#keith is so appalled he questions his existence for a good few moments

[gardenof--eden]

Lance Youngest Sibling McClain fucking loves to talk purely to annoy people. Keith Foster Care No Family Kogane doesn't know how to make Lance shut the fuck up without physically putting his hand over Lance's mouth. Lance Youngest Sibling McClain licks his hand.

[d2kvirus]

The other day I came across the following article on Den of Geek discussing the La La Land backlash.  Now to be honest I hadn’t really noticed any kind of backlash, at least in the British press, although I have noticed in the past few weeks the discussion about which film will win Best Picture has gone from being a slam dunk for La La Land to talking about how both Moonlight and Hidden Figures stand a chance of upsetting the odds - although this may just be the bookies trying to rake in a little more money for themselves, as I doubt they could get away with taking bets on whether or not Jeff Bridges will eat a pie during the ceremony.

So for the sake of hoping to actually get some notes for once, here’s my take on the film itself as well as the backlash, which in no way makes me look like a smartass...

i.) Before I begin...

One thing that may seem obvious to me but probably is worth saying is that I saw La La Land on its UK release, which was 12th January 2017 - while the US release date was December 25th 2016.  This may seem insignificant to some, but it does go some way to explaining how the backlash hasn’t really been felt in the UK as by being released six weeks out from the Oscars the narrative skipped straight to its chances at the ceremony, while in the US there’s been extra time for the other potential winners to connect with audiences - especially when you take into account that both Moonlight and Hidden Figures were released in the UK on 17th February, two weeks out from the ceremony with the La La Land juggernaut still performing well at the box office and with several weeks extra hype behind it, while in the US they were released on 2nd September and 25th December respectively.

But anyway...

ii.) The film itself

With all that out of the way, let’s talk about the film itself.

If we’re going to break it down into simple Yes/No questions and ask whether I liked La La Land, I’d say that I did - but this is a case of qualitative data and not quantitative data and here’s where things get a little complicated, because while I can say that I liked La La Land I’m not so sure I can say I loved it or, to put it another way, I’d say it was good, maybe even very good, but I would not say it was great.

It’s certainly worth bringing this up as we live in a world where people freak out when they see reviews that award 7/10 scores as if being given a score of 7/10 is the same as giving it a bad review.  It isn’t, it’s significantly above average.  If anything is a bad review, it;s throwing out 10/10 scores like confetti, which not only fuels hype culture to the point that we end up with situations like the nuclear fallout that greeted the realisation that No Man’s Sky wasn’t up to much, but it also makes awarding a 10/10 score meaningless if, like certain publications I could name, every month’s major release receives one.

So while some people may be appalled that I wouldn’t give La La Land anything above 8/10, that’s on them for thinking that 8/10 is an insult.

Yet at the same time I do think 8/10 is a touch generous on my part, and that’s because the film forgot to have two important things: an opening and an ending.

Let’s start with the film’s opening, as there’s a fair few people who have raved about the Another Day of Sun number that opens the film, and my issue with it: it was pointless, as it failed to introduce a single character or set up the film’s plot.  It was fluff for the sake of fluff, almost as if the film was telling you “Fuck you, this is a musical”.

This may be personal preference, but using the film’s script and trying to remember the film’s opening style as a guide, here is how I would have opened La La Land:

FADE IN...

Sat behind the wheel of her 2005 Prius is MIA, 27, Nevada-raised, holding her phone to her ear.  As she listens to whoever is on the other end of the line, the picture expands and the CinemaScope logo is displayed on screen, disappearing as Mia finally has a chance to talk

MIA ...and I swear to God, she was wrecked.  It was pure insanity.

Mia pauses, looking down at the passenger seat, and as she does so she’s interrupted by the loud blare of a car horn as we discover we are not witnessing the opening scene of a movie, but someone who has spent six years of being told “no” trying to rehearse her lines for another audition while stuck in the LA traffic

The sudden jolt causes Mia to drop the script she was reading from in the passenger seat’s foot well, and as she tries to compose herself she looks out of her window towards the motorist who blasted her with their horn

Looking right back at Mia is SEBASTIAN, 32, shaking his head at Mia from behind the wheel of his 1983 Dodge Riviera.  In that moment we hear that Sebastian is listening to a tape of Thelonious Monk’s “Japanese Folk Song”, yet as he has finished his silent admonishing of Mia he looks over to his sound system and stops the tape, rewinding it to the same spot the tape was at when their eyes first met, before he drives away

Having collected the script from the foot well, although unsure if the pages are in the correct order anymore, Mia turns into the lane that Sebastian was just in and we follow her car

In a scene which would take two to three minutes the main characters are introduced, we get a hint of their backgrounds and motivations, and the film can continue as it did in reality.  That’s how pointless the Another Day of Sun number was, as it can be chopped out of the film and nothing would be lost.

Similar can be said of the other major number early in the film when Mia’s friends take her to the party.  While it could be argued this does set up Mia and Sebastian’s meeting, given the first time the two characters actually spoke to one another was at one of these parties, again it feels like this number existed solely to get some more froth for the trailer - a feeling supported by various clips from these scene being bolted into the various trailers.  So, as before, the whole segment could be lopped from the film and nobody would notice.

Another issue with these needless large-scale song and dance numbers is they actually dilute from what would have made be La La Land unique, as the various songs and themes that plot the course of Sebastian and Mia’s relationship as it grows from those first awkward interactions through the pair warming to one another and letting their guard down to full-blown love work so well, so why they made the decision to throw in some overblown numbers that have no bearing on this central plot point is baffling to me.

There is one of these numbers that didn’t work for me, though, namely the one at the end of the film that showed a “What if...?” scenario (through the medium of dance) about what would have happened if Mia and Sebastian got together when they first met instead of their greatly elongated courtship, which served to tell me one thing: at no point did they consider how the film would actually end.

The setup to the scene worked perfectly, with Mia discovered that Sebastian had achieved his dream of opening his own club and had taken on her suggestion of not just the name but the logo, and the ending where the two share one final look as they consider what might have been also works - but while similar scenes have certainly worked in the past - case in point the scene in 500 Days of Summer where they play Tom’s expectations of being invited to a party at Summer’s alongside the reality of the situation was beautifully done - the version in La La Land was just a five minute hop, skip and jump through the film’s major plot beats that didn’t particularly work.  Mia entering the club with her husband and seeing Sebastian worked, the mournful rendition of one of Sebastian’s musical motifs that ended the sequence worked, and the final look between Mia and Sebastian worked, it’s just the part in the middle didn’t.  What would have been more effective is if they mirrored the earlier sequence of Sebastian in Keith’s band: in that sequence they had Sebastian play in front of a large, enthusiastic crowd yet in the middle of it Mia was looking on knowing this was not what he wanted, so if they flipped that and had Sebastian play in front of a small, intimate crowd as Mia looked on knowing that is what Sebastian wanted all along that would’ve been the more fitting end to that arc, especially if they showed the smallest glances and reactions from the pair of them as Sebastian played.

I know this comes across as stamping down some of the film’s more creative flourishes, but in reality what I’m saying is that Damien Chazelle couldn’t resist over-egging his pudding, so instead of some smaller, more intimate moments that would resonate better with the audience he went the exact opposite direction and, honestly, it weakened moments that could’ve been that much stronger as a result.

iii.) "Look at me, I’m being contrary!”

One of the many, many, many issues with the internet is that it encourages that most heinous of passive aggressive beasts: the needless contrarian.  No matter what the subject, there’s always someone lurking who wants to vociferously disagree with everyone else no matter how many holes their argument is riddled with, and there’s certainly a hint of this with some of the criticism aimed at La La Land.

...and, yes, I do realise that I’m suggesting this after saying at great length how some of the film’s most creative flourishes should’ve been dropped during the writing stage.

While I’m not dismissing all criticism as being needlessly contrary for the sake of imaginary internet points, as I personally know a few people who weren’t particularly enamored with the film, yet the point is that their reasons for having this opinion was based on seeing the film and not liking certain aspects of it rather than seeing how many people they could wind up by posting something needlessly contrary on Reddit.

I can’t help but wonder if a certain amount of the backlash against La La Land, coupled with the sudden talking up of both Moonlight and Hidden Figures, is less about any of those films’ qualities compared to one another and instead related to some people looking for an excuse to reignite last year’s OscarsSoWhite synthetic outrage, something that a La La Land victory in the Best Picture category will give people the excuse they’re looking for to stoke the fires - and this ties in to the criticism that Sebastian, a white character, standing up for jazz in a world which is telling him to leave it behind.

The latter argument is something I take issue with, because regardless of your opinion of the Sebastian character - and let’s be honest, it isn’t unfair to say he’s a retread of Ryan Gosling’s aloof-yet-assholish screen persona he’s most notably used in films such as Drive, The Place Beyond The Pines and The Big Short - to say that a musician’s passion is not dictated by the music he loves and wishes to preserve but his skin pigment is not only the sort of comment that comes across as divisive for the sake of divisiveness, but it overlooks the contributions that Ronnie Scott, Bix Beiderbecke, Jack Teagarden, Benny Goodman and others made to the genre and also the efforts to bring jazz to a wider audience for the sake of scoring points rather than trying to make one.

iv.) The part where I lose the readers completely...

There’s one final aspect of La La Land that I believe is worth discussing, yet at the same time I know that it’s probably going to work out pretty badly for me, but here goes...can somebody explain to me Hollywood's determination to make Emma Stone an icon, because I just cannot see it.

I saw her in Zombieland, and I thought her performance was flat.  I saw her in Birdman, and I thought her performance was flat.  I was her in Gangster Squad, and I genuinely forgot she was in it until I started putting this half-baked stream of consciousness together (although a lot of the blame for that can be leveled at...well, Gangster Squad)  And I saw her in La La Land, and I thought her performance was flat - yet she’s on the ticket to win Best Actress at the Oscars, even though the role of Mia could have been played by any number of actresses to similar or better results.

For example, while I am fully aware that Jennifer Lawrence is the most obvious name I could mention as an alternative, there’s a reason for this: she’s a damn good actress, and has shown this in a multitude of roles in recent years.  Not only is she a damn good actress, but in several roles she has displayed great chemistry with her co-stars, most notably Bradley Cooper in Silver Linings Playbook and Chris Pratt in Passengers - the latter being one of the few saving graces of an otherwise poor film - which would have made the Mia and Sebastian romance resonate on the screen.  On top of that, she’s also covered in regards to the singing portion of the role, considering she sang for The Hunger Games’ soundtrack.

The alternatives don’t end with Jennifer Lawrence, either: Carey Mulligan has not only demonstrated considerable acting and singing ability in her previous roles, as well as onscreen chemistry with Ryan Gosling in Drive, but she would have added a sense of vulnerability to the Mia character that we didn’t really see from Stone’s performance, while if Elizabeth Olsen wasn’t locked in to the next few dozen Marvel movies she would have been another viable option for the role.

As with cutting down on the visual flourishes that do a poor job of trying to paper over the gaping hole where some plot development should have been, Stone’s flat performance at the heart of the film is what wedges La La Land into the “good not great” category as a more nuanced performance would have developed the character while also adding that little bit extra to the moments which required it.

So in conclusion...

Again, in case you missed it the first time, I am not saying La La Land is a bad film, because it isn’t - but it was also short of being the masterpiece that it’s being promoted as, which not only raised expectations which may or may not be met, but also serves as a red rag to the needless contrarians of the wi-fi bullring.

Some of its flaws can be forgiven, others should have been addressed during pre-production as they could have been easily fixed, and it’s fair to say that there were elements that could have been improved upon with some judicious rewrites and smarter casting, yet the film still hits enough peaks that it’s not going to go down in history as a missed opportunity.  As for what else it may go down in history for, we’ll find out on Sunday night.