#kang nebula

[firelance2361]

All Of History Is My Weapon

With the news that Avengers: The Kang Dynasty is no more, here’s a follow-up piece I did for what was hoping to have seen if they continued the Kang Storyline.

{Basically I was hoping for a Secret-Invasion-esque storyline with The Council of Kangs replacing the Sacred Timeline’s heroes with their own more dangerous versions, sowing distrust among the Avengers before invading and conquering the universe}

I know it’s a long shot, but it probably would have been cool. And before I forget, here’s the lineup for the Kang Collective seen here.

Peter Parker/Timespinner

Sue Storm/Kang the Conqueror

Tony Stark/Iron Prince

Kamala Khan/Kamala Kang

Nathaniel Richards/Kang the Conqueror

Peter Quill/Star-Kang

Nebula/Kang-Nebula

Nathaniel Richards/Kid Immortus

Janet Van Dyne/Worldkiller Wasp

Let me know what you guys think and I hope you like it!

[justdealingwithsomeissues]

Nebula has been drawn differently in literally every one of the appearances of this arc so far... now she is suddenly a blonde in body armor? Also, Druid continues to be a complete chump...

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #297: FUTURES IMPERFECT!

November, 1988

The CLASH That WRECKED The Avengers!

Seems to be wrecking Nebula instead.

Which. I’m pretty okay with.

Not sure when she changed back into the Kang outfit. Or why she changed back into the Kang outfit.

Eh.

So last times in East Coast Avengers: Dr Druid manipulated and connived and undermined and election frauded his way to chairmanship of the Avengers. Due to ominous sex dreams, he was convinced that a great calamity was coming and only the Avengers could stop it and only he could get the team in shape to stop it. Because Captain Marvel was too soft with her -checks notes- not wanting to kill people if it could be avoided.

Then it turns out that the ominous sex dream lady was actually Nebula Kang, manipulating Dr Druid’s sense of self-importance so she could get control over the Avengers. With Dr Druid under her thumb and the Avengers under Dr Druid’s thumb, she plans to go to the Bubble at the Heart of Time to get some super-duper-uber weapon to overshadow all other weapons and. Just be the boss of everything, I guess.

The Kangs of the Kang Klubhouse belatedly realize that Nebula infiltrated them and stole all their technology. A team of three Kangs, one of which is named Fred, try to stop her but arrive too late.

Nebula and the Avengers took off in an FTL-enabled Quinjet and after a lot of timebulance, arrive at the Bubble at the Heart of Time.

Which sure is a big, red bubble-shaped thing.

Nebula announces that the Best Weapon will be hers!

Thor asks what the best weapon even is but Nebula says he’s on a need-to-know basis.

She-Hulk: “You don’t know, do you? You actually don’t know what the weapon is!”

Nebula Kang: “Shut up, She-Hulk! I’ll thank you to speak only when you’re spoken to!”

Hah.

I love that She-Hulk’s sass is so strong that even under mind-control, she’s tossing barbs at her boss.

Nebula implicitly admits that she doesn’t actually know by saying that the Council of Cross-Time Kangs want it and that’s a good enough reason for her.

Also, then thousands of Quinjets show up.

The Quinjets are indistinct “phantoms of light!”

Team Nebula can’t even tell who is in the cockpits of the other Quinjets. But they’re all racing in the same direction and some of them are getting ahead of Team Nebula.

Nebula Kang speculates that their presence is generating probability shadows. Or something.

She then also gets paranoid that they’re not shadows, they’re other Avengers teams from other timelines who might get to the prize first!

So she tells Black Knight to get out on the bow of the craft and swing the Ebony Blade at any Quinjet that gets in their way. And for Thor to get out there too and make the Quinjet go faster with his hammer, somehow.

It’s cool though. Black Knight says that his helmet, the one with a big opening for his lower face, protects him from the icy vacuum of space. Well, also his state of being super cursed.

Team Nebula’s Quinjet passes “a great metropolis of the future!” for exactly one panel before the city disappears.

Marvel wiki says this city never shows up again. It is entirely pointless. Or a point that Simonson never got around to.

Anyway, Black Knight claims they’ve broken through the outer shell of the bubble. Now they’re passing over weird landscapes and other cities. Since they’ve broken through, Nebula Kang orders Black Knight and Thor back inside the Quinjet.

Meanwhile?, back at Hydrobase, the three Kangs complain about arriving too late to stop Nebula Kang.

Then they realize that they’re all time travelers, duh.

Like. Duh.

They just hop back ten minutes before the Quinjet left.

Before the Quinjet leaves, the three Kangs sneak up to the Quinjet and attach themselves to the underside of the wing.

This is some goofy shit for Kangs to do.

I kind of love it.

Anyway.

Back at the Avengers’ present time.

Nebula Kang notices that they’re consuming fuel faster than they should be. Also, the weird, wacky settings they keep flying through? Just more phantoms. Or maybe their Quinjet is a phantom to the settings inside the bubble?

They just fly through the weird cityscape. Literally through. And then the city dissolves and the Quinjet hits more time turbulence.

Mesozoic Kang loses his grip on the Quinjet, flies off into the time turbulence, and ceases to exist.

Aw, Mesozoic Kang you waste of a character, we barely knew you. We only knew your name and that you were a fighty boy, basically.

Inside the Quinjet, Nebula realizes that they haven’t actually penetrated the bubble. They just keep skating around its surface. Except with more time words like flux and local time track.

What she thinks the problem is, is that only the Avengers can get into the bubble and she’s not an Avenger!

She orders Dr Druid to nominate her to the team and for everyone else to vote her in.

Aw, dammit, does that mean Nebula Kang needs to be included in lists now?

Hm. Marvel wiki does list her as joining the team in this issue.

Dammit.

Just to be sure that this Avengers roster of Dr Druid, Nebula Kang, Thor, She-Hulk, and Black Knight is the right Avengers roster to penetrate the bubble, she has Dr Druid precognitively scan each one to see if he sees a future of them getting into the bubble.

Sure, that makes sense!

Hrrg. This idea that the right combination of Avengers is like a combination lock is annoying me. The idea that the Kangs presented is that it was more that an Avengers team would eventually get in but I guess Nebula Kang is just a big dumbass who heard it the wrong way.

Anyway, after a scan, Dr Druid declares that Thor is very definitely one of the correct people. Which corresponds with what the Kangs have said.

She-Hulk gets a maybe. Dr Druid’s precognition senses a woman will be in the group but he can’t say for sure its She-Hulk.

Annnd Black Knight’s future scan just shows a void.

Ah ha, clearly, he’s not supposed to be here!

Nebula Kang orders Black Knight to jump out of the Quinjet.

He’s mind-controlled so he’s perfectly happy to do it. But he can’t actually do it because of the muscle stiffness caused by the super curse afflicting him.

Nebula Kang loses patience and tells She-Hulk to throw Black Knight overboard.

Black Knight: “Thank you, Jennifer. Sorry I was unequal to the effort.”

She-Hulk: “No problem, Dane. Good-bye.”

Snrrk.

Its probably horrifying that this level of mind-control also forces you to thank someone for killing you. But its so casual that I have to laugh.

The two Kangs stowing away on the underside of the ship panic when Black Knight gets ejected. Because he might be one of the Avengers that’s going to get into the time bubble. Dr Druid’s precognitive scanning is very likely to be unreliable!

So Beard Kang catches Black Knight with a tractor beam. The Avenger has passed out from the stress but is safe from flying off into nothing.

Beard Kang also deduces that Nebula Kang is doomed to fail in this attempt. If for no other reason than the two Kangs hanging out will passively negate her efforts to force her way into the bubble with some random Avengers.

But even so, Beard Kang decides the Kangs need to act before Nebula Kang and her stubbornness destroys the Quinjet and everyone aboard, attached to the outside, and floating like twenty feet behind the ship.

Fred Kang has been spending this time decrypting the mindbenders attached to the Avengers. He’s not finished but he can at least overload the mindbenders attached to Thor and hope he survives the attempt.

(Given that Thor is the One Dude they know for sure is predestined to penetrate the bubble, its a big gamble to use him as the guinea pig, holy shit.)

Thor doesn’t seem to regain his right mind. He’s not talking at all. But overloading the mindbenders drives him in a rage and he’s not taking orders anymore.

He tries to SMASH Nebula Kang. She dodges out of the way and orders She-Hulk to grab him.

She-Hulk can’t hold him for long because he’s truly gone berserk. So Nebula Kang decides, fuck it, she’ll just kill Thor rather than risk dealing with a Thor she can’t control.

And the Kang-armor she’s wearing has enough power to do it.

Which is probably why she put it on between issues. Good to know. Or speculate.

Fred Kang decides he’s gotta stop her (because of Thor being The One Guy they know for sure penetrates the bubble). So while Beard Kang keeps working on deactivating the mindbender on Black Knight.

So Fred climbs up on the wing so Nebula Kang can see him, drawing her attention from Thor.

And the analysis on She-Hulk’s mindbender completes so he also deactivates it.

She-Hulk is very put out.

She-Hulk: “My thoughts! I’m free again! Oh, my god, woman! What have you done to me? And with this little thing! You’ve made me kill Dane! You’ve used me like garbage! I swear I’ll kill you if its the last thing I do!”

Panicked, Nebula Kang steers into the time turbulence, to disorient She-Hulk.

Nebula Kang probably wasn’t thinking about this with a She-Hulk staring her in the face but the turbulence also knocks the two remaining Kangs off the Quinjet.

Before they disappear, one of the Kangs zkeeek!s Black Knight’s mindbender at the last moment.

Black Knight has his own mind again and regains consciousness just in time to realize ‘oh shit!’

Without Kangs here, the tractor beam starts weakening. So he increases the power of his exoskeleton and climbs back toward the Quinjet.

Can’t say I know what he’s climbing though. The beam?

The turbulence hasn’t cooled She-Hulk’s temper and she tries to go after Nebula Kang.

Apparently, the mindbender overload that put Thor in an indiscriminate fury has worn off and he’s back to being Nebula Kang’s muscle. She orders Thor to protect her and he intercepts She-Hulk.

Thor: “Desist, Jennifer, and I will slay thee as gently as possible!”

She-Hulk: “I can’t say the same, Goldilocks! In fact, now that you mention it, I can see I had the wrong idea! I’m putting you out of your misery here and now, Thor! And this last punch ought to do it!”

And She-Hulk whallops Thor and knocks his head through the cockpit window.

Wow, good thing there’s no vacuum out there, I guess?

Thor: “Uhhh! Jennifer, enough! I am myself again! Thou hast shattered the electronic demons which held me fettered! And though I have a headache that even mortal wonder drugs could not cure... I have never felt so alive, so ready to fight in all my days!”

Nebula Kang scrapes the bottom of the barrel and commands Dr Druid to protect her.

Dr Druid versus She-Hulk and Thor goes as you’d think.

Enjoy the concussion, dick.

(There is something very funny about Dr Druid declaring his superior mind and then just using a tackle.)

Black Knight finishes climbing up an energy beam?? and climbs back inside the Quinjet. Easy since there’s now a giant hole in the window.

Since nobody is actually piloting the thing, he grabs the controls and steers away from the time bubble.

She-Hulk is thrilled to see she didn’t toss him out to his death after all and Black Knight asks that maybe they stop breaking the ship, please?

She-Hulk, to Nebula: “There’s only one thing here I’m going to destroy! When we’re done, honey, they aren’t going to be able to pick you up with a sieve!”

She-Hulk starts tearing apart Nebula Kang’s Kang outfit. To Nebula Kang’s shock, since the Kang armor is “designed to withstand the fury of cosmic storms!”

She-Hulk: “Maybe you better sue the manufacturer!”

Hah!

Nebula Kang doesn’t really have a lot of ground to complain since she did steal this equipment.

She-Hulk gets ready to punch Nebula Kang, despite Thor protesting that’d kill her, but Nebula Kang wiggles loose.

Nebula Kang: “All right, Avengers! You’ve had your chance! Maybe I should have killed you all in the first place... But it’s still not too late for that end! When you’re dead, the Kangs will never be able to retrieve the great weapon either! I’ve got enough reserve power to teleport out of here! The energy unleashed will fry this entire cockpit... and all of you with it!”

Except when she activates the teleport, all it does is electrocute her, because of the damage to the armor.

Hah and I say hah.

Thor uses his hammer to absorb the energy coming off Nebula Kang, to prevent damage to the Quinjet controls.

Black Knight finally manages to steer away from the time bubble. On their way out, they spot another illusory Quinjet headed towards the bubble with Thor and She-Hulk in the cockpit.

There’s in fact, a lot of illusory Quinjets still heading toward the bubble. One of the Quinjets flies toward the bubble which opens before it.

Guess those’re the guys that get to learn what all this nonsense is about.

BUT APPARENTLY the bubble opening up creates suction and the suction sucks Nebula Kang right out of the hole in the cockpit window. And Dr Druid? Why, he tries to grab her and gets sucked out too.

The love the dull expressions on the Avengers as teammate and chairman Dr Druid gets sucked into a time hole.

They’re like “Eh.”

They’re maybe too charitable to think “and nothing of value was lost” but I’ll do it for them.

And I can finally say Dr Druid isn’t here and for good reason.

Thor tells Black Knight to take them home.

Black Knight: “With pleasure, Thor. There is nothing more to be done here.”

But secretly She-Hulk is thinking that she wished she had killed Nebula Kang, because this whole terrible day cost Jen everything, even her self-respect. “After this, nothing will ever be the same again.”

And so they go home. BWRAM!ing on their FTL Quinjet. Back to Hydrobase.

And there’s only two pages left so everything happens really quickly.

When they arrive, Jarvis (hi Jarvis!) asks what happened to Dr Druid. Thor simply replies that Dr Druid won’t be coming back. And when Jarvis asks about the mysterious lady he sorta but doesn’t really remember, Thor tells him less said the better.

Thor pulls off Jarvis’ mindbender, since its apparently deactivated now that Nebula Kang is gone. Or now that she fell into a time hole and doesn’t exist? Or whatever?

Whatever.

Anyway, She-Hulk suddenly announces that she’s quitting the team.

She-Hulk: “She made me do horrible things! Things that were partly from inside my own soul. I’m not sure how I can live with that. I need time to think, time to heal, time to be alone. I... I just can’t bear to see either of you looking at me now.”

Instead of trying to talk her out of it, Thor is just like ‘alright, bye.’

IN FAIRNESS, he does tell her that nothing he’s not holding anything against her from when Nebula Kang was controlling their brains but Jen’s not hearing it.

This is all very sudden! Like, yeah, She-Hulk has that thought bubble where she’s thinking how she lost her self-respect or whatever but still!

And with Dr Druid gone (finally) and She-Hulk quitting, the Avengers is down to just Thor and Black Knight.

Except not.

Thor decides that he’s going to do some Asgard stuff and Black Knight is going with him because of a conversation they apparently had in Thor #396.

Jarvis: “But... what of the Avengers, Master Thor?”

Thor: “They were a team... and now the team is gone, loyal friend.”

Hey, fuck you.

Okay, so. This is also sudden. Apparently, Thor tried contacting the reserve members off-panel and nobody is available. And he doesn’t have time to bother training newbies.

Thor: “I have notified the West Coast Avengers of our dissolution. If any can be spared, perhaps... who can say? And there are other heroes still. But to me, the Avengers stood foremost in honor and in courage. Their glory and tradition shall not tarnish with age. Farewell.”

I think someone should just tell the West Coast Avengers that they’re the Avengers now. And if the New York... uh, Hydrobase team reforms, they have to go by the East Coast Avengers.

This is so stupid.

They JUST set up an expensive new base and Thor is like ‘eh.’

“Eh” is for Dr Druid dying, not for disbanding the Avengers!

I should also add that this makes Jarvis unemployed and he just got out of the hospital to start doing his job again.

What a bummer.

Jarvis locks up and leaves, missing the incoming big crossover alarm.

Obviously, the Avengers book isn’t ending here.

The Worst Roster is upcoming in only a few issues. There’s an Inferno tie-in. There’s so much going on.

But I don’t have to like how we got here.

This story didn’t have to be bad. Well-meaning but self-aggrandizing jackass weasels his way to the leadership of the Avengers and is actually under the thumb of a supervillain is not a bad concept.

Its actually a good one!

Simonson blows it in, like, one issue.

The Avengers don’t even get a regular story with Dr Druid as their leader before he’s trying to kill people for being too ornery to control.

And then it turns out that Nebula Kang just has better mind control tech. So she didn’t even need to try to use a robot dinosaur to kill Thor.

I think this would have been better if there had been a couple stories with Dr Druid being a terrible leader but where She-Hulk and Black Knight (under his influence) insist he’s doing a great job to Thor’s increasing frustration.

But this story can’t actually be told well because Simonson wants to clear the deck for a new roster all his own. He inherited the Captain Marvel, Namor, Marrina, Black Knight, Dr Druid, Thor, She-Hulk team from Stern. And getting rid of Monica was clearly editorial influence. But Simonson also doesn’t seem to want to build on what Stern had been doing, he wants to write the Worst Roster.

I’m maybe being unfair.

But this story arc has been a drag.

This whole stupid time bubble story that isn’t even a story, its to foreshadow another future time bubble story Simonson wants to write, making its early appearance pointless except to get rid of characters he doesn’t want to write.

Nebula Kang forces the Avengers to go to some time bubble. Some Kangs hang onto the outside of a Quinjet and fall off (admittedly funny). The Avengers wrassle with Nebula Kang inside a Quinjet. Dr Druid dies. Then the Avengers go home and dissolve the team.

There are graceful ways to nudge a book towards what you want to be writing but this wasn’t it.

And I know there’s a lot more editorial pressure hitting the writers in this era and I don’t know how much of that was at play.

But so far? Simonson is not a good Avengers writer.

His run isn’t over. I’ll give the Worst Roster a fair shake.

Things that seem dumb conceptually can often be awesome. See, for example, Frog Thor, from good Thor writer Simonson.

There’s another East Coast Avengers issue next week because I have to sync the books up for Evolutionary War. A post that will probably kill me because the event crosses eleven annuals. I’ll only be giving a lot of focus to Avengers and West Coast Avengers but I’ll have to at least skim the other annuals since they all (supposedly) tell one story.

Ugh.

At least Dr Druid is dead forever.

That cheers me up.

Follow @essential-avengers​ because Dr Druid is dead forever. Like and reblog because Dr Druid is dead forever. Have any comments about Dr Druid and him being dead forever? I want to hear them!

[johnvenus]

All I want in the MCU is a room full pf Johnathan Majors'arguing which one of them got catfished by Nebula (yes, *that* Nebula).

[l-just-want-to-see]

You’ll never recover from that kind of devotion.

Jason Grace: on family and the lack thereof, wolves that really are dogs, remembering and healing and the sudden inevitability of being remembered.

I Bet on Losing Dogs, Mitski / War of the Foxes, Richard Siken / You’re on Your Own, Kid, Taylor Swift / Trees II, McCafferty / Mowgli Taken in by the Wolves, 1937 / Space Dog, Alan Shapiro / Moon Song, Phoebe Bridgers / A Hymn to Childhood, Li-Young Lee / Susan Smith, wych elm / The Blood of Olympus, Rick Riordan / Saint Bernard, Lincoln / Lupa Capitolina in Ludus, Romania / The Odyssey, Homer (trans. by Emily Wilson) / quadruple dog art by @mxmorggo on Instagram / Norwegian Wood, Haruki Murakami / The Lost Hero, Rick Riordan / House of Leaves, Mark Z. Danielewski / Vulnerability, @/kazerad / Euripides, Elektra / Jason seizing the Golden Fleece, Charles Natoire / Thalia (Grace) / I can’t find the source… / My Sister’s Keeper, Jodi Picoult / Seam, Tarfia Faizullah / In the Blood, John Mayer / The Vintage Book of African American Poetry, Michael S. Harper, Anthony Walton / Memento Mori, Crywank / And My Father’s Love Was Nothing Next To God’s Will, Amatullah Bourdon / Family Line, Conan Gray / Franz Kafka’s letters to his father / Kronos/Saturn, Peter Paul Rubens / Wolf and pup / American Teenager, Ethel Cain / LET YOUR FATHER DIE ENERGY DRINK, Daniel Lavery and Cecilia Corrigan / Scott Street, Phoebe Bridgers / Tumblr, @/inanotherunivrse / Tomatoes, Shane Koyczan / Pinterest / Tumblr, @/heavensghost / Tumblr, @/tagdevilish / through sickness and in health… by Angelina Hajducky on Instagram / Jason (given name), Wikipedia / Human Acts, Han Kang / The gas pillar in the Carina Nebula, NASA / Tumblr, @/roach-works / Not Strong Enough, boygenius / Grit, silas denver melvin / Herakles, Euripides (trans. by Anne Carson) / Pelias sending forth Jason, 1880 / The Audre Lorde Questionnaire to Oneself, Brianna Albers / The Mark of Athena, Rick Riordan / Wolf in White Van, John Darnielle / The Oresteia, Aeschylus / Tumblr, @/orpheuslament / Anecdote of the Pig, Tory Adkisson / The Burning Maze, Rick Riordan / I Bet on Losing Dogs, Mitski / Icarus, The Crane Wives / The Three Graces, Edouard Bisson / For Your Own Good, Leah Horlick

[sserpente]

A/N: Request from @vampirexsoldier​ and based on an idea I got watching the new Guardians of the Galaxy movie. Enjoy, everyone!

Words: 3412 Warnings: vampire!Reader, blood, feeding, burns/fire

“That’s a terrible idea! What if she finds out?” Peter Quill bellowed with utter outrage in his voice.

Gamora’s proposal wasn’t entirely bad. The question as to How do you keep a dangerous vampire—you—who could lash out and kill everyone in seconds in check? had hung in the air unanswered until Gamora chuckled and spoke up. “You make her fall in love, how else?”

And because it was rather unlikely anyone was up for the task or even emotionally available for that matter, everyone’s eyes promptly travelled over to Mantis. She shrugged with her eyes widened.

“Okay, even if that works… who do you want to make her fall in love with? I don’t volunteer, I don’t wanna end up as Dracula’s supper!”

“Who’s Dracula?” Drax asked. Quill rolled his eyes.

Surprisingly though, it was Thor who spoke up next, a sly grin playing on his lips. “My brother.”

“Your brother is Dracula?”

“What? No. That’s not what I meant.”

“Loki? You wanna make her fall in love with the guy who almost took over Earth a few years ago? That’s not a recipe for chaos, that’s a recipe for disaster,” Quill said.

“Loki’s changed since then, Quill. And I think… I think having someone infatuated with him will do him good. Besides, I think she is his type for him to help keep up the act. She’s quite… mean.”

Gamora chuckled once more. “He won’t like that if he finds out though.”

“Are you serious? You’re seriously gonna do this?” Quill threw his hands.

“I am Groot!”

Thor’s eyes widened. “He’s what?”

“Right behind you, you oaf.” Loki’s voice slid through the air like one of his daggers and instantly, the room fell silent. Even Nebula who had elected not to partake in the conversation at all looked up to see what would happen next.

“Loki!” Thor called out innocently, turning on his heel to face him. Everyone in the room could tell that Loki’s hand must have been itching to wipe that shit-eating grin from Thor’s face.

“You heard everything we said, didn’t you?” the God of Thunder asked then.

“That I did.” He was calm. Perhaps a little too calm, even.

“So… so what do you think?”

“I think you’ve lost your mind but that’s not new.”

“Loki, please. If… I mean, if she tries anything, we’ll know you’re strong enough to defend yourself.”

“She’s like a ticking time bomb and until we can rule out she doesn’t work with the enemy, we have to… keep her at bay,” Gamora added matter-of-factly.

“I agree with my sister. She’s dangerous.”

Loki let his gaze wander over the others. Then, he sighed. “Fine. But you…” He pointed at Mantis who flinched in response. “…You lift that magic as soon as we’re off this ship.”

Thor patted his brother on the shoulder when she started nodding frantically.

“You’re staring, Trickster.” Your feet were crossed and propped up on the dashboard, careful not to press any buttons and turn off autopilot or something silly like that. You’d been engrossed in a journal Quill and Nebula had picked up from that abandoned spaceship. “Still don’t trust me?”

Technically, they didn’t want you to read it. They didn’t trust you. You couldn’t blame them really. While none of their suspicions about you were true, for you certainly wouldn’t work for someone who called himself Kang, they were right to fear you at least.

People had messed with you too much in the past. It had changed you—you, and your morals. Taking a life here and there and draining someone of their blood to guarantee your own survival might not have been noble but sometimes necessary. Besides, it was hilarious to watch people cower before you.

Looking up from the journal, you met Loki’s blue gaze observing you curiously, and tilted your head.

“Trust is for dogs.”

You’d rather not go into the story of how you ended up on the Guardians of the Galaxy’s spaceship in the first place but they were a means to an end. You needed to get far away from those disgusting demon poachers who had wanted to harvest your fangs as if you were a chicken laying eggs.

In return, you’d offered them your help with whatever it was they were planning on doing against Kang. Loki was by far the one who trusted you the least. It was funny, really. He was outrageously hot and his smile, albeit sarcastic and snarky most of the time, had—metaphorically speaking—pierced your heart with an arrow.

Falling in love sounded so ridiculous you hadn’t properly considered it yet. You were a vampire for heaven’s sake. You didn’t fall in love. If anything, you experienced physical attraction and that all too familiar throbbing right between your legs when you imagined your fangs buried in Loki’s neck all the while his cock was buried in you. You’d simply ignore how your heart jumped every time he entered the room.

Loki was walking on very thin ice today. He had recently, so you’d learned, been affiliated with some sort of time police. In some universes… multiverses (to be quite frank you still couldn’t exactly wrap your head around it all) it was Kang who was in charge of this so-called TVA, in others, they were doing everything they could to stop him.

It was a fight you were not about to get involved in any more than necessary but you had to admit, you more than just liked the formal attire he wore whenever he went back there with the help of these silly little time doors.

You’d been dancing around each other for weeks at this point and while the others steered clear of you as best as they could, Loki seemed to somehow always be around you, watching you—probably expecting that as soon as he turned his back on you, you’d go running to Kang or something like that. That, or you’d jump on his back and rip out his throat with your fangs because food was a rarity in the middle of space.

“I can’t say I’m a huge fan of dogs—being a blood-sucking creature of the night and all.”

You had indeed not fed in a while and it was starting to give you quite vivid and filthy daydreams with Loki. The number of positions you had already imagined while you were feeding on him would have had Aphrodite herself blush.

“Right. We’ll be landing on a planet called Solaris tomorrow. Mobius suspects a Kang Variant has taken precedence there.”

“You almost say that like you think I care.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Your skills are amenable. We’ll need you in this fight.”

“Really? You expect me to focus on a fight when you’ll be wearing that? All I can think about is how much I want to grab you by that tie, pull you down to me and kiss you senseless until you beg me to… well.” You winked at him.

Loki swallowed thickly. Taken aback, perhaps, that you so brazenly flirted with him or simply wary of the fact it was a vampire of all beings who was attempting to seduce him.

He opened his mouth but then closed it again without having said anything, making you chuckle triumphantly. “You’re cute when you don’t know what to say. I bet that doesn’t happen a lot.”

His eyes narrowed.

“I mean it, Loki. You’re one attractive god. If I was religious, I’d worship you over Thor anytime.”

The smile he gave you in response didn’t quite reach his eyes. It wasn’t full of suspicion as usual but it wasn’t sarcastic or mischievous either. In fact… you figured it was actually a little sad. Why you practically admitting to him that you’d fall to your knees for him elicited that kind of emotion from him though, you weren’t quite sure.

Perhaps it was for the best. As long as you couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that your heart demanded more from Loki than just his blood and his body yourself, focusing on lust and physical desire was your best bet.

With one final smirk, you returned to reading the journal. Loki made it a point not to leave the room and to instead watch you like a hawk.

And here you were now, part of a fight you had wanted to stay away from. But a promise was a promise and you had honour—you’d keep your word, if anything because that meant you got to spend more time with Loki.

Solaris was lovely. Lovelier than Earth in many aspects but then again, food was scarce and most beings on his planet were, well… inedible. It left you a little hungrier than you would have liked given the current circumstances. Plus, Loki’s throat began to look more and more delicious with every passing second.

Loki’s mysterious TVA friend had been right though. Kang—or at least, one of his many Variants—was here. He was every last bit as annoying as your involuntary travel companions had made him out to be, obsessed with ruling the multiverse and time and bla bla bla. You had to resist the urge to roll your eyes as he made you all listen to his grand plan, no doubt an entertaining stalling method for him before he’d strike. You understood him in that regard, at least. Playing with your prey before the killing blow was fun. As a vampire, you’d know.

“I knew you’d come,” Kang finally concluded after a while. “Of course, I wasn’t sure which Variants of you I’d encounter but I must admit the selection is quite disappointing.”

“Oh yeah? Well, you know what, you’re disappointing too,” Quill snapped with his gun pointed at Kang.

“I’m sure—because I’m not the Kang you were hoping to put an end to. You see, I’m always a step ahead. All of my Variants are, in fact. I volunteered to take care of you.”

“Can we kill him now?” Drax uttered. His comment earned him an eye roll from both Nebula and Gamora, followed by an angry “I am Groot”—whatever the hell that was supposed to mean.

“Let’s get this over with,” Rocket added.

“I agree. It might be best to do it quickly and painlessly.” Then, much to your surprise, Kang’s cold gaze fell on you.

“You’re the vampire. I’ve heard of you. It’s quite hilarious how you end up with the infamous God of Mischief in almost every universe.” What the actual fuck. “Or have you chosen Thor instead here?”

You blinked, too stunned to speak for a second. Thor wasn’t your type at all, you had made that pretty clear to Loki, and only recently too.

“You could truly be so much more though. Why would you want to waste away with these self-proclaimed gods? I can assure you that joining me would give your eternal life a much greater purpose.”

“Yeah, go ahead and provoke her,” Quill interrupted, “She’ll rip your throat out before you can say ‘time’!”

“I’d rather gauge my own eyes out,” you added, for once agreeing with the snarky Star Lord.

“Ah, I see… you like him. Well, it wouldn’t truly be a loss, you see. I can always get a new Loki for you. One that is more… compliant.”

“Go to hell.”

“Shame. I’ll have to kill you too then. Let me start with you, actually. It will make this unpleasant fight so much less messy.”

Time to bare your fangs. You could practically feel your eyes turning red, those pointy teeth forcing their way out of your gums to become a deadly weapon. You could feel Loki’s eyes on you when it happened. Curiosity mixed with fascination and vigilance made for a delicious combination. But there was no time to swoon over him now. Not when you began to realise what Kang—calm and irksomely collected—was doing.

Fiddling with the time manipulation device on his wrist, the noise it caused was deafening. It was like the sky above you was screaming in agony as the stars moved and the moon retreated. He was speeding up time, speeding up the night… and you were out in the open, with nowhere to retreat and escape from the deadly sunrays about to dig their hot claws into your flesh.

You shrieked when the first beam hit your skin. Panic set in quickly the very moment you smelled the smoke coming from your own body, the excruciating pain that felt like falling headfirst into an active volcano.

All hell broke loose around you with both the Guardians and the two Asgardian gods breaking into a fight all the while you frantically, desperately looked around for cover, somewhere to hide. You had approximately thirty more seconds before you’d burst up in flames like a phoenix and turn to ashes—only that unlike a phoenix, you wouldn’t be reborn.

“Loki, get her out of here!” you heard Thor roar.

There. A tent. You doubted the thin ceiling made entirely of fabric would protect you for long but it would have to do. So you ran, faster than any human eye would be able to witness, abandoning the group you had promised to help.

Instead, you assessed the damage done. Grunting in pain, you eyed the burns on every inch of exposed skin. Your body was fighting it, pumping both blood and adrenaline through your system determinedly to heal you—but with the lack of nutrition lately, you soon realised that you were too weak. And then, everything around went black and someone caught you in their arms.

When you came to, you tasted blood.

“Drink. Don’t stop.” Loki. Demanding and stern, pressing his wrist against your lips. Your eyes—undoubtedly red—flattered open, a surprised sound escaping your throat. Loki’s blood tasted heavenly. Warm and sweet and salty all at the same time, it felt like you were feasting on freshly harvested honey.

Your body welcomed the feeding with open arms, demanding more and more as it slowly regained the strength it needed to properly start the healing process of your skin. You could feel it tingle and itch with every drop of blood you swallowed until you were strong enough to wrap your hands around Loki’s lower arm to pull him even closer to your face.

He was behind you, you only realised then. Your head was resting on his lap as he was kneeling on the floor, his thighs supporting your head. Fuck, you didn’t want this moment to end, ever, and for some reason, this felt even more intimate than the idea of simply fucking him while your fangs were buried deep in his flesh.

He’s saving your life, a know-it-all voice in your head whispered. That’s why.

Eventually, Loki pulled his wrist away. You licked your lips, slowly becoming more aware of your surroundings. You were back on the spaceship and the atmosphere was, quite frankly, grim.

“What happened?” you croaked, feeling several pairs of eyes on you. “Did somebody die?”

“Kang’s gone. Dead, we killed him,” Quill explained briefly and to the point.

He didn’t need to elaborate. It was a bittersweet victory—after all, there were hundreds of more dangerous Kang Variants out there and it seemed as if this one had merely served as a distraction from the real deal. What was it he had said? Somehow, you ended up with Loki in every universe? What did that even mean? In what way?

“Great. I’m going to take a shower then,” you announced. With as much grace and pride as you could muster after almost dying before all of their eyes, you climbed to your feet and strutted away, turning around the corner to get to one of the small bathroom units that came with surprisingly modern showers.

“Why did you do it?” you heard Thor ask Loki quietly once you were out of sight. You could have been mistaken but it almost seemed like there was a slight smirk in his voice. You lifted your head and froze, tuning in on the conversation. In any case, you’d like to know the answer to that question as well, after all, Loki had always been the one person on his damn spaceship trusting you the least. You surely were hoping you had now proved to him that you did not, in fact, work with Kang—in any universe for that matter.

“She was dying, Thor, and quite frankly, none of you even considered making a move and offering her blood.”

“That can’t be the only reason. Has it got something to do with what Mantis did to her? Did she… did she grow on you a little?”

“But…” Mantis started at that very moment. She was instantly cut off by Loki’s scoff.

“You keep forgetting the very people we both grew up with consider my true nature a monster too.”

“What, so you did it out of solidarity among monsters?” Quill intervened. You rolled your eyes. But what was that Thor had said? What Mantis had done to you? What did she do to you?

“But I…” Mantis started once more. Again, her words fell on deaf ears.

“You’d do well to watch your tongue, Star Lord.”

“Hey!” Mantis finally screeched. Silence. Now they were listening to her. “I haven’t made her fall in love with Loki yet! I couldn’t do it while she was awake and I’ve never seen her sleep before!”

Made her fall in love with Loki. Her words rang in your ear, floating around and repeating themselves over and over like a poltergeist in your head. Made her fall in love with Loki. They had been planning on doing that? Why? To keep you at bay, to keep you controlled? Love was a powerful instrument and that… that was foul. It was vile and outrageous, it was…

“What… what do you mean by you haven’t done it yet?” you heard Loki ask. So he’d been in on it as well.

You growled, turning on your heel to get rid of your leather trousers which were ruined now due to the sun scourging your skin.

“If you didn’t manipulate her emotions yet, then why is she constantly…”

Unfortunately, you were still a little too dizzy to do so. You took the shower curtain down with you as you slipped on the wet tiles, making them all aware of your presence again and unfortunately ending their conversation in the process.

But you were still able to figure out the rest of Loki’s unfinished sentence. He was wondering. Realising, even, perhaps, that all those things you had told him… that you found him attractive, cute, that you wanted to do such deliciously filthy things with him… you had meant them.

And perhaps—just perhaps—that was a little too much for him to bear. You could only imagine the confused looks on the others’ faces.

“If you’ll excuse me,” you finally heard him say. You didn’t even notice you were still cowering on the bathroom floor, leaning against the wall. When Loki entered the bathroom, he helped you up without a moment of hesitation, ignoring your weak protest as he did.

But then, the very second your eyes met, he knew. “You heard it.”

“Every damn word. You’re all insane if you thought that would work.”

“They thought it did. I thought it did.”

So that was why his expression was always so… so sad whenever you flirted with him. He must have thought you’d done it only because of Mantis and it had left him… disappointed? Realising this, it was hard to feel anger toward him. The others, yes. But not him. So instead, you said, “Thank you, Loki. You saved my life today. I’m in your debt—and trust me when I say that having a vampire in your debt is power on another level.” You just about managed to wink before another wave of dizziness made you stumble. The God of Mischief instantly wrapped his arms around you to steady you.

“Do you believe me now then?”

Loki smirked, returning the wink. “Yes, pet. I believe you now.”

“Then that’s your cue to kiss me, Trickster, ideally before I pass out again.”

You knew the moment his soft lips connected with yours that you would gladly pass out again if only that meant you’d feel that gorgeous mouth on you forever though.

[musclesandhammering]

Unpopular Phase 4 & 5 Opinions

Quantumania is the worst Phase 4/5 movie. And it wasn’t even because “kang got beat by ants.” (I liked kang in this movie). It’s just that the Spy Kids aesthetic & bad acting & overall weird vibes just weren’t for me.

Love and Thunder is no worse than Ragnarok. I would argue that it’s better in a lot of ways, actually. I really liked it.

Taika Waititi ruined thor with bad humour all the way back in Ragnarok tbh, but y’all weren’t complaining about it then 😒.

BuckySarah is better than sambucky every day of the week.

The Marvels was a good ass movie & they’re one of my favorite teams in the mcu. I’ll never forgive cbm sites & online dudebros for killing the hype from the moment the film was announced.

I adore America Chavez & Kamala Kahn and I want to see them in everything. They must be protected at all costs.

Multiverse of Madness had shitty characterisation & basically just copy-pasted the ‘grief made me go off the deep end & hurt people, then I realised and stopped myself’ storyline from Wandavision… but Wanda was extremely selfish & apathetic to other people’s suffering from the time she was introduced in the mcu. MoM didn’t make her like that.

Wanda should’ve been looking for Vision (her actual real life boyfriend whom she spent years with irl) in MoM instead of the kids that weren’t even real that she spent like a week using as characters in her sitcom.

Making everyone forget Peter Parker wasn’t profound or poetic in any way- it was just frustrating and needlessly cruel.

I’m begging marvel to understand that heroes don’t have to be in constant suffering to be heroic & villains don’t have to sacrifice themselves to achieve redemption. Let characters heal and atone, you absolute weirdos.

What If…? is the most boring show ever. I’d rather watch Secret Invasion or She-Hulk.

Season 2 of Loki is, in a cinematic & artistic sense, the best marvel project period.

Loki season 1 was meh- more of a fun au than anything because his characterisation kinda sucked. Season 2 fixed it, though, and made it way easier for me to incorporate this version of Loki back into the larger mcu.

Having Steve stay in the past with Peggy was stupid af.

I don’t hate Peggy (or Captain Carter), though. I actually think she’s pretty cool.

I don’t really love Steve. He’s arrogant & they never really let him have flaws & something about him being a perfect metaphor for the American military industrial complex (and marvel painting that as a good thing) doesn’t sit right with me.

The Illuminati got done dirty and the only reason they went down so fast was because Wanda had all that plot armor.

I thought the retcon of having Wanda be “destined” to become the Scarlet Witch since birth was an annoying cop-out. Her powers originating from being experimented on with an infinity stone was way more interesting.

Loki & Wanda have almost the exact same powers.

Nebula deserved a bigger rule in killing Thanos & everything else moving forward.

I love Kathryn Newton but her acting as Cassie Lang was the worst acting I’ve ever seen in the mcu, like it was outrageously bad.

I’m glad Sam is the new Captain America and not Bucky.

The fact that Bucky probably isn’t gonna be one of Thee lead characters in the upcoming avengers movies feels sick and twisted.

Secret Invasion was actually passable until the G’iah scene at the end. That ruined it. And Nick Fury deserved way better for his solo series.

Kang is so much more interesting than Doctor Doom. I really hope they just recast him.

Carol Danvers does NOT deserve the hate she gets.

I actually disliked Carol until The Marvels. That movie made me a stan.

The way people treat Monica as Wanda’s little inferior pet creation or smth & then brag about it is uhh very sus.

I don’t like sylvie (bc she’s an amalgamation of 3 different comic characters- which killed any hopes of them appearing individually in the mcu, the creators used her existence to butcher Loki’s genderfluid rep, & she was written poorly) & I HATE sylki (bc it’s weird & unnecessary).

Marvel isn’t dead. I actually love where they’re taking things. But that’s just me.

[unhingedmarvelandclassicwhobuff]

Anywhere but Westview: alternate futures for Wanda if someone, ANYONE, had actually looked out for her after Endgame:

Clint takes her in and she lives with him and his family, eventually meeting Kate and Yelena

She throws in with Sam and Bucky and helps out against the Flag Smashers

She ends up bonding with Peter Parker and eventually accompanies him against Mysterio and the Multiverse (also, I only just thought of this, but Wanda meeting Quentin Beck would be pretty interesting, as he could try to sway her with their mutual hatred of Tony).

She accompanies Steve to put back the Stones and convinces him to return to the present instead of going back to the 40s.

T’Challa and Shuri, feeling guilty over not being able to save Vision, invite her to stay in Wakanda, and she eventually helps Shuri against Namor.

Peter Quill invites her to join the Guardians because he wants a buffer between Thor and himself and she ends up becoming close with the crew, especially Rocket and Nebula. (While I would love to imagine her written into Volume 3, I respect Gunn too much to pollute his story.)

Scott asks her if she wants to meet Cassie, and she ends up bonding with the Lang family, eventually going with them to the Quantum Realm and battling Kang

Bruce offers her help to make amends between the two of them, and she goes with him to Sakaar

Strange is fascinated by her powers and invites her to Kamar-Taj

Rhodey, seeking to make amends with her in a way Tony never wanted to, offers her a place to stay.

If anyone wants to try their hand at making one of these a full fanfic story, be my guest.

[frasier-crane-style]

It's hard to overstate how much Marvel fucked the roll-out of Kang. I can forgive casting a domestic abuser--no way to know that ahead of time. But

Introducing him as the villain of an Ant-Man movie.

Can you imagine an Avengers villain whose personal arch-nemesis is Ant-Man?

2. Introducing a wacky nerd variant of him in Loki Season 2.

Before we've even gotten to know this guy really, we're seeing the actor essentially parody himself. Could you imagine if in Age of Ultron, our second look at Thanos was this:

3. They tried to make him the multiverse guy without having him involved in any multiverse stories.

Early movies in the Infinity Saga introduced the Infinity Stones, Nebula, Gamora, the Chitauri, and so forth. But movies like Multiverse of Madness and No Way Home went by without furthering the plot or deepening Kang's character, making him feel curiously uninvolved with his own story. All they really accomplished, as entries in a saga, was to lay down the ground rules for the multiverse... which were constantly contradictory and nonsensical. With Wandavision and Wolverine & Deadpool, this multiverse stuff just started to seem like silly sidestories, but no, it was supposed to be the main event. A random, cameo-centric main event.

We were asking "hey, why should we care about the multiverse?" and the answer was "because boner joke."

4. Kang wasn't mysterious, just confusing.

Why would some dude from the 40th century care or be a threat to a bunch of 21st century characters? In the comics, among other reasons, Kang is simply an egomaniac who wants to 'honorably' take on the best of the best. Like a modern war gamer who wants to see if he could beat Genghis Khan with his own horse cavalry.

In the MCU... gosh. Loki paints him (or He Who Remains) as a well-intentioned extremist who wants to destroy all timelines but one to keep hordes of alternate Kangs from waging destructive war on each other (how this would affect characters in the 21st century is unclear).

In Ant-Man, the threat is a renegade Kang who wants revenge on a Council of Kangs (who CAN get along now) for some unspecified betrayal. He might be THE Kang or he might be dead for real and the whole thing is only good for a Jonathan Majors clip reel.

In Loki season 2, it's now possible for there to be a 19th century Kang (meaning that, if circumstances changed, I guess Tom Cruise could've been born during the Reformation? How the fuck does that work?) and Loki seems to sort out the whole multiverse problem without the need to destroy any more timelines, so unless he's really bad at his job, that would wrap up the Kang saga, right? Right?

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

The big problem with RDJ as Doom besides the laziness element is that, well, we need Doom to feel tied to Reed Richards' issues. We need him feeling like Reed, Susan, Ben and Johnny are the bane of his existence. In the same way that say, Wilson Fisk sees Matt Murdock as this pebble in his shoe who won't go away no matter what Fisk does to try to kill or discredit him.

But this also goes to show how the MCU has developed a problem with their villains being interchangeable with whose Rogues Gallery they are slotted into. We need villains who are locked into a specific Rogues Gallery, and have it fit them specifically.

I couldn't agree more. That's the whole point of villains, isn't it? They need to be well-developed themselves but their existence is basically meant to make the hero even better, more complex. They need to be heavily tied in order to achieve that.

Perhaps they could do that with Doom and the F4 or some other heroes, but the Avengers movies are coming in what, two years? There's not enough time to build up for it. This is nothing like Thanos and Gamora/Nebula/Thor/Guardians. Or like you say, Fisk with Matt.

I can't for the life of me understand why they're so against build-up post-Phase 3. They shoehorned Kang everywhere and shoot themselves in the foot. Now Doom is coming super soon with no previous introduction or anything (haven't seen the Deadpool movie, don't know if he's there). They're going to build his relationship with the others in what, one movie? They won't be getting the audience excited as hell that way.

[danwhobrowses]

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 - Quickfire Review

Finally. It's been longer than intended for me to watch this movie, I should've been writing this last week but I had the completely baffling scenario where the cinema people came in and say they 'didn't have the feature'. But finally I went and watched it so here are my quick thoughts on the matter.

Spoilers for the Movie

So I unsurprisingly enjoyed this a lot, I wouldn't say it's the best Guardians film, I think the first still sneaks the top spot, but they are all hits and it's the best MCU film since No Way Home.

I was quite surprised with a lot of things, but Rocket being on death's door for two thirds of the film was the most unexpected, paired with no character dying. I'm not too mad about the latter mind you, it was just surprising.

I read a non-spoiler review though that said that Adam Warlock wasn't in it enough, and while I can see why people may think that, I thought the limited time he had worked in his favour. The infant-like mentality - set up by the Sovereign saying he was awakened early - did add to the comedy and he was never gonna be comic accurate given that Vision stole his whole Infinity Stone shtick. While him joining the new Guardians made sense, I will say that Phyla-Vell felt a little thrown in there though but it was just a mid-credits scene so it won't mean that much.

The High Evolutionary is great though, like pure maniacal god complex, which helps to stand out against other MCU villains who often get painted with a layer of sympathy or manipulation. Chukwudi Iwuji depicted the role brilliantly and if Marvel do get put in a corner with Kang they can easily slot him into the role. For new side characters I also felt that all of Rocket's old buddies did well, Linda Cardellini especially as Lylla.

The plot itself was very emotive, centering mainly around Peter and Rocket being haunted by their past (the former having to also confront Gamora during it all), and Nebula's struggle to express herself. While this did leave Drax, Mantis and Groot to mainly hover around the side, and Cosmo and Kraglin to hover wayyyy far back over the side. Rocket's backstory though is brutal, and Peter's development towards acceptance and seeking out his family on earth was a solid payoff. I do especially like that neither of the daughters of Thanos ended up with Peter at the end, Gamora found her home in the Ravagers yes but she took home some lessons from the Guardians, and Nebula and Peter would've felt a little forced.

While the Guardians splitting at the end makes sense, and Drax getting some respect as a parental figure was nice, I do feel like Mantis going alone was perhaps the most bitter of the group going their separate ways, I enjoyed her character but she wasn't given a lot of substance, and I feel she was a little depowered here compared to when she sedated Ego and Thanos in previous movies. I hope at the least given how Star Lord will at least return that the Guardians will reunite once more, even if it's for another Holiday Special.

Also can't talk about Guardians without the music, and it's quite good, I suppose it's the quality you expect from the film after so many movies. Starting with Creep was a unique call, but I did enjoy them using Dog Days Are Over for the final scenes of the movie. Since You've Been Gone by Rainbow always puts me in a good mood though, mainly because of the Pot Noodle commercial that used the song.

I could probably dig into it more, but this is meant to be 'quickfire' and this is the eighth paragraph so in conclusion, really good movie, it has emotional weight and comedy, its focus on animal cruelty does make you pensive, the new characters were fun, and the conclusion will leave you content but also hopeful, despite Gunn setting sights on rebooting the DC universe, to see the group again.

[isagrimorie]

I'm rewatching Flashback in season 3 of Voyager and in the episode Janeway mind melds into Tuvok's mind and they go back to the time that Tuvok served in the Excelsior with Captain Sulu.

And then Harry Kim and Janeway discover that Sulu didn't include the Excelsior's adventures trying to rescue Kirk and Bones from the Klingon empire in his official logs.

Harry is shocked by this but Janeway is quick to defend the generation of officers that were Kirk and Sulu:

"Space must have seemed a whole lot bigger back then. It's not surprising they had to bend the rules a little. They were a little slower to invoke the Prime Directive, and a little quicker to pull their phasers. Of course, the whole bunch of them would be booted out of Starfleet today. But I have to admit, I would have loved to ride shotgun at least once with a group of officers like that."

Oh, Janeway, there's something I want to tell you about your future self...

'A little quick to pull phasers.' Becomes a thing for you and your crew. This is especially true of a former Borg you steal from the Collective.

KANG [on viewscreen]: Mister Sulu, I see they have finally given you the captaincy you deserve. SULU: Thank you, Kang. KANG [on viewscreen]: Do not let it end prematurely. SULU: Kang, we've been on a survey mission studying this nebula. Our navigation system malfunctioned, and I'm afraid we got lost. As soon as we've completed repairs, we'll be on our way. KANG [on viewscreen]: We'd be happy to escort you back to Federation space. SULU: Very generous of you, but we can manage. KANG [on viewscreen]: I insist. SULU: Actually, an escort would be welcome. We'd hate to lose our way again. KANG [on viewscreen]: Bring your ship about, bearing one eight one, mark two. SULU: Nice to see you again, Kang. (Transmission ends.) VALTANE: Captain Sulu? SULU: Man your station, Lieutenant. We're not giving up just yet.

Janeway wasn't kidding, she's so fascinated with Sulu's captain style of Bullshitting, which now that I know she admired the Captains of Old, I see signs when Janeway does it herself.

And when Seven does it too.

(LOL, If Liam Shaw thought Seven, Picard, and Riker were bad they have nothing on Janeway.)(Affectionate).

[justdealingwithsomeissues]

Ah... so Kang Nebula can just change her appearance at will, that is our reasoning for why everyone keeps drawing her differently... also this clears up the "oh yeah she isn't that other Nebula" thing as well which is good because some writers were not entirely sure about that.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #296: HEARTS of OAK... and HEADS to MATCH!

October, 1988

The Beginning of the END!

Yes, good, let this end.

This run is a bummer.

But hey, the Hearts of Oak... and Heads to Match title is a Pogo reference. That’s fun!

What’s with all the quote titles lately?

Anyway, back to Dr Druid putting Black Knight out of his misery. And mine.

It is a sad state when the Avengers have been reduced down to four and half is trying to kill the other half because Druid is an asshole.

Last times in Avengers: Hoo boy, where to start.

Dr Druid has been having ominous sex dreams about a lady who is secretly Nebula Kang and will later be revealed to be even more secretly Ravonna but its not written like she is now but honestly she’s not written like she’s Nebula either.

Under the influence of sex dreams, Dr Druid undermined Avengers chairwoman Captain Marvel Monica Rambeau, made her stupid herself almost to death, and then used psychic voter fraud to get himself made the new chairman.

Nebula Kang Ravonna needs the Avengers to find some super-duper-secret-weapon that the Council of Kangs is looking for. Playing on Dr Druid’s arrogance and power fantasies, she has him pretty thoroughly under her thumb and he can keep Black Knight and She-Hulk under his own thumb. But Thor resists the psychic whammy so Nebula Kang tries to get Thor killed by robot T. Rex from the future that’s more than meets the eye.

She-Hulk and Black Knight shake the psychic control when Druid tells them to ignore Thor’s calls for assistance. Black Knight manages to escape and help Thor beat the robot T. Rex notTransformer but She-Hulk is left in Dr Druid and Nebula Kang’s clutches.

Also, Black Knight fell out of an airplane and into a lake and is under the effects of a turbo curse so he had to go to the hospital.

And Thor isn’t the type to patiently sit in the waiting room reading old New Yorkers.

After Thor finishes walking his way through hospital staff trying to get him to chill, he finds Black Knight’s hospital bed empty.

A doctor shows up, lightly chides Thor for not chilling, and tells Thor that since Black Knight’s life wasn’t in danger but he was too dangerous to keep in a hospital bed, they let him go.

He’s out back, in the parking lot. Being accosted by reporters who have somehow already heard about the thing where Black Knight’s body is as sharp as a sword.

Apparently, between issues, Black Knight sliced right through a hospital bed and several floors to land in the basement.

That sure would have been fun to ACTUALLY SEE.

Bah.

Thor has not much patience for the first amendment.

Thor: “Better a company of Frost Giants than a gagle of reporters!”

He swings Mjolnir around to kick up a strong wind and obscure himself and Dane, Black Knight, from view.

Thor asks Dane how he’s doing. And Dane recap/confirms that his curse is still cursing him.

He’s fused into his armor and his hand slices through stuff like a sword. He can control it if he’s awake though. In case you wanted to be a clever dick, flipping through the pages and going hey why isn’t he cutting through stuff there, why isn’t Dr Druid filleted like a fish?

Oh. Speaking of which.

Black Knight tells Thor that Dr Druid is a dick, he’s using mind control on the Avengers, he tried to stop Dane from coming to Thor’s aid, and that he has She-Hulk bound to a chair.

Thor and Black Knight hammer-throw-fly off to Hydrobase and the reporter who is a winking reference to Superman shows up again, although his hair is the wrong color.

Hi, Clark, random journalist.

In Simonson’s Thor run, which is actually good, Thor in his new secret identity of guy in glasses and ponytail bumped into a journalist named Clark. They both almost sorta seemed to recognize each other.

So a journalist named Clark saying that he imagines Thor puts his hair in a ponytail when he’s off-duty is an extension of that joke.

And now I’ve explained it and its surely just as funny as if you’d gotten the reference without help.

Back at Hydrobase, Dr Druid, Nebula Kang, She-Hulk, and Jarvis hi Jarvis! see the CNN report showing Thor and Black Knight leaving the hospital.

Nebula Kang is basically in-charge now, as she starts making plans on how to deal with Thor not being as dead as she'd prefer.

She asks She-Hulk if she can handle Thor.

She-Hulk: "No problem. Those blond brains are strictly Stone Age vintage. It would never occur to him to watch out for a woman!"

??? What

And Dr Druid will handle Black Knight. Er, I mean, he'll handle correcting Black Knight's misunderstanding of the situation! Haha we're all friends here!

Meanwhile, god dammit we're still doing the Council- my mistake, the Cross-Time Kang Korps plot.

Beard Kang is announcing to the Kollected Kangs that this entire organization is a waste of time and that instead of doing anything productive, they've all been canoodling with Nebula Kang. Yes, that's right. All of them.

The best and maybe only good thing that comes out of this entire subplot is that when Beard Kang brings this up, all of the Kangs try to look nonchalant and then blame every other Kang for being a horny idiot while claiming to be above reproach themselves.

Beard Kang: "I can't stand it. The cream of the time travelers. Without an ounce of brain among them."

Beard Kang takes Fred Kang and another Kang who the fuck can tell what his cute nickname is and heads off to handle the Nebula Kang problem himself. Because, again, this entire large Kang Kollective are a bunch of horny idiots who think with their dicks.

Are you enjoying getting to do a Kang story, Simonson? Is this everything you imagined it would be?

I'm sour because nothing done so far has justified bring Kang back so soon after the last big Kang story that also used a big Kang organization.

Back at the A-Plot, Thor and Black Knight arrive at Hydrobase.

The Heavy Metal story made it look like it had way more buildings and none of those quite look like Avengers Mansion, which was airlifted to the island.

Black Knight warns that Dr Druid will be expecting them but Thor says its no big because they've got a Thor. It's him. He's the Thor.

Plus, the Avengers STILL haven't fully rebuilt from the attack of Heavy Metal so most of the defense systems aren't online for Druid to use against them.

Then they see She-Hulk standing over a knocked out Dr Druid.

This would work a lot better on the audience if we hadn't seen She-Hulk planning how to beat up Thor with Nebula Kang.

She-Hulk claims she busted free of that bondage chair and whalloped Druid but good.

She-Hulk: "He wasn't much of a gentleman while you boys were gone. So I didn't feel like being much of a lady."

BUT TWAS RUSE!

Dr Druid jumps up and FZAPTs the back of Black Knight's neck, claiming it will make him much more reasonable.

While Thor is shocked by the sudden attack on his pal, his friend, his rotten soldier, She-Hulk puts a device on Thor's neck as well.

Black Knight tries to fight back against Dr Druid but the doctor just turns up the power on the device and Black Knight falls with a FZZAPT!

Thor tries to fight She-Hulk but the device make him uncoordinated and she's able to knock him around.

She-Hulk: "I've been waiting a long time to knock the arrogance out of you, Thor!"

??? Have you?

She-Hulk holds Thor down long enough for Dr Druid to put additional devices on the thunder god. A total of three "mindbenders."

Dr Druid: "When they awaken, they will be real Avengers at last! Completely obedient!"

Eat a stump, Druid.

She-Hulk is skeptical that the mindbenders will work on someone as stubborn as Thor but blue Nebula Kang assures She-Hulk that the mindbenders work great. Why, they're working so well on She-Hulk (that explains that), the Avenger wouldn't hesitate to jump off a cliff if Nebula asked.

Meanwhile? Beard Kang and co are watching what just happened on a monitor. He's very concerned that Nebula Kang has already taken over the Avengers.

Because, dammit, the Cross-Time Kang Korps was supposed to be doing that!

The Korp really does suck ass at its one mission.

Fred Kang asks for more information since he did bring Nebula's treachery to Beard Kang's notice. He could be more helpful if he knew more.

Beard Kang agrees that Fred has earned the right to know.

Beard Kang: "We have discovered something so big, so dangerous, that even we Kangs could not rival it for power. A Celestial. A renegade Celestial who fell from grace but not from power... and who has, through means we cannot begin to guess at, constructed a weapon mighty enough to threaten the entire space-time structure of the Omniverse! It must be a wonderful thing... and WE want it!

I hate omniverse as a term. Prefer multi-verse. I think omniverse might be the multi-verse of multi-verses but that’s really way too big to be stakes.

Anyway.

This supposed paragon of weapons is located 20 years in the future of where the Avengers comics are in this issue. And in that period of 20 years in the future, there is a massive time bubble "some fifteen years long"!

Cool. That's. Entirely unhelpful as a descriptor.

Huh. Just struck me how history and/or comic book plots repeat themselves.

In the current Avengers comics, the big plot is Kang wanting to get some secret prize hidden in a time bubble and needing the Avengers' help to do it.

Someone must specifically be a Simonson's Avengers fan... but why?

Anyway, there's so much text. The exposition dump is unbelievable.

The Cross-Time Kang Korp Council Whatever got images of the time bubble at the cost of three Kangs. Apparently by the three Kangs driving a ship right into the bubble and exploding.

There's weird probability flux around the bubble so that trying to enter it causes the violent destruction of the craft or for it to just cease to exist.

What the Kang Council Korp Afterschool Club knows is that the only people known to succeed in entering the bubble are the Avengers.

Which Avengers? The current Avengers? Who knows. Probability flux. But definitely a team of Avengers yup definitely won't be only very technically true!

The only thing Beard Kang knows for sure about the group of definitely Avengers is that Thor is with them.

And if Nebula Kang kills Thor for being too hard to control... well, the Kangs will never get the super-duper-pooper weapon thats at the heart of the time bubble.

So here's a weird twist. The Kangs have to protect the Avengers!

Huh! Weird!

(If you'd led with that and had A Kang hanging around the team, I might be more enthused about this plotline, gonna be honest. Kang has to protect the Avengers is a great premise.)

Back at Hydrobase, Nebula Kang is telling the Avengers the score.

Nebula Kang: "You, my salves, you are the key! The Kangs were prepared to wait until the Avengers gathered themselves together to unravel the enigma of the mysterious time-bubble. The Kangs think because they can travel through time, there is no need to move quickly, to strike when the iron is hot! They think they can simply wait until the fire is ready! But I have seized the moment and by the time the Kangs realize what is happening... it will be too late, even for them!"

Mindbent Thor urges that they delay no longer and go get Nebula that weapon!

Of course, he also doesn't really know how they'd even go about that. Mjolnir can't time travel anymore right now.

But Nebula Kang boasts that she's a Mistress of Time because of all the Kangs she slept with and stole technology from.

Nebula Kang: "The corridors of all ages are mine to walk as I will. And it was all so easy. You'd think that none of the Kangs had ever seen a woman before."

This is the plot Simonson decided to bring Nebula back for.

Nebula Kang further exposits (because villains love exposition) that she didn't know about the Council of Cross-Time Kangs (I thought it was the Cross-Time Kang Korp, make up your fucking mind) until she met her first Kang and knew that she could exploit the goober and his technology. And since the Kang was one of the council, she found out about more Kangs that she could seduce.

So she killed her first Kang and took his place.

Real quick though.

I guess this is where Nebula ended up after the Beyonder teleported her.

But she doesn't mention the Beyonder or having been fighting the Avengers previously or that she was teleported to a random space-time and just happened to run into Kang.

If this is picking up Nebula after the previous story, it doesn't feel like it! It doesn't even feel like specifically Nebula, who was mostly a space pirate trading on Thanos' name and his war crime of a spaceship to exploit the Skrull civil war.

Now she's sex infiltrating a secret Kang council that shouldn't exist based on the last Kang story and seeking a weapon that can threaten the OMNIVERSE.

I'm not saying that a character can't shift like that but there's a disconnect. We don't even know for sure that it was being teleported by the Beyonder that threw Nebula in Kang's path.

Which is a shame because getting thrown across space by an unfathomable cosmic entity in a silly outfit after getting embarrassed by the Avengers could be great motivation for Nebula to want to up her game. Get a weapon so powerful that no one could ever mess with her again. And if she can mess with the Avengers on her way, so much the better.

But we get an unexplained Nebula shift into sexmurdering her way to cosmic power and a time prophecy that the Avengers can get into a time bubble for some reason.

I guess it is a good thing that this will be retconned. Because its not a great use of your Nebulas.

Anyway.

On top of all the time technology that she stole with seduction, she seduced information about the Great Weapon and what was needed to get it from the Council and/or Korp.

Maybe there's something to the idea that Nebula Kang is motivated to prevent further Beyonder-esque humiliations because she goes on a rant.

Nebula Kang: "Throughout the ages, power has rested in the hands of the many! The greatest armies, the strongest armadas, the most powerful airships... And though they are terrible to reckon with, such forces are ultimately vulnerable to destruction from within. In time, the struggle of individuals to control such great power ruptures the use of the power! And the entity collapses under its own weight. But what if the power, the living power itself, were in the hands of a single individual and her mindbent slaves? Instead of a chain of command, there is only the word... the word of a living and vengeful god! And the word would be 'death'! In my hands, no being in all the Omniverse would be safe! Neither great fleets of starships nor impregnable fortresses of adamantium would be proof against me!"

How do you know what adamantium is?

Anyway.

I think that's a Cobra man, perhaps a commander obscured by falling debris. After the notTransformers reference the previous issue, I'm not discounting it.

Thor asks for more information about this mysterious weapon but Nebula isn't trusting that information to anyone, not even to mindbent slaves.

She does say that she may have to destroy a universe, to prove that she'd do it.

Does that work as a threat? People can't usually see the destruction of other universes. You can see a nearby city get razed or hear about a calamity befalling another country but its very hard to hear about another universe.

It took a bit of digging for the people in Marvel's march to Secret Wars 2015 to realize that's what they were dealing with.

Nebula Kang: "That weapon is the birthright of the granddaughter of Thanos... and I shall have it!"

Then, Nebula Kang puts Black Knight in charge of refitting a Quinjet with her stolen technology.

Thor is helping carry a variable locus generator over to the Quinjet but Dr Druid yoinks it out of his hands with PSYCHIC POWERS so he can be smug.

Dr Druid: "You see, Avengers, the measure of a man is the development of his psychic facilities... And those of Doctor Druid have been developed to the peak of perfection. Which is why I am the leader of this group. Mind over matter, my dear thunder god. As simple as that."

Which leads Thor to think bitterly about how Dr Druid is showing him up in front of the Nebula, who they all serve.

Even though they're all being controlled by Nebula, Thor is still tired of Dr Druid's shit.

BACK AT THE KANG KLUBHOUSE, the Kangs have decided to send some Kangs to stop Nebula Kang.

They gotta send some Kangs because the Time Bubble is making it hard to spy on the time period she’s messing around in.

The council chooses Beard Kang to represent the Wisdom of the Kangs (lol), Fred Kang to represent the knowledge of the era, and Kang from Earth Mesozoic-24 because he’s one of their finest warriors.

IS HE A DINOSAUR?

Under his mask, I mean. He looks like a generic Kang. Its Beard Kang and two generic Kangs. I know that one of them is Specialist Boy Fred but I can’t pick him out of a crowd.

Beard Kang says they need to avoid alerting the Avengers to Kangs interfering in the time stream because they don’t know how the Avengers will eventually get into the Time Bubble or even which ones will. They don’t want to risk injuring or killing any of the Avengers.

One imagines that interference might also change how time plays out in other ways.

(I wonder if this explains what eventually happens)

Beard Kang also says that since Nebula Kang betrayed the Cross-Time Kang Corps Klubhouse Corporation so she gets the worst of punishments. They’re gonna remove all traces of her from history.

Take that.

Meanwhile, on Earth-616 Time: When this comic was published.

The Avengers and Nebula Kang are all in the Quinjet getting ready to leave.

As security/a dick move, she orders Jarvis to stay where he is until they come back. And to not reveal anything to anyone. “You will die of a heart attack if necessary first.”

Fiend. Evil.

Jarvis is a delightful guy and you are a rude.

The Quinjet skreacckt! BOOM!s away with its super special FTL drive.

And immediately after, the three Kangs show up.

Mesozoic Kang is fascinated that this is a Jarvis because the Jarvis he knows is so different.

Beard Kang calls Mesozoic Kang a lizard SO I GUESS HE IS A DINOSAUR?

Would it have killed to give him a cooler design than generic then?

One of the two generic Kangs demands Jarvis tell them where the Avengers are but Jarvis refuses. The other generic Kang suggests breaking the mindbender that is mind bending Jarvis’ mind but Beard Kang says that if they didn’t properly decrypt it, the removal would kill him and they still wouldn’t know anything.

And Beard Kang’s time probe can’t find the Avengers because they’re hidden by multiple probabilities. Probably because of the infinite improbability drive variable locus generator.

Beard Kang declares well dangit they’ll just have to go after the Avengers no matter the danger!

Not sure how they’re going to do that if they don’t know where the Avengers are but hey. But hey. Kangs work in dumb ways.

Meanwhile in the future, yes meanwhile in the future, the time turbulence buffets the Quinjet.

It even looks like the Quinjet will be shaken apart.

Why, there’s even a red light on the left existential turbine! The Quinjet drops to 94% existence! Good thing they can increase power to the redundancy generator!

I’m sure this all makes sense.

But with Nebula Kang’s insistence that they either make it through or die, they do make it through.

Not through the Time Bubble, no. Not yet. But through the time turbulence around the Time Bubble.

That’s sure. A bubble.

I guess.

In fairness, I don’t know how you’d visualize a bubble, in time, and also in space so it may as well look like stained glass. More interesting to look at.

The new issue ends this specific arc but you know how it is. We’re alternating over to West Coast Avengers.

Follow @essential-avengers​ because what if this story suddenly gets really, REALLY good? Its hypothetically possible! Like and reblog and comment, maybe. I love the feedback.

[deafblindshorty]

MCU Characters Still Alive During The Multiverse Saga (Current year: 2026)

I'm including TV series from both Netflix and Disney+ (and ABC) as well. These characters would have been introduced from Phase 2 onwards.

Introduced during Phase One:

-Pepper Potts

-Happy Hogan

-Rhodey Rhodes

-Phil Coulson

-Hulk

-Thor

-Nick Fury

-Clint Barton

-Darcy Lewis

-Eric Selvig

-Bucky Barnes

Phase 2:

-Peter Quill

-Drax

-Rocket

-Groot

-Nebula

-Wanda Maximoff (?)

-Scott Lang

-Hope Van Dyne

-Hank Pym

-Janet Van Dyne

-Cassie Lang

-Jimmy Woo

-Luis

-Sharon Carter

-Sam Wilson

-Valkyrie

-Melinda May

-Jemma Simmons

-Leo Fitz

-Daisy Johnson

-Daniel Sousa

-Matt Murdock

-Foggy Nelson

-Wilson Fisk

-Jessica Jones

-Luke Cage

Phase 3:

-Peter Parker

-Mantis

-Doctor Strange

-Wong

-Ned Neeks

-Michelle Jones

-Shuri

-Nakia

-Ayo

-M'Baku

-Laura Barton

-Lila Barton

-Nate Barton

-Cooper Barton

-Carol Danvers

-Monica Rambeau

-Talos

-Luke Cage

-Danny Rand

-Colleen Wing

-Claire Temple

-Mary Walker

-Frank Castle

-Wade Wilson

-Tandy Bowen

-Tyrone Johnson

Phase 4:

-Yelena Belova

-Shang-Chi

-Sersi

-Thena

-Sprite

-Dane Whitman

-Most of the other Eternals

-America Chavez

-Riri Williams

-Nomura

-T'Challa Jr.

-Marc Spector/Steven Grant/Jake Lockley

-Layla El-Faouly

-Khonshu

-Kate Bishop

-Maya Lopez

-John Walker

-Kamela Khan

-Jennifer Walters

-Nikki Ramos

-Love

Phase 5:

-Veb

-Quaz

-Jentorra

-Kang

-Varra

-Gravik

WHEW! That's a lot of characters (and a lot of people "staying out of Gotham" in Secret Invasion)!

[super-hero-confessions]

The High Evolutionary >>> Kang.

And before any of y'all scream "anti-blackness" (God I hate how that word gets thrown around even when black people are not mentioned) or that I'm "pitting two black villains against each other" (since y'all claim to be anti-racist yet all you guys see is skin color and race, nothing more, screw everything else) I want to say no. T.H.E. >>> Kang for a very simple reason.

T.H.E. is a villain who has no redeemable qualities which is so rare nowadays. I do like complex and sympathetic villains, I think it's cool for the media to explore all the grey areas, but I also like villains you can straight up hate. Those who put the "bad" in bad guy. Besides Puss in Boots The Last Wish, I can't remember the last time a mainstream movie did this. Hell, even Bowser in the Mario film has a redeemable quality in the form of a frickin' awesome song. Anyone who has watched GOTG Volume 3 knows T.H.E. has no redeemable traits. Sure, he seems emotionally invested in what he's doing, and sure, he's charismatic, but he's just so utterly despicable.

He wasn't manipulated or influenced by bigger villains like Loki or Nebula were, he wasn't reacting to inequality like Killmonger or Namor, he wasn't wronged by more powerful people like Hela or Mysterio. He wasn't hurting like Ava Starr. He wasn't corrupted by money like Obadiah Stane or by magic like Agatha Harkness and Wanda Maximoff. He didn't even have emotional attachments to other characters like the two cruelest MCU villains, Thanos and Ego (Gamora and Meredith Quill respectively).

None of that. He was just crazy and had a God complex and you just want to run from him or beat his ass or both. Also he just happens to be in the same MCU phase as Kang. So yeah, T.H.E. > Kang.