#just. extremely tired. of being in pain and being constantly stressed and barely ever feeling good

[daz4i]

sometimes "i need to kill myself" isn't a statement that comes out of sadness or a unique sense of despair but rather just stating a fact

[pseudowho]

18+, pwp, Authoritative!Higuruma

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Ever since he could remember, Hiromi needed to fiddle, with his hands or his mouth. Since taking up, and then quitting, an unsavoury smoking habit (the perfect solution for a man who liked something between his lips, and something to excuse himself from unwanted social gatherings for), he had, instead, a pile of chewed pens, and overclicked pens, and ties with frayed ends.

In the evenings, and the dark blanketing night, however, his fidget toy was you. The living room was dark, and warm, the dull orange glow of a vintage Edison bulb in the corner, the only illumination. With your back to Hiromi's chest, and your knees draped apart over his spidery legs, what he did to you beneath the blanket was a mystery to anyone but the two of you.

Hushed, heavy breaths, and weak little moans broke through the gloom. Any time you squirmed too much, Hiromi selfishly restrained you, trapping you back against him. One of your fingers was trapped within his mouth, being licked, licked, licked, by the hot flick of the tip of his tongue.

Hiromi watched the documentary intently, his face cast in stark shadow. His fingers moved constantly, his thumb and forefinger pinched softly around your clit, rolling and flicking over the little nub with gentle insistence. Pleasure pooled hot and deep between your legs, climbing up your thighs and belly. He barely seemed to hear your cries, simply resting his chin on your head, and yanking you back to him whenever you squirmed yourself out of his grip.

Hiromi had lost another case, that afternoon. One that wounded him, deeply. After arriving home with taut shoulders, and exhausted, angry eyes, you had had to rescue him from the shower, where clearly, he was trying to drown himself. He hadn't spoken a word to you. But, he had been intermittently clicking his fingers, rolling a stress ball in his hand...and you shivered, knowing where that stress would be directed.

"Does that feel good?" Hiromi whispered, deep voice husky against the side of your throat, his eyes still fixed on the television. His tone was lazy, emotionally blank after the extreme stress of the day. As if, somehow, your pleasure was secondary to his need to relax. It was so unlike him...except, for when the cracks appeared, and he became selfish, convicted, authoritative in a way that sent shivers down your spine. He never looked at you with such cold disregard, as he did when he was emotionally spent from fighting the unwinnable fight.

"...f-fuck...Hiro...need to cum, don-don't leave me like-like this, haaaaahhh...please..."

His response to your whimpers was visceral, though; his cock twitched, fat and thick in his pyjamas, against the small of your back. It annoyed him. He was too stressed to cum. His orgasm would be dry, and painful, and would force him to fuck you again, in a way he didn't have the energy to, just to rid himself of that creamy poison.

"Need something inside you too, I suppose." Hiromi mused, pissed off. "Shit...don't wanna move. Just need...need to relax." His other hand slid under your top, locating your hypersensitive nipple and rolling, flicking, twisting, just as he did to your poor, aching clit. You cried out, colours fizzing in your vision as your back arched, and Hiromi slammed you back against him with a grunt of irritation. He sighed, heavy and resigned. You were letting him use you. He supposed he ought to return the favour, and did so only begrudgingly.

"Get my cock out for me. There's a good girl." You felt Hiromi's breath hitch as your trembling little hand grabbed the silky length of him, his cock heavy, throbbing in your palm. Hiromi shifted you on his lap, your pussy slick and wet with arousal as Hiromi continued to overwork you. You saw stars to feel his cockhead nuzzle at your entrance. Hiromi still watched the television, his eyes dark and seething, so tired of catering to the needs of others.

"Get it in," Hiromi mumbled, his lips and tongue working at your earlobe, "and fuck yourself on me as much as you need to. I don't care. Just don't make me work, please."

You did as you were told, sliding yourself down onto Hiromi's cock, deliciously filled and stretched, belly deep. So close already with how he pinched around your clit, selfishly holding you down so his anxious fingers could continue working, just a few frantic bucks downwards had you reeling. You came with a guttural moan, twitching and convulsing around him, your pussy milking at him, hungry for his seed.

Hiromi felt a sharp, aggressive peak approach, and hissed, teeth gritted, eyes squeezed shut and head thrown back. "--shit-- SHIT-- too much, fuck-- not gonna-- gonna be no cum-- arghhh ffffuck--"

Hiromi's balls clenched tight, his cock leaping and bounding...but nothing came, just a dry orgasm with no milky spend and no release. Hiromi was blinded by dreadful pleasure, fucking upwards hard into you, desperately trying to make his balls release something, anything.

Riled now, with an overbearing need to cum, Hiromi threw his head back onto the sofa with a growl, while you panted, plugged and spent, impaled on his cock. Hiromi pulled out, turning you round to face him. His hand stroked his cock, lubricated by your juices, with slick little plap plap plaps. Still hyperstressed, needy and commanding, he tangled one strong, gentle hand in your hair. The fire in his eyes broached no argument.

"On your knees," Hiromi ordered, trying to masturbate himself to orgasm, but failing, "and let me fuck your mouth."

[noaltbruh]

yoooo i’m so glad your requests are open 🤧!! my back hurts so bad rn i need someone to relieve it. can i get some good ol’ fluffy tooth-rotting headcanons for bucciarati? maybe to alleviate the pain with his magic hands? fem pronouns please. oh and btw i’m having a great time reading your works! ✨

AHHHH I'M SO GLAD YOU REQUESTED THIS.

I've been doing nothing but playing Hollow knight for the last two weeks ever since my friend gave it to me for my birthday- I need to go back to writing.

As always, I hope you enjoy and I'm glad to hear that you're having fun on my blog!ヾ(*´∀｀*)ﾉ

Bruno with a S/O struggling with back pain 😔

If you were to hide your pain from Bucciarati, just know it won't last long. He's very attentive to details and easily notices you struggling with your movements or even just walking straight.

He'll wait for you to bring it up yourself, but it doesn't take long before he grows tired of it and directly asks you about it.

Will lick you if you even tried to deny it

He will immediately invite you to sit or lay down, whatever is more comfortable for you, as he goes grab some medicines that should alleviate your pain. He also makes sure to remind you not to take them all at once.

He's going to take care of any sort of errands you would have had to deal with instead. He doesn't want any worries to haunt you as you rest a little.

"Ah, it's alright cara, don't stress that little head of yours, I just want you to get better"

You won't have to say a word, as soon as he's done, he'll place himself behind you, gently putting his hands on your stiff body. They're rather big, but Bruno is a very delicate man, you can feel them reaching every centimeter of your back as he invites you once again to just relax.

You might find yourself completely spacing out or closing your eyes. Bucciarati isn't exactly used to giving massages, but knows very well just what to do to help a person feel at ease.

He will constantly ask you if he's hurting you or if you're feeling any better. Even if you were to answer "yes" to the last statement, don't expect him to stop until you tell him you're satisfied.

He'll even advice you take a warm bath, he's heard it helps a lot with dense muscles and it has always provided him with some comfort after a stressful day. He hopes it'll do the same for you.

Needles to say, he is going to prepare it for you while you're still laying down and will probably help you walk to the bathroom, even if you told him there's no need to.

He won't suggest to bathe with you, as he's afraid that you might not be comfortable with that, but he will gladly join you if you asked him. He's taking it as an opportunity to also spoil you a little, he isn't going to miss it.

He'll keep on massaging you as soon as you get inside the water. I also can't help but think he'd particularly enjoy kissing the back of your neck while doing so, for some reason.

He'll try to make sure you won't have to move too much for the following days, or at least until the pain goes away, he knows it isn't an extremely serious issues, but it hurts him to see you barely being able to stand up.

[aquamarinescarlet]

Don’t give up just yet

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Word count: ~3.6k

Warnings: two curse word (I think), brief mentions of sex and cheating, angst (bare in mind these warnings don’t apply the way you think they do, you’ll have to read to understand)

Summary: The classic soulmate AU, sentences written on each other’s wrists, but with a twist.

Author’s note: This was basically an excuse for me to reinvent the soulmate AU with the wrist tattoos thing. It’s sorta angsty, but I just thought the ending was too funny. Just experimenting here, tell me what you think.

PSA: Dividers are the count down till the day: black is reader focused, red is wanda focused, gold/yellow is also reader focused, but I thought it deserved a little spark.

“You should call her, y’know.”

“Why would I do that? She made her point very clear.”

“It’s her wedding day, Y/N,” Mia reasoned, “and this fight was months ago, you have to get over it.”

You rolled your eyes at her insistence. This discussion has been happening every day for the past two weeks.

“I didn’t do anything wrong, why am I the one who should get over it?” You emphasized.

“He is her soulmate, and she is your sister, the least you could do is pretend.”

“Ugh,” you let out a guttural scream, “I can’t do this anymore Mia, I stand by what I said. That man is an asshole and this soulmate thing is stupid. I don’t trust him, no matter what the words on both their wrists say, and I’m not gonna watch her go down with this and not do anything about it.”

Mia didn’t respond, she knew she’d reached your last nerve. You watched as the woman left your office, sending a last sympathetic glance your way before walking into the hall. 

Mia was right in some points, and you knew that. She was right about it being your sister’s wedding day and that you should be there to support her. She was wrong about you needing to be the one to apologize though. The way people manipulated their lives to fit this whole twisted Soulmate Theory made your blood boil.

The Soulmate Theory was quite simple: everyone was born with a sentence written on their wrists, popular belief is that those are the first words your soulmate will say to you. It was cute, and it worked most of the time, not for your sister though. Or at least you thought so.

Oli's soulmate was Isaac. They had met three years ago and eventually started dating. Oli was a firm believer of the Soulmate Theory and had never dated anyone before, so it was all new and exciting.

You started noticing the patterns roughly one year after they started dating. He was controlling her, discreetly, barely noticeable, but it was there. 

First with clothes, Oli had made it a habit to always ask for his opinions on her clothing, and he would tell her he hated something, regardless of her telling him over and over again she had liked it. You made little comments here and there about his actions, mostly jokes but with some truth behind, she didn’t notice.

Second was friends, Isaac would always want to meet Oli’s friends, and if she went out with one he didn’t know he would make her feel guilty. You started giving more serious warnings, pointing out what he was doing more clearly, she didn’t care and called you crazy.

Third was her feelings, he had his mind set on what her role should be in his life. He praised Oli endlessly when she cooked or cleaned. Other than that, he didn’t care, didn’t pay attention to her stories, didn’t appreciate her paintings and drawings… 

It got to the point where she wouldn’t want to paint anymore, when she was telling a story it would be without her usual excitement. Her smile no longer reached her eyes, she was constantly tired. 

You confronted her about it, several times, but it was of no use. You’d point out the facts and she’d retort with ‘he is my soulmate, the universe bound us together, he wouldn’t do this to me!’

Three months ago was the last time you two talked. She told you he asked her hand. She knew you would be against it, she tried to ease you into the idea of her being with Isaac for the rest of her life. You weren’t having any of it. 

After hours of screaming, arguing and loads of tears, she told you not to come to the wedding, and you said you wouldn’t. 

It’s now four days from the date and you’re not going as long as he’s the one she’s marrying.

You stared at the words on your own wrist. ‘It’s you’. That sentence haunted you for years. What a stupid set of words for your soulmate to say.

As a kid you adored the Soulmate Theory, you paid meticulous attention to the first words you’d exchange with anyone, you made new friends nearly every day in hopes of hearing those words, but they never came.

Until they came. At first it was exhilarating, but the ones you said didn’t match the ones on the person’s wrist. You were extremely disappointed. And then you heard them again, and again, and again… It became almost routine. Every single person you met would say ‘it’s you’ or some variation of it. 

You being who you are certainly didn’t help. During college you had started a tech company and now it had grown to be one of the biggest and most important in the field. The new inventions did win you several prizes and a lot of money. You were also stupid famous, being the young brilliant CEO and all. 

Ever since, you gave up on looking for your soulmate. It seemed counter productive to get yourself all worked up just for it not to happen every single day. You made your peace with it, although a small part of you just wanted to meet said person.

The situation with Isaac and Oli helped. Seeing that it could end up hurting you made it easier to not fixate on finding your soulmate. Nonetheless, the desire was there; hidden, pushed to the back of your mind, but still there.

You just wished your sister could see it too, that the Soulmate Theory is not the solution to all her problems. 

“Relax Steve, it’s all taken care of.” 

“What about the flowers? Did you book the buffet? Did you check with the band? And the decorations? I saw some people didn’t RSVP yet, should I redo the seating charts?” Steve rambled on as Wanda just laughed.

“The flower problem is solved, the buffet confirmed, so did the band, the wedding planner is working on the decorations and redoing the whole seating chart seems… unnecessary, they still have three days to confirm their presence.” She reassured the man who was more stressed than her about the whole situation.

“Okay, sorry, I just want to make sure everything is perfect.” He huffed, taking a seat on the couch. 

“It’s going to be perfect, don’t worry.” She couldn’t help the weirdness that surged upon uttering those words.

“How are you so calm?” Wanda just shrugged, not really sure how to answer. 

Steve took a deep breath and gazed at the red head, offering her a smile. 

“I’m going to sleep, all this wedding stuff has been stressing me all day.” 

“Okay,” Steve made his way to his bedroom but she called him before he reached the hallway, “thanks for the help Rogers.” 

“No worries.” He shot a last smile before disappearing. 

Wanda found herself alone in the living room, the silence only making her thoughts scream louder.

She would be married in three days. It seemed unbelievable. After losing her parents, being experimented on at Hydra, fighting along Ultron, losing her brother and becoming an Avenger, she never thought she would have time to fall in love.

Yet, here she is. Although the feeling wasn’t quite what she thought it would be. It wasn’t exciting, or nerve racking. She felt no different than any other day of her life. Steve seemed like the one who was getting married, not her. 

Vision is sweet and caring, she feels so happy around him. Then what is causing all these doubts to haunt her?

She knows what it is, she just doesn’t want to admit it.

Those words. Those stupid words painted forever on her wrist. ‘Don’t do this’. Ever since joining the Avengers she started using several bracelets to hide them, but they still burned on her skin every single day.

She’d heard of the Soulmate Theory at a very young age. Her parents had explained how those were the first words she’d hear from the love of her life. She would spend hours daydreaming all sorts of scenarios in which someone would say those words to her and they’d fall in love.

After her parent’s death, that stopped being her priority. At the Hydra base she’d only see her brother and a couple dozen different Hydra soldiers, too old and mean for a soulmate. 

Gaining powers was a game changer. She was older then. Stronger. They finally allowed her and Pietro to leave the base and create chaos in Hydra’s name. “Do good” in Hydra’s name. She believed she was doing the right thing. She truly did. 

Hearing her first ‘Don’t do this’ made her question everything. It came from a little kid nonetheless. A scared little kid. It must’ve been a mistake, she thought at the time. But that mistake happened, again, and again, and again… 

When she joined the Avengers her eyes were opened to all the pain and terror she had caused. All the people she hurt. Then it dawned on her, what if one of those ‘Don’t do this’ came from her soulmate? What if she had hurt them, or worse, killed them?

The idea terrified her. So she hid those words on her wrist. A reminder of the evil she’s done and the love she’ll never have. She promised herself to never look for her soulmate, she already caused them enough pain, they didn’t deserve to get tangled in the mess that was her life.

And then Vision was created. Him and Wanda got along greatly. He made her happy. They fell in love, or at least that’s what Wanda told herself, that she fell in love with him. It was possible, there’s no rule on the Soulmate Theory that says you can only fall in love with your soulmate. Plus, Vision is not human, so he doesn’t have words written on his wrist, he doesn’t have a predestined soulmate, technically he doesn’t even have an actual soul for this sort of thing. They could be each other’s soulmate. A loophole on this stupid theory.

Why didn’t it feel like that though? Why was she questioning it so much? And why now? Three days before her wedding?

She took off the bracelets and stared at the ink, brushing her fingers lightly over it. She loved Vision, she affirmed to herself. She wants to marry him. This is what she wants. And she believes in these words, for a while. Long enough for her to fall asleep, turning off her brain from overthinking the situation too much.

Work has had you occupied all week. With back to back meetings and loads of paperwork to fill out, you’ve barely had time to think of anything else.

But now it seems like everything is done and you have more free time than you’d like. 

You left the office early, not having much to do there anymore, and, instead of spending all afternoon home alone, you decided to go out for some coffee.

You were sitting on your usual table in the small coffee shop close to your place. It was calm, quiet and homely, a nice contrast between the places you frequent. The warm cup on your hands did nothing to distract you though.

The book you’d brought was long forgotten on the table as you glanced at your phone every few seconds. It’s two days till the wedding and, even though you tried not to think about it, you hoped your sister would text you saying she broke it off. It was unlikely, but wishing she could get some sense knocked into her wouldn’t kill.

You were so focused on your thoughts that you didn’t notice a woman glancing at you until you caught her trying to call your attention.

“It’s you!” She said, astonished, pointing to the cover of a magazine showing a picture of you.

Recognizing that issue as being a rather old one, you just nodded and offered the woman a friendly smile. She took that as an opportunity to approach you.

“Hi. Sorry,” she sounded excited and also nervous for bothering you, “I just wanted to say what an inspiration you are to women all around, to me especially. I’ve been opening my own business and seeing what you do has been such an encouragement to me. So, thank you!” 

You were surprised by how nice she was. You’d expected her to ask you to invest in her business or something, like everyone who approaches you does, but she didn’t and it was a nice change of pace for once.

“What kind of business are you opening?” You asked. Listen to her talk would be a good distraction, plus, you could use the company.

“Oh, no, that’s ok,” she said, “I don’t want to bother you any further.”

“Please,” you urged, “I have the rest of my day off and I could use someone to talk to. Unless you’re busy, then I wouldn’t want to be a burden to you.” You laughed to ease the woman’s nerves.

“Sure?” You nodded and gestured to the empty seat across from you. 

She accepted it and you spent at least an hour talking before she had to leave. It was a pleasant conversation, she praised your work but didn’t refrain from giving some interesting criticism on your business. The topic of an investment or a partnership never even came up. 

It got your sister out of your mind for a while, although it didn’t last long.

Laying on your bed, your eyes fought to stay open, your mind swirling with all possible scenarios regarding Oli. She would be miserable if she went through with this, and you couldn’t do anything about it.

You love your sister, you care so much about her, but she refuses to listen to your warnings. You could swallow your pride and go to the wedding. You could try and support her. But that would just make an accomplice to her stupidity and you’re not going to just stand there and pretend that that’s ok.

You thought about texting her, way too many times. But your relationship is already rocky as it is, the least you could do is hope she gets some clarity on her own.

One day till the wedding. She’s 24 hours away from the happiest day of her life. Why is it, then, that Wanda doesn’t feel as happy as she should be. 

She didn’t have to fake a smile, she was happy, but that smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. 

None of the others seemed to notice it. They just thought it was the nervousness of having everything set so the day could run smoothly. Vision even brought up the possibility of her having cold feet about it, but she denied it thoroughly, assuring him she wanted this.

And she does. She wants to get married, have kids and build up a family of her own. She wants it all. 

It still seemed weird though. Like something was off. 

“Steve just called,” Nat interrupted her thoughts, walking back into the room, “everything is set, prepped and organized for tomorrow.”

“Let’s try on the dress then.” Carol urged the girl to put on the piece of clothing for the millionth time.

It did her justice. Slim at the top and flowy at the bottom, accentuating all her curves perfectly. It wasn’t big and puffy but light and delicate. She smiled at her own reflection as the other women crammed around her to take a look.

“You look beautiful.” Pepper said in awe. 

“She does, doesn’t she.” Laura agreed, even though she’s the one that helped her choose it.

Wanda didn’t say anything, just smiling and appreciating her own image, excitement growing on her chest from wearing it in front of everyone the next day.

The girls spent hours planning how they would do her hair and makeup. There were so many ideas, disagreements and arguments that Wanda was completely drained by the end of the day. She was happy though, to see her friends being there for her, eager to help and make sure everything was perfect.

It was nice to have people around since she lost so much throughout the years.

After the women were gone and she found herself alone, Wanda’s thoughts from the beginning of the day came back, hitting her like a train.

Was she really more excited about wearing a dress than about getting married? Was this a sign of her actually getting cold feet? 

She shrugged them away, affirming to herself these are just stupid uncertanties people always get before their wedding day. At least that’s what happens in movies, so nothing to worry about... right?

Thankfully your work slump had subsided as now a gigantic pile of papers sat on your table. Some contracts had to be restructured and a set of stores had to be chosen to distribute your newest technology. 

You thrived in that scenario, with countless reports and 2D drawings of the prototypes scattered about the room. Your mind was going a thousand miles a minute, seemingly unaware of the events that would take place later that day.

That peace, however, was short lived. Your brain short circuited for a second when you checked what had caused your phone to buzz.

Two voicemails. 

From none other than Isaac. 

It was right then that it dawned on you: Oli was marrying that asshole today. In only a couple of hours actually.

Before listening to the messages you started to record your phone screen, maybe he would try to threaten you or something and you could use that to convince Oli to break things off with him. It wouldn’t kill to be precautious.

The first one was sweet, although it almost made you gag, it was sent with good intentions. Isaac was asking you to go easy on Oli, regardless of your feelings towards him, you should be supportive of her and her decisions. Too pretentious for your liking, but sent with good intentions nonetheless.

The second one started awfully weird. Some muffled sounds, things you couldn’t quite make out. Until you heard a loud moan, your eyes going wide as you pushed your phone away from your face. Isn’t it technically ‘bad luck’ to see the bride on the wedding day? You didn’t have time to dwell on those thoughts as the voice on the phone started to moan each other’s names. The woman didn’t sound anything like Oli, because it wasn’t Oli. Isaac was cheating on your sister? And on their wedding day!?

Oh you weren’t about to just let that go. You stopped the recording, thanking your intuition, and quickly ringed Oli.

It rang once… twice… three times… and then voicemail. You tried at least four more times until you figured she just didn’t want to talk to you.

“Marie can you come in here please?” You called your secretary.

A few seconds later she popped her head inside your office.

“How can I help?”

“Can I use your phone!?” You sounded more exasperated than you wished.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to call your sister today?” Damn, that woman knows you too well. You sighed loudly.

“Please… I just…” You trailed off, sounding desperate this time around.

Thankfully Marie gave in and lent you her phone. You typed Oli’s number and rang it, several times, she didn’t pick up once. You were starting to get truly desperate now.

“Do you have the address?” You handed Marie her phone back.

“Here.” She handed you a piece of paper from her pocket. 

It was on the other side of the city, at least a one hour drive. You quickly grabbed your coat, purse and phone, rushing out of the office, only being stopped by a hand wrapping around your wrist.

“Don’t do anything stupid.” You gave her a reassuring smile and a quick nod before making your way to your car. Marie has been working with you since the beginning, she always knew when you were up to nothing good. She also knew that when you set your mind to something, there was no stopping you.

The drive was excruciating. You kept making stupid mistakes and taking wrong turns. Everything seemed to work against you, being it: accidents, red lights, slow drivers, pedestrians. Even the birds chirping around were pissing you off.

You finally reached the venue and stopped the car messily in the front entrance. You quickly ran up the stairs, and almost tripped and fell when you heard the officiant was already performing the ceremony.

You reached the doors and yanked them open, hopefully interrupting the wedding before it was too late.

“Don’t do this!” You screamed at the top of your lungs, nearly breathless. 

The guests all turned towards you, surprised. So did the couple on the podium.

Except those people weren’t Oli and Isaac. You recognized them, Vision and Scarlet Witch, or at least that’s the names they went for on television. You’ve seen them before, doing business with Stark had its perks, but had never been introduced.

You could’ve felt bad, but your stomach was a turmoil of faith and nausea. You were either really early or really late to stop Oli.

“Sorry,” you said, trying to catch your breath, “wrong wedding, carry on.” You turned around to leave, but not before noticing the bride glancing at her own wrist.

You didn’t get the chance to take a single step out the door before her voice filled the silence that had settled.

“It’s you.” You stopped dead on your tracks. Your wrist burning slightly, not the kind of pain to cause discomfort, just enough to be noticeable.

Those words. 

Her looking at her wrist.

Your’s burning now.

You turned back around, earning all kinds of confused glances from the guests. Your eyes fell on the woman, a smirk plastered on your lips.

“Seems like this isn’t the wrong wedding after all.”

[kaori-flowers]

Nikki and Ranboo my all time favorite siblings :)

Also I wrote some shit. It might be sad idk. Idk what people find sad and not sad. Sorry!!

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Nikki stood silently next to the others, and she kept her posture straight as she could. Her back was aching and her chest was hurting from the words that were being said. She held her composer, and kept her face dry but she was really hurting. Both physically and emotionally. Nikki glanced at the L'manburg tree and then the rest of the group. Her heart tightened more as the memories of this place resurfaced.  She looked down and away quickly, taking a slow deep breath.

"Nikki have you got something to say?"

Quackity had noticed her odd movements and the uncomfortable stiffness she had while standing straight. A few others looked at Nikki quickly, the mention of her name raised questions. To them Nikki was silent. Obedient. She did what she was told, sometimes speaking her opinion about it but still doing it. No one ever really second looked Nikki, just seeing her as a friendly person. That does what she's told..... all the time.....

"Um..."

Nikki was sick of it. She was not a shadow of Wilbur. She was not a shadow of anyone actually. She never will be, but that's what people see her as. It was wearing her down, and upsetting her more and more lately. Everything that was going on was so stressful and it put everyone on edge. So almost every little thing bothered Nikki now a days, especially since she was already extremely irritated. She just wanted to go home to her foxes and flowers, and relax away from all this pain. This war. The suffering. She didn't want to be a part of this anymore. So she decided that she wouldn't. She's her own person who is in control of her own life, and she's about retake control of it like she should.

"A-actually.... I do!"

Nikki moved quick, picking up the lava bucket with her bare hands. Before anyone could piece together what was happening, Nikki threw the bucket. It landed on a thick branch and dumped all down the side of the tree. The lava almost instantly burned the bark and flames errupted quickly, engulfing the tree. Nikki quickly kneeled and put her hands in snow as tears slid down her face. The lava bucket was insanely hot and definitely didn't let Nikki catch a break.

"Nikki!!"

"What the hell?!"

"What the fuck Nikki?????"

"Get water quickly!"

It was too late though because the lava was burning holes into the tree, and seeping inside it. Flames were raging inside the tree as the lava soaked into it slowly. The water seemed to just make the fire rage harder in anger at the attempt to stop it. Nikki looked up quickly as Tubbo walked towards her in an attempted strut. Nikki stood up and kept her hands held out in front of her gently. Tubbo stopped quickly and restrained himself from hitting her.

"Why. Did you. Do. That?! Are you a traitor just like Ranboo?!?!"

Nikki scoffed, rolling her eyes at Tubbo's question. She then gently flicked her head so the hair in her face would disappear. Tubbo crossed his arms and Nikki would have done the same if she could. But her hands are burnt. The others slowly encroached onto both of them, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Ranboo isn't even a traitor! He's just confused and new here! He doesn't understand that he can't live in peace and harmony with everyone. Im starting to agree with him though!"

"Nikki-"

"Shut up! You all need to shut up and listen! Okay?!"

Nikki never had such an outburst before, and it made everyone uncomfortable and surprised. Nikki was usually very silent and obedient to everything that was said or that went on. Suddenly now she decides to jump out of her shell and stand up for herself. She want's to be in control of her life from now on, rather than letting others control her. She is tired of being walked on and looked past.

"NONE of you care about me! None of yo-"

"We do!"

"No you don't! No one asks how I am. Or if I'm okay. No one even gives me a second glance, because I do what you all say! I'm letting you all run most of my life and it's horrible! I hate it! I hate this life that you all gave me!!"

Nikki's voice shook as anger and upsetness rushed through her heart, making her chest tighten. Everyone slowly looked around at each other awkwardly, feeling uncomfortable. No one here had ever seen Nikki so emotionally and defensive before. So it was extremely uncomfortable for them, and they had no clue what to do or really say. They were all used to her being obedient and doing what was asked with very little complaints. Out of everyone Nikki was the one that talked back the least. Until now of course...

"NONE of you are even my FRIENDS!! You only talk to me when you fucking need something. No one ever visits me. No one ever has a normal conversation with me."

"Nikki, I'm sorry i-"

"It's always about asking me to do something for you. Or to join your stupid fucking side. WHY should I even JOIN ANY sides?! NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME. NONE OF YOU ARE MY FRIENDS!"

Nikki's voice didn't bother to hide its emotion, shaking as her heart seemed to tighten in pain. Tears gracefully slid down her cheeks as she yelled at the people before her. Everyone around her was unnaturally silent now, unsure of what to do. None of them had EVER seen Nikki this upset or even crying like this. Tears were streaming down her cheeks in an almost constant flow. Nikki was so upset and she couldn't stop her tears or her voice from shaking. Her throat felt like it had a hard lump in it as she tried to hold back a choked sob. Her hands tried clearing her cheeks of tears but it was no use, because they just kept flowing like a river. She let out a shaky sigh and closed her hands the best she could.

"I am going home. I am no longer a part of this place or any of you. Do not contact me. You didn't care to begin with so do not pretend to care now."

"Nikki wait!"

"Don't touch me! I am DONE with all of you! This is my life and I'm going to live it how I want. I don't want to be your little.... little... SLAVE anymore. I hate all of you for not ever giving a shit about me!"

It was clear in her voice that her mind was made up, and the shock factor prevented anyone from trying to stop her. They all stood and stared in silence, watching her as if they had just seen a ghost. Which Nikki would now become a ghost, or at least a partial ghost. She wasn't gonna stay here anymore. So she was gonna end up as memory in the back of everyone's head. Just like what happened to all the others that left. They all ended up as a memory in the back of peoples head, occasionally popping up from time to time. Not something someone thinks about to begin with, but it manages to find it's way to the front of the mind.

"Are you okay?"

Ranboo wasn't good at whispering but Nikki was a little grateful he tried. He was late to the 'party' but caught the end of Nikki's speech. As her younger brother he worried greatly about her. Especially since her hands are severely burned, and tears were flowing down her cheeks like a river. She lightly smiled at him and nodded ever so slightly, linking arms with him gently. She lead him away from the people, and away from L'manburg. She was done with them. With that place. It was no longer a part of her and never would be ever again.

"Here, they can't see us."

Ranboo made her stop walking and pulled out his pocket first aid kit. She smiled lightly at the thought of her little brother carrying that around. Ranboo gently wrapped each of Nikki's hands with gauze after softly rubbing burn cream on them. Once both Nikki's hands were wrapped, she hugged Ranboo quickly and tightly. He stumbled for a second, surprised by the hug, but hugged her back right away. She closed her eyes and held onto him for a few minutes. Ranboo didn't mind and waited, as he would any other time. He figured she needed a hug and no matter how long it took he would hug her.

"So.... Does this mean I get to live with you now?"

Nikki's throat hurt immensely after she coughed out a few harsh laughs. Ranboo looked at her worried as she gently rubbed her throat. It wasn't too bad though, since she could still talk.

"Sure. We'll have to do some house renovations though."

She smiled softly, as she looked up at her tall brother. It took him a second to understand what she meant, but when he got it he smiled brightly. She hugged him again, this time a lot more gentler and less needy. Ranboo didn't hesitate to hug her back, resting his head ontop of hers. She sighed slowly and closed her eyes as she continued to hold him. Nikki was grateful she still had Ranboo. He seemed to the only one that actually ever cared about her feelings and well being. And even if he wasn't.... Well, now he truly was. He was all she had left now, except for her foxes of course.

"Come on, let's keep going. We have a long walk before we get home."

Ranboo gently nudged her back from the hug and gave her a light smile. She smiled back, nodding a little before linking arms with him again. They began walking the memorized path to Nikki's house quietly. Ranboo was constantly glancing over to make sure Nikki was still okay throughout the whole walk. He didn't exactly care about the house, more about Nikki. She was his only sister and probably always will be. She was so important to him and his mental health without her knowing.

"Thank you, Ranboo."

Her soft voice seemed to put his racing, panicked thoughts at ease. He smiled at her and nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Ranboo was a big softie when it came to his sister, and now it was all about her. He would do anything to protect her and if it meant making sure none of the people he thought were his friends come by.... Then so be it.

[complexgods-backup]

Isn’t It Cliché? Chapter 1

Ship: DaiSuga (Haikyuu!!)

Summary: “Suga almost dropped the pen he was holding as he saw what was probably the most handsome man he has ever seen enter the Starbucks. He looked extremely tired, and Suga wondered if he was hungover. He had short brown hair and gorgeous brown eyes, and Suga couldn’t help but notice his biceps straining the fabric of his shirt as he took off his coat. Quickly pushing away any impure thoughts, Suga put on his best employee smile as he took his order.”

Sugawara Koushi moves to Tokyo with a broken heart and a desire to start over and falls for a handsome stranger that frequents the coffee shop he works at. Unfortunately, it’s harder for Suga to get him to open up than he thought. It’s all pretty cliché.

Word Count: 2418 

Beta-read by: @mesreves

Warnings: None

A/N: This fic has become somewhat of a passion project of mine, I hope you enjoy it! I already posted 5 chapters on ao3, so feel free to read the rest (and all the tags) on there! I will try and post the chapters as regularly as uni will let me! The fic is under the cut :) 

“Fuck, I’m already late,” Sugawara groaned as he finally awoke with his third alarm. It was his first day at his new job and he really needed the money, so being late was not an option and it was already 7:32 am. He dressed in a hurry, popping some toast into the toaster as he gathered all his things. He ran outside his apartment with one shoe still untied, his coat barely over his shoulders, and the piece of toast in his mouth. I can’t get any more cliché , Sugawara thought to himself as he ran down the stairs to run to the subway. Thankfully, there was a subway stop right by his apartment building and he lived only a few stops away from the Starbucks he got hired at.

As he stepped outside, the crisp autumn air hit his face and he instantly lifted his head to smell the fresh air. Autumn was his favourite season, mainly because the world turned golden brown for a few weeks and the sunsets were phenomenal. He couldn’t wait to explore the new city he moved to and watch the sunset from all around the city. He pushed the thought aside as he swallowed the last piece of toast and walked into the station, focussed on finding the right platform. He constantly checked his phone to see which stop he needed to get out at, still unsure about his orientation skills in Tokyo. Even though he visited the city multiple times as a kid, he knew that getting lost was inevitable. He watched the sun rise higher over the city as the subway continued on its journey, cramped full of people going to their 9 to 5. When his stop came up, he pushed himself out of the cart, cursing himself that he was so far back. He hated inconveniencing people.

Despite all the hassle, he managed to be in front of the Starbucks ten minutes early, signaling to his coworker already inside that he was there. Once the manager gave him his apron, she left Sugawara’s coworker to show him the ropes. Although he had already been employed at a Starbucks before, it was protocol to explain how everything worked, so he listened diligently to his coworker, who was called Yamaguchi Tadashi.

“It’s the busiest right before 9 am and after 4 pm, so you’ll be with at least two other people then. Our other colleague will be here any minute, but you’ll only take orders and work at the cash register today. That sound good?” Suga nodded, impressed at how the other took charge. When he first met him after his interview, he seemed so shy and insecure, but he was clearly in his element. Despite Sugawara being two years Yamaguchi’s elder, he did not dare speak informally to him yet, quite frankly intimidated by his authority. As soon as Yamaguchi seemed pleased with Sugawara’s work, a gorgeous woman, no older than Sugawara, walked in, and he couldn’t help but blush a little bit as she turned to him and wished him a good morning.

“I’m Kiyoko Shimizu, I’m the shift manager and I’ll be working the orders with Tadashi today, it’s nice to meet you.” She gave a shy smile and he nodded at her.

“Nice to meet you, Kiyoko-san! I’m Sugawara Koushi, but you can call me Suga.” He flashed her a smile to emphasize how happy he was to meet her.

“Oh no need for the honorifics, we’re all the same age group and I’m not a big fan of formalities. Just call me Kiyoko!” Suga smiled and nodded as she walked to the back of the store to put down her things and get her apron.

Yamaguchi didn’t lie when he said that most people come through before 9 am, as the shop got extremely busy within minutes. Most of the time, the orders were pretty simple and Suga’s endless patience seemed to serve him well. He didn’t mind taking up orders, knowing that making all those complicated drinks were oftentimes less fun to make, especially if it was busy. But Yamaguchi and Kiyoko seemed to know each other extremely well, making their work ethic impeccable.

Suga didn’t even notice how fast the time went by, and when he next looked at the clock that adorned the wall opposite the till he saw it was already 10h30am. The shop was quieter now that most people got their morning coffee before work, and the three could have short conversations between customers.

“So what do you study?” Kiyoko asked, biting down on a cinnamon roll a customer decided they didn’t want after Yamaguchi had already warmed it up.

“I’m in my second year of Japanese Studies and Elementary Education. I transferred here this year because my old uni was not a good fit for me. What about you?” He asked his peers, who in turn said what they studied. Yamaguchi was an engineering major and Kiyoko was in her last Bachelor's year of studying History of Art. They were interrupted as a customer opened the door. Suga almost dropped the pen he was holding as he saw what was probably the most handsome man he has ever seen enter the Starbucks. He looked extremely tired, and Suga wondered if he was hungover. He had short brown hair and gorgeous brown eyes, and Suga couldn’t help but notice his biceps straining the fabric of his shirt as he took off his coat. Quickly pushing away any impure thoughts, Suga put on his best employee smile as he took his order. He tried his best to hide the blush that slowly crept over his cheeks as he heard how gruff the man’s voice sounded.

“I’ll have a caramel frappuccino with three extra pumps of caramel syrup and an extra shot of espresso.” The man said, which surprised Suga for some reason. He didn’t expect the man to have such a sweet drink but he refused to let the shock show on his face as he asked for the customer’s name to write on the cup.

“Sawamura.” He gruffed, barely looking up at the barista. Suga figured he was too hungover and/or tired so he didn’t think much of it as he wrote his name on the cup with a little smiley face next to it, handing Kiyoko the cup. When his order was done, he sat down where he put his coat and immediately plugged his headphones into his phone, and started typing on his laptop.

“He most definitely forgot an assignment he was supposed to write during break.” Yamaguchi giggled as they all secretly watched the man type furiously.

“Do you know who he is?” Suga asked, trying to sound as casual as possible. The other two just shrugged.

“No. He comes here a few times a month and orders ridiculously sweet drinks. He usually stays a few hours.” Kiyoko answered, seeming uninterested. Suga nodded and decided to drop the matter. Soon there were more people coming in and out of the café and Suga was too busy to pay him any more mind. He met one other of his coworkers as Yamaguchi’s shift ended earlier. He was small and energetic, and Suga found out that he studied sports. Makes sense, Suga thought to himself as he smiled at how much energy Hinata seemed to have.

After his shift finally ended, Suga was glad to get back to his small apartment. It wasn’t anything big or fancy, but it was enough for him. There were some unpacked boxes still in one corner of the apartment that he had neglected the entire week in favour of exploring the city. He wasn’t big on decorating except for a string of fairy lights and a big houseplant his best friend gave him when he moved away.

The one thing he was thankful for in his small apartment was his bathtub. Even though it wasn’t exactly the biggest bathtub he had ever seen, he was very fond of it. It was the perfect size for him, even though he had to bend his knees to comfortably have his shoulders underwater. He loved taking hot baths after a long day, letting the hot water ease the aches and pains of the day, getting lost in his thoughts with nothing but two candles illuminating his small bathroom. Today was no different. As he sank into the mixture of bubbles and warm water, he let his mind wander, phone on silent. He mentally planned out the next week because that was when his classes would officially be starting. He made a mental note of all the things he still needed to do before bed as he closed his eyes, letting the warmth of the bath engulf him. Subconsciously, his mind wandered back to that man from the Starbucks this morning. What was his name again? Sam… Something. No, Sawamura, that was it. He couldn’t help but remember how handsome he looked, even though he seemed to be having the hangover of his life. Suga wondered what he would look like with a good night’s rest and maybe if he wasn’t that grumpy or stressed out. Sighing, he tried to push the image of the handsome stranger out of his mind. He was done falling for people and getting into relationships for now anyways, especially with what happened with his ex… He left him with a broken heart and trust issues, and he didn’t think he’d be able to go through that kind of pain again anytime soon.

God, you’re so pathetic , Suga thought to himself. Are you really planning your future with some guy? Just because he’s handsome and mysterious and most definitely out of your league? And most probably painfully heterosexual… Get a grip on yourself.

He sighed and opened his eyes, pulling himself out of the bathtub, drying himself off, and getting ready for bed. Tomorrow was going to be a hell of a day, mainly because he had no idea what to expect from his new University, especially how the people were going to be.

He fell asleep the instant his head touched the pillow, content he could finally fall into a dreamless slumber.

…

Suga woke up with a start, confused as to why his alarm rang even though it was still dark out. When he looked at his phone, he realised that it was not his alarm but, in fact, his best friend trying to FaceTime him. Sighing, he accepted the call.

“Asahi, what do you want? It’s almost one a.m.” Suga groaned, rubbing his face.

“Oh no did I wake you? Sorry! But also I’m not sorry because you promised we’d call today! Didn’t think you’d forget..” Asahi said on the other side of the phone and Suga mentally slapped himself.

“Right, sorry… I forgot… Today was a lot and I just got settled at work and… Ugh… I’m sorry. But I’m here now! How was your day?” Suga asked, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes.

“No worries! Just wanted to check in to see if you were still alive. My day was alright, I’m getting ready for tomorrow and I’m kinda nervous.” Suga could tell that Asahi was more than “a bit nervous” so he sat up in bed, facing the camera in earnest.

“You’ll do great! Uni is hard but it’s important to remember that every single first-year goes through the same! I promise it’ll be alright!” Asahi only frowned in response to his encouragement, clearly skeptical.

“But you have it so easy, Suga. It’s so difficult for me to talk to new people.” Asahi all but pouted. Suga sighed.

“Yeah I know, but I promise you a lot of people are the same, and you being like that hasn’t stopped us from being friends, right?” Suga prompted, smiling at the camera.

“Yes, but we were neighbours. Also, we’ve been friends since we were 5. You’re kinda stuck with me.” Asahi smiled and Suga just shook his head.

“You’re so stubborn. You’ll be fine! You can always text me if you get anxious but please try and at least talk to one person. Can you do that for me?” Suga asked and he could see Asahi calm down the more they talked.

“Yes, I’ll try. Alright, tell me about your day!” Asahi said excitedly, leaning his face closer to the camera.

“Oh, it was nice actually! I mean it was exhausting but my colleagues are super nice! One of them would get along really well with Noya actually, he has so much energy and is so positive, they’d be the best of friends in no time.” Asahi’s face smiled sadly at the mention of his boyfriend. They’ve been long-distance for four months and Suga knew how much his best friend missed him.

“But yeah the other people are really kind as well. Remember that shy boy that was working when I had my interview? Turns out he is actually a badass behind the counter and he could shit-talk for days.” Suga laughed at that, knowing that Asahi disapproves of anything that has to do with making fun of others.

“I’m glad that your coworkers are nice!! I miss hanging out with you” Asahi said, his face pulled into a frown yet again.

“I do too. But hey I’ll be coming back for a weekend soon and we’ll be able to hang out together!” Suga prompted, trying to stifle a yawn.

“Yes, that’s true. Alright, you look tired, you should sleep” Asahi said, and Suga agreed. His head felt heavy and his eyes were closing despite his will to keep them open.

“We’ll call tomorrow after your first day’s over! I think I’ll be free after 4 pm so just call me when you have time” Suga sleepily smiled at the camera as they said their goodbyes and he immediately fell back asleep.

He awoke the next morning with his first alarm, something that didn’t happen often. He decided to enjoy the morning then, having more than an hour to get to the subway: he had a strong cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal as he mindlessly scrolled through his phone. After sending Asahi a few memes as was his morning ritual, he ran down the stairs to get to his uni. He had visited it a few times before moving, so he was more confident in finding his way from the subway to the doors of the main building.

[adarlingsnightmare]

Chuuya Nakahara Yandere Alphabet

Anonymous said:

Sounds good! How about the alphabet for chuuya? :3c 

accidentally posted this to my main blog after writing a huge apology for my lack of posting :/ i keep doing that unfortunately. anyways, ive had a full week exams which is why i havent been posting. im extremely tired and stressed but i will try to get more requests done this week, though i have another week of exams. i do apologise, but itll be over soon. i hope you enjoy anon, this short bastard is one of my favs. <3

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Chuuya would gladly smother you in endless kisses and cuddles, but if you tell him to back off, he'll stick to just having an arm around you (because god forbid he isn't touching you in one way or another). You'll often hear him whispering how much he absolutely adores you when he thinks you're asleep, and when you're visibly awake he'll be showering you in compliments.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Oh, Chuuya will undoubtedly do whatever it takes to keep you safe, even if that results in bloody murder. He's in the mafia after all, what's a little blood on his hands, especially in the name of love?

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Chuuya would only mock you if you consistently failed to escape or were getting punished by him. Otherwise, he is generally loving and as romantic as possible. He will always make sure you're eating and sleeping properly, snapping at you if you refuse to eat as he gets awfully worried about you sometimes.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling's will?

No, not really. The only instances where something's against his darlings will is when he's punishing them. Other than that, it's mainly abduction and the lack of freedom to talk to people.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

Chuuya confides in his darling, and will show a side of himself that no one else ever sees. He'll ask for advice on work matters and will constantly seek love and reassurance from his darling. While outwardly he may still appear tough and cocky, he's really soft for you.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He would be pretty irritated and though he'd never admit it, quite hurt. Why can't you just love him, goddamnit?! He'll try not to hurt you too much, but if you're not backing down he will use force to get you to stop.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Chuuya doesn't enjoy it in the slightest. His love for you isn't some 'game' and seeing you try to escape both infuriates and saddens him. All he truly wants is to be a happy, normal couple so your refusal to love him is not something he enjoys.

Hell: What would be their darling's worst experience with them?

Chuuya isn't always fully aware of how strong he actually is, especially when he uses Corruption and becomes out of control. This can lead to a terrifying situation where you're worried for your life as a monster in your boyfriend's body goes on a rampage and destroys everything around him. It rarely happens, as Chuuya really doesn't want to hurt you, but when it does it's a living nightmare.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Honestly, Chuuya doesn't really know what kind of future he wants for him and his darling, but ideally you two would move to some beautiful island — somewhere in the Caribbean, maybe? — get married, possibly start a family and live out the rest of your days in bliss.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Luckily, Chuuya isn't insanely possessive and doesn't lash out just because you looked at someone else, but he is paranoid. He has to keep you away from other people because, what if they attempt to hurt you? The only instance where he would genuinely become jealous is if Dazai was involved. This is when you'll see his full yandere side come out and it will be extreme: locking you up in highly secure room, restraining you, putting tracking devices in everything you own, anything to ensure your safety. If you were to show an interest in Dazai, whether platonic or even worse, romantic, his paranoia and jealousy would spike up tenfold — essentially guaranteeing you'll never see the light of day again.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Chuuya is generally really loving and calm towards his darling, still messing with them and lovingly calling them an idiot, but always so soft when speaking. However, if you were to be a brat, his rougher, more 'mafia' side would make an appearance— any soft words of reassurance thrown out the window.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

The 'traditional' way: flirting with you, taking you out on fancy dates and gifting you jewellery and flowers. He may seem smooth but he usually has to ask people (Kouyou) or the internet for advice on how to win someone's affections. He's also very observant to what you're interested in, so if you mention preferring movies to fancy dinners, that's where your next date will be.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Yes, but in a good way. Instead of being his 'tough executive' persona, when he's around you, he'll reveal a much sweeter and softer side of himself. He's also surprisingly affectionate, taking every opportunity to be as close to you as possible.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Chuuya doesn't generally plan out punishment, he tends to go into a fit of rage and attack you with whatever is nearest. Usually it results in you being choked, slammed repeatedly against the floor or him almost breaking your ribs with his foot. Once he's calmed down is when he will decide on a proper punishment, such as keeping you restrained to the bed, taking away certain privileges or maybe if you've really done something bad... a more permanent solution will be used.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

As long as his darling was relatively compliant, Chuuya's only real restriction would be the ability to go outside alone without the safety of his watchful eye. Of course, if you betrayed his trust, any hint of freedom you had previously would be stripped away.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

Chuuya tries to be patient, he really does, but he's just so hotheaded that he often ends up snapping at his darling whenever they act up in the slightest.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

To put it simply: no. No one else can make Chuuya feel this way, and without his wonderful darling, he feels distanced from the world. It is likely he would continue working for the Port Mafia (unless they were involved in your escape/death), a mere shell of his former self only existing to serve the mafia rather than actually living.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

Chuuya would feel a small amount of guilt if he had to kidnap you, but his belief that it's necessary for your protection would overrule the guilt. He would absolutely never let you go, you're like the anchor that keeps him human; he cannot lose you.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Like Dazai, Chuuya feels almost inhuman, like he is a foreigner in someone else's body, yet when he brushed hands with you, he felt something real. This is what drives him to get to know you: the desperation to be human. The more he spends time with you, the more this feeling increases — leading him to be unable to just allow you to leave him. Ironically, he becomes less human the more time he devotes to you.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Chuuya really doesn't like seeing you upset, and it hurts his heart having to punish you when you're so upset, but some things are just a necessary evil. If you've done something he considers to be really bad, he will be apathetic to your tears, believing you deserve whatever you're suffering.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Unlike a lot of yanderes, Chuuya does respect your boundaries to a degree, and won't force you to do anything you really protest against (aside from letting you go, of course).

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Chuuya has to leave for work nearly everyday, so if you're smart and able to break locks, you have a fairly good chance of escaping. However, even if you do escape, Chuuya will find you again, and he won't take the betrayal lightly.

Wit's end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Chuuya has a pretty short temper, especially when it comes to the safety of his darling, so if you persistently tried to escape or "put yourself in danger" (interacting with Dazai, refusing food), he may snap. As stated previously, he doesn't enjoy your pain, but sometimes it's necessary to get you to listen.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Despite his sometimes arrogant nature, Chuuya sees his darling as on an entirely separate level to himself. He practically worships you, though he doesn't always like to show it (he's got to keep up his tough guy persona after all) and would gladly do anything you asked. His loyalty to you is even able to override his loyalty to the Port Mafia.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Chuuya would make an effort to woo you, buying you flowers and taking you out on fancy dinners, hoping that you'll end up wanting to be in a relationship with him. He'll vehemently deny being so desperate to be with you, but it's pretty obvious he's hopelessly in love. If you were to continuously reject his advances, he may eventually end up kidnapping you, but only if he thought you were in danger (or that another person was making a move on you).

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

If he did end up breaking you, it wouldn't be intentional. All Chuuya wants is your unconditional love and affection, but he can get desperate if you're not showing it and will make you say how much you love him, even if you have to be put through hell to achieve it.

[jaypelt]

Cheers for Five Years of Undertale, and its Everlasting Effect on Me

Been a while since I’ve done one of these... I might even be rusty at it! Honestly, what I’ve got right now are more vague thoughts than coherent words in my head. I wasn’t sure if I’d even do this, since I felt it wasn’t entirely necessary. Everybody had so much to say! But spurned on by the display of someone very close to me, the cogs in my head couldn’t help but start turning for me too. So here I am. This isn’t going to be easy, though. Because if you read this, I need you to understand the depth of my feelings. Even if just a little. So I’ll do my best to bare my heart yet again, for the sake of it and everything its done for me. Everything it’ll keep doing for me.

The beginning is usually always one of the hardest parts. A blank space devoid of anything, that you’ve got to somehow miraculously fill with thoughts somebody else could understand. But Undertale is rarely a subject I ever have to struggle so much with. It’s been a long, long five years.

This is re-treading old ground that a number of those who know me are already familiar with, however, I don’t think this would be complete without it. But it will get very, VERY personal. If you’re not comfortable with that, then uh... giving you another warning now. But pushing forward...

Right before UT came out, I hadn’t begun to really unravel quite yet. But I was very close. It was somewhat of a rough transitional period as I moved on from my middle school to high, losing very dear IRL friends and generally continuing to struggle with school, as I had been for years. Untreated ADHD is real nasty. But I’d always had at least some friends, either online, or ones I made throughout the year, to rely on. And I didn’t really think about things. The start of this school year was no different. Even having a... perhaps questionable choice of boyfriend, but, well, he was my first.

I struggled with just about every aspect of school from basically the start, but having a small group, and especially an online partner to come home to everyday, helped me at least get through. In the coming months, however, I’d start to encounter more turbulence. Through aforementioned partner, I met someone who’d come to rely on me far more than he should have. Made even worse by the fact that he was a full grown adult while I was only 14, which will be a recurring trend. And has been for most of my life.

We hit it off pretty quickly, becoming good friends and talking to each other outside of mutual friend spaces. And through that, he started to open up about his problems. Living with a family that treated him poorly, suicidal urges, and particularly, an abusive boyfriend. If you know me well, I’ve probably definitely talked about this at least a little.

My daily routine starting becoming supporting this person through all of his troubles. Sitting in skype calls or exchanging messages for hours at a time on the daily. Rarely did a day go by where I didn’t, slowly sinking into an apathetic pit from overextending myself for the sake of his mental health. I couldn’t even help him improve, all I could do was just try to keep him alive. Which, well, I did. For months.

Everything else fell to the wayside as I was constantly stressed about the life of someone I cared about. Obviously my school life suffered even further. I grew withdrawn from everyone, and kept only to the few online friends I had. However, in the midst of this downward spiral, just before the ball really got rolling, a certain game came out. Exactly a month after it had come out, October 15th, 2015, I’d become interested after all the talk on tumblr about Undertale.

After watching a playthrough on youtube(I didn’t play for myself at first, a pity), It’d personally resonated so strongly and gotten me so hooked that it was something I invested a fair amount of my time into consuming content about. I grew super attached to all these characters that’d made me laugh, smile, cry... just this whole spectrum of emotions. And someone in particular, Alphys, really caught my attention after things had begun to get worse.

She felt so... relatable, though I couldn’t possibly tell you all the reasons. When I think about it, we’re not really the most similar, but something about her just hooked me. Maybe because she had all these things going on that nobody knew about. And that she lied. And felt so anxious interacting with anyone after she’d previously been much warmer and closer. That she was closer to “disappearing” than she seemed.

Whatever the reasons, the months moving further along, consuming content about UT practically became my lifeline. I reblogged heaps and heaps of posts  about it, watched videos, listened to the soundtrack, even started drawing because I’d been so inspired. When I was just stuck in this horrible pit of second-hand depression, it was the one thing that still made me happy. I started to really think about why it mattered to me and how. It’s funny, I’d read books obsessively for years before then, but UT was the thing that really got me thinking. It was all downhill from there, I tell you. Now I’m an artist and a writer. Horrific.

But, unfortunately, for all its good... it couldn’t stop what was to come. I was still getting worse and worse, with no end in sight. I’d already been supporting... let’s call him Phil, for a few months. And in December of that year, my boyfriend completely dropped off the grid for a while. I’d see him appear online sometimes and I’d message him, but no response, then right back to offline. Finally, he came back, approaching me with something he obviously was uncomfortable about.

To make a long story short, he’d come to the conclusion that he was straight, and decided to end the relationship. What’s bad is that... honestly? I was already doing so poorly that I had a hard time caring. But we did pretty much stop talking, and I leaned into Undertale all the more. Anyway, time continued to pass. Not without its few ups, and mostly downs. I got used to being called “mature”, usually followed by “especially for your age.” “Phil” told me that if I were legal, he’d date me. I’ve got a crippling fear of screwing up with people that’s stuck with me to this day, after a few occasions involving him. I considered doing some... not so great things to myself. Thankfully, I was always so averse to physical pain that it didn’t become anything extreme.

As for the few ups, there was “Phil” finally managing to leave his abusive relationship, when he’d tried previously and fallen into such a bad depressive episode I had to talk him down. So that was something. He’d even started going to therapy after the second break up.

Not that it did a whole lot. The school year began approaching its end and nothing had really changed. I’d been going through all the same motions for around half a year or more. My sleep was terrible, I was passing almost none of my classes, had practically no friends to speak of, and just felt... tired. All the time. But during this... the minute beginning of a monumental shift started. Another character in UT had begun to clutch me in his grasp. Even more strongly than Alphys. Flowey. Through the posts a singular person on tumblr had made about him and my experience with the geno run, I came to understand the dumb little flower more. Which is also funny, because he was previously my least favorite. Even, yes, after the Asriel reveal.

I’m having a difficult time weaving together this convoluted timeline of events, but it was around... perhaps March or early April that the person whom I’d been supporting for almost a full fucking year completely disappeared. Without a word. The one thing I’d tried to stick to for so long was just. Gone. So I drifted about with, well, no purpose.

By the end of the school year, it probably goes without saying that I was... not doing great. But one those aforementioned acquaintances I’d only just started to become actual friends with came forth to me with a question. That being if there was some way for us to keep contact during the summer. So I gave her my email, which would turn out to be a decision that saved my life. Because things would only get worse before they got better.

This is getting to be way, way, way too long. So to summarize, summertime came around and I’d been in pretty close contact with... I’ll just call her V. She was... well, unlike anyone I’d ever known. Someone who stood out with the intelligence you could just see in their eyes. Outgoing, charismatic, compassionate... all those sorts of things. We were opposites in a lot of ways. Or, at least, it felt like it.

Some things happened, like “Phil” coming back after months of nothing. Me immediately slotting back into my role of being a pillar of support, but then screwing up and hating myself for it. But honestly, that ain’t shit to the rest of the whole shitshow.

For a bit of context, my parents are divorced. So for most of the previous years, I’d been going to my mom’s place during the summer and staying with her the whole time, to make up for how rarely we’d see each other otherwise. That year... she was beginning to run low on money. She lived next to my granny, but still basically alone, compared to how she’d been staying with someone else in hotels for the few prior years.

After learning she didn’t have enough to pay rent and might be kicked out, she tried to appeal to her mom, who said she wouldn’t let her stay. Why? I don’t know. After that, she spiraled into a panic. And, well, the ever faithful little worker bee, I stepped forward to try and console her in any way I could. She seemed to recompose, at least a little. It wasn’t great, and she thought she’d have to do some unsavory things in order to survive, but... I thought that, just maybe, I’d done something.

But... later that night, she started drinking. Which... well, put her in a mood. Exacerbated by the day’s earlier events and the fact that she was taking medication that responded poorly to alcohol. She came over to where I was sitting, my little makeshift desk I’d put together to set up my desktop, with my little sister just in the other room. Just... a warning for this next part, it’s... grim. More grim than anything else in this thread.

She proceeded to tell me she was going to go upstairs and grab the gun my granny kept in her room. And berated me for thinking I’d done anything to help, saying she “wasn’t like my little friends” that I could simply talk to. With that, she walked away, heading upstairs. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so crushed in my entire life, to this day. I broke down crying, sitting in that chair.

Yet, somehow, I managed to stop when I saw her coming back down. She walked back over, pointed the gun at her head, and told me to give her a reason she shouldn’t do it. And also to this day, I.... still don’t know if I said what was right. It was all I could think of. I quietly told her that if she did it, I’d pick that gun up and do it to myself. Same as her. And I asked if she wanted to be responsible for that.

It was true, too. By that point, I didn’t care anymore.

And if there’s one thing I can say about her, it’s that she’s always cared about me. In a horrible, twisted way especially, that night. It was enough to make her silently pull the gun down, go back upstairs, and put it away. One last time... she came down, walked past me to the front door and simply said “I love you.” before going out to sit on the porch.

I’m not sure I’ll ever truly get over the events of that night. I spoke to V afterwards, as I’d been keeping in regular contact, as I said. And even been speaking to her throughout the day about what was happening. I think she was panicking just as much as I had been, and told me to go find the gun and unload it. So I did. Bawling my eyes out the whole damn time. Afterwards, I took the bullets and threw them in the large neighborhood garbage can.

The rest of the night’s a blur. I don’t recall if anything else happened, I just remember waking up tired the next day. My uncle was in the house, as he’d been staying with my granny for a while, but hadn’t been around the night before. I tried to talk to him, but.. couldn’t bring myself to open up. Even though we were pretty close. I went back to my dad’s.

That wasn’t the end of it, either. For the next coming months, I’d get drunken calls and live in fear of being put right back in the same situation. It got so bad that I stopped answering my phone altogether. I broke contact with my mom entirely. I still hate answering or making calls.

Anyway, a few other things happened in the summer, like my applying for online courses. And the subsequent ridicule from my dad’s side of the family for the decision. Tell you what, the stress of taking a test to try and join that online program, then going to golden corral and having to struggle to not cry in front of everyone there was... not the ideal way to spend a birthday. Happy 15 years to me.

So.... that was that. I still went through with online courses and everything kind of... slowed to a crawl. I tried to do school work, but depression and still yet untreated ADHD prevented me from making any substantial progress beyond a few finished classes. For a while I simply... existed in a limbo. All I did was get up, get on my computer, maybe talk to a few people, and play Overwatch. Maybe look at tumblr, as I remained into Undertale. V and I lost contact after school started back up. I never blamed her for it. In fact, I preferred it that way. She didn’t deserve to have such a burden placed on her, and I still... feel guilty for leaning on her so much.

But I’m very thankful. I hope she’s out there living a good life, wherever she is.

And this! Is where we finally get to the not depressing parts! And only... what, 29 paragraphs in? Sheesh... I know I wanted to really illustrate just how shit things were to demonstrate just how much UT did for me, but this is taking it a bit far, isn’t it? Ah well... already made it this far. In for a penny, in for a pound. If you’ve made it this far, congratulations! I’m sorry. Truly. And I love you so very dearly.

Time went by and I kept doing my thing. Playing Overwatch(a practically self-destructive behavior deserving a therapy, frankly), talking to the few friends I had that I kept at an arm’s length, that sort of stuff. “Phil” and I no longer talked, thank goodness. Obviously I was depressed as all hell, not bothering to shower, eat, clean up, or do laundry for days on end. I spent more time asleep than I did awake, on most days. Did I say this was where the not depressing part was? I may have lied a little.

Blah blah “more months go by”, you know the drill. Until... I believe, November of 2016. After cementing my love of Flowey ever deeper, I’d started to follow more blogs putting out content for him on tumblr. In particular, the most important ones being I’lltrytobegood, Flowey-Answers, and later happyflowey and Corruptedflora.

It all started with a stream. I joined an art stream of LLA(Lovelyladyartist) on picarto as he worked on ITTBG. I kept quiet for the first few streams I joined, being too anxious to really out myself in any capacity. But little by little, I was coerced out of my shell. Particularly by one SilverKhaos, who I think at the time went by SilverSlayer or something. Anyway, he got me talking. And through that, I started making friends, bit by bit.

Also through the stream, I was introduced to CC(CuteCatDoodles) of Flowey-Answers. I obsessively read through the entire blog in a single sitting, just... having such a good time with it. And... strangely enough, it... got me feeling oddly better. Like I’d finally started to breath after not being able to for what felt like such a long time. If just a little. The next day, I got out of bed early, cleaned up, took out some garbage, and made breakfast. Just a simple plate of scrambled eggs. A simple, easy morning for most any average person. But for me? It was one of the most special mornings I’ve ever had.

Likewise, I did the same with Ding’s happyflowey, of reading through all of it in a single night. My head hurt like a motherfucker, but I tell you, it was worth it. The effect perhaps not as profound, but still very meaningful to me, as well as sowing the seeds of yet more relationships to form. If far off in the future, as far as this timeline is concerned. I still adore all of those dumb, charming little flowers so much. Mania would come to inspire my first ever OC, in fact. Thinking about that blog makes me miss when the UT fandom was more active here, even though I never participated in the fandom at large. But I’m grateful for the memories and incredible amounts of enjoyment getting to read it all brought me. I have way too many cropped images of Hysteria.

I wasn’t immediately better, but it was all the start of something new. I kept up with the streams, also joining in for CC’s. For hours upon hours a day, I’d just hop into them and spend the day talking away. I had something to really look forward upon waking up, starting to adjust my schedule so that I at least didn’t miss TOO much. I was able to really make friends, it felt like. Even though I wasn’t and still am not the most socially adept.

And as luck would have it, because picarto chat was and probably still is pretty unstable to this day, it just happened to go down and that led to... the creation of the discord server! It started off small, but steadily got more and more joiners from the growing population of the streams. LovelyLadyArtist, CuteCatDoodles, BrySkye, Flowers-Without-Pots, SilverSlayer, KRS, Donut, Mr.Quarter, Dragoler, Stilla, Chara, RotmModdy, Rowdy, Dunal, and probably at least a few others I’m forgetting... all names I encountered there and most of which I still see daily.

Through that server, we started keeping up even when there wasn’t any stream going on. Just goofing off and having a good ‘ol time. Already I was... well, doing a helluva lot better than I had before. All because of the gathering of a small community surrounding this indie gem. And even further centered in a niche specifically about Flowey! Who, and I’d forgotten to mention this before, I’d found a surprising amount to relate in. He’d become a big, BIG hyperfocus. Which is why I’d met everyone at all. Truly, it’s crazy to think how possible it is for me to have never come down this path.

From there on, I continued to meet new people, established new relationships. I even got invited to an RP server, creatively named “Flower RP” :p. At first I was hesitant, perhaps not even initially 100% interested. But as people really got into it, I felt an incredibly strong Fear of Missing Out. Leading to the creation of a character still near and dear to my heart.... Zorch. The result of contributions from many friends, from design ideas, to character concepts, and even his name(thanks for that, Rowdy). And... I began to write. It wasn’t great at first. very short form, and I didn’t know how to approach the roleplaying mindset, or even how to properly characterize him.

But over time... I got better. I became more confident. I really got into the nitty-gritty of character writing and discussion. I joined in on hours long discussions about the characters, lore, and narrative of Undertale. I’d wake up just to be there as soon as chat began to move, all the way to the point where everyone was finally asleep. I started to be able to help people again. For months, participating in this RP, in this chat, in this community was what I lived for. The joy that I felt in being among friends all working towards and talking about a common goal and interest is, well, honestly still somewhat unrivaled.

Paci, Pots, Neue, Castor, Silver, Nightmare, Rowdy. Me. All of us joined together in mutual love for a game, spurred on to feverishly create our own content about it. I kept up for months on end, living by the mostly same routine for probably the longest I’ve ever stuck to anything. Eventually... things happened and the server’s gone quiet. We had problems with management, people feeling excluded, targeted, etc etc. It was a very... consequence heavy RP, most of us were almost complete newbies to the roleplaying game, and many came to care rather deeply about the ongoings of it. Perhaps too much. But, well... I’m not sure it could have been prevented.

Sometimes, I still wish I could go back to that point of my life. I know someone else who does too. Even more than me. But I know not to try and emulate the past, as alluring as it may seem. So I push forward. Leading to yet another server with its own events. Clement, myself, Rowdy, Zielo, Neue, Moddy, Vee, Mini, Nappy, Tia, Silver. Some familiar names, some new. All still with the foundation of Undertale, but it quickly became a thing for us to just... chill and talk about anything. There was real love in that place. It was at this time that I even started going to therapy! After some struggling with the family. It helped a lot.

In time, that server, too, went under. For reasons that have long since been buried and forgiven. It no longer exists, after being deleted entirely, but I’ll always remember it. And we did eventually all(mostly) gather back together someplace new, which is still being talked in. Even gaining some new additions recently! If any of you guys are catching this one, I love you!

And we come to the final and most recent group. One I wasn’t actually a founding member of, instead being a late joiner. Comparatively smaller than all the ones before, but filled with just as much love. Pip, Ding, Kink, and Cola. Remember when I mentioned happyflowey sowing seeds, and then didn’t even expound in further detail about corruptedflora? Well congratulations, you’ve reached the payoff.

It all started after I began interacting with the mun of CF, Kinko, and became mutuals with them. We usually just spam reblogged from each other on occasion for a while. That is, until I got messaged, then sent a friend request through Discord. Which, even still, didn’t immediately go anywhere. But eventually... some things led to another, and we joined up in a particular server. Not one I’ll be naming, but times were... turbulent in there. It went under and we lost contact a bit after that.

That is, until completely out of the blue, I just get invited to a server with them and some pals to just join in on Roblox shenanigans. Imagine me, sweating and anxious as hell after getting asked to join a server with two people behind blogs I adore, considering Ding was there too. Cardiac arrest, I tell you. And obviously more than just them too! But the night turned out to be so fun that I forgot I’d ever been so anxious in the first place.

From there on... the rest was history. There’s been many, MANY ups and downs, but I’ve found yet more people I love very, very dearly. And they’ve gotten me to open up about the way I feel the most. In the past years, I could never tell someone I loved them, no matter how much I really wanted to. The words just couldn’t come out, but they... they brought that out in me. And now I can say it whenever I want! Like now! I love you guys!!! So much!!!! And not just you all, but everyone else too!!! And much love to Kink especially for being a driving force behind me making this, as well as just being a goddamn star.

So... as a final ovation... LLA, CC, Bry, Drago/Paci, Pots, Silver, Donut, Quarter, Stilla, Chara, Moddy, Rowdy, Neue, Castor/Skater, Tia/Nightmare, Clement, Zielo, Vee, Nappy, Ding, Pip, Cola, and Kink. As well as some stragglers like Log, Ingrid, and Jai. I’m probably still forgetting some... but thank you all for being my friends. It’s been a long, long five years. And yet, many of you are still in my life. In at least some form. There aren’t words enough to express my gratitude towards every single one of you for the most incredible years of my life and pulling me from what can be called nothing less than the fucking abyss. You all made and continue to make life worth living.

And thank you, Undertale. The game behind all of these relationships.  The game that inspired such strong feelings in me when nothing else could. That made me into an artist and writer. The reason I’m still alive. The game that changed my fucking life and will continue to affect me, I believe, for the duration of it. I really cannot overstate just how important you were and still are. There’ll never be anything else like you.

[elizawright]

My experience with Aspergers

OCD and Anorexia 2/2:

Right now the painful part, this is probably the most difficult to talk about because it’s still so fresh and still very much active in my daily life. My Anorexia story I would say officially began around December 2018 however as I’ve mentioned before I’ve always struggled with eating. It started as just being a very fussy kid, in my early teen years I used to obsessive compulsively diet extremely strictly for periods of time. I think this in itself could be considered Anorexia or at least I was at the very edge of being. A year later I would completely 180, over eat and put on a lot of weight. A year later from that I would once again strictly diet this time making myself throw up if i “over ate” in my mind or ate something “bad”. I distinctly remember being 14 on holiday in Florida. My family kept encouraging me to eat fruit loops for breakfast (I would only eat bran flakes) and of course I desperately wanted to but it was very scary to me. So I did eat them one day and being 14 and uneducated on food I had a panic. Though I was panicking I didn’t ever tell anyone Insted I hid away, found a toilet and forced myself to throw up. Now this is years before I was officially diagnosed with an eating disorder but to me, this doesn’t seem healthy. Looking back I feel quite sorry for little me feeling I had to hide away and be sneaky, I wish I had told my mum how I was feeling, but I didn’t. Anyway, back to my official timeline. So 2018 was the year I did my gcses, it was a different year, I was so focused on my studies I began to over eat as a coping mechanism, this caused me to put on quite a bit of weight. Now I was never really fat but i was overweight, I would guess 13 stone (to put in comparison, when diagnosed with anorexia 6 months later I was 7 stone something, that’s a loss of 5 stone). In November that year I got my lovely boyfriend. When we first started dating I felt quite ashamed that I weighed more than him. Of course he didn’t care, I don’t think he even ever thought of it, he just liked me for me, but the intrusive thoughts which are oh so common to me told me otherwise. I began to notice in the morning my belly looked it’s flattest which I figured was because I hadn’t put any food in my stomach making it bloat so I began not eating in the mornings. If I was going to see my boyfriend who obviously as a young teen at the start of a relationship I wanted to impress I wouldn’t eat. I wouldn’t eat while I was around him then as soon as I got home I would eat as normal. This is where it all began. My boyfriend used to recall to my mom “she never eats breakfast and never eats at my house! I try and feed her but she just won’t eat.”

So like I said life carried on like this for a few months, I didn’t loose a massive amount of weight, maybe half a stone, but things changed drastically after a holiday to Egypt. On the first day I was struggling and obsessing over my appearance as usual, obsessing over every roll I could see. Looking back now I looked great! I had big boobs and hips, but at the time I didn’t see any of that all I saw was fat. Well the next day after this I caught a really bad case of the flu. I was bed ridden for the entire rest of the week barely well enough to get home. As we were in Egypt we had no way of getting any medication at all not even paracetamol so I was completely wiped out, it was the worst illness I’ve ever faced were literally everything that could happen, happened. Now because of this I didn’t eat for the entire week.

Once I arrived home and I began the process of analysis of my body as per usual I noticed I had lost weight. I put two and two together realising a week of not eating made me really quickly drop a ton of weight. The cogs began turning and I told myself the short amount of pain (being the hunger) my future self would thank me for. So I began restricting. Using the bike analogy it began at a quick pace but slowly got faster and faster. Soon I was eating no more than 400 calories a day, anymore than that and I would get depressed and anxious and stressed (for comparison the average women needs 2000 calories a day just to maintain weight) I was terrified of nearly all foods. Butter, bread, literally everything I can think of. I weighed out everything out to the T never eating a full packet of something. Which if I’m honest, I still do weigh everything, I also still count calories obsessively. This is what I mean by I’m not fully recovered I’m a lot better, but still suffering and fighting.

Now at this point my mental and physical health began to really suffer. I was normally really good at school getting outstanding grades in gcses but now with a levels I wasn’t able to get work completed or done, I couldn’t concentrate, I would fall asleep in class because I was tierd constantly, I wasn’t my normal talkative enthusiastic self because I was so drained of all energy I’m honestly so shocked my teachers didn’t make more of an effort to help me. I remember one time a teacher telling me I looked very ill and pale so forced me to eat a banana they had brought for their own lunch which was a struggle for me to do. Luckily for me a teacher i still dont know reported to the head of sixthform about being worried for me. They had been gone 3 months and within coming back had noticed the drastic change in weight I had had. It goes to show how much weight I lost as I was always wearing baggy clothes to hide it and she still noticed. Now that I’m mentioning it all my clothes were massively oversized because I no longer fit my entire wardrobe. I would try and wear stuff like leggings as they made me feel comfortable and happy in myself but my head of sixthform would shout at me and force me to change. I recall a few teachers and students coming to me asking if I was alright as they had noticed my rapid weight loss, I told them it was just stress. I was completely in denial I had tricked myself into thinking it was normal, I have no idea how I even lasted as long as I did at sixthform like this. So as the story goes I got taken into the teds team which is a recovery center for children with eating disorders

I was extremely reluctant to go, I was stand off ish and rude to the doctors and my family which is something that is not in my nature at all. Looking back all they wanted to do was help me but at the time I thought everyone was against me were trying to trick me into being fat. This was clearly the anorexia talking and not me, it was completely in control. While there I was freezing cold so they had to turn the fan off. I was honest as I could be and told them most of what I previously told you but it still didn’t actually sound like a concern to me. I down played it as much as a could because I didn’t want anyone’s help. I can still remember that horrible feeling of being so stubborn and refusing to even acknowledge what the people around me were saying I was so caught up in the anorexic trap. Now about a year ago from this I had been previously weighed as I had started a new version of medication, like I said I weighed in at around 85kg, 13 stone. I got weighed again on this day and was in the 7 stones, I had lost nearly 6 stone in 3 months. That’s crazy looking back at. I was told if I didn’t turn myself around soon my periods would stop and I would have to go into hospital to be force fed. They warned me as I was in the hight of my teenage development i was right at the edge of doing permanent growth, brain and fertility damage. I love children and can’t wait to be a mother someday and I really highly value my intelligence so this was the kick up the bum I needed to start my recovery. I came back a week later to create an eating plan and in that time I had dropped another couple of pounds in just a week. I was very stubborn during the hour we spent making an eating plan, we pretty much fought back and forth me and the doctor disagreeing on everything, the eating disorder had complete control over my mind and I was pretty much in auto pilot. Eventually we came to an agreement which I still was very reluctant to follow, but I had worked out the calorie intake and it felt at level that was “safe” for me. I was also just happy to not have to worry about making food anymore as my mum was now in charge or making everything I eat. Before this I was eating on average a banana, half a packet of cuscus and a plain piece of brown bread without butter and a spoon full of baked beans with no sauce. On top of this I drank an unhealthy amount of coffee, so much I became addicted, to help me loose weight, keep me full and give me the energy I didn’t have.

I remember so vividly the first day I followed this new eating routine my stomach had shrunk so small I was physically in pain by the end of the day. I was to eat 2 spoons of yogurt in the morning, an egg sandwich at lunch on brown bread, an apple, half a dinner and one weatabix at night. By the weatabix I was in physical pain from being so full. But I pushed through it. A week later I had still lost weight but not as much as the normal rate went. This is when I was told I had to add in extra and I reacted terribly. I flat out refused to follow it anymore and said I was quitting the program. For a few months I refused to follow the new program sticking to the old one I felt safe with and still lost weight with. With things like anorexia it’s something I feel can never be solved by anyone else it’s something you have to do yourself. I think I improved just overtime by chatting with the teds team and the dietitian and educating myself. This next part of my journey is kind of difficult to talk about as I don’t remember it much, I was so tired and drained it’s all kind of disappeared from my memory. Eventually through education I began to slowly add things to my eating plan. I added crisps (but only under the condition they were healthy ones under 100 calories) changed the yogurt to 2 weatabix as it was easier to measure and less of a “scary food” to me.

So yeah, since this is just a short (at least as short as I can make it) synopsis of my journey I’m just going to skip to now. Some day maybe I’ll talk about the one and a half year gap there is between then and now but that would take too long for the moment. Now I am still suffering with eating. I’ve put on a bit of weight but I’m still classed as underweight. I still follow a very strict daily routine with what I eat, I still weigh things out, I still calorie count, I still analyse my body but I am a hell of a lot better than a year ago. I still struggle when it comes to eating “fatning” of “sugary” foods but on occasion I do eat them. I try and eat something every day like a breakfast bar or granola bar. Although I am a lot better now, I’m mostly tortured by the anorexic intrusive thoughts.

I struggle oddly with extreme hunger! Something I hadn’t felt at all while I was in critical condition. I did some research and I found out this happens to most recovering anorexics and their body is literally starving and desperate for food. I have been left with loose skin which makes me extremely embarrassed and unhappy, I hope someday to get rid of it as it’s a big factor of my destress. I hope this story can help educate people without eating disorders and give you an incite into our minds. Someday I will go into more detail.

[e-mily41]

Run

The moon peeked out from behind the clouds, barely lighting the earth below, as if it too was hiding. Charlotte raced through the forest, ducking under branches and jumping over roots until she reached the twisted tree on the edge of town, a meeting place she had established with her twin brother, Tomas; incase anything should go wrong.

Charlotte and Thomas Jones, like many other things in their lives, they shared a horrific past. Their mother died during childbirth - she gave her life for theirs. Unfortunately, the death of their mother left Charlotte and Thomas in the care of a man too torn up at the lost of his wife to properly provide for them.

When Charlotte and Thomas first came home from the hospital as infants their grandmother was there to help care for them. While their father drowned himself in whiskey and beer, their grandmother dressed them and took them to their first day of kindergarten.

The twins’ lives had always been filled with sorrow and struggle. At the age of six they had to say goodbye to yet another mother figure. Their grandmother’s funeral was a small event, only Charlotte, Thomas, and the funeral director bothered to show up; their father was most likely passed out drunk on the beat up old couch back at their house.

Even after the death of his own mother, Daniel Jones didn’t step up as a caregiver, but he did start teaching the twin a plethora of uncouth skills. When Charlotte and Thomas were eight, they were master shoplifters; in fact, they had a whole routine. Charlotte could distract the store clerk by pretending to be lost - she could even muster up real tears on command - while Thomas snuck in and stole whatever their father demanded, usually cigarette and booze. By the time the store clerk caught on to the fake tears, the twins were booking it down the street where their father was waiting. Failure to deliver what their father waited would result in punishment. However, Daniel’s idea of punishment was also atypical, beatings. Thomas was constantly covered in bruises, always playing the hero and trying to protect Charlotte from their father’s fists.

As well as being beaten, Thomas and Charlotte were barely ever feed. Both twins were extremely thin and sickly looking. Charlotte’s once thick dark brown hair was now flat and dirty. Over the two years of being under the sole care of their father, Thomas’ bright green eyes became dull and lifeless.

When the twins turned sixteen, they decided to leave their home for good. Their father didn’t like this at all. In the beginning, Charlotte and Thomas moved from town to town, their father on their tail every step of the way. Thomas and Charlotte were looking over their shoulders for a year before they lost him. The twins settled in a small town in the mountains hidden by a thick forest. By the time they turned nineteen, the twins had made a decent life for themselves. A shared apartment, jobs, and friends, the whole package. Charlotte and Thomas finally had normal lives. However their peaceful haven didn’t last long.

Charlotte saw the news headline that morning while she was drinking her breakfast tea.

“Murder Victim Found in Ally”

Charlotte’s eyes slowly scanned down the article until they landed on the photo of the victim. The white ceramic mug slipped out of Charlotte’s hand and shattered as it made contact with the tile floor, Charlotte paid it no mind. She gripped the paper tightly with both hands, crinkling the edges. Charlotte scanned the article look for the name of the victim.

“Elle Bravo”

Charlotte read the name over and over again. Her eyes filled with tears and her heart sank to her stomach. Elle was the first friend Charlotte and Thomas made when they moved to town. She introduced them to all their other friends, and now she was dead. The article said that there was only one witness. A middle age woman walking her dog late the previous evening, saw a man in his late forties running from the ally where the body was found. Charlotte read the description the woman gave to the police, it was a vague description but she didn’t need a detailed one. Charlotte knew her father had found her and Thomas.

Charlotte didn’t bother telling her brother about the murder. He had left for work early that morning and would already have seen the report anyways. Who knows, maybe he was already at their meeting point.

Charlotte reached the tree in no time. She was running on pure adrenalin, so much so that she didn’t realize how tired she was until she stopped to rest. Charlotte was blind with fear, only brought out of her haze when she felt two arms wrapped tightly around her. Unsure of who it was, Charlotte began to struggle and thrash around in the grip holding her still. No matter how hard she kicked at the air in front of her she couldn’t break free.

“It’s okay, you’re okay. It’s just me.”

The familiar voice of her brother calmed Charlotte’s racing heart and stopped her defensive assault. As her breathing slowed and her adrenalin depleted she slumped into Thomas’ chest, using him for support. Once she composed herself, Charlotte stood on her own two feet and looked up at her beloved brother. Charlotte’s resolve dissipated the moment she saw the concern painted across her brother’s face and she broke down in tears. Thomas wasn’t fazed, he had seen his sister cry many times before. To comfort her, he did the only thing he could do, the same thing he had always done when they were growing up; he held her tightly to his chest. Thomas held his sister’s head close to his heart and listened to her cry. It broke his heart to see Charlotte in so much pain; however, he had to be strong for her. Charlotte only allowed herself a minute of weakness before she pulled herself together once again. She lifted her head from her brother’s comforting hold and wiped her face dry.

“What are we going to do, Thomas?”

Charlotte looked deep into her brother’s eyes searching for an answer that was not there.

“I don’t know.”

Thomas admitted. Defeat over took his features, and frustration was evident in his tone.

“I thought we were safe here, Charlotte. I thought we had finally found a place to-”

Thomas’ concerns were interrupted by the unmistakable sound of a heavy boot landing on a dry twig. Both the twin’s heads turned to where the snap had come from and fell deathly silent. They stood completely still, listening intently for another sound. Thomas’ mind began to race with thoughts of what could be with them in the forest. It was possible that it was simply an animal, unaware of the fear hanging in the air, but he knew it was more likely that their father had found them.

Thomas’ worst fears had been confirmed when he saw the man that haunted his nightmares emerged from behind a bush no more than five yards away. Thomas’ heart stopped, the only thing he could think to do was to push Charlotte behind him to protect her.

“Well well well, I finally found you two. You thought you got away didn’t you?”

Their father’s slurred words and swaying structure spoke volumes, even before the overwhelming smell of whiskey hit the twins. He was drunk, again.

“Leave us alone!” Charlotte shouted from behind Thomas, “we’re not scared of you anymore.”

Their Father turned his attention to his daughter. This caused Thomas to straighten his back in an attempt to further hide in sister.

“You seem pretty brave for someone so small. Look at you, hiding behind your brother. You’ve never been able to protect yourself.”

Their father taunted Charlotte with an evil smirk, he knew his words would get under skin and she would make a careless advance towards him. Thomas knew this as well, but before he could grab her wrist, Charlotte pushed out from behind him to stand and face the devil before them.

Charlotte stood there for a moment, she wanted lunge at him. To punch him until her hands were covered in his blood and put him through the same he forced her and Thomas to suffer; but Charlotte knew that if she got close enough to him, her father would easily be able to over power her. If she couldn’t attack their father with her hands, she would use something else. Charlotte thought quickly of a way to incapacitate her enemy. She glanced down at the ground for inspiration when she saw it; a large rock sat not ten inches away from Charlotte’s foot. She didn’t take the time to fully think it through or even aim before she grasped the solid rock and chucked it at their father’s head. It hit him on the left temple, not knocking him out but causing him to fall back in pain and surprise. The rock landed to left of his body. Before he could stand back up, Charlotte gripped the rock again and knelt on their father’s chest to hold him down. Charlotte didn’t fully know what she was doing; all she could see was red. She didn’t realize what she had done until Thomas pulled her off the limp body she had been beating. Once Charlotte could see clearly her eyes watered at the sight before her. Their father’s body lay before the twins; his head was bashed in and covered in blood. Charlotte looked down to see her hands painted red with the same blood. Her mouth gapped with fear and regret.

“I’m going to go to jail.” Charlotte looked to her brother for some sort of comfort; he didn’t hesitate to provide it.

“No you won’t. It was self-defense and I’m a witness. I won’t let you go to jail.”

This was of little comfort to Charlotte. Deep down she knew that even if the police did believe it was self-defense, the guilt she would feel everyday for the rest of her life was just as bad as the stress she felt running from her father.

“Do we go the police? What do we do with body?” Charlotte wanted to get out of her own head, even if the meant dealing with the nightmare in front of her and her brother.

“He wouldn’t be missed,” Thomas began to think out loud. “He doesn’t have a job or any friends; we’re the only ones he even really know of his existence.”

“What are you thinking?” Charlotte looked up at her brother, scared of plan coming together in his head. Before he answered her, Thomas stepped away from his sister. He slowly approached the body as if it would come back to life if he got too close. Thomas gently reached into his father’s pocket and pulled out his driver’s license.

“He hasn’t renewed his license for 10 years, and I don’t think he’s owned a car sense or grandmother died.” Thomas looked up at his sister waiting for her to fill in the blanks.

“How are we going to burry him?” Charlotte asked her brother hoping he would realize how insane his idea was.

Thomas didn’t say a word before he dragged their father behind the large twisted tree and started digging a man-sized hole with the rock. Charlotte didn’t move to help him, she felt she had done enough and didn’t want to go anywhere near the man she had just killed. She watched for forty-five minutes before Thomas had finally finished burying their father. He stood from his kneeling position by the shallow grave and walked towards his sister.

“We should go, our friends will wonder where we are.” Thomas spoke calmly; he didn’t want to acknowledge what they had done. He reached his hand out to his sister and she took it. Together they left the forest, but their nightmares would haunt them forever.

[nightshade-zoe]

AWAE 3x06 Commentary

Matthew’s Radish ❤️❤️

Anne has a cold and she’s baking a cake. . .uh oh (for context in the books she tries to bake a cake for the minister’s wife at tea but she puts liniment flavoring instead of vanilla because of a cold).

Wow her hair is so glossy and the loose braids are 😘

Is Matthew going to have a heart attack ....oh no

Holy **** that radish is huge

She smashed the vanilla and yes they’re definitely going the book storyline.

No Anne please ask someone to smell the bottle 😣

I live for Bash sass.

Okay so I’m like a little bit whiplashed here. Last episode we saw Gilbert just suggesting winnie visit. How have they been communicating? Have they been on that many tea dates? It seems like they only saw each other four or five times after their first “date”. But I guess it’s been two months since then.

“But your mother wasn’t skittish” I’m dead.

No he hasn’t settled on Winnie. Does this mean Bash knows about Anne? She’s “easy to be with” okay I guess it makes sense Gilbert is stressed about constantly feeling things for Anne.

“Fond enough to marry her?” Bash literally slipped that in because Gilbert was talking about marriage last week.

“Winifred doesn’t have such expectations” dude you’re meeting her parents in the 1890s of course she does.

Gilbert you literally were considering marriage last week.

Josie doesn’t want to create a scandal yet her mother seems to be pushing her to it??

Anne crying over Mary my heart it can’t ❤️❤️❤️

Poor Anne is so flustered because she wants to not look like a mess in front of her crush. So relatable.

Gilbert, do you see any onions???

It’s interesting they showed this scene between Gilbert and Matthew when we barely have their interactions. Gilbert is denying it’s a special occasion when we’ve just seen him freaking out about his appearance.

The framing of Anne by the window is gorgeous. Also this episode seems designed the humiliate Anne every way possible.

Why is she sneaking out to go to Diana’s??

She’s going to confess to Diana isn’t she. This seems like really fast development for Anne who has recently been like I am the Bride of Adventure.

Yikes Minnie May overhearing this and finding Jerry’s gift.

I think it’s interesting and important (because even though I’m sure this episode will be painful) Anne’s crush is very much romanticized and infatuated. While I’m unsure about her realizing her feelings this early, the comparison to Mr. Darcy, the reference to novels seems in character even if the fact it’s Gilbert is sudden.

Can someone make a gif set of all the Cuthberts straightening up in front of a mirror.

Wow Anne really jumped to daisies. I definitely feel like they’re trying to do the whole dramatic teenager I LOVE THIS BOY AND WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE WITH HIM angst rather than set up her real love for him yet.

THE FOAL IS SO CUTE ❤️

Dellie and Bash ❤️ also oh my goodness he was knitting yellow socks for her.

Noooo Gilbert don’t belittle yourself. You’re an orphan and are incredible. Anne’s an orphan and she is too.

“can’t cook”.

How has Anne recovered from her cold this fast also?

They’re definitely going up in the hot air balloon.

Subtle reminder Ka’kwet is still in hell and we need to get her out.

There’s a stiltswalker. I literally wrote that into my fanfic.

I’m so scared about this cake but at least it will look beautiful.

Wow Rachel not making me mad for once ❤️

What is this ear pulling Matthew?

Also omg the white grub reference I can’t get over the throwback.

The fortuneteller and the smoke haha. I feel like this Anne would have more sense than to believe in fortune telling though?? I agree the daisy was more helpful but this is clearly just meant to amplify Anne’s infatuation.

It’s interesting that they spent so much time on how the fortune teller is clearly a fraud.

Diana please pay attention to and comfort Anne.

Aghhh I clowned myself I was right Diana was leaving because of something related to Jerry’s family but also they made Anne look this devastated over Winnie.

Also ugh it’s such a trope to have her see Gilbert help Winnie when she stumbles.

But also the handkerchief book signaling Derry thing was so well done.

The Rachel/Stacy development has been interesting also wow the shooting.

It’s interesting we have Prissy who is super feminist and advanced, Billy who’s a sexist pig, and Jane who is still figuring things out.

Wait so Mrs. Barry and Winnie are the only two people I’ve seen with parasols. I’m guessing it’s a status symbol? Something only rich people carry?

I hope Minnie May has her own storyline. She does reappear in a later episode.

DIANA A QUEEN I LOVE I SCREAMED. THEY KISSED.

But I feel like we definitely will see some sort of rift/problem given how fast this has been accelerating.

Also the musical theme for them (which also played during the scene by Diana’s house where Jerry quotes Frankenstein) is so so beautiful

No, Anne don’t go back to the fortuneteller.

Why is Gilbert so condescending about Queens? Also he’s not admitting that the Sorbonne is a dream because of money. Instead it’s the impression he thinks he won’t get in.

I’m learning so much about Winifred’s dad and yet I still know nothing about her. I hate when characters are so one dimensional.

“Can we PLEASE just enjoy the day” paralleling Gilbert earlier saying he’s just going to try and enjoy the day

What is this ear pulling thing we have now seen Matthew, Jack, Thomas Lynde, and Nigel Rose do.

Why do Gilbert and Mr. Rose pronounce Sorbonne so differently?

Couple points on Winnie. She seems to represent the part of Gilbert that was never content with the small town life and now also the part of him that is tired of fighting with Anne. So she really has been boiled down to whether he will choose an easy life with connections but no fire or Anne who makes his life incredibly complicated but extremely lovely.

Also it was interesting that they again paralleled Winnie stumbling with Josie stumbling earlier this season. (Post episode addendum her Mr. Bones scene weirdly foreshadowed Josie’s situation)

I swear Gilbert just visibly hesitated to introduce them to Bash. Also they really are making them out to be the perfect family which rings the alarm bells that either they are not or all they’re meant to do is be a foil for Gilbert’s current life/affections.

Okay it seems really extreme to have Anne call Gilbert her true love. Like I get they are trying to emulate teenagers but Anne is not like this and we already did this with Ruby.

“I want to believe you that it was true that someone could look at me that way. I never even dared to hope before” this hurts so much because we have seen how much Gilbert adores Anne. But also it hurts because Anne has just been able to accept family love and shes been told her whole life no one will ever want her. I’m crying.

But also I think it’s very important that this is a very idealized crush and is definitely emulating teenage fancies and the real realization from Anne will be much different.

I love all the eye/I puns and how this fortune teller goes against herself and decides to comfort Anne because Anne is just endearing like that. I think we’re supposed to simultaneously feel Anne’s pain while also being amused at the melodrama

Oh no they’re really doing this with the cakes.

Your schoolmate Gilbert? Really??? At least say she’s a friend.

I know they’re trying to make Winnie seem really nice but it’s strange she asks how Anne spells her name. It’s like it’s meant to add more weight to the visual way in which we see Anne comparing herself to Winnie.

Bash is so amused by the Winifred Anne meeting. I guess it’s also important Gilbert has told Bash about Winnie but still keeps his feelings for Anne a secret (even though they aren’t)

This cake thing bothers me so much. There was no need to take a relatively funny book scene, humiliate Anne in front of a large group of people and add to the already massive embarrassment she feels by having Gilbert and Winifred both be there. This episode just really was out to get Anne

Hmm so I think it’s definitely telling that Gilbert’s automatic instinct was to run after Anne to comfort her and he definitely looks upset when she runs off but I also don’t think he was super helpful. He clearly doesn’t get why she’s upset and also Mary would’ve been more likely to run after Anne and console her. I miss Mary.

Anne no ❤️ she’s hiding under the exhibit she was looking at with such wonder earlier.

Really? They couldn’t even let Matthew win. This is an adorable adorable scene between them though.

Matthew, Marilla how do neither of you realize Anne is upset because Gilbert is walking around with a super high class, beautiful girl.

The music when they get into the balloon is the same as Anne visiting Ka’kwet the first time + Gilbert taking the flower + Derry walking home the first time = new adventures?

Marilla on point “we are literally going to hell in a hand basket” “before I die, fly”

Yes Anne embracing her uniqueness ❤️

This is the most beautiful and joyous scene this episode and the music is excellent (ive definitely heard it’s before but I don’t remember which episodes). Well it plays when Marilla and Rachel head off to the oculist and Marilla tells Anne not to get into trouble

It’s beautiful seeing how Matthew and Marilla have grown due to Anne. This balloon ride is like symbolic of their relationship.

Passing over the first part of the dance scene which is clearly just an inverted love triangle from the last episode . .though Gilbert does look over at Anne after the dance ends...he also looks uncomfortable in certain shots with Winnie

I guess also “Seems like you’ve done this before” “I can’t hear you” parallels the first tea scene a bit.

I’m frustrated Ruby is basically the exact same just with a different boy who I guess at least shows interest in her

Also Anne dancing with Charlie >.<

It’s really effective that the scene with Billy and Josie is outside in the dark compared to the bright barn but also that you can hear the dance music and it seems garish and grotesque. Also FUCK BILLY ANDREWS.

Props to Anne for noticing something is off :-/

They do a good job portraying how rumors are spread fast and also twisted because it goes to people saying they saw billy and Josie

Hit him Anne HIT HIM . . .okay I guess I’m satisfied with yelling. Also I would like to point out everyone else looks shocked and confused.

I guess I understand why the other girls don’t get it given their different experiences but SIGHS. Also Diana constantly freaking out about Jerry when no one knows what she’s talking about

No Gilbert this is important

Okay but Anne’s references. Whose CABBAGE IS BIGGER. You don’t need a CRYSTAL BALL. Clearly salty about the fortuneteller and Matthew’s loss.

Oof she’s clearly jealous but also angry for her friend and I get that Gilbert doesn’t like being yelled at but also for him to just shake his head as if this is a normal Anne tantrum

Peep Gilbert looking back at Anne twice

Moody the mediator. I like the effect of everyone’s voices blurring together and fading

YES ANNE ACTIVIST WRITING but also im so scared about the potential backlash. I really hope they treat this story carefully because I’m so worried about Josie and Anne now and so so mad at Billy

[dragonleesupporter]

Unloved Siblings Part 2

Author’s note: ALRIGHT! I worked REALLY hard on this one to make sure it was good. Hope you all enjoy!

WARNING: This is a tickle fic, it also includes Remus, and thoughts about suicide.)

Description: Remus and Debaja meet in a dark, grey landscape. 

Remus paced up and down the hallway, unsure of how to execute his plan. He needed a place to commit the deed. He knew he couldn’t go to his own room, since he shared it with Roman, and didn’t want to risk getting caught. Deceit had banished him from the snake’s room shortly after the duke had introduced his idea. Logan would catch him for sure, being hyperaware of everything around him, and Patton’s room was too soft and fluffy. The duke would get so caught up in the overwhelming sentimentality that surrounded him there that it would put a stop to his plans for sure. And Virgil’s room-DON’T even THINK about it…

             “So… how do I do it…?” He wondered out loud.

             He paced a few more minutes before an idea came into his head.

             When they were all younger, Deceit had told the green side about a grey realm where souls travel as mere shadows of who they used to be… and if the duke remembered correctly… Deceit’s sarcastic wording was “It’s totally not where soul fragments go to die…”

             Perfect.

             …

             Remus entered his room and summoned a portal. It had been a while since he had used one, so the duke had to try multiple times to get it to actually go through, but once it was completed, he knew he was ready. With empty greyness waiting for him on the other side, he rushed toward it like a long-lost friend, diving through the portal as it abruptly closed behind him.

             All around him was grey. It felt tight, like a cramped office space, yet the duke could see infinite darkness around him; no walls in sight.

             “Shadows indeed…” The green side commented as he stared around at all the black creatures shuffling around him.

             They walked in a way that made it look like they had somewhere to go, but Remus realized they were just moving wildly around like fish in a bowl. There was nowhere to go. Nothing to do, no one truly awake in the grey world…

              And there was no one who cared if Remus killed himself in that moment.

             The duke smiled crazily; pupils dilated.

             “Perfect. Just swell!” He pranced in a circle, startling some of the ghosts.

             The green side drew out his mace and stared into his distorted reflection with a mixture of emotions.

             Was he really going to do this?

             No. It was already decided. Remus HAD to do this… Not just for him and his brother… but for all the dark sides. He had to show those light ones… Even if it meant he couldn’t come back…

             He raised his mace out in front of him with the intent of banging his own head in with the iron spike-ball. He could already feel his being draining away with the coldness of the Greyscape. Right as he was about to swing, one of the shadows bumped into him, knocking the mace out of his hands.

             “Mother-” Remus, frustrated, cursed under his breath, trying to look for where he had dropped his prized tool in the dim light just to have another ice-cold body clash with his shoulder and wing, hard enough to knock him over.

             The duke sat up quickly and shivered, the wonderfully uncomfortable feeling of ice claws digging into his skin. Another silhouette slipped past him, making his whole body shudder with the urge to flinch away, yet, this was what Remus was made of. The things that made people uncomfortable. Another went around him, and then another brushed up against him increasing the unexplainably terrible feeling. Another, another, until it reached the point where Remus was barely keeping himself from curling up from all the pins and needles sinking into his skin, like his whole body had fallen asleep! He couldn’t decide whether he was enjoying it or not until another figure went past him, except this time, a wave of warmth washed away a little bit of the ice shards, surprising both him and the other figure.

             He turned around, to see the only other creature with any color to their skin. It was a fairly big form; four legs, long whip-like tail, patchy, dark purple fur, dragon-like claws on the ends of each leg, a dog-like snout, two foggy, bloodshot, pink eyes that painfully sunk into its skull, a pair of harshly damaged wings and extremely long, bat-like ears with sharp tufts at each end. You could see its bones through its fur. It looked half-dead… It looked… so ugly… and Remus loved it.

             The creature drew closer, appearing to sense something coming from the duke.

             Momentarily, Debaja saw all three of her friends surround the green side; Physical Pain, Emotional Turmoil, and Mental Instability, and knew this person needed her help immediately.

             She took a few more steps forward, and Remus did the same out of curiosity.

             “Who the hell are you?” The duke cocked his head to the side.

             “Debaja…” Her weak voice responded as she used her jaw to speak, despite it constantly trembling.

             “Debaja huh? My name’s Remus. You don’t look too fresh, Debaja…” Remus commented, quirky smile undeniable. “What kind of party did you go to??”

             “Abandoned by My Sibling Party. How about you? You look like everything’s gone to shit.” Debaja sat down and the duke did the same, facing each other as their voices echoed off the empty beings around them.

             Remus was slightly taken aback by the creature’s unfiltered, deep tone, and, despite longing to find a creature of this status for so long, the green side felt uncomfortable and even a little frightened at how calm and dismissive Debaja’s voice was in comparison to her harsh outlook. But yet again, Remus was loving all of it at the same time.

             “I just got back from that party too…” The mustached man admitted, his shoulder’s slumping over as his characteristically wide smile dropped to a tired frown. “Except mine had a song in it which refers to a walking butthole singing while judging a sinning sexdoll. My brother just can’t seem…”

             The comfort monster took a chance and slid behind the duke as he began to rant, the opportunity too great to miss.

             Remus was confused before he felt both sets of claws resting on his shoulders. Just the presence of the digits made him shiver as warmth began spread through his body.

             The Master of Chaos, the side that makes everyone uncomfortable, the literal BAD side of Creativity was leaning back into another creature he didn’t even know, more relaxed than he had ever been.

             The purple half was shocked by the waves of comfort flowing off the duke in such grand amounts. Debaja hadn’t even started the massage for Christ’s sake! When she did snap out of her surprise, and started to actually massage the green side’s shoulders, the relaxed grunt that came from him was good enough to fill the monster’s hunger for weeks.

             Oh, this was nice. Remus being massaged by a stranger. A fellow unloved sibling, if you will. His whole body turned to spaghetti as Debaja dug her claws into his shoulder blades at the bases of his wings, where stress had been building up for god knows how long.

 “You’ve been hurt…” She noted, tracing her claws gently over a couple scars Remus had on his neck.

 “Yeah. Flaming swords were so much cooler in my head.” The duke retorted, melting back into the monster of comfort as he purred happily, not even remembering the last time he had felt this way.

 “You’re touch-starved.” Debaja commented yet again, feeling out Remus’s poor, cold and barren heart inside his chest.

 “Looks like I’m not the only one.” The green side couldn’t help the lazy smirk on his face. “You literally look like you’re starving, darling.”

 “Well, I feed off laughter and the feeling of comfort emitting from others. My sister has been deemed more important… depleting my chances of surviving by taking all the attention and starving me.

 “Oh, my sweet Tommity Thomas Sanders!” Remus exclaimed, almost in a drunk-like fashion with the purple monster’s claws still working out the last of the kinks in his back. “Same here! My brother is always the favored one! That red pain in the neck never has any time for me anymore!”

 “Did you say red?” Debaja paused her massage, though Remus still rolled his head back and smiled up at her like an idiot.

 “Yes! The great prince wears a red sash much like mine and a terrible white tunic underneath. How does he keep that thing clean? Seriously, if I were to wear it, it would be PAINFULLY obvious what I do at night.” Remus looked up at the purple creature and saw a smile on her lips.

 “My sister met him.” She finally finished untying all the knots in the duke’s poor back, and, despite his longing whines, pulled away so they could face each other again.

 “Were you watching?” Remus waggled his eyebrows as Debaja rolled her eyes with a smirk.

 “No… we were… together then…” Remus’s smile immediately dropped.

 “Wait… don’t tell me you…” He trailed off, not being able to finish his thought, and reaching out towards the creature as if she would fade from his sight.

 “Yes… we’re usually one unit named Lucaja but… We spli-”

 “NO! Don’t say that word!” The green side covered his ears with a pained expression. “Please, PLEASE don’t say that word…”

 “Why…?” Debaja saw a concentration of her friend Pascal; Emotional Turmoil.

 “Me and my brother… we’ve been sp-sp-sp-… that… for a while… More than half our lives, in fact.” The mustached man put a hand to his face, trying to hide the tears building up in his eyes.

 “Do you believe your brother cares about you?” Debaja put a comforting claw on Remus’s back as he shook his head.

 “I literally told him that I could help him, and that, in the end it would help both of us but… he screamed at me…” He sulked.

 “My sister did the exact same thing…” Debaja started to give in to her own grief as they both sat, leaned against each other in a silent understanding. “Well, at least it’s good to know I’m not alone…”

 “Yeah…” The green side smiled slightly, just to have it fall again. “No one likes me in my realm. If I end it all, it’ll end my brother, too… and finally get those butt-tight light sides to understand the meaning of balance!” He grinned madly, staring at his own hands and momentarily breaking away from the cuddle.

 “It’s not worth it. Plus, it’ll just make you look like the bad guy.” Debaja reflected on her own thoughts of the action, shaking her head as if to clear it of all the terrible voices in her head. “I came here to end it all… but if balance must be maintained, then I guess I should go back… probably just to be yelled at again…”

 Debaja gets up to walk away but the duke desperately grasps at her fur, not wanting her to leave.

 “None of them thought to talk to me, let alone touch me…” He started to curl in on himself, no longer trying to hide his pain.

 “So, that’s why the mere presence of my claws on your back filled me with so much of your comfort.” The purple monster turned back around and curled around the duke, making him wince with the urge to latch onto the warmth.

 “So, you feed off of comfort?” Remus raised an eyebrow, his curiosity pricked as he realized the poor monster looked slightly less starved than before.

 “Yes. Relief, relaxation, contentment… but there is this one other thing me and my sister get very rarely, and that’s laughter. It feels like the equivalent to candy whenever one of us absorbs it.” Debaja leaned into the green side more, and he finally gave in, wrapping his arms around the purple creature and surrounding himself in warmth.

 “Ew, candy…” Remus wrinkled up his nose in disgust. “I much prefer the good ol’ bleach.

 “You know that’s bad for you…” Debaja raised an eyebrow at him.

 “So is candy.” Remus smirked with playfulness in his eyes.

 Reflecting that playfulness, Debaja decided to slightly knead at the duke’s ribs as he flinched violently.

 “Hahahahahahahah…” He started to chuckle, giving Debaja a little taste of her candy. She went into hunt mode to find the rest of her prized desert.

 “Ah! Ahahahahahaha! W-waihihit! Ihihih-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Remus started cackling like a mad man when Debaja reached a specific sweet spot on his sides with her claws digging harder, but he wouldn’t dare let go of her to give up the warmth currently sheltering him.

 In full honesty, Remus was loving the attention. He was just surprised by the feeling. He hadn’t been touched in such a long time, let alone tickled. Meanwhile Debaja was enjoying the equivalent of a triple-decker chocolate cake as she pinned him, trying to find the duke’s other spots.

 Remus started squeaking, snorting, hiccupping, giggling and shrieking as Debaja tickled his neck all the way down to his stomach. She tweaked his hips, making him squeal. Where else could she tease?

 “W-WAIHIHIHIHI- NAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Remus started to beg as Debaja turned around took off his shoes, zeroing in on his worst spot as her tail continued to tickle both the sweet spots on his sides.

 “N-NOHOHOT THEHEHEHERE! PLEHEHEHEHASE!” The duke realized how ridiculous he sounded, but couldn’t help but plea as the monster used her claws and wings to scratch and flutter as his soles and toes, all the while her tail was still tormenting his sides. The mixture of all the different types of tickling all at once quickly started driving the poor green side insane, if that were even possible for someone like Remus.

 “AAAIIIIIEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! PLEHEHEHEHEHEHEASE!” He begged, not knowing how much longer he could last. The feeling was crazily confusing. Did he like it? Did he hate it? He couldn’t answer that even if he wasn’t being tormented there and then.

 (Un)fortunately, someone else heard Remus’s shouts.

 “GET OFF HIM!” Debaja was suddenly thrown across the clearing as a flash of red twirled past.

 Remus groaned and rode out the last of his giggles quickly, turning to see Debaja whimpering and cowering on the ground with his brother standing over her threateningly.

 “Ro, what are you doing here?” He asked, his happy, confused, light-hearted mood immediately ruined.

 “What, am I doing here? What are YOU doing here?!” Both Roman and Remus pointed fingers at each other, mirroring the Spiderman meme for a moment. “Coming out here to kill yourself?!”

 “Dammit, that snake…” Remus cursed, realizing Deceit sold him out.

 “Also, what the heck is that?!” Roman pointed at Debaja angrily as she slowly got back up on her feet, shaking from shock.

 “That’s my new friend, who ALSO just so happens to be a fellow unloved sibling!” The green side snapped.

 “Don’t you recognize me?” Debaja murmured softly, all her strength gone now, though her form itself looked much better.

 “Wha…?” Roman turned around, confused.

 “Yeah, you met her sister apparently. Spoiled sibling meets spoiled sibling.” Remus rolled his eyes and walked over to Debaja, kneeling down and checking her over to make sure she wasn’t injured, though she flinched away from his touch slightly.

 “Hey!” Roman scoffed at the offense, but paused to look at the creature… she DID look familiar… And the way Remus was worriedly checking her over…

 “Wh-what was going on when I entered?” He asked, his voice slightly weaker and uncertain.

 “Debaja was helping me feel better, at the same time, I was feeding her. Her and her sister recently… split…” Roman shuddered at the word. “And I wanted to be there for her. Sure, they may be separated, but I have a feeling she hasn’t been abandoned yet. I don’t want her to end up like me, Roman. Abandoned… It’s too late for me…” Remus pet Debaja ever so softly as she whined, listening to his words. “It’s far too late…”

 “It doesn’t have to be…” Roman took a step forward. “Do you think you could… give me another chance? I know it’s not going to be easy, but… if you’re able to forgive me… we might be able to fix this mess… and at least make you and The Others a higher priority so you don’t feel the need to do something like this…” As Roman took more steps toward them, Remus snarled at first, but when Roman held out his hand, the duke took it with such desperation it nearly yanked both of them to the ground.

 Roman pulled up his brother and embraced him, something he should have done a long time ago…

 He wasn’t surprised when he felt the duke’s chest heave and gentle sobs come from over his shoulder. In fact, Roman was crying, too.

 Debaja watched the scene unfold, never wanting to be with her sister more… But if things went downhill, she would be back here again. And next time, there won’t be a Remus or Roman to convince her to go back…

 “Don’t worry, purple one…” Roman called to her amongst his grief, as if reading her mind. “I’ll stay up tonight so you can visit. That way, we’ll know if you’re okay.”

 She smiled and nodded, turning around and heading back to The Land of the Infinite.

 “We should be going back home as well…” Roman murmured and Remus nodded as both brothers walked out of the Greyscape, fingers intertwined.

 …

 “C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, where is she…?” Roman paced and muttered. It was 1:30 am now, and there was still no sign of Sleep Deprivation Monster.

 “Just give it some more time, we don’t know if they had the shits or not…” Remus commented, smiling at Roman’s grimace.

 “Lovely image, Remus.”

 “Why, thank you.”

 “Ahem…”

 Both sides of Creativity snapped their heads around and saw the magnificent Lucaja, in one piece yet again.

 “Did you miss me?”

 @cefsticklestoo @bexxbeauty

[peter-man-parker]

Stressed Out

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Word count: 2.3k

Summary: Tom always knew that you love him, sometimes he just couldn’t understand why?

Warning: Angst, fluff, mention of insecurities, like one swear word.

A/N: Was originally written for @sunshinehollandd writing challenge from like ages ago sorry; however, I procrastinate too much to get it out on time so yeah. Thank you for all of your support! Let me know what you think. The photos are not mine so credit to owners, but the mood board is mine. Please Enjoy!

Tom loves his job, he always has and hopes he always will. Although, sometimes his line of work can be quite stressful on him. He’s always worried that he won’t get a part that he really wants, or he’ll forget his lines and mess up the take, or even that he’ll spoil something that’s extremely important and risk losing his job. But even with all the worry and hardships in Tom’s life he absolutely loves what he does.

Tom loves being able to travel to foreign countries to film. He loves to meet new people and idols. But one of his favorite parts of being an actor is all the amazing fans he gets to see who look up to him. Tom’s main goal has always been to make others happy, no matter how he felt or how hard it would be for him to do so.

There’s only one thing that he loves more than his job, and that’s his family, more specifically you. You and Tom have been together for just over three years and it has been the most magnificent time of your life. Tom is one of the most kind, sweet, caring, and compassionate people you have even met and had the surreal pleasure to love and call your own.

He’s always putting you first and making sure you’re okay before he stops to take care of himself.

During the first year of your relationship, you had to cancel on a date because the you both had gotten sick. And the entire time Tom had insisted on going out to get you soup and medicine to make sure you were okay instead of him resting when he was just as sick - if not more - than you were.

“Tommy please come back to bed” you whine. You and Tom have both come down with the flu and were terribly sick. You were running fevers and sneezing all the time, and let’s not mention how incredibly weak and cold the two of you were mixed with an upset stomach.

The whole time that the two of you were sick all you wanted to do was lay in bed and cuddle, but Tom had other plans.

“You know I can’t do that love, not when I know that you’re lying here sick. I’ll be back in little while.” He said. Tom had just finished putting his coat on and placed a lazy kiss on your temple.

“I’m gonna go and get you some medicine and soup to help you feel better, try and rest while I’m gone okay?”

“But Tommy, you’re sick too remember? If you don’t rest you’ll only get worse, and I can’t have that.” You pout. In all reality Tom was more sick than you were, he had a much higher fever and absolutely couldn’t stop coughing; you even had to help him to bed last night because he could barely move on his own.

However, you knew that there was no negotiating with Tom when it came to taking care of you. So you just accepted the fact that he was going to take care of you even if it killed him, and when you got better a few days later, Tom had only gotten worse and you spent the whole time taking care of him and you definitely weren’t complaining about his sick, cuddly state as he was feeling miserable.

And this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s really sweet actually, but sometime it completely drains Tom - mentally and physically. He loses all sense of motivation and all he wants to do is lay in bed. These are the days when his insecurities tend to get the best of him. Days like these don’t happened too often, but when they do, they hit him hard. These are the days when Tom needs you the most, to help save him from overthinking and drowning in his own thoughts.

And today was one of those days. Tom had been gone for almost three months for the filming of Far From Home. Usually when Tom come home from a long trip he wouldn’t leave your side for at least the first week. He was always wanting to be near you. Just to hold you in his arms and cuddle and not let you go anytime soon.

This time wasn’t much different. The first night Tommy had come home, you had the perfect welcome home date planned. You had ordered his favorite takeout and set up a blanket fort in the living-room with all of his favorite movies for a much needed, and well deserved lazy date night filled with laughter, love, and lots of cuddles.

You wish the night had gone as planned. You were so excited to see your amazing boyfriend. This night was suppose to be perfect, but as soon as Tom stepped through the door you knew something was off. You tried to forget about it at first and not worry about it. Maybe he was just tired of being away for so long. However, the longer the night went on, the harder it was to ignore. You owed it to Tommy to comfort him whenever he needed it, and it was clear that right now, he needed it.

When Tom walked into your shared London flat, it was apparent that he wasn’t himself. Tom is always a very positive, happy person, but today he was anxious, and upset, maybe even a little insecure.

It pained you to see him like this. You could see the sadness written all over his face. The sorrow in his eyes that screamed at you to notice them and ask him what’s wrong. They begged for your comfort, and longed for your sweet touch that always made Tom feel better. The kindness that could wash away any worry, stress, or doubt that Tom felt.

“Hey baby” you say with a voice that’s just above a whisper. You could feel the whole room flood with tension as he entered the apartment. You weren’t even sure if he heard you, that was until you hear his long and exhausted sigh as he slips his shoes off and makes his way over to you.

Tom immediately plops down on the couch next to you. Within an instance his arms are wrapped around your waist tightly. It’s almost like he’s afraid he’ll lose you. The entire time Tom was away he was constantly filled with guilt. He was constantly afraid that you’d leave him for someone better.

In Tom’s mind, when he got stressed, he focused more on work and felt that he was ignoring his girlfriend. Tom was constantly afraid that he was a terrible boyfriend who didn’t deserve someone as wonderful as you in his life. His thoughts would run wild with scenarios of you leaving him for some else. Someone who could treat you better, and not leave you for months at a time.

When Tom reaches you, his head becomes buried in your neck as he lets out a breath of warm air that sends shivers straight down your spine.

“Tommy bub, please talk to me. What’s wrong? Remember you can always tell me anything.” Tom’s entire body starts to shake while you hold him in your arms. He’s trying to hold back the tears, trying not to fall apart in front of you. He know that he can talk to you about anything.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to okay? But I’m here for you if you need me.” And with that Tom breaks down into sobs and he holds onto you for dear life. His breathing because heavy and uneven as he cries into you.

He knows that you won’t make fun of him for this. He knows that you truly do care about him in every way. This is why he fell in love with you in the first place. He was captivated by your compassion and generosity. He was blinded by your caring heart and kind personality.

After comforting Tom, he slowly starts to calm down. His eyes remain red, puffy and swollen. His cheeks are tear stain and his face is full of sorrow. Once his breathing come back to normal he lifts his head and looks you directly in the eyes. You can see the pain and sadness that occupy them as he finally opens up to you.

“I don’t deserve you, at all.” He says in a rushed voice. At first you didn’t understand him. You remain quiet and allow his to continue.

“(Y/N) you are so kind, and generous. You are beautiful and loving and so accepting and understanding. I don’t know how you could possibly love me…”

“Tommy, what do you mean.” Your eyes fill with concern while he keeps taking.

“I’m saying that you don’t deserve some loser like me. All I do is leave you waiting around for months on end till I get back for a week maybe a month tops then leave again and you don’t deserve that. You deserve someone who can always be there with you and show you how much they love you. You deserve someone who’s not me and I’m sorry I’ve been such a shitty boyfriend...you deserved better.” Tom stands up with his head down, staring at the floor.

He won’t dare look you in the eyes. He knows if he does he’ll be done for. He won’t be able to give you the life you deserve. He knows if he looks at you he’ll start crying again and beg you to take him back. But it’s too late now, the damage has been done and he can’t take back what he’s said.

“I’ve been thinking about this the whole time I’ve been gone. And I love you (Y/N) I really do. I love you so much and you don’t even know.” Tom takes a deep breath as he steps away from you.

“My mother always told me that if you love something, you should let it go, and this is it. I’m only going to be holding you back (Y/N) from living your best life, from someone who can treat you better than I even could. So I’m so sorry for how I’ve treated you and how are relationship has gone. And I’m sorry if I’ve ever hurt you...it was never my intention. I’ll be staying with-”

You shoot up from your seat and take a step towards Tom. You finally realize what’s happening. Tom believes that he was/is a terrible boyfriend and thinks you can do so much better so now he’s trying to break up with you.

“Whoa whoa whoa Tommy slow down for a second okay. Just hear you out. YOU are an AMAZING BOYFRIEND…-” you take another step closer.

“But (Y/N) I..-”

“No Tom listen, please.” Your voice is calm and sweet as you speak. It makes Tom’s heart skip a beat entirely. One of your hands find his and interlock together, while the only softly guides his face upward so he’s now looking at you.

“Please don’t ever say anything like that ever again. You Thomas, mean everything to me. You always have and always will. You have been the best boyfriend I have ever had and I hope that someday you will get to become the best husband. But please don’t say that I’d be better off with someone else, or that I’d be happier with someone who could always be here for me. Because you are the one I want Tommy. You are the only person I want to love and spend the rest of my life with. And no, I know that you sometime have to leave for long periods of time for work, but I knew that before we got together and I’m okay with that. You are following your dreams and making so many people happy and I couldn’t be anymore proud of you. So please don’t try and leave me saying that I deserve better, because you are better Tom you’re the best one there is and you’re all mine. I love you Tommy.” Both of you have broken down into full sobs at this point. Your arms snake around one another as you hold each other.

“I love you too (Y/N) please forgive for acting very rashly. I guess I didn’t really think this through. But thank you for staying with me. Thank you for putting up with me and my insecurities. Most importantly, thank you for loving me.”

Tom pulls you into as soft, gentle kiss full of love and compassion with a hint of forgiveness. This is the first kiss you two have shared since Tom has returned. You almost forgot how soft and savory his lips are, but tonight isn’t about passion and lust. Tonight is about taking care of one another and being the best you can for not only each other, but for yourselves also.

When you and Tom finally pull apart, you sit on the couch and pull him down with you. His head lays in your lap whilst your finger begin to entangle in Tom’s mess of brown curls. He always did love when you played with his hair. He was able to drown out the entire world and it would only be you and him frozen in time forever.

The room was quite, you had though Tom has fallen asleep, until he mutters a quick “will you sing to me?” While he looks at you with his adorable puppy dog eyes that you just couldn’t say no to.

“Of course I will bubs, anything for you.” So of course you start singing to him in a soft gentle voice. Not anything special, just random songs that Tom loves to play for you when the two of you are on long drives in his car.

You stop singing, half expecting the room to go silent, except it didn’t. The was quickly filled with the sound of Tom’s light snores that put a smile on your face. You lean down and press a quick kiss on his cheek as you whisper a soft “I love you” before finally drifting off you sleep yourself, dreaming of your future with your amazing Tommy.

[kindapinkskies]

band shirts | h.s.

hello, here is this. i have never in my life posted anything i’ve ever wrote in fear of being judged for it but i am insanely proud of this for some reason so at this point i don't give two shits if I'm judged. i write because its a stress reliever, it brings me joy AND i actually finished this so. 

if you enjoy it, please let me know, my narcissistic self needs it.

i love you already.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bands.

Harry loves bands.

Hell, Harry was in a boyband.

Now, he’s in another band. His own band but a band regardless. And he loves his band. He loved his other band too.

What Harry also loves is band shirts. He has a collection of them from over the years. Every concert he went to as a teenager- and to this day- he’s collected a t-shirt from them. If he sees them in stores and he is a fan, he’ll buy it. His band shirts are something extremely precious to him.

Something that’s also extremely precious to Harry, is you. Then there’s you in band shirts and that’s something that Harry wishes he could fold up and keep in his pocket.

He vividly remembers the first time he ever saw you in a band shirt, his knees nearly gave out from underneath him. He remembers having to grab onto the door handle next to him to keep him upright. He had to swallow the lump in his throat before he could speak to you.

“You like Pink Floyd?” The shirt was a dark grey, it was for their The Dark Side of the Moon album, and it had small holes all over it, like it’s been worn every day for years. You had the front tucked into a pair of light washed, high waisted, jean shorts and a pair of heeled combat boots. So simple, yet Harry was ready to pass out.

You were fumbling around with a film camera and you hadn’t heard the door open, so the sudden sound of his voice startled you. Looking up from the camera, you furrowed your brows, “Yeah?”

The film roll wasn’t properly going into the camera and you were frustrated, Harry could see it in your eyes. You huffed out an irritated breath and ignored him standing there. He wasn’t just going to let it go though; he just discovered another reason to love you.

“I didn’t know that,” he states, moving into the room. At this point, you had only known each other for a about five months and the only time you saw each other was when he flew you out to shoot a concert, which is why you’re here now. You have already gone on one date though.

“Ah, yes!” You exclaim, raising the camera up in the air proudly before setting it down on the table. After that, you finally turn your attention to Harry and his heart nearly jumps out of his chest at the sparkle in your eye. “Yeah they’re one of my favorite bands.”

He had to sit down on the leather couch in the dressing room to pull himself together.

The first time he told you he loved you and you were in a band shirt, his shirt this time, is something he’ll always hold dear to him as well.

You were stood in his kitchen. It was barely pushing 5 in the morning and he woke up because the spot beside him in bed was too cold. It may have only been the sixth time you stayed the night at his place but he was already so used to you being there; where he believed you rightfully belonged.

When he found you, you were leaning up against the counter, a coffee mug was in your grasp as you held it to your chest, just gazing at the ground. His eyebrows furrowed when he saw that your hair was wet as it sat up in a tight bun on the top of your head. Did you really take a shower this early in the morning?

You were also wearing one of his Ramones t-shirts and only that. Your soft, slightly tan, legs seemed like they went on for miles from where they started just under the hem of the shirt that rested just under the curve of your butt. He was so distracted he almost forgot about the fact that you weren’t in bed anymore.

“What’re you doing up, love?” His voice was raspy, still thick with sleep. He sniffed a bit and rubbed at his tired eyes as he drags his feet across the hardwood floor.

He didn’t miss the way you jumped at his voice and quickly moved to wipe at your cheeks. He knew something was up with you early in the night but you just brushed it of when he asked. “I couldn’t sleep.”

He was in front of you in a second and you jumped again at the sudden close proximity. You wouldn’t look at him though and that made him want to cry. “Mm, baby, look at me.”

It took you a few seconds to look up at him and when you did, his heart nearly shattered. You were meant to be happy, the ray of sunshine you truly were. You weren’t meant to have red-rimmed eyes and a puffy nose. He had gripped your cheeks in his hands and bent down a bit to look you in the eyes, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“You should be sleeping, I don’t want to bother you.”

You had tried to dismiss it once again but the fact that you almost started crying just at that sentence, Harry knew he couldn’t let it slide anymore. He ran his thumbs just under your eyelids, collecting the tears before they had the chance to fall. “I love you, okay. I’m here for you, sweets. You have to talk to me.”

You had smiled so big that Harry almost forgot that something was bothering you. The sight of your smile, with you wearing his shirt made his heart soar out of his body. You had exchanged the words before but they still weren’t said very often. The both of you still a little shy at exchanging such intimate words on a regular basis. You honestly didn’t need to though, the love was seen in your actions.

When you whispered the sweet words back to him, he grabbed the mug from its position against your chest and placed it on the countertop behind you and prompted you to tell him what was wrong. You did, tell him what was wrong and it was the first time he had ever seen you cry. He held you close to him, standing between your legs after he set you up on the counter, whispering soothing words of encouragement. You played with the hem of his shirt the whole time you were telling him but he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. His heart ached, desperately wishing he could take all your pain away. He felt his own eyes start to water and his nose tingling as he listened intently, but he held himself strong for your sake.

His hands ran up and down your thighs, in a soothing motion when you started to cry too much. His fingers would hit the hem of the shirt every once in a while and he couldn’t help but wish you were in another shirt of his. He loved seeing you in one of his most precious belongings but he wished you weren’t sad while wearing it.

“I see you stole one of my shirts,” Harry chuckles against your cheek once you calmed down a bit and asked if he could distract you, “and showered in my shower before the sun makes an appearance for the day.”

“My clothes are too uncomfortable for how I’m feeling. And I like this shirt, you turned me onto their music.”

Harry was sure he fell in love, there’s nothing he could want more in life. Being able to share similar music taste and the love for band shirts, “God, I really do love you.”

Harry had thrown the shirt to the ground, in a haste, later that morning when you both made it back to his room.

Harry has more band shirts than he does any other article of clothing. They’re tucked away in drawers rather than hanging up with all of his other clothes. He wishes he could wear them more often, bring them out for some fresh air and some sunlight. He wears them plenty but it’s too often he has to settle for something more fancy.

That’s why he never says anything when you’re in one of his favorite band shirts for the day. Yeah, you have your own collection tucked away in the drawer beside Harry’s but something about his attracted you more, always stating that they were more comfortable than your own. You started wearing his band shirts early in the relationship and Harry is always extremely giddy the days you walk out wearing one of his most favorite band shirts, instead of your own.

Just something about your favorite person wearing your favorite clothes, creating happy memories in those clothes, makes Harry feel like he’s on cloud nine all the time.

Except for when one memory floods his mind. He often forgets about it but every once in awhile it resurfaces against his will and be desperately tries to get it to go away because he never wants to relive the memory. It’s his only, not favorite, memory of you in a band shirt.

The first time he ever had a fight, fight, with you was a complete doozy and it almost ended your relationship only a year and a half after it started. He hated this day, absolutely despised it.

Sure there had been arguments, everyone has arguments and if you didn’t then something was wrong. But this wasn’t an argument, this was a full fledged fight. It never should’ve been one but tempers we’re flying high and emotions were running wild. It escalated quickly.

The fight started just after three in the afternoon and didn’t end until almost ten at night. It started because of a rumor and ended with and accusation, one that hurt both sides of the party.

That day always stuck to his memory, not only because his world almost came crashing down on him but because you were wearing his favorite shirt. It was a white KISS one his mum had gotten him one year for his birthday. It looked better on you than it ever had on him, even when your face was red and your eyes were welled with tears, your hair a mess from constantly pulling on it.

“This is so stupid!” He finally yelled, fed up with the fact that you weren’t listening to him. His heart was beating too fast and his breathing was erratic. He was hot too, literally and figuratively speaking. “I love you! Only you! Why won’t you just listen to me! You never do!”

You were tired and he knew that, he knew that you had a rough week and that this could’ve been handled better. But he was offended you believed a rumor, from an unreliable source, before you believed him. He should’ve known that your sleep deprivation was the only reason you believed the rumor so quick.

“I’m done, Harry.” Your voice was a stark contrast to what it was just moments ago when you yelled out your previous statement. It startled Harry and made his heart skip a beat, a beat that nearly made him feel like he was having a heart attack.

“What do you mean, you’re done?” Harry was still yelling and he didn’t know why. He wanted to stop but he just couldn’t.

“I’m not meant to be in this lifestyle. It’s not for me. I cant keep up. Can’t handle everyone going after my boyfriend because no one knows he’s in a relationship. I love that we’re something that we can keep to ourselves but this,” you gestured around to absolutely nothing, “I just can’t do it. You can’t say anything either because we both don’t want me thrown into the shit you get thrown into.”

Harry felt like every ounce of air left his body. He couldn’t breathe.

“I’m tired, H,” your voice cracked and that was it.

Harry downright went into panic mode, “No. No, you can’t be serious!” He was still yelling but this time it was because he was scared, not angry.

All you did was nod before turning around and rushing up the stairs and into his bedroom. He followed after you like you were his lifeline, like he was a lost puppy that didn’t have anywhere else to go. He came to an abrupt stop in the doorway when he saw the shirt you were wearing, just seconds ago, pooled up on the ground. His heart fell out of his ass.

“What’re you doing?” He frantically looked up to see you throwing a hoodie over your head. Tears sprung up in his eyes when he saw you pull your charger out of the wall and shove it in your purse. “What are you doing!”

You didn’t answer him, just kept moving along all while wiping furiously at your face. Realization hit him that you were leaving and he didn’t know what you do with himself. “You can’t leave me. Please, don’t go.” He was full on crying now, his heart absolutely shattering at the sight of you.

It caught your attention and when you stepped in front of him he felt relieved by your presence. “Please, I’m sorry. I’ll find a way to squash the rumors. I love you, you’re the light in my life. Please don’t go.”

His pleading wasn’t enough though because you still left that night, leaving Harry to drown in himself. He curled up on the ground and stayed there all night, his body shaking from his sobs of distress. He felt like everything around him crashed down on him and he couldn’t breathe. Life changed for him when you came into it, he doesn’t know how he survived before you. You were his confidant, his home, his everything and he needed you more than he realized.

He hugged the shirt, you left on the ground, most of the night because before the fight he was simply amazed at how beautiful you looked wearing it. And it smelled like your sweet scent. If he could only turn back time.

The shirt ended up being put at the very bottom of his drawer, underneath all the other shirts, the next morning when you came back to him. It was no longer his favorite shirt.

Nothing makes Harry happier than when he’s with you. Sure, his astounding career makes him happy but being with you is a whole other set of happiness. He’s been with you, and you’ve been with him, for close to five years and he’s loved every second of those five years.

With each of his band shirts, yours included, you could nearly follow the love story that is your relationship. Each shirt seems to have a specific memory etched into them and nothing makes him happier than that.

As Harry picks up another shirt from the dresser drawers and he can’t help but let out a quiet laugh.

The first time Harry had ever performed solo, you were there to support him. Really, you’d been there to support him through every huge part of his life since 2013 and that day wasn’t anything different. It’s just what you were wearing is what made him remember the day so vividly.

You had arrived to the venue later than he had because you had to go pick something up for one or the cameras you’d be using for the performance. At this point, about four years into the relationship, you had become Harry’s personal photographer. He barely ever posted your pictures though, as they were for more of personal viewing than anything else. He did have a tour photographer anyway.

When you got to the venue, Harry was bouncing on the balls of his feet waiting to see you. It had only been about three hours since you parted in the morning but that didn’t make him any less excited. He was anxious and buzzing with energy, you were the perfect thing to calm him back down.

He had heard you before he saw you and that made him cut himself off in the middle of his sentence, his head flying in different directions to find you. The crew members he was speaking with had heard you as well so they didn’t take Harry’s sudden ignorance to heart. They knew how hard it was to peel Harry away from you when you were around, so they just encouraged him to go find what he was looking for.

Your laugh was filling up Harry’s head and it was making him dizzy. He just wanted to be in your presence. Wanted to kiss you. He followed the sound of your laugh until you came into view, your back to him.

He made eye contact with his band mate, Mitch, who gave him a warming smile at the sight of Harry. He was practically glowing and Mitch couldn’t be happier for his friend. Everything he’s worked hard for is all in one spot and he could tell that Harry was just vibrating with happiness. Especially, once he had set out to wrap his arms around you.

You jumped as Harry’s hands slid around you from behind and came to rest on your stomach. His hands slide over the roughness of your shirt and it made his brows furrow. You were wearing a plain shirt earlier this morning.

Harry brought his head up from the crook of your neck to look over your shoulder and see your shirt; the sight of it made his jaw drop.

“Are you really wearing that shirt?” Harry laughed and stepped away so he could turn you around.

You couldn’t contain a smile as you opened up your arms and leaned back a bit, showing him the whole shirt. It was a One Direction band shirt and it was definitely hand made. It was an odd off white color and the picture was from one of their very first photoshoots as a band. The words forever in our hearts was etched in cursive at the bottom of the shirt and Harry really laughed out loud.

“Oi, you think you’ve go’ jokes,” He shook his head as he pulled you to him again.

Still leaning back, you placed your hands on your hips and nodded fervently, “I do, this is hilarious, Harry, you can’t deny it.”

To be honest neither one of you completely figured out why it was such a hilarious shirt to wear but it just made the night more memorable. He kissed you more times than he could count on both hands that night, not caring who saw. Normally he wouldn’t be so open with the public displays of affection but the sight of you in that band shirt just made his emotions bubble over.

“Please love,” Harry mumbled against your lips later on, after the show, “don’t ever wear this shirt again, it’s god awful.”

“It was just a joke, baby,” you laughed as you ran a hand through his sweaty locks. He knew that but it didn’t change his mind.

Harry responded by placing a hard kiss to your lips, a kiss that pushed your head back and knocked the breath out of you. The shirt balled up in his hands as he gripped onto you to kiss you harder and harder.

When you got home, the shirt never saw daylight again. Regardless, Harry’s current wallpaper on his phone is of you wearing that god forsaken shirt from that night of his first solo concert.

As Harry puts all of his clothes, and yours, in boxes, he can’t help but reminisce over the things he remembers. He knows he’s taking too long and that you’re on a time crunch but he just can’t help it. It seems like each band shirt, between the both of you, holds at least one special memory in it. Obviously most the shirts have been worn more than just once but some of them just hold more meaning and Harry can’t help but think of them.

“Harry, my love, can you come here please?”  You voice echoes around the near empty town home. Harry’s glad because you brought him out of almost going into another memory with the shirt he just pulled out of the wardrobe.

“M’comimg.”

Harry finds you sitting on the floor, on the middle of the areal rug, in the middle of what used to be the living room.

“What’s up m’love?” Harry questions just as you gesture for him to sit down in front of you. He gives you a quick peck to the lips as he settles in front of you with your knees touching.

The sun was coming in from the window behind you, making the hair sticking out from your bun glow. You were wearing a Rolling Stones band shirt, one that ironically matched the one he’s wearing today too. You each had your own shirt before you even knew one another and on occasion, you’d end up wearing it on the same day without planning it. That’s what happened this morning.

“I got you a present,” the smile on your face is enough to make Harry not protest the idea, “a little something new that you can take into the house we’re going to make a home.”

Harry couldn’t look away from your eyes because the love that was shining bright in them made his heart swell. Your face was soft, adoration masking all your features, and it was making Harry feel like a pile of goo. He was so in love with you. You were an angel sitting in front of him.

“You didn’t have to do tha’” Harry whispers as you gently urge the package into his hands. “We’re gettin’ all new things to go in the house.”

You softly shook your head, “This is different.” You lean forward and place a delicate kiss to his lips and Harry nearly whimpers at the feeling. “Open it.”

Finally breaking eye contact, Harry turns his attention to the box in his hands suddenly giddy over the idea of receiving a gift. You giggle as he, not so carefully, rips off the lavender wrapping paper and tears at the tape keeping the white box closed. He glances up at you when he comes to tissue paper and you throw him an encouraging smile to urge him to continue.

Harry’s failed to notice one of your cameras sitting off to the side, recording the whole interaction. He’s also failed to notice how your breath as hitched in your throat and your eyes start to well up with tears and he pushes the tissue paper to the side.

“What is this?” Harry whispers, almost too impatient to keep going through the tissue paper.

“Just keep going.”

Harry’s brows furrow when he finally comes in contact with a card. Picking it up, he turns it over and reads it out loud, “We can be a family of band shirts.” His brows only seem to furrow even more, curiosity peaking within him as his hands come in contact with a piece of soft material.  

He quickly realizes it’s a shirt and when he holds it up he’s genuinely confused when it’s the size of maybe a two year old. It’s a tiny replica of the band shirt the both of you are wearing though.

“Keep going.”

So he does, holding up the next thing and his heart skips a beat when it’s a small onesie and it too is an exact replica of the band shirt the both of you are currently wearing.

Looking back down into the box, there’s another piece of paper and when Harry grabs it, he lets out a choked sob. His eyes immediately filling with tears and his heart beating in his ears. It clicks together in his brain and his eyes fly up to meet yours again- they’re filled with tears as well- and you’re nodding before the question even leaves his lips.  

“Are you really?”

“Yeah.” Your voice barely comes out but Harry hears you loud and clear. He’s on you within seconds and his lips are attacking yours in a passionate embrace.

He kisses you so hard you end up laying back and he’s huddled over you, straddling your waist with both of his knees resting tight against your hips. He pulls away with tears flowing freely down his cheeks and a smile so bright it nearly blinds you. His hair is falling over his eyes and he looks like a giddy sixteen year old that just got laid and it warms your heart completely.

His hands shove up your shirt impatiently, his gaze resting on your stomach and his hands covering the expanse of your tummy. “How far along?”

Sniffling, you rub your hand under your nose to rid some of the snot. Harry quickly kisses at your cheeks clear the tears as you respond, “About 12 weeks.”

He swears his heart is about to break through his chest and he thinks he might throw up but he kisses you again anyway. The tears continue to flow and the kiss is overly sloppy, but it’s probably most loving kiss you’ve ever shared because it’s all smiles and it’s barely even a kiss at this point. Harry was happy. He was so fucking happy.

“I’m so fucking in love with you. Thank you for loving me.” Harry cries out as he presses kisses over your entire face. His hands are still placed on your stomach. He’s practically sobbing.

You were too though.

“No, thank you for loving me. I wouldn’t want to be in love with anyone else.” Your hands cupped his face and you made him look you in the eyes. “Thank you for everything, H.”

And as a song by one of your guys’ favorite bands plays quietly in the background, Harry kisses you again.

Yeah, Harry loves bands.

Hell, Harry loves his precious band shirts.

But, Harry loves his precious you.

He’s in love with you and your band shirts.

[absinthc-blog]

(  kim  seokjin,  cismale,  he/him,  26.  )  —  CHOI  MINWOO,  better  known  to  the  authorities  as  PROMETHEUS,  has  been  working  for  the  kumiho  for  around  SEVEN  YEARS  as  a  COORDINATOR.  rumor  has  it,  they  can  be  ADAPTABLE  &  CONCILIATORY  but  also  HAUGHTY  &  MATERIALISTIC  which  is  why  crystal  champagne  flutes,  black  cards,  cigar  smoke,  and  tailored  suits  makes  me  think  of  them. 

okay  first  and  foremost  i  want  to  say  a  genuine  THANK  YOU  to  each  and  every  one  of you  for  showing  interest  in  this  group  !  truly,  it's  been my  baby  for  a  while  now  &  i'm  so  glad  i  was  able  to  (  with  help  from  ness,  obviously  )  bring  it  back  for  all  of  us  to  enjoy !  words  can't  express how  grateful  i  am  for  all  of  you  &  for  the  out  pour  of  love  and  support  we've  received  for  kumiho  !  now...  onto  the  usual  intro  stuff  !

hello,  i'm  gem,  i'm  21+,  i  go  by  she  /  her  pronouns  and  i  live  in  the  cst  timezone  !  i  absolutely  love  pain,  angst  &  ruining  my  characters  lives.  i  also  tend  to  use  memes  all  the  time  so  if  we're  talking..  just  prepare  for  memeage.  also  a  fun  fact  that  literally  know  one  asked  for  but  i'm  giving  it  to  you  anyways:  i  cried  the  first  time  i  ever  saw  a  corgi  in  real  life  &  proceeded  to  run  across  a  busy  street  to  be  able  to  pet  it  !  okay  now  for  real,  onto  the things  you're  really  here  for  !

this  dude  right  here  is  minwoo,  he's  a  tiny  bit  of  a  trashy  mess  but  honestly  i  can't  seem  to  play  characters  that  aren't  a  mess  ?  his  backstory  is  still  a  work  in  progress,  but  below  the  cut  is  basic  stats  /  bullet  proof  bio  /  personality  traits  /  basic  wanted  plots  &  a  few  more  random  things  !

if  you'd  like  to  plot,  feel  free  to  add  me  on  discord  (  𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾 𝕆𝕆𝔽.#9330 ),  im  me  or  SMASH  that  little  heart  button  &  i'll  come  to  you  !

                                 GENERAL  INFORMATION.

full  name:  choi  minwoo. nickname(s): min,  woo,  minnie. date  of  birth:  tbd. age:  twenty-five. nationality:  korean. spoken  languages:  korean,  english,  chinese,  japanese,  thai,  french,  spanish,  german  &  russian. gender:  cismale. pronouns:  he / him / his. sexuality:  bisexual. faceclaim:  kim seokjin  (  jin  )  of  bts. BACKGROUND. hometown:  daegu,  south  korea. current  residence:  seoul,  south  korea. financial  status:  upper  class. occupation:  coordinator. family  connections:  tbd.

                                       EXTRA  INFORMATION.

myers  briggs:  entp-a. (  the  debater.  ) enneagram:  seven.  (  the  enthusiast.  ) temperament:  choleric. moral  aligment: neutral evil. hogwarts  house:  slytherin. sin:  gluttony. virtue:  pride. zodiac:  tbd. element:  fire.

                                                BIOGRAPHY.

born  and  raised  in  daegu,  south  korea.

parents  were  both  incredibly  well  known.  one  being  a  lawyer,  one  being  a  ceo  of  a  multi-million  dollar  corporation.

they  weren't  around  a  lot  due  to  how  busy  their  schedule  was,  so  minwoo  was  mostly  raised  by  the  nannies  /  maids  that  were  always  around.

there  was  a  tiny  bit  of  resentment  that  minwoo  held  towards  his  parents  for  never  being  around  that  he'd  take  that  out  on  the  nannies,  so  much  so  they  had  a  hard  time  keeping  a  full-time  nanny  hired.  they'd  constantly  quit  their  jobs  due  to  how  minwoo  treated  them.

after  a  while,  though,  the  choi's  were  able  to  find  one  nanny  in  particular  that  didn't  take  minwoo's  attitude  personally  &  didn't  allow  it  to  effect  their  job.  in  fact,  they  started  to  reprimand  min  for  the  way  he  was  acting  out.

at  first,  of  course,  minwoo  didn't  take  well  to  that  at  all.  he  got  more  angry,  started  getting  more  of  an  attitude.  but  after  a  while,  he  grew  tired  of  it..  finally  breaking  down  &  it  was  then  that  the  nanny  figured  out  why  he  was  lashing  out  at  every  person  that  happened  to  be  doing  the  job  his  parents  were  supposed  to  be.

minwoo  started  to  calm  down  after  that  day,  finally  starting  to  realize  that  it  wasn't  the  nannies  fault  that  his  parents  were  always  working  and  couldn't  be  around  to  raise  him  like  he  really  wanted  them  to  be.

it  was  then  that  his  grades  started  to  get  better,  attitude  improving  almost  completely.  sure,  there  were  days  where  it  still  got  to  him,  but  for  the  most  part  he  stopped  taking  it  out  on  everyone  but  the  people  actually responsible  for  the  way  he  felt.

his  school  days  after  that  went  really  well,  acing  all  of  his  classes  and  staying  at  the  top  of  his  grade  the  entire  time.  things  got  different  around  high  school,  though.  his  parents  started  breathing  down  his  neck  about  either  becoming  a  ceo  or  a  lawyer.

neither  of  those  things  is  actually  what  minwoo  wanted  to  do,  fully  unsure  of  what  he  wanted  to  do  with  his  life.  but  he  didn't  want  to  let  either  of  them  down,  so  in  his  free time  he  ended  up  studying  for  both  things.

completely  letting  his  'free'  time  go  in  order  to  please  both  of  his  parents  caused  him  to  start  building  up  his  aggression  &  resentment  once  more.

he  couldn't  take  it  for  much  longer,  his  parents  constantly  yelling  at  him  to  get  his  shit  together  caused  him  to  hate  school,  hate  studying  for  both  things  that  he  doesn't  want  to  do...

so  one  day,  he  snapped.  his  father  bursting  through  his  room  as  he  was  taking  a  break  only  to  start  yelling  &  instead  of  falling  back  into  line,  minwoo  got  up  &  got  in  his  father's  face  and  began  yelling  back.  telling  his  father  that  what  his  parents  wanted  him  to  do  wasn't  what  he  wanted  at  all.

his  father  didn't  take  too  kindly  to  that,  basically  telling  minwoo  that  if  he  didn't  want  to  do  either  of  the  things  his  parents  wanted  him  to  do,  he  could  move  out  and  deal  with  life  on  his  own.

to  prove  a  point,  that's  exactly  what  minwoo  did,  moving  into  his  aunt's  house  as  he  finished  high  school,  finding  multiple  part-time  job  that'd  pay  the  bills  he  needed  to  pay  as  well  giving  his  aunt  some  for  rent  just  because  she  willingly  let  him  in.

those  were  also  something  he  didn't  want  to  do,  but  he  did  them  anyways  just  to  be  able  to  have  some  sort  of  income.

after  he  graduated  high  school,  he  had  tons  of  colleges  that  wanted  him  to  join  them  just  because  of  how  good  his  grades  were,  but  that  also  didn't  seem  to  be  something  he  wanted  to  do.

he  declined  each  and  every  one  of  them  with  little  to  no  regret,  his  aunt  supporting  the  decision  even  though  she  wanted  to  see  him  do  something  better  with  his  life.

those  words  stuck  with  him  as  he  finally  moved  out  of  her  home  &  into  a  small apartment,  busting  his  ass  to  constantly  be  able  to  pay  bills.

it  wasn't  until  he  met  someone  at  the  bar  he  worked  at  that  his  life  started  to  take  a  turn  for  the  better.  the  mastermind  happened  to  frequent  the  place  he  worked,  always  giving  minwoo  a  hard  time  about  doing  better  things  with  his  life, only  for  minwoo  to  brush  it  off.

but  one  night,  min  finally  got  curious,  asking  the  mastermind  what  that  meant.  that's  when  the  offer  to  join  the  kumiho  was  set  in  place.  the  mastermind  had  seen  how  determined  minwoo was,  overheard  min  talking  about  the  four  shitty  jobs  he  had  to  work  in  order  'survive'  just  because  he  didn't  want  to  even  touch  the  money  his  parents  constantly  kept  sending  him  just  out  of  spite.

minwoo  actually  started  out  in  the  kumiho  as  a  runner,  getting  things  that  the  crew  needed  &  hiding  in  plain  sight.

however,  the  second  that  the  mastermind  found  out  about  minwoo's  studies,  they  were  quick  to  suggest  something  more,  explaining  the  difficulties  of  being  a  coordinator  &  explaining  why  they  thought  minwoo  would  be  perfect  for  the  job.

minwoo  was  skeptical  at  first,  though  it  only  took  a  few  days  of  debating  with  himself  before  he  agreed  &  ever  since  then,  he's  done  his  best.  he  wanted  to  make  sure  that  the  mastermind  was  proud  of  the  choice  they'd  made.

                                            PERSONALITY.

most  of  the  time,  minwoo  seems  pretty  cocky  &  sarcastic.

can  be  extremely  blunt  when  it  comes  to  certain  things,  even  if  his  words  might  happen  to  hurt  someone  else.

extremely  selfish  for  the  most  part,  always  looks  out  for  himself  before  he  looks  out  for  others...  but  he  does  still  care  about  others,  even  though  he  barely  shows  it.

also  loves  to  "one  up"  others,  it's  the  competitive  side  of  him  but  he  usually  does  so  in  a  playful  /  teasing  way.

he's  deep  down  really  goofy  &  loves  to  have  fun.  loves  to  explore  &  goof  off  whenever  possible.

has  the  tendency  to  hate  commitment,  so  whenever  feelings  start  getting  involved,  his  knee-jerk  reaction  is  to  run  &  avoid  it  at  all  cost.

is  one  of  those  people  who  pretends  to  hate  everything  &  be  really  serious  but  will  dance  around  his  room  in  his  boxers  when  he  thinks  no  one  can  see  him.

a  very  two-sided  person  but  not  in  a  way  that  could  be  seen  as  fake..  he's  just  got  a  very  serious  side  of  him  vs  the  goofy,  fun  loving  one  that  doesn't  get  to  be  seen  as  often.

extremely  serious  when  it  comes  to  his  job,  though.  will  call  people  out  on  the  smallest  of  mistakes  if  he  thinks  it'll  effect  any  of  the  heists.  he  really  has  no  issue  with  confrontation  &  will  do  so  if  he  thinks  it's  needed.

absolutely  loves  to  cook,  picked  that  up  when  he  was  living  with  his  aunt.  he  started  cooking  dinner  and  meals  so  that  his  aunt  didn't  have  to  whenever  she  got  home.

also  a  tiny  a  bit  neat  freak  so  he  gets  a  tiny  bit  stressed  out  whenever  headquarters  is  a little  bit  messy  and  will  either  just  clean  up  the  messes  or  get  snippy  with  everyone  until  he  figures  out  who  did  it.

loves  fashion,  constantly  is  seen  going  to  fashion  shows  to  try  and  keep  up  with  the  latest  trends  &  constantly  is  buying  clothes  &  accessories.

also  loves  cars,  will  buy  the  latest  and  greatest  models  of  each  and  every  sports  car  that  comes  out.

his  'socialite'  side  comes  out  the  most  during  events  where  he's  around  a  bunch of  people,  creating  new  ties  with  whoever  he  can  knowing  connections  like  those will  help  him  gain  new  followers  &  things  like  that.

known  for  modeling  &  his  instagram  /  social  media  posts,  gaining  a  following  just  because  of  his  'ootd'  posts  as  well  as  the  snapchat  videos  he  posts  about  his  daily  life.

                                                  PLOT  IDEAS.

bad  influence.  (  on  your  muse.  )

best  friends.

brotp.

confidant.

current  hook  up(s).

drinking  /  party  buddies.

drunken  hook  up.

enemies  that  used  to  be  friends.

exes  who  ended  on  bad  terms.

flirtationship.

will  they  /  won’t  they.

friends  with  benefits.

good  influence.  (  on  minwoo.  )

hate  sex.

one  night  stand(s).  (  past  &  present.  )

partner  in  crime.

past  hook  up(s).

ride  or  die.

trouble  makers.

unlikely  friends.

[kaori-flowers]

Hiiiii this is PART 2 so if you haven't read part one then im sorry. It's on my profile. Anyways it's 2:14 AM and im really tired. Idk how well this was executed but yeah enjoy! Maybe?

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Wilbur woke up to the sound of a low snarl, too close to comfort. He was still sitting next to Fundy who was curled up under a tree. He had previously cried himself to sleep, after losing the rest of the people he thought cared. Wilbur stood up quickly and got in front of Fundy, despite being a ghost.

"Don't hurt him! He's just lost everything. Please. Please don't hurt him!"

Wilbur begged quickly, remaining in front of Fundy despite being a ghost. A literal ghost. Technoblade snarled at Wilbur and shoved him to the side, knocking him down. Techoblade had constant postions and was the only one that could actually touch Wilbur. Wilbur couldn't touch him, but Technoblade had no problem with physical connection. Wilbur fell onto the ground and looked up at Technoblade worriedly.

"Please don-"

"Shut up."

Technoblade grabbed Fundy by the arms and gently slung him over his shoulder. Fundy was too passed out from exhausted crying to wake up and notice. Wilbur got up quickly and followed him as Technoblade walked through the forest. He held Fundy over his shoulder, and walked silently with an occasional growl or snort. Technoblade wasn't a fan of kids. EVER. He actually despised them because he didn't know how to handle them or take care of them. Kids needed caution and constant careful care. Technoblade didn't understand how to do that or handle kids really. They made him uncomfortable and stressed.

"Where are you taking him? What are you doing? Technoblade answer me!"

Wilbur panicked knowing he was unable to do anything to protect his son. He wasn't sure what his brother had planned, and was uneasy with Fundy in his arms. They were amazing and extremely close when they were kids, but as they became adults they grew apart. Far and slow. Wilbur barely seen or spoke to Technoblade when he was still alive and old. They both moved off and onto different things, away from each other. Technoblade was a whole different person than the one Wilbur remembered. He had no clue what was going to happen and it made him insanely afraid.

"Technoblade please!"

Wilbur said desperately, still following as close as he could. Technoblade ignore him as he continued walking through the forest. Time passed slowly as Technoblade continued through the forest with Fundy hanging over his shoulder. Wilbur didn't let them leave his sight at any second, constantly following them, despite not knowing where he was going. As time passed the sky grew darker slowly, and snow began to fall rather quickly. It didn't stick at first, but soon it began piling up and up. Technonlade trudged through the snow, his pace being forcefully slowed by the weight of it. Fundy's shivering annoyed Techno enough that he carried him under his large cloak. The warmth of Techno soon warmed Fundy real quick. It felt nice and comfortable to him.

"Thank you. If there's anything I can do I-"

Technoblade cut Wilbur off with a snort or a growl. Wilbur wasn't sure which one it actually was, but chose to stay quiet. Technoblade finally got to the castle he had hidden in the side of the mountain and stopped. He put his code in and the doors opened slowly, letting a gust of heat fly out. Wilbur followed him in and even waited patiently for Technoblade to lock the front doors. Wilbur figured it would be no use to try and ask more questions because Techno hasn't answered any of the others he's already asked. He kept close to Fundy though, watching him intently like he was gonna disappear any second.

"Techno, why are you-"

"What happened?!"

"Is he alright?"

"Did anyone see you?"

"Where was he?"

"How did you find him?"

Wilbur was once again cut off from speaking, and he gave up on trying again. Technoblade was surrounded quickly by those who inhabited the castle with him. He stopped walking and looked down at the others and growled. His growl was loud and and heart wrenching. It made the others move out of the way quickly, and go silent. Technoblade walked past them, still cradling Fundy under his cloak. He walked into his own room and set Fundy on his own bed, making his dogs look at him in confusion. He put his finger to his lips and waved at the door of the room. The dogs sat next to the bed and faced the door in a protective manner.

"What are you doing with him Techno?"

Wilbur sat on the bed next to Fundy who was still fast asleep. Technoblade turned the room's light off and snorted at Wilbur's question. He took his cape off and hung it up on the nail that was in his wall. He sat on the edge of the bed and grumbled to himself.

Technoblade felt a such strong feeling of Pity for Fundy. He saw the whole thing go down between him and Dream. It wasn't hard to tell how broken Fundy was now, and Techno felt the hugest feeling of pity and guilt. He partially blamed himself, because maybe if he was in Fundy's life then he wouldn't have turned out this way. Maybe if Wilbur was an actual dad to Fundy he wouldn't have ended up here. Techno wasn't sure what he was gonna do with him now, but he couldn't bring himself to leave him. He just went through a divorce and he has no one to turn to so he's alone. Technoblade knew by logic and by proof that him and Phil were the only family he had left alive. It made sense to bring him to the castle for protection. But how the fuck was he supposed to look after a child? He's never done that before and the thought of it made him uncomfortable.

"Brother, thank you."

Technoblade turned his head and looked at Fundy who was still asleep. He rubbed his head gently and growled a little at the thought of him taking care of a child alone. He then looked at Wilbur who was staring at Fundy with a face full of pain and regret. Techno looked back at Fundy and sighed. He could do this.... right? RIGHT?!?!