#k-kizkhalifa approved

[klinefelterrible]

*at Grimmauld Place*

*Harry grabs a handful of Floo powder*

Draco: where are you going?

Harry: we are going

Draco: we? Where?

Harry: to Neville’s…?

Draco: jesus christ what for?

Harry: because it’s their anniversary?

Draco: whose?

Harry: Neville’s and Pansy’s!

Draco: what are you talking about?

Harry: what are you talking about?

Draco: why am I dressed like a million galleon hooker and we’re going to the Neville Longbottom’s house to celebrate his anniversary of what?

Harry: you do realise that Pansy, your friend, has a husband now?

Draco: *trying to light a cigarette* does she?

Draco: she seemed gay

Draco: who is it?

Harry: how many drinks have you had today?

Draco: *throwing both lighter and a cigarette away* oh piss off

Harry: that’s it, I am calling Hermione!

Draco: yeah call your bitch and tell her… tell her she’s a bitch

Harry: *to the phone* how come Draco is shitface drunk and claims that you’re a bitch?

Hermione: *scoff* I was daydrinking with Mrs Malfoy today and Draco came, changed into one of his mother’s dresses, chugged half a bottle we were having, called us “gorgeous yet nasty bitches” and Floo’d himself back to your place

Harry: did he now?

Harry: where were you today, honey?

Draco: all day at home, playing diveo games

Harry: nice try

Draco: *shrug*

Harry: so how is Cissy lately?

Hermione: you know damn well that I adore Mrs Malfoy

Harry: we all adore Mrs Malfoy

Harry: what was the poison?

Hermione: Hagrid’s last year’s blackberry moonshine

Draco: tell her she’s a bitch

Harry: you will tell her yourself

Draco: when

Harry: you’re coming to the Longbottoms too, right?

Draco: how many of them is there?

Hermione: of course

Harry: thanks for the info *pockets the phone*

Draco: what the FUCK is going on, Potter? *lets out a silent fart*

Harry: nothing *sniffs*

Harry: oh yeah

Harry: by the way you look splendid, Draco

Draco: I farted badly

Harry: I know

Harry: I expect you to fart more today

Harry: we’re going to the Longbottoms

Draco: what for?

Harry: I promised Pansy that we’ll come

Harry: also I heard that Hermione will be there

Draco: oh great

Draco: she is a literal whore

Harry: I am glad you made your mind about it

Draco: I am going to make her know by telling her that she’s also a bitch

Harry: that’s the spirit!

Draco: because she is!

Harry: do you remember why do you think like that?

Draco: *squeezing his butt and letting another one out* what does it have to do with anything

Harry: just tell me *sniffs*

Harry: oh my gawd

Draco: well

Draco: no

Draco: but I’m sure I don’t need a reason now and when I tell her that, she’ll know

Draco: because she is a bitch, Potter

Draco: and a whore

Draco: a cock-sucking whore

Draco: now wait a minute

Harry: I’m not saying anything

Draco: she is a cock-sucker

Draco: it was her who made me a cock-sucking whore, too!

Harry: are you sure?

Draco: *bending over to get the cigarette and a lighteroff the floor* geez *farts*

Draco: fuck no

Draco: fuck

Draco: *failing to light a cigarette again* I am so shitfaced

Harry: let’s go

Draco: where

Harry: you were going to call Hermione a bitch because she made you suck my cock

Draco: what the fuck are you talking about

Harry: let’s go

Draco: where

Harry: you’ll see, love

Draco: don’t you patronise me

Harry: I need you to fart in every corner of Pansy and Neville’s party chamber

Draco: that I can do

later at Longbottoms

Pansy: why is Draco walking around and farting in every corner?

Harry: because —and I quote— “Hermione is a whore”

Pansy: yeah that sounds like what Draco would say

Neville: Draco farts everywhere

Harry: important thing is: whatcha gonna do about it?

Neville: get me a recipe for Narcissa’s killer cheesecake and we’re even

Harry: *gives him a tiny flask* with her making of

Harry: bring me back this memory on Monday

Pansy: I would scissor her so hard I would die

Hermione: I heard you talking about Mrs Malfoy

Harry: yeah, Pansy would want to scissor her

Hermione: oh I would do anything to do that again

Harry: again?

Pansy: again?

Neville: again?

Draco: again what

Harry: Hermione was scissoring your mom

Draco: *farts*

Draco: you are a whore, Hermione

Harry: *grins*

Hermione: yeah I deserve that

Neville: do you have a memory of that?

Pansy: Neville! Don’t be a pervert!

Pansy: I should be asking her that!

Neville: you’re right, I’m sorry

Hermione: I really shouldn’t

Pansy: yes of course, sorry

Harry: she didn’t say “no”

Draco: a proper whore

Draco: I love that

Draco: *farts*