#keep fighting keep loving keep being kind and keep existing!! you're here!! and you're worth it!!!

[chaoryn]

𓏲 ʚ pick a pile: 𝓦hat makes your s/o go feral for you ɞ

disclaimer: this reading is for entertainment purposes ONLY so take it all with a grain of salt. this is a collective reading for the shifting community!!

take a deep breath and choose the kitten that catches your eye the most or that your intuition tells you to.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ masterlist | paid services | tips

୨ ⏜ ︵ · • ᨦ ♡ ᨩ • · ︵ ⏜ ୧

୨ ⏜ ︵ · • ᨦ ♡ ᨩ • · ︵ ⏜ ୧

˙ ᩠୨ ⌢ ⁺ pile one ੭୧ ₊ ⌢ ୧ ᩠ ˙

your s/o’s are literally your personal bitches. they are down SO BAD for you, and this is NOT an exaggeration!!! seriously, they are obsessed with everything about you, and they would do ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING for you. and when i say anything, i mean ANYTHING. they would lie, steal, kill – hell, even die for you if they had to. so, honestly? there's nothing that doesn’t make them go feral for you because the simple fact that you exist is already enough. they might struggle to put their feelings into words, but what they can’t deny is that THEY LOVE YOU SO F*CKING MUCH. seriously, their communication skills are kind of a mess, and it's hard for them to express what they feel or think, but they are this close to telling you the truth because they literally cannot keep this bottled up any longer.

for some of you in this pile, you and your s/o aren’t together yet, but something tells me you love playing hard to get (or maybe some of y’all are in a whole enemies to lovers situation LMAO). either way, your behavior is driving your s/o INSANE. but like, in the best way possible (you're in the "enemies" part, and deep down they're in the "lovers" part LMAOO). what’s hilarious is that they do not want to deal with these feelings, at all. they don’t even wanna deal with the concept of love itself, so much so that they keep searching for reasons to convince themselves why you two shouldn't be together. but it’s all a waste of time because, deep down, they think you’re perfect. you are someone they see as worth it. so yeah, they can fight it all they want, but they’re not going anywhere. LMFAOOOO. even if they don’t show it much, they miss you when you’re apart, and they HATE seeing you cry/sad. what’s even funnier is that YOU’RE NOT INNOCENT EITHER, PILE ONE. especially those of you who aren't with your s/o yet (or are in an enemies to lovers dynamic), you’re also in denial. deep down, you’re scared of being alone, and you’re stuck in your own internal battle too. so now BOTH of you are out here pretending you don’t care about each other when literally the entire multiverse knows you do. except you two. lol.

but your s/o doesn’t blame you for feeling this way, and they hope you don’t blame them either. love is complicated as hell. honestly, they are gathering the courage to confess because they cannot take the pain of holding it in any longer. these feelings are eating them alive. they’ve tried to forget you, tried not to smile when they think of you, tried to act like they don’t care, because if they tell you how they feel and you don’t feel the same way… they know they’ll be picking up the pieces of their shattered heart for the rest of eternity.

and if you are in an enemies to lovers situation, it’s like… they’re ASHAMED that they don’t hate you. like they want you to give them a reason to hate you because you’re not supposed to have feelings for your enemy, right? 🙈 but idk, things don’t always work like that lol. they literally wonder if you’re going through the same internal crisis they are lol. listen. years could pass, and your s/o would still be head over heels for you. nothing will change their mind because they are 1000% sure they’re the right person for you. (cocky much?)

also, their favorite physical feature of yours? your eyes. oh, and they are possessive over you, which is hilarious because a lot of you aren’t even in an official relationship with them and they’re out here like, “you’re my wife/husband 😠.” another thing that drives them crazy is that you’re not like the people they’ve been romantically or sexually involved with before. usually, their charm, looks, or player energy (LMAO) gets them what they want easily, but you? you’re like, “nah, i'm not your doll 🫸.” you don’t just let them have you, and that’s what makes things interesting. many of you have spent your past molding yourselves to please others, but you’re not doing that anymore, and that challenges them in a way they love.

oh, and both of you are jealous as hell. i can't even tell if they’re worse or if you are LMAO. some of you are out here side-eyeing your s/o just for looking at someone else 🤨 and vice-versa. my gods… your s/o needs therapy. they overthink EVERYTHING. like, they’ll sit there and analyze a situation to death until they convince themselves of some wild conclusion that only exists in their head. example: you mention you don’t like XYZ (which happens to be something they like). a normal person would just be like, "oh, they don’t like XYZ." your s/o? “they don’t like XYZ? or do they just not like ME? am i the problem? am i an inconvenience in their life? is that why they avoid me?” ...yeah. good luck with that lol. or this could be you, if that's the case for you, i say this with all the love in my heart, seek therapy!! <3

୨ ⏜ ︵ · • ᨦ ♡ ᨩ • · ︵ ⏜ ୧

˙ ᩠୨ ⌢ ⁺ pile two ੭୧ ₊ ⌢ ୧ ᩠ ˙

what makes your s/o go feral for you are the little details that make you who you are (it can be as silly as like your taste in music, your favorite drink, your perfume etc.). it’s like they feel they shouldn’t know this much about you just from observing you lol. but at the same time, while they notice these tiny things about you, they also want to get to know you on a deeper level, to know who you are when no one is watching. do you even know that yourself? that’s the real question. honestly, this could even be an invitation to self-discovery lol. overall, they think you two are a perfect match, and they just want you to go ahead and kiss them already (especially for those who aren’t official with their s/o yet). funny enough, this pile gives me the impression that you’re the one making more moves than your s/o.

okay, this was supposed to be a fun and lighthearted reading, but your s/o's are lowkey depressed in this pile, and i’m not gonna sugarcoat it. some of them could be seen as villains or just deeply misunderstood, struggling with low self esteem, and feeling like their mind isn’t in the best place because of all the heavy baggage they carry in their chest. it's a whole mix of unresolved trauma that therapy could actually fix!!! it’s like they’ve had their heart broken before, faced multiple disappointments, so when something (or rather, someone) good comes along, they assume there’s a catch, that it’s too good to be true. but honestly, they’re so tired of all this bullshit, and it’s like they want to take the initiative for once in their life… but instead, they just wait around, hoping you’ll randomly walk up and kiss them lol. it’s funny because they come off as the "dark and brooding" type *emo emoji meme*, the whole "my hEaRt iS bLaCk 🤪" aesthetic, but in reality? you know what they actually want? FOR YOU TO DEVOUR THEM, TO DOMINATE THEM, TO PIN THEM AGAINST A WALL LMAOOOOO I LOVE EXPOSING YOUR S/O’S BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY, THEY’RE ALL JUST YOUR LITTLE BITCH!!!! they love when you take control like that, which is another reason they go absolutely feral for you. it’s like they can’t wait, even if it means getting knocked out by you (especially those with an enemies/rivals to lovers dynamic lol). if you hit them, they’d say thank you. if you told them to shut up, deep down, they’d love it. they like provoking you just to get a reaction out of you. in a way, this might be their version of affection, or maybe they interpret your resistance and toughness as a sign of love, yk? very much childhood trauma lol.

they know how you see them, or at least they think they do. in their mind, you either see them as “too much” in the overwhelming sense, or as “TOO MUCH” in the damn, they’re hot way. but if they’re being honest, they’re confused! because they lowkey think you’re just toying with them, even though you’ve raised their expectations so high that it irritates them. I SWEAR, THEY’RE SO FUNNY LMAO. they’re like: "you think you can win me over with your charm?fuck, you’re right." also, your voice?? yeah, that’s another thing that makes them go feral. they think it’s beautiful, attractive, and if they could, they’d listen to you talk all day, even if you were just saying the dumbest shit. your voice does things to them, though they’d never admit it out loud.

for those of you who are “just friends” (yeah, sure), your s/o is starting to realize that… oops, maybe you’re not just friends. some of you might’ve even been this close to kissing, but it didn’t happen 🤡. so now there’s this huge feeling of missed opportunity, like you can’t take that step because it would ruin what you already have. (but we all know you do want to ruin this friendship for a good reason cough cough kiss your each other cough cough but you won’t, because a lot of you are scared to take that leap of faith.) your s/o feels way more than just a simple crush on you, and while that makes them all warm and fuzzy inside, it also terrifies them. like… what if you don’t feel the same? what if they get crushed? OMGGG THEY’RE SO IN LOVE AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!! seriously, they love spending time with you, even if some of them would never say it out loud, especially if you two are rivals/enemies, or they’re just not the type to express their feelings.

they basically want to breathe you in, to know what’s going on in your mind. they look up at the stars thinking about you and wondering what it all means (it feels like both of you are on some kind of journey). you make them feel incredible, and they wonder if you even have a clue how deep their feelings run for you. BUT THEY’RE ALSO OBLIVIOUS!!! IT’S SO OBVIOUS THAT YOU LOVE THEM, BUT THEY IGNORE ALL THE SIGNS 😫. gods, this is so frustrating LMAO.

୨ ⏜ ︵ · • ᨦ ♡ ᨩ • · ︵ ⏜ ୧

˙ ᩠୨ ⌢ ⁺ pile three ੭୧ ₊ ⌢ ୧ ᩠ ˙

your s/o literally sees you as some kind of fallen angel or divine being. no one compares to you in their eyes. literally NO ONE. they’ve put you on this pedestal so high it’s actually insane. just the mere fact that you exist is enough to make them absolutely feral for you. like fr, even if you were the walking embodiment of a red flag (which hopefully you're not 👀), they would still go blind to all the signs just to be near you. if you two are in a relationship or even just friends (but like, come on now) they lowkey believe that no one else out there is on your level. like it’s giving partners in crime, ride or die, us-against-the-world type beat. they are OBSESSED.

also? for some of y’all, there’s a celebrity/public image/ glamorous lifestyle vibe coming through. but with that glam comes chaos.it’s giving burnout, haters, no stability, relationship struggles, the whole "famous but dead inside" thing. and someone here (and idk if it's you or your s/o, the energy is messy) is running from their problems like it’s an olympic sport. there’s this self sabotage loop of relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms (like alcohol or smoking), and it’s just… a lot. but for real, whoever this is: YOU NEED A BREAK. like, go easy on yourself for once. if you’re the one going through this, please get help. seriously. whoever this is might not even wanna admit how broken they are just so they don’t have to deal with it. but babe… it’s gonna get worse if you don’t.

this pile is giving DEPRESSION™. like, darker than the other piles. pile three, are you okay? no? didn’t think so. you or your s/o are out here shattered, probably tried to live up to some fairytale or expectations and got hit with the brutal reality of life instead. now you’re like “f*ck it, hope you suffer” to whoever hurt you and honestly? valid. being good vibes all the time doesn’t fix sh*t, lmao. so now it’s “head up, pain in the chest, tears wiped, still sexy” energy and your s/o? they’re eating that up, it’s that “i may be dying inside but i’m still hot” attitude, and they’re OBSESSED. some of y’all are hiding how bad it is just to keep up appearances, and if that’s you? please take care of your mental health!!! seriously. seek help. this isn’t something you have to face alone.

this was supposed to be a fun reading and now it’s a damn funeral, i’m screaming, BUT I REFUSE TO SUGARCOAT IT. it’s hard to tell who’s going through it more (you or them) but what’s clear is that they want you close. like, BAD. being apart from you messes with them. your s/o might pretend they’re fine too, but babe, they're NOT. they’ve got walls up so high, they don’t even know how to express themselves properly, which leads to major communication issues between y’all. they wish they could tell you what’s really on their mind. they’re scared to lose you and hate themselves for not knowing how to love you the way you deserve.

the idea of you with someone else? oh god. that’s their villain origin story. the thought of you kissing or even smiling at someone else while they’re lying in bed thinking about how dumb they were for letting you go?? yeah, it haunts them. they play it cool but they would absolutely mentally self-destruct if they ever lost you.

if you're involved romantically or platonically they crave more from you. more calls. more messages. more effort. they want to feel like you’re choosing them as much as they’re choosing you. some of you might’ve even been their childhood friend or first love, and you helped them survive a dark past just by being there for them. they remember that. they hold onto that. random but some of you were literally their first (iykyk).

© 2025 chaoryn

[bunnyrights]

PAC reading - it won't be easy, but it'll be so worth it

hi lovelies <3 happy saturn day & summer/winter solstice! this felt like the right kind of reading for today's energy; a celebration of the midpoint of the season on a day ruled by saturn, like a metaphor for being half way through an arduous journey. what is requiring far more effort than you'd like that will surely be rewarded? and how can you keep faith through it? let's find out!

take a deep breath and ask yourself what group holds guidance for you. it's more than alright to be drawn to more than one as this is a general reading. if you'd like a more personalized one, take advantage of the $3 flash sale i have going on (⁠◠⁠ᴥ⁠◕⁠ʋ⁠)

group one

three of pentacles + king of wands + the moon + the magician

you're pursuing a creative project that doesn't seem to be progressing as quickly as you'd like, and it's revealing the insecurities you have about your capabilities. firstly, it's okay to doubt yourself, dwelling in it is what's harmful. you're being encouraged to work with other people, and don't cower from leading and being more direct; you genuinely are knowledgeable and skilled enough to do so. it makes sense to look to the lack of physical results as proof of your lack of experience, but there is so much value in things taking time. as trite as it sounds, great work isn't achieved without hard work, especially when it's done to last.

step into a more authoritative role; you are capable and your work is not in vain, so stop basing your progress on what you see or hear on social media. for someone here, stop comparing your efforts to trust fund kids. it's not that you're not manifesting hard enough or believing hard enough, those people literally have everything they need already and you don't.

group two

ten of cups + knight of pentacles + the emperor + eight of cups

you have been tasked with being the one to overcome the generational trauma that's a result of an overbearingly patriarchal lineage, and it feels like it's in vain because everyone and everything is challenging your efforts. what you're doing is bigger than you; you're unlearning beliefs that have kept the women in your family oppressed. this is not just for your own good, but for the relatives that will come after you. someone, and that's you, has to carve out the path for it to feel like a possibility.

it feels like thankless work, especially when you get shut down or punished for it, but it's so necessary. you are being supported by past loved ones who have the insight to see how these oppressive familial beliefs continue to impact how you and others carry yourself in the world. you are truly a trailblazer and it's not about being validated in this, because frankly you won't be, it's about learning that you deserve respect simply for existing too.

group three

judgment + seven of swords + justice + queen of pentacles

you are choosing to stand up for what is right and just, and it baffles you how much pushback you're getting for it. you are choosing to stick to moral integrity against rising fascism and bigotry, and it can feel threatening to your life at times. you are not in it for social reward, so it doesn't need to be said that you shouldn't expect it, but what you're doing is not in vain. you are standing up for the disenfranchised when it truly matters, and that's incredibly commendable.

now is not the time to back down, but do practice more self-care. not in the commercialized way, but as the radical act of defiance like audre lorde referred to it as. you cannot help anyone when you're burnt out and overwhelmed from how difficult things are, so please prioritize taking care of your basic needs – food, sleep, etc – to be able to sustain your efforts. safely find community with your local organizers to ensure you can speak to people who can reassure you that this fight is tedious but necessary.

[carlislefiles]

jjk fics

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cigarette drawing (top left) by rawpixel on pinterest

[uzumaki-rebellion]

A.N.: Content Warning, Blood, Violence, Religious Imagery.

"By the Christians, it is written

That in the black Myrthian age

There existed an addiction to blood, blood, blood, blood

Drink it up, fifty years 'bout enough, time to come back

They want to call the bluff

Ok then, time to come back (what up)"

Sam Waymon & Clipping – "Blood of the Fang"

Celeste stood in the doorway of her bathroom, stupefied.

Terry's red-rimmed eyes held her planted there until her brain-fog lifted by digesting the words he spoke.

He wanted to keep their baby.

She groaned internally as her acceptance of the lexicon shift—fetus to baby—snagged a hold in her heart and mind. Had he been a human and said those words, she would've shouted with joy and hugged him. Instead, she glimpsed the fangs in his parted lips, noticed how the lateral incisors of his bottom teeth were sharp, too.

Beastly.

That's how he appeared standing there, blocking her path out of the bathroom. Is that what their child would look like? A ferocious creature preying on people?

Terry's eyes darted from her face, and he took a deep breath. When he spoke to her again, his fangs retracted. The illusion had forever been broken. She could never see him as a human again.

"Please…keep my child. I'm sorry for putting hands on you…that wasn't right. It was uncalled for…I reacted blindly to Abai being here."

"They said they'd be waiting for you if you showed up again. They had a message for you, too. You can't hide from them forever."

"Pack some things. You're coming with me," he said.

"I'm not going anywhere with you."

Terry gripped her arms tight.

"Do you want to be here at nightfall when a deadly vampire clan shows up looking for me? Huh? They probably have one of their human familiars watching this house right now, ready to contact them because they've seen my face."

"They said they would protect me and the baby—"

"They don't give a damn about you!"

His voice reverberated in a tone not human. Celeste's eyes watered with fear. Terry stroked her arms gently and pressed his forehead against hers.

"You are carrying something they have been dreaming about for centuries. Our baby is their bargaining chip for something your human mind can't even conceive. If this child can go full term and be born…they will have no further use for you."

"If this child goes full term? You don't think she can?"

"No human woman has ever carried a damphir. There's no telling if your body will reject the foreign vampire genes along the way. I am a Daywalker, a vampire of the rarest kind. That means our child will be one, too. They will use her and kill you."

His eyes told no lies.

"Why do you want me to keep her? You make it sound like her life is beyond danger. Why would you want to bring a child into the world to face harm? Hmm? Why risk my life?"

Terry's eyes watered.

"She's my only chance to have a family that I can keep with me if she makes it through. She'll live a long, long time Celeste…and I won't be alone anymore. I love you, and if I can keep a part of you around to cherish like the other family members I've lost…then she's worth fighting for."

"What about me, Terry? Will you throw me away once you have what you want?"

"I want you both," he pleaded.

Celeste's eyes welled up. The pain and yearning in his voice weakened her. He cradled her face.

"I have to hide you in a safe place."

"Where will we go?"

"I need to get you to Mémé's place."

"We should take all of her things with us then."

"Go pack a few days' worth of clothes. I'll put her stuff in my truck bed. It has a retractable cover over it. Hurry!"

"Her boxes are in my sewing room, and some of her papers are on my desk in there."

Terry went to retrieve his great-great-granddaughter's belongings, and she ran into her bedroom and threw clothes and underwear into a small travel suitcase. She dumped toiletries from the bathroom into a plastic baggie and froze when the doorbell rang. It was only five thirty in the evening. The sun didn't set completely until seven thirty.

"Answer it," Terry said.

He stayed near her bookshelf.

Celeste held her breath. She made out the figure behind the colored glass and sighed.

"Micah," she said.

She opened the door, and her relief poured out in a nervous laugh. Micah stared at her with concern.

"I came to check on you. Took the night off instead of wondering if you were okay."

Terry came from behind her and Micah's face grew tense.

"The clouds…" Terry said.

He opened the security door and stepped past Micah. Celeste looked up at the sky the way Terry did.

Dark, steel blue rain clouds blotted out the sunlight, turning the sky a menacing shade of impending doom.

"Ohmigod," Celeste said.

Micah tilted his head to look at them.

Streaks of lightning appeared like white spider veins flashing across the sky. A flock of unknown black birds flew in the sky within a giant circle.

"It's too late. The sun is hidden. I can't get you far enough away without them tracking us," Terry said.

He ran back into the house and grabbed Miss Irma's boxes. Celeste grabbed her suitcase.

"What's going on? Where are you going?" Micah asked, grabbing her hand.

"I can't explain. I'll call you if I can," she said.

Micah squeezed her hand.

"Duchess…tell me. The truth."

Terry carried two boxes at a time and collected Miss Irma's life on two trips.

"Celeste, we have to leave…now!" Terry said.

Rain threatened to fall. From the corner of her eye, she noticed a slow moving low fog filling up the street. Celeste shook uncontrollably, remembering what happened the last time she got caught in a fast-moving fog. She locked her front door. Micah stayed on her.

"Duchess!" Micah said, his eyes full of fear.

"I have to hide from some people. We thought we had time, but the sun is gone," she said.

She jumped into Terry's truck. Micah tried to open the passenger door and drag her out. Terry rushed forward and shoved him against the truck bed, his fangs bared and ready to tear the life out of her cousin.

"Terry, don't! He's our baby's family," she shouted.

Micah held his hands up to protect his face.

"I knew you weren't shit!" Micah spat out.

He wrenched his eyes away from Terry and looked at her.

"Go to St. Augustine's. Father Mbenga can hide you," Micah said. "It's church, though. I don't know if he can go in."

Terry released Micah's shirt and looked at her.

"I can ask him to invite you in again. Will that work?" Celeste asked.

"He invited me in before. It should still be safe for me to enter," Terry said.

"I'll follow you guys over there," Micah said.

He carefully backed away from Terry and fumbled with his keys to press his key fob. Terry climbed into his truck quickly and took them several blocks through the Quarter to hide in the fog. He drove with one eye on the road, and the other watching the surroundings. Celeste kept expecting the white van with ghouls to sideswipe them, preventing their escape.

"Where are the people?" Celeste asked.

The empty streets blanketed with fog were an anomaly. There should've been plenty of people still walking around and filling the Quarter with life. They headed north and parked in front of St. Augustine's. The church stood like a gothic rendering of salvation.

Terry jumped out of the truck first and ran to Celeste's passenger side, helping her get out. He held her hand tight and kept her near his side. Micah pulled up behind them and ran to the locked church doors. He banged on them and pulled out his smartphone.

"I'm calling the church office number," Micah said.

"Can we break in?" Celeste asked.

The fog swirled higher, covering them in a thick layer. Visibility diminished and with it, the dampening of sound all around them. Their voices sounded like they were in a closed vacuum. The acute silence and shroud of whiteness around them gave Celeste the sense that they had entered another dimension where only the three of them existed. Micah's voice became loud on his phone.

"Father Mbenga? It's Micah Profitt…I'm outside the church with my cousin Celeste and her…boyfriend. We need your help right now! Please let us into the sanctuary!"

The longest seven minutes held Celeste in a vise grip as they waited for the priest to open the church doors.

"What is happening?" Father Mbenga said, swinging one of the double doors open.

Micah grabbed Celeste's hand and pulled her inside first. They turned to look at Terry.

The father of her child looked so helpless standing there with uncertainty in his eyes. Celeste wanted him with her.

"Invite him in, Father Mbenga," Celeste said with a calm and firm tone.

She didn't want to take any chances.

"Come inside, son," Father Mbenga said.

Terry took a step forward.

Celeste locked eyes with him. She clutched the priest's arm.

"I need you to say 'I invite you inside'," Celeste insisted.

Father Mbenga looked confused, but he glanced at Terry and spoke the words.

"I invite you inside the house of the Lord. Will that do?"

Terry walked across the threshold.

Nothing happened. Celeste hugged him.

"What's going on here?" Father Mbenga asked.

Micah ushered the priest past the vestibule and into the main sanctuary. Father Mbenga flicked on more lights and they moved to the front pews. Celeste sat next to Terry and Micah perched across from them in another pew. The priest stood in front of the tabernacle.

"What do you need help with?" Father Mbenga asked.

"Duchess got herself mixed up with a vampire. She's pregnant by him," Micah said matter-of-factly.

Celeste put a hand over her face.

Father Mbenga, thankfully, didn't laugh them out of the church. He stared at Terry thoughtfully and took off his glasses. Pulling a handkerchief from the pocket of his slacks, the priest wiped the lenses carefully and then placed the round glasses back on his kind face.

"Show me," Father Mbenga said.

Terry stared at the priest, doubt clouding his expression.

"Show you?" Terry said.

"Yes."

Terry glanced at Celeste, unsure. Micah jumped up and slammed his right hand into his left.

"Will you show Father Mbenga what you are?!" Micah shouted.

Celeste gripped the edge of her seat, feeling uneasy. Terry stood and faced the priest. His body blocked her view of the shorter man.

"Mother Mary…Father of God!" the priest shrieked.

Celeste lowered her head. She knew exactly what Father Mbenga experienced. The confirmation of something otherworldly brought on feelings of terror. It knocked all previously held beliefs out of whack. Father Mbenga backed away from Terry and ran to the tabernacle. He gathered himself together and slowly turned to face Terry again. He held out a six-inch gold cross.

"You are an abomination…a scourge upon the earth…." Father Mbenga said.

Terry confronted the frightened priest and took the cross from his hand, placing it back on the tabernacle.

"That doesn't do what you think," Terry said.

"But this does!" Micah shouted.

Micah rushed behind Terry and choked him with a long, silver-linked chain. The skin on Terry's neck sizzled and blistered. Celeste screamed. The odor of burning vampire flesh sickened her.

Terry fell to his knees. He grabbed the chain, but it burned his fingers and he cried out in horrible pain.

"Micah! Stop it!" she screamed.

She ran to her cousin to pull the thick, five-foot long chain off of Terry, but Father Mbenga grabbed her arms and yanked her away.

"What the fuck are you doing?!"

Father Mbenga shouted at Terry.

"In the Holy Name of Jesus, I invoke the keys of St. Peter and the Church's authority…I bind each and every demon in and around Celeste Profitt and around us…in Jesus' name I bind them all, and I bind any demons supporting them, their evil leaders, and any minions of Satan…"

Father Mbenga's voice rose to a crescendo and blood drenched the silver chain slicing Terry's throat. Micah gained the upper hand and looked victorious wearing Terry down.

"Please…stop this…we came here for help to save me and my baby!"

"You won't have that vampire's baby, Duchess! It will destroy you and give these demons more evil to use!" Micah yelled.

Celeste stared at her cousin as if she'd never seen him before.

She truly hadn't.

Paralyzed with shock, Celeste could only watch helplessly as her beloved cousin tried to murder her lover.

"Micah…please…he's not what you think—"

"I tried to warn you, Duchess. Back in the Quarter, I told you to leave him alone."

Her eyes watered, and Micah's face blurred.

"My job is to spot these bloodsuckers…but you ran into his arms like a fool. Now look at 'cha," Micah panted, "Pregnant with a demon's seed."

"She's innocent," Celeste pleaded.

"She?" Micah said.

Terry slumped forward onto his stomach, weakened and damaged by the silver chain. He still breathed, but Celeste heard the gurgling of blood in his throat. Micah draped the chains around Terry's arms, binding them together behind his back.

"It's a girl," she said.

"Blasphemous," Father Mbenga spat at her.

He released her once Terry was no longer a threat. The priest had a wild look behind his glasses. Celeste knelt down near Terry.

"Get away from that unclean thing!" Father Mbenga barked.

Micah pulled her from Terry and glared at her.

"Trust me, Duchess, we know what we're doing," Micah urged.

The double doors of the church blasted open. Celeste and Micah whipped their heads toward the entrance.

The Deacon, Abai, stood at the entrance with his long black coat flared out behind him. His clan flanked him, gnashing their teeth and frustrated by the barrier. Abai's gaze stayed on Father Mbenga.

"Stupid little priest," Abai barked out. "Nothing you do will stop us from taking what we want."

Father Mbenga pointed at Abai.

"You are not welcome here! Evil cannot enter God's house without my permission."

"Celeste…dear sweet, Celeste. Invite us in and we will save our brother."

"I alone have the power to invite others into the House of God," Father Mbenga yelled with conviction.

"She is a member of this church, therefore, she too can invite us in, Father," Abai said.

Father Mbenga and Micah stared at Celeste. She could nearly smell the fear on them. Jerking away from Micah, she knelt down and tugged on the silver chain. Terry groaned. She lowered her face to his.

"Celeste, get away from here if you can…save yourself…save our baby…" he whispered in agony.

Two firm hands wrapped around Celeste's throat. Father Mbenga threw her against the tabernacle and she spun around to claw his face with her nails. He choked her again, squeezing the life from her and the baby.

"The fuck are you doing? Leave her alone!" Micah shouted.

Micah grabbed Father Mbenga's arm and yanked him away. The priest reached for his gold cross again and pulled it apart, revealing a sharp blade beneath. He stabbed Micah in the side.

"You lil bitch!" Micah said.

He staggered back and fell to his knees with blood gushing out of his abdomen. Slamming his hands over the wound, Micah glared at Father Mbenga.

"We're supposed to wait for the others to come and handle this…not attack my cousin. Are you fucking crazy?!" Micah shrieked in a weakened voice.

Celeste gasped for air and fought not to pass out. She crawled on her hands and knees toward the open entrance doors. If she couldn't trust humans not to kill her, she had to run from them it seemed.

Father Mbenga jumped on her back and circled his thick fingers around her neck once more.

"You're a filthy whore lying down with them!"

Father Mbenga banged her face against the floor as he strangled her. Celeste reached out her right hand. She could barely make out the shape of Abai standing at the entrance.

"Celeste! Say the words! Let us save you and the baby!" Abai shouted.

Abai's voice sounded stressed and, more importantly…afraid for her. Could Terry be wrong about him?

"I…I…I invite you all in…." Celeste gasped out.

The world spun into a graying darkness as she watched swift obsidian shadows whip past her. A blood-curdling scream rang out and broke off abruptly. She could breathe freely again. The soreness in her throat pounded with the rush of blood in her veins.

Micah whimpered and wept quietly behind her. She rolled over and sat up. Rubbing her neck, she waited for her eyesight to clear.

"Don't kill my cousin," she said.

Her voice came out low and almost unintelligible.

Twelve strikingly beautiful Black vampires stood around Micah and Terry. Evenly six males to six females, they all stared at the floor. Father Mbenga's lifeless body was a crumpled heap in the center of them. She knew it was lifeless because the priest's head sat ten-feet away upon the tabernacle with a look of shock on its bespeckled face, the dead mouth wide open and frozen with the final breath of life that came out a scream. Blood dripped down the side of the tabernacle in long vermillion streaks, with the bladed gold cross impaled down the center of his forehead.

Micah kept his hand jammed against his stab wound, his expression woozy from the blood loss.

Abai glanced over at her.

"Come here Celeste…free our brother from his chains," Abai demanded.

Micah shook his head at her.

"Duchess…don't help them. They want us dead! We're food to them…stay back!" Micah begged.

The vampire named Mia crouched down and dug her claws into his side, ripping Micah's wound further. His cries of pain echoed throughout the church. Mia licked his blood from her claws and stomped over to Celeste.

"The Deacon gave you a command…do it!" Mia said.

She slapped Celeste across the face, leaving another scar that would need time to heal like the last time they met. Celeste lashed out and punched Mia in her legs. Mia lifted her by the throat and held her high.

"Mia…put…her…down," Abai said.

Mia dropped Celeste to her wobbly feet and punched her in the gut, knocking a loud breath out of her. Dominique flew at Mia and shoved her face back.

"Don't you harm it. Keep your jealousy in check," Dominique hissed.

Abai reached out toward Celeste.

"Free him for us," Abai said, his tone stern.

"Promise not to hurt my cousin," Celeste said.

She rubbed her belly and the pain there almost caused her to pass out. All the other vampires except for Abai and Dominique snarled at her, their monstrous fangs gleaming from the lights inside the church.

"No harm will come to him," Abai said.

"Don't believe them, Duchess. Don't worry about me. I'm good with God…I can die in peace and receive my salvation. You won't if you listen to them," Micah said.

The unexpected loud thud on the roof forced their eyes toward the ceiling. Other loud poundings struck the roof in different places.

A large winged creature crashed through the roof and landed on top of the tabernacle. Celeste's blood ran cold and fear gripped her even more than being surrounded by a vampire clan. At least they looked somewhat human.

The thing on the tabernacle was the stuff of childhood nightmares.

A gargoyle.

Skin the color of mottled stone with horns protruding from its forehead, the monstrosity had sharp fangs just as deadly looking as the vampires. To Celeste's catholic eyes, it looked like a grotesque mockery of an angel turned inside out. No genitalia was present.

"Gadreel," Abai said, with a touch of disdain. "Still simping for God, I see. Tell me forgotten brother…do you really think the most high…the most hypocritical Lord… will let you Old Ones return to heaven once you've done your penance for ten thousand years more?"

Abai glanced at the ceiling, listening to the movement above them. He talked tough, but Celeste sensed apprehension.

"You, Arakiel, Baraqiel, Kokabeel, Danuiel, and the others…don't you get weary of being used to go against us, your equally fallen siblings?" Abai sneered.

"WISHETACHIHU ĀYITAGEŠIMI!" Gadreel shouted.

Celeste and Micah both screamed and slammed their hands over their ears, the pain from the sound of the gargoyle speaking making their eardrums bleed.

"Gadreel, there are humans here. You can't speak the language of heaven without harming their weak ears. Aren't you breaking the rules of your penance? You vowed to protect them, remember?"

Gadreel focused his attention on Celeste. His deep-set eyes looked like pewter stones.

"Leave us, human woman. There is no need for us to deal with you until that sin in your womb has been born," Gadreel said.

He spoke to her in English, his voice sounding like the creaking of giant ancient doors that should remain closed. Celeste rose to her feet and used the pews to help keep her balance with all the anxious trembling she experienced in her limbs. Her stomach churned with so much fear she thought she might puke, but she had to be strong for her baby.

She started weeping.

Keeping the baby became a top priority. Father Mbenga turning on her, calling her a whore and even her own cousin calling the little one inside her a demon seed, shored up her resolve to keep it. Her upbringing in the church taught her that God had a purpose for everything in her life. Celeste chose to have faith of a mustard seed at that moment.

Stumbling over to Terry, she dropped weakly on her knees and pulled apart the knot in the chains, freeing him from bondage. She tossed the chain on the pew and tried to lift him up. Mia pushed her away and turned Terry over.

"Terry…Terry…" Mia murmured with soothing affection.

His eyelids fluttered and opened slowly. He looked up at Mia, who stroked his hair and touched his throat that clotted with blood. The woman had love in her eyes. She kissed him on the lips. Celeste's stomach tightened.

"Duchess?" Terry said.

He pushed Mia back, his eyes darting around, looking for her. Mia snarled, her fangs wet with saliva.

"I'll fucking kill you!" Mia shrieked.

The vampire lunged at Celeste, and all hell broke loose in the sanctuary.

Faster than the human eye could follow, more gargoyles crashed through the roof all over the church. Abai and the other vampires battled the gargoyles, but Celeste could not follow their unnatural speed fully. She caught glimpses of shadows or felt dark streaks moving, like the buzzing of mosquitoes flapping past her ears when she couldn't swat them fast enough. She sensed the whooshing of air above her and witnessed pews and the tabernacle crashing to pieces, destroyed with all the tussling and tearing of flesh. Blood rained around her from the vampires and gargoyles that were injured. Crimson blood dripped everywhere along with a dark orange fluid that had to be from the gargoyle's wounds.

Under great duress, Micah crawled to her, and she helped him get on his feet. They limped together toward the double doors. She paused in her steps to rest because Micah was so heavy. Glancing back, she caught a flash sighting of Terry sprinting toward her. Gadreel flew at him with an outstretched wingspan ten-feet across and lifted Terry off the ground. Terry used his claws and razor-sharp teeth to rip chunks out of the gargoyle's shoulder. Other gargoyles flew above them, fighting vampires who kept attacking even while they were being shaken like rags back and forth high above her. The horror flying about the church looked like a hideous medieval painting of Dante's inferno come to life.

Mia leaped high into the air and landed on Gadreel's back to help Terry knock him into a wall.

"Get out of here, Celeste!" Terry screamed.

Another gargoyle grabbed Mia mid-air, ripping her face to shreds. Gadreel burst through the rafters carrying Terry, making another gaping hole in the roof.

Celeste couldn't help him.

She could only help herself and her cousin.

Turning back to the entrance doors, Celeste's blood pressure dropped, and she passed out on the floor.

Micah toppled right over her.

Chapter 14 HERE.

Masterlist.

Taglist:

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[genderqueerdykes]

Really appreciate this blog and what it shares. Got into an arguement with someone who was a transfem TIRF (didn’t realize that was even a thing at the time lmao) and it left me feeling really upset due to the both gross ways she’d talked about trans men and the fact that she got a lot of support in the notes. So coming here and seeing in fact most people love and care about us transmascs is nice.

Won’t argue again next time I see an account like that cuz it’s kinda obvious people in those circles are prolly not getting out but yeah.

i am so sorry you had that experience. i'm glad you're advocating for yourself and choosing to not argue with that person again.

i honestly refuse to socialize with a person when i see them be that openly hateful with no attempts to change. i stopped talking to one of my old roommates after he started saying all kinds of transandrophobic shit, shitting on transmascs bodies and calling them gross because he's "gay" and could never be into vaginas or breasts. my ex (trans)gf literally fucking yelled at me for not wanting to be his friend after this. like actually fucking yelled at me numerous times. i asked her if she would be comfortable staying his friend if he was transmisogynistic toward her and told her her body was disgusting, and she said yeah of course, as if somehow that wouldn't cause her pain. nobody gave a flying fuck about how transandrophobia affects transmascs, so i said fuck all of you and stopped being their friends.

there are so many people who have gladly jumped on the rad fem train and it's so sad. that's no way to live your life. that's such a hateful ideology. rad feminism is nothing but hate. it's hate for yourself for being a woman because you equate womanhood to suffering. it's hate for other women because they're not women "right" like you are. it's hate for transmascs and trans men. it's hate for nonbinary people. it's hate for genderfluid people. it's hate for trans, nonbinary, genderqueer, genderfluid, gnc, bi, & pan lesbians. it's hate for butches who are men. for TIRFs in specific, it's hate for other trans people because they're "trans wrong". rad feminism is hatred all the way down no matter how you look at it. rad feminism will never be productive or progressive. it's about wallowing in your misery, mining for sympathy and pity, and crying about how you're powerless and defenseless instead of doing something about it. it's admitting defeat.

as a fellow transmasc, i'm just over it. i'm not gonna stew in self hatred. i had a friend who WAS transmasc who basically forced me to hate myself for being a trans man. always going on and on about how they hated certain transmascs and trans men, how they were "Whiny and entitled"... yikes dude. you can keep hating yourself over there, but i genuinely love being transmasc & a trans man. coming out as a trans man literally saved my fucking life. i was a depressed mess that hated myself before i came out. i've never loved myself more. and if someone else can't love what i love about myself? they're not worth my damn time.

i'm not here to throw transmascs under the bus just to kiss up to transfems to try to look progressive for brownie points. that shit is underhanded and dirty. we can support all trans people at once. we aren't football teams. you don't have to pit random queer identities against one another. we're on the same side. none of us are enemies. none.

thanks for taking the time to stop by! take care of yourself, i'm glad that i could help in any way. i am just OVER people forcing transmascs and trans men to hate themselves and exist solely to talk about trans women and transfems and nothing else. i am just over people making men and mascs feel like shit. it's done. it's over. i'm not participating, and neither are you. pack that shit up into a box, and throw it in the garbage. we're working together whether or not you like it. the only way we get out of this is together. our fight for liberation is NOT a crab bucket- you do NOT have to pull someone else down when you see them rise up and advocate for themselves.

[soodoonimin]

Wade Wilson and the self:

So I’ve stated before I’m not Deadpool’s #1 fan BUT I am reading some of his comics alongside Wolvie's so I thought I’d give a character analysis a shot. This is going to be shorter than my Logan one because unfortunately I’m just not as in tune with the character, I’m super sorry but I hope it’s still good! :)

Some imagines are kind of graphic and gross so beware.

Dear Wade Wilson,

Who are you? No really who are you? Because as you may already know you’ve had many writers over the years, your character has changed drastically in the 33 years you’ve been ink on a page. So who are you?

Deadpool is an enigma, except for the fact that he isn’t. He both is and isn’t a good person. He’s someone who keeps a blind elderly woman hostage in his apartment and someone who talks teenagers down from the literal ledge. He is actually a pretty smart person depsite the million different ways he acts like a complete dumbass.

So here’s what I find kind of funny (sad) about Deadpool. He seems to also believe himself to be a monster (which is something we talked about with Logan) but the difference is between Logan and Deadpool is also where they’re the same and this little bit about him comes up a lot. See Deadpool had a little more of a fighting chance than Logan when it came to living a "normal" life but because of circumstances outside of his control he was walked down the path he currently finds himself on and when he actually realized where he was and what he was to people, he was utterly mortified by it.

People react to these kinds of things diffrently and that reaction isn't static, it can change over time. For Wade I think his general view on his situation is kind of mix of nihilistic and absurd. And he regularly toes the line between caring, not caring and doing whatever for the lols. (of course this depending on who writing him bc Wade does change a lot depending on the writing BUT I think that just fits so well with his character).

Wade uses humor to distract from his pain (both physical and emotional) but I also kind of think that him being annoying, him letting people hate him is just a way he punishes himself for just existing. It's easy and it requires very little work on his part and in a weird way it gives him an excuse to not care about the world.

Especially because he believes he's not really a person, because he believes he's a comic book character.

And so I have this HC about him and his 4th wall breaking abilities. See, I don't think the reason he's “crazy” is because of the torture of the Weapon X (or weapon plus or whatever) program or because of his cancer. I think Wade is crazy because when he finally "woke up" and saw what was had happened to his life, when he saw what he'd become and all the terrible things he did, I think that's what what broke him. Because I think that for all the terrible terrible things Wades does/has done he is still a good person to some extent, he still has a good heart and so imagine you're a kind person, who looks back one day and you see all the terrible things you've done. All the people killed. Everything. How do you cope with that exactly? Well if. you're Wade Wilson, I think first you start by adopting a world view that makes those realities easier to swallow and two I think you stop believing in reality.

I think him breaking the fourth wall is in a way him disassociating into our reality the same way many of us disassociate into his. That's how he's able to have that connections with us but because we're unable to respond to him and because he can't *actually* see us it does very little to comfort him.

What worse about this though is he doesn't really have much if any connection with the people around him. Like yes, he does have his daughter and his friends but the things is, its impossible for him to truly connect with those people in his life because he doesn't see himself as worth that love.

So specifically in the WW3 comic I think the reason he picks Logan as the person to help him is because he kind of already knows Logan doesn't like him BUT he can't help but feel this kind of kinship with the mutant and he know Logan is a genuinely good person and wouldn't just leave him to die. It's a little manipulative but he's desperate.

The thing is (especially in that comic) he doesn’t see how him and Logan are different.

See Logan’s “monster” is more or less, real and it's something he had no control over. His mutation (the very thing he fears) would have always come to disrupt his life, would have always made him a monster in the eyes of others if not himself and so in some ways, Logan was set up for failure at the start.

Wade on the other hand is different in that like all of us he made choices (that were yes heavily influenced by bad circumstance) and there is a possibility that had he his childhood been significantly better or not gotten diagnosed with cancer, he may have walked a less destructive path. The “monster” that he'd become might not haven't never existed because there isn't anything wrong with Wade and there isn't anything about Wade (that doesn't have to do with the Weapon X program) that people would have any reason to inherently hate.

As it stands though, he knows he’s done bad things and although he knows he can’t make up for them, he also doesn’t know how to forgive himself, I doubt he'd even want to if he knew how. In the WW3 comic he almost spells out that he feels like a lesser version of Wolverine because of how he got his abilities.

To him every other hero, from his childhood hero (Captain American) to his current totally best friend (Spider Man) or his other best friend (Nate Summer) are all just a reminder to him of how inadequate he will always be. What's funny to me about the his relationship with all three of these people. (despite the fact that they all make him feel the same kind of inadequacy) is how he treats them.

W/ Cap he treats him the way you might treat your idol. Serious and with respect.

W/ Spidy, he literally fawns over him, is practically in love with him, he's constantly looking after him and in a weird way seeks to be like him.

W/ Cable is where it's interesting because Wade almost never misses an opportunity to mock Cable. Never misses an opportunity to try to a blow to his ego despite the fact that they are technically friends.

What the difference?

W/ Cap it’s because exactly as I said before, that’s his hero. The man he idolizes and will forever wish he could be.

W/ Spidy its more interesting bc I think his obsession w/ Spider-Man is more to do with the fact that he envies him. He envies his (for lack of a better work) innocence. He is envies his moral convictions and he in some respects envies the life he imagines spidy must live. But instead of letting that envy turn him green I think he unconsciously channels into that obsessive behavior.

And W/ Cable, I think it has a a lot to do with the fact that Cable (like many) does call Wade out on his shit, it isn’t necessarily about kill but it’s seems like when Wade and Cable butt heads, it’s less black and white philosophy on the ethics of killing and more the morality of actions and inaction and what that means for the people involved (we’ll get there don’t worry).

So here's kind of where I'm going to go into a soft rant about heroes in the Marvel universe. I think the no killing rule is fine. I understand the idea, especially for heroes like Spider Man, why "no killing" is a rule one is inclined to follow. What I do often find very frustrating is the moral superiority that certain heroes take on when following that rule and how they apply that to their fellow crime fighters. Yes I know Wade is a nitrous mercenary and so he isn't always killing for "moral" reasons but when he takes that skill set into the hero business I do feel like he gets shit on more than he deserves idk, maybe my hate for Spider-Man supersedes my (relative) disinterest in Deadpool that I’m willing to defend some murder if it means spiting the web head.

Back on track…

So in the WW3 comic, I think the real reasons Wade's 'becoming' (or his attempt to be human as he believed it to be) failed is because in some respects Delta was right. Wade put too much stock into the idea that he and Wolverine were one and the same and the issue is, he was wrong. Of course, not because Wolverine is a monster but because Logan and Wade face a similar challenge, just on a different plane of existence.

Logan's challenges are all about accepting who he and seeing the good within himself, seeing that yes the monster he's scared of does exist and it does live under his skin but that monster isn’t him in any meaningful way.

Wade's problems are more in line that he can't see the good that already exists in himself. He can’t see that his will and desire to change puts him leagues ahead of where he thinks he is. See I think what some people tend to forget in the idea of healing is that you do need to be able to forgive yourself for whatever you did in the past. I think Wade doesn’t understand that just because the world may never see him as nothing more than a “overpriced mercenary” that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s all he is.

I think Wade failed in the WW3 comic (and I think the reason his character struggles so much with himself) is because he underestimates his own humanity. And in the WW3 comic specifically he expected a quick fix to his perceived problem and when nothing changed he was faced with the reality that most of us have to face at some point or another. That there is nothing wrong with us. We might have flaws, yeah everyone does but in our core there’s nothing “wrong” and when Wade was faced with that reality I think he understood it (especially considering the ending of this comic) but I wonder if he was a real person, would he be able to apply that lesson to himself? Who knows…

However I think for his character, a bit of his self-image struggles may also have to do with what he sees in the mirror (literally) and that means something because aside from adding to the tragedy of his character I think his scarred face says something about how the world sees him rather than how he sees himself.

Why do I think that? Well here’s this thing right. In the Spidey-Deadpool comics, Wade makes a deal with his love (Lady Death) and basically in order to save Spider Man he has to “pay a price” so here’s the thing. In the very next set of comics Wade’s scars are gone he looks normal and I’ve seen a lot of people interpret this normal look at his outside reflecting his inside and all that and like yes BUT. What I really don’t see most people talk about is that his wife (Shiklah) over the course of the comics stops finding his attractive and like yeah some of this is a result of him trying to be a good guy but there are also times when she directly tells him he looks disgusting even though he looks normal. So for one reason or another death made him look normal but as a direct result of this, he essentially sacrificed his marriage.

This gets even more confusing because when he's forced to kill Itsy Bitsy, he basically immediately goes back to looking kind of gross again even though this was another sacrifice he had to make. I think maybe the way that he looks (at least in that Spider Man run is more of a reflection of his conscience) I think in a weird way Death cleared his guilt and thus gave him his face back but when he was forced to kill again (no matter how justified) that guilt overwhelmed him and boom his back to looking that way again.

I don't know if he would know this directly but I think its very fitting with his character that his outward appearance has less to do with his actual culpability and more about how he feels about that situation because again Deadpool does a lot of shitty things but more or less for the right reasons but regardless he never feels good about any of it.

This is also funny though, because of his lack of self esteem and desperate desire to be seen as a good guy, he’ll do things that would undoubtedly put in him on the wrong side of history for the express purpose of feeling better about his actions.

Take him being on the side of the Super Human Registration Act during Civil War. I don’t doubt that he justifies his actions to himself by saying “those kids that died could have been my daughter” (because he does say this) but during his fight with Cable (see told you we’d come back to him) it isn’t his ideals that are being challenged. No, actually what was being called into question was his morality and the very thing (at the time), that he’d put a lot of his self worth stock into was shown to be extremely corrupt (and by his best friend no less). Wade is looking for anything and everything to grasp onto that isn’t himself that will give his life meaning. Even if it is a corrupt system, he’s willing to look the other way if gives him the feeling of being more than he think that he is and yet I don't think he realizes that that thing he's been looking for has been right in front of him for a while now.

Part of me wonders how Wade sees his relationship with Ellie. Because unlike Logan, his relationship with her isn’t strained because sees too much of himself in her, in fact from what I can tell they have a very loving relationship despite the fact that Wade doesn’t believe himself to be worthy of being Ellie’s dad. And kind of going back to the WW3 comic, what I find super interesting and very sad is how Logan and Wade are so similar in so many way but also so very different. Where Logan sees his (many) children and sees all the ways he's failed them , all the things wrong with himself, all the ways he fucked up and all the things that were taken from him, and thus he tries to distance himself from them in every way possible.

Wade sees Ellie and he see the one and only good thing about him and like a truly good parent he nurtures that brightness in her (not a diss on Logan's parenting btw but this about Wade lmao) and although he does keep his distance because of the nature of his work and the nature of himself he doesn’t alienate her from his life. In some weird way, I think the fact that Wade does keep his distance from Ellie in the way that he does actually makes their relationship stronger and I think it speaks deeply to the goodness of Wade that he tried to deny exists.

The way I read Wade Wilson is a representation of, no matter how badly we may fuck up in life, no matter how many mistakes we might make or how many times we might make those same mistakes, we should never give up on being better even if it means losing people along the way. And we should recognize that “being better” is not only hard but also that it isn’t always contingent on what others think of you. You’re always going to be annoying, or rude, or obnoxious or whatever in someone’s eyes for whatever reasons (and sometimes they might be right) but at the end of the day if you are kind and you care and know that you did the best you could then what more could the world ask from you?

[sophiacloud28]

*pokes head into your inbox and waves*

Howdy Hon!

Last night was kind of an adventure wasn’t it, and I hope that you’re doing ok. I wish I had words that could make this better, but all that’s coming to mind is an internet bear hug and the words of my all time favorite redhead “There’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.”

Thanks for being someone who fights for the good and is a light while doing it 😊🧡🫂

Speaking of words, I was also wondering if I might try my hand at a request? I was thinking specifically for Rise Raph or Leo but I’m always down for artistic free rein so do where ever the creativity flows.

But AnYhOo, I was wondering how the boys would respond to a friend who was confident in their love language of words of affirmation? Like without thinking, drops the most heartfelt and specific compliments or “I’m grateful I have you in my life” kind of stuff at the drop of a hat? I think it would be funny since unfortunately the boys are very under appreciated verbally to meet someone who was fully confident in their ability to affirm people with their words and mean it.

Does that make any sense?😅 If you can’t tell I ramble a bit, but all I want to do is tell my boys why I believe in them, help them see all the good they do, and be their biggest supporter. They deserve nothing but goodness and overwhelming love and by golly, I will give it to them any way I can or my name isn’t aggressive affection 😆👊🏼🧡

Sooooo uh yeah…thank you for your time and no pressure if this request doesn’t float your boat. Keep being fabulous ✨🧡

I have come back to edit this and take out my political statement with respect to those who do not wish to associate. I apologize if I came off as too strong and or too hurtful. It was not my intention. I will also kindly request those who have reblogged to reblog the new one instead.

I was wondering how to go about this request and I think this might be better as a headcanon segment. If someone would like me to elaborate on any of them later on or provide proof as to what I'm advancing, you are more than welcome to ask, but for now, here goes nothing. Warning, I'm going to go about this in a weird order, but it'll make sense after they're all there.

So! First things first!

How the Rise Boys Would React to Words of Affirmation.

Michelangelo Hamato

As someone who dishes out compliments himself, Mikey would be the one to blink at you, chuckle, and blush a little, at least if it was something concerning him directly, like saying you're grateful he exists or his artwork since it isn't something he gets this often for. His cooking and clothing choices though would get parading and maybe a little peacocking because of his genuine confidence in those skills, you would need to push a little harder to get him silent and shy.

Either way, expect him to bounce back and throw some compliments your way real quick. Why? 'Cause it's his love language as well! Hell, expect him to turn it into a competition because he will not be outdone. No sir. And if you end up looking like a tomato by the end of it? Well... you started it, didn't you?

Donatello Hamato

Hope he doesn't have anything in his hands or it will be dropped. Doesn't matter where the words go with his boy, if he so much as recognizes the honesty, and he will, he will go silent and stare at you like you've grown another head. Not because you've hurt him, but because he doesn't understand. Spontaneity and genuineness, at least when it comes to words, is Mikey's thing. You are a stranger to his family and you're not only complimenting him but being genuine about it? Does not compute.

He will adapt, though, and at first, he might ask about what you think of his work. It'll be cautious and he will absolutely downplay it, but he will start fishing for compliments while enjoying your presence. And if you show interest in any of his special interests? Consider yourself his best friend. He will bug you at impossible hours before waiting for you to wake up so you can both talk.

Raphael Hamato

The big guy, the oldest, the one who had to raise this merry band of idiots. I don't think he would drop anything, but he would blink at you and look behind himself several times before he even acknowledges that you're talking to him. From there, expect him to blush and hesitate. He's not used to compliments, poor guy, and even less when they're spoken with honesty and kindness.

Surprisingly, though, I think it would calm him. Reassure him. He doesn't hear often or from anyone that he's doing or has done a great job, so, for a moment, it would silence his brain. He wouldn't bug you as often as Donnie would, but if ever he had a big decision to make, he might either ask for input or just want to make sure he took the right one.

Leonardo Hamato

... Eugh, boy. Where do I start with this guy? With the Face Man, the one who's used to lying, the one who nearly took out the planet on accident because he wanted to show off his skill? The initial reaction would be a simple one, use your words and embellish them. Make them more grandiose. Build himself up as high as possible. If it makes you laugh? Great! If it upsets you? Well, you're the one who said something so you only have yourself to blame.

Eventually, though, he would fall quiet. He would listen and ask you if you mean it. Saying you do will get you more silence and little else. He might even walk away. Why? He's waiting for the other shoe to drop. He's waiting for you to get angry at him. Change your mind. Everyone does. So why wouldn't you?

taglist:

@silverwatergalaxy, @thegirlwiththeninjaturtletattoos, @thelaundrybitch, @luckycharms1701, @thepinkpanther83

@avery73, @the-cauldron-witch, @redsrooftopprincess, @iridescentflamingo, @ninnosaurus

@milykins, @justalotoffanfiction, @truffle-reblogs

[notmorbid]

still born.

dialogue prompts from still born by guadalupe nettel. this book deals directly with infant loss / illness.

nothing will happen to you while i'm here.

in friendships like ours, there's no room for hypocrisy.

they say that violence begets violence.

the more we love a person, the more fragile and insecure we feel because of them.

if you disappeared, a part of me would go with you.

i can't take any more of you.

can i bum one off you?

what was it like to live with ____?

i didn't come here to argue with you.

i've got you to love. i don't need anyone else.

can you talk? i need to tell you something.

it's a long story. you'll need to pay attention. do you have time now?

did you just get back from school?

i just went for a walk around the block.

why don't we go to the park this afternoon?

i talk to myself, too.

did anyone tell you what happened?

what did i do wrong?

there's nothing like looking at a lake to calm one's thoughts.

do you mind if i smoke?

i promise you i won't leave until it's better.

the city is full of dangerous people.

i can't imagine what it would feel like to be in your place.

there's no word for a parent who loses a child.

did you used to play in the street when you were little?

it's not healthy to wallow in pain.

what should i have done differently?

i can't keep explaining it over and over again.

talking about it made me feel better.

anger is nothing but a screen for avoiding pain.

you're totally unreadable.

you're smoking again?

being a mother means being worried about someone else all the time.

love and common sense are not always compatible.

some music fuses with our selves, we've listened to it so much.

cohabitation is one of the hardest experiences to survive.

i wouldn't mind a vodka tonic.

some people are more awake at night.

what did you used to like doing before you shut yourself in?

i don't want kids, even adopted ones.

you forgot how to be happy.

there's nothing for you here. go away.

it's easier to blame others for what we can't tolerate in ourselves.

you look like you've gone back in time.

you can spend the day with me.

it's not right, but sometimes it's worth doing.

what i want is for you to stop meddling in my life.

i need to know so i can help you.

it's as if ____ needs to suck my life force to grow.

all i feel is worn out.

normal mothers don't think those kinds of things, do they?

i'm not sure 'normal mothers' exist.

you'll judge me. you always do.

there are people who consider misfortune an infectious disease.

we tend to see our mother's mistakes as the source of all our problems.

you're always questioning the past.

if you don't leave home, you suffocate. if you go too far, you lose oxygen.

from hereon in, anything that happens is a bonus.

i'm here to help you, not to fight you.

i like to say things straight.

there's always a way to renegotiate debt.

i can't believe you hid this from me. it's like staying quiet when there's a fire in the house.

you're not on your own. we're a family now.

i ask myself why you stay sometimes, too.

are we going to stay like this for the rest of our lives?

blood ties don't guarantee anything.

the biological family is something that's been imposed on us. there's no reason we should settle for that if it doesn't work for us.

i can't stand being in my head.

is it your voice in your head, or someone else's?

what do you do when your thoughts bother you?

you've got space inside you where you can go and hide.

we have the children that we have, not the ones we imagined we'd have.

what could someone so young know about despair?

don't leave my side for a minute.

i feel like an absolute worm.

do you think you'll be able to fall in love again?

don't be nervous. whatever has to happen will happen. no one gets out of that.

[soaps-mohawk]

Questions for writers:

Thanks for the tag @kieranhawke 💚

What's one story you've written, you're the most proud of?: Definitely CRCB. It might be my magnum opus honestly. This story has just come so easily to me, even when it's put up a fight. I feel like I was a mediocre writer and then sat down one day to write this story and suddenly it's good? Like...I don't understand it. But I'm definitely most proud of this story and its world building and how far it's come.

What's one story you wished you had expanded on, or spent more time writing?: Instinct. It had such promise and it started as such a good idea and then it just kind of fell apart by the end. I blame Mando Season 3 from sucking all the joy out of the fandom and my desire to write for it. But still, I think about it a lot and want to go back and edit it and expand on it some day, but I have a lot of fics I want to do that with.

What's your favourite trope of all time?: Definitely a tie between omegaverse and soulmates. I just love the idea of both and the world building opportunities they provide. Everyone does them differently and there's so many ways to explore those tropes. It's just so fun to me honestly.

If you could be the main character in one of your stories, what one would it be?: Ooh would it be cheating to say CRCB? Of course there's the difficulties of the world the story exists in and it's not fair but honestly being with the 141 would make it worth it. Four big beefy men that could panini press me into a bed. Worth it.

Do you think you'll ever stop writing for the fandom you're currently most active in?: I'd like to say no, but honestly with my track record I'd say it's possible. I'll burn out eventually and move on to something else telling myself I'll come back eventually and then I won't...I hope it won't happen but honestly I can't say it won't.

You've been given a book deal. What story are you publishing from your collection?: CRCB again lol. It's such a good story with such deep lore and I think it would be a best seller (tooting my own horn here). The girls, gays, and theys love a poly omegaverse story so I think it would do very well. This is giving me ideas...

Top writing tip for others?: Keep writing. No matter how bad you think it is, no matter how discouraged you get, just keep writing. It doesn't have to be a masterpiece every time, especially the rough draft. Writing is an art form and it takes practice. You can't get better if you don't write. Stop comparing yourself to others and just get words down on paper and soon it'll flow easily.

NPTs: @141wh0re, @reaper-chan666, and anyone that wants to do this

[twilight-deviant]

Just gonna put some BA 1x04 Fisk thoughts down. Honestly, don't even read this.

I wish I had more to dissect in Born Again, but so much of it is very surface level, innit. Like yeah, Vanessa moved closer on the couch in therapy, and now she and Fisk have the short side of the table between them instead of the long. She's making an effort. They're becoming close again. Blah, blah, blah. Very apparent symbolism we all noticed. I feel like I'm being starved of anything nutritious.

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I hate you therapy plot. I hate you so much. You're so dumb and unnecessary. (You won't see me reblogging gifs of it or anything because I don't support this filler trash.)

Also Heather's kind of a not great, not at all impartial therapist, isn't she? "Vanessa, tell me what interested you about another man right here in front of Wilson." It's kinda clear Heather doesn't like Fisk, and considering how much she's listened to her boyfriend talk smack about him (before even meeting), I'd question how she ever could be impartial. Girl, maybe recuse yourself? I still can't believe we wasted Heather Glenn's name on this nonsense. (◡_◡)

And I feel like no one mentions how dirty they're doing Vanessa by making her have an affair. You can tell how desperately they want to justify their own decision by constantly bringing it back to Fisk's mental breakdown absence and even having Vanessa condemn her mother's behavior in a similar situation. (Do two women's wrongs make a right, or does BA just hate women?) I'm sorry, I think I just lack patience for writing that wants a bad plot and then bends over backwards and breaks characters to force them into it. And still there is no indication of why they're doing this to Vanessa and the relationship, and I assume whatever payoff they have in mind will hardly be worth the destruction.

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Love to get a, "When I was a boy." Followed by Fisk not answering a question for 3-to-5 business days. BA doing something right. ............Hate how they didn't stick the landing. Guys, the topic was domestic abuse. All you had to do was have Fisk mention the violence he learned from his father, but the one thing he did not learn to commit was how the man treated his mother. You came so close. 🤏 I'm actually quite angry they didn't mention Marlene at all in that moment (making the subject of abuse about the abuser and forgetting the victim), but I'm holding it in so well. 👍

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That said, I kinda look forward to that basement being where Fisk keeps Adam and Rabbit in a Snowstorm. Since we know from trailers that this scene exists.

Considering Fisk's return to wearing white and us seeing Vanessa attend the gala, thus being active in Fisk's political life, I think it's safe to say one of both of them will kill this man. Also, Vanessa obviously doesn't care about Adam. Never did. She just wants to see Fisk be himself again, with her. Something we could have arrived at in multiple ways without making Vanessa have an affair.

At least now we know the identity of the long-haired guy Fisk was fighting in that basement in the trailer.

I truly, genuinely wish I cared more, but that's all going to depend on if they can write/direct this with any sort of competence. I'm keeping my expectations on the ground.

But I would like to thank shipperfiendobssesser for bringing a very obvious fact to my attention. It's now canon that Fisk is perfectly at ease keeping another man imprisoned in a cage for his own pleasure. ლ(╹◡╹ლ) I will take this vindication to heart as I continue writing said plot with Fisk/Matt. 🙏

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And then... I do think BA fails at making Fisk smart. One of the most clever things he said all of 1x04 was knowing that Heather asked Vanessa about her safety when he left the room. (This would notably be from one of the scenes they reshot after changes.)

The whole thing at the docks, I uuuugh. Yes, he's new to politics, and no, he is not college educated. But he's also one of the most aggressively self-taught characters imaginable. Someone who has read political science books since he was a child. He would especially learn as much as he could in the months before becoming mayor. Fisk does not suffer his own ignorance. (Remember in S2 when we see him in prison and he fills notebooks learning every single thing going on inside the walls??? Then he's running the place within months. That's Fisk!) But they want to paint him as entirely ignorant of bureaucracy so they can portray a slip in composure and a build of frustration. They want to lay the groundwork of him falling back into his old ways because he can't accomplish anything "the right way." Baby girl, I got news. Someone can have implicit understanding of the system and still not accomplish anything. That's politics. You didn't have to make Fisk ignorant to get the point across.

I dunno. It just sorta feels like... Well, you know how people say something along the lines of "you can't write a character smarter than yourself"? I feel like we're trapped in that. I wouldn't necessarily say the BA writers are dumb. Because I don't know them. (Not that I would dismiss it either.) I can say their writing is dumbing Fisk down. Because it is.

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And now that they confirm one dirty cop isn't responsible for Hector's death, I have to live in fear that writing will try to turn it around to pin on Fisk. (Due to a lack of other options right now. It's not going to be Frank, Bullseye, or Muse.) Even though it makes no sense whatsoever and contradicts everything established. I've already rambled about why. So even if it doesn't come true, I have to worry that it will. I'm tired.

⨍⨍⨍⨍⨍⨍⨍

I kinda don't want to touch on the whole singing joke. It's whatever. More filler. Meh. But I guess I will. First off, Fisk loves kids, so jot that down. I would have loved a little something more than him mentally scratching at the door to leave. Second, they're being so unbelievably sloppy pushing a narrative of, "Fisk doesn't care about the people. He just wants to rule New York as a king." Especially apparent playing him not caring about the Latvian photo op versus Matt knowing/talking about Latvian Heritage Day. Seeeeeee? Villain versus hero, yes?

Sometimes I want to believe people understand Fisk. I thought by making him a co-lead character, BA would take the time to show his dimensions. But they're not interested in that. It's too much effort to say, "Fisk is a bad man who also cares about the people," and they can't be bothered. Too few writers are immune to the two-dimensional villain trap.

I think about the genius of DD S1 and how they had the forethought to introduce his kinder, human side with Vanessa first and then show the villain. I don't think we can ever have understanding like that again. I don't think we'll even get something like the comics where he's sided with heroes multiple times to protect citizens because they're what matter most.

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Born Again is writing my favorite character wrong, and I'm being so brave about it. 🥺 (Yes, there are aspects I still appreciate and maybe even adore, but they sure do feel outweighed.)

That's okay though. I already decided none of this is canon to the original series. Daredevil ended with 3x13. This is another reality in the multiverse. 👍

[oldhalloweentape]

🪨Venture (OW II) x (fem) reader ⛏️

(DC Raven Reader Edition!)

(Request here! @thequeenofcupps I LOVE Raven sm, I’m so happy to do a reader based off of this character you have NO IDEA.)

- So… You're the hybrid child of a cosmic demon and a human woman, constantly fighting for control and balance against your demonic origins as you learn to harness your powers, attuning to the mystical forces to protect you and the people you love? Rad.

- Now you have a little rock-collecting raven-brained archeologist to back you up <3.

- The usual sarcastic, brooding, and standoffish personality is only natural considering everything you’ve gone and are still going through as a powerful empath of the magical arts—

- But unlike anyone else in Overwatch, Talon, and beyond can click with you like Venture does.

- Leaving many scratching their heads as they see Venture run up to you and you happily wrapping your arms around them, encasing them in that long cloak of yours as you kiss them over and over again on their face.

- As we all know, Venture is all for it, happy as a clam as they get treated with affection by their sweet and grumpy girlfriend :)

- Thinks your glorious and damn near invincible (you damn well can be considered as such) like a Valkyrie, and loves to see you train and fight …. Power is sexy ok?

- And they’re always eager to learn everything about those powers of yours, cause they know well that your magic is a big part of you and love learning about you.

- Which in turn helps them better understand when your emotions and powers are fluctuating negatively.

- This dynamic in general has so much potential, Venture has always had a rather hungry and morbid curiosity. The weirdness and strangeness aren’t much to deter them, rather only encouraging them to learn more.

- They’re the kind of person who can and will take the time to establish trust together to get you where you guys are now, and that kind of bond is something that can withstand a whole lot because of how well you both are attuned to each other.

- If something is bothering you they immediately catch on and get you away from it, and when you’re trying to practice your magic or meditate they know to make sure people aren’t going to disturb you.

- Asks permission before reading/examining your ancient tomes and manuscripts, and considering their career path if you were going to trust anyone with things like this, Sloane is the one to trust.

- In general, the romantic relationship is the best-case scenario for how your dynamic ends up because of how well your personality meshes up.

- For example, you keep Venture from being too impulsive and running into the fray without a proper plan, and Venture provides you a way to be normal— To have a more positive outlook on the life that’s been constantly being threatened with peril, loss of self, and a destiny that other people try to control.

- If you both had a choice, you guys would be forever together, limbs entangled with one another like the Lovers of Valdaro.

- Or move and exist in tandem with one another like Tui and La from Avatar: The Last Airbender in an eternal dance, push and pull.

- An easy and normal life is something you haven’t experienced in a long time, and even the life you had before realizing your paternal heritage was filled with oddities that eventually seeped into a life of learning discipline and self-restraint is something Sloane can’t possibly fathom— But, they knew then and they know now that you’re not an evil force or a ticking time bomb.

- The things you’ve gone through, the trial and strife something they can never relate to— But they have that emotional intelligence and understanding that was able to get through the rough exterior and reveal this extremely caring girl who they came to love.

- Cracking those walls you had open was a feat but it was worth it, you are as beautiful on the inside as a gorgeous geode. They can’t express that enough.

(Also, here’s a shoutout to one of my friends @goohts ! Happy birthday man, I’m so happy to have met you all those months ago, experience life with you has made life a bit easier then it used to be. Your support and help with so many things has given me the strength to be where I am now— I love you!! 💕 🎂🎉)

[msnihilist]

Seeing a BenRook pregnancy fic in the Outlining section was very funny to me for some reason. Did anything today make you think about that in particular, or was it just a spark?

Also, for Fear Factor: I know you've been wanting to rewrite that for a while. I know you're still outlining, but are there sections you really like from your original version? Or stuff you definitely want to change/remove?

Referencing my list of writing WIPs.

Honestly, I'm kind of always thinking about that pregnancy fic. Pregnancy fics are one of those tropes that can be really hit or miss for me? I don't usually enjoy next gen fics, so for me this is more about... The circumstances that might have brought this baby into existence, and what the characters are going to do about it.

I think it was sparked when I read a really good unplanned/teen pregnancy fic for another fandom, and the ending just... Got me thinking. That, and I love thinking about what kind of fucked up anatomy a Revonnahgander/human hybrid might end up with.

For one, I think that the child's legs would be fucked. Thanks to Revonnahganders having less dense/longer legs in general, the whole skeleton is kind of... Janky. The baby would not really be able to walk, probably ever. Not without intensive surgery and physical therapy, anyway.

The baby would probably have a more protruding jaw and sharper teeth. Flatter nose and more sunken in eyes. Thick hair growth on their body and a stubby growth from their tailbone.

It would look uncanny as fuck, is what I'm saying.

(And, obviously, Ben and Rook would love their baby just the same 💕)

That being said, I want to grapple with some of the tougher questions around a situation like this that Ben might have to make decisions on. Like, is it cruel to bring a deformed baby into existence? Is it more cruel to abort it, having never given it a chance to grow and decide for itself if life is worth living? Would it be selfish to keep his baby when the universe needs him to be its hero 24/7? Rook is so traditional, would Ben be trapping him in their relationship if he goes through with the birth?

And beyond that, how does Ben feel about himself? He's pretty sure that he doesn't want kids — not this young, anyway — and he feels incredibly dysphoric about the whole thing, which is only going to get worse. How can he be a man while pregnant? His sense of masculinity is tied to his physical state, so, without that...

Much to think about. This hypothetical pregnancy fic that I may or may not write is not going to be a happy, fluffy story.

As for Fear Factor, I want to rewrite chapter one (the only bit I've written anything for, anyway) because I don't think that the opening fight scene flows well at all.

But here's a snippet for you, Sammy, despite my eternal embarrassment at showing something less than perfect >_<

[ask-the-devils-bastard]

Tumblr glitched on me so I apologize if you’re getting this ask twice.

Alastor is objectively a bad person and acknowledges that’s he’s a bad person, I’m not trying to debate that point, but context is important. He goes after people who abuse their power or position to hurt “those of fairer means”, which I’m going to guess is part of why you were getting only hate from him—there quite literally is no one more powerful in all of Hell, and what he knew of you was A) absentee King, B) signed off on the Exterminations, C) absentee parent, D) that you leapt immediately to death threats in response to him being rude, and (just to reiterate) E) SIGNED OFF ON THE EXTERMINATIONS. 

You can not like sinners all you want but that doesn’t change that at the end of the day, you’re the King and they are your responsibility, people who you threw to the wolves. It was a terrible situation that led to the exterminations but the sinners are more than justified to resent you for it. 

You should frankly be more surprised that Alastor was the only one who greeted you with hostility, not just for the exterminations (though DEFINITELY those) but also because Charlie is amazing and had made it clear that you guys had a…strained relationship. 

And here’s something else to chew on; what if you had only found out about your relationship to Alastor after he had died in an extermination? 

Lucifer: ...

[Lucifer's already troubled expression doesn't change much as you speak.. until you make your final point, at which he begins to dig his nails into his arms while shaking in his seat. Asmodeus reaches across the table and places a hand on Lucifer's shoulder.]

Lucifer: You don't have to keep telling me the same things over and over, okay? You think I don't already know I'm a failure of a parent and a failure of a king?

Asmodeus: Luci, babe, you ain't a failure! Nothing down here would exist if it weren't for you. The animals, the plants, the people, my Fizzy-Frog. Heaven may hate us, but I for one fucking love bein' here and bein' me!

Lucifer: The exterminations-

Asmodeus: Were going to happen with or without your permission. I know pride is your thing, Luce, but we both know even you aren't stronger than all of Heaven. And for what it's worth, I think it matters that you protected the rest of us down here from those feathered freaks. Er, no offense.

[Lucifer snorts, but his brief smile melts away in an instant.]

Asmodeus: Besides, it's not like you even had angelic steel to fight back with thousands of years ago. Even if you'd known they could be killed, your people wouldn't have been able to and the first time an exorcist died the rest of them would have slaughtered every last demon down here. Now you got the knowledge and the weapons.

Asmodeus: And as far as the parent thing goes... Okay, maybe you dropped the ball for a bit, but you did raise Charlie to be the unstoppable force of undiluted sunshine she is today. The whole reason she's even out there tryin' to make things better for Sinners is because you inspired her.

Asmodeus: I'm not gonna lie; it might be too late to have any kind of bond with your younger kid. But don't write him off just yet. Maybe he just hates you and doesn't want anything to do with you, or maybe he's willing to give you a chance if you just take that first step. Just brace yourself for things not to go well, and, if you want, leave the door open for him.

((Blue: You're safe! I only got this once.))

[randomminecraftguy]

Uu spoke vid spoilers also purely opinion belowq

I have to say I'm a bit disappointed at how the ending went. I really liked the way Spoke was slowly spiraling into insanity and unconscious submission to Ash because, as he states, he has never been a part of something so big.

Now, the "redemption" scene was the underwhelming part for me, because although I'm glad Mapicc and others were able to reach Spoke and convince him he's not like Ash - the worst, but it felt too forgiving. I appreciate some self reflection there, but it felt a little rushed, given he was so smoothly losing his mind (in a way).

What I mean is - he killed a completely innocent player. He had no connection to them before - they were strangers after all, but he spent long enough time to figure out they're the kind of players he doesn't ever want to lay a finger on. And since we're in this territory, I'll say it - Planet should've died. No, Planet should've been killed by Spoke. The death of Rose isn't as impactful, since 1) she's a background character showing up only this one time 2) as I said before - Spoke slowly going insane without knowing it was a great idea, but I think they felt it wouldn't work as well, and that it'd be hard to redeem him in the future, so the whole thing feels kind of raw.

I think the ending is acceptable only because of the final scene. Maybe it'll come up later, I really hope it does. Otherwise, I think this episode had a great thing going for it. And though I do love happy endings (for some people at least) it really bugs me how easily Spoke has become potential man in this episode. Here's what I had hoped to see:

"Who are you Spoke?"

This question has been asked several times in this episode. But really, who IS he? He's a friend, a good friend. A friend if Mapicc, a friend of Planet, someone dear to Minute and a good business partner to Leo. Who are you, Spoke? A friend.

He hates Ashswag, and that's not something unusual! After all, Ashswag has practically taken everything away from him! So he sets out to infiltrate the mafia and destroy his kingdom, take away his power and eradicate evil. All evil that's been walking this server for quite a while now. Who are you, Spoke? A hero.

Ash, however, knows only Fish-bucket. He sees potential in him, he gets greedy, he wants him. And he knows he'll get him, sooner or later. That's why he gives Fish-bucket second chance, and as a showcase of power, orders him to commit murder. He calls them the worst person to exist, they must be truly awful! The most cruel thing Spoke could've done - murder a truly innocent player. Who are you, Spoke? Jamato.

And he does it. Are these sacrifices worth it? Does the end justify the means? Did you really have to go this far for this promotion? Do you still remember what you're fighting for? Because for a while, you clearly had a lot of fun being a part of something bigger. Would you stay if you didn't know of the things Ashswag has done? Would you stay if none of your friends were hurt by them? Who are you, Spoke? Fish-bucket

Ash's speech impressed me. He's an egoist, he's selfish and self-centred, he cares for no one but himself and only seeks to exploit others for his own benefit and his twisted amusement.

And Spoke was...also selfish. Why else would he kill someone, who he himself confirmed to be probably one of the sweetest and harmless people left on the server? For his own personal benefit. At many points in story he keeps bringing up ranks and prioritizing them, when Mapicc calls him out and corrects him by saying their goal is to kill Ashswag. He only says "its for the greater good" when he's forced to do bad things. Forced by who?... By himself. And as Spoke's focused on getting close to Ashswag, he can't help but become a little bit attached. Fish-bucket's been doing a good job, Fish-bucket has exceeded in many tasks, Fish-bucket is Ash's favourite. Fish-bucket wants to redeem himself, doesn't he? He'll have to sacrifice something for forgiveness, but it's okay. Since Fish-bucket has a weak spot for weak players, Ash will personally ensure he can finish the job - look at that, you just need to kill the worst person I've ever known! Shouldn't be a challenge for Fish-bucket! Who are you, Spoke? You wouldn't dare to be a disappointment, would you?

And as he approaches the house on the hill, he realizes he really is in the presence of the worst person he's ever known. And it follows him as he walks in Ashswag's garden. It occurs to him how far he's come, how high he stands. And Ash showers him in praises, calling him a heartless monster, an egoist, a glutton, and as he's face to face with Ashswag, he feels like he's looking in the mirror, and the worst person they've ever known is with them. And as he leaves to rethink his choices, he comes back home. With no one to greet him. Because he gave up everything for the greater good. The greater good? No greater good happened. Ashswag has only profited from Fish-bucket's help. He didn't die, he wasn't hurt, he wasn't in any way stopped. He will keep doing what he's doing, and he got what he wanted most. The worst person he's ever known, just like him, right at his side. And all Spoke has is what's left of his morals.

-So, who are you?

-I'm Fish-bucket. The biggest scum of this Earth.

Again, no hater of semi-happy endings, also screamed very loudly each time Spoke was glazing Ash in some way and almost forgot what he was doing with all the fun he had, so I'm glad Mapicc and Leo got his brain working.

This is purely my opinion that I really needed to share. I went through a rollercoaster of emotions from about 2:30 to 3:20 hour marks, and then in the end we got Ashswag kind of roasted? Though I'm looking forward to the next episode, it'll sure be fun with that many people around, but my heart craves angst.

[springcatalyst]

5, 8, 16, 17 for that ask game :] i dont know a lot of your ocs yet so surprise me!

hell yesssss lets GO

5: Does your oc have a signature weapon and/or attack? How long did they have to train to master it?

I answered this one for Liliana already! SO I'll give you Brooke!

Brooke's weapon of choice is a hand-and-a-half sword she's had for years and years and years. It was granted to her when she reached the level of skill in her guild that allowed her to go on formal hunts. It being hand-and-a-half means its versatile: it can be used two-handed or one-handed. She values adaptability and flexibility in a fight, and is very bad at both of these things in everywhere else in her life. Being in a familial-based guild, she's honed her skills over, again, years and years and years and years, pretty much since she could physically perform the necessary motions. Even after dividing from it, she keeps the sword, as well as the pendant and armor, because to fully divest herself from the image of the guild feels like lying, like hiding some nasty truth, and she doesn't want to do that anymore. She keeps these things as symbols of what she was, but in doing so prevents herself from being able to be anything but that.

8: What was your ocs most embarrassing moment? Does it still bother them or are they able to shrug it off?

So I don't have a One Right Answer BUT I'll say that Diana is pretty intimately familiar with embarrassment and humiliation on a small scale? The thing about needing to do things Correctly and the emphasis placed on respectability and decency and being polite and doing what you're told and not making a fuss and Form and Function is that well. It gives you a lot of little ways in which you can fail and be punished for it. Typically the punishment is failing in of itself. Diana, by nature of the culture she lived in, was weighed down by reputation in a manner where her own leaks out to her family, meaning people other than her have a stake in it. It's kind of a self-assuring cycle even without that, but. It is also enforced. Did I even answer the question? Peace and love on planet earth.

16: How does your oc make money?

Julian is maybe the only bitch in here who had an actual normal source of income for a significant portion of the plot. Once he fucked off to the sea he hops around ships going wherever and is paid to work them- he gravitated more towards cargo ships because they sailed farther and longer than ferries or other passenger ships. Eventually he joins the Siren's Song- an interislandary that, because it's rougher work out far far longer and requires just a bit more experience and is less appealing to most, paid a bit more. He didn't really join it for the pay, though. It had a certain energy in the air that, at the time, he envied. This turns out to be a bad choice.

17: Does your oc have an enemy?

I also answered this one for Liliana teehee so. This other guy ->

Julian beefs with everybody all the time forever but there's this One Fucking Guy on the Siren's Song that he just. Hates for all he's worth. It IS two-way because Julian also gets on Warren's nerves All The Fucking Time. Sometimes it's on purpose, because seeing how far he can push him without real consequences is fun, but sometimes it's not, because they are two people with very different ideas of how they function in the world. To Julian, Warren is a sort of needless cruelty, nose where it doesn't belong, breaking unspoken rules that exist for a reason type of person. To Warren, Julian is a kind of high horse, careless for the other men in the crew, manipulating his favor with the people in power to get what he wants type of person. Honestly, they're both right. They don't get to just throw hands about it because they are crewmates- you can't fight amongst yourselves at sea, it hinders the function of the ship, the first mate stops anything from starting (the captain... he doesn't care as much. he'll let it happen if it's entertaining enough). So they just sit there boiling hatred at each other until eventually.,.. well the first mate can't always be around.

OC ASK GAME :]

[lettersillneversendtothevoid]

Dear Friends,

I kind of just want to disappear. It'd be so easy. There are so many ways to do it. I would never subject you to finding me; I wouldn't hurt you like that. It'd be easier to "disappear" in my house but it'd be better to actually disappear and have a stranger find me, somewhere else and just end up an unknown person found in an undisclosed place.

I don't want to exist in this world. Both because of this world we live in - it's a nightmare, have you seen it? - and because I'm just tired of existing.

My body is broken. My brain is more of a mess than it's ever been. I've worked so hard to be so much better and I am better yet I'm also so much worse off.

I love you all. You've been so good to me. And I'll never be as good to you as you have been to me. I can't be. I can't be there for you like I want to be. There's so much I want to do for you. You deserve so much; you're amazing people.

But I can't. All I can do is want. All I can do is stop taking from you, because that's all I am at this point, a person who takes. And I don't want that. I don't want to be a taker. I want to be a giver but I can't be that person and I never will be.

Four brain surgeries. Dissociative Identity Disorder. Chronic pain that never goes away. Autism. ADHD. Physical and mental disabilities that will only degenerate as I get older. Trauma and mental issues I've been working on for years that seem to only get worse as I work on them. Even the best among you see me as someone you have to take care of, not just a friend you can be around. I appreciate the help but I don't want to have to be someone who needs help, constantly, always, and yet when I'm alone I wish there were someone there to help me because I need help and it's so diminishing to live like this.

Then there's the world around us. The people in charge would love to make folks like me disappear. Take the above and add the fact that my sexual and gender identities are non-standard. It doesn't matter what they are; they don't match the "norm," so I'm a monster. My friends and loved ones have to stand up for me against the world. Again, they have to "be there" for me instead of just being there WITH me. Not to say I don't fight for these things every bit as hard but why is everything a struggle? There isn't a day that goes by that isn't a struggle unless I sleep through it.

So why can't I just have one last final sleep, somewhere where I will just disappear?

I'm not done. This is in my "letter's I'll never send." I don't know about "never." But "not right now." But I want to. I do. Desperately.

But I'm not going to.

I just had to type it out.

I had to get it out. Get it out of my head. They love me. I matter. I just hurt and I'm tired of hurting. It's never going to get better but there's good in the bad. And right now that's worth it.

For now the good is worth fighting through the bad. I'm going to keep fighting. I'm going to keep looking for the good. I don't want you to worry, if you've read this far. Thank you for reading. I'll be okay for now. I'm not going to do it.

I want to. I've wanted to for a long time, though. But I had to get it out of my head somewhere. And this is the place where I needed to do that.

If you're struggling I hope you keep fighting too even though it's hard. To find those moments here or there. I'm proud of you for what you do when you can and where you can.

I hate that everything's a struggle and I'm struggling really hard. But I'm not going to disappear yet. I'm ready. I am. But they'd be so upset. So I'm going to keep going. For now. Until I don't. But for now. One step at a time. One foot in front of the other. Just plod on. Because sometimes I see a flower and it's pretty.