#just think about it. brian has no sense of self. he attaches his sense of self to julian. julian is his fp

[lovecatsys]

Brian Cruz has BPD

[moss-in-my-shoes]

-Brian Thomas Headcanons-

TW: mentions of self harm and a bit of creepy/horror imagery? 18+ ONLY

Is he really Brian anymore? Is he still Hoodie? Where do the differences and the similarities end and start? Who is he now?

Brian is still Brian, but he’s also Hoodie. He was always Hoodie.

He’s strong. Smart. Skilled. Athletic. Why would he ever want to be anything else?

He and Masky are the twins, but they are nothing alike. Masky follows. Hoodie leads.

When he was Brian, he was sweet and kind, a golden hearted church boy with a love for football and his best friend Timothy Wright.

Now he carries a gun wherever he goes, balaclava covering his face, operator branded on his chest, right between his collarbones like some kind of cattle.

He’s angry. He’s observant. He’s got a plan and the tools to do it.

He’s protecting Jay from himself.

He thinks Jay is too nosy for his own good, gotta stop the mole from digging further and getting eaten alive by the snake’s nest hidden beneath the dirt.

If it’s by force? So be it.

Lock him in the motel room and sit in front of the door so he can’t leave.

Force feed him the pills he refuses to take to fight the operator sickness. They don’t need another Alex running around, a puppet taking doses of operator sickness every second of every day.

He’d force Tim to do the same, but Tim and him are pretty equal in weight and height, he’s harder to get down and even harder to keep down.

At least Tim willingly takes the pills.

Jay and him get along pretty well despite this.

Sitting together on the motel bed and watching MTV reruns, cuddled up at the sides while Jay leans his head on his shoulder and Brian’s gloved fingers trace patterns in Jay’s arm.

Brian senses a distance, but he doesn’t care.

Tim is hesitant. Tim is bothered. Tim is reluctant and scared.

Masky is just as clingy as Jay is, he’s woken up more than once with the two shoved into each of his sides.

He doesn’t like Skully as much as Jay.

Skully gets them into trouble, situations he’d need the ability to talk to get out of.

He can’t talk like he used to, it’s staticky, unfamiliar, it hurts. Not a lot hurts him anymore, but that does.

He’s always hated Alex, even before they started changing. He hated how Alex spoke to Jay, like an angry parent scolding a child. He hated how Alex screamed at them during rehearsals- who cares that the dog is there?? Leave Seth alone.

Jessica was his favorite. He still thinks about her when it’s late and the clock strikes three in the morning. He feels bad. He feels like he failed.

Amy was kind, she liked to talk to Brian about anything that could take her mind off of Alex. Brian wished he could’ve helped them both.

The operator takes things too fast. They didn’t deserve to die.

He keeps photos of both of them in his wallet, memorials of some kind. To show he remembers.

It’s hard to remember.

Could see himself living a happy life with Jay and Tim somewhere far away, in the woods. He feels connected to the woods. Like he was born and raised there. He wasn’t.

Unhealthily attached to the two men, but it’s hard not to be when they could be torn away at any moment.

Bruised and scarred knuckles and hands.

Takes an ungodly amount of pills to fight the operator sickness, which in turn makes him more into hoodie and less into Brian.

Will and has killed. Don’t ask who.

Misses what little memory he has left of his mom. He knows she’s alive, but she thinks he’s missing and dead.

Brian was the first.

It only followed Tim, Tim is immune to fully contracting the sickness. Brian is not.

Hates blankets. Too constricting. Too easy to get tangled. Sleeps on top of everything on a bed.

Strangely warm, always.

Eyes are crazed and dark. He used to have pretty green eyes with sparkles of hazel in the lines. Now they were black, pupils almost completely succumbed to dark color fading in. He looked strange. Scarred face, crooked nose from being broken, blackening eyes.

Medic. He has a first aid in his backpack.

Has stitched up Jay and Tim more than once.

Has a knife in his combat boots.

Likes to trace the scars on Tim’s arms, but he can only do it when Tim is Masky.

Loves Jay and Tim, but he’ll never say it.

That’s all for now! Bye!

[lakesbian]

How do you think Alec would have handled getting the Valkyrie treatment? Being made into a puppet in the same way that he did to other people, his sacrificial suicide being subverted by another cape who uses people as tools but in a much more complete and permanent sense, coming back wrong and having his cape identity irrevocably a part of his body and self, and no longer being able to take off the mask, is this anything?

see i've rotated this extensively in my mind before because i think coming up with how a cape's design would turn out if they got glastig uained is a really fun exercise (do that shit to lisa for some Fun eyeball body horror!!) but i'm struggling to come up with what would happen to alec :( the most obvious answer is the crown becoming like. Attached. to his head. but id ont know if that's too far out there. there's also the concept of having his face frozen in a permanent smirking expression but i feel like that would go Too tragically counter to the point of a 'surprise hes back again' au wherein he would be expected to. yknow. realize and experience some of his feelings again at some point. so yeah i'd need someone else to help me figure that one out.

anyway the actual experience of being glastig uained. if i recall correctly in ward brian says it was basically just like waking up feeling like everything from before he died was just a few days ago not Years ago so i don't think alec would care that much that someone was using his ghost or whatever for shit while he was dead, relative 2 all the other problems in his life. wouldnt even notice with the type of shit hes got going on. the big reason why this au doesn't really work is that it's just Wildly Unproductively Depressing. it seems like ciara only starts bringing random people back by the time aisha is like. what. 20?

it works Fine and Actually Thematically Interesting Well that brian is like oh FUCK youve GROWN UP when he gets back because it's relevant 2 their sibling dynamics. but it does. it does not work if alec gets back and aisha is like 20. it's just depressing. from alec's PoV it would be "congrats you've been brought back into a world where your best and only friend is too old and character-developmented for you to actually have a close connection with even though for you it feels like she was still your age only a few days ago and also your fucking shit ass siblings are here too and btw the world ended so all of the nice luxuries you were enjoying previously are not options anymore. go feed the earth gimel sheep boy." and from aisha's perspective her best friend would be back but in a monkeys paw way where he did not get to grow up with her and he's still little and sad and fucked up and more like one of his siblings that she's caring for/trying to help vs the equal best friendship she Wants but Can't Have because he is Fifteen. so now everything sucks and is sad for everyone involved. :(.

i would say "on the 'up'side this is a hot new contender for scenarios wherein lisa could feasibly decide alec is her new sopping wet fixer-upper" but she already has an even more absurd and unstable option (that one cop) so as usual alec remains background. btw he would be offended on taylors behalf that lisa had replaced taylor with victoria (who he does not like because shes annoying) and entirely oblivious that taylor had ever thought or said anything about him being sucks and utterly lacking in interiority. AUs that have potential to be funny wrt alec's interactions with the other undersiders but are wildly fucking depressing when you get to his interactions with aisha.

if we fudge a bit and say ciara brings him back like riiight after gold morning aisha would only be a bit over a year older than him so that's more doable in terms of character development and eventual reconnection but it'd still be a mess. i'm not articulating my explanation of how aisha's character development works rn and i don't feel like saying something wrong so i'll just leave it here but trust me it'd still be a mess. maybe an interesting one but a mess

[malottie]

1, 6, 12, 39

get asked things, dork (affectionate

welp, get your reading glasses out everyone

1: 3 things that shaped me into who i am

-1: luck. from the classic things like being born in a wealthy western country, being white (not inherently lucky but made me privileged/safer), having a relatively nice familly with no financial struggle, etc, to smaller stuff. like, it's a miracle i was never bullied in school. if it wasn't for that one person, maybe i would've died. i had free access to the internet since i was like 9, and somehow never stumbled on stuff that was inapropriate for my age

i consider myself quite lucky, despite all the hardships

-2: being trans. sorry to the people who think it's cringe when we make it our whole personnality, but it is litteraly so important. so central. i cannot fathom what i would be like if i weren't trans. that's just not the same person

-3: having weird ass parents. by that i mean that they're almost not like parents, more like... people i lived with that cared for me? i of course mean that in the sense that i don't have any special emotional attachment to them and all, but also that it doesn't feel like they raised me because they transmitted so little to me. my way of seeing the world, my hobbies, my fears, my political opinions, my general knowledge, my understanding of myself and others, my skills, i got them from, well, not them. the internet school, my friends, but not my parents. truly, i don't really know these people

6: best and worst part of being online

i've been here most of my life, so all the bad is just part of it. yes, that's where all the haters are. sure, all of the horrible things in existence can be found here. but that's also where my friends are. that's where community is. that's my only way of accessing at least 50% of what makes me happy. it has taught me so much about the world and myself, has held so many fulfilling experiences for me

if i had to choose 1 worst, i'd say transmisoginy i guess? i dunno, girl, i'm not even popular enough to get hate mail

12: a piece of advice i'd like to give

like i said in a previous post of mine i'm just 18. i'm like a baby. i feel like the least qualified person on earth to be giving advice. but i'll say one thing: advices are kinda bullshit. in essence they're opinions you think will be helpfull to someone else. but in my experience, they rarely are, especially when talking about life choices, mental health and the such. i watched hundreds of hours of self help videos, listened to people, went to therapy, and i felt like a fucking moron. i knew all the things, i had the advice, but it wasn't working. in the end, what helped me crawl out of the pit is time, love, and a bunch of stuff i'll never know about. find what works for you and ditch what doesn't; it's not because a piece of advice is true that it is helpful. searching for your solution will probably work better than just trying to apply the solutions others found

39: a youtuber i'm obssessed with

hard and specific

brennan lee mulligan? absolutely obssessed. a youtuber? not really

thegreatreview (he's french)? amazing youtuber. so fucking talented. obssessed? not really

dougdoug? obssessed by his entire cinematic universe for a while now. a youtuber? maybe 50%? it's all twitch streams highlights

john and hank green? ok i'll stop there

let's settle for brian david gilbert then, the man so nice they named him thrice. please buy his bed.

most well known for his Unravelled series on Polygon's channel, like the one about the sonic bible or the one about the smash bros osha violations, his personnal stuff is simply perfect, sometimes whimsical, like "i wish that i could wear hats" or "Pumpkin Cowboy", sometimes horrifying, like the one about the american healthcare system or "Teaching Jake about the Camcorder, Jan '97", often a mix of both, like "we like watching birds" or "earn $20K EACH MONTH by being your own boss". his comedic genius is at its best when it is also at its weirdest. he's also the guy who made the sibling dance song, i guess

[renee-writer]

What If It Were Brian Chapter Two

AO3

“Enough!” His shout startled her and her nursing son. Both jumped.

 

“Frank, what in the world?”

 

“It is bad enough that you didn’t give him a bottle as an infant like I said. But now, he can walk for goodness sake’s! And still at your breast. It is unseemly.”

 

She soothes her year old son back to feeding before addressing Frank. “It remains good for him. You see how strong and healthy he is.” A braw lad, Sassanach. You are doing well, she hears her true husband say in her head and has to stop herself from smiling, “that has a lot to do with what he is getting from my milk. “

 

“How much longer will you allow him to be attached to your breast?” He is still glaring, his hands on his hips. She simply glares back.

 

“As long as he will have it.”

 

“You would have him coming home from kindergarten and asking for a drink?”

 

She rolls her eyes. “Bloody hell Frank! No, nor would he. Most children self wean by 18 months to two.”

 

“Where are you getting those statistics from as most decent women in this day don’t …” He gestures to the nursing boy with disgust.

 

“You know perfectly well were I get them from.” They stare at each other until Frank breaks eye contact, “a shame. A man jealous of his own son.”

 

“What?”

 

“Brian here is where you want to be. It just won’t happen Frank.”

 

“You are my wife Claire. If I want you in bed, bed is where you will be!” he thunders. Brian comes off the nipple and starts to cry. “Christ!”

 

She rocks him soothingly against her. “Try it. You will regret it. I learned a lot in that time, including self defense.”

 

“I have no time for this. I am late to a meeting with my student assistant.”

 

“Have fun Frank.” Her tone tells him she knows exactly what goes on in those meetings.

 

“What else do you expect Claire? You aren’t being a true wife to me.” He slams out the door. Brian lays hiccupping against her.

 

“I am sorry, my love. Father and I shouldn’t fight in front of you.” She rocks him to sleep while thinking of other fights, fights that wouldn’t end with Jamie running after another woman.

 

Lallybroch

 

“He will be one now, or close to it. Is he walking yet? Talking?” he muses aloud as he sits at the table. Jenny listens as she trims up his hair. “I see Janet and Michael and try to picture Brian. Silly, I know. He could look like Claire or myself. I wonder if this Frank is treating her right, her and the lad.”

 

“Or lass?” his sister says as his red locks fall across the floor. “She could have a lass.”

 

“Aye, I just always picture a lad.”

 

His sister chuckles. “Men usually do.”

 

She and Ian were shocked when Murtagh brought him home, severely injured, without Claire. After getting him healed ( a time that none of them like to think about), he told them all. Starting and ending with the Stones. Things that hadn’t made sense before, suddenly did. Not that it was easily accepted. They are Scots, after all, and came to know the truth of it. That hadn’t kept Jenny from fussing at him, asking why she and her child were sent away.

 

She still wonders. On days like today when he longs for them so, she longs to shake him again and ask him.

 

Fergus comes running in. “Auntie Jenny, Mílord! Redcoats!”

 

They know what to do. Jamie is ushered down to the priest hole, expanded to be livable for him. Jenny dusts the red hair off her while Fergus sweeps it away. She goes to greet her guests.

[apollos-boyfriend]

👀

-@10piecechickenmcnugget

i need to read the comics before i fully touch on what i want to do with brian so tim time <33 i've already gotten into what he's up to a bit with the masky ramble but i can never talk about my boy enough <3

he's probably the closest thing the kids have to like. a stable caretaker. and by stable i mean consistent because that man is NOT stable in any way shape or form. in the order of events i have currently he's the first adult to show up and therefore has a much closer connection to the kids, having been unable to bring himself to leave them until jane arrived and gave him a Small break. he was meant to take a week for himself but came back after literally a day (for him, time's wonky at the mansion so it was either like a few days or hours for them) because he got too anxious and stressed about their well-being. he eventually gets better at it but it takes a Good While.

tim just feels a large amount of responsibility because in a way, most of those kids were failed by the system, like he was. it's clear most of them suffer from Some mental health issue, and tim knows what it feels like to be looked down upon and ostracized for not fitting into the norm. and like, yeah, it's not the Exact Same, but spending god-knows how long alone with just the kids and slender's inconsistent appearances made him a bit attached, despite his better judgement.

and it's funny because i don't think tim is good with kids. like at all. he barely considers himself a caretaker because he sees himself as the bare minimum at best. but he was all they had for a long time and even when jane and brian eventually show up to help, they still can't help themselves. it's like how cats have this sixth sense and can instantly swarm the nearest cat hater/person with cat allergies. brian was a camp counselor and dealt with kids for years and jane essentially raised her sister herself but no. they cling to the man with 300 diseases that spends half his time wallowing in self-pity about how he's not good enough for them

[send me a "👀" and i'll ramble about an au]