#kara. visage / isn’t it lovely

[ahsterism-aa]

✧･ﾟ tag drop: game & literature muses

[bridgetserdocksketches]

We're suffering tonight, boys

Lena isn’t avoiding Kara, okay? She’s just very busy. That’s all. What with being the CEO of her own company, running her own experiments, and this new little passion project she has a lot going on. Her absence in Kara’s life these past few days has absolutely nothing to do with the black eye she’s currently sporting. Don’t be ridiculous.

Though, in hindsight, she really should’ve known she’d only be able to bail on lunch with Kara so many times before she came knocking.

Lena’s knee deep in some complex coding, trying to figure out what went wrong with this last test and fix it, when she gets the call. She barely even looks at her phone screen before answering. Not that she needs to.

“Kara, hi,” she says warmly.

“Are you avoiding me?”

Well, shit. “What? No. Of course not.”

“Are you sick? You know if you’re sick you can just tell me, right?”

“Yes, I-- no, Kara. I’m not sick.”

Lena can practically see the pinch in her brow. The confusion painted all over her face as she tries to puzzle out what’s going on with Lena.

“Okay, well you skipped lunch three times this week. Is everything alright?” Kara asks.

“Yes, everything’s perfectly fine. I’ve just been busy,” Lena assures her.

“So you’re not avoiding me?”

Lena breathes out a sigh that borders on a laugh. “No.”

“Alright, then can you come let me in?”

Before Lena can even ask where she is or what she means (as if she doesn’t already know), there’s a knocking at the door. Not the front door, of course. No, that would be far too mundane. It’s at the back door. The balcony door. The one that Lena always leaves unlocked, but Kara refuses to open without being welcomed in.

Her immediate reaction is to get up and open the door for Kara. But then Kara would see the black eye that much sooner. And if she can stall for even a few seconds longer, she will. So instead, she simply turns over her shoulder (careful to keep her left eye obscured) and calls out to Kara.

“It’s open.”

Still wearing the Supergirl suit and wielding a takeout bag, Kara strides into Lena’s apartment with a little spring in her step. Because as far as she’s concerned, Lena hasn’t been avoiding her. Lena isn’t hiding a few secrets from her and has nothing out of the ordinary going on. She’s just a little extra busy with that passion project she has outright refused to share any information about with anyone. There is absolutely nothing for her - or Lena, for that matter - to worry about.

“I figured you didn’t eat anything since you skipped lunch, again,” Kara drawls, the barest hint of disappointment in her words. “So I brought you dinner.” She walks around to get in front of Lena, finally, and plops the greasy bag of Big Belly Burger down on the counter. “Voila!”

There’s a five second gap after the delectable diabetic nightmare is presented before Lena. Five charged seconds where Lena simply waits for Kara to finally notice. At first, she’s a little too proud of herself. A grin so broad and brilliant and downright beautiful it could be considered blinding spread across her face. But then those blue eyes of hers track a little to the left and they go wide. Her mouth falls open. Her brow pinches. And several emotions flicker over her visage all at once.

Her lips work around a few words, spluttering on air briefly, before she finally settles on “Lena!”

And Lena can’t help herself. “Kara?”

Kara blinks. “What-- When-- Who did this to you?”

Lena exhales deeply and leans back in her chair. “No one did this to me.”

Kara’s around on Lena’s side of the counter in the space of a heartbeat. Her hands cradling Lena’s face like it’ll break under the slightest amount of pressure as she examines her.

“What happened?” She demands.

“Nothing. I’m fine,” Lena insists.

It’s almost believable, too. But then Kara’s thumb chances a little too close to her left eye. With a hiss of pain, Lena flinches from her hand. Kara’s brow furrows further and her frown deepens.

“Lena--”

“I’m fine, Kara. Really,” Lena says. She takes both of Kara’s hands in her own and pulls them down from her face. “It was just an experiment gone wrong.”

“What sort of experiment gives people black eyes?”

Lena breathes out an indignant little huff of air. “It’ll be easier to just show you.”

Kara’s gaze narrows. “Alright.”

Kara is right on Lena’s heels as they walk to the spare room. The room Lena has taken to calling the nursery, where Baymax is lying in wait. At this stage in his development, he’s pretty infantile at best. He knows a few key phrases and can identify a person as long as they’re standing in front of him. But he can’t hold a conversation and his object permanence is severely lacking. So, yeah. Lena’s gonna call his room a nursery.

Baymax is in his charging pod where she’d left him a few days ago (when their most recent test run failed spectacularly, leaving Lena with a shiner). There isn’t anything else in the room, though. Lena had removed a lot of it to make space for his assembly. Once that was done, she decided to keep the room empty after he broke her last laptop after a particularly nasty glitch. So the only thing in here, as far as Kara’s concerned, is some weird red luggage tucked against the back wall.

“What am I looking at?” Kara asks, the worry from before replaced with confusion and curiosity.

“Hopefully something that’ll help a lot of people,” Lena says.

It’s cryptic, she’ll admit. But it’s hard to explain exactly what Baymax is at this point. Because he’s not simply a robot anymore. He’s taken on so much more personality and life in just the few weeks since his first test run. He’s learning. Growing. Like a person.

So instead of explaining, Lena crosses the length of the room, kneels down in front of the charging pod, and activates the robot.

Later, Kara would say that Lena leapt away from the charging station as it booted up. Like she’d gotten zapped or something. Lena, however, would vehemently insist that she simply hurried away in case something went wrong. Either way, she now stands alongside Kara, watching with bated breath as Baymax comes back to life.

She counts the seconds it takes him to inflate. 23. They need to get that down. He needs to be faster. If someone is really hurt, he has to be able to help. It takes another 4 seconds for Baymax to fully boot up. His eyes blink to signify that he’s fully functional and ready to assist. A total of 27 seconds. They can do better.

Not that Kara notices. She’s staring open mouthed and wide eyed as Baymax awkwardly stumbles out of his charging pod. His steps are heavy, almost as if he thinks the floor is further down (just another thing to iron out). He stops moving about two feet away from them both. Lifts his hand limply into the air (the fingers not fully inflated or opposable yet).

“Hello. I am Baymax, your personal healthcare companion.”

And then he freezes. Standing right there. Unmoving and, to be frank, a little terrifying.

“Wow,” Kara breathes.

“Yeah,” Lena agrees. “He’s still got a lot of bugs to work out. Hence the black eye.” She gestures at her left eye vaguely. “But when he’s finished, he’s going to help a lot of people.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Kara asks.

Lena turns to her now. Her brow arched and a playful little smirk on her lips. “What? Is being Supergirl not enough for you?”

“Don't get me wrong. I love being Supergirl, but this.” She points at Baymax’s frozen form. “This will be able to do something I never could.”

Lena’s smirk falls into something softer. Something kinder. Kara finally looks at her now.

“Now, I’m not great with coding and all that… stuff. But I can help you test him out. No matter how hard he tries, he’s not going to be able to give me a black eye.”

Well, when she puts it like that…

“Do I… do I start now?” Kara asks hesitantly. She fidgets uncomfortably with the sign Lena handed her, then adjusts her glasses.

Lena smiles at her from behind her computer. “You can start whenever you like. But I do want to be done by dinner, darling.”

“Right.” Kara nods.

She looks away from Lena, her eyes landing on Baymax. And then she grins. That unfairly perfect grin. The one that is so infectious it’s a wonder the CDC aren’t investigating it yet.

“This is Kara Danvers,” She says, carefully enunciating each word. “And this is the first test of mine and Lena Luthor’s Baymax Project.”

She reaches forward, just like Lena showed her, and turns Baymax on. She grins again, up at the robot, and waits. Watches as he blinks, tilts his head down, and lifts his hand.

“Hello. I am Baymax, your personal healthcare companion.”

“Hello, Baymax!” She answers cheerily. “Would you please scan me?”

“Beginning scan now,” Baymax announces.

But that’s not what happens. No, it would be too simple if that’s what happens next. Instead, the entire system glitches. And both his arms start vibrating rapidly.

Kara’s face pales. “Uh, Lena,” she calls, not daring to look away from another rogue robot. “Is he supposed to be doing that?”

“No,” Lena says quickly. She looks between the two screens in front of her, trying to search for the error in his code to stop this from happening next time. “You gotta shut him down, Kara.”

“Uh-oh!” Kara exclaims.

Lena’s head snaps up. “Uh-oh?”

“Sorry about your laptop,” Kara says, as if it’s her fault Baymax broke yet another computer. Lena really needs to stick to her no-computers-in-the-nursery rule.

“It’s alright.” Lena waves her off, dutifully working away at the code from her tablet. “I’ll just get another one.”

“Next time I’ll stand between the two of you. That way I can better stop his renegade flying arms.”

Lena's gaze snaps to where Kara sits, finishing off the last of their fries (Lena’s fries, really. But they always share). “Next time? You still want to help after that disaster?”

“Of course,” Kara says earnestly. Then her face screws up. “But do you think we could make him look a little friendlier? A bit rounder? You know. Friend-shaped?”

Lena snickers. “Friend-shaped?”

“Yeah. Friend-shaped.”

Lena laughs lightly, and start typing again. “I think I can make that work.”

Wow. That got away from me

So this is how Kara ends up being the one to test Baymax. It's also part of what Baymax shows to Lena after telling her "Kara is here."

This scene (as in the video, not the ficlet) would serve as an emotional low point, if you couldn't tell. And it would be the moment where Lena decides she's going to let the Superfriends use Baymax to save Kara (instead of his actual purpose which is, you know, healthcare)

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Metallo!Lena AU Part 15

Lena's decision to reveal herself isn't entirely well thought out. In the weeks that follow, the media outlets flood with speculation about her veracity, her intentions, and her whereabouts for the past year. Considering Lena bolted after giving the reporters her name, their confusion isn't entirely unwarranted, but Lena has no intention of giving them any further details.

Reclaiming her name is one thing. Revealing the current condition is another.

"The last thing the world needs to hear is that there's a Luthor running around without a heart. Literally."

Kara rolls her eyes at the weak joke. "Nobody blames you for your brother's actions, Lena. If they knew what happened--"

"They'll say I should have seen it coming. It's all in the family, Kara. My brother killed me and my mother resurrected me. This is my chance to start fresh, so just... let me have it."

The unexpected outcome of it all is that Lena no longer needs to hide. Slowly, she starts to venture out into the city with Kara, both with armor and without, and for the first time since her rescue, she gets to enjoy some of the things she used to.

Like watching the geese in the park, and window shopping in midtown. At first, she's able to get away unnoticed by simply wearing casual outfits, but as the media coverage persists, more and more people start to notice her. It soon becomes clear that Lena needs to make another decision.

"I have to make a statement," she says one night, lying in her bunk next to Kara. They've just come out of a sparring session, and are sweaty and tired, but still Lena's mind races.

Kara looks at her, not lifting her head. "Are you sure?"

"No. But... if I don't, I'll just lose control of my narrative all over again."

"Okay," comes the easy response. "I'll support you, whatever you decide."

Lena turns to look at her. "I'm going to need you to do more than that."

---

"You want her to WHAT?" Alex asks, when they tell her the plan.

Lena doesn't blink an eye. "I want Kara to leverage an exclusive interview with me to get her old job back."

Alex looks like she's going to pop a blood vessel. She eyes Lena, then turns her incredulous gaze on Kara. "And what do you want?"

Kara shuffles awkwardly in place, eyes on her shoes. "I... am okay with it."

It had taken some convincing. Well, not so much convincing as talking Kara out of her own pessimism. Her career was over, she'd claimed when Lena first shared her idea. Supergirl was her job now. She was needed at the DEO more than anywhere else. The world needed Supergirl.

"But what does Supergirl need?" Lena had asked.

Now, Alex doesn't seem convinced. "Really? Because you were miserable there before you quit. Are you really ready to go back?"

Kara shrugs, sheepish and uncertain both. Lena shifts protectively in front of her. "Don't worry," she drawls, "I'm sure she'll still help at DEO if you ask nicely."

"That's not why I'm concerned," Alex scoffs.

"Then why do you care so much about what Kara chooses to do with her civilian life, Director?"

Alex pauses on the verge of retort. Then she rocks back on her heels, making pointed eye contact with Kara. Kara touches Lena shoulder, moving out from behind her.

"Because she's my sister."

Lena blinks in surprise, then freezes as her brain restructures itself to absorb this new information. "Oh. That is... not what I expected."

"What were you expecting?"

"...doesn't matter."

Alex huffs, irritation flaring. "Kara, I don't think I need to remind you of what it was like when you were working at CatCo--"

"I loved CatCo. I still do." Kara's shoulders lift. "Looking back, I don't think CatCo was the reason I was miserable. It's just the part of my life that suffered the most. But--" She looks at Lena, shoulders squaring. "Things are different now. I can't be Supergirl all my life. I need more. I always have."

With a sigh, Alex relents. "Fine. What do you need from me?"

---

James is nothing if not surprised to see Kara slip into his office one afternoon. She's clearly nervous, fidgeting with her glasses and shrinking into herself. Even so, he's glad to see her.

"Kara, hey! Wow, it's been a while. How are... things?"

He knows her secret, but after their breakup and Kara's unexpected departure from CatCo, they'd drifted apart.

"Good, good. Yeah," Kara stammers. "I, uh, I was wondering if we could talk, for a second."

James grins. "Yeah. Of course, of course. Come on in."

He comes around his desk, meeting Kara at the couches. A little thrill rushes through him at their proximity, before he shakes himself out of it. He never got a chance to settle back into frienship with Kara, and he regrets the distance between them.

When they sit, he tries to ease her nerves with a grin. "What's happening?"

Kara smooths her hands on the tops of her thighs, and takes a deep breath. Then, she straightens and turns to face him.

"I came here to discuss the possibility of me getting my job back."

"Your job," James repeats. "Here. At CatCo."

Kara nods. "Yes. At CatCo."

"Oh... I don't know, Kara."

"I know it's a tall ask--"

James barks a laugh. "A tall ask? It's been over a year, and I hate to say it, but Snapper hasn't gotten any better since you left."

"He wasn't why I left..."

"I actually figured it was because of me."

Kara's eyes widen, and her cheeks heat with a flush as she scrambles to deny it. "James, no-- that's not--"

"You don't need to explain anything to me, Kara, really...  but I have to say, a rehire would be a tough sell with Snapper, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to sell him anything," Kara rebuts, her voice steeling. Her gaze took on a hard glint. "You're his boss."

James nods. "That's true, but I wouldn't be doing you any favors by forcing you on him."

"I'm not asking for any favors--"

"Kara."

"You know what I mean. I'm ready to take on anything Snapper has in store, I'm ready to pull weight, and I'm ready to go the distance. And you know the kind of person I am, James. I won't let you down."

James sighs. "I know. But... I just can't do it."

Kara nods, adjusting her glasses. "I can prove to you that CatCo needs me-- will be better to have me on board."

There's something familiar in Kara's voice now, and James realizes that he's seeing Supergirl poking through. Whatever had so shaken her a year ago, she's ready to overcome it.

"And what's that?" he asks.

"Lena Luthor."

James pauses. "What about her?"

"She's agreed to an exclusive with CatCo-- on one condition."

"With you."

"As a fully hired and salaried CatCo employee."

It's the one thing James knows he can't refuse. Every media outlet in the country is clamoring for an interview with Lena Luthor, and here she's been walked right into his office on the wings of the one former employee his editor-in-chief cannot stand. That said...

With a scoop like Lena Luthor, CatCo would survive if Snapper Carr walked out.

James hesitates, out of principle if nothing else. "You really have Lena Luthor on lock?"

Taking out her phone, Kara opens her contacts and with just a few taps of her thumb has a video chat ringing. As James watches, the black comes to life with the visage of Lena Luthor.

"Kara, hi," says the tinny voice. Despite likely expecting the call, the woman is clearly happy to see Kara.

Kara blushes, fiddling with her glasses once more. "Hi, Lena. I, um, I have James here, and he was wondering--"

"Mr. Olsen." Suddenly, Lena Luthor is all business. "I expect Kara has already explained the situation."

James nods. "She has."

"I am willing to work with CatCo, so long as I interview exclusively with Kara Danvers."

"Editorial will have input on the question list."

"Which will be screened in advance, and received with Kara's contract, signed and countersigned."

James doesn't necessarily like being dictated to, but Lena's tone is nothing less than professional. It's as though he's talking to another executive, and negotiation is a tactic he's grown accustomed to.

"We can work with that."

"At 10% above Kara's exit salary."

Ohhhhh... James chafes at that. Kara starts, then flushes-- clearly, she hadn't expected this. But there's no negotiation in Lena's tone, so he chooses to take the high road. He nods.

"All right. We'll be in touch."

previous / next

[omoi-no-hoka]

Hi, guys! Sorry for the rather long hiatus. Work is still...soul-consuming haha. But I wanted to make a post about one of my favorite Japanese artists and this really cool song he released a little bit ago! All of his songs just got added to Spotify finally yesterday!

His name is 米津玄師 Yonezu Kenshi, and he is amazing. He started out making Vocaloid music under the name Hachi, in which he programmed all of the instruments and vocals. Now he mostly does music with his own vocals, and he writes and produces all of it. He also used to do all the illustrations for his music videos, and he does the cover art for his albums! I’m always swept away by his creativity and the poetry in his lyrics.

And you know how big a nerd I am about words, so here’s my English translation of my favorite song from his latest album. The song is called ひまわり Himawari (Sunflower).

This is a bit long, so I’ll put a “Read More” thing here. If you open the whole post, you’ll see my translation, and also a breakdown of my favorite kanji and words he uses. Hope you enjoy!

I hope that everyone studying Japanese can take a look at these lyrics, my notes on them, and see that even just listening actively to music can be a good way to study. 💗

ひまわり　Himawari　Sunflower

悲しくって　蹴飛ばした　地面を強く Kanashikutte kettobashita jimen wo tsuyoku Sorrowful, the ground I had sprung away from 跳ねっ返る　光に指を立てて Hanekkaeru hikari ni yubi wo tatete pulled me back strongly. I raised my finger to the light 愛したくて　噛み付いた　喉笛深く aishitakute kamitsuita nodobue fukaku Longingly, biting down on your lips and whistling deeply その様が　あんまりに美しくてさあ Sono sama ga anmari ni utsukushikute saa That visage is simply too beautiful 舌を打って　曠野の中　風に抗い Shita wo utte, kouya no naka kaze ni aragai Click your tongue, defy the wind of this wasteland 夜もすがら　嗄れた産声で歌う yo mo sugara shagareta ubugoe de utau Sing in the hoarse cries of a newborn through the night 遠く遠く見据えていた　凍て星の先まで tooku tooku misuete ita ite hoshi no saki made Shine the light of your bruised heart 痣だらけの心　輝かせて aza darake no kokoro kagayakasete all the way past that frozen star far, far in the distance その姿をいつだって　僕は追いかけていたんだ sono sugata wo itsudatte boku ha oikakete itan da That silhouette, I had always been chasing it. 転がるように線を貫いて　突き刺していく切っ先を korogaru you ni sen wo tsuranuite tukisashite iku kissaki wo I pierced through those stabbing blades as though I were falling 日陰に咲いたひまわりが　今も夏を待っている hikage ni saita himarwari ga ima mo natsu wo matte iru The sunflower blooming in the shade is still waiting for summer 人いきれを裂いて笑ってくれ　僕の奥でもう一度 hito ikire wo saite waratte kure boku no oku de mou ichido Break through that stifling air and laugh for me, deep within me, once more 消し飛べ　散弾銃をぶち抜け　明日へ keshitobe sandanjuu wo buchinuke ashita he Erase it all and fly, fire the shotgun into tomorrow 吐き出せ　北極星へ舵取れ　その手で hakidase hokkyokusei he kaji tore sono te de Get it all out, take the oar to the North Star into your own hands 傷ついて　静脈を不意に巡るエレキ kizutsuite joumyaku wo fui ni meguru ereki Wounded, electricity flows unexpectedly in the veins 掻き毟って　吹き荒び　鳴る哀歌 kakimusshite fukisusabi naru erejii Rip it away, rage upon it, let this elegy ring out 聴こえているあの時から　少しも絶えぬまま kikoeteiru ano toki kara sukoshi mo todaenu mama It never dies down, not even the slightest, from the time I first could hear it 震えるほど全て　消えないぜ furueru hodo subete kienaize It won’t go away, to the point that I’m trembling その姿がいつだって　僕を映し出していた sono sugata ga itsudatte boku wo utsushidashite ita That silhouette, it was always reflecting me もしも同じ街で生まれたら　君のようになれたかな moshimo onaji machi de umaretara kimi no you ni nareta kana If we had been born in the same town, could I have become like you? 日陰に咲いたひまわりが　今も海を見つめてる hikage ni saita himawari ga ima mo umi wo mitsumeteru The sunflower blooming in the shade is still watching the ocean. 聴こえるなら強く叫んでくれ　僕の名をもう一度 kikoeru nara tsuyoku sakende kure boku no na wo mou ichido If you can hear me, scream my name one more time. 鳴き声　かんかん照りの街路で　佗び戯れ nakigoe kankan teri no kairou de wabizare A cry on a sweltering city street, raise a lonely clamor 解き放て　乱反射して遠くへ　鳴り響け tokihanate ranhansha shite tooku he narihibike Let it out, that bent refraction that echoes far into the distance その姿をいつだって　僕は追いかけていたんだ sono sugata wo itsudatte boku ha oikakete itan da That silhouette, I had always been chasing it. 転がるように線を貫いて　突き刺していく切っ先を korogaru you ni sen wo tsuranuite tukisashite iku kissaki wo I pierced through those stabbing blades as though I were falling 日陰に咲いたひまわりが　今も夏を待っている hikage ni saita himarwari ga ima mo natsu wo matte iru The sunflower blooming in the shade is still waiting for summer 人いきれを裂いて笑ってくれ　僕の奥でもう一度 hito ikire wo saite waratte kure boku no oku de mou ichido Break through that stifling air and laugh for me, deep within me, once more 消し飛べ　散弾銃をぶち抜け　明日へ keshitobe sandanjuu wo buchinuke ashita he Erase it all and fly, fire the shotgun into tomorrow 吐き出せ　北極星へ舵取れ　その手で hakidase hokkyokusei he kaji tore sono te de Get it all out, take the oar to the North Star into your own hands 

A Quick Note on Translating Lyrics

I’ve got to say that it’s really hard to translate song lyrics haha. Sometimes the word order is so different between Japanese and English that I have to swap the lyrics. 

遠く遠く見据えていた　凍て星の先まで tooku tooku misuete ita ite hoshi no saki made Shine the light of your bruised heart 痣だらけの心　輝かせて aza darake no kokoro kagayakasete all the way past that frozen star far, far in the distance

The Japanese is actually in reverse order of the English here. Technically, a very direct translation would be “All the way past that frozen star far, far in the distance, shine the light of your bruised heart.” 

Interesting Words

舌を打って shita wo utte click your tongue

In Japanese culture, doing that “tch!” sound by clicking your tongue is rude. It shows that you are impatient, irritated, or frustrated. Many English speakers click their tongue when they’ve been asked a question and need to think about it. If you are a tongue clicker and you go to Japan, try to curb the habit!

The full lyrics here are: “Click your tongue, defy the wind of this wasteland.”

So this really expresses the pent-up frustration and anger in this person.

嗄れた shagareta, kareta hoarse

What I love about this word is the kanji and its radicals. We have 口 (mouth) and 夏 (summer) put into one kanji. Can you imagine what it would be like if all the heat and dryness of summer was in your mouth and throat, and how hoarse and miserable you would feel? What a cool kanji! (Note: this is a very low frequency kanji.)

切っ先 kissaki point (of a sword, etc.)​; pointed verbal attack

I had a hard time translating this line for a lot of reasons, but in particular I wasn’t sure whether this kissaki was a sword or a verbal attack. I can only assume that because this song talks about crying out and singing so much that it must be the verbal meaning, but Yonezu uses many metaphors so I could also see it being blades. 

人いきれ hito ikire body heat from several people in close quarters; stuffy air

This was a new word for me. Again, I found myself unsure of which meaning to use when I translated it. I went for the “stuffy air” meaning in the end because it was more succinct, but I imagine that Yonezu was probably imagining the former meaning, because he mentions streets and cities, which I imagine to be crowded. He’s also asking a person he’s lost to call out, and perhaps they are lost in a metaphorical sea of people. Then again, summer imagery is strong in this song as well. His word choice is just so GOOD. I wish he’d marry me. 

散弾銃をぶち抜け　明日へ sandanjuu wo buchinuke ashita he fire the shotgun into tomorrow

This evokes much more beautiful imagery in Japanese. The kanji for “shotgun” are 散弾銃 (sandanjuu). 散 means “to scatter” or “to spread,” like fallen cherry blossom petals scatter in a gust of wind. So rather than evoking the image of someone pulling a trigger, it evokes the image of the pellets scattering into the air like fireworks or petals almost. 

北極星へ舵取れ　その手で Hokkyokusei he kaji tore sono te de Take the oar to the North Star into your own hands

Ahhhh this is just so freaking pretty. “Take the oar to to the North Star into your own hands.” In other words, determine your own fate, take charge of your life. I just love the “oar” here.

吹き荒び fukisusabi to blow fiercely; to rage, to play (a flute, etc.) for fun

Again, I wasn’t sure how to interpret this line because of the multiple meanings woven into this word. Japanese is SO. COOL. you guys.

哀歌 aika lament (song); elegy; dirge; sad song

My man Yonezu out here bein tricky. Though the official lyrics use the kanji 哀歌, he actually sings this as エレジー (elegy). And that rhymes with the last word of the previous line, エレキ (ereki). Typically, Japanese songwriters tend not to think too much about rhyming. In fact, in Japanese in general, rhyming isn’t thought of as frequently as it is in English. So the fact that Yonezu used this interesting play on words with 哀歌 was pretty cool to me.

震えるほど全て　消えないぜ furueru hodo subete kienai ze It won’t go away, to the point that I’m trembling

I just didn’t have a way to translate the feelings in the ぜ here. “Ze” is a sentence-ending particle that usually shows a person’s confidence. So for him to use it here as he describes himself trembling, is like he’s putting on a front of confidence when really he’s deeply troubled. 

佗び戯れ wabizare ???????

This was my favorite word in the song, and also the hardest one to translate! It doesn’t appear to be a real word in the dictionary, but it’s an imperative made of two different words: 侘び and 戯れ.

Have you ever heard of the term “wabi” or “wabisabi?” It’s this concept of Japanese culture and aesthetics that focuses on the beauty of impermanence and solitude, and an appreciation for the sorrow that comes with the transience.

To look up the definition of “wabi,” it means “taste for the simple and quiet; rustic simplicity; austere refinement; wabi​,” or “enjoyment of a quiet life.”

But to look up the kanji of wabi (侘), we learn that it means “proud, lonely.”

So this is a very nuanced word! I think that the “wabi” of our word “wabizare” is meant to conjure the meaning of the kanji wabi, “proud, lonely.”

Now, 戯. Zare means “pleasantry; joke; tomfoolery​.” There is also a word 戯言 zaregoto, which means “nonsense” or “wishful thinking bordering on nonsense.” I imagine that when Yonezu created this word  佗び戯れ wabizare, he wanted to combine the “proud and lonely” with “wishful thinking bordering on nonsense.” 

鳴き声　かんかん照りの街路で　佗び戯れ nakigoe kankan teri no kairou de wabizare A cry on a sweltering city street, raise a lonely clamor

In other words, he’s asking this person to call out to him, but he knows that they are far away, too far for him to hear. He wants them to give out a cry, one that will sound as lonely as it does nonsensical because there is no way it will reach him.

Uh... What Does This Song Actually Mean?

Disclaimer: This is entirely my own opinion and it could be totally wrong! I always believe that everyone can interpret any piece of art how they like.

The tricky thing about Japanese is that you can omit subjects, and Yonezu does that a lot. So unless there’s an imperative or a use of pronouns, I’m not sure which line is about whom. 

But basically, I think that there was this beautiful person that the singer came to know, someone that they loved and admired. But that person fell into a very dark, hopeless situation. They are “a sunflower blooming in the shade, waiting for summer,” and the singer wants that person to reach out to him. “If you can hear me, scream my name one more time. A cry on a sweltering city street, raise a lonely clamor.” 

The chorus is all imperatives, telling the person to leap into tomorrow, to get it all out, to take the oars into their own hands and head for the North Star. 

I think that this song is all about the singer wanting to help a person they care deeply for, and imploring that person to take action rather than suffer passively.

The End!

I hope that you guys liked this post and that maybe you learned some new words and even found a new artist you love! 

Would people like to see more lyrics translations? They’re kinda fun!

[of-suns-and-guns]

was your "chock-full of possibilities" post referring to Kalex? Because I know when I saw these similarities between Kara and Linda my first thought was on how Kara's view of Alex could possibly change. Or how her interactions with Alex could be affected. Alex was such a big factor in RD's story even though they never truly interacted with each other. What are your thought's, speculations, hopes?

I mean, if we’re splitting super-fine hairs here, it was referring to plot in general, both canon and fanon. (Just IMAGINE all the characterization choices you have at your disposal with that!)

bUT I would be a lying liar if I said most of my own thoughts haven’t been Kalex-colored and exactly as emotionally complicated as you’ve implied in yours.

Like. I imagine the context under which RD would’ve drawn that sketch of Alex. She spends so much time watching Kara, learning her life, her mannerisms, her interests, the people she keeps close to her, and…at some point RD’s eyes drift over to Alex.

To that face feels as familiar as breathing. Like the impression of her had always existed in RD’s mind, just waiting to be filled.

Alex lives in her now. A constant thrum of distant awareness, Alex’s existence a physical presence in RD’s body, in her skin, in her skull. Tucked into the hollow beneath her ear. Carved into her ribs. Woven into the sinews of her muscles. Wrapped around the column of her spine.

RD’s pen traces those lines of awareness. Spills Alex’s impression onto paper, like she’s trying to siphon off some of the excess adoration Alex pours through her veins.

She loves Alex with her whole being. She knows this, and takes it in without trying to pick it apart. It is just a fact of who she is; she is Red Daughter, she is Kasnia’s hope, and she is Alex’s.

RD stays away because there’s still work  to do, and with their plan coming to a head, she needs to prioritize the situation at hand.

But she’s never not aware of Alex. Never approaches her, never makes any plans as to Alex’s fate after they kill Supergirl, but she has the impression of an image somewhere beneath the rendering of Lex’s vision for New Kasnia in her mind.

She never lingers on it, never brings it into focus, never draws attention to it. But it’s there; after it’s all said and done and America has fallen, Alex will be there, at RD’s side, because…she is a part of RD’s soul. There is no RD without her, and no existence RD could live WITHOUT her. So she is present in RD’s half-imagined vision of the future.

So when Kara re-absorbs the prodigal piece of her soul that lived in Red Daughter, Red Daughter’s uncomplicated love for Alex becomes its own kind of presence in Kara’s mind.

KARA may have been the one who loved Alex so much, she dedicated a fundamental piece of herself to the woman’s name, but RD was the one who never had to force herself to fit the world’s expectations of Kara Danvers, Alex’s dorky, helpless, human little sister.

RD never had to cut her own love off at the knees when it’s fervor exceeded the limits allotted to sisters.

RD never had to swallow acid around the stark realization that Alex only half-belonged to her. Could only ever be hers under very specific circumstances, and to a very limited degree.

RD never had to learn how to stop her eyes from lingering. How to undercut the heat that rose when Alex’s body moved. How to laugh instead of want, how to roll her eyes instead of touch.

RD didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to let it grow that big, to let the feeling go that unchecked, and take up that much space, with that much freedom.

The firm lines Kara cut into herself, all those years ago, have become blurred with RD’s return, and Kara has long-since become complacent in her subconscious ability to catch herself before she steps over one of those line.

So she’s not paying attention.

- - -

She’s not paying attention when Alex prepares her coffee in the morning, standing at the counter, still soft from sleep and looking eight kinds of beautiful. And Kara moves thoughtlessly. Lets her fingers curl around the blades of Alex’s hips, presses her front to Alex’s back, and buries her nose in the back of Alex’s neck.

Alex hums and braces back into her, smile in her voice when she calls attention to Kara’s uncharacteristic behavior, even as her hands cover Kara’s to let her know it’s not a request to stop.

Kara’s confused for a beat, checking her own body’s movements and finds them to be as natural as breathing, so certainly that must means she’s not acting differently–

And then she takes stock of exactly what her body had done so naturally. Takes stock of her hands, of her mouth, of the shape of Alex’s body slotted against her own in ways Kara had always avoided simply BECAUSE they felt too good, and Kara had been sure such indulgence would be a slippery slope toward something Kara would no longer be able to play off.

She realizes, in horror, that she hadn’t been paying attention.

- - -

It’s been so long since Kara’s had to put concerted effort into checking, and double-checking, her own physical affect in Alex’s presence, so she forgets, and keeps forgetting she’s forgetting, and keeps forgetting to remember that she keeps forgetting, and her body is doing things she’s long-since trained herself NOT to do, and Alex is standing at the center of it all.

They’re play-fighting over the remote and Kara traps Alex against the back of the couch, holding the remote aloft and grinning too close to Alex’s face before she abruptly realizes her own hyper-awareness of Alex’s breath against her lips.

They’re at the DEO, Alex letting the rest of the team in on a plan Kara already knows by heart, so her mind slips, and her eyes slip, and she’s unabashedly engaged with the fluid lines Alex’s figure cuts in that battle suit before Kara jolts back to herself and needs to mentally recite pi to the thousandth digit to keep the image–and her reaction to it–from sinking any deeper into her stomach.

They’re out at the bar and Alex is laughing with their friends, happy and carefree, not thinking too deeply when she forgoes the empty bar-stool beside them to instead position herself between Kara’s knees, tucking herself back against Kara’s chest. And Kara’s already too preoccupied with the scent of Alex’s skin to dislodge the purring slice of possession from staking its claim over the moment.

- - -

Kara forgets to remember, those proprietary lines now blurring and losing influence over the interactions they’d once ruled with an iron fist.

Red Daughter didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to want to touch, so Kara forgets she’s not supposed to want to touch.

Red Daughter didn’t repeat the stipulated mantra of sisters for years on end, so Kara forgets the stipulations inherent to the word sisters.

Red Daughter didn’t stop herself from reveling in Alex’s visage, so Kara forgets to qualify her enjoyment in the sight.

Red Daughter lives in her now. A constant thrum of distant awareness, RD’s existence a physical presence in Kara’s body, in her skin, in her skull. Tucked into the hollow beneath her ear. Carved into her ribs. Woven into the sinews of her muscles. Wrapped around the column of her spine.

And one day, Kara will forget she’s not supposed to catch those inviting lips with her own, because Red Daughter hadn’t known not to include that part into her impression of the future, so now Kara forgets that part isn’t meant to be included into her future.

The delineation between RD’s love for Alex and Kara’s wasn’t actually built on propriety versus impropriety. It just came down to the differences in the context under which each one learned their performance; one learned how to be the sister Alex needed for the first twelve years of their relationship, and the other learned how not to let her and Alex’s allotted roles today dictate the shape of their future tomorrow.

Kara built their history. Red Daughter built their opportunity.

And together they build opportunity on history.

- - -

(The end, I guess? I really don’t know where that came from, or why I’m like this. This got so far out of hand from the original point. I’m very sorry for this.)

[theridiculousangharad-blog]

How Post-Apocalyptic Parents React to the Loss of a Child, From Walking Dead to Pacific Rim

“Got all these widows and orphans,” we hear Beth Greene say to Michonne, “but what do you call someone who lost a child? You’d think someone would have given that a name.”

The Walking Dead: Warming Up or Getting Tough

If season three of The Walking Dead is any indication, we as a culture are obsessed with watching the world go up in flames. Do we get a vicarious thrill out of watching the world we live in implode into terror? Or maybe zombies are just a really perfect allegory for the problems we relate to in this this modern age.

Whatever the case, Apocalyptica is a trend that has been cropping up for the past several years. A common thread running through it  is how the characters handle the death of a child. “We read fantasy to find the colors again…” says George R. R. Martin author of Game of Thrones, “to taste strong spices and hear the songs the sirens sang.” While escapism is sometimes frowned upon by the court of public opinion, fiction as a whole can help viewers cope. The most terrible pain that can be felt is the loss of a child. What does the way post-apocalyptic fiction handles this situation tell us about ourselves?

The Walking Dead utilizes the zombie apocalypse not only to show juicey zombies, but to postulate that the true evil is humanity. One of the most heartbreaking stories is that of fan favorite Michonne.

First seen holding two “walkers” with chains and her trusty katana, Michonne was first considered a mystery. “Got all these widows and orphans,” we hear Beth Greene say to Michonne, “but what do you call someone who lost a child? You’d think someone would have given that a name.” Michonne trudges through the zombie apocalypse like she is one herself.

In a truly spectacular tragic fashion as only The Walking Dead can provide, it is revealed that Michonne’s infant son was killed in an attack on her former camp due to her boyfriend’s neglect. Our only entrees into her mind are the guilt ridden dreams of the life she lost. When Rick starts to hallucinate that his dead wife is back, Michonne says succinctly, “I used to talk to my dead boyfriend,” almost in solidarity. This is the most she has said, showing that she is healing and becoming a more open person.

The death of her infant boy took a piece of her that made her just as dead as the walkers. And even though that piece is gone forever, she can find redemption and love in the new group that has made just as many mistakes as she has. As Michonne warms, slowly but surely, to the group and in particular Rick's son Carl, she demonstrates a way to move on.

Carol also lost a child. A former abuse victim, Carol was forced to watch her twelve year old daughter transform into a monster into and killed in front of her. Carol then had a transformation of her own.

While fundamentally different from Michonne, the death of her daughter causes her to change. Michonne becomes more open while Carol, who used to be under the thumb of her brutish husband, becomes one of the most fierce and independent warriors of the camp. Where Michonne gained a heart, Carol gained a skin.

The 100: Finding Faith

Chancellor Thelonious Jaha of CW teen drama The 100 has not only the mantel of single parenthood on his shoulders, but is also responsible for protecting the human race from extinction. The 100 takes place 90 years after a nuclear war ravaged Earth. 100 juvenile delinquents are sent to Earth to see if it’s survivable for humans. Three episodes in and Wells Jaha, the son of the chancellor, is murdered.

Jaha carries around the death of his son on his shoulders. It makes him resigned, so apathetic that he is even prepared to sacrifice himself to get the rest of his people on the ground. He will be the only one left on the Ark - the space station - left to suffocate and starve. But strangely, the death of his son also did something else. It has gave him faith.

In one of the most terrifying and stressful scenes of the show, Jaha hears the cries of a baby. Realizing that he must save its life and not leave it to die, he insulates it in a space suit so he can vault himself on a missile that will take him to Earth. (Stay with me here, it gets good.)

After his space helmet cracks and he almost misses his trajectory, he lands in the airlock and unzips his suit to find that the child is gone. Though it was already not terribly difficult symbolism to follow, The 100 makes it easy. We realize the child only existed in his mind, as his dead son comes to him in a hallucination and tells him he must carry on and not give up yet. (Cue all of us crying.)

Jaha launches the missile and lands in the middle of Earth’s “dead zone” - a horrible and desolate desert, of course. But what Jaha still has after everything is his faith. His continuing mantra is “it’s not our time to die.” He has faith that he is supposed to live on. And before he vaults into unknown territory, he recites the common motto of his people to the visage of his dead son. “May we meet again.”

Battlestar Galactica: Distraction

Sci-Fi is written to examine problems of the day in a removed setting. While Battlestar Galactica is not a new show by any stretch of the imagination, from the first episode, it is clear that this is not, well, your mother’s Battlestar Galactica. Not only because of the truly the antagonistic Cylons, but, because of its relationships.

When the show starts, Commander Adama of the Battlestar Galactica - an ancient space battleship - is already struggling with the death of his son. Adama deals with this loss the way you would imagine a military commander would have to: distraction. Surrogate daughter Kara says “we only speak about it two or three times a year, but he struggles with it.” When you’re a high ranking military official, isn't repression just kind of part of the package? But when his surviving son Lee returns, Adama must face all of the mistakes that were made that led to Zak’s death.

This has less to do with moving on and more to do with mending bridges with the son that’s still alive. The Cylons completely destroy the home planet and only by chance is this ancient battlestar that was headed for retirement not destroyed and must be the ones to keep the Cylons at bay. And in this sort of scenario, does anyone really have time to deal with the death of their son and their ugly estrangement from their other child?

Snowpiercer: Blind Revenge

A child may not just be killed to be lost in Apocalyptica. In fact, it is almost more tragic or indecent when they are not killed at all. Some of the most nefarious things seem to happen in these worlds. The world has ended because things have become twisted and ugly.

In independent film Snowpiercer, the use or, more accurately, misuse of children is subtle and silent, but disturbing all the same. The action takes place after an attempt to combat global warming with a cooling agent. This cooling agent backfires and covers the world as we know it in ice, making the remaining population live on their remaining days on a never stopping train. The poor in the last car are forced to eat rations made out of cockroaches.

The human race lives on and procreates, as is evidenced by Timmy and his mother Tanya, played by the underutilized and wonderful Octavia Spencer. Only five years old, Timmy is taken by the front of the train at the beginning of the film and is never seen by his mother again. A strong female character, even all the male characters attempt to stop her from going to save her son. “I’m stronger than your skinny soldiers,” Tanya throws at hero Curtis defiantly.

This is a priority higher than any sort of overthrow of government. This is the fate of her five year old child. A strong character that could have brought a lot to the story, Tanya is of course killed in the battle for the train’s soul. She isn’t the only one, but her death is looked over and dismissed just as quickly, despite her blind devotion to her child. This represents another coping: blind, self-destructive devotion to revenge.

Pacific Rim: Pride

Nothing is more unbelievable than giant robots fighting alien monsters. But that is the joy of Pacific Rim. Despite the fact that it is effect-heavy, action, blockbuster bait, that’s not all it is. This is not just a gratuitous action movie.

Herc and Chuck are a father-son alien fighting team in their giant jaeger called Eureka Striker. Before the final battle, father Herc is injured so he cannot participate in the final climactic battle that is present in all action flicks. His son Chuck must sacrifice himself in the final battle. Herc understands this. He honors what his son has done, although his son has been taken from him. He continues his fight and stays in line, using his sons sacrifice to elevate him to something greater even than he was in life. He becomes the father of a martyr for the human race, the proudest distinction a parent can have.

Parents will do whatever they can for their children. A post-apocalyptic world just makes these decisions more important. The love a parent has for a child cannot be eclipsed by anything. Although Apocalyptica deals with unbelievable scenarios, these are feelings that are very real.

In a world where survival is paramount, it almost seems that mourning a child cannot be a priority. Yet these characters manage to represent the full range of practical grieving. They keep living, even in an impossible and horrific world. The mere memories of their children make them fight and live on, though in entirely different ways.

[ahsterism-a]

☆ﾟ* tag drop 4 (dbh muses)

[licnsinside-blog]

tag dump - character tags 1/3