#just that maybe he shouldn’t be held as the gold standard for moral goodness

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

Family Methods

[ Suicide Squad: Get Joker! #3 ]

As much as I rag on this story for implying Jason’s trauma-induced spidey-senses activate when the joker walks into the room, there was some rare mockery of Bruce’s side of the ever-so-tiresome morality debate.

Like, ah yes,

the pinnacle of morality

[linkspooky]

Kamo and Megumi is the same... 

I’ve always read the Kyoto vs Tokyo arc as a breakdown of communication.The Kyoto kids want understanding, but  due to everyone being teenagers the Kyoto Kids cannot explain and the Tokyo Kids cannot understand. One of the stand out moments is when Kamo insists they are the same, and Megumi just says no. 

They are both dark haired, quiet, introverts. They were both born outsiders. Toji and Kamo’s mother the prostitute. People that the clan looked down on. However, the clan will take in their children because they were born with a strong cursed technique. They’re both strategists, who act like they’re logical, but tend to be swayed by emotions instead. They’re both trying to protect someone, Megumi his sister, and Kamo his mother and both only became jujutsu sorcerers to protect these people. 

But yeah, they’re totally not the same at all... More under the cut. 

So, why does Megumi reject Kamo so utterly? 

Well, on the surface level it’s simply because Kamo is wrong.

To explain complicated morality a bit. 

Killing one child, even if it’s to protect the peace of everybody else is ethically wrong. 

However, the position Kamo is trying to explain to Megumi is utilitarian. He’s saying, the best way to handle this situation is to do what’s best for everybody, kill one person out of a hundred to save ninety nine. 

He then also adds that, because they’re both heirs to political families they are pressured to think that way. Kamo is thinking in a utilitarian sense, because, he’s saying that as a family with major political power they have to make their decisions on the scope of society as a whole. 

So adding onto that,  Kamo is acting like there is a higher order of reasoning. He says they are expected to think in strictly numerical terms like this, they have to be utilitarian, they have to make their decisions without personal bias, because that’s what is expected of them as the future heads of clan. Kamo is also trying to elaborate, he’s not really allowed, to let personal feelings get in the way of his judgement, because from such a young age he’s always been forced to act responsible in every situation. 

So basically.  Kamo is saying. I’m not allowed to do what I think is right because I’m the son of the Kamo clan, I have to do what the clan thinks is right and fall into line with their utilitarian thinking. 

Megumi’s response to this is, I don’t care about that, I decide things based on what I think is right.

So on one level Megumi is right. Kamo is not actually doing what he thinks is right, he’s doing what the clan thinks is right and claiming he has no choice. Megumi is saying “I don’t care about your cicrumstances or what’s pressuring you, I still believe it’s wrong for you to try to kill my friend.” 

He also, is right in calling that most people are just following their own conscience and just trying to do what they think is right. Kamo’s repressed motivation this entire time is, he’s not really thinking of the whole clan, he’s just trying to do right by his mother. Megumi, is trying to save Tsumiki and Yuji, Kamo is trying to save his mother, however they go about it in different ways, Megumi by saving people selfishly, and Kamo by pretending to be the dutiful and loyal son. 

Megumi’s callout works. Both Megumi and Kamo are just doing what they feel is right in this situation. Kamo is the one pretending like he has a higher reasoning. He’s using the clan’s control over him as a way to excuse himself for what he knows is wrong. 

However, on another level Megumi is wrong.

Megumi is saying, you are doing a bad thing. Therefore, you are a bad person and I don’t have to listen to you. 

When it’s really that Kamo is in a bad family situation. It’s true Kamo’s choices are his own, and he can still make bad decisions and held to responsible for them, however, it’s impossible not to look at Kamo’s family situation, because one it influences his decisions so much (the constant flashbacks to his mother, he’s trying to do what will protect his mom), and two because it resembles Megumi’s own family situation so much (Megumi is also, someone who became a Jujutsu Sorcerer to save his sister). 

“We have no choice but to curse each other.” 

In other words. 

“I don’t care to hear what your reasons are, I’m just going to fight you.” 

It’s never a good thing when you’re quoting Geto. 

This is a bad end. This is where the talks break down. The thing is, both Megumi and Kamo are wrong because they are both kids. Yes, Kamo shouldn’t have ever agreed to the order to kill Yuji but at the same time, Kamo never should have been put in that situation. It’s the adults that are making these kids fight, it’s the adults that create the situations where these kids fight. 

Megumi is using a simplified morality here. Megumi unconsciously divies people into good or bad people and judges them based upon that. We’ve seen them do this countless times, he sees the bad people as not worth saving, and then puts the good ones on a pedestal where they can do no wrong. 

His sister is a “good person” therefore she’s always a good person. Yuji is a “good person” therefore no matter what he does he’s always a good person and worth saving. The problem with this sort of black and white morality is that it doesn’t apply to a life that is a very, messy, gray. The thing is, the way Megumi sees the world the only people who ever do bad things are bad people. 

Well, this guy must have been bad because he hit someone while driving without a liscense.

Megumi says while not knowing the circumstances at all.  Maybe he was driving to work without a license because his mom needed the money and he was still in high school and couldn’t get one? Maybe, he actually felt sorry about it. 

The thing is, the guy was arrested, and was already actively serving penance for his crime. And yet, Megumi is like, “Nah he’s not worth saving. I was planning on letting him die.” 

That’s like, an awful thing to think, because crimminals are no longer human and therefore no longer worth saving. That’s how simplified Megumi’s view on morality is, it’s downright childish, once you’ve done a bad thing you’re labeled as bad for life. People can’t improve, or repent or feel sorry for what they’ve done. 

The thing is people do bad things all the time without meaning too, or for understandable reasons, or because they’re people. Megumi’s primary fear is what if the person I save, turns out to be a bad person?

However, that doesn’t come from a place of hating crimminals per se. 

It comes from Megumi’s tenderness, his kindness, his fear of hurting people. Childish is the best way to describe it. Megumi’s primary character trait is that he was abandoned by both parents, he doesn’t really know how to survive in the world but he has to pretend that he does because no one else is there to take care of him. Add onto that the idea that he was sort of forced into becoming a jujutsu sorcerer first by his dad selling him, then by Gojo only intervening on the premise that he come to work for him instead. Second, on the fact that he was completely powerless to stop whatever was happening to Tsumiki. 

It makes perfect sense that Megumi has a really childish morality, he is a child, and it doesn’t come from a place of wanting to punish bad people so much as he’s afraid of other people getting hurt by his actions, and he’s afraid that he might be at fault, that he might be the reason that people like Toji, and Tsumiki left his life. Megumi is so careful with choosing his actions, because he’s so afraid that he’s the reason everyone else around him left him, and if he screws up he’ll lose other people again, or he’ll hurt people. It comes from Megumi genuinely being a soft guy towards almost everyone he meets, just like Yuji. 

The problem is, Kamo is the same.

Kamo is also someone coping really badly with circumstances just like Megumi is. However, when it comes to judge Kamo Megumi just ignores those circumstances. 

The difference between Kamo and Megumi is that one of them is good, or one of them is bad, they’re not better than the other, their fight even got interrupted and ended in a tie. They are both children.

The difference is their circumstances. Basically at this time, Kamo had already been placed as the next head of the Kamo clan, whereas Megumi was still being protected by Gojo. Megumi doesn’t stop to think about how their circumstances might be different, because he doesn’t think of circumstances at all he’s still hung up on good people vs. bad people. 

The reason that Kamo decided to turn against Yuji is that he was being pressured too, he thought he had to choose between doing the thing he thought would help his mother, or saving a random stranger. He made a bad choice, but people make bad choices in bad circumstances. 

The problem with Megumi’s reasoning is that he assumes because he’s deciding things based on his own conscience, that he’ll just somehow be stronger in those circumstances. Megumi assumes that he would still make the right choice, even if put into Kamo’s cricumstances. However, how would Megumi react if he was forced to choose between Yuji and Tsumiki. If he had to decide which one to save? 

Now, Megumi is being pushed into similiar circumstances that Kamo once faced. 

Tsumiki, who Megumi always held up as his gold standard of a good person might do something bad. Geto says he’s going to release all the new cursed energy users he created and make them fight, Tsumiki might hurt someone. 

Yuji, who also was what Megumi decided was a good person also has hurt a lot of people now. 

Yuji and Tsumiki are both victims of circumstance the same way Kamo was once. Yuji never wanted to do anything bad, his only intention the whole way was to save people. Yuji ended up hurting a lot of people in Tokyo. It wasn’t even his fault, but the undeniable reality is it’s still something that happened. 

This is why dividing people into good or bad doesn’t work, good people can still hurt other people, good people make mistakes, good people are capable of doing wrong. 

You could say that Yuji should have always known about the possibility that Sukuna would rampage, but it didn’t occur to him, that one he’d ever be in a situation where Gojo wouldn’t be around to stop him, and two he didn’t think he’d be fed ten or so fingers at once. It’s true Yuji wasn’t acting responsibly as Sukuna’s host, but Yuji is, just a kid. He’s like seventeen. There’s no way he can be held responsible in every single situation. 

If you wanted to be pedantic you could even go back and say that Kamo’s decision was the right one. That Megumi should have killed Yuji all along, because the threat was always there that Yuji might let Sukuna rampage and kill hundreds of people.

However, even that is missing the point. The point being that, Kamo, Yuji and Megumi are all just kids. It’s unreasonable to expect any of them to be well adjusted in these circumstances. By expecting these kids to act like rational adults in situations that most adults couldn’t handle, then blaming the kids for their reactions, all you’re ensuring really is that the kids pay for the adults mistakes. 

Now, Megumi is being put into the exact same position as Kamo. He’s a child, being forced to now act like the heir to the Zen’in clan because Gojo is no longer around to protect him. He’s going to become a piece to be manipulated by the adults around him. 

Megumi probably won’t do very well in this situation, because he’s just a kid. If anything that’s the strength of Jujutsu Kaisen as a manga. Characters don’t ever like heroically overcome circumstances with sheer willpower alone. Yuji isn’t acting heroic like now, he’s horrified by what Sukuna used his body to do, he doesn’t feel like he can go back home right now because his friends wouldn’t accept him anymore, and he would just hurt them. It’s almost etter to see Yuji falter with circumstances instead of heroically overcome them, because now Yuji feels like a real kid. He feels what any kid would feel in that situation, he struggles with it. 

Kamo and Megumi are the same, because they’re just kids. I wish Megumi would see that too, because he might learn to be more forgiving towards himself. It’s not his fault that Toji and Tsumiki left because he wasn’t good enough. 

The strange thing is Yuji thinks that Megumi might blame him for what happened in Tokyo and think he is a bad person now, but Megumi is much more likely to blame himself. He’ll think it was his choice to save Yuji that led to Sukuna rampaging and he has to bear all the respnosibility alone without Yuji. When the truth is it’s neither of their faults, because both Megumi and Yuji are just kids. 

[nayutai]

Royally Fucked

↝ Summary Kim Seokjin is a royal asshole. Literally. As the only heir to the throne of Cirenth he’s used to getting what he wants when he wants it. The only obstacle in his way is you, his rigidly moral assistant. He outranks you on both the social and hybrid hierarchies yet a shiver of fear runs down his spine whenever your claws come out. One rude interruption too many is the straw that breaks the camel’s back and he decides he must rid himself of you once and for all.  

↝ Warnings Jin is a dumbass, oral sex, semi-public nudity, unprotected sex (use condoms kids), dry humping, crude/foul language

↝ Word Count 14.809

One day at a time.

Your daily mantra bounces around in your brain just like it does every other morning as you give yourself one final once over in the mirror before exiting your suite. Your shoulders are squared, head held high, and your trusty iPad is in hand as you move purposefully through the service wing of the palace. It’s just after seven in the morning and as personal assistant to the crowned prince of Cirenth Kim Seokjin, it’s time to get the royal jackass started on his day.

A deep breath in and released through your mouth to steel your nerves in preparation to deal with the nuisance that is Seokjin is the last thing you do before flinging open the heavy oak door. You’re so used to him being a comatose lump in bed at this hour that the light choking noises don’t even register in your brain until you’re face with the sight of Seokjin vigorously face fucking one of the palace maids. A headache springs up behind your left eye. This is why you’re the highest paid service person in the whole palace after the head chef. Dealing with Prince Seokjin is an absolute nightmare. You wish that you could say this is the first time you’ve walked in on him performing some lewd act with one of his numerous partners but sadly it is not. However, this is the first time you’ve caught him with another member of the palace staff.

“Can you hurry it up, your highness?” You sigh with a quick glance at the apple watch strapped to your wrist. “We have a busy schedule today and we need to get going.”

Seokjin and his flavor of the morning are so shameless that they don’t even stop what they’re doing. If anything, he speeds up his thrusts into the willing mouth his erection is stuffed in. You make it a point to focus on the wall above his head to keep your eyes from wandering lower. It’s easier said than done. Seokjin might be an irritating bastard but even you must admit that he’s sinfully attractive. That primal attraction is shattered when he opens his mouth.

“Why don’t you get down here and join her? I bet I’d be coming in seconds.” He suggests much to your chagrin.

“I’d rather claw out my own intestines and eat them.” You reply quickly. Your nose wrinkling in distaste. He might be the hottest piece of ass you’ve laid eyes on but you have standards.

“Oh, come on, Kitty. A threesome might actually loosen you up some.” You can feel your claws lengthening with the urge to tear him apart at his little nickname for you but Kim Seokjin outranks you in more than just social hierarchy. As a black panther hybrid, you are far outmatched when it comes to the dragon still shallowly face fucking his human conquest.

“Camille would love some help. Wouldn’t you, pet?” He coos out. The petite maid at his feet nods as best she can in her current position. Your nose wrinkles at the way the smell of her arousal kicks up a notch.

“The only thing I’m helping Camille do is file an unemployment claim as her services will no longer be needed in the palace.” Your face is carefully devoid of emotion as that sentence makes Camille tear herself away from Seokjin.

The spot above Seokjin’s head you’ve been staring take a backseat to his saliva-covered erection bobbing in the air. Camille swats at his hands as she grovels at your feet for her job. There is not an ounce of sympathy in your heart for the young maid. Every palace employee is told upon hiring that sexual relations with members of the royal family are strictly forbidden. Few rules in this palace result in immediate termination and this one is right at the top of the list. As a recent hire, Camille shouldn’t have had time to forget that particular fact.

With a resigned sigh, you turn to open the ornate door of Seokjin’s room. Camille knows what that means. She finally drags herself off her knees to run out of the door. The heavy wood door slams shut behind her.

Most hybrids have a keen sense of smell no matter what form they’re in but dragons are a strange exception to that trend and right now you’ve never been more thankful for it. The more primal side of you is practically salivating at the sight of the sizeable appendage jutting from Seokjin’s body. You grimace internally at the gush of wetness that soaks your panties.

“Goddammit you couldn’t wait five more minutes?” Seokjin questions indignantly. He’s always been a physically expressive speaker for as long as you’ve known him. You hate it, especially now that all of his gesturing is making his softening erection wave around wildly. “Now I have to walk around with blue balls all day.”

You huff in response as you herd him towards his bathroom. “Don’t care. Now go take a shower. You’re meeting with a lot of important people today and I can’t have you smelling freshly fucked in front of foreign dignitaries.”

He mumbles something under his breath about not smelling freshly fucked if he didn’t actually get to fuck but for once you choose to not respond to him. While he’s showering, you raid his closet to find him a suit to wear for the day. You fan yourself with the sleeve of a heather gray suit that probably costs more than your healthy monthly salary. Your body temperature is already a few degrees higher than a human’s but now your body feels like a walking furnace.

The sound of the shower turning off spurs you in action. You quickly grab the gray suit you’ve been using as a makeshift fan along with a pale blue shirt and a tie to match. The clothing is carefully laid out on the bed before you disappear back into the closet for accessories. Seokjin emerges from the bathroom in a very revealing pair of black boxer briefs furiously towel drying his hair. You tell him to make it quick before disappearing out in the hallway to wait for him.

“Was firing Camille really necessary?” Seokjin asks, interrupting the peaceful quiet in the SUV. You don’t even glance up from your iPad as you continue to answer one email after another.

“Yes, sexual relations with a member of the royal family are a direct violation of the palace employment contract and results in immediate dismissal.” Had you been looking at him you would have seen the way his lips pouted. A sign that the young prince is deep in thought.

Seokjin is a vengeful man. It’s a fact of his life that he knows has gotten him into trouble more often than not. Despite how much he likes to push your buttons, he’s always made sure to never go too far or risk the harsh bite of your wrath. He might be the bigger, badder hybrid between the two of you but truth be told you scare him quite a bit. He can’t let his fear get in the way of his revenge though. You have singlehandedly cut off his access to the best pussy he’s ever encountered in the palace and that will never do. There’s a week-long summit coming up in a few days in one of the neighboring kingdoms. He decides then that he will commence his plan for revenge.

Operation: Bye Bye Kitty will soon be underway.

“Good morning, Kitty. Did you sleep well?” Jin chirps. Your icy glare doesn’t dim his megawatt smile in the slightest. The way your eyes flash that familiar gold does give him pause though as you seem to struggle to hold your tongue.

Seokjin takes a small step back when you close your eyes for a few seconds. The iPad that never seems to leave your hands is currently clutched to your chest in a death grip. Maybe kicking off his plan at five in the morning as the two of you are preparing to leave for eight o’clock flight wasn’t his best decision. In the three or so years he’s known you, you’ve never been a morning person.

“Don’t speak to me again until we land in Aurlena.” You mutter when you seem to have better control of yourself.

“But that’ll be like eight hours from now.” He protests loudly. The flight to the distant kingdom is already going to be hell as it is but not having anyone to talk to is only going to make it worse. You shut him up with one single glare that promises an untold amount of pain if he doesn’t zip it immediately.

The more animalistic side of him cringes at the way he backs down without another word but the human side of him knows he made the right decision. You’d rip him to shreds faster than he could blink if given the smallest bit of provocation and he knows it. It’s with a shudder that he notices your fingers have actually sharpened into claws. He knows you’re not usually a morning person but you’re extra irritable today. That doesn’t bode well for his plan at all.

The second the doors of the private jet open, you and Seokjin are whisked to the palace of the fairy queen who rules over the kingdom of Aurlena. A spritely host leads the two of you to the main dining hall where an extravagant brunch is being served. Summit participants are spread around at various tables talking amongst themselves over various brunch dishes.

Seokjin purposefully selects an empty table away from the crowd next to a window when the host asks if he has a preference. The view of the royal garden stretching out before them in various hues is breathtaking in its beauty. Rays of light stream through the glass and hit your profile at an angle that leaves the problematic prince speechless for a second as second thoughts run through his head. Maybe he shouldn’t do this. One snappy command to stop slouching from your pursed lips crushes that doubt to dust.

“So, what brought you to the palace?” Seokjin questions as he carefully covers his lap in one of the pristine linen napkins. You snort in response to him just as he’d expected.

“That’s a stupid question. I’m here for the same reason you are, idiot.” He has to stop himself from insulting you in turn. He can’t afford to let a single negative word pass his lips if he wants this plan to work.

“I know that but how did you end up working at the palace? Your file says you were an art student but you dropped out.” You narrow your eyes at him suspiciously. He’s up to something. You’re sure of it.

“Why were you reading my file?”

“Well you said I wasn’t allowed to speak on the plane so I did some reading.”

“Most people read novels not personnel files, Seokjin so cut the bullshit.” The grip you have on your fork that’s hovering above the plate of food you’ve just been served looks punishing but he powers through. He opens his mouth to point out the fact that as a crowned prince he’s most definitely not most people but he thinks better of it.

“Is it really so bad that I want to get to know you? You pick out my underwear for Christ’s sake.” He points out. You’re a woman who can appreciate an honest pursuit of knowledge and facts. Seokjin may not be all that honest about why he wants said knowledge but you don’t need to know that. You arch a brow at him as you consider his statement and for a second he’s sure that you’re going to tell him to piss off.

“My dad had a series of small strokes my senior year of college. My mom had been a housewife since I was born and they couldn’t afford to keep paying for art school so I dropped out. I knew someone who knew someone else and managed to get this job.” Seokjin is a bit taken aback. He was expecting something a bit more frivolous and a lot less traumatic. Then again, you didn’t strike him as a person that did anything frivolous.

“You’ve worked with me for what three years now? Why didn’t you ever mention this? How’s your father doing now?” He questions with rapid fire.

“I didn’t tell you because my personal life is none of your business but my dad is doing much better now. He’ll probably never be 100% but he’s still here.” A small smile graces your features as you duck your head shyly. It’s clear how much you love your father.

A strange flutter takes root in his gut at such an unfamiliar action from you. Looks like family is a soft spot for you. Maybe something happened and that’s the reason for your increased irritability this morning. Seokjin ponders that possibility for the rest of the day as he mindlessly moves through the different speakers and panel discussions for that day.

Seokjin lays in bed later that night mindlessly watching an episode of Bob’s Burgers when his mind drifts back over the events of the day. You’d been incredibly on edge this morning. So much so, that he’d toyed with the idea of postponing his evil scheme to keep from being slaughtered. He praises his own genius when he recalls a certain fact from the exhaustive personnel file he’d read on the plane. Seriously, why are they so in-depth? Why would anyone need to know your precise measurements and what color you prefer the most? He quickly reigns himself back in and grabs the phone from its cradle on the nightstand.

It rings once before someone picks up. The hotel staff member is initially hesitant to fulfill his request until Seokjin gives his room number. All hesitancy goes out the window once that tidbit of information is on the table. Whoever is on the other line must have seen exactly who’s occupying the room. He hangs up after assuring that his wishes will be granted expeditiously. Now all he has to do is wait.

You’re making last minute preparations for day two of the summit when a knock sounds through your suite. No one should be knocking on your door at this time of night unless it’s an emergency. You’re immediately thrown into crisis mode, crossing the room in four large steps. When you see the person standing on the other side of the door you wish you’d thought to grab your robe. You feel incredibly exposed in your worn, oversized t-shirt that bares the symbol of your former university and a tiny pair of shorts.

“I must say I rather like this look on you.” Seokjin says with a smirk as he squeezes by you to step into your room. He looks around observantly though there’s really no point to it. Your hotel rooms are mirror images of each other so there’s nothing he hasn’t seen before.

“It’s almost one in the morning. What do you want?”

“Oh, I brought you this.” Your senses finally seem to get over the initial shock of being disturbed at this hour as he holds out a white box that you hadn’t even noticed before. The enticing smell of chocolate and hazelnut caresses your nose. As if it’ll disappear, you slowly take the proffered container before taking a seat on the edge of your bed while Seokjin cautiously does the same.

“You seemed like you were having a rough morning so I called the kitchen to have them make this for you. I know it’s your favorite.” He speaks up at your startled gasp when you open the lid to reveal a chocolate hazelnut cheesecake. Your favorite dessert.

Seokjin actually looks shy for the first time in all the years you’ve known him. One large hand rubs nervously at the back of his neck as he awaits your reaction. The tips of his ears could be confused for tomatoes with how red they are.

“I know that wasn’t in my HR file so how did you know it’s my favorite?” You question curiously around a bite of the decadent dessert. You hadn’t even bothered to cut a proper slice, opting to just dig in instead. If it weren’t for your impeccable self-control you would’ve moaned at loud and made a fool of yourself. Seokjin grabs an extra fork at your insistence and digs in right alongside you.

“You’re right it’s not, but it did say that your favorite candy is chocolate plus I noticed that the chef makes you one of these for your birthday every year.”

“How did you know that?”

“People sometimes forget that the palace is still just a really big house. I know everything that goes on in my home.”

You nod in concession to his point as you set your fork aside. It is well within your abilities to eat the whole cheesecake in one sitting. A perk of your ramped-up hybrid metabolism. However, you know that doing so will mean a sleepless night and a day of chugging coffee so as not to fall asleep.

“So,” Seokjin starts sheepishly, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

You glance at him in your peripheral vision. Even fix your mouth to deny his invitation to vent. Your eyes wander to the half a cheesecake that you’d set on the nightstand and decide, what the hell? He did go to the trouble of securing your favorite dessert just because he’d realized you were upset this morning. With a heavy sigh, you scoot back so you’re leaned against the headboard.

Your bare legs are stretched out in front of you while Seokjin chooses to stretch his lanky frame across the foot of the bed, propping his head up on his hand. To an outsider, the two of you probably look like half of the Golden Girls cast spilling tea and discussing feelings over cheesecake.

“This stays between us, right?” You ask apprehensively.

“Of course, it does. Boy scout’s honor.” Seokjin beams as he holds up three fingers in salute.

“First of all, that’s the girl scout’s hand sign. Second of all, you were never a boy scout, Seokjin, so what type of honor do you even have?” You hold your hand over your mouth in an attempt to stifle the laughter doing its best to escape.

He waves you off with a playful scoff. It feels weird. You’re about to spill your guts to the man that’s been nothing but a whiny pain in your ass for the better part of three years. This is definitely crossing a line, right? And yet you find yourself pushing that strange feeling to the side. He listens intently as you tell him about the phone call you received from your mother the night before the two of you left for Aurlena.

Simply put, your parents are on the verge of eviction. Well, they were until you’d emptied out your healthy savings account to get them current on their mortgage and keep them off the streets. That was only a temporary fix though. They still owe nearly $10,000 on their mortgage. A mortgage that they can no longer afford to keep up with though they’d never divulged that minor detail to you. Your parents are proud people. They hadn’t wanted you to drop out of school to help them, even promised to do whatever necessary to find the money to fund your last year but you couldn’t do that. Not when creditors were calling them so often that they pulled the plug for the phone out of the wall completely.

You’d taken over the medical bills when you got the job at the palace. It took over a year but you finally got them all caught up but with your dad still needing extensive medical care there would always be more. You’d tried to help your parents with their various other expenses but they assured you that everything was fine now that you’d taken away the burden that was the mountain of medical bills that had piled up at their feet. Apparently, that hadn’t been the truth. Despite your mother getting a part-time job to make some money while also taking care of your father on the days his nurse wasn’t there and his sizeable pension, it wasn’t enough to cover everything.

Seokjin’s face displays a myriad of emotions as you continue your tale. You hadn’t intended to talk this much but it’s not like you really have anyone to talk to. All of your friends from college have moved on with their lives doing god knows what so once you got started you can’t stop. The words just keep flowing and Seokjin just keeps listening.

Surprisingly, the conversation keeps flowing. The more you talk to him, the more you realize that maybe he’s not quite as much of a dickhead as you always thought. Who are you kidding? He’s definitely still a dickhead, but in a more endearing way. In other words, he’s an enigma. A glance at the digital clock nearly makes your eyes bulge out of your head. There’s no way the two of you have stayed up till nearly two in the morning just talking. You hustle him towards the door with strict instructions to go straight to bed with no pit stops and no mindless social media scrolling.

Seokjin goes willingly, giggling at your urgency the whole way. He promises not to make any “pit stops” as you so eloquently put it but both of you know he’s not going to listen.

The second he’s back in his room, he’s digging his laptop out of his suitcase. He opens a fresh word document and brands it with the title of his brilliant plan. His fingers dance across the keyboard as he documents the events of the day. He types a few notes. Makes a few observations. The key to a successful outcome will be keeping track of what works and what doesn’t. A lingering sense of guilt creeps up on him but he shakes it off, typing a final note to pen a glowing recommendation letter for your future employment endeavors. He might be about to get you fired but he’s not so much of an asshole to leave you at the mercy of the world with no job, especially after everything you’d told him tonight.

*   *   *

The next morning finds you wide awake and fidgety. You’d chased sleep for hours but your brain refused to power down. Your conversation with Seokjin kept replaying over and over in your head. What would be the consequences of telling him such intimate details of your life like that? You weren’t foolish enough to believe that there wouldn’t be any. Seokjin did nothing that didn’t benefit him in some way so he has to have some ulterior motive for suddenly being so nice and attentive.

Your fists are clenched tightly in the expensive sheets of your bed. Last night was a mistake. You’ve always prided yourself on being a logical person and yet, there was nothing logical about telling your boss all about your present hardships. The thought of what this could mean for your future made you queasy. After giving up on sleep, you’d spent the last few hours before your alarm goes off making sure that your resume is absolutely flawless. If you’re going to be unemployed, you need to make sure that you far outshine your competition in the job market. You can’t afford to go without a job considering that your savings account currently has nothing but the mandatory $20 that the bank requires for the account to remain open. Your checking account is nearly just as empty. You’d had to hit it up too and pay day is still a little over a week away.

It nearly takes an act of God for you to raise your fist to knock on Seokjin’s room door. He answers with a blinding smile that calms you for some strange reason. He’s dressed in the sleek navy blue you’d selected for the day. You can’t help but admire the way the tailor-made jacket highlights his broad shoulders with perfection.

“You ready?” Seokjin asks interrupting a bout of silence that you hadn’t even realized had stretched between the two of you.

“Oh…yes after you.” You step aside and dutifully follow him towards the elevator. A yawn slips out despite your best efforts to hold it in. If you make it through this day, it’ll be a miracle.

Your phone rings with a call from your mother as the elevator descends smoothly to the first floor. You ignore it the first time but the second? The second one you answer. She never calls twice in a row like this unless a crisis is underway.

“Mom? What’s wrong?” You ask, concern heavily laced through your words. Your worry only intensifies as you pick up on small sniffs and hiccups coming from the other end of the line.

She tearfully retells the reason for her emotional phone call. A phone call from the bank holding your parents’ mortgage. According to the bank representative, their mortgage is now all paid up and they should be expecting a certified packaged with the deed to the house in a few business days.

The elevator is cruising past the fifteenth floor while your jaw has already reach the lobby. This can’t be real life. The bank must have made some cruel accounting error. Your mind is already whirling with the different phone calls you’re going to have to make to get to the bottom of this as your mom continues to sob her thanks. It takes several attempts but you finally get her off the phone. Now the real work of solving this dilemma while also fulfilling your work obligations can begin.

“You’re welcome.” You jump as Seokjin speaks out of nowhere. Oftentimes you forget that while his senses aren’t as strong in human form as yours are, he can still hear better than the average human. But that would mean…

“You didn’t.” You accuse with narrowed eyes. The fool next to you apparently has more money than sense if he truly did what he’s claiming.

“Oh, but I did.”

“Well undo it. I don’t have that kind of money. I can’t pay you back.” The elevator dings as the door slide open in the opulent hotel lobby. Seokjin faces straight ahead, striding confidently towards the SUV waiting to deliver the two of you to the palace for another day of panel discussions and seminars.

He faces you for the first time as he waits for the driver to open the car door. “I don’t recall asking to be repaid, Kitty.” The look in his eyes nearly takes your breath away. No one has ever looked at you with this much…sincerity? You can’t really put your finger on exactly what it is you see in his eyes but it makes your gut twist up in knots.

“I can’t-” Your words are cut off by a yawn that refuses to be suppressed. You soon realize that it doesn’t matter anyway because Seokjin has absolutely no plans to listen to your protests.

The man next to you hums in approval when one of the security guards up front lowers the security screen and passes two cups of coffee to Seokjin. Your eyes widen for the hundredth time since you walked out of your hotel room when he hands one of the piping hot cups to you. He winks at you annoyingly before taking a sip of the scalding liquid. It always irks you when he flexes on you like that. Stupid dragons and their stupid immunity to extreme heat. You, on the other hand, have to wait for the coffee to cool off before you can drink it.

“Thank you.” You whisper into your coffee.

“Anything for you, Kitty.”

Surprisingly, the rest of the seminar passes in much of the same fashion. Seokjin continues to do little things here and there to get on your good side. He even shows up for more late night conversations a few times. Each time feels like an episode of The Golden Girls as the two of you laugh and talk about life over hulking slices of cheesecake. You’re still not entirely sure of his motive but it’s not like you’re in the position to turn down his olive branch of friendship. Being his assistant hasn’t left you much time for a social life. You’re so far removed from your old friend groups that you’re not even sure they still consider you their friend at this point.

You’d thought that things would go back to normal when your plane touched down in Verus but Seokjin is only too happy to prove you wrong. He greets you like an old friend during his routine wakeup call the next morning. Warm embrace and all. You stand stiff-armed and in shock until he physically places your arms around his neck. Your mind is frantic as you try to figure out how to respond. Part of you wants to melt into his arms but that’s dangerous territory. That type of thinking could lead to feelings that you can’t afford to feel. A protest is on the tip of your tongue but Seokjin releases you before you can voice it. A genuine smile lights up his face as he takes a step back from you.

“A hug a day keeps the wrinkles away,” He announces as he smooths out your furrowed brow. You weren’t even aware that you were frowning. “and you’re much too pretty for wrinkles so I expect a hug every morning. It’s my royal degree.”

In true Seokjin fashion, he doesn’t give you a chance to argue with him. He simply disappears into the bathroom and hops in the shower. Still in a daze, you set about picking out his suit for the day. You’re going through his accessories looking for a particular set of cufflinks when Seokjin’s voice suddenly sounds from behind you. He’s entirely too close to you if the closeness of his voice is anything to go by. You hadn’t even registered the sound of the shower turning off nor the bathroom door opening. When you turn around to chastise him for scaring you, you fervently wish for a sink hole to open up beneath your feet and send you plummeting towards the Earth’s core.

Seokjin stands before you in all of his freshly showered glory. Hair dripping, skin flushed and damp, and a towel slung dangerously low around his waist. Saliva pools in your mouth at the devastating sight of him. You nearly say fuck the consequences and launch yourself at him but your last ounce of resolve keeps your muscles locked in place.

“Sorry. Forgot my underwear.” The cocky devil in front you reaches for a shelf down by your hip to grab a pair of the overpriced Balenciaga boxer briefs that he’s partial to. He normally keeps a stock of underwear in his bathroom so that he can just get dressed when he comes out but it would appear that isn’t the case for today.

“I’m going to kill him.” You announce to the row of suit jackets by your head. Fists clenched at your sides as you fight for control. Your more primitive side is fighting to get out and answer the sexual challenge that Seokjin has laid before you but the human in you would rather die than give into your animalistic urges and risk everything you’ve worked for. Rational thought must take precedent here.

Jin’s flirtatious demeanor continues throughout the day in the form of random compliments and acts of kindness. A large part of the day is taken up by a mandatory appearance at an outdoor festival with his parents. The sun is shining brightly and Seokjin takes every chance he gets to tell you how you look like a “sun-kissed goddess”. You have an overwhelming urge to smack him every time he opens his mouth to say it. A waitress accidentally spills a drink down your back and he doesn’t hesitate a single second before he’s taking off his blazer to wrap it around your shoulders. A blazer that you know for a fact costs more than your entire monthly salary.

You’re not sure why he’s being so different but you can’t find it within yourself to complain either. Jin, as he now insists that you call him, is a lot more receptive to your instructions which in turn makes your job less of a headache. The constant compliments don’t hurt either. However, it’s when you start to look forward to them every day that you realize that maybe you’re not as immune to him as you’d once thought. Jin picks up on the subtle shift in your attitude as well. You smile more now and it makes his heart do jumping jacks every time. These days his plan of action has taken a back seat and every word out of his mouth is now a genuine effort to get you to bless him with even the smallest of grins.

You can feel Jin’s eyes on you as your fingers fly across the screen of your tablet. He’s inches away from you in the back seat of the SUV currently returning both of you to the palace after a long day of public appearances. Part of you yearns to know what’s going on in that head of his but you don’t want to push him. This…thing between the two of you is strange to say the least. You’ve long accepted that you have less than platonic feelings for him but that pesky employment clause in a mountain in your path. Besides, there’s no way that Jin feels the same way about you. He’s always had a thing for those traditionally beautiful girls that seem to draw people into them with their mere presence. You wish you could say that was you but you know it’s not

“I like you.” Jin interrupts your self-deprecating thoughts as if you had spoken them out loud. Your eyes fly to his, wide open. The shocked expression is identical to the one you’re sure that paints your own face as if that little sentence wasn’t meant to be said aloud.

“What did you just say?” You ask strictly for clarification purposes because there’s no way in hell he just said that.

He takes a deep breath, scooting closer to you. “I like you.”

Your heart leaps into your throat as he repeats himself in a soft voice that is just so unlike the loud, animated man you’re used to. He’s practically folded in on himself as if he’s preparing himself for rejection. You realize then that you weren’t the only one harboring feelings that you thought could never be reciprocated.

His words embolden you to finally act on your own repressed feelings. You completely close the little remaining distance between the two of you, leaning in to whisper in his ear. “I like you too.”

His lanky frame tenses up as he searches your face for any hint of a lie. He’s visibly relieved when he doesn’t find it. Smoke billows out of his nostrils and a shiver of fear runs the length of your spine. You’ve never personally seen a dragon hybrid shift but in all of the movies they always blow smoke out of their noses like this right before they transform into their more powerful form. You’d like to not be intimately pressed against Jin in the back of an SUV if he’s about to turn into a twenty-foot beast.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to shift.” Jin assures you and at this point you’re convinced that he’s reading your mind. “Dragon hybrids do this whenever we feel extreme emotion.”

You nod in understanding but you move over a few inches just in case while he cracks his window to air the car out. A small squeal totally unbefitting the unflappable persona that you’ve carefully crafted escapes you when Jin suddenly unhooks your seatbelt and lifts you into his lap. He tugs your iPad away from you with a sudden show of strength, carelessly tossing it to the floorboards on what was your side of the car.

When he runs his nose along the column of your neck, your breath seizes up in your chest. You want this. God, you really, really want this but you know that it’s against the rules. Losing this cushy position would be devastating in more ways than one. It’s with a heavy heart that you not so effortlessly extricate yourself from Jin’s grasp to slide off his lap.

Your apparent rejection stings if his hurt facial expression is anything to go by. As you reach down for your iPad, you purposefully avoid his prying gaze. You know that if you look into his eyes you’ll break. Jin has other plans as he gently cups your jaw, turning you to face him. The warm chocolate of his eyes somehow calms you while also kicking your pulse into overdrive. You’ve never met a man who had such a dizzying effect on you before.

“Let me in, Kitty.” You’re not sure when his face had gotten so close to yours but his full lips just barely graze yours with every word. A frustrated growl rumbles in your chest as you lurch forward before jerking yourself back. You shouldn’t be doing this.

“Please, I can’t go on without knowing what kissing you is like. Even if it’s only once.” His voice is gruff. Hands gripping your waist as if you’re the one thing keeping him grounded.

Fuck it.

Smoke clouds around the two of you once more as your lips dance the timeless waltz of lovers. His tongue slips into your mouth with ease. His lips are gentle yet insistent as they move against yours. In that moment, you know that this is what it’s like to fly.

Seokjin curses as he powers through one last set of bicep curls. The heavy barbell in his hand drops to the floor with a loud bang that seems to echo around the room. His eyes burn from the sweat that’s pouring off of him but he doesn’t even bother to wipe his face. Instead, he opts to just push his hair away from his forehead and keep it moving.

He would normally take this cool off period to admire his progress in the mirrors that line one wall but he can’t even bring himself to look at his own reflection right now. He turns one of the treadmills so that it’s facing a non-reflective surface and hops on, cranking it up as fast as he can handle. His chest feels tight thought it’s not from a lack of air but rather it’s the heavy weight of guilt constricting his lungs.

Kissing you hadn’t been on his list of things to do today. Neither was spilling his guts in your lap about his feelings either. The words had burst forth before he could even think about stopping them. Seokjin couldn’t help the small smile that curved the corners of his lips at the memory of you confessing that you felt the same way.

His smile becomes a frown when that gnawing sense of guilt eats at him again. He’d documented the kiss in his log out of habit. It had just become routine for him to write down every little interaction that could be deemed less than appropriate. He pushes himself faster on the treadmill. His heart yearns for you to be his without the cloud of his false pretenses looming over him. Seokjin had originally thought that kissing you would be torture because he’d never be able to get enough and he was right. What he didn’t anticipate is that he’d feel this bad about it.

His mind wanders back to that incriminating document on his laptop. He doesn’t really know why he still has it or why he still updates it. Seokjin gave up on his plan to get Kitty fired a while ago but this weird relationship that’s not quite a relationship could end tomorrow if you wanted it to and he’d rather not rely on his own memories to remember you. The mere thought of you finding out his secret makes him physically ill. He lurches from the treadmill, collapsing into a heap on the floor. He’s fucked and royally so. Pun intended.

The days seem to blur together as time goes by. As he’d expected, Seokjin finds it damn near impossible to keep his hands and lips to himself. You’ve given up on wearing lipstick at this point. It’s practically become routine for him to lift you into his lap and attach his lips to yours the second the door of the SUV is shut behind him.

Today is no different. The driver hasn’t even made it back into his seat yet and Jin’s hands are already on you. Normally, you’re just sat across both of his legs but apparently, that’s not doing it for him anymore. He positions your knees on either side of his body as he does his absolute best to ruin you. Your pencil skirt is bunched up around the tops of your thighs just barely covering your lower half.

The shock wears off in the time it takes for the driver to put the car in drive. Your fingers are buried in his hair, tugging at the soft strands when he forces your hips to rock against his own. The bulge in his slacks brushes perfectly against your clit on every roll of your hips against his lap. He swallows your moans greedily, refusing to detach your lips from his. The car hits a bump in the road that causes the two of you to bounce a bit and results in your hips coming down with enough force to have you biting down on his lip hard enough to draw blood. Jin is unfazed. Instead, he thrusts his upwards in time with the continuous rocking motion of your hips. The rising pressure in your nether regions indicating that you’re teetering on the edge of an orgasm snaps you out of the sexual haze he’s dragged you into.

“Stop.”

Though it’s the last thing he wants to do, Seokjin ceases all movement at your whispered command. You escape from his lap and put as much distance as you possibly can between you and the virile man next to you. Your fingers shakily redo the buttons on your blouse. You don’t even know when they’d come undone in the first place. The iPad that’s normally glued to your hand is nowhere to be found. After a few minutes of desperate searching, you find it has slid under your seat and into the trunk area of the SUV. Jin lets out a pained groan at the sight of your perky ass in the air when you lean over the back of the seat to reach your device.

You’re all business when you return to a seated position. If it weren’t for the fact that there’s a few strands of hair that’s been tugged out of your bun there’d be no way to tell you’d just been engaged in a heated make out session in the backseat of a car. A few coughs to clear your throat has you back to normal so you launch into a breakdown of an upcoming conference that the two of you will be attending in a few short days. Jin had forgotten all about the small healthcare summit. He hates that he has to attend these things but if it means getting uninterrupted he’ll gladly suffer through whatever hell is in store for them.

Seokjin has his ear pressed against the door connecting your room to his listening to you move around as you get ready for bed. He’d been ecstatic when you’d arrived at the hotel to find that the hotel had messed up the room reservation in such a manner. It felt like the universe was rewarding him for some good deed. He feels like such a creep right now though as he practically strains his ears to pick up on every little sound you make. His normal confident demeanor has deserted him just as it has the two previous nights. This is his last chance to finally buck up and make his move. With one final mental shove, he raises his fist to gently knock on the door.

His lungs practically collapse when you open the door. There’s no sight that he loves more than you in your after hours state clad in the baggy sweatshirts and tiny shorts combo he’s learned that you favor. Your hair released from the strict bun you wear daily per palace guidelines. Face free of makeup and exposing the small beauty mark on your top lip. Nothing could make it better except for maybe the smile currently stretching across your face.

“I was wondering how long it would take you to finally knock. I guess third time really is the charm, huh?” Shit how did you know that he’s been wussing out like some kind of coward every night? Must be a panther thing. At least he hopes it’s a panther thing because it would be really creepy otherwise.

“I-uh” Jin finds himself suddenly at a loss for words. He’d planned out exactly how he’d wanted this to go but now that you’re in front of him he’s at a loss.

“Relax, babe. I only bite on request.” Jin feels himself melt at the way your tongue teasingly pokes out between your teeth. He doesn’t protest being dragged into your room, shutting the door behind him.

“So, what’s up? It’s getting late and we have to be up early tomorrow.” You continue moving around the room laying out your clothes for tomorrow and going over tomorrow’s itinerary one final time.

“That’s actually what I wanted to ask you about.” Jin trails off as he tries to carefully choose his words in his head before saying them. You arch an eyebrow in question when you face him, taking in the way he’s nervously rubbing at the back of his neck. Your heart softens at the sight.

Jin’s eyes are trained on his feet with embarrassment because of his inability to collect his thoughts around you. He hears rather than sees you approach him; therefore, missing the loving smile on your face. Your arms snake around his slender waist, cheek resting against his firm chest. His own arms find their way around your shoulders as he breathed in the scent of your shampoo. Holding you like this will never get old for him and he’s reluctant to let go so he doesn’t.

“Can I sleep here tonight? With you.” He mumbles into the top of your head.

“Only if you give me a kiss first.” Jin can’t help but to laugh at the cute way you tilt your head back, full lips puckered up and demanding to be kissed. He’s quick to oblige your request.

Neither of you are really sure how, but what was a playful kiss mean to calm his nerves escalates into something much more. Your clothes and his fall soon litter the floor as you hastily undress each other. Jin’s lips only detach themselves from yours long enough to remove your sweatshirt. His own shirt doesn’t receive the same standard of care as he opts to rip the plain white tee down the middle instead.

His erection presses against your abdomen as he walks you backwards to the bed. Your hands wander the broad planes of shoulder blades as he blesses you with his weight. He encourages your legs to wrap around his waist, hips grinding against your own. The engorged head of his erection sends shockwaves of pleasure shooting through you until you're sure that you're teetering on the edge of insanity.

Euphoria spreads through your bloodstream when Jin finally begins inching his way inside you. He bottoms out with a grunt, sucking on your collarbone. His fingers slide up your arms, interlocking with yours as he pins your hands next to your head. Pressure is rapidly building in your gut with each purposeful grind of his hips. It's not long before you're tumbling over the edge with Jin following closely behind you.

You brush Jin's sweaty fringe away from his forehead. You can feel his lips curve into a smile against his chest when you sweetly kiss his forehead. He tightens his arms around you before rolling off to the side. The loss of his body heat makes sure shiver. You immediately turn to cuddle into his side, whining when he detaches your arms from his torso.

“Go pee.” Seokjin instructs with finality as he rolls you towards the edge of the bed. “Vaginal health is important.”

“Well you’re gonna have to carry me because I can’t exactly feel my legs right now.”

“With pleasure, my dear.” He rounds the bed and lifts you into his arms. He rambles the whole time about how this is totally contradictory to every fairytale ever.

You shut him up with a kiss when you’re both settled under the covers. He kisses your nose once, twice, three times before you finally shove him away from you and turn your back to him. Jin pulls you flush against him, leaving a lingering kiss on your shoulder. Sleep draws his eyes closed faster than he would like. He’d intended to truly savor the moment before travelling to dream land.

A pleasant soreness flares in your limbs as you stretch in the warm rays of the morning sun shining through the curtains. Jin grumbles out a protest at all your movement. His arms flail around lazily as he tries to restrict any further movement. You melt against him and allow yourself a few more minutes of solace wrapped in Jin’s strong arms. It’s when your third and final alarm goes off that you force yourself out of his grip and push him towards his own room.

He goes grudgingly and even puts up a fight at the door. The scaly bastard refuses to even touch the door knob until you give him a kiss. You attempt to scold him for being difficult but the amused grin that you try so hard to hide makes an appearance anyway, effectively negating your words. Of course, he takes advantage of the situation and turns what was meant to be a quick peck to get his ass in gear into a full make-out session. It takes all of your will power to separate yourself from him so that the two of you can finally get dressed but you manage somehow.

As per usual, you are showered and dressed faster than his royal slowness next door. You’ve committed the day’s itinerary to memory but you decide to check it again just to be sure you’re aware of every closing event Jin needs to attend. After inputting your passcode, you expect for your home screen to appear on your tablet but nothing happens. Your heart seizes in your chest and you immediately feel bereft. Trying to function without your tablet would be like asking you to fly and unlike Jin you are unable to sprout wings and take to the skies.

“No, no, no don’t do this to me now.” You exclaim as your beloved iPad doesn’t respond at all to your frantic stabs at the screen. No matter what you do it won’t unfreeze. You panic as your brain runs through your options. Diddly squat is what your brain conjures up as a solution. You can’t function without the summit itinerary and your tablet is holding it hostage.

Just then, you remember that you emailed a copy of it to Jin right after you’d received it from the Council after confirming Jin’s attendance. Thanks to your feline reflexes you’re across the room and flinging open the connecting door in a flash. You breathe a sigh of relief when you spot his laptop charging on his bedside table. However, that relief is short-lived when you realize that you have no idea what his password is. The sound of roaring water tells you he’s in the shower so you’re on your own. If Jin is anything he is vain and predictable so it shouldn’t be too hard to guess his password. When the sleek machine accepts PrinceJin1 on your second attempt you can’t help the small smile that lifts the corners of your lips.

The screen opens up to the word document he’d last been working on. With any hope, it’s his speech for the royal banquet next week but knowing him he’ll blow it off and pull something out of his ass on the spot. You’re about to minimize it to open the browser when a sentence in the middle of the page catches your eye.

3/20 – Kissed Kitty in the SUV on the way back to the palace

Your lungs seize up as you scroll through the extensive document. Every kiss. Every touch. Every whispered word is documented up until a few weeks ago. When you reach the top only to see the words Operation: RIP Kitty, it’s all you can do to hold back the tears threatening to burst forth. Your thoughts are a frantic, jumbled mess as they buzz around your brain like a hoard of frenzied bees. The sound of the shower turning off doesn’t even register until Jin is stepping out of the bathroom in a towel. The sight of his bare torso glistening with drops of water would normally melt you into a pool of whimpering desire but now all you feel is pure rage. His heart sinks when he sees you seated on the edge of his hotel bed holding his laptop in a death grip.

“I can explain.” He feels physically sick when you level your gaze at him. Looking into your eyes is one of his favorite things to do in the world but right now he wishes that you would look anywhere but at him.

He’s always said that you’re scariest when you’re angry but now he realizes that’s not true. Anger is an emotion. One he’s learned to deal with from you over the time he’s known you. You’re an open book and have never been shy about expressing your emotions so the fact that you’re now purposefully reigning that in to show this blank mask that’s on your face now shakes him to his core.

“I’ve always thought your brain was underdeveloped and this just confirms it.” You state calmly as you set the laptop back on the table where you’d found it.

“Babe,” You cringe outwardly at his use of such an endearing term. “I know this looks bad but-”

“Save it, Seokjin. I don’t need an explanation from you nor do I particularly want one.” He flinches at your harsh tone as you rise from your spot on his bed. Panthers are warm-blooded animals but your words are frosty. He hasn’t heard his full name come you’re your mouth in weeks and hearing it just now made him ache in a strange way.

Jin closes his eyes as you make your way back to your room. The sight of you walking away from him is more than he can take. He flinches at the sound of the door slamming shut. The finality of it sends a sharp pain shooting through his chest that nearly brings him to his knees.

He tries throughout the day to explain himself, but you are having none of it. You barely cast even a glance in his direction unless it’s absolutely necessary to do so. Sure, you make nice for appearances but your smile never reaches your eyes. Your irises that normally capture and mold rays of light into shooting stars look flat and lifeless. It kills him to know that he did that.

The next morning, Seokjin is already awake when you come to wake him up. Not that he ever actually went to sleep in the first place. Your jaw is set as your eyes look him up and down contemptuously. He’s on his feet in an instant, reaching out for you. The hiss you let out as you snatch away from him feels like a stab to the heart. Your eyes are glowing that tell-tale golden hue of your inner panther.

“Touch me again and I’ll rip your throat out. Crown be damned.” Your words are clipped and slurred as your teeth lengthen to their feline length. He’s never seen you lack this much control over yourself but it’s not like he can blame you. He broke your heart and he’s come to realize that he’s broken his own in the process.

Seokjin drags himself to the shower. The sound of the rushing water almost completely masks the sounds of his sobbing but you hear him anyway as you lay out his suit for today. You shove your fist in your mouth to keep from falling down the same rabbit hole. You’re absolutely miserable but the person you would normally go to for comfort is the cause of your anguish.

If Seokjin had thought you were frigid before, he’s sure that modern scientists haven’t even discovered temperatures as cold as the vibes you’re giving off now. When the two of you returned to Verus he had halfway expected for you to resign. That would’ve been so easy. At least then he wouldn’t have to look at you every day and be reminded of how stupid he’d been. He wouldn’t have to be reminded of the fact that he’d lost the best thing that ever happened to him through his own idiocy. But no one pays better than the palace so you need this job and he knows it.

Losing you has affected Seokjin in every aspect of his life. He can’t eat. He barely sleeps. It’s a struggle to face the world every day. A week and a half into your freeze out and Seokjin is ready to launch himself off a cliff. He normally looks forward to Sundays as they are his only free days but now? Now he rejects the laziness of the day. At least when he’s got a schedule packed full of appearances and other princely duties he has something other than his own misery to focus on.

“So, when are you and that assistant of your going to kiss and make up?” Seokjin freezes with his glass of apple juice resting against his bottom lip at his father’s question. Guessing that he’s been in a funk is one thing but there’s no way that his parents could possibly know what’s been going on between the two of you. He carefully sets his glass down, contemplating the best response.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, father.” Seokjin answers coyly. His eyes get impossibly wider when his mother snorts in response.

They know. He’s not sure how or when they found out but they know. It had to have been recently because they would’ve definitely fired you already if they’d known before now. His heart skips a few beats as he considers what this means for you. The King and Queen have always been sticklers for the rules. They hardly ever make exceptions for anyone, including their only son. Yet, he still readies himself for battle. He couldn’t save your heart but the least he can do is save your job.

“You think we don’t know what goes on around here? The palace is still just a house.” His mother remarks after a spoonful of yogurt. Seokjin hangs his head.

“How long have you known?” He asks woefully.

“Hmm, how long would you say it’s been, sweetheart?” His father asks of his mother. Had he been in a more positive state of mind, Seokjin may have picked up on the lighthearted tone in the King’s voice.

“At least a month, darling.” His head snaps up incredulously. His parents have known for an entire month that he’s been sneaking around with you and yet they said nothing? Not a single word?

“Why didn’t you say anything? I thought this was against some stupid rule?”

“It is, dear.” His mother chimes in. “We wanted her gone the second we found out but then we saw just how much you seemed to blossom. You were happy and it showed.” She reaches across the table to take her son’s hand in hers, stroking her thumb across his knuckles.

“We’re your parents before we’re monarchs and we just couldn’t take that kind of joy away from you.” Seokjin feels like he’s about to choke on the knot in his throat. Unfortunately, their words of acceptance are too little too late. You want absolutely nothing to do with him and now and he can’t even blame you.

“Plus, she’s the only assistant that could keep your chaotic ass in line. We would’ve been fools to fire her.” The king lets out a rumbling belly laugh at his own “joke”. Seokjin almost cracks a smile along with him. Almost.

“That’s because she’s terrifying but I liked it. Loved it even.” This is the first time that Seokjin has admitted the true depth of his feelings out loud. His already shattered heart cracks just a little more at the thought of his first love despising him.

“Go to her son.” His mother’s urging prompts a small huff of laughter from Seokjin but there’s not a shred of humor in it whatsoever. He tilts his head up towards the ornate ceiling of the dining room, doing his best to keep the tears at bay.

“I can’t do that.” He whispers thickly as he slowly pulls his hand from his mother’s warm embrace. “Going through that type of rejection twice might actually kill me.”

Seokjin excuses himself from the table politely. He wanders around aimlessly until he finds himself in one of the many palace gardens. A swear falls from his lips as he realizes that he’s ended up in the millennium garden. Gardenias of all kinds had been carefully curated and arranged into this breathtaking display to commemorate the millennium mark of his family’s rule. You’d mentioned once that out of all the palace gardens this one was your favorite. According to you, the air smelled sweeter here.

Smoke pours from his nostrils and he suddenly feels like he’s suffocating. His jeans and sweatshirt are a thing of the past as twenty feet of scales and fire take the place of the man that had stood at the edge of this garden. Seokjin can’t even remember the last time he’d been able to shift. It always seemed like he never had the time to revel in this form. He heaves a mental sigh of relief as he stretches out his wings and takes to the sky. The citizens far beneath him are probably taking to the streets to witness the rare sight of his midnight black form slicing through the sky.

He’s not sure where he’s going, just letting the wind beneath his wings steer him through the clouds. The Traiya mountain range looms closer and closer and for a second he contemplates letting himself crash into the rocky mountain face. That thought is squashed as quickly as it pops up. In its place, his parents’ words play on repeat. Go to her. If only he could. He doesn’t miss the way you look physically distressed every time you’re in the same room with him as if his mere presence makes you sick.

Seokjin lands in a clearing at the base of the mountain range. He shifts back to his biped form so as not to scare the wildlife and ventures into the forest in front of him. His eyes drift closed after he drops to the ground beneath a large oak tree. A small creek cuts its way through the earth. The sounds of the forest around him soothe the ache in chest even if only a little bit.

When he opens his eyes again, he notices a squirrel scouring the branches of a tree off to his right for nuts. Most of the wildlife has vacated this part of the forest after sensing Seokjin’s presence but this squirrel is on a mission that no dragon will prevent him from carrying out. The small animal seems to be inspecting each one he happens across until he finds the perfect one. Seokjin is intrigued by the picky, little rodent. So many suitable acorns and yet the squirrel passes them by after quick sniff. He walks along several branches before he finally finds one that makes him pause. Seokjin calls upon his enhanced vision and he’s shocked to see that the acorn the squirrel has set his picky sights on really isn’t all that special. He’s passed up bigger, surely more satisfying, acorns on his quest to find this one. Plus, his nut of choice looks to be slightly out of reach. That doesn’t deter the tiny rodent in the least.

Seokjin watches with rapt attention as the determined squirrel tries its hardest to grab the acorn it has its sights set on. The small animal keeps trying and trying to the point that Seokjin is contemplating getting up to get the damn acorn for it just to save the poor animal the trouble. No sooner has he shifted to stand something damn near miraculous happens. The squirrel’s outstretched class finally grip the acorn in their clutches. It tucks the nut in its cheeks before darting off to God only knows where not realizing that it has just shifted Seokjin’s entire world view.

“Well I’ll be damned.” He says out loud to the quiet forest around him.

Your heart is racing like a speeding bullet train as your feet carry you towards Seokjin’s door. You have always prided yourself on being an unwavering, unflappable force but that girl is nowhere to be found. Today, you’re a girl with everything to lose. Your heart is on the line now and you doubt that the tape you’d put on the deep fissures snaking through your will hold if this conversation doesn’t go well.

As you knock on the door, you still don’t really know what you’re doing here. When Jin had texted you quite literally begging for a few minutes of your time, you’d turned him down without a second thought. You were convinced that you didn’t want to hear anything he had to say and yet here you are.

Seokjin flings open the door before your arm has even had time to return to your side. After years of being his right hand you can tell when he’s trying to hide the fact that he’s nervous. You easily pick out each of his tells with ease as you observe him quietly, starting with the tips of ears that have turned an astonishing shade of red.

“You came.” He breathes out almost in disbelief. Seokjin looks disheveled to put it lightly and in some twisted way it makes you happy that you’re not the only one that’s been suffering since what happened.

“I told you I would.” You answer lowly. He nods, stepping aside to let you into his room.

The normally immaculate space is a mess with pieces of paper covering seemingly every available surface. You take a glance at a few of them to see various versions of what looks like a letter. A letter of apology at that. You take a deep, ragged breath as you turn back to face him. Seokjin almost looks small as he wrings his hands together.

“I was-…I tried to put my thoughts on paper but everything was just…” He trails off once more as his thumb nail becomes trapped between his teeth. You yearn to gently smooth out the wrinkles in his forehead. But you’re not about to let him sense that the soft spot you’d developed for him is still intact. If he wants your forgiveness �� forgiveness that you’re still not sure you’re interested in giving – then he’s going to have to work for it. Hard.

He clears off a chair for you to sit on so you carefully perch yourself on the edge of it. Your confusion shoots through the roof when Seokjin kneels at your feet. You’ve never seen him kneel for anyone ever. Part of you wants to make him get up just to make this awkward feeling go away but he starts speaking before you can say anything.

“I’m a gigantic dumbass.” Prince Seokjin? Admitting he’s wrong? Those two phrases have never been uttered in such close proximity before because Seokjin is never wrong. It’s always someone else’s fault. To hear him taking accountability for his disastrous choices is actually terrifying. He must be feverish or something.

Before you can stop yourself, you touch the back of your hand to his forehead. His face is flushed but he’s not running a fever. You check his cheeks just to be sure. He leans into your touch, eyes drifting shut. Your breath catches in your throat at how vulnerable he looks like this. The urge to softly stroke his cheek is too strong for you to resist. His hand is warm around your wrist when he detaches your hand from his face.

“I have a hard enough time thinking around you as it.” He offers as an explanation. Your face must have been a picture of confusion. “I don’t want to mess this up again.”

As promised, you hear him out. He keeps expecting you to interrupt him as he lays everything out on the table but you don’t say a word. You sit primly on the edge of the chair with your hands neatly folded. He’s not even really sure you’re listening from the way your eyes are unfocused and seemingly staring at nothing but your facial expressions give you away. Your features move through a myriad of different emotions as Seokjin exposes his sins. You remain silent even after he finishes. Fear seizes in his heart as your face is wiped clean just as it was on the day you first learned of his transgressions.

“Please say something.” He begs. He reaches out a hand to touch your own but stops midair when your hone in on his hand as if it’s a direct threat to your physical safety. Seokjin quickly retracts his would be olive branch. It’s quiet a few moments more before you finally speak up.

“Was any of it real?” You question accusingly. He opens his mouth to say every single second with you was real but that’s a lie and he’s in deep shit as it. Better to tell the truth than to dig himself into an even deeper whole.

“At first, no but when we went to that summit in Aurlena I was so focused on finding your soft spots that I didn’t realize I was falling for all of your little intricacies until it was too late.” Jin pauses to gauge your response but you say nothing. Your eyes are actually focused on his face now though so he takes that as a positive sign and soldier on.

“It wasn’t even extravagant gestures that I fell for. It was the small smile you do every time you talk about something your passionate about. It was the way your nose scrunches up when you’re thinking. It was the way you go out of your way to help others even if they don’t notice or even appreciate what you’re doing.”

Your mouth opens as if you have something you want to say but Seokjin is on a roll that cannot be stopped. He raises a single finger as he continues his spiel.

“I don’t know much but what I do know is that somewhere in the process of all this bullshit I fell in love with you. And I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me after everything I’ve done but I just needed to tell you this.”

“Even after everything you did, I think I love you too and I can’t fucking stand that.” You rise from the chair, arms wrapped around yourself as if you’re trying to hold your emotions together. Seokjin follows behind you like a lost puppy to the large bay windows that take up most of one wall.

“Doesn’t matter how I feel anyway though. I need this job more than I need a relationship and, unfortunate as it may be, I can’t have both. We’ve been pushing our luck with getting caught and I can’t keep putting my work at risk like this.”

“I could take care of you. I’m sure that you’re well aware that I’m rich.”

“I’m not some trophy wife that you can just throw money at to keep happy. I’m glad that we had this talk but I’m leaving now.” Seokjin nearly combusts into flames then and there. You infuriate him to no end. Here he is laying his heart and his money at your feet and you’d still rather throw yourself on a dagger out of some goddamn sense of pride. It makes his head spin.

“If I could work out a way for you to have both, would you do it.” Seokjin asks just as you reach the door. The short hesitation before you answer gives him hope for something good.

“Maybe.” With that final parting word, you slip out into the hallway.

A week crawls by and Seokjin doesn’t breathe a word about whatever plan he’s concocting this time. The thought of what he could possibly come up with in that wild brain of his is almost scary. You still perform your duties as his assistant flawlessly but he does his best to trip you up. A whispered compliment here. A hand that lingers just a fraction to long there. If his plan is to drive you insane so that he can have you relieved of your position due to mental incapacitation, then he’s pretty damn close to succeeding.

It’s on the twelfth day, a balmy Sunday, that it all comes to a head. You always get Sundays off so you usually take the day to head to your hometown of Alladin, a small township just short of an hour outside of the capital city. You’re in the kitchen helping your mother make lunch when your phone vibrates in your back pocket. A quick peek at the screen shows a message from Seokjin asking you to stop by his room when you return to the palace. You’re instantly suspicious of what it is he could possibly want on a Sunday evening but he’s still your boss so you tap out a quick reply confirming that you’ll pop in later.

It’s nearly ten o’clock when your fist knocks softly on Seokjin’s door. He calls out to you from somewhere inside to come in. You poke your head in the door to see him lounging in bed, scrolling through Netflix, hand shoved down the front of his pants for no real reason. He says something smart about letting all his “good air conditioning out” so you step all the way into the room and close the door.

“I had your employment contract redrawn. HR said you’ll have to switch positions but I was able to get you a four dollar raise as a consolation prize for not being able to work for me anymore. It’s on the table if you want to look at it.” You roll your eyes at his foolishness, venturing further into his inner sanctum. Thankfully, it’s a lot cleaner than it was the last time you were here. You really hope he recycled all of that paper though. You find the stack of papers you’re assuming is your new contract on the small end table next to his armchair.

“Jin,” You whisper almost unintelligibly. The papers in your hand drift back down to the table you’d picked them up from. “This is an application for a marriage license not an employment contract.”

You flip around only to get the shock of your life. For the second time, Seokjin is knelt before you. The sparkling diamond nestled in the tiny velvet box makes this time so much more significant. You hadn’t really believed him when he’d told you that you were it for him. It just couldn’t be true. You’re just a college dropout trying to be a good daughter by taking care of her parents. There’s nothing special that could’ve enraptured a man like Seokjin and yet he somehow found something in you that you’d never been able to see yourself.

“I’m a jerk. I’m impulsive. I leave my dirty underwear on the bathroom floor. I’m selfish. But I’m also hopelessly in love with you and everything you are. I don’t deserve you. I probably never will but I’m willing to spend the rest of my life trying to be worthy of being yours.”

Tears stream freely down your face. This insufferable pain in the ass has really wormed his way into your heart instead and, as much as he infuriates you, you wouldn’t have it any other way. You love this man. As much as you tried to deny it, you are head over heels for the fire-breathing menace in front of you.

“Give me my ring, loser.” Jin chokes on a huff of laughter before carefully sliding the ring onto your finger.

The second it’s sitting securely on your finger, you pounce on him with all the ferocity befitting your hybrid species. It’s like crashing into a brick wall when your body collides with Seokjin’s but you don’t care. You need to be close to him and you refuse to wait a single second longer. He lifts you off of your feet as he stands from his kneeling position and carries you to his bed.

Your lips cover his for the first time in weeks. Both of you simultaneously groan in satisfaction at the feeling. You’d almost forgotten just how much you loved kissing him. Your back meets the coolness of his sheets when he carefully lays you out on his mattress. His plush lips move along your jaw, finding that sensitive spot just below your ear. He sucks and bites at the skin there as you cling to his shoulders.

Seokjin nestles himself between your legs. The zipper on his jeans looks like it could give way at any second as his erection strains to be set free. He grinds against our soaked center repeatedly. You rake your nails down the front of his button-down shirt until it hangs loose around his frame. He quickly sheds the now useless garment before treating your clothes to the same fate. Soon all that remains between the two of you are the tiny pair of red lace panties you’d put on as a confidence booster this morning. They match the bra that Seokjin has already shredded so you’re surprised when instead of ripping your panties as well he chooses to leave them on you.

His lips leave no inch of skin untouched as he kisses his way down your torso. He pauses to swirl his tongue in your navel before blowing a puff of air on your skin. The shiver that courses down your spine brings a cocky grin to your face. That grin only grows when his eyes take in the way that your back arches after he flattens his tongue against your covered heat. The lace of your panties is so thin that you can barely tell it’s there when he flicks his tongue against your engorged clit. The fabric adds just that extra little bit of friction that has you seeing stars early.

Your fingers bury themselves in the thick, black strands atop his head and he welcomes the way you tug at his roots. He continues to slowly flick his tongue along your outer lips but it’s soon becoming not enough. After a few desperate pleas, Seokjin finally rids you of your panties to eat you out like he means it. He brings you to the brink of insanity with his tongue and shoves you over the edge with a final expert flick of his tongue. You’ve never been able to come from oral that didn’t involve fingering of some sort but as usual Seokjin shows you that there’s more than one way to make a cat purr.

He finds himself being dragged back up to your mouth as your greedy lips cover his once more. You can taste yourself on his tongue and it’s a heady mixture that has a fresh wave of arousal washing over you. Your inner muscles clench around nothing and you’re aching to be filled but there’s something that you’ve been wanting to do since that fated day when you’d walked in on him with Camille.

Seokjin is aware of the fact that as a hybrid you’re a lot stronger than the average woman but he still finds himself full of surprise when you flip him on his back as if he weighed nothing. He growls low in his throat when you grab his thick erection in your fist, squeezing him tight just how he likes it.

“I want you to fuck my face.” His eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets at your bold request. Far be it for him to deny you anything you ask of him though.

He obediently gathers your hair into a ponytail and guides your head towards his waiting erection. He thrusts are shallow at first but he slowly starts picking up speed. The gagging sounds bubbling up from your throat every time he bottoms out are threatening to do him in. Your arms snake up his torso, fingers flicking at his nipples as you hold yourself down on his cock. Seokjin is surprised by his own orgasm when you swallow around him. He cums long and hard down your throat and you swallow every drop. You keep working him with your mouth until he’s squirming beneath you from oversensitivity.

You soon find yourself trapped under Seokjin’s larger frame with your thighs pressed so tightly to your chest that your ass is no longer touching the mattress. It’s in this position that he decides to bury his face between your legs. You can do nothing but feel as he explores your drenched folds with his tongue. The warm wet muscles flickers rapidly against your clit and all you can do is take it. You can’t jerk your hips away from his face like you want to. Can’t grind your hips against his face like you want to. Can’t arch your back in pleasure like you want to. You’re totally and completely at the mercy of Seokjin’s talented mouth. Black spots dance before your vision as the pressure in your abdomen reaches its boiling point.

Jin rubs soothing circles in your thighs after he releases your legs. You pull him down to you for a kiss. An odd sense of pride spreads through your chest at the feeling of something warm and hard resting against your pelvic bone. Apparently, you weren’t the only one enjoying the way he just feasted on you like a starving man. You shift your hips so that he’s pressed against your center, relishing in the deep groan he lets out as he licks and sucks at your skin at random.

He rocks against you, coating himself in your wetness. His hardened cock is covered in an unholy mixture of his precum and your juices. You’re on the verge of begging him to put it in already – totally over his teasing – when he buries himself inside you on the next rock of his agile hips. The feeling of finally being one with him again feels much more overwhelming this time around. You suspect it may have something to do with the rock weighing down your left hand. Regardless of the reason, you feel dangerously close to another orgasm just one stroke in and, judging from the way Jin has frozen inside of you, you’re not the only one. Curses fall freely from his lips as he waxes poetic about how wet and tight you are around him.

You lift your hips to meet his every thrust when he finally starts to move until he’s moving too fast for you to keep up. He pauses his movements to sit up and lift your legs so that your ankles are resting on his shoulders. The change in position allows him to slam into your g spot with every forward movement. He can tell you’re close by the way your inner muscles spasm around him with increasing frequency. The soft look in Jin’s eyes is a striking contrast to the pounding of his hips against yours. Everything you feel for him is mirrored in his irises and it only serves to push you closer to your climax. You grit your teeth and try to hold your orgasm off because you don’t want this moment to end. Jin doesn’t exactly give you a choice in the matter as he makes you come undone with a flick of his thumb against your clit. He follows you into ecstasy moments later with a growl that you really wish you had been able to record as, head thrown back.

Jin lets your legs down for the second time today and moves as if he’s about to pull out. You hastily wrap your legs around his waist, locking your ankles at the small of his back to keep him inside you for as long as possible. He flashes you a tired grin that makes your heart flip flop in your chest as he gathers you in his arms to turn you both on your sides. The sound of his laughter fills the air when you swat at him for blowing rings of smoke in your face.

“So where do we go from here?” You ask, breaking the pleasant silence that had settled over the two of you.

“I’m thinking the shower.” He starts as he drags a hand through his sweaty locks. He even has the audacity to look taken aback when you flick him on the nose like a disobedient hound.

“That’s not what I meant you overgrown snake with wings.” Seokjin pouts. Still rubbing at his nose but you don’t relent. You like having a solid plan for everything you do in life and you’re not about to make an exception for him.

“Well for one, you’re fired. I wasn’t actually able to get your employment contract redrawn which is bullshit because I’m the goddamn prince but my mother is on the board of an ass load of charities and all that other good philanthropy stuff and is only too happy to have you join her.”

The implications of what Jin just said smacks you in the face like a ton of bricks. Sure, it solves your initial problem of not wanting to be some trophy wife but not having your job anymore revives the issue that forced you to get this job in the first place. No job means no paycheck. No paycheck means you can’t afford to pay your dad’s medical bills.

Jin can see the hamster wheel in your head spinning at an astonishing speed. He doesn’t have to be able to read your thoughts to know exactly what they pertain to. Despite your rough exterior, you have a massive heart and will sacrifice yourself for the well-being of others. A noble trait but he can foresee it being annoying in the future.

“Before you go too far down the rabbit hole, I would also like to say that both of your parents have been enrolled in the royal healthcare plan so you won’t have to worry about your father nor your mother in that regard anymore.”

There are really no words to how much you love this man right now. None whatsoever.

“You’re still in charge of picking out my suits thought. You have vision and I don’t trust anyone else to dress me.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” The kiss that you’d intended to be soft and sweet takes an intense turn. Getting a bit more dirty before you shower can’t hurt.

[shipaholic]

Omens Universe, Chapter 7

Pivotal chapter no. 1, here we go...

This chapter has drinking. So much drinking. Also, Crowley finally has the Bentley, so this will be the first chapter (of many?) in which he totally invents speeding.

The music in this chapter is V Stands For Victory

And I Could Write a Book (Eddy Duchin, 1941).

Link to next part at the end.

(From the beginning)

(last part)

(chrono)

---

Chapter 7

Crowley’s ridiculous contraption bombed down the street at ninety miles per hour. Aziraphale was hardly aware. His eyes were fixed on Crowley’s face as he drove.

This was bad, he thought, dreamily.

Telling himself that made no dent in his emotional state. His mind was wrapped in cotton candy. Cotton candy that was moving very fast… possibly still in the whirly machine they made it in… he shouldn’t try to devise metaphors at a time like this. The point was, despite Crowley being Demonic and Evil and the rest of the standard specs for a minion of Hell, upon realising he loved him, Aziraphale could not make himself feel anything other than Good. Both definitions. This was right. This was what he was made for.

It wasn’t as if Crowley had ever been capital-E Evil, really. In fact, so long as he was being honest with himself (a dreadful prospect, but it turned out love made him brave), he had known this ever since the first time they fused. All those thousands of years ago. That was probably a big part of the reason he had hit the proverbial roof. It was a blow to one’s identity as a font of goodness, to merge minds with your opposite number and learn that he had more in common with you, morally, than most of your allies. Back then, he had refused to accept being humbled and had lashed out at Crowley instead. He’d behaved terribly. Worse than he’d even admitted before now.

But that was in the past, and the present was a carousel, a delicious dreamscape, gliding through the velvet dark with Crowley beside him -

The Bentley screeched to a halt. Aziraphale nearly slammed into the windscreen.

“Home sweet home,” Crowley said, cheerfully.

It was fortunate he didn’t have to love everything about Crowley, because this infernal machine was definitely out.

Crowley peered out of the window. “Hasn’t changed a bit,” he said, approvingly. He opened his door and hopped out. “Coming?”

Aziraphale looked out. They were already at the bookshop. He hadn’t been paying attention.

He collected himself, and his bag of books. He opened the car door with trepidation, as if the handle might explode.

It didn’t. He got from the car and followed Crowley in a daze towards the shop.

Crowley snapped his fingers. A soundproof bubble settled over the shop. Another snap dropped the blinds, and a third clicked the door latch into place.

Aziraphale hovered near the entrance. His familiar space had just become soft and dark and intimate. He wasn’t sure what thresholds would be crossed if he went all the way inside.

It had been years since Crowley had been back here. He revolved, drinking it in.

“Ahh. Place looks good. Very… impenetrable.”

Aziraphale preened. “In its heyday, this place could go six months at a time without selling a single book.”

Crowley gave him a fond smile. Aziraphale was going to spontaneously combust before the night was over.

Crowley clapped his hands together. “So! What are you in the mood for?”

Aziraphale took a breath and tried for a normal answer. “Alcohol seems just the ticket.”

“No surprise there.” Crowley miracled up some brandy glasses.

“Well, of course. I was just in mortal peril, you know.” Aziraphale followed him to the back room.

“Immortal peril. Barely counts.”

~*~

It was an old, familiar scene.

Crowley took over the whole sofa in increasingly supine, twisty positions the drunker he got. Aziraphale sat in the armchair, head and surroundings merrily spinning. He wasn’t entirely sure what they were talking about, but he knew it involved vociferously nitpicking something one of them had said half an hour ago.

“Tha’snot true. Totally unfair. I was going to come by.”

“Lies.” Aziraphale poured another brandy and missed.

“I just fell asleep. For a few years. And forgot.”

“Wimped out, more like.”

“Wimped out? Me? What the Hell did you get up to in there?”

“I’ll never tell. Because you didn’t come by.”

Crowley tried to sit up, wrestled with the throw, and sunk back, defeated.

“I knew it wasn’t all games of Old Maid in there,” he said. “You dark horse.”

“We did some of that…” Aziraphale said, dreamily.

“You what?”

Perhaps he shouldn’t have said that. “Erm. We did - the Gavotte?”

“...Is that a euphemism?”

“No, it’s a jolly lovely time.”

An unbroken row of them, linking arms and kicking their feet. Aziraphale had been one of the better dancers by the end. It helped to be single-handed - no, minded...

He bolted upright. “Crowley! I should show you.”

“Whassat?”

Aziraphale sprung to his feet, after a couple of false starts. He took a moment to let the brandy inside him slosh back to an even level.

“The Gavotte. Watch me. Watch me, Crowley.”

He stepped over a few piles of books. He needed some room… was his shop always this cluttered? He pushed ineffectually at a small table covered in ornaments, then gave up and snapped his fingers. The furniture in the middle of the room obligingly tidied itself off to the side. V Stands For Victory parped its opening notes from the gramophone.

Crowley watched, mouth slightly agape, from halfway off the sofa. Aziraphale beckoned him with more and more insistence, until Crowley slid all the way off, crawled nearer and pulled himself up against the arm of Aziraphale’s chair.

Satisfied that Crowley could at least see, even if his eyes were unfocused, Aziraphale prepared himself. He bounced from his knees a few times and swung his elbows. He’d have to just imagine the rest of the chaps.

“A one, a two, a three, a four -”

Five energetic minutes passed.

Aziraphale thrust both arms towards Crowley in the universally recognised sign for ‘tah-dah!’ The gramophone tooted to a stop, sounding embarrassed.

Crowley’s mouth hung open.

“It’s better than your magic act, thank Satan,” he said at last.

“Oh, come now.” Aziraphale frowned.

Crowley groped for the nearest drink. “That’s cheered me up about giving the old club a miss.”

“You’re no fun. It’s better with more people.”

Perhaps a one-person Gavotte was too reliant on the imagination of the audience. Aziraphale thought for a moment. He pointed to the gramophone. It cranked reluctantly up again.

“This music is poor even by Heavenly standards,” Crowley said.

Aziraphale tripped forward before he could overthink it, and grabbed Crowley’s hand. They swayed, as though reaching for each other on a deck over choppy waters. Crowley’s face was scarlet from alcohol. He blinked at Aziraphale, his eyes a haze of gold.

“Dance with me.” Aziraphale meant to sound authoritative. It came out slightly breathless.

“Ngk,” said Crowley.

Aziraphale shuffled backwards. He felt self-conscious hanging onto Crowley’s hand, so tried to pull away unobtrusively. Drunk as they were, their fingers tangled together, and withdrawing his far-too-hot hand ended up being a bit of a nightmare. Crowley’s face was even redder by the time their hands loosened. Still he drifted towards Aziraphale as if the tether was still there.

The music was awfully trumpety, Aziraphale had to admit, as they stood face to face in the bit of floor space that was clear. He stepped up beside Crowley, and slipped his arm through his.

“Now, it’s not so hard. Even I got it in the end. You move like this -”

He took a step. Crowley stepped the other way, and collided with him.

Things did not improve. The gramophone sounded irritated by the third play through, and Aziraphale and Crowley had dissolved into arguing while Aziraphale tried to watch both their feet.

“This is stupid. Whoever invented this dance did not have demons in mind. Or humans. Maybe horses. This is a horse dance.”

“I doubt this dance was intended for horses - no, you do this with your arms. How many elbows do you have?”

“Two, or none, depending. Hmm. Would you say a snake is basically one long elbow?”

“Thinking about that is above my paygrade. Will you stop getting underfoot?”

“You’re stepping on my feet!”

“How am I supposed to avoid that? They’re everywhere.”

“This is why I never bloody turned up.”

“Honestly -”

Aziraphale held Crowley closer, hoping to wrangle him through the steps.

He really was all elbows and knees. And so warm, radiating hell’s heat through that sharp suit. No hat, no glasses, eyes like suns floating in a swamp. Strands of short red hair teased loose over his forehead. His brows had such character. They were scrunched in that bemused, slightly glum way Aziraphale had noted hundreds of times. He hadn’t quite known he was recording it. Crowley’s face, Crowley’s looks. His angelic memory was long, and its catalogue of Crowley was fathomless.

The music had changed. Someone crooned:

‘About the way you walk, and whisper, and look…’

That seemed unnecessarily on-the-nose.

Aziraphale wondered which of them had done that. He didn’t recall making a conscious attempt. Perhaps it had reacted to both of them.

He could no longer pretend what they were doing bore any resemblance to a Gavotte.

He ought to pull away. His eyes fixed on his hand, resting beside Crowley’s lapel. There was no heart beneath it; nothing so human. But something beat anyway. Something in Crowley was in rhythm with him. They pushed and pulled together. Despite a lack of innate ability, they danced.

He looked up, and searched Crowley’s face.

Crowley looked…

Stunned, a little. Fearful. Yearning.

He’d seen this look before. Stifled versions of it. So many times.

Aziraphale’s heart wrenched towards Crowley’s, and it made no difference that neither of them really had one.

~*~

The gramophone concluded that it would make two lovers of friends. The brilliant white glow that had flared into every corner of the room died away like the last light of summer.

Zadkiel twirled to a stop. He had wrapped his arms around himself. He sighed, and opened his eyes.

He was him. Again. Better and fuller and brighter than ever before.

It was like a loose connection in his brain had snapped into place, and lit up an entire circuit he didn’t know was there.

Of course they loved each other. Of course. He’d always known, without being truly allowed to know. Cognitive dissonance, that was the term. Normally, when people had it, it manifested as plain old denial. For Zadkiel, it was what happened when one of your component parts was very much aware they were in love, and the other part was utterly unaware, no matter how apparent it should have been to literally anyone.

No more. Now, their feelings were an open book. He was remade, and everything was different.

He couldn’t wait to get started.

He snapped his fingers at the gramophone. It gratefully fell silent.

Another snap, and Aziraphale’s furniture shuffled back into place. He had to hop about to avoid his shins getting bashed.

Finally, he snapped to unlock the door.

It fell ajar. The smell of night air stirred through the shop, dark as ink, and full of a thousand small noises.

Zadkiel turned in place. He drank in the long-loved sight of the bookshop. What a wonderful friend it had been. A true home, after centuries of wandering. If he could take it with him, he would.

He straightened his tie, banished the lingering alcohol from his bloodstream, and strode to the door.

His final act was to fish his sunglasses out of his jacket pocket. He left them on a table. He wouldn’t need them where he was going.

He exited the shop smartly. The door snapped shut behind him.

~*~

The street rolled away into the dark distance.

Zadkiel tilted his head up. The night sky was empty of stars and gods, and it was all waiting for him.

Both pairs of wings spread out behind him. He let them both have a good stretch. They’d need it.

He had loved the Earth. He always would. Still… time for something new.

He wished the world the fondest of farewells, and took off into the night.

---

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