#kakaysjournal

[siongkiedongkie]

Apr 29, 2023

It’s interesting how just like that, it has already been 5 years since my last bog post. I actually considered journaling again and I just tried the pen to paper approach and after 4 back to back pages, my hand got sore and that made me decide to find another way to journal. 

I never really had any intention to bring this tumblr back to life, I mean come on, there’s already so many social media outlet and also it felt a little too public. But as I scrolled through Tiktok, I saw one influencer who still used this platform to journal. She added though that her journal entry was password protected so that made me want to try it to see if it would work for me too. 

And sadly, I think it did. 

I say sadly because before typing all this up, I had to do a mini scroll on the things I was blogging about back in my 20′s (damn) and it made me realize that 10 years ago I was so obsessed and I mean OBSESSED with losing weight. Like I did almost everything. From juice cleanses to yoga to blogilates to circuit training to boxing to crazy portion control. It was insanity. And to think that I carried that to this day without realizing it was just depressing. It was all I ever talked about and though I no longer talk about it as much now, hell, I think about it still like a mother. 

Coming from a different vantage point made me feel sorry for myself. You are more than your weight man. Yes, we want to still lose the weight, can’t deny that, but this time around we want to be healthy. No more crazy portion control. This time around, we show up for ourself because we’re slowly learning to love life and ourselves genuinely. We are the main character in this movie so we damn well act like it, because we really are. 

So past me, that’s okay. We’ve always wanted this. Our reasons may have been really superficial like people pleasing, to look good in photos and to be liked more but hey, that’s okay. Those can still be one of our reasons but they won’t be the the main ones anymore. Self love trumps all those now. 

Oh and btw we’re no longer just addressing our physical health. We’re checking in on our mental, emotional and financial health too. Pretty cool right? More holistic as I would say. Oh and none of those crazy promises anymore okay? We’re allowing ourself some room for mistakes. When we fall off the wagon, we just dust off and get back on again. 

This time around though, I’m gonna do this for us. To that chubby kid who was told that she was pretty enough to date if she lost a little weight. To the kid who didn’t want to post her photos online because she was fat and was afraid to be bullied. To the kid who was so harsh on herself that every time she ate too much, punished herself for it. No more man.

So strap on. You and me are gonna enjoy this journey until we get to the destination. And when we get there, we’re going to have to set up new destinations again that’ll make up for another memorable journey. And hopefully, we get to bring or even meet awesome people along the way that we can take with us. :)