#just trying to point out how much of a mess the entire industry is rn

[zeondraws]

Fellas, year is almost overrrr and it feels kinda surreal what I went through to reach this point.

I may feel nauseous rn but...! Today was a good day, my friends family and other relatives of her came today. I showed them my budgie too, he may be getting blind but people were able to hold him on their hands.

I haven't felt such joy in a while, I don't know how to put it. I remember the first years when I stayed at my friend's place around Christmas or so. It was fun but I was still dealing with other stuff that stressed me out. Especially last december was extremely stressful for me.. I mentioned it in another post? I think?

I unpacked some presents I got today. There was one special present in it, where I still can't believe of owning it.

!!! SWTD themed Christmas Jumper! Like?? Wow!! Still bewildered that one got sent to me, I mean this game is so much fun and I'm so darn obsessed analysing every detail of it whenever I can.

I literally played through it again on my PlayStation, I usually don't play such games multiple times but this one? It just hit me the moment I saw a Let's play of it. The first one I saw was from IGP, I really enjoyed him playing it, even tho Rennick JUMPSCARED me the first time I saw that scene.

First few times playing this game I got nightmares from Gibbo or my heart was racing while I ran away from Rennick. I don't know why, Gibbo's sentences haunted me so much. The pain in his voice was unbearable. (Same with O'Conner)

Trots still gives me the creeps, like he just has that aura on him. However, jumping over Trots is also very funny. And Muir's level I can now play in my sleep. I think 1/3 of my hours shown on steam is just me messing with Muir. It's currently at 154 hours played.

And Roper... my beloved *shakes my fists* poor wee man. He did nothing wrooonggggg. Sobs loudly. Foaming at the mouth and hoping there is more lore of him in the artbook. The wait will soon be over. I'm so excited.

But... I just wanna say thank you again to the devs and publishers for this awesome game. It very much helped me be able to get through the day for months. Considering it came out when I was still in a bad work environment, constantly getting bullied. I kept rewatching Playthroughs to stay calm.

I think I related to Caz a lot too, even if everything was basically falling apart around him, he kept going. Ofc he sadly couldn't get a happy ending in the end. But I just try to remember to keep going. Even if I needed to endure my old job for a bit longer, until my new job started.

It bring me so much joy being able to learn more about the gaming industry and the programs used to make such games. And ofc datamining the game and looking at every little detail. May it be the smallest thing such as a file called "CazYeet" or finding an entire unused level that was scrapped. Or even Muir's hit by prop sounds! My eyes WIDENED when I heard them.

I sometimes check artstation on multiple occasions, just to see if something new popped up. And whenever it does, I do a little mental happy dance.

(Petition to make an april fools update where the hit by prop sounds are enabled/JOKE)

Maybe one day I can finally switch over to the entertainment industry, but I need to teach myself so much first. I still wanna go to art school so badlyyyyy. I can already see I won't feel ready enough until I'm 30 or so. Although I'm going to be 23 in 2 days- I still have to practice so many skillsets ajshajsjaksnaksnksks *explodes* but I shall avoid spiralling in my thoughts.

I think I appreciate games so much more now, I still want to try out a bunch of them. But I firstly have to work on some swtd related projects. I'm definitely planning on making a big analysis video next year, which sounds terrifying, I need to practice talking in recordings first. ;a; But I can't forget to visit events too, I need to try out so much stuff;;;;

Okay before I ramble on endlessly... Just, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

@thechineseroom-brighton @wearesecretmode

I hope it's okay if I tag, I know I talk like a river at times, but since I'm a very emotional human being I usually like sharing my thoughts.

I wish the the fandom and devs a Merry Christmas and a great start to the New Year. May everyone heal from past wounds and form new positive memories.

Have this drawing of my OC Kirsten holding bird Roper in his arms.

[chaeryybomb]

nct dream reaction to their idol!reader girlfriend being shipped with another idol

anon: nct dream reaction to their idol!reader girlfriend being shipped with some other idol :) love your works btw. and thank you for this in advance

pairing: nct dream x idol!reader

genre: headcanons, fluff, crack

warnings: mentions of insecurities

a/n: dhsjdj technically my requests are closed rn but I decided I would write this out so I hope you enjoy this!

mark lee

confused boi™

tbh he wouldn't even notice you were being shipped with another idol until another member points it out

you were a special guest mc for the show and fans saw the cute interactions you had with the boyz juyeon

and soon enough fans started shipping the both of you together

in reality, you and juyeon were just high school friends and you were glad to see him again

fans on the other hand,,

mark didn't realise you were being shipped with juyeon until doyoung pointed it one day

and mark was all like

( ・◇・)？"nani? y/n and juyeon???"

he would then search up ynjuyeon on twitter because cough yeah

and found a shit ton of edits of the both of y'all

and now he's sad :((

he's sad that because no one shipped y'all together

"isn't your relationship a secret???"

"yeah but still :((("

mark sweetie y'all have neve interacted on stage before fjdjdndnd

he knows you love him and would never cheat on him

but boy is he going to be a pouty baby when y'all hang out next time

literally all he's going to say is:

"why do they ship you and him together?? why not me :(("

"mark they've never seen us in the same room before"

huang renjun

unbothered king™

at least that's what he tells you fhdjdj

he found out through a vlive fhdhdjj

it was one of the usernames and the username was like ynxyanan_shipper

and renjun mf squinted his eyes like

did I read that clearly ಠ_ಠ

he's like yn and wHO

chenle was beside him when it happened and chenle was like what's wrong

and renjun points out the username

and chenle starts lauGHING BECAUSE HE FINDS IT SO FUNNY

renjun smacks him on the head to tell him to shut up DHHSHDD

obviously he would take a screenshot of the username and sends it to you

and he's like

short king <3: do you hv something to confess to me

you: ,,, my love for you??

short king <3: blocked

you: HAHSAHS IM KIDDING

tbh you find the situation honestly really funny

cause you and yanan aren't exactly friends? you're more of acquaintances than friends

and you made eye contact one (1) time with him by accident at an award show and suddenly you're being shipped with him

when you call him the next time to hang out, definitely expect him to be salty about it fjdjfjd

"hey are you free to come over today?"

"I don't know, why don't you ask your BOYFRIEND yanan"

"renjun istg i will break up with you-"

lee jeno

oh baby boy is gonna be so so confused

he's going to be even more confused because you're being shipped with itzy's chaeryeong fhfhfjf

see you and chaeryeong were featured in an episode of a reality tv show once

and the both of y'all immediately hit it off and your friendship was just adorable

so y'all kept interacting every time y'all see each other

and y'all are now nicknamed as the 4th gen gfs because y'all are so adorable???

like the chaeryn ship ur most popular ship ever

so jeno is so confused?? like why is his gf being shipped with her??

he's like a whole ass puppy okay

you, on the other hand, find the chaeryn ship really cute so you don't mind it and you jokingly call chaeryeong your gf once or twice on live before fjdjfn

whenever you tell him that you're hanging out with chaeryeong, he will pout at you and give you his best puppy eyes

like he will cling onto you and try to convince you to now to go

it works like 13% of the time and you would cancel plans with chaer but most of time it doesn't and you would end up being late jhdjsh

but it will slowly become into an inside joke between y'all

like yk that one meme

"this is yn my girlfriend and her girlfriend chaeryeong"

kjdhkjshfs yeah that

but in all seriousness, jeno is really unbothered about you being shipped with chaeryeong because it basically has the same energy as him being shipped with jaemin

whenever y'all are having play fights, you jokingly threaten to leave him for chaeryeong jdsfjds and he immediately stops and says that's unfair

pls shower him in hugs and kisses later

lee haechan

definitely makes a fuss about it

i mean he knows that you aren't going to leave him and all but is he going to be dramatic about it? yes, yes he is

he finds out by himself because he was probably on twitter stalking your hashtag

when he suddenly stumbles upon and edit of you and ateez's san

he's like O.O wot is tHis?

screenshots the edit and sends it to you

hyuckie: yNNNN

hyuckie: THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

hyuckie: BABY

hyuckie: SUGAR BUM

hyuckie: DAISY PIE

you: what in, the ever loving fuck, is daisy pie

hyuckie: *sends screenshot* ARE U CHEATING ON ME

you: hyuck that pic is clearly edited

hyuckie: I KNOW BUT ARE YOU????

you: i-

he makes so much jokes about it that you literally have to shut him up with a kiss

jokes on u reader he's doing this on purpose to get those free kisses

the jokes stop when you actually finally meet san during a game show and shippers are like omg they finally interacted

and the amount of ynxsan edits just,, grow

haechan acts even salty about it and whines about why fan don't ship y'all together when y'all have made eye contact during the golden disk awards bc he was being a lil shit hdsjhfjds

"hey what if i keep staring at you during the melon so we can get into a scandal?"

"hyuck this is supposed to be a secret relationship-"

"yeah but-"

jokes on u he actually does stare at you at the next award show and thankfully did not get into any scandals, but fans started to ship the both of you!

na jaemin

the true unbothered king

literally does not care that you are shipped with someone else

because he knows that he is yours and vice versa

and plus you love him a lot so

he finds out from chenle, who did it out of spite because one day chenle was bored and wanted to cause some chaos

boi basically ran up to jaemin to shove an edit of you and treasurer's junkyu together and went like

"look hyung! ur gf is being shipped with someone eLsE"

"oh that's weird"

"rigHT"

"I thought people shipped her with treasurer's hyunsuk"

chenle is like

HUH???

"aren't you like,, jeaolous??"

jaemin just shrugs and says "hmm, not really"

jaemin knows that you are good friends wth a lot of idols because you're a social butterfly

so he truly doesn't mind when you get shipped with other idols bc in the end , he's the one holding you in his arms

plus he knows the edits and shippers are mostly harmless

and he trusts you

so he just fucks around with chenle jkldsfj

chenle is still confused bc he wants to rile jaemin up for fun but failed hjdshf

zhong chenle

if you thought haechan was dramatic, then you better buckle up for chenle's

so you see

fans already shipped u and chenle

like

y'all already have a dating scandal

and both companies tried so hard to defuse it

see you are an mc for a music show and you were interviewing nct dream

chenle, being the lil shit he is, kept giving you the heart eyes the entire time

and 6 months later, y'all got caught by dispatch on a daTe

ofc both sides were panicking but chenle was enjoying bc he's like "yeah this is my s/o and what abt it"

but y'all still had a dating ban so sm was this close in kicking him hfdsjfh

fortunately, they were able to cover it up as someone else so there's that

so chenle is aware that fans shipped the both of you together

so when he sees you being shipped with stray kid's jeongin

he was like "HOW DARE THEY-"

calls you to complain about the ship for 3 hours

and that is how you found out as well-

literally you don't even know jeongin so you just let chenle complain about it

he goes on and on about why fans should continue to ship y'all together so when he reveals the relationship the fans will be surprised but also not really at the same time-

"should i get into another scandal with you?"

"chenle no-"

park jisung

oh baby boy is going to be very, very confused

i mean he knows that shipping is a thing between fans

he's just confused why ppl would ship you and p1harmony's keeho

like you have never interacted with him so why would fans ship the both of y'all??

the dreamies mostly tell him to not take it serious but the chenle and haechan would egg him on

"get into a dating scandal with them"

"guys no-"

he wouldn't tell you that it bothers him because he doesn't want you laughing at him, worrying over a small issue

so honestly, it lowkey eats him up on the inside

until one day, you basically force it out of him because he's been acting weird for the past week

he finally confesses about the what's bothering him

and you tell him that you wouldn't have laughed at him

you know shipping idols is a common thing in the industry and sometimes it's uncomfortable knowing it when you're already in a relationship

but you also tell him that it's basically harmless because fans can't really force the both of y'all together

jisung would be insecure about the relationship because it's kinda of his first? so he just doesn't want to mess it up

just reassure him a lot and tell him that you won't leave him

and as time goes by, he just gets used to the shipping

[m318x2]

I know I haven't been active on this blog as much, I've been trying to cut back on the kinds of social media that mess with my head the most and I don't think i'll be as active here going forward. not gonna delete it and I might pop back in at some point, idk yet

also good news: I've been doing dbt for like a month and it's going really well, I can already notice things getting easier to deal with.

my parents are moving (I live with them still so I will be moving with them) which I am THRILLED about because I'm currently living in the same house my trauma happened in and that's making it very difficult to feel happy and safe at home. they put an offer in for this GORGEOUS house out near the city and if I'm being honest I feel a bit spoiled that i'll probably get to live there (idk if they accepted the offer yet but their chances are pretty good). like seriously it's not a mansion, in fact I think it's actually slightly smaller in square footage than my current house but it's laid out better and it's much more beautiful and everything's been recently updated and it's fucking GORGEOUS so. yeah I'm spoiled

I also am considering going to this tech college my brother went to (if I do it'll be after i finish the year long dbt program) and getting a two year degree in web development, possibly turning that into a bachelors in cybersecurity. i feel like I'd be good at programming/web development, and it pays VERY well from what I've read. (the tech industry is booming rn im just hoping my future coworkers are not entirely elon musk fanboys and twitter manosphere bros) and its close enough to me that I could just commute there and wouldn't have to move out of my parents house until I graduate and have the means to do so.

but idk how i'll do that with the anorexic brain fog I have rn. seriously I feel like I've dropped 30 IQ points since my ed began.

other news: I'm still not recovering from my ed, I honestly don't think i'll be able to until something terrible happens. Idk what and idk when but I just feel like nothings gonna change with my ed until it seriously fucks my life or my health up. I'm very underweight right now and very slowly but surely losing more weight. my hair is falling out. my teeth hurt. my hands and feet are getting very poor circulation. I'm cold all the time. I still don't feel sick enough. it's getting colder outside and I don't know how the fuck I'm not gonna freeze this winter, I'm literally never warm and I live in an area that can get down to like –30°F so. yeah. fuck me I'm so tired of this shit but I feel like starving has been my purpose in life for so long that idk who or where i'll be without it.

[bma-2020]

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

[byvnbaek]

cue el being soft! i know i’m on hiatus (i’m in the middle of a project rn ya know how it be) but i just wanna take a second to show some appreciation for this rp as a whole and some special people! i’ve had a HISTORY here, originally joining as shailene, coming back as dacre then switching to kj, nick robinson and my love baekhyun here (i wont list everyone its a LONG LIST lol). with every person i’ve gotten the chance to play, the entire rp has been nothing but welcoming to me as an rper wanting to try new fcs as with my characters! especially with those who are k-idols. i was always originally hesitant because ya know, not a lot of people know who they are so i was worried they wouldn’t be well received, but you guys have shown them so much love and respect -- it makes me so happy to be playing some k-idols here! ANYWAYS. i love everyone here for being so supportive of each other and always being there when someone needs it, you guys don’t know how amazing that is to see somewhere, especially in a giant group like this.

now i just wanna thank some special people individually~

@jcmesrodrigucz​ -- BRUV, i consider you one of my best friends at this point, we’ve been through a lot of stuff together and i think that’s just made us grow closer as friends. i’m glad i’ve got someone like you to always joke around with, rant about stuff with and do all these dumb things with. you’re one of the funniest people i’ve ever met (it’s been SO LONG TOO, it makes my head hurt thinking about how long we’ve known one another). you’re an amazing person to rp with and it’s so fun getting to have our characters mess around and do tons of dumb things. but i always look forward to seeing your messages on discord bc they always manage to make me laugh even though i’ve had a shitty day. so thanks for being a true pal and the best person i get to interact with, LOVE YOU BRUVVV.

@chanveollie​ -- vic! it’s almost been a year since we started plotting chanbaek and talking, can you believe?? i love being able to write this ship with you from us just going off about their irl interactions to all these headcanons we think of and talking about, and write all the other things we’ve plotted out on our characters. it’s so fun rping all these different dynamics too bc none of them are ever the same?? i’ve now officially deemed you as my wifey and i’m just really happy i met you! thanks for being an amazing ship partner who i can cry about angst with to just someone who’s nice to always talk to in general. ilyyyyy.

@tcemint​ -- YOU ANGEL, i can’t tell you how happy i was whenever i saw you joined as taemin bc that’s literally one of my favorite people in the kpop industry and i was lowkey geeking out. but you’re such a kind, sweethearted person and i’m so happy you’re always there to reach out to on any of your characters and we have such amazing dynamics with taemin/baek, then luwoo -- which is suddenly becoming one of my favorite friendships to rp ever, so thank you for being so open to doing things with any of my characters! thank you for being you!

@brendonisms​ -- i just wanna say thank you for always being up for connections and things with my characters! you’re such a fun person to get to interact with and i love the new found friendship we’ve got on lucas/brendon bc i really thought it was gonna be hard to find people for him to connect with outside of who he works with but him and brendon have such a cool dynamic?? i can’t tell you how much i’m loving this friendship that’s growing between the two of them. i love getting to rp that out with you! 

[taimuman]

Instead of writing replies I’m gonna write character notes lmao

Fire Man: Disposes of deceased robot masters and handles their paperwork. It’s pretty morbid. Sans for the robots built for strength, he’s one of the stronger and more durable industrial robot masters. Actually runs and is in charge of the incineration plant he works in. He got a promotion; he initially started as a super worker and became the lead supervisor. He does not own it. Could possibly burn everything due to the fact that he can set his flames to be as hot as the sun for whatever reason, but he’s not gonna let himself do that.

Time Man: Built explicitly to manipulate time itself. He may or may not be able to time travel at this point. Clock hands were not a weapon he initially a weapon he had, and even now they’re still poorly implemented. His only survivability comes from his time manipulation and his absurdly precise timing. Incredibly nonchalant regarding his own mortality, and is more concerned with the lives of others than his own. Seems to have no sense of self-preservation, so others have to watch out for him. Despite this, he is kind of afraid of the Mega Man Killers, sans Punk. Time 

Flash Man: Due to being based off of Time Man, his weapon is the Time Stopper, and his actual weapon isn’t particularly advanced. Has much better aim than he does in the game. Nearly defeated Mega Man. Had Quick Man not intervened, Mega Man would have lost in MM2. Honestly extremely tricky to defeat due to being stupidly OP with the Time Stopper. Despite his gun being built for speed over power, he himself is incredibly durable and strong at the cost of speed. He only appears to be quick due to the Time Stopper. A true leader by heart, whether it’s being head of a family or leading an entire army. Unfortunately, the former keeps taking a backseat due to Dr. Wily’s army constantly growing.

Mikhail Cossack: The ultimate dad, apparently. A pessimist, but he does try to restrain his pessimism when it comes to his own family, as he doesn’t want to have a bad impact on them. His wife is still dead, and her death made things a lot worse for him. He holds himself together for his family, but there are times he weeps in private for his late wife. A smoker since his pre-teens. He managed to quit for his wife, but he started smoking again as though he never quit when his wife died. He uses e-cigs so that his family doesn’t have to deal with the smell and so the impact on his health is far less, but he is somewhat dependent on them. He puts his family before his career, and that has held him back a fair amount. He has no reservations about this decision.

Napalm Man: Has perhaps some of the most destructive potential out of a lot of robot masters. He carries a variety of weapons, including literal tactical nukes. He is built to be like a tank, and thus is nearly indestructible. He really isn’t someone to mess with. The fact that he personally prefers not to fight and would rather talk things out is almost a safety precaution. The only thing not making it such is the fact that it’s unintentional; it’s in his IC chip, not programmed into him by Dr. Wily. The Patriot Bomber has since been modified from a race vehicle to a military vehicle. It’s as dangerous as he is and you really don’t want to be in its way. He is the only one who can pilot it. He won the Grand Prix, and his weapons museum still runs to this day. It brings in more money than canon lets it, though his siblings have to run it in his stead. He will never, ever give Quick Man or anyone else a race rematch. He not only no longer has the proper vehicle to do so, but he has a feeling he wouldn’t win. He isn’t quite sure how he won in the first place.

Centaur Woman: Similar to Flash Man, she’s a little OP due to her basically being given a copy of the Time Stopper. It’s less effective than Flash Man’s weapon, however, and she isn’t fully sure what she’s doing with it. Her actual weapon is a bow and arrow that she can fire nearly at the speed of a gun. It sacrifices some speed for more accuracy. She does have an interest in poetry, I just need to actually look into some myself. Philosophy too. Known for her efforts to rescue humans from natural disasters. The woman is incredibly busy let me put it to you that way.

Concrete Man: Loud, boisterous, and incredibly energetic. To him, life is a party that never stops. He can be serious, but only on rare occasions does he bother to. Things get incredibly ugly when he’s angry. Like. Crushing human skulls angry. Nearly killing Dr. Wily for taking advantage of him and his line angry. Don’t do it.

Shade Man: Being the sole survivor (well, one of only two survivors) of his entire social circle has left him more scarred than he lets on. Everyone he knew, including himself, was deemed useless and unwanted, and, sans for himself and Mary, was exterminated. This left him with a deep hatred of humanity as a whole, but not on an individual level. He has no interest in going back to a system that called for his death, and he willingly serves Dr. Wily, as he believes that despite the man’s incompetence, he’d build a world that wouldn’t scrap him and his friends if they hit some arbitrary expiration date. He is also scarred by the fact that his purpose was also coldly ripped away from him. During his time at the amusement park, he was more awkward and dorky, with a mild case of workaholism. He was a loser who loved kids and loved entertaining people. After the loss of everyone and everything he ever knew, he was a broken individual left with nothing, and he didn’t know what to do with himself. Somehow either he was found by Dr. Wily or he found Dr. Wily, and he very awkwardly joined the army willingly. Piecing himself back together was an excruciating task, despite how charismatic and trickster-like he seems now. In fact, most of his tragedy is kept under lock and key. This got really angsty and I cannot fully convey what is going on rn. Shade Man’s weapon cannot be truly copied due to the fact that it’s a hardware malfunction and not an actual, proper weapon. All Mega Man gets is data from the original weapon, and even then it is incomplete and non-functional. Truly, deeply cares for Mary, but is completely at odds with her due to the fact that he sees her as continuing to be part of a system that will kill them. He doesn’t blame her for it in the same sense that he doesn’t see every robot master as participating in their own slavery. He just doesn’t agree with the idea of fixing the system so much as destroying it.

Piano: The sister to Forte and counterpart to Roll that should have been. Where Forte is “he who hesitates is lost,” Piano is “think first, then act.” In some situations, Forte is right. In some situations, Piano is right. Needs development in terms of her capabilities, but she’s combat support, and not meant for direct combat. She’s intelligent and carries devices to help her achieve certain goals. I should really do more with her.

Stone Man: Dr. Wily really has no idea what the hell he did when creating Stone Man, and honestly, even Flash Man has no idea what happened. Stone is an anomaly that cannot be replicated at the moment. Stone Man is borderline unkillable. Even if his body were completely destroyed, IC chip included, he could simply move onto another body. He isn’t sure how this works either. A really, really bad fighter, unless pressed. And even then. He hates fighting more than Napalm Man does and he’d really rather just be left to his construction work. Loves cinema. Like. A lot. A lot of his free time is spent watching movies, tv shows, cartoons, or reading books or comics. He does exercise in his free time. Has a slight anxiety disorder. Most of the time it manifests in him standing awkwardly in the corner while everyone else has fun, or him just being really quiet.

Punk: A rebel by nature. If she hasn’t defected from Dr. Wily by now, it’s probably because living under human rule is worse than dealing with Dr. Wily. Flash is also not too bad. Not to mention she does care about her stupid, stupid linemates, and someone’s gotta look out for them. Pretty friendly. Does regret what she did to Time Man, and she did apologize to him. Didn’t want Time Man to be killed and did try to stick up for him. Enker had no mercy and Ballade didn’t like leaving a fight unfinished.

Tina McIntyre: Loves space and all that it encompasses. If she could go exploring, she would. She’s undeveloped rn sorry.

Josephine: Also pretty undeveloped. Taciturn and awkward. She isn’t fully sure what to make of the world around her, as she’s only now fully gaining sentiency. Isn’t quite sure how to express emotion, but she feels it.” I think.

Turbo Man: Lives to make others and himself happy. A smile on the faces of others brings him great joy. Particularly protective of Nitro, as she deals with a lot in her career, and he wants to give her a break. I may just add him as having been a contestant in the Grand Prix. Dunno yet.

Jewel Woman: “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend” is her favorite song, and while she tries not to be repetitive, it’s not unheard of for her to sing it at karaoke night. She also uses the phrase every now and again. Has a love of jewelry and is extremely knowledgeable about them. She has her own stash okay. Her specialty is cutting gems, particularly diamonds, not mining them. Really. Really feminine. I have yet to develop her response to the whole MM9 incident, but she’s likely not particularly happy with her company and either quit and went somewhere else, or is going to quit and go somewhere else. She refuses to stay at a place that deemed her useless and sent her to be scrapped.

[droewyn]

Give Me a Reason (2/9)

<Part 1>

December 2012

Makkachin was panting with happiness and exertion, although she waited patiently for Victor to remove the leash and towel the remaining snow off her legs before bounding into the flat and making a beeline for the water bowl.  Victor smiled fondly as the poodle attacked the water, lapping at it with the same enthusiasm she had for everything else in her world.

He wasted no time in hanging up his coat and kicking off his boots into the drying tray by the door, knowing that he had a bare few minutes before Makka started whining for dinner.  Victor’s own meals during the competition season tended to be pre-packaged, perfectly balanced things that went from the freezer to the microwave to his stomach without concerning themselves with such trifles as flavor or texture along the way, but princesses were never meant to live like that.

“Tonight’s supper is rabbit florentine,” he informed her with the air of a maître d’ reciting the day’s specials.  Makka wagged her tail and looked fascinated.  The spinach wasn’t actually fresh, but had been run through a juicer, along with a few other vegetables that provided necessary vitamins for an older dog’s digestive health.  It looked like swamp muck, but then so did Victor’s protein shakes, so he supposed he couldn’t judge the stuff too harshly.  He spooned two large dollops into her bowl, noting that he’d need to make another batch soon.

The rabbit was just that; half a rabbit, raw, cut into chunks with the bones intact.  Then came a series of supplement powders, some from the vitamin cupboard and some from the fridge, containing live cultures of healthy bacteria that needed the cold to keep them alive.  A raw egg was next, and then the entire thing was crowned with a generous drizzle of fish oil for omega-3s and coat shine.

After a quick toss to ensure that everything was evenly coated with egg, oil, and vitamin powder, Victor set the bowl on the floor.  Makkachin pounced on it almost before he could get his hands out of the way, and the kitchen was filled with the sounds of happy whines and crunching.

Ten minutes later, the bowl was licked clean of even the tiniest scrap of oil, and Victor’s own dinner had been nuked and consumed.  He assumed it had been chicken, being far too rubbery for fish.

Cleanup was quick, and Makka knew Victor’s routine well.  She was already on the couch by the time the plastic meal tray had been disposed of, and dog dish and flatware filed away into the dishwasher.  Victor curled up next to her on the sofa, burying his fingers in the warmth of her fur, closed his eyes, and allowed himself to just be for the first time that day.

Several long moments later, he reached for his laptop.

* Joined channel #therapycouchfort

* Topic is ‘Remember to get secret santa gifts in the mail no later than FRIDAY for domestic shipping’

* Set by SockPuppet on Dec 10 7:27:41 2012      

mercyslovechild: and emmett knew which is y he left evrything to jerrica

lukewarm_mess: okay, but what about shana and aja?

mercyslovechild: dude hated one kid for not being his so much he didnt evn mention her in his will u think he cares abt fosters

KingElsa: Evening, everyone!

Small_Monster: hey king

iamworthy: *wave*

lukewarm_mess: king, tell mercy that kimber benton did not kill her own father

mercyslovechild: eric raymond is kimbers father hate to break it to u like dis luke

mercyslovechild: also hi king

KingElsa: … I’m sorry.  What are we talking about?

mercyslovechild: jem

KingElsa: ?

lukewarm_mess: and the holograms?

KingElsa: ???

lukewarm_mess: gasp.gif

lukewarm_mess: go

lukewarm_mess: netflix it

lukewarm_mess: right now we’ll wait

mercyslovechild: not the movie tho the cartoon

lukewarm_mess: oh, right.  good call that movie was garbage

Small_Monster: It was good when it was called Josie and the Pussycats

He tabbed over to Google and did a quick search.  The resulting wiki page was… very pink.  Secret identity pop stars who traveled the world and had unlikely adventures?  It looked ridiculous, but in a fun way.

KingElsa: Maybe later.  Thanks for the tip, though!

KingElsa: More importantly, what are you doing here, Mess?  You’re never on at this time of day during the week.

lukewarm_mess: grr

lukewarm_mess: i sprained my ankle

lukewarm_mess: so i’m not allowed to work for at least a week, longer if the PT doesn’t clear me right away

iamworthy: Sounds like your work is physically intensive?

lukewarm_mess: yeah

lukewarm_mess: we’re in the middle of our busy season too

KingElsa: Things should lighten up after the holidays, though, right?

lukewarm_mess: not in my industry

KingElsa: What do you do?

Small_Monster: he works for the CIA

KingElsa: What, really?!  O.O

lukewarm_mess: NO

lukewarm_mess: sorry i

lukewarm_mess: just don’t feel comfortable giving out personal details like that

Small_Monster: you know it’s not like anyone can track you down if you tell us you work in sales or IT or smthing

KingElsa: It’s okay, Mess.  I shouldn’t have asked.

SockPuppet: Yellow card, Monster.  5 yard penalty for unnecessary roughness.  Do it again and get a 1 day temp ban.

lukewarm_mess: nono it’s fine to ask anything, just respect when i can’t answer

Small_Monster: sry my bad

lukewarm_mess: np monster

KingElsa: Of course!

KingElsa: At least it sounds like your boss cares about your welfare, though?

lukewarm_mess: oh yeah

lukewarm_mess: i have the best boss

lukewarm_mess: i just usually dance out stress

lukewarm_mess: and i obvs can’t do that either rn

KingElsa: G A S P

lukewarm_mess: so i’m stuck sitting around feeling sorry for myself

KingElsa: You dance?

KingElsa: Formally? What discipline?

Was it wrong to try to imagine someone when you had no physical reference for them at all?  Victor knew that the other user identified as male and attended college somewhere in the States, but that was pretty much it.  And now he knew that Mess danced.  Maybe he was a redhead, small and lithe, with pale, freckle-dusted shoulders and cornflower eyes.  Or a blond, perhaps; tanned and powerful but with a sweet, sweet smile.  African-American, with long lashes framing shy eyes in a brown face?

I am definitely going to internet chatroom hell, Victor thought, and wondered what color that card was.

mercyslovechild: ths is relevnt to my intrests as well

lukewarm_mess: (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)

iamworthy: Please say morris

lukewarm_mess: haha, only the one time

lukewarm_mess: yes we were drunk, no there is no surviving evidence

iamworthy: Well obvs, if you’re not completely pissed you’re doing morris dancing wrong

lukewarm_mess: i stole p’s phone and made sure of it

SockPuppet: Are you okay with this, mess?  Say the word and I’ll hand out more warnings.

lukewarm_mess: its fine i’m fine

lukewarm_mess: ballet since i was three

mercyslovechild: BALLERINA MESS <3 <3 <3

lukewarm_mess: ballroom, jazz, latin, freestyle, swing

iamworthy: It’s danseur for boys

KingElsa: WOW!  AMAZING! *swoon*

iamworthy: *is super impressed*

lukewarm_mess: some other stuff too

lukewarm_mess: dance is one of my majors so

Small_Monster: do u dance professionally

Small_Monster: ?

SockPuppet: Careful.

lukewarm_mess: no, and i really don’t intend to

lukewarm_mess: my dancing is just for me

Small_Monster: so whats your other major then

lukewarm_mess: moving makes me happy

* Small_Monster Quit (Quit: Kicked by SockPuppet)

lukewarm_mess: anyway that’s why i’m so off balance now

lukewarm_mess: i can’t do what i normally do to clear my head

SockPuppet: *points two fingers at her eyes and one finger at y’all*

SockPuppet: *except mess because mess never does anything wrong*

mercyslovechild: mods pet

mercyslovechild: jk ilu

KingElsa: Is there anything I can do to help, Mess?

KingElsa: I mean, you’re home alone, right?  Your roommate is at work?

lukewarm_mess: not really but thx

lukewarm_mess: yeah but it’s not like

lukewarm_mess: i’m not a danger or anything ┐(‘ ～ ` )┌

lukewarm_mess: just crabby and bored

KingElsa: I just wish you didn’t have to be alone ; ;

lukewarm_mess: …

lukewarm_mess: …

lukewarm_mess: watch jem with me?

lukewarm_mess: i mean, if you’re not busy or anything

KingElsa: !!  Mess is a genius!

KingElsa: Wait, how would that work?

iamworthy: Probably go set up your own temporary channel, lock it with a password if you don’t want trolls bots or randos, and coordinate netflix so you start at the same time

mercyslovechild: can i join

mercyslovechild: or is it like a date thing

KingElsa: Of course!  The more the merrier o~

lukewarm_mess: if you behave

lukewarm_mess: no crackpot conspiracy theories interrupting my musical adventuromance

mercyslovechild: how about I keep it to the credits

lukewarm_mess: …fine

KingElsa: Great!  I’ll go set things up.  And make some popcorn!  Meet back in 15?

mercyslovechild: k

lukewarm_mess: sounds good

lukewarm_mess: king?

KingElsa: Mess?

lukewarm_mess: thanks

KingElsa: Any time, Mess.  <3

<Part 3>

[ioncewroteadream]

Beat of My Heart, Rhythm of My Soul

In which Isak is a rapper, Even directs, and two boys fall in love. 

Isak doesn’t know how it’s gotten to this. How he’s gone from just a boy in high school, messing around with his friends and freestyling here and there to this. A nineteen-year-old something in a meeting with a bunch of men in suits, discussing things like albums and PR and security detail. He looks over to Jonas and can’t help but give him an incredulous look of how the fuck and what the fuck. It’s completely surreal. Of course he knows how it happened. It was a lot of fun and work and fighting. Maybe he’s just wondering why it’s happening. Why them? Whatever the reason, he’s so grateful.

“So for the music videos, I was thinking we bring on Even to direct. He’s not a professional or anything, but the stuff he puts out is incredible and I really think his work really fits in with our aesthetic. I sent Christian some links the other day.” Magnus looks directly at their manager with a bright smile, who in turn glances around at the other men uncomfortably.

“Well, he’s certainly good. But we’re not too sure about working with someone so green. He has no representation or credibility in the industry. Really, I think you’d be better off with one of our guys. I can send you all some examples of things they’ve done - “

“If Magnus says he’s good then we’re going to use him.” Mahdi cuts in. Trust Mahdi to stop the bullshit. The boys have been relying on Magnus with their visuals from the beginning of this whole thing. Surprisingly, he’s incredibly skilled when it comes to cinematography. Isak nods along, because he trusts his boys. The older man gives a resigned sigh.

“Alright, if you insist. I’ll see what I can do, but in the meantime, take a look at our guys. I think that’s it for today. If all is good, I’ll be seeing you boys in a week or so just before the shoot. I might check in on the next recording too, but Finn should have that covered regardless.” Isak isn’t sure if he likes how Magnus was brushed off a little, but just shakes hands with them and lets himself be ushered out.

“So, uh, gutta, I’ve never actually seen this Even guy’s stuff before.” Magnus scoffs loudly next to his ear.

“Do you ever check the group chat? I’ve been talking about him for weeks.”

“Nah, he’s been holed up in the studio with Finn. Writing. You know, like actually doing his job. Instead of jacking off to some random YouTube director.” Jonas is an angel and Isak thanks whatever higher power that brought them together, daily. “Besides, this is exactly what I was talking about when they first wanted to sign us. First they take away our creative control, and then we’re singing fucking pop songs about love and brainwashing the youth. We’re being played right into their corporate game.”

“Oh fuck off, you weren’t complaining when their corporate money saved our asses from getting evicted.” They push each other, and it’s not malicious at all. Jonas goes on these tirades at least twice a week and Magnus always argues back. Mahdi hangs back and smirks at Isak and gets a small close lipped grin. Isak shakes his head still smiling, watching the other two play-fight ahead of them.

“You really should check his videos out, though. Mags is right. The guy is good at his shit. And, I know you’re busy or whatever. They’re putting a lot of pressure on you. But, uh, hang out with us sometimes, kay? We forget what your ugly ass looks like” Isak smacks the back of Mahdi’s head and lets out a laugh at the boy’s face.

“I’ll have you know that my ugly ass can still get more girls than you and I’m not even into that shit.” He makes a mental note to actually chill with the boys more often.

---

Magnus: www.youtube.com/user/evenbn Bc u aren’t a good frnd and im a gr8 1 Mahdi: holy shit why can’t you type like a normal person? Jonas: haha You suck a ttping *at typing Magnus: dnt bully me and u cant type either Isak: Thx for the link. With Finn rn but I’ll check it out later. Magnus: does Isak have a thing w Finn????? Hes always w him. Jonas: Finn is married. To a woman. And he’s 40. Mahdi: so close to kicking you out of the group

---

Writing is exhausting. Physically and mentally. Every song Isak has ever written is an extension of himself. The words he can’t say and doesn’t know how to say all out there on paper, waiting for a melody to carry it out to people who pretend to understand what he feels. His inability to vocalize his thoughts seem to disappear when he’s rapping, though. He’s an entirely different person when he’s rapping. He’s confident and strong and willing to express himself in ways that the real Isak has no clue how to.

It was his rap persona that gave him the confidence to come out to his friends. He wrote the song and recorded it by himself on his shitty laptop. Played it for them three months after it was finished. It took a long time for him to release the track. To be comfortable with himself, despite how easily everyone else seemed to accept it. But then he did it, and it propelled them further than they ever thought they could go. Suddenly everyone knew them and their songs were everywhere. The radio, in stores. Random people would stop them for selfies. And then there was the record deal. An actual company wanted them. These four boys who made music on the weekends, fucking around in their basements.

Isak lay back on his bed, staring up the ceiling, willing the loneliness that he sometimes feels to just go away. He’s becoming more and more successful, and relationships are becoming more and more fake. Sighing, he opens his phone, and deletes the numbers of people just trying to get another zero on their follower count. No need for people like that in his life. Then he finally opens the link Magnus sends him. There are about twenty videos, all of them titled strange hipster things. He can’t decide which one to watch so he taps on the first one.

---

Isak: nobody told me he was a fucking genius. Magnus: THAT’S EHAT IVE BEEN SAYING BOI LIKE I CREI EVERTIM Jonas: Ikr dude’s like a prodigy or something. I was talking to him back at Karl’s party. Graduated from Bakka, doing media studies at UiO. Top of his class and everything. Isak: wait are you guys friends? How come I haven’t met him? Mahdi: you would if you came out to parties with us Isak: your tone seems very pointed right now. Mahdi: :P Jonas: well you’re going to have to meet him when we do the shoot. He’s going to Stockholm for an award thing Magnus: try not to get too gay for him. He’s rlly hot and I heard he had a gf so Jonas: MAGNUS WTF Mahdi: MAGS U CANT SAY THAT no fucking tact with this guy Isak: that’s ok I’ll try to keep my gay on the dl if Mags does too. Sounds like the poor boy has a crush <3 Jonas: fucking savage dude Magnus: NOT GAY Not that it’s a bad thing. But im not. Mahdi: whatever you say man

Isak is too tired for this shit and would like to sleep thank you very much. So he definitely does not stay up watching every video on Even’s channel until he falls asleep.

---

even_bn: Hey Isak from Opprør, right? isakyaki: hi. yeah I’m Isak even_bn: Awesome. I’m a big fan :) isakyaki: same I mean, I saw ur stuff. Really good. even_bn: Really good? Be still my beating heart. What a compliment ;) isakyaki: I really really like it. Happy? even_bn: Very

---

The first day of the shoot finds Isak nervously pacing in an empty room he found. He’s not nervous, it’s just that he spent the entire week watching and re-watching everything Even posted. Instagram posts, tweets, interviews. Everything. They talked a lot too. Random posts sent over dms. Every time he got a notification, his heart would jump, every message eliciting the tiniest of fond smiles. And Magnus was right. Even is hot. And beautiful. He’s open and happy and Isak just really wants to know what his lips feel like.

So, no, he’s not nervous. He’s just…fuck it, he’s nervous.

“Isak, Christian’s got the director in the 7th floor meeting room, they want you there.” Isak nods and follows the woman out to the elevators. He’s got this. He can do this without royally fucking up. It’s just a guy. He can do this. Except he can’t and he’s ready to turn back when the rest of the boys round the corner, greeting him with shouts of his name. The door next to him opens and Christian pats his shoulder.

“Come in. We were just talking about some backup locations.” Isak looks into the room, and his breath stops for a second. Even is really tall. Like taller than Isak tall. And Isak is not short. At all. The second thing he notices is just how bright that smile is. It’s almost blinding, and Isak wonders if he just hands out smiles like that as if it were nothing.

“Halla boys. Good seeing you again. And it’s really good to finally meet you in person, Isak.” All at once he’s staring into the sun and Isak loses his words. Thankfully Even doesn’t seem to notice and shakes his hand, smiling down at him. Even looks up at the rest of the guys, not letting go of Isak’s hand, ignoring Isak’s beet red face.

“Thanks for bringing me on. It’s going to be fucking awesome.” With that he lets go and Isak can breathe again. The room gets a little dimmer when Even walks away, but Isak has space to think and what he doesn’t think about is the looks the boys are sending his way.

“So, I think we’re going with the darker approach for this particular song. I’ve got an image of what I want, but, it’s your song, so feel free to ask to change things or tell me if you’re uncomfortable. I want to make this something we’re all proud of.” They all head to wardrobe, animatedly talking about the shoot ahead.

---

“That’s a wrap on everyone, but Isak. Great work guys.” Even beckons him closer and Isak most certainly does not eagerly run up to him. It’s more of a smooth, quick saunter. Yep.

“Hei.” Even nods, trapping his tongue between his teeth for a moment. Isak is transfixed.

“We’ve just got a few close ups left and you should be good to go.” The way Even looks into Isak’s eyes burns him a little and Isak can’t hold the man’s gaze for very long. “But, uh, you seemed kind of out of it. Is everything ok? Or did you want to change things?”

“No, no. It’s just some stuff. I actually love what you’re doing with the video. You already know I like your movies.” Even’s impossibly close and the way he angles his head down makes Isak want things.

“I’m glad.”

“Even, there’s a bit of a technical issue. We’re going to need a couple hours to get back on track.” They both jump apart, forgetting that there were, in fact, other people around them.

“Shit. Ok. Everyone who doesn’t need to be here can go get lunch or just chill until we can get started again.” His hand finds Isak’s elbow. “Wanna grab lunch with me, then?” Even is a confident man. He doesn’t even wait for Isak’s answer, just walk away and expects Isak to follow. And, yeah. He does.

---

“So the song, Frelser. It’s really intense.” They’re sitting in a small café, and Isak is about to take a bite of the most perfect sandwich he’s ever seen. Deciding that not grossing Even out is probably better than talking through a mouth full of food, he puts it back down and opts for a quick sip of his tea instead.

“Yeah. It’s about my mom and like dealing with the shit life does to you. Saving yourself because no one else will. Pretty personal.” Even, apparently is not as considerate as Isak and continues to talk with bits of chewed bread falling back onto his plate. Isak shouldn’t think it makes him even more attractive, because it’s actually really gross. And on anyone else, he’d be repulsed. But everything about Even is kind of endearing. Isak has had enough gay experience to know when someone’s interested, and he’s almost certain that Even is interested. So he excuses it, because here’s a gorgeous boy who doesn’t seem to care that he’s sort of famous, and he’s interested.

“That’s tough. Like, that one line about angels being demons with better stories? Had me all kinds of fucked up.” Isak chuckles darkly. Because it was tough. He briefly remembers plates smashing against the wall behind his head. Bible verses shouted at the top of her lungs. He remembers his head being forced down into a full bathtub and his father coming home almost too late. It was fucking tough.

“It was tough. My mom. She, uh, she’s schizophrenic. Didn’t want to get help. And my dad left, so I had to deal. Fucking sucked, being 16 and having to be the parent all the time. But she’s my mom. I love her even if she’s insane.” Isak’s eyes widen in horror, because he certainly wasn’t planning on telling Even about his tragic past. He just has to scare off the one guy who actually seemed to like Isak for who he is. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to put that on you.”

Even’s hand covers Isak, but he doesn’t look up from his plate. “I’m the one who asked. You have nothing to apologize for.” Isak kind of just wants to kiss him because who the hell responds like that? “Insane,” Even mumbles more to himself than Isak. Suddenly, both of their phones go off.

“That’s us then.” Isak has to try really hard not to reach out to hold his hand on the way back.

---

even_bn: Romeo + Juliet isakyaki: what? even_bn: my favorite movie. I forgot to tell you. You know, when I teaching you what good movies are. isakyaki: oh my god. I can’t talk to you anymore. Romeo and Juliet. Fucking chick flick even_bn: I think you mean cinematic masterpiece. Don’t be so mean. Baz wouldn’t treat me like this. isakyaki: Baz? even_bn: Baz? Baz Lurhmann? Greatest director of our time? I don’t think we can do this anymore if you don’t even know this much. isakyaki: yeah well you can go talk to Baz if I’m so bad at it Pretentious fucker;) even_bn: ;)

---

Magnus: so I heard smth from an intern. Isak? Its about u Mahdi: if you’re going to gossip, you better provide. Jonas: yeah, don’t tease us. Magnus: Our lovely little Isak was wth EBN at a café. There are pics. All over twitter. I didnt no he was gay too. Thot he had a gf? Jonas: ppl can like girls AND boys dickwad Mahdi: honestly idk why we even put up with you Magnus: lol u luv me Isak: gf? Jonas: pretty sure he’s single. Don’t worry, man. You like him though? Isak: it was just lunch. Something happened with the cameras so we had free time. Mahdi: still didn’t answer the question Magnus: dude get it Isak: … Magnus: <3 Isak: you’re so gay

---

Isak isn’t avoiding him. Really. He isn’t. He’s just extremely busy. He’s trying new things on the studio and it’s really eating up his social life. So when his phone starts blowing up with notifications from Even, he’s feels a little guilty. He can’t just send him a funny post and go back to how things were, because now he’s certain that he’s feeling things and he doesn’t know if he can trust himself not to fuck up.

His phone buzzes again on his chest and he’s tempted to ignore it, except he’s actually expecting a call.

“It’s Isak.”

“Halla to you too.” There’s a laugh in the deep voice that Isak was not expecting to hear.

“Even?”

“You remember me? Today must be my lucky day.”

“I don’t think I gave you my number.”

“Oh. Yeah. I hope you don’t mind, I asked Jonas for it. I can, like, delete it if me having it makes you uncomfortable. We can go back to dms on Instagram, if you want.” Isak’s pretty sure he’s falling for him. How is he even real?

“Nei!” Definitely does not shout into the phone. Nope. “I mean. I just didn’t know you wanted to talk to me.”

“Oi, don’t give me that. You basically ghosted me. I’m very sad, Isak.” God, his name never sounded better.

“I was busy in the studio. Besides, shouldn’t you be, like, editing or something? You go to school.”

“I’m pretty sure ignoring me after a date is the definition of ghosting. And, ugh, don’t even talk to me about school. I’m so done. Just hire me as your fulltime music video director. Let me mooch off of you.” He can’t help the giggles that bubble out of him.

“What happened to the film prodigy the guys told me about? You sound like a lost cause. But, I’m nothing if not kind, so I guess we can bring you on for now.” And then it hits him. “Wait, date? It was a date?”

“Well yeah. What did you think it was?” There’s a tingling sensation in his fingertips and his stomach rolls pleasantly. A date.

“I don’t know. A friendly lunch?”

“Isak, herregod, the entire internet could see it was a date. Did you really think I want friendly lunches? Was I not clear enough? You’re so cute. What the fuck.” Isak isn’t sure how to respond. Even’s breathing heavy from the other side and holy shit they’re having this conversation.

“Um,” he coughs. And sniffs. He can’t help that his throat’s gone dry. “I think you are too. Cute, I mean.”

“So, you wanna go out again? On a date. Preferably as soon as we can.” Isak almost forgets everything that was stressing him out earlier. He’s giddy like a little girl right now and can’t find it in him to hide it.

“Tomorrow? A less friendly lunch?”

“Maybe a little friendly? I’m not exactly ready to brawl with you, you know.”

“Oh my god, bye Even.” If Isak smiles at his ceiling all night, no one has to know.

---

The next day started with a bang. Literally.

“OH MY GOD ISAK WHAT THE FUCK!” With a speed he didn’t know he possessed, Isak scrambled out into the hall to see what happened. He looked around, but nothing was out of the ordinary. Confused, he wandered into the kitchen. Shattered glass covered the floor, but none of it seemed to bother the maniacally grinning Eskild, furiously typing on his phone.

“Eskild, it’s literally 7 in the morning, what is wrong with you?” He hopes Eskild can hear just how grumpy he is.

“My dear Isak. My little gay baby Jesus. How could you not tell me about your new boyfriend?” Boyfriend? What the fuck?

“Eskild, I have no idea what you’re talking – “

“Save it. My sweet gay rap god has a hot boyfriend, and he hasn’t even told me? Why would you keep this a secret from your guru?” Eskild probably gets off on how many times a day he can make Isak squirm. That has to be it.

“Eskild I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Then what is this?” He pushes his phone in Isak’s face. It takes him a moment for his to adjust to the harsh light from the screen. It was a picture of them eating the day of the shoot. Isak is almost embarrassed at how smitten he looks.

“He directed the music video. It was just lunch.” He does his best to keep his voice even.

“Ok. Just lunch. Go back to bed, smelly baby.” Isak rolls his eyes and starts to make himself a cup of coffee, narrowly avoiding a particularly jagged shard of glass. He’s thankful that Eskild knows when to stop pushing. Most of the time.

“But, um. We sort of have a thing? Like. I mean, we’re going on a date tonight.” Isak owes Eskild a lot, so if telling him makes him happy, then Isak gladly does it. Eskild’s eyes shine with something Isak can’t really decipher, and he’s pulled into a bear hug.

“You have no idea how good it feels to hear you say that. Especially after Nasir. I’m so proud of you.” There’s a lump in Isak’s throat as he tightens his arms around the older male. He remembers how bad his first breakup was. And how loving his roommate was while his whole world was crashing down. Eskild was Isak’s family, and there's nothing he wouldn’t do for him.

“Now,” Eskild forces them apart to take a look at Isak. “What are we going to do with this mess? It takes time to create a masterpiece, my little diamond in the rough.” They laugh at each other, ignoring the tears that liberally stream down their faces.

“Shut up, I’m not that bad.”

---

“Are you…is that mascara?” Isak ducks behind his menu. “Oh my god, it is! You got all done up for me. You’re so cute, Isak.”

“Ugh, my roommate wouldn’t let me leave if I didn’t let him get me ready.”

“You’ll have to thank them for me. It’s really hot.” Even leans in, voice silky, sultry, and low.

“Bet you’d look even hotter with eyeliner.” Isak can’t help his surprised sputter, and ends up choking on his saliva. Even throws his head back in laughter.

“Kill me now. Please.” He’s only sort of serious. The sight of Even being so open and beautiful strikes Isak, and not for the first time, he wonders what he did to deserve the attention of this man. This gorgeous man, that Isak is sure he’s falling for.

He hasn’t let himself feel so deeply for someone since he was his ex. Nasir. He used to be unable to even think his name, but he’s grown up a lot since then. They had it rough, two boys deep in the closet, weighed down by the expectations of their families. The way they ended, pulled apart and beaten when Nasir’s brother walked in on them, it was soul crushing. But now, as he’s sitting at the table, openly flirting and laughing with Even, Isak thinks he can allow himself this.

“So, why rap?”

“It was just a hobby that took off. Jonas was always good at music. And I can’t sing for shit.” Even does that thing where his eyes disappear and his smile takes up his entire face. Isak’s heart stutters and he grins shyly back. “Why directing, then?”

It takes Even a moment, but he answers more seriously than their conversation has been. “I think... that life is like a movie. And that you can be the director of your own life. But life also kind of happens and you can’t always be in control. I like control. Directing gives me that. And I can’t act for shit.” Isak reaches out to pat Even’s hand but allows Even catch his fingers.

“Wanna get out of here?”

“I thought you’d never fucking ask.”

---

Isak: is it possible to miss someone, even if you’ve spent all day with them? Even: are you saying you miss me? I miss you too. Isak: no I was talking about the other guy I’m seeing. Even: ok but I still miss you. Isak: me too. Btw I was only kidding. I’m only seeing you. Even: good. I want you all to myself. Isak: … can you come over. Even: now? Isak: home alone. Even: be there in 15

---

Isak watches Even get out of a taxi from his window and books it to the door. He throws it open before Even’s even touched the doorbell. They stand there for a moment, chests heaving slightly, eyes wild with want.

Then, the silence snaps and their ears are ringing and they’re all over each other. Hands reaching for anything, everything. Desperate. Isak lets Even take control of their kiss, allowing the older man to devour him. Clothes fly off and Isak laments for a second, because he knows he’s not going to pick any of it up until well after his roommates come back. But he can’t find it in himself to care and pulls Even into his room.

He’s kissing up Even’s neck, tearing the layers off him. He touches Even like he’s starving. And in a way, he is. The man lets out the most beautiful sounds and Isak is in awe. He’s ethereal. Pale, lightly freckled and smooth. Isak lets his hands wander the contours of Even’s lean body, pausing to pick at his belt.

“Isak Valtersen, you get that perky little ass out here, right now.” His hands freeze, and he drops his head on Even’s shoulder. He groans and burrows his face further into the crook of Even’s neck, letting out a quiet faen when he feels Even’s body shake with laughter. He grabs a hoodie off his floor and shimmies into his pjs before heading out, hoping Even has the sense to stay in his room. He doesn’t.

“Eskild, what do you want?” The man is running around, picking up the clothes that Isak knew would come back to bite him in the ass. “What I want is for you to not leave all your shit lying around all the time. I am not your –” Eskild finally looks up, and by the look on his face, it’s clear he wasn’t expecting Even to be there. “Oh. Hello. Who’s this lovely man?” His shift from murderous to flirty probably should be concerning, but Isak just rolls his eyes.

“Sorry, won’t happen again. This is Even. He’s, um, the director I was telling you about.” It’s rushed but he just wants to go back to his room and cuddle with Even, and maybe mourn the loss of the mood.

Even has better manners than Isak could hope for, and reaches around Isak to shake Eskild’s hand. “Nice to meet you. You did great job with Isak’s makeup.” Of course he’s a charming little fuck. Eskild is positively preening from the compliment.

“My baby gay is so lucky. Cute and charming. What a catch. I’ll let you two get back to it.” Isak huffs, and starts to walk away but Eskild clears his throat and he turns back, only to get a face full of clothes. Even chuckles and pulls Isak into a hug, lips skimming his ear.

“Not what I expected out of tonight, but I can’t say I’m disappointed.”

“Ugh, can we just go to bed? I mean, unless you want to go home.” Even holds Isak’s face, and smiles down at him before kissing him sweetly.

“Does it seem like I want to go home right now?” Isak just tilts his head back, eyelids hooded. Even smiles into the kiss, slowly backing them into Isak’s room.

---

Jonas: so ur officially fucking our director? Nice, man. He’s good looking. Isak? Dude? You know none of us care right. We’re happy for you. But if you wanna talk, I’m here. Isak: sry with Even rn. Thanks Jonas. Love you man. Jonas: you’re so gay Love you too.

---

The next shoot is a lot easier. The song is fun. A summer anthem. So they’re kind of just chilling. There’s a pool set and beautiful people. Even wanted them to ‘exude youth and sex and fun’ and Isak just wants fun sex with his young boyfriend. Who didn’t show up today. So there’s that.

“Magnus, leave the girls alone, please.” He’s talking to a group of girls in bikinis and flips Isak off, but follows him to the other boys anyway.

“Bro, they were totally into me. Why you gotta be so rude.” He sings in English, and Isak responds with a scoff and his signature eye roll.

“Whatever, we’re about to film the last bit, so like. We need you.”

“Uh-huh. You sure you’re not moody because your boyfriend isn’t here.”

“No. And I’m sure he’s just on his way.” Isak frowns, checking his phone again before the assistant director calls them to film.

There aren’t any notifications.

---

“Isak!” He’s about to open his door when Even’s voice makes him stop. “Babe! What’s up?” There��s a buzz in his voice that that confuses Isak a little.

“Even, what the fuck? Where were you? We had to shoot without you.” Even wraps his arms around Isak, crushing him to his chest.

“I’m sorry baby, I just had to do this thing. I swear, I let everyone know.”

“Everyone but me?” His voice is slightly muffled, but Even can hear the hurt clearly.

“Hey, it wasn’t on purpose. I just had to get out for a project, and I didn’t think it was going to take as long as it did. I thought they’d tell you. I’m so sorry.” Isak nods, trying to understand Even’s million mile per minute explanation. He pecks the corner of his mouth, and turns to open the door.

“Missed you, though.”

---

“Isak, he’s so hot. You better watch out, or I’ll steal your man.” Eva’s batting her eyelashes and Isak would probably be jealous if he wasn’t so sure about Even.

“Oi he’s mine, bitch.” They grin at each other, before Eva calls over the rest of the girls. If he weren’t so happy and drunk right now he might be bothered. But his boyfriend is on the other side of the room, laughing and dancing around with his friends, and Isak can’t find a single thing to complain about.

These last few weeks, Isak thinks has been the happiest he’s been in a long time. They wrapped up shooting today and decided to throw a party to celebrate. That and he wanted to show off his gorgeous boyfriend to the rest of his friends. He looks around at the girls joking and talking around him, and back to his man and everything feels right.

“You picked a good one. Did you know he’s read the entire Qur’an in Arabic? It’s nice to talk to someone who understands.” Isak turns to look at Sana, eyebrows raised.

“Actually, no. He never told me about it. But, yeah. He’s great.” He really is. Isak is finally letting himself fall and he’s never felt freer.

---

Isak loves sleep. Like really loves sleep. So he’s not too happy when he wakes up at 2:43 am because someone can’t stop pacing and holy shit Even can you just stop.

“Even. Can you, like, come back to bed?”

“Not now. I have…there’s just so much I need to do. Can’t stop thinking.” Isak wonders, not for the first time, if Even’s been taking something.

“Can you at least think in bed? I’m so tired.” Even crawls on top of him, grinding his hips lightly into Isak, erection pressing into him.

“There are a lot of other things I’d rather do in bed.” His voice is hot and heavy in Isak’s ear and suddenly he’s a lot more awake.

“Oh god, get in me, baby.”

Isak doesn’t get that much sleep that night, but he doesn’t mind.

---

Isak: Morning <3 How was your final? Christian is riding my ass about this track. I just wanted to add one more song :( Even? Baby are you ok? I’m worried. Call me please.

---

“Wrote a song.” Isak wrinkles his nose as Even blows a puff of smoke into his face.

“Yeah?” They’re cuddled up in Isak’s bed, wearing nothing but boxers. They’ve spent the whole weekend holed up in his room, smoking and talking and fucking. Isak thinks if he could spend the rest of his life like this, he would die happy.

“Yeah. But I’m, um, singing in this one.” Even sits up and squints incredulously at him.

“What? You? Singing? What happened to ‘can’t sing for shit?’” Isak scrambles up to straddle Even’s lap and steals the joint from Even’s fingers.

“I’m not that bad. I may have stretched the truth a little.” He leans forward to peck Even quickly. He stares at him for a moment, not sure how to say what he wants to. “It’s…um. It’s for you. The song.”

He thinks he might have broken Even. The older man just looks at him like Isak is some sort of mythical creature. Slowly, his hands travel up to cradle Isak’s face.

“How are you so perfect? Huh? How can one person be so fucking beautiful and good to me?” His voice is barely a whisper, eyes molten with something Isak doesn’t know how to describe. He thinks it might be too early to say it, but he’s feeling it. Love rolling off them in waves. When they kiss it’s like everything colliding and stillness all at once. It’s the easiest thing in the world, and so earth shattering. Isak thinks he can feel Even down to his bones.

“I love you.” Even closes his eyes and shudders a breath against Isak’s collarbone.

“Love you too. So much.”

---

It’s Saturday when everything gets fucked.

They’ve been promoting the album, doing random interviews and guest appearances everywhere. Isak, quite frankly, is exhausted. But he lets himself be convinced to go to Even’s friend’s party because they haven’t properly seen each other for a whole two days and Isak was getting used to waking up with Even in his bed.

The other boys have decided to skip the pregame and join him for the party later. So Isak ends up waiting at the unfamiliar at the door alone, the promise of Even on the other side.

“Hey, uh, Isak right?” The man at the door is about the same height as Isak, sparse moustache and straggly hair framing his friendly face. Isak nods, mentally cursing Even for not telling him whose house he was at beforehand.

“Is Even here already?” His eyebrows furrow.

“No, he said he couldn’t make it. Did he not tell you?”

“I was busy all day, and my phone’s dead. I probably missed his messages.” Isak starts to turn around, but feels a hand on his shoulder.

“You can stay if you want. We’d love to chill with the guy who stole Even from us.” There’s a laugh in his voice but Isak is already miles away. It’s not the first time Even’s disappeared on him, but there’s something wrong and Isak does his best to maintain a straight face.

“Um. Thanks. Maybe next time? I think I’ll sit this one out. Thanks again, though.” Isak waits until he’s heard the door close to pull out his phone. Even hasn’t texted him once. His hands start to shake and he doesn’t know what to do or where to go.

Isak: Even, what’s going on? Your friend said you cancelled on him.

Isak: have you guys heard from Even? Jonas: no Isn’t he supposed to be at the pregame? Mahdi: I haven’t either. Isak: he’s not here. Magnus: guys Get to Eva’s place. Like right now. Isak: is he there? Magnus: yeah. Fuck. Get here fast man

So Isak runs. Faster than he’s ever run before. His heart is pounding in his ears, tears streaming down his face. He doesn’t know what to expect but he just knows it won’t be good.

Please be okay.

---

“Who's fucking kid is that?” Even’s eyes are wild, not really seeing him. He’s rocking a baby in his arms, whispering to it softly. They’re standing in Eva’s bedroom. Vilde had seen Even walking around with a baby and brought him to the only place she knew they’d be safe.

“Isn’t he beautiful, Isak? I just had to take him. Had to save him. You’re going to be such a good dad.” His voice was all wrong. Too excited, too…much. Isak could feel tears stinging in his eyes again. His heart breaks in the silence. The tiny whimpers from the child are deafening and he needs to walk away. But he also needs his man, his boy. The one he loves so much, to be ok. And he’s not.

“Even,” his voice comes out in a broken whisper. “Where did you get the baby from?”

“I told you, silly boy, I took him. His parents left him all alone. And I needed to save him, before something could happen to him. Isn’t that, right? We’re going to take such good care of you,” Even’s attention is back on the baby, rubbing its back and cooing at it. “Come meet your other daddy.” He’s closed the distance between them, gently placing the baby into Isak’s limp arms.

“Support his head.” Even adjusts Isak’s arms, but Isak can’t stop looking at him. “Just like that. Isn’t our boy the most perfect thing you’ve ever seen?” It feels like a cruel joke. He’s seen this exact scene in his head so many times. A dream of the future he wants with Even. Now it feels tainted. Ugly. Whose kid is this? He wants to kick and scream and sob but Even just kept looking at him with those eyes. The eyes that don’t belong to his boyfriend, but the sincerity in them is so familiar. It’s the same intense stare that told him he didn’t have to apologize for his past. The same earnest gaze that he couldn’t look away from, the first time they had sex. The watery blue that blinked back tears when they first said I love you.

“Oh, Even.” Isak can’t hold back anymore and can barely speak. “We need to get him back to his parents. They must be so worried.” The baby’s fallen asleep but Isak can’t bear to look at it. Him.

“No, no. We can’t let them take him. They don’t care Isak. We have to hide him. Keep him safe from them. The parents. The government. They’re all going to hurt him. You have to trust me.” Even’s suddenly prying the child out of Isak’s arms, and runs to look out the window, only to duck beneath the frame.

“Isak, it’s all over the news. Someone saw Even take the baby. They’re looking for him.” Vilde’s at the door, eyeing Even warily, voice low enough that only Isak can hear her.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s wrong with him.”

---

Magnus, fucking Magnus, is a godsend. No one expected him to take control, but he does and Isak can’t be more grateful. He sits on Eva’s bed, watching Magnus talk to Even in hushed tones. He could probably understand them if he concentrated but he’s so exhausted and numb, he just watches.

Magnus takes the baby and lets Vilde take him out of the room. Even struggles to get him back, but Magnus holds him back. Even’s cries and pleas fall on deaf ears. It’s done. Jonas and Mahdi offer to find a way to get the baby back to his family.

The girls wait until Magnus walks Even out of the room to come in and join Isak on Eva’s bed. They say nothing, just situate themselves around him. Isak closes his eyes, a small sigh escaping him.

“We love you, Isak. We’re here for you.” Noora’s hand ends up on his arm, and he opens his eyes, red and watery, to look at all of them. He doesn’t say anything. He can’t. But he knows they know. That he loves them back. That he’s appreciative. He tries to focus on how lucky he is to have such amazing, supportive friends by his side, and falls into fitful sleep.

---

“He needs to chill Isak. I’m serious, if you go in there, don’t talk about what happened. Not yet, anyway. Just be there for him.” There’s a maturity in Magnus’ face that Isak has never seen before, and wonders how he’s so good at this. Isak managed to sleep until noon the next day, and demanded to see Even as soon he was up.

“Did you get any sleep?” His throat hurts from crying and his face is still puffy, but he doesn’t care. He needs to be with Even.

“Ehh not really, but it’s ok. He needed someone who understands. But, seriously, I don’t care how much you want to talk about it, don’t. Wait until he’s feeling better.”

He opens the door to reveal Even lying in the bed. His head’s propped up against a couple pillows, gaze fixed straight ahead. His eyes focus on something past Isak, and it feels like he’s looking through him, not really seeing. Isak swallows down the urge to run and slowly creeps toward the bed. He pauses at the foot of it, unsure of how to continue. “Are you…did you sleep ok?” That’s harmless enough. Not too probing.

“No.”

“Oh. Can I join you?” Even takes a moment before closing his eyes and nodding. Isak, still moving as slow as he can, climbs up and lies next to his man. “Wanna try sleeping?” Everything happens at a snail’s pace, but Even eventually pushes himself down so he’s flat on his back. Isak pulls the covers around him and leans back, giving Even some space. Isak lets himself relax, and falls asleep again, dreaming of being back in Even’s arms.

---

“Can you just let me go home?” Even’s tired voice pierces through Isak like a bullet.

“I didn’t know I was keeping you here.” His whisper travels over the chilling silence that’s settled in his room ever since they got here two days ago.

“Just. Let me go. Please.” It’s the most emotion Isak’s heard in his voice since the incident. Isak moves to help Even out of bed, but just gets pushed away. He stands by his orange curtains, watching him struggle to grab his things. Isak thought his heart broke when Even had lost it. But that was nothing, nothing compared to this. The pain is real, tangible. Even had given him love and hope when he came into Isak’s life, and now he was taking it all away. He’s taken everything, and Isak’s hollow. Nothing but dark and hurt.

“Sorry.” It’s out of his mouth before Isak can even think about it. Even stops and stiffens, but leaves anyway.

---

“Isak, come eat something, please.” Eskild rubs small circles into his back. Isak doesn’t want to eat. He’s spent the last week just writing and creating. He did everything that was expected of him. He’s smiled for selfies with fans in the street. Performed with all of his energy at all their shows. He just wants to stop. He doesn’t have the will to push anymore.

“I can’t.” He looks up at Eskild and sees the worry plain in his eyes. “I’m just not hungry. I’ll grab something later.” He can hear how empty his words are. He’s just saying what he thinks Eskild wants to hear. Eskild is a lot smarter than Isak gives him credit for. He can see right through the boy’s façade.

“Oh, baby boy, have you talked to him?”

“He doesn’t want me, Eskild.” Isak prays for Eskild to leave him alone. If he doesn’t he won’t be able to hold back any longer. Instead the older man wraps his arms around him, making him feel younger and smaller than he has in a long time. “Why doesn’t he want me anymore?” Isak lets go. He cries and cries in Eskild’s arms, clinging onto him for dear life. “I love him.” He’s wailing into Eskild’s stomach, fisting the fabric of his t shirt.

Eskild lets him soak his shirt with tears. While he may not know what’s going on with Even, he knows Isak. He knows this strong boy will overcome whatever cruel trial this was. And he plans to be there for him every step of the way.

---

Magnus: how r things 2day? Even: didn’t kill myself. Magnus: good 2 hear Ur gonna have 2 stop avoiding him tho Even: no. He doesn’t need this shit. You didn’t see how scared he was. I can’t let him ruin himself. Magnus: fy faen ur the most dramatic prsn I no. Just see him when u feel up to it. U love him. Let him do the same.

---

Two and a half weeks. 18 days. It’s been 18 days since Isak has seen Even, and he hasn’t been doing much better. His smiles come a little easier, and it’s not that hard to convince everyone he’s doing better. But when no one’s looking, Isak lets himself feel. Anger. It’s ugly jagged edges tearing him up from the inside. Sadness. He mourns for the love he’s lost. The man who gave him so much. And stolen it back.

Even: can we talk?

Isak stares at the message. He’s not sure if he’s dreaming it up. Maybe it’s a hallucination. He blinks once. Twice. Three times. It’s still there. He restarts his phone, but the message is still there. He’s reaching out and Isak is too desperate to ignore it.

Isak: ok. When?

The response is immediate.

Even: can I come over? 10 minutes? Isak: ok

---

They sit in Isak’s living room, just looking at each other, for a long time. As angry as Isak is, he just wants to run into his warm embrace. He wants to be enveloped in Even’s love. It’s hard to be so close to him, after everything.

“Are we going to talk, or are you just going to look at me?” He’s not sure where the confidence to speak comes from, but is proud of himself for not letting his voice waver

“I’m bipolar.”

Oh.

Oh.

“Ok.”

Even chuckles darkly. “Ok? It’s not ok? It’s fucked. I’m fucked. In the head. I kidnapped a baby, Isak. How is any of this ok?” His face flushes prettily, and Isak is having a hard time concentrating on the words that come out of those sinful lips. Bipolar.

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know! Yell at me. Hit me. Do something. Don’t just stand there and say ok. As if any of this is easy. Don’t.” Isak reaches out to cover Even’s hand with his own.

“I’m…processing. It’s not easy. I just don’t want you to think this changes anything. It doesn’t change how I feel.” Even grabs Isak by the shoulders, the force of it terrifies Isak. Bipolar.

“You should be running for the hills. You shouldn’t want anything do with me. I’m going to ruin you. I already have.” He’s whispering, eyes wide.

“I still love you, Even. I’ll always love you.” Isak surges forward, pressing their lips together. His hand wraps around Even’s neck. The older man gasps into Isak’s mouth, getting lost in the feel of home in the boy in front of him. Bipolar.

And then he pulls away. “I can’t be with you anymore. I don’t want this.” Even forces himself out of Isak’s grip. “Goodbye, Isak.” He gives a sad half smile and walks out the door.

Bipolar.

---

The days following their breakup are…hard. Not like before, where he could push through. Where the uncertainty about them was a comfort. Now, it’s so final. Goodbye, Isak. The words haunt him. He hears them everywhere. He hears and sees Even everywhere. Buying coffee, a deep voice behind him that makes his eyes sting with tears. When he turns around to see a short man, he runs out.

He tries to hang out with Eskild but when he puts on Moulin Rouge, it’s too much. Baz wouldn’t treat me like this.

He can’t watch their new music videos. Every shot has Even written all over them and it’s suffocating. All he wants is his Even. All he has is his rejection.

He’s sitting quietly, nursing a beer, Jonas, Mahdi, and Magnus do their best to keep the atmosphere light. But Magnus keeps giving Isak these looks and he’s getting pissed off.

“What, Magnus?” He can’t stop the venomous words, but they’re out and now all three boys are looking at him likes he’s grown a second head.

“Nothing. It’s just…I don’t want to lie to you. I’ve been talking to Even.” Isak feels like he’s been punched in his stomach.

“Didn’t know you guys were that close.” He wants to be mad. To feel betrayed, but he’s just worried. “Is he doing ok?”

“Fuck, Isak. You guys need to fix this. I’m so worried about you two.”

“I want to. All I want is to be with him. But he doesn’t. I can’t change what he feels.”

“Bullshit.” Magnus is standing up now. “I know he’s hurting just as bad. He loves you Isak. He’s just convinced you’re better off without him. He wanted to leave you before you left him.” Isak never used to be so open about his feelings, but lately all he does is cry.

“But I would never. Not even when he’s doing crazy shit. I just want to be with him always.” He feels Jonas wrap an arm around his shoulders, too tired and sad to fuss pull away.

“You need to tell him that, though.” And it all falls into place. Jonas is right. He’s always right. Isak had been given something so precious. Someone he truly thought was his soulmate. So why shouldn’t he fight for it? Even if it was Even he was fighting.

“Never knew you were so smart.” Jonas pushes him away a mock offended look gracing his features.

“Drittsek.”

---

Isak: you being bipolar isn’t a dealbreaker. I love you. That’s not going to change. Will you come to my show tonight? Just one last time. Love you.

Isak looks at his phone again. Even’s seen his messages, but has yet to respond. Sighing he turns back to face the empty club. His last show in Oslo before they go on a European tour. It’s a huge fucking deal, and Isak should be excited, but the churning in his stomach has nothing to do with the upcoming tour and everything to do with the possibility of Even showing up tonight.

He knows to keep his expectations low, but he can’t control the hope blooming in his chest. It’s more than he’s felt in almost a month. And he’s holding onto it tightly.

---

The set is incredible. The cheers from the crowd are deafening, and holy shit they know every single word to their songs. Isak almost forgets just how bad he’s had it, because the feeling of people screaming his name is intoxicating. But Even isn’t there. Isak spends every second he can looking out into the crowd, looking for the lanky director that owned his heart.

“I don’t think he’s coming, man.” Mahdi pats his shoulder quickly after the last song. “You still want to do this?” He’s sure. It hurts, but he’s going to do it.

Grabbing a mic stand, he adjusts it so that it’s low enough for him sitting on a stool in the centre of the stage. Jonas joins him, guitar in hand. “Hi guys. So, um. This last song. It’s not like anything we’ve done before. It might not be your style or whatever, but this is for someone who means so much to me. They, uh, they couldn’t make it tonight. But I still wanted to do this. Because I love them no matter what happens. So yeah.” His voice breaks a little, but he just looks out one last time, searching for the man he knew wasn’t going to be there.

Jonas begins to pluck at the strings, a sweet melody filling the room. Isak pours his heart into the words that Even won’t hear. About their love. Their struggle. How Even’s mind is the most beautiful thing in the world. There isn’t a single dry eye in front of him. Isak’s got tears tracks down his face too, glistening under the club’s purple lights. He thinks that if he opens his eyes, he’d be able to see his soul in front of him. Beat down and small. But still so strong. His love for Even keeping it intact.

Everything is silent when he finishes. Isak finally opens his eyes. Still no Even. He smiles sadly. “How about we finish off with one more song.”

The mood shifts suddenly and then they’re finishing up with Magnus crowd surfing, and playing with each other on stage. Isak smiles through it all, just waiting for the moment he can be alone. He’s walking to the green room when his strangled voice breaks Isak from his thoughts.

“Isak.” He turns, only to come face to face with Even. His Even. Looking shattered and heartbreakingly beautiful. A fallen angel.

Isak is frozen, feet unwilling to bring him closer. It’s Even that makes the first move. Slowly, carefully walking up to Isak, eyes never leaving his.

“Halla.” He whispers. And fuck him. Fuck him for thinking after all this that he can just come back and say halla like nothing happened. Except he can and Isak is all too willing to accept it.

“Halla.” Isak closes his eyes as Even brings a hand up to his face, thumb stroking along his cheekbone.

“The song was...beautiful.”

“Yeah. Well.” Isak leans into the touch, inhaling the taller man’s familiar scent.

“I’m sorry, Isak.” His eyes meet Even’s and he’s certain they have matching red tints.

“Don’t apologize. Just. Don’t leave me again. I don’t think I’ll survive it.” Even swallows, a stray tear escaping. He bows his head close to rub Isak’s cheek with his nose.

“I won’t. I can’t. Not again. I love you too much.” Isak’s finally gained control of his body and throw his arms around Even’s neck, pulling them together. He buries his head into Even’s shoulder, body sagging with relief.

“I love you.”

---

They’re lying in Isak’s bed, not touching. Facing each other. Memories of the last time they were like this are still fresh and sting, but they both need this. Isak lets his hands wander up and down Even’s arm, resting on his cheek, the back of his neck.

“I just didn’t want you to have to deal with me. You already had to deal with your ‘insane’ mom. I was...I got selfish. Wanted to spend more time with you than I should be allowed.” Isak’s heart breaks for his boy. For the time they spent apart. For all the uncertainty.

“I want you to be selfish. I want you to stay with me.”

“Being bipolar isn’t easy. Being with someone who's bipolar is even harder. Its two lives getting fucked.” Isak shifts so they're even closer, hand stilling.

“I don't want easy. I want you. And if everything gets to be too much, we take it a day at a time. If that doesn't work, we take it minute by minute. The only thing we need to worry about is the next minute, ok? Can we do that?” Even’s gaze is piercing, seeing everything down to the core of Isak’s very being. Isak lets him. He turns his head to plant a small kiss on Isak’s palm.

“We can do that.” Isak knows why Even keeps hesitating. He’s still waiting for the ball to drop. Waiting for Isak to leave him. But Isak knows he won’t. He can’t. Even is an all consuming force and Isak is so gone for him. There isn’t a thought in his head that doesn’t echo Even.

Isak hums softly, and recognition flashes across Even’s face. He pulls Isak into his chest, letting the soft melody of their song wash over them. Even can feel Isak looking at him, and lets his face against his forehead.

“What are we doing in this minute?” Isak lifts himself up so that they were eye to eye.

“In this minute? In this minute, we kiss.” And they do. And everything is going to be ok.