#asdasgdks

[d-c-it]

Meet Lust

Summary: Lust thinks its unfair Remus gets to hang out with everyone and he doesn’t. Deceit said not to bother Thomas but he is stubborn. He is also petty and most importantly he is bored. Crack (ish) fic. 

Ships: None. (Roman get some smooches but they’re not in a relationship so it doesn’t count?)

Warnings: sympathetic deceit, sympathetic remus, a flirty oc, cussing, innuendo, caps, light making out. Some kinks are mentioned and threats of castration.

I can’t explain.

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Patton was walking down the stairs, heading to the kitchen when he spotted someone on the living room’s couch.

‘Oh, hey kiddo…?’ when the person turn around all he caught was a cheshire grin before he let out a loud shriek and bolted towards the stairs again.

Mid run he saw Virgil open his door with a worried look on his face, Patton however was too busy running for his life to even care to explain. He screamed all the way to his room and slammed the door behind him. Virgil was looking at morality’s door with a weird face when he heard the steps coming up the stair. Once he caught sight of who it was he let out an ‘Oh, hell no. Is too early for this shit.’ He slammed his door just as the mystery person started running towards him, making them crash against it, exclaiming ‘You guys are no fun!’ in a whiny voice.

‘What is the meaning of all this noise…?’ was the only thing Virgil heard, before putting his headphones on and drowning all the background noise. He internally wished Logan good luck.

‘Hot teach! Oh, I’m so glad you’re here!’ said their…guest? Clinging to Logan’s waist and rubbing his face on his stomach, making the logical side unable to move since he was supporting both of their weights.

‘Ah, this explains it.’

‘Daddy was so rude to me! He didn’t even say hi! and Virgin Mary shut the door on my face!’ Logan squinted at the not-quite-stranger. ‘I didn’t do anything!’ complained the other.

‘Felix, where is Deceit?’ asked Logan, making the other let go of him immediately, which was a bad sign. ‘Felix?’ he received only mumbled words as an answer. ‘What was that?’

‘I might or might not have locked him in his room?’ said Felix, pouting. The logical side studied the other, playing with his hands as he stood there, looking all the shades of guilty.

‘May I dare to ask why?’ said Logan, fixing his glasses, Felix’s eyes unfocused at the action but Logan was quick to bring him back from whatever he was thinking by snapping his fingers in front of his face. The other shook his head, coming back to his senses.

‘He let Remus go out, hot teach! Remus!’ whined the other. ‘Before me! I just want to have some fun too!’

‘Right now Thomas is not in the best state of mind to deal with you, I’m sure that’s the reason Deceit hasn’t let yo- are you mocking me?’ he stopped mid-sentence, as he became aware Felix was imitating him while mouthing what he was saying in a childish manner. The other shook his head to deny the statement. Logan sighed yet again. ‘I’ll just go find Deceit.’ He then walked towards Virgil’s door to ask him to take care of the problem child for a little while. He didn’t even get to knock on the door before he heard him exclaim from the inside.

‘Don’t even think about it!’ Logan deadpanned, looking back at Felix, who shrugged innocently. Logan looked towards Patton’s door next but shook his head before heading towards Romans who was probably still asleep as Thomas was up all night working on a video.

He suddenly felt the tug of their host calling, closing his eyes and grunting as Felix, next to him, squealed in delight. Great, he thought, as he was forced to sink down and appear in Thomas’s living room.

‘Hey, Logan. I-‘Thomas stopped himself as the logical side raised a hand.

‘Before you start, I already have an idea of what’s going on and I’m afraid you aren’t going to like it.’

‘Uh… what do you-?’ started asking the brunette when a figure appeared in Virgil’s place at the stairs.

‘AHHHHHH THOMAS!’ jumped the figure, extending his arms as if trying to grab Thomas and hug him.

‘GAHH!’ was their host natural response. Logan made a gesture with his hands as if to say ‘See what I meant?’ Felix seemed to be vibrating in place. ‘Who-? ARE THOSE LEATHER PANTS!?’

‘Ah? OH!’ exclaimed Felix, looking at his attire. ‘Yes! They absolutely are! You like them?’ he said, making provocative poses. Next to him, Logic massaged his temples.

‘No! I-I would never wear something like that!’ exclaimed Thomas, horrified.

‘You should though! You have a great ass! You should own it!’ insisted the other.

‘He literally owns it.’ Was Logic’s confused contribution.

‘DID SOMEONE SAY ASS’ they all heard, just as the duke appeared behind the TV looking very interested.

‘Oh, god. No.’ murmured Thomas.

‘Get out, tentacle porn! This is MY moment!’ both Thomas and Logic made awkward faces at that.

‘Tentacle porn!’ cackled Remus, hugging his morningstar to his chest. ‘That’s a new one! I love it!’ in despite of how angry he wanted to look, Felix laughed a little.

‘Right? I think it suits you~’ he flirted, before he heard Logan’s cough.

‘What is going on…?’ whispered Thomas to the logical side.

‘Well, to put it simple… that’s another one of your sides.’ He said, fixing his glasses.

‘Ugh, I love when you do that! Is so s e x y, hot teach!’ exclaimed the new side, leaning into the railing and doing a weird thing with his eyelashes. 

‘He’s ah…Lust.’ He coughed, blushing a little.

‘Wh-?’

'Let's talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me, let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be, let's talk about sex~'

'come on, do it, uh huh~'

'My name is Felix, but you can call me tonight, hot stuff.' said Lust, winking and making Thomas's mouth go ajar. There was a moment of silence.

'You do realize you just flirted with yourself, right?' said Logan, while Remus wheezed in the background.

'Well, he seems to need a bit of self love… not gonna lie.' defended himself the lustful side.

'Look, guys… I just wanted to talk to Logan and Patton for a little bit so if you don’t mind calling him up…?' offered Thomas.

'Yeah, no. He won’t show up as long as Felix is here.' stated Logan.

'Why not?'

'Daddy seems to be a little afraid of good ol’loving…which is ironic considering he is your heart!' giggled Felix. High fiving Remus.

'What about Roman? Virgil?' pleaded Thomas, clearly not prepared to deal with two dark sides at the same time.

'I’m afraid Roman is still sleeping and Virgil was pretty adamant in being left out of this.'

'Shit.'

'The smartest course of action would be finding Deceit…'

'I’m barely dealing with two dark sides and you want to bring another one of them!?'

'Well…'

'Excuse me! I am no dark side! Roman is a jerk with a stick up his-'

'Butthole!' exclaimed Remus happily.

'Now that’s where I want all the di-'

'STOP, oh God just STOP!' yelled Thomas, covering his ears.

'What is it, Thomas? Feeling a little…horrrrny?' said the lustful side, making Thomas cry out.

'That’s it.' shook his head Logan, done with everything. He raised his hand and suddenly a very disgruntled Roman appeared in Patton’s spot.

'This BETTER be good, Logic.' grunted creativity. ‘You interrupted my beauty sleep.’

'Oh, darling you don’t need any~' purred Lust, making the prince jump in place and shy away from the compliment. Thomas frowned.

'Didn’t you just called him a jerk?' Roman gasped.

'That is in the past! Why don’t you come over here, papacito? ¡Quiero matarte a besos!' exclaimed Felix in spanish, making Roman giggle.

'Do not let that happen...' said Logan, looking at Thomas. 'Roman, you’re on charge while I’m gone… I sure will regret that later…I’ll go get Deceit.'

'Wait! Logan!' exclaimed Thomas. 'Why cant I just summon him or something?' staring at his logical side with a look that clearly spoke please don’t leave me alone with them. But Logan wasn’t having any of it.

'If Deceit was available, you wouldn’t have to deal with this at all.'

'Uh?'

'Deceit tends to hold the others back as long as he can, he is your self-preservation after all.'

'Deceit…does that…for me?'

'Well, of course, Deceit is very akin on protecting you Thomas, even from yourself. I thought that was clear.' He coughed. 'I must be going. Roman.'

'Uh!'

'Do not, engage with Lust.'

'Pfft, who do you take me for?' Logan squinted at him as he sunk down. There was another minute of silence.

'So, about those kisses?~'

'Are you kissing his butthole?'

'I mean if he asks nicely?'

Roman and Thomas looked at eachother for a short terrifying moment.

.

As he sunk down, Logan appeared in the mindscape's living room and headed to the rooms hallway. Just as he passed by Virgil's room, it opened.

'Is the coast clear?' he whispered.

'Which one? You need to be more specific.' answered Logan, still walking.

'Ugh, I meant, is that nymphomaniac still around?' grunted Virgil, walking right behind Logan, as if hiding of potential threats.

'Nymphomaniac is a term used only on fe-' the logical side interrupted himself at the look the anxious side was giving him. 'Right, no. The coast, as you say, isn't clear. In fact, Remus decided to show up.' he didn't miss the shiver in Virgil's body. 'and they are now in the presence of Thomas, Roman is supervising…'

'They are WHAT!?' yelled Virgil, his loud scary voice filling the hallway, showing his uneasiness.

'I know what you're thinking, I'm just on my way of freeing Deceit from Lust's little stunt before anything goes… uh, he's gone. Very well, Roman was going to need a little help anyway.

As he got closer to the yellow door at the less iluminated part of the hallway, Logan could hear noises coming from it. His best bet was that Deceit was trying to get out. As he struggled with the handle Logic discovered he was right.

Just when he managed to open the door Deceit pulled it the other way, which ended up with them both on the floor, Logan on top of Deceit while the former complained.

'Can you not get off!?'

'I apologize, I was only trying to asist-'

'Save it, I don't need to castrate certain someone.'

'I think that's a bit…harsh' said the logical side as he watched Deceit sink down.

.

When they appeared it was to utter chaos. Virgil was yelling at Remus about something they couldn't make sense of because both were using their loud voices. Virgil was in his usual place, replacing Felix in the staircase. Thomas was curling up into a ball on the floor and Felix… Yup. Felix was making out with Roman in the place Patton usually stood. Logan coughed slightly, noone paid him any mind. He looked beside him at Deceit, who was looking pissed ™, and offered him the chance to interrupt.

'You better shUT UP' Logan flinched, massaging his ear. He had never heard Deceit's loud voice and would rather not be present when he happened to use it again. However, it worked wonders.

All the sides instantly stopped doing what they were doing. Virgil flunged himself to the other side of the railing and Remus hid behind his morningstar. Felix jumped out of Roman's arms where he was clinging like a koala and Roman held up his arms as if he had being catch by the police. Both completely disheveled.

Logan sent Roman a look, the prince looked sheepish. Felix however, was as pale as one could get. Thomas stood up, holding his head with one hand.

'I am so glad to see you guys.'

'You.' hissed Deceit, the lustful side left out an eeep sound. 'Are so not dead.' he realized he didn't had his hat and he crossed his arms.

'hahahah Dee! What a surprise!'

'Why weren't you here earlier!?' yelled Virgil, he received a glare from Deceit, who normally portrayed himself as a very calmed person (?).

'This idiot didn't locked me up in my room!'

'Someone's in trouble!~' singsonged Remus.

'Shut up, Remus.' whispered Felix.

'I think its totally your place to shut him up.' hissed again Deceit, eye twitching. Lust inmediatly sealed his lips and made a gesture of locking them up. 'To your room.' said the yellow side.

'Bu-'

'To. Your. Room.' Felix pouted and crossed his arms, but started to sink out inmediatly. Of course not before winking towards Roman one last time.

The moment Lust was out of sight, Patton popped up.

'Whew, that was a close one!' he exclaimed, receiving all sort of expressions from the others.

'Well, I believe that's my cue to leave. Remus, if you please…'

'For sure, double D!. Now I wouldn't miss that carnage for anything! Bye~'

To everyones surprise Remus sank down without putting off a fight. Everyone turned to Deceit who was dusting his cape.

'I am not sorry for that, Thomas. It didn't get out of hand.' said Deceit, looking up. 'It won't happen again.' he started to sink down when Thomas called for him.

'Deceit!' murmured Thomas.

'Yes?' he said, raising an eyebrow.

'Uh, Logan kinda told me you keep the others at bay…?'

'Oh, he didn't said that, did he?' Logan nodded.

'Well yes…and well… Tha…nk you? I don't think I've apreciated what you do enough.' Deceit looked at him surprised, he started to blink really fast and then huffed.

'It's not like I prohibit them to come up here, I merely entretain them so they don't come up here and unsettle you when you're not… in the right mood.' he said, forgetting to lie, without looking at Thomas. 'It hasn't been harder recently, as I have help.' he turned to glare at virgil, who look the other way.

'Exactly, thank you Deceit. For looking out for me.' Thomas smiled at the deceitful side. The yellow side surprised everyone again by blushing.

'Whatever.' he hissed as he sunk down. 'I gotta castrate someone now, if you excuse me…'

'Isn't that a bit harsh…?' murmured Patton.

'Don't worry. They'll grow back.' he said, making everyone shiver. 'Oh, and Roman?'

'Uh?'

'You should clean off the lipstick you have all over your face.' was the last thing he said before he disappeared from sight.

'What!?' yelled Roman, rubbing at his face frantically. 'Is it off? Is it off!?'

'You still have a little bit over here…?' said Virgil, pointing all of Roman's face, much to the other's dismay.

'Alright, I believe I was called to deal with something and that something isn't here anymore so I'll go take all of this thing off. Bye~' and like that, the prince, who didn't have anything on his face in the first place, was gone too.

'I don't understand what happened, Logan.' started Thomas. 'One second there was… uh… Felix, flirting endlessly, Remus kept screaming nonsense but Roman didn't seem to listen or care and the then, Virgil appears and kicks Felix off the stairs-'

'This is my spot, ok!?'

'Of course it is kiddo! We should circle that out!' finger gunned Patton. Logan sighed.

'... And then they're both kissing and touching in places I don't want to think of because believe me watching myself do those things to… myself, wasn't something I needed.'

'Well, we can't blame Roman for that kiddo. Lust tends to be very… convincing.'

'What do you mean…?'

'Just as Virgil has his loud voice and Remus has his…'

'Screech.' offered Virgil.

'... Screech. Lust has a…'

'Sinful.' offered this thime Patton, shivering.

'... Luring voice.' it is impossible for any of us to resist it.' he said, fixing his glasses. 'We are, however, less susceptible to it than Roman.'

'Oh...I see.'

'Deceit is practically immune to it, since he can lie to himself, then Logan, then me, then Patton…' listed Virgil. Patton whined.

'He got me bad last time…'

'Again, nothing to be ashamed of Patton.'

'What about Remus?' Thomas asked, receiving a deadpan from everyone. 'Right, never mind.'

'How are you feeling now, Thomas?' asked Logan, eyebrow raised.

'Way better, this was just…wild.' answered their host.

'It seems that Deceit has everything under control again.' nodded logic.

'It was very nice of you to thank Deceit like that, kiddo. He was so happy! I know we don't show him much love...or at all! Maybe I can make him some waffles!'

'He likes chocolate waffles…' whispered Virgil.

'Awww, alright! I'll make us all chocolate waffles! See ya, kiddo!' exclaimed Patton, sinking down.

'Bye, dad.' smiled Thomas, before a sudden thought crossed his mind, making him frown. 'Wait a second, does Felix calls him Daddy for…?'

'Yeah, he does.'

'A correct assumption.'

'Ugh.'

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