#just started watching the sopranos (I KNOW it’s 2023..)

[bangbangyou]

My toxic trait is that every time I see an old and/or italian man on tv I think “Peter Criss could’ve played this role”

[canonicallyobserving911]

My thoughts on how bad season 7 ended up being can be summed up in one sentence and it's based on a quote I heard from a former employment director. He used to tell us all the time, "When you fail to plan, you plan to fail!" And I think that's what happened to season 7 of 9-1-1 since they were still writing while the main cast was filming the remaining episodes.

After TM's most recent interview, in which he admitted he doesn't plan seasons out beforehand, I felt justified in my analysis but the question is has it always been like this? IMO, the answer is NO! And that's because it wasn't like this for seasons 2 and 3. They were planned out and the continuity was there which made everything better than the mess that was season 7.

Honestly, I don't understand how anyone can run a multi-million-dollar business or a TV Show (I do get it because some people aren't organized but usually, they don't stay in a leadership role for long) and be as unorganized as the showrunners have been for the last few seasons of 9-1-1. It literally costs between 9 and 10 million dollars per episode to produce it but nothing they've been doing lately has lived up to those high costs. Please understand this is not about the cast, crew or the directors because they don't have control over the scripts. They have a WRITING TEAM which means TM didn't have to spend 40 straight hours while he was lying in a hospital bed writing the first 3 episodes. He chose to do that and since the writers returned to work in October of 2023, what were they doing that whole time because they were already promoting the cruise ship disaster at the end of November?

An example of how ridiculous it is for TM to not have a plan can be equated to a construction company. People who build homes and buildings have to plan in advance before they start or else it'll end badly. They can't just start building a home or a business without a blueprint because if they do, the bathtub could end up in the kitchen and the garage might not have a driveway. Builders have to order supplies and materials like drywall, tools, windows, appliances etc., far in advance so they'll have the things they need when they get to a particular step in the building process. Therefore, how can anyone handling multiple storylines for the main cast of a popular TV show like 9-1-1 go into a season without an overall plan? They shouldn't and if they continue down that path, IMO upcoming seasons will end up being even worse.

It doesn't make any sense at all to me and hopefully, season 8 won't be a repeat of seasons 5, 6 and 7.

House M.D. is one of my favorite shows of all time because Gregory House was a brilliant doctor and even though he was a complete jerk sometimes, I liked it because the creators and the showrunners knew when it was time to end it. After 8 seasons, they decided to call it quits so they could go out on top. Any good show worth it's weight knows when they're running out of good stories and they know when to end it. It happened with the Sopranos too. They ended it after season 6 because Tony Soprano had already done the things he needed to do in therapy and his families (personal and mob) were personified. They couldn't take the show anywhere else, so they ended it.

Please understand, if you've never seen a TV show stay on and keep airing episodes past its prime (Grey's Anatomy and Law & Order SVU are two examples but there are others) you have no idea what it could be like. Viewers end up hate watching them and hopefully that won't happen with 9-1-1 but if they don't do something soon, like let the characters grow professionally and show them moving on from their previous mistakes and pasts (looking at the "Vertigo" storyline because Eddie should be allowed to move on from Shannon since it's been six years) it could end up being their fate too.

Even though I've never watched Grey's, I have watched SVU and for the past few days, I've been rewatching season 14 when Rafael Barba (my favorite A.D.A.) arrived on the show and I instantly noticed a stark difference between it and the most recent seasons. It's so good and its way better than the trash they're producing right now. Olivia Benson is the SVU captain but they've been centering all the episodes around her character (like season 6 was all about Buck) but it's time for her to be promoted to chief so Detective Joe Velasco and Detective Terry Bruno can be in charge of SVU. They're the future of the show but if they keep sidelining them, who knows if they'll get a 27th season. It's so boring now and I wish they'd bring Barba back but I digress.

I don't watch a lot of TV because most of it is reality, news and game shows (I don't like those but for those who do, no shade) but I do watch 9-1-1 and I'd hate to leave it in the dust like I did CSI and Chicago P.D. but I will once it's no longer entertaining.

I still haven't decided if I'll watch season 8 (I'm 95% sure I'll treat it like I did season 5, watch the episodes weeks after they air, so I won't get pissed off or I won't watch them at all like I did 5x7 since Eddie wasn't in it) but I refuse to sit through another season like the cluster "F" that season 7 was. I don't want to see another doppelgänger or anymore LIs that are used to delay CANON Buddie.

I needed to get this out of my mind and write it so I can move on.

It's ok to have an opposing opinion but if you do, post it on your own blog and don't reblog this because if you do, I will block you.

[revelisms]

please do not feel obligated at all if you’re not feeling it or don’t get to it but since you’re taking writing reqs I would adore more tamaharu from you🫶 I really loved bee’s wing! when I got into ouran and asked for tamaharu recs it was recommended to me multiple times right away haha

Aw! I continue to be flattered by the day that folks are still enjoying bee's wing 🥲 It was such a special fic for me when I wrote it, and even though it's been ages since I've written these two, I still love them to bits. Truly the top-tier bi4bi disaster couple.

That said—the fact that you've just given me an excuse to put Ouran on my dash in 2023? I am showering you with hearts. My inner child nostalgia is brimming right now.

I've been in a very holiday mood recently, so I hope you enjoy this little Christmas-themed drabble 🖤

No warnings / 1.2k words / Established relationship, goofiness, fluff

It starts softly—a low humming of voices and breaths that echoes off age-weathered stones: contralto, baritone, tenor, soprano: ebbing like a pianist's solo against a murmuration of gilded strings—and builds. It tethers Haruhi's attention before she can wrestle with it, a warm set of fingers still squeezed within her own. On the horizon, past the speckling snow, the glittering panes of a cathedral window gleams.

"Can we," she finds herself murmuring. At her side, Tamaki shifts, the ungodly red-green-blue of his patterned sweater blurred in her peripheral. "Can we go there?"

She knows when he's smiling, that faraway little crook that makes her stomach twist in knots; can see it, now, out of the corner of her eye, a haze of snowfall glistening through his fringe.

"You want to listen?" he whispers. 

Of course, he's delighted—and not doing much of a job hiding it. Dragging her out to this festival had been his own doing, after all.

He'd spent the evening prancing between their kitchenette and their living room, hellbent on convincing her to go with him, no matter how much she loathed tourist traps like these.

("Haruhi is so mean!" he'd wailed, shaking that ridiculous pamphlet from their university's event board in her face. "A true Scrooge! A cheerless fiend! Look at this, look—they have ice skating, and cookie decorating, and roasted chestnuts, and a parade, Haruhi, a full Christmas Parade—"

Into one of their couch pillows, she'd let out a dismal groan.

"And—and caroling," he'd blustered on, beaming ear-to-ear. "And a baking contest!"

"No."

"But mon chous! Mon petit nounours!"

"No."

He'd resorted to burying her full-bodiedly into the cushions, like some overgrown lapdog with no awareness of personal space. "You leave me no choice. We'll bake at home. A full extravaganza to our lonesome, since my dear Haruhi is clearly horrified to be seen with me in public—")

Needless to say: she had ended up, some hours later, in the ugliest sweater of her life, arm-in-arm with her boyfriend's giddy beanpole of a frame, trying fruitlessly to steer him away from plowing children off their feet in the ice rink.

The night had gone well enough, to be fair. Much of it, though, had come insufferably (reluctantly) at the heels of his own indulged whimsies.

At one point, she'd found him masquerading as a back-up Santa Claus after the hired performer had supposedly jumped ship for a bathroom break. It taken every willpower she had to keep her mouth shut when he'd beamed at her, plucking down his beard with a wink, as though she'd never be able to break through the disguise. It had sent the little boy standing beside him into a blubbering outrage, and himself into a panicked flurry of damage control.

Now, some hours later, the chill pinking their ears, they stand sipping their hot chocolates, hands tangled and watching the snow: a quiet, admittedly lovely moment, despite the crowds: the kind that never fails to make her look at his ridiculous clothes and windswept hair and the crinkle of unbridled joy in his eyes, and feel her heart melt, despite it all.

And the choirs are singing.

"I'm sure they have seats," he says to her, giving a light tug at their laced fingers. "Let's go see."

"But—the drinks—"

"Shh-sh-sh, a worry for another day," and he's already starting her off, his dress shoes slipping in the snow, determined nonetheless. His eyes glitter over his shoulder: a indigo prism of autumn skies, speckled with stars and moonlight. "My little bear wants to listen," he hushes, playfully stern, "we will listen."

Despite herself, a smile blooms.

The cathedral is more beautiful than she could have imagined. Grand iron-capped doors stand glossed with an evergreen so rich it shines nearly black. A pathway of tapered stone clicks beneath their shoes, resounding deeply into the cavern of a domed chapel, flanked with a wonder of gilded, candlelit-kissed glass. Nearest the dais, two choir groupings sing in tandem, tressed in robes of white. Their voices fill the air like some ancient holiness, like a folktale she'd forgotten: a mysticism that coalesces, beckons.

They're going to get scolded for not leaving tithes, for bringing liquids in here, for being visibly out of place, as she'd always felt in spaces like these—but Tamaki doesn't care. His thumb kneading gently at her knuckles, he shuffles them into a pew closer near the back, plunking down quietly amidst their cluster of other patrons.

His breath tickles her ear. "In Dulci Jubilo's one of my favorites," he whispers.

It's a gentle, powerful tune—wistful and reflective, in turns. The layers of the choir fill the hall in an cresting tide, striking a chord in Haruhi's heart that quivers.

She takes his hand between both of her own, holds it between her knees while they sit shoulder-to-shoulder. The song makes her think of the countryside in spring; like new life striving through desolation. A loneliness that feels like home, feels hurtful, feels hopeful, feels comforting. 

A loneliness that isn't so lonely, anymore.

Slowly, other movements come and go. In The Bleak Midwinter—a hymn that takes one by the hand and leads them to a pinnacle of beauty. Ave Verum Corpus—one of resolution, of rebirth, of redemption. Dormi Jesu—one that she turns to find Tamaki with the golden line of his brow gently furrowed, a lump in his throat, blinking a sheen from his eyes. 

Between her hands, his thumb fidgets. She squeezes it, carefully.

"My maman," he says quietly. "She liked this one."

Haruhi squeezes his hand tighter.

"I like it, too," she murmurs back.

For a moment, his closeness, the taste of green in his cologne, the calm that is him, in these rare enough moments, envelops her. Tears blinked free, he smiles down at her: a small lift of his lips, genuine and slightly crooked. And were they not in a church—were they anywhere at all, just the two of them to be found for miles—she may have kissed him, for long enough that she forgot anything but the hitch of his breath behind his teeth, the soft glitter of hair at his nape, the weight of his arms around her.

For now, the warmth of his palm will do.

The organ strikes up, again: a brighter shift. Tamaki leans down to nose into her temple.

"Can we make an orange garland, when we get home?" he says. His words pinch into a childish lilt. "With cinnamon sticks and cranberries?"

Haruhi fights the urge to roll her eyes. Instead, she huffs out a breath, the start of a disobedient smile twitching at her mouth, and finds herself staring at the playful scrunch of his nose, close enough for her to count every freckle. 

"Fine," she sighs, poking her finger into the underside of his palm. "But just one."

Tamaki beams into a quiet giggle.

The old woman hunched in next pew finally cracks her back to shush them.

[talenlee]

January 2024 Wrapup

One month down! 2024’s going to be easy, you’re going to see! We made it this far, we just have to do this again and I’m sure we’ll find a way. This month has seen a Games Done Quick event, a bunch of videos, five story piles!

Let’s get into it, looking at what you might have already seen and what you might have missed if you’re at all a fan of Things Talen makes!

This month’s Game Pile were:

Exploding Kittens, where I opine about an interface mistake in a game that’s pretty much entirely about revelling in its interface, right?

A Patreon and Channel trailer update, where I made a pair of videos for that

Puzzmo, a game that I have already stopped playing because it fails to localise to non-American spellings

A video form of my Gene Wars article, which adds some details and context about this aggressively tedious game that’s remarkably hard to play, even without Dosbox overcycling and making things die of old age

It also is the first month where, in the off weeks, Fox and I have been playing a game together – in this case, we played through Space Quest III, completing the trilogy. There are, after all, never any other Space Quest games, and you can go check those out over on Youtube (part 1, part 2).

While Story Pile articles covered:

The Sopranos, a TV series that took a lot of time to watch and was worth it and I immediately stopped caring about once I was done watching it,

Godzilla vs Megalon, a charming hokey 70s piece of kids’ action entertainment

Appare-Ranman!!, an anime about going fast that fails when it comes to races

The Traitor Baru Cormorant, a dense book about economics where some betrayal happens,

Afterschool Dice Club, an anime about board games, no really, actually about board games.

But that’s not all I wrote about this month that you can read, with your eyes! I wrote about how much I missed having the physical ritual of a bullet journal. You know, for the nine days I didn’t have it, which is weird because it’s not like I was doing detailed journalling at the end of December.

I wrote about the Speed stat in Pokemon games, and how it currently works. This article actually started as an introduction to the competitive idea of ‘speed tiers’ and how things could be generally positioned against one another. Turns out that no, just explaining how Speed works took a thousand damn words. I thought about ‘hey, who’s the fastest Transformer‘ and found the best answer I could have for that was absolutely nonsense and completely at odds with how Transformers presents that. Keeping with the theme of ‘speed’ during GDQ I wrote about the Speed of Communication and ways to categorise and consider that in your worldbuilding.

I talked about the Minotaur, the Iron Hearts, and the 404 Not Found of Cobrin’Seil, cultures that matter and need to be available for players, but need to also have a material presence in the world that makes them matter. 3rd Edition D&D had some real weird rules corners, and one of them was The Monk, and hey, hey now, I am talking about 3rd edition. You know, the real actual 3rd edition, the 3rd edition before 3.5 that everyone likes to pretend was just part of the same continuity. Anyway, monks were bad. And weird, and they didn’t have game language to describe their mechanical needs.

I also tried to confront the way that Atheism gets treated as a special kind of social evil which just happens to be in contest with someone claiming absolute knowledge of the runner of the whole universe, but we’re the smug ones. Also just vented about how much Mike Winger sucks ass, truly besmirching the noble name of Internet Weirdo Dudes Surnamed Winger, RIP to a real one.

For Magic: The Gathering content, I inspected 2023’s mechanics and what I want to do with them, along with my articles reflecting on 2023’s daily cards and announcing the plan for 2024’s daily cards — the story of Vox Maxima.

This month’s shirt/sticker design was this cute artwork I did of a Ralts reading books:

You can get this design printed on things here. Time is probably limited on this one.

And what else has happened this month, what do I have in terms of diary? Well, truth be told, I don’t have a good answer to that right now because as I write this it’s the twelfth of the month. January is a weird month, lots of stuff gets done because the year is now open in front of me, and as a result, I get a lot of stuff in the queue. I also had a subtheme for this month, with GDQ providing Speed Week.

What I do know about this month though, what I know about my diary, is that I’ve been working on things that need work. I have had to reconcile that the pandemic didn’t just pause my work it made it worse and that means that I’ve been finding victories where I can: What can I do? What can I make better? How much faster can I get things done? How can I make sure I’m always working? And …

At this point…

I’ve done it. I’ve done what I can so far, and I am going to get better.

I wanted to have Lysen Co out by now. I wanted to have Cancon stuff done, too! But money makes a lot of things in that space not stuff I can idly play around with, which is frustrating. This is a point where I’m really grateful for my Patreon – and yes, that does make me worry that I’m going to be trying hard to be crowd pleasing. I guess what I’m saying is if you say ‘I like this’ you might find me overproduce that because I want you to have more of it.

Got my booster shot. Jab in the arm. No reactions, no notes, incredibly boring. Actually no, my shoulder hurts a little bit which I think might be because a guy in a coat stuck a thin piece of metal into it so they could stuff some MRNA shedding nanomachines into my bloodstream so Bill Gates could track me. Mentioning that because it should be a thing people remember to do, and I did it. Easy Feel Good Points for me, since I don’t have any meaningful reactions and they could be sticking maple syrup in me for all I know. I’m genuinely at the point where I think I might be nonsymptomatic, and Fox might be too, and I may have contracted and shared Covid a hundred times and never noticed it because the canary in my personal coal mine is… immune… to… coal? Anyway.

I spend some time this month reading Michel Foucault, right at the source, and lemme tell you that guy’s work is dense. He’s got this really nuggety attitude of words, where there’s very little use of example and demonstration – there’s these heavy laden words that get explained, then he’ll drop all four of the ones he’s been explaining in a sentence and moving on. It means there’s a lot of back tracking and like ‘hey, is this what I think it means?’ It’s a really interesting experience of spending four hours with a twenty-two page essay and realising that yeah, I have these great ideas and I can explain them but it’s translated to… two hundred? words on the page.

There’s also been some delving into Roland Barthes, and back to Johan Huizinga, because Magic Circle theory has become more important to my demonstration of why I’m not invested in Magic Circle theory. Got to demonstrate that expertise.

It was CanCon month! I didn’t make a post about CanCon specifically, because the schedule filled up and that’s just how things go. CanCon meant three days away from my normal computer, and you know what that meant? When the Gene Wars video went up it went up with an audio error and I had to wait two days to fix it! Oh well, I’m sure we all had a laugh about it. I unlisted that video and by the time this goes up it should be fixed. And a new video should be a few days away. Shh~.

Anyway. CanCon was great! Nothing terrible happened and I’m definitely not writing this on night 2 of 3 thinking ‘well nothing bad is going to happen tomorrow!’

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[blysse-and-blunder]

In lieu of a making a comeback

11:45pm Sunday, June 18, 2023

Went through my drafts folder today, scrolling quickly past all the posts I’ve saved for when I’ve finally finished succession and found that the last time I drafted a commonplace book post was back in early May? I may post that one later—it’s a bit of a time capsule now, and isn’t even fully finished (hence why I saved it rather than posting). but rather than wait for perfection—my lesson of the year it seems—I’ll dash off a short one here. for my own entertainment, which of course is the point.

[no read more on mobile; scroll or press J to skip]

Reading just started victoria goddard’s bee sting cake, the second book in the greenwing & dart series. jemis’ narrative voice sounds a little too much like fitzroy’s — exacerbating my prejudice against first-person narration where the pov character just kinda sounds like the author’s mouthpiece—but seeing more of ragnor bella, this area of the twelve kingdoms, these references to the Interim and the Last Emperor, remains delightful. Also about 80% of the way through ursula k. le guin’s a wizard of earthsea for the very first time, which has been a slow because I’m absolutely savoring it. one of those books that feels like it’s in conversation with Tolkien but goes about ‘let’s make magic literary’ in a totally different way.

watching the aforementioned succession. @hematiterings and I were doing a rewatch (for me; her first time) and we have now gotten up to season 4 episode 3, You Know the One, which means that there’s only one more episode before I’m in new territory. it’s been a really rewarding rewatch, even as I’ve been doing laptop work the whole time—I’m understanding characters’ relationships and the stakes of different decisions and events so much better than I did the first time.

listening for some reason this week and last I have not been able to get enough of Hildegard von Blingen’s bardcore covers. Specifically the cover of taylor swift’s willow, which is not a song I knew, cared about, or really even noticed before now? But it the bardcore cover elevates it so well? hildegard’s voice is so lovely? one of those sopranos I usually don’t quite believe are real—just a pleasure to listen to. bad romance and holding out for a hero have been on repeat as well, and pumped up kicks (buskin boots!) is so much more interesting than the original, but willow has been the one I actively searched by name.

playing d+d campaign one tonight for the first time since FEBRUARY. it was good! we laughed! R tried to seduce a jaguar! we might be starting a schism in a fantasy meso-american religion or possibly playing the ball game to avoid that! we won’t be able to play again until late July, early august! The real boss fight is—has always been—scheduling.

making look at this dining room chair I glued back together.

No after pictures yet but it was clamped for a few days and has now been back in use with no ill effects since…gosh, last weekend? so we’ll count that as a win.

working on between finishing my most recent slog of grading (32 review assignments, which I spent waaaaaay too long on out of an anxiety of needin to help them revise for their final portfolios) and the next round of grading (final exams for 385 are due…thursday, possibly? and portfolios Friday, though I expect I get many either late or with extension requests, my fault entirely), I think I have to write at least one job app for June 30 and. maybe try to slap some new stuff into ch 2. or conference paper? hm.

[analogsyncopation]

I wanna make a little diary post for today before I actually go to beeed I found out my choir teacher is EXPECTING his wife is halfway along w their first kid ….hype ..! He’s the best teacher ever man I love that guy .Ummm we did vocal training stuff in class w a voice coach in choir it was interesting. I was kind of whatever until the end of the day where I went and sung the choral benediction approximately 3 million times And all the altos and sopranos left and it was just me and 3 basses and 4 tenors and I sang that shit EVERY TIME. I know my part just so well. Some of those tenors were lacking though RIP. Anyways it’s like all the energy I didn’t have all week came rushing into me and I started running laps around the choir room and I was super energized in the car home and shit , There’s pros and cons to this …Mom was happy I was excited but when I feel better after a week of being an asshole she just won’t stop jabbing me for having been depressed all week and it’s like Okay woman, what do you want, do you want me to come to you when I’m sad, or do you want me to keep it inside . Decide 😭. So then I watched monster 2023 with her (we both loved it ) Man I loved it so much. Sob . And I read the vivid bad squad weed brownies fan fiction . Been feeling lonelier than ever lately and every day gets a little duller but singing today really brightened it up. I realized my best friend has way more of a social life than I do right now Which is fine but a little sad just that I like Don’t make an effort anymore to reach out to anyone anymore I’m just soooootired. But it makes me feel worse to be alone. Well. Many such cases. I have sooooooooo. So much homework this weekend . Gah.We will power through.

[mellyncholly]

tagged by my buddy stark (@lastquincy) to do this one! thank you :)

last song i heard:

"honey i'm home" by destroy boys. this was the only song from destroy boys (current favorite band) that i hadn't heard until a few days ago when bluejay literally made me listen to it and WOWWW. extremely catchy and the lyrics hit hard as fuck for me.

favorite color:

wouldn't you believe it. it's red. shades of red that could be classified as 'blood' or 'wine' are esp my favorites, and i also really like black. i started wearing more colors in 2023 (red, of course) but recently i've been leaning more into dressing punk and wearing mostly black.i love black

my favorite shades. however im a little bit twisted and i REALLY like any shade of red that is purely R and has no Gs or Bs.

this is a fucking angel to me ok.

last watched series:

my last watched "series" in general would technically be the walten files since a new one came out. by god those files really are walten. specifically in terms of TV though right now i'm watching the sopranos and sometimes mr. robot from time to time, both very good i'm enjoying them a lot especially the latter, although i think my last complete TV series was black mirror. some episodes weren't all too great in comparison to others but for the most part i really enjoyed it.

sweet/spicy/savory:

i'm very much a savory person. the taste is always so great but there is also something that feels so fulfilling about eating something savory compared to something that is sweet or spicy. i do enjoy a little sweetness or a little spice in my food sometimes though. writing this and thinking about food made me go boil a pot of water i want ramen so bad.

relationship status:

i'm single (SHGOULDN'T BE!!!!!) but i'm looking to try and meet people soon. i'm still a little unsure of my sexuality (probably bi lesbian?) but i'm almost certain of the person i am and who i wanna be so that's good. expressing myself sexually has become really important to me so even finding a fwb partner would be nice.

last thing i googled:

the last thing i googled was 'is ramen considered savory'. i was googling a lot of questions about what's considered 'savory' because i saw that question about preference between sweet and spicy and savory and immediately forgot what foods are classified as savory. i don't know how food works

current obsession:

oh my god don't even get me started. it's a four-way between signalis, monument mythos, walten files, and undertale right now. however i'd argue that walten files is only growing again right now and monument mythos for me is always a constant because i love it that much, so currently it would probably be signalis or undertale. i replayed undertale for the first time in at least 7 years in the last couple weeks and it was incredible especially because i could finally understand a lot of stuff i didn't understand or pick up on before, i vaguely got it when i was younger but i never picked up on the deeper, subtle characterization of so many of the characters and all of the details. undertale is an absolute masterpiece. another masterpiece i've been obsessed with is signalis. signalis was my first survival horror and it was an incredible, tense, tear-jerking experience. its such a beautiful and horrifying game about women and sapphic love and uuuuUUGGH it's PERFECT. the soundtrack is beautiful, amazingly composed and performed, the graphics are perfect for the vibe it's trying to go for. the characters all have fun designs and the main characters and story are all so intriguing it just keeps me thinking about the metaphorical themes of it all. signalis is a huge inspiration to me and i have so many thoughts about it please check it out.

last thing i read:

the last thing i read was chainsaw man! i LOVE chainsaw man and it's another massive inspiration for me...asa mitaka makes me feel so fuckin happy. autistic high school girl that i relate to so deeply. last time i read it, the story left off at a pretty big point so i should definitely pick it back up again before i start getting far behind again. the story was going somewhere that i thought was extremely interesting so i'm excited to see how it continues.

something i've been looking forward to:

in the long-term, i'm looking forward to a lot of things in the summer! i'm turning 21, going on a road trip to see a concert and visit a friend across the state, going to anthrocon, and maybe doing some stuff for pride! i'll be doing all of this with two of my best friends in the world and i'm really excited, although i am definitely nervous about the road trip since i'll be the one driving but i think it'll be OK since i'll have my friends with me :) i think this summer will be great because of all of the above but this also feels like it's gonna be the first summer where i won't be almost entirely focused on my job and i feel like myself!

i don't have anyone in particular that i want to tag for this but if you want, feel free to make a post like this :)

[eternal-nyx]

First 7 days of HRT

Day 1

September 27th 2023

No Noticeable changes

Day 2

September 28th 2023

NSFW: When I find alone time and find myself aroused, I have a daily habit to get into me and my fiancé’s shared toy box and do my thing. Well I did my normal thing today, and I noticed I could FEEL things with my fingers. So I did a LIL inspection and it was bigger. Not by a lot but I KNOW my anatomy, and my AFAB parts are heavily hooded and usually don’t extend past the hood even when aroused. Today was different, and that is ALL I will say to anyone about my genitals. Then when all was done it was less plump, but still slightly larger than I am used to. I HAD MY FIRST ERECTION! And not only that, but I have growth!!!!!! On day fucking 2!!!! I’m gonna cry

Also….It’s itchy. And I seem to be unable to stop being aroused. Whoops.

Day 3

September 29th 2023

Vocal Changes: I haven’t noticed anything talking but me and my fiancé sing together every day. WE are very musical and Spotify is ALWAYS playing. We were singing this morning and my voice just refused to hit this note I’ve always hit before. I tried several times and couldn’t hit the note at all. My voice just straight cracked and went NOPE when singing soprano. Specifically my very high very belty notes. I can still hit my very high breathier ones.

Day 4

September 30th 2023

NSFW: Noticing a change in the way orgasms feel. I’m not exactly sure how to describe it. It’s not bad. It’s different. But it’s nice.

Why am I so horny. How do I stop being horny. I own an entire box of toys. I have a very healthy sex life and a partner who is more than willing to assist. But no matter what I try, it doesn’t STOP. And it’s not emotional its physical. I can FEEL this…..tingling? Fullness? Every time I shift my sitting position, and it’s arousing. What the hell? I expected sensitive, and I expected wanting to have sex more. But being PHYSICALLY aroused more when I just wanna take a nap? Or watch tv? Like…..ok chill.

Vocal Changes: Still having issues hitting some of the notes in my higher singing range, though not all of them. Nothing noticeable when talking yet

Day 5

October 1st 2023

Hygiene: Increase need for deodorant. Body odor is stronger and smells different. I may need to change hygiene products.

NSFW: Things feel plumper down below. Is this the beginnings of growth?

Vocal Changes: Singing those high notes is getting harder but im trying to continue to exercise my singing range. I don’t care how low my talking voice gets, but I’d like to keep some of my higher singing range. Daily singing to try to help.

Appetite: There’s been a gradual increase. So far, it’s been a positive for me. I have an eating disorder (ARFID) and the increased need to eat is helping a bit. In the last month alone I accidently lost over 25lbs unhealthily. So this is good for now.

Body Hair: Is that a shadow on my lip? I know I have lip and chin hair due to my PCOS, but is it shadowing on my lip now? I feel indifferent to hair growth currently. I don’t shave my body hair really ever, I just maintenance it. My facial hair I’ve always shaved before but maybe we will let this grow and see what feelings arise. I am cautiously curious.

Misc: As night settled, I became subtly aware of my genitals in way I hadn’t really before. It’s a little hard to describe, but the best way I can put into words is to say it isn’t painful or unpleasant. It isn’t pressure or pain. But I can feel it in the sense that my brain is aware of it in my daily life and movements, similar to the way I feel and am aware of my breasts as they rub the inside of a bra or shirt. It isn’t pleasurable or painful, but it’s not quite the type of awareness one is used to in regards to those types of body parts.

Day 6

October 2nd 2023

Hygiene: The body odor changes continue to happen slowly.

NSFW: As I have mentioned before, my partner and I have a very healthy amount of communication regarding intimacy. I had asked her to let me know before, I ever even started T, if she noticed any changes in my anatomy. During the night of day 5 into the morning of day 6, during an intimate moment, she informed me she was noticing changes, though struggled with describing them.

Holy fucking CHRIST I cannot sit comfortably. No position takes the pressure off enough to make it comfortable below. ACK. I was warned. I know. But ACKKKK.

Appetite: Very munchy. I want bland ass salty chips. Or Cheetos.

Day 7:

October 3rd 2023

Hygiene: The body odor changes continue to happen slowly.

NSFW: I still cannot sit comfortably. Or lay comfortably. No position takes the pressure off enough to make it comfortable below.

As I mentioned in a previous day, my AFAB parts at the beginning of all this naturally laid downturned and were heavily hooded. At this point things seem to be….er….straightening out? Moving upwards/outwards slightly? Not just the clit but also the outer labia, which, hunh, unexpected but I’ll take it. Its all still very much a tiny bundle tucked away where it’s at but its starting to plump up and shift. That’s the best way I can really put it I think.

Appetite: So hungry. Wtf?! But so nauseous. I’m not sure where the nausea is coming from but blech. GERD is nuts today too. Unsure if related.

Body Hair: Yea that’s DEFF an upper lip shadow.

[eternal-nyx]

HRT Daily Diary

AFAB Genderfluid HRT Testosterone therapy.

Injections once a week.

Goals Bottom Growth, Muscle and fat redistribution, Breast atrophy

Day 1: No noticeable changes.

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Day 2 9/28/2023 @8pm

When I find alone time and find myself aroused, I have a daily habit to get into me and my fiance’s shared toy box and do my thing. Well I did my normal thing today, and I noticed I could FEEL things with my fingers. So I did a LIL inspection and it was bigger. Not by a lot but I KNOW my anatomy, and my AFAB parts are heavily hooded and usually don’t extend past the hood even when aroused. Today was different, and that is ALL I will say to anyone about my genitals. Then when all was done it was less plump, but still slightly larger than I am used to. I HAD MY FIRST ERECTION! And not only that, but I have growth!!!!!! On day fucking 2!!!! I’m gonna cry.

Also….It’s itchy. And I seem to be unable to stop being aroused. Whoops.

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Day 3 9/29/2023

Vocal Changes. I haven't noticed anything talking but me and my fiancé sing together every day. WE are very musical and Spotify is ALWAYS playing. We were singing this morning and my voice just refused to hit this note I've always hit before. I tried several times and couldn't hit the note at all. My voice just straight cracked and went NOPE when singing soprano. Specifically my very high very belty notes. I can still hit my very high breathier ones.

Started to notice an increase in hunger pains (like actual stomach growling) despite my ARFID ed. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — Day 4 9/30/2023

Noticing a change in the way orgasms feel. I’m not exactly sure how to describe it. It’s not bad. It’s different. But it’s nice. — — Why am I so horny. How do I stop being horny. I own an entire box of toys. I have a very healthy sex life and a partner who is more than willing to assist. But no matter what I try, it doesn’t STOP. And it’s not emotional its physical. I can FEEL this…..tingling? Fullness? Every time I shift my sitting position, and it’s arousing. What the hell? I expected sensitive, and I expected wanting to have sex more. But being PHYSICALLY aroused more when I just wanna take a nap? Or watch tv? Like…..ok chill. XD — — Still having issues hitting some of the notes in my higher singing range, though not all of them. Nothing noticeable when talking yet — — Please. Stop. Tingling. Oh. My. Fucking. God. Please. JFC this is worse than a uti. Its like the constant feeling of needing to pee from a uti but its PLEASURE. um. HELP SOS.

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I hope to do weekly check in’s on my social media like tiktok and all of my blogs. The journey continues. Stay queer my friends.

Nyx [They/He/She]