#karmically something really good HAS to happen to me now right

[pliablehead]

shoutout to the middle schooler who asked if we carry any Homestuck books, which caused me to have to try to explain Homestuck to my most annoying, Least Online A Human Being Can Be coworker at 10:30 in the morning

[guardian5tiger3]

An honest love reading (general)

Pick a picture -

1 2

3 4

Group one

A cycle has just been completed in terms of love and romance and either you or someone else did not this to happen. They're almost like, dramatic about that.someone involved , you or someone connected to yourself somehow, is overly focused on love and it stresses them out and it feels extreme though I can't pick up on any situation extreme enough to justify this. Someone could have insomnia and or hair loss you could also possibly see someone's tiredness in their eyes. Someone's money might be affected. I keep picking up on a a group of, as in multiple, people. Either someone here is polyamorous and if that's the case it has something to do with denial about something or the want to be in control of something or someone, or for others there's a group of people you're dealing with and they're "heated " about something . I also heard " eyeing you" who the hell uses phrases like this if you know that's a confirmation for ya. You have a group of people somewhat obsessed they seem like obsessed people in general they may be obsessed with something to do with you or just you, I'm also picking up on one individual who has something to do with you that (is very weird, and the groups I'm picking up on more or less give me weird vibes,) well connected to this person I'm getting something about childhood and I'm seeing candy this is really weird and I just involuntarily made an angry or confused look with my eyebrows you know I pushed them down I don't know why. This person may have known you for a long time or thinks they do or something idk this is super strange g make sure you're not overly trusting of every single person ever in your life you know. Someone also could be trying to take something that isn't theirs. Lock your doors , literally. Wow.sorry y'all . Genuinely. I also am somehow picking up on someone's long straight hair and something about glitter. I also saw a purple dress.

Group Two

You guys are easily manipulated and people who are going to want to manipulate you can notice this probably way more than you can about yourself also someone needs to not bite their fork when they take a bite of food it's bad for your teeth I don't know how or why that would come up for me to say sorry. Somebody needs to literally or metaphorically open a window. Um you're on the path to love and it will happen exactly when it's supposed to how it's supposed to with who it's supposed to and honestly unless you really go out of your way you may not have any romance at all until then even if that isn't what you want like for some reason I guess it depends but either your soul wants people in the meantime or you want someone sooner or what I don't know it just don't work like that though you know. I'm generally getting like if you're the type to hope your person isn't with anyone else before they meet you then this is probably for you also. Or your person is like this and I guess they are somewhat powerful cause therefore that's the way it's gonna be and in the meantime I guess you're gonna have to be solo. Somehow this seems better and more productive for your personal development than learning by Interacting with other people and being with "karmics" and stuff.

Group Three

I'm seeing two energies that are basically, literally, nothing alike. Yet somehow they're paired up. You're with this person right now in the past or future or you wanted or want to be with them lol. Some of you it's your soulmate ,though and that's really special and actually really cool and refreshing. Like 99% of you are supposed to at least at one point be with someone like this to you. Or for like very few of you this is just about your signs like fire and water but I really doubt that's as far as it goes you are probably very different either way. You guys are very deep and cool refreshing people very beautiful , good listeners and balanced. Someone has ADHD or something else so you might doubt the good listener thing I'm getting but I think you pay attention to detail or something like somehow this is still infact accurate and you may be don't see it about yourself . I think you all are very deep mentally and have a deep capacity to hold a lot lot lot of information, knowledge, wisdom, n stuff. A lot of people might be drawn to you or notice you and also possibly a lot of different types of people as something about you a lot of different people can still connect with somehow. Yeah also someone's a hater here though and they might tease you with something somehow so I really hope you stay aware of that possibility, realize this about whoever they are and stand up for yourself basically I feel like you have the potential to retaliate and as long as it is nothing illegal I kind of feel like saying I want you to . ????????? I don't know o feel like it would be really satisfying maybe to your guides or it is when you do, fight back or argue cause you're good at it and it would not be easy to win against you or come up with any comeback especially if you plan something. Wow. Hahaha. I'm leaving it here.

I heard desperado and I know three songs called that well two are just remixes of the og you could look up the og or the Mike bars desperado lol . Or just the word maybe is significant, goes with your picture anyway. I feel like most of you that will hear the song will just like the song lol . I can dig it

Group Four

There was a conditional love given and when this was taken away it had someone really stressed out and hurt. Someone was being a complete dick that was giving love conditionally and then stopped . I feel like the shit they do or say is old as f... Like it's ugly and getting old man anyway. This very well could be past energy like long long ago for some of you. This person might have lied. They might be selfish. They may be downplaying your come up or they will when you do come up. Or some , even saying you don't deserve it but I'm being shown you very clearly do. Like this person only gets dustier through time nobody is ever gonna pick up this old kick knack and undust them theyre old and lame. I'm picking up on like, when people say the type of person that peaked in high school. Yeah so this person has their qualities but eventually everyone's like ok whatever yawn. They're definitely super greedy as I just got a card saying " GREED " lol. In terms of future love y'all will be good I'm picking up generally most of you just need to become more comfortable within yourself first and I'm picking up on like cozy night chilling and watching movies and stuff by yourself or with a pet even a friend but you get me just learning to be content also and have good times like that without the need for someone else romantically. Either way somehow some time after you get into that energy a person will come along softly and surely and it will be really nice and happy . Around that time maybe shortly after you will have something happen positive when it comes to work or their work . I also channeled the movie my big fat Greek wedding as I was channeling this last part haha so I thought I should mention that, I know I'm partially Greek and always loved that movie. Someone might like telling stories ? But yeah in the movie she has a glow up and then she sees this guy she thought was cute again and things just worked out and he asked her out and they fell in love it was just simple smooth and sweet and the timing matched up with what I said may happen for you so that's really cute y'all stay hopeful and focus on relaxation. And for some of you if you know this is true though also studying .

[the-inheritance-games]

SPOILERS!!!! 3s THEORY

I'm actually very proud of this theory rn and feel like a hawthorne for thinking of this, like I might actually be on to something here

Ok so I had a thought and its stuck in my mind

So we all know that Odette said some vague and confusing thing about “ There are always three”

And I think I have a good theory as to what it means

That being, I think that this phrase is a play on or nod to some of these other common sayings about threes

“Everything comes in threes”

“Bad things come in three” /“Good things come in threes”

“Death comes in threes”

Or “Omne trium perfectum” which means “everything that comes in threes is perfect” in Latin

These are all common saying about things happening in threes or what threes means

And I specifically think that Odette meant something about good/bad or life/death events happening in 3s

Or even about beginning/ending events happening (bc we all know she knows about Alphas and Omegas beginning and end)

I think this BECAUSE if you look back at where Odette says this you'll see that she says this in RESPONSE to grayson saying “she DIED before I was BORN”

Grayson says his grandmother DIED BEFORE he was BORN and demands she EXPLAIN

He obv meant explain how is it possible for Alice to be the “A hawthorne did this” culprit but he doesnt specify explain what he just says explain and Odette probably choose to interpret that vaguely and gave an answer that “explains” or simplifies the reasons why Alice “died” and Graysons was “born” and says “there are always three”

Like she's saying “well everything comes in threes”/ “life and death happen in threes” that's the karmic reasoning why she “died” and you were born

And so obv Alices death and Grays birth are 2 life/death events and the third (or really FIRST) event would have been Tobys “death”

Which his death would also be the catalyst for both Alice’s death and Graysons birth

Bc Grayson would have never been born is Skye wasn't grieving her brother and although now we know Alice didnt die of grief id still say its safe to assume whatever happened was triggered by the loss of her son.

So the “thee” that Odette is referring to is Toby “died”, Alice “died”, Grayson is born

Everything comes in threes

But while I think this is what Odette meant when she choose to say this in response to Graysons demands for her to explain things I don't think that this is all that this phrase “There is always three” means, it has broader implications and could probably mean a lot of things

Its a vague and versatile phrase that Odette has heard many times, maybe as a warning. But there is definitely more to it, if I am right or heading in the right direction with my theory, then it could mean a lot of things and be important later on.

Also one last thing

I find it interesting how one of the common phrases “Omne trium perfectum” means everything that comes in threes is perfect and if my theory is correct then this would make GRAYSON one of the “things that comes in threes” and how in this phrase that would make him “perfect”

And we all know that he was the grandson who was GROOMED to be “perfect”

Could this be the reason that HE was “the chosen one”?

Was he the one Tobias choose bc he was part of the things that came in threes and has that karmical connection to Alice?

Idk but, its all very intriguing to me, and I can see so much potential and foreshadowing withing this little phrase that JLB very specifically used

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #67 – I Was A Teenage Slasher by Stephen Graham Jones

I’d never heard of Stephen Graham Jones at the start of the year, but I’ve at this point read three books of his, seen him speak at a con, and can probably consider myself a fan. Beyond the general positive association I grabbed this book knowing literally nothing but the title, mostly just to have something I could get him to sign. Which worked out much better than it often does! This wasn’t really what I expected from that title (something more comedic or over-the-top), but it was a lovely read. It even managed to make a meta genre-tropes-are-actual-metaphysics plot compelling to me, which is basically impossible these days.

The story is set in a tiny nowhere town in 1989 West Texas and stars Tollie Driver, 17-year-old and already most of the way to being a burnout who is not at all over his dad’s death the year before. It’s written 17 years after the fact as something between memoir and confession, an older Tollie writing on some shitty computer about what happened over a few climactic days to him, the town, and the six classmates he brutally murdered.

He’s a slasher, see – it’s apparently something of a blood-borne ailment, and he was infected while enjoying an involuntary front-row seat to the first set of high school students getting karmically murdered that month, right after a bit of drunken bullying and a peanut allergy just about killed him. The plot is, after that excitement, mostly a matter of Tollie recounting his transformation and the life, relationships, and whole social world permanently destroyed by it.

There are, it sometimes seems, more books these days playing with the trappings and aesthetics of the horror genre than there are actually using them to tell horror stories. This is kind of that – there’s a level of psychological horror to becoming a murderous monster that you’d have to try really very hard to to erase, but it’s certainly not trying to leave you jumping at things rustling in the dark. It’s incredibly the case, though, that this is a story about a slasher and commenting on the slasher genre that is in no real way a slasher story.

Which is to say, Tollie’s best friend Amber has an older brother she idolizes who was a horror movie fanatic, and so she quickly realizes (with the iron-clad certainty of a teenager with a limited reference set) exactly what he is becoming – not even a ‘slasher’ as in a supernatural, vengeful serial killer, but a slasher as the monster at the centre of a particular kind of narrative, whose existence reshapes the world around them to follow its demands. It’s all very tv tropes – Tollie discovers that he moves at least twice as fast as he can run, as long as he’s limping and no one can see him, there’s some banter about the logistics of driving when the only machines that will work for him are murder implements, the sheer force of narrative causality turns a closeted gay guy and a sincere saving-herself-for-marriage Christian girl into a couple who go fuck in an abandoned camper van at night so Tollie can find them. It’s actually a major plot point that the mere fact of being a Final Girl will forcibly reorganize your personality to be a diligent, studious good Samaritan. All of which is order of magnitude more meta than I can usually stand, but it works here (more or less).

It feels a bit silly to say this book reminds me intensely of My Heart Is A Chainsaw – of course it does, that’s the last book by the same author I’ve read. But they both do similar things using the genre apparatus of the Slasher as scaffholding to tell stories that are really only tangentially/obscurely examples of the genre. Also, extremely close first person narration from a low-achieving teenager in a small town. Now, this is a far, far easier read than Chainsaw – not in terms of subject matter, just in keeping track of what’s happening versus what’s fantasy or extended tangent – and, I think, a bit more elegant in its use of the genre, but the similarities are still very clear.

As for what the story’s actual about – I mean first and foremost, it’s a period piece. Lamesa, Texas is a nowhere town, but it is a particular, specific nowhere town that Jones was familiar with in his childhood and (gong by the acknowledgements) went to no small effort researching to perfectly recreate it as it truly was in the late ‘80s (plus or minus a massacre or two). It’s no coincidence that Tollie was born the same year the author was, or that it’s set specifically in West Texas. The whole book is run through with a deep (if jaundiced) nostalgia for the whole milieu. Given how high concept all the slasher stuff is, the firm, deep grounding is pretty much a necessity for making the whole story feel real enough to land.

It helps, too, that the late ‘80s USA is the slasher movie’s natural habitat. All the tired tropes really do fit much more naturally in the culturally environment that spawned them then they do when dragged into the modern day. If I wanted to be slightly cynical I’d say this is a big part of why every modern slasher story is so very self-referential – if you’re not leaning on lineage and metanarrative the bones of the stories themselves just don’t make the same sort of sense anymore. Many such cases, I suppose.

Even the framing device is a period piece, in a rather charming way. Tollie is writing his confession on a cheap, shitty desktop in the back office of a junkyard in 2006, and this informs his narration all through the book. It even shapes the book as an artifact – the fonts and formatting used are all ones that would have been available, right down to only being able to underline instead of bold or italicize for emphasis. Which is absolutely a gimmick, but one I honestly kind of love.

Aside from being a love letter to West Texas 40 years ago, the book is about being a monster. About the cold math of it all making it impossible to deny that the world would have been better without you in it. About leaving people you love behind and never, ever looking back because you can’t bear to confirm the sick certainty that just being connected to you probably ruined their lives as collateral damage. Of spending your life trying to be anonymous and inconsequential, and mourning the loss of a life where you were only the normal and pedestrian sort of fuckup. Of looking through the past as a preordained tragedy in one instant and grasping at all the lost chances and missed turns that might have made it different on the other.

It’s a pathetic narrative – that is, one that’s mostly there to deliver pathos. It definitely worked, at least for me? It was a very affecting read, especially the ending. But your enjoyment of the book will depend more or less entirely on whether you find Tollie’s internal monologue compelling and sympathetic, I think. But with that caveat, I would recommend it.

[johnegbertlover413]

i feel like we're forgetting here that the entire time dave is like 13-16! which like, of course he'd be immature as shit, not to mention bro has been beating his ass since he was a BABYYYYY, bro exposed dave to smuppet porn at like a hella young age, i'm not even a fan of dave strider and i feel like that says something! bro isn't 'the victim' i swear you only say that shit about dave to defend bro's actions so you can ship him with john or some dumb bullshit. if you're gonna have a take on a character at the very fuckin least don't just skim through every panel dave just happens to be in and dramatize every single bad things hes done. another thing, john is just canonically straight! he was never gay, and dave didn't make him homophobic! i'm hoping this is ragebait because you sure as hell are good at it, i really don't wanna think that buffoons like you actually walk the streets.

1) u dumb fuck did you READ the shit I said about it being premeditated (that might not be thee bessssst word to describe it but u get the point). Obviously Dave wasn’t a horrible person a horrible person as a baby but the thing is he is a time player and he has the power to break linear timeee. So following that logical through line his karmic justice (terezi relation heheh or should I say h3h3h) would also not be linear!!!!!

2) bro never exposed him to Smuppets porn I AM TIREDDDDD OF THIS UGHHHH. Smuppets are clearly not supposed to be genuinely sexual in universe or out. I’m sorry but u getting a boner ISNT PROOOOOFFFFF. Liek sex jokes r illegal to u chronically online motha fuckas because u get off to everything u see n blame everyone else for it!!!!

3) Dave was a child HOWEVER so was everyone else. None of them acted like that did they ???? Like Jake had to dispose of his grandmothers remains and had to raise himself as liek a toddler. Now Jake sucks ass but he actually gives a shit about people other than himself!!!! The reason Jake is so manipulative is because he thinks that’ll make everyone happy. It doesn’t but at least he’s trying!!!!! U got me defending that identity stealing shulb ova this wowwwww. What does Dave do for his friends? And like actually his friends, not himself and coincidentally also then? FUCKING NOTHING. He doesn’t even TRY to. He shoves some dead bodies out the window for Jade, so what? She could handle it, she stuffed her grandpas dead body as a child she’d probably be delighted to see Dave dead (as would anyone forced to commune with him). He does it so he can persevere the narrative in his head that he is so cool and so good and he is the most important and everything about how he is some tragic hero when in reality all his friends fucking hate him!! And the braindead fandom takes this at face value!!!

4) the bro is da true victim thing was a joke u dumb fuck I SAID TAHG B4. Do ure reaserch b4 u say something stupid to me I do nowt deserve this. Along with that I don’t need to make bro a better person to ship him with jawhn!!! Imfact the worse of a person he is the betta he is to ship with sweet sweet Johnny.

5) I said Dave made John homophobic I said nothing about John’s sexuality. You know straight people aren’t inherently homophobic right? Anon u should really think about your view point on that u should also probably think about why you are sniffing Dave’s farts he is ugly.

Anyway good luck passing 7th grade English class (you’ll need it!!)

[tarotbubbletea]

🍂 PAC Reading: Catharsis 🍂

Hey everyone!

October 2023 was a SHIT month for me. That eclipse season took a major toll on my mental and physical health. I hope you all had an easier time, and if you didn't, trust that you're not alone and I send you all the love you may need at this time 💛

Here's a spread I attempted from Lightwands tarot's Tiktok page on helping with catharsis, ie., helping you pin down and let go of some negative thoughts that may have been living in your head rent-free.

I intend this to be a timeless reading. Take a deep breath and clear your mind. Then pick the picture that you feel most drawn to. If you feel drawn to more than one, feel free to read those piles. If you feel drawn to none, perhaps I don't have a message for you at this time, but hope to have something for you in the future!

Going from left to right, we have piles 1, 2, and 3.

I'd love to hear some feedback! I'm also open for paid personal readings ($3 flat-rate).

Pictures used are not mine.

My kofi ☕

Pile 1

A pressing thought on your mind: King of Cups

Okay this is definitely about a boy. You may be overthinking/obsessing over a connection right now. Perhaps you have this person up on a pedestal and you think they're the best romantic match you could possibly ever have and that being chosen by them would be the best thing to ever happen to you. And maybe that's true. But you have to remind yourself that if you're begging to be chosen, that takes away significantly from your power, and most stable, secure men will want someone that matches them in their power. Some of you may be thinking that this guy has 2 options they're struggling between. For some of you, this may be an ex that you're seeing move on and, frankly, it hurts. If that's the case, I feel you.

Allow the tarot deck to describe the thought back to you in a softer voice: The Emperor

I think you need to remember that there is a bit of logic to relationships as well. Love isn't enough; you do have to think about the kind of life that's possible with your potential partner. You also need to remember that people feel and use their emotions differently than you. Your person may be at a stage where they're approaching partnership more logically. They may be thinking of compatibility in a more mature way at this point. This is a shift that started quite prominently during the pandemic, with casual dating taking a dip in our society. This person may also just be quite exhausted and have decided to just settle down. Love, at some stage, becomes more of a decision than a feeling, and that's where this person is right now. Remember that this is a window into their thought processes, not a judgement on you.

How you're approaching the thought: Justice

You may be self-flagellating a bit, thinking that the reason you're having such a hard time in love and life is because of some of your past mistakes or some karmic debt. And maybe this is true, because we all have karmic debt from this life and from the ones before. Every single person you know has made errors, and more people than you think have skeletons in their closets. We're all a little toxic. It's just the reality of life. And that's okay. That's life (tangent: watch Fleabag!) Maybe it's a little less serious for you and you feel like you're just not enough, or that you just messed up your chance with this person. But ask yourself as objectively as possible, did you? Did you, really? Doesn't this guy have flaws too? Is it possible that neither you nor him are the issue here, but it's really just the relationship/situationship that may not have been a good fit? Maybe you both just weren't mature enough for each other at the time? Maybe it was meant to be temporary? Maybe there were external factors at play? But more importantly, maybe it's not your problem to solve?

How can you release the thought without needing to resolve it right now: Queen of Swords

Step into your power. Get some fresh air. Literally. You've closed yourself in a box. You need to step out and realize how vast the sky really is. How big the world really is. How big your world really is. There needs to be perspective change for you. And you don't need to do this alone. We need community more than ever now. Find a therapist, a trusted friend, maybe even a sibling that keeps it real with you and is genuine. You don't need to find the love of your life, or figure out what this person means for you, if they're a karmic/twin flame/soulmate/what have you right this minute. You don't. Trust me, you don't. Do you want to get asked out/married this very minute? Of course not. It really isn't woo-woo nonsense when people say that what's meant to be, will be. Think of all the times you wanted a situation to play out a certain way and it didn't. It probably worked out better, if you're being honest with yourself. Let go. Let the Universe do what it needs to do. Maybe this will help: The Universe put you in this situation, so let it sort it out. This is the Universe's problem now. You're just the actor. It's the show writers that need to sort this out now. Just vibe in the meantime lol.

Let the thought say one last goodbye: 9 of Swords

Your pain is not for nothing. This will be different for different people, but maybe the pain is to ground you. Maybe it's to prevent you from self-sabotaging in the future. Maybe it's to get you to see the reality of this person. Maybe it's to get you to see the reality of yourself. Maybe this is how you repay some karmic debt (in which case, yay! Lighter times ahead!) Maybe this is a sign you may have some unresolved trauma that needs to be removed from your mind and body, and is to show you that you're closing in on a breaking down point and need to love yourself enough to tend to it. Maybe it's bits and pieces of everything mentioned above. Maybe it's just none of these, and you're letting seasonal depression get the best of you. Believe it or not, sadness is vital in life. It's a necessary emotion. If you feel the need to wallow, by all means go ahead. And when it's time, let yourself stop. It's okay. You're okay. And it'll all be okay. You are worthy of love.

Oracles: Patience; Bring love into the situation (New Moon in Aquarius)

Work on detaching yourself from this situation. Your specific/personal situation will come from thinking outside the box. Be more pragmatic. Improve your karma by doing charitable work.

Pile 2

A pressing thought on your mind: The Lovers (and The Hermit for clarification)

Alright, so this pile is also thinking about love. But you guys have a lighter energy than Pile 1. Or maybe you're a Pile 1 coming back to this reading after some time. You've probably been single for a while, and have done some extensive soul-searching and inner work, and now perhaps an inner voice is telling you that you're ready to put yourself out there again. And the energy coming through is yes! Yes, you are ready! But since it's been a while, and given the state of the streets, you're apprehensive about how to put yourself out there, and if you even should yet. Some of you may even be thinking of those Tiktoks that tell you how awful partners (particularly men) can be, and you're (rightfully) a bit scared.

Allow the tarot deck to describe the thought back to you in a softer voice: 8 of Pentacles

You've been hard at work with your personal growth and self-concept, and it radiates in your aura now. You've been diligent and have paid attention to the details. There's no such thing as a perfect person, of course, but you've done commendable work to get to as perfect as you can be in this stage of your life. Look at you go, you little rock-star! You need to watch out for black-and-white thinking, both directed at your own self and at others. Just because there may be a few things you're still working on, doesn't mean you're not ready. And the same goes for people you may meet soon, or for those that you're already considering. In fact, it shows self-awareness that you/the other person is cognizant of their flaws and still putting themselves out there because not all healing occurs inside. We all need people, and that's not a flaw. It's okay to be apprehensive. Be aware of the risks but don't let them consume you.

How you're approaching the thought: The High Priestess

You may be scouring Tumblr or Tiktok or wherever for readings and signs to foresee who you need to engage with next, what signs to look for, how it's all going to play out. It's like you want a blueprint of the entire love story beforehand because you're determined to find the one next. No more games for you. No more delays. You're ready and you want your future now. Love that for you, queen! But don't let it overconsume you! Micromanaging your love life isn't the best way to go about it. You know this, c'mon!

How you can release the thought without needing to resolve it right now: The Magician

Manifestation is real. But it's real for everyone, not just you. Imagine you're driving and you're manifesting going right, but so is another person, and fate may look at this and decide, okay, one of these needs to detour to avoid a collision, and maybe it picks you? Shit example, but I hope you get what I'm saying. It's good to be specific in your manifestations but not too specific, you know? Think of the burnt toast theory. Most of them there's a reason behind why things happen the way they do. Sometimes it's an important reason, and sometimes it's just random and meaningless. You seem to be approaching dating in a very Virgo-like way at this time, and essentially the message here is to not be too calculating and strategic. Keep your wits and lessons with you, of course, but don't forget that the Universe is also a player here.

Let the thought say one last goodbye: Ace of Pentacles

Your future partner is going to come to you like a gift or an offering. For some of you, that's where the delay is - the Universe is packaging them up perfectly for you and you just need to wait until it's time lol. The Universe and your spirit guides have been hard at work helping you heal and polish and be ready for love, and they're not going to just give you out to a random, okay? Have faith. Express gratitude constantly. And just affirm that love is here and your steps are guided. Dating apps may be the way for some of you. One or two of you may have luck bumping into someone at work or at the gym. Also hearing a beloved bar for someone. But for the majority, it's a highly personalized way that you'll meet the one. Ultimately, though, don't think too hard about it.

Oracles: Purification; Confidence is your key to success (New Moon in Leo)

There you have it. You've been purified enough to put yourself out there again. You're ready. Whether this be through apps, networking, or just living your life, do it with confidence and carry the intention with you to find your best match without chasing.

Pile 3

A pressing thought on your mind: Queen of Pentacles

This pile's conundrum seems to be family dynamics. Maybe you're in a sticky situation at home, where you can't afford to move out and you've either outgrown your home environment, or it's getting toxic. But you may not have the funds/resources to leave. And you feel like you're being smothered but you also would feel guilty if you were to leave. For some, you may not need to leave but you feel like there's undue pressure coming from your family whenever you go to make decisions, be it financial, education-related, relationship-related, or what have you. Getting heavy 'eldest child of immigrant parents' energy here. Maybe you don't feel your age because you feel like you don't have the freedom and independence you'd assumed you would have at this point. Some of you were even parentified as kids and it's starting to come to the fore-front. For some, this extends to friends and you feel like you've outgrown them, or just need more friends, but again, you're in a box.

Allow the tarot deck to describe the thought back to you in a softer voice: Knight of Cups

Some of you may daydream of a Prince Charming coming and saving you from this environment. This is especially true if the 'eldest daughter' thing applies to you and one of the only acceptable ways in your family for you moving out and starting your own life is to get married. And maybe that is what will happen for some of you. But don't depend on it as the only way. It will happen if it's meant to happen, but when we attached too much stake to one specific outcome, we pour too much of our power into it, and the Universe doesn't like that. It's okay to pray and manifest a particular outcome but detachment is a key factor in manifestation, remember that. One of the easiest ways out of this energy is just getting your license and a car, you know? You don't have to wait for a ride, you can be the driver. Even getting a pet is a good way to get out of the house more (plus, that would divert your family's attention and ease the tensions around the house).

How you're approaching the thought: 3 of Pentacles

You probably vent to your friends or siblings a lot. You prioritize working (maybe even working overtime) and saving up money. You might also be pursuing higher ed to better your career. It's definitely a good step! Just be aware of your social and personal needs and realize that there's multiple gardens within you that need watering. If the immigrant thing resonates with you, this is especially important. Do not let work and money consume you because hard work, as sad as it is to say, does not always lead you to where you need to go. You need to be a whole person, not just a worker. Think about it, how logical is it to water your 'money' garden and expect your 'personal' garden to bloom if you don't tend to it as much? Don't let burnout ruin your senses.

How you can release the thought without needing to resolve it right now: The Fool

It's your first time being you. And it's also your parents' first time being them. Be as empathetic and compassionate as you can be with yourself and your family without self-sacrificing. There's internal knowledge you came here with that you can access through meditation. Reconnect with your inner voice and let it help you. Don't hold on to resentments, whether internal or external. Don't be so hard on yourself, and when faced with arguments at home, try to separate the actions from the doer. Everyone has their own traumas and vices that they unintentionally hand over control to. Don't rush things. Make an inner sanctuary for yourself and believe that things will work out. The dog/pet message is coming through again lol so if that's a possibility, please go for it! And whenever you feel helpless, remind yourself that you're not supposed to have all the answers just yet. Most successful people, when asked, say the same. They had the vision and they had the grit, but they didn't always have all the steps laid out and blind confidence.

Let the thought say one last goodbye: 4 of Wands

Everything will work out. Trust. Please, just trust. For those of you that resonated with the Prince Charming message, this is confirmation that that will happen. You'll meet the man of your dreams, and leave your current surroundings for the home and life for your dreams. This isn't meant to push you to place all your faith into a savior coming, thus disempowering you, but this message should push you to instead hold on to your power, and keep tending to all your gardens equally in the meantime. You've been through a lot, and it wouldn't be fair to the old versions of you that lead you here to give up now. It gets steeper the higher you go on a mountain. But at this point, you're also stronger. Believe that. It's a marathon, not a sprint.

Oracles: Courage; Your hard work is paying off (New Moon in Capricorn)

Don't be too controlling, and limit your exposure to anyone who is too controlling. Stay ambitious and courageous. Recognize and reward yourself for all the hard work you've done. See yourself as a person and not a project. Your life may not have been a fairy tale, but your fairy tale moment is coming.

I hope you found a message here today! And if not, I hope to have a message for you next time. Wishing you all love, light, and success! ❤️

Don't forget to leave feedback if your reading resonated in any capacity.

My kofi ☕ (for tips and $3 flat-rate readings)

[renaultmograine]

I'm just saying adding that it is something Blizzard does often, that is have a character do terrible awful things and than be presented as a saintly neutral quest giver that has done nothing wrong.

You know, I see where you're coming from, but I have to disagree on it. When we take quests from, say, Illidan in Legion, the narrative has already gone through all of Illidan's history and addressed them. Maiev has had the narrative address her history (loosely, in terms of Wolfheart, but they have acknowledged that book again). Jaina is a shining example of literally always having to pay her karmic debts.

The narrative does not acknowledge that the Red Dragonflight, the protectors of life, kill and magically alter unborn children. In Cataclysm, a red dragon is experimenting on the black dragonflight so that they can have a purified black dragon that they could keep as a slave. This is deemed as okay, because the blacks are crazy anyway, and you go and help this red dragon who basically goes "don't judge me on this it's important" as you beat an enslaved mother into submission and steal her children from her to experiment on. This is something Deathwing does later on the reds, and it's largely considered a bad thing to have done.

So what happens in Dragonflight, a dragon focused expansion where Wrathion, the victim of the red flight's meddling, who narrowly avoided being a slave to the red flight after they murdered his mother and killed all his siblings? Alexstrasza insults and belittles him for wanting to reconnect with his ancestry, repeatedly, one time right after he saved her life and was just politely asking her for aid (you know because the black dragonflight was driven to near extinction). All Wrathion gets to do is look annoyed at her in the cutscene and leave, and from then on we see him, Sabellian, and Ebyssian all try and kowtow to her as she insults their family and them for wanting to take up the good and noble parts of the black flight's legacy.

Yes, Horde and Alliance members have bickered between each other, but this is the queen of dragons, the protector of all life, and here she is belittling the few remaining victims of the Old God's plot and spitting on everything they do.

That's not even mentioning the other shit that happens to children. In Dragonflight, like was said earlier, you're immediately smashing and killing the whelps inside of eggs for having the audacity to be changed with elemental magic. There's no mercy for them, there's no trying to save them with the magic aqueducts of order magic, there's just smash smash smash and you go onto the next one. In Wrath, we smash blue dragon eggs that were just there (you know the blue dragons live there) because the reds wanted us to. These were not combatants in the war. That was a blatant attack on a decimated flight meant to wound Malygos, just as killing his mate and dragging her corpse around to insult him was.

One of Garrosh's crimes was being associated with the Dragonmaw clan, as they enslaved the red dragons before (reminder, Garrosh wasn't even on the planet when this happened). Alexstrasza gives this testimony about how horrible and cruel it was in her time enslaved by the Dragonmaw, but that she forgives all those orcs, because she just loves life so much. Never once is it mentioned that the red dragonflight has done worse things themselves, and that Alexstrasza either gave the order for it or was complicit in it the entire time. Never once has the narrative ever addressed this past occasionally going "Wrathion doesn't really like Alexstrasza" which is the most mild aspect out of all of this.

Magni was never presented as saintly. In Before the Storm, Sylvanas makes a point about how she doesn't trust him because he's still a dwarf and (IIRC) Baine tells her that. well. he is a rock now. Repeatedly his mistakes with his daughter were mentioned—The Shattering, Before the Storm, BFA, off the top of my head—and the narrative does go "Hey, this character is flawed." Yeah, maybe they didn't specifically address the fact that Magni okayed a dig site on tauren land, but that's kind of comparing apples to child murder imo. The most Alexstrasza gets dinged on is Vyranoth going "I thought it was fucked up that you helped the Titans corrupt and change my children" and she STILL joins team Titan at the end of the day. Alexstrasza faces no real repercussions for her actions on this past she lost some friends twenty thousand years ago in a book no one seemed to want to read.

That's why I harp on how the narrative presents Alexstrasza so much.

[doyouremem8erme]

Hii can I share a new Marcy Harm idea with you?? A sort of Raised in Amphibia AU with a twist - as soon as Andrias took little Marcy in, he realized she was insanely intelligent, like as a toddler and all she would beat him at flipwart and read complex science books and stuff, like this kid's IQ is through the ROOF. So being a bit of a sciency guy himself he thought, mmmm what if we exchange the Core's current digital hardware for a biological one? The human brain is stronger than any computer in the multiverse. Not only is he giving the Core a body, but a whole new level of software processing like this kid's grey matter is insaneeee just imagine all the weird immortal AI processes you can run in it!

So ever since she's little he basically grooms her into being the perfect host. She spends all her time either connected to weird wires that go deep into her nervous system to prepare her for the Core, or being made to solve puzzles and learn languages and do all of this stuff to exercise her brain. She's super young when the Core is transported into her and Marcy kinda... ceases to exist? She's vaguely conscious of her surroundings but it's not like she has any sense of self or awareness of what's going on. She's like an expectator who can't think feel or understand anything. Her brain is being used by someone else.

So when Anne and Sasha, who also grew up in Amphibia, eventually fight this big bad that's been threatening their world, they're surprised to find out it wasn't like... a robot or a newt in a weird suit, but a small human girl that looks roughly their age and can barely form a word and doesn't know her own name or what's going on. Their entire lives they thought they were the only two humans in Amphibia! They're definitely bringing this one over to the Plantars' farm. If only she could understand what's happening around her. She was a piece of hardware, right? She was a machine. She was vaguely aware of that. She was The Core, or at least its processing system. She doesn't know she's a person.

ohhh this reminds me a lot of my old omelas au except without utterly butchering the concepts of ursela k le guin's work. i LOVE it

and back when i was working on that au i went down a pretty disturbing wikipedia rabbit hole about what it would be like to try to recover from really extreme levels of mental neglect and lemme just say that after they free her . it would take something close to a miracle to let her live a normal life.

now that youve made me think abt this concept again tho i am GOING to be rotating it in my brain so very hard like. in my old fic i hadnt put much thought into how marcy had ended up in that situation but. now. i cant stop thinking about like . anne and sasha finally finding this other human and shes completely broken from being used like that for so so so long. seeing that done to someone. thats a level of horror worse than any of the scary wildlife in amphibia . andrias is SO fucking dead for this one

anyways just for fun heres the opening of the ones who walk away from newtopia. this is super super old. for context it was a human au + olivia is andrias's daughter in it.

i never fully decided how much of this was marcy being used by the core to like. make its choices for how best to rule this utopia and how much it was some kinda karmic magic where all the suffering that would otherwise exist rested solely on her shoulders . but i think the implication was that she was gonna get the core fully downloaded into her at the end there? idk its been a long long time

ok i should probably go leave to go vote!!! yay!!! but i will be THINKING about this. oughhhh used as the cores computer her whole life thats good

[inthestarsme]

I can already feel my Solar return 7th house placements 🫠 i have jupiter and uranus in conjunction there... and suddenly, my ex-situationship started following me on insta and he confessed to me he had been in love when we dated back then... since that i've been feeling really heartbroken and apperantly he has too... and now i wish he would do something to show his feelings for me. This was something i had ached for back then too, but it never happened. And yes, this was very much unexpected, as we hadn't talked in more than a year and we didn't end things on a good note. I know it sounds pathetic and lowkey naive, because he could totally be playing me, but it all seemed very genuine... idk. (Also: i don't have any planets indicating illusions like neptune, but this still could happen).

I still don't think he's the right person for me (actually, i very much think he's a karmic partner), but still all these old feelings have been coming up, which btw. isn't something which has happened in my last solar year. last year i dated someone, but i didn't even really like him tbh, and besides some crushes there hasn't been much going on in my love life. And to now suddenly have this happen... so weird, but it fits this solar return placement. I wish the universe could've just sent me the love of my life lol.

[ecargmura]

Solo Leveling Season 2 -Arise From The Shadows- Episode 2 Review - Ice Elves

It feels like the fight scenes are getting better choreography-wise. This is a well-animated episode that’s filled with good about of action and story. Writing-wise, I was surprised by a few choices and it makes me wonder what will happen later on.

Jinwoo and the other Hunters are still trapped in the Red Gate. The episode takes place right after Jinwoo kills the Ice Bears and decides to make them shadow minions. The Ice Elves are the real threat in the gate, so Jinwoo goes to deal with them. I do like that they give some plot relevance with how Jinwoo is able to understand their language and how they seem ‘controlled’ with the leader Barca having a little ‘rewind’ moment that Jinwoo noticed. I wonder what that’s about. The shadow monarch power is very interesting. Jinwoo is essentially able to perform magical necromancy by reviving dead enemies, human or beasts, and transform them into a minion. He did it with the Ice Bears and now he did it with Kim Chul who is now Iron. I wonder if he’ll do it with important characters later on.

Speaking of Kim Chul, the dude was an ass. Yes, his team died but it was mainly his fault that they did and he took it out on the lower ranks who survived. The way he was trying to gaslight them into thinking it was their fault for letting the higher rank die felt karmic when he died and resurrected into Iron. I wonder if Jinwoo only does this to bad people.

Other than the Jinwoo parts, the parts with Hwang Dongsoo and Baek Yoonho was interesting as both characters have reasons for being at the gate, but Dongsoo decides to leave after showing the viewers a glimpse of his strength. It only makes the big showdown between him and Jinwoo even more anticipating. I was also surprised with how strong Woo Jin-chul is because he stopped two S-class Hunters when he is A-rank himself. That man is clearly stronger than he looks.

I thought this whole ordeal was to make Song-yi reconsider being a hunter, but she developed a crush on Jinwoo and even calls him by his name. Fun fact, in the Korean version of Solo Leveling, Song-yi calls Jinwoo “oppa” which is basically what a girl would refer to an older guy she knows, where it be a friend, family, relative, or someone close enough. In this case, she knows Jinwoo is her friend Jinah’s brother, hence why she’s allowed to call him oppa. In the Japanese version, she calls him ‘onii-san’, which is basically the equivalent of ‘oppa’, but it can be used by either gender and it’s mainly used to refer to a young man who’s a bit older than you. After Jinwoo takes her home, Song-yi calls him Jinwoo-oppa, signaling a closer friendship between the two. In the Japanese version, she calls him Jinwoo-kun, meaning that she has taken off the honorifics card and is on a first-name basis, which also shows their close friendship. I feel like people should do some research when it comes to how Korean and Japanese people refer to others because the West doesn’t really do these sort of things. I’m familiar with the Korean terms as I am Korean myself.

Now that this Red Gate arc has come to a closure, I wonder what’s next in store for Jinwoo. Will he challenge the S-rank Dungeon again? Will he do something else? I can’t wait for the next episode to arrive! Let me know your thoughts on this episode!

[the-travelling-witch]

HOLLY HATES GRANDPAS (zhongli) CONFIRMED/j

I actually really like the thought of Xiao and his relationship being a bit darker I mean didn’t Xiao kill thousands of “people” and creatures for him? I’m not educated on his lore but I know Xiao was some type of warrior to Morax when he was a god? Archon?

Holly I would love to hear your thoughts on it

okay where do i start with this… no seriously where do i start

You said you don’t know much about Xiao, so let’s start there (coming from someone who might know a little too much about him jshsh).

Basically, yes, you are correct that Xiao was fighting for Morax alongside the other Yaksha and Adepti during the Archon War after Morax saved him from his enslavement to an ancient god and gave him the name “Xiao”. Because of his gratitude to Morax, Xiao took on the duty to protect Liyue, something he still does to this day.

Now, what I think is important to mention here is that Xiao is still referred to as a “young adeptus” even in present times, so during the Archon War approximately 2700 years ago, he was much younger still, meaning he was enslaved from a very very young age. (My personal headcanon is that he had golden wings originally and that they have been cut off/ clipped/ ripped out by the ancient god when he was first enslaved.)

But Xiao was not alone in protecting Liyue. He had four fellow guardian yaksha, who were all very dear to him, but who tragically passed after succumbing to what is known as “karmic debt”. Karmic debt is the residual wrath of slain gods, whose hatred and power remain after being defeated due to them being immortal. It causes a physical and mental toll on those who are subjected to it, especially continuously over long periods of time, like the yaksha.

(There were more than these five yaksha, of course, like Pervases, but I’m talking mostly about the five guardian yaksha.)

In the perilous trail quest line we learn more in depth about what happened to the four other yaksha; Indarias succumbed to madness and fear, Bonanus and Menogias killed each other in battle and Bosacius fought in the Chasm during the cataclysm after even forgetting his own name.

Xiao wasn’t unaffected either. Had he not heard Venti play the flute, he would have lost himself to his karmic debt too, which is not unsurprising considering he has been fighting the remnants of gods from the Archon War all this time.

(I feel we are now leaving hoyo’s plane of storytelling and entering my plane of angst, so everything from here on out is interpreted through the messenger that is me… but you guys love my angst right)

And Zhongli isn’t the harmless, senile grandpa who forgets his wallet all the time (which he totally does on purpose) as he makes himself out to be. When Xiao first met him he was the Warrior God, Morax.

Surely, during a war, for someone like him, the first thought on his mind wasn’t how the people around him felt but how he could best utilise the weapons at his disposal to ensure victory.

And Xiao happened to be one of those weapons.

If you look at what Xiao did during and after his enslavement, it’s not much different, is it? He still, as you said, slaughtered and slayed countlessly, just under a different leader.

And sure, the difference here is that Xiao accepted it willingly this time around, yet, as I explained earlier, I think that he was still very much within his formative years (decades? centuries?) back then, where he, for one, learnt that apparently killing is what he was good for. But also, of course, he would perceive Morax as this “good” person who freed him and who he wants to support; and at first glance, there’s nothing wrong with that.

We also see, however, that Xiao holds Zhongli in a higher regard than pretty much anyone else. Even nowadays he still refers to him as Rex Lapis and dares anyone to speak ill about him (or Morax for that matter) though Zhongli has retired both of those names already. Yet Xiao of all people clings to it.

Also what kind of (good) father would let his son literally work away to the brink of insanity?

Yes, I’m aware that Zhongli inquires about how Xiao is doing and that he has medicine made for him (which he doesn’t deliver himself), which is fine and all but also… too little too late huh? It also means that Zhongli is aware of the state Xiao is in and he never bothers to walk his old ass over to Wangshuu Inn and tell the guy to stop? We went over how loyal Xiao is to Zhongli; you’d think he’d listen if he earnestly told him to rest, the old geezer is the reason Xiao does all this protecting in the first place.

And don’t think I forgot about the chasm quest, oh no. I know Zhongli saved Xiao just in the nick of time and we all cried at the cutscene, and I cried so much but also… why does this retired grandpa have to show up so late? He couldn’t have stopped looking at silk flowers two minutes earlier, before Xiao took on the physical and mental toll of sacrificing himself? Sure… if you say so…

(Though probably not his intention, you could read it as another sign of “You are still here because of me” or Xiao could be encouraged in feeling like he once again owes his life to Morax.)

But, what is even more heartbreaking, is how Xiao had been ready to make the ultimate sacrifice this entire time (shown by how he asked Yanfei about what a will is and if anyone could make one). Where do you think that mindset came from?

(Okay, Holly, calm down. Don’t throw hands with the geo grandpa… leave some for Neuvillette.)

And I’m not saying that Zhongli would still make the same decisions today that he made back then or that he is proud of what he has done. Actually, I think he’d feel quite guilty now that peaceful times have been established and he is in the position to take a step back and reevaluate, which is probably where his attempts at healing come from. I’m not saying he is a fundamentally bad person.

(Zhongli: “We did not measure right and wrong during the days of the Archon War in the same manner as we do today.”)

I’m saying that the circumstances of their first meeting lastingly formed the base and nature of their relationship.

I don’t think Zhongli has bad intentions, yet he also doesn’t address their past dynamic either and after what we established, we can assume Xiao wouldn’t either, which is probably why Zhongli reckons it is okay to let the topic rest.

(comment by @watatsumiis: “i feel like xiao literally isnt equipped to bring up these sorts of conversations. he just thinks how hes living is totally normal. like if you were to really twist it, YEAH their relationship could be like a father and son dynamic but in the way that like.. zhongli is a more mature and well rounded person than xiao is and because of his emotional experience he should be the one taking the lead and helping to guide xiao in these situations, even if that means starting the hard conversations.” Thank you for putting into words what my 1am brain couldn’t <3)

When he tells Xiao to go and make and meet friends he probably has very good intentions and there is care there. But we also know making connections is something Xiao is very afraid of, no matter how much he craves having a connection to someone, because he is scared to taint them with his karmic debt.

I also want to reiterate that the god who helped Xiao most with fighting against his karmic debt was Venti, who Zhongli labels as a useless drunk… just saying.

You could say that Zhongli tries to move their relationship from master and weapon to something more familial but his attempts are a little clumsy, probably because their history just runs very deep and old roles are hard to let go of.

To me, Xiao is a character with childlike curiosity but also the resoluteness and stoicism of someone who was forced to grow up too fast. And in a happier ending, someone close and dear to him (me, it’s me) can help him reevaluate his purpose and bring more nuance into a pretty black and white view on things.

However, @/watataumiis and I have been moving into a completely different direction ofc and I won’t spoil what it is here but I’ve been thinking about it a lot since then (and naturally I immediately started self shipping shenanigans bc I can’t not insert myself when Xiao is involved :])

And with that I conclude my crazed ramblings <3

(Again, not saying Zhongli is a bad person or anything, and this also not necessarily the basis on which I write him in x reader fics; you know me, I just like exploring avenues like this. Also I feel like I’m forgetting half of what I wanted to say, but that’s kinda typical; just know that I feel like there are more angsty thoughts under the smooth surface of my late night brain.

And while it’s not my cup of tea, I’m not trying to put down anyone who does see them as a functional father/son dynamic; there is nothing wrong with wanting that fluffy found family comfort ^^)

[lord-squiggletits]

Actually another Astarion hot take that I have is that idc what was in early access or the supplementary material, I take what's in the game at current release and the current lore is that Astarion barely remembers anything from his past life, so there's no way of knowing if he was a corrupt magistrate or not.

But even if we did know, I think that that's irrelevant to Astarion's storyline and if anything obfuscates what the themes of his story are supposed to be. It's very clear that his entire character is an allegory for/literally an example of someone who's a survivor of abuse and sex trafficking, and what's one of the most basic tenets of dealing humanely with abuse survivors? Understanding that no one deserves to be abused. So to me, even bringing up the question of "So was Astarion a good magistrate or a corrupt one?" is bringing in a moral judgement, and with that moral judgement brings a silent question of "So, did Astarion deserve what happened to him as karmic justice, or is he just an innocent victim who was in the wrong place at the wrong time?"

And when you consider the timeline of Astarion's pre-vampiric life (39 years) versus his vampiric life (200 years), it's very clear that even if you go purely by numerical terms, all of the suffering Astarion has gone through is way out of proportion to any wrongdoing he did. And again, I have to emphasize that for a character whose entire story is an allegory for abuse and whose themes revolve around the cyclical nature of abuse, bringing in ideas of good/bad and whether Astarion did something to deserve it or not is counterproductive to the narrative the writers chose, which was to focus on how trauma warps people into the worst versions of themselves. In order to remain thematically and (dare I say) morally correct, a story about an abuse victim shouldn't involve their backstory being "well, he kind of had it coming."

Though again, even if Astarion was canonically (not in EA, not in supplementary materials, in game during content that players can access) a shitty magistrate/person in his past life, literally no one deserves to be kept as a slave, emotionally abused, tortured, isolated, sexually exploited, and dehumanized. That's an incredibly punitive way of thinking that, again, is at odds with the primary theme of Astarion's story, which is about how an individual copes with trauma and deals with the cycle of abuse.

Plus, if you really want Astarion to be a problematic fave... he literally is problematic, right now, during the course of the game's story. I don't see how Astarion's actions as a magistrate 200 years ago are even relevant compared to all the bullshit he's doing right now that he's actually directly responsible for 😂😂😂

Though if you want my thoughts on Astarion's backstory re: the Gur (which idk if anyone else has talked about but I feel like they deserve a stronger presence in discussions of him), see the cut (and also my next reblog bc I want to give them their own section)

First of all, I'd like to point out that Astarion was turned into a vampire 200 years ago, and every single member of the Gur tribe that we see is human. Assuming that every Gur is human, that means that every single person who could've possibly been involved in Astarion's rulings as a magistrate (good or bad) is long dead, and so are their children, and their children's children.

And since the Gur hate vampires and see them as undead abominations, would they even see Astarion becoming a vampire spawn as justice?? If anything, they would be angry about the creation of another vampire and the fact that a vampire lord is free to create more victims to torture whenever he wants. So even if you want to go at it from a punitive justice perspective on behalf of the Gur, I'm not sure Astarion's enslavement would even be a satisfying punishment from their eyes. You know, assuming Astarion even did anything wrong to begin with, which in my opinion is purely up to headcanon anyways.

Secondly, a lot of people bring up EA Astarion having done deals with Cazador and sending him children before becoming a vampire. And they usually do this with a silent implication of, "Of course Astarion is racist towards the Gur, he was already racist towards them before." But I don't think that necessarily has to be the case. There's obviously no good reason to be racist towards anyone, but given that this is a story where characters are supposed to be realistic and flawed, I think that Astarion hating Gur because he was murdered by a gang of Gur is sufficient explanation. And rather than EA Astarion's raw, pure asshole bigotry, current!Astarion's bigotry is way more sympathetic in a "tragedy for everyone involved" sort of way. What I mean is:

Whatever ruling Astarion made, whether it was good or bad or neither, he was beaten to death by a gang of vigilantes. Even if the vigilantes just intended to seek justice for their side (assuming that Astarion's ruling was even against the Gur to begin with, the thugs could've just as easily been hired by some noble), their actions led to Astarion being enslaved by an evil vampire and tortured for centuries. It's a "nobody wins" scenario where an act of hatred (on Astarion's part, the Gur's part, or some random person who wanted Astarion killed) led to immeasurable suffering even though most of the people who instigated the fight to begin with are already long dead. Not just Astarion's suffering, but also his siblings, as well as all the victims they took on Cazador's behalf.

And while there's nothing in current BG3 precluding Astarion from having been racist to Gur while he was alive, I really prefer the idea of him only becoming bigoted due to trauma. Because again, to reiterate the point I made above, quibbling about whether Astarion was a racist or corrupt or evil when he was alive dilutes the themes of his story from "abuse victim empowered to choose between freedom or perpetuating the cycle" to "yeah, he was a victim, but he was kind of an racist asshole so he did deserve it a little."

I'm not saying this because I think Astarion needs to be a blameless victim, or because I think abuse survivors IRL can't be problematic/should have any problematic behavior be excused because they're traumatized. I'm speaking of it purely from a narrative perspective, especially from the angle of representation. The way stories portray abuse, if done poorly, can perpetuate stereotypes about abuse victims, such as saying that they must've done something to warrant being treated badly, or that certain types of people deserve to be abused because they're evil.

And even though it's perfectly okay to write characters who are shitty and problematic, I think writing stories in a way that perpetuate harmful views towards real life people and social issues is something that definitely SHOULD be avoided.

I'm also going at it from a restorative justice perspective. As someone who prefers to write stories with a more humanistic perspective, I've never liked the "Astarion kinda deserved it if he was evil beforehand" take because... Cazador?? Is not an agent of justice whatsoever? He's a shitty, controlling, abusive vampire who takes pleasure in controlling and torturing others. He treated his vampire spawn as slaves to bring him victims and even planned to sacrifice their lives for his own benefit. Even if you think it's possible for the spawn to deserve what Cazador did to them, how is it morally right to condone/water down Cazador's actions by implying that one (or more) of his victims was a shitty person, so technically it's just karma in a way? Cazador isn't some karmic force delivering justice to people who tried to escape it-- he's literally just an asshole abusing other people for fun.

[daisys-reality]

(from the beginning I want to say that I'm using google translator because I don't know English, if something is wrong don't blame me jksjsjkaksk) Lately I've had a lot of ups and downs with my manifestations, sometimes I feel very motivated, and other times I feel like nothing is real. I've known the law of attraction for about 4 years, and the law of Assumption for about 2, but I've never been able to manifest anything with any of them. I really don't understand why this happens, since most of the time though I have a good mindset about my manifestations, but I never get to manifest even a small thing... I don't know...

why haven't you manifested anything yet? 🌊🎰🪞

hey anon🤍 you didn't request it but i did a tatot reading for you to see what is going on here. Also, some of this might feel like 'tough love', sorry for this.😅

It seems like you started your journey with optimism and innocence. The possibility of manifestation made you feel boundless, carefree and full of energy. You wanted to follow your heart and you wanted to have faith in the universe to provide… Because of those endless possibilities and doors that opened up to you, you were faced with a lot of choices as well. Decisions had to be made but you got so caught up in your dreams that you started to ignore reality (- mind you, with reality I mean your situation, not necessarily the 3D world). For example, instead of actively visualizing your desires, feeling them to be true and seeing it as a committed act to your desires, you ended up with ‘wishful thinking’ being so used to daydreaming… Where did you make the decision to commit? Did you actively tell yourself/your mind that this is not your usual daydreaming session but you manifesting your desires? 

Not knowing who you are and where you want to be can easily make you distracted by those endless choices that you can make. You’re almost blinded by it… like a poor person finding a cave of gold. Don’t look at those opportunities from a position of ‘lack’. “I’ve never been able to manifest anything with them” - are you sure about that? Or did you talk yourself into thinking this? Look at your life - it’s your creation -> to see, you must look first. Open your eyes and start being grateful for your creations - regardless of good or bad. Get used to the thought of being the one who creates. Increase your belief/faith and confidence in yourself, not in the universe. Once you see yourself as ‘full’ and abundant, your perspective on things will change and making decisions and committing to them will become easier. Neville Goddard always said that you should make your desires small and "insignificant". So, put yourself on top - as the person who has all the power - because this is your own self made illusional world. 

Also, do you think that you’re reliable? Do you feel like you can rely on yourself? If not, why? Think about it. It might be advisable to assess your current situation and to take proactive steps to break out of your current cycle (- i’m talking about habitual cycles, and not about karmic cycles or something like that) and to embrace new experiences. If you feel disconnected, it may also be time to reassess your priorities and align them with your values (- also, are you aware your own values?).  Remember that change is a necessary part of growth and success. Even if the current situation may feel daunting, taking small steps right now can lead to long term success. So, don’t lose your focus. 

I can see that you might feel like you’re experiencing a major setback in your journey or that you’re back to the beginning.But perhaps you’re meant to either start over or reframe your plan with the wisdom you’ve gained in the past time. All those years haven’t been in vain, I promise. There might be much more hidden in you that you are yet to discover. Think of it as a chance to renew yourself right now and chart a path that will help you rise from the ashes - like a phoenix. :) To overcome your problems you’re advised to act self reliant and strong. (-> See how I didn’t say ‘BE self reliant and strong’. I know you are. You already have those qualities, you just need to act on them!) Sure, in life you will sometimes be met with competition and obstacles but remember that your willpower and focus will ultimately lead you to your desired ‘success’. So, have faith in yourself, take the reins and be in control of your own destiny. 

On a side note, the number 7 seemed to be relevant in your reading. If you look this number up, you find : “This number is connected to growing self-awareness, intuition, wisdom, inner strength, spiritual revelations, and big shifts that can have a positive impact on your life. It’s a number that serves as a bridge or a connection between  our mortal realm and higher places.” Take this as a sign if you want.

[knightofhylia]

Dream Analysis: Security Footage

original blog post June 13, 2022

had a dream that I saw my dad digging up a dog's body. Sometime later I went down to the basement where it had been buried originally and in chalk on the ground was written 'I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BODY I SAW IT ON CV' or something like that? I got really upset so I went upstairs and some neckbeard guy (like straight from the meme) came out of a home office and was like 'you gotta see this' and showed me the security footage. I remember panicking and thinking 'shit, I have to act surprised'

I did the 5 card(+ clarification card) influences spread with Tmikh (Alleyman's Tarot)

Influences

R King of Wands

a tyrant who demands attention and respect but doesn't deserve it, people growing tired of a huge ego, actions undoing one's own power

Paimon, King of Subjugation

feeling at the control and whims of others, accepting other people control massive parts of our destiny; etc being a kid, working a job that dictates your life, cutting strings

Message

R 8 of Swords

leaving the cage you made, relief in having solutions, facing fears and taking off the blindfold, seeing problems for what they are

R Wheel of Fortune

given up hope to make change, realizing you can stop the wheel at any time, letting go

What to do next?

R Queen of Coins

a hoarder and a hater, clutching resources to your chest while others starve beside you, abandoned, 

Clarification

R 6 of Cups

moving on from childish things, becoming serious, growing up, leaving home

Reflection: 

A little bit of context is needed for this dream. In short, my dad was not a good person. He kept a lot of secrets and lied a lot so in the years after his death I have been trying to piece together the truth. In talking with my brother and listening to some of the experiences he has been having spiritually I was under the suspicion that my dad may be trying to contact me through him since I put wards against him. I did this reading after my husband had a dream about watching security camera footage in his dreams. 

In this reading, Tmikh pretty much confirmed that.  The influences talking about losing power, huge ego, subjugation describes my dad perfectly. He demanded respect but didn't earn it. He may have had a huge influence on my destiny being my parent, but it is up to me to take off the blindfold and face my fears and learn the truth even if I think that the small victories don't matter. I was confused on the 'what to do' being so negative, but after talking it out with my therapist I think what Tmikh is saying is that I don't have to save him or help him pass over, that I should clutch my resources to my chest and let him struggle, I've done enough for him in this life and in the afterlife. It's time for me to let him face his troubles by himself and not spend too much energy trying to save other people.

Symbol Breakdown:

My dad digging up a body: Me digging through his past, him burying himself deeper in a karmic hole

Digging up a dog: Dogs were traditionally buried first in cemeteries to help the humans pass over. To me this suggests he can't pass over. He hated dogs and all animals and was abusive to our dog growing up. I have gotten prior knowledge through a trance that our dog  growing up was a guardian for my mom bust also protected the kids.

Basement with chalk writing: on a mundane level, her bones are in a basement right now. On a magic level, the basement suggests unconscious thoughts being brought to the surface by the digging. The chalk writing suggests maybe a message from my inner child? or A message on the surface.

Neckbeard showing me the footage: honestly I think this was my guide. I am working with Sai and Mouhi this summer and they both specialize on secrets, childhood healing, lying and self control. Sai usually uses the internet and music to talk to me, so I wouldn't be surprised considering the guy looked like the meme.

[phoenixislost]

Just read the drabble....youre INSANE 😭 really goes to show how so many things can go wrong with *that* scene. Idk if i should indulge you further....but what if either shenhe, hu tao, or chongyun is the one who dealt the final blow?

Apologies for the wait, anon! Had to gather some spoons for this. c:

... Let's find out what would happen, together.

-

When he reaches them, Shenhe and Hu Tao have the demon on the ground, with their polearms pointed at her neck. But he sees how dark tendrils sneak from behind – how they are about to –

Before Xiao can do anything, he hears the rush of footsteps behind him. In a flash of white and blue, like a flurry of snow – Chongyun flings himself into the fold. Xiao panics, reaches out to stop him. But it is too late. He watches as the young exorcist cuts through the tendrils and bathes the area in an icy chill. His claymore pierces down – and then it is over. The demon is no more, and from her chest bursts forth all of the stolen dreams and tainted souls.

At first, it looks as though everything will be okay. The rain comes to a stop. From outside the forest, the light of clear skies trickles in. A peace settles over the land.

But then – Chongyun collapses.

---

Xiao is the one to take charge of the fallen exorcist. He is so young, so small in Xiao’s arms, as he carries him to Jueyun Karst. Shenhe travels with him while Hu Tao is gone to fetch Zhongli. She is dreadfully silent at Xiao’s side. Though her face betrays nothing, he can feel the despair and the worry that rolls off of her.

When Chongyun shifts in his hold, furrows his brows and lets out a pained sound – Xiao can see how Shenhe flinches. Short of perhaps just hugging her, which he cannot do, Xiao is uncertain how to comfort her. That does not stop him from trying, though. “He is a strong boy,” Xiao says cautiously. “And his energy is still potent. I think he will fare well, once we have roused him.”

Shenhe lets out a stuttered breath, and it is the first time that Xiao has heard emotion come from this woman. “It’s just – he’s so young,” she says. Aching, like a sore, “He shouldn’t be so burdened – if it had been me, it would have been no different – ”

But Xiao will not entertain that thinking. He shakes his head, and he says to her, “We could easily say the same thing about me. I have been riddled by karmic debt far longer than I have not; for most of my life.” He readjusts his hold on Chongyun, draws him closer to his chest. “If I had dealt the blow – it is something I am already used to.” He thinks he sees Shenhe about to argue – no doubt to point out the obvious swell of his belly and the implications it holds. Xiao shakes his head again and he says, “But that is not what happened. You did not deal the blow, nor did I. Chongyun did, and we will have to live with that.”

He knows, of course, that that is far easier said than done – adrenaline fuels him now; but it will not stave off his own guilt forever.

---

The consensus is that it is not as bad as it could be. But it is not good, either. Chongyun still does not rouse, even hours after he has been brought to Mount Aocang to be cared for by Cloud Retainer. When Zhongli arrives with Hu Tao, his analysis returns a grim result.

“His yang energy is becoming more volatile. The karma is exacerbating its effects on him,” his Lord says. “It will not kill him – but he will be forever burdened. This is no longer going to be a nuisance for him. It will be a genuine handicap.”

Shenhe gazes at Zhongli, and she asks carefully, “Will he at least be able to return to the harbor? To his family, his friends?” She sits at Chongyun’s side, and her hands hover over him. “His friend circle is small – but they mean the world to him. I can’t imagine him without their company.”

Zhongli hums in thought and brings a hand to his chin. With a sigh, he admits, “I am unsure. Right now – definitely not; but perhaps with time he might be safe to return to them.”

It is Xiao who decides to take Chongyun under his wing. When the matter of housing and caring for the exorcist arises, a thought occurs to him. His daughter hiccups gently in his belly, and then stretches out lazily. With a hand at his middle, Xiao says to the group, “My baby seems to have inherited some of Aether’s special qualities – she has helped purify some of my karmic debt during this pregnancy. If she could do this for me, when I have been plagued with this for millennia, then maybe – ”

His Lord catches on, and he nods. “Yes, you might be right,” he says to Xiao. “It would not hurt to try. The Wangshu Inn has not suffered from your presence before, and is even used to dealing with whatever fallout occasionally arises from the karma.” With a gentle hand on his shoulder, Zhongli asks, “Are you sure you are up to this, though? You are thirty weeks gone; and this is not a simple task.”

Xiao places his own hand over his Lord’s, and he nods with confidence. “Yes, I can think of no one better suited for this than myself.” Then, he looks to the boy who lays so motionless before them. “I want nothing more than for him to lead a life as unburdened as possible.”

---

A few days pass before Chongyun finally stirs. In that time, Xiao has a separate bed brought into his room, and he dresses it himself with soft linens. He keeps his censer and his vajra handy – though he thinks they will not be needed. From the harbor, Shenhe brings some of Chongyun’s spare clothes, as well as some of his favorite books and trinkets. Xiao takes care to place them around the room; uses them to create a space of familiarity and comfort.

When the exorcist finally wakes, it is late into the night and Xiao is just about to lay down for bed. Chongyun groans in pain as the world opens itself up to him. Quickly, Xiao is at his side and steadying him from tipping out of the bed.

“Easy,” Xiao cautions. “Slow movements – you have been asleep for a few days. Give your legs a moment to catch up.”

Chongyun swallows, but his voice still cracks when he asks, “Where am I? Why am I in so much pain?”

The words pierce Xiao in the heart. He takes a deep breath in and then lets it blow out slowly through his nose. “You have slain a demon,” he says carefully. “You have accumulated karmic debt for it.” After another breath, he tells him, “You are here with me to recuperate. I am hoping your karma can be lessened by my daughter’s presence, like mine has been.”

He is given nothing but silence in reply. Chongyun is still awake – Xiao can see that his eyes are still open and trained on his face. But he looks stricken, and Xiao lets out a shaky sigh at the realization. He is scared, he thinks, of course he is scared. With gentle care, he wraps Chongyun in his arms. The exorcist trembles in his hold, and his arms latch onto Xiao. “You will be okay,” Xiao tells him. In his ear, he whispers, “I promise you, you will be okay.”

---

The changes are subtle, at first. While he was quite a mild boy before, now Chongyun has a bit of a temper. His patience wears thin and is easily disrupted. Xiao notices it first when they sit on the balcony that first day. They have just had lunch, and now they are quietly threading some beads onto thread. It is a simple craft, and really – it is only meant to keep the exorcist calm and still, so that Xiao can sit near and allow his daughter to do… whatever it is that she does.

But a bead slips from Chongyun’s grasp more than once, and the frustration builds in him with sharp intensity. Finally, after it slips from his hand a fourth time, the exorcist growls and throws the entire craft to the ground. The beads scatter everywhere and roll across the wooden planks. Xiao sighs, and he tries to bring a hand to Chongyun’s shoulder – but he is slapped away harshly.

He realizes what he has done a split second later, and already he is apologizing to Xiao and groveling for his forgiveness. Xiao is stunned at first, but he recovers quickly. Without a second thought, he shakes his head and says to Chongyun, “It is nothing. Now we know that you need space when you grow angry. This is a learning process for both of us.”

Chongyun looks skeptical, but he nods and accepts Xiao’s words anyway. They gather the scattered beads again together, and when they think he is calm enough – Xiao encourages Chongyun to try again.

His sensitivity to heat and other sensations grows more intense. Though Fall is just around the corner, the heat of Summer has returned to its peak for now. It is sweltering and oppressive, and it keeps both of them indoors for much of the day. But Xiao has some chores to do, some laundry to attend to. He is reluctant to bring Chongyun with him, but the boy simply shrugs off the concern as though it is undue.

Now, they sit outside as the sun beats down in unforgiving rays. While Xiao scrubs at their linens, Chongyun sits under the shade of a nearby tree. Xiao had made him keep some cold iced tea with him, and he can see the exorcist sipping at it idly. There is only a little left to do, before he can finally place their laundry on the clothesline. The time moves like honey, sluggish in its flow. Just as Xiao is standing to take the newly-washed linens to the line to dry, he realizes that Chongyun has slumped over onto the ground.

He drops the linens, does not care that they fall to the dirt – and he rushes to the boy. Not-so-gently, Xiao tries to rouse him. Chongyun startles awake, and he looks blearily at Xiao. “You need to tell me when you feel unwell,” he says frantically. “I cannot know what you are feeling if you do not tell me.”

Chongyun only nods smally. When he makes no other effort to speak or move, Xiao sighs. He gathers the boy into his arms, and he carries him inside. As he lays him down in his bed a short while later, Xiao says, “We will need to keep you out of the heat from now on.”

But the worst of it – the worst of it is the nightmares. Xiao had thought that the pain would be what Chongyun would voice complaints for – but when prodded, he says that he only feels mild tingles now and then. It is a relief, and Xiao dares let himself believe that his daughter is already doing some magic.

The truth unveils itself at night. Chongyun’s pain is greater than he lets on – but it is not physical. In his sleep, he is restless and haunted. Xiao finds himself having sleepless nights, as he spends that time comforting the boy under his care. One night – Chongyun wails in agony, and his body writhes through it. At a complete loss for what to do, Xiao climbs in the bed and wraps his arms around the boy. He holds him to his chest until the cries subside. When he is this close, Xiao can smell the bitterness of fear that wafts from the boy’s dream.

And then a thought occurs to him.

He has not done this for millennia, and he knows that there are some consequences to bear – but Xiao thinks it might be worth the sacrifice. Before he can think twice or regret the choice – he devours the horrid nightmare that plagues Chongyun’s mind. The thing tastes acrid, and it bloats his belly uncomfortably. But he sees how the boy’s face softens, how his trembling ceases. It is worth it, Xiao reasons, to see him at peace.

---

After a few weeks, things begin to even out. Zhongli is proud to tell them that this seems to be working. “I think you will be able to return home very soon,” his Lord tells Chongyun. “Your karma is lessening at a good pace, and your yang energy is evening itself out – Or, well, as even as it can be for you.”

Chongyun smiles, and it is a bright and precious thing – Xiao has not seen one so unfiltered from the boy before. “Thank you, Mr. Zhongli. You and Adeptus Xiao have been so patient with me.”

Zhongli chuckles, and he pats the boy’s head. “Think nothing of it. You are Liyue’s hero. It would shame us to leave you unaccounted for. It was no small thing, the sacrifice that you made.”

Xiao nods, and he brings a hand to his belly when he feels his daughter stretch out. “Yes,” Xiao nods in agreement. He takes Chongyun’s hand gently, and he presses it down where his daughter is stirring. “I cannot thank you enough. My daughter is safe, and she will not have to live in fear of the shadows, because of you.”

It seems that the boy is at a loss for words – but that is okay. The warm look in his eyes and the pink dust on his cheeks is answer enough.

He is not quite the same, when Xiao and Zhongli return Chongyun to the harbor. The boy is still saddled with karma that might never leave him; he is more prone to anger and night terrors, needs to be wary of the heat – But he is still Chongyun, still the sweet boy that they all love; and that will have to be enough.

When Xingqiu and Xiangling see them approach the city gate, they both bolt to meet halfway. They envelop Chongyun in their arms and bury him in affection. Xingqiu kisses at his cheeks and his temples, and he chokes as he says, “I missed you so much.”

At their feet, Xiao recognizes Marchosius – Guoba – as he joins in. He hugs their legs and buries his face into them affectionately. Chongyun laughs, bright and clear and happy. “I missed you too,” he says gently. “I am glad to be back.”

[hydratedcognizance]

gaslighting ourselves

well i mustve hit a money spot

because so much is coming up around gaslighting

being gaslit

and even where we gaslight ourselves

this is of course learnt.. and why i like that reasoning is it takes the “you” out of the equation, releases blame and eases responsibility easier

we are on this earth with all different purposes

this is learnt, this is normal

this is no ones fault

this is something we are just dealing with

and when we deal with it, it creates a ripple effect

and dealing with it is first seeing it

but anyways

ive talked about gaslighting in all my posts from today,

and im hitting something thats really huge for me right now

the whys, wonderings, what is this feeling

i understand now

gaslighting

its opening up something thats bigger than what i had anticipated

this is like monumental lol

and it all lines up with psychological western medicine

and where i believe these 3 and 4 letter abbreviations come from that explain mental trauma and untapped spiritual gifts

gaslighting and being disconnected from self

usually from a young age

because kids are known to “not know”

and yet kids are the closest thing to the subconscious that we as adults can get in our conscious realities lol

broad statement, just came out flowing though

and i feel like with gaslighting its something that really isn’t meant to harm

it can even be a form of protection

some sort of protection from danger, but it disconnects us from our thinking brain and shared reality of another individual

so we end up searching and wondering as to why we feel this way

over active conscious minds

because it wasnt taught

and then our brains are kinda like, well ive never dealt with this before

and it goes into a fear cycle of well what can happen

just trying to piece all this together lol

and our brains then are running

because thats their job

to think, but they’re running inefficiently due to the disconnect from reality

so we think and think about the probable cause for said reaction internally

but we cant find it because its been told to us that that nothing is actually going on

so the pathways towards said solution to current feeling was never established we just got all these fears rummaging around

and then the problem grows really

it festers, and i see someone grabbing at straws

its what it feels like

i feel its like something that has just been created through societies evolution and now its in the early workings of healing from these defense mechanisms

lol

yeah

its weird to to think back in my life and i do feel like for majority of my life i was conscious to my surroundings

ive always been aware of energy and how i feel around people

i dont have real solid memories like some people rememeber crazy shit

but i remember my grammy and i always hanging out like friends

like even as a young kid

i always felt older

i knew social queues lol however you spell it

and i was good in the crowd that i was raised in

then you get thrown in to settings where everyones different

motives are different

im working on all being my own person,

self esteem, i feel i went too far left on the martyr side in that last karmic cycle - i guess i surrendered lol

but like i do feel like ive felt this disconnect for majority of my life where i have a persona i enact and then i have my own inner consciousness inside me

and ones hiding

and it is protection

its nice to have a filter i suppose

but when the filter is completely jammed up and social anxiety creeps in and you cant really feel like yourself

it creates this mental prison

and if that prison was created in childhood

how the f do you fandangle your way outta that mess

right

therapy lol

or untreated you can make life really fun

like thats what im working on lol

releasing the lies that keep me safe

but weirdly enough it doesnt take the nervous feeling away

because the fears are still there

we can of course stretch our comfort zones and do what may seem like the impossible

but the mental gaslighting of it all

it creates voices

that quiestion you and make you wonder like is this real

is that what im feeling

yes it is what youre feeling

because your feeling it

taking the programs, thoughts and beliefs of the mind

and making a story out of them

may be a good dopamine hit lol

they are not beneficial

inner wars lol

different stroylines

contradicting one another

causing a ruckus lol

all the thoughts tied with the emotion are the cause of suffering

being someone who may not be comfortable FEELING in front of people lol its kinda like social anxiety in a nutshell

especially shame dynamics where uncontrollable outcomes seem greater than the experience, im teaching myself right now to enjoy the feeling of embarrassment

lol feel turned on rather than turned off by it

you know

these cycles that can be going on under the surface of life

its felt really weird through saturn return

because i guess those were

tests

and now i hope im at a time where i can trust my mental abilities now, feels a lot clearer, but also learning and integrating

lol cuz it feels clear

but i dont know

lol second guessing

all these feelings and thoughts lol

can i maybe trust?

yikes

lol

what a weird concept lol

anywho,

the moral of the story really is

and a teacher of mine taught me this

“thoughts are farts”

lol

what our brains are thinking

is coming from an emotion in our body

a thought is a fart

lol from our body

so in my experience

we have to feel the emotion

ignore the story

come back to level ground

and then go into detective mode - whether that be communicating fears to the person, or disregarding the PTSD flashback

whatever you deem as neutral for your situation

and rememeber

thoughts are farts lol

don’t go creating a big story mentally because it feeds your dopamine and adrenaline sectors of the brain because youre bored and addicted to chaos

even though its fun, exhilarating and enticing lol

peace is nice, ive heard

apparently lol

im sure i will be a little chaos witch till i die

a tornado of wtf lol

proudly

quit gaslighting yourself

your experience was real

your experience matters

to you

and that is enough

honour your body and impulses and trust the guidance

xx