#kaira rants

[kairahara]

When I was a teenager- somewhere between 14 and 16, I was talking to a friend about homework, and I complained about how hard it was to focus on homework, or to do it even when I wanted to, and how did the teachers expect us to be able to do homework when it was so hard?

My friend didn't really understand what I was talking about. "I can sit and focus on it if I want to, but it is pretty boring" was the gist of what they said.

I blinked. That didn't seem like my experience of things, at all. "Yeah, I mean, tests are pretty boring but they're easy- but homework? You can focus on that?" I asked.

I was good at tests. For the most part, minus math, where the numbers just make my head hurt.

"I mean, tests are boring too, yeah, but homework isn't any harder."

And I was baffled. As I do with a lot of things, I went to other friends and asked. Some, like my best friend at the time who remains one of my closest friends now, had similar problems to me. It wasn't quite exact. They didn't get the creeping, dark pit of dread every time that homework gave me, but it was similar enough, and did say it wasn't hard when they could actually remember to do it.

But they were the only one who experienced the phenomenon of homework the way I did.

As with most things like this, I began to ask myself what was wrong with me. My parents called me lazy about it, I sometimes would cry in my room because even though I wanted to try it felt like an insurmountable wall and I couldn't. My blue carpet scratched at my elbows because I was afraid if I would cry on the bed my parents would hear it creaking as I sobbed. (My dad and grandpa had once told me crying was for the weak. That's another story, though)

So. I looked it up, online on the home computer in our computer room. And increasingly, the one thing I found that fit what I was feeling- and seemed to explain other parts of my life I hadn't ever considered to be problems.

ADHD, though back then it was broken into ADD and ADHD.

And so I begged my parents to let me get tested. My dad thought it was bullshit, but told me "I'll pay for it, your mom will take you."

They found a specialized a few towns over. We went. The moment I walked in the lady, tall and thin like a reed, looked down her nose at me and I had the feeling she was one of those doctors. One of the ones who hates when a patient self diagnosis, one of the ones who thinks their word is law.

I knew I couldn't tell this lady that I was sure I had ADD or ADHD. I had to let her make the decision. And so I acted out of my ass about it.

"Oh, I don't know what's wrong with me, it's so hard to focus- I never seem able to do anything, can you help me doctor, oh please"

and I put on my saddest, wettest face. It probably helps that I have the face of a literal baby and my eyes are huge.

"Well! You've come to the right place, I am an expert!" She said in that sort of voice that hid a sneer. The sort that let me knew I'd been right all along about her.

We did tests. We did an assessment. At one point she hooked my brain up with little electrode pads to a monitor that showed my brain activity like waves on a heart monitor.

Every ten minutes my brain flatlined, and every ten minutes I would get distracted by the mountains becoming a loud angry plain. I can't even remember the inane tasks I was doing now. Something with blocks? And some sort of book?

And all tests came back positive. I had ADHD- and my attention span was sadly only ten minutes. I tried not to be smug that I had been right, my mother seemed surprise I had.

I failed at not being smug on the way home. BUt that was alright, I had a reason I wasn't like everyone else. A reason homework was hard, a reason focusing was hard, a reason everything was-

It didn't stop my parents calling me lazy, and the medications repeatedly made me sick so I stopped taking them. (Maybe, someday, I could try again, but that day is not now and I am a grown ass adult who has some coping mechanisms)

The dread I got when doing homework, and the way my heart raced?

Yeah anyways turns out that part was a general anxiety disorder. Got hit Twice Baby

[archangelsammy]

tagged by @synesindri! thank you!<3

rules: tag some people you wanna get to know better

last song: cosmic love - florence & the machine (aka samlucifer vibes)

last show: criminal minds! love watching a few eps in the evening lately

currently watching: working on my spn rewatch! aiming to watch it all this time, currently on s8

currently reading: From Gabriel to Lucifer: a cultural history of angels by Valery Rees. Sin actually got me to read this by posting excerpts and i am hooked!! Rees offers a comprehensive history on angels, and he shows that angels often reveal something profound: whether in God, the Devil, or ourselves. brilliant so far!

current obsession: currently rotating lucifer supernatural in the microwave in my head. I am also trying to write fic fleshing out eve as the mother of all monsters and leviathans so I'm doing a lot of reading about the biblical figure. I recently came across the controversial book the holy blood and the holy grail by Henry Lincoln, Michael Baigent, and Richard Leigh - which is making me think about the biblical Jesus in the spn universe. I'll stop before I rant..

no pressure tagging @quietwingsinthesky, @godsprettiestprincess, @pirate-captain-kaira and @andreigoncharov if you guys wanna give this a go? xx

[inesyafr-blog]

PERNIKAHAN DAN KELUARGA : “RINDU YANG BERADU DENGAN RASA TIDAK PERCAYA”

Hari yang cerah, angin berhembus ringan, Suara angin beradu dengan dahan ranting yang bergecit. Jam menunjukkan pukul 10 pagi. Sudah 2 jam gerai toko dibuka namun tak ada satu pun pengunjung singgah. Setelah keputusan terburu-buru untuk mengakhiri hubungan bersama sang kekasih, Kaira memutuskan untuk pindah ke desa jarang penduduk dengan signal seluler yang tak selalu ada. Hampir enam bulan tokonya sepi dan dia mulai bingung untuk memutar nafas roda tokonya. Di tengah alunan musik klasik yang menggema di dalam toko, tiba-tiba notifikasi pesan singkat berbunyi. Dia terkejut karena pesan itu datang dari Reval, lelaki yang hampir menjadi pendamping hidupnya.

“hai kai! How are you? Hampir delapan bulan aku engga denger suara ketawa mu lagi, jangan lupa isi token listrik ya”

Kai, menghela nafas dalam, rasanya masih jelas teringat kejadian Kai melihat Reval bercanda renyah dengan kolega bisnisnya diruang kerja yang tertutup rapat. Bahkan Reval tidak menyadari tangan kolega wanitanya merangkul pundaknya.

Kaira, mengabaikan pesan itu. Beralih pada buku neraca penjualan yang tidak melaju significant. Lalu dia memutar otak, bagaimana agar surplus neraca ini menjadi positif. Usaha makanan ringan dominan kue manis yang iya kembangkan dari tabungan yang tak seberapa semasa menjadi guru sastra korea di kota metropolis, membuat dia kembali mengingat Reval. Laki-laki muda penuh semngat membangun bisnis demi kemajuan ekonomi rakyat kecil.

“Kai, aku mau pesan kue kering al buat acara kantor minggu depan. “ Satu pesan singkat yang memecah fokus Kai. Dalam hatinya seperti bertiup angin segar untuk neraca toko kecilnya itu. Dengan sigap Kai meluncurkan balasan “Kue apa? Berapa macem? Berapa porsi dikirim kemana? Ketus. Singkat. Padat. Namun tiba-tiba sebelum pesan itu terbalas, notifikasi mobile banking muncul disusul dering telepon seluler.

Kai! Signal internetnya pasti mati ya?aku telfon wa kok ga nyambung. Aku barusan transfer 60 juta ya buat  100 toples kue salju 250g yang biasa kamu bikin buat aku”. Kai terdiam. Dia bertanya dalam hati, kenapa masih ingat kue favoritmu dari aku? Kenapa kue itu?kue yang selalu aku buat dengan penuh cinta untukmu”

Reval paham. Kai terdiam disebrang sambungan telfon. Dan dengan lirih, Reval bertutur,  ” sisa uangnya nanti buat modal tambahan kamu aja gak usah dibalikin” nanti aku ambil kue nya. Aku rindu makan kue salju terenak sedunia,aku rindu kamu.

Kaila terdiam, antara sisa uang yang lebih dari 58 juta dan mengiyakan bahwa dia juga merindukan Reval, teman makan kue kering yang hampir menjadi teman hidup. Perasaan kaila berkecamuk dan hanya terucap. “ aku juga, see you next week.”

Reval tersenyum lebar, lalu dia berucap, “ apa wedding dream kita masih bisa terwujud? Maaf untuk ketidakmampuanku melihat kesalahanku, tapi aku gak pernah bermaksud menghancurkan kepercayaan kamu ke aku. Aku mau kita mulai lagi dengan komunikasi yang lebih baik.” Kai. Are you there? Kai masih disana dengan dada yang sesak. Sesak karena rindu dan sisa amarah yang beradu dengan harap.

--Cerita dan Tokoh adalah fiktif—

---HEAR YOURSELF-FLASH FICTION---

@langitlangit.yk

@bentangpustaka

@careerclas_id

[winchesterwhorehouse]

well, okay, so there's a couple of things.

I love watching people rant hysterically about their hyperfixations

I've never filtered a mutual's other fandom (or whatever it is) and honestly it's now a point of pride

you're going insane (affectionate) about tales of xillia and honestly that's too good to pass up

all of this is to say that I am enjoying your new fandom and I will not be filtering any time soon (also, idk why I'm actually sending this - I guess I just felt like sharing 🤷. + I'm absorbing knowledge from your posts, which is very fun.)

KAIRA I LOVE THIS FEELING OF CATCHING A NEW OBSESSION AND ESPECIALLY BECAUSE OF THE KIND OF RELATIONSHIP IT IS (not saying what kind it is but I'll DEFINITELY tell you through text!)

and ahhhh thank you thank youuuu i love that you can make it with me when i KNOW im going down a really strong obsession (it feels like it) sbfjshshs

[theunfilteredgemini-blog]

Introduction

For some reason, my brain convinced itself that writing an introductory post for this blog was a good idea, so here goes nothing. 

Hi, I’m Kaira, and yes I know I have a strange name. But you can’t shorten it. Ha! 

Just kidding. 

Anyway, I’m a freshman in college at Seattle Pacific University. At the moment, I’m planning to major in psychology, although that might change in a few years. Who knows at this point? 

In my free time, I enjoy writing, drawing, and practicing my violin. The last one I’m not particularly amazing at, but I don’t suck as much as I used to. Yay for progress? 

I speak mostly English, but I can understand some Japanese and various phrases in other languages. I am not multilingual by any means, however, because I’m far from fluent in any of them. 

This blog will be used mostly to talk about school, but it’s also going to be a place where I post the occasional motivational or inspirational rant, of sorts at least. 

And no, I’m not a motivational speaker. 

Thanks for stopping by! 

[happybudi]

:::Kelor dan Telor::: Ini adalah masakan ayah @ainur_rohmanjp karena sejak jam 6 kurang, aku, istrinya, sudah melesat keluar rumah dengan semalam sebelumnya sampai rumah nyaris pukul 22 😁 Kemarin malam sudah tanya cara bikin jangan kelor karena hari ini Kaira minta pakai sayur. "Mau kumasakin kelornya dulu ta Yah?" tanyaku pada beliau. Dijawab gak usah. "Ndang berangkat aja sana," instruksi selanjutnya 😍 Meski masih banyak gagang ranting yg ikutan kemasak, dengar cerita Kaira makan banyak, berarti masakan ayah sudah layak saji 😁 Sesampai rumah, aku gak ketemu suamiku yg sudah berangkat. Niat mau nyicip tapi sudah habis ternyata hehe Oya, bumbu jangan kelor ini pakai sere dan bawang merah yg keduanya dikeprek. Ini cara masak ala Banyuwangi, biasa aku lihat ibu mertuaku memasaknya. Jujur saja, aku merasa terhura plus bahagia. Merasa momen ini wajib diabadikan 😍 Karena momen ini tercipta dari sekian panjang pembelajaran dalam keluarga kami yg tidak selalu mulus dan makan hati. Sekarang, aku lebih tenang dan nyaman meninggalkan anakku bersama ayahnya meski kadang jadwal mandinya jadi berantakan hehe #ceritahariini #ceritakeluarga #ayahhebat #bondingtime #ayahanak #myparentingmyadventure

[jungkooookieee]

Um, hi !

Hello there! So I’ve decided to write a blog. I’ve been trying to write diaries since ages although diaries just aren’t my thing. So I thought I’ll give this a try! I wanted someone somewhere out there to read whats going on my mind. I want to know if someone relates to the things I go through. Although I’m going to keep myself anonymous as I don’t want you guys (if anyone is reading this) to know who I am so that I can be the true myself. So hellooooo world! I’m kaira. Even though it’s not my real name, I love it. Also because I’m obsessed with dear zindagi and totally relate to her character. I’m a 16 y/o teenage girl struggling to be something in this busy yet amazing Mumbai city. As much as I love being a girl born and bought up in Mumbai I hate the fact that I have to deal with being a teenage girl in Mumbai. Let’s face it, being a teenager, anywhere is stressful. Especially for girls. Everything should be perfect about you. You should look good. Your hair should be flawless doesn’t matter how much heat you use on your hair and damage it right? Who cares? Look is what matters. Make up. Body shape. Eyebrows. Nails. You mess one thing up and people start talking about you. They judge you if you are skinny, they judge you if you are fat. They judge you if you wear make up, they judge you if you don’t. They judge for tinniest reasons you don’t even have any idea of. So what if she wears make up? If she feels beautiful wearing it let her! Well that was quite a rant wasn’t it 😂 I turn into this ranting aggressive person when it comes to this stuff because it’s just sooooo stupid. Also I deal with anxiety issues so if you guys want me to make a blog about how to deal with it you can comment below! So I guess that is it for today because I don’t even know if anyone is even going to read this! If anyone is, I’d feel blessed. Thank youuuuu if you are! There’s a lot more coming up so stay tuned!

[kairahara]

AHHH THEY HAVE A TRIP TO THE MOON ON NETFLIX AND I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I AM SO EXCITED

[kairahara]

You know what? No No No one dies alone. When someone dies, thoughts of their friends and family make a soft bed to carry their body wherever it’s going- into the ground or the great beyond that might be an afterlife. These thoughts are like the loved ones holding the deceased’s hand. “But kaira what about those who die hated? Or with all loved ones already dead?” I’m sure your objecting. Well. Think about it. There are over 6 billion people in the world at least. Someone else is taking their last breath at the same time- there is no way they aren't. So, somewhere across the world from each other at least two people take their last breaths- at the same time, traveling into the unknown- body to the ground or animals or skies, or souls to an afterlife. It is like an adventure with strangers. No one dies alone