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ghostofbrock · 5 years ago

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I’m drunk, remember when you needed me?

never in a million years did mattia think he would have to be the strict parent yet there he was grounding luke for getting into trouble at school. mattia always thought that he was going to be the fun parent, the parent that his kid could tell anything to and bond so easily with.

luke’s school called both of his parents which haven’t spoken or seen each other since the little intervention at the cosentino household. they only talked through text which was mainly about the kids schedules and stuff like that, nothing else.

sara and mattia stood outside of the school with luke, talking about what his punishment should be and what it not should be. as usual mattia wasn’t cooperating with sara’s suggestions and didn’t listen to anything she had to say.

“he can’t control his actions sometimes, mattia! you know that so don’t be so harsh on him.” sara clenched her jaw. “but he knows better! and he’s getting too old for that ADHD excuse, sara. you can’t always blame that for his behavior!” mattia raised his voice at her.

“for fucks sake, mattia, the doctor even said the ADHD is the reason he has bad behavior and can’t control it sometimes!” she reminds him. “we have to be there for him when he struggles with it, mattia. not punish him.” sara adds making mattia roll his at her.

“it doesn’t even matter anymore, sara. you’re leaving in a few days so you won’t even be here most of the time.” mattia scoffed at her and folds his arm over his chest. “you’re right. so tonight i’m taking the kids and i’m not taking them back to your place until the day i leave. so for right now luke is coming with me.” she holds luke’s hand and smirks at mattia who had steam practically coming out of his ears.

“like hell he is!” mattia tries grabbing luke but he moves away from mattia’s grip. “you can’t do this. we had an agreement, sara.” mattia sighs in annoyance. “mattia, calm down you’re acting like it’s the end of the world.” sara rolls her eyes.

it feels like it since we aren’t together anymore.

he thought to himself.

“you sure you want to go with your mom?” mattia asked his son with a stern look. luke looks up at his dad and nods, slowly going behind sara to hide from mattia who was starting to scare him.

“what a momma’s boy.” mattia mumbles to himself.

“fine. you two have fun doing whatever you guys do when i’m not around.” mattia gave them a sarcastic smile before harshly giving luke’s backpack to sara. he walks off, pulling his hair as he does so and walks to his jeep.

sara and luke walk to her car, hand in hand. once they get into the car, the eleven year old breaks down.

“i-i’m sorry, mommy. i didn’t mean to upset you.” he sobs as she wraps her arm around him. “no, baby. you didn’t upset me. your dad did.” sara sighs as she messes with her son’s hair to sooth him. “don’t ever think that i’m upset because of you.” she adds and kisses his little head.

“i don’t like living with him anymore. i feel trapped.” he confesses. “why?” sara asked. “he’s so strict and mean. i don’t like him like this. i miss how things used to be.” his words were breaking sara’s heart.

she had no idea her baby was feeling this way. usually her kids tell her everything, but now it feels like they can’t tell her anything because they’re either scared or just don’t want to worry her.

she also wanted to defend mattia since luke called him mean which wasn’t true at all. mattia is and will never be a “mean dad”. he’s just strict so his kids won’t end up in the streets in the future and wants what’s best for his kids. they’re too young to understand him but eventually will understand him when they have their own kids.

she brushed off what luke said and changed the subject.

“let’s grab some mcdonald’s for lunch and then head to my house, yeah?” she asked making a little smile appear on his face. “as long as i get a happy meal then i’ll be fine.” he remarks making her chuckle before starting her car.

they got their food from mcdonald’s and went to her house after. they ate, watched movies and luke showed sara some dances he learned from dance class.

“not to brag or anything, but i’m learning some of those tik tok dances dad did when he was younger.” luke laughs as he places his hands on his hips. “so you gonna show me or what, lukey?” she asks with a laugh.

the next thing you know he’s doing the renegade and sara’s dying laughing on her couch while her son does the renegade better than mattia, alejandro and kairi did.

“okay, you’ve officially got it in the bag.” she smirks at him while he turns a shade of pink on his checks. “now i think it’s time to pick up your brothers and sister, yeah? maybe we should build a blanket fort and order some pizza and watch some disney movies tonight.” sara suggests with a warm smile.

“you really are the fun parent.” luke comments before putting his shoes and jacket on. it was almost five o’clock when sara arrived at mattia’s house where her kids were waiting for her on the porch with huge smiles on their faces. mattia had a frown whilst leaning against a pillar with his arms folded over his chest. he stood up, telling the kids to go ahead and kissed them each goodbye before they went with their mom and drove off with her.

mattia let out a sigh before turning in his heels and walking back into his house. he went into his kitchen and opened his pantry to see what he would make for himself for dinner. he observed all the food yet he wasn’t one bit the hungriest. he thought to himself for a moment, he reached into the pantry and moved the box of cereals at the top out of the way to show bottles of liquor in the way back that he had hidden there.

for the record, mattia hadn’t had an once of alcohol in his system for almost a year thanks to his sponsor he met at a rehab center once he and sara split. mattia was supposed to throw out every bottle of alcohol he had in his household and he did for a while. then when he’d have little get togethers with his close friends or his parents and younger brother, they’d bring liquor or wine as some sort of offering or gift for the little gathering. mattia kept them out of sight and hid them where his kids or anyone else wouldn’t find them besides himself.

he was pulled out of his thoughts by his phone ringing in the island in the kitchen. he puts the cereals back on the top shelf quickly and closes the pantry before getting his phone and answering it.

“hey bitch ass, me and kairi got permission to go out tonight and we were wondering if you wanted come with us?” alejandro’s voice came from the other side of the phone. “where?” mattia asked with a sigh. “that new bar they opened up like two months ago. robert said that it’s pretty good and they play all of the throw backs. so me and kai wanted to try it out.” alejandro explained.

at the moment, mattia really didn’t want to go out, he wanted to be left alone. that’s how he’s been feeling lately, the need of wanting to feel alone. he feels like he deserves it as a form of punishment to himself for what he did to sara and what he told her. the hate for himself grew ever since the day he kissed her which was something he needed.

“you still there?” alejandro asked when mattia wasn’t responding and got lost in his own thoughts. “uh yeah, sorry i zoned out for a minute. but yeah, i’ll go with you guys. just send me the addy.” mattia said as he cleared his throat after. “great. see you there.” alejandro responded before hanging up.

mattia changed out of his sweats and into some jeans and a polo shirt before leaving his house. he pulled up to the bar and went inside looking for his best friends.

“over here!” kairi’s voice yelled was heard from the other side of the bar where he and alejandro were sitting at. mattia walked over to them with a small grin.

“this place is kind of a vibe.” mattia lightly laughed as he looked around the bar. there was color changing lights on the ceiling, a glass counter at the bar, posters of movies that came out in the early 2010’s and of music artists from 20 years ago. it was definitely something that looked like it came straight out of the 2010’s. either way it was mainly for people from that generation.

“it really is. i feel old.” alejandro laughs. “anyways, let’s get this night started yeah?” alejandro smirks at his best friends. “first round is on me.” he adds.

“dude, you know i don’t drink anymore.” mattia says through gritted teeth. “and i’m not forcing you to. i’ll get you a water if you’d like.” he winks at mattia before walking off to go get some drinks.

“how does it feel to not have one once of jack daniels in your system, tia?” kairi asks as a joke. “oh shut up, kai.” he rolls his eyes playfully in response. as the night went on and the good times occurred, about two or three hours the trio had been at the bar, a familiar face come into the bar looking pretty and lonely.

mattia nor his best friends payed attention to anyone at the bar since they were just there for each other and wanted a good time with the boys, that’s all it was going to be.

so when the boys broke out into laughter at the table they were sitting at, a few people glanced at them but not for long. however, this particular girl stayed staring at the three before she realized who they were. she drowned the shot she just bought minutes prior before walking over to them with a smile filled with confidence.

“oh my god, hey guys.” they all snapped their heads to face her. she wore a yellow tube top with a white mini skirt with her hair curled. “oh hey, kristina.” mattia said slightly awkward. kairi and alejandro immediately felt the tension between kristina and mattia and were going to find out why as soon as she leaves.

“you know her?” alejandro asks. “yeah. she’s ellie’s cheer coach.” matti explained making alejandro and kairi glance at each other. “what are you guys doing here?” she asked with a warm smile.

“it’s boys night.” kairi answers before taking a sip of his beer. “which means it’s just for the boys so... bye.” kairi said rudely which caught mattia off guard.

“bro, don’t be rude. she’s really chill.” mattia defended her which made ale and kairi even more curious in why mattia was defending a girl who wasn’t his wife, mother or daughter.

“pull up a seat. you can sit with us so none of these creeps will think you’re alone and vulnerable.” mattia told kristina with a smile which made her blush. meanwhile alejandro and kairi got even more pissed since it really was boys night and they wanted to spend time with each other. plus, alejandro and kairi are still with their wives and if the paparazzi were to barge in and take photos of them with kristina then their wives would kill them, literally.

“it’s really weird seeing you guys together in person. i remember i used to be obsessed with all of you when i was a teenager.” kristina comments. “really? why?” kairi asked which made mattia shoot him a glare.

“who was your favorite?” alejandro asked out of curiosity and took a sip of his beer. “at first it was you, alejandro. then i lost interest for some reason and went to mattia’s lane.” alejandro chocked on his beer. “wrong pipe.” he managed to say as he coughed.

“well you made the right choice. i am more handsome than these two.” mattia jokes making kristina laugh with a blush on her cheeks. kairi rolled his eyes and alejandro shook his head at how.... flirty the two were being towards each other.

“mattia, can i talk to you for a second?” kairi asked his best friend. “why? if you have to say something then say it out-“ kairi didn’t let mattia finish his sentence and instead he got up from his seat and dragged mattia away and took him outside of the bar.

“what in heaven’s sake wrong with you?” he yelled at mattia which caught him off guard. “chill out. i have no clue what you’re talking about.” mattia laughed but stopped when kairi shoves him.

“yo, what the hell?” mattia asked.

“why are you flirting with her? you two fucking on the low or what?” kairi asked in frustration. “what? hell no.” mattia answers immediately.

“she’s just a friend, kai. you’re being dramatic.” mattia rolled his eyes. “me? dramatic. i’m trying to help you, mattia!” kairi yelled.

“help me? what do you mean, help me!?” mattia raised his voice, panting as well.

“i’m trying to help you save your marriage because apparently you don’t give a shit about it! you walk around here like nothing is wrong, when it is! your family is falling apart and you don’t even know it! i hate to be the one to tell you this, bro, but if you don’t fix things with sara and your kids then you’re going to lose everything that you’ve worked so fucking hard for! and if you keep this shit up with not only kristina but with other women then i don’t want to hang around you anymore. sara’s not only your wife but she also a sister to me and alejandro. she plays a huge part in all of our lives yet you’re willing to let it go for some chick who doesn’t even know your middle name. seeing you with someone else besides sara feels like i’m betraying her. she’s been through so much and the fact that you’re not there anymore to comfort her sucks. and i get it, you guys might not get along anymore but deep down i know you two miss each other so damn much. i can tell you still love her and she loves you too. she’s the only girl who’s given you the chance to have a family of your own and more, why let that all go, mattia?”.

kairi pretty much lashed out at mattia which caught him off guard. reality had just hit mattia once again like a lacrosse stick to the head. mattia grabbed kairi’s arm before speaking.

“mind your own business. the shit that goes on in my life has nothing to do with you so stay out of it.” mattia was being stubborn which made kairi let out an annoyed sigh.

“you know what, bro? i’m done. i’m done trying to be a good friend to you and your family. i’m leaving.” kairi scoffed at his best friend and shrugged him off. he then walked away and got to his car. and if things couldn’t get worse, alejandro barged out of the bar with a stern face. he shot mattia a death glare before walking passed him and to his car.

mattia stood there and watched them drive away before going into the bar again. kristina was still sitting at the table where the boys were sitting at minutes prior. she sat there awkwardly but then it all washed away when mattia sat back down next to her.

“what happened?” kristina asked as she placed her hand on his shoulder. “nothing. it’s not important.” mattia answered lowly. “well in that case, let me buy you a drink?” she smirks at him.

mattia wasn’t thinking anymore at this point. he needed closure and wasn’t getting it so he nodded because he didn’t want to feel things anymore and that’s what the alcohol always provided him.

it always took the pain away.

the two chatted and shared a few beers together until mattia realized how late it was getting. he definitely was drunk but he could care less. he up from his stool but was pushed down by kristina.

“come onnn, just a little longer.” she slurred and licked her lips. “naw, i-i can’t. i have to get home.” mattia rubs his temples and moves away from her grip. “mattia, baby, just one last drink and i’ll take you home.” she got closer to him and whispered in his ear. he got goosebumps down his spine but not the good kind. it felt wrong to him, even though he was drunk he wasn’t wasted enough sleep with her.

besides, he couldn’t do that to his sara.

“no. i appreciate the company but i want to go home.” he forced himself to say and let out a burp right after. she then tried grabbing his hand and placing it on her ass but he immediately moved his hand and pushed her away harshly.

“what the fuck is wrong with you? i have a wife!” he raised his voice at her making a few people turn their direction then looked away. “a wife that doesn’t love you anymore? yeah, she’s a keeper.” kristina laughs at him for being pathetic about sara’s love for him.

“she’s a worthless whore, mattia. when are you going to realize that?” she added with a scoff. mattia apparently become a little bit more sober once he heard what she said about his wife which boiled his blood.

“the only whore i know is you, kristina. sara is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life, she’s more of a woman than you’ll ever be. and if i hear you say another bad thing about her then i won’t hesitate to tell your boss that you tried sleeping with one of your cheerleader’s parent. got it?” he said through gritted teeth and with smoke coming out of his ears because of how mad he was.

there was no way he was going to let anyone talk bad about sara, together or not. he wouldn’t let that slide.

all kristina did was nodded and whimpered when mattia let go of her harshly.

mattia doesn’t know how but somehow he drove safely to sara’s house. the whole way there he couldn’t stop thinking about her. about how much he needed her right now because he had no clue what to do. his best friends are mad at him and are willing to end their friendship if he doesn’t get things together and some girl tried hitting on him. not only that, he touched her which made him feel disgusted with himself.

the kids were in bed, the blanket fort was cleaned up and put away for the next time they built it again, sara was cleaning her dinning room table which had empty boxes of pizza and empty cups that once held juice for her kids during dinner.

she heard a knock at her door which scared her since it was now passed midnight and no one in their right mind would be out this late. she walked towards her front door and checked the peephole to see a drunk mattia at her doorstep. she did a double take and checked again because she thought she was going crazy. once she realized that she wasn’t going crazy and that he was actually waiting for her to open the door she mentally prepared herself for anything that could happen.

she opened the door slowly, he looked up at her and his vision blurred with the tears that were dwelling in his eyes the moment he saw her.

“mattia, what are you doing here?” she asked softly. he didn’t answer her, he simply walked into the house and plopped down on her couch. usually, sara would’ve snapped at him for coming into her house and acting like he owned the place but no, she didn’t snap. instead, she went to sit next to him and observed his drunk state.

“i thought you weren’t drinking anymore.” she said quietly. he took a sip of his beer before speaking to her.

“i wasn’t until i needed something to take the pain away.” he answered but before she could respond he spoke again. “i promise this will be the only time i drink again. i’ve just been having a hard time getting through this.” he gestured is hands between them.

“why’d you come then?” she asked.

“because i needed to see you.” he answered bluntly. “i needed to see you so i could at least feel the tiniest amount of comfort.” his voice cracked slightly. her jaw dropped and she didn’t know what to say. she wasn’t expecting him to say that as all, how was she supposed to respond?

they sat in silence for a moment before drunk mattia spoke again.

“i’m drunk, remember when you needed me?” he turns to face her but she was already staring at him with tears in her eyes. he hated seeing her cry, it hurt him a lot to see her like this.

“don’t cry, baby. you’re too beautiful to be crying.” he leans over and wipes her tears away with his thumb. “too beautiful.” he repeats as he wipes her tears.

“i’m sorry for doing this to us. i promise i’ll fix it.” he adds and looks into her eyes. “we’re gonna get through this.” he moves a strand of her hair behind her ear gently. he looks at her like she’s his entire world and she is. always has been and always will be.

he pulled her into him and held her as she cried into his chest. they didn’t talk at all once she stopped crying. they fell asleep together on the couch, mattia holding her close as if she was going to slip away from him. holding her close as if he was protecting her from the monsters of the world.

for the first time in months, they slept with ease. plus, sara didn’t have a nightmare.

and when she woke up in the morning, he was gone.

#mattia polibio #mattiapolbioxreader #fanfic #movies #aesthetic #tiktok #njboys

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mrsmiagreer · 1 year ago

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Alright. Little big rant because i’ve nowhere else to turn :)

Edit: Omgggg this is lengthy asf😭 sorry for those who are actually reading…i don’t think I realized I would be talking n writing for this long and i literally won’t br offended if nobody reads this all the way down. Mb😭

so… some of you may know, I am very easily hyper fixated on things. Right now my top two hyper fixations are redacted ASMR (as you know), and the Sturniolo triplets (as you also recently know.)

I was watching the cut the camera podcast on YouTube and I went all the way back to their very first episodes of it because I want to watch from the beginning and catch up. I was watching episode three where they brought on their first guest speaker, Baylen Levine, and it was pretty inspiring to me because they talked about doing a lot of the stuff that I aspired to do as a kid.

For example, they talked about how they have always known that they wanted to be influencers from when they were small, and they’ve recorded a large portion of their lives, and they’ve made sure to document just being themselves, and they realized (from vine or jake and logan paul or people in that genre) that they could make a fortune of it. They talked about how they would post on YouTube or post on TikTok and after they started getting lots of likes and views they committed themselves to it and that’s how they are where they are today.

I have always wanted to be an influencer. As a kid, I have made multiple YouTube channels and Musical.ly and Tiktok accounts with videos of me just talking or singing, or dancing, and in 2020 during quarantine I was literally posting TikToks every single day, hoping that I would blow up like Charli or Addison. Those days I was obsessed with the New Jersey boys (Kairi Cosentino, Mattia Polibio, Alejandro, Rosario, etc.) who are also famous on TikTok, and I wanted to be famous too, so I can meet them and even come close to being in their league.

I wanted to be famous… Well, I didn’t want some of the stuff that came along with being actually famous, but I did want to be impactful enough to be considered famous so like Internet famous, not actor famous or singer famous (even though lots of people told me that I should be a singer because I can sing). I think I just have anxiety around the fact that I’ll always be watched and judged, and I’d have to watch what I say or filter what I do from the Internet and separate my life from my business. especially as a teenager, being famous seemed really difficult. and I was also really lazy so I didn’t wanna have to do the work of uploading every day, recording every day, editing, coming up with my own ideas every week, etc..

watching their podcast videos also confirmed my fear of not blowing up as easy because I was alone. I have a little sister but she’s six years younger than me, and so the content and the way I wanted to portray myself wouldn’t have been as suitable because of our circumstances as a family and our age gap. The triplets were talking about how they’ve never had to really feel alone while coming up in this social media business because they’ve always had each other, so not only are they brothers, but they’re also best friends and business partners. Baylen was talking about how he started his channel with his friends because they were doing funny stupid stuff normally in their everyday lives and one day they just decided to film it and it blew up. especially in the social media industry, it seems to be “the more the better” because it gives people the option to pick a favorite of the group or want to know more about somebody in particular or just explore the different personalities and how they complement each other and all that stuff (The NJ boys, The Sturniolos, Team 10, the Hype House, etc). I never had anybody to record these videos with me consistently or anything like that, and I think I figured that I would just get boring and that I’m probably not really enough on my own.

watching their podcasts and watching their YouTube videos always makes me feel like I want to return to content making, but I always wave it off. For starters, I kind of feel too old to start. Not that I’m old or anything but I wanted to start when I was like 11 and really had a chance at like 15 so now I feel like I would be starting in the game too late which is deterring me. I think I also only want to start up my content creating dreams because I really want to meet and be friends with these people that I’ve looked up to and the only way I can do that is by also being famous which sucks because it’s a very low chance that I’ll ever be their friend as some normal person who is technically considered a fan. in the episode with Baylen, they were talking about how now that they’ve met Baylen and they’ve met the cuff boys, They’re only waiting on a few other people to meet before it’s a full circle moment, and they’re content with the progress they’ve made in their career, and the people I want to meet if I were to ever have this platform are the triplets, the New Jersey boys, Berleezy, Coryxkenshin, and probably even Erik because redacted ASMR has literally changed my life so much. it’s opened my mind to how many possibilities there really are when making your own stories because of how many different rules and lands and governments and races there are within Dahlia, and how complex a character themselves could be because they are in fact people before any of their abilities, and it’s given me ideas and inspired me to be a better writer or to be more creative because Erik is literally one of the most creative people I have ever seen in action and i adore his work.

I am one of those people that do have a lot of opinions to say. I have a lot of random thoughts and a lot of ideas that I want to bring to life. When I watch the boys’ car videos, I find myself wanting to add to their conversation, or say something that I feel applies to their situation that could help or that would make them laugh or that I just relate to in general. it makes me almost kind of sad that I would have to put in the work and the grind that could possibly take years, just to become Internet famous, just to join a conversation of theirs, with no guarantee that we’ll even become friends or stay in contact like I’d hope we would.

Also, I’m trying to decide what I want to do in life as a career and YouTube sounds very fun and def brings in a lot of cash but I just don’t know if I can. I just don’t feel like I’m in the right position to do that.

right now I’m thinking about doing something towards psychology, social work, child development, or child therapy, because being in high school made me realize that there are tons of kids that need help badly and there’s not enough child therapists around (or nobody takes school counselors seriously) and so I want to help change that, and I can’t do YouTube and go to school for being a child therapist because that’s

An overload of work and

Two different pathways that I don’t really want to mix.

I feel like there’s a lot of familial pressure around going to college too, especially because I would technically be a first generation student. I feel like my goal with child therapy is very honorable and something that the world definitely needs but I feel like I would genuinely enjoy my life more if I could make money from Vlogging and having fun and going through my life with a camera. and I know that life‘s not all about fun, but it would just make a lot of my internal dreams come to fruition. Like on episode two of cut the camera (I believe) Chris was talking about how being famous allowed him to start the clothing line that he’s always wanted to start, and I’ve always always always wanted to start a clothing line as a kid too. I even have a hoodie with my name on it in my closet right now because I started a clothing line journey and wasn’t consistent. not only would a youtube career allow me to express myself through clothing or conversation, but it would also expand my understanding of technology, business, social interactions, travel, and you never know who you’ll meet or what you’ll end up doing if you don’t start.

people in my life keep telling me that college is the best thing that they’ve ever experienced and that there’s no experience like college, and I completely trust them and understand that it is probably a great experience because it’s basically big high school, but with more legal freedom. I also have no doubt in my mind that I’ll make a lot of connections and meet a lot of great people and learn a lot of things from college because you meet people from everywhere in college, however, being in college would definitely get in the way of me doing YouTube I feel.

and it’s not even that I really even want to do YouTube anymore (Or at least as much as i used to want to), I just want to be big enough to be able to meet these people without looking like some random fan girl… am I delusional? Is this too much? Could I just like their content like a normal human being?

#mia makes a statement #rant post

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