#just trying to knock stuff out !
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whats down there
#shevr#my lines#experiment in expanding on a rough thing which i don't think turned out stellar but i still spent too long on it so it goes here#should i try to get in a habit ofsharing stuff easily so i can get gratification on doodling a few things and so do it more often ?#or should i knock that off and be cooler about it and just do things for myself ? idk i still haven't figured that out#wanna be one of the cool people who share a cool cool piece once in a while but still do tons of awesome sketches that r never shared yknow#that's maybe not me yet but maybe someday aaaah hey. hey you should go listen to Get Inspired by Genesis Owusu btw
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jaykyle au where they're theatre kids in the same school but they're not the actors jason's the scriptwriter/director and kyle is the prop manager (i don't know the official terms sorry) and they'd probably do an amazing job on the backstage setting if they could stop arguing for 5 whole seconds about their artistic visions and ideas and how "this would obviously work better this way"
#jason todd#kyle rayner#jaykyle#mypost#dc thoughts#vp of the club: maybe we should find some other people to do the job if they can't get along?#pres of the club: no they're both talented af and i want this to be raving success just knock their heads tgt and tell them to play nice or#i'll make them wear the get along shirt again#WAIT ONE SEC DONNA'S THE PRES and overseer she's pissed bcos kyle played the same role last year and he was chill then#wally's vp no 1 and backstage manager and he's thinking of kicking kyle out#dick's vp no 2 and main lead and he's thinking of kicking jason out bcos it's embarrassing and annoying to work with your younger siblings#kon helps kyle with props and bart is one of the actors and kon is jealous af about it he grumbles a little#roy is the fight scene choreographer#i'm trying to think of something for garth but the only thing that comes to mind i'm not sure are fitting enough#actor manager? weapon manager? oooh maybe pet manager if they have animals... human and pet manager???? hr department but including animals#ooooh maybe pet manager if they have animals#raven can play bart's love interest (in play) maybe (wally doesn't like it and neither does gar for very different reasons)#eddie deals with the contraptions they build for this bubble machines smoke machines lowering and raising anything mechanical#rose and cass helps with the weapons stuff they keep fighting too and roy is TIRED#connor plays the villain he didn't mean to or want to but he got dragged into it and he's really hot and gunned in for next years main lead#he doesnt want this#steph and mia are hair makeup costume department but bart and kon love to hangout and help too#jennie-lynn and bart are in-charge of socials#tim pops up a lot because so many of his friends (and brothers) are here and when he does he helps steph and mia#damian too pops up to help with pet management and sometimes prop art#this is much to dicks annoyance jason is already here can his little brothers LEAVE HIM ALONE SOMETIMES UGH#damian (taking cues from talia and bruce loverenemies dynamic and wanting an artist in-law): we should set jason and kyle up#dick: no / tim: hmm / dick: NO#i want to add the yj girls (cassie cissie greta anita) but i know too little about them right now but imagine they're there and the roles#are to be determined
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some petey sketches just because
#i need to draw more bully art#im just focused on a lot of my oc stuff#i have a whole note sheet of art stuff i need to draw so im trying to knock thise out😭😭#pete kowalski#gary smith#bully scholarship edition#canis canem edit
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oohhhhh…. nameless bard and venti sparring ……
#like i wanna see them both being cocky and sure#and then getting caught off guard and trying to stumble back into the previous confidence#bard knocking ven down and ven being like . wooagh . toppled another god …..#or just#ven getting the jump on bard#and bard being :o#:o !!!!!#bested …. by my dearest beloved ….. how dare ………#ghhhth . ghhhdhdh#the thoughts#The Thoughts.#imso genuinely surprised there’s like next to nothing abt them sparring …. the potential here …. hear me out#lantern says stuff
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I saw this video on Twitter yesterday and thought I'd share, because it has something really cool about Boothill that I had never noticed before: how he handles the recoil of his pistol!
youtube
The video isn't in English, but you can get the gist of it pretty well just by watching. There are three characters so far who use guns- Bronya, Topaz, and Boothill. Bronya and Topaz, both normal humans, will get knocked backwards by the recoil. It's not by very much, but it becomes pretty noticeable when you mash the basic attack button in the overworld map. It's enough to move them over the line on the floor in the video.
Boothill on the other hand- you can see him jolt from the recoil, but he isn't actually knocked back at all! The transcript of the video mentions this being due to his cyborg body and having a better center of gravity, which is really cool! I love seeing more concrete evidence of what he gained with the loss of his human body, and how it helps him in combat and his Hunt for revenge. It kinda makes you understand more why he went through with it, and why he considers it worth the heavy price he paid.
#I don't have Topaz but I do have Boothill and Bronya#but fun coincidence: Topaz is on banner rn so I was able to try this with her aptitude showcase!#so I went into my game and actually tested this on the tiled floor of the Matrix of Prescience and the belobog showcase area#and it really is just like how it shows!#Bronya and Topaz are steadily knocked back by the recoil from their weapons but Boothill doesn't even budge#that's so cool I love that so much aaaaaaa#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr boothill#honkai star rail boothill#boothill#this part isn't super important but the twitter post is from one of my favorite boothill/henghill artists do go check them out#they just recently put a bunch of their stuff on pixiv!#including an angsty boothill gore comic which was extreeeeeeemely tasty hhhh
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do you write fic on ao3?
unfortunately for everyone involved i do!
#ask#and if youre wondering about my handle i write on anon so its doesnt particularly matter (shrugs)#and also i think its pretty easy to figure out which fics ive written because i want to makeout mad sloppy style with an em dash#anyways (waves offhandely) it doesnt really matter much because i have like posted an ss on here before so you know#its not like im trying to hide it like eh#but also because of my disposition that would put a tranced rabbit to shame i dont exactly yell it from the hilltops either#the moral of the story is if you ask me what im working on ill yap about it maybe like post an excerpt#and months later youll find something posted on anon and youll be like oh! so they finally posted it!#so to spare you all (lies on my tummy like we're at a sleepover and giggles) you wanna hear what im working on#haha of course you do youre a prisoner in my yap box#and i want an excuse to talk about it hidden in the tags so people skim over it and not read it <3#SO the earliest wip is from like early october about a magical realism au because i rewatched lwa as i usually do and well theres this one#ep about a magical animal if you will... and you can kinda guess what it is from that lol its sashaforsyekky#because the dreaded @/tungpin infected me with the brainworms about this trio specifically#and it really is ekky going 🥺 at whatever sashaforsy have (persumably) got going on woe is him its at 5k rn but uh ive stalled progress#because puppyekky has consumed my every thought which leads me to my second wip that ive been labouring over since the start of october#that also just broke 5k and not even remotely done lol whoops but its puppy ekky in a team environment with a heavy emphasis on the euros#rn there are scenes scrabbled out with sasha (multiple) mikksy luosty lundy and forsy. i know i have an idea for bobby.#and really lets see where the muse takes us i have vague ideas that are mmmhmm but we'll see when we get there!#the third one isnt the most likely to get finished but uh it is sashamaffhew global series stuff because it stemmed from#“it really is funny that sasha is treating the finland trip like he knocked up a girl#and is trying to make her meet his parents so it doesnt feel like a shotgun wedding when he you know marries her to take responsibility“#and i just think a maffhew pov with that thought in mind because of the whole touchy at e11even thing is funny to me like think mundane#slice of life oh i feel like im being wined and dined i hope i dont fuck it up jfc i think im fucking it up oh god this feels romantic#anyways it feels remotely ooc to me and it really was more of like a writing break from the wips stated above so (shrugs)#might not see the light of day but its 2k as of now so i do feel its a shame if i dont /try/ to finish it you know? its just low priority#anyways thats my writing check in and i am a prisoner to my own mind i will go insane haha these wont be published anytime soon#because i am slow and get distracted soooo easily so you know <3
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has anybody ever thought about an MIA/KIA moment to a coming home scene …
#I was thinking Bakugo but then I was thinking actually deku#they have no idea where he is or what happened to his tracker .. it just went *poof* right in the middle of something bad#I’m thinking maybe he got stuck in rubble and the satellite cut out#or captured by villains who did something to it#and there’s a period of waiting but they just call you and tell you the body won’t be recovered#no injury no hospitals no warning … no sorry#and you have to go about your life like nothing happened#you have to visit dekus mom and mourn him together . and there’s a memorial but no body so what can you do?#the announcement wasn’t even a death announcement it was a KIA thank you for his service#and Bakugo is definitely in denial about it when you approach him with it#everyone sort of is#and I wanna say it’s months before he comes home#but you just think he’s dead#and quietly try to move on with life as if your home isn’t .. wasn’t HIS home too. all his clothes and his stuff#you aren’t able to touch or move any of it#BUT THEN! there’s a knock on your door (bc ofc there has to be a knocking moment)#and I want to say you don’t recognize him? but of course you do#so you’re like. deku has a BROTHER?#and he’s all f*cked up looking - emancipated and dirty and maybe something worse#but he’s acting like nothing happened smiling at you saying your name#and you just burst into sobs right there in the doorway when it occurs to you he came home. he came home.#and you’re the first person to know#even before he went to the hospital!!!#I cry#shii posts#gen
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turns out: Doing Less Drugs Makes You Less Crazy ! Can you believe it??
#i found out being high 80% of your life actually! isn't very good for you apparently? whod a thunk it#ok but seriously though. addiction is no joke even if its 'Just' weed. once i knew i was attributing stoned aspects to my personality it was#all over! turns out im Not that riddled with anxiety all the time and do have a somewhat strong grasp on life!#i still smoke but it's a special treat now and I try to go 2-3 days inbetween highs. i wouldn't say im sober but I'm not .... bed ridden#anyways. i dont know if anyone who follows me needs to hear this: Take A Break! let yourself run out and try to get through the withdrawals#by occupying your mind and body. thankfully i had a sober vacation to knock me out of the haze but try to go do a day full of fun stuff#goober.txt#drugs
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i guess im not too involved in the zelda fandom cause seeing a post about rabid totk defenders is wild to me. from my perspective people were singing that game's praises for 2 months total before it fell to the "popular game bad actually" criticism wave and i don't think i've seen anyone say positive things about totk since then lmfao
#maybe it's just twitter's algorithm showing me discourse and criticism to try and spark engagement or whatever#ive experienced the same thing with mario odyssey which sucks cause i DID get into that game well after release but whatever#i think the game has plenty of flaws but is still like. one of the best games on the switch and that's not an insult to the switch#and most of my writing issues are 'well this sucks but also makes reasonable sense within the constraints of the game design'#like the lack of sheikah tech or the repetition with the backstory cutscenes with the sages#ive also never been super interested in trying to piece together the timeline or linked universe fan stuff but that might just be me#i feel like botw/totk is way better when you view it as a retelling of the zelda universe and give up on trying to reason with the timeline#for making a direct botw sequel on the same map w the same formula and still trying to make it fresh they knocked it out of the park imo#at least in regards to gameplay?#i acknowledge that there is a MASSIVE flaw in the non linear gameplay clashing w the linear story cutscenes this time#(... but that one didn't personally affect me since i saw the memories in mostly the right order and the story hit me weirdly hard)#but anyways yeah where are all the mean totk defenders i keep hearing about i thought that game fell out of the public consciousness#all i still see about it is NintendoMarioJimmy47536 on twitter calling it 'mid af' or whatever#and occasional gorgeous paintings of the light dragon on my dash
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other muses underestimate ash all the time hehehehehe it's so funnyyyyyyy /pos
#▸ lord rid me of my word vomit. / ooc#tbd .#on the outside he is just a handsome champ and innocuous rambler#until. like. y'know. you get to all the god stuff. and the aura stuff. and the immortality stuff.#then it's a tonal 180. and it never gets old!#also hi good evening everyone. i'm gonna try to knock out at least one more draft tonight :3
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quick update
Hola everyone!
Just writing a thing to say I SEE all the messages that've been sent to my inbox and I'll promise I'll get round to them soon! I've been doing National Novel-Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) this year (as well as some job-huntng lolol) and it's taken up a lot of my spare mental energy. Low-key it feels like all I can do to make sure that the queue doesn't run out of submissions xD
Next month I'll get to everyone's image requests - promise! - and also to those 10K celebrations I mentioned a little while ago! (I've been cooking some stuff up behind the scenes for that milestone, don't y'all worry)
And. Yeah that's about it from me. Stay tuned, thank you for your patience, love y'all, adios <3
#'Mr Reaction Images Guy why do you let the stuff in your inbox build up to begin with' well my dear strawman#I have autism and my executives have a nasty habit of dysfunctioning#and when I'm trying to knock out 50k words in 4 weeks I don't have the spare mental bandwidth to get them to behave#T_T#but anyways yeah I wanted to make a post just kinda acknowledging/appreciating the fact that people are asking me stuff#I've gotten a couple of very nice messages as well as the image requests and it's like: I see you and I love you#(and I'll get to you individually before the end of the year)#(ALSO maybe I got excited and wanted to tease the 10k celebration because dohohoh I have An Idea Or Two)#not a pic
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DAX is just so expressive ♥ (Patreon)
#My art#SCII#Damned#DAX#Lol#Have I mentioned I love him lately#As if I ever stop talking about how much I love any of them lol#Okay but genuinely these were really nice as warmups they were really easy to just knock out one by one#He's very expressive as Dexter! *handwaves about human neurochemistry and expressions* lol#I had to make his Neutral look extra dead inside to make up for the rest haha#Funnily enough I have actually been watching a series of streams of like VAs and visual artists and writers and stuff#And they are constantly uptalking 2D talksprites as mood-setters for dialogue#So it was really fun to make these with that in the back of my head like ''Yeah! :D They /are/ good at that!''#Very cool expressive medium :D#See if you can spot the first drafts for a few of these :3c#I'll give you a hint: Scared and Sad(? Regretful ig lol) were from some posted doodles#His grumpy one was also a doodle but I didn't post it so it doesn't count lol#Oh yeah and and a lot of these had little accessories like the fear bursts and the little sigh bubble lol I just...forgot them here lol#They're there in spirit please feel the grump lines and sweat drops in your heart <3#I had a heck of a time trying to keep his face consistent with different angles lol aren't VUX nervous to move their necks me#Just gotta actually get into 3D modeling properly smh#I keep finding myself wanting to make more now that this set's done but I'm not sure what expressions! Confused? Focused? He's so subdued#Oooh he'd suit an expression meme wouldn't he <3 Now there's an idea#Might even open an ask game for that if I can find a good one :3c Hehehe
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Howdy once again folks, I return from the grave of professional school almost a doctor and with my first attempt at published smut!
This work is inspired by @distant--shadow's western AU artwork that absolutely rots my brain in the most delicious way (Please let me know if you don't want this out there!)
I hope you enjoy and that my writing hasn't suffered too much the past 3 years!
#critical role campaign 3#crc3#imogen temult#laudna#imodna#imogen x laudna#critical role fanfiction#Okay I think that's all the tags I want for this#Please be gentle with me I literally just had to get this out of my brain#I'm trying to kickstart myself back into writing and apparently this was the thing that got stuck in there#Had to knock it out of there as quick as possible#Hopefully my professor doesn't still look for my stuff <_<#anyway if you read this far have a lovely rest of your day#drink some water#take your meds
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when i was in elementary school in the early aughts the boys in my class decided that they had to protect themselves against the girls so they made a "boys' team" and a "girls' team" and the girls' team was all the girls with names like kaylee and cassie who loved lip gloss and sparkly nail polish and playing house. however i was friends with these boys and so i got to be on the boys' team and wrassle with them at recess and go to sleepovers with them where we'd all sleep in big cuddle puddles and also practice kissing bc as the only girl i was the only one they were allowed to practice kissing with (it being the early aughts and us going to conservative christian school). in fifth grade all of a sudden things changed and the boys i'd been best friends with since age six turned weird and mean and hostile and i nearly got actually for real expelled from christian private school because i tackled and beat the absolute fucking piss out of one of them because he kept pinching/hurting me when i told him to stop and the teachers thought it was cute. until i was trying my hardest to bash his teeth in. then it was no longer cute or fun for them. then my friends in middle school were a group of weird outcast girls who are all now either she/they dykes or tradwives with no inbetween. unsure how to conclude this post except to say that probably all of this is unsurprising if you've followed me for a bit AND that if a kid is constantly trying to beat the absolute fucking piss out of their friends then it's PROBABLY BECAUSE THE ADULTS DIDN'T INTERVENE IN AN OBVIOUSLY BAD SITUATION BEFORE THAT POINT.
#violence ig#then in high school i was ALSO knock-down teeth-out brawling with people over gay stuff which#was a sight to see because i was a 5'2 stick-thin goth with waist-length pink hair#the urge to solve all my problems with violence has never gone away. ive just gotten better at suppressing it#and using other healthier and/or more effective means to get what i want.#does it count as meeting the aspd criteria if i was always entirely justified in trying to kill (/hyperbole) my classmates.#I WAS SO JUSTIFIED.#long post ig
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ROT13 thoughts about m.outhwashing. i was only going to talk about one thing but. The Rambler's Curse............... anyway. major spoilers, not censoring anything, decode at your own risk, blah blah blah.
[ROT13 below]
[pj frkhny nffnhyg, ivbyrapr, noyrvfz, nohfr, zvfbtlal, fznyy inthr zragvba bs enpvfz, znff zheqre / fhvpvqr]
gurer'f fbzrguvat gung vexf zr fb zhpu nobhg gur zbhgujnfuvat snaqbz FCRPVSVPNYYL znxvat "tbbq raqvat" NHf gung nyy eribyir nebhaq pheyl nf gur Znva Punenpgre (gz), jvgu ab qnzntr gb nal eryngvbafuvcf orgjrra nalbar va gur perj rkprcg Gur Fbyr Onq Crefba, Wvzzl.
ohg nyfb. orpnhfr v ernyvmrq. v qba'g guvax gurl jrer nyy trggvat onpx nyvir, penfu be ab. gurer'f n ovg jurer vg'f zragvbarq gung cbal rkcerff qvqa'g nqq n 5gu pelb cbq sbe qnvfhxr, naq jr xabj gung CR vf n irel "rknpg nzbhag bs [guvat] jvgu ab ebbz sbe reebe, op jr qba'g jnag gb fcraq gur rkgen zbarl sbe fnsrgl" xvaq bs pbzcnal. naq gura v tbg gur pnyphyngbe bhg.
gurve sbbq bayl ynfgrq sbe 4-5 zbaguf nsgre gur penfu, jvgu nabgure rfgvzngrq 3-4 zbaguf genafvg erznvavat vs gurl unq orra tbvat va gur evtug qverpgvba. juvpu zrnaf rvgure gurl ybfg n FVTAVSVPNAG nzbhag bs sbbq va gur penfu (cynhfvoyr)… be. jung vs CR bayl ybnqrq gur fuvc jvgu sbbq sbe 4 crbcyr, yvxr gurl qvq jvgu gur cbqf? vg jnf n ebhtu pnyphyngvba, ohg nffhzvat rnpu crefba rngf na rdhny funer bs gur sbbq rirel qnl, naq nffhzvat rnpu crefba ngr n shyy, abezny cbegvba qvfcrafrq ol gur sbbq qvfcrafre vafgrnq bs cbegvbavat, op gurl gubhtug guvf jnf whfg n abezny eha jvgu gur evtug nzg bs sbbq… vs lbh qvfgevohgrq sbbq sbe 4 crbcyr nzbat 5, lbh'q or nobhg 3-4 zbaguf fubeg sbe gur gevc. 🥴
gurer'f n qrprag punapr v zvffrq qrgnvyf gung qrohax guvf NWFAQXW ohg huuuuu gung gubhtug znxrf zr fb hajryy. op vg ernyyl vf fbzrguvat CR jbhyq qb. pyrneyl, jvgu guvatf yvxr gur pelb cbq vffhr. naq gur znatyrq iragf. naq gur ab orqebbz ybpxf. naq gur gbkvp sbbq cnpxrgf.
nyfb, tvira gung gurl gbyq pheyl gb qrynl gryyvat gur erfg bs gur fgnss hagvy gur raq bs gur gevc, znal zbaguf sebz gur zrffntr erprviny, ubj yvxryl vf vg gung CR jnf nyernql va gur cebprff bs pybfvat fubc jura gurl frag gur ghycne bhg naq whfg qrynlrq gryyvat pheyl fb ur pbhyqa'g vzzrqvngryl pnapry gur fuvczrag? jvgu ubj oyngnag guvf tnzr vf nobhg vgf fgnapr ba pncvgnyvfz, v pbhyq frr vg.
nyfb. v'ir sbhaq FBZR tbbq cynlguebhtuf bs gur tnzr (gl gb gur sevraq jub frag zr n erp, gung bar jnf SNAGNFGVP, v ybirq gur qvfphffvba ng gur raq fb zhpu bhetuuuu, n ybg bs guvatf gb zhyy bire)……
ohg bu zl TBQ 🔪🔪🔪 gur vasnagvyvmngvba bs pheyl sebz zhygvcyr natyrf ol fgernzref naq gur snaqbz ng ynetr. gur jnl crbcyr chccrg uvf wnj, whfg yvxr gur qrif gubhtug ccy jbhyq. gur jnl fgernzref yvgrenyyl ONOL GNYX GB UVZ jura tvivat uvz uvf cvyyf. gur jnl gurl gnyx nobhg uvf obql, nobhg pneelvat uvz, nobhg uvf qvfnovyvgl qverpgyl. naq gura, bs pbhefr, ur'f gur snaqbz'f qneyvat onol. Gur Oybeob (nybatfvqr qnvfhxr jub vf. n jubyr bgure qvfphffvba wsp gur srgvfuvmngvba-vasnagvyvmngvba pbzob gurl'ir sbeprq bagb guvf terng punenpgre. gb gur fnzr sevraq jub tnir gur erp -- v 1000000% nterr jvgu lbhe ernqvat FB uneq, v tbg gur fnzr ivorf sebz uvz).
"v whfg jnag pheyl gb or fb unccl naq sbe naln gb purre uvz ba naq or uvf orfgvr naq purreyrnqre, naq v jnag qnvfhxr gb whfg or n yvggyr shaal pybja sbe uvz, naq v jnag fjnafrn gb or Gur Qnq Svther (gz), naq v jnag uvz gb unir na nyzbfg shyy erpbirel -- zvenphybhf, rira! fb zhpu fb gung lbh jbhyqa'g guvax ur'q fcrag zbaguf jvgubhg fxva, va gbeghebhf pbaqvgvbaf. vs ur qvqa'g arrq Zntvpny Shgher Cebfgurgvpf Gung Jbex Whfg Yvxr Erny Yvzof Naq Nera'g Haoryvrinoyl Urnil Be Hajvryql (naq gung n ybat unhy pncgnva pbhyq qrrrrsvavgryl nssbeq va n jbeyq gung gerngf vgf jbexref fb oehgnyyl), lbh'q guvax ur ybbxrq gur fnzr nf ur qvq cer-penfu…… rkprcg ur fgvyy pna'g gnyx be unf fbzr bgure fznyy, aba-ivfhny qvfnovyvgl fb ur'f fgvyy phgryl ihyarenoyr ohg nyfb onpx gb uvf """"""""""""pbairagvbanyyl nggenpgvir""""""""""""""" [UHTR fpner dhbgrf] frys grrurr~~"
zrnajuvyr, pheyl jnf n qverpg ernfba jul gur penfu bppheerq. abg va gur jnl bs wvzzl fubivat nyy bs uvf nohfrf bagb pheyl'f fubhyqref, ohg ur vf n qverpg ernfba jul naln sryg hafnsr baobneq. fur fnvq "v gbyq lbh"… ubj genafcnerag naq oyngnag jnf fur va fprarf jr qvqa'g frr? ur haqrefgbbq vg jnf wvzzl vzzrqvngryl, ab jnssyvat ba vg, ab "ur'q arire…", ur XARJ wvzzl pbhyq naq jbhyq nffnhyg fbzrbar. naq lrg jura vg pnzr gvzr gb pbasebag uvz, ur chg uvf ohqql nobir gur erfg bs gur perj'f fnsrgl. naq ur qvqa'g rira gel gb PNYZ wvzzl qbja, arirezvaq gnxr qenfgvp npgvba, jura ur fhttrfgrq gur jubyr perj fubhyq qvr naq qvfnccrne va na "nppvqrag".
Ur Vf Pbzcyvpvg. Ur Vf Abg N Puvyq. Ur Xarj Naq Qvq Abguvat. "v xabj lbh'q arire tvir zr gur tha gb cebgrpg zlfrys" fnvq va fhpu n jnl gung ernqf "v xabj lbh'q arire tvir zr gur cbjre gb uheg wvzzl jura ur gevrf fbzrguvat ntnva".
v ERNYYL srry sbe cbfg-penfu pheyl sbe crefbany ernfbaf, va gung fhqqrayl orvat qrovyvgngvatyl qvfnoyrq naq univat gb prqr pbageby gb crbcyr jub qba'g unir lbhe orfg vagrerfgf va zvaq vf sevtugravat nf nyy shpx. v srry sbe uvz va gung ur'f pbafgnagyl gerngrq nf gubhtu ur vfa'g gurer. ur'f whfg n Guvat, n Jbhaqrq Navzny, va gur zrqvpny ebbz. ur unf ab fnl va jurgure ur jnagf gerngzrag be vs ur jnagf gb qvr, vs ur jnagf gb xrrc ubcvat sbe fbzrbar gb svaq gurz be vs ur qbrfag jnag gb fhssre hagvy ubcryrff, varivgnoyr qrngu. ur pevrf naq abobql yvfgraf, abobql gevrf gb pbzzhavpngr va gur jnlf gung ur fgvyy pna.
ohg gur fnzr pbhyq or fnvq bs gur jnl ur gerngf naln cbfg-pbasrffvba, cer-penfu. vg'f arire "jung qb lbh jnag gb qb nobhg guvf?", vg'f "lbh fubhyq unir pbzr gb zr! v'yy gnyx gb uvz, v'ir xabja uvz sbe n ybat gvzr. guvf vf ab ernfba gb jnag gb uheg lbhefrys. jul qvqa'g lbh jnvg sbe zr gb gnyx gb uvz jvgu lbh??? jurer qvq ur tb??? v'yy svaq uvz!!!" orsber qbvat Abguvat naq gnxvat AB erfcbafvovyvgl. rira va gubfr svany zbzragf orsber ur gnxrf gur shyy oehag bs gur penfu, vg'f fgvyy "v qvqa'g zrna sbe lbh gb qb GUVF!!" nsgre ur unq whfg. yrg wvzzl tb jvgu mreb ercebnpu nsgre qnevat gb fhttrfg n znff fhvpvqr gb nibvq gnxvat erfcbafvovyvgl.
ur'f gur bccbfvgr fvqr bs gur fnzr pbva nf wvzzl. ur vfa'g nffnhygvat nalbar, ohg ur qbrfa'g gnxr erfcbafvovyvgl sbe nffnhyg gung unccraf haqre uvf jngpu naq ng zvavzhz cebgrpg gur ivpgvzf. ur'f avpr, ohg ur gharf ivpgvzf bhg va beqre gb xrrc gur crnpr jvgu uvf ohqql cny sevraq. ur xabjf orggre guna nalbar ryfr, ur qbrfa'g arrq vachg, ur'f gur bar va punetr, gurl fubhyq unir pbzr gb uvz, ur fhhheryl jbhyq unir qbar nalguvat arprffnel, ab lbh pna'g qrsraq lbhefrys op jr pna'g chg zl ohqql cny sevraq va n ihyarenoyr fvghngvba yvxr gur bar ur chg lbh va. v xabj v'z pncnoyr bs svaqvat n cbfvgvba jvgu orggre ynqqref (naq zber cbjre), ohg gur snyy jbhyq or qrinfgngvat vs v shpxrq hc va gur fznyyrfg jnl. v'z abg gnxvat cflpu rinyf frevbhfyl, abg orvat ubarfg, gb nibvq uneq qvfphffvbaf naq ihyarenovyvgl naq evfx bs zl pheerag cbfvgvba bs cbjre fyvccvat njnl. rgp rgp rgp.
v fnj bar crefba qvfphffvat pheyl'f naq wvzzl'f zhghny pbqrcraqrapr naq gung ernyyl fhzf vg hc. vg vfa'g arprffnevyl na rdhny eryngvbafuvc, ohg gung'f gehr sebz zhygvcyr natyrf. wvzzl vf ivbyrag naq znavchyngvir, pheyl hfrf uvf fbpvny cbjre gb renfr wvzzl'f ivbyrapr naq znavchyngvba, nyy gb fgnl gbtrgure. "v'ir xabja uvz sbe n ybat gvzr, ur jba'g gel nalguvat jvgu zr." gurl obgu frr n irefvba bs rnpu bgure gung qbrfa'g npghnyyl rkvfg, naq gurl fgevir gb zngpu gubfr vzntvanel svtherf va fbzr jnl.
NALJNL, CBVAG VF, pheyl unf whfg nf zhpu tbvat ba nf wvzzl, whfg n qvssrerag synibe. cbfg-nppvqrag gur cbjre qlanzvpf punatr qenfgvpnyyl, juvpu znxrf guvatf zber pbzcyvpngrq. Ohg. Va Gur Raq. ur'f abg n jvqqyr onol obl cer- be cbfg-nppvqrag; ur'f n tebja shpxvat zna jub'f rkphfrq gur varkphfnoyr sebz uvf sevraq, nyy juvyr vtabevat gur cnva uvf bgure perjzngr vf raqhevat, naq gura jura ur'f fhqqrayl va gung ihyarenoyr cbfvgvba uvzfrys, ur vf FGVYY n tebja shpxvat zna raqhevat havzntvanoyr cnva nf jryy nf culfvpny nohfr sebz gur fnzr crefba ur fuvryqrq orsber. gur oybeob onolsvpngvba bs thl-j-pevzvany-seng-zragnyvgl-ghearq-ivpgvz-bs-ivbyrag-noyrvfg-nohfr znxrf zl oybbq ohea erq ubg. vg'f vashevngvat.
v jba'g rira gbhpu gur "gbkvp lnbv" fuvg. QVF-THF-GNAT. gryy zr lbh unira'g raqherq be orra pybfr gb nalbar jub'f unq gb raqher noyrvfg nohfr sebz fbzrbar lbh be gurl pner nobhg. gryy zr lbh frr qvfnoyrq ccy nf nqbenoyl qrsrafryrffyl frkhnyvmrq bowrpgf ntnvafg crbcyr jub ubyq cbjre bire hf. gryy zr jbzraf' nffnhyg naq fhssrevat vf whfg n onpxqebc sbe n "zber vagrerfgvat qlanzvp" orgjrra gjb fuvggl zra jub ranoyrq / ranpgrq ure nffnhyg. vg'f gur cbjre qlanzvp bs vg nyy. vg'f gur yvgreny bowrpgvsvpngvba. fuhg gur shhhhpx hc.
…………… uryyb vg vf v, gur enzoyre, ernyvmvat v unir, vaqrrq, enzoyrq. cneqba zr! v fvzcyl pna'g fgbc guvaxvat nobhg guvf tnzr, naq vg'f zvkvat hc va zl urnq j vfggit naq fntna unjxr'f ivqrb nobhg rfpncr: gevnffvp unyy va n yvggyr gevnq bs "2024 neg gung unf zrygrq naq er-sbezrq zl oenva zhygvcyr gvzrf". (uvag uvag vs lbh unirag frra gur bgure gjb lbh fubhyq naq gura jr pna enag naq enzoyr gbtrgure cfcfcfcfcf) naljnl! gbbqyr-ybb! [qbrf n yvggyr wvt nf v fybjyl qnapr zl jnl oruvaq gur fgntr phegnvaf naq bhg bs fvtug]
#046 texts#i included a list of cw at the top of the rot13 section#so you only have to worry abt seeing the content spoilers if you actively run this through a decoder if that's a concern.#but uhhhhhhhhhh yeah. can't stop thinking abt this damn game.#still need to play their prev game. it's on my desktop. irl stuff is just too fucking much rn :///#anyway. i can't stop watching more playthroughs (when they don't immediately jump to stuff in the rot13 section)#so it's possible? i'll have more to say in the future. i'm trying to stretch my analysis muscles ig.#it's fun. but also. it's been a long while since i've said things about a fandom Proper. seeing nasty fandom bullshit knocked me out. ugh.
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I feel so weak and I've been pushing myself too far. I'm back to feeling weak and tired and fuzzy and lightheaded and constantly drained... I just want to feel okay again. I just want answers and I want treatment and I want to feel like myself...
#im still so worried#and its been 6 months and i dont have any answers#ive lost so much and i despise it#i just feel like shit constantly and when i try to do stuff it ends up knocking me on my ass for a while#went to Boston with my friends and had a great time but yesterday was basically bed rest bc i pushed myself too far#i couldn't even bring groceries in the house because i barely have the fucking energy#i feel so weak and tired and i cant do anything and it worries me so bad...#i dont want to be in a fog anymore#i dont want to feel incapable anymore#dont mind me#im just mourning the loss of how my life used to be#i guess im just stuck with this until someone figures something out
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