#kenzie writes

[ilypaigebuckets]

this is my proof that i actually do write ☹️

[littleolfandomblog]

“Do you want to kill yourself?” Aaron asked. 

And the question sounded unreal because you never hear anyone ever asking that in real life.

“I don’t want you to do that,” he said. “I can’t let you do that. You can’t leave me here alone.” His voice broke. “You need to be here,” he said, raising his hands to cover his face.

“I’m sorry,” Andrew said.

[perfectfeelings]

The heart remembers no matter how hard you try to forget.

kenzie lawson

[thoughtkick]

The heart remembers no matter how hard you try to forget.

kenzie lawson

[thehopefulquotes]

The heart remembers no matter how hard you try to forget.

kenzie lawson

[varpusvaras]

It's a pretty afternoon on Coruscant, for once.

They are standing just at the entrance of the Jedi Temple, waiting for Wolffe to come out, and Fox is enjoying his moment of sunlight without having a barrier over his head, when there is something flying towards his head. In a snap, he has raised his hand and caught whatever it is.

"Nice catch!" Fox looks over to see Wolffe jogging towards them, with a small bag in his hand. He glances down at his own hand and to whatever he had just caught.

It's a fruit of some sort, round and with a very light and soft pink color.

"Souvenirs from General Koon", Wolffe says, opening the bag in his hand. "He called these Hallous and said we had to try them."

He starts to give everybody else a fruit from the bag as well. It's moments like these that Fox kind of wishes he also had a Jedi, who would call them all by their names and give out fruits and other treats. Fox isn't even sure when the last time was that he actually ate fresh food.

Everybody is taking a bite out of their fruits already, not bothering to wait until Fox gets his musings to an end. They all seem to enjoy it with smiles on their faces, so Fox takes a bite as well.

Fox hadn't thought before this that it could be possible for a food to punch him inside his mouth, but now he has to believe it. The fruit is spicy like those hot peppers in the stew that Thorn had bought in one of the first weeks of their posting, and it leaves a rough, tingling afterburn in Fox's mouth. The same afterburn follows the piece of fruit down his throat when he swallows, making him cough.

Cody, who is standing closest to him in their circle, reaches to pat him on his back.

"Don't choke", he says. "Wolffe probably doesn't want to go and tell General Koon that his fruit killed you."

Fox draws in a deep breath. He looks all of them over. Rex and Bly are still munching on on their fruits, with not one twitch in their expressions.

Fox's eyes are burning with gathering tears. He hurries to wipe them away.

Is his spice tolerance this bad? He hadn't thought so before, but...

Fox looks back at the fruit in his hands, then back at the others. They are almost done with theirs.

Fox is not going to give them any more reasons to make fun of him. They've been doing it lately more than enough, about everything they just possibly can. He takes a second bite and keeps his face still.

He's almost out of breath after the last bite, but he doesn't let it show. Thankfully nobody is pointing it out, too busy with heckling Bly at the moment because he just happened to accidentally call his General by her given name.

The burning feeling inside his mouth and throat don't leave him fully until the next day. He really, really needs to work on his spice tolerance.

---

"Oh, love", Breha is giving him a slightly concerned smile. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine", Fox manages to mumble, before he has to sneeze again. Thank Manda, he already had a tissue in his hands. His eyes and nose are burning.

Breha sighs.

"I should've made sure", she says. "You haven't really lived anywhere with this much...nature, before."

"You couldn't have known", Fox coughs. "And really, the Kaminoan's were supposed to engineer us without these kind of promblems."

"I don't think that's possible, with how many of you there are", Breha says. "Some things like this must've slipped, or happened during the gestation."

Possibly. Fox is not going to pretend that he understands anything about genetics.

Breha leaves for a moment, and Fox hears her move around the kitchenette area their living quarters have. She comes back with a steaming cup in her hands.

"The Hallous are in season in the Northern Hemisphere", she tells him, setting the cup in his hands. "They make a sweet tea blend infused with them, and it's good for your immune system."

Right. Fox guesses that something that spicy might as well burn all the nasty gunk in his airways away, so he takes a sip. He scrunches up his nose a bit from how much it burns, and Breha gives him another tissue, before getting up again.

She comes back a few minutes later with her own cup, and starts on her work while calmly sipping from it.

Fox is honestly impressed. He hadn't thought that Breha had much of a spice tolerance. Bail certainly doesn't have, and much of the traditional food of Alderaan is very mild and puts great emphasis on clean flavours. Oh, well, he learns something new every day. This all just now means that even his wife has a better spice tolerance than him by far.

He finishes his tea. It doesn't make him feel any better, as now his throat is even more scratchy than it was before. All it really does is making him even more tired, but he can't really sleep because of how hard it is to breathe.

He glances longingly out of the window. It's pretty out there, with gentle sunlight and green trees and everything in blossom, and he is allergic to all of it.

Fox grumples and closes his eyes.

---

Bail comes home the next week with a mild cold, and Fox watches him drink the tea like it's water. Alright, now this is really just embarrassing.

---

Fox tugs nervously at the collar of his suit. It's dark blue and goes together with what Breha and Bail are wearing, and he suddenly feels like he is out of his depth. Wearing the armor had given them all some sort of anonymity, even to him with his distinct paint job. It's probably going to take a while until Fox gets used to people looking at him, and looking at him without it.

It's also still strange to not be the one who is standing on guard, but to be the one who is guarded. Fox's job tonight is to stand there, look presentable, and not make a scene.

Things are still a bit...tense. There have been deglarations of peace and all that, but in many places, it still feels like one wrong move can light up everything again.

Fox can't help himself but to keep an eye out for everything that happens in the room. This is the first time after the War that Breha has travelled anywhere that is not in the Deep Core, and Fox is not going to stop himself from feeling protective of her. She is his wife, after all, and Fox has all the training necessary to keep her safe, if the situation demands it.

In the meanwhile, he tries to fullfill his primary job. Stand there, look presentable, and do not make a scene. He is still new to his position, so he is not yet expected to make some deep political statements.

Stand there, look presentable, and do not make a scene. He can do this.

Things are going well when they are served the first drinks of the evening.

"Here, Your Majesty", the server gives Breha a glass first, and then turns to Bail and Fox. "Your Highnesses. We do appreciate a lot of the same flavours as you in the Deep Core, and I think you will find this drink familiar. It's made with Hallous concentrate, to bring out the natural flavour powerfully and really make it the star of the drink."

"Thank you", Breha smiles brightly at them. "That sounds lovely."

Fox also thanks the server as he takes his glass, and does not show anything as their host gives out a speech and then a toast, and drinks with the rest of the guests. He manages to keep his face still by breathing deeply through his nose. All those years of training saving him in this moment, even if nothing what he learned while growing up was supposed to prepare him for a situation like this.

The drink is awful. Absolutely disgusting, if you ask Fox. It's so spicy that it stops tasting like anything at first, and then leaves a raw, bitter burn all the way down to his chest. His tongue feels immediately like it doesn't fit into his mouth properly anymore, pressing painfully against his back teeth. Fox really, really does not understand how every single person in the room can drink something like this and not automatically make even the slightlest of faces. Is this really just a thing he doesn't understand about people who were born into Royalty? Is it really just that much of an acquired taste, and him not liking it just shows that he really is just a nobody compared to them all?

Fox is proud of how well he managed to power through it, all of those things concidered. He tries to swallow a bit, to wash the taste out even a little, but he's barely getting his own spit down.

He sucks in a breath between his teeth. It's not reaching his lungs properly, leaving him feel weirdly unsatisfied. He tries again. It's barely getting past his lips, which feel...oddly numb. Huh. Was the spice really hitting him that bad?

Then it hits him that he can't breathe.

Fox tries to swallow again. It gets stuck somewhere at the back of his throat, the same place where all the air is getting stuck as well, and he clears his throat a bit behind his hand. It helps a little, letting him get something down to his lungs, but Fox has been choked out before and he knows when it's not enough.

It's not enough.

Sateen is with them, and he is standing closest to Fox and Bail, with Breha's own bodyguards standing next to her, and Fox, in his rising panic, sees him turn towards him.

"Fox?" Sateen asks, keeping his voice low as he steps closer and carefully grabs Fox by the arm. "Are you alright?"

Fox tries to say no, but then there is white static taking over his eyes and he vaguely feels himself pitching forward-

-and he wakes up with something heavy on his face and a rush of cool air, and he gulps it up desperately. It enters his lungs with a deep, sweet relief, and then makes him cough.

There is a hand on his forehead, large and warm and familiar. Fox has the mind to open his eyes.

The first thing he sees is Bail's extremely concerned face above him, and then somebody else's as they lean closer to him.

"Deep breaths", they say, and Fox obeys. The more air he is getting in, the more aware he is becoming of his surroundings, and that is when he notices that there is a lot of commotion all around him.

He tries to look back up at Bail, to ask what is going on, but the other person telling him to breathe is really insistent of him doing just that and not talking, so Fox relents just for a moment longer.

He does glance around from the corner of his eyes, though. The whole room is in absolute chaos, with people shouting and screaming in a rising cacophony, and with multiple Guards in different uniforms trying to contain it all with seemingly very, very bad results.

The people leaning over him are talking something about oxygen levels and adrenaline and blood pressure and a lot more that Fox doesn't have the capacity to understand right now, so he just breathes.

He does feel a sense of disappointment in himself. His job had literally been just to stand there, look presentable and not cause a scene.

He isn't standing, most likely doesn't look presentable while lying on the floor, and this definitely counts as a scene.

Fox presses his eyes back shut. Just his luck.

---

Rex: I can't believe that you out of all of us managed to almost cause a full blown conflict because everybody thought you were poisoned, while you were just having an allergy attack

Rex: I thought that was a thing only Skywalker and General Kenobi were able to do

Fox: Shut up

Bly: No, no, really. You really couldn't tell that you were allergic to that stuff? You've seen all of us eat them with no problems!

Fox: You guys are all a bunch of weirdos, how was I supposed to know that you all didn't just enjoy eating shit like that?

Wolffe: Next time you see us eating something without problems while you are actively choking on it because it tastes like molten lava to you, please call us a bunch of weirdos out loud. That could save the Galaxy in the future, apparently

Fox: Cody, Ponds, they are bullying me. I almost died!

Ponds: and almost caused another conflict while doing so

Cody: Stop it, everyone. We're glad that you're okay, Fox'ika

Fox: Thank you. At least somebody here still loves me

Cody: BUT, there is a saying Obi-Wan used to say-

Fox shuts down his commlink at that point. Bail gives him a sympathetic look from the chair next to Fox's bed.

"Are they making fun of you?" He asks.

"Of course they are", Fox huffs, and then resists another urge to just reach to his back and scratch. "I almost died and I'm suffering and they're making fun of me."

Bail takes his hand gently to his.

"I'm not making fun of you", he says, with humour in his voice but enough soft love in his eyes that Fox lets it be for now.

"Thank you", Fox says, squeezing Bail's hand. Partly to show back affection, partly to stop himself from giving into the urge to scratch. "How long do I have left?"

Bail looks at his chrono.

"Another hour", he says. "I'm sorry. We just want to make sure this doesn't happen again."

"It's fine", Fox sighs. "I would rather it doesn't happen again, either, but why does testing for allergens take so long?"

"That, I do not know", Bail says. He then straightens up a bit to take a look at Fox's back.

Fox sees the grimace on his face, even though Bail tries his hardest to wipe it away quickly.

"I'm karked, aren't I?" Fox asks.

"Well, I wouldn't say so", Bail tries to smile placatingly at him. "I'm sure it's completely normal for it to look like that."

He, very wisely, understands to shut up after the next look Fox gives him.

[kenzy-shop]

One thing on my mind, it's you

You are the only thing on my mind, the only person that want leave my messed-up brain. I can't forget you, but I know how easy you can forget me.

I have to you in the hallways, and you never even notice the small action. I smile at you when you look in my direction, but you never smile back.

You have trained so much, and I cannot reach your level, but that doesn't mean you have to ignore me and act like I'm not even human. You don't even treat me like an enemy, you treat me like a statue that's not even beautiful enough to stare at.

I just want one conversation with you, one word to me, one simple sentence would quince my thirst for you. People talk about how great you are, and I can't help but get jealous with butterflies in my stomach.

Please at least look at me Vice-Captain Hoshina Soshiro. You are the only person on my mind. --Vice-Captain {Y/n}

You looked at the words on the papers, rereading them over and over. Everything you wrote was true. Hoshina hasn't been paying much attention to you anymore, and you started to feel left out of the world. It was melting before you, encasing around you.

Getting up from your desk you threw the paper in the trash and walked out of the room to your captain's room. You knocked on the door once, and no answer, you knocked on the door again and you heard the faint sound of a grunt.

"I'm coming in, Captain!" You announce slowly opening the door.

The male doesn't look back at you as you try to walk around the dirty room filled with Yamazon boxes and his action figures. Now you stand behind your captain still not paying attention to you.

You clear your throat making the male turn his gaze to you. "Narumi, there will be a meeting with the Third division Captain in about two hours." You say looking down at his red eyes.

Gen Narumi, the captain of the First Division stood up from the ground looking at his vice-captain with last eyes. "Do I have to go?" He asked, his shoulder handing low.

You nodded your head, "Yes, Narumi. You have been putting this off for a while now. I think you can finally appear."

The male sighs standing up straight, looking at you. A smile creeps on his face, "Can you clean up?"

You sigh and look around the room. Even since the last vice-captain retired you have taken over. You hated messes and would randomly clean his office when you weren't busy. Now Narumi would casually ask you to clean his office when you would stand and wait for him.

His office has been a lot cleaner and nicer. As you were cleaning up his room Narumi got changed into his official attire. You weren't going to clean his whole office at the moment, but you cleaned a walking path in the room.

"I'll be waiting outside!" You yell across the room. You heard a loud hum from him.

You stood outside scrolling on your phone as you waited for your captain to walk out. You noticed a lot of notifications from Twitter. You open the app to see your friend's comment under a post that is about Narumi and you.

You read the original post and felt proud of yourself.

"The recent success of {Y/n} has the people stormed with questions about her next course of action. Will she stay with her Captain Narumi or will she lead another force?"

random3245: her skills have been enhancing like crazy these past few days. user7467: I hope she can former her own division.

You read some more comments a smile appeared on your face without a warning. The door creaked open scaring you as you hid your phone from Narumi.

"Ready?" You ask going into professional mode once again.

"Let's go," Narumi didn't face you as he walked off.

You followed right behind him, not being able to walk beside him as he was walking a little too fast. He stopped in his tracks when hearing a voice from the side. He turned his face to see him.

"What are you doing, Hoshina?" He spoke with annoyance to the male.

You saw Hoshina, eye to eye for just a second with him. Butterflies swarm in your stomach. Without warning your captain you storm off in the other direction to the meeting room.

You walk not noticing where you are going, and that makes you run into someone. You looked up to see who it was, and you ran into the Director General of the Defense Force; Shinomiya Isao.

"I am so sorry Sir. Isao," You deeply bow toward him. "I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." You stand back up with a sheepish expression, your hand rubbing the back of your neck.

He looked down at you with the same expressionless face he always gives you. At times you would think he hates you, but with the way things have been going, he has changed his views on you.

"Have you seen?" He asked snapping you out of the embarrassed state.

You nod your head with a hum. "Could you actually make a new division? Or is that only fake news?" You ask having never seen it happen.

"That's the easiest to do instead of having you completely take someone's spot."

You nod your head again, "Good to know." A straight smile on your face as you leave the situation. "Nice talking to you, Captain Isao."

"Nice talking to you too, {Y/n}." Isao bows lightly toward you and you return the bow.

---

You were standing off to the side while the Captain from each division discussed the recent attacks and how they all linked with each other. You observed the room and your [e/c] eyes met with a certain someone.

A pair of narrow red eyes looks the other way from you. You don't look away from him. Your eyes glued to him, examining every little detail about him.

A soft whisper in your ear makes your head turn to the victim. "What are you doing, Shinonome?" You whisper yell at her to not cause commotion your way.

"Stop calling me by my last name, {Y/n}. We've been over this." Shinonome whispers back.

You look at her with a disdainful look. "That didn't answer my question. What are you doing here?"

She softly giggles, "I wanted to see you. I have something to show you."

"Show me later." You look back at the room now not paying her any more attention.

"He found the note." Shinonome whispers in your ear before leaving the room.

You stood there frozen as if you were in a storm. You look over to Hoshina gulping down a swallow that was building up from not doing anything. You face back at the table full of division captains.

You were stunned to do anything so your legs moved on their own toward the door. You completely walk away from the room your mind spinning with how he might have found the letter.

You throw it in the trash did you not? Did it fall out? Did someone give it to him? Did he pick it up himself and decide to read it? Did you not even throw it away and leave it on your desk? Did you intend for him to see it?

Narumi noticed that you had left and excused himself from the meeting. He ran through the halls trying to find his vice-captain. Finally, after a while of searching, he found you in the corner of the library holding yourself close.

You looked up to him with terror in your eyes and tears preparing to run down your delicate face. Narumi looked at you uncertain of what to say to comfort you. He then again has no idea why you were about to cry in the first place.

"Shouldn't you be in the meeting, Gen?" You asked choking back the tears with every word.

"I needed to find you, {Y/n}. Why did you leave unannounced? Out of everyone there, you would be the only person to leave with a warning." He cupped your face making you look at him as he spoke.

"I--" You stumbled on your words as the tears fell down from your eyes. "Hoshina hates me. He hates everything about me, yet he is the only person I can think of." You let out all of your main thoughts. You didn't know why you said it to your Captain, but you knew you could trust him with your feelings.

Narumi was quite stunned by you. He didn't know what to say or how to even put anything into a sentence to comfort you. He let go of your face and sat next to you leaning his head on your shoulder like he would when he was bored and wanted to be next to you.

The both of you sat there, the tears finally coming to a stop. Narumi then looks at you straight in the eyes. "He doesn't hate you, {Y/n}. In fact, it is quite the opposite." He gets up from the ground lending out a hand for you to grab. "Go confront him about it."

You look at his hand thinking for a moment before taking his hand and lifting yourself up from the ground. "What if you are wrong?"

"I'm not wrong."

You nod and let go of his hand.

--

After a while of searching Hoshina finally finds you wandering in the halls. His body stops for a second not sure if he should confront you or let these thoughts rest in his head.

It has seemed to him that you and Narumi were a thing. Even from the letter you wrote, he thought it was just some stupid plan to get him away from you. But he couldn't stop these feelings, the way his body shut down when he saw you in the halls.

He never meant to ignore you but he never knew how to act without coming off as weird and robotic. He also never wanted to interfere with the amount of success you were getting from his peers and onlookers. He wanted to leave you alone and watch from afar, never did he mean for it to end up like this.

You and his lock eyes. For a minute neither of you moves, but Hoshina figures now would be the time to let things off his chest.

He walks toward you, leaving you stunned and unable to move. He now stands in front of you. There are no words, just hot air circling around, along with nervousness in each of you.

"So..." you start holding your hands together in front. You read the note I threw away."

"You weren't that good of a thrower. You really missed your trash can." He sheepishly laughs. "I want you to know everything you said in the note is false, {Y/n}."

He shucked in the air before continuing, "I do notice when you smile at me, I just don't want to seem like an idiot when I smile back. You have just reached my level, you have far surpassed me training harder than I have. I notice you like a goddess I need to pray to, I even notice everything about you and it bothers me. I never say anything to you because you are always with Narumi. I indeed listen every time someone mentions your name and your great prowess."

"You are the only thing on my mind, {Y/n}. And it hurts to admit it out loud but you are the only person I can think of." Weight lifted off his heart from each word he said, and he meant all of it too.

"I--" You were speechless. The devotion in his words is even more than in the note. "I--."

"You don't need to say anything, {Y/n}. I just wanted to tell you how much you mean to me, even if I don't say or do anything. You are my world."

Actions are stronger than words people say, but his words are stronger than any action he has done for you. Without much to say you wrap your arms around him giving him a hug you long awaited for.

"I wanna be with you forever, Soshiro." {Y/n} cry into him. Warmth and comfort wash over you.

"I can promise you that you are already mine, {Y/n}."

a/n: this took a whole day and I'm not even mad about it. I love Hoshina and Narumi and how this turned out. not-proofread.

[stay-close]

The heart remembers no matter how hard you try to forget.

kenzie lawson

[surqrised]

The heart remembers no matter how hard you try to forget.

kenzie lawson

[rebel-sqrrl]

Heartbreaking: great scene — in which a flawed character has a heavily foreshadowed breakdown under extreme stress and succumbs to her worst instincts, but is able to walk it back and be forgiven because she's surrounded herself with a strong support network of people who can relate to and understand her issues — reduced to "lol, homophobic" because the characters involved are queer

[bayetea]

I don't like the judo flip in moa as much as the next guy but in my eyes it's largely the result of rick not taking female violence half as seriously as male violence (a result of viewing women as weaker and inferior to men such that their acts of violence don't need to be taken as seriously) and not so much anything about annabeth herself. like I do genuinely feel that annabeth is a complex heroine and definitely one of the better ones in the realm of ya action-adventure fiction produced in the past 25 years but she is still a girl being written by a man and all I'm saying is that her writing clearly reflects that sometimes (more in tags)

[thespilledquotes]

The heart remembers no matter how hard you try to forget.

kenzie lawson

[perfectfeelings]

The heart remembers no matter how hard you try to forget.

kenzie lawson

[vpvrtment]

ɅPɅRTMENT CLUB sketch tier rewards!

some from may and one from april! in order: @goblinoracle @turquoise-deer @literaldeerirl

if anyones interested in these!! i got a patr30n up!! more on that here

[perfectquote]

The heart remembers no matter how hard you try to forget.

kenzie lawson

[varpusvaras]

Last Line Challenge:

Rules: Post your last written/drawn line and tag as many people as you want.

I got tagged by @cookiemonsterv3 and @rooksunday! Thank yoooou!

The Chancellor was going to know. He would hear about all of this immediately. Nothing stayed secret for long. He would hear about all of this, and he would punish Fox, he would punish him for being weak, insubortinate and defective, he would send Fox back to Kamino, and they would finally cut him open and into pieces like the failed experiment that he was- He startled when Pinch grabbed him by the shoulders. "Commander", Pinch called. He sounded like he was on the other side of the room, instead of just a few inches off of Fox's face. "Commander, I need you to breathe, please?" Fox was breathing. He could feel his chest heaving. Senator Organa appeared into his field of view as well, then. He didn't come as close as Pinch, but he was close enough that Fox thought that he could almost feel his presence there, like some sort of wall, a wall that would shield him from the rest of the Galaxy and anyone in it that ever wanted to harm him. Fox breathed in deep. His ears had been ringing, which he noticed only when it started to subside. Immediately all the blood in his body rushed to his face, aided by shame. It wasn't an actual claim. It wasn't real. Why was his body treating it like such?

tagging @t3mpest98 @wantonlywindswept @hastalavistabyebye @the-starry-seas and everybody else who wants to do this, or if you see this, go work on your WIP!