#just.... god shut me up I cant handle the weight of my own ideas

[halfadoginatank]

Enchanted with the idea of Farah sending Alex a photo of generation 3 Frankie Stein. He looks the character up, makes a joke about how she even has a leg missing like him. Farah sends him an article on being non-binary. The texts sound like this.

'I didn't know there was a word for that, cool.'

'isn't humanity wonderful?'

'Yeah commander... yeah it is.'

There's a sticker of the character underneath his hard phone case, he sees it and thinks of his Commander, who thought of him even in a silly doll. Alex thinks about things that remind him of her, warm MRE's, a scarf so well loved it frays, the sun making swealtering waves across his vision.

They both know its to the ends of the earth with each other, they say it between the simple act of breathing, in their trigger discipline 'this bullet is for our cause, this bullet is for you, this bullet kept you safe'. They say it with the knowledge human beings can easily be killed, that in all the horror they see. There is still beauty.

It lies within them, within the things that remind them of each other. Even within a doll, made for children, missing a leg like him.

Sometimes, just sometimes. They even say it out loud.

[sixstepsaway]

[tw sexual assault mentions/discussion for the content of this post. if that's a trigger for you or something you're uncomfortable with, but i've tagged you in the post and you are uncomfortable or can't handle it, please feel free to ignore it, or ask me to untag you, or mute the thread (if that's a thing you can do on tumblr?)]

before i get to my inbox, i got to thinking about @treesofgreen's interpretation/headcanon of izzy as a survivor of sexual assault, about the comments @ourflagmeansdemise left on my post about the aftermath of what ed did to izzy, the tags @aromanticjangofett put on that post: "#you guys are driving home what a breach of trust this was from ed and i am all the more sad for izzy AND worried#what it will do to me if this isn't given the appropriate weight in s2#BUT i love everyone ITT#of meta#correct opinions about ofmd#ed x izzy" (love the "#correct opinions about ofmd" tag so much 😂) and, finally, my post about the framing of the toe scene as sexual assault

and, obviously, we don't have confirmation of izzy being a sa survivor in canon, that's just a (very good and unpleasantly likely accurate) read, and most of my metas are drawing from the immediate text (things explicitly said/done) rather than a more speculative angle

but

i cant get it out of my head.

when i first read that meta i was like, "damn, this is really good, but idk if my personal read is the same as yours. great analysis though!" and then, without me even realizing, it wormed its way into my head as my own headcanon, to the point it's become a big factor in the fic i've been writing the last few days

so, naturally, when all of those additions and thoughts happened above, i tacked them all together on a corkboard inside my head with pushpins and red string and what i got from it was: oh god

because the main point that @ourflagmeansdemise and i were making on that post up there was how awful what ed did to izzy was on so many levels, including that if izzy has an icky tummy (like chronic IBS or something), especially an icky tummy that is triggered by stress and anxiety and fear, and ed knows this, the cruelty of feeding izzy his own toe, especially in a moment of heightened anxiety, stress and terror is immeasurable

but god, then i got thinking about those thoughts in correlation against the framing of the scene that's so much like a sexual assault, and the idea that izzy is already a survivor of sexual violence

and fuck.

imagine if izzy has chronic IBS and he's a sexual assault survivor, and the thing that ed decided to do to him in 1x10 was to creep into his bedroom in the dead of night, with dim lighting and a soft voice, assault his body without consent, feed him his own body part while crooning that it's okay, it's just the pinky, stop crying, swallow it down, shut your mouth, there you go, threaten me again and i'll do worse, okay, clean yourself up and come find me, whilst invading his space, his body poised over izzy's, the two of them horrifically alone with no one coming to save izzy who screamed when he woke up in such agony, mostly naked and vulnerable and assaulted

i am having a lot of feelings about this

[separatist-apologist]

Hi, it’s me, riling up anon (I really should get a tumblr account to ease my introductions and so we can become besties). Obviously, LOVE part 4! Part 5 ideas- Lucien repays the favor (obvs). He wakes up wondering how he is going to get Elain alone in the house when a gift falls into his lap - a rogue Illyrian war band is attempting to gain new territory. Exit the IC, enter elucien smut in the garden.

First of all, I would love to be besties.

Second of all, no rest for the wicked am I right? Like yesterday this is NSFW, 18+, practically unedited and obviously guarantees a part 6. It's also the longest part I've written so far. PART 5!

Elain woke with some regrets. The throb between her legs was at an all-time high and with so many people around, there was little she could do but put on a breezy, cotton gown, her wide-brimmed sun hat, and vanish into the garden where at least no one would be able to smell what was going on with her. Elain kept her thighs pressed together, hoping some of the friction would help alleviate the burn.

It didn’t, and by the time the sun was high in the sky, Elain was weeding with a grim brutality. Had Lucien left? She wanted to tug on the bond and see where he was but she didn’t want to bring him anywhere near her. Her control was too tenuous as it was. She might jump him in front of her sisters and then what? How would she possibly explain what was going on between them? She barely knew herself. None of it was ladylike…and perhaps some small part of her liked having something that was just for her. No one could offer an opinion or butt in if they didn’t know.

“Elain?” Feyre’s voice wafted from the garden wall. A moment later her youngest sister appeared in her Illyrian leathers. Elain stood, dusting off her dirty hands. “Hey…it’s nothing to worry about and not a big deal, but there was a disturbance with the Illyrian’s. One of the chiefs slaughtered a village and is attempting to take more territory. Rhys and I are going up to handle it, and I know Cassian and Nesta plan to join with the Valkyries….you’ll be alone in the house.”

Elain shrugged. “That’s fine,” she agreed, wiping sweat with the back of her arm.

Feyre bit her bottom lip, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “Mostly alone…”

Elain narrowed her eyes. “What does that mean?”

Lucien will be in the house too…not all day! But…for a while. He’s working on a treaty for Rhys and should stay in the study. He’ll leave you alone but…just in case you wanted to go out…”

Right. Elain offered Feyre a tight smile, her heart pounding in her chest. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about me.”

Feyre’s shoulders visibly relaxed. “If we can’t make it back tonight I’ll send word.”

“Be safe.”

Feyre vanished, leaving Elain alone in the garden. She stood there, wondering if she ought to find him in the study and demand…demand what, exactly? It wasn’t like she was well-practiced. As she stood there, contemplating how to get what she wanted without having to just blurt it out, a hand brushed the hair from the back of her neck. Warm breath tickled her skin and when Elain spun, already aware of who was just behind her, Lucien caught her easily. He was smiling, his one russet eye dark and hungry as he gazed down at her.

“I’ve promised your sister not to bother you unless you ask,” he told her, his deep voice a shade darker than it typically was. “May I bother you, Lady Elain?”

“That depends,” she replied primly, unable to take her eyes off his lips. “On what kind of bothering you plan to do.”

A grin began to stretch across Lucien’s face, giving him a near feral appearance. “I owe you for last night.”

She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear nervously. “Of course you don’t.” Lucien’s body was pressed against her own as he reached for her face, tilting it towards him. “Wrong, Elain. Tell me…can I bother you?”

“Bother me how?” She whispered, the words nearly sticking to the back of her throat.

“With my mouth, ideally,” he murmured, ghosting his lips across her own. “But I’m happy with just my hands.”

“Why not both?” She asked without thinking. She felt him smile against her skin.

“I like the way you think,” he practically purred before kissing her gently, out in the open where anyone could see. There was nothing to hide them; the garden wall would hardly come up to his hip were he standing right beside it, and though there were some lovely trees scattered about, none were broad enough to obscure what was happening between them.

Elain felt a thrill run up her spine at the thought of being so open with him. It was her that deepened the kiss, running her tongue along his lips until he opened for her. She surged upwards on her tiptoes, arms wrapped around his neck so she could revel in the way he tasted. No one had the right to smell half as good as Lucien did, like crisp Autumn air and sun washed apples, but for however good he smelled, he tasted ten times better.

She was half-drunk on the moment, lost in the feel of his hands running the length of her spine. It was so sweet, so unhurried that some small part of her wanted to revel in it. Lucien, though, had decidedly different ideas regarding what he hoped to do. Some of the sweetness shattered when his hand cupped her breast through the thin, white material of her dress while his other began rouching up the fabric.

She broke the kiss with a gasp. “Out here?” She asked. He chuckled, teasing her nipple almost absently as he gazed down at her.

“You have somewhere better in mind?”

She opened her mouth to protest, to say yes, very much so, but the look on his face stopped her. She glanced at the soft grass just beneath her feet and, before she could talk herself out of it, promptly sat down at his feet. Lucien stared for a moment and then laughed as if she’d told him the most hilarious joke, his tanned face reddening as he attempted to keep himself together.

“What?” She demanded as he dropped to one knee, and then the other until he was kneeling before her.

“You’re funny,” was all he said in response. No one thought she was funny…and never had. She wasn’t sure what to do with that information, so she tucked it away for later. “I never meant for you to sit in the grass, though.”

She frowned. “Oh?”

He was chuckling again as he hefted her into his lap. “I ama gentleman, you know.”

“Where should I sit, then?” She asked, genuinely curious. His lips curled upwards as he lowered himself to the ground and gestured at his face. Heat rose through her body and she balked, one hand pressed against her mouth.

“You’re obscene,” she accused, completely unaware people did such things. Lucien waited a beat and then, with strong, sure hands, merely dragged her across his chest until he had her placed exactly where he wanted.

“Tell me to stop,” he replied, his face half hidden beneath her dress, his breath hot against the fabric of her underwear. Oh, Gods,she thought, her embarrassment shifting towards anticipation. She swallowed hard and draped her gown over his face entirely, not that it was keep anyone from instantly recognizing what was going on between them.

“Off,” his muffled voice ordered, his finger hooking in the fabric of her underwear. It was awkward, shimmying them off while he attempted to keep her exactly as she was, but Elain managed it. Still nervous, she shoved them into the pocket of his pants, just in case anyone came by. They were still clothed…perhaps she’d lie and say she was injured and he was patching her up.

She gasped when she felt his fingers spread her open. Lucien hissed softly. “Pretty,” he murmured, she suspected more to himself than for her though the praise settled hot in her belly.

“What are you—”

He licked right up the center of her cunt and Elain nearly flew off his face. He brought one hand from beneath her skirt to hold her in place, dragging her even closer. Was he breathing, she wondered wildly, suddenly desperate for him to continue?

He licked a slow circle and Elain whined, grinding her hips against his face without thinking. Lucien groaned beneath her, the guttural sound spearing pleasure through her but.

“Am I frustrating you?” His muffled voice asked, his lips speaking practically into her cunt.

“Yes,” she gritted out, wishing he’d shut up.

“Do you want me to stop?” He asked, withdrawing his mouth completely.

Elain screamed softly, shoving him back into her wet folds. She heard him groan again and she wondered which he liked; the assertiveness or being that close to her body. He gave her what she was asking for, licking up the center of her, letting his tongue work over her clit in the same circular motion as before, faster, then slower, while she canted against him, urging him on.

Heat mingled with pleasure, building up, up, up and when she thought she might fall over the edge, Lucien’s tongue vanished from her clit and dipped into her entrance to fuck her with his mouth instead.

“Lucien please—” She begged. She was close, so mind-shatteringly close it had stolen her ability to think of anything else but his soft, wet mouth rubbing against her, the sweet friction almost unbearable in its pleasure.

He dragged his tongue back to his clit, his pace quickening as one finger slid into her body. Elain was lost to the sensation, unable to do anything but grind against him. Darkness crept into the edge her vision as the heat in her gut threatened to take her completely.

“Please, don’t stop, Lucien—” Her legs clamped around his head, his cunt pulsating on his finger as she screamed his name to the sky. Lucien rode her through it before sliding her down his chest just enough to sit up and kiss her roughly. His mouth tasted like her and she thought she ought to have found it disturbing or disgusting but she found the taste of her mingled in his mouth erotic.

“Lucien?!” A distant voice called. Feyre, she realized. Lucien groaned.

“We’ll continue this later,” he promised, quickly righting himself. She looked away from the bulge in his pants, still panting on the ground. Lucien vanished a moment later and she realized when she’d finally managed to climb back to her shaking legs that he’d taken her underwear with him.

[animeangel21]

Part 2 is ready for my sukuna fic

Here you go sluts :)

——————————————————————————-

"T-t-thank you ma-master" I stuttered with a shaky bottom lip.I would definitely have a handprint there tomorrow with the force he was putting on me.

"You need manners"

With him still buried deep in me his palm connected with my ass again and my hips pushed back forcing him deeper into me.

"You like that too huh?"

His hand continued to swat on me with no remorse but one hit in particular had lurched my body forward and I cried loudly cussing with drool falling out my mouth.

"God you're ass is raw, and this sweet little cunt is creaming all over me"

"N-no more" my voice barely above a whisper

He pushed himself back out of me and grabbed my hips and pulled me back on his cock harshly causing my ass to rub against his hips.

My moans were muffled again as his hand found my neck and pushed me further into the pillow. His dick twitched in me and I clenched as his pace somehow picked up.

I screamed a line of cuss words as his cum shot into me and he pounded me harder and I came all over him again.I tried to crawl away, get away, anything to help myself from the over whelming pleasure taking over my body. But his nails dug into my hip on my right side pulling me further back and his left hand was in my hair pulling my head back so my back met his chest.

My legs were on the verge of giving out on me and my arms wouldve struggled to hold up my own body weight if it wasn't for his hand and my hair.

"Just look how I'm bulging in your stomach. Fuckk, you wanted this and now you got it." He groaned pushing my head down and as he did so I could feel and smell the blood in my nose trickle down my face and down my neck.

"Is it that hot to you or is that your body saying you've had enough. Either way I'm not done with you. I've got 1000 years of pent up frustration and a tight needy cunt right here." He dropped my body into the pillows and there was a burning sensation on my hip causing me to try and move away but his grip tightened. " a bond you can't get rid of."

Sukuna had branded me with a RS on my hip.

In a heartbeat I was flipped and he sat on the edge of the bed with me in his lap and my neck in his hand

And his arm was securely wrapped around my waist.

My eyes were slowly shutting due to my body being exhausted. He drug his tongue from my neck to my mouth lapping up all the blood and slapped my face twice on the same cheek to wake me up immediately making my eyes wide.

"Enjoy being on top when you've got the chance because the minute you're down you need to be completely submissive"

" and if you dare to fall asleep or slow down with me I'll shove this dick in your ass raw" he whispered and licked the shell of my ear.

"Now ride" he said looking down at me licking his lips and flashing his white teeth at me. He smacked my ass hard as I sunk down and gripped the flesh hard and left bleeding scratch marks in his path as well.

—skippy—-

Once he came undone and I did as well my body physically couldn't handle it and I passed out.

  but he just let out a deep sigh and set a little mental note to punish the brat next time he would see her.

He was decent enough to snap his fingers and wipe her down with a wet rag and dress her in her oversized shirt with some shitty anime on it and some cute panties.

Hm.. maybe the brat would get some action if he liked to same shitty anime .  Sukuna thought to himself

He snapped his fingers and dressed itadori  and laid him in the bed and pulled the girl to lay next to him burying his face into her breast, and hand on her ass. He positioned her legs to wrap around his hips along with her arms before swapping out as itadori was unconscious this entire time.

Basically got the brats dick wet for him.

And with that he sat back and just replayed the nights events with a smirk on his face.

To further make things interesting he got rid of the marks that were branded into the girls neck and collarbone only leaving the branded letters and marks from the spanking on her ass.

———————————-hehe skip to morning————

  Yuji was the first to wake up or so he thought. His dick was awake before he was and he wasn't exactly sure where he was but this was an every other day thing and he would handle it if there wasn't something weighing his body down.

He woke up enough to look down at the half naked girl next to him who looked a bit rough probably from yesterday's training since he couldn't even remember getting to her house yesterday. His face was no longer between her breast but his mouth was against her throat and he could feel each breath she took. With a small tired moan her legs pulled him closer and her arms tightened around his neck before loosening up and a small gasp fell from her lips.

"I-itadori I'm I- I'm really sorry" she apologize with a flustered face and the boy smiled into her neck but as she pulled away he pulled her closer causing her blush to brighten.

" no need princess I'm comfortable here if you are. I-is this okay" he said with a faint blush

"I - Uh Jeez this is embarrassing um.." she couldn't talk or think properly with the boy looking up at her like a goddess.

I didn't have the balls or energy to tell him that his hand was on my very sore ass and I wouldn't mind him massaging some ointment on it and my bruised thighs.

He adjusted our positions and finally realized where his hand had been and his little shocked face was cute. I hid my face in his chest and he looked down examining the bruises, hickeys, bites, and scratched that littered my thighs noticing it was bad it wanted to ask about something but the embarrassment on his face said it all.

"Can I help you?" He said playing with the hem of my shirt.

"Y-yeah, uh there's creams and stuff inside the bathroom." I said and removed my legs from the boys body.

He sat up showing no shame in his erection as he stretched and mumbled about how sore his lower body was along.I laid in my bed and reminisced about last night and grabbed my phone and opened the camera only to see that there were no bite marks, hickeys,scratches, or puncture wounds.

Yuji took a while in the bathroom and when he came back out I was laying on my side and furrows my eyebrows at the look on his face. Oh damn

"If you're wondering he said he fixed you up mostly last night." Itadori said with a bit of an upset face and he looked at me with shame and guilt

I  dismissed everything I was feeling and how sore my body was I shot up onto my knees on my bed and wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight hug.

"You're not angry? I thought you would be pissed especially with me of all people for letting it happen."  He mumbled sadly.

"Yuji you can't control him.. of all people him. Look, he's been inside my head for..god knows how long but, I know how you feel and if I could repeat some of last nights events with itadori yuji I would" I said and kissed him passionately to which he returned immediately.

"Let me fix you up before you get hurt again."  He said pulling away.

" he could never do what I did HELLO IM A DEMON" the mouth that manifested on yujis cheek spoke and I smacked it but not hard enough to hurt yuji.

"Fuck off, it was my body." Yuji argued and leaned into my ear before whispering.

"He's had a lil spot for you, always mumbling about how he would fuck you n blah blah blah" and I laughed lying on my stomach so yuji could apply the cream for my thighs and ass.

"Um who told you to spread my business brat" his deep voice boomed.

"Fuck, did you have to go so hard on her." He said after flipping my shirt up to my hips.

"Brats need proper punishment."

"I like the idea of spanking too but there's  hand prints here, and scratch marks"  yuji said  applying the cool cream to my very much still burning skin.

" ya know I'm still here right like right under you" I said and yuji mumbled an apology.

"I'm never sorry" he mumbled

He doesn't know about our little deal, our little bond, and if he finds out I'll kill you myself princess.  Don't make me do that.

Okay, I won't you have my word.

Good girl.

I couldn't help but feel a bit of guilt knowing I'll have to lie to him about what happened yesterday night but sukuna probably told him everything he had to know and not what he shouldn't know.

The feeling of soft but large hands massaging my thighs and butt really took a toll and really turned me on.

More from my thighs as they were always a bit sensitive for me whenever someone touched them.

"Y-yuji I think I'm okay" I said softly and I heard a chuckle.

"Someone's horny" a deep voice rumbled and I flipped myself and it was yuji again.

"YOU CANT DO THAT TO HER ASSHOLE SHES GONNA WHOOP ME CAUSE OF YOU" yuji said and I placed my hand in his cheek.

"I would never I may have my issues but I won't even accidentally hurt the wrong person."

He fell onto my bed and pulled me next to him and relaxed his body and held me close.

"Was he serious?" He chuckled softly and my face started burning

"Yes.. he was but you've had a boner since you woke up but I kept my mouth shut."

"HEY this happens every morning I can't exactly control it" he said blushing as well and it was my turn to laugh.

I couldn't help but think about death and what's go come in my future, I had a while before death would

Come my way but, I was gonna live my life to the fullest. Or so I though.

———guess what, another time skip————————

Months later...

How many curses flooded this place? I don't know.

Me and another student came here on a mission to take care of a special grade while megumi was fighting some special grade.

Back up was on the way but I hadn't seen itadori in weeks because of a 'special mission' he accompanied nanami on.

Me and another grade 1 sorcerer were dealing with some curses on our own and my body was wearing down from the amount of energy I was using.

"WATCH YOUR BACK" I screamed and before my attack could do anything he was done for his blood spattered all over the old walls of the underground building/ bunker we were in.

"No more fucking around." I placed my fingers together.

"Domain expansion: grave expansion " I said and I could feel my energy flow and every single curse was ripped apart into several pieces and the only sound was their screeching.

"Ah you've perfected your domain expansion? It's about time little girl" a voice said behind me and I turned slowly and I was met with  with the piercing green eyes of Toji fushiguro.

" what the hell do you want? Cant you see I'm busy" I said and he got close.

"Hm.. a message..tell gojo I'll be back for him, you have a special grade to take care of missy" and he vanished in thin air right infront of me and I blinked several times to assure I'm not losing my marbles before running towards megumi and the special grade curse. I was weaker than I was before and I couldn't even see straight for a minute but I had to keep going if I was gonna see megumi again.

"MEGUMI WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!?" I screamed praying for the best.

" you're too weak you need to get out of here" his voice rumbled from behind me blood covered his face and I rolled my eyes.

"I'll be fine, back up is on the way we can both make it out of here, I- I can stun the special grade quickly and we Can make a run for it." I said and my nose dropped blood and he looked at me questionably before nodding his head.

I looked around and spotted the special grade and I took a deep breath.

"Fun times we're gonna have." I said  and my hands radiated purple flames and  a black dragon appeared from behind me and as I moved my arms forward she targeted the special grade and I grabbed megumis hand making a run for it.

" how are you feeling" he said and I shrugged.

" I'm doing just fine let's just get out the back up should be here in less than 5 minutes" I said and as hard as I focused I couldn't help but feel weaker by the seconds passing and the minute we stepped outside I froze in my spot.

A pain in my chest caused me to fall to my knees and onto my back.

This can't happen to me now

I summoned back my black dragon and the pain subsided even though she was injured whatever he did had been bad and transferred from her to me.

"Hold tight." He said and just as he said that the ground shook and the special grade was on ground level with us and standing over us as megumi carried my body. The curse kicked megumi sending him into a near by wall.

The curse picked up my frail body and held me up and smiled at me wickedly.

He turned towards the gates with my body and there stood gojo  and an unfamiliar figure.

"Oh young mya I never told you. This is all cause of me." I heard tojis voice and gojo was already ready with his signature smirk.

"Ah we meet again, I'm gonna need my student released from this curse and we can settle this one on one" he said and Toji looked me in the eyes grabbing my face" and let your strongest walk out of here alive? HAH" and with a flick of his hand the special grades hand shifted and impaled me to a tree  straight through my stomach and into the trunk the object was thin but it still hurt like a bitch

"SON OF A FUCKING BITCH" I screamed with anger crying almost immediately and before I was impaled again by the second arm I looked up at the curse  and it's body was split into pieces and nanami was behind it and itadori was looking at me with a shocked expression and tears on his face.

"I'll Help her call for help." Nanami said and before gojo got a hit on toji he vanished once again and ran over to me.

"I'm so sorry mya" 

"Pfft don't worry about it I'll be.. I'll be fine" I said and I smiled as nanami wrapped my stomach and itadori ran up to me and held my head in his lap.

"I hate this... please.. don't leave me" he mumbled with trembling lips.

"I'll always be with you no matter what.." I said fading in and out of consciousness.

"I'm sorry, I should've been there to help you." Megumi said with his head down and I lifted my hand to grab his hair and pull him close.

"You're a lot stronger than anyone here so don't worry about me. You handled that like a badass" I said and released him but his hand held my wrist and gojo had his head down.

" you are the best teacher ever." And I looked at nanami " my favorite mentor, you're more than capable of dealing with my knucklehead" I said and blood poured out the side of my mouth.

" I'll always be here for all of y-"

I was cut off with a kiss.

"Please, don't die on me!" Yuji screamed  my tears slipped and I could feel my body giving up little by little as I took my last breath and shut my eyes.

" I love you all" I mumbled and I faded into darkness 

Sorry princess it's time.

———————-innate domain——————-

Sukuna knew exactly what would happen if the girl didn't make it and he truly didn't care. But he would manipulate her and convince her to stay if he had to the easy way or the hard way.

He knew that at any given time anyone who entered his domain was gonna see the girl and that’s what he wanted. He wanted everyone to know that he owned her everything now.

—————

I awoke almost immediately with a gasp and sukunas fingers left my forehead and he picked me up bridal style and out of my hatred for being picked up I wrapped my arms around his neck.

He sat down on the large mattress with an unreadable look on his face and looked at the ground below him.  I was seated in his lap confused and upset.

" 'M sorry, I couldn't save you. something wouldn't let me. Princess, don't think I didn't try to save you.. I did but something wasn't letting me through and it was too late.." he said with his chin on the palm of his hand. I was shocked that the great king of curses was apologetic for once and I just had a straight face.

"Great king of curses are you dying?" I said feeling his forehead causing him to glare at me.

"Cause you just apologized to me." I smiled and held his face with my hand.

" it was gonna happen.. plus I was too weak I used my domain expansion and several other techniques that I shouldn't use all at once so, I did it to myself." I said playing with my hands noticing his white kimono with black edging and the black shoes he wore.

"You're here now, and it's not too bad until I have business to handle." He grabbed my jaw and turned my face to meet his and pushed his tongue into my mouth for a heated kiss.

He pulled away and picked me up dropping me on the bed.

"You need rest" he smirked down and pulled away untying his kimono showing off his godly body and sliding in the bed as well.

"I know I know you don't sleep in pants." He rolled his eyes and with a snap Of his fingers I was in a large shirt and underwear.

He laid next to me and buried his  face in between my breast and wrapped his arms around my waist allowing one of his hands to rest on my ass and give it a rough squeeze.

No matter how many timeswe get intimate since that first day we fucked I’d forever be nervous with him. Every movement of his made me slightly nervous but I felt so little under him it was slowly become normal.

I ran my fingers through his hair and as my eyes shut my actions stopped and he let out a throaty growl which was stupidly attractive and I moved my hands again to mess with his hair.

I traced over his hairline and kissed it gently.

I hummed and let the exhaustion take over from today's events allowing my leg to rest over his waist.

Once you were asleep sukuna could hear urge change in your heartbeat.

He knew exactly what he did and the reactions he had on your body he easily could manipulate you into falling for him and he knew he had to put in little to no effort with such a Naive little girl in his bed.

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Bucky Barnes’ adoptive child

Bucky Barnes x child!reader

warnings: knife

a/n:

prompt: @multifandomlover121: “i adored your natasha romanoff’s child headcanons! could you do one with bucky barnes and him adopting a child? thank you!!”

bucky saw someone in need and wanted to help them

that someone was you

he would have wanted someone to do the same for him

“are you okay, kid?”

“i’m fine...”

“are you sure?”

“...no”

you kinda started crying and ran off

but that wasnt the last time he had seen you

the more he’d run into you, the more he’d check on you, offer you food/water/shelter

“i really don’t mind, it’s the least i could do”

“are you sure?”

“i am”

you began to trust bucky more as time went on, he really was helpinh you out of the kindness of his heart

and buck became more protective of you, of course

soon enough he saw you as his child and you saw him as your father, neither of you had had a bond like that before

“i’m going to the market, do you want anything?”

“uh, peaches?”

“got it, be back in a while, don’t answer the door for anyone”

“got it, pa”

that was the first time you called him “pa” and he shut the door behind him and stood there in SHOCK he was so ???!!!!

you asked him about his life, and at first he didn’t want to tell you much

“pleaseee? it all seems so interesting”

“well, i don’t remember it much. and everything i do remember isn’t very great”

“is that why you’re lying low?”

“yeah...that’s one of them”

“can you tell my how you got your metal arm?”

you tried not to pry but you were disappointed that he wouldn’t open up to you

he knew just about everything about the short past you had, all the highs and lows of your messy childhood before he met you

bucky lived in a one bedroom apartment, so he gave you the bedroom and slept on the couch

honestly you guys led your lives mainly inside the apartment just to stay safe

and filling the day was a bit difficult, but you managed

“can i watch tv?”

“after the news”

“you said that twenty minutes ago”

“well, it’s not over yet. just watch it with me”

“can i pleaaaase watch tv?”

that “pleaaaase” always makes him cave

you two also baked together! it calms his nerves

especially when he can smell cookies/brownies/cake/etc baking in the oven, it’s his favorite

“are you sure we’re making these right, y/n?”

“no, i am not.”

helping him clean his arm sometimes

he couldn’t get in the crevices

one day you were watching tv and it said that bucky was wanted for a bombing, which couldnt be true because that was in vienna and you were far from there

“so that’s what you didn’t want to tell me? you’re a...”

“a terrorist? an assassin? an 100 year old man? i...i wish i wasn’t, but i had no choice. i can’t remember everything that happened to me, but i don’t want to. this new life is good for me and you. and i promise i would never do anything to hurt you”

“i know, pa, i trust you more than anyone else on earth. but...what does this mean for us now? the whole world is looking for you”

“nothing, they wont find us here. i’m going to the market for plums, though. keep the door and windows locked”

“yes sir”

“love you, kid”

“love you, pa”

and the next thing you know the door has been opened and you do not know what to do so you hide because that’s the plan you and bucky came up with just in case and next thing you know there’s sounds of fighting, things breaking, yelling

it’s time to come out

“pa? pa, where are you?”

“y/n, get down!”

“bucky, who is that?” -cap

“my kid”

steve immediately: ????¿???

ur WHAT

anywhooo you ended up running with them and not able to keep up bc they were kinda enhanced 100 year old men and you were baby

so the falcon, the REAL DEAL MAN RIGHT THERE had to give you a helping hand

“you doing alright, kid?”

“to be honest, i’ve never flown before”

✨getting arrested with pa and the crew✨

you sat next to steve rogers

“so, you’re bucky’s...child?”

“he took me in a while ago, we were both in a dark place”

“has he told you about his past?”

“i ask but he cant remember most of it, and what he does remember, he’s too ashamed to say. he just recently told me he used to be an assassin...and he’s and eldery man”

“hey, whatever happens to buck—your dad, i just want to let you know that i’ll be here for you, okay? he was my best friend growing up, i owe it to him”

it’s a feat to be a minor caught by the CIA but look at you go

you had to explain how you and bucky became family, which they were not buying even though every word was true

releasing you to steve bc he had some pull

oh yeah bucky kinda sorta went feral and you insisted you’d be able to calm him down but it doesn’t exactly work that way

“pa! i’m right here, it’s me! please, stop it!”

“y/n, you need to get out of here, it’s not safe!”

“i can’t leave him like this!”

escaping the CIA and waiting for your dad to wake up, this is where he regained his full memory

once he was free of the debris, he gave you a big hug and apologized with tears in his eyes (why the fuck am i rhyming)

“i’m sorry if i scared you, dragă”

“i couldn’t ever be scared of you”

steve was so happy that bucky was happy dhshshshhshs

being pushed in the backseat with pa

sharing your granola bar

since bucky remembered some good thinsg about his past, he thought it may be time to share!

“yeah, so me and steve were best friends, right? steve always picked fights with every bully he met, despite being less than half the weight he is now. i always had to swoop in and save the day”

“i can’t believe you were born in 1917. my father is a world war two veteran”

“how impressive” -sam, also a war vet

honestly they didn’t expect THAT much resistance at the airport but everyone knew you were off limits

excellent spiderman who webbed your hand to a car

luckily, your dad had taught you a thing or two and you got to hacking through these webs with your pocket knife

it took forever

but you finally escaped with your dad and who you’d soon call ‘uncle steve’

black widow nearly stopped you, you were very afraid :)

bucky made u stay in the jet “for your own safety”

“we don’t know what to expect in there, y/n. the last thing i want for you is to get hurt. i should have never dragged you into this”

steve casually talking to bucky about you being unofficially adopted by him

“so, you’re a dad?”

“that i am”

“what’s it like?”

“it’s like...finding a reason to get up every day. and a decent amount of compromise”

“sounds exciting”

“you have no idea”

finally being retrieved from the jet to see your dad with one arm

trippin out

but he told you it was alright

t’challa, new king of wakanda who was trying to end bucky’s life just a few hours ago had apologized and offered you sanctuary in his country

he SPECIFICALLY apologized to you, saying that it was unfair to you by trying to hurt your father because the pain of losing one is unbearable in his eyes

getting some much needed peace (not really bc you wanted to train with wakandan warriors)

and it paid off since you all had to fight off a hoard of aliens

“you think you can handle this, y/n?”

“oh yeah”

you definitely could not handle your dad turning to dust :)

:))))))

“y/n? steve?”

no nope no

steve had to take care of you on bucky’s five year hiatus from life (oh my god im sorry)

not a day went by that you didn’t think of him

it kinda sucked bc you didn’t have any pictures together or anything, only pictures from the 1940’s that steve pulled out every once in a while

“doing okay, y/n?”

“not really”

“do you want to come and watch a movie with me or something? im still not completely caught up on everything i missed”

after five years, there was a breakthrough and it was finally time to get your dad back

but he probably wouldn’t recognize you...you’ll find out soon enough

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedgiant // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm // @ofthedewthesunlight //

[smellysluna]

The one where mature teenagers fall in love

Fandom: Miraculous: The Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir

Pairing: Félix Graham de Vanily x gender neutral! Reader

Warnings/tags: some cussing I guess, maybe some sweet fluff

Side note: this was supposed to be me fuluflling a request but I did something completely entirely different and ended up with this. However I’m not going to give up on thy request smh

During recess, you were both sat at the bench, hip by hip. At this point, it felt natural to be constantly in contact with one another. May it be your arms during a class explanation, your legs during homework. Sometimes, in the movies, you’d lean on each other but you’d never really talk about it. Not talking about it kept both of you awake at night. It made you wonder, is there really something going on between you two? Or was it just wishful thinking?

“Oh, who would fardels bear…”

“Fardels? Seriously, Félix, are we quoting Shakespeare now?”

“Hm, you knew that one? You keep surprising me.”

You felt in your stomach a thousand butterflies. You were sure that if you to answer something witty in a calm demeanor calmly, as always, your words would come out jumbled. “Don’t be that surprised, I only know that line because of Huckleberry Finn.”

“Huckleberry Finn?” he knits his brows together.

“The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, you know, that movie from 1884.”

Félix only pursed his lips in negation.

“You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me! It’s a classic, Félix! You have to watch it! We’re watching it tomorrow, at my place.”

You were both so enthralled in each other that you didn’t notice Chloé and her minion eavesdropping your conversation. Chloé was ready to pounce any minute and finally found something good.

Repulsively, she began to cant her nonsense. “Oh my, it looks like these two losers got a date with each other.” Chloé shifted her weight on one hip and giggled viciously into her hand.

Félix had his mind set on ignoring her but, you, on the other hand, weren’t going to let this slide. To say that you were pissed was an understatement. You were sick from her persistent bullshit and were about to shut her mouth.

“Well, at least this loser can get a date with one of the blonds. You sure I’m the loser, hm?”

Chloé’s face flushed in embarrassment and Sabrina wasn’t sure what to do next. The redhead followed Chloé storming off.

It wasn’t until the devil left that the weight of what you said sunk in.

“A date, huh?” Félix wasn’t being cocky like you expected him to be. His soft tone gave away the eagerness of your previous statement.

You sat back on the bench further away from Félix, defeated.

You stared dead ahead, cursing peripheral vision because you couldn’t stand to even look at him but you still saw him. God, that was so dumb, why did you even say that?

Félix was determined to know what he meant to you. After all, he was convinced you knew how he felt. Time and time again, you proved yourself to be smart. It might not be reflected in your studies but being book-smart doesn’t help you in the real world. However, if you actually knew his feelings for you, you never let it show.

The boy scooted over to you, nearly touching. You knew he wanted an explanation of what you said to Chloé. Honestly, you didn’t even have one. “I mean - it - uh…” You stared in the opposite direction of him.

Félix placed his hand on your thigh and you closed your eyes because - damn - that felt so good. “(Y/N), please look at me.”

What was it that you were expecting when you suddenly whipped in his direction? No idea, but definitely not that.

He looked at you in that way you caught him looking at you several times. You didn’t know how to describe what he looked like but it made your heart throb. You knew what that look meant, - dear God - you even tried to refrain yourself from looking at him that same way. You thought you were shaking inside.

The bell rang and the patio emptied quickly. You didn’t want to get to class but you didn’t want to sit here in silence either. Maybe in class, you could think of what to say, you really didn’t want to make a fool of yourself.

“Let’s get to class before it’s too late.” Even though you said that none of you moved until Félix sighed in defeat. He stood up.

He hid his hands in the pockets of his plaid pants. With a straightened back, he refrained from looking at you. “I’m not going to let you ignore this, not again.” He walked away, not waiting for you to go with him.

Slowly, you stood up and made your way to the classroom. You stopped momentarily in the doorway and only noticed him. Félix was already in his usual seat next to you but he was staring outside the window with his head resting in his hand.

You had a sudden urge to take him in your arms and never let him go. You wanted to take him away from this class. You wanted to hide with him someplace only you and he knew. You wanted him to stare back in your eyes. You wanted to be back in the cinema with his head resting on your shoulder. You wanted him. All you wanted is him.

But how do you tell him that he’s the only thing you can think about? How do you tell him that anything you do, you want to do it with him? How do you tell all that without sounding stupid?

Aware of the glares you were getting, you walk up the stairs and sit down next to him. You couldn’t help staring at the back of his head. You bit your lip at how familiar you’ve grown to that barely visible nape.

The bell rang one last and only then Félix looked back at you. Everyone had been tidying their desks except for you.

You wanted to look away from Félix’s piercing gaze but you had to pull through the drumming in your ears.

You had been thinking of the right thing to say these last hours and realised that there is no right thing to say. “I’m not going to ignore this.”

Félix wasn’t expecting you to think in a different light so soon. Honestly, did he want an answer? Did he want to relieve the anguish his feelings for you have caused? Was he ready to face the truth so soon? Even if he had pursued it himself?

“Let’s head outside,” he croaked.

A chauffeur was parked right by the entrance, waiting to open the door for Monsieur. The blond told him that he’d be accompanying you back home. “I’ll share my location with you, later.” The man nodded curtly and gave Félix his freedom.

You were both sitting at your usual bench in the park. You said you weren’t going to ignore this… but how were you going to handle this?

Explaining yourself was never your strong suit. Usually, your actions gave more than enough explanation. Only this time, actions weren’t going to be enough, you thought.

Félix wasn’t going to pressure you to talk. Just like him, you thought before you spoke. You weighed the outcome of every possible conversation. He knew how hard it was talking about what you felt when the only thing you have done is hiding.

“I want to kiss you.”

He had forgotten every word he had known. Your eyes stared deep into his own, your face was red and you were biting your lip. It was okay that he forgot how to speak because he didn’t need to say anything.

And it was in a public park where you both realised it didn’t matter how stupid you would sound. It didn’t matter because you would be side by side.

[taronfanfic]

Fast Forward

Chapter 17

Gemma had been spot on; the light from the hallway had woken you up in the early hours of Monday morning. Taron was creeping in and out of your bedroom, rummaging through your wardrobe in the dark as he tried to secretly pack your bags. You wanted to stop him, to call him back to bed and tell him not to worry because you could pack in the morning, but you knew he’d get annoyed if you got in the way of his plans. You’d bought a new dress to wear, presuming there’d be a nice meal at some point during the trip, and you’d also bought Taron a watch for his anniversary present. A mental note was made to sneak them into the bags in the morning; and instead you lay there hoping for the best as Taron continued to pack in as little light as he thought he could get away with.

It seemed like all of 5 minutes after Taron had settled back into bed before the alarm was sounding out and waking you both back up again.

“Morning gorgeous.” Taron muted his alarm before rolling over in bed to face you with a grin of pure excitement. “Happy anniversary.” He kissed you eagerly as you sleepily accepted his affection.

“One whole year with my favourite person.” You smiled back. “I love you.”

“Love you too. Now you go and jump in the shower and get ready because we’ve got a busy day ahead!”

“Can I know where we’re going now?”

“Nope. You’ll find out when we get there!”

“So how do I know what I need to wear?”

“Don’t worry about that. I’ll find you something suitable.”

“Suitable?” You questioned as you climbed out of bed. “This is getting weird already… It’s a good job I trust you, T!”

You racked your brain for clues whilst you were in the shower. As far as you remembered Taron hadn’t got your passports in the middle of the night so you were pretty sure you weren’t leaving the country. It was also only one night away so in theory you shouldn’t need much stuff but there were two large weekend bags at the end of the bed so that didn’t add up. By the time you returned from the bathroom Taron was dressed and ready to go. He was leaning on the smarter side of casual, wearing your favourite jacket over a white tshirt, black skinny jeans and his winter Timberland boots. The outfit he’d picked for you wasn’t far off his; layering up a striped tshirt, grey hoodie and denim jacket with your tightest jeans and black leather Converse.

“This doesn’t give much away.” You gestured out to the clothes on the end of the bed as you stood with just your towel wrapped around you.

“Good.” Taron grinned back as he sat at the top of the bed, watching and waiting for you to drop your towel to the floor. It would have been too easy to give him what he wanted. Instead you opened the wardrobe door and pulled out the new dress you’d bought.

“Is there room for this in the bags? I bought it especially.”

“I’m sure I can find space. In a minute.” He looked you up and down deliberately slowly as you took a step back towards the bags and let your upper thigh slide free from the towel.

“It’s alright I can do it, got to get your present in there too.”

“I don’t think so!” He was quick off the bed. “You’re not looking in them until we’ve arrived. Might give the game away, so hand the dress over and I’ll pack it.”

“What about your present?”

“Could always have it now?” He suggested cheekily and you considered dropping your towel to distract him, but decided that maybe handing it over wasn’t such a bad idea. It would start the trip off with something special and save having to find the right time later.

“Go on then.” You pulled the wrapped box from your bedside drawer and perched on the side of the bed as Taron sat eagerly with his legs crossed in the centre.

“I never thought you’d agree to that!”

“You have no idea how difficult it is to say no to you sometimes.”

“I wish that was the case last week,” he scoffed “sorry, that was low. I didn’t mean that.”

“Shut it.” You teased as you cupped his face with one hand and placed the box into his palm with the other before kissing him tenderly. “This is for you.”

An adorably boyish smile filled his face as he looked down and tore the paper off the box, his eyes widening as he saw the gold embossed brand on the lid, and widening further as he lifted the lid to reveal the watch he’d had his eye on for months.

“Oh wow. Y/N you shouldn’t have. This is perfect, more than perfect!” He ran his finger around the edge of the watch face before lifting it up carefully and placing it over his wrist. “You shouldn’t have spent this much on me.”

“Says the one about to whisk me away from here for a couple of days!”

“Mmm, but that’s different. You deserve this break.”

“And you deserve to be spoilt too, so shhh.” Taron kept his silence as he buckled the watch around his wrist and sat admiring it. “Can I be cheesy?” You asked, bringing his attention back up to your eyes.

“It’s our anniversary, this is the day to be cheesy!”

“True… so this present, it’s to remind you of the good times we’ve had, the even better times to come… that time spent with you is my favourite time of all, and that we’re the lucky ones because we have time on our side.”

“God, I love you.” He shook his head with a slight awe before leaning in to kiss you his thanks, two, then three times. “You don’t even need to drop your towel for me now, I’m so happy already.”

“I can always do that too….” You teased as you stood up from the bed and deliberately left your towel behind.

“Fuck, I wish we had time for morning sex.” He moaned as he collapsed back, spreading his arms and legs wide with frustration. “Right, I’m taking the bags down to the car and then grabbing a takeaway breakfast from Kirsty’s so I’ll see you down there in 15?”

“Do I need anything else?”

“Phone, keys and that perfect little bum in the passenger seat on time, please?”

Bang on time you pulled open the car door and picked up the bacon roll from the passenger seat before joining Taron in the front of the car. He was finishing off the last mouthful of his breakfast and then took a long drink of his coffee.

“Ready?”

“Ready! I’ve made you a playlist for the journey and everything. See what happens when you leave me on my own for too long!” Taron grinned as he started the engine and pulled out of the car park.

“You become the perfect boyfriend?... maybe I should go away more often!”

“Hey!”

“It’s kinda true though, not that I went away as a test, but it did cross my mind that it would either make everything ten times better, or ten times worse between us.”

“Things were never bad though, were they?” Taron frowned as he pulled up at the traffic lights and waited for you to calm his sudden worries.

“No, not bad. Just… tense I guess. Or pressured? I don’t know how to describe it. There was an atmosphere that made us bicker and take things the wrong way. I definitely needed a break from that.” You placed your hand over his on the gear stick as an extra sign of comfort and watched as Taron thought back to that time and finally nodded in agreement.

“I don’t want it to go back to that. That’s not us, it’s not how we’re meant to be. We’re the easy going, chilled couple, who are always up for a laugh and a bit of drunken mischief.”

“It was me who messed it up. I got stressed and anxious and couldn’t handle it very well so I’m sorry.”

“It was never your fault. Everyone would be stressed and anxious if they thought their Dad had cancer! Don’t blame yourself, because I’m not blaming you.” He lifted your hand with his and left a kiss to the back of it before continuing the drive out of the city and towards the motorway. You had to look away and out of the window as the thoughts of your Dad entered your mind for the first time that day. He’d be waking up feeling so scared; trying to put on a brave face for your Mum but dreading what was to come. The chemo was still more of a precautionary measure than a necessity, hopefully killing off any last traces of cancer that weren’t removed in the operation, but cancer wasn’t something to be treated lightly. It carried its own weight and that morning it lay firmly on your Dad’s shoulders. As you ate your breakfast quietly, spotting the road signs overhead directing you towards Heathrow, you couldn’t help but feel guilty for leaving your parents in their time of need. You couldn’t help feeling like wherever Taron was taking you wasn’t where you needed to be.

Taglist: @egerton-sweetie  @amanda-tallmadge @lizziespidiepridie @leanimal90 @anantheminmyheart22 @aynsleywalker​ @bohemianrhapsody86​ @butterfliesslugswormsandothershi @manners-maketh-taron @livingincompletesilence@marvelmakeuplover @ohsosmutty@misspygmypie  @manners-maketh-a-kingsman@courtmr @baileythepenguin@thomaslefteyebrow @witchymarvelspacecase @samanthasmileys@nellietara @i-cant-remember-my-old-login @wheresmylightinthedark@kurtis-conner@hoe4dior @toky-9101 @mayaslifeinabox@fluentlyspeakingtreason @yallyallblanchett @whiskeylipsx@emmaelizabeth2014​ @primaba11erina @fightuntilyoucan @carlita2025 @rocknrollmadden@walking-stressed-mess @dogmom2014 @aberystwythboy

[gumnut-logic]

The Hero (Part Two)

Title: The Hero

Sequel/companion piece to The Joker

Part One | Part Two

Author: Gumnut

27 Oct – 3 Nov 2019

Fandom: Thunderbirds Are Go 2015/ Thunderbirds TOS

Rating: Teen

Summary: Thunderbird Two, with Virgil and Gordon aboard, is hijacked and stolen. With Virgil injured, it is up to Gordon to save his brother and his ‘bird. Sequel/companion piece to ‘The Joker’. Gordon is far more than he seems.

Word count: 3140

Spoilers & warnings: Violence, WASP!Gordon, Military!Scott, whump.

Timeline: Sequel/companion piece to ‘The Joker’.

Author’s note: For @corbyinoz because she has written some magnificent Virgil and Gordon fics and is a great inspiration. Thank you for all your wonderful words.

It started with ‘The Joker’. I got interested in WASP!Gordon and decided to explore his side of the story. Then PLOT happened. Now I have no idea what is going on.

Many thanks to @vegetacide and @scribbles97 for putting up with my crazy.

Disclaimer: Mine? You’ve got to be kidding. Money? Don’t have any, don’t bother.

-o-o-o-

“Count?”

“Four. One at my door, one in the hallway, another at Virgil’s, plus the interrogator.” He stared at his hand. His gloves had saved his knuckles, but the impact was still there.

They were standing on the residential balcony overlooking the main part of the house. The sky was darkening, the breeze cooling. Below them in the Comms room, Grandma was doing busy work dusting Virgil’s piano. She always got fidgety when members of her family were ill or injured and today definitely qualified. The whole week qualified.

Behind him, on the far side of the building, Virgil was curled up in bed in his room. Today, they had finally got him home. Three days in hospital wrestling with the cocktail of drugs and injuries those bastards had inflicted on his brother.

Virgil wasn’t military. Never would be. It wasn’t lack of skill or capability. It just wasn’t Virgil. At the edge of things there was a factor that made a soldier a soldier. Scott had it, Gordon had it, Virgil did not.

It was not a deficit on his big brother’s part. It was just not his place in the world. What he contributed was different to what Gordon contributed, but it had no less value.

But it meant his brother should not be on the front line, should not face what he had had to face. Virgil was strong, that was not the issue.

It was just wrong.

And it put bile in Gordon’s throat.

“I think we should call him in.”

Scott shifted beside him, but neither man looked at each other. “Already have.” The fading sun sparkled light off the tumbler in his hand as he drank a mouthful.

“Good.” A pause. “Tin?”

“Pissed, but she’ll live.”

“They are better together, no matter what she says.”

Scott snorted. “They are one hell of a pair.”

A grim smile. “Two is always better than one.”

-o-o-o-

Gordon crouched in front of his brother. “Hey, Virg, that was some speech. Who knew you could be so eloquent under pressure?”

Brown eyes struggled to focus on him. Virgil remained canted to one side, his whole posture limp. “He’s strong. He’s going to kick your ass.”

Shit. Virgil was so far gone he didn’t even recognise his own brother. Gordon bit his lip. Time. He didn’t have time for this.

“Hey, hey, Virgil. I’m Gordon, remember? The joker guy you said was going to save your ass.” He traced the ropes holding his brother. Virgil’s baldric was missing. A quick glance around the room located it in the shadows. Excellent. Virg always had tools at hand. He took a second to grab the green length of silicone leather and strung it over the khaki hanging off his torso. An attempt at his brother’s comms gave as much result as he expected it to. Nothing.

The penknife blade made short work of zip-ties and rope and Virgil sagged into his arms, mumbling. His brother was heavy. This was going to be a problem. “C’mon, we gotta get you outta here. Won’t be long before they discover I escaped.” And they were in a dead-end corridor, not exactly a strong defensive position.

“Don’t underestimate my brother. He’s funny, but he’s so much more.”

Gordon ran a hand through his brother’s hair as he lay on his shoulder, taking just a split second to hold him tight.

“In any other circumstances, I’d be lapping this up, but Virgil, we need to get you onto your feet. I’m strong, but not strong enough for your heavy lifting. C’mon, up you get.” Gordon pushed up with his thighs, his brother’s weight on his upper body. Virg, please.

The interrogator on the floor squirmed, wailing something against the wad of the man’s uniform Gordon had shoved in his mouth.

Virgil responded, swaying where he stood. “Gordon is going to come. You’re going to regret it.”

“Yes, yes, help me here, Virgil. I did come. I’m here. It is time to go.”

Virgil continued to mutter his faith in his brother to the world at large as Gordon manhandled him into a position that could enable them to move efficiently as possible.

“Okay, arm over my shoulder, we gotta move!” Virgil’s weight fell on him and Gordon grunted. The muttering continued. “What the hell did they give you?! Some kind of truth serum?”

They stumbled from the room. The guard outside was still out cold. Gordon took the opportunity to grab his firearm before hurrying himself and his delirious brother up the hallway.

Sneaking a look around the corner, he found the coast clear and they made the length of it until they were back to the main corridor. Virgil’s head had fallen limp onto Gordon’s shoulder. Blood was staining the khaki brown as Virgil muttered into the material.

A group of men were striding down the corridor.

Shit.

Gordon dragged himself and Virgil back a little down the hallway, avoiding the door he had already stashed one knocked out guy, he tried another, only to find it locked.

Shit.

Shit.

The voices grew closer. “Um, you’re going to have to be quiet for a bit, we have to sneak past some bad guys.”

Virgil started in his grip, his head wobbling on his neck. “Bad guys want to hurt Gordon. Can’t let them hurt Gordon. Tried to kick their asses, but I’m not like Gordon.” His head lolled. “Or Scott. Couldn’t do it.” His voice faded a moment, only to return much louder and panicked. “Too many. Now they want to hurt Gordon. Can’t let them hurt him. No, no, can’t...”

“Shit, Virgil, shhh!” Gordon dragged him further down the hallway and around the corner they had already escaped from. “Just be quiet for a minute, please.”

Virgil froze and Gordon held his breath, but it was only a moment and Virgil’s panic returned. He appeared to think Gordon was going to be attacked.

Which wasn’t far from the truth, because the men in the corridor had stopped and responded to the noise Virgil was making.

Gordon slammed himself against the wall, his hand clamping over Virgil’s mouth.

It was a mistake.

His brother, forced beyond his limits, took it as a threat and fought back. Gordon lost his grip on Virgil and was flung away just as three men tore around the corner and spotted the both of them.

Virgil collapsed, the dull thunk of his head on the linoleum floor registered briefly before Gordon found himself in a fight for his life.

-o-o-o-

“There were four of them.” A swallow. “Virgil received his second head injury because I had to let him go.”

“He’ll be fine, Gordon. You did what you had to do.” A hand landed on his shoulder.

What he had had to do was fight for himself and his brother.

He got off a shot before the gun was knocked from his hand. After that it was a blur of fists and impacts. He had been so lucky. Only one of the men was armed. He went down with a bullet in his side. Gordon had been aiming for his weapon, but he moved at the last second. Regardless, he didn’t regret it. He hadn’t had time anyway as the other three had piled onto him.

One had half a brain and went for Virgil, face down against the wall. Gordon had been hard put to divert him...into the wall. The snap of bone had been nasty.

But that had left two and he could handle two.

“Remind me to thank Tin for the two-opponent drill she made us run through so many times. It paid off, big.”

The hand was still on his shoulder.

He didn’t object.

-o-o-o-

“Virgil?! You with me? C’mon, bro, please.” If there was desperate pleading in his voice, so be it. His ribs hurt from a blow that had made it through his defences and a shin wouldn’t be forgiving him anytime soon.

And if Virgil didn’t wake up, he would have to throw him over his shoulders and stagger out of this complex best he could. C’mon, Virg.

As if he had heard him the second time, his brother answered, his voice rough. “Gordon?”

Oh, thank god. “Yes. You with me?”

“Knew you would come. Kick their ass.”

“Yeah, you mentioned that.” He sighed. Whatever the hell they had given his brother, it was strong. He grabbed an arm and pulled as gently as possible. “Can you stand?”

Virgil looked up, but Gordon got the distinct impression he couldn’t see, his eyes vague and unfocussed. Hell.

“Don’t mess with my brother, he’ll kick your ass.” And he was back to vaunting Gordon’s defence skills. Gordon had no idea Virgil had such faith in him. It was something he would have to analyse at a later time.

“I’ll take that as a maybe.” Another tug on that arm and Virgil complied, awkwardly pushing himself to his feet. The moment he straightened, his brother’s pallor shifted from grey to green to almost white. He wavered and would have fallen if Gordon hadn’t caught him.

“Shit!” It was rasped out and Virgil’s face clenched shut.

Gordon straightened throwing his brother’s arm over his shoulder. “Sorry, bro, but we gotta move now. You can throw up on my shoes later.” For a moment he thought Virgil was going to puke right then and there, but he must have found some inner strength, because as Gordon guided him down the hall, he kept it together enough to stumble alongside.

Gordon fingered the gun in his hand.

-o-o-o-

It was Scott who broke the moment. His hand dropping from Gordon’s shoulder, he turned back to the two chairs, fingered the decanter and poured two more shots of the whisky.

“Another four. That brings the count to eight.”

Gordon’s glass found his hand and he sipped the drink absently. “Yeah, it does.”

“The total was fifteen.” And Tin appeared at the edge of the balcony, her cat-like stride slinking her through the glass doors. Dressed in shorts and a loose top, she eyed the alcohol in their hands, but did not comment.

Scott stared at her a moment before turning to Gordon with a frown on his face. “Fifteen?”

Gordon shrugged. “Well, I had to get Two back, didn’t I? It’s not like I could leave her there. Virgil would never forgive me.”

Scott’s head tipped slightly to one side. “You know that’s not true.”

He hid behind his tumbler, revelling in the liquid fire it poured down his throat. “I couldn’t leave her there.” Security and technology be damned. She was his brother’s ‘bird.

They couldn’t have her.

-o-o-o-

Virgil was flagging by the time they made it back to the hangar, Gordon virtually carrying his big brother. Words were muttered about Gordon kicking butt, but they were barely coherent. It was the clearer and desperate ‘make it stop’ that wrenched Gordon’s heart out.

“Not much longer, Virgil, I promise.” There was a breathlessness to his voice. Virgil was damned heavy.

He hauled his brother down the last corridor and prayed he didn’t run into anyone else.

A set of doors and he held Virgil with one arm and peered through. It was the hangar, Two sitting there in all her glory. Nearly there, Virgil, nearly there. There was no one in sight, so he slipped himself and his brother through those doors and towards the open module of Thunderbird Two.

An indrawn breath and Virgil attempted to lift his head, eyes searching as if he sensed his girl.

Gordon shuffled his brother over to the side of his ‘bird. The moment they reached the green hull, Virgil reached out and his hand found the cahelium alloy.

An exhale and his brother rested his forehead on the cold metal.

Voices echoed from inside the module. Eyes darting, Gordon took a chance and lowered Virgil to the floor. “Sit here. I’ll be back in a moment.”

His brother curled up beside his ‘bird, his cheek against her green skin, eyes closed and frowning.

A moment. He only needed a moment. Please be safe.

A prayer to the powers that be and Gordon slipped around and through the open module door.

Another three men. All in khaki, all with red criss-cross patches on their arms, pulling apart the mechanics in one of the pod bays.

Virgil would be so pissed. He kept that machinery well-ordered and functioning flawlessly. These assholes had probably screwed up the robotic alignment and it would take half a day to get it back in sync.

Yes, pissed, Virg was going to be so pissed.

He crept along the wall silently, taking advantage of their absorption in their investigation to sneak as close as he could. The moment he was spotted, he charged.

One of them yelled and Gordon swore. That one was the first to go down, the thud of his head hitting cahelium was almost enough to make the aquanaut wince.

Almost.

The other two, less aware and slower in reaction, went down even harder.

One glance at exactly what they had done to the pod robotics had him muttering profanities as he dragged the three bodies hurriedly out the door, flinging them onto the hangar floor out of range of where he fully intended to taxi the giant cargo plane.

Returning to Virgil, he found his brother reaching out blindly calling his name.

Aw, hell.

“It’s okay. I’m here.” He grabbed Virgil’s wavering hands. “We’re okay, but we need to be fast.” A heave and his brother’s arm was around his shoulders again and he dragged him into Two’s module.

Virgil’s collapsed against him, his legs folding as if finally aboard his girl, he had nothing left.

Shit.

Gordon staggered and nearly fell. With some effort he was able to lug Virgil over to the wall and lay him gently down, rolling him into the recovery position. Hell, Virg, don’t do this. A very quick vitals assessment, and his brother appeared stable, but considering the unknown substance in his system, Gordon wasn’t game to trust anything.

But first things first.

He hurried to the module remote and pulled up a ship’s status screen. A quick scan for life signs and he found two in the cockpit.

Damn.

Of course, this was when he wished Virgil was both awake and in his right mind, because the engineer could make his lady dance and do whatever he wanted her to do.

But he wasn’t. Work with what you have. A Scott Tracy motto which meant it was likely a Jeff Tracy motto, too.

And what he did have was access to the security system.

Punching in his co-pilot’s code, he brought up the anaesthetic gas defence network and hit the button to flood the cockpit. An extra flick of a finger secured all the exits to that space.

A count to ten and he closed the module door. Another flick and TB2 lowered her body and drew the module up to dock.

He had to move fast.

Raiding the module’s supplies, he dug up a gas mask and with a quick check on Virgil made his way to the cockpit. Another code to unlock the door and, ready to take on whatever he encountered, he leapt through.

He needn’t have worried. A man and a woman were out cold on the deck plates.

Gordon hurried over to the pilot’s seat and activated the security system that electrified the skin of the ‘bird.

Now no-one could get in, he could breathe a moment.

Pumps began cycling out the gas and clearing the air. Gordon took that moment to dig up some zip-ties and secure the couple. He dragged them to a supply closet, stripped the tiny room of anything that could aid them - Virgil was likely to be pissed at that, too, he kept his supplies in neurotic order and now they were scattered all over the corridor - and stashed them in there for safe keeping.

Then he ran to get his brother.

He didn’t want Virgil out of his sight. In his condition, he needed monitoring.

His brother was exactly where he left him. Blood still sluggishly dripped from his head wound and Gordon was harshly reminded of the steel bar responsible.

With Virgil out cold, Gordon hauled his brother up as carefully as possible, walked him the short distance to his own cockpit and gently placed him in his pilot’s seat. Harness secured, Gordon took his own co-pilot seat and started a very hurried pre-flight.

Someone outside started yelling, but Gordon shut it out as he initialised Two’s engines and her familiar whine began to build.

The hangar door remained an obstacle, but his brother’s ‘bird had a laser for a reason.

“Two.” It was slurred and rough, but it was Virgil.

A glance in his brother’s direction found him still slouched in his seat, head lolling, eyes still closed.

“Yeah, Virg, we’re on your ‘bird. Hang tight because I’m afraid I might have to scratch her paintwork.”

“You wouldn’t do that. We only joke about it.” Slurred, but clearer.

“Well, I’m not in a joking mood right now.” And he fired the laser, Two’s targeting computer slicing a Thunderbird-sized hole in the steel door.

“What are you doing?” Virgil’s eyes were open, but still glazed.

“Cutting our way out of here.”

“Where?”

“They stole your ‘bird, Virg. Remember?” The moment he said it, he knew it was a mistake. Virgil’s response was to start an anxious muttering about Gordon getting hurt, he had to protect Gordon.

“It’s okay, we’re escaping. Another five seconds.” Literally, the laser was nearly finished. “Hang in there, Virgil.”

The muttering got louder. A mix of faith in Gordon and terror for his safety. Virgil’s voice was slurred and random and he needed a hospital as soon as humanly possible.

Two roared as Gordon engaged VTOL, the whole ship lifting off the hangar floor. Ship’s sensors tracked their intended flight path, and with no little amount of vengeance, Gordon engaged her rear thrusters, likely torching whatever was behind the Thunderbird, and pushed her through the hangar doors with a godawful crash.

-o-o-o-

“Virgil lost consciousness again not long after that. I got in contact with John and we flew to Wellington. You know the rest.” Those moments with Virgil limp beside him had lasted forever.

The hand on his shoulder returned. “You did good, Gordon.”

“Yes, he did.”

The familiar voice was calm and quiet and ever so controlled, but it made all three of them start in surprise.

“Mister Gordon, it is good to know you’ve kept up your training.”

Tin was glaring and Scott smirking. Gordon found himself lining up with his big brother, his lips curling into a grin.

“Hey, Kyrano.”

-o-o-o-

End Part Two

[authorofdanger]

Reason Of Survival Part 1

Genre:Angst

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, violence, kidnapping, and death.

Stray Kids Mafia AU

My breathing was ragged as I took another blow to my chest. It was another losing fight for me this week but what was the point in winning? Another day having the shit beaten out of me? To possibly having a full meal once a day and two smaller ones to try to motivate me more? Some clean water? A fucking shower? I dont have a good reason to keep fighting so I kept taking all the hits from my opponent. It felt like hours before I was on the ground with a broken wrist, fractured nose, bloodied face, cracked ribs, and bruises littering my entire body. It's not the worst I have endured in a fight but it's not my best either.

I was tossed back into my cell like a piece of meat and I could barely let out a cry from the pain of the impact. My hair was pulled up harshly which forced me to look my boss in his eyes. "The fuck is wrong with you? You were my top fighter for years and now you cant even win a single fight! And for what? Some cell mate you had for only a few months? Pathetic." My cell mate, Libby, died last week after losing her tenth fight. Boss decided she was no longer useful and.... well you can guess from there. She was my only friend in this hell hole and the only person I wasn't forced to fight. We took care of eachother and became eachothers motivation to keep going and keep winning. At this rate I'm not too far from joining her.

"I'm warning you. Either start winning or I will find better use for you," he warned before releasing my sore scalp and slamming my cell door shut. I crawled over to my personal first aid kit and cleaned myself up the best I could without water or a mirror. My wrist was going to have to wait until my weekly body check from my cell section's nurse. Leaning against the cool concrete wall I listened to the fights continuing the floor above me so I could have an idea of which cells would need to be cleared tonight.

*****

"Let me fucking go," a voice boomed down the hall which ripped my attention away from the fight. I glanced over through the bars and saw a boy being dragged this way by two guards. He looked young, possibly still a teen, but he was well built and looked to be a perfect candidate in the ring. His red hair was messy on top of his head and his clothes were ripped and bloody. He had to be new though because if he wasn't I'm sure I would have fought him by now. I pulled my legs to my chest to make myself small as the three of them stopped in front of my cell and the boy was tossed inside with me and locked in. "I swear to God your going to regret that when my team gets here," he yelled but the guards only laughed before leaving the hall.

I kept silent as I watched him curiously. Nobody in their right mind speaks to the guards like that unless you are a top fighter. A boy like him could get killed here and the boss wouldn't even bat an eye. He ran his hand through his hair before turning around and jumping at the sight of me. I relaxed my legs a bit when I saw all of the violence in his eyes be replaced with concern. "Are you okay," he asked. I let out a small painful laugh. "You're kidding right?" His eyes scanned around my body and stopped when it hit my wrist. "Its not nice to stare you know," I scoffed before shutting my eyes and leaning my head back, "you a new fighter or something?"

"Prisoner. I was captured while on a mission with my team." Prisoner? We dont have prisoners. We have fighters, sex workers, and the guards but not prisoners. "So a fighter? You look too innocent to be a guard and the boss doesn't typically want a baby faced male sex worker." My eyes shot back open in fear as I felt a hand gently grab my wrist but I didnt pull away. "I can wrap this. It might help." Without an answer he had a hold of my first aid kit and made a good makeshift cast. The entire time I kept my eyes on his face which held a sense of focus and care that kept me calm most of the time of contact. "You know it's not nice to stare," he mocked while finishing up. I rolled my eyes but chose to ignore his comment.

"What's your name?" "Y/N. Yours," I asked as he put up the kit. "Jeongin. How long have you been here?" To be honest I'm not too sure. One day I just woke up in this cell with no recollection of my past and I've been here ever since. "Years," was the easiest answer I could give him. I could see his shoulders tense up a bit but his face remained calm and held little emotion. It's odd seeing a newbie so relaxed after being brought in. Normally they would be screaming, fighting, and finding any way to escape. Jeongin on the other hand seems to accept his fate or maybe he has a plan that is bound to fail, either way it's too hard for me to read him quite yet.

"How old are you? I'm seventeen," he asked. He was probably trying to relax any fears I have of him and truth be told it was working but seventeen? And he was talking about a team and he is holding himself together? Something isnt quite right about him but how can I judge in a place like this. "I dont really know anymore. The boss has a file on me somewhere but I had a serious head injury a while back and all I remember is my name and a few scattered memories here and there. It's all a bit of a blur. Hey you said something about a team right?" His eyes shined at the question. Whoever this team is he must hold a good amount of fondness to them. "They're like brothers to me. There are nine of us in total and we run a pretty well known mafia group if I do say so myself. It's a tough job but it gives us all the thrill we have craved since birth. I'm their hacker, I can crack any passcode and hack any electronic device in minutes. Been doing it since I was about fifteen." His hopeful look dimmed as he trailed into a deep thought.

"I wonder if they know where I am." Against my better judgement I reached my hand out for him and led him to sit beside me and laid his head on my shoulder. I dont quite understand what he is feeling right now but I have a good idea. "I wont let anything happen to you Jeongin. Your brothers are coming and they will get you out of here, until then I promise I will keep you alive." Now the question was how was I going to do that? How was I going to protect another person when I can barely protect myself?

*****

The next morning we were woken up by the sounds of sobs and screaming, the usual sounds the morning after fighting matches. Today is the day where cellmates discover that their best friends, lovers, and family members are gone. Today is also the day where if we have any weak links we either move them to the sex worker section or they get killed off. It's always hard to hear no matter how long you have been here and I feel that these sounds will haunt me until the day I die. "What's happening," Jeongin whispered as I watched people being ripped from their cells and new people being added. "They're cleaning out cells. Removing weak links, adding new people, and moving people around. Dont think to much about it." He only nodded his head before taking his body weight off of me and looked around. He mentioned before that he was in the mafia, shouldn't this not bother him at all? "There's kids here too?" Does he expect the boss to have morals? If they can be of any use he will keep them. "Some were born here and some were taken. Again dont think to much into this stuff. It only adds to the depression." He turned his head and looked at me with an unreadable glare. "I'm going to get you out of here," he said more to himself but I only gave him a small smile before fear rose in my chest. I quickly got up and pushed him behind me as the boss opened my cell and slightly chuckled at my protectiveness.

"Well looks who is finally up and moving again," he said darkly while pulling a remote out of his suit pants pocket. I prepared myself for the electric shocks that were about to hit me through my shock collar but refused to stand down, he is testing me I know it. "So I see you have gotten to know our new little addition. I figured he would bring something out in you." I ticked my eyebrow up at him and listened carefully at every single word he was saying and being prepared for any questions he may ask. "I was thinking of adding him to this unit but maybe he would be better as-" "You wont take him," I interrupted boldly, "you want me to win then fine but you cant have him." I know his games and he has done things similar before. He wants his best fighter to win him big bucks in the ring and this is a sick way of doing it. A grin found it's way on his lips as he pressed the button on the remote, nearly bringing me to my knees if Jeongin didnt grab me by the waist to hold me up.

"How about we make a little deal then pet," he laughed before turning off the collar, "as long as you keep winning in the ring he doesnt have to even lift a finger. You continue your little stunt and your losing streak then I trade you two out. Maybe he can do better then you." Jeongin's grip on me tightened and he whispered in my ear "I can handle this. Dont do it." Closing my eyes and shaking my head I felt like there wasn't much of a choice. If I can help it I dont want anyone else in that ring even if it means I have to work myself to death. "He wont be in the ring? Or a part of the sex group," I asked as bravely as I could. "No. You will take up any and all of his jobs I would have pinned him to do. His whole life will depend on your actions." Could I handle that? The extra fights, possibly be in the sex ring as well, any and everything he would have to go through plus my own schedule? "Deal."

*****

"You didnt have to do that," Jeongin sighed while cleaning the dried blood off my face and body since we got our cleaning bucket. "You dont want to be out there. I've been doing this long enough to know what to expect. You just have to trust me on this." I let in a sharp inhale as the soaked rag swiped over my nose which definitely was broken. He mumbled out a few apologies but continued on until most of the blood was off of me and in the bucket. "We should be getting showers tonight for the selections," I explained as he examined the bruises and other various injuries I had. "Selections?"

"Other bosses from other districts come and decide who they want to pin against their own fighters. They also discuss which prize they want if they win. Sometimes its money and sometimes it's the losing fighter. Most of the others here I had fought at one time or another and my boss claimed. I could be fighting about four fighters if I'm lucky in the next three days."

"You call that lucky?" "Lucky as in minimum. Usually on my own I get between two or three and now that I add on your count," I began but stopped myself. I dont need him feeling bad about something that isnt his fault. "You wont be fighting. Chan and the others will find us by then," he assured quietly after a guard passed our cell. I could only give him an assuring smile. How long will it be before he gives up hope? I've been here for years and after a few months I gave up on the thought of escape. Once you end up in a cell there is no leaving, you are no longer a human in a sense but like an animal. Nobody really cares about you as a person anymore and you might as well be erased from the outside world.

"I bet Seungmin has already tracked my location by now," he added "and Chan is probably calling either Sungjin or JB! Oh or Woojin could be calling Jungwoo! It would be a mess if all of NCT came you know," he continued. At some point I zoned out of what he was saying so I myself wouldn't get my hopes up. I thought back to Libby and how right now she would be playing with my hair or how she would be trying to learn fighting strategies from me. Maybe she would have punched Jeongin in the face by now because of his optimism levels, she never was one to see the glass half full.

"Are you even listening to me," he chuckled which pulled me back to the present. "Kinda. Hey Jeongin can we not talk about escaping right now? Maybe you can tell me more about your friends in general?" As if he understood what I was getting at he nodded his head and began to ramble on about all the adventures he has been on through the years. Though he may be a little too hopeful and cheerful he is the perfect amount of light for this dark situation, and in my mind I vow to never let anything happen to him.

Even if it kills me.

[d-c-it]

Meet Lust

Summary: Lust thinks its unfair Remus gets to hang out with everyone and he doesn’t. Deceit said not to bother Thomas but he is stubborn. He is also petty and most importantly he is bored. Crack (ish) fic. 

Ships: None. (Roman get some smooches but they’re not in a relationship so it doesn’t count?)

Warnings: sympathetic deceit, sympathetic remus, a flirty oc, cussing, innuendo, caps, light making out. Some kinks are mentioned and threats of castration.

I can’t explain.

.

Patton was walking down the stairs, heading to the kitchen when he spotted someone on the living room’s couch.

‘Oh, hey kiddo…?’ when the person turn around all he caught was a cheshire grin before he let out a loud shriek and bolted towards the stairs again.

Mid run he saw Virgil open his door with a worried look on his face, Patton however was too busy running for his life to even care to explain. He screamed all the way to his room and slammed the door behind him. Virgil was looking at morality’s door with a weird face when he heard the steps coming up the stair. Once he caught sight of who it was he let out an ‘Oh, hell no. Is too early for this shit.’ He slammed his door just as the mystery person started running towards him, making them crash against it, exclaiming ‘You guys are no fun!’ in a whiny voice.

‘What is the meaning of all this noise…?’ was the only thing Virgil heard, before putting his headphones on and drowning all the background noise. He internally wished Logan good luck.

‘Hot teach! Oh, I’m so glad you’re here!’ said their…guest? Clinging to Logan’s waist and rubbing his face on his stomach, making the logical side unable to move since he was supporting both of their weights.

‘Ah, this explains it.’

‘Daddy was so rude to me! He didn’t even say hi! and Virgin Mary shut the door on my face!’ Logan squinted at the not-quite-stranger. ‘I didn’t do anything!’ complained the other.

‘Felix, where is Deceit?’ asked Logan, making the other let go of him immediately, which was a bad sign. ‘Felix?’ he received only mumbled words as an answer. ‘What was that?’

‘I might or might not have locked him in his room?’ said Felix, pouting. The logical side studied the other, playing with his hands as he stood there, looking all the shades of guilty.

‘May I dare to ask why?’ said Logan, fixing his glasses, Felix’s eyes unfocused at the action but Logan was quick to bring him back from whatever he was thinking by snapping his fingers in front of his face. The other shook his head, coming back to his senses.

‘He let Remus go out, hot teach! Remus!’ whined the other. ‘Before me! I just want to have some fun too!’

‘Right now Thomas is not in the best state of mind to deal with you, I’m sure that’s the reason Deceit hasn’t let yo- are you mocking me?’ he stopped mid-sentence, as he became aware Felix was imitating him while mouthing what he was saying in a childish manner. The other shook his head to deny the statement. Logan sighed yet again. ‘I’ll just go find Deceit.’ He then walked towards Virgil’s door to ask him to take care of the problem child for a little while. He didn’t even get to knock on the door before he heard him exclaim from the inside.

‘Don’t even think about it!’ Logan deadpanned, looking back at Felix, who shrugged innocently. Logan looked towards Patton’s door next but shook his head before heading towards Romans who was probably still asleep as Thomas was up all night working on a video.

He suddenly felt the tug of their host calling, closing his eyes and grunting as Felix, next to him, squealed in delight. Great, he thought, as he was forced to sink down and appear in Thomas’s living room.

‘Hey, Logan. I-‘Thomas stopped himself as the logical side raised a hand.

‘Before you start, I already have an idea of what’s going on and I’m afraid you aren’t going to like it.’

‘Uh… what do you-?’ started asking the brunette when a figure appeared in Virgil’s place at the stairs.

‘AHHHHHH THOMAS!’ jumped the figure, extending his arms as if trying to grab Thomas and hug him.

‘GAHH!’ was their host natural response. Logan made a gesture with his hands as if to say ‘See what I meant?’ Felix seemed to be vibrating in place. ‘Who-? ARE THOSE LEATHER PANTS!?’

‘Ah? OH!’ exclaimed Felix, looking at his attire. ‘Yes! They absolutely are! You like them?’ he said, making provocative poses. Next to him, Logic massaged his temples.

‘No! I-I would never wear something like that!’ exclaimed Thomas, horrified.

‘You should though! You have a great ass! You should own it!’ insisted the other.

‘He literally owns it.’ Was Logic’s confused contribution.

‘DID SOMEONE SAY ASS’ they all heard, just as the duke appeared behind the TV looking very interested.

‘Oh, god. No.’ murmured Thomas.

‘Get out, tentacle porn! This is MY moment!’ both Thomas and Logic made awkward faces at that.

‘Tentacle porn!’ cackled Remus, hugging his morningstar to his chest. ‘That’s a new one! I love it!’ in despite of how angry he wanted to look, Felix laughed a little.

‘Right? I think it suits you~’ he flirted, before he heard Logan’s cough.

‘What is going on…?’ whispered Thomas to the logical side.

‘Well, to put it simple… that’s another one of your sides.’ He said, fixing his glasses.

‘Ugh, I love when you do that! Is so s e x y, hot teach!’ exclaimed the new side, leaning into the railing and doing a weird thing with his eyelashes. 

‘He’s ah…Lust.’ He coughed, blushing a little.

‘Wh-?’

'Let's talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me, let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be, let's talk about sex~'

'come on, do it, uh huh~'

'My name is Felix, but you can call me tonight, hot stuff.' said Lust, winking and making Thomas's mouth go ajar. There was a moment of silence.

'You do realize you just flirted with yourself, right?' said Logan, while Remus wheezed in the background.

'Well, he seems to need a bit of self love… not gonna lie.' defended himself the lustful side.

'Look, guys… I just wanted to talk to Logan and Patton for a little bit so if you don’t mind calling him up…?' offered Thomas.

'Yeah, no. He won’t show up as long as Felix is here.' stated Logan.

'Why not?'

'Daddy seems to be a little afraid of good ol’loving…which is ironic considering he is your heart!' giggled Felix. High fiving Remus.

'What about Roman? Virgil?' pleaded Thomas, clearly not prepared to deal with two dark sides at the same time.

'I’m afraid Roman is still sleeping and Virgil was pretty adamant in being left out of this.'

'Shit.'

'The smartest course of action would be finding Deceit…'

'I’m barely dealing with two dark sides and you want to bring another one of them!?'

'Well…'

'Excuse me! I am no dark side! Roman is a jerk with a stick up his-'

'Butthole!' exclaimed Remus happily.

'Now that’s where I want all the di-'

'STOP, oh God just STOP!' yelled Thomas, covering his ears.

'What is it, Thomas? Feeling a little…horrrrny?' said the lustful side, making Thomas cry out.

'That’s it.' shook his head Logan, done with everything. He raised his hand and suddenly a very disgruntled Roman appeared in Patton’s spot.

'This BETTER be good, Logic.' grunted creativity. ‘You interrupted my beauty sleep.’

'Oh, darling you don’t need any~' purred Lust, making the prince jump in place and shy away from the compliment. Thomas frowned.

'Didn’t you just called him a jerk?' Roman gasped.

'That is in the past! Why don’t you come over here, papacito? ¡Quiero matarte a besos!' exclaimed Felix in spanish, making Roman giggle.

'Do not let that happen...' said Logan, looking at Thomas. 'Roman, you’re on charge while I’m gone… I sure will regret that later…I’ll go get Deceit.'

'Wait! Logan!' exclaimed Thomas. 'Why cant I just summon him or something?' staring at his logical side with a look that clearly spoke please don’t leave me alone with them. But Logan wasn’t having any of it.

'If Deceit was available, you wouldn’t have to deal with this at all.'

'Uh?'

'Deceit tends to hold the others back as long as he can, he is your self-preservation after all.'

'Deceit…does that…for me?'

'Well, of course, Deceit is very akin on protecting you Thomas, even from yourself. I thought that was clear.' He coughed. 'I must be going. Roman.'

'Uh!'

'Do not, engage with Lust.'

'Pfft, who do you take me for?' Logan squinted at him as he sunk down. There was another minute of silence.

'So, about those kisses?~'

'Are you kissing his butthole?'

'I mean if he asks nicely?'

Roman and Thomas looked at eachother for a short terrifying moment.

.

As he sunk down, Logan appeared in the mindscape's living room and headed to the rooms hallway. Just as he passed by Virgil's room, it opened.

'Is the coast clear?' he whispered.

'Which one? You need to be more specific.' answered Logan, still walking.

'Ugh, I meant, is that nymphomaniac still around?' grunted Virgil, walking right behind Logan, as if hiding of potential threats.

'Nymphomaniac is a term used only on fe-' the logical side interrupted himself at the look the anxious side was giving him. 'Right, no. The coast, as you say, isn't clear. In fact, Remus decided to show up.' he didn't miss the shiver in Virgil's body. 'and they are now in the presence of Thomas, Roman is supervising…'

'They are WHAT!?' yelled Virgil, his loud scary voice filling the hallway, showing his uneasiness.

'I know what you're thinking, I'm just on my way of freeing Deceit from Lust's little stunt before anything goes… uh, he's gone. Very well, Roman was going to need a little help anyway.

As he got closer to the yellow door at the less iluminated part of the hallway, Logan could hear noises coming from it. His best bet was that Deceit was trying to get out. As he struggled with the handle Logic discovered he was right.

Just when he managed to open the door Deceit pulled it the other way, which ended up with them both on the floor, Logan on top of Deceit while the former complained.

'Can you not get off!?'

'I apologize, I was only trying to asist-'

'Save it, I don't need to castrate certain someone.'

'I think that's a bit…harsh' said the logical side as he watched Deceit sink down.

.

When they appeared it was to utter chaos. Virgil was yelling at Remus about something they couldn't make sense of because both were using their loud voices. Virgil was in his usual place, replacing Felix in the staircase. Thomas was curling up into a ball on the floor and Felix… Yup. Felix was making out with Roman in the place Patton usually stood. Logan coughed slightly, noone paid him any mind. He looked beside him at Deceit, who was looking pissed ™, and offered him the chance to interrupt.

'You better shUT UP' Logan flinched, massaging his ear. He had never heard Deceit's loud voice and would rather not be present when he happened to use it again. However, it worked wonders.

All the sides instantly stopped doing what they were doing. Virgil flunged himself to the other side of the railing and Remus hid behind his morningstar. Felix jumped out of Roman's arms where he was clinging like a koala and Roman held up his arms as if he had being catch by the police. Both completely disheveled.

Logan sent Roman a look, the prince looked sheepish. Felix however, was as pale as one could get. Thomas stood up, holding his head with one hand.

'I am so glad to see you guys.'

'You.' hissed Deceit, the lustful side left out an eeep sound. 'Are so not dead.' he realized he didn't had his hat and he crossed his arms.

'hahahah Dee! What a surprise!'

'Why weren't you here earlier!?' yelled Virgil, he received a glare from Deceit, who normally portrayed himself as a very calmed person (?).

'This idiot didn't locked me up in my room!'

'Someone's in trouble!~' singsonged Remus.

'Shut up, Remus.' whispered Felix.

'I think its totally your place to shut him up.' hissed again Deceit, eye twitching. Lust inmediatly sealed his lips and made a gesture of locking them up. 'To your room.' said the yellow side.

'Bu-'

'To. Your. Room.' Felix pouted and crossed his arms, but started to sink out inmediatly. Of course not before winking towards Roman one last time.

The moment Lust was out of sight, Patton popped up.

'Whew, that was a close one!' he exclaimed, receiving all sort of expressions from the others.

'Well, I believe that's my cue to leave. Remus, if you please…'

'For sure, double D!. Now I wouldn't miss that carnage for anything! Bye~'

To everyones surprise Remus sank down without putting off a fight. Everyone turned to Deceit who was dusting his cape.

'I am not sorry for that, Thomas. It didn't get out of hand.' said Deceit, looking up. 'It won't happen again.' he started to sink down when Thomas called for him.

'Deceit!' murmured Thomas.

'Yes?' he said, raising an eyebrow.

'Uh, Logan kinda told me you keep the others at bay…?'

'Oh, he didn't said that, did he?' Logan nodded.

'Well yes…and well… Tha…nk you? I don't think I've apreciated what you do enough.' Deceit looked at him surprised, he started to blink really fast and then huffed.

'It's not like I prohibit them to come up here, I merely entretain them so they don't come up here and unsettle you when you're not… in the right mood.' he said, forgetting to lie, without looking at Thomas. 'It hasn't been harder recently, as I have help.' he turned to glare at virgil, who look the other way.

'Exactly, thank you Deceit. For looking out for me.' Thomas smiled at the deceitful side. The yellow side surprised everyone again by blushing.

'Whatever.' he hissed as he sunk down. 'I gotta castrate someone now, if you excuse me…'

'Isn't that a bit harsh…?' murmured Patton.

'Don't worry. They'll grow back.' he said, making everyone shiver. 'Oh, and Roman?'

'Uh?'

'You should clean off the lipstick you have all over your face.' was the last thing he said before he disappeared from sight.

'What!?' yelled Roman, rubbing at his face frantically. 'Is it off? Is it off!?'

'You still have a little bit over here…?' said Virgil, pointing all of Roman's face, much to the other's dismay.

'Alright, I believe I was called to deal with something and that something isn't here anymore so I'll go take all of this thing off. Bye~' and like that, the prince, who didn't have anything on his face in the first place, was gone too.

'I don't understand what happened, Logan.' started Thomas. 'One second there was… uh… Felix, flirting endlessly, Remus kept screaming nonsense but Roman didn't seem to listen or care and the then, Virgil appears and kicks Felix off the stairs-'

'This is my spot, ok!?'

'Of course it is kiddo! We should circle that out!' finger gunned Patton. Logan sighed.

'... And then they're both kissing and touching in places I don't want to think of because believe me watching myself do those things to… myself, wasn't something I needed.'

'Well, we can't blame Roman for that kiddo. Lust tends to be very… convincing.'

'What do you mean…?'

'Just as Virgil has his loud voice and Remus has his…'

'Screech.' offered Virgil.

'... Screech. Lust has a…'

'Sinful.' offered this thime Patton, shivering.

'... Luring voice.' it is impossible for any of us to resist it.' he said, fixing his glasses. 'We are, however, less susceptible to it than Roman.'

'Oh...I see.'

'Deceit is practically immune to it, since he can lie to himself, then Logan, then me, then Patton…' listed Virgil. Patton whined.

'He got me bad last time…'

'Again, nothing to be ashamed of Patton.'

'What about Remus?' Thomas asked, receiving a deadpan from everyone. 'Right, never mind.'

'How are you feeling now, Thomas?' asked Logan, eyebrow raised.

'Way better, this was just…wild.' answered their host.

'It seems that Deceit has everything under control again.' nodded logic.

'It was very nice of you to thank Deceit like that, kiddo. He was so happy! I know we don't show him much love...or at all! Maybe I can make him some waffles!'

'He likes chocolate waffles…' whispered Virgil.

'Awww, alright! I'll make us all chocolate waffles! See ya, kiddo!' exclaimed Patton, sinking down.

'Bye, dad.' smiled Thomas, before a sudden thought crossed his mind, making him frown. 'Wait a second, does Felix calls him Daddy for…?'

'Yeah, he does.'

'A correct assumption.'

'Ugh.'

.

[anxiousauthor89]

Head First

Angry, confused, and bitter Trinity grew hate for the man that left her with this seed. She tried to get rid of it 4 months ago, thinking life would be back to normal. She would work out a lil bit, lose the weight and go slap Shawn back to his senses. But it didn't happen that way. In fact, she had met a new man. Long dreds, shining gold teeth, tattoos everywhere, and gave her more dope then she can handle. When they first met she got fucked up at a party. Trying to forget about Shawn. Trying to self abort the baby. The internet said drinking and partying can terminate pregnancy. But this baby was worse than the roach that wouldn't die. So when she met Junior, at the party and realized he was actually an enemy of Shawns, she decided to spill the beans on how grimey he is. See, back in the day Shawn fucked Juniors ol lady. She had twins. And he never got over it. He was always down to hurt Shawn in some sort of way if he could. But Shawn was not to be played with. You really got to catch him sleeping. And he never sleeps. Knowing how careful she had to be to get Shawn back, she told Junior he got her friend pregnant, and she wants to fight her to make Shawn mad. "Nah man." Junior said. "That's dumb. One thing he care about is his kids. Give her this sack." he said as he threw it at her. "If she still pregnant and he know about it that mean he gon let her have it. But give her this sack and I bet she wont birth shit. Dat nigga gon boo hoo cry booyyy I cant wait to see his ass hurtin ol puss ass." he grinned. She had never done drugs. But this could end it all. And get revenge on Shawn. "This shit aint gon have me, I just need to get this situated and im off this shit." she told herself as she smoked the dope in her car. The high hit her so hard she passed out and woke up to Junior knocking on her window. "AYE! TAKE YO DRUNK ASS HOME MAN ITS 6AM!" Lowkey ashamed she got it together and rolled the window down. "My bad man. Aye I think I lost that sack gimme one more man my bad that Ciroc is on me." Junior knew the look that high gave people. He had gained a customer. He smirked and said "Mhm here. I'll fuck witcha." He walked away rapping to himself, knowing she would be back. And just like clock work, she was. Every other day. She couldn't help herself. It felt like the perfect escape. Before she knew it the end of the year was approaching. By this time shes almost 9 months along, and made a fool of herself every time she attempted to talk to Shawn. The holidays were approaching, so she decided to spend some time with the only people who would love her, even when she didn't love herself.  "You know I be missing you why you only come when its food?" her daddy pinched her cheek. She laughed and kissed his bald head. He adored her. A preacher that could make hell shake but would cry when they got whoopins. He had a heart of pure gold. "Make sure you wash your hands and change your shirt before you help with this food. Why you got on them big ol clothes anyway I thought you were out of that tomboy stage...?" her mother teased. She had always been a chubby girl that could rock boy clothes and still be cute. Trying not to do anything that signaled her dishonesty she replied "mama you know I like TLC this how Lisa Left Eye dresses." laughing and doing a twist of her hips. "Mhm. Ya look more like Lisa Left & Lost It but okay. Yall think im dumb." she mumbled. That was it. Mama knew. And she knew mama knew. But aint no way she was gon admit it. Not around the other family members anyway. She and her sister Melodie were close and they always had been. She began to worry about how she would react knowing there is a whole baby being hidden. They told each other everything. But this one Trinity had to deal with on her own. She was determined not to say a word. She hadn't even gone to the doctor the entire pregnancy. She had a plan. All she had to do is wait it out. The time was near. She felt it in the pressure her lower belly was experiencing. The sharp pains in her back. It was close. And she was ready. She tried to quickly walk away so mama wouldn't see the shame on her face, but Uncle Leroy caught it. "She pregnant! And out of wedlock at that! Told yall she should have came to that shut in service we woulda been praying that lust demon right on out of her!" he blurted out. Overwhelmed with rage and embarrassment from his statement putting her on blast she shouted back "SHUT UP! THIS WHY I DONT COME WHEN YALL ARE HERE! MIND YO BUSINESS! AINT YOU ON WIFE NUMBER 3? YOU ALWAYS BEING JUDGEMENTAL AND RUNNING YO MOUTH! I CANT STA.." "HUSH GIRL!" Mama interrupted. She knew how Trinity felt about some of the family. And she understood. But disrespect she could not condone. "Go sit on my bed baby. Rest ya nerve, hea?" she softly spoke before she kissed her forehead. Already too embarrassed she picked up her purse and walked out. "Where you going? Its Thanksgiving you not gon stay?" her mom yelled from the screen door with her hands on her hips. "No mama im sorry. Happy Thanksgiving. Tell Melodie I love her." she said trying not to cry. Putting the car in reverse she thought about her plan one more time, reminding herself that she has every reason to follow through. She drove 4 hours back to the apartment she shared with a friend and laid down. She felt so uncomfortable. But tried to fall asleep anyway. Thinking she had to pee, she jumped up heading to the bathroom. "EEEW What the fuck why cant I hold my pee?!!" The liquid was running out of her faster than her feet could run to the toilet. Finally she got in the bathroom, slipping on the wet spots she was making with her trail. She sat on the toilet breathing hard, dizzy, and feeling like she had to take the biggest shit. "I aint had cheese in months I know im not constipated, this shit hurts what the fuck?" Within her next breath a contraction hit, and she became aware of what was happening. Eyes growing big and knees starting to shake, she wiped as much of the liquid as she could. She ran to her closet and pulled out her dirty clothes bin. Behind it was her bag, packed with an extra change of clothes for her after she delivered. She put the bag in the passenger seat and drove to the hospital. She sat in the parking lot for a few minutes, trying to get her mind right before going in. "Lets go Trinity. You got the plan figured out." She thought to herself. Taking one more deep breath as the contraction passed, she got out and walked into the emergency department. A blue eyed blonde haired lady grabbed her hand and said " I know that look you're in labor. Come on I just cleaned out this room. We need to take vitals and get you hooked up on a monitor. How ya feeling?" Starting to wobble from all the pain Trinity mumbled "Im fine." In reality she was far from fine. It felt like the baby was right on the verge of coming out. "Ms. I have a question." She stammered. "When I have this baby how long will it take to get parents to pick it up? You can give me the papers now & by the time it comes out a mama and daddy should be here right?" she almost smilied thinking this was the perfect solution. That was her plan. Just give it to somebody. Its always commercials about people wanting kids. It was a no brainer. Laughter snapped her out of her happy place she had briefly found. "No honey. Bless your heart. That takes time. You should have began that process when you found out about the baby." she continued laughing. "Unless theres a case of accidental death, looks like you're stuck with this one! My assistant will check on you soon, then we will see about managing your pain with an epidural. Sit tight." she closed the door. Hearing those words took Trinity from panic to desperation. Now she had no idea what to do. She played it cool until the nurse walked out. "Ok think bitch THINK!" she said out loud as she leaned back on the bed. "This slow hoe saying accidental death what the hell lady?! Be for real! That's not an option." she smacked her teeth. A pain hit her belly and she put her hand down on her butt. "What the...am I shitting on myself?! OUUUCCHHHH! OH MY GOD AAAH!" She laid back and reached further down and realized....that's hair...The baby was there. And it was coming out. "Oooooh ssshhhiiiit. Ooooooh shhiittt! Shit! Ssshhiiiit!  Ok. Chill Trin." She laid quiet, thinking of a new plan. "Knock, Knoooock" A nurse came in. " Just making sure you doing ok. We cant have you pushing out the baby alone we want both of you to make it okay sweetie? I will be back soon." The smiling nurse walked back out. "We want both of you to make it." Those words were ringing in Trinity's head like monkeys with symbols. "I got it." she said. She put her phone in her purse and put her bible in the bottom of it. She couldn't look at it knowing what she was about to do. She looked around the room once more, and laid down. Spreading her legs open she held on to each side of the bed, shut her eyes tight and began to push. She heard what sounded like water balloons hitting the floor. Growing fearful that her time was ticking and the nurses would catch her, she bit down on the sheet and let out a scream while pushing her absolute hardest. Feeling like her heart would explode, and her whole body shaking, finally she felt the release. The baby was out. And falling to the floor. Head First.  

[fullynialls]

Don’t touch me - Antoine Griezmann

This wasn't requested but I needed to write this today.

You were laying on your bed, feeling numb. You wanted to cry, wanted to rip your heart out, you wanted to scream but you couldn’t do anything. Your mind was replaying the past couple hours, over and over again. It felt like your head would explode. Your stomach felt that way too. You were disgusted by yourself. Couldn’t look down on yourself, not look at a reflection of your body. You couldn’t stand the sight. You knew something wasn’t right. You knew this wasn’t the average person’s behavior. But you couldn’t change it. You couldn’t change yourself. 

You’ve tried to so many times already but failed miserably. Within the last couple months, you had realized it. You had realized that this wasn’t right. Your relationship with food wasn’t normal. But what should you do? You had not lost nearly enough weight yet in order to tell anyone how you felt. You were still fat. All the starving had done absolutely nothing. And you knew why. Because of your constant binging. For you it was either no food at all or way too much within way too little time. And those days of binging.. well, they were horrible to say the least. Today had been one of those days and when you were finally able to stop stuffing your mouth with all that disgusting food you felt worse than you’ve ever had before.

You were pulled out of your thoughts when you heard movement from downstairs. Your eyes widened. Antoine must be home early today. He had told you he’d go to a club with his team mates tonight but now it was 9 pm which was much earlier than you had expected him to be home. Your mind was going crazy. He wasn’t supposed to see the state you were in. “Babe, I’m home” he yelled and you heard footsteps coming up the stairs. You freaked out. What were you supposed to do? “Hey!” the bedroom door opened and Antoine stepped in. You sat up although you couldn’t stand the feeling of our bloated tummy being pulled down by gravity. 

“Hey” you smiled at him although you could tell your smile was faint. “I didn’t feel like partying tonight” Antoine crawled over the bed to get closer to you. “Much rather spend it with you” he smirked. He placed his hand on your tight and gently moved it up from there. In your head voices were screaming at you. You couldn’t stand the feeling of his hands on your body so you pushed him away. Immediately after you shut your eyes. He had done nothing wrong but you just felt so disgusted by your own body.  

“What’s wrong?” Antoine spoke up, his voice was low and he suddenly seemed so far away. You carefully looked up at him. He had moved a little away on the bed but his eyes were focused on you as he was watching you with a puzzled look on his face. “Don’t look at me please” you whispered, now tears were brimming in your eyes. You wanted to hide yourself, your fat tights, your bloated stomach, your arms, your chin. After that binge today, you felt huge. As if within seconds you had put on visible 50 pounds or something. Now Antoine’s expression changed from puzzled to worried. He carefully robbed closer to you again. “Will you please tell me what’s happened?” 

You sniffled. You had thought about telling him many times lately. You have had a rather complicated relationship with food since you were a teenager but at some point this past year you had gotten to your lowest. Of course, you were happy with Antoine, you lived a great life with him in Madrid and you loved him so much but sometimes all the good things in your life couldn’t balance out the overwhelming thoughts you had within you. And sometimes you just felt like you couldn’t handle it alone anymore. 

“I just…” you mumbled. It felt surreal to even think about telling him. This would change everything. You wouldn’t be able to starve yourself anymore, would you? No more days of feeling empty and so incredibly proud for restricting all day. On the other handside you would never feel as horrible as you did right now. No more binging. No more feeling disgusted by yourself at the end of the day. At least that was what you hoped for if you told him. Recovery. But was that really what you wanted? You still had so much more fat to loose in order to feel pretty enough. 

His fingers grazed your hand as he looked up at you as if he was waiting for your permission for him to hold on to it. That’s when you broke. You had such an incredibly kind and loving boyfriend ad you were being so horrible towards him. Tears were screaming down your face and Antoine’s eyes widened. You were immediately pulled into his arms and he pressed your shaking body against his. You didn’t push him away this time as you continued to cry against his chest. He tried to calm you down by rubbing your back and some quiet humming. Eventually you stopped crying. You brushed away your tears with the back of your sleeves as you sat up a little and leaned back against the headboard of your bed. 

“I gotta tell you something” you mumble. You had made a decision. You would tell him. It was time. You just couldn’t do this anymore and hiding it from him didn’t feel right. He was your boyfriend after all, you shared everything. He knew all your secrets and you knew his. He deserved to know. And you deserved help, didn’t you?

“You remember how last year, when people were talking shit about you and I helped you through those rough times?” you stare down on your hands, not being able to look Antoine in the eyes. “Of course, I do. I wouldn’t have done it without you by my side.” You wait a few seconds before you continue, remembering the hard times you had gone through with Antoine. “Well, now I need your help” you finally stutter. Its silent for a second. “What it is?” Antoine grabs for your hand. You look down on your hand intertwined with his when you finally get it all out. 

You explain how it all started years ago with you just trying to lose some weight, then starving yourself and last but not least ending in this horrible starving and binge habit which you can’t seem to break. “Food’s just not food for me anymore. Some days it’s simply the calories which I try to keep as low as possible and sometimes it’s what I keep stuffing my mouth with until I’m so full all I wanna do is throw up and hide myself somewhere. I just feel disgusted by my own body, literally all the time by now.” You eventually finish. “That’s why I didn’t want you to touch me before” you added. Then there was silence between the two of you. 

First you thought he was simply shocked by what you had told him but the minutes passed and he didn’t say anything which made you start to freak out. What if your words had made him realize how fat you really were. You had never really understood how he, Antoine Griezmann, amazing football player and god damn it hot looking 27 year old, could possibly fall in love with someone like you. But then you heard soft sniffles and you looked up from your hands to Antoine’s face. He had tears rolling down his face. “Antoine, baby, don’t cry” you gasped as you quickly brushed away his tears with your thumb. “Please stop” you whispered. Antoine shook his head. “I…I cant..” he stuttered “I didn’t.. I didn’t know you were feeling this way.. Why did you never” he cleared his throat. “Why didn’t you tell me about this before? All this time you felt this way and I couldn’t help you with any of that.” “That’s why I’m telling you now” you speak under your breath. Tears are forming in your eyes all over again. “Why couldn’t I stop this? Didn’t I tell you often enough how incredibly beautiful you are? Didn’t I express my love for you enough?” he sounded desperate, his voice was breaking and so was your heart. 

“No. No no no don’t say that, the way I feel has nothing to do with you. I’ve felt this way much before I first got to know you.” He was running his hands through his hair in frustration. “But why didn’t I realize? You said you were starving yourself, why didn’t I see that?” “Because I’m good at hiding it.” You felt yourself getting smaller and smaller, you felt so bad for telling him by now. He was giving himself the fault for your situation and that was for sure not what you intended to do. It was like Antoine sensed how he was bringing you down even more because he got up and walked around the room for a bit to calm him down again. 

“I’m a dick” he eventually says. “What?” you ask in confusion. He came closer to you and got you up from the bed to pull you close to him. “I’m so sorry” he whispers in your ear. “I’m so sorry you had to go through this without me. But I promise you, from this second on, I will make sure I can do anything and everything I can do to help you okay? I have no idea how to handle this or what’s the best thing we should do now but I know that together we can do this. I love you so much and seeing you hurt like this makes me feel horrible. But we can get through this right?” You sniffled and as he let go of you a little his shirt was drenched with your tears. “Thank you, Antoine. You just… you just need to know that I love you okay? No matter what’s wrong with me, I love you so much.” He looks you deeply in the eyes as he answers, trying to make sure you actually hear him when he tells you this. “There’s nothing wrong with you! You’re the most perfect girl I’ve ever laid my eyes on and I love you for everything you are. We can get through this together.”

[phoenixsavant]

Maid-sama Saeran

Just a quick fic because I never know when to stop with a joke.

               Vanderwood watched as the twins sparred together. Saeran had been learning quickly, but still had yet to best Saeyoung.  It was impressive though, he had improved dramatically over the past two months.  His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he stepped out of the room to take the call.  

               “Yeah, we’ll be there,” he promised, ending the call. Just then, he heard a shout and a pain-filled cry from the dojo.  He ran through the doorway to see Saeyoung gasping on the mat and Saeran standing over him, panting but looking proud.

               “Oh!  Damn! Ow!” Saeyoung exclaimed.

               “Get… over it… baby,” Saeran said, holding his hand out to his brother.  “Up… do it… again.”

               “I can’t,” Saeyoung whimpered.  “My ankle, oh god.”  He clutched his thigh and rolled to his back, dangling the ankle in question in the air.

               As he approached, Vanderwood could see something was terribly wrong.  Saeyoung’s foot just sort of dangled in the air.  There was no tension in it and it canted to the outside.  

               “What the fuck did you do?” Vanderwood growled, kneeling next to Saeyoung.

               Saeran’s expression slid from victory to concern. “I used that inside sweep you showed me, that’s all.  What’s wrong?”

               Saeyoung’s eyes were clenched shut, and his face screwed up tightly in pain.  “Is it broken?  I heard something when I fell.”

               Vanderwood could not tell for sure if it was a break or not.  It could be, given the speed with which it was swelling and turning purple.  It could just be a sprain.  He prodded gently, ignoring Saeyoung’s cries as he inspected the injury.  Ankles were the worst injuries.  They hurt the worst, and they took the longest to heal.

               “Tell me everything,” he said to Saeyoung.

               Saeyoung recounted the two attempts Saeran had made to get close enough to throw him, and then the surprise of Saeran’s foot pushing his own into the air.  When Saeyoung tried to balance on his other leg, Saeran rushed him, and Saeyoung’s ankle rolled under the force of the impact, twisting until Saeyoung had been standing on top of his foot before falling.

               “Well, shit.”  Vanderwood sat back on his thighs.  He looked up at Saeran, who had been watching closely as Vanderwood inspected Saeyoung’s ankle.  “Congratulations, you won.  Unfortunately, your brother wasn’t named Grace.”  He groaned.  “Come on, time to go to the hospital.  We need an x-ray.”  

               The fact that Saeyoung had no smart-ass response worried Vanderwood more than the now softball-sized swelling around the young man’s ankle.

               The emergency room was thankfully bare this afternoon, and the trio was in a room waiting for the x-rays in no time.  

               “We have a problem,” Vanderwood announced as the nurse left, having given Saeyoung some medication to ease the pain and an ice pack for the swelling.  “That call I had to take was about the mission we’ve been waiting for the green light on.  We’re supposed to go tonight.”

               “Shit,” Saeyoung muttered.  “I don’t think I can, not like this.”

               “I know, that’s why it’s a problem,” Vanderwood stated.  Life wasn’t so bad since they’d gotten away from the agency, but they were still taking on freelance work.  No one would show up to kill them if a job didn’t get done, but it made them look bad. They’d also have to return the money, and it was five months since the last job already.  

               “Will it be bad that you can’t?” Saeran asked. He’d apologized repeatedly.  He didn’t intend to harm Saeyoung, he just wanted to win one match.  Just one.

               “It won’t be great,” Saeyoung replied. “Don’t worry though, there’s no danger. It’s just, we needed this job.”  

               Saeran frowned.  He felt guilty, responsible.  It was because he was pushing so hard that Saeyoung was hurt. They wouldn’t even know how badly hurt until the x-ray results came in.

               “Don’t stress about it, Saeran,” Saeyoung tried to smile.  “I’m fine. Even if it’s broken, it’ll heal. You’re looking at me like you tried to kill me.”  

               Saeran blanched.  He remembered when he had tried.  No, this wasn’t him trying to do anything but win a stupid sparring match, practice.  He was angry with himself about it, too.

               When the doctor returned, the good news was that Saeyoung’s ankle wasn’t broken.  The bad news was that he’d managed to tear the tendons to hell and back. He was given a walking cast, crutches, and orders not to put his foot down for a full ten days.

               The car was silent on the drive home.  Vanderwood helped to get the twins inside and went back out to get the prescription for the pain medication filled.

               Saeran’s guilt had not abated.  He made sure Saeyoung had what he needed to rest and then sat in a chair near the couch.  He looked at the elevated foot and chewed the corner of his mouth.  He wondered if he should call MC.  She hadn’t been home to see her family in months though, and she needed the rest.  If she knew, she’d rush home and worry until Saeyoung was healed.  No, let her enjoy her vacation.

               “What was the mission?” he asked, an idea half-forming in his thoughts.  

               “Huh?”

               “The mission you were supposed to do, what was it?”

               “Ah, we were just going to retrieve some material that was being used for blackmail.  Easy in, easy out, and the client gets to stop living in fear of her ex.”

               Saeran snorted.  He knew Vanderwood and his brother were trying to make up for all they’d done while working for the agency.  He didn’t know they were playing the rescuing heroes.  

               “Is it something I could do?” Saeran asked.

               “Is what?”

               “Damn, that morphine makes you stupid.  The mission, could I do it?”

               Saeyoung sat up on his elbow, his eyes wide for a moment.  Then the excitement bled out, and he flopped back on the cushions.  “It requires dressing to go undercover. I don’t think you’d be able to pull it off.”  

               “Why not? Saeyoung asked as the door to the bunker opened.

               “Why not what?” Vanderwood asked, tossing the prescription to Saeyoung.

               “I was asking if I could do the mission for him since he can’t.  It is kind of my fault you guys are in this situation.”

               Vanderwood looked at Saeyoung.  “You didn’t tell him, did you?”

               Saeyoung didn’t look at Vanderwood, he just flopped his arm over his eyes.  “I told him it has to be done under cover and I don’t think he could do it.”

               Vanderwood nodded and Saeran felt himself getting irritated.  “Why couldn’t I do it?  If it’s just going in, grabbing something, and walking out, why not?”  He was as good as his brother at everything he’d tried, and better at some things!

               “You sure you want to do it?” Vanderwood asked. “If you say you do, I won’t stop you, but you can’t back out on me.  You have to do it.”  

               “If you’re going along, you can just tell me what to do.  I can do it. I look just like him, for Christ sake.”

               Saeyoung giggled.

               Vanderwood shook his head.  “Alright then, if you’re that determined.”  He crossed the living room, heading toward Saeyoung’s room. “Brief him, I’ll get the clothes.”

               Saeyoung smiled brightly.  “You don’t know how much this means to me, little brother!”

               “Whatever,” Saeran muttered.  “What’s the story?”

               “Alright, the client used to work at one of those maid café places.  She left because she was dating a manager there, but they broke up.  She’s moved on, and it wouldn’t look good for her new employer to know about the old job. The ex has the photos he took of her while she was working there.  He’s threatening to send them to her boss, and put them online.”

               “So you’re going after the pictures?”

               “Right, I was anyway.  The client talked this jerk into bringing the photos to the café tonight.  She’s promised to talk to him about coming back to work there, provided he gives them to her.  She knows his locker combination, so like I said, it’s in, get the goods, get out.”  

               “Sounds simple enough,” Saeran nodded thoughtfully. “You’re sure the pictures will be there and that he doesn’t have other copies?”

               “I already made sure he doesn’t.  Every time he tries to scan them in, they just go missing. It’s the strangest thing…” Saeyoung smirked.

               “Hey!  Saeran!” Vanderwood called.  “You wear the same size as Saeyoung now, right?”

               Saeran looked at his slightly smaller frame. He’d packed on weight and muscle, but he wasn’t sure about clothing sizes.

               “It’ll work on him,” Saeyoung called back. “Worst case, we just pad the bust a little more!”

               “Bust?” Saeran asked, suddenly feeling hesitant.

               “Oh, didn’t I tell you?  You’ll be playing the part of a maid tonight!”  Saeyoung smiled, looking like the cat who had just cornered the canary.

               Saeran’s eyes went wide.  “Maid?  But those are all played by…”  His words failed as Vanderwood returned carrying a hanger with a maid costume, a long wig, and a set of ladies underthings.

               Saeyoung’s grin shifted from cat with cornered canary to cat who swallowed canary, and he began to cackle.

               “Do you know how to wear these?” Vanderwood asked, tossing the lingerie at Saeran.

               Saeran managed not to drop anything.  “You’re kidding, right?  You want me to dress up like a … a woman!?”  

               “You said you were willing to handle the mission,” Vanderwood pointed out.  “I already called the client.  We are go, and you’re up.”  There was no consolation in his voice.

               “It’s alright, little brother, I can help you! The stockings are super nice, I picked them out especially for this mission.  The lace at the thigh won’t roll up on you, either!”  

               Saeran looked at the long stockings in his hand. He hadn’t noticed the lace before. His face paled.  “You can’t be serious.  Can’t I just be a busboy or something?”  

               “Sorry, we’ve already arranged everything,” Saeyoung replied.  “It has to be a maid.”

               Saeran was all too aware that his brother did not look sorry, he looked excited. With a sigh, Saeran asked, “So I just pull these on?”  He lifted the stockings with his fingertips, worried about damaging them.

               “Not until after you shave!”

               “Wait! What!?” Saeran gasped.  “Shave… what?”

               “At least your legs and Vanderwood can wax your chest for you!”

               “Oh hell no!  You are not touching my chest!  There’s no hair on it anyway!”

               “You still need to shave your legs, and your armpits,” Vanderwood stated, laying the costume carefully over the back of the couch.  “Come on, I’ll show you what to do.”

               Saeran glared at Saeyoung, but Saeyoung only smiled cheerfully.

               “Thank you so much for helping us out,” Saeyoung beamed at Saeran.  

               “I hate you,” Saeran muttered, following Vanderwood back to the bathroom.

               Vanderwood showed Saeran how to warm and soak his legs before shaving, and how to avoid cutting himself with the razor.  The angles were odd, but with Vanderwood’s help, Saeran’s legs were soon free of hair.  Once done, Vanderwood had him put on some sort of lotion that at least helped with the burning feeling.  

Saeran couldn’t get over how his legs felt without hair on them.  On the one hand, he understood why girls apparently liked the way their legs felt after shaving.  On the other hand, he didn’t think he should be feeling that sensation.

They returned to the living room.  Saeyoung demonstrated how to bunch up the thigh highs and pull them over the foot to avoid putting a hole in them.  Saeran gave him a sour look as he pulled them up.  They were soft, but this was just not okay with him.  He had no interest at all in women’s clothing!

“So, the dress, huh?” Saeran asked.

“Not yet!” Saeyoung chirped.  “First we need to do your nails!”

Saeran looked doubtfully at his hands.  He’d been doing better about biting his nails, but they still didn’t look great.  “I don’t know that there’s anything you can do to fix them,” he said, holding up a hand.

“Never fear!” Saeyoung exclaimed.  “Vanderwood, in my closet there’s a blue box.  Would you bring it out here?”  

When Vanderwood returned, Saeyoung hummed softly as he opened the box, keeping the lid just closed enough that Saeran couldn’t look inside.  

Saeran knew his brother was up to something, but when the bottle of mint-green nail polish appeared, Saeran found his limit in this whole affair.

“Oh, no!  You are not painting my nails!”

“Well of course not!  Your nails are a wreck!  I’m painting the fake nails we’re putting on over your nails.  This color is perfect!  It’ll match your eyes, and trust me, men notice eyes!”  Saeyoung pulled out a long, white box.  “We don’t have time to do acrylics, so we’ll have to make do with the press on nails.  These stick pretty well.  They’ll probably last a few days.”  

“Days!?  Saeyoung, I am NOT wearing those!”

“Yes, you are,” Vanderwood chimed in.  “You’re the reason he’s hurt, now stop bitching and sit down.”

“This is so great!” Saeyoung squealed.  “I get to paint my brother’s nails!”  

“Shut up before I make sure your foot is broken,” Saeran growled.

“Oh, now, that’s no way to talk to me when I’m just trying to make sure you’re beautiful!”

Saeran scowled as the nails were applied.  He grumbled as they were painted.  Thankfully, Saeyoung used some sort of fast-drying polish, but now his hands felt strange, and he couldn’t hold anything.  This was not what he expected when he offered to stand in tonight!

Next came the dress.  That part was, thankfully, less odd.  Saeran still hated the petticoats and the way the fabric just kept moving every time he took a step.

“Wig before or after?” Vanderwood asked Saeyoung.

“After, of course!  We don’t want any makeup in the wig,” Saeyoung answered.

“Oh god, makeup?”

“Well, yes,” Saeyoung responded.  “You kind of look like a guy in a dress right now.  We have to do makeup, the bra, and the wig still.  Then,” he squealed in delight again, “My little brother will be a beautiful maiden!”

Saeran looked at Vanderwood.  Tapping two of the fingernails together experimentally he asked, “Can these go through skin?”

Vanderwood snorted.  “I understand the sentiment, but no.  Get your makeup done.”  

Saeran flopped onto the cushion in front of Saeyoung with a disgusted grunt.

“Oh, no no, you can’t flop around like that.  You have to sit gracefully!” Saeyoung rebuked.

Saeran bit his tongue and let his brother apply what felt like pounds of goop to his face.  He couldn’t believe some women did this every day.  It was gross and made his nose itch.

“Stand up,” Vanderwood ordered after the makeup was applied.  He eyed Saeran’s chest critically.

Saeran had a moment of confusion when he felt like Vanderwood shouldn’t be looking at his chest like that.  He squeaked in horror when Vanderwood reached up and squeezed… wait, it’s not a real boob, Saeran reminded himself.

“Yeah, I’m going to have to fill you out a little.  Don’t worry, it won’t show.”  Vanderwood left the room.

“What does he mean ‘fill me out’?” Saeran asked, wondering if he wanted to know.

“He means your bust isn’t sitting right.  You need more top up top!  Vandy is great at that sort of thing.  He knows just how to make sure you have a rack to be proud of!”  Saeyoung grinned his appreciation of his partner at Saeran.

“I don’t want a rack, to be proud of, or otherwise,” Saeran growled.  “You set me up.  You knew what this mission was and you knew what I’d have to do. Don’t think I’m going to let you get out of paying for this.”  

Saeyoung looked up sadly.  “But, I thought you wanted to help, to make up for hurting me?”

“Help, not … not this!”

“Here,” Vanderwood said, returning.  “This will fix it.”  He reached into the top of the dress and shoved something into the heavily padded bra.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Saeran gasped, pulling away and covering his chest with his arms.

“Oooh!  He’s discovering his ladylike modesty!” Saeyoung crooned.  “It’s so wonderful!”

“Shut up, Seven,” Vanderwood snapped.  “We’re barely getting to pull this thing off anyway thanks to you being such a clutz.”

Saeran stood still, out of sheer gratitude that Saeyoung had been silenced for a moment, as Vanderwood felt him up like a cut of meat at the market.

Finally satisfied with the rest of Saeran’s appearance, Vanderwood slicked his hair back with gel and put the wig on him.  A little spirit glue ensured that it wouldn’t fall off.  Then the lace choker and bands were tied into place.

Vanderwood gave Saeran a critical sweep with his eyes before saying, “Turn around, see what Saeyoung thinks about it.”  

Saeran did at he was bid, only to face his brother looking like he was about to swoon.

“I can’t believe it,” Saeyoung sniffed dramatically.  “My baby brother, all grown up and looking like a princess’s maid, if not a princess himself!  He’s so beautiful!”

“When I get back,” Saeran promised, “I will kill you.”

“Bet I’m faster on crutches than you are on heels!” Saeyoung laughed.

“Heels?”  Saeran gave Vanderwood a withering look.

“No, not heels.  I don’t need you both laying around with messed up ankles.  You can wear these instead.  Just be careful.  They’re proper patent leather.  They will show the reflection of what’s up your skirt,” Vanderwood explained, holding out a pair of mary janes.

“Let them look,” Saeran muttered.  “Serves them right.”  

[monsterloveday]

Your grief is depressing me.

I have no idea how people will feel reading this, but ultimately I want to because  death is such a taboo subject - its avoided so much that I don't think we do ourselves any favours by avoiding it. After all, if you haven't already been through it, you will at some point. (You know what they say, you can never avoid death or taxes).

Although nothing will ever prepare you for it, I do believe we should give lee way for the people who do want to speak out on it, as it was from going through grief myself, I noticed how so many people tried to silence me due to their own fear / awkwardness / attitude towards it - this is not fair nor is it healthy. Its also a really shitty treatment towards grieving people. I feel that it is such a painful subject that we seem to fear the thought of it (and rightly so), but, I feel we do need to speak on it more - whether you have been through it or not.  This isn't to say that death should be spoken of all the time as that of course would be draining, but I do fear there are many ‘unwritten rules’ on this, one example being that you are ‘bringing people down’ or that people wont want to hear it or know what to say and you can understand that and appreciate that to a point.

But really, pretending death doesn't happen or locking those thoughts away probably don't help individuals when a loved one does actually pass away. I feel it is something us humans have to try and learn to be more open about, to not be afraid to bring it up, accept and perhaps educate ourselves on. When dad was having his last days (as horrendous as they were), I almost feel like I can say that the aftermath of death is actually worse (or maybe just as bad), that it is probably worse for the people who witness the death, over the person who is actually dying. People think that even with death ‘Time is a healer’, I even remember thinking to myself that at the year mark point, I would probably be so much better.

How naive I was. Grief has no expiry date. There is no ‘getting over it’. I feel just as bad now as I did then, and I wonder just how long this will be with me, I then fret that I will always carry this, as like I mention before, there is no ‘Light at the end of the tunnel’ with death. That person has gone, that theyre absence is so loud, it is a constant reminder, its massive, dark and noticable, and that the fact they have died will always, always, always be shit and nothing will change that. Im just telling it like it is.  Since then I look at the rest of my family, friends, and even my dog and worry about how bad it will be WHEN (not if) WHEN other loved ones die. That I have to do this again, and again, many more times. It makes me want to vomit. It makes me want to die first to avoid it. It makes me not like life at all. The world has become a very scary place now, how it snatches anyone it wants, and you are left to deal with that, and live a life knowing that that hangs over you all the time, yet you are expected to just ‘carry on’. At the time I remember seeing a gif of a monster hovering over a man walking up the stairs  - he knew it was there, lurking, waiting for the right moment, an extended version of waiting for the axe to fall. This is exactly how I felt. It. is. Awful. I remember being at dads side all day, at every minute looking at him and my heart pounding, checking if he was still breathing, wondering “is he dead?!”. Seeing my once strong dad now with all sorts of shit in his arms, his face, and everywhere else, not even able to open his eyes, the sounds of the machines trying to help him breathe - gah. Fuck that memory. And then going home to an empty house. My sister was with her other half, my brother his, my mum staying with dad (and rightly so). I had to walk past dads room, his belongings became SO noticeable, that even the sight of them scared me. How different this house was now. I was alone in a house that used to be my family home, now it was a house filled with horrors that reminded you of what was about to be taken away, how just a few weeks before he was in this house - not about to die. I remember wondering what I had done to deserve this, to watch my dad slowly die all day and night and have to come home alone. I wanted to be held. I wanted to be held so tight that it knocked me out. I kept all the lights on and I rang my friend who has also lost her dad and stayed on the phone to her until I fell asleep. I never forget friends like that. It was the worst. It was hell - but it wasn't a case of I was owed bad karma, its that life can be cruel, and it can be cruel to ANYONE. Not just me. And that ultimately - death is a part of life. When he died, after 10 long days of waiting for it to happen, I couldn't deal how people looked at me awkwardly, that I was the elephant in the room, that it is said that talking about things will help but yet when you try and open up peoples body language scream “I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO YOU”, the looks on their faces, the silence. Not only that most of the people around me hadn't lost anyone, so they didn't get it, but that my grief was actually making THEM feel awkward or that they didnt really want to speak to me. Some friends didn't even bother to contact me and said “ I didn't think you would want to come out”. It all added to my isolation. To this day I still don't talk to close friends or even my family about it, how death has taken such a massive characteristic from me - expression. Its taken so much of me. And people don't know what to say. That is not an attack or criticism, because its not a popular topic, and people avoid it like the plague. And rightly so, because its depressing. But this is why I wanted to write about it, I feel that if talking of death wasn't so taboo, It would help people for when they are actually going through it, or even in the smallest way, help them accept or prepare for an inevitable death, theres no ‘How To’ on death and for me personally, not having addressed death before - it really kicked my ass (and still is to this day) when it did arrive - after all, everyone goes through it at some point in their lives. Soon people see it as old news’ (especially after the funeral - how ghastly funerals are) and assume you must be ‘better’ now. It really doesn't work like that. Its ongoing. The heart specialist that saw dad through his last days told us himself that life is much harder after the funeral - this made me dread and dread and dread the funeral so much. But he was so right. Every day was so scary, dreadful and just black. It really does feel like you are in a out of body experience, that your mind just cant handle what is going on, so it shuts itself down and blocks things out whichever way it can, for some its denial, shock, its like your in a never ending nightmare and you just want to wake up. Soon after, my sister announced her pregnancy and I freaked.the.hell.out. I couldn't deal with all this massive change in my family in a tiny amount of time, what If I never see her now?, she will have her own family and we will be forgotten?!, that dad just missed it! what if what if what if?!!?. I ate and ate my way through these situations, I couldn't control or be disciplined at such a bad time in my life, the weight piled on and so did the depression - but this decision to eat has made things so much worse - but I still wouldn't have been able to do it any other way. I had a breakdown and that very morning took myself to the doctor. I couldn't deal and I wanted pills to take me out of this, at any cost. I wanted to be drugged at the highest level. Just take it away. Pills. They were not my friend. This in itself will be another blog as I want to stay focused on this topic. But in short, my health went to shit. My confidence was dropping and dropping and dropping. I stopped sculpting, I stopped art, I stopped ukulele, I stopped cooking. I stopped dating. I stopped singing, I stopped trying. My labido completely vanished. I didn't feel like a human anymore, I couldn't give love and I couldn't receive it. I was just a thing with skin. I didn't like boys, boys wouldn't like me - not at this weight and my belly. I hated how I looked, I hated my hair, I hated my whole appearance, I hated my now unfitting clothes, I hated how depressing clothes shopping had become, so I stopped. Everything I once took pleasure in, didn't please me anymore. Not even if I tried. I think I could have done the most amazing things and it still wouldn't budge this thing inside of me, taking over. I was turning into the worst version of me, a version of me I never knew existed. Mornings became a demon.  Im sure theres loads of you that relate to this and know what I mean by this. Id be in bed and suddenly my heart raced and it felt like that feeling you get when your about to do something that scares the shit our of you or makes you so nervous you need to puke, that the tiniest tasks became mountains - “Oh my actual god I have to get out of bed today and face people and do things”?!?!  I was so nervous and scared all the time and didn't know why.

I become so so tired having to work throughout the week, yet hated the weekends because of feeling unproductive or lonely. I felt so tired doing too much but felt like I had to be doing something as soon as I stopped, its like you are in a constant battle with yourself. My life went from grief, to anxiety and depression all in one hit. And I had to try and live with it every single day. Its so hard. And I still have to keep fighting through all this crap that life throws at me, Im still not at the ‘other side’ of all this and when I think I've had my dose of it, it gives me some more. But life does this to everyone and thats why I think its important to not be afraid of being open about feeling shit, because we can be there for each other. Yet we all seem to stay quiet and get annoyed when people express themselves if they are feeling sad, they are given the “you are so negative / moaning label - this isn't the case. I hate that people turn a blind eye because people express their negative emotions, really, what is wrong with that? I think ultimately I want to say to anyone that has lost someone, or is about to, or maybe people that just battle with their inner demons... Its annoying as hell but you have to fight back. And I know its so frustrating to have to fight for things that other people get so freely. Like - just being ok. Know that I am with you. I. Am. With. You. Know that this terror, too shall pass and you will get stronger. You will.

And you'll be surprised by how many people feel the way you do, but we just don't speak of it, so we think its unique to us - its not, we are a massive bunch of humans who suffer but not together!. I learned that life isn't always on my side and admitting that life is hard, we just have to get harder, and we do. I think sometimes we don't realise it though. You don't have to be fearless to be brave, being scared all the time is brave, because you have to force yourself through the fear all the time! I wont ever be the same person I was before my dad died, but maybe I need to stop trying to be, maybe its ok that I will always be a little bit broken. Death is so life changing for the people still remaining, so don't expect to stay the same person. And that is also OK. I would like to hope that at some time, life will be brighter for us once more, I think good and bad times pass by like waves, we cant have one without the other. What a beautiful cunt life is, ay? =p. One difference I have noticed in myself is how much more appreciative I am of small things. Just being with people, taking photos, hearing the birds sing, Knowing that life isn't forever, but its now, and now is all we have. So go get that tattoo, go on that trip you have always wanted too, tell that person how deeply in love with them you are, go and get your life and chase those goals, its scary, but its worth it. We wont be here forever! There is no “Im over it” now, as mentioned before, after losing someone, a gap is there that will never be filled.  But. Although it seems so very unlikely, you will feel love again You will laugh so hard again You will be able to think of that person and a smile come onto your face, instead of a tear and sometimes it will just be tears Sometimes you will miss them so much it hurts Sometimes you will feel lucky you had them in your life Sometimes you will feel cheated that they were taken away. There will be days where you can face things and days where you cant. You will never feel just one way, but you really do learn to live with it, and I promise you, although you will miss them so much - you're going to be OK. You become better at always being sad about it, and it will always be there, but it wont destroy you like it does in the early days / months / years. I was watching a film last night, about a man who died and was saying to his still alive wife beyond the grave, “I still exist”. This filled my heart will sheer comfort - the thought that death doesn't mean they are gone, that they really are still alive - just somewhere else. Dad please be up there, I really want to see your face again! and the hope that I could gives me me such a lift!. And maybe if we try to think, that maybe death isn't the worst thing, because hopefully our loved ones have gone somewhere BETTER! where they are the happiest they could ever be, no suffering, no pain and that they are having a ball up there! its like I've said, I think its worse for the people left behind and maybe if we start accepting that death happens, maybe we wont fight against it so much by knowing that death isn't the end! Im trying to hard to feel this way! Involve only good people in your life, be true to yourself, express yourself no matter how you feel and most importantly... They still exist. Jay

[protectjuminhan]

Bella, could you tell us a story of something (that you hadn't shared yet) that made your relationship with Matthew stronger? Only if you want/can, and ofc thank u in advance! It's really cute how you talk about him! Makes me kinda believe in love ;)

Awwe! This one is what happend next that day, if you read part one please. This was a moment where i was trying to held in so much, and it didnt work. and Matthew had his patience and composure tested. It defiantly made us stronger when we got home and talked it over. im sorry for the swearing but its necessary to tell the story.

Part two:

April 29th, 2014:

“Would you like some clothes? I know you have a limited amount of them.” He was right, i only owned what i could fit in my suitcase at the time, and what i picked up from smaller stores on sale. He had finaly come around and wasent mad anymore, because he got back into ‘Lets find something sexy to convince her to buy’ mode. His playful face when trying to help me shop is something i was to patent and sell to to the general public, because its SO DAMN CUTE. “What about here?” He point to a higher end fashion store, one i would have to pray to the gods to find something in my size.

“Maybe not that one..” But he had already went in ahead of me. I walked in, and was greeted by the store manager, i think. She looked me up and own and bluntly stated “You may want to try a different store. Nothing here will fit that.” Point to my stomach. She wasent even trying to spit at me or anything, she just stated it like she was bored and didnt want to help me look for no reason. RUDE ASS BITCH. So she turned around and noticed Matthew, and smiled. Oh. My. God. Im not a jealous person most of the time. Most.  “Can i help you sir? Trying to find something for a special lady? Anyone with you on their arm must be a goddess.” Oh, you didnt understand lady.

“Yeah, shes curvy, do you have anything that is ment for heavier chested girls?” He kinda stuttered a bit, because she was pretty, you guys know that drill.  “yes! this section over here is the plus size section. Girls with big boobs or a nice butt have this section, and smaller girls over there. i didnt think you the guy who likes a little meat on his women. She must be so pretty, with how handsome you are!” She was laying it on thick. Trying to eaither get his number, or him to buy something. I stood back because when i get mad, i get kicked out of places for being sarcastically rude. He smiled akwardly, and made his way to the sweater dress he was eyeing up from outside, seen its size, and proceeded to turn it down. it was going to be to tight. (I have a reaaaaaally big chest, so alot of outfits wont fit there or will ride up in the belly part to compensate for space.)

“yeah, shes wonderful. I asked her out in high school. I like her curves, Her skin is soft, and i dont mind that shes got a little more, beanpoles are hard to hug with these arms.” “and arms you do have sir.” She slurred at him. He walked over to the bra section, and found one close to something i already have. Black and grey plaid, with black lace around the edges, and they had one in my size. He took it off the shelf and took it to the counter, turning around to see me at the door, being very quiet. THEN THIS BITCH OH MY GOD. “Is she making you uncomfortable sir? I asked her to leave already, nothing here will fit her. “ Looking right at me “We dont service fat people. You lot ruin our brand look. Now get out.”

*insert sinister chuckle* You guys dont understand, Matthew and i haddent had our first fight yet. We had ran into this problem before, but not as bad. It got worse when i got pregnant, but we found a way to cope and make it funny by then. Let me make this next part clear. I had never seen Matthew tap into that “The fuck did you just say” Yandere side yet.   All guys have one when being protective of their S/o.

“Can you come here?” He was looking at me with eyes i could not describe. Those eyes you see when someone is being dead calm. Trying not to strangle someone on the spot dead calm. I stepped forward, a little hesitant, because i knew something was wrong. “Do like this? Its really pretty.” “Yeah, it looks like one i have at home.” “Good, I thought it looked nice.” ‘Umm, that is one i have a set for and its one i wear when we sleep together, of course you like it. Whats wrong?’ was my thoughts. He pulled out his card and paid for it without having me take money out of the jar. And hands me the bag after he paid for it. “Next time we fuck, please wear this one, okay? I like the way the colors compliment your eyes. Lets find another store to buy clothes. This ones staff is horrible to talk to, considering all she was doing was attempting to get in my pants. what bad service.”  

“Yeah, i hear (insert store) had amazing service.” He wrapped his arms around me with all the bags still in his hand, placing a kiss on my forehead. “Noone disrespects my Queen and gets my Queens money. If i really didnt want to see you in this, i wouldn’t have bought anything. Lets go, my Queen.” (thats his favorite endearment) Of course she had to open her mouth. “This girl is the one you came in here for? Are you kidding me? shes so out of your league! Shes ugly and Fat, Why her? You would do better with me. And did you say you fuck her? What is she doing, paying you?” “Nope, In fact i gave her nearly 2 grand today as a birthday and late one year anniversary present. Now shut your moth before i contact your Superior and report you for being rude to us. She didnt do anything to you, and who i love doesnt concern you. Now, stop being a trash whore and leave us alone. My Queen and i are gonna give our money to anyone but you.” His face indicated he was repeating a phrase in his mind ‘hitting people is a bad idea’

When we got out of the store, he was silent. Not a good sign from someone who never shuts up. We reach one of those areas where there are sofas and phone chargers, and take a seat on the love seat, adding the bag to the chain system i made to prevent thefts. He set all our bags down and a little roughly pulled me closer where my only option was to wrap my arm behind his back. I felt it then, he was trembling. Men who tremble are on the verge of beating someones ass, or breaking down. Matthew looked like both at the same time. hes very emotional, and i just didnt say anything. i heard little gasps, those you hear from someone trying really heard not to cry by sucking in breaths. those sounds alone were breaking my heart, because none of her words were at him.  

“W-Why do please have to be so rude to people? We might have spent more than she will have in other customers all day, but instead she chose to shoo you out over your weight.” I forced my other arm out, in order to put it on his head. i put light strokes on his scalp. a sure way to calm him down and get him to let his feelings out. Creatures of habit will always be ones of habit. “Shhhh, you dont need to be upset over her simple-mindedness.” I tried to say, but he just shook his head. “Im tired of people telling me who i can and cant love. You ARE a goddess to me. And because you dont fit a type, i cant love you in their eyes. Why? Why the fuck do they get to tell me what to do?” He was ranting. Not being quiet about it. We were getting stares. I highly doubt he gave a single fuck at this point. We always got stared at.

“Matthew, i dont care. Your choices are your own. Just like her opinions are her own. She cant make you do anything but leave the store. People Make choice all the time and this was one you made..” “You make it sound like i chose you like a breakfast cereal. Thats not how this works.” He let go a little so he could dip his head into my chest, a habit when he feels insecure about something. “If you left me, i would rather live alone forever. Your love made me fix so many things wrong in my family. You arent a choice. If you would let me, I want to be together forever.” He was crying, I felt the tears on my exposed area of my chest. Do i make him cry harder by accepting? Do i ignore his statement? Do i make him laugh? Yeah, default. “You mean i have to deal with your crazy ass forever? i dont know if i can handle the puns. Oh god…. The puns.” I felt a chuckle followed by a sob or two. Bingo.

“Am i crazy for loving you?” Oh Fuck. I didnt know what to say. You see, Matthew isent perfect. you guys get the silly sappy stories, but hes really insecure about people loving him. Hes been abandoned and treated like a walking piece of meat so much he feels confused about everything. He felt like the only permanent thing in his life was me. This is called emotional co-dependency in a relationship. its not all that healthy, but no ones perfect. Its that troupe of “If You leave me ill kill myself! i cant live without you!” Saw He this far deep? No, hes not like that. But thats the jist of it.

“No, You dont chose who you love. And if thats me, im happy to have you as my personal eye candy, Koibito. You take good care of me, and i love you so much. Dont think that i dont love you just as much. Plus, you didnt hit her so i congratulate you there.” (Koibito means lover, or sweetheart. I mean it as sweetheart. Hes half japanese and says it to me all the time.) He relaxes a bit, chuckling again. He looked up at me with his joke-serious face “Is that all i am to you? Eye candy?” “Only the finest, i mean you are the hot one in this relationship!” I poked at his side, in a really ticklish spot, and got the reaction i wanted. That laugh that could cure cancer “Dont do that here, you will get REKT.”

We spent the rest of the day hand in hand, in all the rest of the store. I deduced that there was near 3 grand in that jar, and we spent about a thousand of it. I got a new system behind his back, because i wanted to play together later. i mean you know mall prices. a system and two shirts is 500$ smh calm down.

The point that was made here, a loosley put together one at that, is that life does have a path for you. There will be times you can branch off, and make your own. Matthew chose to go with me that day in high school. Life is like a book. Each chapter is a year. You write your book by living. No one will have the same book as you do, but they can connect, like a crossover au. If you quit writing you book, the reader will get sad. i know for a fact unfinished fan fictions are a pain to come across. Pain from life is never gone, its only shared with someone else so it doesnt feel so bad. My pain was my anxiety and self consciousness about my looks. Im not as beautiful as he is in 60% of humanities eyes. People love to comment on it, Oh well.  

Human nature and their capriciousness isent something you can fix. You just hope they have enough respect to not comment on it. Why? Because every human on this earth is beautiful. No one deserves to be told they are not to a human standard. You being alive is amazing, and you should be loved and cherished. This made me and Matthew stronger because he finaly came out and admitted to himself that i wasent there because of his looks. I was there because i love him, and he loves me. This is hard to say in relationships. But saying it is so important.

So let me say it a little louder for those in the back.

Humanities capriciousness to judge others is not something that can be overcome through degradation.

Only trust, communication, and understanding can help people overcome the impulsion and unpredictable decisions people that have to degrade others, instead of being respectful. I hope anything of this helps you understand that everyone deserves love, and some people are just hateful i dont have time for it haha.

[jumpsitehq]

300+ Funny Status for Whatsapp and Facebook in English

There are millions of people who can use WhatsApp Messenger and they also change status day by day so that why I am Publishing a Best Funniest Status in our sites. You can check the collection of Funny Whatsapp Status below. I hope you will like the funny statuses for WhatsApp. Earlier you have seen some of the Best and Latest Whatsapp Status, Love Whatsapp Status, Sad and Cool Whatsapp Status but This time we come up with All-time Favorite FUNNY WHATSAPP STATUS.

Funny Status for Whatsapp and Facebook

“Hey there WhatsApp is using me.” “I am not lazy, but I am on my energy saving mode.” “I can’t read lips unless they’re touching mine.” “80% of boys have girlfriends. Rest 20% are having a brain.” “Last seen 1985!” “When you are on a 1% battery anyone who sends a message Or calling, Becomes the enemy Automatically.” “I love my job only when I’m on vacation.” “Life is too short smile while you still have teeth……” “God is really creative, I mean.. just look at me every time.”

Best Funny Status

“Common sense is not so common.” “Never laugh at your wife’s choices… LOL..you’re one of them…” “All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.” “Never Steal because of Government HATE COMPETITION.” ” I pretend to work and They pretend to pay me.” “If you can’t convince them then Confuse them.” “I always learn from the mistakes of others who take my advice. That’s called EVIL MIND.” “I Am Gonna Make my Status High, better you to Focus on your Status only.” “I hate people who steal my ideas before I think of them.”

Funny Status Quotes

“AwesoME ends with ME and UGLY Start with YOU.” “People say everything happens for a reason. So when I Beat your ASS, remember I have a reason.” “People said to follow your dreams so I went back to bed.” “When Phone on silent mode – 10 Missed calls…When Turns volume to loud- Nobody calls all day.” “Busy at this moment…free forever.” “The only time success comes before work is in dictionary.” “If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.” “DOESN’T EXPECTING THE UNEXPECTED MAKE THE UNEXPECTED EXPECTED ?” “Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.” “Doing nothing is very hard thing to do…you never know when to finish.”

Best Funny Quotes

“You have the perfect face to become Radio Jockey.” “Totally available!!!! Please disturb me!!!!” “Hi there! I am using my brain.” “One day your princess will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.” “I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.” “Looks like I over-estimated the number of your brain cells.” “Lie is just a great story ruined by truth.” “If Monday had a face, I would punch it.” “My style is unique don’t even think to copy it!” “Teachers call it cheating, students call it teamwork.” “I always dream of being a millionaire like my friend!… He’s dreaming too.” “My bed is always extra comfortable when I need to get out of it in the morning.” “Don’t Hit Kids, They Become Smart Nowadays they Carry GUNS.” “A man is as young as the woman he feels.”

Top Fun Status

“I’m just having an allergic reaction to the universe.” “When I actually die some people are going to get really haunted after me.” “The winner of the rat race is still a rat.” “If money grew on trees, then girls would be dating monkeys….” “Please don’t interrupt me while I’m ignoring you.” “At least Some Mosquito’s are attracted to me.” “I am sure I have a defective iPhone, I keep pressing the home button and I’m still at work.” “I WANT TO KILL THE HOTTEST PERSON ALIVE… BUT SUICIDE IS A BIG CRIME!” “I had to take sick day.I’m sick of those peoples.” “Today’s Relationships is like You can touch each other but not each other’s phones.”

Best Funny Status for Facebook

“DO YOU EVER JUST LIE ON KNEES AND THANK GOD THAT YOU KNOW ME AND MY INTELLIGENCE…??” “TRUTH: Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up…” “It’s not that I hate anyone; it’s just that I do not like people.” “Life is Short so Chat Fast..” “My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. What a TRAGEDY.” “Save Paper, Don’t do Homework.” “A black cat passing by the crossroad can stop hundreds of people what a RED LIGHT on traffic signal has failed to do for a long time.” “I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I am blaming you.” “Your status won’t ever match my status neither in WhatsApp nor in reality.” “My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.” “Save Water, Drink Whisky.”

Funniest Whatsapp Status

“Sometimes all you need is love. Lol, just kidding, you need money.” “WARNING!! I know karate…..and some other words too.!” “Honest people can be put into two categories….little kids and drunk persons.” “Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.” “When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you ?” “I just need a good Wifi & Wife.” “I only need three things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep.” “There’s only one problem with your face, I can see it.” “I’ve had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.” “AFTER GETTING DRUNK, BACHELOR OF TECHNOLOGY TURNS INTO MASTER OF PHILOSOPHY.” “Can’t talk, telepathy only!” “Read books instead of reading my status!” “People that Change Love status after 30 Sec… GF is the Reason…” “I am Cool but Summer Days make me hot.” “I AM NOT A VEGETARIAN BECAUSE I LOVE ANIMALS; I AM A VEGETARIAN BECAUSE I HATE PLANTS.”

Laughing Status

“GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.” “I love you, and it’s killing me.” “A fine is a tax for doing wrong & A tax is a fine for doing well.” “I’m not sarcastic, I am just intelligent beyond your understanding.” “In bed, it’s 7AM you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 8:00. At school it’s 12:30, close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 12:32.” “Some people are beautifully wrapped boxes of shit.” “Whatsapp users never die, they just go offline.” “The only thing I gained so far in THIS YEAR is weight.” “High Power Come ,with High voltage Current!” “Hello madam, do you want new Credit Card ? Girl: No thanks, I have a Boyfriend.” “I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.” “Wife means Worries in life Forever.” “Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them is wearing pants ???” “A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.” “People say they can’t live without Love. I think oxygen is more important.” “I may be fat, but you’re ugly – I can lose weight.” “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” “Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are.” “Yes, I agree. Moms can find everything. Except for the ringing phone in their bags.” “Love marriage is like dancing in front of snake and asking him to bite.” “‘m Jealous Of My Parents… I’ll Never Have A Kid As Cool As Theirs!” “Mah Attitude……Mah ishtyle…” “People say nothing’s impossible, but I do nothing every day.” “Women should not have children after 30. Really … 30 children are enough.”

Hilarious Status

“Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one ass hole at a time.” “If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.” “Don’t steal because it’s the government’s job.” “Don’t kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors are not.” “I am currently experiencing life at the rate of 20 WTF’s every hour.” “Who care’s ?????………..I’m awesome. Fuck the Rest.” “Laugh at your problems, everybody else does the same.” “I’m not failed, But my success just lost.!” “This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear….I’m just fat.” “I hate men but I’m not lesbians”

Hilarious Whatsapp Status

“Best Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbor’s wife, And beer as COLD as your own.” “When it’s you against me, you either win or you die.” “My heart is stolen..can I check your bra.” “Marriage is the cause of divorce.” “I DID NOT ATTEND HIS FUNERAL, BUT I SENT A NICE LETTER SAYING I APPROVED OF IT.” “SI unit of ignorance = “seen”…” “I wake up when I cant hold my pee in any longer.” “You say I dream too big I say you think too small.” “Running away does not help you with your problems unless you are fat.” “Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.” “ALARM CLOCK: Because mornings must start with a heart attack.” “Mosquitoes are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.” “3 Mistake done by everyone ..Whatsapp, Facebook & GF.”

OMG Funny Status

“Etc Meaning – End of Thinking Capacity.” “We are WTF generation……. WhatsApp, Twitter, and Facebook.” “Never make eye contact while eating a banana.” “Faces YOU Make ON The Toilet lol (o_o) (>_<) (0_0) (^_^).” “Virginity is not dignity, It is just lack of opportunity.” Do share it with your Fiends and Spread Happiness and Laugh a Lot because LIFE IS SHORT.