#keeping this off the main tag so i don't corrupt anyone

[shadowkoo]

Chasing Clouds - Prologue

→ Summary: Namjoon made the decision early on in his training that he would abstain from dating or entering any form of relationship while in active duty. He’s determined not to burden anyone with the likelihood of being to be notified of his death or causing pain to someone he loves by his long absence. Ironically, he found himself drawn to you, a doctor who challenges his beliefs and contradicts everything he upholds.

↠ namjoon x f.reader | 1k words | 18+ ↠ genre: military au, angst (future chapters include: doctor au, s2l, slow burn, smut, fluff, romance

→ Warnings: Read at your own risk! war, ptsd, bombs, guns, violence, injury, death, blood, (future warnings include: murder, use of other weapons, smut warnings)

→ Author Note: my favorite kdrama of all time is descendants of the sun and in honor of my fifth rewatch, I wanted to write this series! it takes place about a year after the show ends, just so you know the timeline :) i would recommend that you watch it first, but it’s not a requirement - it just gives insight to some of the character's personalities (plus i’ll take any opportunity to tell people to watch it lol)

Prologue

MAY 02 - 0340 - USTANA

The darkness of the night feels heavy; its weight is unsettling as the soldiers start their most recent assignment. Namjoon has an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach. It’s twisting and turning like never before. He isn’t usually nervous before missions; he hasn’t had a reason to be. He's always followed through and completed his tasks without issue; which is one of the main reasons everyone has such high hopes for him.

Tonight is different though, and he knows the others have the same odd feeling as they all take off their dog tags and set them aside. If captured, they need to remain anonymous.

"You guys know the drill. Once we locate the hostage, everyone will need to be attentive because it'll only be a matter of time until the whole building knows it's been breached. This isn't another exercise boys, lives are at stake here,” Big Boss, Captain Yoo Shijin, says to his team of special force soldiers.

"As this is the last mission of your training term, I expect nothing but excellence in your delivery of the hostage. We've orchestrated the specifics of this mission in such a way that will prove whether or not you are cut for these types of diplomatic high-profile assignments," Wolf, Big Bosses best friend Seo Daeyoung, adds.

"Whatever you do, don't compromise the mission. Don’t use your birth name to communicate, use the nicknames you were given, as well as ours," Big Boss hollers, finishing off their short speech as the back door of the aircraft opened.

Ustana, the country they’re secretly entering, is known for its drug and weapons problem due to its corrupt government. If things end badly, it will reflect on Korea. That’s why the team’s identities and nationalities can’t be known.

The plane jolts, narrowly missing the projectile that was aimed at the steel bird in the sky, solidifying the seriousness of the current situation below.

Namjoon repeats his orders to keep some level of sanity and peace of mind as he descended from the sky with the rest of the Puppy Pack, the soldiers in training to join the Alpha Team.

‘Find the hostage. Mislead the enemy. Return home. Stay alive.’

Once on the ground, he waits for the signal to ambush the guards watching the doors and proceeds to lead the group. Shijin and Daeyoung follow behind with the rest of the soldiers at their feet.

Daeyoung nods, giving Namjoon the go-ahead to align his gun on the enemy. This is the part he often tunes out. You need to be able to turn the switch, as he calls it, on and off with this kind of job.

He aligns his scope with the target and quickly pulls the trigger before moving to the others nearby before they even realize what’s happening. He watches as their bodies drop, waiting to see if anyone else runs into the room, but it’s quiet. Almost too quiet…

"Wildcat, All clear,” he says into his mic, letting the others know their access point is now safe for entry.

‘Find the hostage. Mislead the enemy. Return home. Stay alive.’

It takes less than two minutes for the group of highly trained soldiers to find the hostage. He’s badly beaten and unconscious, his body hunched over in the chair he’s tied to.

Wolf keeps watch by the side door while the team works on releasing the man. Jihoon, another one of the Puppy Pack trainees, helps Namjoon carry the man back to where the transport aircraft is waiting.

“I don’t want to jinx anything, but that was almost too easy…” Jihoon says, looking at Namjoon.

He agrees. Something’s not adding up…

He peers through the open door of the transport helicopter, gazing outside. They’re waiting for the last of the group to make their way onto the craft, and he just wants to ensure that everyone is safe. His shoulders relax when he can see their dark forms exiting the building.

Namjoon turns to look back at Jihoon, “I see them, they’re-” his sentence ends unfinished.

“What is that?” he says, taking a step closer to the unconscious hostage that Jihoon and a combat medic are helping. He points out the red blinking light on the man’s neck. It’s not a laser from a gun. It’s coming from inside his skin. ‘It’s almost as if…’ His thought trails off. “Run!” he screams, though it’s too late.

The bomb’s detonation rips through the helicopter, unleashing an intense burst of energy. In an instant, the searing shockwave propels fragments of debris outward. The air vibrates with a deafening roar, drowning out all other sounds.

The chaotic energy tears apart surroundings and scatters the remnants in all directions. A plume of smoke and fire billows upward, consuming everything in its path. The impact leaves a scene of devastation, marked by shattered glass, twisted metal, and a sense of raw destruction.

Namjoon feels the force of the explosion in his chest and is thrown far from his comrade, and debris crashes around him. His head bounces against the ground, and the ringing in his ears is so intense, he believes he will never hear again.

Jihoon is several feet away. His eyes are frozen open, and blood trails down his face from the head injury he suffers from. Namjoon reaches for his lifeless friend but it’s all too much.

Then, everything fades to black.

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©shadowkoo 2023. All rights reserved.

[fatguarddog]

Welcome 🐾🔞

Follows from @follow-fatguarddog (inactive old main but I gotta keep it to keep this blog)

Hey, I'm Hutch, 29/UK/M, icon by @droolfang

I am not a gainer. I'm a chubby alt male feeder/feedee who enjoys stuffing and being treated like a dog ❤️

This is my space to explore my kinks, mainly weight gain stuff and slightly more aggressive pet play I'm trans, only use he/him pronouns and prefer terms like dick/cock and tits when referring to my body. I've had top surgery but enjoy fantasising about growing tits/moobs I like people of all genders, but do lean t4t ❤️

I love hearing other people's fantasies/ideas so ask is always open! You should probably scroll down a bit and read my Hard Nos first before sending one though (please no more slob-leaning asks) ❤️

DMs are open, but please only message if you're 23+ I offer custom audio commissions, find out more HERE I have a Ko-fi HERE if you ever wanna throw a dog a bone or treat me into something in particular 🦴

My Kinks

I'll be tagging my posts in case you want to search for or block something in particular - original stuff will still be 'hutch posts,' but here you can also find 'hutch photos' for pics of me and 'hutch audios' for little fat fantasy recordings Also to reiterate that whilst this is a weight gain-centric blog, I'm not in a position to actually gain weight nor am I a gainer, I just like fantasising about a world where I could be a lazy fat dog. Please don't send me asks about tips for gaining weight because I'm afraid I can't help you, I have always been roughly this fat and have no experience with consistent gaining

🐾 Fuck yes: feedism, weight gain (magical, slow, rapid, forced, etc.), ass/belly/breast expansion, general belly kink, monsterfucking, bondage, praise kink, intox kink (alcohol and weed), biting, pet play (think of me as a rough but loyal dog or a maybe pig boy)

🐾 Yes Please: breeding, cnc, some degradation, corruption kink, primal urges, hucow/lactation, inflation (favs are pumpkin, honey, berry and milk), plushification, force masc and force femme (not in a detransition way, just like how a cis guy would be into it)

🚫 Hard Nos: detransition kink, slob stuff, death feedism, gore, piss/scat, ddlg type stuff, incest, birth, feet, immobility in weight gain scenarios (I'm ok with it in more fantasy-based tf scenarios though, e.g. pumpkin inflation/transformation)

Taken anon emojis/sign offs: 🪞, 🐮💓, 🫐🐈, 🐶❤️, 🐑🤍, storm anon, 😻, 🎃, 💋, 🐳, 🕹️, ghost anon, 🎃☕, 🎃🦣, 🥛, 🥓🐻, 🐉, 🍩🐶, 🍒🦝, 🐷 🤓, 💜, 🧊🐺, 🎤, 🐺, 💣💥, 🐊, ⚡️, 🐇, 🔵, 🐗, 🎀, seal anon, doughnon, 🍰, 🦌, 🍔🐱, 🥨, dogboy, 🐐, ⚕️, sleepy cowboy, 📼, 🦇, 🦕, ☢️, 🍄, 🐷🐶, 🚙, 🌀, eldritch weight gain anon, ♉️ Emojis/sign offs help me know who I'm talking to if you've sent asks before, so feel free to add them! If you want to interact with me, please don't call me a puppy! Just dog/big dog/fat dog is fine, but puppy doesn't do it for me in referring to myself

BLOCK LIST

Under 18s or no age in your bios, you’re not welcome here

Same if you’re over 45, no disrespect it's just not comfortable for me

Misgendering and thinspo blogs, no thanks

Literally anyone who makes me uncomfortable at my discretion

Feedism jars filled out under the cut if you wanna know more

[harleyacoincidence]

(this is @anulithots btw!)

'Love corrupts fresh lilies' is one of the coolest titles I've ever heard.

My interest has piqued... not forced at all, but I'd love to know what it's about!

*will now proceed to scroll through the tag hehehe*

Hey, welcome to my inbox! Nice to see ya!

Honestly, I'm flattered that you like the working title. I always thought it was too descriptive or too long, but I've gotten pretty positive reception for it, so I might keep it.

So, this work has been floating around in my brain for a little while, not as long as Tales of the Unfortunate Summoner (if you're into demon summoning stuff that desperately needs a rewrite, it might be for you), but it's certainly made its presence known. It started off as a parody of one of those fanfics you might find on Wattled in 2015 regarding One Direction and selling children (if you know, you know). Personally, I could see what the authors were going for, but the concept just wasn't for me (unless I decided to not take it seriously, which I did).

So, I had a basic plot outline with no character ideas. I wanted someone to live their life, find something new, and BAM! PROBLEMS! And romance, if applicable. That one was sitting on the back burner, though. It was not the main course, and still technically isn't. After this, I had a dream in which I had characters, a better plot outline, and pretty much everything I needed. That fuelled my creative process, and I managed to start writing poems about the story, the worldbuilding, and how I wanted it to work. I later decided to turn those poems into a novel once I had more worldbuilding done, and I'm still in the process of doing that.

Warning: this is a very complicated WIP, with a huge cast of characters. While many of them are side characters, that doesn't make any of them unimportant or less vital. Each of them has a distinct role to play within the worlds (yes, worlds plural) that this story takes place in.

Additionally, this WIP is VERY dark. If you are sensitive to topics such as violence, murder, swearing, manipulation, dehumanization, psychological and physical abuse, kidnapping, gore, drowning, bigotry, or even sexual content (I think this one loosely applies), PLEASE do not read any further. This WIP is not for everyone, and if you do not like its content, that is okay. It may just not be your kind of thing, and that is entirely valid. Please, do not violate your boundaries by reading this if you feel like you will be negatively affected by any content you are about to witness. The content present in this WIP does NOT represent my personal beliefs, and was created for entertainment only. Please do not harass me, my followers, my mutuals, people I know, or anyone interested in this WIP due to its content. If you don't like the sound of it, DO NOT READ IT.

Thanks! Now, if you are still willing to read about it, feel free to keep going. If not, you have been warned. I'll see you on another post, friends!

Alright, so now that we've gotten all that out of the way, I suppose I should get into what this WIP really is about. Here's a (semi-detailed) post regarding some general information you should know, as well as some bonus snippets at the end.

Genre

Love Corrupts Fresh Lilies is, at its core, a fantasy-turned-horror novel, with some elements of romance thrown in. It follows common tropes within those three genres, but I've attempted to sew them together to make something original.

Synopsis

Rafflesia Mallory, a young woman who wishes to escape her harsh reality and the people who torment her, finds herself running from the embodiment of time, disappearing into another world, one called Altalias. There, she meets a colourful cast of literal gods, among them being two rivals who want nothing more than to be together, a scammer who everyone likes, and the worst thing that's ever happened to her.

Setting

This WIP has two main settings, one being the world Rafflesia comes from, which is made to represent our real world, and Altalias the place where beings that might as well be gods reside. All other settings mentioned or referenced do not play as large a role.

Characters

The cast of characters here is very large, but here's all of them, plus a little information about them!

Rafflesia Mallory - The protagonist of this story. She often wears red, and was incredibly lonely before coming to Altalias. She also stole something from Time (who you'll learn about soon enough), which she really does not want to give back. She is canonically bisexual.

Jacob Amond - Rafflesia's cousin, and the source of most of her torment. His time in this novel is short, yet you'll be cursing his name once you finish. He's extremely egotistical, and not the nicest to his cousin. He is canonically heterosexual.

Zane Bianco - Rafflesia's ex-boyfriend, and one of Jacob's best friends. He's a decent friend, but a horribly toxic partner, with near impossible demands. He regrets his actions and attitudes towards Rafflesia, but that is not enough to save him. He is canonically pansexual.

Sitara Bauer - One of Jacob's friends, and Rafflesia's friends by association. She has high goals, and often unrealistic expectations, but keeps a positive outlook on life. She has a twin sister named Ebony. She is canonically pansexual.

Ebony Bauer - Another one of Jacob and Rafflesia's friends, and Sitara's twin. She is more cautious than her sister, and isn't as positive, but that doesn't mean she's a pessimist. She's a bit of a hopeless romantic. She is canonically lesbian.

Winifred Gallagher - One of Rafflesia's former friends that she had outside of her cousin's friend group. She's very stubborn, and knows how to get what she wants. She only recently broke off her friendship with Rafflesia. She is canonically bisexual and transfeminine.

Hugh Murphy - Another of Rafflesia's former friends that wasn't in her cousin's friend group. He enjoys mysteries, whether that's reading books in the genre, or watching shows like Scooby-Doo (Scooby-Doo is not canonical to this novel, nor is it associated with it. It is only being used to give you an idea of his taste). He is great with the outdoors, and leaves this WIP alive, which is pretty rare. He is canonically asexual.

That's it for the humans, so let's get into everyone else!

Lawrence - The god of wealth. His title is "King". He let his godly subject get the best of him, and has succumbed to greed. He scams people to get a little wealth out of them, as he attempted to do with Rafflesia once she came to Altalias. He saw a chance to bring more wealth into the system if outsiders could enter their world, and tried to capitalize (get it?) on the opportunity. He was unsuccessful. He is canonically aroace.

Csilla - The god of space and technology. Her title is "Astronomer". She was one of the first five gods to exist when Altalias came into being. She is one of the most important gods, yet prefers to hang in the background. She does not like to attract attention. She is canonically an aromantic lesbian.

Cayden - The god of agility. His title is "Shihan". He works with Griffin to keep Altalias safe and well-defended from any threats. Unsurprisingly, due to its seclusion, there are very few threats to begin with, other than some possible ones from inside. He is canonically gay.

Griffin - The god of strength. His title is "Renshi". He works with Cayden to preserve Altalias' safety. He mentors Cayden, and often keeps his bursts of energy under control. He is the calm to Cayden's storm, and they fit quite well together. He is canonically a homoromantic asexual.

Juliette - The god of theatre. Her title is "Entertainer". She loves to perform (evidently) and often works with some of her fellow gods during festivals. She is best friends with Melody and Cale. She is canonically pansexual.

Melody - The god of music. Her title is "Virtuoso". She does not like the spotlight as much as Juliette, but enjoys the thought of entertaining others with her beautiful music. No festival or event is complete without her touch. She is canonically bisexual.

Clae - The god of visual art and architecture. Her title is "Artisan". Clae loves to share her work with others, and often invites people to her studio for an afternoon of pottery. She is incredibly patient, and willing to help others if needed, whether or not the task at hand is something she is good at. She is canonically lesbian.

Kai - The god of water. His title is "Torrenter". Along with Csilla and a few others, he was one of the first gods to come into existence. He likes to project a calm image when in public, but is quite temperamental. One of his coping mechanisms is changing the weather, such as making the sky cloudy, or having light rain, heavy rain, or even hail. It takes enough energy out of him to calm him down, but does affect everyone in Altalias. He doesn't really have anyone he can talk to other than Bridget and Aura, due to how dangerous he can be. He is canonically aroaceflux.

Bridget - The god of fire and generic insults. Her title is "Roaster". Unlike many of the other gods, who had their titles bestowed upon them, she came up with her title herself. She is closest to Aura and Kai, who also represent elements. She has an awful temper, but is a great person to be around when she's in a good mood. She does tend to lash out at people directly when she's angry, but if you've proven that you will be by her side no matter what, she'll do anything for you. She is canonically bi-curious.

Aura - The god of wind and air. Her title is "Liberator". She is another one of the five original gods. Aura is one of the most mysterious gods, but is highly respected. Despite being rarely seen, her presence is always felt. When she is seen, she either communicates telepathically, or through a type of Altalian sign language. She is canonically demisexual.

Isagani - The god of success. Their title is "Provider". They are the god that others often seek out if they feel that they are going through a rough time in their life and want good luck. They often work closely with Kari, the two of them often being referred to as the Fortune Duo. They used to be very close to Lawrence, before he let his greed overtake him. They are canonically agender and pansexual.

Kari - The god of aid in dark times. Their title is "Server". They are regarded as the bringer of hope, and are visited when one has a problem that Isagani cannot solve or give advice for. Long ago, they helped to defeat a source of evil within Altalias, forcing him to reside within the far forests. This evil is rarely ever seen outside of them, mostly due to the humiliation he faced in his defeat. Kari is canonically agender and demiromantic.

Aadhya - The god of competition. Her title is "Lady". Aadhya often works with Lawrence, Ferphasia, Juliette, Melody, and Clae to put on festivals or competitions within Altalias. She is very competitive, and often wins the most during said contests. She is canonically heterosexual.

Chloe - The god of childbirth and family. Her title is "Accoucheuse". She is one of the first five gods. She is extremely kind, and works with Ferphasia in a sort of store that has a variety of goods one might need (these include food, clothing, and charms). She was also one of the first to properly welcome Rafflesia to Altalias and make sure she felt at home. She is canonically pansexual.

Ferphasia - The god of gifts and hospitality. Her title is "Enchanter". She is kind of the Glinda the Good Witch of Altalias, with her foil being Jade. She has Chloe's kindness, but is more firm than her. She is also madly in love with Jade (who returns the feeling), but refuses to admit it. She is canonically lesbian.

Kenzo - The god of good health. His title is "Curer". If anyone in Altalias finds themselves with a physical ailment that they were not created with, they go to Kenzo. Nine times out of ten, he can either fully cure you or help you heal. However, as you'll see, this is not always the case. He is canonically gay.

Jade - The god of dark magic. Her title is "Witch". Jade is easily one of the most misunderstood in Altalias. She does not mean harm, but enjoys playing odd pranks on people, often involving rocks appearing in strange places. She is very close to Lawrence, as he is one of her only friends. She has a huge crush on Ferphasia, her rival, but refuses to admit it to anyone other than Hemlock, her brother. She is canonically lesbian.

Hemlock - The god of corruption. His title is "Master". He is one of the first five gods that came into existence with Altalias. He is the original source of evil in Altalias, and nobody but Jade gives him a chance to do anything. He mostly remains in the far forests, and is almost never seen in the town square. He hates Lawrence due to how egotistical he is, and Lawrence hates him because everyone else does. He will jump at the chance to leave his mark of evil anywhere, especially on a certain protagonist. He is canonically heterosexual.

Time - The embodiment of time itself. His name is his title, and if he catches you, there is nowhere you can run. He once was kind, just, and empathetic, but after being corrupted by Rafflesia, he is no longer so. She stole the only weapon he had, a sword, which allowed him to slightly mess with the natural order, and end the lives of people and things prematurely. Rafflesia didn't trust him to use it wisely after his drastic change. He has been trying to get it back ever since, unsuccessfully. He has lost a fight to Jade. He is canonically aroace.

Random Lore/Plot Details

Everyone born/created in the other world has powers, and is pretty much a god of some sort

They have a name and a title, but they most often go by their title

Some might have their title precede their name

They are allowed to create their name themselves, but often have their title bestowed upon them by another

It is unknown what would happen if an outsider stayed in the other world for a long period of time, perhaps they would remain the same, perhaps they would change, or die, or slowly gain god-like powers, or become a sort of powerless god themselves

Sacrifices increase the power the gods have, but most would rather avoid having to deal with murder and death

Despite being strong, the gods do not have the ability to leave their world, due to a lack of power

It is not yet known to the gods if sacrifices could remove this weakness, but one god in particular desires to be able to travel back and forth between two interconnected worlds

Gods of concepts have no human form to begin with, often just appearing as pillars of smoke, monsters, or strange inhuman spirits

The majority of them changed into humanoid forms (aside from Lawrence, who prefers his more humanoid form to begin with) upon noticing that Rafflesia had entered their world, in an attempt to make her more comfortable

Rafflesia has frequent nightmares

Lawrence dies

Bonus Snippets

(Final call for trigger warnings!)

I could hear music playing in the distance. As I followed it, I found myself in a village square. The tune was upbeat, inviting, almost like it knew I had just arrived. Why would there be music playing now, of all times? A festival? I thought, What kind of festival would be on now specifically? Do they also celebrate a jazz festival? The music doesn’t sound like jazz. I nearly tripped over a tree root while lost in thought. Definitely not my proudest moment, I’m afraid.

“If you’re looking for something to do here, Dove, we have plenty of shops for you to look through. We accept any currency, and I’m sure you’ll find something that piques your interest!” “Great, thanks, Lawrence, I’ll be sure to check those out…” I muttered, drawing my hand back slowly. “Well, if you’re new here, you’ll definitely need a guide for the time being, and there’s nobody better than myself! So, Dove, got anything on your mind that you’d like to see? If you can think of it, we’ve probably got it!”

“Please, make yourself at home! Try some apple strudel, it’s fresh. I baked some bread rolls this morning, feel free to take as many as you’d like. Also, if you like tarts, there’s some blueberry ones over here and some pecan butter tarts here. Take as many as you’d like, free of charge.” My head spun at all of the offered dishes. I felt like I was in some sort of fairy tale, like if I ate anything I’d surely be trapped in this strange place, or worse. “Uhh, catch?” I asked, shrinking back from the plates full of heavenly sweets. “Hmm?” the woman asked, tilting her head, “Catch? Why would there be a catch?”

“You! You evil, disgusting, potion-brewing, manipulating, unorganized, witchy freak!” “You overly-peppy, cotton-brained, goody-two-shoes pushover!” “They’re in love,” Hemlock whispered to me. “It’s clear as day,” I replied.

I tugged at my blouse’s collar, already sweating. I hadn’t even been called in yet. I fiddled with my folder, praying I wouldn’ suddenly forget my name. Opening my file, I quickly checked the contents. My resume and reference letters were still there, thankfully. “Olivia?” I heard the secretary call. I got up and nervously approached him. I didn’t know why. That wasn’t my name. “They’re waiting for you in room 236, to your right.”

His blood covered the streets. You could see it for what felt like miles. Everyone knew what had happened to him, even if they hadn’t been in the town square that day. Those who had been there in the moment only had more of the spectacle to deal with. I had been there. I knew. The memory stained my mind as beautifully as his remains did against the stone. I hadn’t thought smoke to be so corporeal, but my darling had shown me his power and proved me wrong once again. He’d been slammed against the cobblestone and pinned there. The more he struggled, the tighter the grip became. When he cried out, he was lifted and smashed back down. Everyone had heard something crack and break. It was not enough. Smoky fingers moved from his throat to his chest and stomach. That was where they remained, until every drop of crimson essence had been wrung from his form. He was thrown against the ground once more, splashing in a puddle of blood and innards that had been grotesquely crushed and pulled apart. He wasn’t moving anymore. No part was lively, not even his eyes, which had been rolled back so far into his head that it was a miracle they hadn’t fallen in.

My body was rotting. The only things holding it together were the roots of a tree. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe, I could barely think. As I creaked my head downward to look at myself, strung up like some sort of ornament, I noticed something funny about my arms. Where my veins of blueish purple once flowed, were strange green tracks. And they were moving. Wriggling. Almost…struggling to get out. And I could feel every bit of it.

An inky black soup. Gently churning, swirling smoothly, yet not bubbling. I dipped my toes in, and observed the gentle ripples. The urge to wade in and swim was too great not to resist. My clothes swirled around me. The feeling of the liquid was similar to water, but was more viscous. It made me a little uneasy, but the calm and whimsical nature of it only drew me in more. The overall experience reminded me of the black accidental keys on a piano. Paired with the right natural notes, the experience could either be in major or minor key. Everything was so visceral. A playful wave splashed over me, and I couldn’t help but laugh. Another splashed over my legs, and I continued. What I didn’t realize early enough was that the water was gradually becoming rougher, too choppy to properly swim in. That thought came far too late to help me. The liquid began to splash over me from all angles. I began to struggle to keep my head at the surface. The further I swam, the larger the waves became. Looking back at a wave half as large as I was tall, I began to swim faster. I needed to get away from it. I needed to stay afloat. Upon looking forward, I was met with a wave twice as large as I was. It crashed over me, and with a scream, I went under. I don’t remember whether or not I came back up.

Hope you enjoyed! Let me know if you have any questions, or want to know more! I tried to keep this as general and spoiler-free as possible.

[heartshapedgreen]

seeing an AI-related post go around where it seems projecting sentiency to machines is something new to some folks? hi i'm POSIC. i think objects are sentient the same way i think plants and lobsters are sentient.

also wanted to explain these tags because i have writers following me, and i don't want anyone to get scared, esp. in the context of me being anti copyright 😭: #like... we don't even have to wait for AI #the internet is already 'taking our jobs'

i don't expect everyone to be anti copyright, especially in this economy, so i understand everybody's woes with plagiarism wrt AI. my problem is with the fearmongering about robots & general machinery when it's very real humans and tech companies behind it all. tech industry's hand in imperialism is known, the .io domain is an example of this.

machine learning is parallel to using tumblr to make gazillion text posts. like this one is also going to be stored in a server in the data center that consumes a lot of water too, so if you don't find this post here as abhorrent as if i were to use AI (in a hypothetical world where machine learning is done using public sources, let's say, & the "AI" will still produce what is objectively seen as 'junk', because it's still just written code), then we're just gonna have to be like diogenes and plato.

another thing that put me off from intellectual property discussions, more than ever, was seeing the ableism re: polydactyly with AI art & the way intellectuality/empathy was framed with human creation vs. machine creation. [redacted this segment here on my disability history to describe why i hate this argument so much for anonymity's sake.] i think the line of thinking where you start to believe humans are intrinsically better than anything that doesn't have a ~soul~ is... you see how that sounds.

tldr: my main problem with AI discussions is how everybody's straying off-topic re: plagiarism, water scarcity, just general tech industry corruption & very human complicity (Cyborg Jillian Weise dubs these people as 'tryborgs'). instead the focus is on neuronormative sentiments about how much more complex the brain is than machine. this is why everybody's weird about art created during psychosis/by schizophrenics, but that's a whole another topic.

there's also some maybe unhealthy notions about what makes art Art™. & no, i don't think you have to create something on your own for it to be meaningful because that would make me a hypocritical ghostwriter. adoptables come close to it but i also wish 'ghostartist' was a thing. just take my creativity. take it. it's yours. "any love i made you feel is yours to keep" etc.

want to try ghostwriting because 1. i'm evil and i'm anti copyright/intellectual property 2. i like being anonymous. i hope i'm not a real person to you guys but just some pixels on the screen 3. i love writing. except for the fact every platform where ghostwriting happens needs me to plaster my face, my address, my phone number, my mother's maiden name, my kidney, my soul all over the digital town square.

[mostly-mundane-atla]

Someone: what does zuko even like about mai it was so forced

Me: it's really quite simple; this should explain it [starts playing that "I love the kind of woman that will actually just kill me" clip on youtube]

[spitdrunken]

Ngl I feel so wrong for having read so much on your blog in the span of an hour or so 😭😭 I'm a kink baby (not like littles, I'm into freaky stuff but I don't know the term for those newly/inexperienced with the stuff) and seeing the blankshipping makes me feel both so wrong yet so turned on??? Like???

I can't help but to fantasize over the submas twins corrupting their younger sister as they start to show interest in her. Like I read the Volo innocence post you wrote and I started thinking of something similar to those lines but for the submas twins. Maybe the younger sister was always their little princess that they spoiled and doted on and she repays the kindness by being super clingy and loving towards them? Like she's the pinnacle of what the twins want to protect so what better way than to become her lovers? They would hate to see their younger sister be taken and used by some random man so why not just show her everything she can gain with them? I imagine that they start slowly corrupting them and turning her into their little sub and fucking her senseless because that's what their sister deserves <3

Idk if that's weird or not but I really like your blog :)

notes: incest, grooming (all characters are 18+ during nsfw sections, but their dynamic as children is discussed)

hi anon!! i’m sorry for taking a while to get to this, but you’re so valid okay <33 i know when you’re first getting into ‘darker’ / more ‘’’gross’’’ (not my opinion but what it likely feels like to you at the moment) stuff you can feel guilty sometimes, but there’s nothing to feel bad about! enjoying this kind of stuff is super common. (just look at prnhub, anime / visual novels, the amount of fics in the ‘1ncest’ tag on ao3, etc etc.) i hope that made you feel a little better!! onto the actual content though <3

first off, that’s not weird at all-!! i have a very similar, expanded au with my girlfriend where ‘you’ are basically the submas’ little sister, so your idea is more than welcome here <3

Ingo is someone with an inherently caring nature. He enjoys looking after people, guiding them to their destinations and, in personal matters, he is much the same. While growing up, he was often fussier than your mother, but also praised you more than anyone else. Both of the twins insist on you following the rules laid out by your parents, but Ingo is more strict. (Who would sometimes sneak you an extra piece of candy!) From a young age, he’s had a fascination with dressing you up. The cuter, the better! His choices would really make you feel like a princess. He’s more passive than his brother, and would feel a little sad watching you have fun without him, but he’s more likely to try and let it go. 

Emmet just thinks you are the cutest! Your smile is the absolute best one ever, and he would do anything to keep you happy. This is the primary reasons he lets you a little loose sometimes, but only under his direct supervision. Emmet is already notably jealous as a kid, and doesn’t like you or Ingo spending time around anyone else. He’s the main reason you grow up somewhat secluded, actively interfering in your friendships with others. Kids are often a little selfish, however, Emmet never entirely grows out of it. He wants what’s best for you, but on his terms, because he knows best.

Everyone thought it was adorable how little you fought while growing up, and how inseparable you were. Now that you’re adults, though... It’s a bit more weird. 

You’ve never stopped being sweet and adorable to them, they never stopped wanting the best for you and wanting to protect you! Through their work as Subway Bosses, they’ve gotten to meet so many people, and realised that... Tons of people are terrible. Horribly rude and completely dismissive of any and all safety regulations! Sure, not everyone sucks, but when imagining you dating some stranger... They can’t imagine it going well. It’s a common subject between the two of them. They are actively concerned about you getting a crush on someone. Thankfully, you always tell them you still love your big brothers the most ♡!

(At the same time, I love the idea of you essentially having a bit of a puppy crush on your big brothers... Since their job has made them decently famous, there’s a lot of content featuring them online! When you read romantic self insert fanfiction about your brothers, that’s definitely just to laugh at how they’re written! Nothing else!!)

After one more conversation about ‘the state of humanity in regards to our little sister’s dating options’, Emmet asks: Why shouldn’t we date her? There are a million arguments against it. First off all, you’re related. But Emmet plays on Ingo’s emotions, he knows how worried he is about you, and how guilty he feels about is poorly hidden feelings for you. Emmet is the one who will end up taking the lead. You trust and love your brothers the most, so it only makes sense they’d take your most important firsts too... (Emmet will end up jerking Ingo off while whispering fantasies about you into his ear. How tight you would be about your big brother’s cock, how cutely you’d moan, how nice you’d look in a cute set of underwear... He cums embarrassingly fast.)

You’re already so clingy, that it’s easy to ease you into a bit more affection! Holding your hand, kissing your cheek, pulling you on to his lap... All of that is easy for Emmet. You happily soak up all of the extra attention. When you complain eventually about being permanently single, Emmet will ‘jokingly’ ask about preparing for the future ahead of you... He’ll offer. to teach you how to kiss! You get so embarrassed you can’t get a word out, but when he softly pecks you on the lips you can’t find it in yourself to protest too much. By the end of it, you’re making out with him on the couch, sitting flush against him on his lap.

Emmet has been hiding his feelings for you for so long, and is so intent on ruining you for anyone else, that there’s a decent chance he’ll fuck you open on that couch right then and there, for Ingo to walk in on you two. 

[tiffanylamps]

campy vampy bite bite 👀👀👀👀 (you know I love vampires and I have to ask for this one)

hehehehe, I'm so glad you asked!!!! I actually love this wip so much, it's my latest baby and I'm super excited about it. I think you will like what I've got planned 👀

From this tag game

Okay, so, I won't go into too much detail about who's who, but I will give some details regarding the world. The concept kind of surrounds the question: what if vampires have always existed and what would that look like in a modern-day society that is dictated by bureaucracy?

We have vampires and vampire hunters. There are also normal police officers, and different departments within the government that are put in place to basically... kill... vampires off. There are "normal" vampires, vampires that have been "turned" in the "wrong way"*, and there's even an underground drug network (including clubs where humans go to get their freak on with vampires). We also can't forget the corruption and of course, the murder mystery storyline. *I have planned out multiple ways for a human to be turned into a vampire

It's a pretty big story that I don't even have a full first chapter for lol. But I'm pretty excited to see where it'll go. It's a little bit of Romeo & Juliet meets Pride and Prejudice meets Beyond Evil meets vampiric lore. From my limited research, it would seem that Korea doesn't have its own vampire lore, so they tend to take inspiration from Western and Chinese cultures. I am also going to be doing this, as I think it'll be super fun to take inspiration from multiple cultures (and considering Joo Won canonically spent time in England, it would make sense to throw in a mix of European lore in there) It's rated E cause of violence, lots of blood, and... of course, sexual content 🤷‍♀️

At the moment, it's mainly just vibes, but here's a snippet from the opening scene.

The orchestra is bastardising Doga’s Gramophone. The main cause and culprit of this crime is the pianist, who’s torturing his keys a beat out of time, causing the whole piece to slug and be weighed down by his lack of urgency in tempo and finesse. Although, that might be the bourbon talking. Han Joo Won has been standing on the sidelines, listening to the god-awful mockery of classical music for what might be considered a rude amount of time. The ballroom - if one could call it that - did not possess the acoustics for such a piece, resulting in the already unflattering debacle sounding tinny and out of tune. 

Under the finery of his designer suit jacket, Joo Won readjusts his perfectly tailored, perfectly pressed, perfectly starched, perfectly perfect embroidered waistcoat. He straightens his back with a slight ache in his lower spine, the heels of his Italian leather dress shoes are doing nothing for him other than causing his thighs to ache and his toes to throb. He’s been standing for far too long for such an event, which was a strategic decision he made almost forty minutes ago. He’s cleverly hidden from view behind a pompous flower arrangement; out of sight and hopefully away from his father’s ever-watching, ever-critical, ever-loathing gaze. 

In this quiet corner by himself, with the bar still in sight, he can keep an eye on the table where his father currently resides. Including the exit, the musicians, and the majority of guests. A rather smart move on his behalf - if he did say so himself - as anyone could slip past security in this private event. Anyone could harm them. 

There was another reason for his self-imposed isolation: he did not want to spend another second sharing a table with some of the most unintelligent and uninteresting people he’s ever been forced to be acquainted with. Han Joo Won is a man nearing his thirties and has met every kind of person there is to know in the circles he was born into. The list is predictable and finite, tedious and banal, ostentatious and pretentious, and Joo Won knows how to handle each and every one of them. He’s been trained his whole life for evenings such as this. -

I hope you like the detail of the embroidered waistcoat; I think I added that after one of our chats regarding Joo Won in pretty clothes 😊 Thank you for sending me this ask!! I really hope to make some progress with this fic because I think it's super fun and it would be great to share it with people

[shitposting-puppet]

Spoilers for Scott's ep 24 of Emipres SMP.

I don't think Empires is going to end quite yet.

Why?

Because the episode left off with a shit ton of loose threads.

Call me the better MatPat cause I have a theory so fucking out there it might just work (also I dont steal people's ideas cause I genuinely don't think anyone else has done this just yet because I dont scroll through the Empires tag, like, ever).

So I'm gonna fucking pick at those loose threads like my fucking life depends on it.

The loose threads:

Joeys still in love with Xornoth

Scott keeps bringing up the Eternal Winter, which just rubs me weird

The Elsa boots seem to lore driven to just be a one-off thing

Also:

"I hope this ice melts..... Am I doing that?" -Scott, using said ice boots (paraphrased)

And a bunch more that i cant be bother to go find because that ep made me fucking sob.

ANYWAYYYYYYY

My theory?

Scott is the Eternal Winter the prophecy has warned us about.

Think about it.

For the entire time we've known him, Xornoth has been associated with *the Nether and Heat*

Corruption started from the Nether.

He was dating Joey, who lives in a jungle

His main weapons are tnt and lava

And he's scared of the Dragon Egg, which came from the End. A place well known for being cold as a witches tit.

Scott on the other hand:

Has always been associated with the cold and winter.

Lives in the snowy mountains

Has an Elsa fantasy thing

The ice isn't melting behind him. Why wasnt the ice melting behind him?

Has a literal reindeer as a steed and snowy owls as pets.

[demomonic-murmurs]

Heaven [Shimizu Kiyoko × Reader]

Summary: You and Kiyoko come home from a Halloween party and fuck with all the love in the world.

Pair: Sub! Kiyoko × Dom! Reader

Tags: Established Relationship, NSFW, Sexual Content, Extreme Usage of Toys, Ropes, Size Kink, Breast Worship, Body Worship, Vaginal Penetration, Cervix Penetration, Some mild Role Playing at the beginning [angel/demon], slight Corruption Kink, pregnancy and lactation is mentioned like once, actually very soft and lots of love and long after care

Warnings: I write my smut like bad hentai doujinshi's, some parts are probably a bit unrealistic

Author's note: This is pure self indulgent filth. This exists to fulfill every kink of mine in existence. Enjoy.

As much as Kiyoko wanted to, she couldn't resist you. Not with that pleading gaze. She was stronger usually. Able to keep her composure, even when you tugged on her arm and steal a kiss when she turned her head. Maybe it was the alcohol in her system from the Halloween party you two had been earlier.

"Fine. I'll indulge you for today. You're so silly", she sighed, trying to sound disinterested. She was not. Disinterested that is. She was very much interested in what you were proposing to her. She just had a hard time admitting to it.

You smiled. You knew your girlfriend. You knew from the way she was clenching her thighs, earlier at the party around your leg as you guided her hips to grind into you and now in anticipation of what was coming next.

"Those are some big words coming from a tiny angel like you", you said, slipping into your role easily as you grabbed her chin and titled her head so she could meet your gaze.

Kiyoko swallowed audibly and her face flushed, the red contrasting beautifully against her pale skin and white halter dress. It was short, shorter than what she would normally wear, the flowy white barely reaching her knees. She had insisted to at least wearing a pantyhose underneath and really, who were you to complain. The halo sat on top of her head, secured by a thin hairband, finishing her look perfectly.

"What? Already at a loss for words? You wandered into my realm after all... and dressed like that nonetheless. Were you trying to seduce a demoness like myself?"

Kiyoko whimpered and shook her head, unable to meet your gaze. Whether her whole demeanor came from her actually playing her role very well or her just being meek and shy because she was horny (which was something that even now, she had trouble to admit whenever she was aroused), it turned you on.

"Oh really", you mused,"so you didn't come here with a purpose? Thats hard to believe when you're already filled with so much lust and yearning."

You let your other hand wander long her body, stopping to brush a thumb over her nipple, which was still obscured by her dress and that pesky bra of hers (it made you wish she'd wear them less, her nipples were already very sensitive as they are and the thought of clothes brushing against them planted a lot of unpure thoughts in your head), before finally reaching its destination, pulling up her dress so you could slip a hand underneath her skirt and brush your fingers alongside her clothed pussy. She was only wearing thing cotton panties underneath, which did little to nothing to hide her horny state, juices already having soaked the first laying and now working on completly drenching her pantyhose.

"That is very impure for an angel don't you think? You're not as innocent as you try to make yourself out to be. Poor baby probably doesn't even know what all of this means, do you now? So you came to us for help and really, who are we to deny you?"

Kiyoko squeaked when you gripped her thigh and slipped a hand under her back so you could pick her up and carry you to your bedroom. You let her drop onto the bed and crouched down to pull out your box with toys and other items you two had found yourselves using for your sexual explorations. She eyed the box, her gaze holding a gleam of excitement as you set it on the corner of your massive bed, before her eyes snapped back to you as you moved to sit between her legs, roughly forcing them apart.

"Have you ever touched yourself?", you asked her, hand gripping her jaw.

"No never why would I sin", she moaned out when one of your knees pressed against her crotch. Now she was really getting into her role and it excited you. It reminded you so much about the first time the two of you shared together, you were her very first everything. First partner, first kiss, first time mastrubating with her first orgasm following and lastly the first to have sex with her. You felt bad for liking that shy yet curious part of her so much, felt bad for how much it turned you on when she was writhing and pleasure, not knowing what it meant or why she felt it and just completely giving into the moment. Maybe it was because your girlfriend always had been composed and cool. And maybe you just wanted to see that slip a bit.

"Oh really? So this would be your first...?", you said and trailed off, leaning down to kiss her. She was already panting which made it easier for you to slip a tongue into her mouth and relish in the wet and lewd sounds the french kiss was creating, "that's so unbecoming of an angel. Such a lustful kiss. Aren't you supposed to be all about chastity?"

Her hazy gaze met yours and the string of saliva that had connected you prior snapped. You could only watch in delight as she darted her tongue out to lick it up. Kiyoko was toying with your patience and self control. You might have been the one in charge but that didn't change the fact that she had wrapped you around her little finger.

"Or maybe you know exactly what you're doing. You're a bold one aren't you, a wolf disgusing herself as a little sheep. Maybe this was a fantasy of yours, wandering into the demon realm just so you could hope for one of us to find you and defile you in every way imaginable. Would you like that?"

She nodded her head enthusiastically. You smirked.

"Great little angel."

You moved to open the box and pulled out a pair of scissors. You pushed the two triangle shaped pieces of fabric that were covering her chest between her breasts, to lazy to even bother undoing the knos that hold the dress together. Taking one of her brastraps, you cut through it and did the same with the other one before finalizing your decision of destroying her bra by cutting through the middle part to pull it off compeltly. Kiyoko weakly protested but it was only a cheap white bra she had brought for the occasion (black was her colour after all, though purple complemented her perfectly as well).

Now her breasts were free and you felt blessed for having a girlfriend with such big boobs because her bashful gaze didn't fit with her body that would put Aphrodite to shame. Your favourite part of her tits however, besides the sheer size of them where her nipples. She had always felt embarassed about them and didn't like anyone seeing them. You vividly remembered the first time she felt comfortable showing them to and how it hard it was for you to jump at her and fuck her right then and there.

The thing that had her made feel so uncomfortable with her nipples was the fact that they were inverted. Two horizontal lines with her actual nipple barely peaking out. You knew how bad she felt about them so you always ensured to make her feel extremely good about that particular part of herself (not that you'd ever leave her not thoroughly fucked and worshipped, what kind of girlfriend would you be if you wouldn't).

You leaned down and took one of her nipples into your mouth and began to suck on it while twisting the other one with your fingers. Luckily for her, her nipples were easily pulled out and luckily for you, it made her all the more sensitive. It made you remember one instance where you made her squirt just from playing with her breasts.

Kiyoko moaned and threw her head back as one of her nipples popped out and you switched, beginning to work on the other while your hand began to massage her perky boob. It made you wish to be able to draw just so you could create a hentai book featuring your erotic girlfriend and you as the main character.

"You're such a beautiful little angel. So wanton for all the things I can offer you. Not that I am complaining at all, you're quite frankly the most alluring thing that has ever been created. I don't often praise God but they really outdid themselves when they created you."

Kiyoko whimpered and arched her back to press her nipples a little closer to you and who were you really to complain. Her hips trashed as you began to litter her chest with lovebites and she let out a scream when you used your teeth to pull on one of her nipples. Suddenly her movement stilled and you knew exactly what that meant.

You gently let her sink back down, she already looked so fucked, before diverting your attention to her crotch, pushing uper her dress in the process. Where it had clung to her pussy, the dress was wet with her cum. It was nothing to be compared to her panties and pantyhose however, which where completly soaked and had become even more translucent than before and clung onto her cunt. Kiyoko must have shaved herself earlier today because it was just fabric against milky white skin. Maybe she had hoped for sex today.

You could feel yourself getting aroused at the thought of Kiyoko silently hoping for some action, or maybe she was perspetive enough when she showed of her outfit yesterday and could feel your lustful gaze on her. In any way, it was a hot thought.

While your girlfriend was still coming down from her high (you wondered if you made her squirt again and just hadn't seen it), you were by no means lazy and began to prep her for your next idea. You definitely wanted to see her face today, see the make up running down her cheeks when she was sobbing from pleasure and just get access to her wonderful breasts.

You thought about getting your leg spreader out but just prompted for getting some silky robe and tying them around her ankles and bedposts so that she couldn't close them again. You leaned over and grabbed a pillow to move under hips so you'd have an easier access to her cunnie.

Kiyoko had calmed by now, her breath coming out in longer huffs, curiously watching your every movement.

You grabbed her pantyhose, pulled it down and immediatly wished you could've recorded the sound it made. Your hand absent-mindedly searched for you trusty scissors again and cut through her panties so you could pull them off, which was harder than it sounded because they were clinging to her pussy so much.

Finally having acquired her underwear you met her gaze again. It was feverish and aroused. Her hands had found their way on her breasts as she weakly kneaded them.

"Open up angel", you said and you had never seen her mouth snap open that fast. You began to wring out her panties so her juices dribbled into her mouth and she could taste herself.

"Tongue out", she obeyed as well and moaned when pressed the crotch area of her panties against her tongue.

"Be a good little angel and clean them a bit will you?"

She didn't respond but was already using her hands to hold her panties to lick and suck at them. You watched in satsifcation before moving back down.

You contemplated about ripling her lantyhose right away but decided against it, pulling it back up, even higher than Kiyoko had so it was perfectly hugging her pussy.

You could perfectly see the outline of her pussy, her prominent little clit and the way her hole was already opened slightly, lusting for something to be inside of it. You wouldn't give her that satisfaction yet though.

Instead, you grabbed a massager and turned it on to focus on her clit first. When the toy touched her, Kiyoko choked and let out a scream. She was still sensitive from just having cum a few minutes prior and you gave her no warning, especially now that you had given her a task she was eager to complete. While Kiyoko was moaning and trashing around, which was now a lot harder that her leg movement had been restricted, you thought about which toy you wanted to use on her next. You knew exactly what she wanted last, the biggest toy you had with some ridges along the sides of it. It was big enough to brush against her cervix and even penetrate it a bit, which was a feeling you quickly learned Kiyoko couldn't get enough of. But she wasn't wet enough yet, she needed to be stretched a lot more before she could even think about taking it.

You prompted to go for a toy first specifically designed to pleasure a women's g spot. You also pulled out two small nipple stimulators you could just turn on and put on her without having to move them yourself. Those two toys combined as well as the clit stimulation should be enough to make her cum quickly a few times, just so she would wet enough for you to finally get to the main part. You always prided yourself in your patience but Kiyoko always rendered you useless.

You stopped the stimulation on her clit which made her whine out in protest. She had been close again.

The disappointment was quickly overridden with lust again as she felt something pinch and and suck on her nipples. She weakly lifted her head and shifted her focus from her saliva covered underwear to the toys you had bestowed on her. Kiyoko smiled in a giddy fashion, excited what you'd do next. She adjusted the stimulators and pressed them closer against her nipple.

You smirked at that. You always loved that point where Kiyoko let go of all her fears and insecurities, only chasing after her own pleasure.

You resumed your stimulation of her clit and readied the other small, curved toy, slowly pushing it inside of her, her ruined white pantyhose sticking around it, you didn't bother ripping it just yet, you were enjoying far to much how Kiyoko reacted to the nylon brushing against her sensitive parts. Maybe you should go online and see if you could get a bra made out of similar material.

Kiyoko shuddered as you searched for her g spot with the toy and when you finally found it, the grip around the nipple toy tightened and she let out a high pitched moan. You looked up to meet her gaze, pleased to see that her make up was already being ruined by her tears and the drool escaping her mouth. The halo still resting on her head completed the whole look in a wonderfully perverse fashion. Your hand twitched to take another photo of her face like that for your personal collection but you already had to many of them. Your favourite one was when Kiyoko had dressed up as maid for your birthday.

You doubled your effort and continued rubbing around her g spot while the other hand used the massager to press harder against her clit. You moved your head closer to her cunt, memorized by the way the nylon along with the toy was moving in and out of her, the white material barely looking white and more so translucent. Kiyoko wearing any form of pantyhose or stockings should be forbidden really, she just looked so effortlessly hot in them.

You could see her entrance tightening against the toy before she came, squirting all over your face. A tingling sensation shook through your body right into your core. Her cum felt warm on your face and she smelled good. Your ministrations only stopped momentarily to gather some of her cum that you couldn't reach with your mouth to lick it of. Then you continued, a lot rougher than before as her reactions were slowly dwindling away your self control. You wanted more of it, you were insatiable, Kiyoko was the only thing on your mind as you hungrily turned up the stimulation on her nipple and clit toy to the maximum.

Kiyoko was gone at point, just happily babbling nonsense while pressing the toys harder against her nipples. She was already so thoroughly fucked but she wanted more, she wanted her favourite thing, her favourite big dildo with the ridges in her far too tiny pussy, she wanted it to hit her cervix and split her in half.

She came four more times before you'd finally grant her wish. It was good that she had trained stamina and flexibility during her highschool days, everything was coming in handy now.

You removed the massager and g spot toy and when you moved up to the nipple stimulators, Kiyoko whined, hands trying to dive back after them, far to shaky to accomplish her goal so she just opted to immediatly go back to massaging her boobs with her hands.

You smiled at the adorable display, as much as Kiyoko hated her breasts, she couldn't deny that the feeling was absolutely amazing. You desperately hoped that maybe one day, when the two of you had finished university and would start your own family, she'd decide to become pregnant. The idea of her boobs being even bigger, swollen with milk and using a breast pump to release some of that tension seemed like something you would eagerly partake in, even though the way her normally hidden nipples were now fully erected were enough to be fuel for your wet dreams.

You watched her carefully as you brought out her favourite toy, the way her pupils dilated immediately, her legs thumping against the bed and her hands squeezing her breast just a tad bit to forceful.

"You know what to do my dirty little angel", you said and she nodded eagerly as you handed her the toy and she began licking it, covering it in her saliva. The way she nuzzled her head into the dildo and lapped it ferociously like it was an ice cream treat was almost comedic and adorable.

You smiled at her cute demeanor and began to rip her pantyhose, which had almost become a second skin over his pussy by now. Her scent hit you full force and you had to fight against the urge to start eating her out just to get that delicious taste of hers that you were addicted to. But you had to be strong.

Her cunt was puffy and swollen, still gaping, asking, beginning so sweetly to be filled. You leaned close to be able to smell her more and as your breath hit her pussy, she sharply and choked on the toy, her vagina clenching around nothing.

"I think you're ready my little angel", you murmured, stretching your head towards her so Kiyoko could hand you the the toy. She propped herself up on her elbows and watched impatiently how you teased her little whole with the big toy.

Then you began pushing inside her, slowly but steadily. Her hands gripped the sheets underneath her and she clenched her eyes shut, letting out an array of sweet moans that you were more than happy to hear them.

"You're taking my toy so well my slutty little angel. Its gonna fill you up so well my beloved. I know you're aching to be filled to the brim and don't worry, I will provide that for you", you murmured, the fingers of your other hand pinching her clit.

Kiyoko had gone back to toying with her breasts as she watched hazily how her greedy cunt swallowed more and more of the toy that shouldn't even be allowed to fit in the first place.

When the dildo was pushed about halfway in, you had to stop because her walls clenching up to cum again prevented you from going further. Kiyoko's body shook as she came undone for the seventh time this night. Maybe even eighth time, you were unsure since you weren't able to see the beginning very well.

She twitched when you began pushing into her again as soon as her walls allowed it.

"Already more than halfway done dear. You're doing so good great, taking me so well", you praised, relishing in the way her stomach slightly buldged from the blunt size forcing its way into her.

Kiyoko breathed heavily, her mind blank except a single thing, and that single thing was you.

When the dildo hit her cervix she let out a yelp. You gave her a few moments to adjust, rubbing comforting circles over her skin, from where the toy had entered way tracing its way up to her stomach, where you could feel the tip of it. She was completely bottomed out.

Kiyoko felt happy, the bubbly feeling making itself known through a satisfied smile on.

"Do you want me to start moving it my lovely?", you asked and she nodded weakly, her teary gaze focused your face for a second before snapping back down to watch the toy being pulled out and pushed back in. You pressed your unoccupied hand back onto her stomach, feeling immensely pleased that only you could fill her up like this.

"Faster please", she choked out and you complied enthusiastically.

The dildo was hitting every right spot for Kiyoko. A larger ridge kept scratching pleasantly against her g spot and she enjoyed the way she would feel when she clenched her walls around the little bumps. The toy shouldn't fit rationally, she knew that but through a mixture of you prepping her so well and her being more than willing to bear a little pain to get the reward of being filled to the brin made it fit. What she enjoyed most however, was the ridges hitting hitting the opening of her cervix which snugly welcomed the toy with a hug each time you pushed it in her to the hilt. It was teasing almost, telling her that if she just worked a little harder then maybe you two could get a toy that was even longer than the current one, one that could truly break into her womb and not just tease her with the thought of it.

Kiyoko could feel the very familiar feeling rising up in her stomach again, she would cum soon.

"Please", she sobbed, hand reaching out to yours, " so close. Faster harder please."

You grabbed her hand and intertwined your fingers with hers, other hand working to drill the toy in her exactly how your girlfriend wanted you to.

"Please" Kiyoko whined, her free hand coming to rest on her stomach, pushing down hard, "Give me a kiss, please, please, please-"

You leaned forward, and pressed a chaste kiss against her lips and pulled back the toy until only the tip was barely left inside before slamming into her, full force. Kiyoko screamed in ecstacy, her eyes rolling back in her head and her tongue sticking out, panting like a dog as she squirted for the third time tonight, painting the matching black leather outfit you had worn for your demon look in her cum.

You gently let Kiyoko's hand go to give her a moment of space. With the little power she had left she shakingly let it join her other hand, forming a heart right above her womb where the tip of the dildo had found its rightful place of being.

She was thoroughly fucked a happy smile on her face as she continued to stare into nothingness, still dazed from the intense orgasm she had.

You stood up from the bed and opened the door to your bathroom to let in the water in the tub. Kiyoko deserved a treat for how good she had been today. You loved that woman with all your hard.

When you came back into the bedroom, Kiyoko was still laying there, unmoving, though her breath had calmed significantly. You untied her legs first and then moved to pulling down her ruined pantyhose, rubbing her slightly red ankles she had gotten from pulling at the restraints. Afterwards, you continued by untying the knot on her neck that held her dress together and carefully pulled it over her head, tossing it to the side.

"Come on my lovely, you know I love the sight just as much as I do but you really need to wash up."

Kiyoko huffed in annoyance but nodded and allowed you to slowly pull out the toy. She always wanted you to do that last. The first time you two had tried it out, she had been fussy the next day, saying that she didn't want to loose the sensation so quickly. Her pussy was red from all the overstimulation and angrily clenched around nothing.

"Can you wrap your arms around my neck beloved?"

Kiyoko nodded and did as you asked, arms clinging to your neck.

"I feel empty", she slurred, "Want you to fill me again."

You chukled. "I think you had enough for today Miss "I-will-indulge-you-for-today"."

"Want something bigger the next time. Need it longer. Doesn't give the same satisfaction anymore."

You gulped. How had you gotten so lucky? A beautiful woman that wanted to be your girlfriend for reasons you couldn't understand, who you could take on planetarium dates and go to cute cafes with but also overstimulate at night with a big fat dildo? Maybe she really was an angel because she surely felt heaven send to you.

"We can look online if we can find something. Or go the store", you said, gently setting her down into the tub, turning off the water. She shivered.

"Yes please. Not girthier just longer. Also proper Shibari ropes. Want to try being tied up completely", Kiyoko explained, relaxing in the water.

You hummed and smiled.

"How have I gotten so lucky with such an adorable girlfriend? I feel so blessed", you commented, kissing her cheek.

She smiled wobbly up at you, there was that shy smile again that she always got on her face after making a request after the two of you had sex. That and after making out where the only two instances she felt not too embarassed admitting to her sexual desires.

She had always had strict parents and that combined with her insecurities left a stressed and repressed Kiyoko that needed to be eased into everything before feeling comfortable enough to suggest things herself. But you helped her to slowly figure herself out and understand what the things she liked were. Being split in half by a big dildo and having her nipples getting sucked on were the two main things she really enjoyed but being tied up was definitely up there.

In return she indulged you as well. She wore pantyhose and stockings a lot more often since the relationship had started years ago because she knew how much you loved how she looked in them. Or your obsession with her breasts and panties, the first one she secretly obsessed over as well and the second one mostly meaning that you wanted her to taste herself (sometimes, when she had to go somewhere for a few days, she would leave a pair of used for you just so you had something to masturbate to).

Kiyoko had always felt pressured by the people around her, comparing her to a goddess and worshipping the ground she walked on but... it was different with you. You didn't want her to be perfect. You wanted her to let herself go, be loud, be messy, be herself, unabashedly.

"Since its a special occasion I got you this", you said triumphantly, pulling out a small, batshaped bath bomb, "its supposed to smell like pumpkin!"

Kiyoko smiled. Another thing she loved about you. You were just as much yourself as you excepted her to be herself.

"Wouldn't a pumpkin have been the better shape to choose then?", she asked as she took the bath bomb, watching as it began to dissolve in the water.

You blinked before nodding. "You're so right my love. Maybe they wanted some variety."

"Maybe", Kiyoko hummed, moving a hand in the water to disperse and spread the bath bomb more. It was various shades of dark purple and dark blue hues.

"Okay imma clean up our bed discard your... clothes that didn't make it and put the ones that survived in the laundry. Then I will come back and wash your hair okay?"

Kiyoko merely nodded and watched you leave from the corner of her eye. She sank down deeper into the water, her hair floating on the surface. It sort of reminded her of seaweed like that.

Her body ached. She wasn't sure if she was able to walk the next day. She definitely wasn't able to now. Kiyoko looked down at her breasts. Her nipples had returned to their normal look and she sighed. She felt less insecure with you around but there was still a tiny voice in her head that told her how ugly it was. It was comforting, the way you had covered her breasts in love bites. You knew she was lacking confident, so you always made sure to pay special attention to them.

Kiyoko was pulled out of her thoughts when you came stumbling back into the bathroom trying to balance the used sheets before dumping them in the laundry basket. Then you left again, only to back seconds later, carrying the toys you had used on her and putting them into the sink.

She flushed a bit but didn't look away as you got out some mild soap and a wash cloth to begin cleaning them.

"Does it smell like pumpkin?"

"Sort of. Not natural pumpkin. More so... an artificial smell."

"I see", you hummed, scrubbing away at the dildo, "at least the colours fit you. I brought it when I was getting that one hair mask I was telling you about. The colours reminded me of you. Dark mysterious alluring. And it fit the season of course."

"You make it sound like you planned all this", Kiyoko giggled, softly. You were casualtity. "Hey says the woman who must have shaved this morning", you fake gasped, pointing the dildo at her, "You were totally hoping for this as well. You always play so hard to get."

"You got me. I did." You smiled, setting the last toy down into the sink, you'd just put them away later, and moved to sit behind her.

"Come on then my Aphrodite, let me wash thy hair. Would be a great time to try out that new hair mask I talked about."

Your fingers ran through her hair, softly massaging in first the shampoo before rinsing it out then moving onto the conditioner and rising that out as well.

"The hair mask has to stay in a little longer. But it smells like vanilla which is nice."

Kiyoko hummed and leaned her back against the wall of the tub to be closer to you. You moved her hair a bit before stopping and laughing out loud.

"Shimizu it looks like you have one of those gelled spiked hair styles like that."

Her reflection in the faucet looked ridiculous, causing her to roll her eyes.

"Please never become a punk. Actually do that if you want to. I support you. Oh though could you actually become a goth? Then I could call you my big tiddie goth girlfriend. Everyone would be even more jealous than they already are, you know with me dating one of the smartest girls in our university?"

Kiyoko liked listening to you ramble. She liked the tone of your voice as you went on and on about nothing. The first time she had asked you to continue talking after you had stopped, thinking that she was disinterested, you had bursted out in tears because no one had ever told you to continue talking.

After you had rinsed her hair out for a final time, she fully sat up to lean her head against your lap.

"I'm tired", she said, stifling a yawn. "No wonder", you responded, fingers tracing over her face, the shape of her eyebrows, nose, eyes and mouth, tapping her mole softly, "Today must have been exhausting for you. Come on lemme help you dry yourself off and get you your nightgown-"

"I don't want my nightgown", she said, yawning again, "Just give me a pair of panties and one of your shirts. I want to smell like you."

God, those innocent words hit you hard. 

“Ah yeah. Of course. My clothes. The clothes that belong to me. Yeah just... gimme a second.”

She watched as you scrambled out of the door, but not before grabbing the toys to put them away, shoulder hitting against the doorframe and snorted. You were a dork. How could you act all sexy and hot in one moment and then like a fumbling idiot in the next?

Kiyoko lifted herself out of the tub carefully, pulling the plug so the water could flow down the drain. Her legs were still shaky, she definitely wouldn't be able to walk tomorrow. She grabbed a towel and began to dry herself off. She would have to wait for you to return so she could comb her hair because the comb was on the opposite way of the room and she didn't exactly felt like crawling to it.

“Okay got you some clothes my love.”

“Thank you dear. Could you grab me my comb? I can't exactly... walk.”

Your face flushed and nodded, grabbing the item and handing it to her. It reminded you of a nymph, the way she was sitting on the edge of the bath tub, brushing her hair, not yet having put your clothes on. It was a testament of her trust in you, that she showed her body to you so casually, a body that she didn't really like and it made your heart swell with love.

“You were right. The hair masks makes your hair feel really soft. And it smells nice. Feel it”, she said and you moved closer, the sweet vanilla aroma drifting into your nose.

You smiled. “Glad I was able to assist milady. Do you need help pulling up your panties?”

She nodded and you held her waist, her legs trembling as she pulled them up. It was still a mind blowing concept to you, that you did this. Well not because of you necessarily, that was the dildos work but... it was something you did. Kiyoko sat back down to slip the shirt on, far too big for her petite body.

You grabbed some cleansing agent and spread it in the tub before using the shower head to wash it down.

“Come on my gallant knight in shining armor. Let your mighty steed carry you to bed.”

She giggled again, it was your favorite sound in the entire world  and wrapped her arms around your neck. Kiyoko turned off the light with her dangling foot so you didn't have to worry about it. You set her on the bed where she got the blanket ready for the two of you while you changed into a shirt and a pair of boxer shorts.

The bed creaked when you joined her, laying on your side, facing her. Now you had to yawn as well. She smiled and cupped your cheeks, kissing you sensually, inherently soft and filled with love.

Kiyoko cuddled close, tucking her head under your chin and intertwining your legs together.

“I love you Shimizu Kiyoko.”

“I love you too [Name] [Last Name].”

And the two of you really did with all your hearts.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-Four [PT.1]

Words: 3.1k

Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of substance abuse

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NIKKI 

"My wife doesn't tell me she's having an important surgery done, no, no, she just tells her girl friend Sharise who tells Vinnie and I'm the last one to fucking know about it." I tell Amber. 

"I didn't wanna stress him out." Vivian insists, raising her brows. 

"No, you just don't wanna keep me in the know just to piss me off." I argue. 

"Nikki, go to hell." She tells me. 

"You're not talking to him like that in here," Amber scolds her. "Just like he's not talking to you like that. We aren't doing that anymore. That was the issue last week. I didn't stop you two from talking trashy to each other and it got you where you are right now." She states. "Vivian, why didn't you tell Nikki about your procedure?" 

"I didn't even tell the father of my kid I was having it done--I'm just a private person." She tells her. 

"Duff doesn't even know?" 

"No, he doesn't, and he's not going to." She looks at me. 

Note to self: call Duff when she leaves. 

"Why haven't you him?" Amber asks her next. 

"Because I was freaking out over it enough as it was. I didn't need more people freaking out over it." She says. "So I just told Sharise because she was the one driving me home from it."

Amber just raises her brows and thinks for a second, her lips pursed. 

"You see what I have to deal with?" I ask as I motion to Viv. 

"Nikki, please." Vivian rolls her eyes. 

"And she wonders why I won't fuck her. She doesn't deserve it at the moment." I add. 

"Your dick isn't made of gold, Nikki, it's some trophy I should have to earn--especially when you clearly have no qualms tossing it around like a hot potato from one pussy to the next." 

"That's not how you were acting last week." I argue. "

"But you won't fuck me because I'm not Vanity." She says back. 

"I won't fuck you because the thought of screwing a pregnant chick makes my skin crawl." I admit. 

"You'll go down on me while I'm on the rag but me being eleven weeks pregnant--barely showing--is where you draw the line?" 

"Right, sorry, 'I won't fuck you because the thought of screwing a pregnant chick makes my skin crawl when she's pregnant with a baby she cheated on me to conceive,' there, that's better." I correct myself. 

"At least I know the lovechild I have, exists. Do I even wanna think about the girls you've probably knocked up across the globe the last several years?" She accuses me. 

"Unlike you, dear, I know how to fucking use condoms." I cut back at her.

"Gee, can't imagine where I learned to hate condoms in the first place." She sarcastically adds. 

"Fuck if I know, you were telling me to take the damn thing off the first time we even had sex, little miss, 'I'm a virgin', 'this is my first time,' which looking back now is so obviously bullshit." I scoff. 

"I was until you fucking corrupted me." 

"My apologies, I didn't realize I was creating a cum monster whose main ambition was to procreate." 

"And I didn't realize I was creating a codependent junkie." She doesn't hesitate to throw back at me and we're both silent just enough for Amber to cut in. 

"I am going to give you two homework." She says, sighing, glancing at the clock. 

We're out of time. 

"I want you two to write each other a letter, one that doesn't involve putting one another down, and I want you to pick a time--any experience or memory with on another--that you consider the happiest you've been with each other, and I want you to mail them to each other, and next visit you'll read each other's letters back to one another to remind that person what they wrote. Sound easy?"

We just look at each other, not saying a word. 

I didn't want to waste my time writing something for her that she'd just rip up without reading, and I knew she would, and I could see she didn't want to do that, either.

I'm great at song writing...but love letters? 

I think back to the last love letter I wrote for Viv...the one in the back of her Bible I gave to her. 

It kind of hurts that one of the last physical confessions of love I gave to her was practically a suicide note. 

I close my eyes and groan, rubbing my forehead. 

Fuck.

I try to think back to my happiest time with her over the last years. 

Like flicking through the index of my mind--as best as I can, at least…

I let out a heavy sigh as I flip from channel to channel, chewing my gum, getting frustrated when I can't find anything interesting to watch. 

"Are you gonna find a channel and stick to it or are you gonna keep flipping through the same channels and expect programming to change in a matter of seconds?" Vivian asks in a borderline snap, getting aggravated with me. 

I just roll my jaw and turn the T.V. off, tossing the remote onto the coffee table. 

"I didn't say turn it off, Nikki, you can watch T.V., just pick a channel and stick to it." She sighs, her Bible still in hand, the pad she's using to take notes in, in her lap. 

"No. You just read your shit in peace and quiet. Sorry for the interruption." I reply, passively. 

"Nikki, turn the T.V. back on and watch it." 

"I'm good." I state. 

"Ugh, you are such a whiney baby." She mumbles and I raise my brows, looking at her. 

"I'm a what?" I ask, and she looks at me. 

"A whiney baby." 

"A whiney baby?" 

"Yeah." She says it surely. 

I'm grabbing her socked foot that's in my lap, making her squeal, her Bible and notepad falling in the floor when she kicks at me as I start tickling her foot. 

"Nikki, stop!" She laughs out, sitting up and trying to fight me off of her. 

"No, I'm a whiney baby remember?" I remind her, letting her foot go, getting on top of her, my hands moving to her waist, making her laugh again, trying to push me off of her. 

I lean down and kiss her exposed neck, and stop tickling her, instead wrapping my arm under her, pulling her against me, settling between her legs. 

She sighs and kisses me when I lean down to her. 

Once we pull away for air, I run my thumb over her lip and she blinks up at me, slowly. 

I can tell she's thinking, "what the hell is this? What are we doing? We aren't dating, we're not just friends, though, so what are we, Sixx?" 

I don't know, either. 

I'd tell her that but I don't want to freak her out or something. 

I like her, a lot...more than a lot…

"What is it?" She asks me, and I realize I've just been staring at her. 

"I, uh...I'm not really seeing anyone else anymore, you know?" I say, hoping she gets the hint, and she raises her brows a little. 

"Oh." She replies.

"Not that it's a big deal or anything." I add. 

"I wasn't thinking it was." She shakes her head a little...but I can practically see her doing little mental cartwheels and screaming out with joy. 

I just smile at her, kissing her again.

I wrinkle my nose at the memory, not quite sure if that's when I was at my happiest with her. 

I just decide to keep digging through more of my memory--what's left of it, that is--until I'm grabbing my pen, and writing away at the paper. 

"Shhh, shh, you're gonna wake her up!" Vivian whisper yells at me as she holds a sleeping Skylar, the little baby wrapped up in a thick blanket, pacifier in mouth, knocked out cold.

"It's nearly 5:00a.m., what the hell are you doing up?" I ask her, trying to talk straight after a night of booze and blow. 

"She hasn't slept since midnight. I've been trying everything but she just dozes for a few minutes and then wakes back up and whines." She explains.

She looks tired...exhausted, really. 

"You want me to hold her and you go to bed?"

"She doesn't like you, the second she gets the feelings you're holding her, she'll wake you screaming." She reminds me. 

"She likes me." I argue. 

"Nikki, she purposely pees on you anytime you change her diaper, she gets antsy when you hold her--not to mention the amount of times you weren't paying attention and put her clothes on backwards or inside out and she pitches a fit." 

"Hey, trying to dress a squirmy kid is military-grade patience training. If you try to perfect whatever it is she's wearing, she gets irritated and just wants down and starts moving around more and making it more difficult to get some clothes on her." She just chuckles a little and gets quiet in the light of the little reading lamp, her eyes closing slowly. 

"Viv," 

"Hmm?"

"Go put the baby in the little crib thing Sharise brought over and go lay down." I tell her, quietly. 

"I'm fine where I'm at." She insists, but I know she's not. 

I take the chance and gently pick Skylar up, causing Vivian to say, "Nikki, don't wake her up," and I carefully make sure not to wake her as I carry her to the guest bedroom and put her in her playpen on her back like Sharise drilled into mine and Viv's heads to be sure of. 

She doesn't wake up, and when I get back to the living room, Vivian's asleep in her chair, cuddled under the blanket she had Skylar under. 

"Alright," I nudge her awake and she hums, furrowing her brows. "C'mon," I say to her, and she reaches her hands out. "What is it?" I ask her. 

"Can you carry me?" She asks and I sigh out. 

"Yeah, baby," I don't tell her, 'no,' despite not knowing whether or not we'll get to the bedroom because I'm tired and I know she obviously is, too, and she's not light as a feather--which will just make me more tired by the time I head to the bedroom. 

I scoop her up and make it to the bed, only nearly dropping her once due to losing my footing--which that's not her fault. That's just the evidence of my night out. 

When I lay her on the bed and pull my clothes off, crawling in beside her, she's snuggling up to me under the covers.

"You smell good." She mumbles to me. 

"I don't know how. I smell like cologne, sweat, and booze." I mumble back, my eyes closed. 

"You smell good." She repeats it. 

"You do, too." I reply. 

"I showered. You should try it some time." She says. 

"Okay, Sixx, don't make me whoop your ass at five in the morning." I tell her, keeping my eyes closed, and she giggles, pressing her lips to my cheek, and my jaw, her nails trailing down my chest to my abdomen, deliberately running over the trail of hair leading down to my…

"It's five in the morning." I groan out, biting back a moan when her hand wraps around me, another kiss being pressed to my cheek. 

"We can be done in a couple minutes." She tells me. 

"I thought you were tired." I reply, trying to wake myself back up being that a certain part of me is up and alert. I rake my hands down my face as she straddles me, before looking up at her. "You're like those spiders that wait for the males to be vulnerable then they fuck 'em and kill 'em." I add, despite my hands running up her thighs to her waist…

"You always complain about early morning sex but then by seven o'clock you're the one not letting me tap out." She reminds me. 

I just grab her hips and push her off of me before getting on her, making her laugh before my mouth catches hers, my teeth bitting at her lip before my tongue smoothes over it, making her moan softly. 

By the time we're finished and satisfied, I'm getting off of her with deep breaths, the both of us gasping for air, covered in sweat--even our hair. 

We don't hear Skylar down the hall which is a good sign that she's still asleep. 

It's weird having a baby in the house. I know it's temporary, until Vince and Sharise get back from their little Florida getaway, but it's odd taking care of someone else aside from Vivian.

I wonder what it would be like if Viv would've actually been pregnant when we got married like she thought she was. 

We'd have a two year old by now. 

How fucking bizarre would that be raising a kid in this life at the moment. 

Sure, Vince is doing it, but that's because Sharise is solid as a fucking rock. 

I'd take a bullet for Vivian--fucking die for her--but she's not solid like that, not right now, at least. She used to be. 

I mean she's still sober as shit but sobriety doesn't help much when you're wired even though you don't have a drop of anything in your system.

Look at me, like I'm one to be talking about dependability.

I look over at her, she's passed out, damp red hair across her pillow, covers pulled over her shoulder…

I reach over and run my fingertips across her cheek, the palm of my hand moving up to smooth over her hair as rays of sun start to filter through the small parting in the blackout curtains.

I'd love to have a kid in a couple years--maybe even within the next year--it just depends on the band, whether we're where we need to be by then or not...whether me and Viv are where we need to be or not, too. 

Which as of right now, we're great. 

We're more than great. 

We haven't argued in two weeks. 

Two fucking weeks. 

Who the hell goes that long without arguing? Certainly not us, but here we are. 

We weren't fighting as much because we were having sex like bunnies. I'm talking at least twice a day--Twice. A. Day. For two and a half weeks. 

Looking back, I know it's because she was in the wake of a miscarriage, I was in the wake of Vince and Razzle's tragedy, we were both craving a quick fix and I guess sex is how we were illusioned into believing we were healing. 

In reality we obviously weren't solving anything, just brushing it under the rug, but it was honestly the happiest I had been with her for our marriage. 

It was peaceful. We weren't at each other's throats. We weren't at war. We looked forward to seeing each other and spending time with each other, and it was the closest we got to being how we were when we were just dating...so that, for me at that time, was the happiest I remember us being.

The next day I'm taking my enveloped and stamped letter down to the mailbox in the hall near the recreation room, passing by Amber on my way, seeing her nod at me in acknowledgment before I'm halting myself and coming back to see her. 

"Hey, Doc, I need a word." I tell her. 

"Can it wait, Mr. Sixx, I'm running late for a meeting?" 

"I wanna know why having sex with my wife is a bad thing?" I ask, and she stops and looks at me. 

"It's not. Nobody said it was." She tells me. 

"You told me it might jeopardize our progress if we move too fast." 

"Because it very well could. You both have co-dependence intertwined in your sex lives." She explains.

"Well, I don't know if you've been paying attention to the last couple sessions but my wife has needs right now. And not having sex with her right now is jeopardizing our progress because she thinks something's wrong with her." 

"But you've told me, and her, you don't desire her because she's currently carrying another man's child."

"I've been thinking about it and I told her I'd work this out with her and how I've acted towards her is kinda contradictory to that." I admit. "And I can't go home and screw her into next week because you've got me paranoid about messing things up, now." 

"Have you told her my opinion on sex in your relationship as of now?" 

"No."

"Well, then, tell her about it and I'll take the blame for it." 

"I don't want you to take the blame for anything, I want you to 'ok' me banging my wife." 

"If you want to, 'bang,' your wife, then you can do that. There's not a law in the universe barring you from getting intimate with her."

"Sure as shit feels like it." I argue. 

"Tell you what, you talk to her about it--tell her my opinion--and we'll touch on it in the next session." She suggests. 

"Pun intended?" I ask and she furrows her brows, looking unamused. 

"...Okay, nevermind." I mumble. 

"I'll see you Friday for your session with the boys, have a good day." She tells me, giving me a nod before walking away. 

I just shake my head a little, irritated, and drop my letter in the mail box, heading to the payphone to try to call Vivian. 

"Hello?" She answers on the second ring and I clear my throat. 

"H-Hey, it's me," I say, and she's quiet for a moment. 

"Hey," she finally answers and I let out a breath of relief. 

"Do you wanna visit tomorrow? I need to talk to you about something." I tell her. 

"Is this where you tell me you're filing for a divorce afterall?" She asks and I rub my lips together. 

"No, Viv, it's not. It's about our sex thing." I struggle trying to define it. 

"Can we even have a sex thing if we aren't even having sex?" 

"Ha. Ha. Smartass." I state. "Seriously, you wanna come?" 

"More than you know." She replies and I can't help but laugh. 

"Pun not intended." She adds. "I'll be there around nine o'clock, if that's okay? I have another appointment to check on the baby since the surgery and then I'm gonna try to go shopping for some decently healthy things because I'm gaining too much weight at the moment." 

"You're pregnant--that's your excuse to eat whatever the fuck you want, when you want it, isn't? Like a chick liberation thing or something." 

"I'm eating too much junk, I don't want to pop out a fifteen pound baby. My pussy will rip to my ass." She says and I get a horrifying image. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, Nikki, I gotta go." 

"Alright, see you then. Bye, baby." 

"Bye." She replies softly before hanging up.

I pick at the inside of my lip with my teeth, another thought coming to mind...and my eyes shift to my pinky ring on my right hand...the same one I'd proposed to Vivian with back in '83.

[selfshipstorm]

so the lovely @tex-treasures tagged me to do one of those couples highlight / my ship in 60 seconds thingies ( thanks tex !! ). fun fact, i've actually already done a bunch of them before, you can find that here at the bottom of a rather long reblog chain. now. without further delay, i think we all know which ship i'm doing

don't take love off the table yet ( kerry x veronica ) height difference ( 5'6" vs 6'2" ) • mutual pining • first kiss • first love • wedding ( hopefully in the future ) • in-jokes • lgbt+ ( kerry's bi and i'm... complicated ) • family disapproves • friends disapproves • would kill for each other • fake relationship • arranged wedding • cuddlers • pda friendly • and they were roommates • secret relationship ( initially we keep things quiet ) • opposing world views • opposing personalities • opposing goals • getting a pet ( does v's cat count? ) • have kids • grow old together ( they deserve a happy ending ) • relationship failures • rest head on shoulder • share a bed ( v is welcome at the villa whenever she wants ) • token dummies • relationship doubts ( from him. kerry has some abandonment issues ) • they have a song ( suppose i can count their tag song here, death valley by fall out boy ) • first date • share a jacket • sharing a blanket • mutual interests ( music ) • study buddies • bathing together • crash into hello • accidental nudity • laundry • same hobbies ( music, taking down corrupt megacorps, the normal stuff ) • cooking for each other • big fancy gala • sibling rivalry • hair stroking • dancing • laying in the grass • watching stars together • watching the other sleep • shared values • friends to lovers • enemies to lovers • lovers to enemies • childhood friends • slow burn • love triangle • toxic relationship • sitting on each other’s lap • can’t be together • hugs • forehead touches • neck kisses • car/motorbike rides ( late nights, to talk ) • compliments • nicknames • falling asleep together ( when we can ) • late night talks • gifts

I'd like to tag @oc-x-cannon-on-main, @lovingborat, & anyone else who wishes to jump in on the action!

[mostly-mundane-atla]

You guys don't understand the hefty burden i bear knowing sexual Inupiaq words and how close one of them is to a character's name in this cartoon

[mostly-mundane-atla]

One of the characters in The Sing-Song Girls of Shanghai is named Simplicity Zhao and he's just seventeen years old and he's still kind of innocent. I think that's why he goes visiting this virgin courtesan (he's still getting charged for his time with her but no hanky panky because he'd have to pay way more for that because she's still a virgin) despite the fact that his reason for going to Shanghai was to seek employment because he, his mother, and his sister are impoverished, and he still doesn't have a job. This got me being all like "where you gonna get that money, Zhao?!?!"

And that cracked me up because naturally i thought about atla Zhao. And, you know, it would make sense for him to owe a lot of money, being a smug jackass to everyone and getting promotions in such rapid succession it looks like he [comically long censorship bleep suggesting unnecessarily graphic descriptions of lewd acts] his way to the top. No one would want to help him with money troubles unless it directly involved them.

[mostly-mundane-atla]

@gayfertilitygoddess i've thought about it pretty extensively. Before I got popular-ish for being a real life eskimo in the fandom, i made a passing coment about the headcanon and it was my most requested topic until people started asking more cultural questions (names and language-related questions seem to be more popular now).

Funnily enough, and I do try to keep this blog otherwise drama free, this was springboarding off of discussions about headcanons with Jin in sex work, which got an absolute brat calling me a "pathetic, sexist loser" in a reblog of the post. I kept it off the main tag and tagged it "sex work mention" (as I do with all of these posts) so I have no idea how she found it to make gross accusations at me. I reblogged to say that her insisting that objective discussions of sex work were inherently slut-shaming was really hurtful as someone who had to consider it from a young age (home isn't always safe and favors/cash are useful at -30°F, we'll just leave it at that). She sent me asks to say that she "didn't mean to be hurtful" but also wouldn't apologize for what she said. She didn't have a damn thing to say about headcanon'ing Jet resorting to sex work, despite it having much more to do with his personality and the way he presents himself than with Jin, where it was entirely about her circumstances as someone in the poor side of a big city. She's since been blocked.

But yeah, Jet's most marketable asset to civilians who just want to escape violence is his charisma. His own comments and Smellerbee's suggest he promised that he'd stop fighting and stealing for the time being. He tells Zuko-as-Lee that "We [outcasts] have to watch each other's backs. Because no one else will." Zuko had his uncle to be his rock and managed to rely on the kindness of strangers when he went on his own. Jet had two friends whom he felt responsible for as their leader. We don't even get canon confirmation that he's fully literate. All of these things combined make finding any kind of employment very difficult, and that doesn't even take into consideration that he can't set down roots. He's trying to get to safety. He can't be obligated to stay in any one place that isn't his destination. There aren't a lot of options.

I feel like this would add to him needing to get out of territory that could be occupied by thee Fire Nation, given the comics explained that Firelord Sozin was a homophobe and worked that into the law. "You know what they've done to boys like me this past century," Jet would probably say. "And those were the ones on their own side." I can't imagine it wouldn't add to the amatanormative mess I write between him and Smellerbee. He shouldn't have to do this at all let alone by himself, and she tries to offer to help, to pitch in, but he scolds her for it so harshly that she cries. He apologizes later and and tells her she needs to just let him worry about it. Girls are supposed to like it when boys are fiercely protective and self-sacrificing, right?

Another thing about this headcanon is sex workers do and historically have done a lot more than most people tend to think. It's one of the reasons phrases like "selling their body" are grossly inaccurate. There is a lot of emotional labor involved. Some people who hire sex workers do so mostly for the company. Not in an "ahem [*eyebrow wiggle*] company, if you catch my meaning [*wink*]" way, like just actually having another human being in the room. Talking, smiling, laughing at their jokes. People get lonely, so it's only natural to pay someone for intimacy. Sometimes, more often than you might assume, they end up using that time more for emotional intimacy than physical intimacy. Sometimes that's the intention.

I wrote a scene with a situation like that. Jet is hired by an old widow because she claims he looks just like her husband did when they were that young. She holds his hand and kisses his cheek, laughing about how that was the farthest the old man had let her get before they were married, and asks him to help her make dinner. She sings and talks about how they used to walk by the river and how handsome he was, how very shy. At some point she stops saying "he" and starts saying "you," addressing Jet as if he was the man she married all those years ago.

"Am I still pretty?" she asks absentmindedly. "Am I as pretty as you'd say I'd be with lines on my face, a hunched back, and hair like clouds?"

"Of course," Jet says. "You're beautiful."

And she looks at him, but that seems to shatter the illusion. She mentions something about making too much food. That she hadn't had to cook that much since.... Silence. The sad kind that seems to suggest another tragedy. She tells him he should take some for his friends and thanks him for all he's done.

(There was also an OC concept I had who was a gay sex worker sharing his home with queer artist friends at the tail end of Firelord Sozin's reign, but this post is already long enough)

[mostly-mundane-atla]

Cursed concept: Iroh writes reviews for all the teahouses he's visited and it's all about the teas, but they're described in the same salacious tone as Harris's List of Covent Garden Ladies