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prosopopeya · 4 years ago

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New Year’s Meme

this survey has been a tradition among my friend group for YEARS, but i haven’t filled it out since 2015 apparently. i’m not entirely sure why except 2016 was the year a lot of stuff changed for me, namely in that i finally got out of school in some form and started a new job, but i also had a few health problems that kept plaguing me (thyroid medicine being off, vitamin d) and my anxiety was all over the place. so here we go i’m doing it again and feel free to do it too if you want!!

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? tried on wedding dresses. taught virtually. dealt (poorly) with drunk teenagers. performed in a pep rally. wore face masks all the time. i’m going to lump in living with someone. jon moved in october 2019, but i don’t think i did this quiz last year so. taught ap.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? i don’t really like resolutions. they put too much pressure on me and i am a fragile person when it comes to setting expectations and living up to them. i did want to try to read more this year, and i maintained that until the pandemic, and then just kind of gave up requiring myself to do anything but live.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? i don’t think so. a coworker did.

4. Did anyone close to you die? jon’s cousin committed suicide in march or april. the circumstances were pretty upsetting. um. andy died in february, very suddenly. andy was my high school boyfriend for four years with whom i had a very... he scarred me in a lot of ways when it comes to sex and consent. it’s taken me a long time to unpack all of that. and i struggle with how much any of that was his fault or just bc he was a stupid kid too. our mutual friends had nothing but nice things to say about him on fb. anyway. he would guilt me into saying he’d kill himself if we broke up, and jon’s cousin killed himself over his girlfriend. so that was a complex part of the year.

5. What countries did you visit? none. literally the week before the quarantine, we went to asheville to visit jon’s cousin.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? maybe a different job? or at least some peace at doing mine.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? march 13 we cancelled classes and had a technology training day; the 15th we had another one, and then we were virtual the rest of the term. it was such a sudden shift and while i so loved working from home tbh, it was such a relief after a supremely shitty january/february work-wise, i still had a lot of keyed-up, stressful days centered around transitioning to being the senior upper school spanish teacher. i hate it!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? writing 50k in the month of november. i have literally never done that before and actively reject nano as being typically unhealthy for how my mind works, so it was nice to do it entirely by accident.

9. What was your biggest failure? mishandling the drunken teenagers on that field trip in january.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? i sit crosslegged in my virtual teaching chair and i did it so much that my ankle hurt for the entire summer.

11. What was the best thing you bought? we put a deposit on our elopement in ireland. jon’s wedding ring. (i didn’t buy my wedding dress.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my best friend at work who keeps me sane and is represented by benny in my au, which other than the fact that he is not my sidepiece, is perfect he is crucial to my survival at work and i love him so much. (also he is gay and the french teacher so the benny parallels just keep coming). everyone who tore down a statue in virginia (and other places, but especially monument avenue). everyone putting their lives on the line during this pandemic.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? guess! but aside from all the obvious, i found out a friend of mine at work voted for trump. my work bff and i had been trying for years to sway his politics, but that had us both deciding to give up on him.

14. Where did most of your money go? food, ALCOHOL. god., our savings account. i did a pretty excellent job saving this year, though a good deal of that is because jon moved in and makes more money than me, and also we split all the bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my wedding dress but strangely only when i went to try it on after it came in bc after the purchase i was so sure i’d made every mistake possible. my wedding band. wellbutrin changing my whole life. and, last but certainly not least, the gay angel and the bi(lingual) hunter. i wouldn’t have survived nov-dec in school without that distraction. the election.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? the entirety of taylor swift’s oeuvre this year, maybe specifically “this is me trying”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. Happier or sadder? happier, i suppose, perhaps contrary to what should be the case, but wellbutrin is a hell of a drug. ii. Older or wiser? wiser. ii. Richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? reading. cleaning. exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? stressing. chaperoning.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? so, an update; last year was the first year i didn’t go to my mom’s for christmas. i was supposed to see her for thanksgiving last year, but she basically told us not to come bc she wasn’t feeling up to it (cool!), and we went to jon’s for christmas and my mom’s for new year’s.

this year, obviously we couldn’t go to my mom’s. instead, we rented a little cabin by the lake. it was perfect; it was really really nice inside, the beds were SO SOFT, the pillows were the best things i have ever laid my head on, like i took off the pillowcases to try to find the brand. we had a little tiny christmas tree with tiny ornaments from walmart that we decorated. the 23rd, we went and picked up our wedding bands. we slept two nights in the (cold) back bedroom so i could wake up and look out at the lake. it snowed for christmas. :)

we opened presents on christmas eve, per jon’s family’s tradition. on christmas eve, we also went to his family farm and sat outside and hung out a little. every year his family does like a secret santa sort of thing and i got my first present in that exchange, which is notable bc jon and i are not yet officially married. i got a remote control car -- jon’s idea bc i couldn’t think of anything, and he was so delighted to hear that i loved playing with rc cars when we went to the beach as a kid.

christmas morning we facetimed my parents and opened some presents together. then jon and i marathoned mandalorian (after spending the previous few days watching several die hard movies), and then we watched wonder woman 1984 which was a bad movie.

21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? ok LAST year for new year’s, we were in a hotel room, so that was nice, bc it meant minimal stress with my parents. i had always wanted to go to this restaurant near us that has a special new year’s menu, so we did that. the night before or after i think we went to cheesecake factory, which was also amazing.

this year currently i’m tumbling and he’s playing pokemon, and in a bit we’ll try to time it so we finish schitt’s creek in time for the new year.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? i re-fell in love with supernatural so that was nice.

23. How many one-night stands? 0. i submit we should randomly change question 23 each year to something more relevant to any of our life experiences.

24. What was your favorite TV program? what did i even watch this year. schitt’s creek. mandalorian. i mean obviously we know supernatural. the circle. are you the one (the queer season). pose. unsolved mysteries. we’re here! perry mason. watchmen. oh maybe that mcdonald’s monopoly fraud documentary. avenue 5. i’ll be gone in the dark. of those i think my favorite maybe is... pose or we’re here.

OKAY UM. on my 2014 version of this there were a bunch of questions about tv shows that i’m putting back in if only for the memories:

25. Which TV shows did you start watching in 2020? the haunting of bly manor, which we still need to finish. derry girls.

26. Which TV shows did you let go of in 2020? HERE’S WHY I WANTED TO RESURRECT THESE. here was my answer in 2015: “supernatural. goodbye, my sweet prince.” CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE

27. Which TV shows did you mean to get into but didn’t in 2020? Why? so far, queen’s gambit and that one on hulu with catherine the great. EVENTUALLY. 28. Which TV shows do you intend on checking out in 2020? fleabag. queen’s gambit. 29. Which TV show do you think you might let go of in 2020 unless things significantly improve? idk i drop things pretty regularly if they don’t entertain me 30. Which TV show impressed you least in 2020? GUYS HERE’S MY ORIGINAL 2015 ANSWER: “supernatural. :(”

anyway back to the rest of the quiz:

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? every person who refuses to listen to facts and information.

26. What was the best book you read? killers of the flower moon: the osage murders and the birth of the fbi, or the his dark materials series.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? well i knew about tswift so i’m not going to count her albums. i will count this song that jon played for me once in the car that got stuck in my head for two weeks straight and led me down into a great related-songs spotify playlist: through the roof ‘n underground.

28. What did you want and get? a wedding dress and a very specific kind of wedding band. a gay angel. a christmas getaway. animal crossing.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? idk i don’t know how many films i saw this year. maybe mucho mucho amor: the legend of walter mercado

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i was 32. we went to an escape room with a BUNCH of people -- work bff, my old work bff and his wife (old bc he quit and we’ve fallen out of touch :(), the cool new physics teacher and his fiancee, and the aforementioned trump voter and his wife, before we knew... we went out for brunch/lunch after. it was pretty great!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? not having to chaperone that school trip in january. dean being bi in english as well as spanish. cas just ilke, appearing in 15x20. not having to physically go back to work this fall.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? no! real! pants!

34. What kept you sane? jon. supernatural (in a way?). animal crossing for a while. wellbutrin! i haven’t really been able to detail this yet, but finally i did something about tumblr and my therapist making me think about adhd. my doctor gave me wellbutrin (bc i lack any official diagnosis and was on anxiety meds anyway, and he was like let’s try this!) and it’s fucking. it’s a fucking godsend. surprisingly enough, my students. trying to provide them a safe space has been a calming thing for me.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? jensen ackles’ silence. misha collins again, i guess.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? the summer was so fucking intense. i guess though it was me trying to exert my influence in a responsible way with my students without trying to try to make them feel uncomfortable but then one kid was a vocally upset trump supporter after the election and i had to try to defuse that situation.

37. Who did you miss? my old work bff. several old friends that i’ve fallen out of touch with bc i have no object permanence.

38. Who was the best new person you met? people i met through the spn resurgence!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: if you manifest it in an au, it will come. no really though. maybe that expectations are only as important as i make them out to be.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: usually i have a hard time coming up with anything for this and i default to looking at my most played songs of the year. my most played song of the year received each and every one of its plays within the month of november and you can guess why. anyway see if this works

I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Take me back to the night we met - the night we met, lord huron

#happy new year #annual meme

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strange-destinations · 5 years ago

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Dear Yuletide Writer 2019

(As usual, please ignore this if you don’t know what this is about!)

Hello, and thank you so much for writing something for me!! I adore seeing what people come up with for Yuletide and I am super excited for what you end up producing. I want this to be a good and enjoyable experience for you as a writer, so don’t try to second-guess yourself too much - just have fun making whatever it is!

Squicks/DNWS - no sex, please! (And it also follows that I’d rather like to avoid any noncon, kinky stuff even if it’s nonsexual, any other sort of sexual content, etc - that’s just not my sort of thing, really.) Romance is all right, if that’s the way that you want to take things, but I much prefer close friendships and family dynamics. However!! I am pretty much completely fine with body horror/violence, hurt/comfort, etc.

I love good dialogue, character interaction, twist endings, and imaginative plots - and worldbuilding! Happy endings are preferred but not necessary if it just isn’t working for you.

In general - if you’re thinking about making something gay/trans/queer/ace in any way, you should probably absolutely go for it, because I’m wild for that sort of thing.

AUs are… fine and good, as far as I can think of! (Obv no A/B/O or sex-related stuff please, but) canon divergence, fantasy, high school, etc seem all good to me! Especially if there’s a whole lot of clever nods to original canon in there.

In addition, I'm always welcome to receiving stuff in interesting and unusual mediums/styles. This includes stuff like Interactive Fiction (additional info here) and multimedia stuff.

Anyway, fandom time. Let's do this, y'all!

Fandom: Ruby Redfort series - Lauren Child

Available: I managed to acquire a copy of the full series online via my local library - and the physical copies were at my local library too. I don’t have a link to them, I’m afraid.

Tvtropes page: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Literature/RubyRedfort

Characters: *** Any from *** Ruby Redfort, Hitch, Blacker, Clancy Crew

About the fandom: I just love it a lot. I dragged its fandom out of the depths of Tumblr singlehandedly a few years ago and have been doggedly creating content for it ever since. There's just something really compelling about 'bright young kid gets accidentally adopted by spy agency' (yes i know that's not EXACLY what happens but I can dream, right?)

Prompts/suggestions:

Like I said above, I really like the idea of Ruby being essentially adopted by the whole Spectrum team.

I’d love to see some casefic! Blacker and Ruby working together to solve a puzzle or problem - either serious or mundane - or Hitch and Ruby on a stakeout of some sort. Or both!

Some general stuff I like - heists, murder mysteries, rescue missions, characters playing games (e.g. Travelling Lemon, word games, throwing increasingly ridiculous hypotheticals at each other) because they're bored or similar,

Spectrum office shenanigans - stuff that happens between books, when Ruby and everybody else aren’t in mortal danger and that LB will most likely glare disapprovingly at.

On the angstier side of things, if you want to stick Ruby in even more mortal danger than usual I am ALL RIGHT WITH THAT. Rescue missions hell yeah.

AUs??? AUs!!! Modern!AU with Ruby doing extreme sports vlogs and occasionally failing to hide the fact that she's part of a secret spy agency. Is Blacker a hacker? Or a fantasy/medieval AU? Or Ruby Redfort, in space!

I feel like I’ll be delighted with whatever you create, tbh. I can’t think of many ways you could go wrong with it.

Fandom: Bernice Summerfield (Big Finish Audio)

Available: Via the Big Finish website, and all of the boxsets from Epoch to New Frontiers are available for free on Spotify! Just look up Bernice Summerfield there.

Tvtropes page: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Franchise/BerniceSummerfield

Characters: *** Any from *** Bernice Summerfield, Third Doctor (Warner)

About the fandom: It’s like if Indiana Jones was shorter, actually did his job, and was a kickass woman who was also the Doctor’s companion at one point! Several points. And also she has a considerably larger family than Indiana Jones. Her spinoff kind of transcends a lot of forms of media - she’s in comics, print, animations, audio dramas, and one really hilariously terrible sort-of-fanfilm made by Lisa Bowerman and Sylvester McCoy when they were on some kind of cruise together. And it more or less transcends genre too. There’s been musical episodes right alongside the episode where someone very dear to her manipulates someone else very dear to her into killing (you guessed it) someone who is also very dear to her. It’s a wild ride. Anyway.

Prompts/suggestions:

The Warner!Doctor and Benny era of this series particularly delights me, because Benny and the Doctor just have such a lovely dynamic. There's a bit in the writer's guide for this era that mentions that the Warner!Doctor 'seems to be a grouch' but is actually 'a playful spirit who loves to have fun', and... I just love that? And there is literally no fic with them! Which is an absolute travesty.

I particularly like: heists, murder mysteries, rescue missions, adventures, playing around with genre and style.

It's Doctor Who/Bernice Summerfield!! Which means there's an infinite wealth of planets and times and worlds to explore, if you choose to set it in the regular universe. If, on the other hand, you choose to place it in the Unbound universe, slowly collapsing in on itself, there's probably a lot you can do with this too

The found family dynamic between them!! It's clear that, despite all the snarking and sniping, they really do adore each other quite a bit. If you'd lean into that, I'd be forever grateful.

Apologies for no real specific suggestions - mostly, I just would really like to see these two having fun together and being buds. But also? The angst is good too. Make me laugh/smile or make me hurt, I don't care which.

Fandom: Beanworld - Larry Marder

Available: ...I have literally no idea where you can pick this up. I first read it at my local library. I think you can get copies at various book retailers?

Tvtropes page: Non-existent. I should rectify that.

Characters: *** Any from *** Professor Garbanzo, Mr Spook, Beanish, Heyoka (but honestly please throw in everybody in there. I love them all so much)

About the fandom: It's a weird, brilliant, complete unique experience of a comic book set in a world where the rules are very different to ours!

Prompts/suggestions:

I know that pretty much the entire point of Beanworld is that the characters are not human in the least, But I can't help but wonder what a human AU would be like!! Beanish as a struggling art student, the Hoi'Polloi as the local street gang with an unfortunate gambling habit, Heyoka as the weird chaotic neutral genderqueer acrobat who babysits occasionally and is always standing on their head. Or any other direction you want to take it in!! I adore seeing familiar characters in settings that they couldn't possibly find themselves in, in canon.

Bean shenanigans!! What sort of things do they get up to on their Goof-Off Days that we don't see on-screen?

Explore some of the friendships/relationships between the characters! I love some of those good good Bean interactions. For example (but not at all limited to):

Professor Garbanzo and Mr Spook - the ultimate BroTP. I particularly love how well they get along even when you wouldn’t expect them too - how Mr Spook isn’t really a scientific sort of guy but is really encouraging and helpful to her endeavors. It’s good and soft.

Mr Spook and the Chow Sol’jers! A dedicated fighting team that work together and protect each other every day. I’m now wondering what the Chow Sol’jer in-jokes are. They’ve gotta have some, right?

Beanish and Dreamishness - the greatest love story ever told! (If you do end up including this relationship in particular, I’d prefer it if it wasn’t the focus.) Additionally, I’d really love it if you could play around with the idea of love in the Big•Big•Picture being different to how we see it/perceive it in our world! I know it’s kind of vague, and it’s definitely not necessary, but I figured I might as well put it out there.

Heyoka and... everyone. Literally everyone. I love how she interacts with the Beans - how they’re kind of confused as to how she works, but accept her as one of them anyway - and how she interacts with people outside of the Beanworld. The sequence when she’s falling upwards and through the Inspiration Constellation, and how the Constellation is so pleasantly amused by and encouraging of her - it’s really nice. And her as the teacher to the Pod’ll’pool babies!! She’s such a cool character.

Other AUs or canon divergences! Can't think of anything specific off the top of my head, but I'm sure there's some stuff out there.

Literally anything that takes stuff from canon and extends upon it! Especially if you’re playing into the amazingly bizarre and extensive world of the Big•Big•Picture. Because the rules there are definitely not at all the same as they are for our world, and that delights me to no end. I have so many questions about it that I’m nearly certain aren’t going to be answered anytime soon. Like, where does the Thin Lake/Four Realities/Hoi-Polloi zone end?? There’s gotta be an end to it somewhere. Are there other islands like the Beanworld?

Fandom: Rainbow Magic series - Daisy Meadows

Available: on your younger sister's bookshelf or at pretty much any library, bookstore or garage sale you'd care to visit.

Tvtropes page:

Characters: *** Any from *** Rachel Walker, Kirsty Tate, Titania, Oberon (but feel free to throw in any of the million-plus other fairies that exist at your discretion)

About the fandom: Oh, jeez. What to say about this? It's such a bizarre interest of mine. The series has suffered from intense seasonal rot, with literally every book following the same formula. And there are hundreds of books. But it's such a large part of my childhood that it's hard to not feel some sort of affection for it. Plus, there's so many interesting things to explore!

Prompts/suggestions:

Feel free to throw some Kirsty/Rachel shipping in there, because we all know those two were lesbian as all hell. I'd prefer it not to be the focus, though!

Any exploration of the fact that the girls have been doing this for far longer than is strictly reasonable with no complaints, questions, or problems. They've been through like ten Christmas specials and don't appear to have aged a day since the beginning of the series. What's up with that, huh?

To that end - there's plenty of myths and legends about the rules that fae traditionally have. What about applying some of these to the RM fairies? Are Titania and Oberon the leaders of the Seelie Court, with Jack Frost as the Unseelie leader? Do they do the whole Changeling thing? Are Kirsty and Rachel Changelings?

(And bear with me for a second while I point you at a specific line from the very first book, because I think it's very good inspiration for the whole 'giving a fairy your name' thing:)

Kirsty wanted to ask the fairy so many things. But she didn't know where to start.

"Tell me your names, quickly," said the fairy. She fluttered up into the air again. "There's so much to be done, and we must get started right away."

Rachel wondered what the fairy meant. "I'm Rachel," she said.

"And I'm Kirsty," said Kirsty. "But who are you?"

"I'm the Red Rainbow Fairy - but you can call me Ruby," the fairy replied.

Very suspicious.

A Discord server I'm on has been throwing around the idea of the fairies (yes. All of them.) ending up as humans in the human world abruptly, and having to adjust to living life without magic - and dealing with the fact that somehow, their magical domains are functioning perfectly without them. Which is a very compelling idea. How do Rachel and Kirsty deal with their now-possibly-permanent, no-longer-magical neighbours? How are Titania and Oberon coping, now that they no longer have to rule a whole kingdom? What sort of the things do the fairies get up to? Where do they stay?

Aged-up Kirsty and Rachel get called upon to deal with new adult problems that are blooming in the fairy world. (Tiara The Tax Evasion Fairy, anyone?)

...or anything else.

Again, thank you for writing for me, and I hope you get something awesome in return from your own writer! Good luck!

#Yuletide #yuletide 2019 #dear yuletide writer

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beowulfs-booty-call · 7 years ago

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our boy Keaton

Why is he so CUTE. WHY.

Sexuality Headcanon: I’m gonna lean towards gay mainly because he doesn't... really... “woo” anyone on the girls’ side of his supports, and I feel like Laslow / Keaton or Corrin / Keaton or hell even Niles / Keaton is pretty cute. He’d be a great father, sure, but I think he’d be a good husband to the guys more than he shows (little if at all) to the girls. That, and honestly, there is little to nothing heterosexual about Keaton. Thiddies out ready to grab a mate. It’s a look™.

Gender Headcanon: Male. I wanna say even if given the chance with spells and potions and what have you, Keaton probably is pretty fine with being himself as a whole since... He doesn’t really seem to have any adversity to being a girl sans the “W-What are you doing???? Girls aren’t supposed to be with boys!” quote in the bathhouse quote if you’re a girl.

He’s just a boy who likes to roll around in dirt and pick flowers + roots and worms for you and seductively leave you a dead crow in your bed and I think, trans man or otherwise, he’s a lovely one at that.

A ship I have with said character: Pfftt, he’s actually in a quople with me, Odin, and Niles.

Game wise, I set up him up with my avatar but tbh, I like him and Mozu together or Laslow

Keaton and Benny isn’t bad either, but I think Keaton and Niles would be uber hot. Well... Mainly because we all know Niles has a good... “knowledge” with collars and so on.

A BROTP I have with said character:

For sure Laslow / Niles.

Laslow likes to entertain him a bit, but Niles gets taught that the world is beautiful through Keaton’s innocence. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look towards those things when life isn’t always so kind. Laslow learns it’s okay to make mistakes, because you can always get back up from it.

Odin thinks Keaton is a huge puppy

Camilla at first thought Keaton was... well... a very “simpleminded” puppy but here’s my twist on it: Keaton’s obsessions with bones and the “bonehole” is because there wasn’t just human bones there. There were the remains of a fellow wolfskin. An older woman, to be exact.

Camilla processes this slowly as Keaton cheerfully analyzes it in front of her to explain why the Bone hole is so cool. It was clear the wolfskin was a strong warrior, so strong it could probably move boulders if she wanted to. Just like his mother. That’s when it clicks.

It’s his way of coping, by coming to the place where his mother passed away and showing Camilla, who smelled of death for the years she fought and even killed her own siblings in the “courtesan” wars, causes her to lapse in her original ideas and completely hug Keaton. He doesn’t get it, yet, but Camilla reassures him that it IS fun, and she is happy to have been able to see it with him. Later that day, when it rained hard and the night was dark as her mother’s eyes, Camilla stepped out into the rain and cried. An aching wail that finally let out her anger, frustration, agony, all of it.

Beruka and Selena would never forget that day they heard her cry out like that. Nor do they ever forget when a giant Wolf led her back holding her hand very delicately and the two were found nearly inseparable afterwards.

I like to think after a while Camilla opened up about it and Keaton came to understand her side and her feelings as well as his own. She’s very motherly, which, I think Keaton really loves as a friend and confidant.

A NOTP I have with said character:

I wanna say Elise? But personally, I wanna say any child characters as always. Elise is still pretty dang young and so, no marriages for her of course. (Mozu isn’t really “her age” I think? But Mozu is pretty tough so I’d say she’s a few years older than Elise, and young enough that she’d be a “blushing young bride”.)

A random headcanon: Keaton actually acts out because he wants attention and his Wolfpack never gave him any. He was always the leader, but never Keaton and he hates that.

General Opinion over said character: Favorite Floofy Wolf Boy and he’s the one animal unit I stand in the DS gen besides Panne. I love him and honestly, he brings a good contrast, though, I would like it more if he was more cunning and actually using that over “Hi I’m lost please lead me home” in conquest.

He has the potential of being the branching unit of “Animal-Kind” to the kingdoms, but since Kitsunes do this too, it’s too mellowed out to making Keaton “unique” when it sorta fails to do that because Fates is always just “Let’s make this character only developed by conversating with specific people in specific games!”

Otherwise, what isn’t there to love about Keaton? He’s so affectionate to boot!

“You’re my greatest treasure of all... And you smell the nicest too... Hope you're ready to be really happy!”

#Favorite floofy wolf boy #Keaton #Fave #Wulf answers #Thanks so much for asking!!!!#Fire emblem #crescentmirror

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bcnjamiin · 8 years ago

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ok fam listen there’s about 300 things i still need to fix on benny’s blog rn including a bunch of glitchy theme stuff + his intro page, but im going for a doctors appt (gonna give like an entire freakiNG GALLON OF BLOOD) so i have to pop out ; here’s some basic information about the Love Of My Life, benjamin aka benny, and pls come and plot with him !! as always i tried to separate it into readable chunks and label triggers; if something is not right lmk!

ok so basic info:

meet summer benjamin my love; benny has literally never gone by summer. when he was born, his mom (who was kind of a hippie tbh) was like “oh i wanna name him summer(:” and his dad was like “WHAT THE FUCK WHY DID YOU NAME MY SON THAT SHIT I WAS GONE TO GET COFFEE FOR FIVE MINUTES AND YOU NAMED MY SON SUMMER??? R U CRAZY?? he’s never going to go by that. i will die before my sons name is summer” so lmao meet benjamin

he prefers benny or benj, but he will suffer thru any nickname: b, ben, benny, benj. benji, shithead, etc

he grew up in maugansville, maryland which is a dinky lil town that’s honestly not so bad. its right near a slightly less dinky town that’s also not so bad named hagerstown

the only problem with maugansville maryland is their tiny problem w being assholes abt gay shit

so when benny was 10, his mom left; this is bc his dad is a controlling narcissistic asshole and she really just... she was a real free spirit boho chique type who loved silvia plath and adventures and just needed to go for a while.

she left benny with daddy which was not a good idea but whutev girl do what u need 2 do

basically benny’s dad was super strict and controlling w punishments that did not fit the crime, v much ur typical powerhungry old white guy

when he was 14 he met his best friend forever!!! and his dad was like idk there’s...something off abt this kid i dont like him.... and benny was like lmao ok but im still gonna be his friend

just before turning 16, his best friend came out. bad choice in a dinky town in maryland

benny was going to hang out w him one day during christmas break in a playground + he was running like a half hour late. when he got there, he witnessed his best friend getting the shit kicked out of him ; he was stunned for a few minutes and couldn’t fuckin handle it, just watching this horrible thing happening to his friend only bc he’s gay??

like any decent person, benny tried to help and got taken down for his trouble. his dad immediately forbade him contact For Reals, and eventually best friend just left the town and benny was Alone;(

so then! mommy comes back just after turning 16 w a new baby + new husband and started sayin all this cute shit like how she couldn’t start a new family without all of her babies and how she couldn’t imagine having a family w/o him so he was like wtf? i love her?

she was so good to him for a while. so kind and so loving. she told him stories about travelling europe, about marbella specifically, about hopping trains around the u.s; she woke him up at 3 am on a school night to lay on the trampoline and watch the stars, she built him a tree house and gave him books of poetry and mythology to read

he’s always been a little dreamy and out there and she really encouraged his creativity and his day-dreaming and he loved her for it

he began to be v distant w dad: his dad didn’t think he was what a son was “supposed 2 be” all his life and made horrible snide comments / talked abt how his friend deserved 2 be hurt, all this shit -- which basically just shoved him so deep in the closet... he couldnt

eventually he got into nyc on scholarship and his dad was like hey since u dont need ur college money anymore, defer for a few months + go to europe and party a bit

so he did and just...never went home. his dad is super fuckin pissed off and he’s actually lowkey afraid of his dad finding out where he is and dragging him back to be the son his dad wants

so even tho, as boys do, he was starting to figure his sexuality out he never really admitted it to himself in america -- he never enjoyed sex with girls or having girlfriends so he tried messing around w boys and was like oh this isn’t so bad??

it’s v hard for him to have anonymous sex w guys bc he just thinks about all the things his dad did and said, and about sitting w his best friend and waiting for the cops to get there, etc. it just fuckin... he can’t fam. he’s so scared and so fuckin small

he’s so gullible!!!!! he does p much anything u tell him to like “okay... if you say so, i guess”

he’s a lil writer so he basically lives in his own fantasy world 25% of the time lmao

he is Sweater Paws Expert he likes to feel wrapped up and covered so he wears sweaters 3x his size

important stats:

20 years old

5′9.6 and grumpy about it

writes fiction mostly, sees the bright and interesting in everything

he’s like that girl from bridge to terabithia he literally just makes everything exciting by being dreamy and excitable

he works in a lil smoothie stand bc he LOVES FRUIT and every form of fruit. catch him making ice cream out of mashed bananas i hate him

cutie certified 100%

please come plot with him

im late to my appointment

#( intro. )

4 notes · View notes

elizabethrobertajones · 8 years ago

Text

12x10 watching notes

tl;dr Yockey owes me dinner

There's a large part of me (the part that's getting larger) that just wants to eat pasta in a mug in peace and watch this episode before midnight :P But I always regret not starting to write meta on an episode as I watch if I don't do it, so here I am, cup of pasta and all.

Expectations - well, the spoilers all suggest some crazy angel hijinks in period costume. I'll be fine if we make it through this episode without Cas turning out to have had a baby with Lily in the past or something.

If the spec is true and he's in a female vessel I am however always going to have an exemption that Cas can be lesbians with her in the past, and may even WRITE Cas being gay with her in the past if I have to. >.>

The sanctity of the OTP has a few override buttons :P

Aside from that, well, it's Yockey, and I loved his first episode and he seems like he should be mostly unproblematic, after 12x06, but of course we barely have a handle on him and he's never written a full plot episode or Cas, and it seems like he'll not only be writing Cas but presumably a past version of Cas in a different vessel so... This is going to be a bit of a wild ride no matter how chill 12x06 made me feel about Yockey as a writer :P

The trouble with pasta in a mug is that it's still really hot towards the bottom of the mug so you have to keep stopping eating it, and I think that is a perfect metaphor for how I approach watching new SPN episodes >.>

Right back to 4x02 as a starter of the recap :')

I may be getting older but I swear recaps didn't habitually re-tell entire chunks of the story like this re: the entire everything that happened with the nephilim plot so far.

Side note: I really don't want to think this much about the nephilim plot and would rather it just kind of went away and didn't come back until like, season 30 or something when the kid's a bit older and ready for the drama.

Honestly the show has a sort of built in expctation of longevity at this point, why not, uh, plant some seeds.

Anyway maybe just because Buckleming are the only ones with direct contact with it so far, but I really don't trust the show to be equipped to deal with this, ethically, or maybe even in good storytelling way. Which just leaves me with a ton of dread that problematic shit is coming >.>

Also recapping an entire chunk of the story for Billie getting killed :< Thinking of problematic stuff and lazy editing.

I supopse it's a terrible balance between the netflix bingers (who'll skip it anyway) and the casual viewers who may not remember everything or are not reliable enough viewers to have caught every episode so they need a weighty reminder. It may just be that whoever's editing the recaps has changed because they used to be much more efficient at conveying everything and now they're just sort of laying everything out. The mini road so far last episode was really bland. I think the art form's disappeared :P

If anyone's wondering, the arcade game angel is now my favourite character forever. It reminds me of in Steven Universe when Garnet got addicted to an arcade game, and couldn't be budged. Weirdly specific but excellent trope: immortal black ladies who have terrible impulse control around arcades.

I'm going to be so sad when Lily kills her.

[crazy awesome fight scene interlude]

[kind of sad we already know she's called Lily because even though Lily Sunder is an incredible name, I wanted to call her Eyepatch Lady and I don't have to]

Aw Benjamin :< God dammit why did she have to die first and SO soon after Billie... I mean I knew they were killing off the angels and have flashbacks to flesh them out so I assumed some would bite the dust immediately, and basically all of them but Cas are probably gonna die in the long run because haha recurring friends for Cas... But ugh, it seems kind of cruel to end the recap killing one badass WoC, and then start the episode and introduce and kill another >.> I mean I guess not intentionally cruel but definitely making a depressing trend REALLY obvious.

I don't think anyone will care about the representation when no matter what awesome roles the characters have, they keep on dying >.>

I'm going to sulk off and get some tea, because I saw that coming from a mile off and it's still annoying me :P

I also did the dishes and gained some dark humour perspective on it because of the little glimpses of the angels standing around doing seemingly nothing while Benjamin warned them - at least Benjamin doesn't have to have the conversation, "so what have you done since we last saw you?" "I have been playing video games since they were invented, non stop." "Oh, cool. Cool. I rebelled against heaven and stopped the apocalypse and was god and - "

"Cas has been pretty busy, huh?" - confirmed, all the other angels are lazy butts and Cas has been hard at work.

I assume his fixation on finding Lucifer's offspring and dragging out all the noticeboards to set it up is a continuation of what's up with him and hunting. He was feeling more than useless with just some vampires, and so now he is trying 1000% of his hardest to do this right, especially as it's the loose end he's got left in the way of any attempt at happiness... He basically ALWAYS has one of these... times like this I miss Steve!cas and his simple happiness (uh on top of a yawning void of depression) at doing a few human things right, like Nora's praise that he did basically everything to open the store without her because when he has a few simple things to accomplish, he can get it all done, and everything is ordered and in the right place, and... God I feel bad for Cas being at loose ends and feeling useless.

Dean immediately is a dick about Cas NOT finding Kelly yet, so I assume he's in a good mood since last episode...

I do like that Cas is clearly at least allowed to hang out at the Bunker and use their resources even if Sam and Dean aren't helping him or part of this project, and just sort of walked in on it. I guess this is a "good morning" meeting, only they walked into Cas staying up all night on this. There's no weirdness about the fact Cas is here or has been doing it, he's just an accepted part of their living space, albiet one doing weird art projects that mean they can't use the war room for their own crap :P

They're also really enjoying sprawling on their furniture now they're free

Transitioning to the ongoing disappointment in Mom not making chicken soup for them - Dean continues finding it hardest to accept Mary has apparently adjusted, but to a life without them, instead of adjusting to a life living in the Bunker with them. It's also bitterly amusing me that now Cas is finally kind of just around them by default, they have another character who is explained away in the opening of the episode...

Oh god Dean and Cas are "walking past each other in the kitchen" while not making eye contact. WHY is Cas in the kitchen. HE DOESN'T EAT. Is he strategically walking in past Dean? Bothering Sam to know if he wants coffee so he has an excuse to go get it while Dean is making a sandwich? How long has this been going on?? I want this entire soap opera episode pls.

Oh no DEAN IS PISSED BECAUSE HE IS WORRIED ABOUT CAS. He says it's just about the consequences in a vague way, but CAS is the one who clearly incurred them because it's not like this deal had any strings attached to random stuff in the universe a la releasing Amara, it was a blood pact between Winchesters, on a family level, therefore Dean is most worried about Cas.

Halp.

I don't like this new trend of Sam and Dean actually communicating and talking about their shit. This is awful. Can we go back to them not talking about anything?

Cas walks in on Sam defending him. My heart.

Although tbh he can hear through walls so unless the Bunker maaagically dampens that, he's come stomping back because he can't take listening to them going in circles about why Dean is ignoring Cas, because ouch, hearing how Dean is concerned about Cas's actions... I bet HE'S taking it as Dean thinking that he made a mistake >.>

*snipey snipey Destiel arguing* (Yeah, Dean just pretty much accuses Cas of that :P)

I love the old "all our friends are dead" type moment that they all have when someone comes up with "personal" business elsewhere. Like when Dean ran off to help Benny or Sam wandered off to deal with Amy Pond. Personal??? we don't get personal lives! aaand Cas is truly a Winchester now.

Oh third wheel Sam. Cas wants Dean to come but snarks at him like he's not gonna, Sam looks at Dean, Dean looks at Sam and Cas and rolls his eyes and accuses Cas of doing stupid things, but comes anyway because he will still look after Cas even if they're not talking...

Aaand the promo scene which left me amazed Sam did not open the car door, jump out onto the road, and take his chances there.

[patented angry Cas squinting]

I think that was the stage direction - Yockey might be new at this but he knows what he's doing.

Oh NO the bit we saw before the episode wasn't even the half of it. Dean and Cas are having an Actual Married Argument, deliberately projecting their fight onto talking about Benjamin. I am waiting for Sam to roll down his window and climb out to spend the rest of the drive on the roof.

The fact Cas says "Benjamin wouldn't call for help lightly" as well as about putting himself in harm's way - Dean probably latches onto that last part because it suits their argument more - also firmly confirming very clearly and loudly that Dean is worried about what will happen to Cas because he's upset that Cas put himself in harm's way, so this argument is now definitely, textually, 100% on Dean's side about how CONCERNED he is for Cas (and probably now a heaping of that Cas wouldn't deserve it and that Dean wasn't worth it because self-esteem issues... (The way this is going they'll probably say THAT in text too in like 3 lines) But yeah, also raising the issue that Cas doesn’t ask for help. Watched him rake leaves, anyone?

Dean is going to CRASH THE CAR. Sam's breaking point is Dean literally rotating 180 degrees in his seat to talk back at Cas. :P

*sound of a car horn and something narrowly missing them*

GUYS.

Cas values sarcasm as a trait he really likes (nice, perfect need for someone who is going to resentfully be married to Dean forever), but would also like to be appreciated more :<

Aaand the info about Benjamin and his vessel has officially murdered me, especially as he's already dead. :< Angel/human friendships! *flails emotionally* Also no angel has ever been shown so close to their vessel. Hannah came to appreciate Caroline and gave her back, but without bonding with her (rather, traumatising her, I guess); Cas being so happy Jimmy was devout now has retconned emotional impact about Cas knowing how his friend appreciated his vessel and Cas was excited to have that same bond. But Jimmy died early on, Cas didn't have the luxury to be kind and friendly to him or to start doing that later; although he returned in 4x20 saying of course he'd keep his word to Jimmy and look after him (in that very angel way that Cas had back in season 4), it took him until Hannah and Caroline to remember this bond with a vessel and go attempt to make it right with Claire and Amelia.

*flops over and slowly slides off my chair*

*resumes watching from the floor because of Cas staring at Benjamin's wings* You know how we spend way too much time as fandom imagining crap about Dean having Cas's wings burned on him or his car or whatever? This is like that but with a character I've known for like 8 minutes of the show and I have a tear in my eye.

Poor Cas :<

*continues a non-stop "poor Cas" litany through this scene*

Oh my god even though all the angel blades look the same, Cas can TELL which angel they belong to THIS IS THE WORST NEW INFORMATION I'VE EVER HEARD.

Well, aside from the longing retcon. Hey, it must be 2 years old around now - that was 10x10

Having Cas being upset about losing a close friend that he fought together with right after saving Dean, a dear friend he has fought together with, and getting super judged for it, is way on the nose. Ow.

It's pretty cool that Lily has learned to talk on angel radio.

Oh gosh, Lily has a dead child I WONDER WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT

I love as well that Lily is dressing like angels used to, in a black and white suit, can talk on angel radio, has an angel blade... She's like the ultimate hunter becoming the thing she hunts in a sort of parallel to grizzled old hunters wearing a big ol bear skin or something :P

place behind them when they get out the car called "The Wright Spot"... guess which director is directing this episode. Go on. :P

"If I plan to do anything else stupid, I'll let you know" - I honestly did not think it was possible to love Cas more than I already did but he keeps on proving me wrong.

Cas is catching up on what feels like a 3 year backlog of angry squinting. He's definitely gone over the edge since last episode, as a result of last episode, but at the moment I think as long as Dean and Cas make up, in a good way where he's getting to vent some things about not feeling appreciated and so on, this will be okay.

Hang on this is the diner scene - aren't Sam and Dean going to crush into this both with Cas? I need to see how this happens...

Anyway AAAAAH Cas talking to angels! Angels who aren't trying to kill him immediately!

They are judging him for being careless and having to take a different vessel. Lol. "I liked the old you better" *Cas inspects himself*

Mirabelle then gets at Cas for the angel fall which obviously I was expecting since I already joked about this exact scene at the beginning of the episode :P I like that they went right ahead and addressed it. It's quite an elephant in the room, and of course the fact Cas's old battalion hadn't crossed paths with him at any point in the angel drama previously... Well, they HAD to have not picked Raphael or they wouldn't have made it past season 7. They may or may not have picked Metatron but they can't have been in Cas's army because he'd have actually chatted to them. There were still angels after season 10 who hadn't really got involved in all that at all, so I assume they laid low, perhaps knowing Cas better than most, or thinking they do >.>

Oh yeah just go ahead and remind him of how terrible things went with Uriel and Balthazar while you're at it :P

The "i just stared at a wall in a church for 100 years" angel is very boring. Mirabelle seemed to be pooossibly meant to be standing in Heaven's prison when the call went out? There were bars in front of her or something like that, so I assumed she was doing some job there. No idea what beardy angel was doing.

Also pls stop reminding Cas of literally everything he's ever done because in every previous encounter with angels, bringing stuff up like that is a fast way to manipulate or upset Cas and he's in a wee bit of a precarious place right now...

"spanner in the works" has someone actually called Cas that in canon or is that maybe like, something Edlund said in an interview or something?

"I'm not a hero, but sometimes doing the right thing requires sacrifices" You know what, not that I wasn't already thinking it, but Yockey can keep Cas :P

In this case, that line is tapping into his fight with Dean as well. He knows he didn't do anything particularly noble and definitely not honourable in a literal sense as he broke a blood vow, but it was what Cas deemed the "right" thing and he's in a sort of waiting zone to see if he broke the world again or what will be coming for him next... The sacrifices he's willing to take to make sure Dean etc are safe, because to Cas Dean is his moral compass and what is "right" is Dean and has been since season 4, even if Cas often goes against it or struggles with it or doesn't live up to Dean's standards or Dean has no idea Cas is trying to do right by Dean's way or -

(My mum's on holiday so I'm stuck at the start of season 7 wallowing on the end of season 6 fight right now :P)

"But it always seems like it's other angels sacrificing for your good deeds" Yeah, buddy, we've watched Cas every freakin' step of the way and he has SUFFERED for this okay, so back off. CAS KNOWS ALREADY AND IF HE SLEPT HE WOULDN'T BECAUSE HE'D BE LYING AWAKE THINKING ABOUT THIS

"Are you here to insult me or talk about Benjamin?" "Can we do both?"

ily Yockey

"We didn't think you'd care"

fuck off Yockey :P

(I love that this contrasts with at the start Dean complaining about Cas caring as part of his rant to Sam about it all - drawing a line between what Cas cares about here and there... Obviously Cas DOES care a lot about these angels because ARGH his reaction to Benjamin HURT SO MUCH. But he's been understandably distracted for the last few years, and with these guys off having their own problems, say this started RIGHT after the angel fall, CAS WAS HUMAN and would potentially have missed anything on angel radio meant for him to warn him about this because he was so bad at tuning into it. If he never answered the call the first time one of their number was murdered, well, of course they'd think he doesn't care)

Also I love that this episode clearly shows that Yockey has a very full awareness of the show's story so far.

Ahahaha Sam no. (Please keep Sam-ing like this. You are the Sam I love so very much :P)

He has been observing Dean's behaviour all his life and he knows when Dean's patience snaps when it comes to worrying about Cas.

Describe them in one picture

Why does Sam cram in on the end though.

He doesn't wanna be left out either, though the bench is only big enough for Dean n Cas

If you want to talk definitions of third wheels, Sam is definitely it this episode, but he's got enough of a sense of humour that knowing he's along for the ride trapped in a lovers' spat, he can at least have some fun with it, since he's basically got to be the buffer between them. Or else towed in their wake.

(I also like how this shows Sam knows there's no point arguing with Dean about this, so going along with it mocking him for his behaviour is about the one sort of resistance he has left to him :P)

"My friends who don't listen very well" *Dean smirks at Cas* Okay, but I'm taking a screencap of that to use as like, a phone background or something.

This has mostly turned into me not listening to the conversation and screenshotting their faces so I need to go back and try again

Mirabelle better not get killed just because Sam and Dean showed up.

Noooooooo

I can see these coming from so far off but

"Who wants some pie"

Dean trying to play happy families with this weird group of people.

Well, one weird rando angel, since Mirabelle is now dead, which means that I was right but this is an even more alarming rate of side character death than I was expecting

Still don't think I've caught beard!angel's name

He accuses Cas of "how far he's fallen" *shot of him being lovingly elbowed in the kidney by Dean* I wonder what the implication is here :P

The description of him as a warrior is interesting but we already knew that. I like "angel's angel" though because it mirror's "man's man" I suppose as a phrase, which is the sort of stereotype of a manly dude who does all the manly dude stuff, well, like Dean presents the front. I think, like, the sort of dude who goes fishing with his mates every weekend rather than stay home with the wife :P

idk if angels go fishing aside from Daniel but that's the second time I've thought of him in a few minutes of TV time so

*Dean and beard!angel really stare down each other* Not jealous at all, are we Dean? ("want some coffee with that sugar" I am so amused) Beard!angel accuses Cas of being homeless, which is really mean because he lives at the Bunker now, but, uh, essential to the arc of Cas REALISING that he lives at the Bunker and is in fact his home and GOOD ENOUGH and also he's totally welcome there and Dean loves him and Sam's only being weird about this because he feels like a third wheel and is making DEAN'S life hell for it in the only way a little sibling who learned to punish people through well-meant bratty little sibling behaviour can... :P

Well, home will still be very snarky and passive aggressive when he lives there but at least it will feel like HIS snarky passive-aggressive hunter-filled home.

(Angels referring to humans as monkeys is an age old sign they can't be trusted or have the Wrong Morals, like Uriel especially since that's how we were introduced to the idea that calling us "mud monkeys" was "close to blasphemy" - which already undermines that Cas was always an "angel's angel" because it sounds like this is exactly how to describe beard!angel, and hey MAYBE CAS WAS PROJECTING BASED ON HIS ENVIRONMENT, NOT LIKE DEAN DOES THAT ALL THE TIME TO FIT IN OR ANYTHING)

I have collected so many emotional parallels between season 4 Cas and early seasons Dean in this one conversation that will utterly destroy me next time I wander through season 4, which was already riddled with this parallel in the original subtext >.>

Also not for nothing but beard!angel does look vaguely like John & seems like him in the older male alpha authority figure way he acts. Dean is rejecting him which is great, but he has standards about what makes an angel (read: man) which doesn't fit with the true self we know of Cas (read: Dean, who is of course, "humanity") and clearly these are outdated societal angel things which he holds to...

welp

"have some pie" (why do I feel like he's walking off to be Lily Sundered?)

Great parting words though. Dean is like "don't mind if I do" when he sees how much money the angel threw down. Of course it's mocking them for their attachment as family, but it's a value that is the CORE of the show - humanity and love and family - which pie represents in all its forms. A barb telling them to have pie because it's apparently demeaning to like these things (and below an angel to care for a family of humans like this) is no insult at all to the people who ACTUALLY LIKE PIE.

Sam moves over so Dean and Cas can share the seat together. Nicely done.

Captain of the SS Destiel and desperately trying to steer it through the storm to its berth :P

"Ishim" apparently. Dean immediately defends Cas against him once he's gone, like, Cas doesn't deserve to be treated that way. BECAUSE DEAN APPRECIATES HIM.

Not that Cas may be able to recognise what just happened there because wow they're all dug in on their fight :P

"No one gets to be a dick to my husband except me"

Not surprisingly, Ishim then gets attacked and lightly stabbed.

(that was a pun. Because angels bleed light -

I'll show myself out)

Cas shows up and injures Lily in a surprisingly similar way.

I'm still impressed with her absorbing and using an angel smiting for power.

Ishim says "I'm fine" which is such a part of the SPN vocabulary I don't even know what that means except that he's absorbed the same rules about it somewhere or other. :P Cas had to explain it to Hannah about why humans do it, but I think angels come on a range of personality types and Ishim is definitely of the better socialised type than say, Mirabelle, who was very angel-y, especially with how she stood the whole time watching them, and still had more of a uniform look to her clothes then Ishim who's just wearing a nice suit.

I do like the church they're holed up in

Hrm, vaguely annoyed about the "came to earth" turn of phrase, because I always took the watching over it to mean they were literally around on earth, though not in vessels and obviously as true forms very distant and above it all.

It's making my thumb itch that Cas had a vessel before Jimmy but I've been bracing myself for this retcon for ages so I'm just going to have to live with it :P

The fact that Ishim is the one dude and the other angels are all in female vessels does look, in this period costume, kind of odd. He has a little flock or something :P Weird gender role stuff going on here. I mean, from an outside view. To Cas, gender is nicely explained by that little exchange where Dean was like "Benjamin's a woman?" and Cas was like, "Benjamin's an ANGEL. His vessel is a woman" - so pronouns apply to them if they like them, but the real distinction is really not that important because what they are is genderless wavelengths with a consciousness that may like to be one or the other in a vessel or for it not to matter, or to prefer a pronoun that applies to them regardless of vessel or... it's wobbly. The important thing is they're angels :P Idk if I should have celebrated this louder back in the car discussion because I always took it as canon and especially with Hannah in season 10 something the show sort of went over again to make it a bit more clear, but with more hindsight maybe this really is taking what was strictly still sort of headcanon when it comes to expressly TALKING about how angels identify, and putting it in the text, aka definitely and finally queering all the angels ever, forever)

Anyway I had it paused on a lady with the Perfect Eyebrow and idk how the casting went for this but it was probably "can you do Cas's Eyebrow" so now I should see how she handles the rest because I'm sold just on her resting Cas face :P

We know since 4x20 Cas would possess Claire, with absolutely no weirdness about it, but there's enough blah about the circumstances that he might only have done it because the bloodline, emergency moment, Jimmy was in trouble etc... But here we have Cas clearly having freely chosen a female vessel (maybe an ancestor of the Novaks? Which would limit his choice if she was the only suitable one around at that point but eh >.>) and so that's sort of... a big moment I guess... *see above: conversation about angel gender* I'm so used to thinking this is a totally normal thing that I have no idea how mindblowing this is for them to happily show Cas in a female vessel like this :P There was so much weirdness about Raphael swapping vessels - several characters got a shot in towards the end of season 6. And at least Metatron made a crack about Hannah swapping out Caroline and using a male one. But Cas is a major character and unlike Crowley briefly possessing women, the way angels possess people is very different (and the reminder that Benjamin was friends with his vessel from the start of the episode sort of works in general to show how angels have to have a more mutual compatibility with their vessel...)

It’s a pretty big thing, I guess.

Benjamin is complaining about how wet it is on earth, but Ishim just confirmed all the spec that this is a human marrying an angel and I'm contemplating going out to stand in the rain and shriek into the sky so he's got that all wrong. Rain is great, when you need to shriek :P

Obviously this is forefront a parallel to the Lucifer and nephilim thing, buuut I mean they're in LOVE and MARRIED

who else in this episode is MARRIED

Oh right Sam had to yell at them to not drive into oncoming traffic because they were too busy being MARRIED

For the record, the description of the Nephilim here is killing me - it has grace and a human soul, and I've been speculating that Cas never lost his soul he had after being human, so he too has both. (Which makes him dangerous)

Revisiting nephilim is all Dabb because he wrote 8x22 which originally introduced the idea, and so I am now in a sort of danger zone for getting sucked riiight back into angel fall spell nonsense :P I have picked up a real aversion to wild speculation but this is my weak spot. The season 8-9 crazy Destiel optimism about that damn spell, and Dabb's picking at all the loose ends this season, especially to get to the Nephilim, which plays such a key part in that beautiful, horrible idea that the last ingredient was "the grace of an angel in love with a human" and this is specifically WHY the spell makes the angels fall... Brings them down to the monkeys' level :P Ishim would hate to know that detail of why he has no wings :P But, yeah, that the spell was a punishment or reward that comes as a result of angels mingling with humans (and I still think God preferred angels to like humans, so this taboo comes from angel society, that Ishim represents and is denouncing in front of Cas)

It's times like this I remember the translation to the angel tablet is just sitting in the bunker in a language Cas can read and I need to go shriek in the rain some more

I guess Ishim is like the homophobic, racist uncle, we should treat this accordingly :P

(Benjamin also confirmed this is an angel-made rule)

Castiel moves like the Cas we know better :P I like her a lot.

I mean, she IS Cas, after all.

Aww Lily's husband has great hair.

Ishim says that he was only supposed to watch and instead he took up with a filthy animal... hahahahahahahahaha *flashback within a flashback to the diner scene and Cas all crushed up against Dean*

No I'm fine why do you ask

"How could anyone know them and not love them" (re: humanity)

Help meee

Oh no, Castiel does the whole speech about why this angel broke the rules before they kill him :<

I mean... Delicious irony making Castiel say it because obviously later Cas has done a complete about turn on this, at least where loving humanity is concerned. Maybe not the fathering nephilim bit as he's still out to get Holly and this is explaining WHY he knows it's such a big deal (8x22 also showed him hesitant to kill the nephilim there until she turned on them and proved she was ready to act monstrously, and then he had no hesitation) although I hope this inspires him to be more sympathetic, remembering HOW cold and angelic he was back here and how he's all in contrast to this now.

(I don't think it's weird Akobel makes that speech about humanity being great in front of Castiel, because although Cas clearly softens towards humans later and has a more sympathetic feeling than say, Uriel, who clearly is on a level with Ishim on this subject, by the time we meet him, or at least, after 3 episodes putting up with Dean, this mirrors Dean's 4x22 speech, which means that this is a trial run that doesn't convince Cas, because, well, there's no weight behind it to TRULY make Cas think. 4x22 in contrast is SO powerful that Dean's similar words have a huge weight of their friendship, his growing understanding of humanity, etc, that they land squarely on him and convince him to rebel)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah and then Castiel flinches, clearly affected by this even though he knows the nephilim is an abomination and has to die :<

Always had that crack in his chassis...

I am glad that this is HOPEFULLY, via what they've set up in Cas's emotional landscape here so far, going to let him get to a place where he chooses to either let Holly go and forget about this, or at least track her down but give her a choice and maybe some actual HELP with having to raise a devil baby if she chooses to do so. >.> Definitely showing us Cas feeling bad about killing nephilim that haven't done anything, or given a chance to live their lives normally might NOT grow up awful (Jesse the forgotten antichrist comes to mind, never mind the nephilim we saw before who was living a completely peaceful life until Metatron ruined everything, as he tends to do)... I suppose it's been Cas vs 2 nephilim now and Lucifer's baby is the 3rd, so...

The message in 12x08 was so weird about it, there's so much salvage work for me to even be sure I know which way is up with this but as a bare minimum making Cas conflicted about what to do about this issue is a start to make it less crazy with all these guys coming rushing to tell the woman what to do with her baby, even if it seems justified by the story that they seem to know best >.>

"It was necessary, it was right," Cas says, looking horrified.

(Sam and Dean do too, and as I said, emotional compass...)

This is such a terrible plotline :P A sensible response back in 12x08 would have been like "hey you were coercively raped by the actual devil, just FYI about your baby" and she'd be like "oh shit that's terrible" and go willingly choose to have an abortion (and therapy probably >.>) without anyone telling her to do it but the main characters weighing in with their info on nephilim and anti-christs they've already met and dealt with to give her some best case/worst case scenarios to help her decision >.> That's the most political route because of actual choice and agency on the mother's part but eh. A lot of times in media they toe a safe line of considering abortion and confirming it's a thing that happens and isn't inherently evil but then the preggers character involved magically decides that they're fine and will keep the baby for personal reasons for the story to avoid going there and praising abortion for saving desperate people >.> Or well, unless it's a tragedy, but still a terrible idea to have the baby for everyone involved, in which case stories tend to throw a last minute miscarriage their way...

12x08 was just a mess though so had the poor woman in a room full of people yelling at her and attacking her in Lucifer's case about what she was supposed to do, and then she legged it and immediately decided to keep the baby and - this could have been better handled, even in a toeing a really safe bland line, is all I'm saying >.>

"we completed a mission, it was necessary, it was right." - Cas falling back on old angelic behaviour to explain it because the mission and their purpose was absolute and you didn't question it.

"You say so," says Dean, still annoyed with Cas for the last big decision he made where he thought he was doing something necessary and right by killing Billie.

(I notice this involves a lot of murder for the protagonists to work out how they feel about the big issues... Great :P)

But yeah, killing kids is like the no.1 no-no and used to show Dean stepping over the line in 10x22, and now Cas reveals he was complicit in killing a kid before. (Ishim is probably not going to make it out of the episode, and certainly doesn't deserve to, by SPN's rules :P)

I love the exchanges where they're like just "Dean." "Cas." because saying each other's names is enough to say everything they need to because they've been over arguments like this so much by now.

(I think Sam and Dean do it too but for some reason I don't pay as much attention to it :P)

Meanwhile: Sam puts his foot in his mouth implying to Cas that the angels sort of deserved what was coming to them (which is a fair opinion but maybe don’t tell Cas if you think that :P)

The following orders thing tends to go pretty far with angels when you throw in brainwashing (and how Cas was already at this point many many layers of reprogrammed by Naomi since she refers to doing it to him in Biblical times, so if he felt bad about this it may have been hammered back out of him for a while after) but Ishim really is kind of being presented as a total dick about it in a sort of unrepentant way that paints a target on him as a rightful character to feel deserves it, while though Cas and the others were following orders and enforcing their society's rules that they never questioned (and would be killed if they questioned too hard or lost faith in the power structure) and in COMPARISON to Ishim who is being used as a scapegoat by the story, clearly are less deserving of punishment, especially Cas who has learned SO HARD in many ways what is right and wrong (though this seems to be a big hurdle he has left). It makes it a bit unfair to only have left the most symapthetic angel by a billion miles compared to any of the others, because we've been so far with him, and Ishim, who has clearly not changed a jot :P

Sam says Cas is "different now" :3

Clearly the easiest way out is to be like, "look Cas is now married to Dean so OBVIOUSLY has changed his ways" and honestly Captain Sam of the SS Destiel, I'm not sure he's not suggesting it.

Cas talking about how she "won't quit" to avenge her family reminds me that this is a plot we have had before, with whatsisface in 10x02 coming back for Dean. I also watched 7x03 last, with Amy Pond's poor son who vowed vengeance on Dean and disappeared to grow up some more and honestly season 7 is now so long ago he MUST be ready to come kill Dean but here we are with Cas finally having it happen to him :P Oh the Dean and Cas story overlaps :')

I really really really love Lily Sunder and her actress is great :D That healing scene was, no pun intended, SO CHARGED.

(little bit of a pun intended)

(Kinda sad after seeing the flashback I can't write her and Cas as lesbians :P)

Meanwhile in Cas's healing scene - weird shades of 8x17 and Cas and Meg, with the way Cas is tending to an ambiguous friend with a history (Wait. Same director? Yeah, same director), and clearly caring about him enough to heal him (didn't heal Meg magically and I've always suspected angel magic is a bit of a blunt weapon that would had smote her if he'd tried, even if he meant no harm >.>) - something about Cas's face while he tends to him, especially, because he's poking around instead of just flinging some glowy light at him, which makes this whole set up of playing nurse, which Cas never normally has when healing people since he just puts his hand on them and fixes them. It's automatically a much more tender, intimate scene. If this was Dean and Cas, people would spontaneously combust.

God damn this episode is doing some amazing things with inverting and playing with gender and stuff

Ishim has to ruin it by complaining about Cas letting the 'simians' talk to him...

"When did you get so gooey" I mean really, this is so seductive the way he's lying there and Cas is messing around with taking off his clothes? He and Lily had very similarly placed wounds for this parallel... but.

But yeah, calling Cas "gooey" really, really sounds like Meg.

oh god this speech from him...

"You know why we're meant to stay away from humans? It's not because we're a danger to them. They're a danger to us."

UGH

Brb

/rain /shrieking

etc

If this episode has not already confirmed on at least 3-4 occasions already that Cas is totally in love with Dean I don't even know what it's for :P

"My friendship with Sam and Dean has made me stronger" "You can't really believe that" NO AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM RIGHT NOW.

Dean needs to do the whole boombox held up outside Cas's window love declaration and fix this >.>

I mean it is true that Cas is stronger, infinitely, than when we first met him, because of all he's been through for Sam and Dean, but... He doesn't see it :<

I think it's stopped raining so if I need to shriek I don't know where to go

I LOVE that after Cas is done healing the ding from the elevator overlaps him fixing Ishim and almost seems like a microwave ding telling us he's ready.

The fact this is about someone killing angels (never mind the Uriel reference) really does make the plot mirror 4x16 on Cas's side; that episode ditches Sam and Dean not long past the halfway point to become completely about angel drama and Cas's decision... Nice.

Lots of Edlund mirroring this season.

"Then we burn that bridge when we come to it" HAH. :D Love that messed up idiom so much. It's such the Winchester way.

I love how they just walk into Lily in the corridor.

"We don't wanna kill you" "I don't want to kill you" "Okay! Good, look, there we go, agreed" Sam you fucking third wheel master level dork. He's been mediating so many fights that even when he's in the middle of one as a participant he takes on this role :P

Also aaaaaaaah saying Cas is their family. I mean it gets said a fair few times, but it's always so lovely to hear it coming out of Dean's mouth.

Oh my god Alicia Witt is amazing

*looks around for something to scream into*

*picks Mittens's chat bubble since the sky is not in the right setting*

Love triangle plot twist!

Which I probably should have seen coming if I wasn't comparing what Ishim said to Cas so much that I forgot he was also saying it about himself. I sort of dimly registered it without thinking it would apply to something immediate :P

I guess now we know Cas has been super lied to he's even more blameless (in the narrative) for acting out orders that were wrong, aka basically all the Heaven nonsense where the angels get manipulated. LIKE 4x16 WHERE HE HAD BAD ORDERS TO ASK ALISTAIR WHO WAS KILLING ANGELS... Now it's WHY she's killing angels (showing again in 2 words how the show has changed in tone :P) Anyway... because they were clearing up Ishim's petty family feud for him in an abuse of power, it makes the other angels victims of Ishim's choice, especially now Lily is killing them for it.

I wonder if her research ended up with the MoL because it's always been a weird question of how they had so much info about research on angels and if this is clearing up a weird thing from 9x11, well... Robbie's being taken to the cleaners this episode on a few things already :P There’s literally so much going on I haven’t managed to cover it all.

ANYWAY everyone's in love with humans, and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

What is this episode even saying about Cas.

I mean I know what I will interpret it as saying but

Yockey, explain yerself

"I loved you" "You were obsessed with me, that isn't love" Oh dear, we're getting into details about what is and isn't love now.

You know, like the whole "love and... love" distinctions.

angel love triangle drama is so tense.

"You are powerless" So she goes and becomes the Most Powerful Ever - a human literally on the level of angels, or BETTER than them, to get her revenge. Nice.

I really love Lily Sunder, and I thought I would because of the name, but yeah, good hunch about that. :P

"You broke my heart so I'm going to break yours" :< :< :< :<

....

TERRIBLE timing to bring it up, but... 6x20 > 6x22, Cas breaking Sam's wall to keep Dean out the way. >.>

Oh no the daughter was human... WAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

This is like 1000% worse. I suppose for the previous stuff I was saying about it comparing to the Nephilim arc, Cas's guilt over this if/when he finds out will I suppose be a really heavy blow about Heaven's rules about Nephilim, since his obedience to them was used against him - and all the others who were in the dark - for this petty, evil revenge.

I like how Dean is just "he's a tool" about Ishim and phones Cas to... check Ishim is a big old tool?

Letting Cas know while he's alone with Ishim seems like a great way to flip from hunting Lily to needing her to help save Cas and get revenge on Ishim :P

Also I suppose Ishim turning on Cas (I hope but AAAH NOO CAS) would be a good way to convince Lily he's not evil/complicit if Ishim is having problems with him.

Heh, Sam's being left with Lily and Dean goes to check on Cas. What a wild surprise.

Oh dear, Cas is sassing Ishim which means even Cas knows he's contemptible now. The "oh goodie" sounds like Cas in the same room as CROWLEY. I suppose we're meant to assume Ishim stole his phone as well now

This would be a very good time to address that Lily can hack angel radio to message them but Dean doesn't think to pray?

Anyway Cas is not doing so great which seems to parallel that Lily healing herself seemed to really hurt her?

Can't believe they cover a plothole with Lily being like, nah, I just thought I'd wait and see what happened and if any of them came back to Earth I'd get them.

Then had the angel fall spell dropped in her lap.

It seems like there should be a way to bridge her research with Metatron and the fact he made up his own spells including potentially that one. Off the books angel know-how. Like the MoL have...

The show is never ever going to link this all up so it will just continue to bug me forever I guess :P I'm patient, I can wait over 100 years for more information to drop from the sky.

The fact the angel fall spell is connected to nephilim and has been mentioned a couple of times is making me reeeeally itchy in those old thumbs again

If Dabb wants a second crack at all that teasing, BE MY GUEST

Sam asking questions about magic... uhoh.

Nah, the price is soullessness, of a sort. Maybe becoming an angel? Is that possible? She might just burn out, hand of God style. Anyway Sam won't go for it. HE KNOWS THAT COST.

FOILED AGAIN. No witch!Sam this year.

Meanwhile: actually tearing at my own soul in horror about the fact she's burning away her soul to use angel magic and I am of the opinion Cas has a soul and HE does angel magic but... he's caring more and more?? Can you do this in reverse? Use up your angel grace and if you have a human soul waiting underneath, just reboot in a different operating system?

What the heck.

I need to eat more pasta. Can't deal with this.

But yeah the episode has made a big deal about human souls and angel grace, and suggesting how they can live in a body together, either with Lily slowly replacing her soul, or with the nephilim having both naturally... Cas of course is an abomination.

(sorry Cas, your own words will eventually always come back to bite you :P)

Oh no, Lily's reached the stage where she doesn't dream any more :( Oh no Lily.

Lily is so good at patience. I love her. Although argh it's because she's got the emotional room to wait. Less soul to worry her. She just has to hope she reaches the end goal before she runs out of caring for it, or that her robo-self like Soulless Sam did, will carry on the "job" they define themselves by without emotionally caring for why they do it - also very Mark of Cain-y, taking on a thing like that to fling themselves at the target without a care for what happens to them in the process...

I'm guessing by now that Ishim has done something to Cas to make him weak :<

I did the "AAH OTP INTERACTING" fist pump when Dean rushed over to Cas all urgent and worried, and now Dean's just... like. Holding Cas. Help. I think I dislocated a finger making frantic handwaving :P

My arm legit really hurts.

Oh god Ishim is making Cas choose between "heaven" aka Ishim’s shitty side, and Dean. Guess we're back at 9x22.

"Why do his words bother you so much, Ishim" Ooooooh

This is going to be so bitchy

so so bitchy

*Cas squints harder*

"Well it sees some of my choices may need to be questioned" if you HAVE to concede a fight with your husband, this is the most badass way to do it so that it still seems like you at least half-won :P

Aw Caaaas all the beating up on him from the promos we assumed Lily did were Ishim's fault.

Dean just needs to know a human girl was killed and that's it, he goes for Ishim with a knife :D ("You're not going to like the answer" says it all, by implying that Cas's love for humanity will of course be what makes him hate it... AAAH)

"I used to envy you, Castiel" was that because he WASN'T in love with a human and now that's changed? :P

Oh no, he "just" cites Cas being chosen by God, before pointing out he's now sad and weak. Ishim sees that love as weakness.

Also Cas getting straddled by Ishim goes with that weirdly erotic subtext from earlier when Cas was healing him.

:< Cas lying there miserably after being beaten into submission. Now this has shades of 10x22 at the end - Ishim in the place of Dean - are we working through THAT trauma too... I am not up to this. Ow.

10x22 getting a little revisit (OH CAS NO) followed by Ishim saying he's going to go "cut out Cas's human weakness" by going to kill Dean

paralleled directly to how he KILLED HIS HUMAN LOVER

I also thought from “cut out” it was going to be a reverse 8x23, and Ishim would split his throat and literally take something from Cas, like a SOUL or something. Then he said about himself, but split second panic there.

no biggie this is only literally THE MOST DESTIEL SHIT TO HAPPEN IN YEARS

HOLY CRAP then Dean picks CAS over banishing Ishim when he shows Cas is Dean's weakness too i

am probably burning my dinner in the oven

Yay hi Lily

KILL HIM

YAY more teamwork

I love when they do the teamwork thing. It’s a reoccurring theme this season, or maybe Yockey just likes it because 12x06 had the best teamwork ending.

AAAH LILY

This parallels 4x16 and Sam vs Alistair almost directly in staging

Except then Cas backstabs Ishim

he had it coming :P

Oh god and then Cas is on his knees, I mean, he drops to them because he's weak but it also puts him in a penitent position in front of Lily

LOOK AT MY BEAUTIFUL BLOODSTAINED SON

This also mirrors 4x16 and how he was on his knees in front of Uriel, the real threat of the episode for him.

I guess she decides not to kill Cas

Nice.

Oh look at poor Cas sitting there :(

I love that even though Lily's threat was she'd be beyond emotion, Dean tries to make this about revenge and killing some more to handle what next, but Cas goes straight to "i'm sorry" and Lily looks genuinely moved

Oh CAS you're so good.

And Lily thanks him and walks off :')

Oh dear, some over-running the episode length into a scene at the Bunker

Awww Dean giving Cas a beer and a shoulder pat and secret loving shoulder stroke. Dude. Someone needs to gif that in slow mo.

Oh god they're actually giving Cas a REAL you're family speech without any reasons to cut this short or make it not feel good

Sam's there too despite this having been all about Dean and Cas, just to smooth things over. :P

"I'm not mad I'm worried" Oh man all this stuff in the main text sucks because I deduced this back at the start through clever analysis of their dialogue and now what I can tell from this line is that... Dean is worried about Cas.

Look at their eyes

Waaah

Cas still looks beat up which is rare for him not to immediately snap back to normal. I worried.

Heh, Cas hasn't changed that much - all that and he still has carefully set separate rules for each situation, and KNOWING that Lucifer's baby really is Lucifer's, well... Unless he's been lied to about HOW dangerous Nephilim are... He still thinks he has a point.

Sam tries to compare scenarios

And Cas says he doesn't know what he'll do or if he'll hesitate. It HAS affected him. YAY. Episode’s goal accomplished in the final moment.

Okay this is clearly a motto of the ENTIRE show: "let's drink, and hope we can find a better way"

Can't believe Dean and Cas are married.

#12x10 #Yockey fanclub #season 12 spoilers #my stuff #general content warning for musing on the Nephilim plot nonsense

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