#kalroy

[sanderrkaaa]

Kalorie zjedzone dziś : 1000 kalc Kalroie spalone : 450 kalc Pozostałe: 550 kacl Cel jutrzejszy : 950 kalc

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[bburningbridges]

The Little Things

Summary:  Often, it's the little things that matter the most. (In which Kaldur loves, is loved, and learns how to open up piece by piece.)

This is a collection of scenes that were cut from the final draft of "in this life, the days are full of joy." Don't have the read the source material first but it definitely helps!

Notes: kaldur’ahm is the backbone of young justice!! he deserved better and he deserved a boyfriend!! im too lazy to write sequels but take these half-baked scenes i had to cut from the OG story <3

+

Kaldur leaves Roy’s apartment feeling unmistakably relaxed in a way he hasn’t felt in a long time. By his estimate, he has about 10 minutes to himself before he reaches the zeta-tube and has to melt his goofy expression into something much less humiliating so he can face his team.

He tries to think sobering thoughts, but mostly just revisits what shirtless Roy looked like with his feet up on the coffee table. Somehow, his impossibly dopey grin gets even worse.

Star City is already getting cooler, the warmth of summer long forgotten. Kaldur has never minded the cooler weather; it reminds him of home.

That seems to be the exact kind of grave topic he needed to stop smiling. Thinking of Atlantis reminds him of what Roy had said about Aquaman, how he was acting “bitchy” and worrisome. He feels his shoulders sag. Disappointing Aquaman has never taken priority on his to-do list, and yet, he manages it with reliable frequency and ease.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, the part of himself that strives to be at least partially self-aware begs him to address the topic that he’s been covering up for months. Well, years really, but it’s only been an ever-present addition to his daily train of thought since the summer. Founding the team had been a great distractor, but now that he has a comfortable routine going it’s safe to say that he might be going ever so slightly insane. Just a little bit.

You can’t ignore this forever, the rational, tiny part of his brain persists.

And it’s true. One day, Kaldur is going to have to address that he gets honest-to-goodness butterflies in his stomach when he’s around Roy, and that doesn’t happen when he’s with anyone else. He’s going to have to dig deeper than Garth and Tula had, he’s going to have to identify these feelings and who has them for -- and that scares him so badly he starts walking faster.

He cuts his 10 minutes down to seven, and by the time he’s reached the zeta-point his mind is carefully blank, save for the lingering memory of Dr. Pepper on his lips.

+

Upon returning to the Cave, Kaldur receives no less than three wolf-whistles, three open stares, and feels his heart climb into his throat when Zatanna comments, “Didn’t know you liked UCLA, Kal.”

He holds up his hands, not really sure what he wants to do with them, and winds up making a ‘go away’ gesture at all of them, to their delight.

He’d been so caught up in his head he completely forgot to change. His uniform is folded neatly in the duffel hanging off his shoulder -- he meant to change before getting here, so he could avoid all of...exactly what he’s getting right now.

“I didn’t even know you owned sweatpants,” Artemis says, with an infuriatingly cheeky grin. She’s squeezed between Robin and Wally on one of the loveseats, and she doesn’t actually look that upset about it. “You never struck me as the relaxing type?”

Kaldur looks down. Has been that high strung for so long? It really does feel great to see his team -- these days, he misses them more than he’s comfortable admitting -- but he really does not need this level of ribbing tonight.

“They’re not mine,” his mouth is saying, stupidly.

“I wonder whose they could be!” Zatanna sounds too damn happy about all of this, and Kaldur fixes her with a level glare for a moment. She set up him. This was a trap from the start.

“Roy could’ve at least followed the guy walking out with half his closet,” Wally says. “We never see him anymore! What gives?”

“He’s busy,” Kaldur and Robin say simultaneously, with very different inflections. Kaldur fixes him with a look too.

Robin holds his hands up in mock surrender. “I didn’t mean anything dirty, Kal! Get your head out of the gutter.”

Not that it was before, but now that Robin’s gone there he most certainly cannot, and to his chagrin, feels his face start to warm. This is too much. His relaxing night has taken too many left turns, and at this rate he’s either going to implode or end up waxing poetry about Roy’s biceps.

Covering his face with one hand, Kaldur leans his head back and groans. “Why do I let you do this to me?”

All of his teammates look at him with matching smiles from hell, including M’gann and Conner -- who feign innocence so perfectly but Kaldur knows they’re giggling like a bunch of toddlers via mindlink. Wally and Robin have the worst ones.

They know too much, Kaldur thinks. The not so rational part of his brain suggests fleeing the scene.

“You looove us,” Robin sings, hand over his heart.

“I tolerate too much,” Kaldur grumbles back.

“You tolerate the perfect amount.” Artemis stands at the same time Zatanna does, and the two make their way to the kitchen. “But now that you’re here, we can actually get started with movie night. Me and Zatanna have popcorn duty.”

“And by that she means I have ‘keep Wally out of the kitchen’ duty,” Zatanna snorts.

Kaldur blinks in confusion, and she pauses as she passes by him. “What, you thought we were gonna start the movie without you?”

“I…” Kaldur doesn’t know what he thought.

“Just don’t look so surprised whenever people actually give a shit about you, okay? I’m not sure if it makes me wanna hug you or deck everyone else.”

It seems like Roy has been right about more than a few things tonight.

Zatanna’s expression softens. “We waited for you because we wanted to, Kal. It’s not team bonding without the whole team, you know?” And then she pulls him in a quick but energetic hug and follows Artemis into the kitchen.

Feeling properly ridiculous, Kaldur makes to drop his bag off in his room, but M’gann insists that he leave it where it is and deal with it later. The lightheartedness of the night really does make him feel like they have all the time in the world. A little untidiness never killed anybody; he drops the bag and sits next to her on the long couch.

“We really did want to wait for you,” M’gann says helpfully, letting her hand drop on his knee. “And Artemis and Robin taught us a bunch of games!”

Robin snorts; in the time that Artemis had been away, he and Wally had managed to tangle themselves up in a Batman-themed blanket. “And by that she means we sat around and gossiped for like half an hour under the guise of Truth or Dare.”

“And 20 Questions,” Conner says. “Apparently, all my questions were boring.”

“The point of 20 Qs isn’t to ask someone what their favorite color is nine times in a row, buddy,” Wally says. “It’s to get someone to squirm a little and spill something really embarrassing.”

“I like knowing your favorite colors,” Conner replies with a shrug.

Wally makes a very exaggerated huffing sound and throws up his hands. Snickering, Robin says, “Wally’s just mad ‘cuz he kept wussing out on dares.”

“I didn’t wuss out--”

“It was a bit wimpish,” Conner says, as M’gann offers, “I don’t blame you for it!”

Wally just groans again.

Now that he’s not the object of teasing, Kaldur finds it in him to smile. “It sounds like you had fun.”

“After four uninterrupted hours of homework, yeah,” Robin says, petulance betraying his age. After a moment he grins again, and even though his dark glasses cover his eyes, Kaldur can imagine the gleam of mischief behind them. “After the movie, we’ll get another round of T or D going with you, Kal. That way you don’t get to miss out on any fun.”

Kaldur’s stomach feels like it sinks all the way into his toes. It’s stupid to think that Robin is doing anything sinister or diabolical -- he can be nosy but he’s not mean -- but Kaldur can’t shake the feeling that he’s being backed into a corner. As if someone just threaten to shine a flashlight on him and to see all the dark little details he keeps hidden away.

His heart pounds. Suddenly all the jokes about him and Roy, the knowing winks, the teasing -- doesn’t feel so lighthearted.

Kaldur tenses up and shrinks into the couch, not trusting himself to say anything without giving himself away. He sees Conner frown out of the corner of his eye, but Artemis and Zatanna come back with bowls of popcorn and save him from the rest of that conversation.

Something tells him that Robin is staring at him, but Kaldur ignores it and thanks Zatanna for his bowl of popcorn instead. To his surprise, she follows up with a blanket that she spreads out over his knees, then drops into the couch beside him and curls into his side like a kitten would. After a few moments of adjustments, she’s worked herself under his arm, popcorn bowl on his lap.

Again, he’s not sure when Zatanna adopted him, but he’s not even the slightest bit upset about it.

Robin gets the movie going, and for the next two and half hours they all watch Steig Larsson’s book come to life.

(Conner falls asleep about a half hour in, and M’gann leans against his chest and sighs, her contentment practically radiating off of her, and Kaldur’s heart just...hurts, watching it. That could be him. He wants that. He’s almost certain he will never have it.)

Throughout the movie, he can’t help but feel like his entire body has released a partial sigh--this is something he’d been wanting for so long. Just spending time with the team who had become his closest friends when he wasn’t paying attention. There’s no talk of school or family or life outside the Cave; it’s just them in the dark watching a movie and making the occasional side-comment.

It’s...really, really nice.

Kaldur makes a face during one of the darker scenes. “You enjoyed this?” he asks Zatanna quietly.

“Look at the job we have, Kal. I think we’ve all pretty much seen some messed up stuff.” She pauses. “For example, I watched a magic deity possess my dad and claim his body for the rest of forever. So, like. Call me jaded.”

Her jaw tightens as she says it, and Kaldur winces, apology at the tip of his tongue. Ultimately, he decides it’s not the right time. Looking at Zatanna, he recognizes himself; the desire to put on a brave face and march through pain, no matter the personal cost. Acknowledging it was rarely an option. Her jokes were just deflections to distract from her real vulnerability.

“Okay, Jaded,” Kaldur faux-whispers. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Oh my god,” Zatanna snorts and gets a chorus of shushes from the others.

Kaldur opts to relax around her, and she holds onto him just a hair tighter afterwards.

+

“Not bad,” Robin says after, as they all blink and adjust to the lights coming back on. “I figured out the so-called plot twist about five minutes in, but still. Not bad.”

“Five whole minutes? You’re getting slow, Boy Wonder,” Wally chides.

“I believe I still enjoy the book more, but it was a very well-done adaptation,” Kaldur says, peering down at Zatanna. “Your movie tastes have certainly earned my respect.”

“Noice,” she says around a yawn. “Next time, you get to pick though.”

“I’d be honored,” he smiles.

“And bring Roy around too,” she mumbles into his chest. “None of us would mind, and I’d like to finally meet the legendary Red Grump.”

And just like that, Kaldur’s state of undistracted relaxation is gone. Suddenly paranoid that Zatanna can hear how fast his heartbeat has gotten, he sits up, jostling her out of her comfortable snuggle, faking thirst. He tries to calm down as he chugs from his water bottle, but Conner ruins his concentration but saying, “Are you okay?”

Kaldur nearly drops and spills it. “I -- What?” he asks. “I thought you were asleep?”

“I was just resting my eyes,” Conner frowns. “Why does your heart rate keep racing like that?”

At Kaldur’s bewildered expression, Conner shrugs. “I keep an ear out. It’s good background noise. But also in case anything goes wrong.”

Kaldur nearly snaps at him to stop it, but that wouldn't be right. He sighs instead. “I am fine, Conner. Thank you for your concern, but it isn’t necessary.”

“Okay, then color me curious,” Conner pushes back. “What’s going on with you?”

Kaldur realizes that the rest of the team has gone quiet, listening in. The feeling of being cornered creeps down his spine.

Artemis clears her throat, looking a little awkward. “Actually, Conner brings up a good point. We’re all a little...curious.”

He jerks to look at her, back ramrod straight. “What do you mean?”

“You haven’t been yourself lately,” she says, looking down. “I mean, sometimes you’re a million miles away even though you’re standing right in front of us. Your default face just looks...sad.”

“Batman may have mentioned that Aquaman was worried about you,” Robin adds, pointedly nonchalant. “He didn’t want to pry. But the concern is definitely spreading.”

“Plus, you’re our friend. I mean yeah, you lead us into increasingly ridiculous situations, but you’re also just Kaldur the merman who we all actually care about and seeing you look like you’re not quite sure where your next footstep is gonna land is just…” Zatanna trails off and shrugs. She’s looking at her hands. “You’ve done so much for all of us, Kal -- even me, and I just got here!”

“What she’s saying is, it’s time you let us do the carrying,” M’gann says gently. “Lean on us for a little bit, okay?”

Part of Kaldur is touched. His heart sort of melts and he feels foolish clenching onto his water bottle for dear life. But at the same time, his instincts to deflect have never been sharper. He doesn’t want them to pry, and he doesn’t want to open up, because how do you even begin to explain something you’ve never even let yourself think about?

The half of his heart that aches for companionship feels so full right now, he thinks he might burst.

And as always, he’s self-aware enough to know that he is not hiding this as well as he’d hoped.

He opens his mouth but chokes on the silence.

He has options here. No one is going to say something unless he does, or until the silence stretches into the territory of hostile, and he doesn’t want that. So he has the floor, and he can either come clean about one of the many things plaguing him, or dodge like he was born for it.

The thing is, it’s not like Kaldur likes, or even actively tries to keep everyone an arm’s length away. It’s just easier that way. Rather than bear the weight of social exile, or even risk being looked at differently, it’s easier to just...truck on. One can’t get hurt if he nevers offers others the opportunity to hurt him. There isn’t a portion of his brain that definitively believes his team would shun him if he came forward with the part of himself he hides away; it’s not like they’d run off to Batman and tell him Kaldur likes a boy, he’s unfit to lead, but that doesn’t mean there aren't icy tendrils of terror gripping his heart right now.

“This…” Kaldur starts, and everyone leans forward just a little bit. Waiting.

“This is a bit overwhelming,” he says honestly. “I am not sure that I...this is much more complicated than my words can explain.”

Robin is giving him that look again. Like he’s a puzzle--an especially difficult one. “Kaldur,” he says, without a hint of humor in his voice. “Truth or dare?”

This is the flashlight moment. His under a microscope moment. Kaldur can barely meet his eyes. He wants to talk to his friend, his heart hurts for it, for the connection, but at what cost?

But Robin is giving him an excuse to open his mouth, so he takes it.

“Truth?”

“Tell us,” says Robin, “whatever you want to. But just be honest.”

That’s a big request. Honestly, Kaldur wants to tell them what has been clawing at his heart for so long; that he is lonely, that this Cave is so empty and he days are so long without them. That his heart longs for someone that cannot and will not allow himself to have. That he loves in way he fears they will find ugly and disgusting -- even he himself fears it, and it makes no sense, and he’s both angry and jealous that Conner and M’gann don’t have to fear their love. They don’t question what their hearts feel, they don’t over analyze and dissect every moment and passing thought and try to shove it down as they burn with shame.

He wants to say, I like a boy, without his throat closing up or the world coming to a halt. Maybe he’s not ready to air all his dirty laundry, but he can at least start somewhere.

At the root of this all, Kaldur just really, really doesn’t want to feel so alone anymore.

“I am very grateful for all of you,” Kaldur’s mouth says before his brain can stop it. “So grateful, in fact, that I find myself missing you more often than not.”

Zatanna makes a tiny sound of understanding, but the others seem lost.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you get to live a life outside of the team. You get to go to school and meet your friends and sleep in your homes, and I am either here dreaming of Atlantis, or here waiting you to come back. I don’t...the issue is not that the Surface doesn’t feel like home. It’s that I feel at home when I’m with you, and that seems to be so...rare these days.”

The silence is deafening. Then Wally says, “Aw, jeez, Kal.”

Conner frowns in a way that is far more emotional than his default. “I’m not gonna lie, I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Me either...but it’s true, isn’t it? We have been hanging out outside of missions less…” M’gann admits reluctantly. “Things have just been so busy since summer ended, especially with school.”

“I’d drop high school in a heartbeat to spend more time here, I swear, but my parents would never buy it.”

Kaldur has to fight the urge to roll his eyes. “I would never ask that of you, Wally. School is important. You cannot just leave.”

“I already told you I’d do it if anyone would let me,” Zatanna says. She sounds like she’s only half-joking.

“Alter ego life is pretty jampacked,” Artemis says. “We’re sorry, Kal. And not just like, a little sorry -- we’re really sorry. You know if we could stay longer, we would.”

“I know,” he says. For some reason, that just makes everyone seem even more unhappy.

The silence lasts several more moments, and Kaldur wishes he hadn’t said anything at all. Robin has finally stopped examining him, but now his expression is even harder to read.

“Okay,” Robin says, steepling his fingers. “Switching the game to 20 questions. Question number one -- can you promise us that you’ll tell us these things more often? You’ve got one heck of a poker face; we can’t know what’s up unless you say something.”

Kaldur looks sheepish. He nods quietly. “I will do my best.”

“Question two, did you write all that down before you said it? Or was that off the top of your head? ‘Cuz that was like, Obama-level good, dude.”

Trust Wally to break the tension; Robin digs his elbow into his side while the others chuckle, and Kaldur manages a smile himself. “I do not answer stupid questions.”

“Oh c’mon.”

“Here’s a question,” Artemis says, “just...you don’t have to answer it, but I’m just putting it out there. Is there something else you’re not telling us?”

A worried silence falls over the room -- Kaldur inhales deeply and shakily and it takes a strong burst of courage to nod his head. It’s barely a movement, but it’s enough. It’s a start.

One day he will tell them about how he loves, but for right now, the most he can manage is this.

Artemis has an expression that says maybe, just maybe, she understands his struggle a little more than he’d thought she would. “Okay,” she says quietly, patting his knee. “Whenever you’re ready, we’re not gonna rush you.”

And, for what feels like the first time in long while, Kaldur exhales. He squeezes Artemis’ hand, and even though he can’t form the words to say his thanks out loud, he’s more than certain she understands.

“Number four,” says Conner solemnly. “What’s your favorite color?”

The rest of the game is full of laughter, and a level of familiarity Kaldur never noticed before. They joke easier, laugh more, and there’s no lingering tension in the air. It feels like home, and if he could, Kaldur would bottle this moment and live in it forever.

They talk until the early hours of the morning, and after it’s clear that no one’s getting up to go to bed, they dish out blankets and nod off one by one. Kaldur suspects he’s the last awake, until Zatanna nudges him gently with her elbow.

“One last question for you,” she says, barely louder than the quiet snores of their friends.

He simply hums his acceptance of his fate.

“What is really going on with you and Roy?” There’s no judgement in her voice but Kaldur still has to force himself to relax his shoulders. She sounds curious, not teasing, and maybe a little protective.

Maybe it’s because he’s so sleepy, but he chuckles for a moment, unbothered. “I wish I knew,” he says. “But between you and me? I hope he never asks for his shirt back.”

“I wish I was recording that,” Robin whispers, scaring the pants off of both of them. “You’re definitely gonna deny that in the morning.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” Kaldur replies, stone-faced.

Zatanna begins laughing so hard she may very well start choking, and Robin only manages a hapless shrug before leaning onto Wally’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, I’m a patient guy. Artemis was on the money; take all the time you need, pal.”

He’s not sure if Robin is joking, but regardless, he feels an immense weight off his shoulders.

And he sleeps like a goddamn baby.

[zxcerjnvxrh]

heres a rushed summary of the bullshit thats going to keep me away for the next 7 days, based off that singular moment with lynn and will in 3x09

will: this isn’t working. i know you don’t mind this whole lying game but for some of us our conscience is still functional

lian: papa!

will: not now lian. ‘papa’ and i are talking

kaldur: i understand that you are not happy but this is not up for debate. artemis wants to be with her niece, and i agree that she should stay...where family can watch out for her. lynn’s assumptions are simply that. we do not need to upend our entire plan based on one afternoon

will: its not just one afternoon! its every day -- every little league playdate, every coffee pot i brew every morning. i don’t like this cover up game, kal.

kaldur: so you are comfortable coming forward then?

will: ...

kaldur: though i believe on the surface world, you refer to is as ‘coming out’

will: kaldur--

kaldur: the choice is yours. i am familiar with being hated for things i cannot control about my person. there truly is nothing new under the sun. but the reality is that i do not want to drag you and lian into the crossfire. you have a life, will. it’s a life that you love and you’re proud of. i would hate myself if i took that away from you

will: im not breaking up with you, if thats what you’re getting at, fishsticks. i told you im in this for the long haul

kaldur: and so am i. i simply believe that for us, said long haul is more...complicated

will: that’s been your favorite word for the last 5 years, huh? listen, i dont have to be happy with your choices and i sure as hell don’t have to agree with them. but lucky for you, i still get to choose to love you, even tho i think your head harder than actual rocks sometimes

kaldur: only sometimes?

will: oh my god, please just get out and do some good in the world so i can convince myself not to actually smack you right now. sort this shit out with diana and batman and -- whoever, i don’t know what the hell youre up to and i dont expect you to tell me

kaldur: will...

will: i know what i signed up for. but you should really leave; dick’s in the habit of swinging by unexpectedly lately, and i know you don’t want to explain to him what actually goes down in casa de harper behind closed doors

kaldur: this will all end soon. i promise. and then we can consider renaming this residence

will: will durham and his husband kaldur’ahm durham sounds STUPID we’ve discussed this and im not letting you suck me into it again. it’s kaldur harper or nothing

kaldur: mhmm

kaldur: i will change your mind

will: stop looking at me like that before i actually want you to stay.

will: ...

will: call when you can, okay?

kaldur: of course

will: and i don’t care what bats has you on, if you miss lian’s birthday next month im dumping you

kaldur: i wouldn’t expect anything less of you, my love

[suck-my-middle-finger]

Moja historia z ED

Hej!

Sama dziwię się żę to tu piszę ale postanowiłam się z wami podzielić moją historią. Temat zaburzeń odżywiania jest mi bliski od przynajmniej ponad 2/3 lat, gdy byłam młodsza i dopiero się to u mnie rozwijało to wydawało mi się to nie groźne, co jakiś czas miałam takie “fazy” że liczyłam dużo kalroi, jadłam duz mniej albo się głodziłam, ewentualnie prowokowałam wymioty. Jednak na początku to były dosłownie chwilowe etapy, średnio raz na 3/4 miesiące miałam takie momenty które trwały tydzień max 2. i tak trwałam w tym przez około 2 lata. Jednak w tym roku stało mi się to bliskie. Pod koniec maja 2019 pomyślałam że zbliżaja sie wakacje i że mogłabym ograniczyć lekko jedzenie. Na początku było to w miare zdrowe, zaczełam pić wode, jadłam prawie wszystko tylko w rozsadnych ilościach, ogólnie dużo rzeczy zamieniłam na zdrowsze bo automatycznie maja mniej kalorii a jak chce schudnąć to jednak deficyt kaloryczny jest potrzebny jednak był on w miar rozsądny. W połowie czerwca znacznie zmieniłam moje podejście do tego, w ciągu dnia piłam niewyobrażalne ilości wody które można było dość głośno usłyszeć z mojego brzucha, ograniczyłam jedzenie tylko do małego śniadania np jakiś serek waniliowy (150kcal) i pół porcji obiadu (max 400 kca) nadeszły wakacje, wiele osób zauwazyło to że schudłam bo nie minął cały miesiąc a ja straciłam około 4 kg. wiele osób mnie strasznie komplementowało, mówiło że wyglądam super, podkreślali ze wczesniej nie byłam gruba jednak teraz wyglądam dużo lepiej, Faktyczni nigdy nadwagi nie miałam ale prawdą było ze lepiej jak bym schudła jeszcze więcej, mijał lipiec a ja zamiast wychodzić ze znajomymi wolałam zostać w domu żeby móc kontrolować kazdą spożyta kalorie, bo gdybym spotkała sie ze znajomymi to broń boże jeszcze zaciągneli by mnie na jakieś jedzenie, a to było niedopuszczalne. z czasem postanowiłam znowu sie znimi spotykać, jednak do tego czasu schudłam kolejne 3kg. mojeżebra możnabyło dosłownie policzyć, między udami była zadowalająca mnie przerwa. pewnego lipcowego dnia byłam ze znajomymi w takim ala letnim domku znajomej, my nazywamy to “działka” lezałam tam sobie elegancko obok kolegi, jednak miałam na sobie leginsy i przylegającą bluzke, i ten kolega zauwazył to jak strasznie wystaja mi żebra, zaczał mówić ze moją talie objął by dwiema dłońmi i by jeszcze luz został, i potem wciskał we mnie jedzenie, wiec zaczełam ukrywać moje ciało, no wiecie oversizowe ubrania itp. w końcu finalny moment, końc��wka lipca, miałam juz niedowage, w końcu schudłam około 10 kg. na dworzu było +30 stopni a ja chodziłam w bluzach bo było mi zimno, miałam słabe krązenie więc moje dłońe zawsze były lodowate. rodzice zauważyli że coś jest nie tak. mama zaczeła wciskac we mnie jedzenie i stało sie tak że zaczełam tyć. gdy moja waga osiągneła 53 kg lekko sie przestraszyłam jednak wiedziałam że nic nie moge zrobic  bo jestem pod nadzorem. nadszedł rok szkolny, nowa szkoła itp. dużo stresu który oczywiście zajadałam, stało się, aktualnie waże 58kg czyli przytułam około 10/11 kg od mojej najniższej wagi z wakacji. mimo tego że z perspektywy znajomych i rodziny oraz tego jak wyglądam jestem już zdrowa, to jest mi cholernie ciężko. jem strasznie dużo a potem mam wyrzuty sumienia, dalej znam na pamieć ile co ma kalori, co w maku ma ich najmniej, ile jaki sos, jaka sałatke najlepiej wybierać. Dalej mam w głowie to jak zjebałam, jak łatwo przestałam walczyć z rodzicami o to co wymagało mnie tylu poświęceń. schudniećie 10 kg w nie całe 2/3 msc było strasznie wymagając, zrezygnowałam ze znajomych, z imprez, z wydarzeń rodzinnych. zrezygnowałam po części z życia bo najchetniej siedziałam w domu w moim pokoju a mimo to chciałabym żeby to wróciło. mimo że moja waga jest prawidłowa i jem normalnie to tak, mam zaburzenia odżywiania. poprzednie chudnięcie strasznie wyniszczyło mi organizm. strasznie wypadaja mi włosy, mam problemy z trawieniem, lekkie problemy ze skórą, problemy z miesiączkowaniem a jednak dałabym wiele by do tego wrócic, by umiec oprzeć sie pokusie jedzenia. albo chodziaż bym umiała to ograniczyć. zaraz przerwa swiąteczna, wiem ze w te 3/4 tygodnie wolnego od szkoły jestem w stanie schudnąć conajmnij 4/5 kg co juz robi różnice dlatego podejmuje się tego, a fakt że wam tu o tym pisze pokazuje moją gotowośc do działania. zaczynam od nowa. z nową kartą. nie robie juz sobie wyrzutów o to że znowu przytyłam i że zjebałam moja piękną wakacyjna wage. jestem pełna motywacji że skoro raz to zrobiłam to dam rade i następny, mało tego, zrobie to lepiej!!! pewnie nikt tego nie przeczytał ale myśle ze ten post pomoze mi jeśli chodzi o nastawienie. obiecuje żę dam rade! jedyne słodycze jakie sa dozwolone to czekoladki z kalendarza adwentowego. jedyne co jest do jedzenia dozwolone to jakies mało kaloryczne śniadanie w szkole, poł obiadu i owoce! zaczynam od jutra. pije duzo wody a jak bede miałą ochote na cos innego niż woda to tylko produkty “zero” postaram sie codziennie pisac jak sobie radze.

[bookpiofficial]

The Mode of Transmission of Banana streak virus by Paracoccus burnerae (Homiptera, Planococcidae) Vector is Non-circulative | Chapter 01 | Recent Advances in Biological Research Vol. 3

The causative agent of banana streak disease (BSD) is Banana streak virus (BSV). In tropical countries such as Kenya, the virus causes considerable damage to the banana crop besides lowering banana production yields. Several mealy-bug species have been reported as vectors of BSV. The latent and retention time of the BSV in the oleander mealy-bug (Paracoccus burnerae) is however unknown. The latent and retention times of viruses in disease vectors are important characteristics in the determination of the mode of transmission of viruses by their vectors. The purpose of this study was to determine the latent and retention time of the BSV in its vector, P. burnerae. We employed both the Immuno-capture Polymerase Chain Reaction (IC-PCR) and Rolling Circle Amplification (RCA) techniques to select diseased and healthy plantlets for transmission trials. RCA assays were performed on the deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) samples of viruliferous mealy-bug instars of P. burnerae and on the DNA of virus-inoculated plantlets. The findings of the study indicated that BSV has no latent period in P. burnerae during transmission at ambient conditions (9-30°C). However, the vector can retain and transmit BSV for a period of four days under ambient temperatures (9-30°). The results revealed that the vector P. burnerae, transmits BSV semi-persistently which is an indication of a non-circulative mode of transmission of the virus. The results of this study contribute to the elucidation of the mode of transmission of BSV by P. burnerae and impetus for the development of novel control strategies of BSD. Further studies are recommended to determine the specific BSV and vector proteins involved in the transmission process. Such studies have the potential to contribute to development of novel disease management strategies based on the use of viral genes that encode for proteins that are defective to prevent vector inoculation and successful transmission of BSV by its vectors. From our results, we also recommend further screening studies for banana plant encoding molecules (e.g. peptides) that are able to bind to cuticle protein receptors in the vector mouthparts which may provide innovative virus management strategies by interfering with the process of virus retention.

Author  Details:

Samuel Mwangangi Muturi

Department of Biological Sciences, University of Eldoret, P.O.Box 1125, Eldoret, Kenya.

Prof. Francis Nyamu Wachira

Department of Biochemistry and Molecular Biology, South Eastern Kenya University, , P.O.Box 170-90200 Kitui, Kenya.

Laura Shali Karanja Kenya Agricultural and Livestock Research Organisation (KALROI)-Njoro, P.O.Box Private Bag, Njoro, Kenya.

Njeru Lucyline Kajira

Department of Geography, Moi University, P.O.Box 3900, Eldoret, Kenya.

Read full article: http://bp.bookpi.org/index.php/bpi/catalog/view/50/393/423-1

View Volume: https://doi.org/10.9734/bpi/rabr/v3

[superdraconic]

kal/roy was such a good ship

i dunno if there will be any allusion of kaldur’s bi status in season three, but if there is, i’m rooting for roy being mentioned. i wouldn’t get my hopes up for explicit romance between them bc that roy has jade and a hefty amount of baggage, and it’d take so much screen time to satisfactorily untangle that AND kaldur’s own trauma from being undercover for so long, which is kinda what i want from a post s2 kal/roy story. so i won’t hope for that, but a nice mention would be good.

[tarantula-hawk-wasp]

Draw your otp like this

[scattered-winter]

reblogging for mads :]

In all his years, Kaldur'ahm had learned two essential things about Roy Harper.

One: he never asked for help.

They were eerily, achingly similar in that regard; never faltering, never pausing. It infuriated Kaldur at times; when Roy spiraled, he put everyone at a distance. He refused to accept help from anyone, not even those he loved and trusted most.

It could be said that Kaldur did the same, but what did it matter? He and Roy were…not family, not quite, but friends. Brothers-in-arms. They'd fought through so many battles together; it was strange to run missions without the familiar blur of red in the corner of his vision, the hail of arrows raining down from nowhere.

He ached to help his friend find himself again, regain his balance after his world had shattered beneath his feet.

But Roy Harper did not ask for help, nor would he accept Kaldur's offers if they came.

The second thing about Roy was this: he always, always put others before himself.

It was what Kaldur’ahm liked about him. He was heroic even without the bow and quiver, even without the armor and domino mask. He recognized others' needs and met them, even if it meant causing himself discomfort and perhaps even pain.

Which was why, when Roy called him and asked for help, Kaldur’ahm knew something had happened.

He'd been at Mount Justice, as most of his days had been spent lately. His phone (a gift from Dick,) chimed, a name flashing across the screen.

Kaldur immediately exited the room and scanned the text, excitement and anxiety thrumming through him. It had been only about nine months since the revelation that Roy—the Roy he knew—was actually a clone, programmed by the enemy to infiltrate their ranks. Roy had helped them win back the day, and promptly disappeared. He'd been absent ever since, refusing any offers for aid or comfort.

This was the first time Roy had reached out to Kaldur rather than the other way around.

Roy H.

hey. can you meet up? I need your help

Me

of course. are you all right?

Roy H.

I'm fine. I'll text the address

A moment later Kaldur's phone chimed once more, the address flashing across the screen. He pocketed his phone and set out at once.

_____

Much to Kaldur's surprise, the address was in Star City. He would have thought…in the last several months, Roy had expressed his desire to separate himself from Oliver Queen and the other heroes he'd come to see as family; yet here he was, in his old city, calling for help.

Kaldur couldn't deny the chill of anxiety prickling at his spine. What could have possibly driven Roy to these extremes? What could have motivated him to return to Star City, openly ask Kaldur for assistance?

Whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

The address was a small apartment complex on the outskirts of downtown; invisible among the other complexes and office buildings. Impossible to find unless one knew it was there; the significance was not lost on Kaldur’ahm. Perhaps Roy still wanted to keep away from the life and everyone in it.

Kaldur trekked up the stairs to the top floor, trying to act natural. It wasn't easy when he was still wearing his combat suit, his gills and webbed fingers on full display.

Thankfully, the only residents who saw him were an old woman smoking outside her door, who only gave him a passing glance despite his Atlantean features, and a young child absently scribbling on the wall with chalk. The child stared at him for a moment, eyes wide. Kaldur smiled at her as he passed, and the girl returned to her task of defacing the wall.

The address Roy gave him placed him at the very end of the hallway at the very top floor. The door was worn, the paint on the walls chipping. Kaldur hesitated before lightly knocking.

Footsteps on the other side, then the door opened and Roy was there.

Kaldur had been prepared for anything, or so he'd thought. But nothing could have prepared him for the sight he was met with.

Roy leaned against the wall, looking more exhausted than Kaldur had ever seen him. His hair was disheveled, his eyes shadowed, and the ghost of a beard was darkening his jawline. Most of all surprising, however, was the child in his arms.

It was very young, no older than a few months; chubby face, chubby arms, chubby legs. A sheaf of soft auburn hair feathered its head, and it wore a green dress and only one white sock.

"Kaldur, thank God," Roy breathed. He stepped aside to let Kaldur inside, propping the infant on his hip.

Kaldur was too shocked to anything but enter, and close the door behind him.

The apartment was surprisingly nice; a small kitchen and countertop, a living room with a couch and television, a hallway that presumably led to bedrooms branching off to one side. A soft baby blanket was spread out on the floor, and there were several small toys scattered about.

Roy pulled out a chair and motioned for Kaldur to sit across from him; as he complied, Roy began to gently bounce the baby on his knee.

A dozen questions swarmed through Kaldur's mind, a hundred, a thousand. Where were you why did you leave why didn't you reach out sooner where have you been?

But all he said was, "Whose child is that?"

Roy sighed heavily, one hand curling around the infant's chest; she wrapped a chubby hand around his finger, and the softness in Roy's eyes told Kaldur the answer moments before Roy said, "she's mine."

Kaldur felt his brows pull together. "Jade's?"

Roy's shoulders slumped a fraction, a torrent of emotions Kaldur couldn't quite name flashing across his face. He nodded.

"Where is she?"

"She…she left." Roy looked so bleak at that, so lost. Kaldur took another look at him; the unshaven stubble, the shadows beneath his eyes, the barely concealed mess in the apartment. How long had he been trying to care for the child alone?

The baby blew a raspberry, leaning toward Kaldur and reaching out with a pudgy hand. On instinct he reached out in turn, and wondered at the softness of the infant's skin as she gripped his finger with surprising strength, her pale hand sharply contrasting his deep brown skin.

She looked up at him with big gray eyes and blew another raspberry.

Kaldur's heart melted. He'd always liked children, and this child was, to put it in surface terms, really fucking cute.

He couldn't stop the smile that tugged at his lips as he asked, "What's her name?"

Roy's expression softened as he looked at his daughter, exhaustion briefly overpowered by a love so warm and powerful that Kaldur had to avert his eyes. "Lian."

Kaldur moved his hand up and down in an imitation of a handshake. "Hello, Lian. My name is Kaldur."

Lian blew spit bubbles at him.

Roy breathed out a sigh and wiped the spit away with his sleeve.

At once, Kaldur remembered why he was here. "What do you need, Roy?"

"Will."

Kaldur blinked. "Pardon?"

Roy hesitated, eyes flicking to Kaldur's, shifting away. "I'm…not Roy. I mean…I don't know. I guess…it just…doesn't feel like my name anymore, after everything. And now that the…real Roy is back, I just…"

Kaldur's hand was currently held captive by a drooling infant, but he rested his other hand over Roy's wrist. "I understand. Will, was it?"

Roy—Will—nodded, tension bleeding from his shoulders at Kaldur's touch. "Yeah. I'm…experimenting for now, but it…feels right."

"It suits you," Kaldur said softly. "What do you need?" Lian brought Kaldur's hand to her mouth and began to gum his fingers, but he let her do so without complaint.

Will blew out a breath, leaned his forehead against Lian's back. "I just…I need a break. Just a few hours. But I need someone to watch Lian, and I—" His breath caught, exhaustion and emotion bleeding through the edges. "I can't trust anyone right now," he whispered. "Except you."

Warmth bloomed in Kaldur's chest, and he lightly squeezed Will's wrist. "I'd be happy to."

The grateful expression Will gave him was almost enough to rival Lian's determined squint as she tried to eat Kaldur's fingers.

"Thank you," Will whispered, voice cracking. "Seriously, I—thank you."

Kaldur held up a hand. "You can thank me after you get some rest. You look terrible."

Will let out a light chuckle and passed Lian into Kaldur's arms. "If I was any less tired, I'd take offense to that." His tone was light, indicating that he was only teasing. It was a relief to hear that tone after only hearing bitterness and anger for months. The small but genuine smile Will gave him before disappearing down the hallway was even more so.

_______

Kaldur’ahm was put into the unique situation of caring for a child from another species. But he'd cared for multiple Atlantean infants, and to his mild surprise, there were more similarities than there were differences.

Lian fussed whenever he tried to place her onto her blanket, so Kaldur just kept holding her; he had no desire to disturb Will's rest if he could help it.

He gave Lian toys, which entertained her for quite some time, but after a while she began to fuss, and nothing Kaldur did seemed to soothe her. He gently bounced her on his knee like he'd seen Will do, he rocked her, tried to distract her with the glow of his magic.

But Lian just squeezed her eyes shut, clenched her little fists, and wailed louder.

Eventually, Will stepped out of the hallway, rubbing a hand over his face. He looked much better; he'd shaved, attempted to tame his hair. Pillow creases crisscrossed his cheek, and Kaldur felt guilt pool in his gut.

"Sorry. I can't get her to stop," he said over Lian's wails, trying to keep his panic to a minimum. Had he broken Will's daughter?

Will just shook his head and reached to take her. "It's ok. I had a good nap." He glanced at Kaldur's expression and broke into a laugh. "It's not your fault! She's just hungry."

Kaldur's brows shot up. "So…I didn't do anything wrong?"

Will laughed again and opened the refrigerator, letting the fussing infant sit on his hip as he rummaged through the contents. "Geez, Kal, haven't you dealt with babies before? I thought you liked kids."

Kaldur cleared his throat. "Atlantean infants," he pointed out. "I'm…unfamiliar with human babies."

"Well, fair enough," Will conceded, retrieving a bottle filled with milk and closing the fridge. He sat at the table and pushed the bottle toward Lian's face; she immediately stopped crying and began to drink.

Kaldur rubbed a tired hand over his face and watched the pair. Will still looked tired, but nowhere near as exhausted as before; his expression as he watched Lian grasp at the bottle was something gentle, warm, held close to the chest like a winning hand. Kaldur almost felt as if he were intruding, but he couldn't quite bring himself to leave, either.

Lian finished off the formula and Will showed Kaldur how to burp her before moving into the next room to get Lian's crib ready. Kaldur held Lian to his chest, gently patting her back and letting her tiny fingers trace his tattoos.

Will returned just as Lian let out a tiny burp, and Kaldur reluctantly handed the infant over to her father.

Will smiled at Kaldur before taking Lian to her room. He returned about twenty minutes later, sinking down onto the couch with a sigh.

"Is she asleep?" Kaldur asked.

Will nodded. "Yeah. She's gonna wake up a few times in the night, but for now she's out."

Kaldur hesitated. He had no plans for the next day, and was reluctant to leave his friend alone after only just seeing him again, but did not wish to intrude.

He didn't want Will to be upset with him again. It had been miserable enough for the past several months, and Kaldur was certain he'd had enough for a lifetime.

Will was studying him, green eyes dark and pensive in the fading evening light. "Are you okay?"

Kaldur shook himself and sat up straighter. "Yes."

Will's brows drew together, and he breathed out a sigh. "Bullshit, Kal." He sounded tired. "I'm…sorry for leaving."

Kaldur exhaled, crossing his arms across his chest. He absently rubbed the tattoos on his biceps as he said, "I know. I'm not angry with you for running, Will. I want you to know that."

Will shifted on the couch so his legs were tucked beneath his body, and waited.

Kaldur continued. "I just…I missed you. I know you've been through a lot, and you needed your space, but…" I needed you, he wanted to say, wanted to scream. He'd been an undercover agent for months. He'd been with his father—the man he'd never met but always yearned to know—and had lied the entire time. And then he'd betrayed him.

Kaldur didn't regret it. His father was a horrible man who had done horrible things. He was glad he'd never have to see him again.

But Kaldur couldn't deny that he had longed for companionship throughout his ordeal. He'd longed to have someone to talk to, someone to listen. He'd just wanted his best friend.

Will was still watching him, probably reading every emotion that crossed Kaldur's face, like always. If possible, he looked even sadder.

"I'm sorry," he said again, his voice barely penetrating the silence. "I've been a really shitty friend. I ran out on you, didn't let you come close, let you go through hell alone. I'm sorry." Will shifted to face him, expression open and pleading. "Can we…can we try this again?"

Kaldur hesitated, studied Will's face, the earnestness in his expression. Lian had changed him, Kaldur realized. She'd forced Will to accept the hardships of the past year and even begin to move on from them.

He let his lips tick upward into a grin. "I suppose we can give it a shot."

Will grinned and pulled him into a hug. Kaldur returned the embrace with equal enthusiasm, savoring the feel of being close to his best friend once more.

When they finally parted, Will rubbed a hand over his eyes and glanced at the clock on the stove.

"It's pretty late," he said, rising to his feet. "Wanna stay over?"

Kaldur smiled sheepishly. "If it isn't too much trouble," he admitted. He didn't feel up to the long journey back to Happy Harbor. Not at this hour. And…he didn't want to leave just yet. It still didn't feel real.

Will took his arm and led him down the hall to the bedroom. "Come on. I wanna get some sleep before Lian wakes up."

Kaldur hesitated. "I can take the couch?" He offered, but Will waved him off.

"I'm not making you take the couch, dude. Plenty of room on the bed."

He shoved a set of clothes into Kaldur's hands, told him to change, and that was that.

As it turned out, that was only the first of several more nights to come.

they r on my mind <3

[scattered-winter]

Have you ever seen the Young Justice cartoon? It’s one of my favorite animated series of all time.

young justice was what got me into dc comics, actually! I've since kinda moved on to other hyperfixations but there was a time where this blog was fully dedicated to yj lmao <3 I have some (unfinished 💔) yj fics on my ao3 that haunt me daily

[scattered-winter]

well to the surprise of absolutely nobody I'm thinking about kalroy again. we're on lockdown

[scattered-winter]

What about Roy Harper aka Speedy aka Arsenal aka Red Arrow for the ask game?

SON BOI

one aspect about them i love

his Tenacity ... bro just doesnt ever give up fr fr ,,

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

he cares So So So Much but he's also just been through a shit ton ykw ?????

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

i think he has lil sparkly stickers from lian on his quiver. just because <3

one character i love seeing them interact with

kaldur'ahm...........................................................like even without thinking abt kalroy their bestieship is SOOOOOOO !!!

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

anyone from the team tbh .... theyre a Family ok ...

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

lian also paints his nails . why ? because i said so

[scattered-winter]

10, 20, & 24 for the ask game!!

10. Is there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

not really tbh !! but i will say that the yj kalroy fic i posted surprised me a bit just because im used to my dc fics getting a fair amount of attention but there wasn't a lot for this one. which ig makes sense because kalroy probably qualifies as a rarepair but ykw. i had a lot of fun writing it tho <3

20. What’s a favorite title for a fic you’ve written?

probably eddie diaz and the terrible, awful no good very bad day tbh. i just thought it was funny lol <3 (and i have ANOTHER fic in that same fandom w a similar title but i didnt realize until i posted so . whoops. ig. i dont really care tho tbh <3

24. Share a moodboard for (one of) your current WIP(s).

i don't really use moodboards but i WILL share the art that helped inspire the batman unburied riddler + barbara vigilante au !!

fic writer asks !!

[scattered-winter]

YOURE A BELIEVER IN KALROY MY MOST INTEREST?????????????????

my brother I have posted fic for them

[scattered-winter]

omg.....I've abandoned my boys....(kalroy)

[scattered-winter]

hi im nosy and in my s1 yj feelings rn requesting (1) birdflash + daisy (and bonus points for what they sing if you have thoughts i do absolutely adore a working song) (2) roy/kaldur (i'm uneducated do they have a ship name?) + rose!!

daisy: who sings while doing chores? are they good at it?

Dick 100%. he's very loud and obnoxious about it and Wally usually joins in and they have a little dance party when they're supposed to be sweeping the floor <3

idk I feel like they'd sing like. pop songs? the kinda stuff I haven't listened to in YEARS. katy perry, onerepublic, ke$ha, stuff like that. something very pumpy and upbeat, ya know?! unfortunately I don't listen to pop music very often so I don't have many specific thoughts on that but idk I can see them singing to like. starships or firework or something. 2012 stuff

rose: who's more romantic?

I'm also uneducated lmfao but I have So Many Thoughts about them so I've just been calling them kalroy in my head <3

I think Kaldur is more romantic just because I feel like he'd be.....idk i think he really tries to put 110% into everything, whether it be the team, the missions, or his position as Aqualad, and I think he'd do the same with relationships! he tries soooo hard to be all romantic and adorable and it lands <3 Roy thinks it's adorable as all hell

send me a ship and a flower!

[bburningbridges]

in this life, the days are full of joy

Summary: Kaldur is a kid--despite his best efforts to deny himself that right--and therefore, should live as kids do: happily. (In which Kaldur makes some friends, learns some lessons, and falls in love, smiling.)

notes: my embarrassingly late YJ Mini Big Bang fic! it takes place in season 1 and the art was drawn by the wonderful @shadesninde​! i love the results and im so glad this came together so well!!!

+

 It starts with Batman. Or rather, the girl by Batman’s side, with eyes half-closed from what could be weariness or simply exhaustion and fishnets. It takes Kaldur all of ten seconds to recognize her as Zatara’s daughter, and his stomach does that horrible motion that feels like ocean waves crashing against rocks. He never lets it show in face, choosing instead to meet her and give the smallest, most reassuring smile he can manage without drawing Batman’s attention.

 Zatanna, on her part, responds with the barest quirk of her lips--Kaldur takes it as a step in the right direction.

 “Aqualad,” Batman says, “a word.”

 Other people might end a sentence like that with a question mark. Batman is not other people. Thankfully, he’s coming to a stopping point in his book anyway, and puts up no fight as he stows Steig Larsson away for later. The flooring in the cave feels cold even to him as he goes to meet Batman and Zatanna, and about two paces away from them he’s vaguely aware that Robin’s probably in a vent somewhere, watching.

“Hello, Batman, Zatanna,” Kaldur says, and then to Zatanna adds, “My condolences about your father. How have you been faring?”

 “Thank you, Kaldur,” she says soft, but sincere. She turns her gaze to the side and nods shakily, “I’ve been…..faring, I guess.”

 He nods, accepting it as a valid answer; he can see the oceanic storms in her eyes and for that reason, it is answer enough. “The team and I are available for you in any way. If there is anything we can do to help you, please, let me know.”

 Zatanna looks at him again, this time her eyes are shiny and he does his best to not react to that. “Thanks,” she says again, but she sounds less shaky this time.

 “This is actually what I wanted to talk to you about,” Batman says. “The League--and Zatanna, of course--have decided to place her on the team, permanently for now. She fits well into your dynamic and has already proved to us that she’s a powerful asset.”

 Batman has a curious way of cheering up others--perhaps he knows that his oddly professional compliments delivered in his deep monotone are as grounding as they are factual; there’s something about his delivery that can straighten shoulders, lift chins, brighten smiles. Kaldur’s seen it in just about every team member and Zatanna is no exception; she sniffs once and then tries to hide a fairly satisfied smile behind it.

 “And the company’s not so bad,” she adds, in a tone more like herself.

 “I am happy to hear it,” he says, and he means it, wholeheartedly, and hopes Zatanna grasps that. He extends a hand out to her, and when she reaches out to meet it, grabs her in a firm Atlantean shake. “Welcome to the team, Zatanna. We are happy to have you.”

 “Honestly speaking….I’m pretty happy to have you guys too, Kaldur.”

 He smiles automatically, one that she returns in full, and as they release each other Batman says, “Call in the rest of the team.”

 “Ah,” Kaldur hums, casting his eyes up to the vent just a bit to the left of them, “I am sure by now they now. Is that not correct, Robin?”

 It turns out he was wrong--Robin drops out of the vent to the right of them, clucking his tongue. “Getting soft in your old age, Kal? I practically told you where I was.”

 Zatanna, surprisingly, doesn’t have the face most acquire after they witness Robin drop from the unknown for the first time. She looks more amused than scared, which is a convincing sign that she’s in the right place. “Welcome to team, Zee,” Robin grins, somehow unfazed by the hard glare Batman’s aiming at him. “Don’t worry about making a formal call, Kal.”

 “I know,” he says, one eyebrow quirked. “Where you go, Kid Flash is not far behind.”

 As if on cue, Kid Flash appears in the room in--well, a flash--one arm propped on Robin’s shorter shoulder. And the rest of the team trickles in after that, trying to look surprised even though Kaldur knows full well they’re a bunch of snoops who’ve likely been listening to the conversation since the beginning. He sighs, equal parts exasperated and affectionate for the lot of them, when Batman is suddenly hovering next to him and speaking in a tone low enough that no one else can pick up.

 “Look out for her, Aqualad. You aren’t just leading a team of heroes--but a circle of friends. Zatanna needs support both on and off a battlefield.”

 “I understand,” Kaldur nods, and Batman makes a vaguely approving sound in the back of his throat. He takes his leave not too long after, Zatanna standing amidst a circle of new friends, and when her gaze floats to catch his eye, he meets her smile with one equally sincere.

 +

 It turns out that Zatanna fits into the team like a glove--especially, to Kaldur’s exasperation, with Robin’s schemey tendencies and Artemis’ blunt honesty. Which is to say she spends a great deal of time drifting about Kaldur and being nosy.

 “So….what do you do for fun around here?”

 Kaldur sips his tea, eyeing her over the rim. He knows this tactic. He’s too savvy to the rest of them; she’s building up to something.

 “Stop crime throughout the globe in the event that the League--”

 “Kal.”

 He smirks, to remind her that she’s not the only one with a sense of humor. “Read, mostly,” he admits. “I was rushed to learn English as quickly as possible and I prefer to practice often to keep myself sharp.”

 Zatanna looks humbly surprised. “What kind of books?”

 “Stieg Larsson, as of late.”

 “Good choice,” she says. “Have you seen the movie yet?”

 He pauses in his next sip. “Movie?”

 “Yeah! It’s so--actually, I won’t spoil it for you. But now we have Friday night plans.”

 “Do we now?”

 “Yes, you nerd, I will chain your ass to that couch if I have to but you’re watching that movie with me. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.”

 Laughing, Kaldur simply shakes his head. “If you insist.”

 “Insist I do,” Zatanna sniffs. “Oh, here’s a question for you--is there math under the sea? Like do you learn to do calculus with fish or…?”

 “Ha,” he says dryly. She simply grins at him; it matches Robin’s. He can hardly believe how alike they act already and it’s barely been two weeks. “Yes, we learn math in our school systems.”

 “Great!” And, ah, there it is--Zatanna whips out a notebook and a paperback workbook. “Please help me, I think algebra might actually kill me.”

 Either her tone of voice, or maybe the sheer despair in her expression, squeezes a laugh out of him, and he tries to compose himself in a reasonable amount of time without accidentally offending her. It sort of works, but she mostly seems pleased that she’s gotten him to break.

 “Of course,” he says, still staving off extra waves of giggles. “Though I make no promises that I know any of this any better than you do. I haven’t looked at this type of work in a long time.”

 Zatanna already has a pencil in his hand, somehow, so he guesses she’s largely unfazed by that fact. “Let me guess--you’re in like, advanced advanced honors math?”

 “Wha--oh, you misunderstand,” he explains, after a moment’s confusion, “I do not attend school on the surface at all.”

 “What?”

 (She doesn’t seem outraged, more like betrayed. Also, like she may be plotting to do whatever it is that he’s done to ensure herself the same treatment.)

 Kaldur wiggles his free hand, showing his obviously webbed fingers and tattoo. “I’m far too noticeable. There is not enough makeup in the world to hide my true self from civilians.”

 “You lucky duck.”

 “It’s not as great as you’re thinking,” he says honestly. “The cave has been lonesome as of late, now that M’gann and Connor are attending school. Black Canary enjoys...how do you put it...”

 “Kicking the crap out of you?”

 “Precisely.”

 She snorts, propping her chin in her hand as she leans on the tabletop. “Yeah, but I’d rather put my feet up all day than go through this,” and she gestures grandly at the homework laid out. “This is like torture by quadratic formula.”

 “It keeps you busy,” he points out.

 “Yeah, I guess, mom, but it’s still boring.”

 “Zatanna--”

 “What about Red Arrow?” she interrupts. “He’s sort of on the team, isn’t he? Robin and Wally barely shut up about him. I guess I figured he’d be around more, since you guys are so close.”

 Kaldur hates how quickly he clams up at the mere mention of Roy; in a handful of seconds he’s gone from perfectly fine to not, just because she brought him up. Hopefully, it does not show on his face. He clears his throat to give him an extra moment to kickstart his brain, and then says, “Roy visits occasionally.”

 “But?”

 “But….it is just that: occasional. He does not like it here.”

 Don’t tell her how often you go to his place, he thinks

 “Typically, I make the trip to visit him.”

 ….Damn it.

 “See! That’s fun! I’m stuck in a desk all day and you get to galavant around the city with Roy.” She makes a truly bizarre face at him as she says Roy’s name, and Kaldur’s mortification is hidden by the startled laugh it draws from him.

 “I am getting the feeling that you will not believe me no matter what I say.”

 “Correcto, Kal. Deny all you want, but lounging around the cave all day must be nice. We’ll be doing a lot of that together, won’t we, roomie?” She cracks her knuckles and points a problem on the open page. “Now, be a dear and explain to me what the hell conics are?”

 +

 Things get both better, and worse, in a truly bizarre fashion that Kaldur has come to associate with the life of a hero. On one hand, Zatanna fits to the team like a glove, easily getting along with the other members and Kaldur himself, but members of the League make frequent checkups on her. He isn’t sure where she stands, legally, as Dr. Fate seems less inclined to release his host than ever, but from what Kaldur has picked up--certainly not by eavesdropping, of course--there may be a chance at getting Batman involved. Kaldur’s just….not going to touch that proverbial can of worms until someone can give him a rundown of what is actually going on. And on the other hand, for every cheeky line Zatanna dishes out, she has dozens of moments of pained silence, and he isn’t sure how to help her anymore than he already has been. It feels like he could do more...he just isn’t sure what ‘more’ would be.

 Plus, Kaldur’s relationship with the surface world is fluctuated more than ever. He has more bad days than good days, and he’s not sure where the sudden change came from, or if his attempts to reassure King Orin are working.

 The good news out of all of this is that he spends more of his evenings with his feet up on Roy’s dingy coffee table, listening to Roy complain and/or theorize, and generally just...hanging out.

 It’s nice. They don’t get to do this as often anymore.

 They’re both in civvies, by Roy’s request, because even he grows sick of the constant rush of always being in uniform. Kaldur finds that he doesn’t actually like arguing with Roy, particularly on trivial matters, thus the borrowed sweatpants and UCLA shirt.

 “Listen,” says Roy, which is automatically impossible for Kaldur to do because Roy has been gallivanting about the apartment without a shirt on for the last ten minutes, and it’s far more distracting that Kaldur would like to admit. “I’m just saying--”

 “Batman was very clear about discussing a possible mole,” Kaldur interrupts. “Not that I do not trust your judgement, but you are leaning too heavily on speculation.”

 “You think I dreamed up Artemis’ past?”

 “No, but I hardly believe family ties are enough to negate the fact that Artemis has nearly died for the team multiple times.”

 “The same goes for whoever the mole might be!”

 Kaldur puts a hand on his face, “Okay, allow me to rephrase: discussing this endlessly gets us nowhere, and you are giving me a headache. I came to see you because I enjoy your company, not because I enjoy talking in circles for hours on end.”

 Roy only shuts up long enough to laugh, which Kaldur isn’t as mad about as he could’ve been. “Okay, fine,” he half-chuckles. “You could’ve started with that, you know?”

 Kaldur simply shrugs. “I did not want to be misunderstood. My team is in danger, and I am grateful that you have made it a concern of yours to keep us safe, but I need a break, occasionally.”

 “Which is why you came to me, I get it. Sorry, Kal. I’m even the one who begged you to put on sweatpants, but this isn’t as relaxing as it could’ve been.” Roy looks down at the floor and sighs, then jerks a thumb to the kitchen. “I’m gonna get a soda, then we can sit down and talk and paint our nails or whatever. Want anything?”

 It’s more or less a question Roy already knows the answer to--Kaldur doesn’t have a sweet tooth, but he does have a taste for dark sodas, which Wally is half-responsible for. It was the first drink he’d ever had on the surface world aside from water, and it was essentially love at first sip. “A Dr. Pepper,” he says, and Roy darts into the kitchen to grab it.

 He comes out with two cans, tosses one at Kaldur, and drops onto the other side of the couch. After a few huge sips, he sets it down and says, “So, I talked to Ollie yesterday.”

 Kaldur pauses as he pops open his can. “Really?”

 “Well, Ollie talked to me. He says he wants to make sure I’m not dead, but he also had takeout and Fifa in his hand, which, last I checked, isn’t necessary to make sure someone’s still kicking. But anyways, he told me that Aquaman’s been a little….what’s the word…”

 Suddenly, the soda is very interesting, and Kaldur can’t look at Roy anymore.

 “Ah,” Roy says dryly, “I got it, it’s bitchy.”

 Putting a little too much force into it, Kaldur pops the tab and the drink fizzles down his hand. “King Orin has not been--”

 He stops short, because Roy’s appraising him with a specific look. And then Kaldur realizes he’s been played.  

 Shaking the soda off his hand, he fights a small smile. “...perhaps the king has been in less than high spirits.”

 “And why’s that, Kal?” Roy’s eyebrows quirk upwards. “You don’t think it’s because his uptight protege looks like someone took the fish out of his fishsticks all the time, right?”

 Kaldur can’t stop himself; he frowns, “I do not look like that. I do not even know what that would look like.”

 “It means you look like you did last time Orin got this worried about you. Did something happen with Garth and Tula again?” Roy’s tone has changed entirely, turning more quiet and gruff. “Wanna talk about it?”

 Kaldur tries not to wince. The last time he’d spoken about Garth and Tula, he’d been in a less than stellar mood, and he hadn’t skimped on tossing the word ‘heartbroken’ around. And he had been, truly, broken up over getting rejected. He’d felt like an alien in his own home. But things have changed since then; for one, he has a better relationship with his oldest friends now than before, when he’d been so reliant on Tula to uphold an image of himself that didn’t quite...exist.

 It is beyond bad timing to be thinking about...this in such close proximity to Roy, for a myriad of reasons, and besides, it isn’t entirely relevant to this particular conversation.

 “Nothing has happened with Garth and Tula,” Kaldur starts. He hesitates, then admits, “I’m worried about Zatanna.”

 “Zatara’s kid?” Roy blinks. “Why’s that?”

 “I cannot gage how well she is adjusting,” he says. “The League checks on her, but Dr. Fate is more militant in his grip on Zatara than he ever was with Kent Nelson. I fear she is not taking it well.”

 “She seems fine to me, and the League, according to Ollie.”

 Kaldur takes a small sip of his soda. “That is what worries me. I am well aware of what hiding yourself looks like, and I fear that may be what she doing.”

 “Ah,” Roy says quietly. “Is that all?”

 Kaldur’s surprised enough to cast a glance at him, which Roy simply shrugs at. “Like you said, you’re good at hiding things. Sometimes I’ve gotta a dig a little.”

 Kaldur scoffs in reply. “I believe that is something I am familiar doing towards you as well.”

 Roy smacks him with a throw pillow, nearly knocking the soda out his hand, but he’s laughing. “I get it, Kal, we both suck at being open. Now quit being a smartass and tell me what’s on your mind.”

 As the last of his chuckles fade, Kaldur sets his can down on the table, definitely does not look at Roy, and says, “My days at the Cave have been...lonelier, as of late.”

 “So you do miss Atlantis?”

 “No, I mean, well, yes, always. But not like before. And that is not the cause of my loneliness.” Kaldur sighs. “I spend most of my days in the Cave alone, while the others are at school. Frankly, it is boring. I do not know what we expected when we started this team, but I’ve made incredible friends, and I do not get to fill my days with schoolwork or family dinners the way they do. And it is...lonesome.”

 “...jeez, Kal,” Roy says. After a moment he leans forward on his knees, biceps tightening as he puts his chin on his fist. “You could, maybe, tell Aquaman that? Before he brings down the fucking government to figure out what upset you?”

 “He wouldn’t,” Kaldur says tiredly.

 “He could. Wouldn’t put it past him. He’s responsible for you and all that, he takes it very seriously.”

 Kaldur gives him a look that’s just downright confused. “What do you mean?”

 Waving his hand, Roy says, “Ollie says he’s pretty damn proud of you. Like,  if he had a wallet, it would be filled with pictures of you kind of proud.”

 There’s no intelligent comment that comes to Kaldur’s brain, so he just blinks at Roy like he’s grown as a second head.

 “It’s a joke. I mean, not really, because I’m about ninety percent sure he actually has it, but it’s just making fun of something really involved dads do.”

 “King Orin isn’t my father,” he says after several moments of silence.

 “No kidding.”

 “Then why would he--”

 His phone chimes loudly, and Kaldur cuts himself short to check the caller ID.

 “Zatanna?”

 “Kal, where are you?”

 Kaldur looks at Roy, at his sweatpants, and the couch. “...nowhere important,” and Roy makes a small sound that could be either amusement or offense, Kaldur can’t tell but turns so his back is to him anyway. “Is something wrong?”

 “What? No. Nothing at all, Kal, except you totally bailed on me.”

 “What?”

 “It’s movie night, remember? Stieg Larsson!”

 Kaldur sits there, truly confused as he racks his brain for any recollection of what she might be talking about. “Wait,” he says, remembering the first night she’d approached him with her homework. It feels like so long ago, but it’s been at the most, two weeks. “You were serious?”

 “As a heartattack. We’ve been busy every weekend since, but we all bit the bullet and got our homework done early enough we would be able to have some free time. And it’s not a team event unless you’re with us.”

 Kaldur swallows hard. Though his voice doesn’t betray it, he’s moved by her words and the solemn sincerity in her voice. “Of course,” he says. “I’ll be there soon.”

 And then he hears a chorus of cheers, and he realizes he was so confused he hadn’t noticed that Zatanna had him on speakerphone the whole time.

 “You better be!” Zatanna’s voice picks up over the noise, but she sounds relieved.

 “Yeah, Kal, the one night we actually get a breather and you’re off doing who-knows-what--”

 “Okay, okay,” Kaldur says, starting to chuckle.

 “Get your but back to the base ASAP!” Robin’s voice chimes in, “Oh, and tell Roy he can come to!”

 “You’re with Roy?”

 “I am hanging up now,” Kaldur informs them all, and does just that.

 When he turns back around, Roy is red in the face from trying not to laugh. Kaldur rolls his eyes at him, but he quietly notes that Roy does seem to be more relaxed, even after speaking with Ollie, and that is a good sign, at least. He raises one eyebrow delicately. “Something funny?”

 “No, not at all,” Roy shakes his head. “Just don’t look so surprised whenever people actually give a shit about you, okay? I’m not sure if it makes me wanna hug you or deck everyone else.”

 Kaldur blinks at him a few times. Roy laughs again, then shoos him off the couch. “Get outta here, hang out with your team.”

 “You won’t be coming with me?”

 “Hell no,” he says flatly. “I’m not gonna volunteer to hang out at daycare.”

 “Roy--”

 “Yell at me next time,” he snorts. “Now go. Night, Kal.”

 Kaldur feels an odd smile turn at the corner of his mouth, and tries to keep it contained as he gathers his things. “Goodnight, Roy.”

 Sometimes it’s so hard to feel warmth in his chest when Roy smiles; it’s like suffocating, knowing he is drowning in a terrible secret.

 And other times….it’s not hard at all.

 +

 Upon returning to the Cave, Kaldur receives no less than three wolf-whistles, three open stares, and feels his heart climb into his throat when Zatanna comments, “Didn’t know you liked UCLA, Kal.”

 He holds up his hands, not really sure what he wants to do with them, and winds up making a ‘go away’ gesture at all of them, to their delight.

 Despite that, movie night is wonderful.

 +

 Kaldur can’t get Roy’s words out of his head, about Aquaman, and he decides to do the responsible thing and speak to his king face to face. However, knowing it is the right thing to do doesn’t make it any less awkward.

 “So you are not having trouble making connections on the surface?” Orin asks, voice carefully pitched but face full of concern.

 Kaldur shakes his head. “No, it is, if anything, the opposite, my King. I know there was reason for concern before, but the team has come out of our ordeals stronger than ever. I fear it is the bond we’ve made that leaves me feeling so...alone, when they are not around.”

 Orin strokes his beard, nodding. Kaldur tries to ignore the fact that this feels like trying to explain to Batman that he’d been maybe-in-love-or-something-else with Tula so many months ago.

 ….oh, Roy was right, he is terrible at being open.

 “I will discuss something with Batman. Thank you for being honest with me, Kaldur’ahm,” Orin says, places a hand on his shoulder and squeezing. “I simply wish you would tell me of these things sooner.”

 “I apologize, my king--”

 “Do not,” Orin cuts him off sternly. “That is something we both need to work on. I will do my best to be more aware of your needs on the surface world, in exchange for you being much more honest with me than you have been in the past.”

 Kaldur looks at him, unsure of what to say, of how to ask if Orin is alluding to what he thinks he’s alluding to. “My king…?”

 “I am aware of your past altercation with Garth.”

 Oh, Kaldur had been wrong about the comparison to Batman. This is much worse.

 “We resolved it,” he mumbles, and he can’t think of the last time he’d been so embarrassed he couldn’t look his king in the eye. “That is no longer an issue.”

 “In regards to Tula, I am sure it is not. But I am well aware of what habits you fall to when you experience feelings you are unfamiliar with, Kaldur’ahm.”

 Not that Kaldur has ever died before, but he’s sure this very moment is worse. He hadn’t been lying when he said the king wasn’t his father--Cal Durham was, he knew that--but it still feels like being scolded and getting interrogated about the nuances of a crush by a parent nonetheless.

 “Forgive me, I am not sure how to say this delicately,” Kaldur says hesitantly.

 “Perhaps start by simply saying it.”

 Not that he ever envisioned having this conversation, but Kaldur definitely didn’t think he’d ever...come out to Orin like this. Or at any time. In his defense, it has been a tumultuous time, lately.

 “I….feel similarly towards a team member as I did toward Tula,” he starts, slowly, and not all confidently.

 And then he remembers what Roy had said, about Orin and pride and toting said pride with wherever he went.

 “This team member is male, my king, and I hope that you do not perceive me differently for this or--”

 “Kaldur’ahm, be calm, my son,” says Orin, and that alone is enough to make Kaldur’s shoulders sag with relief.

 Orin grips him by both shoulders, staring him head on. “There is no thing I can think of that could make me perceive you as anything but a prize of Atlantis, and the best choice for my protege. Have no fear, Kaldur’ahm, I care for you all the same. I have failed you in many ways, but I will not fail you in this regard.”

 He hugs Kaldur after that, and Kaldur breathes, at last.

 +

 A week after that conversation, Batman calls Kaldur for private conversation. Except their private conversation also includes Aquaman and Zatanna.

 He isn’t sure how to process the information at first. Aquaman’s presence helps, but he remains wary even after the king places a hand on his shoulder to calm him.

 “Kaldur’ahm, be calm,” he assures, and that does help.

 “Is something wrong, my king?” He casts a glance at Zatanna, who beams at him, which is just more confusing.

 “I spoke to Batman about my concerns for your wellbeing. However, Zatanna was the one who reached out to us about a possible solution.”

 She shrugs sheepishly. “Ever since you mentioned being alone in the Cave all the time I started working out charms that could disguise you. And I think I finally got one.”

 She holds up a necklace with a golden ball as a pendant. At his blank stare, she hides a laugh, “You wear it and it makes you look more like a surface-dweller. No gills, no tattoos, no webbing.”

 “In other words, as long as it works, you could go about the surface world outside of missions,” Batman explains. “Like the rest of the team. Even attend school.”

 Oh. Oh.

 Though his jaw doesn’t quite hit the floor, Kaldur feels himself go slackjawed and simply stares at Zatanna like she’s grown a second head. “You...developed this for me?”

 “Of course, Kal.” She looks half sad by his surprise, and motions for him to lean down enough so she can put it around his neck. “You’re my friend. I noticed how you’ve been slipping lately, and then movie night was the final kick in the pants I needed to get this done. Sorry it took so long.”

 He can’t think of anything else to say besides, “Thank you, Zatanna. You did not have to do this.”

 Zatanna sniffles, then pushes him back into an upright position. “I know, that’s sort of why I did it,” she says, then catches him in a quick hug. She steps back to hold him at arm’s length, appraising her work. “Not that you weren’t hot before, because you really were, but, uh….this is a good look on you.”

 Kaldur snorts, thankful for once that it's Zatanna who's the most awkward person in the room, rather than him. He turns to Aquaman and Batman, expression hopeful. “Is this acceptable?”

 Aquaman’s smiling, really smiling, and claps a hand on Kaldur’s shoulder, laughing. “It is wonderful! Truly, this is Zatara’s daughter. You have a way with magic, my dear.”

 “Thank you,” she says, obviously pleased.

 Batman doesn’t smile, per se--at least, not like Orin, but he’s at least vaguely happy. Or so Kaldur supposes. It’s hard to tell. “Good work, Zatanna.”

 She beams, and Kaldur can’t help but feel just as excited.

 +

The charm changes more than just his gills.

 It makes his hair appear jet black and curly, and rounds his jaw, but his eyes keep their shade. He spends an ample amount of time looking at himself in the mirror and struggling to recognize the person staring back.

 “Hold still, Kal--holy shit, you’re gonna break so many hearts,” Artemis says giddily. She swings an arm around him and Zatanna snaps a photo of both of them. “Seriously. This almost makes me wish you were coming to Gotham just to see the girls there lose their minds.”

 M’gann giggles behind her hand. “This really is pretty amazing, Zatanna. And Kaldur, I mean, you’ve always been almost ridiculously handsome...” she trails off, looking flustered.

 Kaldur smiles, surprised and flattered all at once, and when Wally gives Conner a slackjawed look he simply shrugs and says, “She’s not wrong.”

 “Okay,” Wally says flatly, “anyone else wanna say they’ve been in love with Kaldur, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

 “Aye,” his team says together, and that makes Kaldur’s face warm and he laughs again, unsure of what else to do under the weight of their stares.

 “As fun as it would be to attend to school with you, Artemis,” Kaldur says, honestly, because he can only imagine how Artemis’ alter ego might act, “I’ve already discussed with Aquaman and Batman. I’ll be attending Happy Harbor with M’gann and Conner.”

 “And me!” Zatanna adds, beaming. “I’ll be transferring in December. Uh, surprise?”

 M’gann immediately hugs her and squeals, in a way that’s so endearing, Zatanna can’t help but squeeze her in return. “This is going to be so exciting!”

 “Our fearless leader’s growing up,” Robin says, smirking, and Kaldur immediately thinks of all the times Roy called him less-than-flattering names for giving him the same treatment.

 “If you ever need any chem help, you know where to turn to, bro,” Wally promises.

 “We finally get to help you the same way you’ve been helping us this whole time!”

 Conner makes a face. “No promises from me. I mean, I’ve always got your back just...don’t ask me about English. I actually might make things worse for you.”

 Kaldur laughs, which Conner looks pleased by, and he’s almost overwhelmed by how excited his team is for him.

 “What name are you gonna use?” M’gann says thoughtfully. “I’m sure you could get away with Kal still, but you’ll need a last name.”

 “Actually, I was thinking of using Curry.”

 M’gann looks like she actually might cry, but keeps it together when she says, “I love it.”

 “Alright, Kal Curry, hold still.” He’s caught by surprise when Artemis slips behind him and pulls the necklace off.

 “Sorry, I just didn’t want to forget you. You you.” She bumps their shoulders together, and pushes his hand closed around the necklace. “I get having to hide, but here? With us? You’re still purely you.”

 Kaldur nods appreciatively, thankful she’s taken to the extra step to make him comfortable. She, M’gann, and Conner are at least vaguely aware of the disputes with Atlantean purists; frankly, Kaldur, despite his discomfort, displeasure, and anger with the creatures who try so hard to shame the diversity of his home, hasn’t thought of it in a while. He’s been….distracted, to say the least.

 “Thank you, Artemis,” he says quietly.

 She smiles at him, and behind her his team wears similar looks of genuine affection, and it’s a lot to take in. He’s not used to the attention, but he supposes, he should start to try getting more comfortable with it.

 And not a minute later, he gets a text from Roy saying: nice look and the bewildered expression on his face prompts a round of hearty laughter from the team. Robin winks, and says, “What? He wanted to see!”

 Kaldur just groans.

 +

 By the time M’gann makes the cheerleading team, Kaldur’s up to his ears in catch up work, both in school and out. It had been a while since he’d been in school, and he had to adjust, slowly but surely, to the constant pressure on his brain reminding him of a looming test. He admits, he missed it, in a weird way. Not that he particularly loves chemistry--though, his magic has made him very familiar with it--but he find it relaxing to solve problems in a topic he knows so well.

 Also, M’gann is in his chemistry class, and she has more of a tendency to mix chemicals wrong than he does. (To her credit, he’s pretty sure she does it just to make him laugh, and so far as a pretty high success rate.)

 English is surprisingly tough; Kaldur is fluent, but writing timed essays still gets him frustrated. His teacher laments that he’s too wordy, and being a bit more concise would help him. Trigonometry is just as terrible as it when he helps Zatanna with her work, but World History is, by far, his favorite. (It is entirely possible French wants him dead.) The only class he doesn’t have with Conner or M’gann is Art History.

 Due to entering later in the year, the only seat open the class in the back next to a kid with a clean-cut fade and a letterman jacket. He smiles easy at Kaldur, and Kaldur smiles easy right back.

 “Call me Vic, man,” the kid says, hand out to shake.

 “Calvin,” Kaldur replies, equally as friendly.

 “Alright, Cal, I’m gonna be your savior in the class. Mr. Wiseman’s a tough dude but he mostly just looks scary--that doesn’t mean this stuff isn’t hard as shit though.”

 Kaldur laughs, but soon learns Vic hadn’t been exaggerating.

 +

 Roy, being Roy, checks up on his him in the least subtle way ever: via text, on a Thursday night, as Kaldur’s hunched over a table full of homework, with Conner, Zatanna, and Wally.

 From Roy Harper: So how’s school going, kid?

 He groans immediately, ignoring the curious looks he gets from the others.

 To Roy Harper: I do not know how, or why, but I fully believe you knew Aquaman was going to do this and did nothing to stop it.

 From Roy Harper: Lol paranoid, much?

From Roy Harper: and yeah, i had a hunch, but i thought it would be good for you

 To Roy Harper: I suppose you were not entirely wrong.

 From Roy Harper: mhmm

 To Roy Harper: My apologies. What I meant to say was thank you. Since when are you wise enough to give me good advice?

 From Roy Harper: I’ve always been good at iti, I’m just shit at taking my own advice

From Roy Harper: also i should mention that i offered to let you live with me in star city but the jl didnt go for it

 Wally has just about forgotten his homework by now, seconds away from bouncing out of his seat. “Kal, what is it? Are you okay?”

 “I am fine,” Kaldur says in his best leader voice, and does his best to hammer his face into a neutral expression

 To Roy Harper: You what?

 From Roy Harper: i mean, it would've helped, right? with the loneliness?

 To Roy Harper: Yes, of course. I don’t understand why you didn’t say anything before I already made plans with Batman and Aquaman.

 From Roy Harper: didnt wanna pressure you

 “Oh,” Zatanna stage-whispers, “I know that smile. That means he's talking to Roy.”

 “Oh. Oh, wait, what,” Wally squeaks. “Really, dude?”

 Conner, very impatiently, comments, “If you’re going to be this loud, you can do the rest of my math homework.”

 “In your very best of dreams, Supey.”

 “Then keep it down, Kid Can’t Shut Up.”

 From Roy Harper: gtg, come over soon, we can talk about this later. plus i gotta hear your high school horror stories

From Roy Harper: and see Zatanna’s magic work in person, pics don’t do it justice

From Roy Harper: also, a little birdy told me you go by Curry now?

 To Roy Harper: Goodbye, Roy.

 From Roy Harper: hahahaha

From Roy Harper: see you, kal

 Wally asks again why he’s smiling, and Kaldur, none to gentle, tells him to can it.

 +

 As the weeks go by, he spends most of days at Happy Harbor with M’gann and Conner, and sometimes with Vic, who turns out to be football captain, and takes to Kaldur like a house on fire. His favorite thing, apparently, is to scare the living daylights out of Kaldur by greeting him with a friendly slap on the back of the head by his locker. Kaldur will get used to it, eventually, but he admits his crime fighting instincts kick in every time.

 Just before Thanksgiving break, Vic catches him first thing, while he’s still at his locker with M’gann and Conner before homeroom.

 “Cal! Glad I caught you man,” Vic says, trading his typical head-slap with a fist bump instead. “Listen, the team’s throwing a get-together Friday night. You should come.” He glances to Conner and M’gann, and adds, “All of you. The hell, man, I didn’t know you knew Kent and Megan?”

 “We go way back,” M’gann says cheerily. “And we’d be happy to go to your, um, get-together. Right, guys?”

 Conner shrugs, which everyone at Happy Harbor seems to understand is his way of showing excitement. Kaldur, on the other hand, hesitates for a second too long.

 “Nooo way, you can’t back out on me again. Last time you bailed because of the lamest reason ever, and I only take so many rainchecks before I get personally offended.”

 What Kal doesn’t say is that last time, Sportsmaster had spent a good part of Friday night trying to take his head off via hand-axe. It was a mission that ended with Cheshire kicking him in the face--again--and tossing Robin over the side of a building. It had been spectacularly long night for the team, and he’d just barely remembered to text Vic that he wouldn’t be able to make it after all.

 Instead, he shrugs noncommittally. “I’ll try my best,” he says honestly.

 Vic sighs. “I guess I can take that. But if you bail again you owe me.”

 He catches up to more of the football players after that, leaving Kaldur with M’gann and Conner.

 “You are gonna go, right?” Conner says first.

 “I am not sure,” Kaldur admits. “Victor is friendly, but I do not know the rest of the team, and--”

 “Oh,” M’gann says suddenly, sounding concerned, “Kaldur, are you...nervous?”

 The bell rings before he has to admit to anything.

 +

 Somehow, Zatanna finds out about the party, which means the whole team finds out about the party, via mental communications link, mid-mission.

 “Wait, you were thinking about not going? What the heck, man! If the captain of the football teams says go to his party, you go to his party!”

 “Is now really the time?” Kaldur grunts, trying to deflect a kick to the chest. Wally flashes by, carrying the merc off with him, and adds his two cents on his way out.

 “I say go, man! Live a little, let your hair down. Chillaaaax.”

 “Hey Wally? 2007 called, it wants its slang back.”

 “Don’t hate, Arty, appreciate.”

 “I’d appreciate it if your mouth didn’t move as fast as the rest of you did. On that note, I vote you go, Kal. Remember what I said about being a ladykiller?”

 Kaldur does his best to express a bland expression via thought, which gets a few snickers.

 “I don’t get it, why don’t you want to go?”

 “He’s allowed to have his reasons,” Conner says. And then half-screams and he rips the metal doors of the facility open with his bare hands.

 “Yeah, but what are they?”

 “Enough,” Kaldur thinks in his most threatening command voice. “There is a time and place for civilian discussion, and right now is neither the time nor place. This discussion is indefinitely put aside.”

 According to the team, “indefinite” means “as soon as we get back to base.” Kaldur’s barely out of the shower by the time someone’s knocking on his door, and he’s rushed to throw on a shirt and pants before he opens.

 Somehow unsurprisingly, it’s Zatanna in the hallway, hip cocked and wearing an expression that makes his brow furrow. “Can we talk?” she says, already slipping inside his room.

 She goes straight to his bed and tucks her feet up underneath her, the same way she’s done several times before. Her expression hasn’t changed.

 Sighing, Kaldur closes the door and leans against it. “Zatanna--”

 “No, you don’t get to do that anymore. Make excuses, I mean. Let me know what’s going on, or tell me to get out, just quit trying to hide.”

 After a pause, she too sighs, allowing her shoulders to sag. “I’m not trying to harsh, it’s just that--you’ve been there for me since...I just want to return to the favor. That’s what friends do, Kal. Tell me what’s up.”

 He must have a special talent for getting people to reach their final limits of patience. The air in the room turns uncomfortable, and Kaldur does his best to keep looking at the floor.

 Roy was right. He really isn’t good at this.

 “I am...I have my reservations about attending...for various reasons,” he says stiffly.

 “Are you worried about the charm wearing off? I can give you a backup if that’s the problem.”

 “No, no, Zatanna it is not your magic,” he says firmly. “You have done exemplary work. I have had no problems so far.”

 “Then what’s the problem?”

 Kaldur drums his fingers against the door. “I do not want to put you in an uncomfortable position,” he says. “To ask you to harbor my secrets from the team is….”

 “Dude, just say it already. I pinky swear no one’s gonna hear a word from me.” He hesitates, still, and she groans. “What will it take for you to talk to me? I’ve literally cried myself to sleep on your shoulder, secrets shmecrets. No matter how ugly you think it is, you can tell me. I promise, Kaldur.”

 Kaldur stares at her for a long while. He crosses his arms, visibly hesitant, then says, “I do not know much about how teenagers relate to one another without supervision on the surface world.”

 “Kal--” She stops, her nose scrunching in thought. “Oh, man, are you nervous?”

 Again with that word--Kaldur makes a similar face as he had when M’gann said it, but this time there’s no bell to rescue him from explaining himself. Instead he’s forced to meet Zatanna’s concerned eyes and nod.

 “It is much easier to be with M’gann and Conner than it is to be with other students. They know this,” he gestures to his hands and gills, “and they are comfortable with me as I am. I know the necessity of my ruse, but it makes it...difficult to be as honest as I would like to be. It makes connecting with the other students…”

 He trails off as she slaps a hand to her forehead. “Of course, I hadn’t even thought about it…. M’gann does it so easily, but I should’ve known hiding yourself wouldn’t come as easily to anyone else. And you’re not really used to how regular kids interact and...aw, jeez, Kal. I’m sorry.”

 “It is not your fault.”

 “I know, I know, but….I mean, I suggested this and now I want to help you.” She bites her lip. “It’s part of the problem of balancing two identities. Part of you is always gonna feel like you’re being dishonest. But you’re not. The reality of Calvin Curry is that he’s a transfer kid with an uncle from the area--but he’s also you, he’s kind, and he’s funny, and he’s genuine.”

 Kaldur doesn’t know what to say. He hadn’t been expecting that. He nods, unsurely, and Zatanna invites him to sit next to her.

 “Listen,” she says, “as long as you can show those kids why we all love you, you’ll be fine. The only thing that’s any different is the name you write on your essays. And you can tell people you really trust who you are.” She grins, “That goes for the party, and for us on the team too.”

 “Zatanna…”

 “It won’t be easy, but you’ll get used to it. Plus, you always have M’gann and Conner, and soon you’ll have me too.”

 He runs a hand over his head, trying to let her words sink in and let his guard down at the same time. It’s a similar feeling to going to the Academy in Atlantis; butterflies in the stomach at the thought of meeting so many new people and never knowing how well the interactions would go. But even then, he’d always had Tula and Garth by his side to ease his nerves.

 What Zatanna is saying is the same concept, just different faces, but the trust and familiarity is all the same.

 “Okay,” he says. “In that case, I will attend.”

 “Really? Kal, I wasn’t trying to make you feel like you had to--”

 “I know, I know,” he says. “I merely want to try what you have told me. Call this my leap of faith.”

 He smiles, and she smiles just as brightly in return. Without warning, she throws her arms around in a short but tight squeeze. Perhaps in the past, Kaldur would’ve flinched at the unprompted contact, but he finds himself working an arm around her to warmly return the embrace.

 “And, by the way, nice shirt.”

 He looks down and to his embarrassment, realizes he’d thrown on Roy’s UCLA shirt in his haste to get dressed. Groaning to drown out her snickers, he says, “This did not happen.”

 “I didn’t see anything,” she agrees, still giggling.

 +

 Kaldur, for all his apprehension, needn’t have worried; when he shows up, Vic smiles like it’s Christmas and immediately thanks M’gann for bringing him. “I knew I could count on you, Megan,” he says sincerely. He opens his arms for a hug, which Megan blesses him with, short and quick, and falls to her default by Conner’s side again.

 “Kent, I owe you.”

 “Consider it an early Christmas gift,” Conner replies.

 Vic laughs. “I’ll take it! Y’all come in, it’s cold as shit out there. Drinks in the kitchen, dance floor downstairs, upstairs is off limits.” He throws an arm around Kaldur and squeezes, “Now you’ve gotta meet the team! And Mal, the big guy’s been dying to get me to shut up about you. But first, you need a drink.”

 Vic’s about Kaldur’s size, even though Kal’s Atlantean strength gives him the upper hand, he lets Vic drag him away into the kitchen, where more kids are crowded into a variety of alcoholic drinks lay strewn about the counter.

 “We’re saving our cash for Christmas, that’s when we splurge on the good stuff,” Vic explains. But grabs a beer can and presses it into Kaldur’s hands. “Bottoms up?”

 Kaldur has had alcohol before--America’s drinking age is absurd, by Atlantean standards--but he’s never been big on it. Nonetheless, he cracks the can open and takes a long swig, causing Vic to cheer. “Okay, tough guy, wanna chug? We’ll chug.”

 The beer tastes terrible, unbelievably bad, but Kaldur clinks cans wtih Vic and chugs it anyway. He’s not worried about getting intoxicated--not only is the beer gross, it’s practically water.

 Which is why Vic gets him to chug another without much fight, and then they go off to find the rest of the team. As soon as Victor shows up, at least ten different voices all scream, “STONE!” at various levels of drunkenness.

 Victor laughs smoothly and loudly and points to each team member as he says a name. “Joe Jackson, Nicky Free, the twins Lewis and Thomas Jones--” and he goes on, until Kaldur has more names in his head than he thinks he can list, but he smiles big and friendly at the other boys and they do the same. Another shoves up again him, and Kaldur finds himself dwarfed by a kid with nearly half a foot on him.

 “And this fucking giant is Mal Duncan,” Vic says. “Mallie, quit thundering all over my parent’s place, you’ll bring it down!”

 “Laugh it up, Stone, I’ll bring you down with it,” Mal jokes, as the two pull each other into a quick hug. “Who’s the new guy?”

 “Calvin! Call him Cal. He’s the guy from my Art History class who should’ve joined the team this year, seriously. Don’t look at my like that, Cal, I’ve seen you run outta Wiseman’s class. You float like a butterfly and then some.”

 Kaldur shrugs sheepishly, which gets a laugh out of Mal. “Don’t let him embarrass you too much. Give Stone an inch and he’ll make it a mile.”

 “God, Mal, you sound so much like your old man right now.”

 “And proud of it,” Mal shoots back.

 “Mal’s old man works at STAAR Labs. He’s gonna get me a job there one day, right man?”

 “In your fucking dreams.”

 Kaldur can’t help it--he laughs out loud, both at Mal’s dry tone and Vic’s resulting pout. “Sorry--”

 “Nah, don’t worry about it, Vic knows he’s a joke,” Mal laughs. “And if I catch his ass anywhere near STAAR I’m slapping him into last week.”

 “Vic, you were right,” Kaldur says, “you really do bring out the best in people.”

 Mal belly laughs and Vic punches the both of them halfheartedly, and after that, it’s so much easier than Kaldur thought it would be.

 Too easy, actually.

 One of the cheerleaders shows up with a bottle of some liquor Kaldur can’t name, and before he knows it he’s had more than just a couple of shots, and it’s not until he bumps in Conner that he realizes he has gotten carried away.

 “Kal, are you okay?” Conner’s squinting through the dark to try and see his face.

 “I am fine,” Kaldur lies, with the confidence of someone who has just realized they are drunk. Or at least, buzzed. Which means it’s time to wrap this up; even inebriated, Kaldur’s still aware of his duties as a team leader. And that training tomorrow will be hell, should he wake up sick. “Actually, I think it would be best if we leave soon.”

 “Did something happen?”

 “No, I said I am fine,” Kaldur repeats. “But we have training tomorrow and I still run a team, and if Canary finds out that we missed morning training because of a party, I fear she may actually throw us through a  wall.”

 Conner snorts, but nods in agreement. “I’ll grab Megan. Don’t go too far, okay?”

 “Okay,” says Kaldur. It’s just past 11:00 when he looks at his phone--and then he gets the brightest idea to text Roy. He’d typically be at Roy’s place around this time anyway, if movie night wasn’t an option.

 To Roy Harper: remember that time you told me to let loose?

 From Roy Harper: Kaldur you bastard

From Roy Harper: you did not got drunk without me

From Roy Harper: oh my god you got drunk??

 To Roy Harper: i am not drunk

 From Roy Harper: no proper punctuation? Looks drunk to me

 Kaldur is extra careful to tap out his next message,

To Roy Harper: I am not drunk do not be ridiculous

 From Roy Harper: yeah, bc im the ridiculous one in this situation

From Roy Harper: where are you?

 To Roy Harper: Happy Harbor, with Conner and M’gann.

To Roy Harper: I am safe, mom, thank you for the concern

 From Roy Harper: dear god are you sassing me?

 To Roy Harper: I always sass you.

 From Roy Harper: yeah but you have never in your life admitted to sassing me. This is insane. For my next birthday youre getting wasted and were gonna play 20 questions and then my life will be complete

 To Roy Harper: I will tell you what we will not be doing.

 From Roy Harper: booze makes you a sass monster idk how i feel about this

 To Roy Harper: can you make it to the cave tonigght?

To Roy Harper: tonite

To Roy Harper: *tonight?

 From Roy Harper: i would go to fucking mars rn if i meant i got to see you like this

 To Roy Harper: I changed my mind, you are annoying, stay in Star City

 From Roy Harper: too late, im omw

 “Cal?”

 He looks up to see Vic, smiling sloppily. “Okay, Calvin, I see you. Who’s the girl?”

 “Huh?”

 “The way you’re smiling at your phone? You’ve got a girl, right? Do I know her? Are y’all--”

 Kaldur interrupts with a laugh, pulling Vic into a short hug. “Not a girl, my friend. Maybe I will tell you about it after break.”

 “You’re leaving already?”

 “Unfortunately, yes. Thanks for this, Victor, really.”

 “Hey, man, anytime. You’re fun as fuck, you get along with Mal--you gotta be a saint or something for that. I know moving around sucks, I just want you to know that Happy Harbor’s gonna be the best place you ever lived. I want you to love this place as much as I do.”

 “I think I might be getting there,” Kaldur promises, and Victor’s face lights up.

 “Booyah! That’s what I’m talking about, hornets for life!”

 “Okaaay,” Conner interrupts, getting Kaldur by the upper arm. “Thanks for the party, Victor.”

 “Anytime, Kent! Drag you and your girl to our Christmas shit, yeah? And you too, Curry, I swear to God--”

 “Goodnight, Vic,” Conner says, trying not to laugh, and then maneuvers him and Kaldur out of the house, M’gann not far behind.

 She’s looking at Kal with a funny smile, and loops her arm through his without hesitation. “So, that was fun!”

 She makes a face at Conner, who laughs, and then obediently loops his arm through Kaldur’s other one as well. “Oh, yeah,” he says. “Fun’s the word I would use.”

 “I can walk,” Kaldur says, frowning.

 “Oh, we know.”

 “This is just the only time you’ll ever let us get away with this.”

 Kaldur opens his mouth to argue, but winds up keeping it shut. They’re not wrong.

 +

 M’gann and Conner get him through the zeta-tube in one piece--though it feels much worse with alcohol in your system, Kaldur learns. The Cave’s mostly dark, thank goodness, which means Zatanna’s already in bed and whoever else is staying the night is asleep as well, presumably.

 They finally release his arms and exchange their goodbyes--M’gann kisses him on the cheek and says, “I’m proud of you, Kaldur. And of Calvin Curry. It’s nice seeing you like this.”

 He squints at her. “Under the influence?”

 “Relaxed,” she half-snorts. “I know that wasn’t easy for you but you look like you actually enjoyed it.”

 “I did,” Kaldur says, blinking, surprised by himself.

 “I can tell,” she smirks.

 He’s still functioning a bit slow, but Kaldur connects the dots after a pause. “Wait, is that a joke because I am drunk--”

 “Not to interrupt, but I think you’ve got visitor, Kal,” Conner says, pointing to the couch.

 Where Roy is perched, arms crossed, and trying to hide a smile.

 Kaldur had nearly forgotten about texting him, which had seemed so brilliant at the time, but now that Roy’s sitting here he can’t really make any correct sounding words.

 “Goodnight,” Conner says, voice dangerously close to teasing, and then the two disappear before Kaldur can read it into it.

 Back to Roy. Right. Kaldur just prays he won’t embarrass himself.

 “I did not think you would actually come.”

 Roy has his arms folded over his chest, and he untangles them to wave a hand in the air, as if brushing Kaldur’s words away. “No, it’s actually good timing. I’ve decided to join your team. Like, actually join. I was gonna surprise you guys tomorrow, but no harm done in spending the night.”

 Kaldur, remembering morning training, groans. “I have made a grave mistake.”

 “It’s okay, I’m sure even Batman’s shown up to work with a hangover. It’s happened to the best of us,” Roy smirks.

 Kaldur makes his way towards the couch, maybe a hair too fast and feels his balance suffer for it, and before he knows what’s truly happened, Roy has an arm around his lower back, steadying him, and the other around his shoulders. He is close, Kaldur’s brain supplies unhelpfully. Just...close.

 “I am okay,” Kaldur insists.

 “Course you are.”

 Several moments pass, and Roy doesn’t let him go. And, well, if they’re going to stand around like this--Kaldur shifts, his weight leans into Roy, and he allows his head to drop, ever so slightly, onto Roy’s shoulder. It’s barely anything, and so much all at the same time.

 Roy’s shoulder starts to shake. He’s trying not to laugh.

 “Shut up,” Kaldur snaps.

 “Oh my god, this is amazing. If you wanted to cuddle, you could’ve asked, man.”

 Kaldur scoffs and turns his head, letting Roy’s shoulder cover most of his face.

 “Wait, wait,” Roy wheezes, “don’t hide, lemme look at you. I gotta see Zatanna’s charm...thing at work.”

 He allows Roy to pull him away, take a once over.

 “The team said I was, as M’gann put it, ‘ridiculously handsome.’”

 “Yeah, no kidding,” Roy mumbles. The tips of his ears are flushed pink. “Is it the necklace?”

 “Yes.”

 And suddenly Kaldur feels warm fingers on the back of his neck; Roy lifts the string up and over, and though Kaldur feels no change, he knows he now looks like himself. He’s not sure if that makes the situation better or worse.

 “Personally, I’ve always been a fan of the gills, fishsticks,” Roy smirks as he slips the charm into Kaldur’s pocket.

 “I will not stand for the revival of that terrible nickname.”

 “Would you sit for it?”

 Kaldur makes to object again, but Roy adds, “It’ll be more comfortable for you that way, cuddle monster.”

 So Kaldur sits.

 Roy cracks a smile again, but doesn’t laugh, this time simply gets an arm around Kaldur and squeezes. “As fun as this is, you really have to sleep soon. And drink some water. And brush your teeth, damn, did they give you fucking moonshine?”

 He immediately goes to check his breath, but Roy knocks his hands back down. “Kidding, Kal.”

 “Oh.”

 “Oh my god,” Roy says again, and then Kaldur is pressed closer against him and the two lean back on the couch. It is, as Roy had said, very much a cuddling position. Kaldur belatedly realizes he doesn’t have any idea what to do with his hands.

“So….we need to talk, Kaldur.”

 “I do not like those words when you say them.”

 “No, shut up, I’m allowed to be dramatic too. Now’s obviously not a good time, but once you’re sober we really need to...I just need to tell you something. And we need to figure some stuff out.”

 “Okay,” Kaldur concedes. “Stay here a second longer, though. This is...nice.”

 Roy, for once, does not object.

 +

 The alcohol had made him drowsy, but it also burns through his system very quickly. Kaldur wakes up sluggish, but no headache, thank goodness. But he can tell it’s still early--much earlier than he would’ve liked to wake up--and he’s still pressed into Roy’s side.

 For a moment, he waits, struggling to determine the best course of action to take in the situation. Roy’s arm is around his shoulders loosely, comfortably, as if he could hold Kaldur to him forever. And if Kaldur weren’t so positively panicked, he may have let it happen.

 Instead, he attempts to lift himself up as gingerly as possible. Maybe he can escape this unscathed. Maybe he can retreat to his room, attend training and pretend this had never happened, even though his heart hurts at the very thought. This isn’t anything like his situation with Tula--he would never deny that he loved her, or even that he’d been in love with her, and the heartbreak he’d felt at being rejected was entirely real. But the way his heart breaks right now is from his own self-imposed distance, and the further he pulls himself away from Roy, the worse it gets.

 Kaldur has spent a long while denying himself of the things he wants most, and perhaps that is what causes him to freeze completely against Roy’s chest.

 He huffs, and to his chagrin, feels Roy’s chest rumble with a resounding chuckle. He can’t help that he digs his fingers into the fabric of Roy’s shirt as he pulls himself up enough to see the redhead’s face.

 Roy is smiling, albeit sleepily. It is the softest Kaldur has ever seen his face. He rests his hand on Kaldur’s head, rubbing his short curls, and for second the look between them is pure warmth, uninterrupted and much, much deeper than anything Kaldur ever expected. There’s a certain tenderness Roy allows himself, having just woken up, and he focuses it completely on Kaldur. .

 Just like that, the moment ends; realizing where is, Roy jerks into alertness, pulling his hand away from Kaldur’s hair and instead using it to rub at his own neck, eyes downcast in a rare moment of genuine embarrassment.

 Kaldur is not proud of the small gasp that escapes him when Roy takes his hand away. He lifts a hand as if to reach out to him and pull him back, quietly calling his name at the same time.

 “Roy--”

 “We need to talk--”

 They laugh, a bit awkwardly, and then Roy gestures at him. “You first.”

 Not to say he will ever be truly ready for this, but this as good a moment as any to confess and for once in his damned life, stop torturing himself. “I...There is--”

 Now that he is here, and it has been so long of picturing a similar moment, Kaldur doesn’t actually know what to say. This is not like speaking to his king, or his team. It’s like talking to Roy, and his typical candidness is why it feels so hard to be open right now. He’s never needed to right words to speak to Roy before, but this feels different and he doesn’t want to ruin it.

 “Quit thinking so much,” Roy says, gaze gone softer than usual, but not to the extent it had been when he’d first woken up.

 “I have been told overthinking is one of my worst qualities,” Kaldur says, mouth cotton-dry. Part of him thinks this would be easier if he weren’t still resting on Roy’s chest and looking into his eyes in a moony manner, so he pulls himself into a proper sitting position and steadily ignores how much is instantly misses the embrace.

 “So try not overthinking. Just talk to me.”

 Nodding, Kaldur grimaces. His resolve is already built, but his body has a hard time catching up to his brain. Nonetheless, he pretends like the very breath hasn’t been sucked out of his lungs and steels himself.  “The thing is, Roy, that I have feelings for you...and have felt this way for a while, now. Even when I harbored feelings for Tula. I do not think how I felt towards her was ingenuine, but it was...blown out of proportion,” he admits sheepishly. “I did not know how to tell you, or if I even wanted to tell you.”

 “Wait, why?”

 “Because, Roy, people do not typically react well when their best friend suddenly expresses romantic interest.”

 He winces, because he shouldn’t have been so curt, but Roy laughs, for some reason. “Yeah, you’re right. That’s why I didn’t say anything either.”

 That takes a moment to process. “What?”

 It’s Roy’s turn to look like a wrung piece of cloth. He’s pink around the ears and he explains, “You were heartbroken, for one. And then the mole thing happened--and the school thing happened, and you had your team, and your work cut out for you, and I guess I forgot how to open my mouth.”

 “I--I do not--” Kaldur shakes his head. “Is this why you wanted me to move in with you?”

 “What, so I could pine up close?” he scoffs. “I offered because you are my best friend, and you were clearly hurting, and believe it or not, sometimes people want to do things for you because they want you to be happy. I wanted you to move in with me so you wouldn’t be so damn lonely all the time. Aquaman’s the one who said he had a better idea.”

 Kaldur will decide later how he feels about the king’s meddling--for now, he feels a bit dizzy from how the emotions are running through his head at mock speed. “I would’ve said yes.”

 “I know! Which is why I gotta tell you that I’m-- the whole being into your best friend thing is...hard. Not in a bad way, just in a, I don’t know.” He runs a hand over his hair, not quite making eye contact. “It makes everything so complicated.”

 “Yes, complicated,” Kaldur echoes faintly. “I am all too aware of what you mean.”

 “I never wanted us to be an ‘it’s complicated’ situation, Kal. Half the reason I wanted to talk to you is so I could finally be fucking honest with you.”

 Kaldur’s heart is racing as he swallows hard. “I am sorry I did not say anything sooner.”

 “Shut the whole hell up. Why are you apologizing? When the hell did I complain about your timing? If anything, I’m mad at myself, not you.”

 “But I still--”

 “Still nothing, Kal,” Roy says plaintively, and then, in one seamless, fluid motion, leans forward to kiss him.

 Kaldur wastes no time; he brings his hands up to pull Roy closer, sighing through his nose, and the relief that settles in bones nearly brings tears to his eyes. He has everything he wants, right here on this couch, lips pressed against his. This is absolutely it, as far as he’s concerned. Roy’s returned feelings could keep him going for the next two weeks, sleep be damned.

 Realizing that he’s finally attained the happiness he’s spent so long denying himself of, Kaldur smiles, and does not, for one second, regret a single thing.