Sora (BBS)

Ariel Winter as Little Kairi (BBS)

Kirk Thornton as Isa (BBS)

Quinton Flynn as Lea (BBS)

Jason Dohring as Terra (0.2 BBS and KH3)

Jesse McCartney as Ventus (BBS and KH3)

Hayley Joel Osment as Vanitas (BBS and KH3)

Ben Diskin as Young Xehanort (Re:Coded, 3D, and KH3)

Lara Jill Miller as Chirithy (X Backcover, KH3, and MoM)

Ray Chase as the Master of Masters (X Backcover)

MID TIER:

Alyson Stoner as Kairi (Re:CoM)

Richard Epcar as Ansem/Terra-Xehanort (Re:CoM and BBS)

Shaun Flemming as Tidus (KH1)

Molly Keck as Selphie (KH1 and KH2)

Doug Erholtz as Leon (KH2)

Mae Whitman as Yuffie (KH3 DLC)

Andrea Bowen as Aerith (KH3 DLC)

Keith Ferguson as Marluxia (Re:CoM and KH3)

David Dayan Fisher as Xaldin/Dilan (KH2/FM and BBS)

Meaghan Martin as Namine (BBS, Re:Coded, KH2 FM, and KH3)

Hayden Panettiere as Xion (3D)

Brandon Adams as Rai (KH2)

Jillian Bowen as Fuu (KH2)

Melissa Disney as Vivi (KH2)

Crispin Freeman as Setzer (KH2)

Corey Burton as Yen Sid (Re:Coded, 3D, 0.2 BBS, and MoM)

Willa Holland as Aqua (BBS, 3D, and 0.2 BBS)

Rick Gomez as Zack (BBS)

Ty Panitz as Little Riku (BBS)

David Gallaghar as Young Xehanort (BBS)

Matthew Mercer as Ira (X Backcover and KH3)

Travis Willingham as Aced (X Backcover and KH3)

Kevin Quinn as Gula (X Backcover and KH3)

Karissa Lee Staples as Invi (X Backcover and KH3)

Isabela Moner as Ava (X Backcover)

Matthew Mittleman as Luxu (X Backcover)

Michael Johnson as Ephemer (X Backcover and KH3)

Madison Davenport as Nameless Star (KH3 and MoM)

Vince Corazza as Ienzo (3D, KH3, and MoM)

Zachary Gordon as Hayner (KH3)

Tristan Chase as Pence (KH3)

Ashley Boettcher as Olette (KH3)

Drake Bell as Young Eraqus (KH3)

Dylan Sprouse as Yozora (KH3 DLC)

LOW TIER: Hayley Joel Osment as Sora (Re:Coded, 3D, and 0.2 BBS)

Alyson Stoner as Kairi (Days, 0.2 BBS, KH3, and MoM)

David Gallaghar as Riku (Days, Re:Coded, and KH3)

Richard Epcar as Ansem/Terra-Xehanort (KH2)

Wayne Alwine as King Mickey (Re:CoM)

Phil Snyder as Jiminy Cricket (Re:Coded and 3D)

Dee Bradley Baker as Wakka (KH1)

Mandy Moore as Aerith (KH1)

Steve Burton as Cloud (KH2)

George Newbern as Sephiroth (KH2)

Chris Edgerly as Cid (KH2)

Vince Corrazza as Zexion (Re:CoM, KH2 FM, and Days)

Corey Burton as Ansem the Wise (3D and KH3)

Quinton Flynn as Axel/Lea (Days Movie, 3D, and KH3)

Jason Dohring as Terra (BBS)

Willa Holland as Anti-Aqua (KH3)

Rutger Hauer as Master Xehanort (KH3)

Bret Iwan as King Mickey (all post-BBS appearances)

SHIT TIER: Lance Bass as Sephiroth (KH1)

Mena Suvari as Aerith (KH2)

Willa Holland as Aqua (KH3)

Corey Burton as DiZ/Ansem the Wise (BBS, Days Movie, and MoM)

[coruscantide]

✔

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canon likes to not focus on the kairi and riku dynamic but i remember. nomura you can't make me forget kh1 to kh2 and all the shit riku endured for kairi and the clear same level of care she has for him even if you only let her show it for like five minutes at most or have pieces of it mirrored in their relationships to other characters and barely acknowledge it otherwise. i'm not gonna delve too deep into this here because i'm already in the middle of doing a long ass post about what riku means to kairi so time to put a pin in that and onto plot ideas!

maybe threads were they talk about what's on their mind? they clearly do off screen. and let them tease each other oh my god. let them support each other while also being able to drag each other for little things. meeting riku exponentially increased her snark capabilities. just like how riku was protective of kairi, she is protective of him, though it tends to usually manifest in different ways, and they both could take it a bit too far unintentionally or not ( side eyes kh1 ). and a background element i vibe with? right person wrong time missed opportunities but echoes of it still there on both ends (*cough*orwecoulddosomethingwiththat*cough*).

sparring sessions! riku did visit her while she was learning under merlin so let them take a moment to train. the master can show her the ropes lest she run off into a crowd of heartless wildly swinging the keyblade around again.

you know, one thing they can have is their own long running score over anything and everything. from arcades to those table games like air hockey and soccer to who manages to bean a specific branch the most times with a rock to surfing to fishing to card games like triple triad to who can catch the most peanuts in their mouth to whoever can stomach the most donuts. just random things they do together and turn into an impromptu competition, and because it's been going on so long they sometimes get the current tally wrong and insist they're the one in the lead.

next time riku goes to destiny islands someone ( selphie? ) should really hand him the stack of sealed letters addressed to him by kairi but were never really intended to be sent since he had been mia off the islands for over a year. i wonder what they say...

oh, ha, maybe, one day, they're talking and kairi just casually mentions something in conversation that riku picks up on though she breezes past it without much thought like it's common knowledge but it isn't. because. because he thought she didn't know about it and the only time he mentioned it to her was during that time in kh1 when he had her empty body and implications are there now and

au time. *looks at your dark route* *looks back at you* p,,, please.

i too have an au or two you can peruse *trips and a bunch of aus falls out of my pocket* altered memory kairi living with namine during com and completely forgetting her former life and friends and can't recognize them when they find her, kairi winding up with her keyblade and clashing with sora over the better way to help riku who was missing his heart, sora not quite saving kairi in remind and being booted to quadratum leaving kairi kinda dead to haunt the narrative from the final world as a formless star and riku is the only one she can connect with, crossover verses- *scrambles to shove them back in my pocket* anywaYS I'm down for anything! Just hit me up! Or I'll hit you up.

[selphie-kairi]

[accessoryslot]

[hajihiko]

can i take a guess and say xion + either riku or aqua were your faves,,, (not the same anon)

Actually Xigbar of all people was my fave. Preteen me loved that old fart. When I played KH1 I was kinda like, too young to conceptualize stuff as much?? I think the orange girl (selphie I had to google it lol) from the islands was my fave lol because I thought she was pretty ♡

[hollowwhisperings]

A Genuine Question for my Fellow Kingdom Hearts Nerds: are there ANY in-game examples of Riku and Kairi "being friends" outside their shared context of "this is Sora's [Other] Best Friend" or, in the case of Riku, "it's my fault you're in danger so I have to take responsibility and protect you"?

I'm talking actual, genuine moments of Spending Time Together, independently from Sora's presence and outside of Preventing Tragedies.

explanatory elaboration below cut + bonus "did Yen Sid actually do anything Wrong or is the Hate a projection of Sora's Masculine Insecurity in KH3?"

From what I can recall, Riku and Kairi have been Sora's Two Best Friends but THEY each share One Best Friend (Sora).

A LOT of the assumptions made about Kairi & her relationships with others seem to be Assumptions based in Kairi's Being Female: Kairi became the franchise's "Female Lead" by default of being the Only Plot-Adjacent Female in KH1, in addition to the assumption that "Kairi must be the Female Lead because Sora&Riku are Rivals & thus their rivalry must be over Her".

If we change the genders of Kairi or Riku, many Fan Assumptions on their relationship cease to be "logical": if Riku is Female, Kairi's closest female friend is still Selphie & Riku's closest female friend is NAMINÉ (Kairi only held that role in KH1 because, again, they share a best friend in Sora & thus share more onscreen Proximity); if Kairi is Male OR Riku is Female, Sora is both Best Friend and "closest male friend". Changing Kairi or Riku's assumed gender makes a resultant rivalry between the two for Sora's attention More Obvious, whereas Kairi existing as the "Token Female" creates Assumptions of Romantic Tension.

I have been struggling to draft a Theory/Analysis post on Kairi due to my feeling a need to replay every single KH game to REALLY look at the textual Kairi with those CompHet Shipping Goggles we get, as Members Of [This] Society, pointedly set aside.

(I also want to do a replay to just... actually note what Yen Sid CANONICALLY says and does? to figure out why the International Audience seems to hate him so much. he's a very reasonable authority figure, to me? i played BBS back on PSP & thus knew him prior to the "Story So Far" compilation & KH3. and, as far as "mentors in fantasy settings made in East Asia" go, Yen Sid is... pretty reasonable? especially since BBS puts him in "Competition" with Masters Eraqus of "murder for the greater good is fine, apparently" and Xehanort. Yen Sid making Mickey do Chores and Not Passing Sora for an Exam he couldn't actually take is... standard mentor stuff? Sora almost DIED in DDD: of course Yen Sid was strict about his involvement in an upcoming war. The title & subsequent responsibilities of being named a "Master" remains Unclear and Riku's receiving the Title was due to his Extraordinary Success with the Power of Waking. Yen Sid states both Sora & Riku have accomplished great things already, without being Masters & without formal instruction in the Ways of the Keyblade. There is also the Doylist explanation for Sora's Failure: Nomura never intended for Sora to pass the exam at all because Sora is supposed to be an [Unchosen One], someone ordinary who accomplishes extraordinary things BECAUSE he is "ordinary".)

[lightandfellowship]

(BBS spoilers)

Replying to @starlightwayfinder

I’m pretty sure the voice in the kh1 tutorial is actually Mickey! (Though it would be cool if it was Ven) It still makes sense though, since Mickey knows about phrases like ‘may your heart be your guiding key’!

Well, in the case of "broaden your horizons", it's one of the options you can pick from when dream Tidus, Selphie, and Wakka ask Sora personal questions to determine how he levels up throughout the game, rather than something the Voice says first (it does eventually parrot the phrase when it summarizes your choices, I think? But that's in response to Sora picking the option.) I have to assume that all the available choices are things that Sora conceivably would say of his own accord, rather than multiple options that were presented to him to pick from. Which is why I was thinking that maybe his heart was remembering the phrase.

Unless Mickey was speaking through Tidus, Selphie, and Wakka and in fact giving Sora three options to pick from, that is.

[embraceyourdestiny]

penned between the margins // Kingdom Hearts fanfic

Rating: General

Characters: Kairi (post KH1~ around CoM)

Warnings: Dairy entry that’s present tense + first person POV, slight dereality typical with memory related issues in Kingdom Hearts, Hospitals

AO3

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Something happened. I don’t know what it was, but I know something did happen.

It started a few weeks ago. This… feeling inside of me. It’s nothing like anything I’ve felt before, so I don’t know how to describe it. It’s almost… hollow? No, that doesn’t sound right. Empty? Maybe, but not quiet.

Longing. That might be the way to describe it.

I don’t know where it came from. One day I was running down the beach of the main island with Wakka and Tidus, playing games with them, giggling with Selphie and the other girls about about dumb school stuff like we always do, and the next thing I remember I somehow ended up at the play islands, standing at the empty shore like I was looking for something.

Like something was missing.

I don’t remember how I got there, I don’t even remember leaving the house that day or what compelled me to go there without telling anyone. I just… did. Or did I? If I don’t remember doing it, did it really happen?

Everything feels like a dream. That’s probably the best summary of how most things have felt since that day.

Some things are real, I know for sure. Wakka and Tidus are as rambunctious as ever, sparring up and down the shore, laughing and messing with each other like they always do. Selphie and I are practically glued at the hip like we’ve always been. These things are the same and they feel normal but… but they also feel like they’re not.

It’s weird. I don’t know how to describe it. Somehow, things don’t quite feel real.

Nothing from my life is missing or out of place; mom and dad are as great as ever, no one moved in or away (I made sure — daughter-of-the-mayor privileges come in handy every once in a while), summer was ready to end and school was about to start a few weeks away just like it was before this gnawing feeling consumed me, so, what’s wrong? Why do I feel like this? Why does it feel like I’m searching for something I can never find, even though I can almost feel it brushing against my fingertips?

Selphie was the one who found me all those weeks ago and I still feel like I have to apologize for it everyday, even though I stopped doing that about a week ago. She said we were walking down the beach, chatting away like any other day, when I just… stopped. Stopped moving, stopped talking, even stopped breathing, though I don’t know how much of that was an exaggeration on her part or entirely true. She’s always had a flair for the dramatics, after all. it’s not that I doubt her, I just… I feel like I’m always second guessing myself these days.

Anyway, she said I stopped walking and just… turned on my heel and walked towards the shoreline. She said I would’ve walked right in if she hadn’t stopped me, and that might be the scariest part of all of this. The second scariest, actually. Doing things beyond your control and not remembering it is terrifying, but knowing you’re missing something without any proof of many things missing is indescribably startling. At least there’s a reason for people doing things and not remembering doing them, what explanation is there for remembering something that didn’t happen?

That’s what I keep telling myself. It didn’t happen. It feels wrong, so wrong, because I know something did happen, but maybe it didn’t. Maybe I’m just remembering wrong. Maybe I’m imagining it. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

And it’s even weirder because with how Selphie describes her story… I don’t remember it like that at all.

We might’ve been on the beach together at some point, the details of memories with her are fuzzy in an entirely different way, but I don’t remember her being there. I don’t remember anyone from the islands being there. No one. I was all by myself for so long. I have no visual memory of this, no flash of images that give me at least some solace that I’m not completely losing my mind, but I know I was alone.

Or… no, I wasn’t. Not entirely, at least. There was this… warmth. This light, almost. I was scared and alone, but the light helped keep me warm and safe. I think, at least. With no proof even within my own mind, it makes what I feel seem less reliable, but I know it happened. I know. Or, I thought. I don’t know. It’s all a big jumbled mess.

All I know is that before Selphie found me on the beach that day, everything was dark. And cold. And alone. But not. Because that light was protecting me.

Maybe I am losing my mind. How can I both feel something and not feel something at the same time?

Selphie nearly gave me a heart attack when her concerned hand gently touched my elbow that day, but outwardly, I had no reaction. It was unnatural. She touched me and I barely moved. I only slightly shifted to face her but with no control of my own. Like my body was on autopilot, trying to fly to my rescue. And I was so tired. As nice as she could put it, Selphie said I looked dead in the eyes when I looked at her before collapsing in her arms, and isn’t that embarrassing?

Wakka and Tidus had luckily come to the islands that day and found us soon enough, me lying in Selphie’s arms on her lap, wordless, almost comatose, and Selphie freaking out on the inside but surprisingly calm on the outside, holding my hand and gently stroking hairs behind my ear that just wouldn’t stay.

I don’t remember much from that day, honestly. All I know for sure is besides darkness and light, I vividly recall Selphie’s soft hand in mine, the slight shake of her body as she reassured me that everything was going to be okay, and the image of her crumbling to the floor the second she thought I couldn’t see her anymore behind the hospital door. But, I did, and it’s been haunting me ever since.

She looked so… frail. Small. Like a child, wailing on the floor in the middle of the hallway. For me. Maybe that’s the real reason I still apologize to her everyday, even if it’s only in my head. Purposefully or not, I did that to her, and the guilt is almost too much to bear.

Staying in the hospital was… an experience I hardly remember. It comes back in flashes, in sensations I’d never felt before but can pinpoint exactly now, like an IV in my arm and being fed food and water because I couldn’t do it myself for days on end. Humiliation is commonplace among my confusing and busted wheelhouse of emotions now, it seems.

The weird thing was, when I was conscious and coherent, trying to tell everyone what I think happened, with their words, they told me I was wrong, that I never left the islands, that everyone is safe and here, that I have nothing to worry about. But their actions said something different. Worrying hands that seemed frantic for reasons more than me having a bad… whatever I had. Quick glances constantly thrown over my parents shoulder, like if they looked away for even a second, I’d disappear into thin air.

Sometimes, it feels like the other way around. Like instead of disappearing into thin air, I just appeared out of nowhere one day.

It’s confusing because I don’t feel this way about my entire life. I know the memories of before that day are real, that I came to this island as a little girl, that against all odds I found a family and great friends, but it still feels so, so wrong. Even though those memories shouldn’t be tainted in anyway, they still feel off. Incorrect. Like something missing. Just like Selphie’s telling of the day she found me. I don’t think she’s lying, but I know she isn’t right. And the most confusing part is I’m not lying to myself, but I know my memories aren’t right either.

It’s been a slow adjustment, coming back. I keep phrasing it that way in my head. “Coming back.” I didn’t leave, not physically. At least, I don’t think, but it feels like I came home after a long, long, taxing journey. Like when you come back after a long family trip and the tiredness of your travels finally settles in, leaving you fatigued and sluggish, but I never feel that relief that swells in you when you finally get home. That feeling of when you step through the door of your house and comfort, safety, security, home washes over you. It hasn’t happened yet. I’ve never left, and yet I don’t feel like I’m home.

‘ Try not to think of it,’ my mother tells me. ‘Focus on what it is you’re feeling,’ the therapist says. ‘I’m losing my mind,’ I think.

I don’t know which one of us is right.

At the moment I’m sitting on the balcony of my bedroom, staring out at the setting sun as it’s light sparkles over the horizon. I’ve always loved twilight. It’s the best part of the day, when the sun is nuzzling into it’s comfortable place and gives us one last glow of it’s beauty before saying farewell and making way for the night. The time between day and night has always been one of comfort for me. It’s even prettier on the play islands, but I haven’t been back since Selphie found me.

Okay… not technically true. I did go back once when I could find the chance to get away between the hectic mess of discharging from the hospital and settling back in at home. And there I go talking about it like that again. “Settling back in.” I never left, so there’s nothing to settle into. I tell myself this so I feel like I at least have a little control, but once the lying starts it means that control has been lost for a long time, right?

...Right. The play islands. I went back because I thought I could… I don’t know. Find whatever it was that was missing? As if it was just some trinket I dropped near the paopu tree and if I came running back it’d be right there, waiting for me to return. It sounds as ridiculous as it felt to do. What I lost wasn’t some mere charm off a bracelet or something trivial like that, it was real and important, of course it wasn’t going to just magically appear the last place I remember seeing it.

Huh… that’s a bit of a clue, isn’t it? “The last place I remember seeing it.” The paopu tree. It keeps coming up in my thoughts and in my memories, as if I can trust those, but maybe that will be helpful down the line.

Before all of this stuff happened, I used to keep a diary. Not for any real reason, the content of it hardly mattered, honestly. Scribblings here, a random poem there, what I wrote wasn’t important, it was the fact that I was writing at all that was. It helped me keep things clear and concise in my own head, all my thoughts organized into one, easy to read space. I kept a journal with me constantly, writing down anything that seemed important and sometimes especially things that were mundane, so I wouldn’t forget it later. I eventually fell out of the habit, but the doctor suggested for me to pick it up again to help make sense of what happened to me and I’ve been trying to do it ever since.

These days, though, my thoughts and writings form into one big blob of a mess and I find myself constantly getting lost in the flow between them. Some things I thought I wrote down end up being only thoughts I had at some point and never committed to writing down, and other things I thought were only daydream imaginings end up staring right back at me on the lines of paper. I look down at the notebook in my lap now and realize I’ve been writing this whole time. It’s become second nature at this point, I wasn’t even looking at what I was writing. My penmanship has seen better days but the writing is still legible and… as coherent as I can make my thoughts be recently. It makes sense to me, at least. (And doesn’t.)

I scribble the note about the paopu tree down, even drawing a crude rendition of the tree with three paopu fruits on it in the margins, as best as I can muster. It’s not much, but drawing has also been helping me make sense of the mess of my brain recently, even though I’m not all that good at it. Maybe I need a hobby. Something to distract me. The doctor said something like that, too, I think, but, as always, I can’t remember clearly.

There are few and far moments in between when thinking about whatever it was that happened to me isn’t all-consuming and occupying every one of my thoughts, and my mind flits over to the thought of school.

God, doesn’t that sound awful.

School has never been bad, but dealing with it while also dealing with all of this sounds a bit much. Maybe I can ask if I can be homeschooled, just for a semester. Mom and dad will probably fight it, saying it’ll be good for me to be among my peers, especially after all of this, but I disagree. It might not be a good idea, but I think I just need to be alone with this stuff for a while, so I can make sense of it for myself, and then I can make it make sense to others. If it ever gets to that point. I don’t know if it will, honestly.

Well, it’s okay for now. School isn’t for at least another month so until then, I’ll just keep trying to make everything make sense.

I’m not normally a pessimist, but these thoughts and recent experiences have made me not feel like myself. I try to not let it bother me, but it does so much. I scribble another note down about needing to make a checklist of school supplies and end the note with an explanation point, dotting the bottom with a drawing of a paopu fruit.

Paopu fruit… paopu tree…

I look up from my journal and out to the glittering sea, the play islands gently hugging the darkening horizon. Maybe I should go back there soon. Something feels like it’s calling me. But maybe I’m imagining that, too.

I hear my mother call me for dinner and I sigh, closing my notebook. I stand, looking out wistfully towards the twilight horizon and the play islands one more time, before I leave the balcony and shut the sliding door tight, locking it into place.

Another thought for another day.