#kafka angst

[beiibeiii]

which one do you guys want?

[minnaci]

LOVING YOU, LEAVING YOU

contents: kafka x gn!reader, semi-unrequited love (it's complicated), unhealthy relationships, hurt no comfort, angst, abandonment

or, sometimes, to love is to lose.

"i want to be loved by you," you say. it feels like begging.

"you are," kafka replies. "you are loved by me."

"it doesn't feel like it." you remember text after unanswered text. your heart ground to a pulp beneath your own heel. your hopes crushed right next to them. begging. always begging. even now, when she's here next to you, she's miles away, already dreaming of elio's next scheme.

look at me, you beg in your mind. see me. please, see me.

"i see you," she says. she's not even looking at you. "but you know i'm not who you're hoping i'll be."

"and what do you think i want from you?"

"someone gentle," she says. "someone kind. someone who can give you the kind of love you dream about. someone who can spoil you the way you deserve."

you don't know how to respond, so you don't.

"i'm not that person," she says. "i can't even love myself the way you want to be loved. i— i can't even love myself the way you love me."

"i can love you enough for the both of us." and there it is. the ugliness. the begging. your feelings strewn out across the table— vivid crimson splatters, an arterial spray. "please, i can, i'll do it, i promise—"

"you can't," she says. "i won't let you."

she stands up to leave. you know she's not coming back. she never really belonged in your heart, did she?

sometimes, heartbreak is not a single, clean cut right down the middle. sometimes, you really sit in the feeling, carving short, deliberate strokes into the linings of your ribs. now, though, heartbreak is nothing. you're hollow. an empty container. see nothing, feel nothing, want nothing.

"i can't love you the way you deserve, but i do love you enough to leave," she says. "i won't let you waste yourself on me."

you say nothing. there's nothing to say. she's made up her mind.

"i..." she reaches out to you. her fingertips grace your cheek. gentle. cruel. they come away wet. she closes her eyes, sighs. reopens them. "for the record, i do love you. and... i'm sorry."

she's gone with the wind. if your eyes water, it's just because of the dust.

[therosevines]

- 2 months

pairing: fem! x fem!

synop: she was the sun, and she was the moon

wc: 206

a/n: first work since 2020? very rusty :') dividers: @cafekitsune (love her stuff sm)

cws: fluffy angst , fem! x fem! , wlw , character death , mentions of alcohol

she radiated warmth and light, a living embodiment of the sun itself.

long golden locks blowing behind her with every gust of wind, sun kissed skin that glowed with radiance. the kind of person to touch your shoulder with a warm hand and had a smile as warm as sunlight.

she embodied the mystery of the night, the solitary beacon in the darkened sky.

raven black hair that eats all light it touches, pale skin that glistens under dim moonlight. slender hands that are cool to the touch, almost like they’ve touched death itself.

her dark orbs bore into hers with childish anger, crystals shining on her brown lashes. she giggled, “don’t cry, i’ll only be gone for 2 months. i’ll be back before you know it.” she clung onto her beige puffer tearfully, a hug that felt like it could last centuries.

years later, she cradles their 15th anniversary bouquet, a symbol of enduring love, as she gracefully walks across the expansive grassy field. Gently placing the bouquet in a delicate vase resting on a checkered blanket. slender, pale fingers hold up a cider filled glass in a toast, “happy anniversary, my love.” her gaze lingers on the grave, a mix of love and pain reflected in her eyes as tears pool in her eyes.

“may you forever smile with the warmth of the sun”

[skylark-234]

[vivipoery]

Just like her.

including: angst. teeth rotting fluff with mentions of insecurities. fem!reader. soft spoken!blade. mentions of kafka.

a/n: this is my first semi serious work but i was feeling the angst and needed to write abt it. anyw hope u like it and feel free to share ur thoughts w me id appreciate it lots!!!!

Blade is a very cold person.

You knew this the moment you met yet that didn't stop your crush on him to stop blooming. You always stuck by his side despite the hardships.

Someone else has also stuck by his side, never leaving him alone to your dismay.

Kafka. The beautiful stellaron hunter and Blade's favorite colleague.

"Let's go, Bladie" She would whisper to him with a honeyed tone and he would comply quietly.

You, on the other hand, was threatened once you accidently let a "Bladie" slip from your lips and it hurt.

That only fueled the comparisons between yourself and Kafka. She was a mature and mysterious woman with an alluring aura. You were just a pawn in Elio's script, a silly girl with her heart on her sleeve.

Thoughts of her and Blade clouded your mind, she had everything you didn't have and it made your heart burn with jealousy. Oh how you wished you were Kafka.

"Are you listening to me?" Blade's sharp tone cut through your foggy mind forcing your attention back on him.

"Sorry, what were you saying?"

"You need to go fetch some supplies for Elio."

"Alright" your gaze fell to the ground, suppressing back a sigh.

"I'm driving" He stated. Another question hung heavy on your tongue yet you were afraid of saying it out loud.

Afraid of appearing weak and insecure.

"Let's go" He rushed you, making your thoughts die down as you followed him to his car without another word.

After gracefully getting into his car, you waited to see if someone else was joining you but to your surprise it was just you and Blade.

"Is Kafka not joining us this time?"

"Hm?"

You bit your lip anxiously, the metallic taste of blood seeping into your mouth.

"Never mind." You mumbled as the car engine roared to life. Blade snickered and started driving.

You leaned your weight against the door, the side of your head resting against the window as you looked out into the beautiful night sky.

Your thoughts started drifiting back to Kafka. She was never really mean to you, she helped you settle in when Elio found you.

She was never really the evil woman they made her out to be, she was kind to you. The guilt of having such negative thoughts about her was suffocating you, your heart felt stuck in your throat.

"What got you so quiet today?" Blade's voice pulling out of your thoughts once again.

"Nothing"

"You're usually so loud."

"I'm sorry" You said with a weak voice.

"What are you apologizing for?" he stopped at a red light giving him a good opportunity to turn and look at you, crimson orbs boring into your figure and you can feel the burn of his stare.

"A few things" Turning around to face him with glassy eyes, trying your best to hold back your tears.

"Care to give an example?"

"I'm sorry for liking you." He would say he's surprised but he saw the fond gazes directed at him, the sweet smiles and your blushing cheeks. He wasn't a dumbass.

Blade remained quiet.

"I'm sorry I could never be like her."

"Who are you talking about?" He asked, his usual sharp tone becoming a little softer.

You almost choked on your words. You were not brave enough to say her name to him, to show him the insecure side of you.

Shaking your head, you giggled softly and wiped your tears.

"Forget it."

The stellaron hunter remained quiet the entire ride, his eyes focused on the road and you went back to looking out the window as if nothing happened.

You arrived at your destination shortly after but before you could think about getting out of the car Blade's warm hands gripped your wrists.

Looking up at him with confusion, you tilted your head.

"Tell me." He spoke so softly to you, your heart rate picking up.

"Tell you what?" Your voice barely above a whisper, he got closer to you.

"Who's bothering you"

"N-No one really, I was being silly." Your heart was racing, you can feel the warmth radiating off his body from how close he got to you.

"Don't lie to me." Your eyes dropping to look at your shoes.

"Look at me" He added, his hands moving to your cheeks forcing you to look at him.

You felt as if your heart was about to burst from your chest.

"You" The word slipped from your lips before you could stop it.

"Me?" His grip tightened and you couldn't stop yourself anymore.

"Stupid boy, making me so sad. Why do you have to treat her differently? Why are my feelings not enough for you? I could never compete with her and you know this."

Your words came straight from your heart and they were soon followed by salty tears, soaking your cheeks and his hands.

Blade was at a loss for words. He really didn't know what to say or how to comfort you.

"She gets to call you Bladie, hold your hands and play with your hair whenever she pleases. She is the perfect one for you. Why can't I be her?"

He knew who you were talking about. No one else calls him Bladie but Kafka.

You wanted to push him away, yell at him and call him out even more but you were taken aback when Blade leaned in and placed a soft kiss against your lips.

At first you were a little stiff, taken aback but then you leaned into his touch and kissing him back.

He broke off the kiss, his crimson eyes once again holding your gaze.

"Tsk. Silly girl."

"Blade-"

"Listen to me. Why are you comparing yourself to her?"

"Because of the way you treat me and her." You said with a shaky voice.

"Does she help me after mission? Does she take care of my wounds and bandages? Does she get to comb and braid my hair out of boredom? Does she get to hold my hand out in missions?"

You were left speechless.

"You are the warmth I constantly seek. You are my anchor" The way he kept speaking softly to you made you tear up once again.

"I'm sorry" He leaned towards you, resting his forehead against your own.

"I like you too" You gasped.

"Blade-" Your hands coming up to rest against his own who were still cupping your cheeks warmly.

"Will you be mine?"

"Yes. Always has been"

© banner by cafekitsune

[aixeko]

──────‹𝟹 SINNERS SAVAGERY ༄ Ѽ✧

IF I'M YOUR SALVATION, WELCOME TO HELL.

2024 Halloween Event | Art credit: Efferwescent on Twitter

𖤐 SINNERS SAVAGERY | or ERISETOBER  is an event that is a mix of Kinktober, Whumptober and Flufftober in a nutshell SMUT, ANGST & FLUFF with Halloween aspects. All prompts are made by me but some of the ones that inspired me are whumptober ofc, and this list. 

𖤐 ONLY HONKAI STAR RAIL AND GENSHIN WOMEN For this year

𖤐 This will be my first time doing the October prompts stuff + I have another event going on so bare with me haha.

𖤐 !! WEEK 1 starts 6 to 13 !! !! WEEK 2 starts 13 to 19 !! !! WEEK 3 starts 20 to 26 !! !! WEEK 4 starts 27 to 31 !!

WEEK 1 | MONSTER AU | | ONESHOT

| Film | TILL DEATH DO US PART | Starring | Kafka as alien symbiote “Venom” x Host!Reader  | Synopsis | A livelihood ripped away by the greed of humankind and faced with impending doom, an alien symbiote by the name of "Kafka" entered your life and made you her host. Originally, the monstrous being harbored one goal: to destroy everything planet Earth had to offer, but plans changed upon meeting you and thus, with her power, you both do whatever it takes to save the planet. Loathing was all that was bestowed toward the extraterrestrial parasitic, but as time passes, a long-lost feeling resurfaces, one that hasn't manifested since your heartbreak; of course, you would rather be brutally killed than confess your endearment. Unbeknownst to you, the woman has suspected you of such intimacy and, with her incredible adaptability to the complex human emotion, has a ploy to make you profess those three special words.

| Film | YOUR LORDSHIP | Starring | Yelan as Leviathan x Mortal!Reader | Synopsis |  When the tempestuous waves crash against the shore and the sky turns a foreboding grey, human shells cower in fear as the mighty lord of the seas, Leviathan, awakens from the darkest pit of the deep, seeking for a human companion to aid her lonely voyage.

WEEK 2 | MYTHOLOGICAL AU | | ONESHOT

| Film | BEYOND THE IMAGINABLE | Starring | Clorinde as Medusa x Blind!Reader | Synopsis | Despised and misunderstood by the world, she was a victim of a scandalous man's wrongdoing, unfairly punished by heaven despite her innocence. During one fortunate day, the woman whose heart had turned to stone melt under the accursed spell of love, wholly captivated by a blind mortal who fell in love with her for who she truly was; even without sight, the virtuous human saw the very essence of her, the beauty within her soul.

| Film | OFFERING OF PURITY | Starring | Raiden Ei as Hades x Mortal!Reader | Synopsis | The townsfolk tell tales of a legend that speaks of how, once in a century, the moon would adorn itself in a deep crimson hue and illuminate its shade onto the world. Under its wrathful light, the god of hell emerges to wreak havoc, and the only way to banish such evil is to offer a youthful virgin mortal; only then will humankind live in another century of prosperity and peace.

WEEK 3 | ANIMATRONICS AU | | SMUTSHOT

| Film | FIVE NIGHTS AT STAR RAIL | Starring | Kafka, Himeko, Blackswan, and Acheron as the FNAF Classic Animatronics x Night-guard!Reader | Synopsis | A newspaper arrives at your doorstep, featuring a job opening for a night guard position at the famous Star Rail Pizzeria. Struggling financially, you quickly seize the golden opportunity. The job's only requirement is 5 nights of work, and if you succeed, you'll be hired as an official employee; what could possibly go wrong?

WEEK 4 | SLASHER/SERIAL KILLER AU

| Film | MINDFUCK | Starring | Slasher!Arlecchino x Investigative-Psychologist!Reader | Synopsis | Demons linger where shadows play; in silence, hearts betray, whispers echo, and desires catch fire in the haunting depths of the night. With every kiss, a scythe may cut, in which terror envelops one's gut; together they dance on the edge of fate, finding beauty in a love that is too late. So let the night weave its spell, for in the dark they know so well, and though demons are whispering fright, in their twilight, the lights are ignited.

[icysnails]

Hello. I was wondering if you could you write a platonic angst story where the reader is Blade's child. I was thinking that because Blade barely spends any time with the reader unless it's during one of their extremely harsh training sessions the reader decides to run away especially after one particularly rough training session where the reader was injured after they accidentally talked back and that night the reader starts packing their stuff but they accidentally left behind their late mother's pendant and Blade found it the next morning. (I hope you're okay with writing this and I wish you a good morning, afternoon or good night ☺️)

Family.

A/n: Hello Anon!! Thank you for your request!! I am so sorry this took so long- school + extracurriculars started so I had way less time to work on writing outside of school (TvT) But this was so much fun to write! I got a little bit carried away and it ended up being a found family type thing with all of the Stellaron Hunters– I tried to focus on Blade being a father figure as much as possible though! I hope you have a fantastic day, and I hope you enjoy!! ૮꒰ ˶• v •˶꒱ა ♡

Warnings: all relationships are platonic, found family trope, betrayal, suicidal ideation (Blade), mentions of death, reader's parents are dead, flashbacks, reader runs away, mention of bullets + broken glass, overthinking, Blade being insecure, reader uses a sword, reader gets injured a couple of times (If i forgot anything, please let me know!!)

Genre: angst, slight fluff

Pairing: father figure!Blade x gn!child!reader (PLATONIC), mother figure!Kafka x gn!child!reader (PLATONIC), sister figure!Silver Wolf x gn!child!reader (PLATONIC)

Word count: 7.3k

Blade is a cruel man. 

There is no love in the red pools of his irises, no signs of any humanity. Dark circles adorn the skin just below his merciless stare, eyebrows slightly furrowed in an eternal state of aggravation. It was no wonder enemies cowered at the mere mention of him. He holds nothing back, and if an enemy was unfortunate enough to meet the steely edge of his sword, they were sure to be broken and lifeless by the end of the encounter. Unfortunately, he isn’t much different off of the battlefield either. 

Blade is bitter and selfish and cold, to the extreme that even Kafka and Silverwolf are convinced that he has forgotten how to feel.

The thorns of the mara in his veins torment him constantly, the pain never faltering, even after decades. The other Stellaron Hunters had begun to wonder if those thorny, agonizing vines had punctured through his heart as well. It would be understandable, to an extent. After all, he is a man who has experienced endless with suffering and loss, his mind poisoned with grief and the sole desire to die. No more pain, no more fighting, just darkness- the mere thought was enough to drag a bitter smile out of him.

He was used to the dark, used to feeling like an empty vessel. 

But why, if he was so familiar with agony, would he impose that same feeling on you as well? 

You had always been alone. You were only a toddler when your parents were taken from you, the only proof of their existence being a necklace your mother left with you before she died. You had spent your youngest years void of any parental guidance, hopelessly wandering between foster homes and planets, hoping someone would take you in. You gave that up by age ten, running away from your home planet to travel the galaxy. From that point on, most of your time was spent sneaking onto Starskiffs, hiding in empty cargo compartments on any moving vehicle you could find, and even stealing authorization keys to search occupied space stations, all in search of someone whom you could call family. 

But what exactly did the word family mean?

You always thought it was a strange word. It had such a subjective meaning, yet it was talked about so often. You didn’t understand what it meant, and no textbook definition could help you. All your efforts to find its meaning were in vain. And yet, your curiosity haunted you. 

With every new destination, the word family buzzed among the crowds constantly. No matter where you had landed yourself, all you could do was spectate. You watched as children laughed and clung to the legs of their guardians, as relatives sobbed in unified grief over flower dressed gravestones, and as teenagers linked arms with each other, growing away from the protective grasps of their parents. 

Every planet you traveled to, every dragging, lonely step you took, that sickening, seemingly joyous word that made you feel so isolated was there.

Six months after you had ran away, you went out alone to buy food. It was late at night, and you were preparing to head off to another planet the next day. Luckily, you bumped into a nice shopkeeper earlier who gave you some extra credits because she thought your coat was cool (in reality, she was just worried about you wandering off all alone, but didn't want to pry about your parents' whereabouts). So, you headed out amongst the crowds as you always did, pouch of credits in hand and determination plastered on your face.

But a woman stopped you on the way there and asked why such a young child was wandering around alone at night. She had a little girl with her, who looked no older than you. 

She asked you if you had any family she could call to come and get you, with the assumption that you were lost. You couldn't say anything. Instead, you just stared, your wide-eyed gaze pinned on the child that almost mirrored you. Almost. Perhaps if the world were kinder, your eyes could have donned the same innocent, joyful light. One of her hands was encased by her mother’s, while her other hand kindly reached out towards you. A cheerful “hello!” rang through the air as she tried to shake your hand. 

You stepped away from her. It was hard to breathe. You had seen all this before. Yet why was it so painful this time? 

Internally, you demanded the Aeons to tell you why the truth of your situation had to be rubbed in your face so blatantly. You were alone. You wondered if it might be good to explain that to them, to create some kind of connection with these people, but no words would leave your throat. Your heart felt like it was splintered in two.

You didn’t know how long you stood there staring, but you were sure the devastation tearing you up inside was evident on your face. The woman called out to you one more time, her worry falling on deaf ears as you backed away slowly. You took one more look at the girl before turning on your heel and running as fast as you could, sobs wracking your chest so deeply it hurt. 

You hadn’t returned to that planet since then.

You wanted the life that little girl had. You wanted to have a guardian.

But as the years went on, nothing changed. Your travels continued, and you came to terms with the fact that you might never know what family felt like. You made acquaintances as you traveled, friends, even. They never stuck around for long, though. The darkness always swallowed them up one way or another. And with every loss, the painful void in your chest numbed and steeled over a little more.

You thought that your life would always be this way. In truth, you had forgotten that there was any other way to live.

However, that was before a certain group of Stellaron Hunters swept you away from your life of solitude, and recruited you into their dangerous yet thrilling world. 

A year later, you found yourself on a sand covered planet. You were on a train, heading to one of the planets' larger cities from a smaller town. There wasn’t any way you walk- it was too hot and the distance was too far. Otherwise, you would have spent your savings on something other than train tickets.

The trip was uneventful and for most of it you just stared blankly out the window, exhaustion and boredom settling in your bones. You were tired from running errands for the previous town's residents- it was onerous but it happened to pay well. Though you were happy to have a break, your mind wasn’t used to the quiet. The barren landscape outside did nothing to help. It was a dry, flat expanse that was dotted only with dead weeds and the scraps of broken automatons. In short, nothing of interest.

Aside from that, all was going well. You had enough credits to last you at least six more train rides and get food and extra supplies, and you had several acquaintances with whom you could stay in the next city. You made a point not to talk about your budgeting skills, as it would usually spur a torrent of questions from whoever you were talking to. You couldn’t blame them though, children your age typically didn’t devote themselves to a life of aimless travel. 

The train stopped right on time, and you stepped onto the platform that was crowded with people. As usual, you were met with the sight of teary-eyed relatives hugging each other, children running around and playing, and couples greeting each other. You kept your head down, feeling more inconvenienced than sad. In their excitement, the crowds always seemed to block your path to the other platforms. Besides, they say time heals all wounds, so why would you care, anyway? You awkwardly shoved your way toward a nearby stairwell, grunting as several people bumped into you. Just as your fingers made contact with the stair’s banister, ear shattering sirens echoed throughout the station.

Emergency lights flashed on and off in a blinding rhythm, the red glow engraining itself into your mind. Suddenly, pixelated bullets flew towards the ceiling, shattering several of the glass panels. Screams rang out in response, and the previously happy crowd flew into a panic, ducking to avoid the broken glass. However, the glass shards evaporated into more pixels before they could hit the crowd, preventing any damage from being done.

Amidst the swarms of people trying to escape, you cautiously walked closer to the source of the commotion. You really shouldn’t have, but the nagging curiosity in the back of your mind compelled you to do so. And even if it seemed dangerous, there was something off about this incident. After all, if the initiators were out for blood, wouldn’t they have attacked the crowd directly? If whoever caused this wasn't intending to cause harm, they must be looking for something.

As you got closer, you saw three figures: A magenta haired woman with lightless eyes, a pistol in one hand, and a glowing thread of purple silk in the other. She was leaning back against one of the platform’s pillars, watching the whole scene with fake amusement. The second person you saw was a smaller girl decked out in a myriad of purples and blues, her drill style ponytail swaying as she typed up coordinates on a hologram screen. And lastly, you saw a red eyed man with a glare so sharp it made your heart sink. You certainly did not want to be subject to whatever rage he had stored away. From the looks of it, he could kill you in a split second.

For some reason, all three of them seemed familiar. You couldn't quite place it, but you quickly realized, you knew who they were. Their faces were plastered on all of the IPC’s wanted posters, which were scattered on literally every planet you had been to so far. You couldn’t remember their names exactly, but you knew that, together, they were known as the Stellaron Hunters- the universe’s most wanted criminals. You should have recognized them from the pixelated bullets earlier- how could you have been so naive?

You could have tried to run, but it would be futile. You were already out in the open, and they had already seen you.

Your eyes widened in sheer panic as the man dressed in black set his gaze on your shaking form. There was no way you’d survive this encounter. Absolutely zero chance. He stepped toward you but was interrupted by the sound of a clanging of a spear. The station’s security officers surrounded the Stellaron Hunters, demanding that they freeze and turn themselves in immediately.

You covered your ears and ducked as a fight broke out, the Stellaron Hunters throwing themselves into battle. Your eyelids were screwed shut in fear until the sounds of fighting had ceased. When you opened your eyes, you looked up to see that all of the guards had been knocked out, and that the taller woman standing above you, watching you in a way that was eerie, yet... comforting somehow. Even so, your better judgment caused you to back away, frantically scrambling on the hot cement of the platform. The red eyed man yanked you to your feet before you could stand up, and a panicked noise left your throat as he dragged you toward his two companions. you caught a glimpse of his sword that was poised in his other hand, taking note that he was ready to strike if necessary.

“It’s a kid.” He grumbled, still glaring at you. 

The tall woman chuckled and took a step forward, observing the way you struggled to get out of her companion’s grasp. You were getting more anxious by the second, she could tell. No matter how strong and collected you acted, you were still just a kid, and you had the minimal strength of one.

“Let them go, Blade. I don’t think they mean any harm.”

Small, scared breaths left your throat as you were released, your shaking legs failing to hold you up. You fell to the ground, staring in shock at all that had occurred. What would have happened if they didn’t let you go? How much danger were you really in, and how the hell were you still alive?

Then, the monotone voice of the grey haired girl met your ears. 

“What a waste. Looks like those signals were nothing but a glitch.” She sighed. “There's nothing for us here.”

The scary man who grabbed you- Blade, as the woman called him- looked down at you crumpled form, eyes softening just the tiniest bit. Your fearful gaze met his, and you didn’t dare move. The two other hunters made conversation about their next moves in the background, while Blade narrowed his eyes coldly.

“Why aren’t you running?”

…What?

“Go. Lingering here will only bring you suffering”

Your fearful gaze then turned to one of confusion. It was unclear if his words were meant to be a warning or advice. Either way, it gave you the strength to pull yourself off the ground and attempt to respond, but all that came out of you was a strangled groan. Your body hurt, and everything had happened so fast that your mind was still trying to catch up. It wasn’t that you were trying to make an impression by staying, you just couldn’t bring yourself to run because of the adrenaline coursing through you. You hunched over and placed your hands on your knees to get your bearings. After a few minutes, you finally responded.

“Y- yeah, I… uh…” You hesitated, unsure of what to say. “...I have another train to catch...?” 

It came out like a question, which was unintended. It was the truth, but you were so nervous that you would say something wrong and provoke him. Your life may have been spared for the moment, but they could still change their minds, and you didn't want to re-dig your own grave.

The man beside you let out a small sigh before turning his gaze back to his two companions.

“Fine.” He muttered.

A few moments passed with you and Blade sitting in comfortable silence. or, it was comfortable him, at least. He was still and silent, ignoring you entirely. You just kept fidgeting the whole time, unsure if you should stay or run for the hills. It was borderline suffocating. thankfully, the tall woman came over again, ending your misery.

“Well, we’re off.” She said to Blade, prompting him to walk towards the edge of the platform where the smaller girl stood. Before walking off, she turned to you one last time. 

“Take it easy, kid.”

Something in your heart screamed at you to speak up. A strange urge began eating away at you, telling you that if you didn’t do something right now you’d regret it for the rest of your life. But do what? What could you do without potentially dying? It was stupid. And dangerous.

But that old feeling of longing, that desire to be a part of something wouldn’t leave you alone. Your desperation to attain a family of your own had been reawakened. Your undying hope, which laid dormant for years, was now ruling your judgment.

Just as they turned to leave, you stumbled forward and cried out.

“Wait!”

All three heads turned towards you. 

A purple set of eyes knowingly scanned you as you trembled, a smirk growing on the woman’s face. 

You anxiously gripped at your clothing, trying to summon up the courage to put on some kind of brave face for them. Before you think, pleas for them to take you with them were spilling from your throat. You told them that you wanted to see the universe and that if they gave you that opportunity, you’d do whatever you could to assist them. It was a partial lie- exploring the universe did sound fun, but it wasn't what you were truly after. Your true motivations were far too personal to tell them just yet. It felt like a wound had unexpectedly reopened ever since they arrived, and you were sure you’d crumble if you forced yourself to explain.

Luckily, you didn’t have to. You had the strangest feeling that they already knew your story to some extent. Even without the influence of your longing, you couldn’t deny that it was the opportunity of a lifetime. It wasn’t every day that you came across three highly skilled fighters who could quickly travel anywhere they wanted. You could save years worth of credits and injuries if you went with them.

Once you had finished your frantic explanation, you took a breath to calm your pounding heart. The silence you were met with was deafening, which you took to be a bad sign. A deep chuckle reverberated through the elegant woman’s chest as she took a decisive step closer to you. She hummed in amusement, holding her hand out for you to take.  

“You may not be crucial to our mission,” she leaned down to your height, voice almost a whisper, “but if that’s what you want, then who are we to disagree?”

You took her hand, heartbeat slowing to a calm pace as you did so.

The days you spent with the Stellaron hunters were some of the most peaceful days you had ever experienced. 

You weren’t constantly slinking around trying to find information and resources for your travels, and it was the first time you had slept in a room that had officially been dubbed as your own. You weren't hopping between inns and the homes of your few friends. Even expenses weren't an issue anymore. It felt strange to have time on your hands. Guilt inducing, even.

You didn’t get too caught up in that though, since the confusion and questions plaguing your mind happened to be stronger than your melancholy. It was beyond your understanding how three of the most dangerous criminals in the entire universe could be so kind and willing to take you in. Perhaps it was because you had seen too much. You were a witness to Blade knocking out over ten armed guards. However, they were so powerful that they seemed to be able to get away with anything. Either way, you were a part of their goup, and that's what mattered.

As time went on, you grew closer to the Stellaron Hunters. Especially Kafka, who you learned was much less intimidating in regular life, and Silver Wolf, who was still as deadpan as before, but seemed subtly happier with you around. You also were officially introduced to Blade, and were promised that he wasn't always so brooding. That was hard to believe, though.

Silver Wolf was like a sister to you. She dragged you with her everywhere. She said it was a part of your duties to accompany her on errands, but in reality, she just enjoyed having you with her. Whenever a battle presented itself, she would have you on the sidelines cheering for her as she obliterated enemies in the blink of an eye. It was clear that your support went straight to her ego, but she also secretly wanted to impress you so that you'd view her as some sort of mentor. Silver Wolf wanted to be a reliable guide and friend to you, especially after you had been alone for so long. Thankfully, you didn’t mind spending time with her. In fact, chatting and playing video games with her became one of your favorite ways to kill time. The latter was clearly her passion– after all, her combat techniques were solely revolved around her exceptional hacking skills. 

Silver Wolf taught you how to play all her favorite games, staying calm and patient with you when you kept losing. Often, she would discreetly take you out to arcades during your free time, and every time it would be humbling due to your lack of gaming experience. However, losing meant that you had more time to watch her win, which was never boring. In any other situation, you might have been jealous, but it was just so mesmerizing to watch her play. Besides, she gave you all her prizes, so you weren’t going to complain. But what you found to be even more amusing was watching her lose it over the few games she hadn’t mastered yet. Her face would contort into one of sheer disbelief and anger as she held onto the machine tightly, aggressively mashing buttons and mumbling insults. You would always laugh and try to cheer her up in response. It always gave her a huge ego boost, and convinced her to try again, despite still being angry. You never expected to gain such a dear friend when you joined the Steallaron Hunters, and you wouldn’t trade any part of your friendship for the world.

Kafka was another story, though.

At first, Kafka terrified you. She held so much power over the other hunters- well, really over everything, that you were sure she’d destroy you if you stepped out of line. Her empty eyes and ruthless reputation didn’t help either. 

Ever since your arrival, Kafka kept a close eye on you. She made sure that you were alright as you settled in, and that you weren’t feeling unsafe or lonely in your new environment. She offered you comfort and advice and cared for you like the mothers you had witnessed on your past journeys. 

One night, a month after you had arrived, you hurt your leg on a walk and Kafka was right there to patch you up. She shushed you gently as you tried to protest that you were fine, and dragged you to the nearest chair so you could sit. She took a first aid kit from a nearby cabinet, and began tending to your wound. You winced as rubbing alcohol combined itself with your blood, and you quietly explained that you had been doing this your whole life- that it wasn’t her job to take care of you. Kafka paused and looked at you, eyes showing a rare glint of sadness. She whispered to you that those days were over. You weren’t alone anymore, and you should ask the three of them for help whenever you needed it. You weren’t a burden to them. 

Kafka wasn’t sure what the cause of it was, but something in her chest began to ache when she saw you injured. She had never felt fear before. She deemed it impossible before you came along. She had always been known as a ruthless, unshakeable force of danger, who would stop at nothing to achieve her goals. But now, she had to keep you safe. Part of her wanted to berate herself for getting so protective over someone, for willingly weakening herself by caring about you. But you needed safety and a group of loving people to return to. You were just a kid, after all, and even after the short time you had been traveling with them, she had begun to feel like your guardian.

Tears filled your eyes, her words weighing down on your lungs. You couldn’t truly believe her. Not after all you had been through. But even so, Kafka was right in front of you, smiling softly, waiting and willing to take care of you. She wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. It was a foreign feeling, one that scared you more than anything else. But you were safe. You were at home. 

So you let yourself cry. Your heart split open, all the bottled up agony from your past finally bursting out. You curled into yourself, the gash on your leg long forgotten. Kafka kneeled before you and gently wrapped her arms around your shaking form. One of her hands carded through your hair, while the other rubbed your back soothingly. Gentle whispers fell from her lips, promising you that she was with you. You were safe.

You weren’t sure how long had passed when you calmed down. Maybe it had been hours. Whatever the truth was, Kafka remained by your side, not pulling back until she was sure you were okay. After you had stopped crying, she leaned back, meeting your sad, exhausted stare. She looked down at your bleeding wound, grabbed a roll of bandages, and cautiously wrapped it around your leg. When she was finished, she smiled and stood up, placing a hand on your shoulder. You matched her smile, assuring her that you were fine.

However, after a moment, Kafka’s comforting smile was replaced with a teasing smirk. Confusion sparked in your eyes and your eyebrows furrowed as if to silently ask what the problem was. She just chuckled and took a seat across from you, crossing her arms over her chest and tilting her head back as though she was assessing you. Her next words not only shocked you but caused your entire being to wilt in annoyance and anxiety.

“I think it’s about time we start training you in combat. If a scrape has you in this much pain, imagine the damage a real battle would do. We can’t have you dying on us, now can we?” 

She paused, thinking for a moment before reaching her conclusion. 

“Yes… I’ll have you train with Blade. His abilities never disappoint.”

And that was how your ongoing feud with Blade began. 

When Kafka decided to pair you up with Blade, you were pissed. However, you knew she was right. If you were falling apart just from accidentally scraping yourself, how were you supposed to handle actual threats? You would be utterly useless in a fight. And if anyone managed to get past the Stellaron Hunters and attempt to harm you, you would be dead on the spot. There wouldn't be a fight, just abrupt darkness, and a very disappointing end to a life such as yours. It would shatter the hearts of Kafka and Silver Wolf, who had already sworn to protect you at any cost. As you got older, the target on your back only became bigger. With the Stellaron Hunters’ reputation becoming more notorious by the day, civilians and authorities alike were bound to find out about you. Self-defense was a necessity.

But Blade never spoke to you. You felt as though you were a nuisance to him. Just another issue to be dealt with, another soul to pester him throughout the day. The way he glared at you made you wonder if you had done something wrong, or if you were imposing by being around. He made you feel out of place. Even after thorough reassurance from Kafka and Silver Wolf that his behavior was entirely normal, you still couldn’t help but worry. It was only after several months had passed that you came to understand that it truly wasn’t you- he was just grumpy. And that began to annoy you. If he wasn’t open to being somewhat nice, then why should you bother? You could glare back just as hard, and ignore him just as easily. If that's what he was getting at, then so be it. However, Kafka was the leader of both of you, and she wanted you to train. Despite your mild hatred of Blade, Kafka already had done so much for you. She only wanted the best for you. You could at least attempt to abide by her wishes.

So you gave in and begrudgingly stated training with Blade. 

For a few hours every day, you and Blade would find any open area and he would walk you through different defense techniques. You expected the technical side of it, but you did not expect that you would be sparring right off the bat. On the first day of training, he threw you into your first match and charged at you with the assumption that you had sharp enough reflexes to block him successfully. Obviously, you weren’t at all prepared since you had zero experience with combat. Turns out Kafka really wasn’t kidding when she said Blade knew how to fight.

Lessons carried on like this for weeks. You would return from sparring exhausted and bruised, feeling completely done with everything as you limped to your room to sleep. You felt generally bitter, making it hard for Kafka or Silverwolf to help, and Blade just acted like it wasn’t his problem. The most he did was help you up, and that was only if you put up a good fight. But thankfully, after a while, Blade began to notice how badly the sparring affected you. It wasn’t like you were on the brink of death, but you were still in pain. And given your age, there was no doubt that it was a lot more overwhelming than anticipated. So Blade subtly began to take care of you a little more. It wasn’t much- he mainly just gave you icepacks whenever you needed them and helped you walk, but it was the most he knew how to do. He was clueless when it came to caring for people, especially children.

You were a persistent kid, which Blade found surprising. He thought you would have given up within the first week of training, but you just kept working at it. And while Blade found your stubborn behavior annoying most of the time, it assured him that you had enough courage to fight alongside him and the others. He knew you didn’t like him much, and he knew a part of you blamed him for the injuries you got, which was reasonable. As annoying as you found him, Blade never gave up on you, even when you messed up or got so frustrated that you cried. He never babied you during these moments either. Instead, he would walk you through what went wrong and have you run through the solution until you had it down cold. Even if you were upset, he wanted you to push through it and use your anger to become stronger. You had been fighting your whole life. You had the tenacity and potential to gain the strength that you required. Blade could tell that, even after joining them, you wanted a purpose. You wanted to explore the universe and find your place among the glowing webs of stars. However, the beauty of the galaxy came with dark and unfamiliar territory. If you were to traverse the universe, you had to learn how to handle to darkest parts of it.

Little by little, you improved. You worked as hard as possible until you were able to withstand Blade’s strength and evade his attacks properly. You had a long, long way to go before you could actually defeat opponents, but you could at least hold them off, which was just as important. Despite how grueling Blade’s teaching methods were, you did come to respect him more as your mentor. He looked out for you in his own distant ways and seemed to actually care about you. In truth, Blade had started getting protective over you- not that he would admit it. It wasn’t an overbearing kind of protectiveness- he just wanted you to stay out of trouble. It was nice to pass knowledge onto someone, and protect them from the world's dangers by doing so.

The truth was, even if Blade acted indifferently toward you, he secretly was really proud of you. He admired your kindness, even after all the pain you had been dealt. You kept smiling and picking yourself up, finding your back to the light time and time again. Perhaps that's what made you so different from him. His will to keep fighting was growing fainter by the day.

Even with your differences, you both became closer. Blade kept an eye on you whenever you left the ship, talked with you whenever you got bored, and even helped you whatever chores you had to do. Sure, you were stubborn, but Blade never grew to dislike you. Your relationship felt routine and safe- it held a sense of comfort that felt normal. Blade caught himself questioning if this was what family was meant to feel like. He couldn't remember, but a faint, distant memory assured him that it was. If he could contribute to the familial safety you longed for so much, he would gladly do so. 

Was that even possible, though?

Blade had very little experience with love of any kind. Any memories he had of his past friend and family were long gone. His own sense of self was unstable, so how could he provide stability for you? He couldn't bear the thought of causing you pain. Or, there was a chance that he would rub off on you. That you would start to become like him. That prospect was enough to make him feel sick. So he began distancing himself from you in any way he could.

Now, whenever you crossed paths he would treat you especially coldly. Most times he saw you, he walked past you and pretended you didn't exist at all. He was back to being rude and dismissive, even more so than when you first met him.

Instead of encouraging you during training, he would call you weak and pick apart everything you had done wrong. This was not received well by you. After all, you didn’t know if Blade’s behavior was your fault, or if this was just how he truly was. You felt dejected and lonely, even with the support from Kafka and Silver Wolf. Though you loved them immensely, Blade was also someone you cared about, and you didn’t want to lose another parental figure. After weeks of being ignored, hatred replaced any good image you had of him. What used to be a safe, happy friendship soon morphed into an incessant rivalry. 

It felt like Blade only wanted to see you unhappy. You imagined that he was secretly gloating over your distress- that you were nothing more than a temporary amusement to him. But you were wrong. So, so very wrong. Blade hated seeing you upset because of him. He was failing you by ignoring your wellbeing. You were just a kid. More importantly, you trusted him.

But it was for your own good, wasn’t it? His past was dark, and perhaps he was too, by nature. He would never forgive himself if he allowed harm to come to you. Even if that meant leaving you behind. No, he would much rather watch you grow up and live happily from afar. 

Kafka still wanted you to train though, so Blade couldn’t avoid you entirely. Sparring was the only time he saw you anymore. Your sessions with him were difficult, but not because the material was hard. In fact, it was harder for Blade than you. You would glare at him constantly and show complete indifference to everything, making it nearly impossible to communicate with you. He wasn’t doing much better either- he couldn’t bring himself to say anything to you. It felt like the consequences of his neglect were crawling up his back, ready to snap at him at any moment, and he knew that any day now, you would finally break. Soon, everything would fall apart.

You knew Blade was heartless, but his cruelty was amplified when you trained with him now. He went all out, forcing you to scramble for scraps of knowledge he had previously given you to win. But that wasn’t enough this time. You were too tired, physically and emotionally, to continue. You felt smaller and weaker than you had ever felt before.

Lightning-fast blows struck you from all sides, the scent of bloodstained spider lilies clouding your senses. You weakly pulled your sword out of its sheath and tried to block his attacks, but doing so would knock you off balance from the force of his blows. You fell back on the ground, coughing and clambering to your feet, promptly hurling yourself towards Blade with hopes of hitting him just once. Built-up anger from the last few weeks rushed through your heart, tears of desperation dripping down your cheeks. God, you were tired of this. Blade used to be your friend. You wanted to know what changed, and you wanted that piece of your family back.

In your fury, your reaction time fell short. Blade darted behind you and shoved you to the ground, watching coldly as you crumpled over in defeat. A glint of regret shone in his eyes, but he quickly covered it up by turning his back to you. Once more, you picked yourself up, your throat burning from the lack of a break. It must have been hours since the start of your match, but it might have just felt that way because you were the one getting injured. Never before had Blade fought you this hard. You weren’t prepared, and he knew that. You internally questioned if he was actually trying to make you despise him, albeit sarcastically. It hadn’t occurred to you yet that it might actually be the case. You shakily lifted your head to look at him, angrily mumbling something that Blade couldn’t understand.

Blade took a breath and turned around to face you, blank expression unwavering. 

“What was that?” He growled. The world seemed to fall silent as you locked your gaze with his in an act of defiance.

“I said, I hate you!”

You hated that you were crying. You hated feeling weak. You hated what he had put you through.

But you didn’t hate him. Not entirely.

You wanted to hate him fully. You wished you were strong enough to. But even then, as you wiped your tears and walked out, you couldn’t bring yourself to hate him. Maybe it was the memories you had of when he felt like family, maybe it was inherent kindness or just plain stupidity. You couldn’t feel hatred. All you felt was dejection. So naturally, you began spiraling. 

If Blade didn’t want you around, there was a chance Kafka and Silver Wolf didn’t want you either. If it was possible that they secretly hated you too, you wouldn’t allow yourself to withstand their rejections as well. You might as well just get out of their way, and save yourself the trouble. It was nice feeling happy for a while. But it wasn’t what you were made for. It wasn’t how you were used to living. Perhaps this was a sign that your destiny rested in the familiar arms of solitude, away from the glowing crowds.

That night, when you returned from training, you bid Kafka and Silver Wolf goodnight and began packing your bags. When you were sure everyone had gone to sleep, you took your leave. You slipped out of the ship’s main entrance, the frigid night air numbing the uncertainty in your chest. You started walking, not sure where you were headed. You were out of practice with your usual travel routines, but that wasn’t important. As long as you were away from the Stellaron Hunters, you would be safe. Lonely, but safe. But even with your half hearted reasoning, you still felt a sinking feeling that this wasn’t right. That you might regret this. You shoved it off, cursing at yourself quietly for getting so softhearted. It was time to cut ties. It was for the best.

However, you had made one vital mistake. While preparing to leave, you had purposely left behind any photos or items given to you by Kafka, Silver Wolf, or Blade. In your rush to leave, you accidentally left behind something incredibly important to you: your mother’s necklace. 

You took it off and left it on your desk by accident. It was the last existing link between you and your biological parents and you cherished it because of that. So when Kafka found it the next morning, along with your neatly made bed and discarded photos, she knew something was very wrong. Silver Wolf burst into your room shortly after she found them, questioning Kafka about your whereabouts. She had no answer, all she could do was say she hadn’t seen you. Silver Wolf left worried and agitated, grumbling about how they had to find you. As Silver Wolf left, Blade approached your doorway with the intent of finding you for your training session, because at this point you would have been late. Gripping the necklace tightly, Kafka turned to face Blade. She knew there tension had been growing between you and him for the last month. If he was the cause of your absence, she would not let him get away unscathed.

Blade’s expression was serious, but Kafka could see the glint of confusion in his eyes. He seemed entirely clueless, so perhaps interrogating him wouldn't do much.

“There’s no sign of them anywhere on the ship,” she said softly, trying to keep her voice steady. “There’s only this.” Kafka gestured to the thin chain that lay forgotten on your desk. Dread immediately shot through Blade’s heart.

You had left.

And it was all his fault.

He neglected you. You had every right to leave. He was meant to be a guardian to you. It was his job- no, his privilege to keep you safe, and failed to do so. And now you could be anywhere in the galaxy, wandering aimlessly once again. Blade carefully took the necklace, trying to keep his composure as questions and visions of the worst raced through his mind. What if they never found you, or what if you had gotten hurt? What if it was too late, and you were already–

He didn’t allow that thought to finish itself. Catastrophizing would only slow the process of finding you. 

But would you even want to come back? Why would you, when you felt unwelcome enough to leave in the first place? And even if, by some miracle, you came back, would you ever trust him again? If you ever granted him forgiveness, would he even deserve it?

This was what he wanted, wasn’t it? That was why he pushed you away- so you would leave him alone. You were gone now, and he had gotten what he wanted. Was he truly so terrible that he would still be unhappy, even after he had achieved his desire?

It wasn't meant to go like this.

You weren't meant to leave them. It was his fault though, so maybe it was best to let you go.

Kafka’s piercing gaze bored into the side of Blade's head as she watched the gears turning inside his head. She took a short breath before heading towards the door. She was scared of losing you, and angry that they hadn’t noticed your absence until now. There was no time for emotions such as anger. You were missing. They had to find you.

Blade stood in the center of your room, now entirely alone. The metal of your necklace dug into his skin as he clutched onto it for dear life, his eyes falling to the pictures on your bed. You seemed so happy before. So did Kafka and Silver Wolf- he was happy too, though he was reluctant to admit it out loud. He had broken the loving family you had brought together. A strange family, but a family nonetheless. 

Blade kept staring. He wished he could go out looking for you. Unfortunately, wishes are not reality.

Blade would not search for you that day. He would be chained to where he stood, fighting with himself internally as time slipped by quietly. You could have died already. And he was just standing there, staring.

No, he would not look for you.

Because the truth cannot be denied, nor masked with excuses- in the end, Blade is a cruel man.

One who cannot be changed by anything.

[nightfal1n]

I...tried to draw while thinking about Hoshina and it gets angstier and longer than I expected

Summary: Hoshina learning about Kafka's body condition and lost in his thought for a bit. Loosely take place before chapter 65

Relationships: Hoshina to Kafka, and a bit of Mina

(image quality gets really bad on phone, gotta edit later) *edited: did a lot of slicing...hopefully I got it fixed now O)-<*

(Warning: Long pictures. Webtoon format thing)

[elliada]

Alternate Universe: In which Kafka self-sacrifices during the final battle.

[trendywaifus]

old draft. angsty asf.

could she have saved you from drowning in your own darkness? cw: angst, little comfort, mention of death, death, cursing, blood

there are times i think about that fateful day

i threw your love away ( every time I see that look upon your face

the same one that you made )

“ why? “ is all HIMEKO could ask in a shaky voice, gleaming golden eyes narrowing into a distressed gaze as you stood opposite from her with one of the infamous stellaron hunters, blade, and not by the astral express’s, your family—her side where you belong. the prized look of shock and hurt marinates in her features will forever be engraved in your memory like a unforgettable tragedy. blade briefly spares you a look similar to pity as he quietly notice you anxiously fiddling with the prized jewelry on your ring finger behind your back. it’s a habit you do whenever you feel jittery. it provides you minimal comfort. but in this situation, it breeds a feeling of disgust for selfishly betraying her trust to lull the anxiety and woes manifested in your heart and elio is to blame for it. he was the one who sent you an unknown letter, warning you of a strong possibility of himeko sacrificing herself for the safety of the astral express in the future.

he even offered you to join the stellaron hunters to assure that possibility doesn’t align with reality. it weighed on your mind for weeks, unable to sleep properly despite himeko’s warm arms wrapped around your body. you became gradually anxious and more reserved. this behavior did not go unnoticed by your companions and especially himeko herself. you dismiss their concerns with a pretend smile and a poor excuse of 'feeling under the clouds.' even with himeko's comfort and tender kisses, it didn't sate the anxiety in your heart, in fact, it nearly broke you due to the guilt. it wasn’t like you could talk to her about it because, how can you possibly bring something like that up to her? it doesn’t help that she vocally distrusts the stellaron hunters and finds their beliefs superstitious. perhaps you’re the one to blame for reading an unknown letter that was suspiciously meant for you, allowing a wanted manic, who claims to see the future, get under your skin, and emotionally manipulate you into becoming a destiny slave.

you swallow the large hump lodged in your throat. your trembling lips part to speak and you refuse to look her in the eyes as you did. “ i-i don’t want a future where you’re not in it. i want to secure everyone’s future and yours, even if it means i can’t be by your side to do it. “

was it really emotional manipulation or were you just emotionally weak?

when your fragile world was crashing down around you

you realized your place

you can feel the immense pain and rain drops cascading down on you.

you can barely breath.

you can barely move your limbs as they feel heavy like they’re underwater.

you can only peer at the dark, grey skies above you with blurred, teary vision.

all you can hear is the downpour.

oh that’s right, you’re dying. you’re reaching the final finale of your script.

it feels like something other than physical pain is clawing at your heart, sharp nails sinking it’s pointed ends into weakened muscles and crumbling walls. you were prepared for your fated end from the very beginning, but, you were not prepared for how painful the realization was going to be. your dim eyes flutter close as you muster all your remaining strength to calm the suffocating feeling in your chest. you let out uneven, quick breaths; thoughts race through your head like they’re rushing to a finishing line. when you have a chance to make a choice, make one that you know you won’t regret. was the only coherent thought that you can associate a voice to—a voice you cherish deeply and always will.

“ i. .won’t pass. . .just yet, i want. .to see. .” not yet. a twinge of determination, akin to a small, wispy flame sparks within you. not at this moment. you don’t want to die alone. that was the only thing you ever wished for.

breathe in.

breath out.

breathe in.

breathe out.

you try to take in small gulps of oxygen to maintain your unstable breathing, a pathetic method to slow down your inevitable end. a stray tear rolls down the side of your face as the numbness slowly overcomes you. what you don’t hear is heels clicking against the shattered asphalt as they approach your body. the rain that once poured down on your face, abruptly stops. a small thumping noise softly hits your ears. your tired eyes peel open to see the woman you yearn for the most standing over you with an umbrella over you and her.

due to your blurry vision, you can’t see her face clearly until she crouches. her still painted lips twisted into a subtle frown, and the first time in years, a solemn expression is present on her face. “ y. .ou. . .ame. . “ you cough out weakly and KAFKA hums softly with acknowledgment, understanding your weak, croaky voice. her brows relax and lifts, a practiced yet genuine smile that’s meant to comfort you, replaces the frown. there’s a softness to her gaze, a hint of sadness bleeds through her contact lenses as she stares down at you. her voice is low and tender as she whispers to you, “. .don’t talk, focus on controlling your breathing as long as you can. i’m here and i’ll continue be here with you until you’re not. “ here with me anymore goes unspoken. with her free hand, she gingerly brush away strands of hair that stuck to your damp forehead.

“ you’re not alone, “ kafka says, voice filled with assurance, she rubs your brow with her thumb. “ i won’t let you be, darling. “ she briefly stops when she takes a glimpse of the small, happy smile pulling at the ends of your blood stained lips. a firm tug pulls on a heart string, her breath hitches. there’s an unsettling feeling that’s rising from the pits of her belly. kafka can’t decipher it; its a new feeling that she’s never experienced before and already doesn’t like. tender memories of you, your smile, your radiance, laughter, touch—everything flashes through her mind. her heart skips a beat and races. for once, it’s not from anticipation, excitement, nor pleasure. was this fear? did you really have to be on the brink of death for her wish to be granted? is this how cruel destiny can really be to its victims? she never really consider herself a victim and didn’t care as much until this moment. the realization sinks in and her expression almost falters in front of you. ‘can’t have you see her sorrowful face before you leave this world. she wants you to have no regrets when you go.

“ . .ank you. .f. .or. . .very. .th. .ing. ove. .you. .”

the light in your eyes completely vanishes and your chest relaxes permanently. kafka eyes the peaceful look on your face for a moment. her gloved palm then caress your wet cheek and shifts down to your neck. she press two fingers to your pulse point, a place that’s one of her favorite spots to kiss on. nothing. not a gentle, single beat thumping against the pads of her gloved digits. her expression falls blank.

kafka gained the emotion of fear but lost the ability to love. it was like losing her yang, making her more vulnerable than she ever was before. after minutes of your passing, she still stays and lingers; the aftertaste of regret bitter on her tongue.

“ mhm. .i loved you too. “ she confesses under the gloomy, dreary skies, delicately closing your unmoving eyelids with her palm.

( and the darkness that you try so hard to subdue

It causes you to change ) but baby, baby, please don't leave me

ACHERON’s arms wrap tightly around your body, pulling your body into hers. she presses her face against your neck, breathing you in like a breath of fresh air. she can feel your warmth through the exposed skin of her body. it felt unreal to have you in her arms like this. “ you’re here. .” she mutters in relief, her palms pressing against the small of your back. you let out a soft chuckle, combing your fingers through her purple locks. the sun shines its radiance under you and her, its warmth kissing at your skins. “ why wouldn’t i be, mei? “ your sultry voice is full of affection which she so deeply misses.

her lips purse into a thin line at your question, she removes her face away from your neck to look at you with troubled eyes. she doesn’t want to reply to that, she doesn’t want things to turn into the same repeated nightmare whenever she answers your question. acheron shakes her head and smiles sadly at you. “ you’re right. don’t mind me. “ you tilt your head, reaching out to cup her cheek. she leans into it, letting you caress her pale skin. “ but you look sad. you can talk to me, mei. you know that, right? “ she nods, leaning forward to rest her forehead against yours. acheron gives your waist a tender squeeze, “ that’s true. but, you being here with me right now is enough. “

she kisses you, a sliver of shame crawls up her skin. the only time she ever gets to hold you and kiss you like this is in her dreams. you’re a precious part of her past that she refuses to forget. she find solace in the memories of you, even in vivid dreams. she applies pressure to your soft lips, wishing to engrave the feeling of them into her broken memory. acheron knows eventually that she’s going to forget and it’ll be out of her control. abruptly pulling away, she places hasty kisses to the corner of your lips, jaw, and down to your neck. “ little fast, are we? “ you tease, tilting your neck to grant her more access. she stops her barrage of kisses after a few moments and buries her nose into your shoulder blade. “ forgive me, i’m feeling a little impatient right now. “

she feel your fingers drum against her back. you giggle softly, pressing a chaste kiss to the side of her head. acheron nuzzles further into you, reveling in your comforting presence. “ so warm. . “ she sighs with utter contentment. a gentle silence settle over your heads. she wishes to live in this dream forever, even if she knows it is not real. a choked cough make her ears perk up. she feels your chest stutter and a warm liquid staining her palms. the feeling of dread fills her once light chest and she rips away from your shoulder blade. her eyes widen in terror, thin trails of blood spill out from the corner of your mouth, the horrified look on your face petrifies acheron to the bone. just like that, the scenery suddenly changes; crumbling buildings, broken weapons, and torii gates now surrounds you and her. your body gives out and you become limp against acheron. your bright, red blood stains her white kimono.

she falls to her knees with you in her arms. “ n-no, th-this is-isn’t how it supposed to. .” acheron shakes her head in astonishment, looking down at you with fearful eyes as you start to physically fade away in her arms. all you could do was smile to comfort the woman cradling you in her embrace. “ i-it’s going to be okay,” your shaking hand reaches up to wipe a tear rolling down her cheek. “ even if. .i don’t have a place in your memories. .i’ll be lingering in the depths of your heart instead. “

just like that, you completely disappear in her arms, leaving behind nothing. acheron stares down at her bloody hands with helpless eyes. her chin lifts, looking up at the spherical black hole sitting in the middle of the sky. she hopelessly watch as the hungry deity swallows everything she used to love and protect.

when acheron finally wakes up from her slumber, she doesn’t remember why she feels sorrow.

I know I made a big mistake, don't turn my sunshine to shade

at the sound of several rounds of gunshots firing into the front line, you instinctively tackled robin down to the gravel pavement, attempting to shield her from the incoming bullets with your body. ipc medical supplies strewn about on the ground as frantic shouting and the smell of gunpowder fuels the violent atmosphere. the halovian woman’s head spins from the hard impact and her ears ring. all she could feel is your arms circled protectively around her frame and the firm weight of your body over hers. your voice is a blur but she can make out small apologies and words of reassurance through labored breathing. it takes a moment before she becomes fully conscious again and realize what happened. “ (n-name), thank you for protecting me. a-are you alright? “ robin ask breathily, worry heavily weighing in her voice. her hands clutch onto your sides and they hold on tighter when she doesn’t get a response from you.

robin can feel your body slowly relax against her. a wet cough erupts from your chest and she panics. “ no, no, no, “ with little trouble, she maneuvers your weakened body next to her on the pavement. frantic green eyes instantly land on a gunshot wound on the side of your neck, she gasps in absolute horror. her lungs struggle to take in air due to the panic and shock rushing into her like a tidal wave. an allied soldier rushes to you and robin’s side. “ w-we need a combat medic! one of our aids has been shot in the frontlines! “ he easily scoops up your dying body and urges robin to follow him to a nearby safe point.

swallowing thickly, robin nods tentatively, her gaze fixated on you the entire time. your eyes are barely open, your chest is rising up and down in an uneven pace. aeons, there’s so much blood pooling out from your wound, she’s scared you’re going to bleed out before they even get to somewhere safe. robin desperately wish for a miracle.

why couldn’t she be the one to take your place? to take your pain?

[cosmichorrorsarestillnicerthanme]

A Few Seconds Too Late-Himeko, Kafka, And Yukong X Reader

I am still on my bullshit.

I hope this hurts all of you deeply and scars you for life.

Himeko stared at the empty space in her bed with haunted eyes, her hair messily circling her like a pool of blood.

She hated it.

She hated her hair.

She wanted it gone.

She wanted to get rid of it all.

It reminded her of you.

Not who you were when you were alive, not the person she fell in love with, not the person she traveled the stars with.

But who you were at the end.

Blood pooling around you form, the sickening warmth she could feel on her face and clothes, Welt screaming to get down, the chaos that followed.

It reminded her how she couldn’t do anything as you died.

You stood in the way of an attack meant for her.

You died for her.

She couldn’t stand that.

Why couldn’t you be here, with her, sleepily running your hand through her hair and coaxing her to sleep.

Why couldn’t you be smiling at her as the two of you laid on the bed, muttering sweet nothings.

Why couldn’t you be alive and breathing?

Why did you leave her alone in this cold and empty room filled with pictures of you and her?

Pictures she couldn't even bear to look at.

Pictures that served only to hurt her more than any wound.

Knowing what would happen didn’t make it hurt any less.

Especially not now.

The broken blade lodged in your chest, eviscerating your heart as you choked out your final words.

“Kafka, I… love… you…”

She knew it was coming.

She knew what you were going to say to her long before you did.

She knew what was about to happen.

And yet…

She was still crying.

She could feel the broken sob build in her chest as she grabbed your barely warm body and brought it into her embrace.

Your blood flooded over her favorite coat, the coat you bought for her.

And then, she could hold it no longer.

A scream escaped her lips as she fell to the side and onto the ground, still holding you tight as she sobbed, her tears streaming down her face.

She knew this was coming.

And yet… it hurt her more than anything else could ever hope to.

Yukong felt cold as she watched your barge leave the dock.

She closed her hand to grab yours, thinking it was still there.

That you were still here,

But you weren’t.

And the only thing she grabbed was the empty air.

And that’s when it hit her.

You were gone.

Forever.

Then, she fell to her knees.

She paid little mind to the stone biting into her skin.

If anything, that kept her from collapsing completely.

“Madam Yukong?” Tingyun asked, concern bleeding into her voice.

“Tingyun?” Yukong muttered as tears fell from her eyes “Was the world always so cold?”

[fariest]

angsty riize texts (◞‸◟；)

pairing: riize (ot7) x fem!reader

warnings: hurt no comfort, breakups, situationships, right person wrong time type of stuff, eunseok being a red flag i’m sorry </3

a/n: first riize post had to be an angsty one sorry not sorry. i would be lying if i said this wasn’t lowkey inspired by some of my past situationships and shit… like this just got personal WHOOPS

2024 © fariest, do not copy, modify or post my work to other sites

[adeskirome]

[opulent-valkyrie]

I-

So true 😂

[closed--meadow]

I dislike the recent changes in fandom culture so much. Like, why do the newer fans need everything to be either black or white? If i want to ship these two characters who tried to kill each other multiple times, then why can't i? Yes i am aware they are toxic as fuck and that is exactly why i need to ship them. similarly, If i wanna be a fan of this insane, batshit crazy character who is an obvious criminal , then i am a fan of this batshit crazy criminal bro, i dont need to defend their actions? i don't need them to be either black or white? I signed up for moral ambiguity here, not to justify them committing atrocities smh

[spooky-activity]

If I didn't make that Borisin run through a convenient stream to wash off most of the blood I would have actually gone insane it was eating up all my rendering energy

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