#just struggling through life here | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tgtbata · 28 days ago

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my year in art, including two pieces from @semifinaldraw. thank you guys for being here and talking to me and looking at my art. it's a joy every day <3

#yia*#a #so once more with feeling:#still working as a doctor still at the same workplace still overworked and bad at many things - but getting better at others #still struggling to finish my thesis but making progress i think #fell back into football big time (hi teo) and so happy for it. the euros were great and i booked tickets for a weuro match next year with #my mom so that's something i'm looking forward to in 2025 already #if you're even slightly interested in football pspspsps come to me i have yaoi to sell you #had an amazing vacation in sweden with my family. take me back to walks through the forest with just my pocket knife a bowl for #collecting berries and my mp3 player (that was in august so august was weakest art-wise haha)#bought a new mattress and yes in the life i lead that's a highlight (for real)#here's to 2025 and sharing it with you :)

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aardvaark · 8 months ago

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im so glad that we never get a clear picture of sophie’s background in leverage & i hope we never do. however i also really like making up various, often conflicting backstories for her in my head. perhaps they’re all backstories for an alias of hers, ones she laid to rest back in season two.

#leverageposting #leverage #sophie devereaux #particularly that one of or both her parents had to move around a lot for work & so she would change herself to fit in at every new school #or new town etc etc. and that whatever original identity she had was dropped due to some kind of really awful event and her bio family think #she’s dead. eg she got into some kind of extreme legal trouble for the first time & she faked her death & everyone she knew as a kid thinks #she’s dead too. like. astrid wasn’t the first person she left to miss/mourn her.#but also that she was a teen runaway at like age ~16 and pretended to be an adult (like. 18/19) cause theres not much you can do by yourself #as a minor like booking flights or renting an apartment. and so began her first proper alias. and she was a pickpocket until she could fund #her life fully through grifting & cons.#or alternatively her parents died when she was a teen & she was old enough to become an emancipated minor (everyone in lev is an orphan)#and she kind of just fell into crime from there bc she had no one #or perhaps she got married at 17 and realised how fucked it all was and stashed money until she could run away & leave it all behind. that’s #bc of a single vague sentence on john rogers’ blog saying she was married at 17 and in context it was quite possibly a joke or random #hypothetical example but i was like what if???? What If???????#i also like the hc that she’s trans which i’ve seen a few times #in some versions in my mind her parents were okay and in some versions they were awful and in some versions it was so complicated.#i think tara has heard one story and parker or hardison have heard another and nate has never heard any story. he’s never asked.#she is here now and that’s all that needs knowing. and sophie devereaux is her real name in any way it matters.#eliot has also never asked and she asked if he was curious once and he just asked if she was curious about What He Did and that was answer #enough for the both of them. just a mutual agreement not to ask and it actually solidified their bond.#i think she struggled for a long time about whether to tell her new family The Real Story but in much the same way we never hear her birth #name bc it’s not Her anymore… she never gives The Real Story. bc it no longer defines who she is. she’s so much more than whatever happened.#lvg

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gods-perfect-idiots · 3 months ago

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something something blood-soaked hands cradling your face something something

anyway here's the post btw

#what if post dp3 logan struggles to emotionally accept that wade Will Actually For Real Survive Anything #and one time they are fighting some random baddies #and they somehow get in a few shots straight to wade's cranium and he drops like a bag of slutty slutty potatoes #and logan goes full berserker trying to get to him #like he just massacres everyone in his way and wade still isnt getting up ohnoohnoohnonotagainohno #(healing factor or no a few direct shots to the brain stem/t box take a bit to recover from)#(no more than five minutes but it's an eternity to logan)#and his heart sinks to the very core of the earth as he kneels down next to wade's body #and his hands are shaking and soaked in blood and he can't seem to sheathe his claws in his dazed adrenalined state #he tries to peel back wade's mask and fear is just *pounding* through his system because in that moment #all he can see are the xmen dead in massive pools of blood #and that feeling of unreality is rushing over him like thiscantbehappeningthiscantbehappeningnotagainohgodnotagain #wade's still and unresponsive and there is so Much BLOOD (hard to tell how much is Wade's and how much is just on his hands)#and logan doesn't even realize he's crying until suddenly wade's eyes light up like a computer restarting #and he's smiling and gasping and joking immediately #“well howdy there hot stuff what did I miss?”#and then he clocks that logan is Not Okay #“... well gee willikers golly goddamn peanut 'twas only a flesh wound! no need to go all waterworks over lil ol me”#“you know it would take a helluva lot more than that to make me shuffle off this here mortal coil!”#“see all better I'm hunky dory peachy keen right as fucking rain”#“I mean cmon I can't have been out for more than five minutes so let's just go back to you being exasperated with my bullshit antics okay??#“...okay sugarboobs? snookums? babycakes?.... Logan?”#and they just sit there on the floor holding each other for a while #wade babbling and logan crying about everything he's lost and wondering distantly how he has come to care so much #about this blithering jokester in like barely a week #that the thought of losing him brought him crashing back to the worst memory of his extremely rough life #anyway that's enough tag mini fic lolol I'm having feelings about my own drawing I guess 😵#poolverine #deadpool and wolverine #poolverine art

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autisticaradiamegido · 1 year ago

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thoughts on dave and aradia (<>)?

day 356

BIG fan tbh. in this house we love and respect timerails

truly yall read this log and tell me theyre not cute

#day 356 #year 4 #dave strider #aradia megido #aradave #homestuck #she really saw this kid and was like OH YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH YOUR MORTALITY?? :D #boy do i have some relevant life experience and wisdom to impart on THAT ISSUE SPECIFICALLY #and then she just. very gently and kindly makes the subject more approachable for ghostdave #the pesterlog i linked is literally my FAVORITE aradia moment. to me it is THE character defining moment for god tier aradia #yes she is being kind of ominous and trickstery at first #but it VERY quickly becomes clear shes got genuine concern for this kid she's had very little to do with up until this point #she really wants to connect with him over their shared time aspect stuff #and she really DOES care about how he feels about everything. she wants to help and she wants to put him at ease #because she KNOWS from experience that being dead and having to cope with what that means for you is like VERY UPSETTING AND TRAUMATIC #shes not just like. 'hee hee i think death is great and awesome because im edgy'#shes like 'no dude being dead is scary if you dont have anybody to explain this shit to you. so im going to explain it-'#'-and hopefully by the end of this conversation you will have some new things to feel relief and maybe even joy and excitement about'#'not just in spite of the death thing but BECAUSE of it'#i know shes spooky and has weirdgirl swag and we all love that about her but like #at her core she is a very KIND person. she may occasionally struggle to connect to people through the Death Special Interest Haze #but she WANTS to and when she DOES she is like. a genuinely very warm and comforting presence for her friends #ANYWAY. if andrew hussie or i guess james roach now want to give me an honorary doctorate for my 12+ years of intensive aradia studies #i will be here waiting patiently #timerails

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naamahdarling · 4 months ago

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#fucks me up that there are two whole new animals in the house that i barely know #who depend on me for everything #barely recognize me as a friend or helper #and are so incredibly incredibly fragile #i got worried for junie today because her spay incision had some swelling #and it's normal to have some and i have seen it before #but after what we just wemt through i got upset and rushed her to the vet #who said it was fine and thankfully we have free office visits #but i was so upset even though i knew it was probably normal #i look at them and i see adorable cuddly sweet TEMPORARY things and i feel like something inside me got broken somehow #and i was right all along that after it was all over i would come back but not quite as myself #i just hadn't fully understood the extent #we are keeping them and it sort of had to happen when it did but i think it was too early for me #they are so cute and when they do cuddle it's so sweet and obviously i would fight for them as hard as i would for Fancy #because that's just how the deal works and it isn't about you at all it's about how they each carry a little world inside them just as we d #and that deserves equal respect and care regardless of my personal affections #but i look at them and i see little creatures that don't belong here and are foreign in some fundamental way #and that they will be gone in just a little while and things will go back to how they were #which is impossible #we will settle in and i doubt anything i am feeling is abnormal but I'm really struggling and i feel so bad about that #i don't know #it's just a lot to deal with #and i feel very lonely and sad about it #and under it all the sick feeling of having JUST held all three lads as they passed and the VISCERAL reality of it #and knowing one day if everything goes just right i will be holding them too #dear god life is so fragile and every living thing is just as mortal as any other

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wildsaltair · 2 months ago

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he’s my Roman Empire

#like the whole thing #he is the axis my world revolves upon #OH TO TRACE THE PRECIOUS LINES OF HIS FACE #drowning in his eyes and there is no life preserver available #I AM SO NOT NORMAL FOR HIM #every day i get a new idea for a fanfic but i am forced to work instead #every day it’s like i belong all safe and warm in his arms #yet here i am. cold and by myself in a hopeless netherscape (my job) struggling to earn my freedom (get through the day) so i can be with my #beloved (look at pictures of maximus)#life is strange #absolutely love the lighting of this photo #the golden light on his neck and shoulder with his eyes in shadow #which makes them almost glow #i just want to make him some soup and give him a shoulder rub and make some sweet love #when???#maximus when???????#gladiator #maximus #maximus decimus meridius #gladiator 2000 #russell crowe

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wraithsoutlaws · 1 year ago

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The one that is a weapon—play nice. (x/x)

For context, the cyberdeck he's snooping on was specifically programmed in case Dum Dum starts developing cyberpsychosis. It's connected to his cyberware and is able to manually shut it all down in case there's an incident. He puts it together and specifically gives it to Dagger to use as a last resort and nobody else is supposed to know about it :x

#cyberpunk 2077 #oc: dagger #oc: dragula #cyberpunk photomode #cyberpunk photostory #dagger finding some random dude in his apartment who immediately starts shit talking his stuff: blinkingguy.gif #dagger without a cigarette bc my game was struggling with this shoot babe was fighting for its life #also why im not super happy with the colors dkfaljdkasl just had to push through #but my favorite picture here is cockroach reading the text fdskalfjkalfaj

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n3ongold3n · 1 year ago

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Ever since i saw the thongTM i could not stop thinking about this 🐳

#käärijä #häärijä #khäärijä calendar #diary bit coming up in the tags bear with me since this is #also my diary kind of; this blog #this thing has fought me every step of the way - and it shows i know #but i needed at least /some/ tiny little crumb of standing up for myself against my own defeatist thoughts #not just drawing. just. in general there are so many tiny and medium obstacles to accomplishing tasks that i just feel #like such an idiot for not just getting rid of the obstacles and moving on #at the same time i know how very unfair this kind of thinking is towards me since i #literally have the neurodivergence of cannot set priorities for my life or coordinate several things unless under strong duress #and then i feel sad for not even living my life unapologetically #((and disappointing jere :') - you have not read this that would be way WAY too embarrassing for me)#and yes i know you shouldn't trust yourself after - what was it? - 19:00? Well. If I didn't have to struggle until 3 pm to get through #the wall of anxious paralysis we wouldn't have that problem but here we are #anyway. off to bed. for what it's worth #got to figure out how to electronically validate my ID :''') and/or call the job center - fun!#my own stuff

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quietwingsinthesky · 9 months ago

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sometimes interpreting media through a shipping lens enhances it, on occasion even beyond the author’s original intent, but sometimes, you do have to accept that your ship was not in the heads of anyone making the source material and trying to force it to fit into evidence of your ship will severely hinder your ability to discuss the actual text.

#and also ill hit you on the head with a brick #posts that. im not going to say theyre about destiel. im not going to say that.#and im not gojng to say it because. i dont need to. you already know <3 #and to be clear: its not the interpretation thats a problem here. thats the fun of shipping. its then taking what youve interpreted and then #trying to backread that onto the media itself as intentional. as intended.#dismissing the actual themes and story for evidence of a ship is the problem. u get me?#shipping brainrot is not ‘oh i think these characters would kiss for this reason’.#its ‘this show is and has always been about these characters kissing no matter how much i have to ignore about the show to make that true or #pretend is completely different than its actually presented or straight up make things up to make my ship be a part of the intended reading’#thats the brainrot. the brainrot is when u step off the train of reality.#this is not true about the best piece of art ever made Captain America and the Winter Soldier. btw. that movie IS about bucky and steve #kissing alsjfdjskdjg #(<- okay im being silly here but id like to make a real point here too. the thing about TWS is that. it is genuinely enhanced by a romantic #reading. its not *better* than a platonic one. its just different. being able to see it through that lens does make a lot of the original #movie’s ideas even more complex. case in point like: steve struggling with his dating life. because what shared life experience does he have #with other people who look his age. and the movie is. about. someone who has his shared life experiences. and his mission to get bucky back.#you can see how that lens would be beneficial to the original movie rather than fighting it to prove the ship works in opposition to the #author’s original intent.)

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phagodyke · 3 months ago

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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man #thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking #mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they #dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done #listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life #i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this #once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i #dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this #ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be #i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about #how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being #given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out #entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please #its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have #to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once #and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general #feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this #but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is #i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired #i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if #i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore #i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr #and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning #my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better #it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood #my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it #cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen #.vent #ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.

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basofy · 1 year ago

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ive never talked about their dynamic but this is one of the many thoughts i have about them

#ive been having power outages all day help me #my stuff #lisa rpg #bo wyatt #lisa garth #lisa the painful #i imagine hes saying do you liiiiike it :) with a deep yet nerdy voice #ok deranged thoughts time #yes i in fact like them becuz theyre both artists #but heres the thing #theyre both STRUGGLING artists who have a very deep bond with their art which reflects who they are as people #they both also suck at it lol #yet they continue cuz their art is their life pretty much #and i like to think that having another artist buddy would feel nice for them #especially in garths case it's like dude lives pretty much under a rock feels ignored by everyone cares too much about others reactions etc #either it becomes some sorta onesided artist rivalry or he becomes obssesed with the fact that there is another guy in the team #who knows what it's like #he would be all like YOU. YOU UNDERSTAND!!! and bo is just like lol #becuz while he struggles too he doesnt make a big deal out of it doesnt care about being underappreciated #like garth who is A BIG ATTENTION SEEKER #so imagining them hanging out and having this weird artist bond is cool to me #id also include jack cuz they all make an artist team but yknow SIGHHHHH #also i have different thoughts on what does art mean for jack since hes younger #these are definitely not all of my thoughts i am insane about artist characters #and yeah it could be said gart in this post is trying to get bo's attention #through a mix of what bo likes and what garth likes and it's a funny and cute thought to me #lisa ramblings #still love this post #lisa artist team #bogarth

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mwagneto · 6 months ago

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i think what's really been getting to me the past few months is the realisation that i dont relate to literally any of the mental health stuff i see anywhere. like whenever there's some affirmation or motivation or just relatable-sounding posts in general they all seem like such common problems and it's like, damn i literally dont experience any of that. and yet im still crumpling. something uniquely wrong with me

#like ion have social anxiety and my depression manifests entirely differently. already excludes like 90% of things on here #also like. my parents grew up so poor immediately post ww2 and in the ussr that they #were eating dead animals off the street. my father was in a revolution when he was 10 and grew up working in a mine #and ion even wanna think abt the shit my mother endured in transylvania #and they both went to uni for over a decade and made an extremely good life for themselves #and i cant even do 2 yrs of uni without folding?? i dont even have anything else going on #i literally have everything handed to me why can't i just function #maybe i never learned how to struggle for things. i dont know #barking #and i cant say oh well im more mentally ill than them. first of all where do you think i got them from. second of #all they were in a war and spent the majority of their lives in the ussr. they wont even #talk about most of the things they went through #like dont get me wrong i have such a long list of mental issues my biography would count as the next dsm #but it's not like my parents were okay at any point. so like #for the record they stopped living in the ussr because the ussr ended they didn't move out or anything. we're still in eastern europe #which is definitely contributing to my overall state. please can i fucking leave pleeeease

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chrisbangs · 1 year ago

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hello... (and bye ig 👋)