#kazzy rambles

[kazoosandfannypacks]

"There's no platonic explanation for this." Actually, there is! There are several platonic explanations for this, actually, if you're not a coward! I, however, am choosing the romantic explanation in this case.

[kazoosandfannypacks]

Okay I. I'm just now realizing.

Several months ago, while vacationing with my friends, the topic of AI came up in discussion between me and one of my friends. We both knew each other's stance on AI going into it (me being adamantly against generative AI and him wholeheartedly supporting it and enjoying the use of it) and had discussed it before, so it was more a conversation of attempting to understand each other's viewpoint rather than change it.

At some point, the conversation turned to something that he, someone who rarely dabbles in the creative arts, had yet to realize, that art is about the process. Of course, for someone who loves coding and finding ways to cheat the system, the idea that the process of a work is the important part of the work was a foreign concept.

That discussion ties in a lot to this post. Most of my writer friends understand the concept of "plot bunnies," of writing one story concept only to come up with seven more, and while we complain and meme and joke about it, this is where a lot of our favorite story ideas come from— we couldn't write nearly as many stories if we weren't actively involved in the process of writing them in the first place.

What does generative AI do to this process? If we're not immersing ourselves in the stories we write— because we're not even writing them— will we still have as many ideas? If we're crowdsourcing to plagarism software for the processing of our ideas into stories, where on the assembly line do we fit in? Does each word resonate with our touch? Does our wrestle with writer's block create a deeper and richer story? Does our time spent marinating in these characters, themes, and ideas— time spent struggling alongside them, laughing and crying and rejoicing alongside them, growing alongside them as they do— does this break the dam of a wellspring of new ideas for the taking, for us to create, for us to continue this millennia old process of storytelling, handed down from one generation to the next?

No. We have removed ourselves from the process entirely.

You will not use AI to get ideas for your story. You will lie on the floor and have wretched visions like god intended

[kazaleas]

It feels empty. It feels really empty. You've checked the same 3 apps on your phone every few minutes that pass, you've tried to get out of bed and just ended up back in the same sheets with a headache keeping you awake, you've tossed and turned and kicked and rocked, but nothing works to ease this silent loud noise in your ears. It's like your head is full of so much noise and everything is so loud but at the same time it's so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. Everythings pissing you off, everything hurts, every noise someone else makes has you In the mindset of wanting to absolutely bash their face into an unrecognizable mess, just because you don't want to hear them anymore. This feeling, this dreaded feeling, this painful annoying ache that you can't get rid of.

You can't even look at your favorite people anymore without feeling queasy, you've kept everything to yourself since you started feeling like this again, you can't even do anything around anyone anymore without being asked the horrid question of: “are you okay”. It feels like someone shoved you into a human centrifuge and turned it on 15 different times without breaks in-between. Your heart feels like it's flattening in your chest, sinking, dropping, bleeding, trying to claw it's way out of your skin and run away from this place. Your mind feels heavy, like someone's injected weights into your body and put two large bowling balls on your shoulders and your head and your ankles. You can hear your heartbeat in your ears and it sounds wrong, every single smell coming to your noise makes your stomach start to churn. You wanna go to sleep, you wanna crawl into a dripping wet and cold cave and just sleep, and maybe you wont wake up for a week, or a month, or forever.

Your phone vibrates, you see the notification. It's them. You can't bring yourself to open your phone, its like whatever's taking over your mind and body is pricking at your skin with pins and needles and forcing you to lower the device. It's heavy, it feels heavier than normal, it's so. Fucking. Heavy. The phone starts to ring, the tone you set from a song you like starts to play. You like this song, but now all it does is piss you off, all you wanna do is take this heavy rectangle and smash it against the wall until it shuts up. You don't pick up. It rings, and rings, and rings, and you don't pick up. It's only till later, when it's finally stopped ringing for a while, that the weight sets in, and you curl up while icy crystal waters start to churn from your eyes. You're crying, you can feel it on your skin but not in your heart. But you're crying. And it hurts. And now you regret the fact that you didn't pick up the phone.

[kazoosandfannypacks]

one thing I love about kevin grant-gomez is that his entire personality is so wonderfully lame that you could put literally any song from the most "cringe" sources you can think of on a playlist for him and it wouldn't kill his vibe. my playlist for him currently contains three songs i heard on the radio at five below when i worked there in 2019, songs from multiple broadway musicals, something from the tangled tv series, an equal amount of taylor swift and the jonas brothers, two different disney channel original movies, and, of course, chop away at my heart.

[kazoosandfannypacks]

Saying "I'm not going to draw this thing because I don't know how to draw this thing" is really shooting yourself in the foot, because you've now cut yourself off from an opportunity to grow.

I had a friend in college who was an absolutely amazing artist. I loved seeing his work! One time I said something to the effect of "I could never do that."

He told me something that, as an artist, I resonate with. He said art isn't about natural talent; it's a learned skill. When you tell an artist their level of skill is impossible for you to reach, you're assuming their level of skill is a natural gifting they have, and it discredits the hundreds to thousands of hours of hard work they've put into getting where they are today, and you're cutting yourself off from trying to reach that point yourself.

So earlier in art class today, someone drew a characters hands in their pockets and mentioned that hands are really like the ultimate end boss of art, and most of us wholeheartedly agreed. So then, our teacher went ahead and free handed like a handful of hands on the board, earning a woah from a couple of students. So the one from earlier mentioned how it barely took the teacher ten seconds to do what I can’t do in three hours. And you know what he responded?

“It didn’t take me ten seconds, it took me forty years.”

And you know, that stuck with me somehow. Because yeah. Drawing a hand didn’t take him fourth years. But learning and practicing to draw a hand in ten seconds did. And I think there’s something to learn there but it’s so warm and my brain is fried so I can’t formulate the actual morale of the lesson.

[gongedtornado]

.

[kazaleas]

I am a firm believer that Donnie listens to glass animals but specifically the Dreamland album. Like he gives major "Your love, Deja vu" vibes & "tokyo drifting". This is all because I saw fanart one time and now I can't unsee it.

[kazzykatt]

oh the curse of wanting to leave long comments on fics but not speaking the language good enough for it to makes sense qwq

[house-of-stars]

3, 5, 7, and 18!

3. favourite musical artist/group you started listening to this year?

ARKELLS!!!!! the arkells for sure. I’ve known about them for a while but never actually listened to their stuff. so finally did that this year and it was SUCH a good choice i love them so much, and i got to go a concert of theirs and it was the best show ever. i highly recommend!!!!!

5. tv show of the year?

problem with me is that i do not spend a lot of time watching shows or movies so i cant say anything that came out this year?? i just rewatch stuff i like and most recently it’s been Boy Meets World. love that show a lot and watch it every year

7. actor of the year?

again- i don’t watch a lot of things. hmm. maybe Florence Pugh? really enjoy her characters

18. a memorable meal this year?

oh SO many actually. went on a road trip this year for the first time ever so every single one of those meals just cuz everything was new and exciting. some were just pre-made salads in the hotel room but thinking about those meals makes me remember what we did and saw that day. Most memorable was probably this really expensive restaurant in Kelowna, it wasn’t even fancy really just super expensive but i mean that food was Delicious so it was worth it. i had a chicken burger and sweet potato fries with their special sauce, and an iced oat milk latte.

[kazunarei]

The mad ramblings of a stupid person round 2

The story isn't gonna end when/if Eiden regulates the Dark Altar.

"But Kazzie there was a interview where a writer said they were nearing the end of the story."

Yeah the end of the story of figuring out where the fuck Huey was.

And we found him. But for some reason he's in LA LA Land so after we slap Rin upside the head a few times to get him to behave the next story beat will be trying to find why he's asleep. And possibly wake him up. (ノ゜ο゜)ノ

[kazoosandfannypacks]

For someone with few friends and no lovers, I sure am a sucker for the friends to lovers trope

[kazoosandfannypacks]

No you guys don't understand.

Percy had the chance to save his mom, which was the reason he took this quest in the first place. He was the one the sea entrusted with these pearls, and he could've made it his responsibility to make sure nothing happened to them. He could've carried all four pearls himself, and he would've saved his mom.

But he didn't want to run the risk of losing any of his friends, so he entrusted each of them with a pearl. He didn't have to do this, but he wanted to make sure they had a chance to save themselves if they needed to. Why? Because he's loyal to them.

His loyalty is his fatal flaw, and this illustrates that point very well. If his fatal flaw was ambition, he wouldn't've given up the pearls and their power so easily. If his fatal flaw was holding grudges, he wouldn't've given the pearl to someone who'd just made him miss his appointment with his dad. If his fatal flaw was hubris, he would've kept the pearls for himself, believing he could save them all himself if he needed to.

But because his fatal flaw is loyalty, he didn't keep all the pearls to himself until needed. Because his fatal flaw is loyalty, he made sure his friends would make it out of the underworld alive. And, because his fatal flaw is loyalty, he failed to save what mattered most in the end.

and THAT'S why the fourth pearl is important

[gongedtornado]

thinking about this 85 year old customer we had that came in. the cashier said she looked good for her age and she said something along the lines of “Thank you. I’ve got all these wrinkles and I deserve ‘em’!” in the most enthusiastic tone.

she said that she thought skin care and anti-wrinkle products were ridiculous and that our skin is our history of where we’ve been. i cant remember what she said word for word but i know whatever she said brought me comfort.

[kazzykatt]

once again i am not okay because of stick figures (SPOILERS under the cut)

LISTEN

LISTEN THE LAST ONE IS VICTIM I BET MY LIFE ON IT

LOOK AT THE HEAD!!! COMPARED TO THE GLASSES GUY, ITS IRREGULAR!! ITS NOT AS DEFINED!! THATS A THING ALL OF THE ANIMATOR'S STICKS HAVE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i wonder if TDL is gonna help later, cuz now that Victim is back he just can't be death

oh my god what if they work together to defeat Victim?

wait is Victim even bad? to the protagonists yes but is he a threat to anyone else? what are your plans little Victim? hhhhhmmmmmmmmm

is it revenge? OH WHAT IF HE WANT REVENGE ON THE ANIMATOR AND IS TRYING TO CONVINCE ALL OF THE OTHER STICKS???😱

TDL would be down to it

TCH... i don't think he'd want to anymore? he was at peace with the animator at the end of the last episode 🤔

Orange wouldn't want to, AND I BET HE'LL TRY TO CONVINCE THEM THAT THE ANIMATOR IS GOOD NOW AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ALSO ALSO, THE GLASSES GUY HAS ANIMATOR POWERS!!!! THAT LASSO TOOL AND THE LINES!!!

the pause is too much, nerf that thing kfhdhffhdjf

another thing that i found cute is that while Orange's powers didnt activate, TCO had a power up 👀 he was shocked and glitched but when he saw Orange getting paused BOOM! POWER UP!

All their powers are fueled by the power of friendship and i love that

[she-who-the-river-could-not-hold]

02. A Familiar Ache

part of Broken Wings, a Whumptober-inspired Six of Crows Prompt Collection prompt: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH | Knees Buckling | Repeatedly Passing Out | Head Lolling | ship: Wesper | rating: M | wc: ~1.7k | tags: Modern AU, Exes, Drinking and gambling addictions, friend group in minor turmoil as they transition to new lives, emphasis on dealing with alcoholism

Summary: Wylan broke up with Jesper for lying to him about how much he was drinking. But it turns out that when Jesper’s honest about being drunk, he still chooses his ex-boyfriend to help him. And Wylan can’t help but go to him.

––––

The first time that Jesper’s name appeared on Wylan’s phone, he stared at it in shock until it finished ringing.

The second time he called, Wylan clicked it off in a half-second.

The third time, he answered.

“Jesper,” Wylan greeted him without waiting for his ex-boyfriend to say anything, voice laced with exasperation, “what do you want? It’s one in the morning.” 

A chuckle echoed through the phone and Wylan despised the shivers that it sent down his spine. The sudden intimacy of Jesper’s laugh so close to his ear, a ghost of so many memories, was disorientating and did little to help his quest to get over the guy.

“I might need a little help,” drawled Jesper. 

A coldness overtook the little bit of warmth that Wylan had experienced. Of course. Jesper was fucking drunk out of his mind. He could hear it in the slur of his words, the deepness that accompanied it when he’d had a few too many Jameson and gingers. A lethargicness to his words as his alcohol-filled brain fought to string sentences together. He always pulled it off, but it was like you could hear the mechanics of his mind whirring in the process.

“So call Kaz, not me,” Wylan bit out. No, he didn’t resent that the two were still close even though Kaz had been the first to warn him about Jesper’s proclivities. 

A laugh that turned into a hiccup burned his ears through his phone.

“Kaz-Kazzy, he’s pissed at me. Besides, it’s his anniversary with darling Inej. I’ll wake up without eyeballs if I interrupt that.”

Wylan hated how much it made sense.

Jesper continued rambling about the ways that Kaz would mutilate him while Wylan wracked his brain for anyone else that Jesper could have called. Their friends still overlapped, a tricky element that he still couldn’t get a handle on, and surely there was someone else that Jesper could have called. But with Inej and Kaz out of the equation, that left Nina and Matthias. And Nina had only been home from rehab for a couple months––Matthias was even more protective of her than normal. An inebriated Jesper calling seemed like a recipe for disaster. 

“So you called me,” he said flatly, not really asking, “because you knew I’d do it.”

Tears infuriatingly pricked at his eyes. Dependable Wylan who never said no. Boring Wylan who of course wouldn’t have a reason that he couldn’t come pick up the pieces of the mess, as usual. When was enough going to be enough?

Jesper’s snort of surprise pulled him out of his wallowing.

“Because you're a good person, Wy,” he said with startling clarity.

Somehow that made it worse.

[READ THE REST ON AO3]

[kazoosandfannypacks]

The curtains in my living room were red yesterday. Today they're blue.

Why did the curtains change?

Well, the red curtains matched our couch, the rickety old flannel couch with a pullout bed that was too crusty to use and cushions that were wearing thin.

And then we got a new couch, a blue couch, a couch that used to belong to our grandmother, and when she replaced it she gave it to us. This couch has already seen so much love and will continue to.

And because now our couch is blue.

So are the curtains.

So I just saw a reference to "sometimes the curtains are just blue" again and I have Thoughts.

See, there are various factors at play here

(1) it can be quite frustrating to, in English class or wherever else, feel forced to read some deep meaning into something that you think is honestly not that deep

(2) The author could've chosen not to describe the curtains. There is some reason they did so anyway - maybe this is an author that tends to describe all the scenes, in great detail, so that anytime I new room is present in the story we know the color of the curtains, but, assuming this is not that kind of author - why was this mentioned? What was the author trying to achieve by that.

And

(3) I think sometimes people feel steered towards a certain kind of interpretation, like, "the curtains are a reflection of the characters mental state" or whatever, and it sometimes obscures the fact that sometimes elements in a story have a meaning that's..a little less grand and philosophical.

Maybe the author is trying to establish a specific vibe of the room, for example. Like that something in a story doesn't have a grand philosophical meaning that the author intended doesn't mean they intended it to have *no* meaning. Maybe the meaning is just a bit more simple.