#somehow i dont care how just somehow and we could move on and share time and life together and help each other

[divineintervention-comics]

When did you first read the myth of Ganymede? And why did you chose to make a comic for this myth?

its a long and convoluted story but im happy to share. in 2015, i was in middle school, i made horror character designs based on the zodiac signs and those later became OCs (i have never read homestuck, everything i know about it was forced upon me by my friends in school). i used the myths as backstories for the characters when they are living constellations. i wanted to make a RPG and they were stars that fell to earth when the gods got too caught up in their bullshit and neglected humanity and the earth and now they have to save the world.

i was immediately attached to Aquarius (who is now Ganymede), he was always an androgynous perpetually dissociated character even before i knew the backstory. i was a teenager myself at this point when i really got into it, and i found the Zeus and Ganymede myth to be disturbing since i was his age. it stuck with me, to the point where i struggled to find the other constellations myths less compelling.

i dont know how to code and didnt know how to make games, i already felt like i was losing it bc its been in production hell since i was 12 and i was 17 at the time. i felt like before i make the game, i should make backstory comics for ALL 12 CHARACTERS (how i thought i would be able to do that when i only cared about 2-3 of the characters in the series who knows). i couldnt stop thinking about Ganymede, i couldnt stop thinking about a story where he is a character and not just an object in the narrative.

in 2020-2021, i made my first draft beta version, it wasnt called "Cupbearers", it was "Divine Intervention: Cupbearer". i just found the myth so compelling in a "i need to make a horror story out of this" way, i needed to cope with my own fears of kidnapping, sexual abuse, human trafficking, loss of bodily autonomy, transformations, immortality, and being stuck through this myth inspired comic.

Ganymede, even as Aquarius, has always been a cathartic character for me, both as a 12 year old and now as a 21 year old. i grow up but he is cursed with immortality, cursed with eternal youth, the world keeps moving on and he will never be able to catch up. stuck in the same spot, never moving forward, never moving backwards, just stuck working for the man who stole his life until the end of time, eternal punishment viewed as a gift by those who bestowed it upon him. how could you be so ungrateful? we gave you a gift. we took you away from everything you've ever known, we've taken away ownership of your body, we've turned you into a beast like us, being tortured by me is a gift, it is a privilege that i chose you, you ungrateful meat-thing.

but he is just a kid, i want to protect him, i want to draw him having fun, i want to draw him enjoying a good meal, i want to see him find any comfort in the horror that is immortality. he's only a kid. just a baby, barely even though puberty, his brain isnt done developing, he had a future, he could have grown up and chose his own life. i think about that a lot.

i just generally have a lot of thoughts, everything i write and draw for this project has a point, it has a purpose, its not just needless suffering i dont write despair. (some zeus x ganymede shipper vagueposted about cupbearers being needless wallowing without purpose bc i dont write fluff fics between a grown man and his child slave)

i really appreciate this ask!!! thanks for asking me about my thought process, i have so much going on in my head and i need to get it out somehow

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

argh NO the feelings of listening to Make A Man Out Of You for the millionth time and having it sink in that Shang goes through ALL the emotions as he sings it and he gets his own little character arc

like it's a montage of Mulan coming into her own for the very first time and the soldiers learning to work together with their strengths-

and it's also Shang, singing the song, singing his parts SEPPERATE from the chorus, drowning them out-

him the captain, alone at the top, leading and guiding, determined to prove himself and be out there on the field to help his father- him starting out so full of CONFIDENCE and conviction yes he WILL make a man out of you! (somehow) sharing his idea of what a man is: BALANCE. Tranquil and on fire. it's finding your center, you place inside yourself

but then the soldiers all sing and they're begging for their lives under his training, hopeless, the mood isn't we're in this together it's i am going to die die die die hey lets throw rocks at ping- ping is even worse than the rest of us we all hate ping

Shang's sings again and there's desperation now, heed my every order and you MIGHT survive-

he's not hoping to train the best army ever anymore, he's scared he'll lead people to their death because he Cant Train Them right, he's running out of time to get them ready,

And this is the moment he tells Ping / Mulan to go home. his darkest hour in the song, him giving up, him admitting HE'S failed

how could i ever make a man out of you? Not, how could YOU ever be a man- how could /I/ ever make you one! Maybe Ping could be a great soldier, but Shang can't teach it

(am i reaching? maybe. i dont care)

He blames himself. A bad teacher, he thinks. but he will not send someone who can't fight into a war just to die

(a good captain)

Ping would've just been the first one he sent home, im sure

Mulan CAN'T go home though, for her HERSELF she can't do it- her father is safe now and she has a way out but no No NO, she climbs the pole to reach the arrow as the song climbs with her,

Shang's voice tenses with this sort of desperate hope and wonder as he hits the last note, as she throws down the arrow, as he looks up and sees-

she got there using both weights, using BALANCE. His teachings-

but he didn't teach Ping that

And finally. FINALLY

shang sings with the chorus

the instruments drop away and it's just voices, Shang in lead yes, but the soldiers are with him now. or maybe it's him finally being with them?

Mulan's example brought them together. Her, Ping's success, wasn't just a victory for new recruits- it was the moment SHANG saw he could be a good teacher, a good captain

with help.

he gave Mulan room to try herself, he showed her basics, cared more about Ping's safety than his own ego- told Ping go home, -I- can't teach you. I have failed. He left the door open for Ping to teach himself

remember the chorus? "Be a man" -it's a CHORUS it's NEVER sung alone

(like shang has been singing)

A man isn't singular. He isn't separate. Isn't alone.

He is the moment the whole camp looks up and CHEERS to see the weakest one of them make it to the top

a man is that last shot, all of them together, moving as one

their center isn't something they hold inside themselves. None of them start winning until they turn their focus outward and find their center in the people around them- they come into their own when they see ANYONE even PING can be a man

and Shang needed to see that too

that shot of him running with soldiers and Ping at lead is the visual version of that last chorus line

he started out wanting to make men out of these guys, he ended up learning to be one of the men himself instead

and i think ive fried my brain

[strwberri-milk]

Hiii, may I request something like When We Were Young by Adele with Diluc and Kaeya, or Venti? Thank youuu, love your writing.

i decided not to do venti bc. idk i just dont feel like i understand him well enough to really write for him AND im sorta seeing this as. missing someone you used to know idk

You thought you'd gotten over it. You knew he was gone - that much was clear when Kaeya mumbled as much to you over his cold cup of coffee and his newly acquired eye patch.

A big part of you was hurt. You thought that the two of you shared everything together, that he trusted you as much as he trusted Kaeya and that nothing would separate the two of you. Of course the death of Crepus would weigh heavy on his mind, but you thought that you'd be there to support him. You never expected this.

Time passed and the pain of his disappearance would ebb until it was mostly gone. You didn't miss him as much and slowly, you managed to get over him. It was hard to do so when you had nothing but your ideals of him in your head that just grew grander with time, but somehow you managed.

However, right now as you stared at him standing behind the counter that Charles had occupied for so long all of those feelings came rushing back to you. Your heart stopped as you watched him casually mix together a drink, the man standing there both so like and unlike the boy you once knew.

His eyes barely graze over yours, brows barely lifting in recognition as he easily kept up with all the orders and to you, it was a sign that you needed to stay moved on. You'd find solace in your memories and for you, that was more than enough to keep your chest warm.

Kaeya always knew how to keep space between him and you. It didn't matter how much he pretended that the two of you knew everything about each other because you knew that he cared about you more than he could ever say. It was clear in the small things he did that he wished he could tell you more about him, but you knew you cared enough not to press.

The night Crepus died you knew Kaeya would need some time to himself to come to terms with it, as well as grieve his father with his brother. Or at least that's what you thought.

When he suddenly cuts contact with you you don't know what to do. You've got half a mind to go out and find him, demand answers for his sudden refusal to see you but you knew that's not what he needed. So you waited.

Waiting didn't seem to do anything because he still continued to just not talk to you. Somehow, it felt as though he was trying to avoid everything from his past, Diluc's disappearance most likely not helping at all.

Slowly, the distance between the two of you grew to something impassable. Kaeya was no longer the quiet kid you once helped learn to read, and now he was this larger-than-life captain who's smile didn't quite reach his eye.

He didn't give you the chance to reach out and you decided if that's how he felt you'd let him stay there, wherever he was until he sorted things out himself. If he missed you then he'd look for you but until then you were fine with things being the way they were.

[danmeiconfession]

a reply to https://www.tumblr.com/danmeiconfession/729135240003698688/a-reply-to-this?source=share, as the person who wrote the original.

i never said shen yuan broke the cycle as in "had an abusive upbringing but chose to not inflict it on someone else". he did, however, step into the place of luo bingmei's abuser, and instead of giving him hatred, he saved luo binghe through love. he broke someone else's cycle through being forced into it.

it's impossible for a person to break a cycle of abuse without other people caring about them. if you never learn there's a better alternative, that you don't need to choose between being the person who inflicts pain and the person who is pained, then you'll choose to stop being hurt one way or another. shen yuan broke the cycle by being the precise person who showed luo bingmei he had the option to not be a part of that cycle, that it was possible to have kindness without "earning" it through strength and domination.

also, how exactly is luo bingmei "exactly the same" as luo bingge? there are only two scenes i can think of where luo bingmei may have raped shen qingqiu: the first is the scene in the fake bamboo hut, which wasn't even a real attempt and a way to scare shen qingqiu. bad joke, certainly! but not actually trying to rape shen qingqiu. if you meant maigu ridge, that was rape for both parties, luo binghe was too out of his mind to know what happened. hell, he canonically doesn't consider it his first time, probably because he never chose it.

if we're talking about violence, he certainly isn't that. with the human cauldrons, he crippled many people's cultivation, but i don't see where it's confirmed he killed them. meanwhile, luo bingge has massacred thousands. he certainly turned old palace master into a human stick like bingge with shen jiu, but like. this is the guy who killed his mother, lusted after his mother, and there's evidence he likely made some move on bingmei. i am inclined to give him sympathy here. but even if we consider the human stick situations to be the same, the simple scale of the violence can't be compared.

and in terms of the cycle of abuse: its not just shen jiu that bingge hurt. sure, he tortured his abuser for ages, and inflicted all sorts of violence on cang qiong mountain, that by itself is part of it. but we certainly can't forget about the wives. it's the fact that he rapes at least 10% of his wives, its the wives he lets hurt each other as much as they want as long as none outright die. its the common people he forces to server under his iron will. shen jiu was just one early part of it, but he quickly became just another enemy for bingge to crush. and i don't know about you, but i dont see bingge inclined to kill thousands and rape dozens in the extras.

also, in regards to your response to my confession proper. i am certainly willing to give you the quotes to prove that shen jiu abused disciples if you want them, but i get the feeling you'll ignore it. and what suspicions did yue qingyuan not believe? his suspicions against shang qinghua? true, not believing him on that part was a flaw. but if you mean luo binghe, i hardly see how a seemingly-human child was anything to be suspicious of. theres no way that shen jiu knew luo bingge was a demon until he was thrown into the abyss, and assuming he did tell yue qingyuan, what precisely could he have for shen jiu at that point in time? if you mean to imply that shen jiu somehow knew luo bingge was a demon as a disciple, i'd very much like to know how exactly he would think that, and why he'd not have banished luo bingge from his peak immediately upon discovery.

SA is still a SA no matter how many times abuser says that it was a joke and they weren't in the right mental state or some "excuse" like that or how they are sorry that they did that.

I haven't said that they are the same I said they are closer than what we're tend to believe and about circle of abuse my point still stands, he was obsessed with SJ so his torture was worse.

I pointed it out that I was talking about SQH.

[craftyquirkywriter]

An Imagination on Evilive

So the setting is the same though here you can go with the assumption that Dongsoo is not married .

With time Dong soo became developed involved in Doyoung's business. He used to accompany him as his "legal advisor" to all the important meetings that they had.

Initially skeptical about the same arrangement, Doyoung found himself to be unable to say no when ever Dong soo asked for something. He found himself experiencing a wave of new emotions that rushed over him whenever the old man was near.He became so different in matters pertaining to the old man that even his subordinates had discussions of whether something was going on with the two.

Do young had been so isolated earlier that he paid no heed to other people's emotions. Yet he did not understand why he found himself restrained and listened whenever Dongsoo tried to stop him from doing something.

It was one of those days when Doyoung had a meeting with one of his hotshot business client. He was against of taking anyone with him to the meeting. Yet when Dongsoo approached him with his usual charm he found himself unable to say no. "Why do you have to accompany me to wherever I go?" Doyoung asked. "We are partners, remember, I need to take care of you", Dongsoo replied him with his smug smile. And that is how he found himself accompanied by Dongsoo and four of his other gang members.

The meeting was in swing but Doyoung was hardly able to pay attention to it. Eul Tae, the man in question, kept on with his presentation but was too friendly with Dong soo, according to Doyoung. Throughout the whole meeting he kept eyeing him and Doyoung knew the meaning of such glances he had been there hadn't he?? Didnt he also look at Dong soo the same way? But he felt his blood boiling at the mere sights and the occassional touches that Eul Tae gave to Dong soo. However, Dong soo unaware of the whole ordeal going in Doyoung's mind was too engrossed in the presentation. He also was unable to see through Eul Tae's actions and reciprocated certain of his actions in a friendly way.

Somehow Doyoung managed through the whole meeting but he could feel himself on the edge with one more action needed from Eul Tae to drive him feral and make him bash his head against the wall. And Eul Tae unaware of the consequences made the move soon.

When they were about to leave the vicinity with Doyoung practically dragging Dongsoo along, Eul Tae grabbed Dongsoo's hand. Dongsoo turned around. "You have a pretty good idea of the law why are you stuck up as being a legal advisor, accompany me, I will help you set up your own office and gain new cases", Eul Tae said.

Dongsoo was just about to reply when Doyoung literally ripped the shorter man apart from Eul Tae and Dongsoo crashed into his chest. Engulfing him in his arms, Doyoung replied, " Arent you getting too ahead of yourself? He is 'my' legal advisor and as you might know I dont like sharing".

Dongsoo was stunned , a wave of feelings rushed within him. He knew it was going to be a long day after they go back. He found himself being dragged over into Doyoung's car. Doyoung asked his people to leave them alone. Dongsoo found himself left alone with Doyoung.

It was after a while through the ride, noticing the situation, that Dongsoo attempted to make a chance at conversation. "What was going on back there Mr Seo?", he said with a smug smile on his face suddenly aware of the intentions of the young man. He thought of getting a snarky reply . But Doyoung beat him to it and replied " Didnt I make it clear back then? I dont like seeing you with other people".

Dongsoo was stunned by the remark. Was it a confession? Nobody knows but it will do for now wouldnt it?

How was it?? Give me feedbacks in the comment and I might end up writing more cause I just love them so much😊

[wolfbabedeluxe]

9 Ship Songs

I was tagged by @vlwv to share 9 songs for a ship? I like a challenge, so I decided to pick 9 ships, and try to narrow down one song for each! (I will also post links to my playlists* cuz there were so many good songs that didn't make the cut)

tagging @ladydimitriscu , @badsalmonella , & anyone else who want to share some ship music 💖

shepard/garrus (mass effect) - 1,000 light years away (chelsea lee greenwood)

And I should've said it before you were gone Because I'm kicking myself for waiting oh so long And I should've held you near Every time I fear Somehow you just wouldn't feel the same So please don't say that'll you go My heart can't bear the news Just knowing that you'll be a thousand light years away If you do

warden/alistair (dragon age: origins) - haven (we banjo 3)

Lay down your weapons, lay down with me We will stare at the stars and think what life could be Island of memories we'll leave them where they lie Could we make the choice for love and joy

hawke/varric (dragon age 2) - so close (jon mclaughlin)

So close to reaching That famous happy end Almost believing This one's not pretend And now you're beside me And look how far we've come So far we are, so close

hawke/fenris (dragon age 2) - stay (amelie)

Stay where you are Safe in a frame Try to move closer You'll only get halfway Pin down your heart Put out the flame Don't come any close But don't move away

inquisitor/sera (dragon age: inquisition) - honey (kehlani)

I like my girls just like I like my honey, sweet A little selfish I like my women like I like my money, green A little jealous 'Cause I'm a beautiful wreck A colorful mess, but I'm funny

kanan/hera (star wars: rebels) - boats & birds (gregory and the hawk)

But you can skyrocket away from me And never come back if you find another galaxy Far from here with more room to fly Just leave me your stardust to remember you by

mc/cove (our life: beginnings and always) - that part (lauren spencer smith)

I hate the middle, let's skip to the part when you kiss me Surrounded by friends and our family Know we're too young to get married We knew from the start I'm sick of waiting, so can we just skip to that part?

mc/derek (our life: beginnings and always) - so nice (carly)

So nice Incredibly honest Polite So nice, all night He's right to me It's turning me on that He's the kind of superstar That would only steal your heart So nice

mc/baxter (our life: beginnings and always) - fourth of july (fall out boy)

You are my favorite what if You are my best I'll never know And I'm starting to forget Just what summer ever meant to you What did it ever mean to you?

*playlists have a lot of overlap, and are based entirely on my own taste in music & also vibes, though there are some really good lyrical picks too. expect a ton of carly rae jepsen, fall out boy, misterwives, and cheesin' by cautious clay (its on like... all my playlists. i just vibe with it. it barely fits any of the playlists but i dont Care) ALSO, *most* of them are just.. in the order I added the songs. the only ones that I have re-ordered with a purpose are the Derek & Baxter playlists, because theirs are more narrative.

[away-ward]

Hello, I was unsatisifed with a lot of background things happening in DN and the way PD wrote them, and here are the two main things i wanna share with you: pregnancies and worldbuilding (?).

Tbh, i was a bit sad, angry and pissed off with the way PD handled pregnancies in the DN series. For a series that's so "forward", "not following the crowd", and "make rules for themselves", these characters are all always so stuck in the past even when they shouldve already moved past THAT past. EVERY DAMN COUPLE had to have children, and somehow, outsiders' opinions of their relationships, even after getting together, still mattered a LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH. Understandable that some opinions could affect them because how could they not, no matter how much they wanna say they wanna do whatever they want, they still live in a society, and that society is the highly judgemental, political, and corrupted town, Thunder Bay. Considering that they still have feelings and could be affected by hate comments etc., they just cannot always act like it didnt affect them, like the way rika thought michael would leave her because she couldnt get pregnant and how that also relates to her "worth" as a woman, especially in a heavily judgemental society like TB, where even when a lot of them wre "progressive", a big part of the community were still holding up to traditional values of what women are, should be, should do etc. They're not living in some wonderland or some shit like that, ok fine, BUT what i dont understand is how these opinions wouldve affected them so much even after getting together for YEARS, and even worse, they just never really communicate about them, butthen they fight, fuck, and just got over it as if every thing is fine all over again. So whats the point of that dramatic infertility announcement in conclave then? Stupidity!

Every time we got something good for the characters' progression, PD always had to ruin it by regressing the progress of their characters, and worse, these characters don't even talk about what they want or expect from each other in their relationship. Not one, even KaiBanks, the seemingly "most mature" couple in thes series. The immaturity of these couple were on another level! This was one of the aspects of DN that unsatisfied me the most. I HATED how reductive PD made pregnancies and child planning look in DamonWinter's story. Like they have a litter of children, while being emotionally, mentally and financially irresponsible adult themselves, and ijust couldnt enjoy any kind of child-related things in this series honestly. Not even WillEmmy! Why cant we just have couple who take their times to get to know each, settle down everything first, then be fucking mature adults and plan their future together? This "reckless live to the fullest" sounds so bonkers, because it doesnt involve the horsemens and their wives anymore, theyre bringing their kinds, who are INNOCENTS (!) into this world and lifestyle without thinking about it further. The only person who had put a thought (even a little bit) towards this issue was Will and that says a lot because he wasnt even always sober before Nightfall! It was clear even when he wanted Emmy in his life, and his implied thought rpocess of taking revenge on her, that he couldnt just force her to live his lifestyle, or even bear his kids, because it's not just gonna be Willemmy anymore, it's now WillEmmy + their kids + their nephews and nieces + the others now. Everyone's live couldve been on danger and some innocent couldve suffered. Because of this, I feel like DamonWinter are just so immature and selfish as a couple and parents because its always about what THEY want, but not what the CHILD needed (before winter got pregnant), like they never really thought things through in a longer run, and feeling everything and having fun, is all they cared about at the moment. Damon never really thought about building skills and get a job like a mature responsible adult and partner until Winter reminded him, and im just so done! I love that that Damon's hater ask pointed out his incompetency because i so agree with them, and i think this is one of the aspect of his (and others') incompetency. They just think like children, and they do not have the maturity of a grown adult who has to work with others around them, it's insufferable! On the other hand, i also think thats why each of them were writter so diffrent yet similar with one another because they needed this balance. Not evryone has to be the same, as an individual, they had their weaknesses, but as a family, theyre perfect for each other.

As for my other own personal in depth unsatisfying feeling about the pregnancy aspect of this series, i just cannot stand to read rika's big ass meltdown about her infertility in conclave, and this does not come from a place of lack empathy about her situation, rather it's because of the way PD wrote it. In fact, i was FUCKING LIVID with the way PD was so quick to just label Rika as the one who was infertile, when there were no medical checkups done on Michael, as if the responsibility or for a lack of a better term, "fault" for infertilities all lies on the shoulder of the women-here, and it's Rika. Sure, her period cycle was fucked yada yada yada, but from the start, i always read it with an implication that it's rika who had to deal with all that pain and shame, and this is definitely a heavy blame on the writer because PD couldve literally balance it out with michael's possibility of being the one who was infertile instead, or made rika said something to michael about doing body checks or checkups as a married couple, but PD. NEVER. DID. God! This was why that whole infertile thing was so infuriating to me. Also, If PD already knew that rika was already handling with so much responsibilities with people around her, why on earth would they put more stress on rika's shoulder? Rika was in college (probably full time and on her last year, yeah), so she probably had a lot of things to prepare for, then she had the fane empire business to take care of, the mayor election campaign, being an NBA's star's partner making time in her pact schedule for michael (she's probably gonna have to be dealing with a lot of press not just for her main job, but also for this NBA thingy too), travelling from one place to another for college and business, oh and she's a fencer, works at the dojo, a local town campaigner, a sister who checks up on everyone etc. so why the hell would preganancy at the age of 22, mind you, would be so important when she already had so much on her plate, and she hasnt even reached her mid-twenties yet? It's FOMO, but the way PD wrote it made it felt so weird to me, and it shows rika's immaturity (understandably so) of dealing with sensitive issues that a lot of women around the world had to go through, instead of a woman who we could sympathise or empathise with for going through all of this at 22. And that's the thing, Rika was already dealing with a lot, didnt even really talk to michael because she was worried for his career (but she could talk to KAI OF ALL PEOPLE and damon? Huh?), and now PD just had to put some unnecesaary implied cheating drama and stupid plot about infertility here? For what? For the drama? The infertility conversation didnt get solved with sensitivity or further couple planning, it just went over their head, and suddenly, OF FUCKING COURSE RIKA HAD A MIRACLE BABY BEFORE SHE TURN 33, OMG SHOCKING!!! I'm so tired reading these books with suden pregnancy tropes, because a lot of authors just cant write this trope very well, so it always comes off immature, romanticised and insensitive to others. Some people dont even enjoy reading this trope for whatever reason that is, so this plotline just ruins their story further. I just can't stand the silly logistics of it all. Like Miss Girl, you're 22, sit down! Rika couldve used that time to built her skills to be a good aunt, a competent political debater, a businesswoman AND a politician so that she could be an amazing women figure in their family for herself and others, and then run the Fane empire and the mayor thing slowly so we can see her like Banks' short scene in nightfall's epilogues dealing with some political stuff, but noooo, it all just happen at once and we're supposed to but that? Like she doesnt even have the BASIC SKILLS to run a town, why dont PD start from there first? I think if she was given more trainings and drills, she can make a great politician in the future, but unfortunately, we never got to see that.

And that's the thing, even if rika IS the town's sweetheart, what kind of town, with the majority of people there being people with high profiles, political connections and corruptions, would just listen to this 22 year old girl preaching about "kindness" when all she did, was just being family to a bunch of similarly privileged new adult pranksters with a history of crimes and "not fitting in" with the rest of the crowd? Do they not understand how political agenda or advertising work? Thats not how politics and organised systems work! If i was a resident in Thunder Bay, rich as fuck i couldve bought almost anything in this world like (Gabriel Torrance), i would not even pay a single mind to rika or the horsemen, in fact, i would usurp her position and gang up with some other locals in town, just for fun, to piss the them off. Like What happens to voting systems? It just doesnt make sense. They treated the town's safety and mechanisms like it's a child's play and not some serious and dangerous political business that requires working with so many people from so many different industries so that a town could work fine. Every time rika opened her mouth to talk to her workers or people in conclave, i swear i throwed up a bit in my mouth because of how cringy it was. That Ninja comment by Damon was even cringier. If PD wanted to convince us with this IT Thunder Bay couple of the successful Michael, the NBA player and the own sweetheart Rika, the TB Mayor + business owners couple bullshit, they gotta make it make sense you know. I GAGGED when they threw that engagement party in kill switch, then damon dissed them thinking "what the fuck is this all" because that was the first time ever that i agreed with damon lmao! It's really not on rika at this point, i noticed, PD was just always shit at writing logistics, because they're a very idealist writer. As long their idea works, nothing else matter and that's why, all these important logistics seem to fly out the window in their every. damn. book. in this series. And somehow they always got their redemption arcs and turned out to be Mary Sues and Gary Stus by PD, even Damon! Oh, please! Anyway, I just know by now that if i wanna enjoy PD's books (aside from birthday girl), i gotta turn off my thinking hat so that it wouldnt ruin my fun of reading their books. (Don't even get me started with Alex's jobs because aside from MichaelRika, Alex's was the most unbelievable among them all, but one thing i liked about her story was that she was childless, like YESSS GIVE US SOME RICH SUCCESSFUL AUNT CHARACTERS yk). PD did a great job at the fall away series, the hellbent series, and birthday girl's worldbuildings though, so maybe they should just stick to writing about middle class suburban characters who just mind their own business, and not high profile people who's about to rule the world.

What do you think about this? Or have this part of DN series never really interest you much?

Hellllloooo! I’m laughing because you said “background things” so I was expecting things that happened in the background plots but then you listed worldbuilding, which to me is pretty significant. I don’t know why, but that got a chuckle.

I mean, to start with, I think I agree with you on most of your points. For me personally, this is not a series that’s meant to be dissected and analyzed to the degree at which we’re doing it. Once you start pulling at strings, it all comes crashing down. Our MCs are all “morally gray” but for the “right reasons”. They always get what they want and always come out on top. When I go into their world, I try to turn off my head and just have fun. I find that’s when I enjoy it the most.

But yeah. I’ve thought out it in terms of “what in the world is this. This wouldn’t work.” and I've ranted about it plenty too.

Re: the pregnancy the issues you brought up - I also didn’t like that everyone had kids at the end. I didn’t take issue with the lack of planning, but that could just be me. I also didn’t mind that none of them chose to remain childless. I feel that most people grow up knowing they’re going to be parents, or at least get to that point in early adulthood. It’s not so much a question of if, but more of when and who with? And I think the latter is the most important question to answer. I’m happier knowing that these people had already committed to each other before having children.

I was upset because CC introduced the idea that Rika and Michael couldn’t have children of their own. I was intrigued with the idea that this couple, the first couple we followed, wasn’t going to get everything they wanted. So much as worked out for them, but this big thing…that’s being withheld? I was intrigued with where this was going to go. I would have been super happy if M&R had committed to the idea of being childless and focused on other aspects of their very full lives (as you brought out) and then Aaron came along. I would have even been happy if, after Rika voiced her concern, Michael calmed the situation down and reassured her in some way. His immediate reaction seemed to confirm the reasons why she didn’t tell him in the first place, not to mention his reaction to her confiding in Kai (are you not all family? Doesn’t she get to have as strong a bond with him, as with any of the others? Why does he get all your suspicion? It’s hardly fair.). But if he said he didn’t care about any of that, he just wanted her and their lives, whatever came at them without going to the other extreme first, then I could have dealt with them adopting. I didn’t like how Athos came into their lives though; just so perfectly plopped into their laps.

Basically, I wanted to see Rika and Michael struggle. Or know that they struggled and got through it together, before getting everything they wanted. But it was all handed to them and that made me mad. It also upset me that it felt like the message was “a child will fix a marriage” or “children are needed for a happy family”. There didn’t seem to be any creative thought for what a family could look like.

I personally didn’t have a problem with Damon having a big family. Honestly, that makes the most sense to me. Though at the end, with Emmy, it did feel like a rush to fit all of the couples having at least one child, but then that also kind of makes sense. Will was 27 by the time Indie was born. He’s not a young parent by any means, and all his friends already had children. If he wanted his kids to grow up with them, then he didn’t have time to wait. I also think when you consider the age gaps with Kai and Banks kid’s (11 and 5) and Will and Emmy’s kids (9, 5, and a mystery but still young), then they probably did some planning. And they probably didn’t have to do as much planning as you’d think. They’re financially secure and own their company. Money isn’t an issue for them. They live in a small town and their kids will go to private school, so picking a good neighborhood isn’t necessary. They live around extended family and have hired help, so who’s going to watch the kids in case of an emergency is settled. The only thing they’d really have to think about is raising children, knowing the kind of enemies they’re going to have, but there’s always risks to anything involving children, so it’s either do or don’t. What I liked was that they were committed to being parents. It didn’t just happen and now they have a kid they didn’t want or an unexpected, unhappy accident. That would have been sad.

I mean, I agree that they should have thought it through before becoming parents – it seemed for the narrative that Banks and Winter were sort of…surprised to be pregnant? Like they didn’t think it could happen or was going to? (And wasn’t Winter also on birth control when she became pregnant with their second? Or am I making things up again??) But who knows, maybe they did discuss it and we didn’t get that part of the story.

None of the guys thought about getting jobs; privilege gives you that kind of freedom. Michael only wanted to be a pro-athlete. The others didn’t even know what they wanted to go to school for. Kai figured it out in prison when he had no choice, Damon thought he was going to inherit his father’s empire, and Will probably thought he was going to work for his grandfather in some capacity. Or travel until he couldn’t anymore. All of them were immature.

I thought Rika said she went to the doctors, but I could be wrong. Not picking up CC for that. Anyway, I didn’t pick up on Rika accepting the blame of infertility. I think society places a lot of responsibility on the woman to bear children, so it didn’t strike me as odd that she would assume she was the problem. This is probably something a lot of women go through and might have felt relatable to some readers. And I have no desire to be a parent, so the level at which she was distraught over telling Michael didn’t hit with me, but I assume for someone who does want to be a parent, Rika’s reaction and handling of the situation might also be relatable. No idea. And when people are so wrapped up in their emotions, their reactions to things aren’t always right. I just know how I would have liked the situation to be responded to when emotions calm down, and I didn’t get that. So ...

Rika and Michael’s communication and trust issues, especially around Kai, are one of the issues I brought out in another ask. They really need to get those sorted out; it was getting ridiculous.

Overall, the first time I read CC, I got the impression that the infertility issues might have been something PD brought in from their real-life experiences. Maybe not them personally, but someone they knew, served as the inspiration (But that is just a guess and I have no way of knowing. I could be completely off). And then at the end, they wanted Rika to have a child, so we got Athos. Later, it all works out for them and Rika gets to experience pregnancy, so we get Aaron.

It’s one of those things that yeah… it can happen in real life. But should it happen in this story? Does it add or take away something? I felt this plot point took away something from the story.

As far as Rika becoming mayor, this point had me scratching my head and laughing because yeah…she was still in college, or recently graduated, and she has all those other responsibilities on her plate. I mean, I don’t really care about her age. I’d look to Parks and Recreation, because wasn’t Ben mayor of his town at like…18 or somethin? But then he was bad at it because of inexperience. So yeah, Rika becoming mayor and then being good at it felt like overkill, for reasons you said: other members of community, more mature and experienced members, would be going that position of power, and also, she would be inexperienced in that sort of leadership role.

Which is why I always assumed she got the position through intimidation. Specifically through the Torrance’s name. Say what you’d like about Damon, I wouldn’t want him breaking into my house to “earn” my vote for Ms Fane. And let’s not get started on Bank’s taking control of Gabriel’s empire. Banks and Damon totally got anyone who challenged Rika to back down, and then pushed her into position so that they could all control the town and do what they wanted.

So Rika standing there and gaslighting herself “we’re not really criminals” is hilarious to me. Yes. Yes, you are. You are a criminal. You will be a corrupt mayor. Just because it’s “for the good of the town” and not just yourself doesn’t mean what you’re doing isn’t shady and corrupt. But sure, keep lying to yourself.

I don’t remember the Ninja comment but I’m sure it was cringe and I’m choosing to forget it.

But like I said, this series was just supposed to be fun. We’re not meant to think deeply and make sense of it. Just turn off your brain and enjoy the ride. Anything more than that, and starts to fall apart.

[just-some-random-blogger]

Damn this was a ride. In all honesty truth, it's only the fact you took the time to explain everything with depth that I was able to understand the plot of game of thrones AHHAAHBABAHAHAH. OK I have like barely basic knowledge but yeah, taking the time to explain everything was very thoughtful of you AHAHAHAH💗💗💗💗

this is pretty long so a keep reading lol

“A beautiful flower for a beautiful lady.” the man said, and though Alys melted, his arm went directly past her, and in front of the Stark girl, whose eyes were wide. Her hands trembled, unable to reach out for the flower - And the man approached her, ripping the stem and putting the flower in her hair. “Much better.” his smile was so gentle and sweet, Y/N thought she would die on the spot.

Instead, she reached out to the ribbon in her hair and tied it around his palm. “I pray that you will win, My Lord.” the Prince’s smile widened, and Y/N could swear that he, in that golden outfit of his, was radiating brighter than the morning Sun.

DANNGGG SHE GOT GAME THO ??? wtf i could never i would simply die in face of oberyn martell

“Calm yourself, Alys. It is just a flower, nothing more. He will not even remember that I exist.” the girl smiled gently at her friend, reassuring her - But she had missed the envious look in her eyes.

🤨 [criminal bombastic side eye] girl dafaq? over a man??? ok i mean the man is gorgeous but have a little bit of feminism damn dafaq

“What an interesting pair we have before us, my love. An innocent and timid little snowdrop, accompanied by a bold and fierce rose. How intriguing.” the Prince was now focused on the two new-comers, though his arms were still snaked around his lover’s waist.

i love ellaria <3 a city girl girl's girl boss slay

“We are undeserving of such compliments, Your Grace.” Y/N spoke softly - [...]

damn. take the compliment???? wtf HELP

“Don’t be rude, Y/N - The Prince is giving us compliments, you have to accept them.” Alys grunted at her friend, before turning at the Martell Prince, batting her eyelashes dearly. 

i mean at least she has a little bit of sense

“Noble or not, it does not take away from your beauty.” Y/N retorted quickly - [...]

YN GIRLS GIRL LOVE CARE SLAY QUEEN YASS PURR UGH

“Beautiful names, just like the ladies having them.” Oberyn nodded. “Then, would the ladies wish to share our chambers tonight?” Y/N almost fell backwards off the bench from complete shock and fright.

Oberyn is the girl, yn and i are the cat:

BUT ALSO DONT MIND IF I DO DADDY 🤪🤪🤪🤪😜😜😜😜😜

The next morning was unusually quiet and relaxing. The weather was fine, the Sun was warm and the breeze just right. Somehow, during this beautiful morning, somehow, even the royal stench wasn’t as awful on the senses as usual. Y/N decided to have a plate of fruit tarts and find her peace in the flower garden, alone from everyone else. It was her hiding place - A little silly, she knew, but sitting down on the soft green grass and gazing at the myriad of colourful flowers was the only thing that made Y/N smile.

🥺🫶 I see it and i want to be her sounds lovely ugh

“My Lady has such a beautiful smile. You put the flowers around to shame.” [...]

HIHIHIH NO YOU DADDY

[...] “Not bad for something done in this place.” he tilted his head to the side comically.

💀💀💀 AHAHAHAHAHAHA OBERYN COMEDIC KING PULLED NO STOPS WENT RATATATATATA

“Forgive my language, Your Grace, but I think the right word you are searching for is much harsher and down to earth. I am an outright simple idiot.” her delicate hand was placed over his, so she could move his hand away from her face.

BRUHHHH 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

AT LEAST SHE'S SELF-AWARE1!! You know what the dead greek guy said i know that i know nothing and thus he was the smartest. 😌😌😌 purr queen things 💅💅💅💅

“I am undeserving of your compliments, Your Grace - Though, I am grateful for your discretion.” [...]

[CRIMINAL BOMBASTIC SIDE EYE] TAKE THE COMPLIMENT YOU RAT me @ myself fuuuuuck

But Ellaria was the sweetest woman in the world, and she hugged her dearly to her chest and kissed the top of her head. “Sweet little flower, worrying so much over nothing. It should be yourself you should be worrying about. Being traded off like an object of political means. You needn’t apologise to me. I pity you - But fret not. Oberyn is a good man. He will take good care of you. And so will I.” she remembers tearing up and hugging the woman tighter, thanking her over and over again for being so understanding and benevolent.

ELLARIA THE QUEEN THAT NEVER WAS MOVE OVER RHAENYS

Most of the time, however, she would spend her time in her room, doing various activities, be that reading Dornish books, or practicing over and over again strategies for the card game that Oberyn had thought her. She wanted to be a worthy opponent for the man - She had to live up to the expectations of a Prince, after all. Or, at least as close as she can get. Sometimes, she would embroider some of her dresses, and even some of the tunics that the Prince may or may not have intentionally taken over to her room. He had even taught her how to paint, and brought her all kinds of paints and paper, and though it wasn’t perfect, she had a particular fondness and skill in painting the flowers she would see in the gardens.

she like me fr. tryna impress my crush. also nauuURRRR HE'S AN ARTIST 😩😩😩😩💔💔💔💔💔

But the most beautiful envelope was directed to Alys. [...]

a waste of paper im sure. friends dont eye friends evilly

“Do you love women, Y/N?” he asked in the most casual tone possible. “If yes, I can have any woman of your liking brought over for you.” it only made her cheeks flare up.

NO BUT HES SO FUCKING HOT FOR THAT BARK BARK WOOF WOOF GRRRRR AWWWOOOOO also the fact he wasn't outright offering himself cos he wants to give her options

“You needn’t be cautious with me, sweetling. Men loving men, women loving women - People loving people - It matters little, as long as the love is genuine. You can tell me. I want to know the preferences of my lovely wife.” he always knew how to make her mind spin around.

PERSONALLY I WOULD PREFER IF YOU [GETS HIT BY A BUS]

Now, even more than before, he would come over to her chambers and would bring her new jewellery, all of them shining gold like the Sun, with precious stones of every kind and colours, and he would steal long and tender kisses from her. If he were gifting her a necklace, he would put it around her neck from behind, admiring how it embellished her flawless snow-white cleavage, and would embrace her from behind, leaning down to tickle her with soft neck kisses - She would always giggle from those.

sugar daddy core purr as he should 😌💅

If there were rings, he would kneel in front of her and slid them on, before kissing each of her knuckles, the back of her hand, and then he would lean his face into her touch and kiss the inside of her wrist - She would get so bashful that she would get on the ground next to him and hug him tightly to her chest, whispering the sweetest confessions of love and care.

And if he were to bring he any kind of hair accessory, be it a flower crown or pearls, a golden gem tiara, or a sheer veil filled with diamonds and zircons that would make her hair shine even more, then he would ask to brush her hair and he would fix the accessory in her hair himself, then tilt her head to kiss her forehead - She would put her hand over his, and cheekily bring his hand for her to kiss.

During the day, the two would play the newest card and dice game that was trending all around the young people - It became a trend, as she called it - And he had to admit, it was a nice game that combined strategy and luck rather beautifully. But better than that, he loved how she would make such adorable expressions when she would lose. He didn’t even imagine there could exist one with such awful luck, but she proved him wrong, times and times again, when out of 10 dices, none of them would depict the element she needed... For multiple rounds... For multiple games.

girl 💀💀💀💀🧍‍♀️ press f to pay respect 😔

At evening, she would sneak by the shore and dance - But it wasn’t just any type of dancing, Oberyn realised - But spear dancing. After he showed off to her multiple times when training, it seemed to have inspired the little flower to practice herself. She was fast and agile, but more than anything, she was so graceful and elegant, with her flowing skirts spinning around her slender form, and her long hair flying with every move. More than anything, however, she was having fun. Never had he seen her grinning so widely and having fun with all her heart. She looked free - As free as a bird, allowed to sing at will and fly at win - Allowed to do anything without anything restricting her in any way. She had some difficulty with the weight of the weapon, but twirling around made it feel less than a feather.

ok girlie

go off and seduce our man

“I’m surprised, lovely, Y/N, you have become so good at this.” seeing as it had dried, he held up the long paper and admired it. “Just like the real flower - I’ll have someone hang it so I can see it every time I wake up. Thank you, sweet one.” he raised her chin slightly, before kissing her forehead.

“You do not get it at all, do you? Or is that you do not want to understand?” he asked, putting Y/N on his lap. “It is you that I love.” Oberyn pulled the girl into a long and passionate kiss. “And I will have no one hurt the one I love.” he kept pulling her closer and closer with each kiss. The fire was suffocating her, but it also made her long for more. “I was unable to save Elia, but I will not allow those fuckers to lay their hand on you, my love.” Y/N was feeling her body and mind melting altogether in his embrace, and she was sure that, soon, she will transform into a puddle and slip between his fingers. “I am no saving Alys. I am saving you.”

“I DEMAND TRIAL BY COMBAT!” the very same wavery voice shrieked out, her voice echoing loudly through everyone’s ears. 

you what? SHE SCREAMING FR DANG. girl even i know oberyn dies in this ??? girl [criminal bombastic side eye] but get it ig

[...] “You! How-- HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING SO STUPID?!” a familiar voice cried out, as rapid footsteps echoed - Y/N felt herself being pushed against the wall by weak hands. Her beautiful sister Sansa was crying in her chest, shaking and sobbing tragically. “You will die! How could you do that?! Was seeing dad die not enough?! Now you will have me watch you die as well?!” 

sansa the only one who got the brain cells in the fam

“Dorne and House Martell is known to cause problems for the Crown for hundreds of years. Might as well sneak you out and bring you back to Sunspear with your elder sister. You will see that she has taken quite a liking to the Water Gardens especially.” Oberyn’s amused voice betrayed none of his nervousness. Sansa had a glare on her face, looking at him. She saw him as the man who took her sister away from her.

girl 💀💀 now is not the time but thanks i guess A for effort

“You are still hurting, my love. There is no need for you to rush or hide your mourning. You need to heal.” his voice was so gentle and loving, Y/N felt herself melting in his touch.

daddy listen we wanna get married to you before she does something that kills u ok? ok

“I know. But I was raised with very traditional and stuck up views. I have long since broken many of those sacred laws, but by mine own selfishness, I am invoking the marriage pact so I can have you even closer to me. Will you forgive me for my unbecoming selfishness, my sweet Prince?” his chuckled breath on her skin as he was kissing her neck made her fingers dig into his shoulder as she let out a sweet mewl.

finally ughhhh 💗💗😫😫

“The Lannisters send their regards -” [...]

you thought you ate? you thought you did something? [walks away]

“First of all - Fuck the Lannisters. Second of all... Fuck you.” Y/N chuckled, seeing Alys with huge tears in her eyes, groaning from the pain.

deserve BEAT HER ASS UNGRATEFUL PRICK

“H-How did you -- How did you know?!” the Manderly girl shrieked at her, making Y/N cringe and rub her ears.

????????????????????????????????? at this point if she didnt she deserves to die /////: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[...] “Also - Tyrion told me you’re Cersei’s lackey. I had been on the lookout for you for... A while now.”

💅💅💅💅💅 purr

“IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!” Alys yelled at her. “It should have been me...!” she started sobbing. “Cersei promised me she would marry me to you! She promised me wealth and status and everything I wanted, as long as I worked for her!” 

“Because I’m cute.” Y/N laughed at her, only for her lover to agree. [...]

HAHHAHAAHHAHAH AND THATS ON CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT HAHHHAAHA SLAYYYYYYYYYY

“Surely, you can go have your fun with her later. My sweet, innocent snowdrop aroused me too much, and I couldn’t possibly continue my night peacefully without some aid from my beautiful and lovely wife.” lazily extending his arm, he grabbed the girl’s wrist and pulled her back on top of him. “Since you ask me so nicely, I suppose I can make her wait a night... Or maybe two, to take care of my sweet husband of mine.”

My Innocent Snowdrop ~ Oberyn Martell x Stark!Reader

Summary: The eldest Stark girl is forced to marry Oberyn Martell as a political alliance made by Cersei, but what she does not know is that the Prince of Dorne is a very loving man who easily falls in love with her and cherishes her deeply.

The wolves never strayed away from the North - Y/N told herself, staring up at the head of her father, rotting on that wretched pike. He should have rejected the spot as the Hand of the King - Look where it got him and all the men that came with them. Septa Mordane’s head was also there, staring up at the Sun… And poor Jayne Poole, being imprisoned and… Lord knows what is being done to her.

Lady was dead, Nymeria and Meria, Y/N’s direwolf, were long since away from their premises. All the Stark wolves were very much dispersed all over Westeros, with Sansa and Y/N the only unfortunate souls licking each other’s wounds in King’s Landing.

Y/N would think hard, if there was any good memory she had of this forsaken place. Perhaps the time that she saw Arya being taught how to ‘dance’ by the master. The castle, the courtyard… Maybe everything except for the flower gardens was completely awful - Just like the stench of Flea’s Bottom. A good memory would be when she cheered for Sandor Clegane during the journey for Prince Joffrey’s name day… While he was still Prince, at least. He was such a good man, despite that rough exterior he puts out - Though Sansa was afraid to even look at him, Y/N always felt safe around him. Ironically, the same could be said about Tyrion, the Lannister dwarf with that silver tongue and cheek to match him. She could could count on her fingers the amount of times he had saved her and Sansa from danger - And she wouldn’t have enough hands.

She missed the North so much. That harsh cold was soothing, and the whipping wind was a caress. She wanted to hear the lullaby of the forest and the beauty of the fauna and flora around. She wanted to feel the fluffy snow under her feet again, and see her North lights with her old friend, the bastard of Dreadfort. She was glad that her parents had no idea she would meet up with Ramsay Snow every fortnight, in the Wolf’s Woods - He might have been the craziest psychopath, she thought, but she hadn’t felt more alive than when they were running with their canine companions through the frozen forests.

Keep reading

[p4ndoras-vault]

havent even made an intro post yet, but here are some source memories

techno and i met at school, i sort of annoyed him into letting me stick around. i had nothing better to do since i was new there. i remember dream being a dick to tommy, and tommy was techs little brother so i stood up for him. that was when techno started to respect me and we became actually friends, and we were inseparable. i didnt really care about school, but he was super super smart. like in every ap class imaginable, shits wild. he took school very seriously but somehow i always managed to convince him to skip school with me. we were so close that it genuinely made other people at school feel unsettled. people knew vaguely who techno was, he and dream were sort tied for the top students in the school, but dream was more social. and peoples only impressions of me were that i wore emo ass freak clothing, was tall, always was covered in bruises (from my dad, but they didnt know that), and that i beat the shit out of dream. so, they didnt want to mess with us. techno and i were always touching, grabbing each others sleeves or gripping each other so hard it hurt. i wouldnt say we were dating, but we were WAY more than just friends. hes my soulmate.

my. dad really really sucked so i ended up staying with techno and tommy and phil at their house like 99% of the time. techno and i shared a bed most of the time. i remember he would always tell me to bring my guitar whenever i came over, because he liked hearing me play for him. i wrote… a LOT of songs about techno.

i dont think phil liked me, distracting his super genius son from academics and getting him to start skipping class and stealing shit lol. techno had already had a rebellious streak in the past where he got into fights constantly and like went to fight clubs and shit, and he practically ruined his metal and physical health because of it. i think phil was worried i would make him start that up again, but tech did NOT care. also, phil was so so fucking nice to me. i mean, really i guess it was mostly politeness. he didnt like he staying there at all, but he loves techno and techno loves me so he kinda had to lmfao. tommy at first thought i was cool, since his first impression was me helping him out with dream and tommy saw how much techno liked me and he thought that anyone techno liked would be cool. tommy started ignoring me pretty quickly once he realized i only gave a shit about techno and no one else, and tommy definitely got pretty jealous because techno would only pay attention to me. but there wasnt really anything he could do about it

also, schlatt and i were friends at whatever school i was at before this one. for some reason the only clear memory i have of that school is passing him in the hall and dapping him up lmfao. we were definitely around each other a lot. also i remember fundy but i cant remember from where…? he was like. thirteen maybe. and i remember. taking care of him? but we werent related and he wasnt around by the time i moved to the new school. shrug

im also partially sourced from heathers, the movie and the musical, so uh. techno and i killed a few people, i was gonna blow up the school, stuff fell through and the bombs didnt go off but the police were still gonna get me, parents got told what had happened and everyone was rushing to the school to get their kids, phil was there, techno was fully prepared to go on the run with me and leave everything behind, i told him to kill me, he refused, i told phil to kill me, he was slightly hesitating, i forced the gun into his hands and made him shoot me . 😝 yeah yadda yadda

if any technoblade introjects want to interact i would literally do anything for you. BARAMNARKABRALRNARLWOEOFWOOWFOOWOOFWOODWOOD COME BACK TECHNO THE KIDS MISS YOU WOOFWOOF. clears throat

[eviedreams8]

I’m uploading everything i have in a doc. Ive written this while drunk high sober. There’s a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes, I dont read often and when it comes to writing like this i can care less about how it sounds just that it exits my mind immediately. It brings me peace in a brain then never shuts up and cycles through the same horrid thoughts. I doubt someone will read this but i want this blog so that i can write on here and not on my docs i do want to be a writer and so im seeing if i have the courage to share these. So read on.

Here starts the doc v

I have this idea of what my future may look like and it scares me. Because it is me still living here and having a mediocre job and not doing anything basically the safe route. It feels as if what i want in life can be attained but i don't try to have. which is why im giving myself no other options in where to go to college because I know what I want but I also know myself and i know that i will somehow chicken out and go the safe route. Is it stupid to force my self to do something i may not be successful out in hopes that i will somehow finally come out of my shell and be the person i truly want to be just because i am in a diffrent state but sadly your mind does not change when you leave  no matter what you will always be you and your stuck with it.

I want to be “granola Girl” ive accepted the title think it has the best form in music, its 100% voice and instruments and i hope it stays the same and doesn't fall into the social music norms of electronic music sounds. Real music is real talent. I have the tattoo for the granola lifestyle too hence why i got it. I think when I was little I always knew this is what i wanted ever since the dream  the van with driving onto a log with mountains and a waterfall. I loved that dream and I would draw it all the time. In a way it is just like my tattoo. I've also loved the idea of earth and nature, I want this, it's what I want , now that i know for sure I am ready for it. I don't want money I could give two shits about that i just want someone who wants me and who gets me and all we will ever need is one another. I want what the couple in sleep on the floor has  because that is all i need 

There is something in women that when they look pretty or feel like they look pretty they become productive or its just me. I watch videos of girl being productive but the start of the video is of them looking cute. II need to start looking cute so i can be productive. I think the prettiest I’ve ever been was when i was in wyoming at school.. i wish I knew that back then cause looking back it’s painful to be like ya io was feeling myself but she didnt feel like i thought she would. It was still me. Insecure in some ]ways not as bad as i am now but still insecure. I do miss it immensely intensely but at the end it wasn’t me or was it. I was completely different i was like big sister protect like carry a knife by them alch9olo its not who i am here and i wish he was able to see Me ou there cause that’s the me i think he’d love the most. I stood heard as my friend stole the sangria im not the friend that steals the sangria and im, ok with that. But im also the friend to invite the friend to the wildlife meeting int the Rocky Mountains and 8im the one to talk to most of the our group to learn more about what we are doing. I’m the one to veer off enough to find the deer tooth. I was different I thrived and i think I wasn’t officals to move out and i wish i didnt fail all my classes and i wish i could i have moved in with Kylie but i pushed against it. 

I wish I could’ve been lucky enough to have perfect teeth show when i smile. No matter who i see on my phone i study there faces. I see there eyes their smile their lines on their faces the way the react to any scenario and im like wow if only i could react in that way and look the way they do because they are beautiful and i am well me. I get drunk because most of my life drunk people have reacted  to me in a way that i seem beautiful idk if it’s cause thats when i gain confidence or their judgment is drunk opossibly i am only beautiful when someone’s vision is a little distorted. My boyfriend still believes im beautiful even on days i feel ugly. I really love him when i think about him i feel a pull on my heart   

This brain of mine is getting awfully hard to stay friends with it. And its kinda strange to think that i have no control of that but i stand watch as my life burns around me people i hurt promises broken. That’s not me i swear thats that thing thats taken over it wears my skin and clothes it but its not me. I look in the mirror and she’s a stranger god how many times has a human put that down on paper. Why when i speak to myself constantly all day its a little less cliche then when im typing. This body has become fat and her hair frizzy. Skin bad. She’s disgusting. She’s ruining all of my relationships and i am too much of a coward to apologize for it. What’s the point of getting myself back on track when as pattern has shown i will inevitably fuck it up and it crashes and burn and i crash and burn once again. When in have it all i eventually don’t want any of it. And so i discard it and discard the people involved. Or I hid from it. I wanna live in a ditch. Never to be bothered again. And the only thing i can think of is gosh doesnt a dom and sub relationship sound like the best situation to be into. And hey if thats not your thing more power to you ladies im not saying thats how every women should live. But for me its heaven. Ever watch fleabag? That wonderful quote “i want someone to tell me how to dress tell me when to eat etc. god knows i cant take care of myself and well i dont think I’ve formed into a total grown up just yet so until that happens the adult relationship for that would be dom and sub. How embarrassing if thats what i become i grew up in a powerful women family and i do not carry that torch. So far one thing has been clear. I do not want to lose him. My goodness gracious he is an angel. 

There’s nights that haunt my mind. Many of my daily life decisions haunt me too. Everything haunts me. My past is a ghost who is mean. And it likes to act like a pop up book from hell (Gilmore girl quote). Throughout the day everyday pop an image of a past mistake. I think most definitely my problem is me. Most of the things i regret was me just causally living my life thinking I was sane. Looking back now im like hellooo why would you choose that high school schedule. If your reading this and think wow she’s thinking she’s insane because of something as silly as a high school schedule she really may be crazy. There’s other examples stupid things like that me being an idiot. Basically my schedule really showed me that learning was never really my goal. I didnt take any ap science classes but hey that is what i wanted to go into so maybe a bio and chem would be a good idea. So that leaves me thinking what the fuck do i want. I want to be constantly drunk and i want to be left the hell alone and i want to be fucked and i want to be thin i want to be in the good graces of everyone i fuck over .. Is there a place in this world for a girl like me. I hope to find it. I

not having morals and a strong sense of self can really destroy a persons entire mind. Believing in yourself and the way you chose to spend each passing second without an ounce of doubt is the best thing you can do for yourself. You are marinating waiting to bloom feeling out the waters just waiting for the day to come. Some would say just jump but gosh im 22 i have my whole life to swim just let me dip my toes in for a while i know that im setting myself up to tread water all my life instead of putting on a life jacket while im young and on land. That’s my choice. Having belief in oneself can really be beneficial. Words, judgements, and opinions and suggestions from others may seriously drown a person. It can send you down a path that you’ve never even wanted and therefore derailing the whole reality you’ve created for yourself so when you start off at square one again you get those same critics again. The understanding of this has helped me be able to not spiral out. I dont know what divine intervention was with me when i did have this experience but it talked to me in a way that I’ve never talked to my self before. The conversation went something like this. 

What if me and him aren’t actually in love we are young and dont know what love should look or feel like since neither of us really expirnced it growing up. 

Well thats not true. (Ok so I don’t remeber exactly how the conversation went ) 

you two have actively sought each other out and chose one another. That is love. 

then something about how Wyoming was my life the same way he is my life it happened the way it did because it was supposed to happen that way i was suppposed to go only for a year and we were supposed to end up together 

the spirit also told me that hurting myself was not in the plan it isn’t the reason your together now you would’ve ended up together if it happened or not. But it was sorry that it did. 

The light in his bedroom was bluish and bright and my eyes were open most of the  

time for this conversation. It was a soft eloquent voice and it thought me to slow down the conversations i have with myself. That i didnt have to be so fast in my head. 

It changed me. I feel different. Lighter so thank you spirit. 

i like rewatching the things I watched as a child young impressionable wondering if who i became is becasue of the things i did for entertainment. Or becasue it was dest8ined to be that way. When i watch Hannah Montana or pretty little liars i see things that coincide with the choices I’ve made. But gosh it can be my little selfs fault for all that can it. My parents didnt force me to watch not cable and so therefore im sentenced to a life of lust and sloth and all the other seven deadly sins. I wasn’t given internet restrictions but god only knows what i was up top on those late nights as a ten year old. I love to say it but it really did ruin my life. It made me I also I find myself studying the faces of the girls in the shows i watch or those I see on social media . Just so i can compare them to my own see what makes them attractive and the differences between mine and theirs when you feel unattractive its easy to compare to your self to your family first and knowing that you find the women in your family beautiful its easy to belive you yourself  is beautiful and when you compare famous women to your facial similarities then you feel even better about yourself. I guess my comparisons would be Lucy hale and etc. . . .]

I believe god is a form of love everything on earth that’s embodies love is god. 

Self love, love for a person and community   Which is why I also belive that the upper class is all satirist they don’t belive in god they believe in the devil which is why our society is so blinldy following their lead. It’s why chiridasntutn is so diminanixyed too. 

Why does the world think it has a claim on my soul why must i feel like i owe the world my presence. Why do i have a pull to see it. Why cant i just be happy here. Why cant i be at peace here. Why does it have to be my job to go out and live and visit and see as much as i can. Live in another world in the southern hemisphere. Why cant i just love the man and be friends with the people here. Why cant i force myself to fit here. With my family loved ones. Why must they expect so much from me why do i feel like im responsible to be the one to get away. Why can i not have my life here. One foot here one foot out the door thats how I’ve always felt. I tell a joke ill just leave by train bus train plane ill be gone. Its just a joke i dont know how to actually leave by myself. I need someone to pus me into the void of somewhere new. Come with me.

The call is as talking about above has called again. I must see more, do more I have dreams and i dont work towards them. I talk about it, I feel it inside me, I can picture how it looks. Now it is time to achieve. A work for it. Work, DO DO DO DO DO DO DO. DO More. Follow that passion and hope for happiness i know it can happen. Every thing could be different in a years time if you just apply yourself every day for a year to make that change. Things are worked for things happen when you do them not just think it. You have to go sought after your life not just watch others achieve what you want. You’ve done that your whole high school days and now its been four years since and your still trying to inspire that spark into you to get you moving when its already been sparked this whole time. Get out of your head and into your life.  

[angga-arsika-blog]

fuck this Gemini label

it's hard to compile all the things happen in previous day to day life. it was so many thing that i felt, make me overwhelmed but mostly excited and overjoy, tough i may seem sleepless for everyone who see me day to day and all my close friends where ever they are and cant say who they are because all of them who still contact me till these days are my close friends.

but everytime we were hang out they alwayas ask me about my love life. sometimes at first it was inconvenient to some extent, but as per time goes by, i just realised how much they try to grab and support me and checking on me if i was doin fine. it was hard to cover that i am fine, but they keep asking me, and for that reasons i just dont know how to tell them more.

i have so many things to think about, not about past nor future. just now, today, present. . but one thing that i cant do is selfishly to keep you always near to me, though i am extremely gratefull of your presence to my day to day basis. this writing should written few months ago, but i just think this have to be written naturally, without sentiement on series of event that happen at that time at that momment. have to somehow was passing with uncertain outcomes. and i just felt that you are looking good with new environment and moving on, eventough your feeling aint my ownership to declare.

if you still read this tumblr, hope you know that i am gratefull and feeling sad at the same time that i cant give you what was hoping for. up till now, when we still hang out and asking for the days. eventough you seems okay and cheerfull as what you are. i hope you dont regret to be near me for the past year or couple years yo had spent on me. i was gratefull that you were there, keeping me on your eyes. it was the best thing that i ever felt, thus i cant just erase it and will constantly remains in my memories. And for that also i cant hide my sadness that i cant provide what you want. make me overtghing about wheter you okay or not. but please keep it to your self that i try cheerish my loved ones, and you are one of them. i love and do care for you, in my way.

to a person who aged like me, you have to know ive been in some experience that makes me grow. insticntly, i just think my experience will not match with our way of thingking and how we gonna act eachother. arrogantly, i might say you have to gain need experience so we are not failed in the end. cus once again your presence matter to me, and not losing you at first place. i know you would not agree, cause i have other leo whose did things like you. and for some reasons i also have to maintain my behaviour just to prevent our friendship last long, cause you know that people said i easily get liked, as a gemini.

more that this, i hope you also know that this writting is also for someone else, which i dont think you know her well, because you know my mind always all over the places. and hoping you know that i might looks not good as per what you might think.

it is more that unethical behaviour that i did sometimes, which to some extent it was dangerous to play. maybe i just adore her, but in her annoying words i keep my eyes on her, tough i know it is serious illegal acts and thinking. i know been years and she is started her newlife, but i keep to constantly still visit and talk or share reels whic i can defense we are good as a goodfriend, but sometimes i just feel it could be a problem someday if one of us or both of us carried away. i hope im wrong, i wish this feeling will be gone. but you know, i had some experiences that shows that possibilty could happen. BUT, ThankGod, it was sometimes just thoughts in the air. hoping, for the most to my self, that i can control my own desire and mind. i think its gonna be okay.

still remmember her skin when we handshake, her tears, her laugh like the common girls while it is special to me, her songs, the time we were facing akward office moment together, and her flower which she gave to me because somehow i tried to flirt with her. but fuck, why is it so hard to make her eyes on me. i cant write it down for more, because as much i reveal it, the more i get carried away with those emostion. i need to control it, but i wish this just as it is. fuck i want to be lucky as her partner.

damn! :'D

[dumbbitchfrommars]

its a journey, not a race. i have to feel this way to move on.

what do i want to gain from telling my sisters about this? or my mum? what could they tell me that would help?

all i truly want to hear is that i should listen to my heart and go back to him. that he really was one of a kind, and that i wont find another like him. but the reality is im still 22, and i havent even met anyone besides him, because i wont let go of him. i dont want to let go of him! i want him back. i want what we had back. i want to feel that kind of love and attraction for someone again. because so far, i havent found a single person who can aggravate and excite me all at once the way he did. that could make me genuinely LAUGH the way he did. that made me feel safe and cared for like he did. ugh. is it true that i felt this way? am i making it all up to feed into my delusions? its so tiring being this way. its like the only thing that would make it end is to simply do it. to actually unblock him, add him, send him a dm, and get to the bottom of it myself. to put my pride aside, and risk rejection, all to hear from him again. to relight that connection. to somehow get the answers that i seek. what answers? that he still wants me? but do i still want him? who even is he, now...? is that what it is? the lack of knowing? i want him to still belong to me, even when i dont want to be together. i have the audacity to think he owes that loyalty to me years after i left him.

i want to know if he still has any kind of feelings for me. do you still think about me as often as i do? does it make you sad? does it make you miss me? does it make you nostalgic, or do you want it back? do you wish things went differently...? do you wonder, maybe, things could be different now, if we tried again?

i wish we could get to know eachother all over again without it feeling wrong. i wish we could start again without feeling like its a mistake. i wish that i was right in thinking you were the one for me all along.

i used to think we'd be together forever. that we'd have kids together.

did you secretly expect us to break up too? or did you want us to be together forever? because somehow i wanted both at once.

well. anyway, the point of all this is this. i still cant get you off my mind. so, you did win. if there was anyone who won, it was always you. you got me, you got the experience of a girlfriend, you had the character development of dating a girl like me. we learnt from eachother but you get to take that knowledge and now find a new girl to charm and love better than you ever did for me. and after all my fighting and anger and resentment, now i cant go a day without remembering you and the amazing love we shared and the memories we have together. ugh. ew. im so sappy and pathetic.

i dont know if it would be satisfying or heartbreaking to know that you still think about me to, or miss me. it would be even more heartbreaking to know you didn't.

i know youre happy now and that makes me happy and proud of you. you honestly might be doing a lot better than me mentally now. thats so impressive. you have a good circle of friends, youre living your best life and having fun and you moved forward instead of backward. that change is so heartwarming for me.

it irritates me that youre a tradie now. did you do that on purpose, cause i find them so hot? do you know how bad that makes me crave you? my body hasnt forgotten the things you did to me... lol. thats fucked up and lowkey weird. we broke up a long time ago and we were still very young.

i wonder how much better youd be now. i wonder how many girls youve slept with now? i hope they were good. my body count went up but for no good reason. they were all terrible and never made me cum. what a waste of my body. another massive regret.

anyway. i wonder how you'd react if you actually knew i felt this way about you. if you read everything i just wrote... would you feel bad for me? or would it spark something in you, a memory, and hope, that maybe its worth trying again. or has too much time passed, and too much has happened between us, that it simply wouldnt make sense anymore?

ive tried and tried to reconnect with old friends from the past. even the ones who i left on good terms with, we just cant seem to click anymore. we changed and outgrew eachother. and they remind me too much of the past, and the pain of grieving that time and that old me is too much, and it makes it too hard to see her anymore.

maybe weve changed so much, and the trust has faded so far, that even if we were to reconnect, wed inevitably lose eachother again anyway. would that hurt more? perhaps its best to leave the memory untouched where it is, and not meddle with what we had, by replacing it with newly failed attempts of rekindling things.

ugh.

i always come back to the same conclusion. and thats good! its consistent, and its healthy, and its right, and it helps me to stay on gods path. but its so exhausting going round in this circle so much. when can i be given a break? when can this addiction end? who is holding onto who at this point? is it venus retrograde? this whole time ive been blaming my emotions on venus. but every now and then i wonder if its him manifesting himself into my mind by thinking about me to.

EXCUSE ME! IF YOU ARE HEARING ME RIGHT NOW, WOULD YOU PLEASE GIVE ME A BREAK? I DONT WANT TO IMAGINE YOU ALL HOT AND SWEATY IN YOUR WORK UNIFORM AFTER A DAYS WORK. I DONT LIKE IMAGINING YOU LAUGHING AND MESSING AROUND WITH YOUR FRIENDS. I DONT ENJOY MISSING A PERSON WHO DOESNT EXIST. SO PLEASE STOP THINKING ABOUT ME AND MANIFESTING IN MY MIND! ITS EXHAUSTING. I NEED A BREAK TO FIND SOMETHING REAL AND TANGIBLE, THANKS.

i am so fucking delusional and need professional help. thats all

[freakattack]

Hi i am insane and was also coincidentally thinking about ashley's parent situation just last night so i hope you dont mind if i word vom on your post

So this scenario makes me crazy because that's pretty much exactly mona's situation too. Her mom is a supermodel that travels all the time and her dad is an artist that means well but doesnt really talk to her beyond his work. mona, despite all her friendliness and extroversion, has a really lonely home life

(sauce)

Why i mention this though is because she actually brings this up later on ashley's smooth moves blog, trying to connect with her via their shared experiences:

(sauce)

Of course ashley rejects everyone's attempts to make her feel better but like, it's the thoguht that counts

ALSO....i wish i knew more about Red's situation because his situation is kinda sad too. We dont know how old he is in Demon Years but he looks and acts like a child, and he almost plays a little-brother role for ashley but at the same time takes on the role of her caretaker and confidant. He does her laundry

which is really sad cause he acts like he's like, five. But they're both kind of in the position of fending for themselves and each otehr and it's SAD!! it's SAD!!

And that seems to be a recurring theme with the kiddos in warioware. mona's parents are distant, ashley's parent's are absent, 18-volt's mom is always away, and who even knows what's going on with kat and ana, they live in a ninja village but their immediate family is never around and i'm not gonna start unpacking what their deal is just now. Besides 5-volt and doctor crygor (and 9-volt's dad, who we never see in person but are assured that he has an active role in 9-volt's life), most of the kids don't really have any immediate older family members in their lives. Which is why i love the idea of wario picking up on ashley's (and eveyrone else's) loneliness because yeah he's a jerk using free child labor, but he also cares about the kids a lot - he plays games with them, he acts as a role model for them (for better or for worse - mona and 9-volt could choose better heroes to worship), and he's basically like a home away from home. it is wildly concerning that most of these kids see Wario more than their own parents but the fact that he somehow became like a mama duck for a gaggle of lonesome children is really sweet.

So I know the reason Ashley's parents have never been seen or even remotely implied to exist beyond "well she had to come from somewhere" is just because they don't really need to exist for the kind of games the WarioWare series are, but damnit I feel like making it That Deep.

Given she lives in a mansion obviously her family's pretty rich, probably old money tied to some kind of family business considering the place is old enough to be haunted. And, well, they're the Archetypical Busy Rich Parent types who are out of town a lot and will at least make sure the kid's physical and educational needs are met but are so wrapped up in their own shit that the kid's otherwise fending for themself. Which I feel would uh...explain A Lot about Ashley's personality honestly.

Technically they know about her interest in the occult, but think it's some kind of little hobby rather than a passion she's based her entire life around, and they know about Red but consider him some sort of Weird Pet because they don't really understand or care to learn how the whole Familiar thing works (that's the one thing she'll actually get defensive about with them, because even though she doesn't always treat him the best she at least sees him as a person). They definitely don't know about her working at WarioWare Inc. and hanging out with her co-workers, and she'd prefer to keep it that way.

Meanwhile the WarioWare crew don't know the full extent of what's going on with Ashley's family situation, but 5-Volt and Wario in particular are uh...Concerned, to say the least, about a number of things they have noticed, particularly Ashley and Red's behavior in certain situations and the fact that they've never heard anything from or about any sort of parents or guardians.

[imagineswriting47]

Worth His Love

A/N: This is for the Anon who asked Heeyy! Could you make one with dean×reader, fluff fic? Reader stays with the boys long time and has feelings for Dean. But she thinks that she is not one of the girls he will love.

All mistakes are mine and mine alone.

Summery: Being in love with Dean is never easy when you cant even love yourself.

Pairings: Dean/ Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1,266

Sitting at that table with Sam, I can't take my eyes off Dean flirting with the pretty blonde at the bar. He went to get us another round of drinks to celebrate a job well done. But I know with the way that he was looking at the blonde that he wasn't going to be coming back and that Sam and I were going to have to walk back to the motel later.

I just wanted one night. One night to hang out with my best friend and the man that my heart has decided to love. At times I wish that I could have fallen in love with Sam. But my stupid heart went and fell in love with Dean even after everything happened. Dean could be the biggest jerk, but I knew that he was also kind and good. I knew that he cared about me in some way. As a friend, maybe even family, he always reminded me that I wasn't girly enough somehow.

Standing under the hot spray of water, I think of every reason guys dont pay any attention to me when we go out. I know that I dont wear makeup; I never really learned how to put it on. So my hair was always up and out of my face so that a monster couldn't grab it in a fight. So most of my clothing had blood stains on it. I am not comfortable in tight-fitting shirts or pants.

Finally getting out of the shower, I put on Sam's shirt to sleep in and a pair of shorts. Sam's shirt is so long on me that I cover my shorts, and it goes down to my knees. Wiping the mirror, I look at myself. My eyes are red-rimmed from crying, and my cheeks are blotchy. I quickly comb out my hair and pull it back into a braid before brushing my teeth and making it to bed. I climb into Deans. He will not be back till morning anyway; there is no point in sharing with Sam tonight when we have a perfectly good empty bed. Sam always hogs the bed anyway, and it is always too hot to sleep next to him regardless.

I wake up a couple of hours later to the sound of the door opening. I stay relaxed even as my hand wraps around the gun that I keep under my pillow. I don't let go of the gun until I hear Dean's voice whisper.

"What is she doing in my bed?"

"She probably thought that you were going to go home with that blonde Dean. She always sleeps in the other bed when you dont come back to the room, dude." Sam whispers right back.

"Why doesn't she sleep with you, Sam?" I hear from the other side of the room before hearing a bag unzip.

"She hates sleeping next to me, Dean. She always complains that I hog the bed. But you never offer to let her share with you."

"Why would she want to share with me? She is your girlfriend, Sasquatch."

"Dude, no. Y/N is family a litter sister to me."

"Sure, Sam, that is why you guys are always spending time together, don't lie."

"Dean, anytime that she asks you to do something, you always say no. So who else is she supposed to hang out with?"

"I thought that you guys were dating. I didn't want to be a third wheel." Dean says a little too loud. So with that, I sit up, not wanting to know that I had been listening to the whole time I play dumb.

"Sam? Dean? What time is it?" I ask them while I rub my eyes."

"A little after two, go back to sleep, sweetheart," Dean says to me as I look over at him.

"Okay," I mumble as I go to move beds, knowing that Dean will want his bed tonight. Only to have Sam push me to lay down.

"Go to sleep Y/N." Knowing what he is doing and knowing that I can't do anything about it, I lay back down and move over as close as possible to the edge of the bed, leaving enough room for Dean.

I most doze back off as they are getting ready for bed. The next thing I know, the comforter is being pulled back, and Dean is sliding into the bed. Dean reaches across the bed, wraps his arm around my waist, and pulls me to him. His chest against my back. I can't help but relax into the warmth of him.

"Goodnight, Y/N," Dean whispers before I feel a kiss being placed on the side of my neck. I can't fall back asleep after that, even long after I feel Deans' breath even out, and he relaxes. I can't believe what just happened. Dean has never kissed me at all. Never even really hugged me before, and here we are cuddled up in bed. If this is a dream, then I never want to wake up.

I slowly drift back into wakefulness to the sun streaming in the window and the light hitting me in the face. I am warm and comfortable in a way that never happens when I share the bed with Sam.

"Good Morning, Y/N." I hear Dean say from where I lay on his chest—shooting up and off of him to somehow land on the floor between the two beds.

"Y/N?" Dean asks from the bed, now sitting up and looking at me. I dont say anything to him as I stand up from the floor, cheeks red. I can't believe that I just woke up on Dean like that. I feel so stupid.

"Y/N wait," Dean says as he grabs my wrist before making it to the bathroom. "Look, I'm not good with words or anything like that. And I know that I am just going to fuck this up, but you're not dating Sammy, right?"

"No," I whisper out my voice small.

"Thats good." He says as he takes a step towards me places his hand against my cheek to lift my head before placing a gentle kiss against my lips before pulling back a huge smile on his face.

"I was so jealous of Sammy for getting the girl I loved and getting to be with you the way that I wanted."

"Dean? How-What. I dont understand." Looking up into his eyes, it's like looking at him for the first time. To see all this love directed at me; to know that I am the one that put the smile on his face.

"I wish that you could see yourself the way that I do. You are beautiful and kind and everything that I want in my partner. But I thought that you loved Sammy. But you don't. Please Say something, Y/N." Dean is worried it is written as clear as day on his face. Not knowing what to say, I lean up and kiss him. Standing on my tiptoes to reach him, I run my hands in his hair.

"So, are you two done pinning?" Sam asks as he opens the door to the motel room after getting back to the room from his run. I bury my head in Dean's chest, my cheeks pink with embarrassment.

"I dont know what you are talking about, Sammy." I dont bother to lift my head when I hear Sam start to laugh. Instead, just wrap my arms around Dean's waist and step closer to him. Not ready to let go of this moment just yet.

A/N: Thanks for Reading please hit that heart and re-blog.

Requests are open.

Taglist: @akshi8278

[specialagentsoftie]

The Bet | e.l.

*Gif doesn’t belong to me! Credits to the owner <3 Pairing: Erin Lindsay x Fem!Reader Requested: yes yes by my forever fav @sylvieshay Warnings: some heartbreak, shitting on jay a little (oops), angst n fluff Word count: 2k ish A/N: i dont even know... but can we get a woot woot for plot holes. mostly backstory so skip this one if that bores you. this could be a prequel to Breaks are Supposed to End, if you want it to be since that fic has no plot, but it wasn't intended

Erin had been distancing herself from everyone in her life weeks before she cut off all contact with them. You didn’t even know what kind of trouble she had been in before she disappeared, but you knew it had to be bad for Erin not to talk to you. It always was.

The two of you were inseparable, so nobody saw it coming.

She met you for the first time when you moved to Chicago in order to attend college there. Your parents were friends with the Voight’s and they had asked him to help you get situated in the city while they stayed behind in Indiana.

Being new in town meant you didn’t know anyone else, so you were grateful when Camille and Hank insisted on having you over for weekly dinners with their family.

It reminded you of the times when you were younger, before they took Erin in, when they'd come by for the holidays. It made the lonely city seem a bit more like home.

She took your breath away the moment you saw her sitting at that dinner table. You don’t know how you looked at her, but the smirk that appears on Hank’s face and the nudge that Camille gives her husband to not say a word goes completely unnoticed. She was quite the spitfire, even at 18, and it was intoxicating.

When the semester began in the fall, you had class nearly every day and Erin joined the police academy. The two of you were busy as ever, but somehow, your schedules would line up after 6pm and you’d study together.

Years passed before you realized you liked her, but you settled for the best friend role because a little of Erin was better than none at all.

You should have just told her because when she saw you with other guys, or other girls for that matter, she knew she felt the same way.

She was really, really slow to show it, but Erin had taken a liking to you as well — to your caring nature, your independence.

Never once did you treat her like the girls at St. Ignatius used to. You were kind and gentle, and she loved the way you made her feel about her accomplishments. You were always so, so proud.

Over the years Erin filled you in on her past, spilling every secret and sharing the little things she would never tell anyone else. Piece by piece, trauma by trauma, you had slowly begun to heal Erin’s heart. After all, you knew everything about her, and you still didn’t run away.

It wasn’t like you weren’t warned though. People told you that you should be careful around “the Lindsay girl” but you weren’t scared of Erin, or her past. You could never be scared of her. If anything, it made you want to hold on tighter to her because despite everything that happened when she was younger, she was still a wonderful person.

Erin was never one to make friends easily, so holding tighter was exactly what you did. You were there when Erin graduated from the police academy and when she first joined Intelligence with Hank. You never missed a single milestone.

You were also there when shit hit the fan and by then, you knew that her go to coping mechanism was to shut people out.

She shut you out when Camille passed away and she’ll never forget how mad you got at her because Camille was your family too. She shut you out to protect you when that serial killer was targeting women in Chicago and when Nadia was killed. She shut you out when she found out Jay was married and when he moved out of her apartment, but every single time, it was you she ran to when life became too much to handle.

After weeks of dodging your calls and pretending not to be home, Erin found herself looking around her empty apartment, thinking about the memories that were made within it’s walls. She couldn’t count the number of times the two of you had movie nights in that living room or the times you had celebrated anything and everything with her in that kitchen.

Jay almost moved in with her in that apartment. Jay, her boyfriend, er... ex-boyfriend. She thought it would break her heart to leave him behind more than it did, but she knew he would never leave Intelligence for her. He belonged there. What broke her heart was leaving you, without a text or call. She just assumed you’d be better off without her. She was tired of being your burden to bear.

So, when the sun came up the next morning, she locked up for the last time, dropping her keys off at the office before leaving for a new city and a new life.

The last thing you expected, was to find out from Jay that Erin’s apartment was cleared out and her phone was disconnected. You didn’t believe him at first, but it was true, you called her yourself.

Before you realize what you were doing, you were already halfway to the precinct. The automated voice telling you that your best friend’s number had been disconnected was ringing in your ears, making your head pound. You mumbled incoherently to yourself, still in disbelief that she would just leave… leaving you behind in a city you hated, in a city she knew you hated.

It wasn’t that you always hated Chicago, it really wasn't, but year after year it chipped away at you until all that’s left was Erin. There was nothing here for you anymore, not without her.

She was the only reason you stayed.

“Trudy, where’s Erin?” you blurt out as you burst through the entrance of the 21st District. Trudy’s eyes shot up as you stopped yourself right in front of her, bracing yourself against the counter.

“I- um…” she stammered, startled by your presence.

“Where is she?” There were tears in your eyes and you were exhausted from worrying.

Trudy’s silence told you all you needed to know. The way she looked at you, like you were going to shatter if you weren’t careful, only confirmed it. Erin was gone.

“I’m going to buzz you up to talk to Hank, alright?”

“Ok,” you whisper weakly. You quickly head up to the bullpen, where Intelligence was currently working on a case. Your eyes catch on Erin’s empty desk and you tried not to fall apart right there.

Hank saw how distressed you were and brought you into his office, shutting the door.

“You want to know where Erin is.”

It wasn’t even a question. He always knew the two of you like the back of his hand.

You nodded and a sigh falls from his lips.

“Do you think that’s the best idea right now? Erin… has been through a lot over the past few months. It's been hard on her.”

“I need her Hank… and she needs me. I— I love her,” you choke out. “There’s nothing here for me anymore. I have to find her. I have to go after her."

Your eyes plead with him desperately and he stares at you for a moment, as if he was trying to make sure you meant what you were saying.

The next thing you knew, you were watching as Hank grabbed a pen from his desk and wrote down an address on a piece of scrap paper, handing it to you when he finished.

“New York… I have to...”

“I know” Hank said, putting down his pen. There was understanding written all over his face.

“Are you going to be ok here without us? You won't be lonely?” you asked. You couldn't help but be concerned for him, knowing that the man you loved like a second father didn’t have anyone else.

“You were always a worrier, Y/N.” Hank chuckled and pulled you in for a hug, which you gladly accepted. "Don’t you worry about me, kid. I still got these guys who need me to boss them around,” he said, flicking his head towards the rest of Intelligence.

“And you’ll be careful, right?”

“You know I will. Stop worrying already and go get our girl,” Hank grins, ruffling your hair as if you were a teenager again.

You were on a plane not even 3 hours later.

The flight from Chicago to New York was a blur. You don’t really remember getting off the plane and you definitely don’t remember getting a cab.

You’re not even sure how you got there, but the next thing you knew, you were standing in front of Erin's door, holding the slip of paper that Hank had scrawled her address on.

The whole trip, all you thought about was how you had to see her, but now that you were actually here, you couldn’t bring yourself to knock on the door.

Taking a deep breath and steeling yourself for her reaction, you finally knocked.

A long few seconds later, your favorite person opens her door for you, her eyes widening in shock when she realized who it was.

“Y/N?” Erin gasped as she lunged into your arms. New York had been as lonely for her as Chicago once had felt for you, and she didn’t realize how much she needed you until that moment.

“You came after me…” Erin breathed into you. You squeezed her tighter and buried your face into her shoulder.

“I will always come after you, Erin.” Your voice was shaky, overwhelmed by everything around you.

“Why did you leave without telling me?” You looked so sad and Erin’s heart broke at the sight.

She let go of you and reached down to take one of your hands.

“I— I didn’t want to, but I got into some serious trouble, Y/N. Serious enough that I couldn’t stay in Chicago. I didn't have a choice...”

“You didn’t even tell Jay…” you mumbled, staring at a spot on the ground.

“Jay…” Erin scoffs and uses her free hand to lift your chin, making you look at her. "Jay and I were over before all this even happened. It was basically over the second I found out he was married. Plus, I was waiting for the right time to tell the person I really liked how I felt about them. Telling Jay didn't even cross my mind."

There was a smile on Erin’s face, but a frown was plastered on yours.

Who did she like this time?

You weren’t sure you could go through that again.

“It was always you,” she whispered, leaving you stunned.

“What?”

“It was always you,” she said, a little louder this time. “Even when I was with Jay… it was always you. You were always there for me and I never got to thank you for it.” You give Erin’s hand a squeeze, letting her know that you didn’t need any thanks.

"I knew ever since I saw you with that girl from college. I’m sorry, but she was god awful. Why you dated her, I will never know. You were totally out of her league.” Erin stops her rambling just in time to watch as your face goes through all the different phases of realizing what she meant, before you lit up in a smile.

You threw your arms around Erin’s neck, planting a kiss on her cheek, as she laughed and spun you around off your feet.

When she finally put you down, you pull her in for the sweetest kiss and it was like coming home after a long day at work. It was everything.

“So, you think you’re in my league, do ya?” you smirked. Erin rolls her eyes at you before planting a kiss on your nose, making you giggle.

“I love you,” she murmured and your heart soared. Both of you had gotten what you wanted after all. It was about damn time, too.

Erin was curled up into your side on the couch as you watched a romcom when you sat up wordlessly, suddenly remembering everything that happened the past couple days.

“You are never, ever allowed to do that to me again, Erin Lindsay.” You scold, lightly punching her in the shoulder.

“Never,” she said, giving you her best serious face and shaking her head quickly with her eyes wide.

“Good. Oh, and remind me to call Hank in the morning. Apparently our parents bet on when we’d end up together,” you say, pursing your lips. “Your’s won."

Erin Lindsay Taglist

@sylvieshay

[bloodycassian]

darkness defined - 

az or cass x reader idk if this makes sense or not but here we go, either az or cas POV where reader (their mate) was stuck under the mountain with rhys and doesn’t come back bc she is still locked in the dungeons (rhys just assumed she died, he doesn’t know she is still alive)  Switch to readers POV, a few months later where they think their mate and their family (the night court) has abandoned them bc nobody ever came looking for her. Reader is like on the verge of death and uses her last energy to send a pulse down the bond. Switch back to az or cas POV  who are basically freaking out with guilt and anger and worried-ness. Im sorry it’s super long don’t feel pressured to write this anytime soon idk if it even makes sense  

DONT APOLOGIZE FOR BEING SPECIFIC! I LOVE WORKING WITH THIS KIND OF STUFF PLEASE DO MORE LOL

Cassian was a wreck. From the moment Rhys came home alone, and until the end of time it seemed to be. Azriel sighed, watching his brother down his second bottle of alcohol. His eyes were red, face gaunt and pale. The circles under those tortured eyes looked more like bruises. 

He hadn't talked to Rhys much since the news came that you were gone. Cassian had practically blown the roof off the house of wind, then disappeared for two weeks. The only reason Rhys had let him was because Az followed, far behind just to make sure he wasn't going to do anything drastic. 

Azriel watched his brother circle the mountain, only to have to turn away. Wards made by Helion himself refused entry to anyone while the mountain was still being evacuated of Fae. He glared daggers at the people streaming outside the shield. His heart was a painful stab in his chest constantly. His mate.. gone. He refused to believe it. And Azriel saw the denial there, plain as day. 

Azriel had only stopped him once. When he packed a bag and started his flight to Hybern. He earned a black eye and a verbal lashing for that, but it had saved Cassian from going on a suicide mission.

After a month of being out, he went to his brother. Rhys refused to ask Helion to lower the shields around the Mountain, and finally Cassian seemed to give up. He would have gone to Helion himself, but the wards around his court prevented him from doing so. Rhys was torn up over the entire experience of under the mountain, but losing you was one of the worst parts. He would never forgive himself for losing his brother's mate. 

Azriel watch his brother's eyes get more and more dull. Watched the bottles stack up. Rhys wasn't around much, busy regaining control over his city, getting updated. And keeping an eye on Spring Court.  Cassian sighed when the bitter liquid hit his tongue. He drank like it was salvation. Like it would lead him back to you. Plus, it helped him sleep. It was the only time he could sleep without seeing you, without feeling that pull - the command his instincts gave. "Find me, find me. I'm here. I love you. Please."  He often escaped to the cabin. To not have to talk to anyone, and to keep Rhys from stealing his bottles from him. Cassian was convinced Rhys was saving them to drink for himself. That's where he found himself flying, bottle of booze in hand. The guilt a lead weight in his stomach. 

The door shut, and he finished the first bottle in an hour. 

Mor appeared beside him, took the second bottle from his hand and had a long drink herself. He smiled drunkenly, showing too many teeth at her. He wasn't sure if she was actually glowing or if it was his eyes squinting too much. "Cheers." He slurred, taking the bottle back and downing more.

+ The walls were getting drier and drier with each passing day. The once cool winds that would cut through the stone dungeons were turning softer, warmer. It was a welcome relief, but without the muddy water from the walls...you knew you didn't have much left. Your spirit was crushed, on top of it. Death seemed like not a terrible option anymore.  Especially knowing that your court - your friends - your family had left you. They had just... forgotten. Thrown you aside like nothing. Didn't even try to find you. Like the Winter court skeleton in the cell beside you, just left to die.

  You pushed the thoughts back, knowing that logically that wasn't true. But you couldnt come up with a reason why they would leave you down here. You prayed, you tried sending thoughts down the bond. Nothing worked. Sometimes your mind got the better of you, and you would rush to the bars of your prison cell when you thought you heard faint footsteps. 

Then you would hear your own voice echo back, and no one else.  Eventually you stopped getting up. You let the fantasies keep you entertained while you lay on the floor. Not caring about the bugs that crawled on you. You were glad there wasn't a mirror to see yourself in. A wave of dizziness crashed over you, and you fell into darkness. 

When the water ran dry, you stopped bothering calling out for Cassian. The bond was there, but saturated. Trying to grasp it was like trying to hold wind. You were too exhausted. So you propped yourself up in a corner and let the dizziness pull you under again for a moment. Taking rattling breaths, you let your mind wander to that mind bridge. That once sturdy marble that would always remind you of Cassian. 

You sent out a final tug down that bond. Using the last of your energy, you put all your effort into it. "I'm here, I always will be. I love you. I'm sorry." The platform you imagined your bond being seemed to go dark, and lifeless. Empty.

+ Cassian shot upright, head spinning. Mor was asleep beside him, her feet on the table. He shook her, trying to shake the stupor. "Wake up. Wake up!" She groaned, weakly batting him away. He took a breath, trying to steady himself. He wobbled to the kitchen, dunked his head in the cold sink water and slapped himself a few times. The haziness from his stupor crawled away, slowly. 

Mor appeared in the archway, rubbing her eyes.

"Get Rhys. I need you to winnow us." He demanded, patting her face softly. Her eyebrows knit together but she stretched, and sleepily obliged.  + You assumed the crackling was just your starved imagination. Again. But the wind changed as well, and you tried not to let your hopes up. You weakly opened your eyes, to the same familiar cell. A silent tear slid down your cheek.  Then there were the shuffling of footsteps again, and you hid your face in your hands. It seemed like all the imagination tricks were attacking at once. You wanted it to stop. You wanted nothing more than to just fall asleep until you could see and hold Cassian again. Voices, now.

The sweet deep voice of a man who spoke another language. An ancient language. Your ears rang. You cracked your eyes again, to a blinding white light. You held a hand in front of your face, trying to see behind it. 

A thud, and scrape of metal. Then the scent hit you. It was similar to what you had imagined but somehow a million times better. Then, his arms were around you. "Mother above." He breathed. You would have thought the mother took you at last if it wasnt for the pain in your gut.

"We got you honey, I'm so sorry. Im-" He tried to hold back a sob. You smiled weakly at the familiar, yet different eyes that you loved. The marble platform you shared seemed to be lighting up with happiness. At the same time, crumbling and falling with shame. Anguish. 

Rhys began winnowing the group immediately, nodding to Helion. The high lord gave him a melancholy smile back, and winnowed himself in a flash of light. He would check the rest of the mountain with his forces and repair the wards before he returned to his home. 

Everyone surrounded the healer, watching her work. Mor was trying to stay calm, but her hands shook when she held Amrens. Rhys and Azriel both had jaws clenched, shoulders tense. Watching the way Cassian's tears fell on to your shoulder as he cradled you. The healer squeezed  his arm softly, silently requesting him to move. He didn't.

Azriel went to his brother, wrapping an arm around him. "Your mate needs you to be strong, Cas." He consoled, pulling him away gently. Cassian held you tighter, just for a second then nodded and let go. He held your hand firmly. His warmth missing from your body was a shock. You began shivering. Amren tugged a blanket off the guest couch nearby and placed it over your legs. 

"T-thanks." you muttered. Her eyes widened, but she nodded. Her and Rhys glanced to each other. A silent conversation. You didnt care. 

"Cas?" You squeezed his hand, and there he was. His pale face looked ragged. He seemed like he was struggling in every sort of way. You didnt want to imagine what he was looking at when he looked at your features. You could practically feel your cheeks sinking in, your bones losing their density. "I missed you." You smiled, trying to lift his mood. 

His lips quivered, and he nodded. He kissed the back of your hand. "You wouldnt believe how much I missed you. All of us did." he glanced to Rhys. His face was blank, but that steady stream of power seemed to be crackling outside. 

You let your eyes drift to each of your friends. Each of their tear stained faces were such a welcome relief. Over a month alone, their presence alone was enough to soothe that part of you that doubted their love. 

Cassian kissed your forehead, before the healer's light knocked you into a peaceful sleep.