#just so you know I was listening to Britney the whole time I was writing this

[giantkillerjack]

ur post about queerbaiting and the dismissal of people in fandom to critical analysis is so incredibly true thank you. i feel like marcille's writing in the anime has been super misogynistic a lot of the time and every time i bring this up all anyone wants to say is "well maybe this isn't for you! and you shouldn't watch the show!" like. i don't think this is about taste lmao, i am analyzing the text in front of me and coming to conclusions about the craft of it.

[This is in reference to this post]

YES!!! THANK YOU!!!!!

It is so so frustrating!!!!

It's like being at a restaurant and being served a bunch of delicious appetizers, but then one of the bread appetizers is literally just a plate of crumbs; and then when you're like, "Hey, uhh, why are we being served literal crumbs?", a bunch of the other folks eating at the restaurant are like,

"WELL HOW ABOUT YOU JUST DON'T EAT HERE THEN??!? YOU MUST NOT BE THAT HUNGRY, SO JUST FIND ANOTHER RESTAURANT AND DON'T EAT WITH US!!"

And maybe they say it politely, but "Aw, sorry, maybe this restaurant just isn't for you 💖" is just trading out an aggressive dismissive tone for a patronizing dismissive tone. It's the same message.

And it's like! I was honestly happy to move on from the crumbs once my complaint was acknowledged because the meal overall is still delicious, but then all these folks got SUPER WEIRD AND DEFENSIVE ABOUT IT, so now I find myself double-checking all the other dishes -- and, actually, you know what those eggs DO look a Iittle misogynistic undercooked!!!!

[simphornies]

Ahdjsksjsjkssb I love your Vox content and I was wondering if I could request a Vox x reader (preferably fem) who performs songs and dances online, they're like a big shot social media star(who's besties with Vel) and often ropes the Vees into making online content with her(games, dance challenges, reactions, etc. when they're free of course) and it's free PR that some sinners like watching because it's just funny to watch the 3 overlords + reader doing goofy shit. Bonus points if you write about sinners just #shipping Vox and Reader because they have good chemistry XD

A/N: I was listening to Circus by Britney Spears so I may have made the reader a little flirt :) Also this one's a little short so I apologize

Word count: 934

Social Sensation - Vox x Reader

“Vox!” You whined, clinging onto his leg. “No! I’m not letting you plug controllers into me so you can play video games for a video.” He groaned as he repeated himself for the fifth time.

“Vox! Please! The sinners! They want it!” You begged. “This one time and I won’t ask you for it again!”

He sighs, giving in just to get you to stop. And also because he knew you wouldn’t let go until he agreed. “Fine. You get 15 minutes.”

“...20?” You asked.

“Don’t push it.”

.

Vox had the most deadpan expression on his face while you were livestreaming on Voxstagram, completely unamused at the fact that there’s three different cords plugged into the back of his head. “Vox, put your fuckin’ face away! It’s throwing me off.” Velvette complained, having fallen off of the platform. The three of you were playing Super Smash, as per request of the audience. He groaned and hid his own face on his own screen.

You, Velvette and Valentino were screaming at each other during the whole game. “Valentino! Move your head out the way I can’t see!” You groaned. “Well I can’t fucking see either!” He yelled back, eyes squinting at the screen.

After what felt like forever to Vox, you win the game. You grabbed your phone and smiled, “Thanks for joining in you guys! I’ll see you all tomorrow for another stream!” You put an arm around Vox and put the camera on him. “A big thanks to Vox! For letting us use him for the game today!”

The comments were flooded with a bunch of thanks to Vox, cheering him on for being a real one and promising to buy more VoxTek devices. You signed off and ended the stream. Vox took out the cords with no hesitation as soon as you did. “That was not 15 minutes.” Vox squinted at you, arms crossed.

“I’m sorry, Voxy~” You giggled and laid your head on his lap, happily scrolling on your phone, “I got you more sales and I got more followers. A win-win!”

He huffed, “I get sales either way.” He was full on pouting now. You reached up and pinched the side of his screen, “Aw. Don’t be mad. You know you love me. Besides, you’ve been getting more sales ever since I started crashing here with you guys and you can’t tell me I’m wrong.”

For a brief second, you swore his usual blue screen started to fade into a red before going back to blue. “I guess you’re right on that.” He lets out a sigh and relaxes into the couch, “So what’s the plan for tomorrow?”

“I gotta go tomorrow to the Lust Ring.” You showed him a photo of the poster Asmodeus posted on his Voxstagram. “I’m performing!”

“The Lust Ring?!” His voice cracked before he cleared his throat, “That’s a…You’re gonna fine by yourself?” “What?” You grinned cheekily, “You scared someone’s gonna fuck me there instead of you~” You teased as his screen turned a little red.

“What! No!” He huffed, “I was just wondering if you’d want an escort or something.”

“Aww. If you wanted to come with me, you could’ve just said so!” You giggled and got up.

“Don’t get it twisted! It’s for business.” He crossed his arms.

“Right.” You winked, “Business. Anyways I’ll see you there. Gotta meet up with Velvette for my new outfit.”

.

Vox sat in one of the seats closer to the front. He stayed on his phone during the other performances only putting it away after you were announced to come up next.

“And it’s my pleasure to announce our final performance for the night! The darling, Y/N!” Asmodeus stepped away from the spotlight as it shines on you.

You began your performance immediately making eye contact with Vox. A seductive smile on your face the whole time. You danced seductively while you sang. Vox didn’t take his eyes off of you, glued to your intoxicating display. His eyes followed your hands running up your hips and to your chest and through your hair. He was enamored.

.

Your performance went viral online, plenty of people talked about the dress Velvette made for you which boosted her sales making her very happy. Vox’s jaw dropped expression and your wink at him went crazy too, people shipping the two of you together.

“Vox!” You yelled, catching his attention, “The sinners loved the performance. I’m so glad you came and watched it!”

“Y-Yeah! It was amazing as always, my dear.” He grinned, “You’re very lovable, Y/N.” He took a sip of his coffee, watching you gleefully scroll through your phone.

You showed him the comments on your phone, “They love us too, baby~” You teased. He choked on his drink and looked at all of the people commenting under a picture of him staring at you on the stage. “I think you should give what the people and I want and go on a date with me.” You winked.

“A date?!” He coughed, “You want to go on a date with me?”

“For an allegedly smart overlord, you’re a little slow, huh?” You giggled and left him a kiss on his screen. “That show was for you. I’ll see you later tonight~” You snapped a photo next to him rebooting and posted it to your socials with ‘Told him we’re going on a date tonight! <3 Love ya @ Vox <3’ as the caption. Your comments were flooded with excited fans going insane over the development. You giggled and walked away, leaving Vox to deal with your confession by himself.

[man-down-in-hatchet-town]

VHSCC OH MY GOD

(no spoilers)

Starkid nation, you aren't ready.

So let's start with the obvious. Look, I spent thirteen years growing up with Starkid. That initial Michigan gang are deeply special to me and I will always miss Dylan, Brian R., and Corey in any show they aren't in. And this one's no different. But just as Janaya came in and took over Belle from Britney so flawlessly, Curt, Brian, and AJ were all WONDERFUL in their new roles. The gentle-but-high-energy, truly decent, romantic himbo charm Curt brought to our Springsteen boy Jim (you all are going to LOVE Jim, I promise) perfectly offset the defiant, sneering anger of Young Scrooge in "That Scrooge." Brian's reactions (particularly to the "rather take my own life" line) were so funny and some of my favorite parts of the show. And AJ... this is now my favorite thing AJ has ever done. And that's saying something. The smaller casting shake-up moments (Joey as Fezziwig, other little line re-distributions) were so fun as well!

The new act 1 is PERFECTION. I was actually surprised by how absolutely hysterical it was? Like, I won't tell you what was up with that clip on Instagram of Brian, Lauren, and Joey doing a freak-out dance, but I can tell you that their whole Act 1 deal threatened to steal the show every. Single. Time. I already mentioned Curt as Jim, but you will also love Della, who is so funny and real and truly carries us through the start of the show (Janaya is a STAR and she Curt have brilliant chemistry). Ali did a terrific job of balancing the sadness and hope that are both at the center of the devastating little Match Girl. And Jamie's Grandma... well, honestly I have no idea how to talk about Jamie's song without giving stuff away.

But the real star of the show in Act 1, as he should be, was our man Clark. I can't emphasize enough how much he nailed the writing of this whole new act. I mentioned that the new stuff is hilarious, but it's also deeply heartfelt, and also sad exactly when it needs to be. Like, the transition after Jamie's song? I can't really talk about it yet, but what that moment does with emotion is unreal. And, as expected, every song is a banger! My one complaint about this show, and it IS a big one, is that there is no cast recording of the Act 1 songs. I want to listen to them all the time.

But the good news is, I CAN listen to Christmas Carol as much as I want! The classic that started it all is back, with so many people reprising the hell out of their truly iconic roles (God I love the VHS Cratchits), and better than ever. I traditionally hate change, and I love the version of VHSCC Live! we already have so much, but I think I somehow loved this version even more? The staging is alive and clever and there are some additions and changes, particularly in "Final Ghost"/"Christmas Day," that frankly blew my mind and somehow managed to elevate the material even further. I can't wait for the digital ticket to come out so that I can talk about them. To put it simply, James Tolbert mastered his Starkid directorial debut like you won't believe. I'm so proud of him and grateful for the larger role he's taken in Starkid since they moved base to LA.

Also, the Ghost of Christmas Past is extra unhinged this year? Jaime pulled out all of the impish stops and it was the BEST.

Basically, everyone more than delivered. I haven't talked about Meredith yet but she rocked it in the band and continued to validate the hell out of my opinion that "3 Spirits" is the dark horse best song in the show.

And a special shout-out to June Saito for continuing to be a costuming GENIUS. I always love her work and this production is no exception. I honestly wanted to give the return of the Bob Cratchit costume its own round of applause.

You know, the world is a mess and everything is pretty much terrible. It's been a hard year in an impossible decade. But every once in a while you come across some art that takes all of that, acknowledges the truth of it, and somehow pulls back the curtains to harness the joy and hope that's still there under the rubble. To me, Starkid in particular has always been about finding and holding onto the hope and the beauty and humanity that allows us to endure an existence that can so often feel bleak. And VHSCC is maybe the most perfect encapsulation of that idea.

So thank you Clark, James, Meredith, Brian, and everyone who worked so hard on this little bit of magic. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Let's make a little light.

[damiansgoodgirll]

Omg so we all know rhea loves black so what about her girl being a complete opposite and loving everything pink, like her dresses are pink her car is pink and she tries to convince rhea to go to se barbie with her

that would be so much fun

me, who loves and has everything pink and my best friend who’s the complete opposite, convincing her to wear pink for barbie was the hardest thing i’ve ever done in my life.

plus this was so fun to write! and supernatural is my fav tv show too so i feel like rhea and i could talk about this for days!

rhea ripley x reader

tw : nothing, just a lot of pink, like a lot of pink

hi barbie, hi ken

you and your girlfriend rhea were the complete opposite and when you started dating a lot of people kept asking you if you two were serious or if you were just pranking other people.

despite your differences she loved you and you loved her too.

she grew up watching horror movies, supernatural, stranger things and all the things that scared you. she loved black. her whole house was black. the first time you slept in her bedroom you thought demons were watching you from how black and dark the room was. she loved rock and metal and knew nothing about pop music.

you, on the other hand, grew up watching gilmore girls and gossip girl. elle woods and regina george were your icons. you wanted to be sharpay evans and have all of her clothes. you grew up listening to britney spears and christina aguilera and you knew nothing about rock. legally blonde was your favorite movie and you made rhea watch it with you so many times she lost count. you loved pink, it was your favorite color. your clothes were pink. your phone was pink. your apartment was pink. your sofa was pink. your bed was pink. even your car was pink. your whole life was pink.

rhea almost had a heart attack the first time she stepped into your apartment or the first time she saw your car. too much pink and she wasn’t used to it, the same thing that you weren’t used to so much black.

but somehow you managed to get together and you were inseparable.

you were so impatient to see the new barbie movie but all of your friends were on vacation with their relatives so the only person available to come with you was rhea, but you knew she wouldn’t say yes. she hated barbies, she always did.

but nothing stopped you from asking her when you saw her getting home with some groceries. you were at her place in your perfect matching pink outfit when you saw her walking into the living room.

“hi baby” she greeted you, kissing your lips.

“hi” you smiled “how was your day?” you asked.

“good, how about you” she sat down on the couch next to you.

“it was good…” now or never “rhea, are you free tonight?”

“yes, do you have any plans? she smirked.

oh you had plans, just different from what she thought.

“can you come with me to see barbie?” you asked in your soft voice.

“absolutely no”

“rhea please…” you begged her.

“no”

“rhea…”

“no, i’m not seeing barbie” she said sternly.

“please? please please please” you kept saying. you really wanted to see the movie but going alone at the cinema was one of your biggest fear so you wanted her to come with you.

“no, i’m not coming”

“just for tonight…” you whispered.

you knew she didn’t like barbies but you never thought she would react like this. it was for a few hours and a movie definitely wouldn’t kill her.

“no y/n…i’m not seeing that stupid movie” she said and that was the last straw. you couldn’t believe she called barbie stupid.

“okay fine i’m going alone…” you said, standing up not even watching her and getting your things ready to leave.

she waited a few minutes thinking you were joking but when she heard the tingling of your car keys in your hands she knew you were dead serious. she rushed to the front door to stop you.

“hold on hold on…you’re not really going alone, are you?” she asked you.

“well my friends aren’t in town and my girlfriend’s acting like a movie could kill her so i have no other options…”

“let me put on my shoes…” she said giving up. she hated barbies but she hated seeing you sad and she hated more knowing that she caused you to be sad.

“for real?”

“yes, for real…” she said “but i’m not wearing any matching pink outfit okay?”

“okay!” you almost crushed her between your arms.

once you arrived at the cinema, rhea’s heart missed a few beats as she saw the majority of the people dressing in pink or in barbie’s outfits. she felt like an outsider and you couldn’t help the laugh leaving your mouth.

once inside you couldn’t contain your happiness seeing everyone wearing pink and for the first time in your life you felt accepted and not judged.

nothing to say, the movie was a masterpiece. you cried, laughed, danced and cried again. it was the perfect movie for barbie and you saw rhea tearing up a little towards the end but you pretended you didn’t see it because rhea would find a way to make you forget about it.

but in the end you saw her happy and she saw how happy and joyful you were after seeing the movie and even if she hated pink she knew she could make an exception for you and you only.

[crmsnmth]

Hello

Version 5.5

Introductions Are stupid.

Hey. How goes it?

I'm 36. Caucasian male. Goth-punk. I live in a small-town of 2000 people right in the center of the drunken state of Wisconsin. It is not even close to as fun as that sounds, and it doesn't sound all that fun to begin with. For work, I am a kitchen manager at one place and a line cook at another. I work seven days a week, because I've really got nothing better to do. Forces me out of the house. Makes me be social. And I actually really like what I do. I've been working in the industry for twenty odd years.

I listen to all music, and I'm not just saying that. I actually do. You can go through my main playlist, and you'll find everything from Slayer to Britney Spears to Alan Jackson to The Casualties to Katy Perry etc.… My favorite band of all time is the Descendents. But standing tall in second place is Amigo the Devil and Frank Turner rounding out my top 3. But you should tell me your favorites song, or one that means something to you, I need new music to memorize.

I'm mentally screwed and quite medicated. I have come to peace with this fact. I've been as stable as I can get for a good four years now. So that's neat. I am a raging cynic. I am a recovering addict, long-term. 8 Years. I am sober a little over two. I am a major cinephile, especially when it comes to the glory of the 80's slasher movie. I absolutely adore weird movies. The last film I watched that I really liked was Kinds of Kindness. I thought it was brilliant. My favorite movie of all time is Tommy Wiseau's masterpiece "The Room." I mean that 100%. That movie is the best thing to ever be put on film and I will fight and die upon this hill. I write more than any sane and healthy person should write, but I'm far from sane and I'm far from healthy. I post at least once a day, but sometimes I can post over ten. My notes app on my phone is scary looking.

I do not write for anyone's actual approval. Not even my own really. I do this because it's the only addiction I have that isn't actively trying to kill me and is actually trying to better me as a person and get in touch with unresolved feelings and places that will never have closure.

I will always love constructive criticism. But please, for the love of all the love in the world, don't just tell me I suck. I get that. It's a massive part of my whole gig. Please, give me a reason why I suck, what I'm doing wrong in your eyes. Help me to better this craft I play with. Seriously, I love it. But if you can't give me a reason, maybe it's best you keep that food-hole shut, and stop trying to be a dick, dick.

So since, I write some much, what topics to a tap dance to the grave with? I'm pretty predictable. So, this stuff: The Girl with the Ocean Blue Eyes, Kid, The Broken Mirror Girl, My Junkie Angel, The Girl from California, The Best Friend, The Drunk*, love, lost lovers, hopelessness, isolation, drug addiction, alcoholism, depression, forgotten acquaintances, mental illnesses, rage, hate, rejection, joy, insignificant moments, slices of life, laughter, beauty, self and self-reflection, self-hate, art, other writers, panic, infatuations, obsession, therapy, group homes, rehab, jail, grace, nature, loss, hope, fear, grief, anguish, philosophy, anarchism, nihilism, religion, god, the devil, ugliness, politics, serial killers, cults, suicide, death, destruction, chaos, music, validation, closure, memory, enemies, friends, rock bottom, sex, violence, rock and roll, sin, self-exploration, bipolar disorder, schizoaffective disorder, pain, self-destruction much more.

Consider this little spot your trigger warning.

I make music as well as the writing gig. Go tell me I suck at it.

I know about the typos. I am very aware. You don't need to tell me, because I'm probably not going to fix them anyway. Besides, you can figure it out.

There's bare bones about me and what I'm about and where I stand. If there is anything else you'd want to know for some godforsaken reason, go ahead and message me. I may not be real good at it, I do enjoy having fifteen second conversations.

*NOT REAL NAMES

[ironwoman359]

i saw your tag about how in 500 years we WON'T be calling britney spears' "toxic" classical music, and i am willing and able to hear this rant if you so wish to expand upon it :3c

You know what, it's been over six months, so sure, why not, let's pick today to have this rant/lesson!

To establish my credentials for those unfamiliar Hi my name's Taylor I was a music teacher up until last year when the crushing realities of the American Education SystemTM led me to quit classroom work and become a library clerk instead. But said music teaching means that I have 4+ years of professional classical training in performance and education, and while I'm by no means a historian, I know my way around the history of (european) music.

So, now that you know that I'm not just some rando, but a musical rando, let me tell you why we won't be calling Britney Spears or [insert modern musician(s) that'd be especially humorous to today's audience to call classical] "classical music."

The simple answer is that "Old music =/= Classical music," which is usually the joke being made when you see this joke in the first place.

As funny as this joke can be when executed well (this is one of my favorite versions of said joke, especially since this is a future world where there's very little accurate surviving info about the culture from the 21st century), there is VERY little likely of this actually being how music from today is referred to in the future, because, again, music being OLD does not automatically make music CLASSICAL.

If you'd indulge me a moment, have a look at these three pieces from the early 1900s, which is now over 100 years ago. That's pretty old! You don't have to listen to the whole of all of them if you don't want to, but give each around 30 seconds or so of listening.

All three pieces are over 100 years old, but would you call "In the Shade of the Old Apple Tree" classical? Or "The Entertainer?" Most likely not. You'd probably call these songs "old timey" and you may even be savvy enough to call "The Entertainer" by it's actual genre name, ragtime. But if either of these songs came on the radio, you wouldn't really call them classical, would you? They're just old.

Whereas Mahler's Symphony No. 5, now that sounds like classical music to you, doesn't it? It's got trumpets, violins, a conductor, it's being played by a philharmonic! That's a classical musicy word!

The short answer of why we in the real, nonfictional world won't be calling Britney Spears's "Toxic" classical music in 100 years is it simply doesn't sound like classical music.

.....and the long answer is that Mahler's Symphony No. 5 isn't actually classical either.

See, music, just like everything in culture from dress to art to architecture changed with the times, and therefore 'classical music' is technically (although not colloquially) only one of about four to five musical periods/styles you're likely to hear on one of those "classical music tunes to study to" playlists.

Our dear friend Mahler up there was not a classical composer, he was a composer of the late romantic era.

So now, because I have you hostage in my post (just kidding please don't scroll away I had a lot of fun writing this but it took me nearly 3 hours) I'm going to show you the difference between Classical music and the other musical eras.

These are the movements we'll be dealing with, along with the general dates that define them (remembering of course that history is complicated and the Baroque Period didn't magically begin on January 1st, 1600, or end the moment Bach died) :

The Baroque Period (1600-1750)

The Classical Period (1750-1820)

The Romantic Period (1820-1910)

The Impressionist Movement (1890-1920)

You'll notice that as time goes on, the periods themselves grow shorter, and there starts to become some overlap in the late 19th to early 20th century. The world was moving faster, changing faster, and music and art began changing faster as well. Around the beginning of the 20th century music historians quit assigning One Major style to an entire era of history and just started studying those movements themselves, especially since around the 20th century we were getting much more experimentation and unique ideas being explored in the mainstream.

Even the end of the classical to the beginning of the romantic period can get kind of fuzzy, with Beethoven, arguably one of the most famous classical (and yes he was actually classical) composers in history toeing the line between classical and romantic in his later years. The final movement of his 9th symphony, known as Ode to Joy, far more resembles a romantic work than a classical one.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

To oversimplify somewhat, here are the main characteristics of said movements:

The Baroque Period (1600-1750)

Music was very technical and heavily ornamented. This coincided with a very "fancy" style of dress and decoration (the rococo style became popular towards the latter half of this period). The orchestras were far smaller than we are used to seeing in concert halls today, and many instruments we consider essential would not have been present, such as the french horn, a substantial percussion section, or even the piano*. Notable composers include Vivaldi (of the Four Seasons fame), Handel (of the Messiah fame) and Bach:

*the piano as we know it today, initially called the pianoforte due to its ability to play both softly (piano) and loudly (forte) in contrast to the harpsichord, which could only play at one dynamic level, was actually invented around 1700, but didn't initially gain popularity until much later. This Bach Concerto would have traditionally been played on a harpsichord rather than a piano, but the piano really does have such a far greater expressive ability that unless a group is going for Historical Accuracy, you'll usually see a piano used in performances of baroque work today.

The Classical Period (1750-1820)

In the classical period, music became more "ordered," not just metaphorically but literally. The music was carefully structured, phrases balanced evenly in a sort of call and response manner. Think of twinkle twinkle little star's extremely balanced phrasing, itself a tune that Mozart took and applied 12 classical variations to, cementing it in popularity. And speaking of twinkle twinkle, memorable melody became more important to the composition than ornamentation, and many of our most universally known melodies in the west come from this period. The orchestra also grew bigger, adding more players of all kinds as now we didn't have to worry about overpowering the single-volume harpsichord, and additional instruments like more brass and woodwinds were added. Notable composers include Haydn (of The Surprise Symphony fame) Beethoven (of, well, Fame), and Mozart:

Pay attention to the size of the orchestra here, then go back to the Bach concerto. Notice how in that very typical Baroque setting, the orchestra sits at maybe 20 people, and that here in a Classical setting, there's nearly two times that!

The Romantic Period (1820-1910)

In the romantic period, it was all about BIG FEELINGS, MAN. It was about the DRAMA. Orchestras got even bigger than before, the music focused less on balance and became more dramatic, and there was a big focus on emotions, individualism, and nationalism. Discerning listeners will notice a lot of similarities between romantic symphonies and modern film scores; John Williams in particular is very clearly influenced by this era, any time I'd play the famous Ride of the Valkyries by Wagner in a class, the kids would remark that it sounds like it should be in Star Wars. A lot of romantic composers were German, including Beethoven, if you want to call his later works romantic (which I and many others argue you can, again, compare Ode to Joy to one of his earlier works and you can hear and see the difference), but you also have the Hungarian Liszt (of the Hungarian Rhapsodies fame), the Russian Tchaikovsky (of the Nutcracker and 1812 Overture fame), and the Czech Dvořák:

See how this orchestra is even bigger still? Modern orchestras tend to vary in size depending on what pieces they are playing, but the standard is much closer to this large, romantic size, and it's far less typical to see a small, intimate Baroque setting unless specifically attending a Baroque focused concert. Also I know I embedded Dvořák because Symphony From a New World slaps but please also listen to Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody No.2 it's one of my all time favorite pieces and NOT just because of the Tom and Jerry cartoon, alright? Alright.

The Impressionist Movement (1890-1920)

A bit after it began but definitely still during the romantic period, a counter movement began in France that turned away from the emotional excess of romanticism and focused less on standard chord progression and explored more unconventional scales. This music was less worried about how it 'should' sound and was more concerned with evoking a certain emotion or image, giving you an "impression" of an idea. Debussy is by far the most well known name in this movement, even though he personally hated the term 'impressionism,' lol.

Notice the way the periods build on each other naturally, literally, physically builds on the orchestras that came before, evolving in style and structure until you get to the late 19th and early 20th century when things were built up so big that a response to that excess started to develop, first in the impressionist movement, and then into 20th century music in general, which got much more experimental and, as we say, "weird." (frickin 12 tone scales, man)* *i do not actually dislike the sound of 12 tone, it's interesting and unique, but it is HELL to analyze in music theory, which is unfortunately when a lot of us classical musicians are first introduced to it, therefore tarnishing our relationship to the genre as we cannot separate it from our own undergrad anguish

Even if you're not a super active listener and you have a harder time discerning the difference between, say, late baroque and early classical, you cannot deny that the first piece I've linked by Bach and the last piece I've linked by Debussy sound completely different. They're both orchestral pieces (I intentionally chose all orchestral pieces as my examples here, getting into solo works, opera, and chamber ensembles would take too long), but other than that, they couldn't be more different.

Wait, so what are we talking about again?

Classical Music is first a period of music, a specific artistic movement with music typically written in Europe between 1750 and 1820 with a specific sound that is distinct from these other styles I've outlined here.

And Classical Music is second a genre. Because while academically and historically Baroque music is not classical, and Romantic music is not classical...colloquially it is. They sound similar enough that it makes sense to put them on the same playlists, the same radio stations, the same 'beats to study to' youtube compilation videos. While individuals may have favorites and preferences, it's not far fetched to say that if you like listening to one of these styles, you'll at least like one of the others.

But whether you're being broad and referring to our modern idea of the classical genre, or you're being pedantic like me and referring to a specific period of musical history (or modern compositions emulating that style, because yeah, modern compositions of all of theses styles do exist), I think we can all agree that, as much as it slaps, "Toxic" by Britney Spears is not classical music, and 500 years is unlikely to change our perspective of that.

A Traditional Ballad though?

Yeah, I can see us calling it that in 5 billion years.

(the full version of this scene is age restricted for some reason, but you can watch it here)

Anyway, thanks for reading y'all, have a good one!

[cloveroctobers]

OCTOBER PROMPTS 🎃 — 8. Hector

A/N: the way I always had something in the drafts to write for my beloved man like back during the summer time. The universe had other plans and what better time than to revisit this episode on Halloween! I think this is my first time ever writing on the day of this superior season?! Happy Halloween people 🧡 🪄

WARNINGS: language + hints of sexual tension 😅

PROMPT is from HERE + I’m using: “I love you, I swear I do but we’re not wearing matching costumes.”

₊˚ ✧ ♱‧₊˚. ₊˚ ✧ ♱‧₊˚. ₊˚ ✧ ♱‧₊˚. ₊˚ ✧ ♱‧₊˚. ₊˚ ✧ ♱‧₊˚. ₊˚

[~October. 2000’s~]

Oh the wonders of being a big time celebrity during the month of Halloween. That’s right, a whole entire month! Which felt like so because you were constantly in the limelight with people not only dissecting your love life but also your roles which consisted of either being the lead scream queen in a thriller series, supporting actress in horror movies, and also being the star drummer (on some Sheila E shit!) and backup singer of a Alt-Pop girl band on the side.

So yes, you stayed busy and were worth talking about.

“Whatever you decide to be this year has to be big. I mean Destiny’s child, Britney Spears, Zac and Vanessa, and Halle Berry are all gonna be here at your party this year.” Your manager/publicist ranted as she paced the floor in your open concept closet.

You’re lounging on your studded chaise lounge chair, texting away on your blackberry while chewing on some gum, half listening, “Halle’s my god-mom, of course she will be here to support but who else is on this list exactly?”

“I invited pretty much everyone, the hottest stars even those who may or may be in your age range. It doesn’t matter! As long as you get good pics that brings fresh press.” Natania voiced as she began flipping through a notepad.

You hum knowing the deal, considering you’ve been in the limelight since you were fourteen so this was not anything entirely new. “I’ve got the perfect outfit for Hector and I.”

Natania glances up from writing, “funny you mention him after I say press.”

“Him has a name and who also happens to be my boyfriend?”

“Don’t remind me,” Natania mutters, “and just to think you could still be with Taylor Lautner right now. His stats are only climbing after ‘Breaking Dawn Part I,’ dropped and I can only imagine how much more attention he’s gonna get.”

Shrugging your shoulders you say, “I’ve got more than enough attention with and without a guy by my side. It was fun while it lasted but as soon as he booked the role for twilight, the distance just grew. It was all only a matter of time.”

At sixteen and seventeen years old you got into a relationship, naturally with who everyone may know as Jacob Black but he was just Taylor to you. You met way back in a martial arts class that your uncle actually taught but you didn’t end up sticking with it thanks to a tv series you booked. You met again not long after at a audition for “Sharkboy and LavaGirl.”

“Well the both of you could have at least faked it for a little!” Natania almost stomped her feet before sighing, “I mean Taylor still talks highly about you although you decided to pick a old paparazzi instead as your new fling.”

“I wouldn’t expect him to say anything less,” you blinked, “wasn’t a bad break up anyway and I don’t pay you to make judgements on who I date. I pay for you to manage my career, not my personal life, sooo mind yours.”

Natania rolled her eyes beneath her glasses, “whatever, you’re right. I’m just saying you could have done better. There’s just something off about him—Hector and not the whole follow people like you around for cash either.”

“Nat!” You hissed, “shut up already, hector’s coming over, he’s gonna be at that party with me and that’s that. When’s the stylist coming over?”

Natania puts on a forced smile and glances at the watch on her wrist, “in about a hour.”

“Great! Hector says he’ll be here in fifteen so that gives us a little down time. You can let yourself out whenever you’re ready.” You state laying back to rest your eyes.

You’ve been up since six thirty this morning doing a extreme workout routine you didn’t like with a trainer who took it too seriously. You were more of a cardio person than juggling ropes, jumping and squatting, and flipping over tires.

Soon the door bell rings and you pry one eye open to see the monitor by the door glowing, making you aware who it could be. Groaning you took your time getting closer to the screen, seeing no one there. Shrugging to yourself, you plopped down on the lounge just as your closet door budged open revealing your stylist and no other than your boyfriend, Hector.

Lounging on your elbows you smile and wave at the two.

“No, please. Don’t get up, I got it.” Your stylist wheeled in a rack while you laughed at the usual sarcasm.

“Hey, baby.” You craned your neck to meet Hector’s lips as he leaned over you in greeting before sitting next to you, “what happened to fifteen minutes?”

Hector laughs, rubbing at the back of his neck, knowing that he was late, “traffic? Even on my bike and Hunger…”

You hum at this.

“Just burgers.” Hector whispers as you shrug your shoulders.

You knew what it was like, actually dating someone in the supernatural world. It could always go one or two ways and of course there were heavy rumors surrounding Hector since he was there at the time of Mazey Day’s death. He should have been dead—especially with the amount of damage done to his body, you knew what he and Bo were up to and the pictures Bo showed you was not something you would forget.

However Hector was meant to live and see it through…and he did with the help of your family.

They got to him first.

That’s right, a long history of, “werewolf or wolf training,” depending on which form. You had more experience with simply wolfs while the higher skilled like your parents and siblings dealt with the werewolf’s. Due to your involvement with the spotlight you didn’t have much time for…family activities but you weren’t completely clueless.

If you were able to get to Mazey Day in time, perhaps things could have been different. No one really knew and some still didnt accept what it was.

Werewolves were fucking real and you so happened to be dating one.

“Soooo,” you drag pushing yourself up once more to face Hector with a tired smile, “I’ve got an idea of what we should be for Halloween.”

“Aw but you didn’t see what Freddie brought yet.”

“Oh it’s in there alright,” you push off the chair to head over to Freddie who has measuring tape draped over his shoulders.

You do the honors of taking the protective cover off the clothes and run your fingers over the various fabrics, “we have DoubleDare contestants from the 90s, or you can be Cupid and I’ll be a large fuzzy heart, or my personal fav: little red riding hood and her werewolf of a grandmother.”

Hector blinks after briefly studying the costumes and says, “I love you, I swear I do but we’re not wearing matching costumes.”

“Uh oh,” Freddie mutters while you frown at the curly haired man.

“And why the hell not? The last option is the best one.”

“I get that one,” Hector replies with a knowing look in his dark eyes, “but don’t you think it’s a little…corny?”

“We’re supposed to be corny! You’re my boyfriend and I’m your girl.” Digging your fists into your hips and peer at Hector who snorts.

“Yeah but—

“At least try it on! I mean if we’re gonna be at my party together shouldn’t we at least match?”

Hector lightly grips your wrist to pull you from Freddie’s ear shot, “it’s gonna be a full moon that night.”

“Even better.”

“For who? Not me.”

“It’s been a year already,” you slip your hand down to squeeze his, “you’re gonna be fine.”

“That’s not what your mom believes.” Hector’s shoulders almost slump, which irritates you, the fact that your mother was always getting into his head was not something foreign to you but when she started to do it to people you cared about, that’s when it became a problem.

“Newsflash, she doesn’t know everything like she claims.”

“I mean I should listen to her since…”

“Since she’s more skilled than me? Ah alright well I get it. Look, I’m not gonna peer pressure you. I just know I wouldn’t have you here if I didn’t think you could handle it. We’d take all the proper precautions a few days before just like I planned but if you really don’t feel comfortable…we’ll just make sure to take the pictures in advance and we’ll go from there.”

Hector studies you then. He knew that it was hard to be around each other sometimes whenever the moon shifted. He was thankful he got another chance at life…sure but life just become a whole lot more difficult now with this new lifestyle and being legit involved with someone in the public eye. No doubt he’s thought about it before but never pictured it happening and Bo also told him it was a bad idea after figuring out that he basically resurrected and could transform into a hairy ass creature!

You lived one way and he lived another, there were contrasts to you just like the sun and the moon, the pair of you worked taking turns to let the other breathe separately. Space was efficient when it came to your relationship but when you were together? That opened up a whole new feeling. A scary one. He wasn’t sure if this relationship would be long term but he had the chance to see you for what you are beyond the lights and that was a treat in itself.

He exhales, lifting a hand to cup the side of your face, “…let’s try these costumes on then.”

And you squeal, hopping into his arms and he holds onto you as you lock your legs around his hips, his beaming smile meeting yours as you peck all along his handsome face.

“We look foolish,” Hector comments as he readjusts the gingham hat on top of his head while you stand side by side in a full length mirror.

You laugh as you wrap your arms around the curly haired man in the floral green nightgown, “correction: we look fine as hell.”

“Fine enough to where I don’t need to spend two hours sitting in a chair having ass cramps and getting wolf prosthetics on?” Hector slips on his circular glasses and peeks over them at your reflection.

Red was certainly your color.

You snort, “you could always let the moon do it’s thing.”

“That’s not even funny.”

Pressing your chin against the back of his shoulder you say, “Wanna give me a little snarl or something?”

Hector sends you a pointed look as you trail one hand up to twist one of his damp curls, “Oh Granny, what pretty curls you have.”

“All the better for you to tug my dear,” Hector begins to play along.

A smirk makes its way onto your red painted lips, “Oh granny, what a beautiful face you have.”

“All the better for you to,” Hector starts before quickly twisting his body to yank you tight against his body, “sit on.”

You see the specs of ember swirling in Hector’s ink eyes now and you know you were pushing it as the length of his nails began to poke at the fabric of your red hood.

He then places a open mouthed kiss to your beating throat, “you didn’t say anything about my teeth.”

Standing up some with your hands locked around his neck now, you lean just a bit closer so that your forehead presses against Hector’s; you reply just as some knocks sounded at your closet door, “Now that’s satire.”

Hector let’s out a small laugh as you untangle yourself from his grasp to get the door, making a show of pointing the makeup artists in his direction only.

With your confidence in him and against the full moon, Hector can’t help but to shrug his shoulders and take a seat peeking at the face he got used to over the years. Somehow even this skin felt different and not just the scars embedded.

He just hoped you were right but knew he wouldn’t hear the end of it.

Well…here’s to a new change of course for Halloween! That might actually be terrifying but as long as he had you on his team, his doubts and speculations from outsiders—which he used to be—didn’t seem to matter as much anymore.

₊˚ ✧ ♱‧₊˚. ₊˚ ✧ ♱‧₊˚. ₊˚ ✧ ♱‧₊˚. ₊˚ ✧ ♱‧₊˚. ₊˚ ✧ ♱‧₊˚. ₊˚

Continue along with my fall anthology prompts here.

[goongiveusnothing]

if you hear anything from him, like an interview where he talks ahlut music or a film or anything in general forgetting about his “charming” you will see that he is the absolute nothing, he doesn’t have a personality and he will grab what he sees others doing and make it his to give everybody the impression that he is clever or deep.

I listened to an italian podcast where alessandro michele was talking about their friendship and he said that a lot of the times he will see a picture of alessandro wearing something like a bag ( when he made news becoming this legend because he was wearing bags and MeN ShOuLd wEaR BaGs!!!) and he calls him saying:” oh i saw you wearing that that’s cool and he borrowed it or bought it. 

same thing for clothes, he will get staff from him and if you look at alessandro’s style and aesthetic in general is still the same while he probably woke up one day and found someone else to copy cat. 

the same thing with books, he literally said that he started reading because a girlfriend gave it to him and he didn’t want to look stupid but apparently all that reading didn’t really open his mind to the world cause he is still a deep rooted zionist and recist, however during holivia he was “reading” the worst books like alain de bottom or “ you were publicly shamed”, that was a testament that he cannot choose a book or something interesting to save his life, he knows whoever fallows him is stupid just like him and lacks taste and personality just like him and will be impressed.

as for the lgbtq discourse, he once said that lgbtq is not political for him but a fundamental right or something, maybe his zionist friends can explain to him that palestinian deserve at the very least the same treatment. 

he will come back with half answers that his stupid fans think is activism and political awareness and keep monetising on whatever tragedy his zionist ass wants like the blm when they used a like to control the traffic it generated and see how many people clicked on it. 

i saw so many people pointing out how old and weird he looks, i think it’s just his evil and empty heart catching up with his looks and soon even his stans will see right through it.  

in 5-10 years, someone will write a book and  make a netflix documentary about how misogynistic he is, making someone abort and a whole lot of things we don’t know yet, just like britney did for justin timberlake.

i don't know if anyone will ever do some documentary on him in that way.

but i do think he's going to end up looking more justin timberlake than any sort of iconic legend.

i think harry wears these bags and takes other clothes items and things because he thinks it's a quirky thing to do with friends, but also because he so thoroughly lacks a sense of self, that he believes if he wears something someone else wears it must mean they had some taste and he will automatically get it. it's the same way he tries to cosplay as actually talented musicians, or name drops books, or visits art galleries and ballet. but of course those last parts are also because he's likely doing some basic shitty video featuring some of that.

[pixiestickers]

Tagged by @mydoctor Thanks

Rules: list your ten favorite albums of all time and tag ten people to list theirs!

When it comes to music I would usually see a meme like this and start thinking of all the ways I could wax eloquently abt my favorite albums, but I am currently depleted of my ability to write atm bc i am mentally maxed out due to school, so here have the short version in no particular order.

The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance. Fell in love with mcr the first time I saw them singing 'I'm not okay' on mtv2, but it wasn't really until Black Parade that I loved every song on one of their albums. I don't skip a single one when I listen to this.

The Archandroid by Janelle Monae. Love Janelle's older stuff more than her newer music with this album at the top. It's just a mixture of exactly what I like. Weird, quirky, and profound all at the same time.

Figure 8 by Elliott Smith. This album has always been great writing inspiration for me. His music, but this album in particular, appears on many of my mental and also actual playlists for my blorbos.

Little Plastic Castle by Ani DiFranco. When I was 18, I saw this album ranked as one to buy by some music magazine and so when I saw it a few months later at a CD store in the mall (remember those? or maybe you don't, you're all probably younger than me) I bought it on a whim. It was a good buy from my many MANY impulsive music buys over the years, bc it started my love for Ani's music. It was also my first foray into music that was somewhat against my upbringing ie conservative evangelical christian. Since then, I've seen Ani 6 times in concert and it's always been a good show.

Feel Good by The Internet. This is just the type of R&B that I love. Like Janelle Monae, it's a little strange with 8-minute-long songs that take twists and turns until they eventually morph into a completely different song, but it's an album I can play from start to finish.

When the Pawn ... by Fiona Apple. One of the few albums I wish I could get on vinyl but it's just way too expensive to justify spending on something i could easily listen to on the CD I bought ages ago (or more likely listening to on spotify). This album has been there for me at my lowest. Sometimes hearing someone else sing about bad breakups and being angry and sad over someone who hurt you, helps you cope with all the times you've had a fight with your SO or had a friend who ghosted you.

The Suburbs by Arcade Fire. Really sad that Win Butler turned out to be a garbage human bc I love this album, but find it hard to listen to now, knowing the band's lead singer is awful. There were other ppl in the band tho (a lot actually, it's a big band) so I figure I'll still add this album to my list for them and to be honest to myself.

Apollo 18 by They Might Be Giants. Flood was the first album I bought by tmbg, but Apollo 18 is the album I can listen to all the way through with the song Narrow Your Eyes being my fav. Considering how weird their music can get, Narrow Your Eyes is a pretty straightforward break-up song on an album that also contains songs like The Statue Got Me High and Hall of Heads.

The Con by Tegan and Sara. Call It Off is one of my most played songs ever, but this whole album is good and was my introduction to them. This was one of the last CDs I actually bought before I started just downloading everything with iTunes and then eventually moving on over to Spotify and buying vinyl.

Blackout by Britney Spears. Good for working out to when I used to work out and I just really love the song Heaven on Earth.

Honorable Mentions: Exile in Guyville by Liz Phair, Bionic by Christina Aguilera, Absolution by Muse, OK Computer by Radiohead, Same Trailer Different Park by Kacey Musgraves, Hounds of Love by Kate Bush, Titanic Rising by Weyes Blood, and Actor by St. Vincent

I tag: @trashangel-dee @alphamano @bethanyactually @ladybender @selkiestorytelleracademia @theangrypomeranian @vanessarama @leaving-a-comment and @dj-osha

And anyone else who would like to do this. Even if we're not mutuals go ahead and tag me. I'm always interested in seeing others' musical tastes.

[seancamerons]

4, 12 :)

4. Do you outline your fics? Yes I do.

I, depending on the fanfiction the detail varies in the outlines. I've become a much better planner than I used to be, and my details are more evident in later stories.

Would someone die just from reading your outline? I don't know. It's kind of vague you'd definitely get more excitement I believe, out of the actual fanfiction all fleshed out than an outline.😄

12. Do you listen to music while writing? Yes, of course.

If so, what’s a song or genre of music that really gets you in the ‘The Zone’? (Reference to the Pixar movie 'Soul’) I listen to pretty much everything the exceptions are country and boring elevator music? I suppose.

As far as notable stuff, I may or may not be obsessed with Britney Spears, but you probably know that. I have an affinity for eighties music. Most 80's music literally fascinates I'm pretty much obsessed. For basically my whole life. I just wanna shout out a huge massive thank-you for watching a whole lot of VH1 in my childhood. Best decision ever. (I was probably born in the wrong decade, or maybe I was right on time, but I missed the eighties by a year.😢)

I love a variety of '90s and mid to late 2000s music that gives me warm, fuzzy, and nostalgic vibes. The subject matter of most of the fanfiction I write usually takes place during those settings and time periods (the mid-2000's). The music sets the stage, sets the mood, and gets me in the zone.

I'm musically open-minded. Still, I'm a smidge picky. I'll admit not so big on newer music, lots of artists and songs don't stand out to me, or seem unoriginal or similar. I don't know that's just me. I am always open to recommendations for someone to try and change my mind I doubt it!

Offtopic tangent, as for newer music, some of the songs on the Barbie soundtrack are fire. Ava Max's Choose Your Fighter, Lizzo's Pink, and Dua Lipa's Dance the Night to name a few.

An example of music and fanfiction, I have a playlist for one of my lengthier stories, my pandemic baby, TOGETHER FOREVER (can be read here and here). The accompanying playlist is on Spotify, it's public and available for listening right here. Perhaps I'll do more playlists in the future.

Thanks, Becca. I'm available and down for more questions about fanfiction! 💌

[reptilianrepscallion]

intro post <3

hey! my name is jeremy. im currently 17, i use he/him pronouns and i am a gay trans man.

i am the creator of my own comic, luvolatile, and work on multiple other comics created by kittycorn sansom.

a few of my interests are: sonic the hedgehog, pokemon, chemistry, science as a whole (except for bio and physics, i like micro bio and micro physics though), next to normal, be more chill, moral orel, scott pilgrim vs. the world, decaydance, and music in general

some of my favorite musicians are: cobra starship, the academy is..., panic! at the disco (i do not like brendon as a person, i think hes weird, gross, and annoying, and i think he is what caused the band to fail. yes i still like the panic music from after everyone else left. i haven't listened to viva la vengeance and do not plan to), fall out boy, gym class heroes, the cab, patrick stump, glass animals, pierce the veil, waterparks, all time low, bayside, the strokes, midtown, jukebox the ghost, neon trees, foster the people, the killers, arctic monkeys, chappel roan, ludo, lady gaga, britney spears, kesha, katy perry, basically all 2000s-2010s pop

that's basically it, dont follow or talk to me if you are part of sparklecrit or if youre gross (the things i consider gross are things like dsmp fans and people who like alfreds playhouse and mindless self indulgence and stuff like that, they give me the creeps, also just normal nasty stuff like homophobia and racism and stuff) but if i think youre gross i will just remove you as a follower or block you depending on how bad it is

but yeah other than that i guess that's it, i am an extremely chill guy and i love talking to new people so if you want to talk just let me know! i don't bite

here's my favorite song at the time of writing this:

[p3achii-was-h3r3]

Re-introducing myself! Howdy hey, my name is (or atleast, I go by) Peachii! I'm just a person on the internet doing things! Use this post as an FAQ about me :]]

Cue the questions!!!1!1!!

(under the cut!!!)

“What are your pronouns?”

» She/They! Though, you could probably see that on the description of my blog.

“What are your interests/hobbies?”

» I mainly post about drawing (both traditional and digital, I also mainly do sketches and doodles), so expect a lot of art from me! I also write, so maybe some of that too. Aside from writing and drawing though, I also sing! Except I'm pretty self conscious about my voice, so I think I'll be sticking to drawing and writing. For now, atleast. I also play the piano, but it's been a while since I've laid my hands on one so I'm a bit rusty. And, as you can tell, I'm also a professional yapper (/hj)

“Why the name?”

» ...I'm gonna be so fr, I have no idea. And, no, I'm not named after Princess Peach from Mario Bros. Surprisingly enough. Most people I meet on the internet think that's the case but, no. I have no clue how I came up with the name.

“What are you currently hyperfixated on?”

» You can find out by takin a quick look at my blog's description! It might change a lot, it depends though.

“What are your Interact & Do Not Interact criteria?”

» I don't have anything specific, just the standard. If you'd want me to specify, I will:

» Do Not Interact; basic dni stuff (discrimination of any kind, pr0sh1ppers, etc.), people who can't respect opinions (I mean, srsly, if you come here just to diss people's opinions, what are you even doing ???), etc.

» Interact; fellow artists, generally anyone who shares the same interests as me, etc.

“What music do you listen to?”

» I don't really have a specific genre, however, I can list certain bands/artists I like! (For the most part tho, I listen to a whole bunch of songs from different artists. Like, I'd know one song from an artist and nothing else. Forgive me if I do, I just hyperfixated on a certain band too much... And also a certain musical...) (Cough cough, The Crane Wives...) (Cough cough, EPIC: The Musical...)

» The Crane Wives (PERSONAL FAV, LOVE THEM SM !1!1!1!1!! <333), EPIC: The Musical (this mf musical has a chokehold on me), Penelope Scott, Ricky Montgomery, Lady Gaga, Arctic Monkeys, Måneskin, Ado, Mother Mother, Bo Burnham, Tally Hall, Will Wood, Cavetown, Kesha, Beach Bunny, Lemon Demon, Jack Stauber, Lincoln, Poor Man's Poison, Melanie Martinez, Billie Eilish, Vocaloid, Laufey, Olivia Rodrigo, Ghost and Pals, Miracle Musical, Mitski, Oderari, 6arelyhuman, Britney Spears, Rio Romeo, Toby Fox, Paramore, Phoebe Bridgers, Hozier, Chappell Roan, Yaelokre, Fish in a Birdcage, Isabel LaRosa, Bruno Mars, etc.

» okay that was a lot but like,,, I just like music alr ????? 😭

“Do you have any tags specific to your blog? If so, what are they and what do they mean?”

» good question!!! I'm still working on them, but, here are ones I've come up with so far;

» #speach-ii = yappenings, like I said, professional yapper /hj

» #the baker-ii = (aka the bakery) where I cook (where I draw/more srs art)

» #baker-ii but sill-ii = (aka bakery but silly) where snacks are made (doodles)

» #the fruit basket. = my (fruity) (and cool asf) mutuals !!!

» #peachii approved = reblogs

More things about me !!!

» I'll sometimes post about my OCs!

» I love flowers. And flower meanings. My favorite flower is the Red Spider Lily! Might change in the future, though. It's my favorite flower based on looks alone. As for flower meaning, I haven't found one yet :]

» I like making paper stars !

That's all, for now !!! Now, go and frolic in the orchard !!!

[Note: might update this as time goes on]

[the-crisscrossed-system]

🍓🍋🍇

(for the ask game!)

Thanks Indigo! I sent you one back <3

This is gonna be a lot, sorry in advance 😅

I’m also turning reblogs off cuz this might get a wee bit personal but replies are always welcome

🍓- What's your headspace like, if you have one? Does your headspace have any lore to it?

Our innerworld is really complex because it got built up thanks to our writing. There’s a lot of different sections which hold alters from different types of trauma/periods in our life/subsystems. From what we see as the front room, there’s a hallway that splits three ways. On the right there’s the gatekeepers’ offices and then further down is their (they’re father and daughter) family’s house. On the left side is another family house where siblings who are/were main fronters and the rest of their family live. And then straight ahead leads to everything else. There’s other family homes, there’s an island somewhere where one of our hosts used to live when not fronting, there’s a recreation of our childhood home before renovations were done on it, there’s honestly a lot.

Funnily enough, the biggest part of our innerworld is Hell 😅 (hello religious trauma) but that doesn’t mean it’s actually all a bad place. Most of it is very city like and separated by the deadly sins, which I guess was a way to distinguish trauma? As of right now there’s a lot we don’t know about it, but it seems like there’s a lot of alters we’re not ready to unpack there.

When it comes to lore, each part has its own backstory, which is why we became a writer. Before we knew about our DID, we just thought we came up with some cool stories, little did we know these were stories about our alters and our inner world. I could write so much about every part of our innerworld, but since that would be several posts on its own, I’ll just leave it at that

🍋- What's something your headmates have done for you when you weren't feeling well? Or vice versa, what was something you've done for another headmate to help them feel better?

So unfortunately for us, most of the time when we’re sick or very triggered, we get front stuck and kind of lose contact with the rest of the system to the point where we can’t even hear our gatekeepers, but our gatekeepers are usually very good about pulling someone out of the front the moment they can and cheering them up. On the off chance that whoever is fronting is able to hear the gatekeepers and their lackeys from their offices, someone will usually keep talking to them, trying to keep their spirits up and make them laugh, which is always nice. It’s good to know you’re not alone in there

🍇- Does your system have varying tastes in music, food, etc? If so, what is everyone's favorites?

There’s a lot of differences between us, depending on when people were formed and when they fronted and there’s a lot of us so I won’t do everyone 😅

When it comes to music there’s a lot of overlap, but some alters have preferred genres and artists. Kota, who was around in early childhood but then went dormant for a while, listens to a lot of 2000s and 2010s pop, usually with a sexual theme. There’s a lot of Britney Spears and Kesha, but also some My Chemical Romance, and more recently Måneskin and Yung Gravy. Then there’s Kara, who has been around consistently since childhood, listens to alternative, punk, rock, and screamo, most notably My Chemical Romance, Falling in Reverse, and Green Day. Vanessa, who was around through elementary and early middle school and then dormant until early into the pandemic, has a whole lot of 2000s/2010s Latin music and looooves Pitbull. Luckily for her, her girlfriend has helped her find modern music she likes, like Little Mix and CNCO. Our hosts probably have the least drastic differences, Kris listens to more upbeat pop music like Ariana Grande and Dua Lipa while Kriss listens to more depressing shit and throwbacks, but there’s a lot of crossover between the two like Halsey and the Jonas Brothers. Kriss also listens to a lot of old Kelly Clarkson and Hozier, that girl loves Hozier. Our funniest out of the blue difference is Aro’s playlist, which we affectionately call the “angry women playlist” because most of the songs on there are about women mad at their exes. She’s got a decent amount of love songs on there to balance it out, but it’ll always be known for the angry women. Most of her playlist is Kelly Clarkson and ABBA, but there’s also P!nk, Lily Allen, Carrie Underwood, and other women with angry breakup songs.

When it comes to food, we all mostly like the same things. Some of us can’t handle spice as well, or some younger parts don’t like food we didn’t like in childhood like spinach, but the differences are mostly our favorite candy flavors. Kriss prefers cherry flavors which means we mostly lean towards cherry flavored things, but Kris prefers green apple/sour apple, the twins prefer orange, Vanessa prefers lemon, and Kara prefers blue raspberry (but somehow became blueberry coded? Idk but we buy her blueberry things and really want to get this one blueberry cardigan from Instagram for her). It’s always funny getting Rita’s ice or slushies from 7/11, but helpful when we get things like bags of jolly ranchers or lifesavers. Kara is also the one who gravitates go chewing gum the most, so we always have a stockpile of it for her, but she’s picky, her favorite brand is Big League Chew. We also have different ice cream preferences and fruits and stuff like that, but this is the one that’s most distinctly different.

[gibbingtonwibbington]

Multiple story time:

Listening to your music made me super duper sad when I was sick cuz I couldn’t breathe and probably because I couldn’t sing along. I can mimic your voice probably the best out of any mimic singing I do. It’s just THAT WAY. I don’t know why, sometimes it’s kinda creepy. I’m not about to sing along in like…. Opera style. Unless you had some opera type music of course lol. Lyyyyyke, I wouldn’t sing like Frank Sinatra if I was singing along to a Britney Spears song ya kno. Hmm… that actually sounds like a super fuckn awesome combo though. 🧐 hm…

I was actually getting REALLY fuckin pissed after my natural, bored, monotone, robotic-sounding speaking voice came back. Yes I am aware that when I am bored, it is annoyingly obvious. Haha. BUT still, !GONE! was my loud and beloved shrill-squeak “Gibby voice”. The Gibby voice is just an adjustment of my ‘Courtney is really excited’ voice. Going further back, as I’ve said before (because I definitely repeat myself on here for the purpose of releasing repetitive, maddening energies)…the Gibby voice is originally a toned down derivative of *THE* Penny voice. However, not NEARLY as loud. Penny was VERY loud. Penny was definitely my loudest character voice EVER…and that’s pretty fuckin loud, man. I gta show you Penny. I can’t believe I haven’t taken a photo of her and shown you yet. Wow. My entire family, especially my aunt Nancy and my mom, STILL fkn talk about Penny and how gdamn loud she was. When I was a kid, doing my pretend Penny talking, they would say things like “Penny is quite loud for this time of night. I think Penny needs to go to bed.” Hahaha. I just drooled cranberry juice laughing. I got cranberry juice on my favorite white comforter!!! Nooo!!! Fuck, hold on a sec…

Okay I’m back. They also STILL use a bunch of funny quotes from things that I or Penny said in all seriousness, when I was just a kid. I’ll have to ask them which ones they remember and write them down. There are many..& they are more adult-sounding than something that came from the mouth of a five year old. I’ve always been crazy. Who cares.

They also still laugh about the time at Watercountry, when I started with some huge, fat-muscled, bald, biker dude w a Hell’s Angels tattoo. Started w him at the lazy river, over an inner tube that I was reaching for first. That dirty, dirty , kid piss-filled place. Ugh. Anyway, I mean, this guy SAW that I almost had it. Plus, I was super young and wanted to be with my cousin, not ALONE sitting in a huge fuckin tube that I could barely move in, in order to catch up w her. Like wtf dude. So I got pissed when he just grabbed it and didn’t give it to me. I even remember that this guy was fuckin by himself. Like ..DA FUK?! So I grabbed the tube out of his hands and gave him a “really dude?” kind of child mean mug. My mom said that he looked at her and my aunt like “Yo, your fucking kid has some nerve to do that to ME.” So they look at each other n then looked at him like “🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t know man, I didn’t do it…I didn’t birth her.” haha.

“I didn’t birth her, I just bought her.” Bahahaha. 😏 N I was candidly, off and relaxing in MYYY goddamn inner tube.

😎

Rewind for a second, I hate the spelling of the word squeak too.. remember my minor bitch fit over the word “tweak” not having two Es? Same animal here. Even Jillian Jigz HATED tweak not having two es and she’s a grammar tyrant. She even spelled it with two Es. Mostly because that word for us meant something on a whole other level, kind of making it a whole different word. I suck at spelling sometimes. Most words I have misspelled were either done on purpose… or I was braindead at the moment. My entire self likes to fly around in the atmosphere by myself sometimes. Oh yeah, or if I’m using speak type, it likes to use the wrong word entirely. The new download for my shit iPhone, my spell check and my speaky typey was absolutely at a disconnect with life…& my soul. It’s getting much better now. Definitely learning my way of talking muuuuuch better. If my speak type was a real human, it would have already hung itself from a rafter.

Speaking of my flying around in the atmosphere and day dreaming. Once at the end of the year, one of my teachers told us all to stand at the blackboard (yes it was actually still a blackboard) …actually it was a super vintage green board. Yup, chalk. I don’t know why it was green but that specific section of the school was complete with fantastically-rusted 60s hardware and appliances. So, standing in front of our decked out 60’s style accommodated classroom, this teacher went and sat at every person’s desk, mocking aka doing his best impression of each person in the class. IAs soon as I knew what his plan was I was thinking… oh no….😬. But when he got to me, he just sat there and stared out the window. I would always just sit there and stare out the window at the two huge maple trees that blew so pretty pretty in the wind. The school was on top of a huge hill, so they were always dancing. Wachusett was HUGE and now, it’s even bigger. Sometimes you couldn’t even get to class in time because five minutes wasn’t long enough to beat the traffic to your next class. This fucking math teacher that used to drool and spit and have fun with the sides of her mouth had menopause and would open the windows in winter. She was such a bitch about it and said if we didn’t bring a jacket then tough cookies we wouldn’t be able to go get it. Nobody was able to go get their jacket in between classes, it was impossible. She probably knew this and did it on purpose and said that on purpose because she was a fucking client I’ve been looking for her online for years to send her awful messages and I can’t find her ass. I’m not even joking. I already sent one of my math teachers messages about how much he’s basically a piece of shit. Everyone hated her. She drooled on one of my homework pieces one time and I circled it and I wrote Mrs. Tolis drooled on this” and purposely passed it in. This is the same teacher that grabbed Julian‘s homework off of my desk that I was making for her and crumbled it up and threw it in the trash because on the back of it I was drawing a picture of her being rabbit and drooling like a dog. I don’t know if she saw it or not but I hope she did. Before she could walk away I grabbed it back and then the whole classroom gasped and then she grabbed it back from me. It’s like bitch that’s someone’s homework.. TF?! She almost got fired one year cuz, funny enough Meredith, the nose flarer’s sister told us she taught the wrong material for a complete semester. Good times. They ripped outcthe best parts of the school and made it ugly and boring. There was this huge glass staircase at the front of the school. A shit load of people fell down that thing many times but who cares it was so cool. Now it’s gone the year after we graduated in 2003 they ripped out everything and redid the parts they ripped out. Now it looks stupid. my other favorite part of the school was the incredibly creepy gymnasium in the back. There were two gymnasiums in the front and then one down a really narrow creepy hallway which had other hallways that led to it that were never lit. The downstairs bathroom was creepy too.. because you had to use another long narrow creepy hallway that was never lit to get to it. Then there was a few really weird classrooms down in the basement where that lone bathroom was, that had tables and desks and chairs all toppled all over each other in it and they didn’t use either of them. They could’ve totally used that for so much stuff but for some odd reason they didn’t use it. I bet somebody got killed in there or something and they didn’t want to use it. So they kept throwing old broken shit on top of the last old broken shit that they threw in there. It looks like a wood bonfire except it was old metal chairs and desks. Shit’s probably haunted or something. Lol. It looked like a perfect place for a haunted, abandoned school horror movie or somethin. It was awesome. They bulldozed ALL of that away. That’s some despicable bs I tell you. We were the last year students to use it which was weird.

Even in middle school we had this really old hallway for the seventh and eighth grade wing. We were the last grade to use that old shit too, so they let us draw pictures and write all over it. Of course a ton of people just wrote a bunch of shit about other people and people got in trouble. My friend Joe had the most pink slips out of anybody in our grade & probably out of any grade that has ever been there. It was over 40 I think it was like 45 or something actually I’m gonna ask him because it might’ve even been in the 50s. At one point in time he didn’t give a shit and he purposely kept trying to get pink slips to see how many he could get by the end of 8th grade, the last year we were there. Eighth grade isn’t always the last year out of school. West Boylston school had the middle school wings connected to the high school wings..because it was so small. They never gave homework and it was the easiest shit ever it was like retard school. Anyway I love to change subjects it’s fine. Anyway, A lot of his pink slips were for really stupid shit. Like, talking. “Oh no! He spoke again! Send him down to the principal!”

There was this one time in 8th grade Spanish class when I said something funny outloud, I don’t remember what I said but he could not stop laughing and had to go in the hallway. Every time he came back in after he was done laughing, I would look at him and he would just start laughing n had to go back in the hallway. Fuckin Joe, good times man, gooooood, good fuckin times.

Speaking of that specific Spanish class…the teacher, Mrs. Scarcella, would always say “AAAAHORA!” aka “Noooow…” At LEAST ten times before moving on to the next subject during EVERY freaking class. She’d flare out her nostrils and would say it the exact same way every damn time, unnecessarily. So the one time when she actually had us do something remotely interesting for a project grade, Jigz & I got a bunch of the girls we could tolerate, together to do this Spanish skit. We had to make a fake weather report or some shit and do the whole thing in Spanish (obviously) and every person had to do something different, but it all had to be weather reports. Fuckin stupid idea, there’s only one weather report during the news. 🤷🏻‍♀️ We all thought it was stupid so we basically just used the skit for the purpose of mocking our obnoxious and bitchy teacher. So before everyone’s skit we all said “AAAAHORA!” . I already felt disgusting about how I looked at the time so I refused to flare my nostrils like the teacher. I’m laughing this is funny, but this girl Meredith flared her nostrils like I’ve never seen before in my life and I’m still fuckn happy about it.

Fuck I just erased a whole paragraph. Anyway…For my skit I chose to mock that new twister movie at the time. So I was on crutches and pretended I got hit by the cow that was flying through the air.. I was sitting in Jill’s basement on a very old push-up type of work out table. I don’t know what it’s fucking called but you know those tables that people lay down on and push the weights up and then it comes down on those little forks or whatever. I was sitting on one of those things with crutches and laughing my ass off because Jill was being insane behind the camera. It was all so frickin insane that I literally fucking pissed my pants cuz I was laughing that hard. I legit pissed myself at the end of my skit so I was hobbling out of the scene when I was done…to get away, because I basically pissed myself on camera. Oh my god.  my cousin used to make me laugh so hard when I was a kid I always had to bring changes of underwear when I went over her house because it was just insane. But as I got older that happened much less, mostly because life sucked way more as it usually does when we get older. But yeah that time I absolutely pissed myself laughing and I couldn’t believe it which made me laugh even harder. So, we kept it…we kept it in the skit… because I didn’t wanna do it again. So there is a VHS tape somewhere where I am legit pissing my pants and fake hobbling away on crutches, while barely being able to breathe. Good times.

No, not done. Jillian chose rain. So I had a hose and I was trying to spray it up, putting my thumb over the hole to make it spray outwards, but it ended up spraying her directly in the face. She used liquid eyeliner at the time, so she had blackness just dripping everywhere down her face. The whole scene was of her outside in her driveway screaming “Está lloviendo!” over and over again. She couldn’t breathe either, due to me spraying her directly in the face. It was far away enough where it didn’t hurt her, but it was completely right in her face. We also kept that take, we didn’t redo that either.

Now, aka AAHORA! The most glorious part of the entire skit…the metronome. Jill had this antique metronome on top of her antique piano, that we set to a very slow tempo to put in a scene between every person’s skit. But it wasn’t just the metronome-meeheeeeee-we all were standing in a line, in the back of her living room table, while the metronome was in the forefront, slowly ticking away, as our heads and our pigtails bounced slowly from side to side matching the metronome lever. We did that EVERY time, in between every person’s skit. I believe there were seven of us. Jillian, myself, Melissa(cunt) Michelle (got pregnant at 15, has five kids and still is w the same guy. Fuckin BRAvO to her man. She gets some serious Courtney brownie points), Christina (cried at the roller rink because she couldn’t skate and we didn’t skate with her. But to be fair it was physically impossible for us to skate that slow)……and last but surely not least, wonderful Meredith, the professional nose flarer. So when we passed in the VHS tape, with the written version of it, we got it back with the grade and a comment which said “Very awkward.” We also watched ALL skits during class one day. We had a bunch of nutjobs in that class. I remember some kid Cody I was crushing on, in his skit he was pretending to be Yoda and had a big sweatshirt over his knees and was like walking around on his knees at Andrew (hotdogcunt’s) house. Nope, not done….The most awkward skit of all, wasn’t meant to be awkward. It was some really bizarre skit made by this other Andrew kid, just wrestling other boys in our grade and had the most obvious boner happening throughout the entire skit. The sweatpants he was always free-balled in made it ten times more obvious. I remember everyone was laughing at all the ridiculous skits until we got to his. Then, fuckin dead silence and looks around the room like…what-the-fuck Andrew#2?! Everybody was looking at everybody else however none of us could look him in the fucking face.  some of us couldn’t look at him ever again, like myself for one. It’s like… “hmm, hey Andrew #2, Did you forget to uhmm.. proof-watch this shit before passing it in?” He was always a weird kid though. Not the fun or funny type of weird either. Just the corny yet pretentious loser type of weird. I will throw him a bone though (no pun intended) and will say, maybe he had a crush on the teacher and knew about it the whole time. Passing it in not knowing the whole class would ALSO be watching it. Really though, I have no idea, maybe he thought the teacher would be impressed with his boner and his wrestling skills. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[justamonkeyonautopilot]

Continuation of above as I remember writing this list earlier in the year when it was shared on Apple, but I can't find the post so adding it on to here...

Here is the Replay 2023 Top 100 Playlist Apple chose as my "favourite tracks from 2023"

Dancin' Fool - Gary Wilmot

W.I.T.C.H. - Devon Cole

Show Me How You Burlesque - Christina Aguilera

Fireball - Pitbull

School Song - Matilda the Musical

Bloody Mary - Lady Gaga

abcedfu - GAYLE

Run This Town - JAY-Z

DARKSIDE - Neoni

Cinderella Snapped - Jax

She Keeps Me Up - Nickelback

EAT ME - Demi Lovato

PSYCHO - Anne-Marie x Aitch

I'm Not Here To Make Friends - Sam Smith

Enemy - Imagine Dragons

Insane - Black Gryph0n & Baasik

Eyes Closed - Ed Sheeran

Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz

Rich Girl - Gwen Stefani

Fairytale - Alexander Rybak

Zero to Hero - Hercules

Love Thy Neighbour - Prom the Musical

Happier Than Ever - Kelly Clarkson

Five Colours in Her Hair - McFly

Teir Abhaile Riu - Celtic Woman

Bitch - Meredith Brooks

Land of Yesterday - Anastasia the Musical

Candyman - Christina Aguilera

Play with Fire - Sam Tinnesz

Me and the Devil - Soap&Skin

Queen of Kings - Alessandra

Boss Bitch - Doja Cat

Do You Hear the People Sing - Les Miserable

If It's Not God - Maddie Zahm

Come With Me Now - KONGOS

Thats What I Want - Lil Nas X

The Fine Print - The Stupendium

Me Against the Music - Britney Spears

Dem Beats - Todrick Hall

Never Gonna Not Dance Again - P!nk

F**kin' Perfect - P!nk

Shivers - Ed Sheeran

Fat Funny Friend - Maddie Zahm

Gentleman Jack - O'Hooley & Tidow

Emperor's New Clothes - Panic! At the Disco

Youth of the Nation - P.O.D.

Control - Zoe Wees

Riot - Three Days Grace

I Think I'm In Love - Kat Dahlia

Dear Maria, Count Me In - All Time Low

Dirty Thoughts - Chloe Adams

I Hope You Never Fall In Love Again - KiD RAiN

The Whole "Being Dead" Thing - Beetlejuice the Musical

Stick It to the Man - School of Rock the Musical

Don't Lose Ur Head - Six the Musical

Everybody's Talking About Jamie - Everybody's Talking About Jamie the Musical

GIRL LIKE ME - Black Eyed Peas

Gangsta's Paradise - Coolio

Another One Bites the Dust - Queen

Get Busy - Sean Paul

Don't Stop Me Now - Queen

ME! - Taylor Swift

1985 - Bowling for Soup

Say Amen - Panic! At the Disco

Green Green Grass - George Ezra

Don't Blame Me - Taylor Swift

Mein Herr - Cabaret the Musical

Popular Monster - Falling In Reverse

I'm Just a Kid - Simple Plan

AVA - Natalie Jane

Thunder - Gabry Ponte

Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen

Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls

Centuries - Fall Out Boy

Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes

Better When I'm Dancing - Meghan Trainor

Goo Goo Muck - The Cramps

Boyfriend - Dove Cameron

Wellerman - Nathan Evans

All You Wanna Do - Six the Musical

The Last Shanty - Derina Harvey Band

Victoria's Secret - Jax

Rotten to the Core - Descendants

Absolutely (Story of a Girl) - Nine Days

Breakfast - Dove Cameron

Just a Number - Amanda Williams

I Know Him - Hamilton the Musical

Six - Six the Musical

Barbie&Ken - Kate Gill

Another Brick in the Wall - Pink Floyd

The Fame - Lady Gaga

Surface Pressure - Encanto

Come Alive - The Greatest Showman

Pretty Devil - Alessandra

Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows

Scotty Doesn't Know - Lustra

Deep Down - Alok

21 Reasons - Nathan Dawe

Friend Like Me - Aladdin

Good As Hell - Lizzo

So what I've learned from this round up is apparently I decided at some point this year to just relive my high school years with most the music I listened to this year *hides face*

Shared Last Years Apple Music Replay So Here’s 2023’S 🙈😅

[danielfuckingricciardo]

Not Safe For Work - Daniel Ricciardo x Reader 

Prompt 89. “YOU SENT ME PICTURES OF YOU NAKED WHILE I WAS IN A WORK MEETING!”

Pairing - Daniel Ricciardo x Reader

Word count - 1430

Content Warnings - Swearing, sexual innuendo, sexual references, bad puns

Synopsis - Your boyfriend Daniel Ricciardo sends you some messages while you’re in a work meeting, which particularly annoys the presenter. She insists you open them, but little does she know of the NSFW content contained within them.

Author’s Note - My first fic for this blog! I used a random number generator to choose which prompt I should do and boy did it choose a good one to start with as I really love writing these kind of comedy fics! Hope you enjoy!

You take a quick glance at the clock on the wall and sigh internally. You’d been in the same meeting for an hour, some health and safety nonsense that could have easily been an email or a pamphlet or something, rather than the waste of time lecture you were currently stuck in. Blinking to refocus your eyes which had fully given up on even paying attention, you notice your coworker sat opposite you was dozing off, only his hand stopping his head from hitting the desk. You lean back in your chair, now very much focused on the events unfolding in front of you, preparing for shit to very much hit the fan when the inevitable happens.

Unfortunately, your coworker is awoken by the buzz of your phone which sits face down before you on the desk. Your eyes widen, you thought you’d put it on silent, shit, fuck, shit. You hurriedly reach for your phone to fiddle frantically with the button as everyone in the room turns to stare at you, including the incredibly dull HR woman giving the presentation. “Just a reminder, phones should be off or on silent during work meetings, thank you” The smug HR woman says, obviously directed at you. The sarcastic sweetness in her tone made you roll your eyes at the guy opposite, who was now fully conscious and pretending to be listening once again. He offers you a small nod in solidarity, but is then interrupted by a yawn which he unsuccessfully tries to suppress.

You lean back in your chair, folding your arms and crossing your legs tightly. You try and focus on the slides and the woman’s dull, monotone voice droning on about something to do with the damn water dispenser, when your phone buzzes again. ‘Shit, I thought I’d turned it off!’ You thought, grabbing your phone off the desk, ready to turn the thing off if necessary to avoid another sarcastic comment from the boring presenter. “Are we keeping you from something?” The woman says, leaning so that she is directly in your line of sight. “No, no, sorry” You respond, choking back your desire to cuss the bitch out over her sarcastic tone. “Go ahead, check your phone, it’s probably something really important if they’re texting during your work hours, especially during a health and safety training session which is very important to foster a healthy working environment.” She says, voice practically dripping with sarcastic spider venom. “It’s fine, probably spam.” You say, sinking down in your seat. “I insist you check, we’re all waiting.” She says, offering a sickly shit-eating grin. It’s at this point you realise everyone in the room is staring at you and you’d be quite happy if the swivel chair you were sat on turned into a killer bear and immediately swallowed you whole. You gulp and unlock your phone.

Three notifications - Three texts - from Daniel. ‘What the fuck does he want?’ You think. Your eyes dart around the room. This was the most interesting thing to happen in the last two hours, so naturally everyone was looking on in anticipation as if you were about to perform a lost Shakespeare play. “It’s just some texts,” You say, “from my boyfriend,” you add. “Open them” She says, that same shit-eating grin plastered across her face. You gulp, before opening the messages.

Danny <3 You like what you see? 12:58pm

Danny <3 Attachment: 1 image 12:58pm

You didn’t mean to, but your finger slips, and before you could do anything to stop it, the picture loads. In high definition, on your giant smartphone screen, in front of everyone, is a picture of your boyfriend’s cock. That would be bad enough normally, however, your boyfriend just so happens to be Daniel Ricciardo, the very successful Australian racing driver. And the entire office pretty much just saw everything he has going on down under.

You claw at your screen desperately, trying to get the picture off the screen in such a panic you forget how to work your damn phone. Eventually you manage to lock the stupid thing, and you stuff it in your jacket pocket. You look up, and everyone is staring at you still, each person with a different expression on their face. Some shock, some horror, and some seemingly rather impressed. Your colleague across the table quickly flashes an ‘okay’ sign at you as he struggles to hold back his laughter. The HR woman, however, was not impressed.

“In future can we not go around flashing pictures of people’s nether regions in the workplace, please (y/n)” She says with a scalding tone. It feels almost as if you’re a naughty schoolchild being told off by the teacher. “I apologise if anyone saw a certain not safe for work image, pardon the pun, on my phone, but this wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t forced me to open the messages.” You say, trying to hold back your laughter, both at the absurdity of the situation and your accidental pun. Your coworker collapses into full on hysterical laughter which earns him a stern look from the woman. “Perhaps it would be better if you returned to your office. I’ll send someone to talk to you about this incident later.” She says, maintaining her sickly sweet smile. ‘Oh shit, maybe I shouldn’t have talked back?’ You thought, grabbing your things and heading for the door like a kid who’s been sent out of the classroom.

You arrive back in your office and collapse into fits of laughter. You’re not sure if its the anxiety or the ridiculousness of what just happened that’s making you laugh so, or maybe it’s a combination of the two. Either way, you knew what you had to do. You had to call Daniel.

You unlock your phone, and are immediately greeted by the image of your boyfriend’s cock. You smirk to yourself, it’s a good picture of an even better cock. One that’s all yours, even if half the office have seen it. You shake your head and dial the phone. He answers immediately. “You like my picture?” He says, before you have the chance to speak. He hears you giggle and you can practically hear his confusion through the phone, “is there something weird about the picture? Do I need to see a specialist?” “No, no, it’s a lovely cock, promise babe,” you laugh, exhaling loudly in preparation of the amazing story you were about to tell him. “Then what’s so funny?” He asks. “You do know how to pick your moments, you know that don’t ya?” You say. “Why?” He says nervously. “Well, I was in some fucking boring health and safety meeting at work when you sent them. And my phone wasn’t on silent, and it really pissed off the salty old bag doing the presentation.” “So…” “She made me open the messages, in front of everyone, and everyone was looking at me. So, essentially, half of my department have seen your cock and balls mate.” You say, before erupting into laughter. “They saw my nudes?” Daniel asks. “Yeah, they saw the whole thing.” “Were they impressed?” “Trust you to ask that bloody question!” You exclaim, “but for the record, James seemed impressed, and while a lot of people looked horrified, I think most of them were just self conscious, or jealous of me.” “So, what happened in the aftermath?” He asks, laughing to himself. “I just got kicked out of the meeting like a naughty schoolchild, and I might get the sack. Worth it though just to cause a bit of chaos and to see your glorious package.” “Why don’t you leave?” Daniel asks, a certain naughty tone appearing in his voice. “What, leave work? Then I’ll definitely get the sack you idiot.” “Ah fuck ‘em, it’s a stupid job anyway. Come home.” He pauses, before lowering his voice, becoming more gruff and sexy, “you know, it looks great in the picture, but it’s even better in 3D.” “Ah, fuck it, you’re right. There’ll be other jobs. Ones that don’t make you show your boyfriend’s knob in work meetings. I’ll be home in half an hour, pop that bottle of champagne. Screw 3D I want the full 4D experience.” “Very naughty,” he laughs, “I’ll be ready and waiting.”