#connor / machine

[itsybitsybatsyspider]

i want that slut covered in blood and traumatized by his actions

[fishfingersandscarves]

big shrug emoji

[doberart]

Doodle dump time! Took some character suggestions on Twitter for some warm-ups.

[strawoa]

Makes them all tiny

[sky-lia]

In your opinion, what happened here ?

[physical-manifestation-of-spite]

Took me three hours to find a fanfic where the main character has any other emotion outside of bone-crushing fear for the other characters to sympathize over

[sorryiliketoscreenshot]

[chaos-theoryyy]

Oi hear me out on this okay, focus with me for a second

I haven't seen this dbh trope anywhere it came to me in a prophetic vision

[vertigoartgore]

Kyle Reese and Sarah Connor vs the Terminator (the T-800 model). Art by Katsuhiro Otomo (Akira).

[disobey-disappoint-deviate]

Ok but what makes Connor my personal fave and so interesting to me is the knowledge that, damn, that missing sense of identity is so gonna come down crashing on him now that he is a deviant and can’t suppress the sense of dread that comes with not knowing who you really are and what you stand for.

Because what do you mean the first thing he does as a deviant is to assign himself a new mission, which is as over the top as it gets? I know he is very driven in general, but invading the Cyberlife Tower all by himself a few hours after becoming a person with a free will? Even as Markus himself (you know, the guy who started a revolution, broke into the news tower, etc.) tells him that his mission is a suicide! That screams „I need a goal so extreme that I forget that I haven’t found my place yet, and I also HAVE to prove my worth the only way I know.“

Whereas Markus was encouraged (to an extent) to be more independent, Connor was conditioned to be as dependant as possible. He sees himself solely through Amanda's eyes and measures his own worth by how happy she is with his actions for a big part of the game. I believe that his relationship with Hank is also based on this - he kinda replaces one person he strives to please with the next, because the new person is more accepting of his personal ethics and doesn’t threaten to kill him all the time (well, as long as Connor's ethics align with Hank's, that is, but they generally do in the deviant route). I'm not saying this because I blame Hank or want to question the sincerity of their relationship, I mostly blame it on Connor not knowing who he is and how not to define himself through other people's approval of his actions.

And then, he meets Markus who wants the very same thing Connor wants (in the deviant route, that is), and if Markus as much as chooses to trust him instead of executing him there and then, Connor basically puts everything at stake to show just how useful he is, instead of calming down for a moment and reflecting on who he is as a person. He knows he has fucked up, he feels guilty, and the only way he believes this can be fixed is by marching into the tower and awakening tens of thousands of androids at once. You see, Markus has accepted him and his apology already, but in Connor's books, apologising and being forgiven isn’t enough, because that is the point of being forgiven if he can’t deliver? He identifies himself through his actions, a forgiveness that is granted to him as a person because he has shown regret, and not as a result of something he has done for the other, is simply not enough.

Because who is Connor if you take away the acts of service from him? Who is he if he can’t impress someone, get someone's approval, if he doesn’t get told he did well? I don’t think he knows the answer just yet. He doesn’t see himself, the closest thing to an identity he has is seeing his actions reflected back to him by the people he wants to impress.

And you kinda know that the moment he doesn’t have a task, he’s gonna end up in a black hole because he’d be left feeling absolutely empty.

And I think that’s soooo interesting to think about and to explore…

The game ends, but Connor’s journey has just started.

Yeah.

[glass-noodle]

> INITIALIZING... > ... > ... [ OBJECTIVE: STOP THE DEVIANT LEADER

S̶̬̜̭̀A̴̡̞͌̚V̸̢̗̪͗E̴̠̥̿͒ ̸̧̤̮̎͠Ļ̴̱̓I̸̯͑̓͊͜E̴̢̖̓̚͜U̵̬̼̐T̷̡̰̦́Ȩ̸̕Ņ̸̳͔̒̊̿À̴̠͂N̶̢̻͑̉͝T̷̯̫͐ ̷̨̽̓À̴͚͚̚͝Ṉ̵̪̇́D̸͖̭̂̾̑Ḙ̴̍R̵͍̂̍̄S̶̢̠͌̕O̷̢̢̠̅̀N̷͘

S̶̟͈͍̱̩͒̉͂̌̔́͋͆Ą̵͕̽̋͘V̷͉̖̭͍̺̰͙͑̓̌́̾͌̋̚Ę̷̬͈̣̲̤̰̙̓̿̕ ̵̛͙̜͓̮͐͗̇́̉Ỵ̷̫̩̜̭̬͚́͛̽͠O̷̲͎͙̩͒Ú̴̥̯̣̺̫̒̚R̶̯̳̀́͌̾̈͘͠S̴̰͆̓̄̿̕͝͝Ę̴͚͇̪͆̏L̷͉̼̭̟̻̯̰̈̃͆̎͂̏̅͜F̵̨̰͑ ]

> ... > ...

> SIMULATION OVERRIDE

> TRY AGAIN? [Y/N]

How far would you go to save the one you love?

I had the ABSOLUTE pleasure of collaborating with the amazing, talented, insane @nothinggathers for the DBH Reverse Big Bang 2024 @dbh-bb. This is a project that's been marinating in my head for a while featuring an initially machine!Connor leaping through different universes to try and save Hank, and deviating over the course of his journey as he grows more desperate to save him, develops a sense of connection with his own people and identity, and — of course — falls in love. It's been months of blood, sweat, tears, and lots of screaming, and there will be several more of the same, because this monster of a collab is reaching well over 150k words (Atro, I love you).

start here!!

(more close-up shots because the details on this piece took me forever):

[awful-little-goose]

yeah ok, I'll admit, BATIM has got me by the throat. I'm living my life the way I like it

sue me for liking these buffoons!!!!

[ink-incorporated-official]

How would a studio drinking party end up? Who’s sober who’s lost a shoe who’s so drunk there making out with the plant thinking it’s somebody else?

(I reckon no one here has had alcohol in decades so if they ever did find some, it would not go well.)

Hour One

Hour Two

Hour Three

Lesson learned: Do not peer pressure the near all-powerful man who has never had alcohol into chugging one

(I spent like 10 days or something procrastinating on this even though it was fun. Thanks for the ask!)

[skeletonspiced]

Added Allison! She's a little wonky but I still absolutely love it :) I'm going to go and eat my pen now

[silna-pdf]

Machine

[corruptimles]

why is tsv!Allison's design still so difficult for me to draw. I made it.