#kale kare

[rikdrawsthings]

[kalekare]

My inbox is OPEN for business 💋 Nothing is off-limits*

(*off limits: litigation against jennifer kale or kale kare™)

[layanomaly]

a skincare queen for that

"that level flawless should be illegal"

every other long lived supernatural being: i have to avoid cameras and anything else that could make it hard for me to disappear and start a new life when people inevitably notice that i don't age

jen kale: what's up youtube let's talk about magic crystals

[vigilante24ish]

🌙 Moon Phases 🌙

Agatha Harkness X Fem!Reader

Chapter 1. - Chapter 2. - Chapter 3. Chapter 4. - Chapter 5. - Chapter 6. Chapter 7. - Chapter 8. - Chapter 9. Chapter 10. - Chapter 11

Word count: 1310

Chapter 11:

Jen grabbed the boy and brought him to her side, instructing him on how to swirl. You were not sure why, but you speculated she was too anxious to focus on it, and you did not blame her.

For a first trial, this was intense, and you did not wish to think of what would come next.

"Eeryone, pull a strand of hair outta your head now." Jen suddenly instructed, and you all obeyed, with Alice even taking a strand from Sharon's head. "A single hair only. Everybody, hurry up."

You all threw the single piece of hair into the swirling boiling water, except for Agatha. As she was ready to do that, she froze and stared at something that you could not see.

It was her time to face her nightmare.

You were not sure what it was, but the fear crawling on her face was not something that you liked. Her illusion was small, but it was enough to send her to the floor with a loud gasp, eyes wide staring at nothing as tears were fighting to escape.

You glanced at the clock, seeing the time being way less than before and you acted on impulse. You stood behind Agatha and after you muttered an apology, you pulled a piece of her hair.

"Ouch!" She exclaimed and looked at you with a hurt expression, but you figured it was mostly shock from your actions.

"Sorry" you said and tossed the hair into the water.

The other witches tried to ask Agatha what she saw, but she refused to answer, turning the focus back on the potion.

Yet you could not help but steal glances at her; seeing her how hard she was fighting to keep her composure in front of the others.

Whatever she has faced has shaken her to the core, and you knew only one thing could truly do that...

Her son

You never learnt what happened to him, and she always refused to tell you, going as far as to raise her tone when you tried to push the topic.

So, you let it go and simply waited, hoped, for the day she would open up to you. You had met that boy when he was very young, and while you never had the chance to bond with him properly, you were always wondering what happened to him.

For the day it all went downhill, that boy took with him the bigger part of Agatha's heart and light.

"We need to clasp hands..." Jen instructed, your focus on her again. "...and clear your minds. Once our intentions are aligned, it will glow bright cerulean."

Alice glanced around her. "Yeah. What're our intentions again?"

"To not die."

And so you did that, pouring all your intentions of surviving the first trial.

You dared to open one eye and once again was disappointed to find that your effort did not work with the first time.

Why? Because the colour of the potion should be blue, and this was clearly a shade of green.

"I must have forgot something." Jen exclaimed as panic started to rise within her.

Teen dared to glance at the clock. "One minute left."

You felt your heart beating faster and you looked at the worried potions witch. "What did you forget?" You asked, hands placed firmly against the marble surface.

Jen, feeling the weight of the situation, took a step back. "I don't know! I've never made this potion before! I make retinol serums, for Christ's sake!"

"Fifty seconds."

You glanced at the boy. "Shouting the time is not really helping here!" You snapped back, realizing that if Jen suddenly got cold feet; you were all dead.

Surpringly, it was Agatha who took the initiative. She grabbed the witch from her upper arms and stared dead into her dark eyes.

"I have always hated you... but I left you alone because what you were doing was important. Not this Kale Kare crap, the real work. You can be that witch again. They can take your power, Jen, but they can't take your knowledge."

Silence enveloped the room, everyone looking at Jen for the missing ingredient; feeling bout to pass out from the worry and the stress they were all experiencing.

"Blood. We need the blood of the unpoisoned."

It was Alice who gathered the courage and checked the clock. "Thirty seconds."

Agatha did not hesitate to grab a huge kitchen knife. With her free hand, she grabbed the boy's wrist and, with the other, cut a deep enough slash. "Thanks for being underage."

The move shocked everyone, but Agatha paid no mind as she guided the boy's hand over the boiling water, letting the droplets of blood fall in.

A sigh of relief left your lips when it turned blue and you wasted no time dunking your glasses into the water before hastily drinking the antidote; just as you were in the last ten seconds of the countdown.

However, the timer did not stop after you drank the antidote and it took you all a few precious seconds to be reminded that Sharon had not taken it since she laid unconscious on the couch.

By the last second, you managed to empty the cup into her lips, and by the faint movement of her limps; it was evident that she was also alive.

A clicking sound startled you all before it was noticed that the oven door had opened on its own.

You were the first to walk toward it, perhaps the bravest, and you were surprised to see some never-ending slide leading Gods knew where.

"I think this is our exit," you said as the others gathered around you.

"I am not climbing in an oven" Lilia argued. "That happened to a friend of mine, she had a lovely house, and she ended up..."

Her storytelling was cut short as the windows broke, and saltwater started to fill the house at a terrifying pace.

You stared at it with wide eyes as the dark blue waters were coming your way. You were a good swimmer and you always found something nice at the salty smell of a sea breeze but even this was out of your league.

Lilia moved first, now longer hesitating to enter the oven and slide down; followed by Jen.

You waited for Agatha to join y before she could, Teen and Alice reminded you that Sharon was still left behind.

"We don't know what happens if we leave her behind." Alice argued.

You knew she was right, and honestly, Sharon should not die like that; not when it was never her fault for ending up on the Road.

You turned to Agatha. "Go, I will go help them"

Surpringly, your lover did not agree as she once again grabbed your wrist. "No, you go down that oven"

Yet you stubbornly stared her in the eye, not moving an inch. "No, you are, or you are helping me with Mrs. Davis"

Agatha wanted to argue, to grab you by the back of your neck and shove you down that slide. She wished to scold you to for suddenly being both selfless and annoyingly stubborn.

In the end, she gave up.

"Fine!" She spat, and you both joined to help carry the unconscious human towards the oven.

By now, the floors had flooded, and the water was rising fast; making your fear it would block your way to the oven and your only exit if you were late.

Thankfully, you all managed to push her down the slide and followed suit. This time, it was Alice who stayed behind.

She watched you go after Agatha, and as she sat by the edge, she grabbed the oven door and closed it behind her before letting gravity and water pull her down the unknown slide.

Chapter 12

[lilia-calderus-pet-goat]

Random thought: Jen was a midwife, yes? And her and Agatha have a history of mutual dislike—but Agatha respected her for her craft so much as to spare her.

How devastating would it be if, maybe, just maybe, Jen had been the one to deliver Nicky? (I assume based on the canon that they technically didn't know each other yet, but just bare with me for a second. Both of them, if I'm not mistaken, are from Massachusetts—Salem and Boston respectively, so they probably met pretty early on regardless.)

Imagine Jen meeting Agatha just as that—a mother in labour, in need of help—and helping her so, healing her, and handing her newborn son to her, to hold for the first time. She didn't much like the woman—not only because she was obnoxious—but also because she would have heard tales of the witch-killer who murdered her own coven after breaking their rules. But at that moment, none of that mattered. She had a Hippocratic oath to keep. And since Jen didn't know Rio at all, she would have assumed that Agatha was alone in all of this.

Then one day she hears of the witch-killer again—learns that she “sacrificed her son for the darkhold... ” And that she “goes after the undeserving,“ stealing magic from witches with her terrible syphon power.

And so she runs into her again, and again, each time convinced it'd be the last—because Jen would never stop provoking her for sacrificing her baby boy. The 'one thing in her life that made her redeemable.' But Agatha spares her. She leaves her alone, because “what you were doing was important. Not this Kale Kare crap, your real job.”

And how many more layers does that line gain, if Jen delivered Nick? And how nicely does it tie in with her being the one to warn Billy about how “Agatha sacrificed her son for the Darkhold.”

[cassiebones]

'15. I'm your gift this year' for the Agathario writing prompt, please!

Four Days to Christmas

"When are you coming home?"

Agatha sighed. Her son's eyes were visibly wet on the other side of the Zoom call, his bottom lip protruding as he gave her his sad puppy dog look. The only difference now was that she could tell he wasn't using the look to get something he wanted from her and was genuinely sad that she wasn't there with him this time.

She was in California this week, working on a last-minute work 'emergency' they'd called it, but honestly she could have probably done this via Zoom and remote access to somebody's computer. Men were just highly incompetent, it seemed. She vowed that her son would never be this incompetent, though.

"Soon," Agatha promised. "I'll be home before Christmas, I swear. I just have to finish up a few things here and then I'll be on the next plane home. Maybe I'll even hitch a ride with Santa Claus."

That didn't get the giggle she had hoped it would. Nicky's face was still somber, a tear leaking out from the corner of his eye. Agatha's heart ached.

This was the first holiday season in his short six years of life that she wasn't home to help him and her wife put up the tree or decorate the house or bake Christmas cookies. She'd had to watch them do all that while on Zoom as she put out fires at the California office that her inept colleagues had set nearly every day this month.

At this point, she swore they were doing it on purpose just to keep her away from her family - or to avoid their own families.

She was putting out feelers at other companies, one based closer to home, with the understanding that she was not available to travel this far away, especially during the holidays. As soon as she found another job, she was putting in her resignation, cashing in her PTO, and leaving these imbeciles in the dust.

"I will make it home to you," Agatha promised again. "You have my word."

She didn't know if she could make that promise. It was four days until Christmas and she didn't even have a flight booked, but she would spend any amount of money just to see that little face in person.

Nicky's chin quivered, and Agatha's heart cracked just a little bit more.

Three Days to Christmas

"How are things going over there?" Rio asked. Agatha groaned, flopping down onto her hotel bed. "So good then?"

Agatha let out a snort. "I don't know how I ended up at a company so full of idiots," she said. "I swear to Goddess, babe, I don't know how these men have survived this far in life without walking straight into traffic. They are so dumb. And now they're going to make me late for Christmas." She felt tears spring into her eyes.

"It'll be all be okay," Rio said, soothingly. "Everything will work out like it should. You just focus on showing these idiots up and making them realize what they're going to be missing when you're gone. Speaking of, have you heard back from anywhere?"

"Several places, actually," Agatha said. "I'm going with whoever offers me the first contract. Which seems to be...Kale Kare. I'm not really into their products, but I can be if Jen Kale can get me back to New Jersey before Christmas Eve." Christmas Eve was in two days.

"Good luck with that," Rio said with a chuckle. "I believe in you, babe."

"I love you," Agatha replied, her voice soft as she turned over on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. "Tell Nicky I'm going to be there."

"I will," Rio promised. "I love you, too."

Two Days to Christmas

Agatha was going to end up in prison on Christmas. She was going to be using her one phone call to speak to her son, to apologize and tell him that she wouldn't be making it home after all because she couldn't keep herself from strangling three grown men with her bare fucking hands.

If she had been allowed to handle everything on her own, without their ineptitude slowing her down, Agatha would have been home weeks ago, but these morons were fucking everything up with their cocky attitudes and unwillingness to ask her for assistance until it was nearly too late.

Agatha's resignation letter was sitting in a draft in her email, waiting for Jennifer Kale to send the contract for Agatha's signature. It was taking her a minute, but Agatha knew that she had to make sure that everything was ironclad as her lawyers looked over it.

Jen Kale's operations were based in New York, just an hour outside Westview, and while she had operations in other states, it was in Agatha's contract that she would not make Agatha travel anywhere more than a three-hour flight away too close to any major holiday or birthday in her family.

Also, her company was 95% female-led, which would be a refreshing change, and she could match Agatha's current salary.

All she needed to do was sign on the dotted line.

Jennifer's email found her after midnight. Agatha spent most of the early hours of Christmas Eve reading through the contract, checking everything off her list, then signed and sent it back. She fired off her resignation letter to the CEO after that, placing her phone on Do Not Disturb before buying herself a ticket home for Christmas.

One Day to Christmas

All flights were delayed.

Agatha wanted to cry. It was six hours until midnight. She was at the airport, running on three hours of sleep, grumpy as all hell. Her wife wasn't answering her phone or texts, and her flight was delayed indefinitely due to a snowstorm in Newark the fucking night before Christmas.

Tears stung her eyes as she paced the terminal, waiting for the inevitable announcement that her flight would just be straight-up cancelled.

Nicky was going to be so upset.

"Ladies and gentlemen," an announcement said above her head. Agatha's heart sunk. "We regret to inform you that flight 1674, from San Francisco to Newark, has been delayed until 11 am on December 25th. We are so sorry to have disrupted your holiday plans. You will all receive a voucher for a complimentary meal, as well as discounted rates at the nearest hotels. Once again, our apologies. Happy Holidays."

"Fuck," Agatha whined, plopping down into a seat. "Fuck."

"That's a bad word."

Agatha nearly jumped out of her skin, spinning around to see her wife and child standing just feet away. Tears sprung to her eyes as she ran to them, dropping to her knees in front of her son and pulling him into her embrace, squeezing him tightly as though he would vanish into thin air if she let him go even for a single second.

"What are you doing here?" she huffed, looking up at Rio, who was just as misty-eyed as she stared down at them. "How did you get here? Isn't there a snowstorm?"

"Just missed us," Rio said. "We left before it started."

"How did you know I wouldn't make it home in time? Did you have so little faith in me?" Agatha stood, hefting Nicky onto her hip, holding him close to her body.

"Oh, sweetheart," Rio said, stepping closer to cup her cheek in her hand, "it had nothing to do with that. My lack of faith was in your incompetent business partners." She rolled her eyes. "I bought Nicky and myself a couple of open-ended plane tickets. The fact that we were able to get a flight so last-second is a minor miracle in itself. But I knew when I saw the weather report this morning that you'd never be able to make it home, by no fault of your own. So...here we are, bringing Christmas to you."

"Babe," Agatha breathed, pulling Rio in by her scarf, pressing her lips to the other woman's. Rio wrapped her arms around Agatha and Nicky, sinking into Agatha's kiss. "I love you so damn much," Agatha whispered against her wife's lips.

"That's also a curse," Nicky piped up, eliciting a snort from Agatha and a laugh from Rio as she pressed a kiss to the crown of his head and poked him in the side. Nicky giggled, pressing his face into Agatha's neck.

"Come on," Agatha said, already reaching for her suitcase. "Next flight isn't until eleven AM. Let's go find a hotel and get something to eat."

"Sounds good to me," Rio said, slinging her arm around Agatha's waist as they headed in the direction of the exit.

Zero Days to Christmas

"Mami! Mama! Wake up! It's Christmas!"

Agatha groaned, pulling her wife more closely to her body. It had been three weeks since she'd last seen the other woman in person, and they'd barely gotten four hours of sleep after finally getting Nicky to sleep the night before, his excitement for Christmas practically having him bouncing off the walls into the early hours of the morning.

They had set the expectation that Santa probably wouldn't find them in the hotel, on the opposite side of the country, in time for Christmas, but all his gifts would almost certainly be under the tree when they returned home to Westview, which would no doubt be covered in several feet of snow. Nicky was ostensibly fine with that.

But now he was acting the way he'd acted every Christmas since he realized what the holiday meant for their family: like he was about to find a pile of gifts under the tree with his name on them.

But there was no tree this year, not in this hotel, anyway. There was nothing to unwrap. They'd do all that when they got back to Jersey.

"Come on!" Nicky huffed, tugging the comforter off of their huddled bodies, exposing them to the cold. "Get up!"

Agatha groaned, shoving her face into Rio's neck.

"I brought a few things," Rio whispered in her ear, so low that Agatha almost missed it. "Just so he'd have something to open."

"Whyyyyyy?" Agatha moaned, wrapping her body more tightly around Rio's. Rio chuckled in her ear, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"Stay in bed," she said, extracting herself. "I'll make you some coffee and be right back. We'll bring the gifts here."

"I love you so fucking much," Agatha all but whined, pressing a kiss to Rio's lips before letting her go.

"Alright, buddy," she heard Rio say. "Show me where the gifts Santa left you are."

"Why isn't Mama coming?" Nicky asked.

"Because somebody kept her up until nearly two in the morning," Rio snorted. "You're lucky Santa brought you anything at all after that. She needs coffee."

Rio shut the door behind them, leaving Agatha in peace for a few moments. She found herself drifting back off to sleep almost immediately, so exhausted from the previous night and the entirety of the last month away from her family. She didn't sleep very well without her human pillow, Rio, or the little bundle of energy they'd made together (sperm donor or not, there was no way to convince Agatha that Nicky wasn't biologically Rio's son, not when they shared so many similar features.)

Her ex-colleagues had been trying to get back in touch with her since she'd emailed her resignation, insisting that they could increase her pay if she would just stay with the company. Agatha refused to even entertain the idea. There was no amount they could pay her that would justify her doing 85% of the work in a team of four people. And they were all local while she had to fly across the country for it? No way.

She hoped Kale Kare would be a better fit. She was almost certain it would be. And Agatha would happily watch her old company sink like the Titanic in the meantime.

She was awoken next by a soft kiss on her cheek. Agatha's eyes fluttered open to see Rio standing above her, holding a steaming cup of coffee in her hand.

"Morning, my love," Rio said, "again. Coffee?"

"Marry me," Agatha sighed, sitting up as she took the offered cup.

"We're already married," Rio laughed.

"I was talking to the coffee," Agatha huffed, making Rio bark out a laugh. She bumped the other woman's shoulder as she sat down on the bed next to her, her own cup of steaming tea in her hands. Nicky was at the end of the bed, holding his red and green striped stocking, stuffed with as many gifts as Rio could fit into her backpack without arising suspicion from the boy.

"Santa Clause brought me my stocking!" he told them. "He said that he realized we weren't home, so he decided to just bring this, but all my other gifts are under our tree."

"Well, that was nice of him," Agatha said. "We should send him a thank you letter for being so thoughtful."

"Yeah!" Nicky said. "He didn't bring your stockings, though." He shrugged, sympathetically.

"That's okay," Agatha said. "I'm sure we'll manage until tonight."

"Open your presents," Rio encouraged. "Show us what you got!"

Nicky got some toy figurines from his favorite show, a mini bunny squishmallow, two toy cars, and goodie bag of his favorite candies. He let out a squeal for every gift he unwrapped, hugging them all against his chest as he bounced on the bed with excitement.

"Wow, if that's just what Santa brought you in your stocking, I can't imagine what he has under the tree for you," Agatha said.

"We may need to take out a second mortgage," Rio whispered in her ear. Agatha snorted, pressing her face to her wife's shoulder.

"Can I go play with my new toys?" Nicky asked, already jumping off the bed with all his goodies in his arms.

"Go ahead," Agatha said, "but leave the candy here. No sweets before breakfast."

"Okay," Nicky groaned, dropping the bag onto the bed, before running around to Agatha's side, throwing himself into her arms. "I'm glad we could be together for Christmas," he murmured into her shoulder. Agatha felt tears spring to her eyes as she hugged him back, pressing a kiss to his hair.

"Me too, baby," she said. "Now, go play. We gotta start getting ready to head back to the airport in a couple of hours."

"Okay!" Nicky exclaimed, already running back to the door, pulling it closed behind him as he entered the main room of their hotel suite.

Agatha took another sip of her coffee and sighed as she leaned into Rio's side. "I didn't get a gift for you this year," she said, regretfully. "I didn't have the time. I'm sorry."

"You did get a gift for me, actually," Rio said, taking her mug from her hands and placing it on the bedside table next to her own. "You are my gift this year, my love. And I'm yours." Agatha smiled as Rio pressed her lips to hers, Rio's arms encircling her waist as she pulled her closer.

[ktb90s]

Jennifer Kale, Founder of Kale Kare, the High Priestess, Potions Witch, True Survivor of the Witches' Road

Sasheer, you did great. Hope we see you again in the MCU

[agentem]

I keep going back and forth on whether or not Agatha really did walk the Witches' Road before. After the first trial I was like, she definitely doesn't know what she's doing. But then I started to hedge a bit.

I have been rewatching some press tour interviews (don't judge me). It has leapt out at me that Jac Schaeffer repeatedly refers to Agatha as a "con artist". That made me go back to thinking she didn't walk the road.

But it also makes me think of Jen, and how dismissive Agatha is of her Kale Kare products. I wonder if had a snakeoil era. Maybe she tricked people into giving her their power? There's definitely more cons to come, I think.

[painofhumanity]

OPEN STARTER ;; Jennifer Kale

"Now that I've got my magic back, I'm thinking about getting back into the real craft. Obviously, I'd still keep Kale Kare going, because it makes me a fortune, but now. . . Now I can use that to fund the thing that I actually loved: helping people. Hell, I might even go back to being a midwife."

[ragnarockz]

[perilousxrealm]

"what is this place exactly, besides a health hazard?" for Jen. // accepting. @curseburnt

"Wow."

Her offended word matches an incredulous look on her face as she lets the two candles down with a thud. The whole thing about Kale Kare seems ridiculous now that her powers are back and having both survive a lot in the tunnels underneath Westview; but Jen wasn't complaining. Having her magic back and coursing through her veins so powerfully that she felt it every single moment of every single day, made figuring out the rest just as easily.

She also wasn't as alone anymore, considering Alice survived the whole thing too. It was nice for a while, having a full coven, even though it was short lived and some of the members weren't necessarily... great. So, she asked Wu, who was one of the good ones, to visit her anytime— only to have her work insulted, though jokingly, only minutes in.

"I change my mind. You can go to whatever hole Agatha plucked you out of." She has jokes too, as evident in a little smile as she pushes the candles to the back of the shelf.

"How have you been holding up? Must be nice not having a literal demon sitting on your shoulders anymore."

[royalarmyofoz]

is there a kathryn and sasheer moment in that agatha all along making of? like of them in the kale kare store scene

[kalekare]

homemade chemical peel recipe?

Why make one at home when you can buy one for half price at Kale Kare Online? 💋🔥

[sapphoshands]

Trick or Treat for Agatha All along!

so, the story that became Lulled in these flowers with dances and delight was originally supposed to be much longer and start during ep 1, and it was going to be a lot more about all the ways agatha felt like her body was no longer hers after she got out under three years of wanda's spell. i was struggling with the transitions and with trying not to retell the whole series, so i decided to cut right to the meat of it, so to speak, and just tell the rio-specific part. i might go back and do a bit more about the rest of it, or i might not, but this is how it was meant to begin:

Agatha runs her tongue over the back of her teeth, grimacing.  Despite the cloying miasma of scents in the Kale Kare shop - and isn’t that just too, too kute - she swears she can still taste the ghost of bad cop coffee.  Maybe it’s just Jen putting a bad taste in her mouth, but Agatha doesn’t think so.

[cdyssey]

Agatha All Along (1.03) Reactions:

Teen: “I’m 100% positive they’re asleep.” Okay, I’ve been spoiled and I know he’s Billy Maximoff, and oh my godddddd!!!!! Asleeeeep, not dead!!!!!!!!

I wonder if we’ll see a flashback to Agatha’s first time on the Road before the show’s over.…

Whatever Kathryn Hahn is doing with her hand movements is A+++. It's so elegant and involved, like she’s constantly casting a spell.

“No, this came from Talbots—you can’t have it!” I would dieeeee for Mrs. Davis/Hart.

YES, YES, YES, I’M OBSESSED WITH THE TROPE OF ROOMS/SPACES THAT ARE PSYCHOLOGICALLY PRIMED FOR A SPECIFIC PERSON!!!! This one seems to be Jen’s.

their bougie fits are sooooooooooo good.

Jen: “Did you know she traded her own child for the Book of the Damned?” […] “They say no one knows what happened to him. They say he might be dead. Others say he might be a demon or an agent of Mephisto.” [...] “I doubt she’d even recognize her own son if he showed up at her doorstep.” YEAH, BABY!!!!!! fully don't believe this is how it happened, BUT that this is what others know of Agatha is so good.

her mythology is far reaching and infamous and easily digestible because Agatha leans into it. but when is the last time someone knew the real Agatha? who is she beneath all her many performances, layers, and masks? it's not that she's been a saint the whole time—because she most certainly isn't. she's categorically been selfish, vain, and evil, BUT what coexists along with those epithets? What keeps Agatha from being a cartoonish, one-dimensional villain?

Surely, part of it has to be grief. And as Wandavision taught us, what is grief if not love persevering?

love Alice and Teen bonding. ;w; 

Agatha laying on the back of the couch like that. Gay gay homosexual gay 🏳️‍🌈

Ughhhshsh, and I don’t like that mrs. hart has technically drunk TWO fucking glasses of poison. 

“I’m gonna shove it down your gullet, so help me.” JAKLIOAJIOJSO

“On the upholstery?!” AIOJIOJDIOJAIJIJWJS, this is the funniest fucking show

YES, AGATHA REFUSING TO LET TEEN DRINK THE POISON. FUCK YEAH. I LOVE WHEN EVIL WOMEN HAVE A SOFT SPOT. God, and you just know she suspects that he’s her son.

“Ugh, it’s so cheap.” I love her so fucking much

FUCK, MRS. HART HALLUCINATING WANDA CHOKING HER HUSBAND UAHBFHHSH!!!!!!!

I love that we’re getting insight into the coven’s fears as well—it would have been so easy to just sort of let their interior lives fall by the wayside, but AAA is, like, NO, you will see this women!!! You will know them!!!!

THE PRIEST TRYING TO DROWN JEN GODDAMN

Also, it was such a good writing choice to have Agatha delay her portion because now we KNOW to expect her to be suddenly crippled by her fear, and when it hits, it’s going to hit HARD.

Agatha being gentle with Lilia after seeing her hallucination reaction. ;w;

Loved that agatha/lilia called jen’s bluff about her products haha. also that Jen's whole thing is a parody of GOOP, which is even funnier bc of Gwyneth being in the MCU. JSKJKSLJLD.

While I was in the middle of a traumatic hallucination? No, Agatha, I did not.” JISJAIOJOISJOA, I love that jen and agatha are always at each other’s throats. Hot, actually

AGATHA HEARING A BABY CRYING GODDAMN. THE HORROR AND DEVASTATION ON KATHRYN HAHN’S FACE AS SHE LIFTS BACK THE BLANKET. AUHGHHHSHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HER DOING THIS IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE COVEN UAHQHUHUSJ!!!!!!

And what I love most is that compared to the rest of the coven’s hallucinations, agatha’s is relatively tame, BUT we know from Jen—(even if we don’t know the full story)—that agatha has already lived through her worst fear, and that she continues to live through it every fucking day

GET MRS. HART’S HAIR GODDAMMIT. I HATE YOU ALL JSIOJAOIJIOSJOI

“It’s green, Teen.” JSKSIOJIOAJOIS

So the priest stole Jen's magic...

“I have always hated you. But I left you alone because what you were doing was important. Not this Kale Kare crap, the real work… They can take your power, Jen, but they can’t take your knowledge.”  YES YES YES YES YES YES Y SY YES!! Agatha speaks to Jen's greatest insecurity. ;w;

NOW THEY REMEMBER MRS. HART

Agatha being so fucking selfish that she won’t let alice go first into the oven is a+++ jSKLIOJOA. like, I think in order for aaa to work, Agatha has to always be a little bit evil. at all times.

GODDAMMIT, MRS. DAVIS

“Who’s Sharon?” IOIOIJOIOOIAJOIJAIOJIOSJOIAJOIAJOIJSIOJAOIJIOAJOIJAOIJIOSJA

SHE'S SO UNSERIOUS

[sad-eyed-lady-of-the-low-lands]

“Kale Kare” oh god that’s so funny