#just wait until i finally get there and you'll regret what you said or did to me :)

[urdream9irl]

Can't wait for this account to blow up when I'm older and living my best life. Hiiiii!!! Kisses to all 💋💋💋

[zegrasdrysdale]

matthew knies smut — losing ur v card to him

[ helping hand ] m. knies

paring : Matthew Knies x fem!reader

summary : Matthew helps his best friend out after she asks him to take her virginity

warning(s) : smut ! loss of virginity, virgin!reader, light dirty talk, slight hair pulling (blink and you'll miss it tbh) oral (f receiving), fingering, p in v, protected sex, use of pet names during sex (pretty girl, baby, etc.), multiple orgasms

author’s note : felt like writing something cute so i decided to tackle this request and make it as cute as i could. this is my first time writing for kniesy so if it’s bad then pls tell me lol

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Being a 20-year-old virgin sucks. Every time she tries to hook up with a guy, she blurts out that she’s “never done this before” and it scares him away. Needless to say, she is getting very tired of being a virgin. She's loves sex, but she's never gone all the way with a guy.

Tonight was just another reminder that she's never been fucked. She thought that after her date, he'd take her back to his apartment and she'd finally lose her virginity. Then he said that his mom was going to be home soon just as things started getting heated, right after she had said that she's never gone all the way.

It's a tiring pattern.

She's frustrated, and frustration means stomping up to her longtime best friend's Toronto apartment a little before eleven. She pounds her fist on Matthew's door then waits. There are light footsteps behind the door before it's pulled open.

Matthew looks like he just woke up, and she feels bad. His Toronto hockey shirt is a little wrinkled and he's wearing sweats. His hair is a complete disaster. "Did I wake you?" she questions.

He yawns, but shakes his head no. "I was just closing my eyes," he tells her. "I thought you were out on a date or something. Why are you here?"

"You'll never guess what happened," she sighs as she walks past him into his apartment. "I did it again."

Matthew laughs and shuts the door behind her. "You need to stop," he comments. "You're never going to lose it if you keep telling guys that you haven't gone all the way. You're twenty."

"I know!" she groans as she plops down onto his couch. "It's like a get scared or something and it just comes out. I wish I could just get it over with and then it won't come out."

He sits beside her and she looks up at him. "Don't rush it," he tells her. "It's not all that anyway. Just wait until you find someone you trust and genuinely like."

A light bulb flicks on in her head. She sits up and turns her body to face Matthew. "Will you?"

"Will I what?"

"Sleep with me so I'm not a virgin anymore," she finishes. He raises his eyebrows and looks like he's about to object. "I mean, I trust you with everything I have. You're my best friend. You're not bad looking. I've known you for years, Matthew. I'd be okay if you did this for me. It wouldn't change anything with us."

Matthew thinks about it. She knows by the way he sighs and runs his fingers through his messy hair. "You're sure about this?" he questions. "Because I don't want to do this then-"

She rolls his eyes in frustration and cups his jaw. She pulls him into a kiss, and it surprises her when she feels her heart beat out of her chest when her lips meet his. Even Matthew is thrown off by the kiss. He immediately pulls back. She drops her hands to her lap.

"I'm not going to regret it, Matt," she tells him as her eyes meet his. Have his eyes always been this pretty and blue? She's never been this close to see how blue they are. "I promise. It might bring us closer as friends if we do this. I'm not going to stop being your friend because you slept with me."

He still doesn't seem very convinced. "This is going to change us," he tells her. "No matter what. I just want both of us to be ready for that."

With a nod, her eyes flicker down to his lips for a second before returning to his eyes. "I know," she replies. "Just ... please. I'll never ask you for anything ever again if you do this for me."

Matthew searches her face for any signs that she doesn't want this. He won't find any. If she's going to lose her virginity to anyone, she wouldn't mind losing it to her best friend. She wants this.

He doesn't say "okay" or anything like that. All he does is grab her chin between his thumb and pointer finger. "If this is what you really want then I'll do it," he says to her, voice slightly higher than a whisper.

"I really want this," she confirms. "Seriously."

His eyes drop to her lips before he leans in and gently presses his lips to hers, and her eyes flutter shut. Her heart beats out of her chest with how soft and gently he kisses her.

The kisses don't immediately turn heated and needy. Matthew makes sure of that. When they do though, she climbs onto his lap in the red minidress that she's wearing. She straddles his thighs and wraps her arms loosely around his neck. Matthew's hands drop to the bare skin on her thighs.

Her heels clatter to the carpeted floor beneath them with a thud. Her fingers find a home and curl in his locks. She tugs gently and a soft noise comes from Matthew. She smiles into the kiss that follows and tucks this piece of information away for later.

She traps his bottom lip between her teeth and pulls back. She watches it snap back into place. Matthew looks up at her and she sees that his eyes have darkened a bit. There's a dark fire between them and she can tell he's trying to hold himself back.

"Pretend it's not me," she tells him as her hands drag down his neck and chest until they come to a rest on his torso. She play with the hem of his t-shirt. "I can tell, Matt. You're holding back because it's me."

Matthew shakes his head. "I'm holding back because I want to do this right," he replies. "It's not because it's you. I want to make sure that it's perfect for you."

"Then don't hold back," she whispers to him as she attaches her lips to his jaw right under his ear. "It'll be perfect no matter what."

A shaky sigh passes Matthew's kiss-bruised lips. He kisses the swell of her ear and she keeps working at his jaw.

Before she realizes what's happening, Matthew slides his hands to the back of her thighs and stands up. She wraps her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. "It's insane how easily you were able to just pick me up like that," she comments.

"I work out everyday," Matthew replies as he makes his way down the hallway to his bedroom. "Sometimes twice a day. I lay hits on grown men that weigh as much as I do or heavier for a living. I hope that I can lift someone up that is nearly a foot shorter than me and weighs less than what I bench."

She can't contain the giggle that rises in her throat as he crosses the threshold into his room. "That's kind of hot of you, Matt," she admits. "I mean, I don't know how you're single when you bench more than I weigh."

He kicks the door shut behind him and gently sets her down so she's flat on her feet. She sees the flush in his cheeks despite the dimly lit room. She smiles and gets on her tiptoes to instigate another kiss. Matthew has to lean down to kiss her because of the heigh difference between them. His hands rest on her cheeks and she rests against the door.

They stand there for what feels like an eternity. She's almost certain that the lace panties she has on under the dress are ruined. She hasn't be able to stop thinking about Matthew's fingers on her thighs while they were in the couch, not to mention the fact that he was able to pick her up with almost no effort.

Her fingers curl around the hem of his t-shirt and she pulls at it. "Off," she mumbles against his lips. "Matt, please. Off."

The kiss breaks and Matthew reaches down to pull the fabric over his head. Her eyes rake his body and it's very obvious that he works out every day. Her fingers trace his abs and she bites her bottom lip.

Okay, maybe he's more attractive than she's let herself admit. She's never really allowed herself to look at him like this. She's never let herself admire him like this.

Matthew hooks his fingers under the very thin straps that sit on her shoulders. She looks up at him and notices how focused he is on his actions. He pulls the straps off her shoulders and lets the dress fall so it pools at her ankles. She's in her strapless bra and matching panties. She notices Matthew's eyes drink her in.

She puts her hands on his chest and gently pushes him in the direction of his bed. She kicks the dress off so she can follow him. As soon as Matthew sits back on the bed, she crawls onto his lap. Her knees bracket his thighs. She leans in and ravishes his mouth with hers. One of his hands finds its way to her curls and he holds the back of her head so she can’t break the heated kiss.

Without realizing she does it, she rolls her hips against his. He hums and his other hand comes down on her bare waist.

A surge of confidence overcomes her and she reaches behind her. She unhooks her bra and lets the red lace fall between them. She tosses it somewhere at the same time Matthew breaks the kiss.

Her entire body shakes with nerves.

It’s just Matthew. They’ve been friends since his first year at Minnesota. Best friends since his sophomore year. She visited him earlier in the season and fell in love with Canada so she moved into an apartment down the street from him.

She can do this.

Matthew lifts her head up and says, “I’ve got you. Okay? I have you. Whatever you want.”

“I want you,” she tells him. “Please. I need you.”

He moves back on the bed and flips them over so he hovers over her. Her curls create a halo around her head. Matthew thumbs her swollen lips and trails it down over her chin, over her chest, between her breasts, and down her stomach until his fingers rest at the waistband of her panties. Goosebumps follow his fingers down her upper body.

She can feel the bulge in his pants so she bucks her hips up to grind her clothed core against the bulge. “Shit,” he gasps. “You can’t just do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’ll come before either of us are ready.”

She lets out a light laugh. “We wouldn’t want that, now would we?” she teases.

“Shut up,” he mumbles before shutting her up himself with a deep kiss. She smiles and hooks her fingers into the waistband of his sweatpants.

She pushes his sweatpants down and over his ass. He helps her out and kicks them off.

When she tries to put her hand in his boxers, Matthew stops her. He breaks the kiss and shakes his head. “If we’re doing this, we’re doing it right. I’m going to make sure you feel good and make sure you’re comfortable, okay?” he says to her.

“Okay,” she replies, voice barely above a whisper.

With her permission, Matthew hooks his fingers in the waistband of her panties and slowly pulls the thin fabric off her body. He tosses them to the floor and she lets her knees fall open.

Matthew attaches his lips to her jaw, then slowly trails his lips down her body. He makes a quick stop when he gets to her breasts. He gives each one a little attention and she lets out a soft noise. She bites her lip to keep from making any embarrassing noises.

He lies on his stomach and throws her legs over his broad shoulders. She watches as he presses soft kisses to her leg trailing from her inner knee and up her inner thigh. He stops right before he gets to her core.

“Already so wet for me,” he comments. She nods and grabs a pillow to rest her head on so she doesn’t get a crick in her neck.

That’s when Matthew slides a finger through her soaked folds. A whine passes her lips and she looks down at him with her eyes. He teases her entrance and she gasps, “I- Matthew. Don’t tease please. Do something.”

“Didn’t think you were a begger, pretty girl,” he replies. She shoots him a glare and he laughs.

She’s about to say something to him when he wraps his lips around her clit. “Oh my- fuck” is what comes out of her mouth instead. Matthew hums and sends vibrations through her entire body. He slowly pushes a finger into her and her back arches off the bed.

Matthew’s free hand slides up her body and cups one of her tits. She didn’t pick Matthew to be a boob guy, but today is full of surprises.

Soft pants pass her lips as Matthew keeps using his mouth and fingers to bring her closer to an orgasm. He adds a second finger and her hands fly to his hair. Her breathing has gotten extremely labored and soft noises consistently pass her lips.

He’s so careful with his movements, so precise. He knows what he’s doing, and she’s not at all surprised that he does. She didn’t realize just how much he knew. Despite never actually hooking up before, it’s like he knows her entire body and what she likes.

Once a third finger is inside of her, Matthew curls his fingers in a “come here” motion. She gasps and a knot forms in the pit of her stomach. “Matt,” she groans. “I- Matthew.”

“Let me hear you,” he tells her. “Wanna hear you when you come on my fingers. Can you do do that for me?”

She nods and hums. “Yeah,” she breathes out.

“Go ahead, pretty girl,” Matthew says. “Come for me. I can feel how close you are.”

His lips are back on her clit and she’s coming seconds later.

Her back arches off the mattress as her walls clench around his fingers. Her body turns into jelly as he fingers her through what’s probably the strongest orgasm she’s ever had. She swears she blacks out.

Her breathing is extremely labored as Matthew withdraws his fingers. She whimpers at the loss and watches him crawl up her body when her vision comes back. He smiles when he sees how out of it she probably looks.

Matthew peppers her cheek with soft kisses as she comes to.

“You okay?” he asks. “Can you do one more?”

“Mhm,” she hums. “Want you inside me, Matt. Please. I need you.”

He captures her lips in a soft kiss and she groans when she tastes herself on his lips.

It’s a very quick kiss. Matthew reaches over into his bedside drawer and pulls out a tiny foil package. He puts it between his teeth as he pushes his boxers off his body. She bites her lip as Matthew’s dick pops out of the confines of the boxers.

She accidentally saw his dick one time before now, and it looked nothing like it does right now. “Jesus, Matt,” she gasps. “Is it gonna fit?”

Matthew laughs and slides the condom onto his dick. “I promise it’ll fit,” he tells her.

He hover over her between her legs. The tip of his dick lines up with her entrance and she shakes. Her heart races in her chest and she stares up at the pretty boy above her. “Slow,” she tells him. “Okay? I don’t know-”

“Tell me if you need me to stop or if it hurts,” he interrupts. “I’ll move at your pace, okay? I have you.”

She nods. “Go.”

Matthew slowly pushes into her. She gasps as the unfamiliar stretch and grasps onto his biceps. The deeper he goes, the more it hurts. She pushes through though and pain eventually turns into pleasure.

He moves so slow though that it’s almost painful. She wants him to ruin her but she wants to be able to walk in the morning. Whatever that will look like.

She reaches up and slides her hair into Matthew’s hair. His eyes lock with her as he bottoms out in her. Her lips are pressed in a line. “Okay?” he asks.

With a nod, she says, “I’m okay. Give me a second. You’re fucking big, Matt. Damn.”

He laughs. “That’s not my fault,” he replies. “Most women I hook up with like it.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it, asshole,” she retorts. “I said I needed a second.”

Matthew laughs again and she pulls him down into a kiss to shut him up. He licks into her mouth and she groans.

Feeling ready, she rolls her hips. One of Matthew’s hands rests on her waist and he meets her movements.

It’s slow, but it feels good. He slowly but deeply thrusts into her. She moans into Matthew’s mouth and he swallows every noise. Her hands slide from his hair to his back. She gently digs her nails into his skin.

He speeds his movements up a bit and she throws her head back against the pillows. “Fuck,” she gasps. “God. Matt.”

“Okay, baby?” he asks. “Good to keep going?”

She nods. “Like you mean it,” she pants. Matthew’s smile reaches his ears.

Matthew throws one of her legs over his shoulder and is able to move deeper into her at the new angle. She cries out his name and he attaches his lips to her neck. He’s covering her entire body at this point. It’s not only his dick that’s big. Matthew himself is a bigger guy.

He slows his movements but continues to bury his cock in her. The knot forms again in the pit of her stomach.

“Matt, I-”

“Me too,” he interrupts. “This is about you. I’m not gonna come until you come on my cock, pretty girl.”

She feels tears in her eyes as she tries to keep herself from coming. It feels too good and she doesn’t want it to end yet.

Especially since this is probably the first and last time she gets this from Matthew. She wants it to last.

Matthew slides a hand between them and as soon as his fingers find her clit again, she comes.

His name is on her lips as he fucks her through what is definitely the strongest orgasm of her life. Her entire body shudders as she comes. Her vision goes white for a hot second and she completely melts against the mattress beneath her. Her legs fall to the bed.

He comes into the condom before he pulls out of her. They’re both panting messes as he ties off the condom and throws it out. She very lazily crawls under the covers and Matthew joins her.

There’s a comfortable silence between them as they both recover from their highs. She finally gains feeling back in all her extremities and looks over at him.

“Thank you,” she weakly says.

“For?”

“Doing that for me. It was fun. I enjoyed it.”

Matthew sits up in bed and leans back against the headboard just as she went to curl up next to him. “I should’ve said something before we did that,” he admits to her.

She sits up and holds the blankets under her arms to keep herself covered. “What?”

He bites his kiss-bruised bottom lip for a second. “I have feelings for you,” he confesses. “Genuine feelings for you and I feel guilty for saying yes before telling you that.”

A day full of surprises.

She’d be lying if she said she didn’t feel the same. There is a reason she asked him of all her friends to do this for her. She’s always known he was attractive, a genuine guy and an incredible hockey player.

She’s damn lucky that Matthew agreed to have sex with her.

Matthew looks terrified. She smiles and drops her head to his shoulder. “You should see the look on your face,” she laughs.

“I’m being serious,” he tells her.

“I know,” she replies. Her chin rests on his shoulder. “I like you too. Why do you think I asked you to do this and not someone else?”

He blinks. “I thought you were just tired of being a twenty year old virgin,” he flatly states.

“There was that but I wanted it to be you,” she admits. “I guess I was just shooting my shot.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Matthew laughs.

She crawls onto his lap and lays on him. “When do I get one of those cool jackets the wives and girlfriends have?”

“You want one?”

“I do,” she tells him as she looks up at him. “Is that okay? If I got one?”

Matthew smiles and nods. “I’ll get you one.”

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MASTERLIST

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[chrissturnss]

"i know you’re with him"

summary: in which, y/n gets into an argument with her boyfriend. he breaks up with her, not because he doesn't love her, but because he knows it will always be him, chris. y/n finds comfort in chris's arms, kisses and more.

warnings: soft smut

word count: 1366

✧･ﾟ:･ﾟ:**:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 🦌　*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

“Y/N YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND” “WHAT NOLAN, WHAT SHOULD I UNDERSTAND, YOUR JEALOUSY??” He looked at me, full of disappointment, the room became silent, I was so angry, my chest was heaving up and down, I was breathing heavily. "It's not just jealousy, it's more than that y/n. But you'll never understand it" he said turning around to grab his gym bag. "No, you're not going to go to the gym now, you're going to stay here and explain all this shit to me," I said and held him by his sleeve. He looked at me with so much disappointment, I think this will be the end for both of us. "I know that he has feelings for you and I also know that you feel the same way" he said "you are wrong" I said and shook my head. "Come on Y/n, you know it, you just don't want to admit it. You notice yourself the way you look at each other, the way you interact with each other, you only chose me because you both can't admit your feelings to each other and you both are afraid for your friendship. You can't even tell me you love me" "Nolan that's not true-" "say it y/n say you love me" I looked at him, looking between his eyes, my eyes became watery and he blurry. "I- I- Nol-" "You can't" He said, reaching for his gym bag again. "When I get back, you'll be gone. It's over" he said and left his house, I ran after him to the door. "NOLAN, NO, NOLAN PLEASE" I screamed and cried.

I didn't know what to do, I packed my things that I brought to Nolan's house yesterday. I did what he said, left his house, on the way to the door his mother came towards me "is everything okay sweetheart?" she asked "yes, I'm okay" I said to her and rushed past her out the door. Nick, Matt and Chris' home was closer. I didn't know what was going on in my head, it was dark and I ran there without thinking. Was Nolan right? Standing in front of Chris's front door, I waited until he opened the door for me, I didn't text him beforehand, nobody had any idea I was coming. Tears ran down my face, I heard the door unlock. "y/n what happened" he asked and I fell into his arms. He held me tight, his hands rested on my back, I cried against his chest, my fingers dug into his zipper that he was wearing. As I started to cry harder, Chris put a hand on the back of my head and held me tighter. The hand that was on my back moved away to close the door behind us. "It's okay, I'm here, okay" he said and I nodded while I was still lying on his chest. "Nick and Matt aren't here if you were looking for the-" he said and I interrupted him "I just need you" I said still lying in his arms and hearing his heart beating in his chest. "do you wanna tell me what happened?" he asked while his head rested on mine "Nolan broke up with me" I said quietly. "I'm sorry, did he say why?" he asked and I nodded in his arms. "Do you wanna tell me?" "he broke up because of you" I said "because of me?" He asked and I finally looked at him, he looked down at me and I looked up at him. "and because of me, because of us" I said "us?" he asked "mhm" I said. At that moment I knew Nolan was right, the hidden feelings for Chris are real. „Come on“ he said and dragged me to his room.

"Sit on my bed, I'll be right back. I'm gonna get you some-" I interrupted. I grabbed his face in my hands and connected our lips together, slowly and gently. His hands rested on my hips, our lips moved gently, my cheeks were still covered in tears. We moved to his bed, my legs touched the knuckles of his bed and he gently laid me back, crawling over me and resting his strong arms next to me.

“Please don’t regret it” he said while his eyes literally penetrated me. "I won't" I whispered. I linked our fingers together, our hands resting next to my head. He looked at our hand, breathed in and out with concentration before he looked back at me.

"You're so beautiful," he said gently, stroking my wet cheek with his thumb. His lips touched mine again, so gently, my hand that wasn't connected to his other hand roaming over his clothed torso. I grabbed the end of his shirt and slowly pulled it over his head. His hair ruffled and fell in my face.

his hand slowly slid under my shirt, slowly squeezing my tits, a soft moan escaped my lips. I leaned up to take off my shirt. Chris helped me make it go faster and I leaned back again and he didn't waste any time leaning over my, this time bare, breasts again. His upper body pressed gently against mine, his lips briefly sucked mine every now and then. his hand went down. He pressed my skirt and my panties down with one hand, I moved my hips and legs so that it was easier for him. Every time he kisses me, his cold belt buckle presses against my skin. and it made me go crazy inside. "lemme feel you, all of you"

„I‘m gonna go real slow alright? don’t wanna hurt you“He said while I unbuckled his pants and he then pushed them off. Oh lord, he's huge. He saw it in my facial expression, so he gently placed his tip at my entrance. I guess I've never seen Chris do anything so slowly and with so much conscience. We both breathed harder, but our eyes didn't unlock from each other. His eyes never left my face as he pushed himself in. My hands placed on his neck, my grip tightened slightly "Oh god" he said softly, with pleasure and a gentle smile. "You feel so good" I said quietly.

„you’re taking me so good baby“ "mmm" was the only thing I could answer. I concentrated on how he feels inside me, his movement inside me, with which he hits the right spots with every thrust. „you‘re so tight, it feels so fucking good - fuck“ his head looked down as he pushed in gently but firmly again and again. "fuck y/n" he said and locked our eyes again.

„ch- chris mmm. feels so good” I managed to say. I was so focused on this feeling that I couldn't think of anything else. “Fuck” I breathed out.

Our orgasm were building up in both of us, we could tell. He leaned his forehead against mine, our eyes locked together, our mouths wide open, and he thrust into me. his hand placed on my palm and locked our fingers together. Every time it felt insanely good and almost cost us our high, we pressed our hands. Quiet moans escape my lips and a growl escapes his. "Fuck, youre gonna be the death of me" he said with a slight smile and immediately, he squeezed his eyes shut, his mouth opened wider and he let out another moan. This exact sight gives me the best height I've ever had. "chris -i - i- i'm gonna cum chris-" I cried. I pressed my forehead harder against his, moaned into his face and all of that brought him to his height. "fuck, baby- you feel so fucking good, fuck y/n" I could still feel everything from my height and it felt better with the feeling of him releasing inside me. He fucked us through the heights for a moment until he pulled out.

“never thought this would ever happen” he said with a soft smile as he got off me. “have you ever wanted it before?” I asked, he just smirked “you did!” I said with a little laugh. “oh shut up y/n” ohh i got him. He just shook his head smiling and gave me some clothes of his to wear. "Just so you know, I always wanted it" I smiled. "I know now, gorgeous" he smiled. grabbed my chin and kissed me. "I'll be right back, I'll get you something to drink" he said and left his room.

✧･ﾟ:･ﾟ:**:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　🦌　*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

[cherriegyuu]

midnight rain | lsm

pairing: seokmin x f!reader genre: angst, smut, a little bit of fluff word count: 17k summary: after seven years away, you finally return home. meeting seokmin again wasn't in your plans, but life wasn't willing to let you have it your way. warnings: minors do not interact, kissing, oral, swearing, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (don't do this) a/n: this is part of 1k event, it was requested the dearest @ressonancee. but also, it's part of svt ans songs from midnights. i just wrote two in one and something that was supposed to be short became this monster. i hope i wrote seokmin in a way you'll like it. prompt: “I don’t want anyone else. No one else can make me feel like you do." Seokmin ➝ Midnight Rain He was sunshine, I was midnight rain ↳ it was the oldest story in the world, the bright boy fell for the grumpy girl.

Letter #1

Seokmin,

You know, I've always been very proud of not being a very attached person. I've always been proud that I can put myself first and second, because I know I need to do it, because I know that no one else will do it for me. So, when I came here and dropped everything I had, I thought it would be a lot easier than it actually is.

When I turn around in bed at night, after days of trying to get used to the time zone and weeks to the weather and the people here — which are both bad and for completely different reasons, nothing is like in the movies — I always hope to find you there by my side and being able to snuggle up to you like I always did. I wake up in the morning and make enough coffee for two people and take two mugs out of the cupboard, and only then do I realize I'm alone here. I don't need two mugs and I made too much coffee. Sometimes, in the middle of the day, I find myself typing your number, which I have memorized despite the fact that no one remembers phone numbers, because phones exist for a reason.

You have no idea how much I miss you and what I would do to be able to hear your voice again. I would do anything, I swear I could. But I know I no longer have that right. I know that what I did is unforgivable and although I want your forgiveness, I hope you never forget what I did to you.

You were still good to me on the last day. You took me to the airport, you said goodbye to me, you hugged me tight like you know I like it and you did your best not to shed a tear in front of me.

Every now and then I catch myself thinking that I messed up. I could have done my master's where we graduated, I didn't need to move to the other side of the world and leave the life I knew behind. But at the same time, I accept it. Coming here was my dream, it was always what I dreamed of even when you were by my side as well. And maybe that's why I never told you about the application, about being approved. Maybe I waited until the end, until the very last second to tell you because I knew you were the only one capable of changing my mind.

When I was by your side, I started to dream of a different life, a life that had you at all times and in all aspects. But, as you may have already noticed, I chose my first dream.

I know I won't regret it. I can't afford to regret it. You’ll become who you always wanted to be and I’ll be there to give you a standing ovation. Not there, next to you, but from afar.

yn 

“That was Sunday Morning, by Hong Joshua. Ah, whenever I hear this song I remember my college days. I've said this here a few times, and I think I sound like a broken record by this point, but Joshua and I went to the same college and he was always singing this song in the hallways. Any small gathering between friends he would pull out the guitar and sing. So I'm sorry, but you're going to have to listen to this song at least once a week for the next year. Or until he releases the next one.”

Seokmin looked at the monitor to his right as a pre-recorded commercial for the next show started. The comments were going up too quickly, which made reading them an almost impossible mission.

On the other side of the glass, Chan made a sign indicating that the commercial was over. Seokmin looked at his friend as he lowered one finger after another and finally pointed at him. Chan placed a sheet of paper, which was always used, against the glass, which said “last, chat”. Indicating that he still had one more question to answer.

“We have time for one more question” Seokmin said, opening the internal chat he used with the other radio employees and read the question that Chan had sent “I ended a relationship of almost four years a few months ago, but I still can't understand what happened. I haven't even returned his things yet. How do I get in touch saying I want to return it?”

Seokmin swallowed. He knew that Chan hadn't done it on purpose, that he had no way of knowing everything that had happened between him and you, but he hated how much the question resonated in his head. It was a feeling he shared and for him it had been a little worse because you lived together during your last year of college. So when he entered the house and saw all the furniture, the decorations, your clothes still in the closet, it was like entering a time machine. In that 30 square meter space, for a few minutes, you still hadn't left.

He took a deep breath, away from the microphone so the sound wouldn't be picked, and leaned forward.

“It's a difficult question, really. If it's been a few months and he still hasn't picked his things up, it's because he doesn't need them, so I don't think you should bother contacting him. Hmmm”

He bit his lip and rested his elbows on the table, thinking if he should continue talking or if it would be better to stop there. Seokmin always thought it was better not to let personal feelings show on the radio, but he had moments when he couldn't follow his own rules.

“I can tell you from experience that sometimes silence is better. Because if you know the truth, it could hurt you even more. When I was in a similar situation, after a while I simply discarded the person's belongings. At first, it will be difficult, because you’ll see that shirt you gave as a gift, that letter you wrote and remember what it meant, the moment you gave those things to him. But little by little you will achieve it. Don't feel obligated to just move on when you're not ready. People will always tell you that it's about time, that it's been so many weeks or months. You’re the one who knows about your feelings.”

Chan knocked on the glass again, almost desperate because Seokmin's answer had been too long. It wasn't the first time he had gotten lost in what he was saying and maybe had been talking in circles. It always happened that he remembered you when he answered a question.

And in that specific question he was being a hypocrite because he knew that if he opened his closet, deep inside it, he would find at least two boxes full of your things hidden. He rarely went near those boxes, he liked to pretend they didn't exist and most days he managed to achieve that thought. But there were other days…

“So we come to the end of another Cupid's Corner with Minnie. See you again next week. Cupid’s Corner with Minnie: Unveiling Love’s Melody, One Relationship at a Time!”

Seokmin removed his headphones, stood up, and waved at the cameras he knew were pointed at him. He grabbed his phone and the bottle of water he always carried with him. The red light above the door finally went out and Seokmin left the studio.

Immediately, Chan appeared beside him. He had just gone blond, and it strangely suited him.

He knew the youngest was desperate, not that he was doing a good job of hiding it. The disheveled hair, pointing in all directions, also helped a lot.

“You’re going to have a heart attack if you continue like this” Seokmin said laughing.

Chan was the newest employee, handpicked by Seokmin a few months before. Seokmin needed someone to help him organize the broadcasts after his previous assistant quit because she had gotten a job in the field she had studied. Seokmin even talked to her and offered a higher salary that would come out of his own pocket, but nothing seemed to help. Not that he blamed her, in her place he would have done the same thing. But in the position he was in, changes made him uncomfortable so he did what he could to make sure everything stayed the same.

Maybe it was trauma.

“It’s because they yell at me, not you.”

One of the reasons Seokmin chose Chan as his new assistant was his sincerity. In the middle of the interview he “I think there are things in your program that need to change” and started listing things that he thought were dated or ideas that had been used too much and therefore didn't have the same effect on listeners. The others had found him presumptuous as if he wanted to know more than those who worked at the radio. Seokmin disagreed and that's how Chan got the job.

“They yell at you because you’re the new guy, no one yelled at Jiah”

Chan made a sound in the back of his throat, like a scoff.

“That's because everyone was afraid of her” Seokmin rolled his eyes and reached for the folder Chan was carrying “Oh, right. Tomorrow is your lecture for the communication classes, but they said it is possible that students from other courses will also be there, because it’llll be in the auditorium”

Seokmin nodded, reading the guidelines Chan had made. He needed to admit that he was organized and had absolute control over everything he did. He was sure that if he asked about Wonwoo's program, Chan would know how to answer as if he worked directly with him.

“You know how it is, I have fans” Chan pretended to vomit “If you go tomorrow, we’ll go out to dinner later, I’ll pay”

"Deal"

Seokmin always found it strange to be called to give lectures at the college where he studied. He wasn't a teacher and he didn't think he had done enough to be someone who could give advice to someone. In fact, Seokmin was sure he hadn't done anything big. His life, to put it very simply, was flat. At least, almost all of his life.

Seokmin has always been the type of guy who makes plans and follows through on those plans. When he was sixteen he got it into his head that he wanted to work in radio. It wasn't without reasons, of course. He joined the school radio and despite doing very little, because the school director had to know everything that would be done, even the nouns he would use in the sentence, he fell in love with the idea. That's why he decided he should study journalism in college, that way even if his radio career didn't work out, he would still have a profession.

But his dream was to work on a radio, to have his own program. So that's what he did.

He entered college as planned, sunk into student debt, and graduated exactly as he had planned. In his last semester, he got an internship at the biggest radio station in the country. He was on cloud nine. It was as if he had received the green light in life and everything was on the right track.

At least that's what he thought. At least that was what he had forced himself to believe. The internship became a permanent position and one day he just happened to be in the right place at the right time. That's why he never felt prepared to give anyone advice. Despite having decided on the career he wanted to pursue, he knew that he also needed to count on a little luck and help. The only words he could offer were “you work hard, study, make contacts, and throw the rest into luck’s hands”. It wasn't the kind of thing he wanted to hear when he was a student looking forward to the future, so he certainly wouldn't say it to anyone.

However, Chan convinced him that it would be a good idea to give the talk.

“You’re going to tell me how you got here, that’s all. An unknown face who quickly went on air to cover someone for one of the most beloved radio broadcasters in the country. I'm sure if you say that shit fell on your head, they'll like it” Chan had said laughing.

Overall the lecture went very well. Better than expected. He answered the questions as honestly as possible and used his best smile to get rid of the more awkward questions.

Despite the good day, he knew he didn't want to repeat the dose anytime soon.

“They want to know if you would be willing to do one of these a semester” Chan whispered because he knew the answer Seokmin would give, so it was better for the students not to hear.

“No” was all Seokmin said “But I’ll still buy you dinner”

Chan punched the air in celebration, catching the eyes of those around him, but he seemed to care very little.

"I just…"

What Seokmin was about to say, an announcement that he needed to go to the bathroom, died in his throat as he looked straight ahead.

Letter #2

Seokmin,

I thought I would be able to adapt faster here. It was very hard in the beginning with transport, getting around in general was very difficult. So I chose a weekend and went walking around the neighborhood where I live. I don't know how long I'll stay here, but I thought I should check it out. Besides, I can wake up in the middle of the night and decide that I want to eat something that I don't have at home, so it's good to know if there are any stores or markets that open in the middle of the night (in this neighborhood there aren't any, maybe that's why I won’t stay here).

I discovered that going out there, although productive, wasn't such a good idea. Nothing wrong happened, I didn't get hit on or someone was rude to me. Quite the contrary, most people pretended they weren't even seeing me. The problem was that everything made me think about you.

I walked by the store that sold a lot of random old things and decided to go in. You know I love filling the house with trinkets. I didn't find anything there that I liked, but I saw that they were selling camera films. For a moment I forgot everything that had happened and all I could think was, I think Seokmin is running out of film, I need to buy more because he will only realize when he doesn't have any left.

I bought it and brought it to the apartment. I opened the door and called your name. It was only later, when I noticed where I was, that it wasn't our apartment, that I realized what I had done.

Even without meaning to, even when I try not to, I find myself looking for you. Everywhere. I go to a restaurant and think about what you would like to eat, I see a dog on the street and I imagine you bending down to pet it. It's not on purpose, I just can't help it. I try, but it's in vain.

I wonder if it will pass. Will this feeling that I succeeded in my career but ruined my personal life disappear or will I feel like this forever — or at least for a good few years?

yn.

It was as if all the air had been ripped from your lungs and there was no way in the world to get you to breathe.

Somehow, some way, Seokmin was standing in front of you, in the middle of the college hallway.

For a moment it was as if you had been transported back in time, to when you were still 22 years old. In another moment you would have simply run up to him and thrown yourself into his arms as if you hadn't spent the whole night clinging to him, as if you hadn't seen each other before classes, as if you hadn't shared the smallest space in the world on the subway for 20 minutes. And your body seemed to remember all of this, like some kind of muscle memory, because you felt like you were being projected forward. Towards him.

You thought Seokmin would talk to you, you were sure he would. But you saw the way his gaze changed, the way it went from complete surprise to a hard look, completely different from anything you had ever seen from him.

In your memory, Seokmin was always brilliant and was always willing to welcome everyone with open arms, even when he felt more shy. You didn’t understand, that look he gave you was completely different from what you imagined could happen.

When you made the decision to return, you knew that there was a possibility of meeting Seokmin, no matter how small it was. You didn't know if he was still friends with the same people, if he still kept in touch with them. You certainly hadn't kept in touch with anyone - except for the two times you talked to Joshua. The possibility existed, but being realistic you knew it was as big as winning the lottery.

Of all the places you thought you could find Seokmin, college was the last one and maybe that was even why you accepted the job. When you were taking the last tests, the ones that would say whether you would graduate at the end of the semester or not, Seokmin was categorical in saying that he would never set foot inside college again. So you thought it was a place he would never go, but there he was. And in your first week, when you needed everything to go well. Not to show that you were ready and that you could do the job, but to reassure yourself that you had made the right choice in accepting the job.

You didn't have time to decide whether to talk to him or not. Seokmin made the decision for both of you. He continued walking as if you weren't there, talking to the boy next to him, laughing. The only indication that he knew who you were was silent once and one that only you could distinguish.

He turned around and left as if nothing had happened.

Was it possible that only you had felt that way? That just your heart had decided it didn't know how to beat, as if a storm was raging inside your body?

You didn't have time to analyze what had just happened. You just forced yourself to take a deep breath and also keep walking as if those brief seconds weren't enough to make your entire world turn completely upside down.

Seokmin dragged his feet into the room, tripping over the rug at the foot of the bed. A curse came out of his mouth, followed by a burp. When he invited Chan to dinner he had no intention of ending the night drunk, being carried home like someone who had just had his first drink.

It had been years since he had gotten that bad and it was comical that the previous occasion was also connected to you.

The memory of leaving you at the airport, on a flight in the middle of the night, was still vivid in Seokmin's mind. Worse than that memory, was the one of you telling him that you had gotten a place in a master's degree on the other side of the world, 18 hours before leaving the country.

“I need to tell you something” you said as he pulled his coat over his head and patted his pockets, making sure he had grabbed his keys, wallet, and phone. He needed to leave as quickly as possible, he was already late.

Seokmin had plans to ask you to marry him. He had rented a house where you could spend the weekend, where it would be possible to see the stars. He had prepared himself, but he needed to leave right that second so he would have enough time to go to the house, get everything ready and come back to get you. The owner of the house would help him, since Seokmin decided that he wouldn't tell any of his friends because they might just ruin the surprise.

“I'm already late” he said, quickly looking at his watch. "Did something happen?"

He asked, noticing your already somewhat desperate look. He knew that whatever had happened couldn't be good.

To be honest, he had noticed that something was wrong a few weeks before, and for a while, he decided it would be better not to get into it too much. He knew you well enough to know that you would offer the information when you felt ready to do so. But thinking back on everything, he wished he had asked before, he wished he hadn't given you space, he wished he had forced you to talk to him sooner.

“I passed my master’s degree abroad”

Seokmin’s first reaction was to be happy for you. He knew how much you wanted that, that it was your dream. So he did what any boyfriend would do, he hugged you and congratulated you, told you that you had tried so hard and that they would be idiots not to accept you. The feeling was true and his smile was genuine. He was happy for you.

Knowing what he knew, every now and then Seokmin wondered if he would have done anything differently if he knew what the next words would be out of your mouth. He could have made a fuss, he could have begged you to stay, he could have offered to go with you. But at the time he didn't do any of that.

“I’m leaving today, I need to be at the airport at 11 pm”

Seokmin's ears rang deafeningly. It was as if he had been punched and needed to brace himself against something. The sofa was the closest piece of furniture.

He thought he heard it wrong, he wished he was dreaming, but all he had to do was look at you. It was true. It was as if a puzzle was being completed in Seokmin's mind. The way you had suddenly become distant, how every time he entered the room you hurried to change or close whatever you were looking at on the computer. He didn't even know you signed up. He imagined that you must have done some kind of test, some interview and he didn't even know anything about it.

He had no idea.

Had he been a bad boyfriend, someone who was so focused on making the long-awaited proposal that he had ignored everything else? Or had you hidden it so well that he hadn't noticed?

"What? You’re leaving today?"

It was like the world was spinning too fast and he was trying to keep up with what was happening. It was like being on a roller coaster that kept on falling. He remembered well how the little box with the ring he had carefully chosen weighed in his pocket.

“I didn’t even know you had applied for a position” he whispered, almost just to himself “You didn’t tell me”

And it was at that exact moment, when he looked at you, that Seokmin realized that your relationship was over. You avoided looking at him, your hands were buried deep in the pockets of your coat, which was his. He saw your eyes fill with tears, you swallow hard, and remain silent.

It was unlike you, to stay quiet when you had too many things going through your head. He desperately wanted you to talk to him, to tell him what had been going through your head. He just wanted to understand. Did you believe he would somehow stop you from going? If there was one thing he knew about you, it was the fact that you always put your education first. It wasn't a secret and you didn't want it to be. He just didn't expect things to happen that way.

Seokmin sat in front of the closet, on the floor, and with difficulty opened the doors. Deep in the back, behind several shoe boxes, were two old boxes that he hadn't moved in years. Part of him wished the things inside the boxes were ruined, that they had mold and anything else that could ruin its content. But he had been careful, kept everything in order, taken all necessary precautions, and cleaned the closet periodically.

He ignored the first box and pulled the smaller one towards him, placing it on his bent legs. Seokmin wasn't one to revisit those memories, he liked to keep them as far away from him as possible, but on nights like those, it was impossible.

Seokmin knew what he would find and was sure how he would feel, but he still took the lid off the box, but he didn't dare take out any of the items inside it.

He knew he had reached his lowest point when he was holding on to memories he had of you and not focusing on what was actually happening in his life.

Letter #3

Seokmin,

I talked to Joshua today. Talk is a bit too strong of a word. We exchanged a few words on Instagram. He posted a photo and I liked it, he sent me a DM asking if I was ok and how things were going. I lied, of course. He said everything was fine and he was happy. He didn't talk about you and I didn't ask.

It was very hard to contain myself. I want to know how you are. The more selfish part of my brain wants you to be just as bad as I feel. You know that little demon that sits on our shoulder? He assures me you're even worse. And I hate to think that's the case, but at the same time, I'm sure you're not okay. I know you, we dated for four years, we lived together for almost two years

You were always the more emotional one of the two of us. You were never afraid to show your feelings, not for me or anyone else. You always loved so openly, without any fear. I admit that at first, it scared me a little.

I was an 18-year-old girl who came from a family that had no idea how to show affection, so I was always more reserved in that aspect. And there you were with your beautiful, bright smile, with open arms, affectionate with anyone who came along. I thought you were a crazy person who didn't have the slightest notion of the world. It took a while for me to realize that your world was brighter than mine in ways I couldn't understand.

You were always so untethered, free, showing yourself to anyone who had eyes. When I was closed and more reclusive, you were open and expansive. When I was very shy or reserved, you were more charming and brighter than usual. Not even my worst mood, which seemed endless at times, was a problem for you.

One day you just showed up and decided that you would stay by my side, no matter what. Believe me when I say, I tried to push you away. But with each passing day you were further under my skin.

A kiss at a random party turned into a date at every party, parties became meetings at the college library, which led to coffee dates. One day you decided at the end of each date you had to take me back to the dorms and you kissed me for a long time on the side of the building where no one could see — or at least I made myself believe no one did. Then that alone wasn't enough and you were always with your fingers intertwined with mine, or your arm around my waist. And kisses were no longer reserved for empty streets, of course not. You kissed me anywhere, anytime, no matter who was watching.

You were sneaky, Seokmin.

When I realized it, I was in love with you. Your arms were my refuge. You were my safe space. My home.

yn.

You hated that Seokmin’s reaction, or lack thereof, had gotten to you so much. It was like being punched, and then one more, soon the punch became a beating and to finish with a flourish, it was as if a truck had run over you.

You had plans to go out at the weekend, though alone. Everything was so different, the places you knew no longer existed and friends from the past no longer spoke to you. You would have to rediscover the city without anyone's help. Despite your plans, you couldn't bring yourself to leave the house.

When you decided to return, you knew there would be no way to escape Seokmin. He had become successful not only in his career as a broadcaster but also as a celebrity of sorts. You never imagined you would see his face in magazines or on billboards selling fried chicken. You didn't expect that when you turned on the TV you would see his face in different programs.

In fact, you knew all of that was happening, but somehow you managed to convince yourself that you wouldn't have to see any of it. You managed to make yourself believe that you would not be haunted by his images and voice.

When you were away, you always listened to his programs, more than once each one, but it was almost like a relationship between fan and celebrity. You could separate very well what was him and what was you. But being there, in the same country, in the same city, it was much more difficult to make that separation.

Because once you were back, Seokmin was no longer just the radio host with a show about relationships. Far from it. Seokmin was your college sweetheart, the guy whose heart you broke but who, even after seven years, was still in love with.

That was the reality. you were still in love with him. There was no relationship in the world, no man in the world, that would have made you forget about Seokmin. Sometimes it worked, sometimes you managed to forget about him for a few months and that feeling of loss, of emptiness, that had settled deep inside your heart became smaller and smaller. And then it would come back full on as if it had never left.

Maybe that was your curse, your punishment for leaving behind someone you could have spent the rest of your life with. And somehow you knew you would have been happy. Or at least a different kind of happiness.

After spending the weekend holed up inside your apartment, after convincing yourself that you needed to prepare for teaching classes and unpacking the move, she decided that on Tuesday night she would explore the city.

Exploring wasn't the right word. You had discovered that one of your favorite restaurants still existed, it had just changed location. And, despite being on the other side of the city and being completely aware that you would have to pay a fortune for a taxi or risk taking the subway alone almost at closing time, you decided to go anyway.

You needed to feel like one thing hadn't changed, or at least still be recognizable.

You heard your name being called a few minutes after sitting down. You raised your head, recognizing the voice, but couldn't tell who it belonged to. Directly in front of you was a woman, with short hair, in her fifties.

“It’s really you!”

You stood up and a second later you were being hugged. Maybe you had gone there for that reason, knowing that there would be someone there who would recognize you. Or at least you hoped there was. And when you were welcomed with open arms by her owner, Niah, you wanted to cry for the first time in a long time.

“Hi” was all you could offer, your voice weak.

You quickly turned your face away, trying to be discreet as you wiped away your tears. The last thing you wanted was to cry in front of someone else. Tears were reserved for dark moments in the silence of your apartment, they weren't meant to be seen by people you didn't even know in a crowded restaurant.

“Look how beautiful you look. You haven't been around for so long. Seokmin told us that you had gone abroad to study, but I thought you would come back sooner.”

You just managed to smile, even though it was embarrassing. It was strange to hear his name coming out of someone else's mouth so easily. For years, his name was just an echo in your own mind, almost as if it were a fantasy of yours.

There were days when you managed to convince yourself of this, that Seokmin was nothing more than a dream.

“Are you just visiting or are you back to stay?”

“I'm staying” you said after a second, when you managed to find your voice again “I got a job here, I have nowhere to run”

Niah laughed and hugged you once again, tighter this time.

"Great, that makes me happy. We always miss you” Niah smiled and ran her fingers down your cheeks, brushing away some tears that were stubborn to fall “What do you want to eat? Today it's on the house. Consider it a welcome gift.”

You took a deep breath, swallowing the lump in your throat and the remaining tears.

"What do you recommend?"

The amazing thing about meeting Niah again was that she still acted exactly the same way. She didn't see you as someone who had simply packed a suitcase of clothes and left the country overnight. To Niah you were still that same person from 7 years ago who ate whatever she put in front of. You and Seokmin were always guinea pigs for all the new recipes.

The food was still wonderful, if anything it had just gotten better.

You had a fork halfway to your mouth when you heard the door open, the sound of the bell indicating the entry of a new customer. You almost instinctively turned to look. You choked on your own saliva when your eyes met Seokmin's.

It was as if you were back in the hallway that day. Your heart simply stopped, and the world fell into suspension. For a moment, it was as if you had been transported to the past. You were almost certain that if you looked at the table you would see books open next to the cutlery; you knew that if you looked at Seokmin for another second or two his face would break into the most beautiful smile, he would wave and call your name.

But your illusion shattered into small pieces as his neutral expression contorted into a frown. With the same foot he entered he turned to leave.

“Seokmin!” you called him, getting up from your chair.

Part of you thought he was going to continue out the door, but he stopped. Half of his body was outside the restaurant, the other inside.

“Hurry up and close that door!” Niah said leaving the kitchen “You’re letting out all the heat”

Even with Niah's voice calling him, Seokmin remained standing at the door. You sat back down, but without taking your eyes off him. He didn't know what he expected of him, but he felt an indescribable relief when Niah pulled him by the sleeve of his coat and forced him to sit in front of you.

“The restaurant is packed, so you will have to share a table” she said as she turned her back.

Seokmin shook his head, clearly against sitting there, staying in the restaurant, but he still took off his coat and hung it on the chair before leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest.

It was clear he was working out, his shoulders had gotten broader and his arms bigger since you last saw each other. You almost laughed at the pose, remembering all the times you had seen him in a similar situation. But this wasn't the time to laugh when everything else was screaming that he was uncomfortable with the situation, that he didn't want to be there.

It didn't take a genius to know that Seokmin wanted nothing to do with you. His reaction to seeing you in the hallway the week before and the way he was looking at you in that moment were enough answers.

You felt like the walls were closing in around you and there wasn't enough air in the room.

What were you thinking when you called his name? What were you thinking when you silently watched Niah pull him inside? Why were you still sitting there?

A waiter who worked with Niah passed by your table and you called him discreetly, not wanting to attract the attention of the restaurant owner.

“Can you wrap everything to go, please?” you turned to Seokmin “You can have the table. I was already leaving”

It was a lie, but he didn't need to know that.

Seokmin laughed lowly, scornfully, his sideways smile making the hair on your arms stand on end. In general, Seokmin has always been the type of guy who didn’t lose his cool easily, who would always rather let things go than have any kind of confrontation. But when he really got stressed out or nervous, it took a while for him to calm down again.

You had seen that storm in his eyes very few times in the years you spent together. The last one was when he went to the airport to say goodbye to you. That day the storm was just confusion and pain, you knew you had done that to him. But he sat there in the restaurant, in front of you, in silence while the people around him chatted animatedly, completely oblivious to what was happening between the two of you.

"What it was?" you rolled your eyes.

“Ah, nothing” he said, waving his hand in a dismissive gesture “It’s just like you to do that”

You narrowed your eyes at the same time you felt your cheeks get hot.

"Do what?"

"Runaway"

Letter #4

Seokmin, 

It took me almost a year to convince myself that it was okay for me to look at social media. I convinced myself that every woman does this, that every now and then we look at our ex-boyfriend's Instagram, just to find out if his new girlfriend is ugly. I've told you this several times, but every female experience is universal.

I wish you were one of those low profile people, who post a picture every 6 months and it's a cut mango on a pretty plate. I wish you hadn't posted so many pictures. But more than anything, I wish I hadn't spent hours and hours looking at the photos. I wish I hadn't been analyzing every photo of you, I wish I hadn't thought “that's a new mole” and wondered which others had appeared since the last time we saw each other.

I had memorized every mole of yours. On your face, on your arms, on your back. On the worst days, when I missed you in a way that almost made me give up everything and go home, I kept remembering each one of them. I tried to remember the sound of your laugh, your voice, how you stroked my hair until I fell asleep when it wasn't a good day.

I keep wondering if one day this feeling will just go away.

It's been a year since I left. I went out with other guys, and I almost dated one of them, but you're always there in the back of my mind, almost comically because even against my will I can't help but compare them to you. I can't help but think that only you know how I like my coffee, how only you know that if I'm in my worst mood, there's no joke in the world that can make me laugh.

I know it's not fair to them. I gave you the chance to get to know me, I allowed you to get closer. I wanted you to come closer to me. Now I wonder if you're doing this for someone other than me.

I like to imagine that you also compare other women to me, that even now that you're dating I stay there, in the back of your mind, making fun of you.

Unfortunately, she's not ugly, but your smile was brighter when I was next to you.

yn.

To say that Seokmin had spent the rest of the week in an envious mood was an understatement. He was stressed and everyone around him soon noticed the change. He really tried not to let his personal life get in the way of his work. It was something he never struggled with. Work was work, what happened when the lights went out and he left the radio should never cross paths with each other. That week, however, it was impossible.

Meeting you at the restaurant caught him off guard. That day in the college hallway had been difficult, but he managed to just keep walking as if nothing had happened. He liked to pretend like he hadn't gone out with Chan right after and drank like there was no tomorrow, like he hadn't opened the boxes he had kept for years and cried while looking at the photos of the two of you together.

He had gone to the restaurant that day because he needed some form of comfort and didn't want to call any of his friends because he knew he would end up telling them everything that happened and would receive advice and words he would rather not hear. The restaurant was the best idea he had. Or maybe the worst possible one.

Maybe he had done it consciously, because he wanted to see you one more time, and wanted to make sure he hadn't imagined you. It wouldn't have been the first time.

In the first few months after you left, Seokmin got into the habit of visiting places he went with you, or places you liked to go alone. It was probably a form of torture, but he liked to imagine it was a way to forget and overcome the breakup. On several of those days, he believed he saw you. He realistically knew it wasn't you, he clearly remembered seeing you get on the plane and waited until it took off to leave the airport.

The worst thing that could have happened to him was you calling for him. Seokmin couldn't help but wonder if he had always reacted that way to you, if your presence was always so great that before he even saw you he knew you were nearby. That day, as soon as he opened the door, before he even saw you sitting there with your eyes wide open, he knew. He knew you were there.

The last thing he expected from you was you saying his name, as if asking him to sit with you, that Niah, knowing how the relationship had ended, would have made him sit in front of you.

Seokmin noticed your discomfort, the way your spine had become a little straighter, the way your eyes were hard and cautious at the same time. Your reaction made him angry. What right did you have to behave that way, as if you were hurt when all the decisions regarding a relationship both of you were in had been made by you?

You were the one who signed up for a master's degree abroad. It was you who never told him about your decision. It was you who kept everything secret, making him believe that the two of you were on the same page and that despite your different goals, you would be able to pursue them together.

Turns out he was wrong, those dreams were just his and didn't include him.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Chan asked for the thousandth time.

For the first time in a long time, Seokmin was having a hard time hiding how he really felt. That polished, carefully carved mask had fallen. It was a completely atypical day and everyone was able to notice his sudden change in mood. Even Chan, who normally did a great job of ignoring all the problems around him and focusing solely on his work, seemed to be walking on eggshells around him.

“It’s really obvious, isn’t it?” Seokmin asked in a low voice and Chan just nodded "And if I pretend it's because of the new segment, will anyone believe it?"

Again, Chan nodded. Since he had started the program, 3 years before, Seokmin would receive calls and speak directly to listeners. Although there were always interactions, those were always done through live chat and email when he received questions or stories from people who were not listening to the program when it was airing.

Seokmin wasn't nervous about the idea, he was actually excited. Chan knew this and knew that whatever the problem was, it was still the same as the day of the lecture. He didn't want to ask, and he didn't want to seem invasive, but he still wanted to make sure Seokmin was okay — or at least, well enough to do the program.

“I think everyone is already thinking that” was a lie and even Seokmin knew it, but he was grateful.

“You may already know this, but today we will start a new segment. We'll call it the heart to heart helpline, at least until we find a better name at least” Seokmin's voice and laugh resonated through the taxi “We'll take your calls and some of you will be able to talk to me and ask your questions live, instead of by chat. Each person will have a maximum of 2 minutes and we will answer 6 calls today”

You had left the house completely willing to avoid anything related to Seokmin. Realistically, you knew you couldn't do anything about the billboards and his face at bus stops, but you could very well avoid his radio show. And for a few weeks you had managed to do just that.

That day at the restaurant had almost been a cathartic moment. Somehow, it was as if something had clicked and fallen into place. The Seokmin you left behind no longer existed. It had been a naive thought to think so. You didn't expect that he would still be exactly the same person, of course not. Seven years had passed and Seokmin, like you, was approaching his thirties. Obviously, many things had changed, but you still expected to see traces of that 22-year-old boy you had known and loved.

You didn't spend more than five minutes with him at that table. And it was much more than enough. He had accused you of running away, of continuing to do this for years. Of course, that could be his view on everything, but it was never your intention. The only problem was that you hadn't been able to tell him those things. You had been so lost and so completely helpless in front of him that you had forgotten that you knew how to speak and form sentences.

You had spent years of your life writing letters to him, letters that he would never read, but that was beside the point. You wrote letters as a way to appease the emptiness you felt in your heart. You never, not for a second, thought you were running away. You never wanted to run away, but Seokmin seemed to believe you did.

In a sudden burst of anger, you took your phone out of your bag and dialed the number Seokmin spoke on the radio. You didn't expect your call to go through. In fact, you didn't even know what you expected.

“Please wait a minute, we will connect your call” a non-robotic voice said as you paid for the taxi.

Seokmin was still chatting animatedly with a listener who didn't have a real question, but who “just wanted to say that I really liked your show and that I’m a fan.” It was impossible not to roll your eyes. If she, and everyone else, knew how much of a complete asshole he could be just because he had the opportunity, they would never want to see his face again.

Or maybe they would team up against you in favor of the immaculate Seokmin. God knew how easily a man could turn public opinion in his favor with a beautiful smile. And God was also a witness that Seokmin's smile was simply wonderful, one that took your breath away, one that made you smile along because it was contagious.

“Welcome to the heart to heart helpline” Seokmin’s voice sounded in your ear “What’s your question?”

You didn't really think that your call would get through to Seokmin, you didn't think the signal would be good enough inside the elevator, but none of that seemed to be a problem.

“Hello, can you hear me?” he asked.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. You knew you were going really crazy, but you decided to throw caution out the window and be the crazy person everyone used to believe you were.

“Yes, I’m here” you could have sworn, that even over the phone, you felt Seokmin tense up “It’s a question about an old relationship, we broke up years ago, if that’s okay”

You struggled with your keys, trying to unlock the door as quickly as possible. You needed to get to your computer or tablet, whichever was closer. It was almost a physical necessity to see Seokmin's reaction to your voice, your question.

You always knew how to tell if he was truly calm or if he was masking what he was feeling. You wanted to know if you still had any other sort of effect on him. Whatever it was, it was better than angry disdain.

“Old relationships should stay in the past, don’t you think?” he finally said.

You nodded as you ran into your room. You knew you would find the tablet under your pillow — you were sure that if your mother saw it she would say that your brain would explode due to the radiation from the device. With a few taps, you opened the stream of Seokmin's program.

“I think so. But the problem is that we keep seeing each other. I don’t think it’s something either of us want, but it seems inevitable.”

You turned the sound off, you just wanted to focus on his reactions. Seokmin swallowed hard, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes fixed on the microphone in front of him. To anyone, it just seemed like he was concentrating on the call, on what the person on the other end of the line had to say, but you knew very well that it was to hide his reactions.

"Your question?"

“Well, he called me selfish and said I ran away when we broke up, but that's not exactly what happened. I wanted to talk to him, but I don’t think he wants to listen to me.”

Seokmin took a deep breath and seemed to think about what to say next, his eyes no longer on the microphone, but on the ceiling.

“And why does he think that about you? You probably gave him reasons, don't you think? I don’t think anyone would think that about someone without anything having happened.”

“I always dreamed of studying abroad, so when the opportunity came, I went. I…"

“Did you tell him you were going?” Seokmin clenched his fists on the desk, his fingers gripped the pen in his hand tightly until his knuckles were white. “Did you give him a chance to say something or did you just walk away?”

You were speechless, eyes focused only on Seokmin. The way his hair perfectly framed his face, his sculpted thin nose. He was still exactly like he was seven years ago, just somehow different. He was the same, but he also wasn't.

You hadn't given him the chance to say anything, you had just walked away, but because you believed it was the best thing to do. You would have stayed if he had asked, I would have aborted all of your plans for him,

“Long distance relationships don’t work” you said finally, your voice lower “especially when there’s an ocean separating people”

“I'm going to guess and say that you were together for a while because I don't think anyone would care that much about a quick relationship” his voice became more sober, completely in control of his emotions, the opposite of what you felt,  like you were enclosed every second that passed “I agree with you, long-distance relationships don’t work. Different cities are already complicated, I can't imagine what it would be like to be with someone who lives in another country. You didn't give many details, but I believe he had reasons to feel that way, just as you had your reasons for leaving without warning. I think the best thing for both of you is to let it fall into oblivion. It makes no sense for either of you to dwell on these feelings. Maybe your desire to talk exists because you think you've left things open with him, but he may think that what's in the past shouldn't be remembered. Maybe you're just a bad relationship he wants to forget.”

Letter #5

Seokmin

I found out by chance that you now have your own radio show. One day it was an empty slot in the schedule and the next it was your voice. To my joy and delight, it was one of those programs that also had video streaming. I say joy and delight in a very ironic way.

But I'm not lying when I say I'm happy for you. You always said it was your dream and in a way, here we are, achieving our dreams. It would have been better if we could have lived through this together, I think. Maybe if that were the case I wouldn't have this empty feeling inside my chest.

But I discovered a long time ago that I can't keep crying over spilled milk. I left and you moved on with your life. They were conscious choices, I knew what I was doing. I knew that making this choice would have hurt both of us, but I also knew that we could overcome it. It's just taking longer than expected. I honestly thought that by this point, so many years later, we would have been able to live as if the past were just that, the past.

But it's not like that for me or for you.

I may be completely crazy, but your show is about love advice and how to deal with heartbreak. Sometimes, when I hear you talk, I'm sure you've already dealt with all your feelings, after all, you've had other girlfriends. But there are other moments, when you answer a question or when you read one of the pre-written texts when I'm sure that what you said applies directly to what we both had.

I'm going crazy, aren't I?

It's been four years since I left. I already finished my master's degree and started my PhD, exactly as planned. I have a date tonight with a guy who seems genuinely nice, but here I am, writing yet another letter that will never be sent to the guy I was in love with.

What am I still doing?

yn

Seokmin had always believed that for a relationship to truly end there must be no trace of it anywhere. When he told his listeners that they should get rid of items, it was not a lie. He was just terrible at following his own advice. The old story of do as I say, not as I do.

Finally, he decided it was time to take his own advice. With a little pain and resentment added to the mix, of course. At this point, he wondered if he could already be considered a masochist or if he still had a few boxes to tick to get the title.

Getting your address had been easier than expected. All he had to do was ask Niah, who offered the information without any resistance.

“Being thirty didn't make either of you any smarter,” she said as she leaned across the table and wrote the address on the napkin.

“Almost thirty” he felt the need to correct her, but decided he would ignore the hidden message in her words.

Seokmin never stopped going to Niah's restaurant. It was there that he had cried his sorrows over the cheapest drinks possible, he didn't have the money to pay for the good ones, while Joshua tried to console him. He had never seen Niah so stressed and angry. She hadn't said anything, but you could clearly hear the sound of her cutting the vegetables more aggressively than necessary.

Little by little she became calmer about the situation and started talking about you with the same affection as before. Seokmin always thought she had somehow kept in touch with you, or at least found a way to get your number or a way to contact you. At first, he had been angry, but somehow he believed he didn't have that right. It was only after a year that Seokmin decided to ask and the answer he received was “if I still had contact with her, I would have already screamed at her about disappearing without telling anyone”.

Asking Niah for your address was the only option he had. He refused to go to college, where you worked. He didn't know what would happen, whether you would be friendly with each other or the conversation would end in a shouting match just because. Because after years of no contact and considering the way things ended, it was pretty obvious that resentment could resurface — at least Seokmin had resentment up to his neck and knew that not releasing them all at once required almost inhuman self-control. 

He looked at the building one more time before getting out of the car. It was one of those without a doorman. Seokmin knew that if he rang and asked to be let in, the probability of being sent to hell was very high. So he pulled up his cap down and covered as much of his face as he could while he balanced the boxes on his arms.

He stood there like a madman for almost twenty minutes until someone finally left the building. Seokmin felt like he was committing a crime when he slipped through the door before it closed. Even though the feeling was strange he made himself believe it was the only option he had and he really didn't have any bad intentions. He just wanted to return your things and, hopefully, arrange that if you ever met again, you’d simply pretend you don't know each other, instead of talking nonsense to each other.

Seokmin took a deep breath once before knocking on the door. He heard footsteps and a second later the door opened.

When you imagined what your Wednesday night would be like, the only option that crossed your mind was to order a pizza and watch a movie — the random option of Netflix seemed like your best friend and the only possible option because you weren't even able to choose what to watch by yourself.

Not even in your wildest daydreams could you have imagined that Seokmin would show up at your door with two boxes in his hand.

You were partially tempted to close the door on his face, but you knew that doing so would only make the whole situation worse. If Seokmin, who clearly didn't have any good feelings about you, was standing there at your door it was because he had something to say. Or more precisely to hand it over to you, considering the boxes in his arms.

Silently you stepped aside so he had enough room to enter. You wanted to slap yourself for the complete war zone that your living room was in. You were still unpacking the moving boxes, not that you had taken much with you. It was too expensive to send things from one country to another, especially furniture. You had only focused on your clothes and books and a few things you wanted to keep, and that alone was more than you were willing to spend. In addition to the boxes, you had all the things you still had to buy, but you still didn't have the mind to do it.

You had so much going through your head that cleaning the apartment was just another task you wanted to avoid. But it was one that could be left for later. In the few minutes that Seokmin spent there, you wished you had tidied it up, that he hadn't seen how that room represented your life at that moment: a complete mess.

"What are you doing here?" you finally asked when you managed to get your vocal cords to work properly.

Seokmin didn't seem to care about the mess but paid attention to everything else around him.

He placed the boxes on the counter and took off his cap, pressing the brims with his fingertips looking for what to say next. He had rehearsed an almost poetic speech in the car, something about being adults and how your relationship had ended a long time ago, so neither of you should have any regrets left. But the moment you opened the door and looked at him it was as if all the words had simply evaporated from his mind, as if he had never learned to speak in the first place.

It had always been that way with you. Sometimes when he looked at you, even when you were still together, he got lost. He was like a man adrift who had finally found solid land. It was as if he heard a click and the world started to move once again.

One of his favorite things, when you were dating and living together, was being able to come home after an exhausting day and see you sitting on the sofa in the living room, your computer on your lap, while you studied, occasionally shouting profanities at the computer. On those days, Seokmin would simply push the computer away and lay his head on your lap.

“Just five minutes” he used to say with his eyes closed.

You’d laugh, fingers immediately running through his hair, as if it was the most natural movement in the world.

“Who do you want me to insult today? You know my vocabulary is very colorful.”

How many times had he slept in that position, without meaning to, and you had to drag him to bed because “it's comfortable for you, but my legs are numb and you have to take a shower, you won't sleep dirty next to me, sir”.

It was impossible not to wonder where it all went wrong.

“I came to return your things” he pointed at the boxes.

You suppressed the urge to bend down and rummage through the boxes. You wanted to know what he had kept, what he considered important enough to keep for so many years. You knew he no longer lived in the apartment you shared. When you were looking for apartments you saw that that one was up for rent. It was necessary to restrain yourself from choosing it. It wasn't a good apartment, at least not at the time — the photos on the website said the property had undergone renovations two years earlier and had no tenants since. It wasn't big, it barely fit one person, but it was what your extremely limited budget could afford at the time. Somehow you and Seokmin turned that small space into a home full of life. Of love.

In the places where you lived, you bought all kinds of trinkets to fill the space, furniture you didn't need and never used, hoping to imitate, for even a second, the feeling you had in that little 35 square meter apartment.

You never quite managed to do that.

“Thank you” you said sincerely “I thought all my things had gone in the trash”

You laughed and Seokmin squeezed the back of his head and pointed at the boxes.

“I sold what I could, I didn't want to put it in storage because I really thought we would never see each other again. The money is in an envelope”

“Why did you keep all this?” the words came out of your mouth before you could stop yourself “You should have thrown it away or, since you sold it, you should have spent the money”

Seokmin had asked himself that question several times before, sober or not, and he never had an answer. After a while, he simply stopped questioning and accepted it as something he had to do, to have some kind of sanity. It didn’t. Knowing that those boxes were inside his wardrobe, having to go through them the two times he moved, only brought back memories that he would like to forget.

Ever since you had seen each other again for the first time, memories that Seokmin had struggled to bury came to the surface as if they had just happened. He started to dream about you, dreams that range from memories to things that never actually happened, he started to wonder if it would be okay to talk with someone. His brain always screamed NO, so he was stuck just dreaming.

“I don’t have a good enough reason. It is what it is, I guess,” he said.

The last time Seokmin felt so embarrassed around you was right when you met and even then it only lasted a few minutes. The 18 year old Seokmin was much braver than the 29 year old man in front of him.

That boy, without any guilt or remorse, would have asked every question that could cross his mind. You’d say “your mind is beautiful, it even echoes sometimes”. Seokmin wanted to still have some of that boy's strength. Maybe that was the only way to know what he wanted. He wouldn't ask and he knew you wouldn't offer the information to him without being pressured.

“I think in the end, we both got what we wanted.”

You realized you said the wrong thing when you looked at Seokmin’s hands. A second before he was clutching his cap until his knuckles turned white, the next his long fingers were still. You didn't want to see the expression on his face. You knew what you’d find. You messed up, but couldn’t take back what you said.

“You got what you wanted” Seokmin corrected you, his voice firm, his tone hard.

“You always wanted to have a radio show”

“No, I wanted you. I could adapt to everything else if it meant I would have you.”

You shook your head. You knew it wasn't true. Hell, even Seokmin knew it wasn’t true. The first time you talked, Seokmin mentioned how much he wanted to be a radio host and have his own show, of any kind. I don't have a preference, I know I can give anything my own colors. You felt envious of his certainty, of the way he knew he could do it.

“The show has always been your dream” you tried again, despite knowing it was in vain to argue with him.

“My dream was to have a life by your side. You never, not once, told me that you signed up to study abroad, you never even mentioned it. When it was time to go you just got on a plane and disappeared. You never even gave me the chance to follow you. I could have been a journalist anywhere in the world”

Seokmin hated the direction of that conversation, hated being so exposed in front of you after so many years. In the past, it wasn't a problem. Before he wanted to be exposed in front of you, he wanted to share everything he was, every aspect of himself with you. No more. The problem was that he couldn't just stop. A gate was opened and there was no way to close it.

“So, what? Would we both be living based on our dreams? Because this is a dream, and you know it very well.”

You clung to the top rail of the chair, your head lolling forward in an almost futile attempt to stop him from seeing the tears forming in your eyes. You knew you couldn't hold them.

You weren't the type of person who cried often, you did what you could to avoid it, but when the tears came it was impossible to simply stop them from falling.

“Yeah, maybe I was really dreaming, because I believed that you loved me in the same proportion, but it’s quite obvious that you didn’t”

Seven years of pent-up frustration couldn't just disappear, he should have known. He should have imagined that going there would be a problem, that being in the same space as you without any kind of interference was a mistake. But he was still there and there was no way to escape. It was better to end everything quickly than to keep those feelings for another seven years in the hopes of one day being able to say something.

Seokmin watched as you went to one of the boxes in the corner of the room and opened it forcefully, tearing the cardboard, and causing some of the contents to slide across the floor. He felt his body freeze as a roll of film stopped at his feet.

“So explain to me, why do I buy a roll of film every time I pass by a store?” you put both hands inside the box and took out several rolls of film, of different brands and models. “Explain to me, why have I followed your career all this time and never missed a damn show in the last 3 years? Why would I wake up in the middle of the night to watch the broadcast and then listen to the show again while going to work because I just wanted to hear your voice?”

You walked to another box, but you opened this one a little more carefully as if wanting to protect the contents.

“Why did I spend 7 years writing letters that would never be read to a guy I never loved?”

You threw several envelopes at Seokmin’s chest. Your face and body shook out of anger or another feeling he couldn't quite tell.

Seokmin bent down to pick up one of the envelopes from the floor. His name was written in your careful handwriting. He didn't need to look at all the other ones to know that they were also addressed to him. He didn't know how many letters were scattered on the floor, or if there were any left in the box. The only thing he was sure of was that he had no idea how to proceed.

“If that doesn’t say I loved you, if that doesn’t say I still love you, I don’t know what the fuck does.”

Seokmin saw the first tear run down your face and fell silent. He knew he should turn his back, he knew he should walk away, just like you did seven years before. Instead, he took four steps in your direction, his eyes never left your heaving chest and the tears that ran freely over your cheeks. 

At that moment he knew that he only had two options: he could turn around and leave, he gave you back your things that alone made his plan a success; or he could kiss you like he had been wanting to since the moment he saw you again.

To hell with his plan.

Seokmin held your face in his hands and pulled you to him, crashing his lips on yours. It was an all too new feeling but also familiar, almost like coming to a remodeled home. It was him and it was you, if only it was just that simple. 

You sighed into him, your arms wrapping around his slim waist while your hand balled a fist full of his shirt. There were so many moments where you wished you could be right in that spot, again in his arms. Dreams and daydreams, wishful thinking, whatever you could call it. Thoughts of Seokmin had always been a constant in your mind. It was impossible not to compare other people you went out with to him. 

Your longest relationship had been one of almost a full year. Although the beginning had been good and easy, with you somehow managing to avoid any and all Seokmin related dreams and thoughts, it turned sour the second he crossed your mind.

“Seokmin, I…”

He shook his head and pressed his forehead to yours, eyes so intense that it was difficult to keep looking at him. 

“Let’s not overthink it, okay?” was all he said. 

You held his face for a couple, searching for something in his features, anything at all, that could indicate that the moment wasn’t for that. But all you saw in him was the same emotions you felt, the same need and desire. 

You pulled Seokmin to you again, this time hungrier, your chest pressed to his. Your mind was loud telling you all the reasons why you shouldn’t be doing that, why having him so close to you was truly the most dangerous situation you could possibly put yourself in. But all of those voices, all of those words and thoughts were silenced the moment he kissed you again. 

His lips were hungry, demanding all of you. And it was so easy to just give in to him, to his hands roaming on your body, down your back until he reached your ass. He gave it a light squeeze and ran his hand back up again, this time under your shirt. You moaned softly at the contact of his skin on yours, as he kissed your neck, bitting on the exact same spot he found years before. 

He smiled over your skin. 

“At least this hasn’t changed”

It was all too much but not nearly enough. Just having him that close to you was dizzying enough but him touching you and enjoying the fact that you were just as weak for him at twenty nine made you never want to let go of him again.

“Where’s your room?”

You took Seokmin by the hand, guiding him through the narrow corridor. 

Your room was barely a room to begin with. You had no furniture except for the mattress lying on the floor, your clothes were either on the suitcase or on the chair on the side. 

“This is unlike you” Seokmin said, his chest pressed to your back while he nibbled on the skin of your neck. 

“I… hm… I” you sturred a little when he bit into a particularly sensitive spot, making him chuckle “I’m waiting on delivery”

Seokmin turned you around in his arms while lightly pushing you down on the mattress. His eyes never left yours as he ran his hand under your shirt, moving the fabric up until your chest was exposed. 

It had been so long since you had been with anyone, it was almost like a reflex to want to pull your shirt back down. Since him, it had been hard to just let yourself be exposed to someone like that. You had become awfully aware of your body and things you never cared for or paid attention to before suddenly became worries. You didn't like that insecure version of yourself but when Seokmin cupped your breast in his hand his touch was almost solemn. 

It was probably the worst timing in the world when you felt tears burn on the back of your eyes. You pulled his face to yours again, trying to hide your tears from him once again. 

Suddenly, his touch was tender when he pushed a few strands of hair away from your face, his fingers careful. 

Seokmin moved down on your body. When you saw his fingers on the waistband of shorts you lifted your hips off of the mattress to help him move the fabric down quicker. 

He kissed your hips and inner thigh. You moaned in anticipation, your hand taking a fist full of his soft hair. When his lips finally found your clit it was like fireworks erupted behind your closed eyelids.

Seokmin was impossibly hard in his pants, embarrassingly so like he was a teenager having his first time. 

He never thought that he would have you in his arms again and yet there you were in front of him, no reservations. Just for him. And for a moment it was like his brain was in short circuit, the small electric waves running all over his body, down to his toes. 

He licked a path from your cunt to your clit. He went down on you almost in desperation, his nose brushing on your clit every now and then. 

"Seokmin..." his name was barely a whisper in your lips, but it was also a chant. 

Your orgasm hits you quickly, leaving you short of air and with shaky legs. You were spiraling in the most enticing way possible. It didn't stop Seokmin though as he kept sucking you frantically. 

You tugged on his hair, pulling him up and to you again. 

I love you,  the words almost fell out of your lips. It would have been so easy to just say them, to be open about your feelings just this once. 

Deep down you knew that that moment would be a one time kind of thing. It was just the kind of moment people sometimes needed to just completely let go of everything. Or in this case, nothing. It was to let go of seven years of complete nothingness and silence.

You opened the button of his jeans and pushed it down, his boxers following along. You wrapped your hand around his cock, pumping him a couple of times. Realization suddenly came over you. You never expected Seokmin to show up to your place, much less that it would lead to that moment, and there wasn't anyone else in your life, so you weren't ready for it. 

"I don't have a condom" you said breathlessly.

Seokmin looked lost for a second, his brain going to his wallet, questioning whether or not he had one in him. 

"I can pull out," he said "if that's okay"

All you did was nod and Seokmin aligned himself with your hole. He pushed in slowly, savoring each moment when your pussy pulled him in until there was no space between the two of you. 

Seokmin kissed you again to give himself time to adjust to you squeezing him. You held his face close to yours, in your eyes a mix of emotions he didn't want to understand. Not in that moment at least.

"I don't want anyone else," you said looking into his eyes, your thumb running over his bottom lip "No one else can make me feel the way you do"

To hell with care and self-preservation. You let go of those the moment you opened the door for him, the moment you let him into your home, the moment you didn't push him away when he kissed you. 

Seokmin fucks you slowly, his pace torturous as you beg and beg for more. He intertwined his fingers with yours and held one of your hands above your head while the other one held your hips in place. 

"Seokmin... harder"

And it's like a switch has gone off inside his brain. His once slow pace becomes shallow. The sound of your breaths and his skin slapping against yours were the only ones heard, echoing through the empty room. 

Your orgasm sneaks up on you, catching you so off guard you scream because it's too much. 

You pushed Seokmin away and watched in ecstasy as he wrapped his hand around his cock, his hand working fast as your name left his lips when his release fell on the sheet by your side. 

Seokmin dropped his body over yours again, his forehead on your shoulder. You closed your eyes and ran your hand over his hair. 

"I love you" you allowed yourself to say, even if it meant nothing to him. 

Letter #6

Seokmin,

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm coming home. Or the closest thing I still have to a home. Needless to say, my mother is happy with the news. She's been tormenting me for years, asking me to come back, but since I set foot here I decided I wasn't going back.

I wanted to, but I wouldn't go back.

Every time I thought about going back, the first thing that came into my head was the last image I had of you. Your teary eyes wishing me a safe flight, saying I love you and hope you accomplish everything you want. I regretted it the moment I gave my things away and handed my passport into the hand of the airline girl. I should have come back, I should have given up, but I couldn't. That old story of putting myself first and second, you know how it goes. In this case, my entire top 10 was just different versions of me.

I think I actually felt scared because as time went by, little by little without me realizing it right away, you became a very big part of my life. A part that could change everything. I felt like I depended on you too much. It wasn't fair to you or me.

We were only 22, Seokmin. When we were so young, we thought that life was conquered and today I know that is not the case. Far from it. At 22 I had a degree and worked part-time at a cafe to pay the bills, just like you.

You might think I'm selfish, I'm sure you do based on the things you say on your show. I was selfish and on some level, I don't regret it. I did what I always planned to do, what I always wanted to do. And now I'm coming home.

Part of me wants to run and find you, explain why I made the decisions I did, why I never told you. But I know you won't want to listen to me. I wouldn't want to listen to me either. Why would I listen to someone who left just like that? It really wouldn't make sense.

But another part, this one a little more rational, says that I shouldn't throw salt into the wound after so many years have gone by. I have the scar here, hidden enough for no one to see, but prominent enough for me to remember what I did every single day.

I think that's what I'm going to do. I think that's what I have to do. It wouldn't be fair to just show up in front of you and say “hi, I'm back” after seven years.

You have become a big “what if” for me. What if I had stayed? Would we have stayed together or would our relationship have ended years ago? What if I had told you what I was doing while I was doing it? Would you have asked me to stay? What if I had given the possibility of a long-distance relationship? Would we have worked out or would you start to resent me for leaving and end up hurting each other anyway?

The most absurd thing is that I still like you, I'm still in love with you. I've always heard that distance makes love end or something like that. I haven't seen you in seven years, I don't know what's going on in your life — you're really good at hiding everything being a celebrity now — so it doesn't make any sense that my feelings haven't changed even after all this time. This guy I see online might not be the Seokmin I fell in love with, just like I'm not the same person you remember.

Every time I hear your voice I still feel butterflies in my stomach. I sleep and dream about you. When I wake up I think about you and I wonder if you think about me too. It is not normal. It's not healthy. Life went on and I think it is our obligation to move forward together. We are not a museum to only feed on the past.

Let's continue as we are now, what do you think? We will once again be in the same country, in the same city, but I think it's best for both of us to pretend that nothing will change. It's a huge city, what are the chances of us meeting?

yn

Before you even opened your eyes, you already knew what you would find. Or who you wouldn't find. You knew the space next to you on the mattress would be empty. You had noticed the exact moment Seokmin had gotten up, but you forced yourself to believe that he had just gone to the bathroom. You had kept your eyes closed and had somehow gone back to sleep.

You had been naive to think that the night had changed something, that the way everything seemed like it would be fine was an indication that things had finally gotten back on track. If any, the train simply ended up derailing.

When Seokmin kissed you it was magical, no matter how cliché and teenage it may sound. It was as if the world had fallen into place again, as if you had finally returned home after being away for so long. You couldn't help but wonder if that was why you'd taken the job, in the foolish, unconscious hope that there might be a chance, however slight, of being with him again.

You forced yourself to sit up and pulled the sheet up to cover your naked body. The shirt and shorts you wore the night before were next to you on the floor, but you refused to wear those clothes, opting to rummage through the boxes in the corner of the room looking for clean ones.

You didn't want to go to the living room, didn't want to be mocked by the two boxes that Seokmin had left on the counter, but you couldn't help it. It was as if your feet had a life of their own. When you realized it, you were already sitting on the living room floor with the two boxes in front of you.

You momentarily decided to ignore the smaller black box and pulled the large one closer. The first thing you saw was the envelope Seokmin mentioned the night before. Money, especially the one in the envelope, wasn't something you were going to worry about. You didn't care about it, you didn't lie when you told him that he should have spent it. That money would remain untouched.

There were also a few books you read and made annotations on, two stuffed animals, and all the picture frames you had left behind.

One of the things you regretted the most was not taking with you when you left were photos of you and Seokmin. You had only taken one, which was folded inside your wallet. It was already so old and worn out that it had almost turned to dust, but you would never get it out. It was you and Seokmin at Niah's old restaurant, he was smiling at the camera while you looked at him. It was your favorite picture.

At the bottom of the box was the camera you had given Seokmin as a birthday present a few months before you left. You had saved whatever money you could for months to buy him the camera he wanted, one that he always talked about and whenever you passed by a store you stood outside looking at it, almost as if it would magically appear in his hands.

You understood his reasons for leaving the camera there — or, at least, the reasons you could imagine—but you wished he had kept using it. Not because it was a gift from you, but because it was something he wanted. His smile was so big when you gave it to him, the tip of his nose slightly pointed down because of it.

Carefully you put everything back inside and put it aside.

The smaller box, for some reason, was scary. It was light and black, and you could hear its contents moving as you held it in your hands. You took one last deep breath and removed the lid.

Inside were photos you had never seen before. Photos of you alone, Seokmin wasn't in any of them. In none of them were you posing or smiling directly at the camera.

Most of them had been taken from a distance, without you noticing. In some you were inside the cafe where you worked, smiling at customers and serving tables, in others you were simply walking down the street, looking through window shops and pointing at something. Seokmin had taken countless photos of you without you even realizing it.

It was strange to see yourself through his eyes, even if it was a version of you that no longer existed. A much younger and more optimistic version. Did I smile that much? you couldn't help but ask. You never saw yourself as particularly optimistic or constantly smiling. You were happy, that's undeniable, but you didn't know that's how people saw you.

There were so many photos, from completely different moments, both from the beginning of your relationship with Seokmin, and from all the phases you went through together.

Behind the pictures were the post-its that you left around the apartment, reminding Seokmin of somewhere you had together or simply saying that you loved him. So many had a simple “I love you” written on them, others said “have a good day today!”.

You had no idea he had kept them. You always thought that once read, they were discarded, but there they were, intact as if you had just written them.

The very first one you had ever written, when you had just started dating, was also there. At the time, unlike Seokmin who never had a hard time expressing how he felt, it was almost impossible for you to be openly honest. So you wrote it on a post-it and stuck it inside one of his notebooks. He had shown up at the dorm a few hours after you left the library.

“Say it again, but this time looking at me”

You frowned, pretending you didn't understand.

“Your nose is beautiful”

You laughed when Seokmin wrapped his arms around you, squeezing a little, trapping your arms close to your body. His face was very close to yours.

“What you wrote in the note” he said softly, his cheek pressed against yours “Say it again, please”

The truth was that you had loved Seokmin, in a way you didn't believe was possible and maybe that was why you spent the last seven years writing letters to him.

Seokmin never left your mind, not truly. There was always a desire, even if veiled, to return home, to find out how he was, to just say “I know I messed up, I’m sorry”.

It was that desire that made your entire body go cold as you took one last item out of the box. A smaller box that fit in the palm of your hand. You knew what it was before you even opened it and opening it was the worst choice at that moment. Your heart, which was already broken, somehow managed to break even more, into a billion, shiny, new pieces.

Seokmin would have proposed if you hadn't left.

When the first sob echoed through the living room, you didn't try to hold it back, you just accepted the feeling of being absolutely lost and heartbroken.

The weather outside the building seemed to mimic the way you had felt in the last few weeks, torrential rain that had no end in sight. You watched the news hoping for an improvement, hoping that the rain would stop for at least a few hours, but it seemed like a distant dream.

All your students were already gone and there was nothing left for you to do. The handed in assignments were graded and the tests were ready to be applied the following week. You had never hated yourself so much for simply doing your job. You wanted to be, at least for that day, like other teachers who left corrections until the last possible second and left students desperate for their grades.

The hallway was in complete silence, a clear sign that everyone had left already. And you had already waited hours for the rain to stop, until the sky was completely dark, and if anything the rain had only gotten worse.

You sighed and picked up your bag from the chair. You wouldn't risk taking any books, papers, or documents home, the possibility of everything getting ruined was too big. Besides, you needed a rest, at that point it was well deserved.

Ever since you had opened the boxes Seokmin left behind, you had immersed yourself in work in every way possible. You had accepted all of the dean's requests and even offered to teach extra classes whenever there was a missing professor.

And even so, even though you had more work than you wanted, you still found time to look at all of his social media. You still listened to all his programs, even listened to the old ones before going to sleep.

It was almost like a form of elaborate torture done solely and exclusively with you in mind. And worst of all, it was self-inflicted. It was as if your brain liked it, begged for it.

The box with the engagement ring was next to your pseudo bed. It was the last thing you saw before going to sleep and the first thing you saw when you woke up. Instead of spending hours on your phone, you sat there, staring at the small box.

You hadn't dared to open it again. You had never felt so lost as you did that day, looking at that ring.

You wouldn't be a hypocrite to say that you had never imagined your life if you had married Seokmin, but before it was nothing more than a daydream. The ring made that dream an attainable reality. It had been in your hands and you just walked away.

A curse left your lips when you noticed that the umbrella you had used that morning was missing from the umbrella holder next to the door.

“Great, that’s exactly what I needed” you muttered, slamming the door shut behind you.

You were tired, exhausted to tell the truth. All you wanted was to get home, take a shower, and watch some relationship reality show, to escape the tragedy that was your own love life.

You closed your eyes and sighed as you reached the entrance. The next bus stop or subway station was at least a 15 minute walk away. That was a problem that existed when you went to school there, everything was far away. One would think that they would do something to improve that, but one would be wrong.

You thought about taking shelter in the nearest coffee shop, but you knew it was almost closing time. You wouldn't be the person who forces employees to stay late, not when you had worked at that exact coffee shop years ago.

Even with your heavy coat covering most of your body, the rain was cold on your back and it was hard to see anything ahead, even if it was just a few steps away. Even the sound of cars was muffled by the rain.

“yn?” a car was on your left, and it was moving at the same speed as you. The face of whoever was behind the wheel was blurred by the rain, but you would have recognized that voice anywhere in the world.

“Let me give you a ride”

You shook your head. The last thing you should do was get in the car with him. It was too dangerous, you were sure that if you looked at him for more than a second you’d start crying. Just by hearing his voice your eyes were burning and a lump was forming in your throat.

“It’s fine, the bus stop is right there”

“There was an accident back there, the bus won’t be here anytime soon”

You grumbled. Of course, there was an accident, of course, there wouldn't be a bus and with your luck, the subway would probably be closed too.

"If your car went through the accident, a taxi will too”

You quickened your pace, not because of the rain, but because you wanted to get away from him. You needed to get away from him.

“Jesus, yn, just get in the car. You’re going to get sick”

You pretended you didn't hear what he said and kept walking, face down – trying to escape both the rain and him. The first tear fell from your eyes. For the first time in days, you were grateful for the rain, because you could pretend it was just water and not a visual representation of your broken heart on your cheeks.

Seokmin stopped the car right there, in the middle of the street. He didn't care if someone was standing behind him honking like crazy — something that was bound to happen.

When he left your apartment that day he felt like he was 22 again, but this time he was the one leaving.

Hearing that you loved him was everything he had wanted, but the timing was strangely right and wrong, both at the same time.

Both of you screamed, shouted, and said what you wanted to say — or at least part of what you wanted to say. A weight had been lifted from his shoulders, at the same time a new one was placed on it.

After you fell asleep in his arms, the only thing Seokmin could think about were the letters scattered across the living room floor. There were so many. He couldn't believe you had spent all those years writing letters to him.

He needed to read them all. He would have done it in the living room, but he didn't know what awaited him, so he collected them all from the floor and a few more that had been left in the box and left.

He read the first one in the car, he couldn't wait until he got home. 

Seokmin cried right there, the same way he cried when you left. Inconsolable. His heart broke and healed in equal measure with every word of yours he read.

Seokmin always believed that you left like that, without a single word, because you didn't like him that much, because you didn’t want to be with him anymore. Not that he thought the entire relationship had been a lie, but he thought that somehow the love had ended. It happened to everyone, the probability of it happening to him was also high.

The truth could not be different. There wasn't a letter in which you didn't say you loved him, not always in those words, but he knew you well enough to know that was what you said.

After reading all the letters, Seokmin called Joshua. He cried on the phone with his friend and then once again when he showed up at his place with bad beer and takeout food. “Since we’re going to talk about our college days, I think we should do the same thing we did back then” was all he said.

Seokmin was on his way to you when he saw you walking without an umbrella. He wanted to talk to you, to know if even after so long you still wanted to try with him one more time. It was better to try than to always wonder what could have been.

“I read your letters!” he shouted louder than the rain.

His words were enough to make you stop walking, but you still didn't turn to face him. It was too hard to breathe. Your chest rose and fell irregularly each time you tried to pull the air in.

You knew Seokmin had taken the letters. Part of you knew he would read them, but the last thing you expected was for him to want to talk about them.

“I know” you said when he approached “I saw they were gone, and you were the only person who came by”

“Do you know why I accepted to host a love advice show? Besides it being something I've always wanted, of course” he didn't give you time to answer “Because a part of me wanted you to listen, to know that I was okay, even if it was a lie. I thought that if I talked about it on a show that had used the nickname you gave me, you’d regret it. I thought that I should make you regret it because it was the only way I could still think about you without looking like a fool after so long. I thought you didn’t care, that you had left because you didn’t like me anymore, so making you regret your decision was the only option I had”

You shook your head. It wasn't true, not by a long shot.

“I'm sorry” you said softly “I should have told you what I was doing, that I had applied for the and got in. I thought it was my only option. It was so stupid. I was so stupid”

Seokmin laughed a little, fingers running under your eyes. A second later he pressed his lips over yours.

“I know, I read your letters”

Seokmin,

It's been a good few years since I wrote you a letter. After a while, I didn't think I needed it anymore because I started saying everything I wanted, everything I felt, looking at you. Of course, this new arrangement has its demerits, as the paper and pen don't look at me like a lost puppy. But paper and pen don't kiss me either, so it has its bonus.

I thought when I came home four years ago, I would never see you again. I thought you would just be the guy who has a radio show that I would listen to every now and then. I didn't expect to see you my first week back and again and, well,  again.

As you probably know, I've never been a big fan of rainy days. I always preferred sunny days because those were the days I woke up ready to face the world. I felt better overall. But also because they reminded me of you. You know, when the sun appears after gray days? For me, you were always like that. Grand and brilliant.

But after that day, I started to like rainy days too because they started to be full of the two of us. Rain was no longer synonymous of an unproductive day, but rather of the memory of our fresh start.

You know this, we've talked about it a few times, but I spent a few months waiting for it to sink in. Sort of expecting that one day I would wake up and it would all be a dream. It was hard for both of us, I know. It was seven years of hurt and resentment and we had to navigate this uncertain sea without a map. Nobody teaches you how to do this, believe me, I looked. I found countless books on how to start dating, how to save a relationship, and how to get over a relationship. The problem is that none of them teach you how to rekindle a relationship after seven years apart, but during those seven years one of the parties wrote letters and the other had a program just to mourn the sorrows of the relationship.

I've read several, so you can trust what I say on this.

It really wasn't easy, but I think we came out better, stronger, in some way.

I love you and I’ll tell you that every day for the rest of our lives. Our forever begins today, in a little while. So stop crying, put ice on your eyes to help the swelling go down, and go to the aisle because I miss you already.

I love you.

yn

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[maibakugo]

yandere!one piece x fem!reader

“JOIN MY CREW!! WE'LL HAVE SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER Y/N, YOU'LL NEVER REGRET IT!”

+

“You know, at first I wanted you to join my crew because you caught my eye. If you didn't agree I would've kept bothering you again and again until you did. And if you didn't, you don't want to know what I would've done.”

“That kid bothering ya? Yeah I would've thought so, stay away from him. Don't want a sane girl like you getting infected by his stupidity”

+

“Remember when I told you to stay AWAY from that kid? Didn't seem like you listened at all. Do you want me to show how to listen when someone tells you what do and what not?”

“AHHHHHH ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL GIRL!!! PLEASE MARRY MEEEEEE AND I'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU, IM IN HEAVEN ON EARTH!!”

+

“Do you believe in love at first sight? Because I sure do. One look and you made me fall in love. I said I like many girls, but I changed my mind when I saw you. Be a dear and do the same.”

“FINALLY! A GIRL ON THIS TEAM!! I can't wait for us to have so much fun together!!”

+

“You stole my heart like I steal gold. Except yours is made of it. I am going to steal your heart and you away from everyone else.”

“What a beautiful girl! You look just like a princess, like me!!”

+

“I always thought I would meet a man or prince to love, but instead I found you! A girl worthy of being a queen by my side. You can't say no, because I am a princess and a princess always gets what she wants.”

“A sane person, finally. I would love to be your friend, would you want to be mine?”

+

“I wanted to use my abilities on you to see if you were attracted to me as much as I were to you. Didn't really work out. Love me like I do, stay by my side and be mine.”

done!! hope you like it @kiyoahdiy

any other requests are open!!

[hyunniesgirl]

More than words

Pairing: Lee Know x fem!reader

Summary: your best friends are getting married and you're their maid of honor. They just forgot to mention that the best man and your partner in the wedding is the guy who broke you heart.

Word count: 6,394

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, drunk people, just fluffy and a tiny bit if angst, also there's a screenshot/fake text close to the end.

>> Masterlist <<

A/N: so, this was supposed to be a bday post for Lee Know but I couldn't finish it on time :( turns out I can't write under pressure and I still don't think this is good enough but I don't think I can do better this time lmao I'm sure he can feel my love even if it's a bit late(I wish) so happy late bday for my bias the most sassy and sexy man on earth!!!!

You look at the invitation in your hands and sigh. You were really looking forward to your best friend's wedding. You were overjoyed when she told you Jeonghan had finally proposed and that she had chosen you as her maid of honor. You were excited to go out shopping to choose her wedding dress and enjoyed helping plan all the little details.

The thing is, Seojin forgot to let you know that the best man is going to be her best friend, your long-term crush and the guy who rejected you. Lee Minho, your wildest dream and worst nightmare embodied.

You, Seojin, Jeonghan and Minho had met in college and you fell in love at first sight. Yeah, kinda cheesy, right? You always had been a logical person so love at first sight sounded like bullshit to you, until it actually happened.

It was the strongest, most nerve wracking emotion you ever felt in your life. The way every move he made, every word he said, every smile he gave you, just made your entire world turn upside down.

You never really put a lot of effort into hiding that you liked him, seizing every opportunity to hit on him but he never really gave you the time of day, brushing it off as a joke.

A year ago, you decided to confess to him. You told him about your feelings for but it was no surprise when he turned you down.

You already guessed he didn't feel the same way as you did, you just thought it best to regret what you have done rather than what you haven't. And you did regret doing it in the end. Your heart was broken and you felt empty, you haven't spoken to him since that day. So to know you'll have to spend a whole weekend in his presence is not something you're looking forward to.

>>>

You came to the airport right after you clocked out of work. It's not a long trip, so you try to make yourself comfortable while you're in the plane.

As the maid of honor, you have to help the guests during the weekend, this is your job so Seojin can relax before her wedding.

So when you feel someone sitting by your side, you put your best smile on, ready to introduce yourself.

Your smile disappears when you see Minho there, he has his usual smug smile on his lips and an eyebrow raised, staring at you and waiting for you to continue.

"Oh, it's you", you say, feeling your cheeks warm, turning around to look out of the window.

"I expected a more heartwarming greeting", he jokes, "we are partners for the weekend after all"

'Don't even get me started on that', you think, sighing.

You should be nice to him, at least while you're on wedding duties, he didn't do anything wrong after all. But you're embarrassed, the last time you talked to each other was when he rejected you.

"How have you been?" He asks when you don't say anything.

"Fine", you give him a forced smile, "and you?"

"As usual", he answers, shifting in his seat, uncomfortable.

"Dating someone?" You ask and his head snaps at you, he didn't think you'd want to know something like that. You sure are having the same reaction, cursing yourself with every name you know, you really can't help yourself, you're an idiot.

"Not really", he clears his throat, he thought you'd have forgotten all about him after so much time but he feels strange knowing you still want to know about that, "you?"

You shake your head, no. You're not dating anyone since you didn't get over him yet. It's pathetic really, a whole year went by and you're still hung up on him.

You don't talk much for the rest of the trip, you just make small talk about his plans with Jeonghan for the weekend. Minho missed you, more than he could have expected, so it's nice having time with you again.

You have always known Jeonghan is rich, but to book a room for every one of their guests at a five star hotel it's a whole other level of wealthy. You're already dreaming about the long bath you're going to take on the hydromassage in your room, after that you're going to lay in the comfortable hotel bed and relax for the rest of the night, maybe check again your plans for tomorrow.

"Mr. Lee", the receptionist says to Minho, giving him the keycard. She looks at you, waiting for you to get closer to the counter, "What can I do for you, Miss…?"

"Oh, it's Y/N L/N", you say, stepping closer. The woman taps something and frowns.

"You're in room 143", she says and you smile politely, waiting for your keycard, "together with Mr. Lee", she points to Minho, who's looking at his keycard and showing it to you.

You take a deep breath.

"There must be a mistake, we are not together, we have to be in different rooms"

"I'm sorry, there must have been a mistake in the booking", she smiles apologetically, "we can give you a full refund"

"There's no need, I can just stay in another room"

The woman presses her lips in a thin line, looking at the other receptionist by her side.

"I'm sorry, but we are fully booked"

You take a moment to understand what she's saying. So there's no room for you? That's great.

"I'll just go to another hotel", you sigh, stepping away.

"I'm afraid it will be hard for you to find another hotel miss, it's the weekend and there are a lot of weddings happening at this time of the year"

"What am I supposed to do, then?", you ask, trying not to freak out.

You can't stay with Seojin since she's the bride and the other bridesmaids magically found a partner to bring to the ceremony so there's nowhere for you to sleep.

"Just stay with me", Minho sighs, running his hands through his hair. "It's your room too anyway"

You stare at him for a whole minute, trying to think of a way to get out of this, but you can't. You have to stay close to Seojin for the wedding plans and you really want to stay in this hotel.

"Do you have a better idea?" He asks, seeing the frown in your face.

You sigh, shaking your head, there's nothing much you can do. You follow Minho to the elevator, pressing the bottom and waiting for the doors to open. A crowd starts to form around you, pushing you together into the confined space. Minho is crushed against the wall and you're being pressed against him, as if things aren't already bad.

"We should have waited to catch the next one", you whisper and he sighs.

"Is not like we had a choice"

You want to fight him, you want to blame him for all this situation. If he didn't reject you, you would be together now and you wouldn't mind being pressed against him. You wouldn't mind the warmth growing in your lower stomach just by the touch of his skin on yours.

The moment people get out on the second floor, you step away from him, trying to hide your red face. You walk together in the corridor, your mind is so full you forget the situation you are in, but when you enter the room you see the bed. There's only one bed. You completely forgot this is a room for a couple, as if it's not enough that you have to sleep in the same room with Minho, you'll have to share the same bed too? If there's a god, he must be laughing at your face right now.

"Do you want to shower first?" Minho's voice takes you out of your thoughts and you turn around to look at him.

"Yeah, thanks"

You grab your bag and go into the bathroom. It's okay, you don't have to freak out, you are in a five star hotel, in a really nice suite, you can manage to survive the weekend.

When you packed your things, you were planning on sleeping alone so you are lucky you actually brought pajamas even though you always sleep in your underwear. This pajama is not the most decent one but it's what you have at the moment.

The hot bath does wonders to relieve your stress, you use the expensive shampoo and hair conditioner and massages your body with some nice body lotion, ready to have a good night of sleep.

Minho's seated by the bed when you get out of the bathroom, his clothes are folded by his side and he's scrolling on his phone. He lifts his eyes towards you, freezing instantly. What the hell are you wearing? He feels the warmth going up his neck, cheeks and his ears.

"A-are you done?" He stutters for the first time since you've known him.

"Yeah, the hair conditioner is really nice, look how soft my hair is now", you step closer to him, tilting your head so he can touch your hair.

"I'll try it myself", he walks past you. You must have taken a lot of time in there for him to be in such a hurry.

When Minho gets out of the bathroom you're already sleeping, you're laying down on your stomach with your round ass bursting out of your shorts or whatever is that thing you're wearing, he's sure he'll go crazy in the next two days if you keep this up.

>>>

When you go into the restaurant and see Seojin, you want to commit a murder. You know that face she's making, it's the face she has when she did something mischievous and is trying to hide it.

"So it was YOU", you slap her arm, sitting in front of her at the table. The other girls didn't seem to have arrived yet.

"I don't know what you're talking about", she smiles looking at you with doe eyes.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, really, you put us in the same room?"

She sighs in defeat. Seojin knows better than to keep pretending, you know her too well to believe in any excuse she'll come up with.

"I just want my two best friends to make up", she smiles, "it's my wedding after all"

"I get that, but you could have thought about a better way", you sigh, calling for the waiter and asking for a bottle of wine. "I won't ruin your weekend", you smile, grabbing her hand to squeeze it, "but you're done for when we go back"

She shivers, you're really scary when you get mad. But it's worth the risk, she knows you're not over Minho and she wants to help you get together.

"Leave the whole bottle", you ask the waiter that just came back to your table bringing the wine and two glasses, "and keep bringing more when you see I'm out of it", you ignore his look of pity.

You're going to have lunch with Seojin and the bridesmaids, then you're going to pick your dress up and bring it to the hotel for you to wear tomorrow.

Soon enough the bridesmaids arrive, there are only three, Seojin's cousins and Jeonghan's sister. They won't shut up about their partners, that aren't even official or anything. You can't believe they brought just about anyone to your best friend's wedding and you absolutely are not being petty because you were forced to stay in the same room as Minho because they all had partners.

After setting the date for your meeting later in the night, you go to pick up your dress. You had to make some last minute changes and were lucky they were available to assist you immediately.

The first thing you do when you get to your room is to try on the dress, making sure it's perfect for the next day. You struggle a bit to put it on, since it has a zipper in the back, but you manage it.

You stare at your reflection in the mirror, you look nice. The green really enhances the color of your eyes and it's going to look perfect with your makeup and hair done.

You feel a sudden tug in your hair, a few strands got stuck in the zipper somehow. Perfect. You pull it a couple of times but with no success until you pull it so hard the zipper actually breaks.

"Oh no no", you whine looking at the big problem you have in your hands.

The door opens behind you and Minho enters, staring at you for a moment, you look beautiful. He would have admired you for a whole hour if it wasn't for the desperate look in your face, that's when he sees that your dress is open in the back with some of your hair stuck in the zipper.

"Are you alright?" He asks, you look at him trying to calm yourself down. What are you going to do? The wedding is tomorrow.

"I messed up", you tell him, tears brimming in your eyes, "I ruined my dress, how am I supposed to go to the ceremony?"

There's no way you can get it fixed, there's a lot of weddings happening this weekend and it's Saturday afternoon, there's not going to be a tailor available.

Minho can see the gears turning in your head, you're overthinking. He gets closer to you, grabbing you by the shoulders, making you look at him.

"Hey!" He says, loudly enough to catch your attention, "calm down! We can find a way to fix it!"

He's looking deeply into your eyes, telling you to take deep breaths and you do just that, calming down a bit in a few minutes.

>>>

Minho had his fair share of broken hearts, sometimes he was the one crying over the end of a relationship and sometimes someone else was in that position. He liked you more than as a friend, he knew that since the beginning of your friendship but he never opened up enough to form another type of relationship with you. So when you confessed to him, he felt so many things at the same time.

He was happy that you felt the same way as him, mad he didn't know about it sooner but mostly, he felt scared, your friendship was so important to him that he didn't want to ruin it by dating you. What if you two broke up later? How could you still be friends?

That fear made him turn you down, he regretted it the moment you walked out of the cafe you were meeting up and in a certain way, he did ruin your friendship, since you didn't speak to him after that day and he couldn't bring himself to contact you too.

He knew Seojin was the one who pulled this stunt of putting you together in the same room, she always loved to play cupid. He just didn't expect he would like the situation so much, he missed you a lot, more than you could ever imagine.

Seojin was waiting for him at the lobby, she wanted to go for a walk and talk, to settle some little things about his role in the wedding.

"Finally, you're here!" She smiles, squeezing him in a hug and he does the same.

"Did you wait long?" He asks.

"Nope, I just had lunch with Y/N", she answers, eyeing Minho and waiting for his reaction to the mention of your name, he chuckles.

"So, did you have to put us in the same room?" He asks, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms. Seojin smiles, giving him puppy eyes.

"If I didn't you wouldn't speak to each other, I'm sure of it", she huffs.

"I would try talking to her, you know that"

"Yeah, but she'd probably run every time, that's why I had to go to this extent", Seojin starts walking and Minho follows her.

"I guess you're right", he says, tucking his hands in his pockets.

"Didn't you regret turning her down? I know you like her too"

"It doesn't matter if I regret it or not, she hates my guts now"

They walk for about five minutes before Seojin takes a deep breath and starts talking again.

"I know I shouldn't meddle into this but you're both my best friends so I feel like I have the right to intervene when you're just being dumb", Minho glares at her, "I'm sure she still likes you, Min"

Do you, though? You can't even look him in the eyes. You don't want to talk to him. He wants to believe in what Seojin is saying but he's afraid he lost his chance with you.

When he sees you almost bawling your eyes out because of the dress, he knows he has to do something, anything for you.

"So, I called someone I know that lives here in the island with her family and her grandma is a former tailor, she wants to check the dress and see what can be done", Minho says, looking at you sitted by the bed, your hands gripping the ruined dress.

You get up in a jump, wrapping your arms around his neck and squeezing him.

"Thank you so much, Min, I don't even know how to repay you", you realize too late how close you two are from each other. Stepping aside, you give him a sheepish smile, mumbling a "sorry"

He clears his throat, turning around and walking to the door, trying to hide the blush in his face.

>>>

Seojin held the position of the most beautiful woman you've ever seen… until now. You're seeing Minho's friend but she doesn't look real, she's so gorgeous that for a moment it looks like she's walking in slow motion.

What takes you out of your haze is the awkward interaction between them. Minho said she is someone he knows but are acquaintances close enough to ask for favors? And the way they are interacting tells you they're not friends either.

She's smiling at Minho and he's just there, nodding, there's not a single glance of affection in his behavior. He's not like this, sometimes he may seem cold and a bit mean, but he's the sweetest with the ones he likes, you know that because you used to be one of them.

"So, I'm Mina", she looks at you with a big smile and you greet her, telling your name. "Is this the dress?" She asks, looking at your garment bag.

"Yes, thank you so much for accepting to help", you say and she chuckles.

"Anything for Minho", she looks at him with a smile and you feel your chest ache even though he keeps a straight face.

She leads you into the house, it's a beautiful traditional construction. Her grandma is waiting in the living room and she asks Mina to make some tea while she looks at the dress.

"Can you help me bring the things?" She asks Minho and he nods.

The old lady is very nice, she tells you about her years of experience as a tailor and how she had to fix absolute disasters in her days, so your case will be easy peasy, she just has to replace the zipper with a new one.

"Give me half an hour", she reassures you with a smile and then looks around, "can you go see why my granddaughter is taking so long?" She asks and you nod, getting up and following a path you think leads to the kitchen.

"Does she know about us?" You hear Mina's voice and stop in your tracks, you shouldn't eavesdrop, right? Then why can't you move? Your heart starts beating so loudly you're not sure you'll be able to hear his answer.

"Let's not talk about that while she's here", Minho asks, sighing. "I'll meet you when you come to Seoul and we can talk"

You can't breathe. So they are not just friends, you feel dumb. Of course Minho would like a supermodel like her, even though you are beautiful you can't really compete with that.

You go back to the living room. You can't look at their faces after what you heard, is it immature? Yes, but it's not a secret that you're not over Minho and listening to him, thinking about him meeting with another woman just makes your heart break again, even though you thought the pain you were feeling would end after he rejected you last year.

"Are you alright?" He asks when he sits by your side, smiling slightly at you and you nod awkwardly.

Would you have gotten over him already if he just had said you are not his type? He just said he couldn't be more than friends with you, was he trying to be nice?

The old lady refuses to get paid for fixing your dress, she says it was so easy it shouldn't even count as a service, in return she asks you to come by again when you're in Jeju because she liked you. You thank her again, saying your goodbyes and walking to the car while she asks Minho for something only a man can do, since her son is not home yet.

You put the dress in the backseat of the car, finally breathing relieved.

"So you're the one I should thank", you're startled by Mina's voice behind you.

"Oh, for what?" You ask, turning around with a hand on your chest.

"For bringing Minho here", she smiles sadly and you frown. "I guess he didn't tell you", she says.

"I know that you're a thing or something like that", you say, is she trying to rub it in your face? Is she feeling threatened?

"Oh", she laughs, "no, we are not a thing"

"I don't understand, then", you say, trying to not smile, feeling a weight being lifted out of your chest.

"We dated a few years ago, but I did something terrible to him, I know he hated me after that", she sighs, "I've been trying to meet him for so long to apologize but he never gave me the time of day, so imagine my surprise when he willingly called me to ask for a favor", she smiles, "I guess you must mean a lot to him"

You feel your heart sink, did he really do that for you? You don't know what she did, but you know Minho doesn't forgive someone easily and he surely doesn't like to owe a favor to someone that did something bad to him.

"Anyways", she says awkwardly after you stare at her without saying a thing, "thank you, I hope you make him happy", she smiles, nodding to you and heading back.

Make him happy? Does she think you two are together? Did she notice you were jealous?

So many questions and no answer at all. You snap out of your thoughts when the gate to the house is closed with a loud noise. Minho walks to you, opening the door.

"Are you not getting in?"

You don't speak much on your trip back to the hotel, your head is just so full of thoughts you don't think you'll be able to form a sentence if you try to speak. Besides that, it's almost time for your outing with Seojin and the other bridesmaids, Minho's also in a hurry so you guess he has something planned with Jeonghan and the groomsman as well, so you both run to your room to get ready.

You're the first to shower since you'll take longer to dress up. You don't take too long, letting Minho go in while you do your hair and makeup in the wall mirror in the bedside.

You put on a tight navy blue dress, it's long enough to cover your ass but not enough to make it proper.

Minho comes out of the bathroom already dressed, he's wearing a white button down that looks heavenly as if it was made just for him and jeans that just embrace his toned thighs.

"You can take a picture if you want", the smirk on his lips makes you scoff, taking you out of your state of haze.

"Well, it's no secret that you're handsome", you point out, "I did fall in love with you after all"

Minho stops in his tracks, he did not expect you to bring that up. Do people that still have feelings for the other joke about it? He wants to believe he still has a chance, but the way you act, so nonchalantly, makes him insecure.

"You're pretty too", he says, ignoring your remark.

"Not as much as Mina", your voice sounds more bitter than you meant it to be, "she's really gorgeous"

You turn around, picking up your purse, you don't want him to see your face full of contempt and jealousy. You walk out of the room, not waiting for his answer, cursing yourself till you get to the lobby to find your friends.

There's nothing like a girl's night out to take all your worry away. You drink, flirt with strangers, play games, take a tour around Jeju eating delicious foods, go to karaoke and walk by the beach.

Around midnight the bridesmaids take a taxi back to the hotel but you and Seojin want to drink more and have more fun since it's her last day as an unmarried woman.

The fresh air of the beach sobers you up, you're still a bit dizzy, but not as wasted as before. Your friend is worse than you, she's stumbling and laughing at nothing.

"I love you so much", she says, grabbing your face and cupping your cheeks, "you know that, right?"

You chuckle, putting your hands over hers.

"Of course I know, and I love you too", she smiles, stumbling and falling down on the floor.

"My butt", she whines, caressing her sides.

It seems like she's too wasted now, it's time to go back. You call Jeonghan, asking him if he can come pick you two up by the beach and as the gentleman he is, he didn't drink because he knew his fiancee would get too drunk to even walk and need someone to pick her up. You laugh at his answer and wait for him, it's good to know Seojin will have someone to take care of her like that.

You all were friends in college and you love Jeonghan, but you were always closest to Seojin. She came up to you and asked to be your friend on the first day of school when you were all alone since you didn't know anyone in the city, much less in that university.

You stare at the waves in the ocean, it's really calming to feel the breeze and the sound of the sea.

"My love", Seojin screams, looking behind you. She gets up and runs before you can help her. You turn around to find Jeonghan and Minho coming in your direction. Seojin jumps into her fiance's arms, giggling and kissing his face.

"Are you alright?" Jeonghan asks her and she nods frantically, mumbling 'better now' while resting her head on his shoulder. He looks at you with a brow lifted, questioning and you chuckle, nodding.

"What about you?" Minho asks and you roll your eyes, walking in a straight line to prove you're fine but your body betrays you and you trip on your own feet. You don't fall since Minho wraps his arms around your waist holding you. Why do his hands feel so good on you, when he's holding you? Why must you still feel this way after being rejected? Don't you have any pride left? Those ungodly reflexes he has are annoying sometimes, you'd rather he'd let you fall face first on the sand.

"Are you sure?" He asks, a judging look in his face.

"Yes, I'm sure", you say, stepping away from him.

Maybe you're still a little bit tipsier than you thought.

He glances at Jeonghan and he shrugs, they take you and Seojin to the car, securing you two on your seatbelts. The trip back is noisy, unfortunately Seojin is not a sleepy drunk, she gets even more energetic in her intoxicated state. So she tells Jeonghan and Minho about everything you did during your outing, every detail, even that three guys tried to take you home after you drunk flirted with them.

You give your goodbyes in the lobby, since they are staying in another wing of the hotel. You and Minho go to the elevator and you notice he's drunk too, he tries to hide it, but he keeps stumbling and has to lean on the elevator's wall to keep standing.

"I think you're much prettier than Mina", he blurts out of nowhere and your head snaps at him, a frown in your face. "You didn't let me finish earlier, I was going to say that you're the prettiest girl in the world for me"

The doors to the elevator open and he walks away, like what he just said didn't leave you completely lost. You feel your heart beat faster, following him to your room and leaning on the door after you close it, staring at him while he walks around the room.

Your mind is full of thoughts, why is he always so nice to you? You suddenly have the preposterous urge to tell him again you're in love with him, it must be the alcohol, but maybe you need him to tell you he doesn't like you in that way, maybe if you're humiliated one more time you'll be able to let him go.

"You shouldn't be nice to me", he looks at you, brows furrowed in confusion, "if you do I'll cross the line you drew last year", you stumble a bit, trying to get to him and he holds you. "I'll kiss you if you don't stop me", you say, noticing how close you're from each other.

Minho doesn't say anything, his head is spinning a bit and he's sure you're bluffing. He's so wrong, though. He realizes that only when your lips come crashing on his, he doesn't even have time to process what's happening before you push him away, stepping aside.

"I-I'm sorry", you say, 'of course he won't reciprocate', you think.

However, contrary to your expectations, he wraps his arms around your waist, pressing his hand on the small of your back and pulling you back to his embrace, kissing you. His lips are soft and his movements are rushed like he's been waiting to do that for a long time.

Maybe you're just dreaming while awake, it's impossible for him to be kissing you, right?

You wake up feeling your head hurting like crazy, your mouth is dry and you feel sick. Suddenly what happened comes crushing in, did you actually kiss Minho? And the most important part, did he reciprocate? You can't remember, the last thing that you recall is kissing him but everything after that is just a blur.

You look around the room, trying to find him and when you realize he's nowhere to be seen, you can only draw one conclusion. It seems you've been rejected once more.

It's okay, now you feel like you can get over this crush, you two didn't have a future anyway. You want to cry, you really do, but you can't show up to your friend's wedding with puff eyes and you don't want to stay in this room for long, you don't want to meet him again until the wedding. So you grab your dress and the things you'll need and take it to the bridal suite.

Minho is happy, you still like him after all. After you two kissed you fell asleep, he tucked you in bed and watched you. You were always a sleepy drunk, when he's more like Seojin. He feels energetic until the exhaustion hits him.

He wakes up early, to grab some coffee and hangover medicine for you two, but when he comes back waiting to find you awake, you're nowhere, your things are not there either. Did you regret kissing him? Maybe you just wanted to feel something familiar with him. No, he's not going to let these intrusive thoughts make him assume things, he needs to talk to you.

And he would, if you answered his calls or his texts. He freaks out even more when his phone buzzes with a bunch of texts.

>>>

You're trying to distract yourself, telling stories about your college times with Seojin to the other bridesmaids and helping the bride relax before her big moment. You don't want to tell her about the whole thing with Minho, you don't want to turn her big day into a drama about yourself.

She keeps frowning while looking at the phone, the ceremony is going to start in less than thirty minutes so it's understandable that she's nervous.

She looks at you with desperate eyes.

"The wedding planner just texted me saying there is something wrong with the menu, can you check it for me?"

"Of course, I'll be back as soon as possible", you smile reassuring her. It's weird though, you went through all the details with the staff before meeting with Seojin.

You walk to the kitchen, looking for the wedding planner and finally finds her talking to the waiters.

"Hey, what's wrong with the menu?" You ask the older woman and she looks at you, confused.

"What do you mean?" She asks, "there's nothing wrong"

You frown, looking around. Seojin clearly told you the wedding planner was the one to report the issue, so it's impossible for her to not know about it.

"Hm, Seojin told me there was a problem?!"

"She must be confused, honey, brides get really stressed, maybe she read some of my texts wrong", she tries to reassure you and you nod, not really buying it. Seojin is a perfectionist, she wouldn't make this kind of mistake. But if the wedding planner is telling you there's nothing wrong then there's nothing you can do about it.

You walk back to the bridal suite, twenty minutes till the ceremony. When you open the door there's no one else there, where did they go? You look around trying to find someone but they're not even in the dressroom. The door opens behind you and you turn around ready to ask where's everyone, when you see Minho closing the door.

He stares at you for a few seconds, waiting for your reaction.

"Did you regret kissing me?" He asks, taking a few steps towards you.

"What are you talking about?" You say, trying to sound nonchalantly even though you want to cry just by looking at his face.

"You kissed me, you should take responsibility", he gets closer.

You feel your throat dry, taking a step back.

"You're the one who left me by myself", you mumble.

"I just went out to buy meds for us, why did you assume things?"

"Of course I'd assume things, you rejected me once, why wouldn't you do it again?" You point out, feeling angry and your answer feels like daggers being shot at him.

He takes a deep breath, grabbing both your hands and holding it close to his chest.

"There's not a day I don't regret turning you down that time", he sighs, "the truth is that I liked you since the first time I saw you but I couldn't ruin our friendship and I was so scared that I wouldn't be enough for you, like I wasn't enough for her"

You know about who he's talking about and want to kick him for even thinking you're anything like Mina, but most you want to punch her in the face, she broke his heart and left him in crumbles.

"I would never do anything to hurt you", you whisper, he's so close to you know, you can feel his breathing hitting your face.

"I know, I was scared that time and I'm still scared", he lifts your hand to his lips, "but if you give me one more chance I promise I'll be better, no one's gonna love you more than me and I'll always be there for you"

You waited for this for so long you're not even sure if it's happening.

"Can you pinch me?" You ask and he smirks.

"I can bite", he slides his hands to your waist, getting closer and giving a peek to your lips, biting your lower lip, making you shiver.

"Now I know it's real", you say, staring into his dark eyes.

"Should I take this as a yes?" He asks and you nod.

"I have been yours ever since I met you, there's not another answer but yes when it comes to you"

He smiles, the brightest smile you ever seen on him, then he kisses you, and he wants you to remember this one for the rest of your life.

Walking down the aisle with the other bridesmaids and groomsmen, arms linked with Minho's while exchanging knowing smiles, you can't help but imagine if one day it's going to be you two there. Minho on the other side is already planning how he's going to propose, because he's absolutely sure next time it's going to be you in a wedding dress and him waiting patiently for your hand.

[gadriezmannsgirl]

can you do a Ruben Dias one with a Portuguese reader where she comforts him after the quarter finals?

As a Venezuelan and also as a Portuguese, I cried more than four rivers combined last Friday, I truly wanted to see my countries winning both Copa América and Eurocopa, penalties are so unfair😭 This req had me a bit emotional and that's why I'm doing it right away, I truly hope you enjoy this!

Warnings: some swear words

No Matter What -R.D3

Summary: In good and bad moments, you'll always support Ruben.

Penalties. Fucking penalties. Your hands were shaking and your heart was beating so fast you thought it would come out of your mouth.

As a Portuguese, you wanted this win with all of your being, along with every other Portuguese in the stadium and the ones supporting from home all over the world, you hoped, prayed and wanted for your country to get through the semis. But you've always said that penalties were the most unfair thing in football.

Your eyes scanned the pitch but it wasn't hard to spot the one you cared the most for, your 3 years boyfriend, Ruben Dias. Your eyes locked with his, you could see he was exhausted but he never gave up for his team, much less for his country, you were extremely proud of him.

He got a smile from you when he throws a wink at you, he always knew how to calm you down even from afar. You see him walking over to his teammates while the captains go over to the referees and soon you could see Diogo Costa line up in the goal.

France was shooting first.

"Foda-se" (Fuck) You curse out seeing the French player score the first one. Cristiano was next and you cheered when you saw he made it.

In the next round, the two players, Fofana and Bernardo did their shots, both of them going inside the net. You did a knot of the green-red flag around your neck and hid your face in your hands while Koundé prepared himself.

You were praying for Diogo to catch the ball but when you heard the cheers of the French fans you knew it was another goal against you. However, when you heard the regrets and cries of the Portuguese you lifted your head to the screen to see Joao Félix had missed his penalty.

A knot was made in your stomach, you felt your legs wobble and you let yourself down on your seat. The feeling only grew more and more each player passing, until you hear the roars of the French and realised you had lost 3-5.

Your eyes were glassy and could only think about how your boyfriend was feeling. You wanted to run into the pitch and hug Ruben with your everything.

He was too excited, he was dreaming about this euro, he often tells you how amazing would it be for him to win something with his country and to see him now so heartbroken, thanking the public, the fans while being sorry for not being able to get through, made the loss more difficult for you.

Along with Ines and other WAGs, you went into the changing rooms and waited for the Portuguese team to go out.

You hugged Bernardo, Bruno, Cancelo, Lēao, Diogo and Félix giving him some encouraging words since the poor guy was beating himself up. You waited for Ruben who came out last, you gave him a small smile and offered your hand out to him, one that he took instantly.

Going back to the hotel was quiet, no one was speaking but Roberto who gave the guys a small speech 'bout their good journey in the Euros.

"You want to eat something?" You whisper to Ruben passing your fingers through his wet locks as shook his head

"Só te quero a ti" (Just want you) He replied in the same tone as yours, you nodded gripping his hands.

"Come on, let's get some sleep then. We've got a busy morning tomorrow"

You entered your shared hotel room and Ruben quickly undressed himself to get into his pijama pants and laid on the bed.

You undressed yourself but went to the bathroom, he might have showered but you haven't.

"Where are you going?" He asked

"I'm going to take a shower" You said looking into his eyes "Why? You feeling good?"

"Can I shower with you?"

"I thought you already showered in the stadium?"

"I did but I want you" You smile walking over to him and kiss his lips.

"Let's take a shower, meu amor" You grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the bed and into the bathroom

You undid the knot of his pijama pants and pulled them down, you weren't watching him but you knew he had a smirk on his face

"Whip it off. I'm babying you" For the first time in the evening you heard his laugh, you smiled going up and kissed him once again, his arms wrapped around your waist to pull your closer.

He, undid the hold of your towel and let it fell into the floor picking you up and going into the shower to open the cold water

"Ruben, põe-me no chão!" (Put me down!) You yelled in laughter as the cold water soon turned warm and that's when he got underneath.

Both of you were laughing until you stopped, both of you looking into each others eyes, his arms wrapped around you as yours were around his neck.

"I'm sorry"

"What for?"

"We did not go through"

"That wasn't your fault. Things happen"

"I know but I wanted it, you wanted it as well"

"Everyone did, Ru" You shook your head "But this one wasn't meant to be, maybe next year it will" You went to grab his shampoo but he hums in negation "What?"

"Can we use yours?" You smile nodding

"Better now?" You ask whispering as you start washing his hair, he nods.

You wash both of yourselves up

"Can we cuddle after this?" You nod grabbing your towel to dry you up and then his

"And we'll also watch some movies if you want, I ordered room service so we can eat as well"

"I said I wasn't hungry"

"And I know you were lying, amor" You pecked his lips "C'mon, let's baby you"

"Eu amo-te" (I love you) "Obrigado por cuidarem de mim" (Thanks for taking care of me)

"Sempre Ru... Eu também te amo, meu amor" (Always Ru... I love you too, my love)

°°° °°° °°° °°°

Taglist: @gaviymarcsbride @stuckinaf4nfiction @elijahslover @azzpenswrld @http-isabela

If you want to be added into the tag list let me know!😊

[shitsndgiggs]

kenan who ditches your date for his girl best friend (no cheating) and you wanted to tell him that you were pregnant. he comes to the place eventually and sees you left. he comes home, but you dump him. later, he sees you with a baby bump at the grocery store and idk just groveling kenan until you make up with him 💓 happy ending always 💓

REBUILDING US - KENAN YILDIZ

Kenan ditched your date

Kenan Yildiz x fem! reader

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿

I sat at our favorite restaurant, the one where Kenan and I had shared countless dinners, anniversaries, and even our first date.

Tonight was supposed to be special, a night to celebrate our love and to share the news that would change our lives forever.

I was pregnant, and I couldn't wait to see the look on Kenan's face when I told him.

But as the minutes turned into an hour, my excitement turned into worry, and then into disappointment.

I tried calling him, but his phone went straight to voicemail. My heart sank. I paid the bill and left, fighting back tears as I walked to my car.

____

Kenan rushed through the streets, his heart pounding with a mix of guilt and panic. He was late—so late that he feared Y/N might have already left.

He mentally kicked himself for getting caught up with Lara's issues, even though he genuinely wanted to help his friend.

But now, all he could think about was Y/N and how disappointed she must be.

As he finally arrived at the restaurant, he scanned the tables, searching for her familiar face. His heart sank when he didn't see her. He approached the hostess, his anxiety palpable.

"Excuse me," he said, his voice strained. "I was supposed to meet someone here, a woman named Y/N. Did she already leave?"

The hostess checked her reservation list, then looked up at him with sympathy. "Yes, she left about an hour ago. I'm sorry."

Kenan's shoulders slumped, and he muttered a thank you before turning to leave. He felt a heavy weight of regret pressing down on him. He knew he had messed up, and now he had to face the consequences.

When he got home, the silence was deafening. He called out for Y/N, but there was no response. He checked every room, his worry growing with each step.

Finally, he sat on the couch, burying his face in his hands. What had he done?

Days turned into weeks, and Kenan's attempts to reach out to Y/N were met with silence. He sent messages, left voicemails, and even sent flowers to her apartment, but she remained distant.

The pain of her absence was unbearable, and he couldn't shake the image of her disappointed face from his mind.

____

The grocery store felt like the last place I’d see Kenan. But as I turned a corner, there he was, standing right in front of me. My heart skipped a beat, and I froze, unsure of how to react.

"Y/N," he called out, his voice wavering as he approached me.

I turned to face him, my eyes widening in surprise. "Kenan," I said, my tone guarded. I instinctively rested my hand on my baby bump, feeling both protective and vulnerable.

He took a deep breath, his eyes locked on my belly. "I... I didn't know," he stammered, clearly shocked. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I felt a mix of sadness and anger. "I tried to, Kenan. That night at the restaurant, I was going to tell you. But you weren't there."

His face contorted with regret. "I'm so sorry," he said, his voice filled with remorse. "I was with Lara. She needed me, but I should have been with you. I made a huge mistake."

I looked down, my hand gently caressing my bump. "It's been hard," I admitted. "But I've managed. I'm doing what I need to for my baby."

Tears filled Kenan's eyes. "Please, let me be a part of this. I know I messed up, but I want to be there for you and our child. I'll do anything to make it right."

I hesitated, torn between the love I still felt for him and the pain he had caused me. "I need to know I can trust you," I said softly. "That you'll put us first."

"I promise," he said, his voice firm. "I love you, Y/N. I never stopped. And I want to prove to you that I'm committed to our family."

I looked into his eyes, searching for sincerity. "It's going to take time," I said finally, feeling my resolve waver. "But I don't know if I can trust you again. You hurt me, Kenan."

He looked devastated but nodded. "I understand. I'll do whatever it takes to earn back your trust. Please, just give me a chance."

I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of the decision before me. "I need time," I said. "This isn't something that can be fixed overnight."

Kenan nodded again, his eyes filled with hope and determination. "I'll wait as long as it takes. I just want to be there for you and our baby."

As we walked out of the store together, I felt a mix of emotions. Part of me wanted to believe in his promises, to give him a chance to make things right.

But another part of me was still hurt, still wary of letting him back into my life.

Over the next few weeks, Kenan made good on his promise. He called and texted regularly, offering to help with anything I needed.

He attended doctor's appointments and helped set up the nursery. Slowly, my anger began to fade, replaced by a cautious optimism.

One evening, as we sat on the couch together, he reached for my hand. "I know I've put you through a lot," he said, his voice sincere. "But I want you to know that I love you, and I'm committed to being a good father and partner."

I looked into his eyes, feeling a warmth spread through me. "You've been trying," I acknowledged. "And it means a lot. But it's still hard for me to forget what happened."

"I understand," he said, squeezing my hand gently. "But I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. We can take it one day at a time."

A tear slipped down my cheek, and I nodded. "One day at a time," I repeated, feeling a glimmer of hope.

[marionluth]

What if Peter learned about Harley's existence through a phone call Tony answered in front of him? Excerpt from my Irondad longfic that serves as an adorable stand-alone of Harley-Tony goodness!

Wordcount: 887

* Peter and Tony were discussing something, when Tony's phone rang and he asked Peter if he minded answering. Peter said it was fine. He didn't regret it. *

“After a whole week of dodging my calls, sending me texts with barely-readable Gen Z slang and abbreviations, I'm borderline worried—nevertheless, happy to finally hear your voice, terrorist,” Tony sent into the phone, causing Peter to look up at him with surprised and confused eyes.

“You know what? I’m just gonna say this, and you make what you want out of it… Black bears simply aren’t eating enough people.”

Closing his eyes and letting out a breath through his nose, Tony prayed for strength and sanity, while Peter couldn’t help but snicker at the words his super hearing easily caught. He watched his mentor waiting for his answer, curiosity peaked.

“What did you do, Harley?”

“I mean… I know Rosehill is a town and all, but, dude! Climate change! Shouldn’t they, like, come down from the mountains and look for food and stuff in towns? Desperately rummaging through trash, finding nothing but our civilization's gloriously gross junk food - that even a hungry black bear wouldn’t touch - and then randomly eating a passerby?”

Peter snorted, trying to keep his amused vocalizations at the random tirade quiet, causing Tony to shake his head in terrified resignation at the inevitability of these two eventually meeting each other.

“And when I say randomly, I may or may not mean my English teacher,” Harley continued.

“What have I told you about applying yourself, Harley?” Tony asked, his resigned tone gaining an edge.

“Something that directly contradicts what you've told me about wasting my potential on frivolous things that won't matter in my future.”

“You see, Harley... The English language we're all jabbering away in, especially in those fancy colleges you're drooling over, doesn't fall into the category of frivolous things that won't matter for your future,” Tony stated.

“It's freaking Shakespeare, mech’!” Harley's voice was a whine now. “The man was crazy! A donkey-headed guy getting it on with fairy queens… I mean, come on!”

Biting his lower lip in an effort to keep himself from laughing, Tony took a deep breath, avoiding eye contact entirely with Peter, who was chuckling and shamelessly listening in to the conversation.

"Harley, we've had this chat before. You can't just bail on everything you don't like. You can’t expect you'll just breeze through school without breaking a sweat. You think MIT or Columbia will roll out the red carpet for you if you flunk everything except math, chem, and science?"

“I already got the lecture from Ava, man. Give me a break, here.”

“I'll give you a break when you give me one, terrorist. But until then, park yourself and hit the books. It's not rocket science; we're talking about fairy tales and donkey-faced characters here. If you can crack quadratic equations without even bothering with homework, I'm pretty sure you can handle Shakespeare.”

“That's torture!”

“No, Hamlet is torture. And you know what else will be torture? Whatever your mom and I come up with if you don’t start putting in some serious effort! You got a week to start straightening things out, Harl, or Ava and I will straighten you out instead. Capiche?”

“But wouldn’t it be a lot more cost-effective if you called school -all Tony Stark and shit - and demanded that I be excused from Shakespeare altogether? Oh, I know! We can make it a religious thing… Like studying Shakespeare goes against my religious dogma! That’s dope! They won’t be able to fight that if it comes from you…”

"Alright, kid, first things first: lay off the Red Bull. Second, if you put half as much effort into hitting the books as you do trying to wriggle out of this, we wouldn't even be having this chat. There's no shortcut around it. Buckle down and get to work."

“So that’s a no to my against-my-religion master plan?”

“That’s a no!”

“I hate you more than Shakespeare hated sanity,” came the resigned answer from the other line.

“Study, donkey-head,” Tony emphasized with a roll of his eyes before hanging up.

“I knew you had a kid hidden somewhere,” Peter said with a smirk.

Letting out a snort, Tony shook his head. "Harley isn't my kid, Pete. We bumped into each other a few years ago, and we've stayed in touch since then."

“That sounded like more than just staying in touch,” Peter commented, eyeing the man. “That’s how you roast me, too."

"Smooth talk, as always, Pete," Tony smirked. "I do lend a hand with Harley, but it's a bit of a different ball game. He's down in Tennessee, so it's more of a long-distance gig. The universe is not done testing me, though, and you two will get to meet. He spends some of his school breaks and a couple of weeks in summer here.”

“So you just habitually collect kids to part-time parent?” Peter asked with a small smile and a raised eyebrow.

Tony gaped at Peter as the kid’s deadpan statement registered. “I… don't have a retort to that.

[mikaleialt]

Coming Back to You | Minah Lee

Minah Lee x Reader

Cw: angst, smut, fluff. MDNI. MERRY CHRISTMAS @taruusmoon. <3, also I was waiting for Minah to poat the perfect picture for this pic and she finally did, look at how fucking hot she is!!!! And happy birthday to my girl Minah Lee.

"I'm just saying that I wish you could make time for me, even for just 10 minutes!"

Here you are again, you've been arguing with your girlfriend, Minah for the nth time this week. You two were supposed to be on a date today, but she ditched you last second because she "forgot" that her team had a scheduled meeting earlier on the same time of your dinner reservation at this restaurant.

Now you're both here in your apartment, 4 am in the morning, fighting like a wedded couple once again. Minah just got back from their "meeting" which you found out that is actually a party from the fact that your girlfriend reeks of alcohol.

"Babe, you know that we've been busy with the show right? We all need to be better, do you hear what people call us? We weren't even acknowledged by the other contestants, they were just calling us 'Bada and her students'." You scoff at your girlfriend's alibi, seriously you can't even comprehend how she could say that while slurring over her words, completely obvious that she is drunk.

"You don't have time? YOU DON'T TIME?" You couldn't contain your anger anymore, "YOU DON'T HAVE FUCKING TIME, BUT YOU HAVE TIME TO GO DRINKING AND PARTYING WHILE I WAS WAITING AT THE RESTAURANT FOR 2 FUCKING HOURS?!" Tears are streaming down your cheeks, when Minah sees this, something inside her snaps almost like her system sobers up immediately.

"Baby I—" you cut her off "Let’s break up" You said it, you finally said it.

You didn't let Minah say anything else as you already walked out off your apartment, leaving her behind.

That was 4 months ago, you moved back to your parents in Busan after your break up, you didn't even bother going back to your apartment for your things, knowing that you're just going to see Minah once again.

2

But fate has a different plan for you. You've blocked Minah on every single social media you have, and even her phone number, but you're still somehow in touch with her leader, Bada as she is also your dance mentor. So when you received a text from her, inviting you to attend the On the Stage: Busan concert of SWF 2, your mind is split in two.

You balanced out the pros and cons of your options: You want to go to show your support to your dance teacher, but you'll see your ex again; but you can go there and show that you hold no ill will towards her, but you are also not ready to talk to her again.

You sighed in frustration as you picked up your phone and typed in your response, you just hope that you won't regret this later on.

Now here you are, sitting amongst the crowd as the teams of Street Women Fighter 2 performs on stage. You are thankful because you get to watch the performance live and you didn't get to see Minah for the most part, trying to focus on other dancers like the international crew, Jam Republic and Tsubakill, and a some dancers you're close with like Harimu from 1Million and JJ from Deep 'N Dap.

You were screaming, cheering on everyone's performance, but that is until one of the audiences' most awaited performance: Bebe's Global Artist Performance.

Cockiness (I like it) by Rihanna started playing as the stage lights illuminated the 7 girls on the center of the stage, they were all wearing a burlesque inspired outfit which really suited each one of them. You looked at the big screen and the camera immediately focuses on the person you've been wanting to avoid the most

Minah did her iconic intro once the music start and everyone around screams. You wanted to divert your focus on the other members but after seeing your hot ex girlfriend dance in that outfit, you felt your heart flutter for the first time again, almost forgetting the fact that you guys broke up a few months ago.

Not too long, the concert then concluded, all the SWF 2 teams says their goodbye to the audience and finally made their way to each to their changing rooms.

As you are on your way out of the arena, your phone buzzes from your pocket, indicating you received a text message. You fished out your phone and seeing the notification was from Bada

"There's an after party tonight, wanna come?"

You are in the same situation again as when you are invited by Bada to attend the concert. You balanced out your options once again. With the concert only you can see Minah, but you can't interact with each other which you are grateful for, but going to the after party would mean that you will be seeing and interacting with your ex-girlfriend, and that is too much for you.

You were about to type in your answer, when a familiar voice calls out to your name.

"Y/N~!" You looked at the direction where you heard the voice and saw the tall woman running towards you.

"Unnie I—" before you could even say anything she immediately pulled you to the van where the rest of team Bebe is already at, making you seat next to Lusher who is sitting next to Minah. Guess you don't really have a choice.

Just great. You thought to yourself, the rest of the Bebe girls are all talking to each other with you occasionally joining in but you couldn't really say anything else, not when you literally feel the presence of Minah near you. You are thankful enough that Lusher is seated between the two of you.

Or so you thought...

"Y/n-ie can we switch seats, I don't like seating in the middle" You looked at the poor Lusher, she's getting pale due to the uncomfortable situation. Reluctantly you let her switch seats with you, but as soon as you sat down once again, your body tenses up as soon as you brushed your arm against Minah.

She looks at you and offered a bittersweet smile before looking outside the window, minding her own business. The light from the streetlights outside cascades on Minah features, you can't help but stare at her, her now black hair that used to be dyed orange suits her better, and you can see that she wears a subtle dark eye makeup, similar to the make up she wore on their performance.

You were in a trance as you stare at her until you heard snickering behind you, Kyma, Che-Che and Sowoen were right behind you, laughing at how awestruck you are at Minah. Minah heard this also and looks at you before looking at the girls at the back.

The giggling stops as you all arrived at the party venue, the rest of the teams are inside already. Once you got in, you noticed that the members from the other teams also have their own plus one, some are their close friends, while some seems like their partners as you noticed Babysleek’s husband is also here.

The party went on, people drinks and get drunk, some dances and grinds to each other on the dance floor, and soon you too finally let loose and starts partying.

It was way past midnight now and the party is still at its peak, ‘though some are already passed out aka mostly the youngest of each team except for Haechi and Rena who are still partying like wild animals on the dance floor. You however starts to gets dizzy as the song Meddle About by Chase Atlantic blasted on the speakers, the alcohol finally getting through your systems as you now feel quite high from drunkenness. Nevertheless, you still kept dancing on the dance, grinding on the person you now failed to recognize due to the alcohol.

Unbeknownst to you the girl you are shaking your ass on is none other than Minah, her hands are on your waist as she guides your hips to match her rhythm. “Fucking hell, Y/n you’re driving me crazy” she whispers against your ear. Only then do you recognize the voice but instead of flinching away, which what you would probably do if only you were sober, you lean in more to her touch.

Your back against her chest, as you sway your hips against hers, her hands loosely wrapped around your waist while your left hand sat above it, meanwhile your other hand is reaching for her face, trying to keep her head close to yours as she whispers sweet nothings to you.

“You are so fucking beautiful…” She takes in your scent as she presses her lips on your neck before dragging her tongue against your skin. An inappropriate sound escapes from your lips and you can feel your ex-girlfriend smirks against your neck as soon as she heard it.

Her hands traveled down to your pants and started touching hour aching pussy through it. You leaned your head back more, you almost forgot that you two are still in the middle of the dance floor, thankfully everyone is drunk enough to simply ignore what you two are doing.

~~~

“Fuck…taste so good”

Here you are now, your pants now draped below your knees as you sat on the bathroom’s sink, becoming a moaning mess as your ex-girlfriend dives in between your soaking wet cunt. Tongue deep inside you accompanied by two of her fingers, simultaneously thrusting in and out of you.

“M-Minah f—uck” You couldn’t contain your moans, the effects of the alcohol finally subsided, you are now more sober than you were earlier, but now you are high on pleasure as you are about to reach your orgasm.

“Taste so fucking good. I miss this pussy of yours” Minah muttered against your folds “did you missed getting eaten out like this baby?” she dives right back in and you replied with only a pornographic moan, which only encourage Minah more.

“Such a slut for me. Tell me did you regret breaking up with me?” Minah said as she thrust her fingers inside you in a fast pace. You are already fucked out of your mind, couldn’t even construct a proper sentence as you nod your head vigorously.

“Use your words, Y/n” she looks directly at you eyes, and you did the same. You saw that behind the lust in her eyes lays a sense of hopefulness, hoping that you are telling the truth.

“Yes—YES FUCK! I miss you so much, I’m sorry I left you—ack” You are cumming, you really are close. Minah thrusted her fingers faster, while she busied her mouth once again on sucking your clit. Soon a wave of pleasure gushes on your nerves. Your breathe staggers as your legs shakes from the orgasm, your juices sprayed on Minah’s face, god she even managed to make you squirt. Minah stood up from her position and went up to kiss you which you willingly accepts.

“Please give me another chance, Y/n… I promise I’ll be better, I’ll never leave you alone again.” You saw the sincerity on her eyes and you answered her by pulling her again for a kiss.

Outside the bathroom is a poor Tatter who has been wanting to go to the bathroom for quite some time now, only to be welcomed by the moans of her best friends.

A/n: there you go @taruusmoon, I figured to just post it on Minah’s birthday instead but this also serves as your late Christmas present hope you liked it <3

[bsverryin]

: ̗̀➛ Ranting to genshin men

Who?

╰┈➤ Alhaitham, Diluc, Childe, Ayato

Situation?

╰┈➤ you're their s/o who's funny ranting to them.

✎ HEADCANONS ONLY!!! Okk the messages are back 🥹 I think the last time I did this was the sending your genshin boss the wrong message (check it out if you haven't) everyone loved it so I'll do it again hopefully you guys will enjoy this too! <3 I've been busy these days but I'll be fine 🫶 cannot assure you of perfect grammar!!

: ̗̀➛ DILUC

Diluc really did see that coming. You were his lover who loves getting in trouble, it's not that you're not trying to avoid it but you're the word trouble itself. This time, he's getting used to it. There are times where he had to bail you out from jail because of your reckless behavior and sometimes you're just accused which was today.

Because of your recklessness and cuteness at the same time, Diluc fell in love with you too much. He loved you despite your questionable behavior. Now he's inside the prison where you got called out for stealing. Diluc had a good reputation and you didn't know what the word 'good' was.

"Master diluc, we apologize for falsely accusing your significant other for stealing. This won't happen again, next time." The police said as they bowed their heads with their apologies, you rolled your eyes and finally you and Diluc left the prison.

"Can I ask my lovely y/n to stop getting in trouble?" He said when you reached outside the police station.

"Can I ask my master diluc to make me a good fine wine so that I could avoid getting in trouble?" You responded.

"Promise me, you'll avoid getting in trouble first." Diluc said as he crossed his arms.

"Mhm, yes of course I'll avoid getting in trouble for my master." You smiled as you put your arms around his shoulder.

The day ended great with you and him together and for once you'll avoid getting in trouble for him but sometimes he just doesn't need to know, right?...

: ̗̀➛ ALHAITHAM

Alhaitham loves listening to your rants because he just listens and he loves your voice, everything about you. Now, he's really worried because you're coming home late. What if you really did kill your best friend's boyfriend? Not that he didn't want you to do it he just didn't want you to live inside the prison for life.

He decided to go out of his house and try to find you. He found you fast because everyone in the sumeru was talking about you and your best friend. Basically you're both on a stage embarrassing your best friend's ex boyfriend for cheating. You both were drunk, alhaitham sighed knowing you again went to drink without him.

Alhaitham held you and your friend then walked towards his house. You both weren't so heavy but he's holding for his dear life. When he reached his own house, he put your friend on the couch as he put you in his bed.

"Alhaitham! Finally I've been waiting for you my baby boy....!" You were obviously drunk when you said that. He sighed as he put a blanket around you. When he's about to leave his room to sleep inside his office- you held his hand and told him to not go or else you'd cry. He couldn't let go of your hand so he sat while sleeping waiting for you to wake up in the morning.

When you woke up, you noticed alhaitham was sitting while sleeping. You didn't want to disturb his uncomfortable sleeping position so you moved to sleep into his lap and admire him until he wakes up.

: ̗̀➛ AYATO

Ayato was laughing the whole time you're telling him how you regret cutting your bangs. He knew you'd look cute with it so he decided to tease you a little. He couldn't wait to finish his work just to see with your short bangs, he was looking forward seeing it.

You, on the other hand didn't leave your own house because of this. It was too embarrassing for you to go out in this state, it's not like you meant to cut it this short. It's just, you wanted to try it out and couldn't stop your own hands from cutting your own bangs.

You heard a light knock at your door. You decide for a while if you should open it and embarrass yourself or gaslight them into thinking that no one is home.

"Y/n? It's me.." It was the voice of your boyfriend, Ayato. You felt more embarrassed that Ayato would see you like this, cutting your bangs really short felt like your downfall. Finally, you decided to open the door revealing Ayato.

When he saw your face and the bangs you were talking about, he couldn't help it but chuckled. You rolled your eyes to him as he cupped your face.

"Aww, you're so cute." He said.

"How could you tease me in times like this!" You replied as he gave another chuckle, you're giving this man so many reasons to love you. He felt so lucky to have you in his life.

"What? It's actually cute. You should try to cut it shorter." He said as he measured your bangs.

"AYATO!!!" You pinched him on his left arm as he laughed.

The day ended with him only looking at you, you didn't know what he was thinking but all he did was just admire you. No matter what you look like or what questionable decision you'll make he'll support you all the time.

: ̗̀➛ CHILDE

Childe really did try his best to comfort you after that and told you that they are just his co-workers not friends. You didn't know because they are all always together you even thought that they were one big family.

You're always there to pick up Childe when he finishes a meeting with them and one day when Childe leaves you to go in a meeting instead of him, it was so awkward that you had to crack a joke to make them comfortable but it wasn't the type of joke where they get it so when childe picked you up that day, you were quiet like your mouth was zipped.

"Love? You should forget about it so they'll forget about it too." He gave you an awkward smile while he was saying these words.

"how can I? They even said that this meeting is strictly for fatuis only and they cancelled it because you didn't show up!" You said. You're walking with each other together while talking about the recent situation you had.

"I'm sorry, my love. I'll treat you, think of it as the way for me to say sorry for you." Childe would be lying if he said that it wasn't really embarrassing because as you tell him the whole story on what happened earlier he couldn't help but feel embarrassed for you.

The day happened just like that, in the end you felt better because he bought you everything that you wanted. He's also staying the night because you're extremely clingy today and he likes it when you're like that.

[d34dlysinner]

🙇Hi yes hello very self indulgent request or whatchamacallit. But the Kings esp Beezlebub and lucifer, my bbygs, (Stolas too if possible 👉👈) first overall needing to asbord demon Lust event, with an afab me. Mc is kinda nervous and unsure about havin sex lmao, it doesn't repulse her or anything, but it follows the phenomenon of touch starved people wanting affection but when It comes to intimate moments they kinda freeze and get unsure. Totally not callin myself out rn

Understandable

MINORS DNI!

(Let's assume that MC doesn't instantly need demon essence)

Satan crawled on top of you. Eager to finally have you like this. He lined himself up with you and planned to push himself in until he noticed how stiff you were. He halted what he was doing and sat up straight on his knees.

"You're as stiff as a plank right now. Are you okay?", he asked. His actions and words really made you wonder whether he's really the great demon king of wrath. It made your heart melt seeing how he worried for you. He settled for holding you for a while. You could smell the scent of cat fur as he embraced you. He was just waiting until you were calm enough to relax before he dared to do anything.

"We don't have to do anything if you don't feel up for it..."

Mammon does the thing he always does with every partner he had. He waits and sees if they're prepared enough to take him. One of his hands was feeling along your sides. Rubbing up and down in a comforting way as he felt you freeze.

"If you're scared, we don't have to continue.", he says as he finishes with a promise that he will be careful when you both do continue.

He would wait until you're ready. If you're not ready at all he wouldn't even blame you. He can always settle for holding you once more.

Leviathan somehow knew that you were going to freeze as he pulled away from your neck and sat straight.

"I knew that this was going to happen. It's somehow weird how you can eye upon my frame with such lust and then chicken out the moment we're actually trying to do the deed."

He seemed harsh and very honest. It made you feel worse in a way and regret starting this. It wasn't until he noticed how hurt you were that he changed his demeanor. He started to hold your hands as his thumbs rubbed circles on the top of your hand. He kissed them before he decided to lay down and wait with you.

"We can continue when you feel like it... sorry.", he said that last part quietly. How you managed to make this king apologise. You'll never know. He probably did care a lot for you.

Beelzebub was kissing, biting and licking all over you before he decided that you were ready enough for him. He planned to push into you when he noticed that you almost stopped breathing. He halted what he was about to do as he checked up on you first.

"Are you okay?", he asked as he was drawing circles on the inside of your leg. He would lean in and give tiny kisses over your face as he waited for a response. When you tell him that you're not ready he'll lay down beside you and offer to watch some sort of movie to keep your mind of off things.

"We might aswell watch something interesting.", he says as he puts on a screen and allows you to scroll

Lucifer is one who would love to taste your tears again. He would abuse the situation you're in right now if he didn't fear you hating him. It also goes against what he wants to do with you. He said multiple times that he'd rather make you cry out of happiness and love. Sometimes he can't help it and he causes it with fear. He'll feel shitty afterwards, but always makes sure to make it up somehow. Not by apologising tho... that's too much for him.

He decided that it's best to stop at that moments as he takes a book to read. He'll read it for you if your interested enough.

Stolas himself would also get nervous when this is happening. So he sort of understand where you're coming from. It's not like he has absolutely no experience, but the connection he feels to you makes him scared to mess it all up. So he just stopped what he was doing when he saw you tense up and freeze.

"Look... We don't need to continue now... we can do it any other time if you're still up for it."

The only thing he hopes is that he's atleast allowed to be the one you're doing it with when you do feel up for it. He doesn't know what he'll feel or do when he hears that you just straight up went with another demon to do this with.

[slayfics]

Muichiro’s Mansion

Muichiro x Reader series

You meet with Muichiro again after healing at the butterfly mansion.

Chapter 10

You had woken up the next morning and Muichiro was nowhere to be found. You wondered what had even happened. You knew you were hurt badly, so you wondered if you could have imagined Muichiro cuddling you through the night.

"Good to see you are up!" You heard and looked over to see Shinobu.

"Tokito was sent on a mission." She explained.

That meant he really was here. You didn't imagine what had happened.

"You'll be ok to leave in a week or two. Stay comfortable and rest until then ok," Shinobu smiled then left.

The next two weeks seemed to take an eternity, and Muichiro never came to visit again. He didn't even write to you. You felt so confused about your relationship with the Hashira.

His mixed signals and impossible to read emotions were driving you mad. An overwhelming sense of relief washed over you when Shinobu finally released you to go back to Muichiro's Mansion. Finally you might be able to get some answers.

You never felt like you got somewhere so quickly. You couldn't wait to see Muichiro again and hopefully clear up whatever was going on. Above all you wanted to redeem yourself and fight even harder on the next mission with him.

When you got to the mansion you saw Muichiro standing outside with your belongings around him.

"Um... Hi-" you began to say but Muichiro interjected.

"I'm glad you are feeling better, but I have decided to fire you as my Tsuguko. I can no longer train you." Muichiro said, looking at the floor refusing to meet your gaze.

You felt your heart shatter. He really was disappointed in you. He did come to regret accepting you as his Tsuguko. Why did he even bother to comfort you that night at the Butterfly Mansion? This didn't make any sense.

You didn't want to cry but you couldn't help it. Tears began to fall as you pleaded to him for another chance.

"I know I messed up, but I promise I'll train even harder and I'll do better next time. Please just give me more chance Tokito!"

"There is nothing left to say on the matter," Muichiro said, turning his back to you and walking into the mansion, leaving you alone with your belongings outside.

I want to profusely apologize to you all after this chapter. I’m sorry, I’m sorry! All I’ll say is please come back for the next chapters! They aren’t all this sad I promise~

[teddy06writes]

Stubborn

Cassian Andor x gn!reader

Prompt: "The only person that gets to kill you, is me."

Warnings: non specific description of injuries

Premise: After a mission for the rebellion goes south and Cassian lands himself in the infirmary, you give him a piece of your mind. Told from Jyn's perspective.

(presumably takes place at some point after Rouge One, in an Everybody lives universe)

~~

It was supposed to have been a relatively routine mission. Two days at the most, including travel time; get in, get the intel, get out. That's all it was intended to be. That was until Cassian saw an opportunity to get a leg up, and Jyn had gone along, right up until that leg up turned out to be at a steeper price than they had planned.

Now, sitting in the infirmary on Yavin IV, Jyn was certainly beginning to regret it. Neither of the two were hurt badly, Jyn only sustaining a few scrapes and bruises from their quick escape, nothing a bit of bacta spray couldn't fix. Cassian had gotten the worst of it, and would be forced to take it easy for the next week or so until he had healed up enough to go back out in the field.

When the doors to the infirmary slammed open with a bang, Jyn couldn't even muster up shock. Cassian had mentioned that you would be furious at him.

"Are you kidding me? Are you an idiot Cass?" You demanded, storming past Jyn and strait to Cassian's bedside.

K-2SO lumbered along behind you, stopping beside Jyn, "To be fair, I did try to stop them."

"No you didn't." She said, watching in amusement as you continued to rant.

"No, I didn't." K2 agreed.

"You can't just go throwing yourself into things like that because you think it will accomplish something! What good are you to the Rebellion if you go off getting yourself killed for the tiniest bit more information!"

Cassian just kept looking up at you, waiting patiently, the same love struck in his eyes that Jyn saw every time you came near, or even came up in conversation.

"There are people here counting on you to come back! I'm counting on you to come back! God for someone so smart you make the dumbest decisions sometimes- Your so worrisome, and stubborn and aggravating and- Damn it, Cass, the only person who gets to kill you, is me!"

After this final exclamation you fell silent, staring down at him with a flushed, exasperated expression on your face that had Jyn struggling to hide her laughter.

Gently, Cassian took your hand, where it had fallen back to your side after your gestures had ended, "And you'll still have the chance, y/n. I'm okay. It's okay..."

In a moment, you deflated, your frustration suddenly disappearing as you squeezed his hand back, slowly sinking down into the chair beside his bed, "I was so worried Cassian. You can't scare me like that again."

Your voices grew too hushed for Jyn to make out, as Cassian reassured you, your hands still clasped between you. So she stood, all but dragging K2 out with her to give you space.

[mindairy]

Summary: "If the stars control our fate, we will just have to control the stars"

Author's Note: This is my first time posting something that I have written. I am trying to decide if I want to turn it into a series or just leave it as a one shot. Reblog, comments, likes and feedbacks are greatly appreciated.

Thank you @whatdoeseverybodywant and @oddinary4bts for giving me the courage to post this and for looking over my writing.S/O to all the writers on here who have also light the writing bug in me.

This was the moment she was waiting for. There he was, sitting across from her with no interruptions, no inhibitions, no regrets. She knew there was no turning back from this moment, but temptation had been knocking at her door for too long. 

She was ready to give in. No words were spoken, but the tension was thick.

“This is it,” she thought, “no thinking, just go for it.” 

She slowly straddled him, a low moan leaving his lips as she positioned herself on his lap. Brown eyes staring into brown eyes, causing the tension to finally overflow; grabbing her face, he pulled her down, passionately kissing her. She kissed back with the same passion, his hands having a mind of their own as they started to move from her face, down her neck,  caressing their way down her back until they reached her ass. 

He pushed her closer making sure she could feel the effect she was having on him, unaware of the mess he was causing in her panties. He stopped once more confirming that this was what she wanted. A single, hesitant touch was enough to ignite her passion, his lips deepening the kiss as he lowered her onto the couch. His fingers traced up her legs, eventually reaching her underwear, which he slowly pulled down. A smile spread across his face as he saw the pool of passion that glistened between her legs. 

“I've been waiting for this moment,” he whispered, watching her melt further into the couch. “Tonight, you'll never want to go back to him,” he laughed, beginning to devour her, leaving no room for doubt. Like a starving man he ate every inch of her, making sure to reward her for each gasp and moan that left her lips. Her fingers combed his hair, looking for leverage as he continued to please her, slowly adding a finger to her already sensitive core. “Relax for me baby girl, I don’t want to hurt you,” he said as his fingers found resistance. “Looks like homie doesn’t know how to please such a divine body,” he whispered, as he felt her getting closer to her climax. 

As much as he wanted to watch her unravel, he would much rather watch her unravel with him inside her. She whimpered, pleading for him to continue as he pulled his fingers away. 

“Such a tease,” she said as he pulled away with a laugh. She knew he did this on purpose, denying her gratification. Mischievous thought crossed her mind and she stood from the couch, kneeling in front of him. “Seems only right to return the favor” she said as she wiggled his pants off, exposing his member and leaving her momentarily speechless. 

“Funny, but if  you’re gonna have your mouth open and at least put my dick in it,” he laughed before completely regretting the statement. He watched as her mouth engulfed his dick, sucking in rhythm as she moved up and down. Her hands keep up on the parts her mouth missed. He always knew she was beautiful but, watching her from this angle as she provided him with pleasure like no other, he could see why men went crazy for her. 

He tried to catch his breath as she gained the courage to go further down his shaft. Tears streamed down her face as her throat adjusted to his size. She knew he had been with other girls far more experienced, but she wanted to make sure that he would remember her. She massaged his balls tenderly, hoping to help him reach his climax. But before she could get him there, he pulled her back on his lap. 

“As much as I would love to fill your mouth, I would much rather feel you wrapped around it.” 

She shied away - she would never understand why it was so easy for him to turn her into putty. He adjusted her enough for his dick to be close to her entrance, he looked up at her and watched as her face filled with pleasure as he entered her, slowly allowing her to adjust to his size. Her nails dug into his shoulders as he pulled out just a little and rammed back into her. She tried to catch her breath before he rammed into her again, but it was impossible. 

His hands landed on her hips, encouraging her to move. Once the pain turned into pleasure, something unleashed inside her. She rode him with no fear, throwing her head back as he met her on her way down. 

Picking up the pace, more pleasure began to build in her stomach. He grabbed a hold of her breast, taking her nipple in his mouth, swirling his tongue and intensifying the pleasure. She said his name in a whisper as her body became overly sensitive from all the stimulation. He felt her getting close and in one swift move, he laid her back down. Adjusting his grip on her hips, he started to pound into her until the room was filled with heavy breathing and skin slapping against skin. 

“You don’t know how long I have waited to have you like this,” he gruffed  

His imagination could not compare to this. It was like they were made just for each other - she was molded to him perfectly. Her body responded to every touch. He knew this would ruin both of them, but he didn’t care. 

Her body arched up and he went deeper, her nails digging into his back as he sped up. She bit into his shoulders, trying to muffle her moans. 

“Nah baby girl, let me hear you” he demanded as he slowed his pace, trying to prolong her climax. “You want to come don’t you”. 

He knew that he was torturing her, but he wanted to hear her, wanted to make sure she remembered every bit of this. 

“Please, let me come,” she begged him, throwing her head back as he slowed down once again, denying her gratification. 

“Soon, baby girl, but let me enjoy what he gets to have all the time.” 

He wasn’t far from completion  himself.  He buried his face in her neck as he increased his speed, feeling her tighten around him, bringing her closer to the end. With one last thrust, they both met ecstasy. For a moment the world around them was still, their hearts beating in sync, their bodies tangled together as one. “

You need to make a choice,” he broke the silence between them. 

“I know, but it’s not that easy,” she responded, voice hoarse from their  activities. 

He knew it was not easy for her, but all he wanted was her in every aspect of the word. She would not have to be anything but her with him, but this was something she needed to come to terms with herself. 

He tore himself away from her, taking with him the warmth that her body so desperately wanted and needed. She watched him getting dressed, knowing that her words caused damage he would not show. As much as they told themselves this would only happen once, this moment would change everything between them. 

“When you finally decide to choose, you let me know. I’ll be waiting,” he said as he walked towards the door of the hotel, looking back and seeing the sadness in her eyes. 

It broke him, but it was a decision she needed to make. No matter how much he loved her, she needed to make the decision on her own. 

“Jey,” she whispered  back as tears clouded her eyes. 

“I love you,” he said, returning back to her to place a small kiss on her forehead. “But you have to make a choice. It’s not fair to me or him, and it’s not fair to you.” 

With that he walked out of the door, leaving her alone with her thoughts and her tears to keep her company. 

[yetanotherhiddlestoner]

(MDNI 18+, smut will be eventually happening in this story line but still please respect the MDNI)

(Plus size reader x Negan. In the world of the dead rising, you just happen to fall for the one fucked up person who has no interest in you. And I am aware the timeline doesn't add up but for the story I had to make the timeline longer than a couple months)

~Warnings - Swearing. ~ Word count -  2797

~<3~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER THREE - I FELL HARD, YOU'LL FALL HARDER.

~<3~-------------------------------------------------------------------------

~1 month later~

Life had gotten busy for you over the last month that Rick had asked you to go to the Kingdom to drop off some of the supplies they had for them and to help with building some small houses for the new arrivals they had to house.

It was your third day back when you had been told you would be delivering Negan his meals. "Good evening, Y/N. Long time no see" Negan greets you; you slide his food tray under his cell, he takes it to his cot and sits down.

You broke the silence to inform of why you were here inside of the priest.  "Looks like I'll be your babysitter for a couple weeks as Gabe has been asked to go to Hilltop for a while." Negan eats quietly, eyeing you off. "You never seem happy around me anymore, do you?" Negan asks.

"I would much rather be spending time with someone who respects me." You say as you watch him dig into his tray.

"I do respect you Y/N. I have never once not" You scoff and look at him. "Pointless words" You murmur.  Negan stops eating, his anger slowing rising, he drops his fork back onto the tray, the clanging noise filling the small room. "I am getting tired of this y/n, you cannot keep acting like a child, stomping your feet to get your way so can we just please be civil, maybe even work on a friendship. I have apologized for what I said in the past, I really regret it." You stop at his little outburst and take a deep breathe, trying to remain calm.

You can't deny it either, this was getting old, you wanted to be able to talk to him without feeling hatred towards him. "Fine, I guess for now we back to square one, I'll try to be civil, but I need to ask you something and yes it's about the kiss" You have to ask. "Are you asking if I regret it or are you asking why I did it? Or pray tell are you asking for another one" Negan says coming over to the bars. You roll your eyes at his comment "Just curious to know if you regret it and why you did it" you say as you lean against the wall.

Negan shakes his head "No I don't regret and the answer to why, because I wanted to, you being there within arm's reach, you looked so damn adorable as you had your little temper tantrum so I couldn't resist"  You nod and accept his answer "You know this, you point to yourself and him. "It's going to take time and a lot of baby steps, right?" You hold your hand out to him waiting for his answer. Negan smirks and shakes your hand firmly "Here's to baby steps"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After Gabe's return you take turns to deliver Negan his dinner until one night Gabe accidently leaves the cell unlock, allowing Negan to escape. Alexandria is quiet, no lights are on in the houses and for a minute Negan looks at your bedroom window, open and inviting him to climb through it but a part of him wants to leave. He sighs heavily and decides to leave Alexandria hoping that this was the right thing for him and you.

Heading down to his cell in the morning you are greeted with an open cell door, an empty cot and of course no Negan, you drop the tray of food and head to alert Rick. You spend the day searching the woods for him. You feel something break inside you, after agreeing to be civil and finally working on being friends, he goes and takes the first chance to leave. This must have been like when you left, left without a goodbye in the middle of the night, and now here you are looking. For him.  Rick calls it quit at the end of the day and goes home defeated, deciding to double the night shifts just in case Negan comes back for revenge. The night comes and as you stare at the stars above, you feel your cheek start getting wet. You wipe away the tears, you swore to never cry over this man again and yet here you are.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The days pass and the cell stays empty. 

You do your jobs, you take on more supply runs, expanding the map for Rick. You go on Hunts with Daryl.  But each time you leave the safety of the walls you glance over to the cell window. You miss seeing him there, giving his shit filled smirk or some tongue in cheek remark.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ It has been weeks and when the morning comes, you groan at the light flooding your bedroom. It's your turn to keep look out at the gate, you get up and get dressed, armed with a rifle, a handgun and a knife, you climb up the ladder alone. Alexandria is slowly waking up, a small group of people prepare for a supply run, some others are doing some yoga near the church, others work in the garden. Daryl will be joining you soon. You stand there watching and waiting. This was one of the jobs you hated. The sun and the heat didn't help, you look down the road and see a figure, you load your gun, expecting a walker or two but when they get closer you drop the gun and slide down the ladder, "Open that gate now" You shout to the man, "NOW" you scream when he just stands there dumbfounded, you grab the gate and slide it across. 

When the gate is wide enough for you to fit through you take off running, rushing to the person. Your body collides with his and he groans as his arms wrap around you, he stumbles a bit at the force of you body hitting his. "Well, I wasn't expecting this type of welcome." Negan whispers, a chuckle lacing his words, as he holds you closer to him.  "You fucking left, you're fucking jerk" You punch his chest as he laughs at first, but it quickly disappears as he groans in pain as your fist pound on his flesh over and over.  "This was what I was expecting, stop beating up my old man body" He grabs your wrists to stop you from punching. "I've fucking missed you, you arsehole." You admit, looking at him. "Language Miss Y/N. You seem to be hanging around me too much." You both laugh until you hear a gun cocking behind you.  By now Rick and Michonne have come to see the commotion, Rick has his gun aimed at Negan. "Y/N move away from him." Rick orders, Negan releases your wrists as you turn. You look at Rick and then to Michonne, "Please Y/N now, he is a danger to Alexandria" Michonne says.  "No." Is all you say.

"No?" Rick repeats with disbelief, "He escaped Y/N and now he is back, you don't know who he has hiding in the bushes waiting to attack."  You turn to Negan and realize you never thought of that, he could have found some of them old Saviour's. "Rick, I have no weapons on me, I had no-where to go so I came back. You can throw me back in that cell and I won't fight you. Life outside that tiny concrete room isn't what it used to be. The Sanctuary is nothing but a shell of what it used to be." "So, you have nothing hiding up your sleeves?" You ask Negan, he looks down at you, "I have no-one except you. I wouldn't risk hurting the one person who can put up with my shit" His hand gently touches your cheek.  "I trust him, Rick." You say loud enough for him to hear while continuing to smile up at Negan.  "Well, I don't" he fights back, you turn and raise your gun to him. "He could have killed me by now, but he didn't. The night he left he could have killed any of us as we slept but instead, he left, and by the looks of inventory the next day, he didn't even steal anything from us. What does that tell you?" You ask back to your leader.

"Tells me nothing Y/N, he killed our men and women, he kidnapped Daryl, he threw you out like you were rubbish." His words you hard, Rick walks towards you. "Give him a chance, no weapons, you didn't trust me when I came here and I told you where I came from, and don't forget you hid that from everyone. Give him a job, he can stay with me." You lower your gun, placing it back in its holster. "Give him a chance? Have you lost your mind?" Rick yells at you coming to a sudden stop. You jolt at the sudden yelling.

"Oh come on Rick, you give others a chance all the time so why not.? If I am wrong, you can lock me up as well" "You're really willing to put your life in the hands of this man?" Rick asks lowering his gun. "I did once and he didn't harm me, so why not again? So here is what is going to happen, we are going to walk through those gates and fuck whoever tries to stop us. He starts work tomorrow." 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You take Negan's hand and start walking towards your home. Ignoring the looks from the residents and your friends. People move aside and whispers can be heard.  You open your door and push Negan inside before locking it behind you, you make your way over to the curtains and close them. "They don't need to be gawking right now." You say as he sits down on the couch. "Goddamn sweetheart that was fucking hot, I won't deny I am kinda turned on right now that you stood up to Rick." Negan says, his head thrown back on the cushion eyes looking at the roof.  "Why did you come back? You could have gone so far away from all this and gotten your life back." "I was telling the truth back there, I did go back to the Sanctuary, it was abandoned, most of the stuff was gone, not even the dead were there. I realized though you can never return to your old life, so I came back." He chuckles. "You came back because of me?" Negan looks at you, as he gets up from the couch, "Yeah. I just didn't expect that you would be throwing yourself at me" His chuckle deep.

You laugh and playfully push at his chest; his arm grabs your wrist again. 

"Still a little tender from out there" Negan says eyeing you off. "I didn't throw myself at you. You are my friend; I was happy to see you" you say as you feel him bring you closer to him. "Really? So, you throw yourself at Daryl when he returns?" His hand travels up your arm to your neck. "If he is gone for a long time then yes, he is like a brother to me." "Your friends do this?" His hand travels to your back, pushing your chest to his, you look up at him, you breathe coming out short.  Your body acts on its own as you lean up, wrap your arms around his neck and bring his lips to yours. The kiss isn't like the first one, that one was rushed, urgent and desperate, this one is passionate and sensitive. His tongue dances with yours. His hands move down to your ass and in a quick move he heaves you up and you wrap your legs around him. "You have no idea how long I have wanted you." He whispers as he kisses your neck "When I found you in the woods, you were so beautiful to me, sitting on your little stump, my heart broke for you." He takes you to the kitchen counter and places you down, he stays between your legs.  "I tried to ignore the urge to take you, I wanted to give up all my wives just for you, that is why I was so kind to you, I wanted to protect you." "But then shit got serious with some men. I know the story from here" You respond, not wanting to relieve the terrible memory anymore.  "I should have told you the truth, I should have told those fuckers to fuck off or locked them in the cells, but I didn't. I was a pussy, and I will forever beg for your forgiveness." Negan pulls you in for a hug. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A knock interrupts your tender moment, and you groan. Negan moves and fixes himself up as you slide off the counter.  Opening the door, you see Daryl standing there, looking angry. He barges in and points at Negan "What the actual fuck Y/N? What the fuck are you doing with him here?"  "Hello Daryl please come in" you say sarcastically. "Fuck sakes when I saw this shit go down, I thought you were fucking joking." Daryl points the crossbow at Negan who just chuckles.  "He tortured me Y/N, he killed Glenn, Abe, Sasha they were my friends" He shouts. "Everyone deserves a chance, Daryl. I have already told Rick the terms and conditions of him being free."

"For fuck sakes Y/N are you really fucking stupid right now?" Daryl says angrily. "You best not call her stupid if I was you" Negan says to Daryl.

"Ok both of you stop. There is too much big dick energy in this room, so Daryl I am asking you to leave, and I will talk to you later." "Don't fucking bother Y/N, don't come to me when he hurts you again" Daryl storms out of the house.

You feel Negan hugging you from behind "Give them time to adjust to this new change, I can't take back what I did to them, but I can prove my worth by working hard and keeping out of trouble." You lock the door leaving his embrace, "We take it one day at a time. We just keep our heads down and do what Rick says." You look through the fridge and pantry looking for dinner. "Shit I got to go to the Pantry to stock up. You stay here, there is a shower upstairs and your room is right next to it" 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ You walk out and head to Olivia, still ignoring the looks from people.  "Afternoon Olivia, I need to grab some stock"  "That is fine Y/N, just write down how much ok?" She says as she hands you the paper. "Of course I will, having a new roommate means another mouth to feed." Olivia nodded "I heard about that, are you going to be safe? I can sneak you another weapon." She offers but you shake your head. "It will be fine Olivia but thank you." She smiles and lets you get back to it.

Once you are done, you write down all you have taken and slide it back to Olivia. "Have a good night, Y/N" "You to hun" you place the bag on your shoulder and head home, the streets now quiet, everyone is heading inside for the night.  You open the front door and lock it behind you, placing your stuff on the counter, you make your way upstairs and notice that it is quiet.  "Negan?" You shout out to him. "In here" he says from the bathroom. "You can come in"  You open the door slightly and see him shaving in nothing but a towel, you quickly close the door.  "I thought you would be dressed." You say through the small gap.  "I have no clean clothing, and I doubt you have anything for me to wear. So, the towel will do." "No, the towel will not do, you can't eat in a towel." You hear him chuckle, "Fine I'll put my pants on but that is it." You hear him moving around in the bathroom.  "Ok you can peek now."  You look again slowly this time. He is wearing his long pants.  "Awe I think I am going to miss the salt and pepper beard you had going on" "Really? Thought you be a clean-shaven type of gal." "No sir" You smile as he washes his face off, he dabs it with the towel.  "Fine I'll let it grow again just for you. Now tonight I am going to cook dinner, it has been a while since I have been in a kitchen" You both make your way downstairs, tonight in this house it is just you and him.  Tomorrow, you have to face the reality of life here for Negan.