#kaze is sad so he posts about this

[kazuha-ame]

i hate mammon angst fanfics because i relate to mammon in thosr angst fanfics and it mskes me cry

[joseigamer]

Patalliro! is fascinating to me because of stuff like this. It's unapologetically gay - even within its anime which aired during primetime hours in 1982 - in a way that many later BL manga would never be, like the ones from the early 2000s which would never dare to call their characters actual homosexuals. Patalliro has actually aged quite well in this regard, there's something comforting about how campy it is.

[strnilolover]

BFF!Reader x BFF!Matt Sturniolo (Best friends to lovers)

Warnings: very slight suggestive (like non-existent), small mention of death, a little bit of heartbreak, fluff

A/N: This is in the readers Pov and matts! pink is the reader; blue is matt and the purple at the bottom is basically both of them. @her-favorite told me to post this cause why the hell not lol. I absolutely love friends to lovers' tropes, but I have never tried to write anything about them SO if this sucks I'm sorry :,)

———————————————————————

“The day we met. Frozen, I held my breath. Right from the start I knew that I found a home. For my heart beats fast. Colors and promises.”

The day that I had met him, it felt like my whole world had stopped. Those hypnotic blue eyes held me captive, burying my soul so far in them it felt like home. We did everything together, promising things to one another that we knew could probably never be. But that’s what made our world feel more alive, that’s what made it feel so bright.

“How to be brave. How can I love when I’m afraid to fall?”

I never plucked up the courage to tell him, even when I had the chance to. It felt like a joke, that if I were to become vulnerable for just a moment, everything we had built would come crumbling down in a heartbeat. So I locked it in a cage, tossing the key far away, hoping maybe one day I could get it back.

“Watching you stand alone. All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow. One step closer.”

But, as my eyes watched him, standing in the pouring rain after his girlfriend broke up with him. Coming to me first before anyone else, spoke to me on another level words couldn’t explain. So I took my chance, stepping closer to his soaked frame. Grabbing his face, pulling it closer to my own as I connected our lips in a small wet kiss.

“I have died everyday waiting for you. Darling, don’t be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years. I’ll love you for a thousand more.”

His lips molded to mine in return. Grabbing my hips and pulling me closer as his frame pushed through my front door. He was hesitant at first, like I was doing this out of pity. But the way my lips moved against his, sloppy and desperate, told him otherwise. The cage opened after I promised to keep it locked so many years ago.

“Time stands still. Beauty and all she is. I will be brave. I will not let anything take away. What’s standing in front of me. Every breath, every hour has come to this.”

She was breathtaking. Her frame standing in front of me as the rain poured over my body. I didn’t know who else to go to, her being the first one that popped into my mind as everything crumbled around me. I told her she left me, and she looked at me, those beautiful orbs full of pity and sadness. She stepped to me, grabbing my face and putting her lips to mine, eyes wide, I kissed back. Grabbing her hips hesitantly as I pushed my way through the door to her home. I thought this was because she felt bad, but as she kissed me harder, I knew it wasn’t.

“One step closer. I have died everyday waiting for you. Darling, don’t be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years. I’ll love you for a thousand more.”

I pulled her closer to me as she tried to pull away. Holding her to my wet body, whispering how much I loved her and how I always have. She grabbed me back, whispering the same confessions to me as her eyes looked into mine. Smiling, I kissed her again. Our bodies slowly making their way to her room as our clothes were disregarded on the floor, tangling our limbs in her sheets for the rest of the night.

“Time has brought your heart to me I have loved you for a thousand years. I’ll love you for a thousand more.”

We felt like one finally. Our missing pieces find their places in all the missing spots. We spent the rest of our lives together, finding comfort in one another until our bodies were laid to rest. Even in the afterlife, we loved each other for a thousand years.

———————————————————————

[lhenn]

Karina

This is Karina’s story, a story of how she grew up in the cellars of a theatre, surrounded by music and dreaming of sharing it with the world, of how she made two friends (a sad ballerina and a rat), of how she has learnt from her teacher everything she’s ever known, asking half the questions she yearns to learn and receiving half the answers she expects, suspecting this mysterious and distant man, yet so familiar to her, keeps a lot of secrets within. But he’s always been honest with her, always taken care of her, given her everything she’s ever wished for, has he not? There were only a few rules she had to adhere to, so as to keep everything the way it had always been: she should take care of herself and not get hurt, never leave their place, never talk with people and never mention their names nor where they live. But the days are long and lonely for her, especially as she grows up, head full of dreams and nothing new left to try: little adventures to the theatre should be fine as long as no one finds out… right? Or so she thought during the eight years she spent sneaking into the theatre when Erik wasn’t watching her (or was he?). Until one day, Karina’s reality is shattered after her professor suddenly disappeared, forcing her to leave the lair and venture into the outside world, and it won’t take her long to discover that half the things Erik had taught her were a lie…

A bit of context

I’ll be posting bits of Karina’s backstory (my OC). She’s the D&D character I’m currently playing; developing her backstory and finding a fitting campaign has taken me almost two years! Sometimes it feels like an awful lot, thinking my first D&D OC Kaze’s backstory took me around 7 months to complete, but then I think about Lhena, my first ever OC, whose story is still under development after 8 years, and it feels so short (I like writing, so I craft PDFs -like, kinda long PDFs? More than 100 pages- to practice).

I’ve had three main inspirations (although they have kinda turned out to be 4 in the end, I won’t name the last one until it’s shown in the story): Phantom of the opera (mainly musical, both 2004 film and stage versions, there might be some nods to Leroux’s original novel though), Disney’s Tangled and the 1986 film Labyrinth.

The main reference is poto, it’s present everywhere, and yet it isn’t. I didn’t want to know what was going to happen next following Karina’s backstory, I never intended to do a retelling, so even though there are many similarities this is not Phantom of the opera, it will not be canon compliant nor follow the story.

Having said that, Karina is 18 yo as of now. She’s a genius when it comes to arts, her abilities will be shown along the story, I don't wish to spoil anything, although you can deduce that she, at least, possesses an unearthly, angelic voice. Almost all her knowledge she owes to her mysterious teacher… You might have already guessed, or maybe not, but Karina is the result of mixing Christine and Erik’s characters. In my opinion, this adds a fantastic turn of events and a very interesting divergence from poto (Erik’s character is still present -kind of).

Speaking about the campaign, we’re playing in a post-apocalyptic setting! A world where people live either behind walls or in small communities -tribes- fighting machines… (you can picture Horizon and The 100 to get an idea). But that’s a tale ought to tell in a different moment, taking place far away from where we are, a tale little Karina does not even dream about, shielded by music in the deep underground.

Most of my drawings are sketches, and I'm not fooling myself, I'm a disorganized student and I don't know when or if I'll finish them (although I want to and I plan to). The one above is Karina during last session. Her hair's a bit messed up because there was a combat (Such a thrilling third day outside!) and, as the party has claimed: «she technically is still alive» (and I don't know how to draw hair). I also don't know how to draw consistent faces, I'm trying :')

[razmerry]

Rules: shuffle your 'on repeat' playlist and post the first ten tracks, then tag ten people.

Yay, music game! I like doing these. Thank you @jasontoddenthusiastt for tagging me :) and I was just thinking about Jason, too.

The Wolf - Fever Ray (anyone who follows my webcomic PATFW, this is Longest-Claws's theme song, so that's why I've been listening to it a lot!)

2. Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood (I don't have a good reason for this... I just really like Carrie Underwood's country girl revenge songs. This one is really fun to belt)

3. Kaze wa Mirai ni Fuku - AKIMA & NEOS (This is the closing theme from the 1998 Trigun anime. I really, really like it. One of the only anime closings that I never skipped)

4. maggot belly - awfultune (In some ways, I really never stop thinking about the maggot belly Frecklewish MAP)

5. Stacy's Mom - Fountains of Wayne (HAS GOT IT GOING ON, SHE'S ALL I WANT AND I'VE WAITED FOR SO LONG)

6. Seventeen - Heathers the Musical (This song is also on my PATFW playlist, and it makes me tear up every time because I imagine my two little gay cats singing it)

7. Don't Mess With Me - temposhark (Applestar's playlist is a really good one to listen to while I work out. It's all metal and high-energy songs)

8. Teen Idle - MARINA (Hm... another PATFW playlist song. I think I just listen to that playlist a whole lot. This one's about my character Asphodelpaw, and it also makes me very sad)

9. They'll Need a Crane - They Might Be Giants (underrated TMBG song!! Really the whole album is underrated!! Everyone go listen to Lincoln)

10. Brandy (You're a Fine Girl) - Looking Glass (I like songs where I get to do the instrumental parts out loud, like in Southern Nights as well. Do, do do do do do. Also, this song was in Guardians of the Galaxy 2 and I like that movie)

If you want to do this too, no pressure:

@dracofelin @nitethekitten @thegreatmaddu @sallytwo @1010luvr @calronhunt @orkestrell @wolfsnis @egg-on-a-legg @sharkface-daydreams

[masonuf]

Post for 2/23

The Wind Rises was a really good film. I mainly want to focus on Jiro in my post.

While there is some criticism to be made about Jiro’s career decisions in terms of his contributions to creating Japanese weapons of destruction, the movie makes it clear that it was never his active intention to build planes for the sake of combat. When studying the G.38, Jiro was fascinated by the wing compartment’s potential as a passenger zone rather than its “wasted” potential as a bomber. Furthermore, his behavior when presenting his combat-agnostic plane prototype to his colleagues reinforces his pure motivations. Jiro sketches a design in which combat equipment is an afterthought, as revealed by his explanation that its weight problem would be avoided if guns were stripped from the plane. Finally, we hear the regrettable sadness in Jiro’s voice as Caproni tells him that his planes would never return from the sky, as they would be flown by kamikaze pilots. I’m not saying that Jiro was oblivious to what he was creating – he’s definitely mature enough to realize that, but I’m saying that he had good intentions from the start that were unfortunately put to violent use. Playing devil’s advocate, I can sort of agree if someone calls him selfish in the sense that he just wanted to accomplish his dreams in the 10-year span of his creativity.

Anyway, with that out of the way, I want to gush about how likable Jiro’s character is. I was rooting for the guy the moment he effortlessly suplexed that bully. It’s so intriguing to me how he’s so casually polite, yet emotionless in almost every situation until nearly the end of the movie (the way he cried when he worried about Nahoko just broke me). Almost nothing is able to faze this man; it’s incredible how nonchalant his reactions are. Even his marriage proposal felt like just a formal conversation. He’s so chill it’s unreal.

And about the relationship between Jiro and Nahoko? I have no words. All I’ll say is that it’s a horrible day to be single.

That scene where she watched him as he did his work? I can’t do this anymore. Please refrain from talking to me for the next 3 business days.

Image from https://cinejour.com/706-the-wind-rises-kaze-tachinu-2013/.

[crystalkleure]

Kazemaru, when Kidou hires Haizaki and Hiroto as hitmen to beat up Ichihoshi for being a Disciple Of Orion and constantly fucking everything up and trying to kill everyone: “Kidou you are BULLYING and that is BAD, I am DISAPPOINTED in you :(( Come back to your senses and Be The Bigger Man, Kidou, shame on you”

「 Several episodes later... 」

Nosaka: “Hey Kaze wanna help me trick the whole team into brutally Grid Omega-ing some of those annoying Orion shitheads lol”

Kazemaru:

[bthump]

I wanted to touch on the whole gutsca thing with someone (I know zero people in this fandom so you're my lucky pick!). Am I alone in feeling like their first time together came out of no where? My meta with Guts is that he was not at all comfortable with sex at that time of his life (this instance being his first time [outside of the rape he experienced as a child]). His choice of words too, "here I go", translated to me like someone only doing what they felt was expected of them rather than something he was yearning for. He clearly wasn't even ready given how rough he was and how he regressed and attacked her. This moment seemed very forced and almost rang to me like Kentaro's declaration of "no homo though". I would be curious to know how Kentaro felt about homosexuality (bisexuality, etc) and if he ever addressed the ever blatant gay tension and romantic-non-platonic-love blossoming between Guts and Griffith pre-eclipse. I do get the sense that this may be a case of severe queer baiting or perhaps a PSA against gay love altogether ("falling for a man will literally destroy you and send you and everyone you love to hell" type of message); but I'm a very jaded person so I hope to be proven wrong. Sigh, my point being Gutsca seems pretty dang forced and empty of true development. I buy them more as besties than anything romantic. Especially since both he and Casca are actually in love with Griffith (what a fucking triangle!). Does anyone in fandom have any opinions on the sad possibility of this whole beautiful and ultimately tragic love between Griffith and Guts actually being a fucked up anti-gay PSA? Are there any interviews with Kentaro shooting this theory down so I can stop being sad and bitter about it? What are your thoughts?

Thanks for sending this, I'm definitely down to talk about it! I hope you connect with more people in the fandom but don’t worry about sending random asks even if you do lol.

Anyway you’re definitely not alone. I have a lot of thoughts on Guts and Casca's hook up, and they're all pretty much "it feels really forced and not particularly romantic but I think you can argue that that's deliberate" lol. For instance I discuss in a lot of detail here how various aspects of the scene indicate that Guts and Casca having sex is shown to be a case of both of them rebounding from Griffith and sort of giving to each other what they were unable or failed to give to him.

And I talk a lot about how Judeau essentially orchestrates it all and what that suggests about Guts and Casca's relationship here.

And lol sorry for all the links but also this post is about how their relationship feels one-sided to an extent and is used to illuminate a lot of Guts' flaws, using Judeau as a comparison point.

Oh shit and also one more lol, here's a comparison between the sex scene and Griffith's with Charlotte that suggests that both start as ways for the dudes to repress their feelings.

(Don't feel obligated to read all those posts if you don't want, you should get the gist of what I'm saying w/ those descriptions.)

But yeah basically I do think that Guts and Casca getting together felt forced and awkward. At best it might be intended to be seen that way, as two friends hooking up awkwardly in an emotionally intense moment but probably doomed to failure because neither of them are ready for a relationship with the other, or particularly interested in one deep down, once they finished "licking wounds." At worst it’s just bad writing lol. But again like I think there are good arguments for the former.

I also totally agree that their relationship has a strong vibe of doing what's expected. Like for real, at least to me both Guts and Casca read so easily as gay and repressed lol. Casca talks about her feelings for Griffith in terms of “he was a boy she was a girl can I make it any more obvious”

and I can’t help but see it as Casca like, wow I have strong feelings towards Griffith, he’s a man and I’m a woman, so clearly these feelings must be romantic, there’s no other option. Then when she has sex with Guts she keeps contextualizing it essentially as repayment for Guts saving her, like she owes him. “I too want a wound I can say you gave me.” “Not just being given to... maybe I can give something as well.” Which just doesn’t make her desire for him look all that genuine lol.

And then you have Guts. The way he tells Casca that from the start only her touch was okay with him after he has sex with her, referencing the scene when he wakes up with her on top of him and starts to panic before realizing she’s a woman, is soooo suggestive of repression to me. Like, first off because it’s incorrect, he was also okay with Griffith going in for a face-grab after winning a duel Guts had been projecting his rape trauma all over, which seems like a pretty conspicuous omission. And secondly because the reason he was okay with Casca’s touch specifically is solely because she’s a woman, not because she’s special or because they have a magic romantic connection - it’s because she’s not a man. To me that just screams that Guts was open to sex with Casca because she’s the only woman he knows, and he’s afraid of the idea of physical intimacy with men, regardless of what he might actually want deep down.

So yeah that’s basically how I feel about Guts and Casca’s relationship, strong agree with you.

When it comes to Miura’s intent, I can tell you that Miura was asked about the subtext in an interview once, back in 2000, and he responded with something along the lines of ‘two men can have passionate feelings for each other without it being romantic.’ The interview is here, but this is a paraphrase the translator mentioned in the comments.

Other than that I’ve never seen him address it directly, but on the flipside he has cited several textually gay stories as inspiration (off the top of my head: Kaze to Ki no Uta, Devilman, Guin Saga, mangaka Moto Hagio in general), and he has straightforwardly said that the (magical intersex) central character of his other work, Duranki, was intended to have romances with both male and female love interests. Also people tell me there are strong griffguts vibes with the main, presumably canon or intended-to-be-canon ship there. So there’s that lol.

As for the no homo aspect and the potential homophobia in the griffguts subtext... I can’t deny I’ve also considered the idea that it’s a deliberate anti-gay PSA (though I haven’t seen anyone else address the idea as far as I remember, and I’ve only briefly mentioned it offhandedly). Like, Guts and Griffith’s relationship turns bad because they’re both too invested in each other, maybe the barely-subtextual desire is meant to look like a sinister twisting of pure platonic feelings that ruins everything, if Griffith hadn’t loved him the Eclipse never would have happened, etc.

But honestly I don’t think that reading holds up compared to a much more positive reading of their feelings, in which it’s their failure to understand them and act on them, thanks largely to formative childhood trauma and self-hatred, that leads to tragedy.

I don’t know what Miura intended, and there certainly are aspects of the story that are homophobic regardless of his intent, even if my best-faith reading is entirely correct, like the only textual gay attraction being pedophiles and over the top heretic orgies lol, or yk, Guts and Griffith both assaulting the same woman while looking at/thinking about the other in a very sexually charged way.

But the reading of their relationship where it’s positive and good for both of them, even including sexual desire, and only gets fucked up because they both incorrectly think their feelings are unrequited is legitimately so weirdly strong, much stronger than a reading where the sexual nature of their feelings is what fucks everything up, so I’m pretty happy just rolling with that take.

And as much as Casca can be seen and may very well be intended as a no homo, it’s also very easy for me to read her relationships with both as less of a hopeful opportunity for positive heterosexual romance and more of a “here’s how repressing your feelings thru attempts at heterosexuality fucks you up” PSA lol. Griffith and Charlotte too, for that matter. It’s definitely a stretch to think that’s intended, but whether it’s intended or not it’s an easy sell for me and I’m fine with not really worrying too much about possible authorial intent there.

Finally, I also want to link this post that goes pretty thoroughly into why I interpret griffguts as very positive rather than as a cautionary tale or predatory gay lust etc

And also have this shorter post about Femto on the same subject too, why not

Oh and maybe this thing where I split hairs about Guts’ lust for Griffith and desire for revenge to make a point that the homoeroticism isn’t necessarily being equated with violence by the narrative lol

[putschki1969]

『Wakana Anime Classic 2021』 Tokyo ~ Live Commentary

9/4(Sat)@Kioi Hall <Day> Open14:00/Start15:00   ¥3,500 <Night> Open17:30/Start18:30 ¥3,500 Archive: ~September 11 e+「Streaming＋」：https://eplus.jp/wakana/st/ If you have the means, please be sure to buy tickets (available for purchase until September 11)! It is important that we support Wakana.

I have tickets for both the day as well as the evening performance and am planning to watch them live so as always, I will be posting my initial thoughts and impressions. I wonder if she will have any cool announcements for us today? Maybe a new release? It’s been a while T_T I wish she would land an anime tie-in gig! It would do wonders for her popularity [This post will be updated throughout the day]

•————— ♬ —————• 

1. Yasashisa ni Tsutsumareta Nara: Edit: Oh no, I actually missed this. THANK GOD I have a ticket for the evening performance as well (and there is an archive). Ughhh, why did I mess up the time?! I am stupid. 2. Kaze no Tani no Nausicaa (Day )/Kimi wo Nosete (Night): Phew, I almost missed the start.  Anyways, Wakana looks GORGEOUS. So far I am really liking the piano-violin-cello arrangement, thought it would feel a bit lacking compared to last year’s live but it really doesn’t. Great start!!! I don’t think she sang this in Osaka. MC: Introduction of musicians. 3. Inochi no Namae: *sobs* Was dying to hear this live, it’s so much better than expected. I am blown away. This hits me right in the feels. How is her voice always going straight to my heart??! Goosebumps every single time! 4. Kaze no Toorimichi: Her voice is a bit breathy here, I think she is choosing this style on purpose but I am not a particularly big fan of it. Ahhhh, Loving her “ooooh”s! For the evening portion she changed her singing style a bit so she sounds less breathy. I like it much more this way. 5. Kimi wo Nosete (Day) / Mononoke Hime (Night): I think her performance of Kimi wo Nosete is much better than back in December. Maybe it’s the arrangement which is a tad slower so Wakana isn’t as rushed, not sure. Either way, her vocals are so much stronger here, at least imo. Ah, I see, her night performance setlist seems to be pretty much identical to her Osaka setlist. Makes sense to have Kaze no Toorimichi and Mononoke Hime back to back. perfect combo. Also, so happy I get to hear it again. This is one of the very few old-school anisongs I actually know. And Wakana’s version is to die for!! The arrangement was also breathtaking. MC The first half of her concert is dedicated to Ghibli pieces. The next piece concludes this section. 6. Toki ni wa Mukashi no Hanashi wo: The high parts are flawless here, love them so much. Her “dokoka de” at the end was a bit sudden tho XD INTERMISSION (20 min): She wore the lacey white dress we have already seen in pictures for the first half with her hair down and wavy. For the second half her hair is in an elaborate ponytail and she has changed into a gorgeous blue gown with a sparkling waist belt. So pretty!

7. Rain: Not my favourite cover song of hers but a lovely performance nonetheless 8. When She Loved Me (Day) / Utautai no Ballad (Night): Ahhh, so happy to have this back again. Unfortunately though, this was a bit shaky at times. Liked her version in December better. Will have to rewatch later. Rewatching it right now, my initial reaction was a bit off, Wakana’s performance was actually really good, not sure why I didn’t like it in the beginning. During the evening performance she sang Utautai no Ballad which was beautiful. The arrangement isn’t as epic as the one with 1966 QUARTET but Wakana’s vocals are TOP NOTCH, much better than last year (she ran a bit out of breath back then). 9. Bokura no Natsu no Yume: I suspected she would sing this because it was also part of her Osaka setlist. I listened to the original which didn’t impress me much. Wakana’s version on the other hand is absolutely beautiful, perfect for her voice. Her” whoooo”s towards the end KILLED me! SP FREAKING GOOD!! MC: Talk about the rainy weather. After all, she is the bringer of rain XD 10. Get Wild: Will never get tired of this. Such a perfect song for Wakana, who would’ve thought? Poor baby, I think she stumbled over her lyrics a bit in the beginning. But she recovered quickly. 11. Kimi Wa Taiyo: Another cover I was expecting since it was also part of the Osaka setlist. Everyone is clapping along and having fun. Not a huge fan of the original song or Wakanas version...Wakana is obviously having a blast but meh, she doesn’t sound too good singing this. Already liking this a bit more now that I am listening to it a second time during the evening performance. It will not become my favourite Wakana-cover but it’s actually a lot of fun (similar to Country Road actually). MC: She wants to hold many more lives like this in the future. It’s already time for the final song before the encore. 12. Ai ni Dekiru Koto wa Mada Aru kai: Nailed it. Perfection. EN. 13. Yatsura no Ashioto no Ballad: Wakana is back on stage with Sin. Initially I didn’t really like this song but by now I am honestly in love with it. MC: She wants to think of us all while singing this and brings back all musicians for this final song. EN. 14. Country Road (Day) / Yume no Yukue (Night): Ohhhh, I didn’t expect  Country Road. Thought she would be singing “Yume no Yukue” from her album. Was so sad when last year the live stream didn’t include the encore so we weren’t able to hear Country Road and Magic Moment. So cute!!! I have never actually heard the Japanese version, so far I have only known the original English version but Wakana’s cover was so freaking adorable! Admittedly not her best vocal performance but she more than made up for it with cuteness. Such a feel-good song! During the night performance she did sing Yume no Yukue though (as expected). Always a pleasure to listen to this. MC: Wakana says she didn’t expect so many people to come to her live. Awww, I am so glad lots of fans showed up to support her even during these tough times. She briefly talked about her upcoming Billboard Lives but no new announcements :-(.

Summary: So for the day portion she sang ALL songs of her cover album with the exception of Yume no Yukue. In addition, she performed  Kaze no Tani no Nausicaa, Bokura no Natsu no Yume (Summer Wars), Kimi wa Taiyo (Oblivion Island: Haruka and the Magic Mirror), When She Loved Me (Toy Story 2) and Country Road (Whisper of the Heart). For the evening performance she dropped Kaze no Tani no Nausicaa and sang Mononoke Hime instead. When She Loved Me got replaced with Utautai no Ballad. Just like in Osaka, she finished he concert with Yume no Yukue.

[elpercotreviews]

Kaze Hikaru Ending

OBVIOUSLY SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

I AM WARNING YALL, THIS ENDING GENUINELY MADE ME DECIDE TO STOP READING THE MANGA, WHICH IVE READ FOR YEARS.

Okay so basically Imma put y'all onto some historical context first. If y'all didn't know already, Kaze Hikaru is based on real life people and real life historical events. The Shinsengumi were real and pretty much also every named character in the Shinsengumi in Kaze Hikaru is based off a real person. If you read the author's message that Watanabe-sensei leaves at the end of every volume, you can see that she cares a LOT about the historical accuracy.

And I was dreading that cuz ... if you know the history of the Bakumatsu era like I do ... then you know that pretty much everyone in the Shinsengumi dies in some tragic way (except Saito apparently IRL he lived to old age and all that).

Soooo unfortunately of course this applies to our loveable and amazing male lead as well, Okita Souji. Historically, he gets sick and dies of tuberculosis, unable to fight alongside Hijikata and the last remnants of the Shinsengumi during the Boshin War. Like I said, this is all REAL LIFE HISTORY, so if you want "spoilers" about the actual overall events and plot of Kaze Hikaru just go onto Wikipedia and whatnot and research the Bakumatsu era and the Shinsengumi lolol. Because like I said, the mangaka put a LOT of research and effort to be historically accurate. Even about mundane things like the architecture of the buildings, the lamps they're using, the language, all of it.

LAST WARNING FOR THE ACTUAL MANGA ITSELF THOUGH

But since Kaze Hikaru is a SHOUJO and a historical ROMANCE, as I kept reading and translating the manga I was like, "No way they'd actually kill off Souji right? RIGHT?! Like maybe yeah he'll get tuberculosis but somehow he'll survive it right and just have a happy ending with Sei right? RIGHT?!" WELL FUCK ME AND FUCK ALL OF US ENGLISH READERS CUZ NO THATS DEAD WRONG. THATS RIGHT HE DOES DIE. And it's in such a sad and depressing way too like wtfff, I did not want to read a shoujo to just witness our beloved main lead die in such a slow and painful way and our female lead just so heartbroken.

And get this. This the real kicker in the balls. Lemme preface this by saying I didn't actually read the last chapter. I literally couldn't find it anywhere online, even in Japanese. I searched a long time but yeah no one has uploaded the last chapter, illegally or otherwise. But what I DID find were a LOT of amazon reviews about the ending because clearly people had a lot to say about it. That's why I know the GIST of what the ending is. So I can't give anymore details than what I know okay. Read my "Discontinuing Scanlations" post, and you'll see I already admitted to this. So yeah, the way the manga ends ends is basically yeah Souji dies and .... Sei has a kid with Hijikata???????????? And a lot of the reviews were saying something about it being sus and like dubious consent/maybe even rape????? Idk I'm not that fluent so I couldn't really tell if people were saying it "felt" like a rape or "was" a rape, BUT STILL WTF.

YOU HEARD ME YALL. IM LITERALLY NOT FUCKING WITH YALL, THATS WHAT HAPPENS. I AM DEAD SERIOUS.

I was so genuinely shook and distraught and lemme say THE JAPANESE READERS WERE SHOOKETH TOO. LIKE THE AMOUNT OF REVIEWS OF JAPANESE PEOPLE EQUALLY GOING "BUT WHY THO???" The amount of reviews that were like "I read this manga from start to finish for 20 years ... what a disappointment." LIKE AHHHHHHH. The Japanese reviews all seemed to agree that Sei having a kid with Hijikata was just so damn random and nonsensical, especially taking in the fact that Hijikata always had a neutral/tolerant attitude towards Sei, and no romantic feelings. People also pointed out that Sei having a kid and just going back to being a woman and all that COMPLETELY didn't align with the story's message about Sei being strong and bushi and rejecting her feminine side for something she saw as a higher purpose.

One review deadass said something like "Maybe it would've been better if Sei just died after Okita did." LIKE FR THOUGH ☠️☠️☠️

Back when I first wrote my "Discontinuing Scanlations" posts, reviews were more split 50/50 if the ending was good or not. But after rechecking today so I could write this post, it's like majority bad reviews now lolol. People were that disappointed and upset by the ending and yeah same.

SO THERE. YALL GOT ME TO CAVE AND REVEAL WHAT THE ENDING PRETTY MUCH IS. If your Japanese is a lot more fluent than me/you wait another decade, then you'll get a more detailed understanding of the ending, but like I said that's the basic gist of what happens and what all the Japanese readers were upset about. So yeah, LET KAZE HIKARU DIE IN MY MIND IM OVER IT 😭

[dorianbrightmusic]

Rapidly Scrawled Late-Night Yugioh Headcanon

DISCLAIMER: I don't have depression myself, nor ADHD—while I've tried to write this based on research, observation of friends, and other experiences of mental illness, I understand that it may not be an accurate portrayal of either in the least. Thus, if these headcanons cause you any upset or offence, please DM me at once, and I'll remove this post right away.

So in the YGO anime, even as Ryou tries to get rid of the Millennium Ring, the damn thing keeps reappearing on them. No such explanation is given in the manga... well, hold my chai tea, and take this slightly weirder, non-supernatural explanation:

Yugi's in-school friendship group is where most of the kids who are somehow LGBTQIA+, neurodivergent, mentally ill, or some combination of the above tend to flock. It's not that they're searching for these things in each other—rather, they all feel a sense of isolation, and seek out those who might understand them. Between the Ceremonial Battle and DSOD, Yugi received an ADHD-Inattentive diagnosis, which cleared up plenty of his tendencies to hyperfocus and/or zone out; when he told Jōnouchi about the condition, Jōnouchi also went for assessments, and came back explaining some of his thought patterns as ADHD-Hyperactive. Anzu's not only the token woman in the group, but the token straight—Yugi's open, unjudgemental nature means that it's fairly easy for others to admit to things that would have otherwise had them marginalised in 90s Japan (e.g. Tristan being gay, Atem being a masc-leaning enby).

Ryou wasn't particularly concerned about their gender or sexuality (sometime in the late 2000s, they would have realised that they were nb, but that's for another day), but did have worries related to mental health. Following a period of grief over their mother and sister's death, they'd spent much of their childhood in an emotionally numb state, not sad so much as perpetually exhausted to the point of registering very little joy or hope. Their father noticed, and had them taken to a doctor, who tried to explain to little Ryou that he had kokoro no kaze—Major Depressive Disorder. Ryou simply nodded, unsure whether to be distraught or unsurprised with this information. When he obtained the Millennium Ring, however, they found that wearing it caused a powerful surge of emotion in them—and whenever Yami Bakura took over, the spirit would see the world in blazing technicolour. Even the fear that coursed through them was better than the terrible emptiness and lethargy that came before. So whenever they removed the Ring, on long, sleepless nights, they'd find themself chasing back after it, and plunging back over their neck, desperate to feel something, anything once again.

[kazetokinouta-a]

Informations about “The Dove of Hapiness”/ Kazeki short sequel

Recently, I have discovered that “Kaze to Ki no Uta” has a short sequel besides Agnus Dei.

  Koufuku no Hato ( 幸福の鳩 )or The Dove of Hapiness is a a short sequel which was published seven years later after Kazeki was written (1991). this story doesn't have a manga of its own, It was published in the Umi no Tenshi Artbook, here is the cover:

The Dove of Hapiness was published in  Nov 30, 1991; with just one chapter.

 The main characters of this story are Jules and Rosemariné. Serge, Patricia and others appear as secondary characters. Everything happens in 1886, three years after Gilbert’s death, and tells what happened to the other characters (like Carl and Pascal) and about the past of Rosemariné and Jules.

This little story clarifies some information that was not revealed in the main series. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the Japanese scans of this manga, and all the websites I searched for it had a download link, but the link was disabled.

 I only found out the dialogue’s translation without the images,  but it is possible to understand the story only through dialogues.

Here is the link to read the translation: https://clockworkwings.livejournal.com/225189.html

As far as I could understand, Jules narrates most of the events, but some thoughts and Rosemariné's point of view are shown. It is worth reading, especially if you want to know more about what happened to the secondary characters and get interested in the strange and affectionate relationship between Rosemariné and Jules.

Just letting you know that this story contains spoilers, so I recommend you finish reading Kazeki before you start reading The Dove of Hapiness.

I hope this post helped to spread the information, since even I did not know the existence of this story. The links of the sites that I found the information will be at the end of the post.

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Spoiler alert ~ if you haven't read the story yet, skip to the end of the post

My short analysis of the history:

I found it interesting that Takemiya-San wrote another sequel to the main series, perhaps she acknowledged the fact that the secondary characters gained as much recognition as the main ones.

Again, she used the same technique of breaking the reader's expectations at the end of the story, frustrating those who hoped that Rosemariné and Jules would reveal their feelings for each other. It is sad to know that the two left after they graduated, and that Serge and the other boys are also not as close as before.

The cruelest fact of the story is that Auguste's redemption arc did not happen, he simply stopped supporting the school financially, just helping Jules until he graduated from college.

Perhaps the phrase that most summarizes Kazeki is: no matter how much you want, sometimes there are no happy endings.

One thing caught my attention, Rosemariné's thoughts suggest that he has feelings for Jules, but he just doesn't reveal it and remains as cold as he always is. We are used to seeing Jules feeling admiration and other things for Arion, but not vice versa, I found that interesting.

It is beautiful to see that since they were children, the two were inseparable and always took care of each other, even if they did not show it explicitly. Jules used to say that he was close to Rosemariné because of his financial support, but this story proves the opposite, especially when he thinks about how his future bride looks like Arion.

It was like Serge marrying Irene because she looks like Gilbert, it seems that it is a characteristic of Takemiya to make her characters marry female versions of the people they really love.

And in the end, when we finally believe that they can be together or at least reconnect, our expectations are shattered and we remember the tragic end of most characters. Apparently, none of them reached true happiness, some just ended up less worse.

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Thanks to everyone who read, if anyone has any more information, such as a link to download the manga or any curiosity, you can comment or send a message.

Links:

https://windandtrees.livejournal.com/

https://fuckyeahtakemiya.tumblr.com/post/7160958998/kaze-to-ki-no-uta-dove-of-happiness-translation

https://myanimelist.net/manga/15458/Koufuku_no_Hato

[omoi-no-hoka]

Hi, guys! Sorry for the rather long hiatus. Work is still...soul-consuming haha. But I wanted to make a post about one of my favorite Japanese artists and this really cool song he released a little bit ago! All of his songs just got added to Spotify finally yesterday!

His name is 米津玄師 Yonezu Kenshi, and he is amazing. He started out making Vocaloid music under the name Hachi, in which he programmed all of the instruments and vocals. Now he mostly does music with his own vocals, and he writes and produces all of it. He also used to do all the illustrations for his music videos, and he does the cover art for his albums! I’m always swept away by his creativity and the poetry in his lyrics.

And you know how big a nerd I am about words, so here’s my English translation of my favorite song from his latest album. The song is called ひまわり Himawari (Sunflower).

This is a bit long, so I’ll put a “Read More” thing here. If you open the whole post, you’ll see my translation, and also a breakdown of my favorite kanji and words he uses. Hope you enjoy!

I hope that everyone studying Japanese can take a look at these lyrics, my notes on them, and see that even just listening actively to music can be a good way to study. 💗

ひまわり　Himawari　Sunflower

悲しくって　蹴飛ばした　地面を強く Kanashikutte kettobashita jimen wo tsuyoku Sorrowful, the ground I had sprung away from 跳ねっ返る　光に指を立てて Hanekkaeru hikari ni yubi wo tatete pulled me back strongly. I raised my finger to the light 愛したくて　噛み付いた　喉笛深く aishitakute kamitsuita nodobue fukaku Longingly, biting down on your lips and whistling deeply その様が　あんまりに美しくてさあ Sono sama ga anmari ni utsukushikute saa That visage is simply too beautiful 舌を打って　曠野の中　風に抗い Shita wo utte, kouya no naka kaze ni aragai Click your tongue, defy the wind of this wasteland 夜もすがら　嗄れた産声で歌う yo mo sugara shagareta ubugoe de utau Sing in the hoarse cries of a newborn through the night 遠く遠く見据えていた　凍て星の先まで tooku tooku misuete ita ite hoshi no saki made Shine the light of your bruised heart 痣だらけの心　輝かせて aza darake no kokoro kagayakasete all the way past that frozen star far, far in the distance その姿をいつだって　僕は追いかけていたんだ sono sugata wo itsudatte boku ha oikakete itan da That silhouette, I had always been chasing it. 転がるように線を貫いて　突き刺していく切っ先を korogaru you ni sen wo tsuranuite tukisashite iku kissaki wo I pierced through those stabbing blades as though I were falling 日陰に咲いたひまわりが　今も夏を待っている hikage ni saita himarwari ga ima mo natsu wo matte iru The sunflower blooming in the shade is still waiting for summer 人いきれを裂いて笑ってくれ　僕の奥でもう一度 hito ikire wo saite waratte kure boku no oku de mou ichido Break through that stifling air and laugh for me, deep within me, once more 消し飛べ　散弾銃をぶち抜け　明日へ keshitobe sandanjuu wo buchinuke ashita he Erase it all and fly, fire the shotgun into tomorrow 吐き出せ　北極星へ舵取れ　その手で hakidase hokkyokusei he kaji tore sono te de Get it all out, take the oar to the North Star into your own hands 傷ついて　静脈を不意に巡るエレキ kizutsuite joumyaku wo fui ni meguru ereki Wounded, electricity flows unexpectedly in the veins 掻き毟って　吹き荒び　鳴る哀歌 kakimusshite fukisusabi naru erejii Rip it away, rage upon it, let this elegy ring out 聴こえているあの時から　少しも絶えぬまま kikoeteiru ano toki kara sukoshi mo todaenu mama It never dies down, not even the slightest, from the time I first could hear it 震えるほど全て　消えないぜ furueru hodo subete kienaize It won’t go away, to the point that I’m trembling その姿がいつだって　僕を映し出していた sono sugata ga itsudatte boku wo utsushidashite ita That silhouette, it was always reflecting me もしも同じ街で生まれたら　君のようになれたかな moshimo onaji machi de umaretara kimi no you ni nareta kana If we had been born in the same town, could I have become like you? 日陰に咲いたひまわりが　今も海を見つめてる hikage ni saita himawari ga ima mo umi wo mitsumeteru The sunflower blooming in the shade is still watching the ocean. 聴こえるなら強く叫んでくれ　僕の名をもう一度 kikoeru nara tsuyoku sakende kure boku no na wo mou ichido If you can hear me, scream my name one more time. 鳴き声　かんかん照りの街路で　佗び戯れ nakigoe kankan teri no kairou de wabizare A cry on a sweltering city street, raise a lonely clamor 解き放て　乱反射して遠くへ　鳴り響け tokihanate ranhansha shite tooku he narihibike Let it out, that bent refraction that echoes far into the distance その姿をいつだって　僕は追いかけていたんだ sono sugata wo itsudatte boku ha oikakete itan da That silhouette, I had always been chasing it. 転がるように線を貫いて　突き刺していく切っ先を korogaru you ni sen wo tsuranuite tukisashite iku kissaki wo I pierced through those stabbing blades as though I were falling 日陰に咲いたひまわりが　今も夏を待っている hikage ni saita himarwari ga ima mo natsu wo matte iru The sunflower blooming in the shade is still waiting for summer 人いきれを裂いて笑ってくれ　僕の奥でもう一度 hito ikire wo saite waratte kure boku no oku de mou ichido Break through that stifling air and laugh for me, deep within me, once more 消し飛べ　散弾銃をぶち抜け　明日へ keshitobe sandanjuu wo buchinuke ashita he Erase it all and fly, fire the shotgun into tomorrow 吐き出せ　北極星へ舵取れ　その手で hakidase hokkyokusei he kaji tore sono te de Get it all out, take the oar to the North Star into your own hands 

A Quick Note on Translating Lyrics

I’ve got to say that it’s really hard to translate song lyrics haha. Sometimes the word order is so different between Japanese and English that I have to swap the lyrics. 

遠く遠く見据えていた　凍て星の先まで tooku tooku misuete ita ite hoshi no saki made Shine the light of your bruised heart 痣だらけの心　輝かせて aza darake no kokoro kagayakasete all the way past that frozen star far, far in the distance

The Japanese is actually in reverse order of the English here. Technically, a very direct translation would be “All the way past that frozen star far, far in the distance, shine the light of your bruised heart.” 

Interesting Words

舌を打って shita wo utte click your tongue

In Japanese culture, doing that “tch!” sound by clicking your tongue is rude. It shows that you are impatient, irritated, or frustrated. Many English speakers click their tongue when they’ve been asked a question and need to think about it. If you are a tongue clicker and you go to Japan, try to curb the habit!

The full lyrics here are: “Click your tongue, defy the wind of this wasteland.”

So this really expresses the pent-up frustration and anger in this person.

嗄れた shagareta, kareta hoarse

What I love about this word is the kanji and its radicals. We have 口 (mouth) and 夏 (summer) put into one kanji. Can you imagine what it would be like if all the heat and dryness of summer was in your mouth and throat, and how hoarse and miserable you would feel? What a cool kanji! (Note: this is a very low frequency kanji.)

切っ先 kissaki point (of a sword, etc.)​; pointed verbal attack

I had a hard time translating this line for a lot of reasons, but in particular I wasn’t sure whether this kissaki was a sword or a verbal attack. I can only assume that because this song talks about crying out and singing so much that it must be the verbal meaning, but Yonezu uses many metaphors so I could also see it being blades. 

人いきれ hito ikire body heat from several people in close quarters; stuffy air

This was a new word for me. Again, I found myself unsure of which meaning to use when I translated it. I went for the “stuffy air” meaning in the end because it was more succinct, but I imagine that Yonezu was probably imagining the former meaning, because he mentions streets and cities, which I imagine to be crowded. He’s also asking a person he’s lost to call out, and perhaps they are lost in a metaphorical sea of people. Then again, summer imagery is strong in this song as well. His word choice is just so GOOD. I wish he’d marry me. 

散弾銃をぶち抜け　明日へ sandanjuu wo buchinuke ashita he fire the shotgun into tomorrow

This evokes much more beautiful imagery in Japanese. The kanji for “shotgun” are 散弾銃 (sandanjuu). 散 means “to scatter” or “to spread,” like fallen cherry blossom petals scatter in a gust of wind. So rather than evoking the image of someone pulling a trigger, it evokes the image of the pellets scattering into the air like fireworks or petals almost. 

北極星へ舵取れ　その手で Hokkyokusei he kaji tore sono te de Take the oar to the North Star into your own hands

Ahhhh this is just so freaking pretty. “Take the oar to to the North Star into your own hands.” In other words, determine your own fate, take charge of your life. I just love the “oar” here.

吹き荒び fukisusabi to blow fiercely; to rage, to play (a flute, etc.) for fun

Again, I wasn’t sure how to interpret this line because of the multiple meanings woven into this word. Japanese is SO. COOL. you guys.

哀歌 aika lament (song); elegy; dirge; sad song

My man Yonezu out here bein tricky. Though the official lyrics use the kanji 哀歌, he actually sings this as エレジー (elegy). And that rhymes with the last word of the previous line, エレキ (ereki). Typically, Japanese songwriters tend not to think too much about rhyming. In fact, in Japanese in general, rhyming isn’t thought of as frequently as it is in English. So the fact that Yonezu used this interesting play on words with 哀歌 was pretty cool to me.

震えるほど全て　消えないぜ furueru hodo subete kienai ze It won’t go away, to the point that I’m trembling

I just didn’t have a way to translate the feelings in the ぜ here. “Ze” is a sentence-ending particle that usually shows a person’s confidence. So for him to use it here as he describes himself trembling, is like he’s putting on a front of confidence when really he’s deeply troubled. 

佗び戯れ wabizare ???????

This was my favorite word in the song, and also the hardest one to translate! It doesn’t appear to be a real word in the dictionary, but it’s an imperative made of two different words: 侘び and 戯れ.

Have you ever heard of the term “wabi” or “wabisabi?” It’s this concept of Japanese culture and aesthetics that focuses on the beauty of impermanence and solitude, and an appreciation for the sorrow that comes with the transience.

To look up the definition of “wabi,” it means “taste for the simple and quiet; rustic simplicity; austere refinement; wabi​,” or “enjoyment of a quiet life.”

But to look up the kanji of wabi (侘), we learn that it means “proud, lonely.”

So this is a very nuanced word! I think that the “wabi” of our word “wabizare” is meant to conjure the meaning of the kanji wabi, “proud, lonely.”

Now, 戯. Zare means “pleasantry; joke; tomfoolery​.” There is also a word 戯言 zaregoto, which means “nonsense” or “wishful thinking bordering on nonsense.” I imagine that when Yonezu created this word  佗び戯れ wabizare, he wanted to combine the “proud and lonely” with “wishful thinking bordering on nonsense.” 

鳴き声　かんかん照りの街路で　佗び戯れ nakigoe kankan teri no kairou de wabizare A cry on a sweltering city street, raise a lonely clamor

In other words, he’s asking this person to call out to him, but he knows that they are far away, too far for him to hear. He wants them to give out a cry, one that will sound as lonely as it does nonsensical because there is no way it will reach him.

Uh... What Does This Song Actually Mean?

Disclaimer: This is entirely my own opinion and it could be totally wrong! I always believe that everyone can interpret any piece of art how they like.

The tricky thing about Japanese is that you can omit subjects, and Yonezu does that a lot. So unless there’s an imperative or a use of pronouns, I’m not sure which line is about whom. 

But basically, I think that there was this beautiful person that the singer came to know, someone that they loved and admired. But that person fell into a very dark, hopeless situation. They are “a sunflower blooming in the shade, waiting for summer,” and the singer wants that person to reach out to him. “If you can hear me, scream my name one more time. A cry on a sweltering city street, raise a lonely clamor.” 

The chorus is all imperatives, telling the person to leap into tomorrow, to get it all out, to take the oars into their own hands and head for the North Star. 

I think that this song is all about the singer wanting to help a person they care deeply for, and imploring that person to take action rather than suffer passively.

The End!

I hope that you guys liked this post and that maybe you learned some new words and even found a new artist you love! 

Would people like to see more lyrics translations? They’re kinda fun!

[kazeofthemagun]

[Ahh how long has it been since I posted sad headcanons - ]

Kaze's trauma, mental illness, and coping mechanisms

[As we know he's been through so much during his life, even before the destruction of Windaria at the hands of Chaos. Of course, he was attached to his world - who wouldn't be? It was all he ever knew, the only reality he had - but his story had been a tragic tale from the very start. Born a freak, he was shunned by society, until an opportunity arose to prove himself to a recruiting Wind Warrior and become a trainee. Thanks to his natural talent and affinity for magic, he rose from a lowly soldier to a summoner apprentice - and eventually, prodigy that he was, leader of his clan, Wind Warrior general and the chosen of Magun.]

[What are the factors that shape his personality, and cause him to act as strangely as he does? What is the long tale and damage of the human-Weapon hybrid that is the man known as Black Wind?]

[The love present in his life had always been conditional. Black Wind never knew his parents, his caretaker died when he was very young and he spent a good portion of his childhood battling for survival on the streets in one of the lower desert cities. His environment was hostile - not only due to the fact he was an orphan, but also since his hair color was thought to be cursed and indicative of a harbinger of future disaster. Kaze had always been proud and defiant, and his current hairstyle results from the fact he never chose to cut his hair in defiance of the ridiculous fairy tale (which turned out to be, ironically, correct) The fact of him being accepted by the Wind Warrior caste was solely due to his natural ability and grit - his new family was one of fighters who tolerated no weakness. As such, Kaze has been taught (and forced) to keep all of his feelings to himself, all his life. Never once was he allowed to cry openly - until he met Aura, with whom he developed a deep bond. As life seemed to loathe Kaze, their relationship turned out wrong as they discovered they were, in fact, siblings. Their bond was reshaped into a familial one, and miraculously strengthened, for they both had seen the ugly side of fate. Aura - and to a lesser extent Moogle Kupo, his Soil Missionary partner (who trained under Kaze, therefore was less likely at first) - were the only people to see the more vulnerable side of the Unlimited.]

[Black Wind is by nature an ambitious person. Without ambition (and ironically, considering his generally unlucky life, unparalleled luck), he would never have been able to pull himself up by his bootstraps and secure the position he held in the Warriors caste. Eventually, he was selected to wield the Magun, which brought with it the breaking of a promise he had made to Aura to continue to live peacefully together, and extreme guilt. As the champion of the Gun Beast, he was further dehumanized. Some sort of sacred idol of summoners, there was no place to express human flaws or weakness. Not like there had ever been any socially acceptable way to do so in the first place.]

[The destruction of Windaria was his greatest failure. Even with the power of the Magun, he could not stop Chaos. Having lost everything he loved, he became even more bitter, and most of what fuels him is spite and rage. This brings us to actually discussing Kaze's mental illness and coping mechanisms. How does a man this thoroughly broken handle his newly acquired quest, when any normal person's life would have ended during the events that transpired?]

[It is difficult to discuss "neurodivergency" in what is essentially an alien race and culture that appears human, but due to both genetic and environmental factors, he is extremely emotionally isolated, unused to casual friendship and, taking into account his history, uncomfortable and distrustful around people in general. This manifests in the guarded persona he exhibits and a refusal to disclose seemingly any details about himself. Even during his time with the Wind Warriors, Kaze was particularly reserved, with Moogle Kupo often acting as his diplomatic voice whenever he lacked the patience to deal with others.]

[The Wind cult's culture abhorred weakness. The only instances where Kaze was ever able to vent in any capacity was with Aura - and it was understandably difficult to a man who could never do so before. With her, he experienced the beginning of a healing that was cruelly ripped away when Chaos descended. As the Unlimited Demon Gunman especially, he exhibits less and less outward emotion and actively dehumanizes himself. Kaze believes himself to be the Weapon and his old persona to be secondary to his calling. As such, he rarely speaks of anything to do with his past and guards any semblance of vulnerability fiercely.]

[He does not want to believe that the Weapon that he is can be capable of breaking and failing emotionally, for it is still partially human. This has caused him to develop unhealthy coping mechanisms.]

[Kaze suffers from bouts of dissociation and derealization tied to his PTSD, as well as the occasional psychotic breakdowns that manifest in vivid hallucinations. He is unable to receive treatment for various reasons, and medication is unlikely to stay and work in his altered blood (not that he would agree to take any.) He is still unable to properly unpack his trauma and express his emotions - during his breakdowns, caused sometimes by specific triggers (hand holding and blue flowers of a certain shape, especially bioluminescent) he may cry and act erratically, or shut down completely. When the episode ends, he seems not to remember it occurring or remembers it very hazily. This is because Kaze actively represses his human weakness and rejects it as something he is allowed to express outwardly. Even as a Soil mage, who understands emotion as part of spiritual flow of nature, he feels trapped in his own mind, wounded by his upbringing and Chaos alike.]

[Kaze is very mentally ill and won't speak of it. He harbors a great deal of negative emotion which fuels Chaos, which causes him to loathe his predicament and perpetuates the downward spiral. Fearing the possibility of being possessed by Chaos once again, he suffers visions of the blue flowers of Gaudium growing inside his body and feasting on his own hatred. As an extremely tormented soul, he focuses his toxicity on White Cloud even as they work together. He is angry, difficult, and distant, but ultimately tries to be a good person. He wishes for nothing more than to overcome the Chaos within, but being unable to, he settles for weaponizing his rage instead the best he can. In the end, he's locked in a self-perpetuating nightmare without escape. Even though there may be no escape from his fate, there is still a possibility of healing and improvement, but achieving such is a long and rocky road that he is afraid to travel. He has more important things to do, after all - hunting Chaos.]

[somegirlsnerdywords2]

Anime i’ve Watched

That begin with a K (Part 2)!

Yep this is how i’m going to bring over all the anime and manga i’ve watched and posted about on the old blog. It’s not so detailed but it will have to do. Anything new I watch or read from this point on will have their own posts.

Karneval

Genres: action, fantasy, josei, mystery, sci-fi

Synopsis:  While in search of his precious friend, a young boy named Nai falls captive to a beautiful woman, whose looks are matched only by her taste for human flesh. Meanwhile Gareki, a clever thief, is in the midst of robbing her luxurious home. After causing a distraction, Gareki agrees to help Nai escape, but they are discovered upon the woman's return. As she transforms into a ghoulish monster, the boys flee. On the run, Nai and Gareki are found by "Circus," a government defense agency that deals with criminal activity too difficult for the police to handle and protects civilians from "varuga"—terrible monsters that devour humans for sustenance. In the hope that it will lead Nai to his missing friend, he and Gareki decide to join Circus. On their perilous journey, they face dangerous varuga and begin to uncover the secrets behind a shadowy organization known as Kafka. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 7/10

Finished airing in 2013 with a total of 13 episodes. 

My Thoughts: Love the character design and I was interested in the story but the series is far too short. I’d suggest you go read the manga (which is farther along) but it’s rarely updated so I can’t confidently say it’s worth the read. Your choice is read/ watch this and suffer alongside me with the lack of updates or erase its existence from your mind. Your call! 

Kaze ga Tsuyoku Fuiteiru (Run with the Wind)

Genres: comedy, sports, drama

Synopsis:  Former ace runner of Sendai Josei High School, Kakeru Kurahara is chased away from a convenience store for shoplifting. Shaking off his pursuer, he runs into Haiji Kiyose, another student from his university. Haiji is impressed by Kakeru's agility and persuades him to live in Chikusei-sou, the run-down apartment where Haiji resides along with eight other students. Having lost his entire apartment deposit at a mahjong parlor, Kakeru accepts the offer reluctantly. However, Haiji reveals a secret during Kakeru's welcoming party: the apartment is actually the dormitory of the Kansei University Track Club. He unveils his ultimate goal of participating in the Hakone Ekiden—one of the most prominent university marathon relay races in Japan. Unfortunately, all the residents apart from Haiji and Kakeru are complete running novices. Worse still, none of the inhabitants are even remotely interested in being involved with Haiji's ridiculous plan! With only months before the deadline, will the fourth-year student be able to convince them otherwise and realize his elusive dream of running in the Hakone Ekiden? [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 10/10

Finished airing in 2019 with a total of 23 episodes. 

My Thoughts: This was a masterpiece in my opinion, an anime I won’t soon forget and one of the best of its season without a doubt! Good stuff right here and not in a high school setting which is a change of pace for a sports anime! A very satisfying anime that I highly recommend. 

Kaze Tachinu (The Wind Rises)

Genres: drama, historical, romance, film

Synopsis: Although Jirou Horikoshi's nearsightedness prevents him from ever becoming a pilot, he leaves his hometown to study aeronautical engineering at Tokyo Imperial University for one simple purpose: to design and build planes just like his hero, Italian aircraft pioneer Giovanni Battista Caproni. His arrival in the capital coincides with the Great Kanto Earthquake of 1923, during which he saves a maid serving the family of a young girl named Naoko Satomi; this disastrous event marks the beginning of over two decades of social unrest and malaise leading up to Japan's eventual surrender in World War II. For Jirou, the years leading up to the production of his infamous Mitsubishi A6M Zero fighter aircraft will test every fiber of his being. From witnessing firsthand the growing antisemitism in Germany to fatefully reuniting with Naoko at a summer resort, his many travels and life experiences only urge him onward⁠—even as he realizes both the role of his creations in the war and the reality of the waning health of his beloved. As time marches on, he must confront an impossible question: at what cost does he chase his beautiful dream? [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 8/10

A film released in 2013

My Thoughts: Beautiful and dreamy but not one of my favourite anime films unfortunately. Still very good though!

Kekkai Sensen

Genres: action, comedy, superpower, supernatural, vampire, fantasy, shounen

Synopsis:  Supersonic monkeys, vampires, talking fishmen, and all sorts of different supernatural monsters living alongside humans—this has been part of daily life in Hellsalem's Lot, formerly known as New York City, for some time now. When a gateway between Earth and the Beyond opened three years ago, New Yorkers and creatures from the other dimension alike were trapped in an impenetrable bubble and were forced to live together. Libra is a secret organization composed of eccentrics and superhumans, tasked with keeping order in the city and making sure that chaos doesn't spread to the rest of the world. Pursuing photography as a hobby, Leonardo Watch is living a normal life with his parents and sister. But when he obtains the "All-seeing Eyes of the Gods" at the expense of his sister's eyesight, he goes to Hellsalem's Lot in order to help her by finding answers about the mysterious powers he received. He soon runs into Libra, and when Leo unexpectedly joins their ranks, he gets more than what he bargained for. Kekkai Sensen follows Leo's misadventures in the strangest place on Earth with his equally strange comrades—as the ordinary boy unwittingly sees his life take a turn for the extraordinary. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 8/10

Finished airing in 2015 with a total of 12 episodes. 

My Thoughts: I recall this terribly sad episode that was an absolute masterpiece but to be honest the rest of the series didn’t leave much of an impression on me. I didn’t even bother watching the second season when it came out. Do what you will with that information.

Kenka Banchou Otome: Girl Beats Boys

Genres: action, martial arts, school, shoujo, TV short

Synopsis:  Kenka Banchou Otome - Girl Beats Boys, Hinako Nakayama has spent all of her life being raised in state-run orphanages, without ever knowing her family. As she's about to enter high school, Hinako is approached by Hikaru, a boy who claims to be her twin brother. According to Hikaru, Hikaru and Hinako are the children of the head of the powerful Onigashima yakuza family, and Hikaru wants Hinako to switches places with him at Shishiku Academy, an all-boys school overrun with the nation's toughest delinquents. Can Hinako save her brother, find romance, and become the new boss of the school? (Source: Crunchyroll)

My Rating: 7/10

Finished airing in 2017 with a total of 12 episodes. 

My Thoughts: Reverse harem style, tv short with a tomboy female lead. Not really long enough to leave much of an impression but fun enough if you have some time to waste. Surprisingly great art/ animation.

Keppeki Danshi! Aoyama-kun

Genres: comedy, seinen, sports

Synopsis:  He is charming, cool, athletic, a good cook, but more importantly, he's a clean freak. Aoyama is idolized and respected by everyone, but they can only admire him from afar due to his mysophobia. Despite that, he plays soccer—a rather dirty sport! As the playmaker for Fujimi High School's soccer club, Aoyama avoids physical contact at all cost and cleanly dribbles toward victory. However, the path to Nationals will not be easy for Fujimi's underdog team. But alongside striker Kaoru Zaizen, Aoyama will show everyone that even as a clean freak, there are things he's willing to get dirty for. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 7/10

Finished airing in 2017 with a total of 12 episodes. 

My Thoughts: comical with what I recall to be very little focus on the actual playing of sports which is a bummer if that’s what you’re looking for. It was alright but there are definitely better comedy (and for sure sports) anime's out there! 

Kill la Kill

Genres: action, comedy, superpower, school

Synopsis:  After the murder of her father, Ryuuko Matoi has been wandering the land in search of his killer. Following her only lead—the missing half of his invention, the Scissor Blade—she arrives at the prestigious Honnouji Academy, a high school unlike any other. The academy is ruled by the imposing and cold-hearted student council president Satsuki Kiryuuin alongside her powerful underlings, the Elite Four. In the school's brutally competitive hierarchy, Satsuki bestows upon those at the top special clothes called "Goku Uniforms," which grant the wearer unique superhuman abilities. Thoroughly beaten in a fight against one of the students in uniform, Ryuuko retreats to her razed home where she stumbles across Senketsu, a rare and sentient "Kamui," or God Clothes. After coming into contact with Ryuuko's blood, Senketsu awakens, latching onto her and providing her with immense power. Now, armed with Senketsu and the Scissor Blade, Ryuuko makes a stand against the Elite Four, hoping to reach Satsuki and uncover the culprit behind her father's murder once and for all. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9/10

Finished airing in 2014 with a total of 24 episodes. 

My Thoughts: One of my top three favourite anime's of all time despite my not giving it a perfect score and the sole reason i’m such a Trigger fangirl despite the way they continue to disappoint me with each and every new release... Highly recommend! Fair warning there’s plenty of skimpy outfits and fan service which may turn some off but if you can get past it this really is an anime worth checking out. Great story, characters, music and style! A chaotic feast for the eyes and ears! I really should rewatch it... 

[dark-chibidragoness]

Alright, Here’s my Ballot in it’s entirety. All 7 votes and 7 Characters that I voted for who I like. 

1-Hrid: Okay, I love Hrid and I’m sad that we’ve haven’t seen any version of him since the second NY’s Banner with him on it. And his sister’s have gotten alts after that! (Bride!Fjorm, Summer!Gunnthra and Summer! Ylgr.) And even the Muspell sisters have gotten alt’s since then, too! They have summer versions and Laevatein just got a Ninja alt! WTH.  

I hate it. I want more Hrid. I want another Helbindi. Give my boys more alts than just one!(Not counting their base forms as alts)

He hasn’t even been in any Forging bonds or ANYTHING and his sisters have been in them. Well, Fjorm and Ylgr at least I don’t know about Gunnthra.

And i’m not hating on the girl characters, I like Fjorm and Ylgr and all them I just wish IS would give the guys more love instead of focusing on giving the girls all of the alts. 

They’re all Simps. That’s what they are. SIMPS.  

I have a lot I want to say about Hrid but this will be VERY long and I don’t want it to be longer than It’s going to be. So..moving on for now...

2-Marth: Really, The only reason I voted for marth is because he’s been down in 3rd for the past few years and I really want to see him get his Brave Alt finally.

And then he’ll be out of the Options for Brave units and there can be a lot of other choices.  

And as much as I love Gatekeeper I don’t want him to get in, but  if he does gets in then he won’t be able to come back next year and the slot will be open for someone else.  

If Gatekeeper somehow doesn’t hold second place then people are just going to vote for him next year. 

Well, Back to Marth..I did diverge a bit...I haven’t played the games Marth is from but I know him from Smash, Although that being said I do like Marth and I actually have all versions of him. Normal, Groom, Legendary and Winter Marth. I HAVE THEM ALL. 

I don’t have Resplendant Marth but I probably never will because I don’t pay for this game. F2P Dangit.

Anyway, I really just want to vote marth not just because I want to but because he deserves a Brave alt and he’s gotten robbed of it the last few times we had CYL.

Moving on to my third and I’m probably the only one who voted for him-

3-Ryoma: I love Ryoma. I’ve married him in both Birthright and Revelations, but when I got to the dreaded chapter 25 of Conquest, I probably cried harder than my in-game character did. 

I played Birthright before playing Conquest and I can say if it weren’t for Ryoma’s existence I probably would’ve gone Conquest first. I did buy Conquest first and played through the first few chapters before the split, but when It came to the split I stopped when I realized I couldn’t choose the Hoshido side, and that was one of the things I didn’t like about the game. 

I did eventually finish Conquest, but that’s only after I played through Birthright and...I actually liked the route a lot. Now, Originally I wasn’t going to go with Ryoma, I was actually originally going to marry Kaden or Kaze, but ended up with Ryoma because of his Honor and the way of the Bushido.

I don’t know what it is about characters that have the Honor and Bushido trait, but..I guess that’s my type?? Which is probably why I like 2003′s TMNT Leo a lot.  

Alright again I could go on and on but I don’t want to make this a too long of a post so moving on-

4-Alfonse: Okay, Alright..This one could be long too but I’m going to restrain myself. 

 Well, I’ll say it. I like Alfonse. Especially in book 3 when he stood up to Hel. That was amazing! I hope he does that as well in this Book with Fafnir or..Otr? I guess whichever one. (I did like Otr when he was first shown but now I’m not so sure...)

I really want either a Legendary or Brave Alfonse, and I would love to see what they would do with him.

And this will probably never happen but a Duo alt with Hrid would make me very happy. (Like a Summer Beach Volleyball alt with Alfonse holding a beach-ball and Hrid holding Ice-cream to cool themselves off. Oooo I’d draw that but I’m not a good artist, sooo.)

Okay Okay, I said I would restrain myself and I am. I’m moving on before I rant about Alfonse some more.

And the next vote goes too...OH. The other character I could rant all day about.

5-Grima: Yes, GRIMA. Not the Female Robin Version but Male Robin. 

This is another type I like but It’s nice character’s who’ve been possessed by evil beings, or give themselves to darkness? (Like Jesse/Johan from Yugioh GX?? Or Riku from Kingdom Hearts?!)

Although I actually like the actual Dragon form of Grima more than the Robins and would like him to have his own human form instead of possessing Robin, but i’ve never played Awakening and don’t know if there’s a reason for that.

Having them come out with a Halloween Alt for the Female version makes me a bit hopeful for a Male alt but not a lot because apparently IS just likes to make all the alts for girls and not guys?? Like please I want more of my favorite guy characters with alts. How am I supposed to Simp for my favorite boys when the don’t even give them alts?? Like Hello?? There aren’t just guys in the world who play FEH there’s girls, too??

But let’s be honest, Even if we get another Male Grima will he even have the exposed Tid? I don’t know and that scares me. 

Once again, Just give me my boys, IS!

6-Scarlet: Hoooo Boy Scarlet. So I was a bit jealous of Scarlet in Revelations when she was talking about Ryoma, and then I felt bad a few scenes earlier. 

Which made me wish I had completed her bonding events in Birthright, I only ever got up to C rank.

Uhh, So I voted for Scarlet because I realized I’ve just been voting all guys and even though Eirika and Byleth are in the lead I’m still voting for the characters that I want. 

And scarlet is one of them. I know it wouldn’t be enough to get a brave alt but I wouldn’t mind if IS gave us normal Scarlet or a certain other Alt that comes later in the year but before Brides and Summer that I won’t talk about. 

I did like Scarlet in Birthright and in...Revelations...and after what happened in Revelations I felt really really bad for her? 

I hope she gets in at some point. I would actually summon for Scarlet if they put her in. However she gets in. 

And the final vote iiis(I don’t know why I’m doing this I have the whole battle ballot screenshot shown, so everyone can already see who I voted for)

7-Orochi: Orochi. Needs. To. Be. In. The Game.

Out of all the fates Characters we have, I’m surprised we still don’t have Orochi. I don’t remember well but I think she’s one of Mikoto’s retainers?? It’s been a very long time since I played fates so I don’t know. 

Umm...That’s pretty much the only reason I voted for her. I love Orochi and I’m sad she’s still not in the game yet. 

This is one of the few times I want IS to give me a female character, the other would be Scarlet and probably Nyx if I had another vote. But..well...Hmm..

Okay, That’s all the votes and the rough and hopefully short enough explanation of why I voted for each character. 

I’m tired of writing, my hand’s getting cramped so if there’s something I need to add I’ll do it later. Gotta rest my hands for now and probably watch people try and Summon for Seiros. 

(Who I did not get but I got Legendary Dimitri so I’m happy)