#kept my anxiety in check and was able to meet some new friendly people :D

[good-beans]

Thank you new job for the incredibly helpful tip 👍

[thoughtsandbones]

Doth thy demons dwelleth in the darkness too, my belov'd Reaper?

🚨WARNINGS: Mention of mental health illness mention, profanity, scars, fluff, anxiety, medical inaccuracies, blood, gore and just getting the POV of our friendly neighbourhood masked menace.

I do not consent to any AI or anyone taking my work!

Plot: Doctor Ruhari Hari Kaur (OC is South Asian ☺️) joins the 141 again, but this time as their doctor. After the betrayal of Shepherd and Graves, Task Force 141 begins their hunt on his whereabouts and locating Makarov.

Word count: 6043K

Song inspo: Summer High - AP Dhillon, Don't Fear the Reaper - Blue Oyster Club, Sinner - The Last Dinner Party, The Lara Croft: Tomb Raider Legend soundtrack.

All rights reserved to the rightful owners of Call of Duty Modern Warfare.

spelling and some grammar mistakes as I am bad at times... :/

(FYI: bold sentences... that are like this... are supposed to describe redacted data/info to the plot... ;] .. )

Please do let me know how you all are finding this fanfic! :D

MASTERLIST

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14, PART 15 I, PART 15 II and PART 16

Part 17

The tiny specs of dust floated amongst the surrounding atmosphere, highlighted in the beams of sunlight that penetrated your room. A few settled down on the frame still clutched in your hand, the gold frame sparkled from the light as you tilted it, staring deeper into the image of Simon. That mole on his jugular kept drawing you in, beneath the skin, the vein you thought for the past 13 years had been burnt to ash was actually flowing steadily. The deep crimson blood slithers from his brain back to his heart after all.

Could it honestly be that Ghost is Simon Riley... or Simon is Ghost... One in the same. You thought to yourself, you get up lay down on your bed, the framed photo at the tip of your round nose.

Time stood still for what felt like hours.

It would make total sense, he knew your old name. You recall the day you first met, when he said that name. The inscription of the former shell you shed. That person who you haven't been able to come to terms with. Unable to reclaim the innocence of not knowing the cruelty of mankind. The lust for war over land, oil, weapons or whatever it is people fight for nowadays...Unwilling to let go that guard you have down.

That mole drew you in again, displayed on the only available photo you have of him.

Did everyone else know...? Surely. Perhaps not... A supposed dead man displayed by a skull face was filled with irony. You couldn't help but laugh at the thought of Simon's smug face startling new and old people with this faux relic of his former self.

Checking your watch, you realise you spent perhaps too long wondering about the past. No time like the present to find out the answers to the questions that flushed through your synapses.

Gathering your selected files and papers, placing the gold frame on top, you put the lid back on the box and slide it back to its former spot. Placing the chosen contents in a spare tote bag, swinging it over your shoulder.

Glancing around your room you look at the knick knacks laying in their places. Collecting dust and time. The gemstones you once fiddled with when looking out the window laid dormant.

Heading back down, you meet Clarissa back in her car. Once back in the passenger seat, you feel a lightness overcome you.

If Ghost really is Simon Riley, then it means he had his own reasons to hide. After what brief knowledge you of have of his supposed death, a part of you understood. Yet there was a slight annoyance growing inside of you.

Clarissa noticed you pursing your lips and frowning as you lulled your head side to side with the smooth motion of the car. After contemplating whether or not to tell you about her encounter with Gaz, the cute sleauthe, to fill the quietness.

But she was reminded of your sudden snore coming from your mouth that you were a surgeon who dealt with an extremely serious injury, and then be ridiculed by the moronic Dr Jones.

As Clarissa drove up to the gate of base she called in a favour from a new friend, Kyle Garrick, to help with getting permission to drive up to the rear of building 2 so you could get back with ease to your quarters.

Clarissa was guided back to the emergency back entrance of Building 2, you woke suddenly with the familiar sound of a large tank thundering by. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes and blinked several times, trying to focus them to know your exact location.

"Go get some sleep" Clarissa said as she gazed at you as your rubbed your temple.

"Been a long day" You scoff slightly and then yawn again.

"I'm gonna talk to your Captain about Jones and get something done" Clarissa said

You had heard what she said and nodded, unable to move your jaw to let the words escape.

Exiting the car you to wave Clarissa goodbye and then make your way back up to your room. As your reach your dear you look down the corridor and see the rough outline of Ghost's door...

Taking a deep breath you open your door, the tote bag carrying the gold frame and your documents swung as you strolled into your room. Closing the door behind you, placing the tote bag on one of the hooks and then stripping off your scrubs and crawl back into bed. Gathering the strewn duvet cover from when your were first paged nearly 2 hours ago.

As you cocooned yourself your mind went back to Ghost - or Simon Riley. How 3 hours ago he was shrouded in mystery. But now... You have an idea of who he really could be...

I hope it is you Simon you plead quietly within the emptiness of your room. Your aching bones and flesh beg into sink into the mattress, sleep came quickly this evening as the heaviness of your strung out body shut down.

...

Simon took another deep inhale, his tongue became even more drier as it touched the roof of his dry mouth. Trying to moisten his mouth with saliva, he swallowed the little that came out down. He looked up and realised he had fallen asleep in the shower. The white light of the bathroom pierced his still tired eyes. Simon adjusted his body and sat up straighter, his back bracing the cold white tiles.

With his left hand he touched the now dry bandage and sighed with relief. As he got up, the wound pulsated with pain across his abdomen. Finally, he was feeling the full physical effects of the mission. Simon examined his pale naked body in the mid sized mirror.

Bruises began to appear, especially on his stomach and right shoulder. He could make out the thick red imprint of his gun strap. Brushing his fingers across his shoulder, he felt grains of sand roll against his skin. Simon resorted into having to wash himself with a damp towel and small splashes of water. All in order to avoid the bandage and the wound you stitched together from getting wet.

After feeling far more fresher, Simon wore his comfiest black joggers and socks that had a little German shepherds embroidered on the cuff. Slowly he put on a black vest and then a grey zip up hoodie, but leaving it unzipped. He laid down on his bed and took in the calm silence.

The ringing in his ears came back suddenly; tinnitus. An ever so common issue for soldiers, especially given close contact with flash grenades. Simon tried to forget the images of a bloodied Soap out of his mind, but they, along with the many demons, echoed within his mind.

Suddenly, there was a sharp rapid knock on the door, Simon knew all too well that it was Price. Gently getting up he reached for a clean skull balaclava and put it on and sliding on his trainers.

Ghost opened the door and saw Price, also showered and refreshed, not with his signature boonie.

"Alrigh' Price?" he mumbled, as he leaned against his doorframe.

"Not bad, Soap is awake" Price said, giving a slight grin, which grew as he noticed Ghost's eyes widen.

"How is he?" Ghost says grabbing his keys and moving out of his room, zipping his hoodie as Price moved out the way.

"Alive and well. You can see him, Gaz is there right now" Price said as he watched Ghost lock his door and then turned to face him.

"Let's go"

"Have a good rest?" Price asked

"Somewhat" Ghost gruffed "Can Johnny walk?" He asked

Price chuckled and gave Ghost a light pat on his shoulder

"More than that, he's dishin' out gossip to anyone who would listen" Price huffed

"Really?" Ghost said confused. Hours ago Soap was near the edge of death, and now he is gossipping.

"You have to see it for yourself" Price said

Both Price and Ghost made their way to the ICU where Soap was recovering. And recovering well Ghost assumed as he heard the sergeants laugh fill his body with ease; finally safe and alive.

Ghost approached the edge of the bed, Soap and Gaz finished their conversation before turning their attention to him. Gaz gave him a brief nod.

"Lt! You finally came!" Soap exclaimed his arms reached out, both which had ECG cables coming out him. Ghost saw the biggest grin he had ever seen coming from Soap's bruised and grazed face.

"Johnny.." Ghost mumbled

"Can yer believe that I am alive?!" Soap said, spitting out a laugh, lightly clapping his hands together "For sure thought I was dead" Soap laughed again finally resting his arms from excessive movement on his stomach.

Ghost narrowed his eyes at Soap and crossed his arms. He was acting like he had just had a small tumble and not got shot in the back.

"How's the legs?" Ghost mumbled moving closer over to Soap.

Soap gripped the blue hospital blanket, pulling it up slightly and revealing his wiggling toes. Ghost felt another wave of relief ripple through him.

"Alright Soap, put your stinkers away" Gaz said poking at Soap's feet with his charts that he was looking through earlier.

"Pfft, wanna gimme a sponge bath Gaz?" Soap grinned at Gaz who looked back him disgustingly at the thought.

"Come off it Johnny" Ghost said shaking his head at Soap.

"I was only jokin' Lt!" Soap chuckled

Ghost took in Soap's face and the shared moment of relief and serenity with Price and Gaz. The team was safe, wounded and shocked in places but back in familiar territory.

Gaz sat back down and continued to chat about who would give Soap a sponge bath, asking Price how much or what would it take... Price huffed and said something along the lines of not even if my right leg was blown off.

The conversations between the three faded as Ghost grabbed a chair and sat down, observing his comrades.

"Hey Lt, you hear about Doc?" Soap said, turning his attention to him

"Eh?" Ghost grunted looking up at Johnny with narrowed eyes

"Well, I was laying here, recovering, just woke up from the coma" He starts

'Wasn't a coma mate" Gaz said, Soap ignored him

"I hear a conversation slowly drift into my ears as I lay here recoverin'" Soap continued

"Ah he's telling the long version" Gaz interrupted and quickly went silent as Soap shot him an evil look.

"That Jones fella apparently paged Doc 999 - ICU.. Bless her soul, she must've thought I was dyin' again" Soap said sympathetically towards Ghost, whose eyes were still narrowed at him.

"Runs down here, and Doc notices my intubattery is out"

"Intubation tube" Gaz corrected stifling a laugh with his hand.

"Spit out the short version Johnny, I ain't got all day listenin' to fairy tales" He said sighing

"Pfft thought yer'd be nicer to be me since I am recoverin'" Soap spitted, point to his back.

"Basically, Jones paged Hari on the basis of doing an unauthorised surgery and said to show him her qualifications" Gaz summarised

"Oi, I was tellin' a story here!" Soap shouted, and flung a piece of apple at Gaz from his tray.

"Cut it out Soap" Price said and Soap promptly had a guilty look on his face.

"Wait, what?" Ghost said, straightening up in the chair

"Jones think she committed medical fraud" Price said

"But she saved 'im" Ghost said, throwing his hand out to Johnny

"Aye she did, oh forgot to mention the part Jones said she went psychotic at Foxham"

"Soap.." Price said sternly

"I didn't say anthin'" Soap exclaimed

"You say a lot shit Johnny" Ghost said "What you mean psychotic?" He added

"She apparently had a mental-" Soap started

"Alright, that's enough" Price stepped in "It's all been sorted" he added

"Is she leavin'?" Ghost asked, worry began to tremble through him.

What if you left before he could tell you who he was?

"No, she's staying." Price said

"Good" Ghost said aloud, then realised he said that aloud.

"Takin' a likin' to her ey Lt?" Soap said, giving him a mischievous grin.

Ghost looked away from Soap, he could feel his cheeks and neck getting hot.

"Not the only one" Gaz said, leaning back in his chair looking at Ghost and Soap with a grin. Both looked at eachother.

"I said she was pretty, I'm not in love with her" Soap shouted back at Gaz

As Gaz continued to tease Soap, Ghost got up and put the chair back

"You going?" Price asked

"Yeah" Ghost said moving closer to Price "Might see Doc, see if she's alrigh'?" He added

"She's knocked out at the moment, give her a till tomorrow" Price said and Ghost nodded.

"You goin-" Price started

"Give me 5 days." Ghost said looking straight at Price, who nodded and smiled, he gave him a light pat on the shoulder and let him go.

During the walk back to his room, Ghost made a promise to himself, to you.. 5 days, Ghost checked his watched, it was the 8th of October, 5 days would make it October 13th... He soon realised what day that was; the day The Captain died.

...

Finally after a good sleep, you were feeling slightly better. Yet the inner itch of anxiety trickled down your nerves anytime you heard the words Jones said to you...

"Heard you went psychotic whilst on shift."

Everytime that sentenced pierced your grey matter, your body shuddered, an attempt to rid the thought.

The hot droplets of water scattered across your naked body, taking your bamboo loofah, scrubbing your apple soap, creating a nice lather. You watch the bubbles accumulate as you scrub clean the sweat, the gunk trapped in crevices and bringing new life to the skin.

The fresh apple scent uplifted you, in combination with the hot shower, you felt like you could melt away...

But the oncoming thoughts of the revelation made the previous day flooded your thoughts.

Why would he take so damn long? You thought as you scrubbed over your knee and then down your calf.

But in your mind, you reasoned with yourself.. If you had been betrayed and then supposedly burnt alive you would keep that a secret. Anonymity was literally his name. Ghost

There... But not there really.

Getting out the shower, the cold morning breeze drifted into the bathroom, hitting your fresh skin.

After getting ready you made your way to the mess hall. As you locked the door, you gazed down the corridor to Ghost's room. Checking your watch it was 9:36 am, he would most likely be doing paperwork or something...

Heading down to the mess hall, it was there in the near empty hall you saw Ghost sitting alone on a lunch bench, a cup in front of him. As you both locked eyes, your mouth instantly curved into the biggest grin as you stared at the man hiding beneath the mask.

Your mischievous big grin made Ghost wary of you suddenly as he saw you walk in the mess hall, grabbing breakfast.

Something is up he thought to himself

Watching as you grabbed some breakfast, he kept his eyes on you until you sat right in front of him.

"Morning Lieutenant" You said, trying to not say Simon... Another grin appears.

"Mornin' Doc" He said, puzzled still by your big grin.

He watched as you slowly tilted your head to the side, strands your long brown hair falling too, as if you were analysing his inner workings. Trying to figure him out

"Is it your turn now doin' the starin'?" Ghost huffed, folding his arms

"Hmm perhaps" You replied

Ghost grumbled and looked down at his near empty tea in his mug.

"How's your injury?" You added as he remained silent, now it was his turn to stare at you.

"Fine. Better" He said.

"Good" You said, sucking in some air. You could feel some tension rising between you.

"Heard about Jones" He said, breaking the silence

You look at him, shocked at the bluntness.

"How did you-" You started

"Soap" Ghost said

"Soap?" You questioned "He's awake?!" You exclaimed

"Yeah, he's all good, you did a great job" He said, his eyes softened as he met your curious brown eyes.

"Good..." You say, taking a sip of coffee "What did he say about Jones?"

"Something happened at your old hospital" Ghost said, studying your face for any reaction.

"Yes..." You whispered, dreading the conversation that will follow.

Ghost took a deep breathe in.

"Tomorrow, we need to resume trainin'. Assume you've been doin' some since we've been away" He said changing the subject.

Shocked that he wasn't going to question you, you smiled briefly at him.

"Yeah, definitely, and yes, been training with the martial arts team on base too" You replied

"We shall see how well you can spar tomorrow" Ghost said.

He picked up his mug and said his goodbyes. He knew not to pressure you into giving him information he desperately wanted to know.

Within your own darkness, you seem to be hidin' your own demons too Ghost thought as he walked out.

...

It had only been a 3 days since Ghost, aka Simon Riley, had his deep wound stitched up, and yet he was persistent on picking back up the training, especially hand to hand combat training.

It was no surprise, the Simon you remember was proficient in unarmed combat. Now added with his Ghost persona, daunting others in his stride.

Each time you greeted each other in front of the training room he booked out, you'd ask him how he was.

"Alrigh'" He gruffed

That was his usual response. You didn't want to annoy him any further so you bit your tongue.

Finally, on the fourth day of training, you pinched a nerve with Ghost when you kept repeatedly asking if he was okay and if his wound be able to handle a beating or two.

"So far, I've overthrown you... 7 out of 8 times past three days" He snapped at you, blue eyes narrowed at you.

"Pretty sure it's 6" You replied bluntly as you recall the time you were jumping repeatedly to try and pull him over.

"7" Ghost retorted crossing his arms and stepping closer to you

"You are twice the mass of any normal combatant" You say rolling your eyes edging over to the mat.

"Well if you could knock me over, then it'd be easier knocking normal people" Ghost said following you onto the mat, and got into his ready position as you did the same.

He watched as your face changed, the fire suddenly lit behind the eyes as you narrowed your eyebrows. Waiting for your move, because he knew you would lunge first with a kick. And you did, he used his right arm to swat it away as if the oncoming kick was a fly. He took in satisfaction from your frustration at his easy block.

"Too predictable" Ghost muttered as he circled you slowly.

Taking a deep inhale you let out a deep sigh

"I don't have the upper body strength to take you down" You hurled back at him

"Just try it" He calmly said

Pulling your arms closer to your chest and face, jolting forward and giving a right punch. Ghost dodges.

Ghost decides to up the game and throws a punch, you duck and attempt to trip him with your legs again. He sighs and raises his leg in an attempt to kick you but you block with your right arm and side of the body, with your left arm you grab his thigh but Ghost quickly uses his upper arm to push you back - you stumble with the amount of force he put with such ease.

"Good attempt" He groaned as he stretched his neck and arms. where the muscles laid too defined under his scarred pale skin.

Meanwhile you were panting for air like anything. Walking off the mats you grab your flask and take a quick swig from it. The water replenishes the dryness of your mouth.

"Ready for another round?" Ghost asks, and you swear you heard a glimmer of laughter

Turning around placing the flask down in its own spot, wiping away droplets of water from the edge of your mouth, walking back up to the mats and face Ghost, getting back in your stance.

Lunging first again, you manage to hit Ghost and block one of his oncoming punches. Using his thigh as a stool, you jump up and twist round to his back and wrap your legs around his shoulders hooking your feet against his lower back, trying to use your core to tip him over, but you just ended spinning yourself to his front, feeling you slip, Ghost instinctively grabbed hold of your waist, keeping you from falling and snapping your neck.

"Ain't ya gonna listen to me and not use your legs?" He said gruffly

A small groan come out from your mouth.

His calloused fingers of his right hand grazed the brown skin beyond the edge of the joggers you wore. His grip around your hips tightened as he felt you relaxing your upper body, yet the grip with your legs over his shoulders remained.

He heard you panting slightly as you hung below him. Your tank top rose, unveiling more of the warm smooth brown skin. Like magnets, his eyes took in the vulnerability of your position as you hung casually.

You're gonna pounce he thought, planting himself and engaging his core, his wound although padded and nearly healed (Ghost thought) throbbed dully.

Yet you lay still. Ghost peered down at you again, his eyes laid on your breasts, between them he quickly looked at your chin and then the edge of your round nose. For a moment, he let himself glance at your breasts and then trailed up from your ribs to the protruding skin, a bronze glow as a beam of light bathed that region... Within his chest a ripple formed that gave him ease. His eyes wandered back up to the legs wrapped around his shoulders.

Taking your vulnerability to his advantage; Ghost grabs you right arm with his left and pulls you up and then over him. He heard you yell in disbelief as you were flung over him.

His right hand was no longer securely on your waist but now grasping your right inner thigh, making you lose grip over his shoulder.

Falling on your back you groaned with growing agitation as he threw you down.

"Was that necessary?" You groaned

"I ain't a damn tree" He snapped back, surveying you as you sat crossed legged down on the mat. The black tank top was perfectly fitted, showing your toned arms as you leant back. Ghost looked away and turned his back slightly

"Built like one" You muttered to yourself quietly and get back up up, rubbing your sore back and shoulder.

"Look, come here" Ghost said, rubbing his the skin underneath his mask, then motioned with his hand.

You came closer, and he took hold of your right arm gently.

"Form a fist" He said still holding your arm as you tightened the muscles lying beneath the skin.

"Good" Ghost said, and you looked up at into eyes blue eyes. Simon's blue eyes. As your eyes meet you feel a sharp zing bolt across you, quickly glancing back down to your fist, the feeling spread down to where he held your arm.

"Now, hit me with your upper arm-" He began and proceeded to move that part closer to your body "close like this" he added, and look down at you, meeting your eyes once again.

"'Kay" You sighed, engaging your core.

"Use your arms this time" Ghost repeated and gave a nod for you to go ahead.

You aim for Ghost's chest, he dodges, you attempt again to hit him with your left hand and you hit his chiseled torso.

"Good" he said "Block and defen' now" he added, and he lunged forward suddenly, delivering quick and sharp punches.

You block two, and then grab his right arm, and attempt to hurl him over, but due to his large size he remained where stood.

Thrusting your backside into him to try and get a bit of momentum, but he stood still.

Ghost felt slightly awkward as you kept getting close to his front, he felt your back, especially your bum, hitting his cock. He took a step back and turned his waist to the side, yet you followed his move in attempt to try and bring him down. With his left hand, he wrapped around your waist and lifted you up over his head.

"Not again!" You yelled as Ghost you mid air. He chuckled slightly as he brought you down but you swung your left leg around the back of his waist to try and swivel yourself out of his hold.

"Stop!" He yelled as he lost his balance and you let go of his waist with your leg, but still held onto his right arm. The sudden change in weight and momentum made Ghost fall right on top of you. Your face slammed into the mat, and lips making contact with the grit on the mat, saliva sputtered out as you groaned with annoyance and tiredness.

Ghost lifted himself off of you, he noticed your bare shoulders, as your tank top had a strap in the middle, exposing the tattoo he saw briefly one time on your left shoulder.

As you panted on the mat, Ghost stood on one knee over you and examined the different four flowers coming out of what looked like a skull. He gazed at the black monochromatic skull; an odd reflection of the skull he wore over his own.

He moved back and up, watching as your back muscles flexing as you pushed yourself up from the mat.

"Last round?" You say, wiping your hands together to get rid of the grit from the mats.

"Until you knock me over then it'll be the last roun'" He said, standing in the centre of the mat. Stretching his arms over his head and gazing back at you.

You meet his blue eyes again. Part of you so badly wanted to run up, jump and take his mask off and be huzzah! But that would be a total invasion of personal space and you figured he'd just toss you back to the ground as soon as you made any move.

Best bet is to keep on the defensive mode... Wait for him to strike

After about a minute of circling one another, Ghost struck first, punches that struck you on the side, yet you began to dodge them, delivering punches in return.

"Finally" Ghost said aloud, as he looked at your delivery of punches, few which he blocked and few a he took. He looked deep into your brown eyes, full of focus and determination.

Throwing more punches, blocking and then attacking.

"Good" Ghost said again and he swung out his right leg, doing a high kick and you block it and try to toss him over. It didn't work. Instead you let go his leg, and he swiveled trying to kick you again, you blocked and then remembered a move... A sudden rush of adrenaline charged through your blood.

With his back turned, it was then with your right leg that as you quickly crouched, hooking it around Ghost's left leg causing him to stumble, allowing you the edge to push his back with your left hand.

As Ghost fell forward he felt your hand grip his right ankle flipping him over like a pancake onto his back. Before he could fight back, you lunged on top of him, pinning his left arm with your right leg and your right hand near his throat. Your left knee was placed just on his hip, just the right amount of pressure to prevent him from getting up.

It was one of his signature moves. The surprise attack he would often use from behind.

How could you.. But then he remembered... Simon...

Him

You learnt it from him.

You kept him pinned down in the same position, forcing your entire weight on the points you held him down by. Boring your eyes into his. You could see the remaining black painting creased as he squinted his eyes at you.

"Gonna get off me?" He growled, hoping that would intimidate you.

Yet you persisted. Keeping the same stern look you stared at him. Tightening the grip you had on his right arm.

Annoyance began to grow in Ghost. But then he figured if you knew, then this was the consequences of his own making.

Your fingers were splayed against his throat covered by his skull balaclava. There was a terrible temptation to how badly you wanted to slide your fingers underneath, revealing the mole on his skin that covered his jugular.

What colour was it?

Smooth and circular or rough like potato. What shape is the mole?

As you thought of the mole, your grip began to tighten slightly on Ghost's throat.

Ghost felt his anxiety building inside as she tightened her grip on his throat.

How could I be so fuckin' stupid Ghost thought to himself, he pushed himself up but you were exerting all your strength into keeping him where he is.

"Do you know?" he croaked

"I know a lot of things, to which are you referring to?" You retorted

"Hmm" Ghost groaned, he shifted again under you, yet you remained.

"The day we first met.." You started, thinking carefully of the way you were wording your thoughts. Ghost eyes widened, becoming more attentive.

"Go on.." He said

"You said my old name, how did you know?" You asked, eyes narrowing at Ghost, hoping to catch him

"Looked through a file" Ghost lied quickly. Unable to bring himself to tell the truth.

You smirked, eyes narrowing further.

"Nah, pretty sure the Captain redacted my name"

Ghost drew all of his strength, he managed to get his right leg up and with his knee shifted his weight so that you stumbled off of him as he turned over.

"What you gettin' at?" He said getting up off the mat, lending out his right hand to help you up. You take it, and Ghost helps pull you up.

You know.. Ghost thought to himself as he watched you study his face

"I think I know who you are.." You whispered

Ghost felt a cold tinge begin within him, he crossed his arms over his chest, partly to stop his shaking hands being in view.

"Who am I?" He asked, stepping a bit closer to you

You take a deep breath.

"Simon Riley"

At the moment, Ghost's entire body went cold. What felt like an electric shock bolted in his body.

He was lost for words.

"What makes you think that?" He asked

"You have a mole on your neck, and Simon also had a mole" You stated, wanting to be done with the mind games and for him to take his mask off.

"Had?" Simon asked "Must mean he's dead"

"Supposedly dead" You said slyly.

"How'd you know this Simon had a mole?" Ghost asked, fully relishing in the moment of teasing you. He could sense the gears working overtime in your brain.

"I have a photo" You snapped "And I'll show it to you" You said, walking off the mats.

You were tired of the running around the questions. Answers were needed. As you looked behind you, Ghost began to follow your footsteps as you lead the way.

...

Ghost followed you into your room and closed the door behind you.

You pulled out the gold from that had the photo of the five soldiers, staring at it one last time before handing it over to Ghost.

Looking down at the image in the frame, Ghost recognised the Captain, you and a younger version of himself.

There he was. Simon Riley, before the betrayal, before the chaos and when he had a family. When he had a life outside the military.

Ghost looked up at you, your face still had the same stern look, he could tell that you wished it was the same Simon under this mask, the same Simon that was in the framed photo.

Standing in front of Ghost, he was leant back against the wall. The foreboding skull face whose eyes still protruded glared at you. Every now and then those blue eyes blink, replenishing the moisture of his lense covered in black paint ridden skin.

"I thought you were bacon"

"Bacon?" Ghost said in surprise

You tilt your head up, and watch as Ghost - no Simon - cock his head to the side, taking in an inhale as he shifts his weight about.

"Fried to a crisp" You muttered

"That ain't bacon love" He retaliated

You mouth curved when he said love... A cold pleasant feeling rippled through you.

"Is it you?" You ask, voice-breaking slightly, you could feel your eyes beginning ot sting as tears formed.

Ghost sighed, he placed the golden frame upright onto the set of drawers near him. He reached with his slightly trembling fingers, grasping the edge of his mask and took it off.

Your heart skipped a bit, mouth opening wide as the person finally revealed was alive.

"Simon" You murmured, stepping closer to him. It wasn't the same Simon in the photo. His blonde hair was not so blonde, dirtier blond-brown, and was messy and long on the sides. His jaw was covered in stubble, and as you stepped closer your could see scars scattered over his face; one over his nose that ran near his left eye, another across his cheek. His eyes looked tired, but the black paint didn't help.

Taking in every detail, you scan his face. Your mouth curved as you savoured this precious moment. Unable to stop the tears and the tightness in your chest as you got close to him. Simon.

Simon watched as the tears that fell from your eyes finally trickled down your cheek, dropping down to the floor that held them both in this moment of silence. He reached out for your hand and pulled you closer to him.

He took in your sorrow, guilt riddled him like an aching virus. He brought his hands up, his fingers tracing the bronze skin that glowed in the candlelight, trailing his forefinger and thumb against your skin, taking in the softness. Simon sighed and bowed his head slightly, he looked up and saw more tears coming from your eyes, wiping them away with his thumb. The rough palms grasped the nape of your neck, lulling your head back as he weaved his fingers through your brown hair. Simon gazed back, and closed his eyes placing his forehead against yours, his cold sharp nose tip pressing into your round nose.

"Ru" He whispered finally, his eyes still closed, yet he felt your wet lashes flicker against his.

"Simon" You croaked, and sighed deeply into him, Simon felt you relax and pulled in close to him, wrapping his warm strong arms tighter around you. Taking in the comfort as you melted into him.

Each inhale brought in a mix of cinnamon, musk, cigarettes and sweat. A perfect elixir that soothed your melancholy.

"Didn't mean to take so long" Simon gruffed

"I knew something was up" You said, sniffling as you pulled away, wiping the tears away with your wrist. Looking up at Simon, who still held you close to him.

"I just needed time" Simon said, his forehead touched yours has he took another inhale, a weight finally lifted off him.

Reaching around his waist, you wrap your arms tight.

"You took your time, then I took the shot" You said chuckling slightly into him. His grip on you tightened and you could feel him laugh a little too.

As Simon held you in his embrace, thankful that you were not mad, he finally felt his inner demons quell within the darkness that had put a hold on him for far too long.

[selemina]

So how about you tell me a bit about what you're upto? What's going on in your campaigns this week? :3

This week nothing, because I have been busy with real life, I didn’t have time to prepare. ^^’ But I can tell you what happened in the last sessions up to this point!

The quarantine story arc started with everybody going to a student fashion show. Alexia and Isa had been invited to be models, but once there and with a few events, both Permid and Lyn also asked to join. However, in the middle of it, they realized their tech wizard Raph was... not online. Which was impossible : Raph is ALWAYS online! They tried to contact people in Saclay and couldn’t get anybody. Worried, they drove with a few other people from Saclay, over to a secret entrance. (I took some liberty with reality, based around the historical fact that there are aquaduct networks that used to bring water from Saclay to Versaille’s castle for the fountains of the palace. :) ) Using those tunnels, they managed to get inside... All of Saclay was under a severe quarantine : no radio, no internet, no phone lines... Everything was cut off. Knowing this had to be about the magical events happening around town, the group realized they would be hunted down sooner or later. In any case, Salin and Saka (both from Mira) coulldn’t be found by the government, so they offered to get a few of the kids and go over to the other world, Mira, to hid in there for a week or so until the search let up.

Saka, Isa, Lyn and Permid agreed to go with Salin to Mira, while Ivan and Alexia decided to stay to keep an eye on things and protect who needed it. They also had not heard about Damiana in a while...

The A team, in Mira, landed at the White tower as usual, where Master Kavoleg was in the middle of a meeting with representants of each nation, informing them about the existence of Earth, and the imminent crisis it faced of having magical resurface, all unsupervised and without direction. After most left, they met the Human representant of this council :

He seemed very curious about this new human-only world with no magic. They all discussed the current state of things, and the worry that if there was already a military presence during this “quarantine”, things might be a little difficult to resolve peacefully...

Still, since they had a week of down time, Saka asked to start looking for his missing brother, Sisik, that had last been since just before the whole thing. They headed to the port town where he had been seen last, and started looking. They heard about the fact that Sisik was looking into disappearances that seemed to target specifically magic users, and just as they exited the building, someone tried to get saka alone in an alleyway. While Isa was 100% here to help, Saka and Permid saw right through it, and managed to stop the kidnapping attempt peacefully (I will never say enough how proud I am of my players for going out of their way to not be murder hobos! ;W;)

They learned that those kidnappers had no real idea who they worked for, they were just there to subdue people and pass them over to someone else, and got a better cut if the people were magic users. They handed the kidnappers to the town’s guard, and Saka immediately stormed out, realizing that this was a serious issue, and his brother might be somewhere in there. He went to the Axis outpost, and was told that if he could provide something that belonged to Sisik, they could attempt to locate him.

Which meant They had to go back to Saka’s home, in Iridescence, the land of dragonborns. A place he had avoided at any cost for three years... Still, for his brother, he pushed through and went, with the others in tow. It didn’t take very long for his anxiety to return to be explained, as they ran into his ex-lover, Zahz. Apparently their relationship had been toxic, between Zahz’s abuse of control, and Saka’s desperation to be loved at any cost, and the break-up had been messy. But it had been enough of a shock that Zahz had decided to work on himself, or at least start the process to become a better person. The two awkardly reconnected, wary of falling into old habits but still very much in love with the other. Saka also visited his parents again after 3 years, and after some scolding for not giving news himself, he was given one of Sisik’s baby teeth to help locate him.

The process didn’t seem to go through, until Permid realized the problem was that Sisik was in a different plane of existence. With Salin’s help, they devised a spell to locate the plane in which Sisik was being held, and once they had this information, they adapted the locate spell to be able to reach Sisik. They very quickly realized he was in the Underdark (which I THOUGHT was a different plane for some reason, so woops, now the Underdark is a different plane in my world. XD), and that his magic had been drained from him to the point of leaving him barely alive. There was also mention of a Wish spell, that left Permid very worried... Saka on the other end focused on the fact that magic drain at this degree was not only against the Axis’ codes, but also a warning sign of a potential catastrophy about to happen. He made a report to his superior in the Axis, and called for backup. They agreed to start organizing a strike team to take this threat down and save the captured civilians, giving the group a few days to get ready before the attack while they located precisely where the prison was.

Lyn, Isa and Permid had a moment of hesitation : they came here to hide for a while, not to be part of a strike team and potentially kill people! Salin reminded them that they always had the opportunity to leave if they wanted, but she would be doing everything she could to keep them safe and away from the main battle. In the end, they decided to stay and assist Saka. -Which Salin was very glad for, as it would force Saka to hold back to keep them safe too, keeping him from putting himself in danger recklessly like he had a tendency to. A little bit of manipulation Zahz reproached her later, but to each their way of keeping their friends safe. ;)

The B team had their own adventure in the meantime! :) As a doctor, Ivan realized very quickly that the Tieflings under his care were being brought to a field hospital the government had put in place, away from prying eyes, essentially in a temporary military base. VERY unhappy about this, he started organizing a passive resistance with the nurses and other doctors, while making sure he could go to said hospital and visit the tieflings himself.

Damiana, who had started showing tiefling traits, had been kept in her own room without any phone or internet for a week now by her very religious grandmother, in the hopes of forcing the devil out of her. All it did was push her to escape her house once she heard that her family wanted to send her to a covenant essentially, so god could help her repent. None of that for Dami, thank you! She eventually found her way to the student dorms, and was given a place to stay for the moment, and a way to disguise herself to look like she used to.

On her side, Alexia had been keeping an eye on her and her patron’s territory : the school. To their credit, the military presence here wasn’t abusive, just checking for anybody’s ID as they passed by. Soon, though, a different kind of government official showed up, walking straight to her : enter Special Agent Dyla Ross, that I’ve spoken about at length already. XD He presented himself, and asked Alexia, as a person of interest, to follow him to the field camp. There, a small firing squad suddenly appeared, weapons trained on her, and got ready to fire. Alexia decided to protect herself with mage armor, while Ivan (who was just coming back from the field hospital and saw his student in danger) rushed over, projecting an illusion in front of her for added protection. The weapons clicked, unloaded from the start, and the firing squad moved back into their hiding spot while Dylan casually walked back in. This had been a test to see what their first reflex to danger was : if they had attacked the firing squad, it would have looked very bad for them, but instead they chose to be safe. He then got them both into his office and got as much information from them as he could. Ivan being very forthcoming and open with information, even helpful, seemed to surprise Dylan deeply, but he appreciated it. There was only one attempted lie, that Dylan dissuaded quickly. Ivan offered to send Peter his way, since the vampire was originally from Mira, to get more intel on the new world.

The next day, Alexia and Damiana met a new friendly face over breakfast : Tethys, an exchange student that seemed to also have magic abilities. Shortly after, Dylan showed up again, offering to drive the kids over to the atomic research facility next to the Synchrotron to test out some theories about magic. Under the supervision of Archeon White talon, Permid’s dad and local scientist, they set up different dummies and tries spells on them. Everything was recorded in any ways science knew how : heat, motion, air displacement, visual, slow motion... After a few shots, Dylan got on the field and asked to be fired at with magic. Everybody immediately protested, but he insisted. He tried to use deflect missile on a few things, quickly realizing he could not actually catch magic, and after a round of test got himself healed on camera for the record.

They then drove to Ivan’s house (because Dylan wanted to try and see Peter again), where the doctor and Dylan spoke some more while the team welcomed a second new face : Shanti! :) Recently turned tiefling too, plagued by voices in her mind for a while, Shanti got to meet Omnideus and become a cleric like Ivan. They caught her and tethys up to speed, and everybody turned in for the day.

Next day! :D While Shanti was getting used to the new house, Oni came by the see if she needed anything (since he’s been adopted more or less by the Standons, and is still looking for purpose). After a short talk, shanti noticed Omnideus staring ominously in the direction of the school, and they both hurried there. At school, a fire alarm had gone off, and Alexia, Dami and Tethys started evacuating, when Alexia was informed by her patron that something bad was going on. They quickly realized there was a student in distress, in the middle of a wild magic surge, unfortunately wrecking havoc on the school ground as she looked for help. They got there, along with Shanti while Oni kept the military forces from doing anything stupid and making things worse. Damiana figured out that they needed to help the student focus on a spell to expel the excess magic, and with reassuring words and a comforting, confident presence, they helped her calm down enough to cast a spell, resolving the surge as peacefully as they could. (Rip school windows) And guess who showed up! :D Dylan, again, having heard that something was going on at the school. He took in the situation, forced to recognize that these kids knew what they were doing. He also confronted Alexia about things she was not telling him on purpose, and as a show of what her patron could do, she made the statue right behind her brandish its stone cane straight at Dylan’s face, not touching him but barely. (Dylan had to recognize that yeah, ok, she was being honest about her patron being In the statue...)

He then told them to all come at the field camp tonight, as they needed to discuss how to handle this whole situation, and make a proper plan before his superior, the General in charge of the quarantine, showed up to demand a report and a plan of action.

And that’s it! :D So next time will be a big session : between storming the underdark fortress and deciding on what the world should know of what’s going on here, big things are going to happen, as we reach this arc’s finale! :D And after that.. Beach episode on Mira! ;) (And then we move to the next and final story arc! ;) )

[maisietheyellowlab]

My Dog Breed Selection Process

Yesterday I got this message from an anon:

“I saw your getting a Koolie!! Nice!! They're such pretty dogs. And actually if you don't mind I have a question for you? Feel free to not answer. But you have a lab and are getting a koolie, two different breeds obviously, so do you have any tips for someone trying to find a breed? It'll be my first purebred dog and going to the shelter is hard enough because all the dogs are so cute so how do you narrow down the list for the perfect dog? Idk if you had a list - but how'd you decide on a koolie?”

and I quickly realized this was gonna be a long post, so here it is. This whole thing:

This is the general procedure that brought me to my breed choices:

First come up with a list of “must haves” “nice to haves” and “must not haves” for the type of dog you want (size, coat type, shedding, energy level, trainability,..) (as @katieisstilltumbling / @winedogs already pointed out in the original ask).

Be very honest with yourself and consider that while the dog has to be a good fit for you, you have to be a good fit for the dog as well!

Then go through a list of dog breeds and/or take a few “what’s the right breed for you” type quizzes OR if you really like a dog sport check out the breeds that usually do well in that sport (e.g. mushing: Huskies, Alaskan Malamutes,..)

→ see which of those you like and check their breed descriptions

→ check blogs, forums, videos, fb groups of owners and breeders of that breed, see if you still like what you see

→ if there are any events where you might be able to meet the breed irl (dog shows, trials, breed meet ups…) go there and talk to owners! (this step is not always possible but it’s very helpful if you can do it!)

→ check if the dogs of that breed fit your “must haves” and “must not haves”

→ look up breeders

→ contact a breeder, ask about the breed, their dogs, what kind of owner they like for their dogs, ask if you can meet them and their dogs

→ when you meet irl, see if you like the breeder and their dogs

→ if you’re now sure you want a dog of that breed, tell the breeder you’re interested in getting a puppy from their upcoming litter

→ be patient and respectful

→ get puppy

→ done!

So, here’s an example of my personal breed-selection journey:

Dog breed selection process 1 - Labrador Retriever:

The first step at all was trying to think of the dog breeds I'm generally drawn to/think they're cute and looking them up, checking out youtube videos where owners talk in depth about the breed and being real honest with myself if the breed would fit into my lifestyle. For example, I always liked Cocker Spaniels, Golden Retrievers, Border Collies, Labs and Dalmatians.

Second step was going thru breed lists online and checking them out, trying to see if there's more breeds I like, but maybe haven't seen or heard of before.

Third thing I did, was take some Dog Breed Selector quizzes online, to see if I'd like any of the dogs that would come up as recommended to me. Ofc this is not to be take too seriously, bc you can be a perfect home for a border collie, but the quiz results won't match you to Border Collies, just because you didn't tick the box that said »I have an enormous yard.«

So at that point I had somewhat of an idea what I would want in a dog, and I had a list of traits in my mind that I applied to my top ~10 breeds.

It was something like this:

Must haves:

Medium size

Tolerates cold&hot weather

Easy coat maintenance

Easy to train --> biddable or will to please

Medium/high energy

Suitable for hikes&canine sports

Playful

Good around older children

Good for first time owners

Not very sensitive

Okay with being left alone for a few hours regularly/not prone to separation anxiety

Good with people and dogs

Average lifespan longer than 10 years/as long as possible

Breeder in my country

Cute!

Nice to haves:

Doesn’t shed a lot

More of a quiet type of dog

Litter in the next 6 months

Likes water

Longer than average lifespan

Must not haves:

Guards people/property

Very large or very small

Prone to health issues

Very independent

Very sensitive

High maintenance coat

Prone to DA or HA

Pure working line

Ideas: Australian Shepherd, Toller, Border Collie, Golden Retriever, Labrador Retriever, Brittany

I started looking for breeders of those breeds in my area and looked through all the websites I could find. I looked at their dogs, their breeding practices, the offspring and of course, litter plans.

At that point I felt like a balanced Aussie might be the way to go, so I contacted and met up with a breeder. Turns out we didn't really click and the way that she described the breed and her personal requirements for her puppies' owners left me feeling very overwhelmed, so I decided agains getting a dog of hers. I looked at some other breeders websites, but the more I researched the more I also started realizing that an Aussie might not the the best choice for me any the household I was living in at that time.

So here I learned a very important lesson. Not only do you have to find a suitable dog, you also have to find a suitable breeder. A responsible breeder will stay in contact with you for the res tof the dog's life, try to point you in the right direction, will be a source of help regarding the dog's development, health and training, so you need like them and they need to like you back. So I added another bullet point to my puppy search list:

a breeder that is helpful, friendly, nice to be around

Dog breed 1, try 1: Aussie →  not a good fit.

I eventually narrowed my selection down to Goldens and Labs, because they were generally easier for first time owners than the rest of the breeds, less prone to sensitivity and there were announced litters in the next few months.

In the end I went for a Lab, because they seemed a little more sturdy and had slightly less health issues, as far as my research showed. Then I contacted two breeders, I think, and I went with the one that felt more right. Oh and also, I thought the parents of the litter looked better, bc that's honestly a big factor too. You're gonna live with this dog for 10+ years, why not choose the one that fits your criteria as much as possible.

So that was it, this is how I chose Maisie's breeder. She's great, helped me a LOT during the first few months when I needed it most, and we're still in touch, I visit her every year. It feels like she's my aunt or smth, she's really nice.

Dog breed 1, try 2: Lab → WIN :D

Dog breed selection process 2 - Australian Koolie:

The second time around I approached the breed selection a little differently, since I had already met more breeds of dogs irl by then and also had an idea of what I’d like in a second dog from experience with Maisie. A part of my decision to go for a herding dog came from what I want to do with them - I want to try more canine sports that include jumping, so a dog with a lighter build and more will to please. That kind of dog will enjoy those activities more and be able to do them more safely than Maisie.

Must haves:

Medium size, lighter build

Tolerates cold&hot weather

Easy coat maintenance

Will to please

Medium/high energy

Suitable for hikes&canine sports

Suitable for jumpy sports

Playful

Okay if sensitive, would prefer less sensitive tho

Okay with being alone for a few hours if needed

Good with people and dogs

Isn’t bothered by obnoxious Lab behavior very much

Average lifespan longer than 10 years/as long as possible

Working/ working x mixed line

Cute

Breeder in Europe

A helpful, friendly breeder

Nice to haves:

Doesn’t shed a lot

Not noise sensitive

Not very sensitive in general

More of a quiet type of dog

Litter in the next 6 months (hahahahhaha I’ve been waiting for a little over 2 years at this point)

Likes water

Likes snow

Likes toys and food as rewards

Longer than average lifespan

Must not haves:

Guards people/property

Very large or very small

Prone to health issues

Very independent

High maintenance coat

Prone to DA or HA

Pure show line

Ideas: Aussie, Border Collie, Rough Collie, English Springer Spaniel, Welsh Springer Spaniel, Toller, Koolie

I’d met enough Aussies by that point to realize they weren’t exactly what I wanted in a dog, but I still really liked Border Collies. This time around I wasn’t intimidated by higher energy level anymore, but I was still a bit worried about sensitivity and the fact that most BCs I’ve met low key hated Maisie. There were a few who liked her, but many didn’t so I kept looking for a better fit (I thought it wouldn’t be fair for the new dog to be stressed by Maisie just existing and being herself..it wouldn’t be fair to either). I was considering Tollers too, but there weren’t any litters announced at all, and I knew of literally one breeders, so I kept on looking. I had a hard time with finding Rough Collies without extreme show coat and had trouble finding non extremely showy Springers around here as well.

I think I found out about Koolies when I was going through herding dogs, and it was a new breed I’ve never heard of or seen before. They were rarely included bc I was mostly looking at very generic lists I think. I read the description, watched a few videos and really really liked them. They had all the traits of aussies and BCs I liked, but weren’t as sensitive as BCs generally are or as prone to guarding as Aussies tend to be. I found two breeders in driving distance, contacted both, one was kinda weird with replies and said she doesn’t want to sell pups outside her country, but the other breeder was very nice and helpful in her replies and that’s how I started talking to the breeder of my future puppy! I met her and two of her dogs about two years ago and loooved them. They also aced the “can tolerate a playful (obnoxious) Maisie” test, the main thing BCs struggled with.

So unfortunately I couldn’t get a puppy from the two litters that were born in 2017 and 2018 bc my life circumstances weren’t suitable for a puppy at the time, but now I am READY and basically just waiting for the puppy to be born sometime this year.

Dog breed 2, try 1: Koolie → win!

[skittykittie]

The Orientation

July 26, 2015

 {Disclaimer: Entries are going to be much shorter in places, for the sake of the hours of time I no longer have to detail them out… I’ve also forgotten many details since this is now 2 years late that I’m finally writing these. *sigh*  I will still work to keep them high-quality, though!}

Jason and I had a very early start. My flight was at 7 am, but we didn’t actually leave the hotel until 6:10. I was nervous that I was getting to the airport with less than 30 minutes until my flight, but my host insisted it would be fine. However, we got to the airport and it was everything but fine. The check-in lines were much longer than anticipated. I’m so happy he parked and walked in with me, because his translation and familiarity of the airport saved me valuable seconds. Even then, we had to run and push past other travelers. There was even a point where Jason got into a small tiff with some security because he was trying to get me through the TSA lines as fast as possible.

That last obstacle we faced (trying to make it to my flight on time) was almost a perfect ending for our time together. I remember standing idly by while he rushed around from staff member to staff member to try to figure out any way to cut corners to check in. I felt very helpless. I realized he had done so much for me, and on such a short notice! He paid for my hotel, he took me out for 3 full days of adventure in his hometown AND to sites 2 hours away, he woke up at 5:30 in the morning to take me to my flight, and now he was pushing through airport security with me, just to make sure I made it to my flight.

Jason, if you ever read this, I owe you more than you can imagine. Thank you.

 Finally, I made it through. I found my gate and boarded the plane without additional events. As I sat in my plane on the tarmac, I became overpowered with a sense of anxiety and sadness. Anxious, because of the thoughts expressed in a previous post (here: http://skittykittie.tumblr.com/post/124961439225/truth-is), also because of not knowing what was in store for me once I deboarded the plane, but also sadness because of the home that Cheng and Jason had made for me in Yunnan so far. I didn’t want to leave when there was still so much to see. I had met so many people, so many places, and fallen in love with this city in the past 4 days, I didn’t want to leave. I actually found myself crying a little as I stared out into the last of the Kunming sky.

I spent half of the short flight working on some blog notes and the other half trying to catch some sleep. It had barely been 40 minutes when the captain announced we were preparing for landing -- Yeah, I could have probably taken a more efficient mode of transportation, but I didn’t know that when I made my itinerary.

However, the flight did provide me with this scene that no bus could have given me:

The above photo doesn’t do it justice. There were hills and hills of these windmills. They spanned for several miles. I was in awe of the beauty but also a little shocked to see a stereotypical European landscape in China. The rolling green hills and lush vegetation shocked me, but in a good way.

We landed at the smallest airport I had been to yet. There was only two runways and 4 terminals. It was nicely kept up, however, and sat on a hill that overlooked the city of Dali in the valley below.

I gathered my belongings at the one baggage claim belt while mentally preparing myself for the challenge of speaking conversational Chinese. That’s when my phone rang. It was Shanshan, the co-director of the program. Up until that point, I actually had no clue how I was going to get from the airport to where I was supposed to be. When I picked up the phone, I managed to communicate with her that I had just arrived and, more importantly, understood her instructions that she was waiting outside the gate for me in a red jacket.

I hung up the phone, grabbed my luggage, and breathed a sigh of relief that I had passed my first language test of the month. Gathering my bearings, I stepped out of the security of the airport exit and found myself with a new sense of courage and excitement for this adventure.

It wasn’t too difficult for Shanshan and her driver to find me. I introduced myself, we loaded the car, and we were off. The road was winding down the hillside and allowed me to get a closer look at this beautiful city. There was a large lake at the center of the city called the Erhai, or Ear Lake, because the lakes are in the shape of an ear, per the locals. Shanshan and the driver were extremely friendly and spoke to me about the city in the 30 minute drive that it took to get to our destination. The conversation was fairly one-sided, though, because of my novice skill. I felt bad for not being able to carry the conversation deeper because I truly was fascinated by what they were trying to describe to me. The feelings of doubt were slowly returning.

After circling about half way around the Erhai lake, we pulled up to a small white building. It was about 4 or 5 stories high and built along side of the upsloping hill. There were vines that grew artistically down the sides of the walls. I wondered if this was headquarters for ChinaCal?

When I entered through the front doors after some effort to climb a few steep stairs, I was pleasantly surprised to find that it lead into an open courtyard. I soon would learn that this was a hostel. The family that owned the hostel lived on the first floor, where I stood now. The courtyard was filled with their personal belongings like patio furniture, a small vegetable garden, and their son’s few run down toys. Across from the main entry way was a screened door, through which I could make out an active kitchen. To my right was a small hall of four doors, two on each side of a stair well. Each door was a private 2 bedroom space with a bathroom and there were 4 floors of these rooms that composed the hostel.

Before I had time to really take in the rest of my surroundings, however, I was guided up the stairwell by Shanshan. The others were apparently eating breakfast (it was still about 9 or 10 am) at the top floor. We had barely made it to the second flight of stairs when an elderly Caucasian man in glasses met us going the opposite way. This, I knew from website photos, was Dr. Bob Detrano. He was the founder and preceptor of the ChinaCal program.

He saw us and smiled. In fairly simple Chinese he asked me, “Are you Emma?”

I replied back to him a simple, “Yes” (in Chinese).

As if he could tell that I was more comfortable speaking English by that one word, he switched his language to English and introduced himself. I was relieved to know he wasn’t expecting me to speak fluently all of the time. We exchanged polite greetings and introductions as he walked me up the stairs, now taking over as my guide instead of Shanshan.

We came to a room and he handed me a silver key. “You’ll be staying here tonight. Go ahead and put your things down and come join us in the sun room for breakfast.”

I thanked him and entered my hostel room. I found that besides the somewhat more Chinese style furniture (ie low beds, futon mattresses), this room was no different than a typical hotel room. It had two twin-sized beds with nightstands in between, a TV with a dresser supporting it, and a bathroom immediately to the left of the entrance. I also found that one of the beds was already occupied. Her name was Donna. I introduced myself, and she told me that we were roommates for this trip. I won’t bore you with detail of our conversation, but in summary I was ecstatic to know my roommate was from America and spoke English. We chatted for about 30 minutes just getting to know each other. I liked her immediately.

I had barely finished unpacking my essentials when a knock came at the door. “Donna, come eat!”

I’d forgotten myself that Dr. D had instructed me to come join them upstairs. Oops.

We made our way to the sunroom, which is exactly what it sounds like. It was at the top floor of the hostel and overlooked the road and the hillsides that rolled down to the Erhai lake in the distance. In the sunroom sat 6 or so people, all of varying ages. Everyone was sitting around a small rectangular table with one single man at the far head. They were being served tea by this older man (a tradition that Cheng had enlightened me about just a few days earlier!). Spread out along the table were plates, bao, tea cups, and remnants of the parts of breakfast Donna and I had already missed.

We walked into a conversation that was, to my surprise, in all English! I was introduced by Dr. D to everyone in the room. Most of the people present were part of the externship, like me, except for one woman who was apparently the mother of our youngest member, Sophie. Sophie’s mom was present for today only in order to ensure the details and validity of this program with the directors.

The meeting was short and casual. Slowly but surely my stresses about this trip were melting away, mainly because it seemed as though our primary language for communication will be English. I still had no idea what was in store for me in the next 3 weeks, but I was less intimidated by my peers. Dr. D and Shanshan had shown me nothing but love, acceptance, and joy that I was present for this externship.

The rest of the day went by in a bit of a blur. After the morning introductions, I went back to my room to take a nap (I had woken up at 5 am, remember?). The group of us went out for lunch a few blocks away, and then there was another group meeting - this time, more about business and expectations. We were given our roles for this trip, in addition, our medical knowledge and experience was questioned by Dr. D (in order to gather a baseline of where we each were to best instruct us and give us roles). I quickly realized I was almost at the bottom of the totem pole in this bunch. Not only did I speak almost the least amount of Chinese of everyone, there was a Pediatric cardiology resident, a graduate student pursuing her PhD at U Cal Irvine for public health, an economic consultant, cardiac ultrasound technologist, and of course Dr. D and Shanshan themselves, the founders and professionals. Meanwhile I was simply a CNA from America that could barely speak Chinese. Given the group dynamic, I was assigned to be in charge of triage at each hospital and I was to be assisted by the youngest member of our group, Sophie.

The overview of what was to come in the next three weeks was this:

Each day we were to go to a new hospital in a new city. Our plan was to visit 16 hospitals in the southeast region of Yunnan, mostly all in the county of Honghe, named for the famous “Red River” that ran through the prefecture. There were two teams for each day’s work: the clinical team and the educational team. The educational team was responsible for a whole day’s work of orientation and training of the neonatal hospital staff (nurses, doctors, etc). They were re-training the staff on neonatal screening and effective techniques for caring for neonates with congenital heart defects. We also were donating to each hospital a new pulse-oximetry machine for more reliable screening. They were also training them on how to use the machine. This was one of the most important parts of the mission because, as the saying goes, “Teach a man to fish and he eats for life.” That phase was popular among the ChinaCal team.

The clinical team, which is where I found myself, was to see patients (old and new) that have a history of congenital heart defects. They were initially triaged by myself and Sophie. We’d take a general history and basic vitals. Then they’d be sent to the ultrasound room where the child would have cardiac ultrasounds read and translated by the pediatric cardiac resident (Jess), Dr. D himself, and Donna, our ultrasound tech.

Pretty sweet gig we had going here, huh?

After our meeting, I we got another break. I wandered around the hostel a bit more out of curiosity. I discovered the rooftop was where the owners hung their laundry out to dry… that was about the only interesting thing I can remember, actually.

By mid-afternoon I was called down by the older graduate students of the group. They said they had some errands to run before we took off tomorrow and asked if I wanted to join them. I excitedly agreed, as it would give me a better tour of Dali.

The ride to our destination was a moderate one, but fun nonetheless. I noted on the drive there the history that is embedded in this city. I noted that the parts we were in was much more rural than Kunming or Beijing. The buildings were at most 4 stories. The roads were not congested and had much more space for driving. We passed countless fields of vegetables and people carrying their crops to trucks. It was an odd mix between modern and poor, but I liked it.

Our destination was a small printing shop in Old Town, which is one of the more iconic part of Dali. Old Town used to be the city’s center of activity and living back in its earliest days. And on the outside, it still looked as if nothing had changed since the buildings were originally built hundreds of years ago.

There was just streets and streets of shops, craft vendors, street food, market places, and hotels! And in the distance I could see the beautiful outline of the mountains that surrounded the city. It was absolutely beautiful and full of life and culture.

We spent quite some time there. Once I gathered my bearings, I ventured around some of the streets on my own. We spent a good few hours there, taking our time between shops as we waiting on the printing shop to make up our order. What were we printing anyway? - Oh right, they had pre-tests and post-tests for the workshops they were going to hold at each hospital site for the educational workshops.

Once we returned to our hostel with the papers, it was time for dinner. We walked up the hillside of our hostel and went for a few more blocks. It seemed that wherever we were headed for dinner was a common spot for the ChinaCal team because it seemed like everyone but myself was unanimously heading in the same direction. I spent the short walk mostly quiet, but so did everyone else. It seemed as though most of the team was not fully acquainted yet. Instead of making awkward small talk on the walk there, I enjoyed the walk through the Dali neighborhood, observing the night life coming alive around me.

Something happened during dinner because afterwards we were all much less awkward with each other. I began to know Sophie a little more, too. She had quite a spunky attitude. She was very animated and passionate about life. I’m definitely going to like this little one.

The rest of the evening was spent in the sun room, trying to bridge the knowledge gap between the younger members of our group. I helped teach them how to take blood pressures and pulse-ox measurements, what it meant physiologically. My confidence soared - I guess all of my previous clinical knowledge was teaching me something after all. Maybe I am not as useless as I first thought!

I went to bed content, excited, and no longer anxious. In the morning, we were leaving for Luxi, a city on the east way of Kunming. They told me that we were actually going to be driving through Kunming to get there.... I really questioned why I hadn’t just been picked up on the way. Oh, well. Now I know.

Tomorrow, our adventure awaits.