#just want someone pretty and goodgearted to do things for and protect me
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its valentines and no ones confessing their love for me? 😔
#seriously trying not to have another breakdown today#remains to be seen but i swear if i lose my stomach im gonna go ape#just wanna be in love#just want someone pretty and goodgearted to do things for and protect me#its all ive ever wanted#its the only thing ive ever asked for#and ive never had a valentines day#and i missed out on a lot in highschool because im trans and im missing out now because of disabilities and just#fuck i dont have much and i dont want much#just the right someone to finally be in my life already so i know im safe and someone worries for me and pays attention#and then i can bake for them and do anything they need#and i would do anything#but my sexuality is fucky and i cant even crush on anyone who doesnt fit my type#and im trying so hard to keep believing that thats because theres someone specific i was meant to find#that we can pick up from out previous life together#but i dont know where to go or what to do to find that person#but god if he isnt going to be so beautiful and far too good for me#and right now im just exhausted and hungry and feeling sickly#and a bit manic because meds arent working and im not sure any will because of how my body absorbs things if it does at all#and i just want to share my life with someone instead of feeling so isolated and alone#im going crazy and jokes cant keep me up anymore everything feels so impersonal#i put tv on for noise but nothing feels like life and i cant leave my house#i dont know what life feels like i feel like ive never gotten a chance at adulthood and i just dont want this#i want my surgeries to happen already and as much as i want them done so ill be confident and ready for him#but i also dont know if i can go through with any of them without him to help me recover#i just hate i was born this way and i fell apart before i ever had a taste of freedom or real life#i wish that person would just show up already#somehow i dont care how just somehow and we could move on and share time and life together and help each other#because this is unbearable and i feel awful when people do flirt with me because BOY HOWDY are yall not usually my type#and you're sweet and any of you could treat me well but you're just not the one im looking for
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