#just your daily update of these two idiots being idiots

[froggybells]

So What’s the Deal? 2

Sanemi x Fem!Reader

a/n: WOOO PART 2! ugh i love him he’s so cute my little baby i just want to smooch him. im trying to get better at daily updates, my bad 🥲

synop: training arc!

word count: 1.2k

Part 1 —> here

-

“Good morning Shinazugawa! I see you’re training the slayers quite early today!” 

He turns his head at the sound of your voice, his heart doing a flip inside of his chest when he sees you. He hadn’t expected you to come this early to talk about the date. “Tch- you’re here early. I was just training these idiots. You can’t fight an upper rank id you can’t get up at 6 IN THE FUCKING MORNING!” He stands up straight, finally turning to look at you, taking in your appearance. 

“Let’s go inside! I’m sure everyone could use a break by now!” Turning to the other slayers, you decide to take charge. “Everyone! It’s time to take a break! Shinzugawa and I will be inside-” “Don’t fucking bother us unless someone is dead!” He snarls at the slayers.

”Hurry it up,” he says as you shove him inside “I don’t have all day to mess around with you.” You shut the door behind the two of you, giggling while you speak  .

”I thought you liked it when I boss you around?” You tease. “Of course I don’t, I can’t stand when you boss me around.” He says through gritted teeth, and a little too quickly. His eyes narrowed as he looked at you. 

“Then why do you always blush when I talk to you?” You learn forward, interested im his response. He flinches as you lean forward, the red on his face darkening as you get into his personal space. He growls, looking away from you and refusing to make eye contact out of embarrassment. “I-I’m not blushing! Who said I was blushing, you idiot?!” 

You place a hand on his cheek, smiling. “Your face is red as a beet! You’re so cute Sanemi!” He hisses when you place your hand on his cheek, though he is unable to resist the urge to lean into your touch. Damn, you’re making him all fluttery. “Shut up! I’m not cute, I’m fierce and intimidating!”

You can’t help but laugh. “Oh yes, Sanemi. So Fierce! That’s why you agreed to the date right? To prove how intimidating you are?” He scowls at your teasing tone, although he finds himself unable to say anything back, knowing you’re right. He agreed to the date because he was weak against your stubbornness- although he’ll never admit it himself. “S-Shut up!”

You smirk. “Wanna know a secret?” You lean in towards him. “I would love to kiss you right now.” His breath hitches as you lean close to his ear. He can feel the warmth of your breath against his skin, the closeness between you making his heart skip a beat. Dammit, hes unable to look you in the eye as his mind is flooded with the thought of your lips against his.

He swallows, trying to force the words out of his mouth.

“Then do it.”

Within an instant, your lips are on his, and you can feel a jolt of electricity go through your bodies, causing him to let out a low sigh as he kisses you back. His eyes flutter closed, completely entrapped in the moment. He’s never felt like this before- not even with any of the girl’s he had slept with over the years. 

He reaches a hand up to cup the back of your head, pulling you in closer as he deepens the kiss. 

“W-Wait!” You say as you pull away. The sudden absence of your lips against his leaves him feeling slightly dazed. “Before we go any further,” You say in between breaths, “Before we go any further, I want you to know that I don’t want this to be a fling! I want you to be mine, all mine.”

He takes a moment to recover, processing your words. He’s slightly taken aback by your confession, never thinking you would want him that way. “Fine. I’m yours, all yours, got it?” You quickly press a small peck to his cheek. “Are you being serious?”

”Of course I’m being serious, idiot.” He mutters, moving his hands to gently hold your hips, pulling you closer to him.

”Do you think the Master will be upset?” He looks down at you for a moment, considering your words. “It’s not forbidden…” You start, “But it is frowned upon.” Despite all the respect Sanemi has for his Master, he couldn’t help but feel this way. “We could keep it a secret?” He proposes. You stop for a second, thinking to yourself. His grip on your hips tighten as he pulls you flush against his body. 

“Nemi! We still have to be professional!” You giggle as he peppers kisses on your cheeks. “I don’t know how I can be professional around you, you’re too damn distracting!”

Your conversation was interrupted by a knock on the door. Sanemi groans in annoyance at the sound of the door, pulling away from you to shout at whoever is on the other side. “What?!”

“Sir! The yellow haired boy has escaped from where you tied him up!” A nervous voice said from the other side of the door. ‘Yellow haired boy?’ You thought. “TIED UP?!” You yelled, looking at Sanemi. “Why would you tie up a child?!”

”H-He was annoying! He cried too much!” Sanemi argued back. He groaned in annoyance. “I’ll be right back, let me go find this little shit.”

You follow along. “I don’t think you can be trusted with children…” You frown, following quickly behind him. 

-

“-ITS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH! I’M GOING TO BE KILLED!” The yellow haired boy screamed. 

“Oi.” Sanemi said, reaching his hand out to grab the boy, revealing another one underneath. “Make your choice. Come back to practice or die.” He said coldly. 

You quickly go to remove his hand, swatting him away. 

“UWAHHHHH!!!! A PRINCESS! A PRINCESS HAS COME TO SAVE ME! TANJIRO!! ARE YOU SEEING THIS????!!!” You quickly drop the boy, rushing to Tanjiro’s side.

“Tanjiro! Long time no see! How are you? How’s your sister? You’re looking taller! Have you been eating enough?!” You said, pestering him with questions. Sanemi’s presence got darker. “Y/N. Don’t talk to him.”

You sigh. “Sanemi, hush. He took on an upper moon! I’m curious!” You say. “Actually, I heard your brother was there too!” 

“I don’t have a brother.” You groaned. “Ugh. Get over yourself. Of course you do.” You look to the sky, noticing the position of the sun. “Well, I’ve got to go! Tanjiro,” You say, getting close to his face. “Don’t let this bozo bully you! My Estate is close to here! Feel free to come and get me if he bothers you, ‘kay?” You swiftly make your leave, then hear a scream behind you.

‘Yellow haired boy.’ You thought.

[bunbitti]

dear player

:)

~1k words

tw: mention of trauma, depression, implied suicidal ideation, etc. in both reader and Aventurine, unhealthy coping mechanisms/escape from reality

Ratio had visited the Astral Express several times by now. It was always a nice way to take a break from being surrounded by idiots. Yes, it was his job to educate his students and teach people the value of knowledge, but he didn’t have to be around them all the time, did he? Surely not. 

The company of the Astral Express crew was often pleasant, and looking through their data bank whenever he visited to check its updates was a good way to spend the time. 

And then there was you. Well, technically it was some mix of you and the Trailblazer; he could tell the choices you had made during the course of the travels of the Express had impacted the Trailblazer’s character development and personality, and hearing your voice in the back of his head when you were doing dailies and grinding was one of the main ways he’d figured out that his universe (well, the universe of everyone who existed in the same physical plane as him, at least) was a mere video game in yours. 

It was initially rather disheartening to think that his existence could be reduced to such a thing, but he supposed that after hearing your self-deprecating thoughts about yourself, he might as well continue on with his life and keep someone happy and distracted from the thoughts for at least a little while. The universe wouldn't stop for him just because he'd learned this information. He could tell when you’d logged on and off by the Trailblazer’s behavior, but lately it was getting harder to tell whether you were making them walk at him and circle around him like a puppy or if they’d ended up getting this attached to him on their own. 

And he noticed that lately, whenever he visited, you’d take the phone out and take pictures of him from a rather short distance. Even if they turned out to be similar to the ones you’d taken from last time. And your voice in the back of his head (and, he presumed, the back of everyone else’s head when you were in close physical proximity or using them on your teams) had repeated several times that you’d leveled him to max because you loved him. And Aventurine, apparently; they were the only two who had their levels, lightcones, traces, and relics maxed out (though the lightcones weren’t their signature ones, but he could understand, since you never seemed to spend money on the game and getting the characters themselves was the priority), and you almost always put him and the gambler on the same team.

It was a funny thing, supposedly being loved by a person who couldn’t possibly know enough about him to really mean it, even if you'd gathered his character lore from leveling him up. He knew his personality was often abrasive, after all. You probably only liked him because of his looks and voice and because he was fictional; he’d learned enough from what you said about yourself to know you really were intelligent and talented (perhaps not a genius, but the vast majority of people weren't), but had the misfortune of trauma and burnout and a dozen other factors that kept you lost and unable to find your way and led you to be attached to people who weren't real to you. If he were your professor, he’d likely have to be gentler on someone so fragile. He could tell you were the kind of person who was weak to criticism but would only cry about your self-perceived worthlessness once you were alone in your room. 

The way you talked about Aventurine, too.. it was concerning. You had the same image of yourself as Aventurine had of himself. Sure, you weren’t a murderer nor did you gamble with money or your own life like that Avgin man, but ideally neither of you should be thinking of yourselves as losers, frauds, failures, useless, selfish, or pointless. But you’d gotten attached to the traumatized man because you felt like him, Ratio supposed. 

He later realized that a possible reason you liked him was because you never felt good enough. He wasn't good enough for Nous (though he'd later rejected the very concept of desiring that thing's acknowledgement) and often criticized himself for not doing things impossibly better and faster, and you felt inadequate for yourself, your family, and the rest of the world, no matter what you did or didn't do.

Over time, since he never learned your real name, and supposed your username wasn’t your real one (nobody with any sense of intelligence reveals their names like that in a game, especially one with player-to-player interactions, after all), he’d mentally given you a nickname similar to the one he’d given to Aventurine —

Dear player. 

He’d never admit that he’d grown a bit fond of you, since it was pointless to have that kind of attachment to someone he would logically never be able to meet, but he excused it as the same sense of pity he felt for his blond traumatized colleague. 

It wasn't just pity.

He wanted you to stay alive just as he'd beseeched Aventurine to stay alive with his 'medicine' scroll.

He figured he should keep visiting more often to make you happy, even though you had already received the ten stellar jades as a gift for hosting him on the Express so many times, even though it was likely unhealthy for you to be relying on someone who didn't exist to survive. He’d asked what you and/or the Trailblazer wanted in exchange for letting him visit, and heard you in his mind saying, “a hug, please, I want a hug” before begrudgingly choosing the ‘free life coaching’ option. 

Alas, even though it wasn’t in his nature to be so physically affectionate in public (Himeko and Welt Yang were always present in the main cabin, after all, and oddly enough you/the Trailblazer.. didn’t seem to have your own room on the Express??), he would’ve given you that hug. It sounded like you needed it. But both of you had to settle for the Trailblazer running into some invisible game-barrier around him and every other person in the game to get as close as you could. 

[maknaeswrld]

there | h.js

I'm thinking about you, in this place without you, in this placе where we usеd to be together, I still think of you all the time

wc: 7.4k

genre: childhood best friends to strangers to ???; gn!reader; idiots in love; fluff; angst.

cw: slight mentions of parenthood (they’re not parents); mentions of marriage; broken promises?; secrets; paced throughout the entirety of their career up to date (2023); panic attack; roomies are based of my irls; Eve actually has amazing luck and gets her bias in legit every single album; was not initially inspired by There, that song just really freaking fits this story

roadmap: starts in present; jumps back to pre-debut; tracks readers perspective throughout the years; ends back in present (The SOUND + 5 Star era)

Friendships don’t always end because of things you can’t come back from, they don’t always end in a spectacular burst of harsh words and emotions. A majority of the time, they end due to distance, fizzling slowly until it dies out all together, people with shared memories and experiences becoming virtual strangers.

But should that mean the promises you made to one another should die along with it?

You had never thought so, which is what brought you to this crowded stadium, standing amongst people who are a little too much like you, watching the man that you once knew better than you knew yourself performing, shining brighter than the sun. 

Han Jisung was where he was meant to be, doing what he loved with friends that get to share the experience. Friends that are important to him and you believe always will be. Unlike you.

Sure, the version of you he last knew all those years ago is likely still a fond memory to him, you’re sure he thinks about you at least every once in a while, wonders what you’re doing now—at least you hope he does. 

Truth is, being an idol doesn’t leave space for that kind of stuff. It’s isolating work; family, friendships outside of your members and other idols, a private life, it’s hard to maintain, which is why you never took it personally when the daily calls turned to weekly texts, monthly updates, and eventually nothing at all.

There were times you were tempted to message him, tell him you’re proud of him, that you miss him. But frankly, you don’t even know if he still has your number, or if the one you have is still his.

The albums littering your bookshelf that you had bought and spent hours listening to together had been joined by untouched copies of basically any Stray Kids album you could get your hands on. His photocards were now littered amongst the polaroids and cut up school yearbook pictures the two of you decorated your old bedroom walls with, all of them somehow surviving your move to America.

Sometimes you wonder what he’d think if he’d see your room now. The Jisung you knew would’ve joked with you, asking if you were secretly in love with him or if you just finally accepted he was the prettier best friend. But the Jisung in the photocards was a stranger to you. You felt more like a fan, a fellow Stay harboring a parasocial relationship with eight boys that you’ll likely never speak to, than you did an old friend.

But you were content with it all. Your best friend will always be your best friend, even if you never have another movie night with asinine amounts of junk food. Even if you never again get to see his unruly curls in the midday lighting as you eat breakfast together at lunch time. Even if your children only ever know him by your stories and his stage persona.

Promises were sacred to you, so even when you are painfully aware you’re no longer his best friend, you keep the promise you made all those years ago to your best friend. You support him with no question or hesitation. So when you heard Stray Kids were performing in your city, you didn’t hesitate to buy the overpriced ticket.

````

“How crazy would it be if Chan-hyung’s idea actually works? Think about it, your best friend could be an idol someday!”

You laughed at his quiet excitement. During his time at JYP Entertainment as a trainee, you’d grown fond of his two friends, Chan and Changbin, having quickly become 3Racha’s first fan and biggest supporter.

“I can’t wait to tell interviewers embarrassing stories from your childhood.”

“Go right ahead, you were by my side for all of them so they’re your embarrassing stories too!”

The both of you laughed, knowing he was right, and while the banter continued on like that, discussing the what if’s of Chan’s success, you couldn’t help but start to wonder where you’d truly fit into the narrative.

Bang Chan had gotten tired of sitting on the sidelines, patiently waiting his turn, quietly holding his breath every time groups were formed, hoping his name would be amongst them. You knew he’d been there longer than anyone, he likely knew more people in the industry personally than you could hope to even as a fan, and he knew how to have a successful group, he’d seen enough of them come out of his time as a trainee. So you hadn’t been shocked when Jisung had told you about his idea and he systematically started hand picking eight other trainees and approaching them with it, starting with Jisung and Changbin.

You hadn’t officially met the others Chan had chosen, but you had seen them practicing when you brought Jisung his lunch that he had forgotten at your place. 

For a rag tag group thrown together by a trainee, they were pretty good already and you could see them being very successful one day.

````

“You’re gonna come to all our shows, right?”

Jisung was starting to get nervous about the plan. It’s been going well thus far, they had been chosen to debut but were now being put through the ringer to ensure they were to the companies standards. 

The boys had barely taken any breaks since being tasked with composing and choreographing a song entirely by themselves. You’d heard Jisung practicing non-stop, even while you were supposed to be having movie night. You knew he was more nervous than he’d own up to, but you also knew when he set his mind to something, he’d see it through to the end.

“All of them sounds unrealistic, Ji.” He pouted at your response, obviously disappointed. You just chuckled and shook your head. “How about this, I pinky promise swear that no matter what, I will attend every single show put on, in my area. Okay? Even if we get into some devastating argument and never talk again, even if we somehow lose communication and haven’t spoken in years, even if we get married and I four rugrats to deal with, I’ll be at every single one near me. Deal?” You held your pinky out for him to link his with.

“Three things. One, are you in love with me or something? You want my kids, Y/n/n~?” You both laughed as he teased you, tickling your sides, before he got serious. “Secondly, I’ll never let either of those other things happen. Ever. You’re my best friend. Nothing, not even becoming an idol, is going to change that. You are so stuck with me for the rest of your miserable life.”

“Does that mean marriage isn’t off the table for you?” You interrupted him, attempting to tease him back.

“If it means never losing you, I’ll put a ring on it right here, right now.”

Your breath caught in your throat at the complete sincerity in his eyes.

“You’re never gonna lose me either way, Ji.” You said softly, watching as his face softened before he finally linked his pinky with yours.  

“Then every show near you sounds good enough for me.” He kissed the back of your hand, pinkies still linked together, and you kissed his, sealing the promise.

````

The crowd held its breath as they awaited the final judgment on the fate of Stray Kids. 

You didn’t know Minho or Felix very well at all, having only spent a handful of short lived conversations in each others company, but the way Jisung had cried until he passed out and slept through the night on your couch after Minho had been eliminated from the group, and then shortly after did it again for Felix, you didn’t have to know them personally to know you needed all nine boys to be accepted. Stray Kids were nine, and you didn’t think you could accept it any other way.

So to say the relief and joy you felt at the announcement that they would debut as nine felt all consuming would probably be an understatement. All you wanted to do was drag the boys into a big hug and congratulate them.

As they finally left the stage, you couldn’t hold yourself back from running to meet a relieved and ecstatic Jisung. 

“We did it!” He yelled, catching you in his arms and swinging you around. He set you down, his hands moving to cup both sides of your face, squishing your cheeks gently and shaking you. “We actually did it, Y/n/n! We’re debuting!” 

“I know Ji, I saw.” You laughed, returning his gesture. You quickly made your rounds, congratulating the rest of the boys and hugging Minho and Felix tightly, before returning to Jisungs side and joining them for their celebrations.

````

The boys got pretty busy pretty fast after that and the time spent with your best friend decreased rapidly, but he always texted you every chance he got and would call or skype you as he was settling down for the night. Oftentimes, his phone would get high-jacked and passed around through his members while his protests could be heard in the background. You weren’t as close with the rest of them as you were with Jisung, but they had quickly become your boys and you couldn’t be prouder of all of them and prouder to call them your friends. 

Which just made it hurt all the worse when the nightly chaos calls slowly turned into weekly at best calls. 

You understood, you wouldn’t feel like a very good friend if you didn’t, but you still missed all of them like crazy. You wished you could be by their side instead of watching from the sidelines. 

A part of you knew you could be, that you didn’t have to put yourself through this pain if you just owned up and confessed. But telling your best friend since diapers that you’re in love with him, even if you’re pretty damn sure it’s mutual, is too terrifying a concept to consider. 

You knew being an idols partner would be stressful, but it would also give you a lot more time to spend with the boys. Still, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it, the risk of you being wrong and him not feeling the same weighing too heavily. The best case scenario would be you were right, you’d never have to leave your best friend's side, you’d be at every show like he’d wanted, you’d be there for everything; but worst scenario, you lose your best friend and the boy you love in one swoop, as well as the rest of your closest friends. 

You’d rather deal with the spotty texts and irregular calls than creating an unfixable rift.

````

Despite the damn near radio silence you’d endured while they traveled their first year as an actual group, you still made sure to keep the promise you’d made and bought a ticket to a small local show they’d be doing. 

You texted Jisung a picture of the ticket, not really expecting a response and being pleasantly surprised when he texted back a very Jisung response. 

SUNGIE: I knew you were secretly in love with me

Followed by a string of unrelated emojis. Your phone buzzed again with another text.

SUNGIE: the boys want to know if you’d be down to get food and catch up after the show, I already told them yes, you don’t have a choice, I miss my best friend

You couldn’t help the giddy feeling that arose in your chest at his messages, he was right for accepting on your behalf, you would never turn down the opportunity to spend time with your friends, but especially not Jisung.

You typed up a quick reply, agreeing and telling him you’d see them all at the concert.

The rest of the week couldn’t go by fast enough. Texts with Jisung had become a little more regular again, both of you excited for some time together, and you’d even gotten a call in. You were counting down the minutes to the concert, antsy to see your friends again.

Your roommate helped you pick out an outfit for the concert because “there’s no way you’ll be representing in jeans and a t-shirt, we’re going to look sexy as fuck.” and you couldn’t find it in you to argue. 

When the night finally arrived and you were situated next to your roommate not far from the stage, you couldn’t shake the anxiousness at seeing them again. They were your friends, and they always would be, but you wondered how much they’d changed in the year you’d been separated; you wondered if they’d still act like your friends.

Your fears were relieved fairly quickly as they finally took the stage. It only took about three songs for Felix to spot you, lighting up the moment he did and running around to inform the others. Throughout the show they each took moments to find you to wave subtly. It eased your mind knowing they seemed as happy to see you as you were them.

After the show, you and your roommate waited until most of the crowd died off before you said your goodbyes, your roommate heading for the exit as you headed towards the side of the stage, grinning and walking faster when you noticed Jisung peeking around the corner and waving when he spotted you.

You threw your arms around him the second you got to him, happy to finally have your best friend back.

It didn’t take long for the rest of the boys to crash your reunion, quickly dragging you into a group hug. 

“Hey back off! This is my bestie, all of you can go find your own.” Jisung pouted, but you could see how his eyes softened as his eight new best friends embraced you and accepted you as a part of their little family.

````

“Woojin, who has been with Stray Kids as a member until this time, has left the group due to personal circumstances and terminated his exclusive contract.”

You couldn’t stop the tears from welling up in your eyes as you read the headline. You had just had lunch with all of the boys a few weeks prior and everything seemed fine, they were excited for their blossoming career together. Not one of them, not even Jisung, had let on to anything. 

You felt you had at least a bit of a reason to feel hurt, they were your closest friends and you had to learn one was splitting from the group through a gossip site. Before you could think, you were outside the boys dorm, hand raised to knock, when voices stopped you when you heard your name, making a mental note to tell the boys to shut their windows.

“I just don’t understand why we didn’t tell Y/n.” Jisung sounded defeated.

“It’s not that we didn’t want to, Hannie, it’s just that the least outsiders that know the truth, the better.” “Y/n isn’t an outsider! They’re my best friend, they wouldn’t say anything to anyone.”

“We just, we can’t guarantee that. I love them, they’re a wonderful friend, but they’re not a part of this world Han. They wouldn’t understand and we can’t risk it. The next few months are going to be hard enough on Stay, nine or none is dead and we’re tasked with moving along like it’s nothing, the last thing we need right now is anything getting misconstrued.”

Tears welled up in your eyes as you listened in. You could understand where Chan was coming from, but it still hurt hearing he couldn’t bring himself to trust you.

You wiped your eyes and finally knocked, not wanting to just vanish. They were still your friends.

“Hey, you guys seriously need to remember to shut your windows, I could hear Changbin from the driveway.” You laughed as you let yourself in, hugging Chan as you passed him before joining Jisung on the couch. It wasn’t long before other members started filing into the living room, presumably to see you, but you suspected it was more due to the safety and assurance that Chan and Jisung were done with their conversation as long as you were present.

“I heard the news by the way, I’m sorry this is happening. But hey! Maybe some good news can lighten the room.” You took a deep breath, nervous knowing your news would absolutely not help anything. “I got a huge promotion at work.” You grinned, fiddling with your hands, which Jisung and Chan both picked up on immediately.

You hadn’t mentioned being up for promotion, mostly because you weren’t even positive you’d get it, let alone accept it, but with a world tour on the horizon for the boys, and now the addition of being reminded you weren’t anything more than a normal level friend, you figured why not, what would be keeping you in Seoul anyway?

Congratulations and excitement filled the room, you smiled, thanking everyone for being happy for you, but your smile faded when Jisung’s hands covered yours, stopping your nervous fidgeting. He refused to meet your eyes.

“What’s the bad news?” He asked softly, eyes glued to where his hands were holding yours.

The excitement in the room felt as if it was sucked out by a vacuum, you tried to smile, already shaking your head to say there wasn’t any, but it died on your throat when Jisung’s eyes finally met yours, his brown eyes shining as he looked at you. “Don’t lie to me, please.” He whispered.

You slouched in defeat. “It was meant to be exciting news to cheer everyone up, Sungie. I mean, it’s not necessarily bad news, per se, it could be a really great thing even, you know?”

Jisung cut off your rambling by squeezing your hand. Giving you a look that said ‘get on with it.’

“The promotion is to an American branch.”

````

Jisung had somehow convinced his management to give him enough time off to help you move, no matter how much you insisted he didn’t need to. 

You had been busy cleaning out your closet, packing what to keep and piling up things you didn’t, figuring you could donate them, with your music blasting, none the wiser to the eight boys standing in your doorway. 

“Do they always keep the music this loud?”

The shouted question startled you. You whipped around in shock before rushing to lower the volume to greet your friends.

“Yes. Yes they do.” Jisung grinned teasingly as he pulled you into a hug. “I brought some extra hands, hope you don’t mind.” He said before kissing the top of your head and releasing you, whistling as he looked at the walls, still covered in pictures of the both of you, and some with the rest of the guys.

Seungmin was pointing out ridiculous pictures of Jisung to Jeongin and Minho laughed as he noticed a baby picture of the younger member. 

“Hyung, maybe we should ask Y/n for young pictures of Han instead of him or his family.”

Jisung groaned at that and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“I mean, there’s a lot of pictures here, so if you see any you’d like to keep, go for it. Most of them will likely just stay in a memory box while I’m overseas anyways.”

The look of utter betrayal Jisung shot you just made you laugh harder as you patted his shoulder and put all the boys to work.

````

“Y/N! STRAY KIDS RELEASED A NEW ALBUM!”

It had been a year since you moved to America, and a year with your new roomies, whom you loved dearly. Throughout that year, the Kids had been garnering more and more popularity. 

You learned Eve and Nat, twins that were complete opposites in almost every way, had watched the entire Elimination Show as it was airing and Nat actually cried in relief when it was announced they’d debut as nine; Noel, a blunt and chaotic content creator, was a bit picky and admittedly didn’t like all of their music, but she loved them as people and would flood the house group chat with reels and tiktoks, her bias is Chan; and it took a little while for Lia, a tiny italian, to get in to them, but Eve was adamant that all roomies had to be Stays and when the twins had K-pop blasting through the house pretty much non-stop, it’s hard not to get pulled in.

You still kept in contact with the boys to some extent, it wasn’t as drop out of touch as the first year was, but you could tell the distance was growing again. When the day came that you no longer contacted one another, you wouldn’t be surprised. You brought yourself to look at it as you were thankful for the extra time you were given, you’d assume most idols lose contact with people of their past life fairly quickly.

You had never told your roommates about your connection to the band, not because you didn’t trust them and adore them but because it felt too risky. They could try to use you to get to the boys, or just flat out tell you to take your delulu meds. It hurt, thinking your closest friends might abandon you because of that kind of knowledge, it helped you understand Chan a little more with the Woojin situation. 

Your door burst open, any semblance of privacy pretty well gone when it came to Eve’s excitement.

“Did you hear me?? A new album! They take such good care of us!” She fake cried dramatically as she sprawled out on your bed. 

Eve was followed shortly by Lia, holding a cup of coffee with six tally marks drawn on it, indicating it was her sixth cup of the day; and Noel carrying a camera, likely having filmed the entire invasion.

“Yes I heard, I think the whole neighborhood did.” You laughed, playing with the girls hair. “Are you going to play this new album or just continue to shout about it?”

Eve groaned. “We have to wait until stupid Nat gets home, who even made the stupid rule about new album drops having to be group listening parties anyways?” She grumbled as you and your other roommates tried to hold back your laughter.

“You did, babe.” Lia giggled, sipping her coffee and joining the two of you on your bed.

Life with them often meant no privacy, the amount of times all five of you have ended up sleeping in one bed for the night was crazy, seeing as you all have your own rooms. There were a lot of blurred lines within your house, but you loved it and wouldn’t change it for almost anything.

“So who is this in all your pictures anyways? I don’t think I’ve ever asked before.” Noel mumbled as she walked around your room, camera in hand.

“I’ll tell you if you don’t use that footage you’re getting.” You joked.

“Deal!” Lia agreed on her behalf, setting her mug down and wrestling the camera from Noel to shut off the recording.

“Tell us. We’ve all been dying to know. You never talk about your past.”

You hesitated for only a moment before relaxing into your pillows.

“His name is Jisung, in all the photos. He’s my best friend, we grew up together but we don’t talk all that much anymore. His career distanced him, and mine obviously didn’t help that. It’s simple as that. We talk maybe once every few months now.”

“Are you in love with your Jisung?” Eve asked, blue eyes staring up at you with a childlike twinkle.

“Yeah, I am.” 

The girls giggled and you hid your face in your pillow to avoid the teasing until Nat walked in, asking what was going on, and immediately getting updated. He joined in on the teasing, which thankfully only lasted until Eve remembered Stray Kids’ new album NOEASY.

````

“I swear, you being besties with a boy named Jisung gives you insane luck or something, how  are you always pulling Han? Honestly at this point I think you have just as many Han Jisung photo cards on your walls as you do pictures of your Jisung. You’re so lucky your bias is so easy for you to get. Five target exclusive albums and not ONE Felix photocard. Like, don’t get me wrong, I am perfectly content with my Changbin, Innie, and Seungmin cards, but how did not a single one of us pull a Lixie?!” Eve banged her head against the wall as she rambled.

Nat rolled his eyes at her and immediately got smacked by the girl tucked under his arm.

“Ow! What the hell Lia, I didn’t say anything.”

“Don’t be rolling your eyes at my baby girl.” Lia said threateningly.

“For the last time, you’re dating me, not my sister, please stop calling her your baby girl.”

“Oh please, brother. I could steal your girl anytime I want and we all know it.” Eve giggled, finally snapping out of her rambling state to tease her brother. Lia blew her a kiss, sending her a wink.

“We can steal girlfriends another time, right now we’re going to be late for dinner, and we all know how James can get about his dinners.” Noel rolled her eyes at the trio as she put her camera away, having filmed everyone opening their albums. She has so much content of Lia and Eve flirting with each other that a good amount of her viewers have started theorizing that Nat is Lia’s beard.

James is the twins' father. After the twins had moved out he had insisted they come home once a week for a family dinner, the invite was quickly extended to the rest of the household as James seemed to systematically adopt everyone. You had never complained because it was a day off from feeding the household and because James was actually an amazing cook. 

```

“We’re going. I don’t care if I have to throw you all into my car forcefully, we are going to this concert.” Lia stated as the roommates were gathered in the living room looking at the tour dates announcement. “I don’t care if I have to drive the whole nine hours by myself, I am not missing this concert.”

Stray Kids were playing only a few states away and everyone but you had missed them the last time they’d been so close due to having already had tickets to something that same weekend. The only reason you hadn’t missed it was because you’d been in the city of the concert for business and delayed your flight a day to see them. You’d felt bad for seeing them without your roommates and best friends of three years, but you would have felt more bad breaking a promise to your best friend of much, much longer.

“And you!” Lia turned her eyes on you, pinning you with a scolding motherly glare. “No running off and seeing them by yourself again! We’re all going to see our boys and that is final.”

You weren’t about to argue with her, and no one else seemed to want to either, so everyone set reminders for the day tickets would go on sale and started plotting outfits for the concert.

```

The energy in the crowd was indescribable, the excitement all around you made the hairs on your arms stand up. You could feel nerves bubbling up in your stomach, yes you’d seen the boys plenty of times since you all lost touch, but you’d always actively avoided any seat that could potentially be seen from stage, but the tickets went on sale whilst you were in a crucial meeting and Lia, being the groups sugar momma, bought only the best she could get her hands on, landed you about three rows from front and center.

An excited hush fell over the crowd as the lights dimmed, everyone pressing forward just a little to try and get that much closer to the people coming up on the stage, but you just wanted to turn tail and run.

Nat grabbed your hand, squeezing it as if he could sense your nerves. It wouldn’t surprise you, of all your roommates, Nathaniel had always been the one to pick up on peoples emotions the easiest and he had always had a keen sense of awareness to things he shouldn’t be aware of.

The lights burst with the opening chords of the first song of the evening and an odd mixture of pride and nausea hits you as screams drown everything out and the boys finally come into proper view.

“Deep breaths honey. You’re okay.” Nat’s comforting voice whispers into your ear, his hands squeezing a little tighter, grounding you. “Just have fun, don’t worry about him.” 

Whipping your head to look at him, you see a knowing glint in his eyes and as he nods his head back towards the stage, you realized he’d pieced it together.

How does he know? Do they all know?

He smiles once more, squeezing again, before looking away and releasing you entirely, joining the throngs of people screaming and enjoying the show. You look back towards the stage, noting how much each of your old friends have changed over the years. 

You let your nerves slowly slip away as you let yourself enjoy the promise you’ve always upheld and support your friend by screaming along and dancing with the rest of the crowd.

```

Your anxieties of earlier had been completely forgotten by the time the halfway point hit. As the lights come up to allow people a small intermission to use the bathroom or get some water, you turned to your roommates, joining in the excited rambles of all they’ve witnessed so far, adding in your notes as well, stealing glances at the timer in the middle of the stadium periodically. But as you make eye contact with a pair of curious brown eyes peeking from backstage, you feel your stomach drop. Even from the distance you’re at, you can see the recognition flash in those big eyes as they widen before disappearing entirely behind the curtain. 

Just as you’re about to turn and make a hasty exit, those curious eyes return with another pair. 

Felix and Jeongin seem to freeze you in place. You watch as Jeongin’s eyes light up with familiarity, his hand quickly coming up to shoot you a small wave, you wave back, not even thinking, and his smile widens, eyes squinting, as he seems to bounce in place to contain his happiness. It melts your heart to see, realizing you truly have missed all of them, not just Jisung.

They both wave again before disappearing just as fast as they’d appeared. “Okay, what was that all about?” Lia whispers, her small hand gently holding your elbow to get your attention.

“I’m not entirely sure.” And it’s not a complete lie.

“Your Jisung is Han Jisung, isn’t it.” It’s not a question, not really, and you have no energy to try and hide it anymore. “Are you friends with all of them?”

“Was. I’m not sure I can claim being a friend to any of them anymore.”

“Well I would say you can because Lee fucking Felix and g’damn I.N. just waved at you.” 

“You don’t know it was at me.”

“Yes I do, and you do too. Don’t bullshit right now.

“It doesn’t even matter because they’ll finish this show, do the one tomorrow, and they’ll be gone and nothing will be different.”

Lia gave you a look that screamed she thought you were insane but before you could tell her that it’s just how it is, the lights dimmed again. The stadium hushed quickly, all noticing the timer wasn’t quite finished yet, then it stopped all together and a spotlight came on over a nervous looking Han Jisung, front and center, the other kids not too far behind him. 

He wasn’t facing you, but his eyes were scanning and he was turning slowly, while trying to look normal.

“This wasn’t exactly scheduled, and I’m sorry about that, but I just talked it over with the others and with the band and we’re going to perform There for all of you tonight. This song is, well it’s really important to me.”

With that, the opening chords start playing and Han's beautiful voice fills the hushed room.

Oh, I think of you, I only fall for you

Feels like a never-ending waterfall

Tears spring to your eyes. Ever since they’d released this song, you’d felt as if it was written for you. Your logical mind screamed it likely wasn’t, that it wouldn’t make sense for it to be. You’d had no contact with them for over three years, so why now? But even with those thoughts, you couldn’t help but remember nights spent with your best friend in the whole world, evenings passed by whilst stargazing despite the horrendous amount of light pollution and lack of visibility. Everything about the song when it was released made you think of the time before all of this, when you’d always had Han Jisung by your side. 

You make eye contact with Bang Chan as he follows Han’s vocals to fill his own part, he smiles, his dimples on full blast, and you know it’s his way of acknowledging you.

As the song passes, slowly the rest of the members seem to locate you, waving subtly, putting hearts up, ways to say hi without alerting the thousands of fans around you. Everyone sees you, except for Jisung, who either can’t locate you or is actively avoiding your eyes. Your heart drops at the thought. 

Did you really have it wrong? You had assumed it was a long shot that There was written for you, but hearing them perform it live and seeing them all track you down brought hope that maybe it wasn’t just wishful thinking, all except the one you want to look at you the most.

Your heart sank further and further as the song came to a close, Han never having looked your way.

I know that it'll never stop

Oh, I'm still right there.

You watch Chan grab Jisung and pull him off stage as the countdown starts back up, and you’re pretty sure everyone can see the slump in his shoulders as his leader drags him away.

“Get out of your head honey. Just try to enjoy the show.” Nat rubs your back in comforting circles until Eve whips around, her grin too bright to ignore.

“This is the best night ever!” And of course your sunshine friend is oblivious to your inner turmoil. All you can do is smile back and agree.

You take deep breaths, you let your friends and the adoring fans around you ground you, and you decide to just enjoy this band that you’ve been a fan of for years instead of stressing about the friendship you’d already assumed was dead.

```

You could feel yourself letting loose, dancing to the music, singing at the top of your lungs, just enjoying being in the crowd. It was easy to be happy in a room with all your favorite people. 

Throughout the night all the boys would check up on you, your area of the crowd easily became a favorite to interact with, but Han still hadn’t looked at you. Trying not to let it affect you, you made a heart with Lee Know and then broke it, watching in delight as his brows raise in shock and he starts laughing. His laughter draws the others' attention and they all seem to light up at the sight of happy Lee Know. 

Han make’s his way over to Minho, throwing an arm over his shoulder and preparing to do his rap when Minho whispers something to him and nods in your direction. Everything seems to fade away as Jisungs eyes finally meet yours, you can vaguely hear the instrumental for his part of the song but he’s not rapping, he just seems frozen as he stares at you.

Raising your hand, you give him a small wave, his hand following the motion and copying which makes you smile. Minho must pinch him because his body jolts and he shoots his friend an incredulous look, and then as if remembering where he is and what he’s supposed to be doing, he blushes and follows Lee Know to the rest of the members to get into choreo formation for the next song, but not without shooting you one more smile.

Sound comes rushing back in, and suddenly the air feels lighter, you hear Lia squealing as she bounces up and down next to you, holding your arm, and you can feel Nat’s arm around you. 

Han’s eyes can’t seem to stay off of you after that, you catch him looking at you more often than not. You feel giddy, laughter bubbling in you as he stumbles some choreography while trying to keep his eyes on you. 

The rest of the concert flies by way too fast, you don’t want the night to end, you don’t want to go back to your hotel and let this moment go past you. You don’t want Han Jisung to stop looking at you again. 

All the longing for your best friend, all the time you spent pretending you were alright with the way things turned out because he was living his dream and he was happy, all those years loving someone unattainable, drowns you as the boys leave the stage for the last time that night. The weight of realization weighs on you as the lights come up and the stadium starts clearing out, and just when you were ready to grab your friends and elbow your way to out of the stadium, putting the whole night behind you and accepting the end of a friendship officially, a guard tracked you down, asking for you by your Korean name, and asking you to follow him.

Confusion, and a bit of hope, floods you as you look to your friends, who just shrug, just as confused by the request but following you and the guard, after Noel and Lia argue that security or not their friend isn’t going anywhere without the rest of them because that wouldn’t be safe. You’re all brought backstage and left in a room with several couches and a table full of snacks. 

“So, what the heck is going on?” Eve finally asks, breaking the confused silence.

“Y/n’s boyfriend got us V.I.P access, apparently.” Nat responds.

“BOYFRIEND?!”

You smack Nat’s arm, causing him to laugh. “No babe, I don’t have a boyfriend, I’m just as confused as you are.”

Before much else could be said, a loud squeal is heard just before you're lifted off the ground and spun around. 

“Y/n/n!!!” Felix shouts, setting you down and pulling you back in for a soul crushing hug. “I’ve missed you so much, we have so much catching up to do!” He looks around, likely looking for the rest of his members but noticing your friends. “Oh. Hello there!” He smiles. “I’m Lee Felix, nice to meet you all!”

“Let them breathe Lix,” Seungmin rolls his eyes, pulling you from Felix’s grasp just to drag you into a hug of his own. “But he’s right, there is a lot of catching up to do.” He mumbles before releasing you and passing you off to the next person.

You catch a glimpse of your roommates, all of whom look absolutely dumbfounded. Even Nat and Lia, who seemed to have known about Jisung, seemed absolutely bewildered by these events.

You’re passed from member to member and something about it is so nostalgic. Being hugged by these sweaty, energy high, happy boys made you feel completely at peace. 

By the time you’re finally completely released, you notice your boys introducing themselves to your slightly starstruck friends. You also notice everyone is in the room but Han and Chan.

Minho, the ever attentive one, saddles himself next to you, watching your friends mingle. 

“Sungie is, well, he’s having a panic attack, I won’t lie to you, and Chan’s helping him. Don’t worry, he’s not avoiding you.” You flash him a grateful smile.

You watch as Eve and Felix get on like an absolute house fire, both practically bouncing in excitement as they chat about goodness knows what. Nat, Lia, Changbin, and Hyunjin watch in amusement, providing commentary now and again, while you catch up with Minho, Innie, and Seungmin.

It’s not too long before Chan finally enters the room, taking no time at all to scoop you into his arms. “God we’ve missed you, Y/n/n.” He whispers, his face pressed into your neck.

“I’ve missed all of you too. So much. And I am so, so proud of you all.”

Chan pulls back, giving you a tired smile before turning you to the door. “He’s too nervous to come in here, so you might want to go to him.” His smile is genuine, and he squeezes your shoulder once before releasing you entirely and gently pushing you toward the door.

Outside of the room, Jisung is pacing and mumbling to himself, he doesn’t even seem to notice another presence with him.

“It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s just your best friend. Your best friend in the whole world that you’ve been out of touch with for years. You’ll be okay. It’s not like they wouldn’t want to see you.” Han freezes, eyes still locked on the ground. “Oh my god, what if they don’t want to see me.”

“Han Jisung, would you  stop rambling under your breath and hug me already?”

His head whips around, eyes wide, and for a minute all he does is stare at you in shock, and then he rushes towards you, pulling you into a hug so tight it’s as if he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he lets go.

“I missed you so much.” He whispers, his voice watery.

You hug him back with just as much strength, clinging to him and willing your tears back.

“Careful, it almost sounds like you’re in love with me or something.” You try to joke, your voice just as unsteady as his.

That seems to trigger something in him because he pulls back and stares at you for a really long moment. Just taking in your features. “And what if I am?” He whispers. Your breath catches in your throat, his eyes are watery but genuine.

Before you can say anything, he starts fumbling for his pocket before pulling out a small black box. He takes a deep breath before sinking down onto one knee, your eyes widening in shock.

“Because I am, ya know? I always have been. You’ve always been my ending, Y/n/n. And I had promised you once that you’d be stuck with me for the rest of your miserable life, and that I’d put a ring on it if it meant never losing you. Well, then I did lose you, and now that you’re here, I don’t intend on ever letting you slip away again. So, marry me, and let me spend the rest of my life by your side, because I joke about your miserable life a lot, but I know for a fact how miserable life is without you and I don’t want it.”

You can feel the tears running down your face as you drop to your knees in front of him, nodding as you grab his face and pull him in for a kiss.

His lips are salty, likely from your shared tears, and they’re a little chapped, but they meet yours just as eagerly and you know it’s real, and that this is how it always should have been.

You both pull apart for air, he leans his forehead against yours as he grabs your hand to slide the ring into place and you hear whooping and hollering not to far, both of you looking up to see not only the kids, but your roommates all having likely witnessed the whole thing.

Jisung blushes and you grin, tears still flowing as you wrap your arm around your best friend in the whole wide world and show your ring off to Eve and Lia who rushed in to see it immediately.

“I love you.” Jisung whispers as he helps you stand.

“I love you too.” You whisper back, leaning further into him and never wanting to leave his side ever again.

“Sweetie, you have got some major explaining to do.” Eve cuts in, joining the hug and giving you a pointed but teasing glare.

a/n : thank you so much for taking the time to read my story!! if you enjoyed it considering reblogging or leaving a comment with your thoughts, I love to read them🫶

main taglist: nothing yet :)

Han’s POV

[angryschnauzer]

January 11th 2024

Yeah its been a while since i updated. I haven't had the energy to if i'm honest, but here we go.

Hubby had his brain surgery end of November '23. The tumour they took out was a nasty one, somewhere between the size of a golf ball and a kiwi fruit. The wound has healed well with little to no side affects apart from some double vision, but he was checked out for that and it is a common after affect of brain trauma and was remedied with an eyepatch for a few weeks.

We met with the Neuro Oncology team at Royal Marsden Hospital in London. They are one of the best (if not the best) cancer treatment centres in the whole country, and we worked through a treatment plan.

Just before Christmas hubby was also cleared to have shoulder reconstructive surgery (he broke his shoulder bone in the original seizures back at the end of October '23). There was a really small window of time between it being enough time after the brain surgery that he could go back under general anaesthetic, but also enough time to mostly heal before he started Radiotherapy and Chemo, so just 5 days before Christmas hubby was in and out of our local hospital in a single day to have that surgery.

Christmas was a quiet and subdued affair. I also herniated a disk in my back the day Hubby had surgery (i was clearing the deep freeze out ready for grocery delivery), so it meant both he and I were dosed up to our eyeballs on strong painkillers for most of the holiday, and Little Dude spent the majority of the break either playing video games or building his new lego sets.

Two days before Christmas i also had to have emergency dental work (i had been grinding my teeth and had previously cracked a tooth) and whilst i was in the dentists office some utter idiot crashed into my car. That was the last thing i needed but i simply handed it all over to my insurance company (who are aware of my husbands situation) and they arranged a hire vehicle and sorted repairs.

Onto the start of 2024. This is the first week of Radiotherapy and Chemo for Hubby. He is getting very tired and fatigued already from the Radiotherapy, but thankfully no nausea from the chemo as yet, but that could change over time. He is scheduled for a full schedule of 6 weeks of this dual treatment, where we are having to visit Royal Marsden every day Mon - Fri for the six weeks, and then he also takes the chemo 7 days a week for the six weeks.

He'll then have 4 to 6 weeks 'off' treatment for his body to relax and recuperate, but will have scans and MRI's during that time to gauge what further treatment will be, but its likely to be just chemo but a stronger dose, but no radiotherapy. The chemo is to be 3 weeks off one week on, so a 4 weekly cycle.

The one thing we have discovered isn't done is prognosis's. When we first got to Royal Marsden we were shocked as they started talking about years, and explained that although it was a really nasty tumour, it was found very early and whilst it was still relatively small for its kind. They've discussed things like 'this years treatment plan then we'll look at next years', and also for a while Hubby was being considered for a clinical trial which candidates who have prognosis's of 12 months+ are only considered for. In the end he didn't meet the criteria (his cholesterol was too high). The Macmillian Nurses also have been talking to us about Mobility Car assistance schemes where you can get govt assistance financially and get an adapted vehicle on a 2 year rolling lease. All these timings are reassuring in one way, but worrying in another - we have no idea what the future holds and it really does cement in stone that our time is limited and could end any moment, and makes it very difficult to make any long term plans. You don't realise how much of your life is preplanned until you end up in this situation and aren't sure if you can book your kid onto the school residential trip in 5 months time.

Should anyone want the mundane daily day-to-day life updates you can follow me on my personal instagram @simone_with_an_e its generally a load of utter boring bollocks, but i try to keep it updated daily with updates when i can as its a lot easier to do 1 short paragraph than a big update.

For me my mental health is a little better now that i've had time to process Hubby's diagnosis and that he is getting treatment. There are still days or hours when i fall apart, and it could be something as simple as listening to a song on the radio as i drive back from dropping Little Dude at school and i realise the song would be lovely at his funeral. I end up having to pull over and have a cry whilst switching the radio off. I'm loosing weight and aging quickly, my hair is turning grey from stress and i realised i've aged about 15 years in the last 3 from stress. My appetite comes and goes, and things like red meat now turn my stomach and i can't digest it. But i also haven't drunk alcohol since the day before Hubby had his seizure back in October. I feel like i need to stay 'alert' in case i need to rush him to the hospital for something. I don't miss it as such, but I miss the ability to fully relax. Its hard to describe but i feel like at the moment i've lost myself and am just functioning to care for those around me, going through the motions as such.

Anyway, this has been a long update. I do still lurk here, you may see me pop up in notifications liking something, but at the moment i don't feel its right to start putting fandom stuff back on here yet. I do hope to get back to writing at some point. I miss it and the unfinished stories plague my mind as i have such lovely plans for story arc's and really want to finish them.

Take care all,

Schnauz

xxx

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Chapter 14

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

New book new book! Can you believe I am on book three already? Holy heck, time has flown by.

I thought I would switch up my tea process today with a new cup but also I wanted to show off my collection XD We bought some new and some refill teas from the ren faire yesterday (one of our favourite localish tea blenders) and what a collection my partner and I have amassed. I didn't realize how huge it was until I snapped the pic- it feels very at home apothecary LOL

I went with a lady grey latte and instead of my heart mug I was feeling the spooky vibes and and using my mug by Jaxx b. I have a few other handmade mugs I might start featuring because they are fun as heck!

I've rambled enough about my tea and mug let's get into this chapter!

okay right away bless MXTX for doing such a good job immediately place setting. We are in the demon realms! p9

oof. the energy between Luo BInghe and Shen Qingqiu is so uncomfortable right now. Neither of them saying anything. I am intrigued to see how they sort through this. I know they are end game but like- this is so awkward. p9

oh gosh. Luo Binghe 10000% modeled the room he is basically locking SQQ in after the Bamboo House. Yes SQQ, there most definitely is meaning in it being familiar. p10

So. LOL SQQ's rationale. Instead of "looking too much like a respectable woman kidnapped by a ruffian" p. 10 is to essentially play gay chicken?

RIP well, luo binghe did find out about the blood. so sexually charged though in the way he decided to find out. p11

How is Luo Binghe even surprised that after SQQ being treated this way that he requests that Luo Binghe never see him/see him as little as possible? What did he even expect would happen here?? p12 There is a lot of trust broken between these two.

oh? System feature upgrade? p13

LOL "luxury edition" p14 There must be fanfics about SQQ kept trophy husband

omg what kind of novels was SQQ's sister reading XD those are some wild fantasies. pp14-15

SQQ: "I will not have stockholm syndrome" okay buddy, we will see what happens with your 'luxury edition' p15

oh luo binghe, that sweet baby boy is having them plant bamboo and is cooking SQQ's meals.p16 this would be even cuter if they talked about things instead of having such a weird dynamic.

Jesus Christ. Shang Qinghua enters again. How does this man stealth so well when he is kind of an idiot? I feel like terrible decisions and bad luck follow him everywhere- but he is just slippery enough to get away. p17

LOL SQQ: Your protagonist turned gay. Shang Qinghua: eh, it's fine as long as I'm not the love interest. sucks to be you. p18

okay but I want to know how deep the info of this world goes. Where does it pool the information to generate everything- just published content OR is it everything and anything Airplane thought about or created (ie the lost computer files about Luo Binghe's dad) p19

uuuugh not another interruption- I feel for you SQQ, I too want to know what he was going to say about your tragic backstory in the original edit. p22

Airplane really said 'no homo' "That man of yours is here. Let's do it later- wait, I mean let's chat later" p22

okay okay okay! The boys are talking for real about their mutual deception of one another. Is this the path to them figuring their shit out?? Maybe they will talk about their trust issues. p23

Okay I am with Luo Binghe on this- it did feel as though SQQ completely did a 180 on fundamental life beliefs RE: no one is inherently evil because of their race. p23. So I understand Luo Binghe here- I am glad they are talking.

OMG pp24-25

well. that escalated quickly LOL pp24-25

Luo Binghe probably "hit me harder daddy shizun" p26 +500 satisfaction points.

is Luo binghe going to assault him 😭😭😭😭 this is not it. that was not cool that entire part was so gross "If shizun see's me as no better than a beast either way, I might as well live up to expectations" p27

thank fuck all of that was interrupted, but also now i'm deeply concerned for SQQ!!!! is it the other demon blood? Is it past (young SQQ) trauma?? What's happening?? (no one actually answer this I 1000% know it will be resolved in due time, but I am having a panic about the guy).

Well that's not good at all

this was one rollercoaster of an opening act omg. Not a good time for everyone involved at the end there. I am VERY glad SQQ was not assaulted but I am SRESSED now for other reasons.

[hellenhighwater]

i'm sure you've probably been asked this before but i'm new here and very curious: how did you come into ownership of your house and how are you paying for it? i recently moved in with my boyfriend and the housing situation is... dismal. and we're eventually moving into another house with a friend but we barely make enough money combined to support ourselves. i'm just curious as to what it takes to be content because you are living in such a dream house to me and i would love to achieve that one day. ty and have a great day!

I'm not going to pretend that my homeownership is some kind of one-man bootstraps success story; it's not. I got lucky in a lot of ways. It's a combination of stuff.

I haven't owned my house for long--it'll be two years this August. When I started saving for a house, I was lucky enough to be able to live with family and basically eliminate the majority of my living expenses, which allowed me to save a much higher percentage of my salary than I would otherwise have been able to save. I was driving an hour and a half for my daily commute, but it was worth it to not be paying rent. Having a bunch of roommates prior to that also helped. I have almost no debt--I did law school on 100% scholarship, and picked a cheap undergrad university. (This actually backfired--my credit score simply did not exist until waaaay later in my life than is recommended if you want a mortgage. I struggled to find a lender that would work with me even though I was stably employed and had a cash down payment ready.)

I also bought a home in a non-urban area; I live in a fairly small town. My house is also not very expensive; it was between $150-$200K when I bought it. That's due, in part, to the location (small town), the tiny lot (less than a quarter acre), the age (120+ years), and the need for a lot of superficial updates and repairs. It's structurally sound for the most part, but it's dated.

I'm a lawyer. It's easy to miss, since I post like an idiot, but I am regularly reminded that sometimes even morons pass the Bar. I don't make the kind of crazy money most people assume lawyers make, but for a single-person household I'm okay. I was able to make a fairly sizeable down payment--more than was strictly necessary, actually--so my monthly mortgage is actually less than $1k, which is still mindboggling to me. It's good, because this house DOES need work.

But with all that said, it still wasn't easy. I got my first job when I was a freshman in high school and I have been continuously employed since then. Between the ages of 18-28 there was never a time that I held less than two jobs; most of the time I had three, and it...sucked. It was fun, a lot of the time, but mostly that kind of unpredictable schedule is just exhausting at a subconscious level. I remember the week before the Bar, still working two jobs, being in the library at 3 am, my brain melting out my ears, and cruising Zillow listings for bombed-out houses in Detroit being sold for pennies on the dollar, thinking that if nothing else, I could buy one of those and make it work one repair at a time. I went to law school because I wanted to be able to buy my own house. I moved out of the city so I could buy my own house. I shaped a lot of my life around the need and want to have my own space. I have spent years sitting up late at night and looking at real estate listings I couldn't dream of affording.

I don't know if that helps. I guess the only advice I could give is that if homeownership is a big priority for you, maybe look for areas where real estate is affordable(ish; I know what it's like these days) and see what it would take for you to be able to live there. A lot of the time, if there's good bones to work with, the rest is just what you make of it.

[emmyfairy]

Kandomere Wants a baby

kandomere has a realization as he watches you

a/n: alright friends Kandomere was the poll winner! this was inspired by real life events haha (sans the elf sadly) I hope you all enjoy, please like/ reblog if you do and my ask box is always open even just to say hi!

trigger warning: this fic discusses pregnancy!

gif not mine

It was late, the sun had long since set, but work is work, and so Agent Kandomere of the Magic Task Force arrived home late.

Again.

You couldn't fault him really, especially since this time he had sent a text message letting you know that a case had sprung up. You, as his lovely significant other, had taken the chance to make a nice dinner instead of being angry. 

As long as he came home in one piece you were happy.

You had prepared quite the spread, hearty pasta, bread, and an abundance of side dishes, knowing your man would be ravenous after such a taxing day.

Once Kandomere had finally gotten home, his face held a deep exhaustion, and annoyance, both of which disappeared as he wrapped his arms around you and saw the full table. The man had thanked you profusely for such a lovely dinner, before, during, and after finishing his two plates.

You brushed off his offer at doing the dishes, instead setting him on his nice chair in the living room with a glass of bourbon.

You could feel his eyes on you as you washed up at the sink, his chair positioned so the two of you could converse, discussing the idiots he had to deal with at work, Montehugh’s latest hobby update (apparently he is making donuts), and all the things you had gotten up to today.

Kandomere sat, sipping at his glass, his gaze heavy on you as he studied your form a bit more intensely than usual. From this angle he had a beautiful side view of you, watching your hips sway as you scrubbed the dishes. You had enjoyed the dinner as much as he did, and because of this the black slip dress you wore, which flattered your figure very well may he add, was clinging a bit tighter to the bloated tummy you were sporting. 

He knew you didn't care, bloating is a normal part of the digestive process, and he sure as hell didn't mind, in fact he loved it. He always enjoyed your soft bits, loving how they made you you and he showed his appreciation of them on the daily (if you know what I mean wink wink).

So as he watched you in the kitchen, his mind slipped into thoughts of other reasons your stomach could be poking out more, the way the dress was falling, made you look ethereal, made him think how perfect you would look pregnant.

In the past, the thought of his partner being pregnant would have made the elf balk, sick at the thought of such responsibility and never liking anyone enough to even consider such an atrocity. 

Now though, with you? The thought… it actually pleased him. Instead of adversity filling his stomach he felt excitement, the soft brushes of butterfly wings cluing the man into the fact that his feelings on the subject have changed drastically.

Suddenly he realized how much he actually wanted this. Wanted the future he had always sworn off, a house, a marriage license, and some kids. Kandomere was always someone who had feared domesticity, feared intimacy, but something has completely changed his view on it.

You.

He simply loved you, so much to the point where he suddenly understood everyone who gave him a look when he stated how much he didn't want a family, he understands now because he finally has the person he wants it with.

His person.

Kandomere was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice the water shut off, or you turning to him, toweling off your hands and mouth poised to ask him if he wanted to go get ice cream. When your gaze fell onto him you noticed his far off look, and the fact that his eyes were planted directly where your ass was.

Typical.

“Kandomere?”

…

“Kandy?’

…

“...babe?”

Sighing and giving up, you threw the damp towel at him, hitting him squarely in the face, fabric hanging over blue hair and gray eyes. 

“Hey what the hell.”

His big hands reached up to yank the towel off of his head, glaring at you until he saw your smirk, knowing somehow he had embarrassed himself.

And yet, the man who would normally care so much about this fact, didn't care, because he didn't need to be bothered feeling embarrassed with you. 

You quirked your eyebrow up, closing the distance between the two of you, arms reaching towards him,

“What’s on your mind boy blue?”

Your hands rested on his shoulders, his wrapping around your waist, conveniently putting his face just about in line with the object of his thoughts. 

“Hmmm, just thinking about something.” 

“Clearly.”  You scoff.

Still, he remained oddly silent, gaze set on you, it worried you a bit.

“You sure you're alright?”

It took him a moment to answer, 

“Yeah, just…”

He didn't go on, seeming as though he was afraid to admit what was on his mind, unlike his usual bluntness. 

Your hand left his shoulder, tucking some hair behind his pointed ear, and laying against his cheek, ushering his eyeline towards yours. 

“Tell me baby.”

And frankly he’d give you anything you could ever want, so who was he, a mere elf, to hold the truth from you. 

“I want a baby.”

Now that threw you to the left field.

Your mind raced a mile a minute, not sure where to stop or what to say to the man holding you.

He let you take your time, knowing he just left quite the impact on you.

It was a very sudden confession from the man you knew to normally sneer at the sight of strollers in the street, but you couldn't help but feel a warmth blossom in you. Kandomere wanted a baby? With you?

You knew he loved you, but this, this, would be the biggest commitment the man could ever make. All of this thinking never included a doubt that you wanted this as well. You wanted to have a baby, to have his baby, more than anything. But before that…

You looked back down to the man sitting in front of you, the yearning and vulnerability in his eyes almost enough to make you cry,

“Well, guess you're gonna have to marry me then huh?”

[ghostchems]

Excuse me chems while I'll be bold requesting from the prompt list you reblogged: quick glances that turn into a longing, admirable gaze + "you love me?" "yeah, i do." "i love you too..." with Copia

about 700 words of cuteness below the cut :')

You can’t help but look at him at any chance you get. It had only been a few weeks since you started as his assistant and you still couldn’t believe it. He was the highest ranking member of the clergy and you were assigned to work side by side with him on a daily basis. His voice was almost mesmerizing, even when he was on the phone just chatting.

You weren’t sure what to expect when working for him after all of the whispers and rumors about the other papas. You were pleasantly surprised. Papa was respectful and sweet. He asked you about your life outside of being his assistant, he asked about your favorite books and movies and foods. He really wanted to get to know you. After he found out what your favorite candy was (sour skittles), you came to work the next day with one of your drawers full of them. The only thing you could do was give him a bag full of reese’s peanut butter cups the next day to call it even.

Sometimes when you would glance at him, you would find him already looking at you. His eyes would widen and he would quickly look away. There were times when it would happen to you, too. You would be looking, he catches you, a quick blush would form on your cheeks and you would turn back to your papers. 

After a few more weeks of working together, when he would catch your gaze you would hold it. The two of you would look at each other until you were both smiling and then return to work. It felt unprofessional but if both of you were doing it, did it matter? You started to find yourself daydreaming when you weren’t around him, thinking of him in a way that was definitely unprofessional. 

One night, deadlines had the two of you working late. The sun set and you both still had your noses to your desks, offering small updates or asking quick questions of each other as the hours passed. Your eyes start to grow heavy after a while and you sit back, needing a break from trying to make sense of financial statements. You feel a strong hand on your shoulder and nearly jump, a sharp gasp falling from your lips.

“Oh! I-I’m sorry, sorella.” He squeezes your shoulder and you twist around in your chair to look up at him. “I just, eh, wanted to make sure you were still awake.”

“I am getting sleepy but I’m up.” You rub at your eyes. Copia is so close to you now that you can smell his cologne. His grip on your shoulder loosens as he walks in front of you to lean against your desk. He is smiling faintly, his eyes twinkling in the lowlight.

“I have a question for you, cara.”

“Of course, Papa. What is it?”

“You love me?” His question hangs in the air as your mouth drops open. You feel your face flush but the way he’s looking at you right now makes you realize it was true. It wasn’t just a crush – you loved him. You loved the way his eyes would crinkle when he would smile. You loved how he would say goodnight to his rats each night before retiring to his quarters. And more than anything, you loved the way he looked at you.

“Yeah, I do.” You all but whisper, your hands fidgeting in your lap but you’re unable to look away from him. He leans down to you and his gloved hand brushes against your cheek. You suck in a sharp breath. Even through the gloves you can feel how warm he is.

“I love you, too…” Copia hums and leans in to press a soft kiss to your forehead. He said it back. He said it back and your brain completely blanks. When he pulls away, you’re smiling like an idiot and your eyes have lit up in a way he hasn’t seen since you discovered the drawer of sour skittles. “Let us get some rest, si? The, e-eh… papers will still be here in the morning.”

[romaine2424]

Daily Blog June 27, 2023

Arg! I'd hoped to spend sometime planting the pretty flowers I bought yesterday but to my dismay I discovered an invasive weed was mixed in with my Shasta Daisies, which are just about to bloom. The kind of weed that attaches to your clothes and skin. Gloves came out and two hours later, I made a huge dent. Flowers tomorrow.

I had mentioned there were would be additional categories I'd throw into the mix and today I have one I've been anxious to get to. I'm going to call it Magical Elves. They are the people who help make fandom run. I mentioned @phoenixacid in an earlier post, who has been hosting @hd-fan-fair for ten years. This category will cover folks like her and that do even more...yes, even more...

What I'm reading:

On the Discord Drarry Fans Writers and Artists there is a channel for recs. I stole this one from there but then discovered I'd already read it. However, it was long enough ago that I don't remember all of the details. I think I read it when it first came out and before I hopped back into fandom in spring of 2021. The Ordeal of Being Known (146k) by @lou-isfake. I'm only on chapter 3 right now but I just love this Draco and his Oscar the Grouch house-slippers and his house-elf Timsy. The writing is so fresh and clever, I find myself smiling most of the time. Here's the summary, which I think gives you a flavor of the writing style I'm talking about:

When Auror Potter is anonymously cursed with silence by being forced to hide his own voice inside his mind, there's unfortunately only one person in the country with the qualifications to fix it: Certified and Licensed Healer Legilimens, Draco Malfoy, specialist in Mind Curses and Afflictions. It's obviously a terrible idea, a disaster waiting to happen, but Draco's never been able to back down from a challenge... especially from Potter. Features fuzzy cartoon slippers, devious house elves, 90s music, and lots—LOTS—of memories. Ron is annoyingly hot, Hermione sees right through you, Harry is a powerful idiot, and Draco is a reclusive masochist that would buy an entire city if it would make a kid happy. (And Pansy is "5'2, I wanna dance with you, and I'm sophisticated fun.")

Go read The Ordeal of Being Known on AO3.

Hit the Keep Reading!!!!!

Magical Elves:

The first person I want to highlight in this category is actually someone I've met in person at HP Cons and we've stayed in touch over the years in real life. *hugs darlin* You've probably seen @sassy-cissa's name as an author or maybe an email asking you about a fic for a fest but I'm betting most of you have no idea how much she's done for fandom for more than a decade and half, especially for Drarry fandom.

Let me list the ways in how awesome she is:

Current modding responsibilities:

25 Days of Draco and Harry (started in 2009) What 2009 ? Oh my! And do you know she reads each and every story posted for the fest and comments, too! HD Mpreg Fest – (started in 2011 – I've been modding since 2018) HD Fan Fair/Career Fair – co-modding since 2019)

Previous modding responsibilities:

Co-mod for H/D Erised from 2014 to 2018 Moderated the H/D Prophet from about 2016 to 2021

See that last one H/D Prophet. Take a look at the link just for a moment. Every Drarry WIP that was updated that week was listed, fests' status, drabble prompts, etc...Every single week. The prophet soon closed down after a few more months due to lack of participation (fandom had moved away from LJ).

Communities owned and/or Maintain:

On LJ: Slythindor100 and HarryDraco Mpreg On Tumblr: H/D Mpreg and Slythindor100

In addition, why yes there is more, Sassy writes, too, and beautifully! Sassy-Cissa (on AO3). Over 109 stories, mostly Drarry, some Hermione/Severus and a few Harry/Ginny...but as she put it....(but they usually end up divorced or Ginny dies). *snicker*

And she's on FanLore! And she also betas for some of the best.

So I know this is long but I just want folks to be aware of those working in the background, making our experience here in fandom enjoyable and filled with lovely content. They truly are magical elves. Sassy doesn't post much on Tumblr or on Discord but she does pop-in now and then. Next time you see her name, you'll now know who she is.

Tumblr Tidbit:

Did you know that you can edit the text below the Keep Reading line on your post and it will make the changes to all reblogs of your post. Edit above and sorry the reblogs will show the original. This comes in handy if you're making a Masterlist of works or something else that has lots of links or needs to be updated frequently.

Happy Tuesday and Sorry this was so late. My ancient computer decided to crash multiple times. Rom

[operationslipperypuppet]

all prime numebrs for the fic writer ask! 💛😊

I will pretend you spelled numbers correctly lol. thanks for the ask!!

2. How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!)

I want to say 12. I published 6, I’m currently working on 2 different ideas for the naddpod gift exchange so I’ve started both and will be making a full decision tonight or tomorrow (lmao), and then there are a couple I just decided to not publish and a couple I’m always working on but will never actually commit to finishing because I can’t come up with a satisfying ending.

3. What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer?

That I can allow myself to do the things I want to do and go back and fix the other stuff later. I had previously only done this with a fic that included a bunch of time skips and that was why I wormed around the document but I did this with one fic that I consider my magnum opus and it worked. (I like to write dialogue more than scene descriptors so I wrote all the dialogue back and forth and then went back and added names and descriptors and everything else and it was so much more fun)

5. What fandom(s) did you write for this year?

Naddpod. It was just naddpod. I’m thinking I might break into d20 next year but I make no promises, naddpod is so fun to write for.

7. What character(s) captured your heart?

Hardwon Surefoot. Moonshine Cybin. For some reason I find them easiest to write even though getting Moonshine’s voice right was incredibly daunting every time I wrote her. There’s just so much to play with and it was very fun. Plus the Hardwon being alive reveal rewired my brain.

11. What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

how to think about you (without it ripping my heart out). God that was a doozy to write. It was my first foray into doing something multi-chaptered and I did have it finished before I even began publishing it but doing the daily updates and my every chapter mini edits took so much time that it was so much fun to finish. Plus I thought about the idea for truly so long before I started writing it that it was very relieving to finally finish.

13. What fic was the easiest to write?

Fools Rush In (Idiots, However, Take 200 Years). This is the fic I mentioned for number 3. I wrote all the dialogue in basically one pass because it’s a long, drawn out conversation that lasts an entire day. I immensely love writing dialogue and the back and forth, hitting what Hardwon and Moonshine would say and how they’d react was easy. And then, even though I was dreading the descriptors, they came so easily because I could picture them so perfectly. It does feel weird to say that my longest fic to date was the easiest to write but it was.

17. What are your go-to writing snacks?

Doing that classic ADHD thing where you hyperfocus and forget to eat all day and then start shaking and put fistfuls of m&ms in your mouth while waiting for chicken to heat up. But when I remember to snack, Smartfood popcorn.

19. Share your favorite opening line.

“You love me?” (Fools Rush In (Idiots, However, Take 200 Years).) I knew I’d open this with that before I finished the previous work in the series. I enjoy getting straight to the point.

23. Share the final version of a sentence or paragraph you struggled with. What about it was challenging? Are you happy with how it turned out?

This was a hard goddamn choice but here goes:

“Look - “ She paused, took a deep breath, and started again. “Can I make a suggestion? You two know him better than I do, obviously, but this might be a time where you give him some space. I know that’s not really what you three do, but he’s going through one of the worst days of his life. And you are, too, but he’s incredibly in his head about it right now. I think maybe if you give him a moment to work out his own feelings, he’ll be able to articulate them to you. And you will then be able to assure him that you need him. Besides, your MeeMaw will take great care of him, Moonshine.” (The Void of an Absence)

Alanis is speaking here. And I wanted her to be pragmatic without seeming insensitive while also staying relatively true to the character she is in the show. I ended up with this slightly more emotionally aware Alanis than we’ve seen but she does switch straight to business afterwards, and that is kind of how Murph RP’d the scene with her and Hardwon. But I overthought it a lot. I’m pretty okay with its final version, but mostly because I got to sneak a “tell me your feelings and I’ll tell you that I need you” reference in there.

29. If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

Obviously the two crew for creating characters that so thoroughly destroy and entertain me, and the people who got excited when I said shit like “I have a terrible idea that’s going to hurt” and responded with “do it.”

Fic writer asks list - ask

[m4ruk4ts]

I love your fanart of Angie and Yao, it really surprised me （i mean i haven't thought of this ship before lol） what a pity that Hima didn't create a character for Argentina ! and I want to know more about your character settings for Angie, like which nation is her best friend and how she get along with her boss

LKSDFJLSDJFLKSDG?LSGJLDFG?DDFGDFH????DFGDFG????DFGDFGDFGDF????? ANON.............OMG.............THANK YOU SO MUCH............

i'm glad you're interested in my silly little hetalia oc that means a lot dlkfgjdflgkdjl and yeah, we can all agree that shipping an argentina oc with china can be a bit confusing, but hey, they look cute, who cares xd while i am planning on making a proper reference sheet for her (but i keep procrastinating like a boss) i can spare a few things about her :33333, so here's a little doodle of her and let's being!

main characteristics:

even though i call her angie, she doesn't have a human name yet, i'm still torn between many names where her nickname comes from, like; ángela, angélica, angelina, but i can't decide, she doesn't have a last name either, so it's just angie for now :c (boring, i know) (update: her human name is angélica russo gonzález, i finally made up my mind lol).

she's 19 human years old

her birthday is the 9th of july

she's 1.60 cm (5'2 ft)

her two curls represent the italian influence (she wasn't born with those, they kinda grew with time lmao)

her long and wavy hair represents the paraná river (south america's 2nd largest river)

she's blind as shit, but refuses to wear glasses or contacts (idiot)

^^^ that's one of the reasons why she has daily headaches

she's chatty and extroverted, always brings her thermos and mate anywhere she goes and is willing to share with others, along with snacks or food

^^^ she adores watching other countries reactions when they try her mate for the first time, it's hilarious xd

she can be egocentric at times, specially with sports, like any other argentinian (mainly football, of course)

it's unknown what football team she's into (not boca, river, but a secret third thing)

Gossip Enjoyer

her best friend is perú, and her all time rival is chile, but they get along :3

she's on good terms with everyone in latinoamerica, or at least, that's what she thinks (they all hate her /hj)

outside of america, she easily gets along with almost everyone as well. it mostly has to do with the big amount of immigrants that came to her land, which most of them were europeans, that's why she considers italy, germany, and spain (the majority of said immigrants) like part of her family, but a distant family at most

she. Does not care about her bosses, specially nowadays, they ruined her ://////

hopefully that's enough for you to understand her character a little more! if you have any doubts about her or anything in general feel free to ask! i love answering stuff like this dlfkdlg it's so much fun :3

[of-stardust-and-sunlight]

I posted 433 times in 2022

That's 408 more posts than 2021!

22 posts created (5%)

411 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@betanoiz

@lesbianpraetor

@tinyron

@crowley1990

@gullbones

I tagged 412 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#our flag means death - 63 posts

#ofmd - 60 posts

#art - 33 posts

#the locked tomb - 28 posts

#our flag means death spoilers - 20 posts

#dracula daily - 18 posts

#mk - 17 posts

#dracula - 16 posts

#gideon the ninth - 15 posts

#harrow the ninth - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

#..but izzy just spiraled and seethed and destroyed anything that might have freed them both from their mutually miserable relationship

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

me: has knowledge of the novel Dracula, entered this process determined not to be weird about the fictional characters in the same way i’m weird about modern fictional characters

also me, reading today’s dracula daily: hmm. dracula sure is being gay in jonathan’s update today. is he. you know.

44 notes - Posted May 16, 2022

#4

what if i was made up of the two hundred dead children of my house, who were murdered so i could be born, and you were the daughter of the literal god, whose genetic material was used without his knowledge, and we were both girls, and we kissed 🥺👉👈

158 notes - Posted January 2, 2022

#3

has this been done before?

211 notes - Posted April 1, 2022

#2

actually i think my favourite thing about the Ed and Stede dynamic is that Ed is IMMEDIATELY obsessed with Stede and while he might not be in love straight away he’s defs into him. whereas Stede is just like ‘wow a friend! i’m sure it’s normal to find someone so interesting!’ (because he’s not had a proper friend before as well as not having been in love before) and he has all these interactions with Ed and they literally kiss and Ed asks him to run away with him and it’s not til AFTER THAT that Stede realises he’s in love. idiot

226 notes - Posted April 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

all the jokes about jonathan reacting to the mundane thing (he has no mirror now) as opposed to the insane thing (blood, no reflection, etc) are very funny and i’m enjoying them but also it’s such a human reaction. he can’t possibly freak out about this. he’s realised he’s trapped here. this is so beyond the realms of anything he’s experienced before. however, what he can DEFINITELY wrap his head around is the mild inconvenience of being unable to shave now

3,540 notes - Posted May 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[thisismenow3]

It’s actually more frustrating than nobody caring/ignoring the plight of others like most people do with the homeless. The most pressing problems in our society are still there because our culture has been “all ya gotta do is vote… or don’t if you don’t identify fully with either side, or throw away your vote with a candidate not from the two main parties.” So we have let corporations and their fellow travelers destroy and remold so much of our laws and society. Cause we don’t organize anymore, at least until recently. And we’ve not organized around making changes to how our democracy functions in almost double my life time. The reason police reform, healthcare and insurance reform, ACTUAL tax reform to stocks, businesses and the wealthy being taxed at the rate they used to be, gun reform, etc is that to do that in any meaningful way we would need to get enough people elected to state and federal positions to do away with the senate, do away with the electoral college, return us to a pre citizens united money in politics era or better, place some actual penalties on hack judges who are obviously bought by companies or else just ultra conservative idiots who know they can say the least says whatever it needs to say if their bench is high up enough and their decisions right wing enough for the supreme court’s right wing majority. And no one is fired up for that. And even if they were, no one wants to constantly protest, to provide shelter, food, money, all the things you’d need to give to people risking their jobs and lives to push against the corporate police state, no one wants to knock on doors and make weekly if not daily phone calls to local, state and federal office holders, as well as finding or being the progressive outside candidates to flip the non Conservative party into an actual progressive party rather than a coalition still led by the corporate centrism is life believing old guard. And I know virtually no one wants to do that cause very few are doing that while campaigning just on the issues.

our healthcare is as messed up as it is because the right wing playbook of infiltrating and taking over the Republican Party succeeded rather than the Democratic Party being filled with and changed by left wing movements. And now that the republicans have been what they’ve been for the last 30-40 years they’ve begun to accelerate implementing what they actually want, which is worse healthcare for fewer. My state switched our Medicaid to being “administered” by private companies during the pandemic, so even less is covered and denials are more random. My state also has a conservative legislative majority. Overcoming that is impossible because of another thing our democracy needs updating on; amount of people should matter more than amount of land in representation. But districts in every state don’t have to be the same number of people. Even before you get into gerrymandering reform the fact that the urban district I live in is thousands (and tens of thousands depending on which you compare it to) more than rural and suburban ones is ridiculous if we actually want the will of the people. So all these big issues maintain because republicans don’t care about fixing them or actively want them to be bad for ideological reasons and the Democratic Party has not been overtaken in leadership or majority of its members by actual forward thinkers.

tl;dr is that if we want things like universal healthcare we need organizing and campaigning equivalent to the civil rights movement, and even then it’d just be a toss up because of institutional issues. But we don’t have the time to become the party members of the one not totally lost political party and push it where we want it to be, so we are left with the Hail Mary of hoping there’s enough good press coverage of a still theoretical future massive campaigning effort.

Our system is broken.  It is cruel.  It is dehumanizing, degrading, and it’s vile nature is so, so unnecessary.

We need universal healthcare today in America.  We needed it 40 years ago.  It’s cheaper, it’s simpler, it’s more efficient, it’s more effective and it is so, so, so much less cruel than what we have.

Additional sources/references:

Universal Healthcare Cost in America would be cheaper by trillions of dollars

The US has worse life expectancies than socialized healthcare countries

We have worse generalized healthcare results

We have the most expensive care

Our system is so cruel and unique that doctors from other countries literally can’t believe what happens here

I can’t tell you where or how to activate to help solve this.  There are politicians, groups, and activists pushing for this in so many ways.  I can tell you when, though.

Now.

[theritualofourexistence]

Year 1

It’s been a year since I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.

My last update was shared in March of this year so I will pick up where I left off. It’s wild to reflect on that time, on how frustrated I felt, on how hard it was to keep pushing forward.

My neurologist chose to pursue medication number two (Gilenya), despite my misgivings about potential side effects. I had to have my heart evaluated and I had to have a thorough appointment with an ophthalmologist. I learned that I would need regular checks for both my heart and eyes in the months after starting the medication. With those preliminary boxes checked, I waited to get word about scheduling my first dose.

Gilenya requires an 8- to 24-hour observation for the first dose. This is a daily pill and, assuming your heart tolerates everything during that first observation, you can move forward with the treatment on your own at home.

In March I began taking Cymbalta, an SNRI, to help with both my lingering nerve pain and my anxiety. Although I was starting on the lowest possible dose, adjusting was still a challenge. Fortunately, I only struggled for a week or two with side effects from starting the medication.

I learned that the hepatic hemangioma discovered during my MRIs in the fall had grown--and that if that trend continued, I would likely be referred to a specialty surgeon. I did what I could to prevent this awareness from weighing heavily on my every moment while I waited for follow-up imaging in September.

I was surprised by how much time had passed without any word about my Gilenya observation. I checked in with my neurologist’s office to learn that the local options for this observation were no longer options—and that my neurologist was instead moving on to a third medication—Zeposia. Zeposia is a similar medication to Gilenya and is also a daily pill. There are concerns, however, about combining Zeposia and SNRIs… and I had only just gotten accustomed to an SNRI when I was handed this news.

My neurologist is a good doctor. I believe he knows what he’s doing, and I trust him to make recommendations about my care. He does not, however, know my entire medical history. He doesn’t really know me as a person either. We’ve spent maybe a half hour together total, and I know he is too busy to read my entire **extensive** chart. I reached out to express concern about the Zeposia given the other medications I am currently taking and some research my mom and I had done on our own. The nurse I spoke with seemed frustrated but agreed to pass on my concerns. Within a few hours, I got a call from my neurologist—which surprised me, since I had previously navigated the majority of my care with the nursing staff at the office. He unleashed what I can only describe as a condescending tirade that lasted minutes before I was even able to get in a word edgewise. I have done my research, I am smart, I am informed, I am a good advocate for myself—and still this man made me feel like an idiot. The fact that I was able to respond at all without bursting into tears still feels like one of the springs most significant triumphs. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with Zeposia and would prefer to try a different medication instead. The medication I named as an alternative option is called Kesimpta. It's a similar type of drug to the Ocrevus (February infusion reaction) but it is a monthly injection that can be done at home with no hospital trips or observation required. He pushed back, expressing concerns about the Kesimpta being rejected by my insurance. I politely reminded him that I had dealt with that issue already and was more than willing to do so again if necessary. He curtly ended the call by agreeing to submit the prescription.

I did not land on the decision to try Kesimpta lightly and had significant anxiety about having a reaction to it given how my first Ocrevus infusion went. That said, it is a medication that plays well with my other meds and, blessedly, doesn’t require any intimidating observation or regular heart and eye evaluations.

The Kesimpta was approved by my insurance without issue, and I began the treatments in May. I am still successfully taking it. It does suppress my immune system so I am being as careful as I can be about illness and infection risk.

The Cymbalta is doing its job. I have less nerve pain, more mobility in my left hand, and I have had single-digit panic attacks in the last 6 months which I consider a significant accomplishment.

I won’t know if the Kesimpta is doing its job until I get my annual MRIs done… which will probably happen sometime in November after having to reschedule my summer neurology appointment not once but twice. If the scans indicate disease progression, I may wind up going to war with my neurologist again—since I am in no hurry to go back to the treatment drawing board and I have only successfully been taking this medication regularly for 6 months. But we will cross that bridge if it comes, and I will continue to do the work necessary to advocate for myself.

I don’t like that I had to go through four treatments before finding one my body can tolerate. I am anxious about being sent back into that godawful machine for my annual scans. I am anxious about the results of those scans. I am anxious about potentially having to return to the treatment drawing board. I am anxious about the election and the state of the world—but that’s a blog post for another time.

I deal with daily fatigue. I have to be really careful about physically over-exerting myself or spending too much energy. If my anxiety spikes, my arms go numb. I am learning to live with MS and what that looks like day to day for me. I will remain persistent in advocating for myself in a system that is broken in so many ways. I continue to be so, so grateful for my expansive support network. And I am glad to report that the optimism has resurfaced.

Since March of this year, I went to Toronto with the bestie to see Dom Monaghan and Billy Boyd in “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead,” saw “Kimberly Akimbo” on Broadway with my dad, helped host a successful Out of the Darkness walk at Juniata College with my colleagues, participated in a beautiful staged reading of V Ensler’s “The Good Body,” played birthday mini-golf, started and finished a massive organizing project in the basement, learned my brother and his wife are growing their family, spent a day at the lake with my best friends and their babies, scored below par on my favorite mini golf course in my favorite place on earth, saw Bruce Springsteen, saw the Indigo Girls, met my childhood best friend’s little boy, learned that *for now* my hepatic hemangioma is stable (but will still need to be monitored), got a very fun and very dumb tattoo, ate a lot of great food, read so many good books, watched a lot of great football and soccer, and spent a lot of time in my favorite spot on the couch next to my mom with a cat in my lap.

There will always be things to be anxious about. But even as the horrors persist, so do I. And I have so, so much to look forward to.

[the-firebird69]

This activity with the girl is just what our son needing. She is going to teach this guy a lesson and many other two but the military is after them and they should be and it is the warlock regions and it isn't it too after Trump's stuff and it is very effective and that little kid is going to win lesson but it's going to throw him out of the freaking bus and it's never going to come back he is never going to come back this lesson is going global right now people say it too we need stuff we need money and they're sitting on traps for these f****** assholes but they can grab anyone. They're getting killed doing it and large number is shortly we hear that the numbers are coming in and it's going to be a very big night. I just wanted to add their sentence happy to help and cannot stand these two idiots here and the teams have to form here in Charlotte county to resist them and probably everybody has to and everybody has to arm up with and just shoot them they're strange almost a zombie-like people now and they need to leave permanently and they're going to do it and it's a good idea and everybody is sick of these morons arguing and fighting they don't have dick people have to make sure though and they demand they do in moments this this is going to be huge and will be back to update everybody

Thor Freya

Good. And let's not be so slow to help let's get out there and terminate easy and people these trumpsters while we have the cover

Hera

We got that we know pretty the word out there now and we're having people do it just going to be a ton of cover in minutes right now the hourly percentage is times two pretty soon times three and these idiots will be out the trumpsters that is and there are morons

Frank Castle hardcastle

I used to be this girl on the internet thing to help him get his daily clean out of his personal health concern and only two or three times in these Maniacs on me the top dogs and I got real worried I said even the team is not going to be able to handle it so the military is involved and they're going out and grabbing people to do it now I see everyone and I really want to thank him and he thinks me it says someday you're going to be wolves being sidekick even at Comic-Con maybe and I like that that's fun. And their women are oppressed but they won't do anything and I can see other people for me teams all over they're telling me it's a massive massive effort so call my team and my military unit and we're going to gear up so sick of these jerks you're not believe it either they just sit there and fondle you a little take blood test pretend they're doing a routine thing and I think they're trying to harm me permanently and our teams got involved and took them out and it's going on and it would take him out by the bushel and it's happening all over the USA military areas and we are going to war with them and other people are too an attention again it says thank you for your service and someday I'll be able to thank you personally and it's true too I'm helping him because they trying to grab him all the time we're going to man up here and get the job done and protect myself and see what it takes because these people are ravaged rabbid

Girl in video and I do have a name in there

I'm going to publish now

Olympus

What a day this is talking it all off and thank heavens because we really needed this badly and we're organizing teams too and we can do the same thing with some of ours are harassed and we're going to go after other groups of them that are harassing people right now too

Thor Freya

Performing up a huge number of squads and we're going to go around taking care of these jackasses we know where

Good looking Blockbuster Duke nukem believe it or not they're formed up in cities and towns near where we are and they're trying to grab women all the time I'm sick of seeing it we need information this is great

[xaphrin]

Raven pitched forward, smirking as she took a sip of her wine. “Color me surprised, I didn’t know Damian Wayne had a sweet tooth.”

He lifted an eyebrow and shoved another bite of the chocolate torte in his mouth, never breaking eye-contact with her. Heat crawled up her neck, but she couldn’t look away from him. Raven tried not to focus on the way his tongue slid along his full lips, making sure he didn’t waste a crumb. It was a tease of power, and he knew it would burn her. Heat coiled in the pit of her stomach, and Raven tore her eyes away from him, giving him that small concession to save her sanity. The last thing she needed was to have inconvenient feelings for Damian Wayne.

“Jealous?” Damian picked up a bite of torte and held his fork out to her. “You can ask for some.” 

Raven reached for the fork, but he pulled it out of her reach and leveled a stare at her. Oh. He… wanted to feed her? That was a step into an area she had never considered before. Raven glanced around the restaurant, realizing that there was more than one cell phone lifted, taking pictures of the two of them. One of the many hazards of being in public with a Wayne. Her stomach twisted and she took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Finally, she leaned forward and opened her mouth. 

Damian grinned and ate the bite himself, never looking away from her.

“Jerk.” She pursed her lips, but couldn’t stop the twitch of a smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth. God, he was infuriating sometimes. With no decorum whatsoever, she reached across the table and grabbed the torte from in front of Damian, taking a bite herself. 

He laughed and leaned back in his chair watching her as if she completely fascinated him. But, more likely, he was trying to find something to tease her about. A soft silence settled between them before he filled it, tapping his fingers on the tablecloth. “So… after dinner, did you want to walk down by the bay?” 

Raven picked up her head, her fork hanging out of her mouth as she blinked. What? The soft, silky torte turned to ash in her mouth and she forced herself to swallow. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Take a walk by the bay together.” Damian shrugged and tried to look unaffected, but she swore she could see the tips of his ears turn pink. “We’re still on a date, and you paid a thousand dollars for this. So… you might as well take advantage of it. Get your money’s worth.” 

“Oh. Ah… I… sure?” If he had asked her this same question yesterday, she would have pulled out a whole ledger filled with reasons why this wasn’t a date and why they shouldn’t do date things. But, right now, Raven couldn’t think of a reason not to walk with him. They were sort of friends, she didn’t have anything else to do tonight. And… she was finding she didn’t mind his company all that much. In fact, she might have actually started to like him a little. It only took four damn years. Her toes curled in Donna’s shoes and she shifted, taking another bite of the torte as she tried to look unaffected. “I guess. Sure. It’s a nice night for it.”  

Damian motioned for the waiter and paid the bill, while Raven kept watching him from under her lowered lashes. Jesus, he was handsome. Although she would rather eat crow than admit that out loud. Candlelight slid over his olive skin, casting curious shadows bathing him in mystery. Her stomach twisted as her eyes traced the stern line of his jaw and his full, decadent lips. Lips she wouldn’t mind giving a test kiss too. Just to see if they were really as soft as they looked. Not because she liked him like that. No. Of course not. This was Damian Wayne, her arch rival for the better part of four years, not some boy she happened to have a crush on.

She left a few bites of the torte for him and pushed the plate back to his side of the table. “I’ll need to text Donna and let her know I’ll be a bit later than eleven.”

“Oh no.” He lifted an eyebrow. “We’re staying out past curfew. How will she manage the scandal?”

Raven offered a sardonic smile. “I just want to make sure that when my body inevitably goes missing, she knows to check the bay first.” 

He just rolled his eyes, but didn’t stop smiling.   

Raven reached for her purse on the back of her chair, but it slipped on the shiny wood and fell to the hardwood floor. With a sharp crash, the snap closure cracked open with the shock of the impact, spilling the contents of her purse. She sat there, in complete, silent horror, as no less than twenty brightly colored condoms scattered across the floor around their table like suggestive confetti. Oh, fuck. This night could not possibly get any worse.

Frozen in shock, she sat there, not exactly knowing what to do. It wasn’t like she could deny ownership of the condoms, they came from her purse. She could try to make a joke, or explain the water balloon contingency plan, but nothing came out. The table next to them snorted into their food, trying not to make eye contact with Raven or Damian, and that somehow made it worse.

Damian looked from the floor to her face and then back again. He cleared his throat and pressed his lips together. “Oh. Wow. You… seem prepared.” 

“Donna. Water balloons. Not… mine?” Raven found herself stumbling through a series of weaker and weaker excuses, until she finally gathered enough of her wits to stoop down and shove the condoms back in her purse. She was going to murder Donna when she got back to their house. Murder her and bury her in the basement of their old house.

“You missed one.” Damian, lips pressed together as he obviously tried to stifle a laugh, reached across the table and handed it to her. “While I like to think my stamina is impressive, twenty times in one night seems a bit much.” 

Raven snatched the condom from him and glared, pulling herself to her feet. “Let’s just go.”  

She stormed out of the restaurant, trying to hide her shame as she stepped onto the street. Of all the things that could possibly go wrong on her not-date with Damian Wayne, an exploding purse full of condoms was somehow not on her list of worst-case scenarios. She stood in the streetlight, taking a deep breath of the air, tinged with moist heat of late-spring, and felt her embarrassment flood her. She buried her face in her hands and tried not to feel so utterly inept at this. How could she be so bad at just going on a date?

“So…” Damian wandered up behind her, his voice surprisingly casual. “I’m learning more and more about Gotham U’s resident hardass.” 

Raven started to walk away from him, but Damian followed, his steps sound and sure as he caught up with her. 

“One - she really likes kittens. Two - she makes me laugh more than I realized.”

Raven’s feet stopped at the subtle compliment and she turned around to look at him. He continued to walk up to her, his hands shoved in his pockets. How in the world did he make this look so easy? Like he knew what he was doing? Her stomach twisted painfully as he stopped in front of her, his eyes searching her face like he was admiring art. A smirk played on his lips, and his eyes turned dark as he pitched forward to look at her.

“Three - she apparently really likes to have sex.” 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Raven turned back around and started to move down the sidewalk, walking away from him as fast as shoe could. “Donna thought it would be funny.”

“Funny?” Damian fell into step next to her, still smirking. “Or, was she looking out for you?”

“Looking out for me?” Raven turned at him, leveling a flat stare. “Oh, please. As if we’d ever have sex.” 

“Why’s that?” His face turned into an unreadable mask, and he lifted an eyebrow, questioning. He seemed genuinely surprised that sex was off limits, and Raven didn’t understand why. It wasn’t like they were actually involved. She wasn’t even sure if they tolerated each other, let alone liked each other. 

“Damian.” She pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers and sighed in defeat. “You hate me. You’ve hated me since freshman year. You’ve done nothing but push me and tease me for the past four years. At what point do you think we are ever going to have sex?”

“I don’t hate you, Raven. I’ve never hated you. I… always thought we were kind of friends.” 

She lifted her eyes and looked at him, blinking. “What?”

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, as if releasing a tension that had been building inside him for years. “All those times I pushed at you during school was because I knew you could do better than what you were giving yourself credit for. I fought you on everything because you were always ready to see things from different points of view - when you were challenged.” He shifted, his hands falling out of his pockets in a small show of vulnerability. “And I teased you because you were always so damn cute when you got angry. Plus, you gave as good as you got. I’ve been roasted by you enough times to know at least that.” 

Raven allowed herself to feel at least a little pride at that. 

“I’ve never hated you. Not once since I’ve met you. You’re smart - brilliant, actually - clever, witty, and…” He glanced away, rubbing the back of his neck as his cheeks flushed. “…beautiful.” 

What. 

Raven found herself unable to breathe. She stood there, staring at him as her mouth opened and closed several times, hunting for anything to say. Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest that he had to have heard it over the sounds of the city. It felt like her head was swimming and her insides were melting, and she couldn’t make heads or tales of anything. Damian Wayne not only complimented her, but he called her beautiful. The man who could date supermodels and royalty, thought she was beautiful. Something inside her twisted with joy and excitement, and she found herself trying to explain her emotions away, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t deny her own feelings anymore. After all this time together, maybe she really did like him. 

Steeling her nerves, she stepped up to him and lifted her face to his. “Don’t think this compliment erases everything you’ve ever said to me, Dami.” 

His lips twitched as he fought back a smile. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” 

“And I’m still not planning on having sex with you tonight.”

He arched an eyebrow, and she heard his breath catch in his throat. Was he… excited? His tongue wet his lips and he spoke softly, as if unsure about what she was almost offering. “There seems to be a qualifier in that sentence.”

“I’m not planning on having sex with you tonight,” she repeated before turning back around towards the bay. Her heart was pounding, excitement and playfulness coursing through her. She felt nymph-like, leading him on a chase after her. If Damian wanted to consider her beautiful, then she would try to be as beautiful as humanly possibly. She lowered her voice to a sultry, flirtatious hum, knowing he could hear the suggestion in her tone. “But… it doesn’t mean I can’t change my mind in the future.” 

With a teasing smile, she turned toward the marina entrance. 

Missed a step in Donna’s too-big shoes. 

And promptly fell down the stairs.