#just sitting here like damn why do I feel so sad and hopeless

[sleepysuccubi]

do yall ever have those moments where you’re like wow im literally so sad so depressed nothing good will ever happen every again and then you’re like oh right it’s bc my period is about to start

[max--phillips]

Idk I’m just thinking about the last time this happened I was still in a pretty shitty place in my life, I was in the midst of my one failed attempt at traditional college, and the concept of a Trump presidency was still just a joke. I remember going to a gathering that night around a fountain on campus and having to talk myself out of getting into a fucking fight with a couple of jackass kids who were making fun of us for being upset. I was 18 staring down 19 and I know I was an idiot then, and so were those kids, and maybe I had hope that those kids changed as much as I have in the last 8 years, but clearly that was wishful thinking.

I couldn’t tell you how I felt that night, frankly, I don’t remember a whole lot beyond big details and the above. I imagine I probably felt a lot like this—hopeless, pissed off, scared. I remember contemplating taking the pride stickers I had on my car at the time off. (RIP that shitty Aveo.)

But I also remember feeling absolutely fucking positive that I was suddenly going to face violence. That I would walk outside to go get lunch or dinner or whatever (because let’s face it, I wasn’t going to class at that point; remember, failed attempt at college) and I’d be harassed or attacked because I was a visibly queer person who people perceived as a woman. But that didn’t happen. Other than the jackasses at the vigil that night, and the other jackasses who interrupted the military swearing in ceremony at the next home football game to scream Trump’s name (which, regardless of how you felt about the election or the military, was inappropriate and rude), I never faced anything. That’s a sort of benefit of being a white person in Indiana, I guess, is that the vast majority of people have a very “mind your own business” approach to things and for the most part will leave you alone. (I have heard awful things about people of color being harassed and spit on and attacked, though, which is why I specify being a white person. Indiana was, after all, the first state to be called in 2020, and the second state this year, both for Trump, of course. I don’t remember when we were called in 2016, but that’s beside the point.)

This is just rambling, so I don’t think there’s a cohesive point to this, but somewhere in there is this: history repeats itself, and if you’re privileged, chances are this will go just like last time (sans pandemic, statistically speaking). But, unlike last time, we know what to expect, and it is even more imperative than ever that we leverage our privilege for the benefit of those around us. You gotta get over yourself and stand up for people. Because those with less privilege are in far more danger than before—violent racists and transphobes and their ilk have been emboldened, there is a framework for healthcare for millions of people to be ripped away, people are going to lose homes, livelihoods, families, loved ones, lives. We can’t just sit here and wish for it to go away. We have to actually do something.

Do I know what that something is? No. I’m tired and I’ve been on the verge of a panic attack all day. Beyond that, finding a silver bullet solution to the world’s problems is far, far above my pay grade. I write porn, for fuck’s sake, not theory. (Again, failed attempt at college!) But wallowing in fear and sadness, while okay for a little while yet (we all need to process and cope), will not accomplish anything once the chips are down and you will need to eventually get your ass up and help people around you. Posting is not helping, by the way. Witty one liners are not going to fix anything. Volunteer. Donate. Go do something.

Alright. I’m done rambling for now. If none of this makes sense, fair, I’m not trying to write a damn manifesto here, I’m just rambling. Hopefully there’s something useful in there but mostly I’m just writing this shit out for myself to actually comprehend the thoughts I’m having, and maybe possibly force something encouraging out of the miasma. And I guess I do have one piece of advice, and this particular piece of advice is always useful, I think: malicious compliance is your friend. I have a feeling it will be very important in the coming years.

[jessource]

RANDOM LYRIC SENTENCE STARTERS.

“you told me you loved me, so why did you go away?” “nothing about the way that you were treated ever seemed especially alarming ‘til now.” “and maybe i don’t quite know what to say. but i’m here in your doorway.” “they told me all my cages were mental, so i got wasted like all my potential.” “someone’s gonna show you how a heart can be used, like you did mine.” “it’s a damn cold night trynna figure out this life.” “don’t know who you are, but i’m with you.” “i’ve never thought of you more than a casual friend.” “it feels like someone has stolen all the light i ever had.” “sorry that i can’t believe that anybody ever really starts to fall in love with me.” “hold onto this feeling cause you won’t feel it for long.” “don’t wait up.” “i hate how you wait 'til it’s almost too late to tell me you love me. ” “wish i didn’t have to miss you.” “anyway, don’t be a stranger.” “some nights when i get high i think about him.” “i’m never speaking up again. it only hurts me.” “it’s such a waste to grow up lonely.” “i’ll make the most of all the sadness, you’ll be a bitch because you can.” “they’ve never gone this long without a kill before.” “but you find yourself alone, just like you found yourself before.” “don’t talk to strangers or you might fall in love.” “falling is not the problem; when i'm falling i'm at peace.” “well it sucks to be honest and it hurts to be real.” “i’ve always been a coward and i don’t know what's good for me.” “are you with me? are you in or are you out?” “the wars of our fathers are not ours to bear.” “sometimes when i’m lonely i sit and think about her and it hurts to remember all the good times.” “you were mine for a night.” “i don’t know what’s right anymore. i don’t wanna be fine anymore.” “your sad life says it all.” “like the whore in horror movies.” “why does it matter? do you hear yourself?” “people seem to change when you’re down to the wire.” “you gave away the things you loved and one of them was me.” “ i love you, but you're such a dipshit. please fucking fix this.” “i’ve been scheming like a criminal ever since. to make them love me and make it seem effortless.” “you know i question every motive, every thing you say.” “i didn’t choose this town, i dream of getting out.” “i know that everyone gets scared, but i’ve become what i can't be.” “one day i’ll watch as you're leaving. ‘cause you got tired of my scheming.” “i couldn’t move on and i think you were flattered.” “i had all and then most of you, some and now none of you.” “i still see a vision of us cooking dinner and you holding me from behind.” “we’re worried about you.” “i swear i’ve loved you for so long.” “what you don’t know can’t hurt you.” “did i mention i’ve been thinking about other people?” “how can i be dead to you when we’re looking at the same moon.” “that shit’s not meant for me, it’s an empty dream.” “started to think that i’ve lost all feelin’.” “every dead-end street led you straight to me.” “i’ll tell you how i almost died.” “i’ve never been in love.” “i’m not a grown up, but i’m not a kid. hurts every time i’m reminded.” “i can’t put my finger on, it’s not just the way you talk. ‘cause there’s so much of you i adore.” “kissin’ your ass ain’t what my lipstick’s for.” “i’m finally free — i’m finally me.” “how funny, i never considered myself though.” “i miss the feeling that you get when someone fits just like a glove.” “can you see right through me?” “i wasted three months of my life.” “say what you want, but say it like you mean it.” “i held a strong ground, but i’ve been burning down.” “in a moment, everything can change.” “i don’t need anything from anyone.” “you seem to love me more when other people are around.” “i tried to love you hopeless, baby. but i’m too cynical.” “i’d give you my eyes so you can see what i do.” “i am my mother’s child, i’ll love you till my breathing stops.” “i’m just a child, but i’m not above violence.” “i feel it there in the middle of the night when the lights go out and i’m all alone again.” “oh so you do have a type, and it’s not me.” “it’s ‘cause i notice every single thing that’s happening in the moment.” “you make the darkness disappear.” “i was strong for a moment, but you made me weak.” “your mother brought you up loyal and kind. ” “please excuse me, i’m not thinking clear. it must be stress.” “you might not be my love, but baby i doubt it.” “some people wait around for ever and ever.”

[invisiblegarters]

Be My Favorite Ep 8

Why. Why are we starting on the singing? Why. Look yes Gawin has pipes but put them away, please. I am just never gonna be a fan of this trope and Thailand loves it so much; we are incompatible in that way.

Kawi you really need to try kissing this man sober.

"When are you going to stop doing this?" CALLED IT. Kawi totally keeps getting drunk and making out with Pisaeng. My dude. Both my dudes, really.

Okay okay. I'm not usually one to bring RL into my BL, but...I wonder if Krist felt some kind of way about playing Kawi during that scene with the reporters questioning his relationship with Pisaeng. Just. Considering.

Still, Kawi is not wrong about it. Get yer noses out of the private lives, people! Do not like how he decides Pisaeng must be at fault, though. As if people need a reason to speculate about celeb's love lives.

Oof, did Pisaeng finally block his number?

Man, I kind of feel bad for Kawi right now. Yes he still wrecked his own life, but in this instance the Kawi currently sitting in the wreckage of that life might as well have had it wrecked by someone else.

But.

BUT.

In my opinion Kawi still hasn't learned his lesson. He keeps trying to fix the things that went wrong, keeps thinking that if he just does the right thing in all situations his life will turn out perfect. First it was saving his dad and making Pear like him, getting a good career with lots of money, etc...and it does sort of feel like he's doing that now with Pisaeng. Something about his insistence that he wants to set things right isn't sitting well with me.

Well that means that dad is gone for good then, right? It's sad but expected. I said it last time, but there are things that you just can't change. As early as episode two they had dad saying that if it was his time it was his time, you can't change that no matter how hard you try. Granted his dad was mostly using it as a reason not to take better care of himself, but he wasn't wrong. Dad's death is a fixed point; it can't be changed.

I still think the lesson here isn't about changing individual events, it's about changing himself. It's like he didn't grow up in the entire twelve years between the Buddy Reveal and turning 30, and he's doing it now.

So Pisaeng's mom still sucks. Yeah, that tracks. She sure is a politician, though, isn't she? All that smoke she was blowing about wanting Pisaeng to be happy in a country that will let him be him, neatly sidestepping his very direct question about whether she just wants him out of sight (I get the impression she does). Saying that he can live like "normal people" abroad. I see you, lady.

I already said my piece about Pisaeng not letting Kawi talk.

Hm. I wonder if there is something going on with Pear family wise, or if she was just disappointed to have to cancel her plans with Kawi.

I love Max. I'm not entirely sure how Kawi convinced him to stay fighting, exactly, but maybe he just means that having his bestie back made him more willing to fight in general, or made the situation seem less hopeless.

All this drama happening and me sitting here like why is Kawi's phone so little! It's so wee! I am unused to phones that small nowadays.

It looks like a toy. Do I just use giant mobiles or what?

And hey, Kawi admitted he liked Pisaeng. I genuinely thought it'd take longer.

Damn, now I want sushi.

Hahaha, I kind of love Pisaeng telling the old man he'll handle his own broken things. I read the theory that that's actually Kawi and I have to say, the fond smile Pisaeng gets when he says he'll handle his car himself makes me wonder. Who knows, though.

Next week: Kawi and PIsaeng dating era. I don't know why they are giving us the attempted kiss from the back when we've seen the trailer, but whatever. Is Pisaeng gonna tell Kawi to go back to the future? Because that feels...premature. Kawi really needs to stop bouncing back and forth. I said it last week, I'll say it again: you can't speedrun character growth.

[lavenderlyncis]

My year in fic!

I saw @euphorial-docx do this and I wanted to try as well!

For this, you just post the fic and one line from it

May

the bridges we burned (and the home we built)

James spoke up in a soft voice, confirming his presence. "And what emotion does it provoke?"

"Extreme loneliness, sadness. Look at the dead-end path, the hopelessness of the threatening sky, the crows, the contrasting colours. All of it foreshadows the end of a life. An inner conflict that has been apparent in all of his works draws its conclusion. In many ways, this is the climax. The tempestuous peak of mental anguish and suffering."

Regulus took a deep breath and continued. "But it's not just depressing. There is a clear message of healing, of returning to nature. He makes it seem like there is peace to be found at the end of the road."

June

The Highest Form of Betrayal

He took a deep breath and spoke, barely audible through the wood, "I'm not going to forgive you and I'm not going to date you again."

"I understand," James said weakly.

Regulus, with every piece of courage and goodwill he had, added, "But we can peacefully co-exist." Every single interaction with James had been leading up to this. The moment of a grace Regulus could only seldom muster. "Don't get me wrong, I probably won't ever be able to open up to you again, but we can talk to each other." He closed his eyes and choked out the last words. "I miss you."

Starcrossed

Their lives had been branded by misfortune for as long as she could remember. When she was younger, she thought that the stars themselves had cursed them, damned them to misery by forcing them to be born in the wrong body.

But now, far away from their families, from their past, from their old names, Pandora knew that nothing could reach them.

Perhaps, the stars hadn't cursed them at all.

They had only given them a companion to guide them on their path.

August

Can't trust his kind

James took a second to breathe, searching his opponent's features for any explanation for why he was the target of such a careful assassination attempt. From up close, James realised that the scar on Leon's cheek was longer than he originally thought. Much longer. It extended all the way down to his neck.

He knew that scar. 

He had made that scar.

"Regulus Arcturus Black," he whispered in shock.

"The one and only."

September

Midnights

Even in here, the house that was home to most of Regulus' happy memories, he couldn't help but feel the pressing weight of years and years of inner turmoil. It was something he was no stranger to, not even in the time when his room was clean and the house filled with familiar faces.

Perhaps remembering would do him well. It was so easy to forget the past, to move forward without daring to take a look back, afraid of what one might find in the jumble of time.

Regulus leaned over his nightstand and blew out the candle, sinking back into the pillows, he let the shadows wash over him. 

Looking into the dark, his mind wandered to brighter days.

November

Only The Good Die Young

Mornings were spent in the halls of the Academy, sitting by a window with a cup of black tea and overlooking Danzig, watching the townsfolk go to work. Morning after morning, the same. Each day shorter than the last, until the pages of the calendar flew swiftly in succession, one after the other - Regulus could barely keep up.

Time went so fast that it stood still. Decades bled into each other, their passing meaningless.

Bruises faded into thin scars as memories blurred together and soon Regulus wondered if any of it had ever happened at all. Perhaps his mind had played tricks on him, it would explain the reason why he could hardly recall the details. There were days when he even forgot Sybill's name. He wrote it down, then, not willing to forget someone who impacted him in incomprehensible ways.

[mminasoftly]

Why can’t they want me like I want them. We’ve never been a couple I know. We were so close to it when you were still here, I don’t regret that part. I wasn’t ready for you then and before that you weren’t ready for me. I don’t want to know about the ones you are involved with until they are fucking gone. I’m a jealous bitch. I’m possessive over you for just the thought that we could work. Why can’t we work. Why aren’t we ready for each other at the same time. Why can’t you want me enough to not need to be involved with others. It’s not fair I know. I know it’s not fair. That doesn’t make me feel less tragic about it. Why can’t I have you. Why can’t you yearn for me. Would you weep if I turned tail? Would you punch a wall and send me the pics, searching for a mere sliver of the affection and softness I’ve shown for you thus far? I’m sure you’d get it. I’ve been affectionate even after we established nothing would happen. I didn’t realize I was harboring so much bitterness. God damn. God damn. God damn. God damn. God damn. God damn. God damn. God fucking damn. I thought since you’d taken to referring to me with pet names, (did you start that or did I? Who made it a habit? What made you message me back with a what I thought a soft “good morning my love” who made you do it was it me? Did I coerce you without realizing? Am I really that pathetic? Am I really just someone else you’re involved with? God I’m so pathetic. What did I do God? Why does this happen to me? What and why fuck me I guess.) I’d hoped this meant that maybe I was special. Special enough for you to yearn that I could be family. That I could be the little wife (I guess, is this what I want? Is it? Im unsure) that sits up waiting for you to get home. The little girlfriend to make your past hook ups jealous that they couldn’t have you (they wouldn’t be jealous I don’t even look your type. Even if you’re fond of me I’m not what you want right now I realize it now god fucking damn I’m stupid and dreamy and foolish and this and that and that again and tack on stupid again maybe a sprinkle of ditzy too if we’re having some fun.). Im selfish I know. I do in fact care for you. You’re my friend first. And at a very close second I’m a pathetic little girl with a hopeless and ever unrequited crush. It’s so sad. Perhaps the affection is pity. I’m sorry to push you to it. I love you. (As a hopeful lover or devoted friend or pathetic sop of a spineless wisher I’m not sure. Im not sure and the wealth of assurance for myself is draining faster and faster the longer and harder I crush on you bc it’s so hopeless and I have to understand that. We’ve been friends for 6 going on 7 years. If it hasn’t happened yet the chances are slimmer and slimmer that it’ll happen now. )

I’ll be happy and okay and breathe easy eventually I know

I want to have my own family someday and someone somewhere sometime will be ready and worthy to do so along side me.

I’m going to hold onto the faith as long as I can. I deserve to hope and hope and hope.

[harcove]

you uh. wouldn't mind an angst request would you haha because I have had this one scenario stuck in my head where leon (probably resi 6 leon) has been drinking a lot more and has been neglecting his s/o and they finally call him out on his shit

anyway ooga booga they fight and decide it's best they give leon his space and take a break and maybe he finds them at a bar he goes to to get wasted to already find them drunk off their ass

Angst is absolutely one of my most favourite things to write and to read like damn I do be out here making myself CRY. So I definitely don't mind angst like hell yeah!

I was gonna end this was a happier note- but uh, I really love angst so I left it semi-open ended but also pretty sad I think. Also not really dialogue-heavy, more like... I write too much detail-heavy :,) Also this isn't edited, I spent days on this cause I was overthinking it and felt it was just not good so oof I'm sorry!

Length: 2k

Request: in the ask

Warnings: angst, drinking, lowkey it's alcoholism on Leon's part, being drunk

Leon x Reader - "I know."

How long had it been since you had held your boyfriend's hand? Since the two of you had really sat together and done something together, fully, completely, involved, and focused on one another. You didn't even remember, which was agonizing to think about.

You had been through so much with Leon. And you knew where his deepest thought lay, but you could never truly know. And it didn't help that over the years the two of you had together, he had started to become more distant. And instead of finding his comfort in your arms, he found it in some glass bottle.

At first, you didn't really protest much, you didn't say much about it. A drink every once in a while couldn't hurt. Yet, it wasn't every once in a while. It was more often than you'd have liked. And he was using it to forget. To focus on anything else but his life and his memories. Your soft words trying to talk to him didn't do much to stop him or dissuade him. He brushed you off more often than not. It tore you up from the inside out that you couldn't help him, that at some point a bottle was his chosen form of comfort over you.

The guilt mixed with sadness, and then with anger. And in the end, those feelings came together and created an explosion between the two of you one night.

Your throat was hoarse as you swallowed as much air as you could. You couldn't exactly remember what the argument stemmed from but you knew it had to be related to him drinking.

"Will you just listen to me?!" You shouted, the words coming out uneven as your throat begged you to stop, "put that shit down Leon, and look at me!"

The man sitting at the aisle in your kitchen put the flask he had down in front of him, but still had his hands on it. He turned his head to look at you, barely even moving at all, and his eyes were looking at you like he was unimpressed or annoyed.

"I'm listening."

You wanted to pull on your hair and scream because he wasn't. He wasn't listening, and he hadn't been, at least not for a while.

"No you aren't, you are not listening to a word I say, you never do!"

He scoffed, turning back to his drink and taking another sip.

"Where am I going on Friday?"

"What?" He looked at you incredulously, completely lost as your voice went from yelling at him to speaking relatively peacefully, but there was no peace in your voice.

"I said, where am I going on Friday, Leon," you repeated with clenched fists, "if you listen to me if you even bother to pay attention to me, you would know the answer. So where am I going on Friday?"

The silence was your answer, as you expected it to be, you just hadn't expected it to be so painful.

"I'm going to visit my family in the town over," your voice was low and tired, and you wanted to cry but you couldn't even find it in you to do that, "I told you that a thousand times Leon I..."

Biting your lip hard, you felt yourself break skin, and the metallic taste of blood invaded your taste buds. You were so angry at him moments before, angry enough you had been yelling. But suddenly you weren't angry anymore. You were just so sad; sad for yourself and sad for him. He wasn't going to listen to you, not right now, that much was clear.

"I've been busy Y/N-" whatever he said was wasted on deaf ears as you drowned them out unintentionally, your eyes trained on the flask he nursed.

For once, you knew you had to let it be. You had to give him space, and give yourself space.

"I'm sleeping in the guest room," you offered lamely after the long silence between the two of you after he had finished whatever he had said. Leon looked up at you, with a look of surprise, and confusion, "we both need space. From each other. I just... Don't stay up drinking all night."

"Y/N-" his words once again fell upon deaf ears, and his fingers just missed your arm as you turned and went upstairs to the room usually used by people like Claire, or Chris, sometimes Sherry.

When morning came, you had gotten up later than usual, Leon was already gone as he usually was early in the morning with his job and everything. Your heart felt heavier as you walked into the empty kitchen and noted the vodka bottle you two had been given as a gift was half empty. Something in you asked if it was all worth it; did it really do so much that he drank more than he should've? Did it take away the feelings of hopelessness, like the one you were currently stuck in?

Those were the thoughts that followed you the entire day as you went about your routine. They followed you all the way to the spare bedroom of one of your old friend's homes as you decided you and Leon needed to take a break. If you didn't do that, you feared you would only lose him completely. Or lose yourself. It was exhausting.

But what was even more exhausting was not seeing him. You worried for him, and even if you sometimes felt like he didn't, he worried for you.

It would take about a week before something would crack, before the storm that had been brewing between you two, the one that laid dormant after you walked out to take from your relationship, would begin to thunder again, but in a much different way.

"We're here to have fun," your friend who had been letting you stay over said as she pushed a shot of... something into your hands, leaning against the bar from your side while you said on one of the barstools, "and loosen up. You specifically."

You rolled your eyes; this wasn't in your plan for the day, going to a bar. But it was more than you had done in the past week now. Your routine consisted of going to work and heading back to your friends. Nothing more, nothing less.

You wanted Leon. But you couldn't have him right now. You were still upset, and you didn't even know if he wanted you right now. Everything was a mess.

Things seemed to blur together over the course of the night in the bar, your friend insisting on you trying each new drink she got, some not new too. You had had one drink that you ordered of your own volition, and it had been a regular bottle of beer. But the shots your friend got for you two, and the sips of the drinks your friend ordered, culminated into more than you realized and you could say you were a bit more than just tipsy.

For some reason though, your friend seemed to be chugging along much better than you, you must've been a lightweight.

You hadn't even seen your friend in a while, but you also were so out of it that you couldn't exactly comprehend time properly at that current moment in time.

A hand on your arm and a familiar voice seemed to sober you a bit as your eyes met familiar blue, but they were clouded over with pain, with worry. Confusion too, and a bit of shock. Your fingers twitched, aching to touch his arm. His face. To smooth the furrow that seemed to be etching itself into his brow, threatening to become a new and permanent feature.

But the sober feeling you experienced also stopped you from doing any of the above. Rather, your body stiffened a bit and you pulled away from his touch, only barely missing the look of hurt that glided over his features as you did so.

"L-Leon?" the alcohol in your system made it sound more like you were questioning if he was real rather than saying his name, "What are you-"

The question you were going to ask didn't even need to be finished. It didn't even need an answer from him, because even if you were drunk, you knew Leon. And you knew why he was there.

"Oh," you couldn't help but scoff, "you want my drink? It'll start you off-"

Leon wasn't going to pretend that he hadn't come to the bar to drink away his sorrows; to forget all the pain he held onto and the nightmares he couldn't escape, and now the pain of not having you around. But when he walked in and saw you? Something in him stopped. Something in him twisted and he felt nauseous and for once it wasn't because of a hangover, but it was because of you.

You looked so miserable. Not that you realized you were wearing your heart on your sleeve at the bar, with the dejected look on your face and the limp hand holding onto a beverage you clearly didn't enjoy. Whilst at the same time, you looked empty.

Is that what you saw? Is that what he looked like to you when he was drinking? When he was at home or at a bar, focusing on anything but reality?

Leon didn't want a drink anymore, he wanted to get you out of a place that didn't suit you whatsoever. He wanted to take you home, he didn't want you to be him.

"You didn't come here alone, did you?" He cut off whatever you were trying to say as he looked into your eyes sternly.

"What? N-no I'm not stupid... I came here with a friend."

It didn't take long for Leon to figure out the friend because he spotted her coming near the bar, and recognized her.

"Hey, I'm taking Y/N home," Leon tried to not sound aggressive when he spoke, but it may have only made him sound more upset.

"Leon? Oh, ya, of course. Are you two...?"

"We'll be fine," Leon replied as he helped you stand up, "thanks for being with them."

He hadn't just meant in the bar but in the past week. It was left unsaid, but it was laid bare.

As much as you wanted to pull away from the man who gently wrapped one of his strong arms around your waist, and used the other to hold your arm behind his neck, you couldn't. You didn't have the strength to, and you missed him.

Leon was glad he had taken the car and not his motorcycle. There was no way in hell he would've been able to keep you on a motorcycle all the way back to your home that you shared, or well, you hadn't for the past week. But that wasn't the point.

"You're so mean Leon..." you mumbled as he helped you get into the passenger seat of the car. He all but carried you into it like a child and leaned across you to put your seat belt on. You leaned your face into his neck as he did so, breathing deeply.

"I just... Want you to be happy," you continued sloppily, "but you won't... Let me in..."

Leon's breathing stopped for a moment as he stilled, his hand still on the seatbelt he had just finished putting you in. He quickly pulled himself together and pulled back, adjusting the belt on your body so it wasn't digging into your lazy form, but it was still doing its job.

"I know."

There was so much more he could say, but he couldn't.  He wasn't sure if he ever could.

He settled himself into the driver's seat and got ready to start the car up.

"I still love you though..." your words were slurred as you rested your head on the car window, feeling your eyes grow heavier.

"I..." Leon's hand was turning white at the knuckles from how hard he was holding the steering wheel. He didn't deserve you. And you didn't deserve this.

"I know..."

[morgansmoreid]

hi! i don’t know if this is against ur request guidelines, but could you do a bau x reader who has an ed and they help them? i know this is a triggering topic so if not that’s completely fine!

Hey Lovely! You are in no worry as this doesn't go against what I would write! I based this on SZN 7 team again but if SZN 15 is more your comfort, always shoot another ask my way :)

---

To Eat or To Not; They Know. Warning's: Eating Disorders [Please Proceed with Caution] Pairing: BAU SZN 7 Team x Reader Requested: Yes -

Thoughts are funny. They could be your best friend or your damn enemy. They could tell you to make the best decision or eat you alive.

They could tell you not to eat; that one meal is enough. They could tell you that maybe two meals is better. They could tell you that hanging out with your friend to small diners wasn't worth it anymore.

Your fucking enemy your thoughts became.

"It's your favorite!" Penelope seemed downright hurt as you declined yet another offer out to eat. She thought you couldn't turn this one down as she got everyone else to hang out this evening; a surprise to you.

"I know, I know! But I'm just not hungry." You said, refusing to lie straight to her face as you kept your head faced to your computer screen.

"What we talking about ladies?" Derek came with a smile and coffee in hand.

"Y/n isn't coming tonight," Penelope hid her disappointment well, as Derek's frown couldn't do the same.

"Why not?"

"Not hungry." You repeated, getting back to your work.

--

"Not hungry." You said when another offer came in the same week.

"Not hungry." You said the week after.

"Not hungry." Your stomach caught you in a lie as it rumbled right in front of the concerned team. And in that second they noticed things they haven’t seen for months.

The bags under your eyes, your bones so visible through your layers of skin that it seemed more like a cloak than anything. Your face- your sweet face looks drowned in sadness, so accustomed to it that it was your new normal. Calories ran through your head to the thought of the blueberry pie Penelope mentioned that you didn’t even see Spencer’s hand reach out until his sleek hands wrapped your arm, the lies all coming out.

“Did you eat something today?” He asked softly, letting each word ring in your head bit by bit.

“Yea.” You pulled your arm, your body nothing of bones that Spencer’s arm just pulled down to your wrist.

“You sure?” Emily asked.

But instead of answering her, you pulled away from Spencer and walked out of your office, leaving your phone and bag as you ran down the stairs.

It was so much pressure that came all at once that when you reached the lobby floor, black spots came before you and your body sat on the fellow steps that your foot was just on. The floor under you hit your body with so much force as you laid there. You thought you were calling for help, Aaron’s name running your head. You felt your mouth open, but nothing came out. The black spots quickly took over with a raging headache and your body went with it, shutting down.

As the team sits around your hospital bed, they still process what they saw. No one wants to be the one to tell you the way your body laid so helplessly against the floor or how it took 30 minutes to find you. Nobody wants to tell you that you look so tiny in that bed, your chest so steady yet so thin. No one want to tell you that they all feel hopeless. They hate that they couldn’t help you.

But when your eyes open, they do tell you that they are here for you. They tell you that you should, must get help, and that it’s ok to have hard days. When you leave the hospital, Aaron makes sure to fit therapy in your schedule. When your days are bad, Derek works with you to build muscle and to joy ride around town. And when he’s not available, you know you have Spencer, someone who will talk to you and calm you. You know that you also have Emily, and Jennifer, and especially Penelope.

They make sure you eat, and they make sure you don’t overeat. They help, and they push, but they stay.

“Thank you guys.” You smile around the booth of your favorite cafe; surrounded by your favorite people.

“We’re family, you don’t have to thank us.”

[M.J]

[bestiesenpai]

Hostage - Okkotsu Yuta

At first when I saw this my internal response was that there was nothing that I really wanted to write, no scenario that would warrant answering such a question. But I’ve given it time and well...what better thing to write than a horny for love delusional yandere? Gender neutral and Okkotsu in this has graduated from the school, I imagine him to be mid-20s 4.8k words

Content warnings: yandere shit(which in this context includes kidnapping, past stalking and being really fucking creepy), manipulation, noncon hand job

How long had you been here in this dark basement with only a red couch and a TV that wouldn’t turn on? There wasn’t a single window to tell you if it was day or night, no clock on the wall to say if it had been ten minutes or ten hours since you were kidnapped. You didn’t even know who could have taken you, knocked out from behind after hearing a mysterious voice.

There wasn’t a single lead to go on except for the fact that you would pass out from time to time and wake up to food on the low coffee table, hot meals that helped to soothe your otherwise empty mind and body for however short a time it allowed. Sometimes there would be candy stuffed into your pockets as well, candy that you never ate and let pile up in one of the corners of the room.

The door at the top of the stairs leading down to where you were stayed locked at all times and no amount of banging and screaming and trying to break it down worked. All your efforts were for nothing, you didn’t even make a scratch in the wood.

Whoever put you down here seemed too hesitant to show you their identity. You never heard anyone outside the door and whenever you thought you did, you would wake up however many hours later with food and no recollection of what happened before then.

Until today, when the door silently swayed open and there was the barely there tap of footsteps coming down to greet you. Scurrying behind the couch and crouching down, you were scared to finally meet your captor.

“Hello there.” He wasn’t at all what you imagined. A young man with noticeable bags under his eyes, hair with a few strands that fell into his face and an otherwise unassuming and slim build. His voice was soft and gentle like he was talking to a baby as he roused them from slumber.

He immediately noticed the way you were trying to stay away from him, making sure to keep the couch between you as he rounded it. A sad sigh left his lips, a short sound like he was already getting frustrated with what you were doing.

“Darling, why don’t you sit down? There’s a lot to discuss.” Gesturing toward the couch, he took a seat at the end. It was then that you noticed the sheathed sword he had on his back as he took it off and laid it on the table.

Your mouth hadn’t been used to speak to anyone in a long time, tongue heavy and foreign in your mouth. Having given up screaming for help a long time ago, you didn’t speak to anyone unless to yourself, and even then it had devolved to being just thoughts in your head.

So you shook your head no, trying to keep your sudden anxious breathing down to a minimum. You’d waited for this day to finally see who took you but now that he was here in front of you, just his presence brought you great stress.

“Are you feeling okay?” The man asked again, brows furrowing slightly. The look of genuine concern on his face is what caused you to speak, spiking anger in your heart.

“No!” You shouted, surprising both him and yourself.

“Why don’t you sit down, hm?” He patted the cushion next to him and you shook your head harder.

“No, no. L-let me go!” Tears were already beginning to collect in your eyes, some spilling out the sides. Were they from anger at being held captive? From how concerned he looked when he was the one who put you there? Was it from fear of what he could do to you? Perhaps hopelessness at the whole situation was starting to set into places you tried so hard to keep it out of.

“You shouldn’t yell, (Y/N), it’s not good for your throat.”

“What the fuck would you know.” Now anger was truly taking residency inside your chest, making it tighten with each pounding beat of your heart. This man had the nerve to call you by your first name as if he was a friend, the syllables rolling so smoothly off his tongue it sounded as if he had said it a hundred times.

“Don’t swear at me.” He snapped, face immediately going hard as he stared you down. The look made a shiver go down your spine, the anger quickly making space for fear to come as well. He sighed again, glancing at his sword before looking at you again. “Now please, won’t you sit down?”

This time when he asked, you listened. Hovering on the very edge of the cushion farthest from him, your entire body was painfully stiff and unyielding even to your own breathing. It was different when you were standing and he was sitting, it felt like there was a level of control that you still had.

But this felt like you were just a pitiful little rabbit with their neck caught right in a lion's mouth.

“Oh darling don’t cry, don’t cry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.” His tone immediately shifted back to the soft and gentle one from earlier. Reaching his hand out, he stopped short of touching your arm when you curled yourself away. Putting his hand into a fist and tucking it back into his lap, he let out a sharp exhale. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t touch you, should I? You must be nervous now that I’m here.”

Sniffling and nodding were all you could do to answer him. Maybe there was a logical reason he might have taken you, there had to be a solution to whatever problem he had that involved you.

“It’s funny, I’d say. We’re soulmates and yet we’re still so nervous with each other.”

What?

“Why, it took me almost two weeks just to do this much! I finally stopped having Inumaki put you to sleep and-”

Huh?

“Before you know it this will all be a distant memory, we’ll be living together-”

“Wh-what the fuck.” Your voice was meek and trembling and there were fat tears streaming down your face that couldn’t be stopped now. Listening to this man go on and on about this life he’d made for the two of you all in his head was going to drive you insane.

“What was that?” He paused, a hopeful smile on his face. Glancing at him, you set your bleary eyes on the sword.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” As the swear left your lips, you flinched at his sudden inhale. “I-I don’t- I don’t know you. We’ve never met.” Burrowing your face in your hands was probably a bad idea, it was probably best to keep him in your line of sight, but you just couldn’t face him.

“Physically we’ve never met, but our hearts have. Our souls are connected, we just had to find each other.” There was a dip in the cushions and the ghost of his knee brushed yours.

“I don’t even know your name!” You croaked, further curling in on yourself by dropping your head to your knees. At this rate you were set to fall off the couch and onto the floor and you welcomed the reprieve not being next to him would bring.

“I’m Yuta. Yuta Okkotsu.” The first touch of his fingers on your shoulder made you yelp and jerk away, and you could imagine his hand hovering in the air. “But you can just call me your boyfriend, okay?”

“You’re fucking crazy.” Getting up from the couch the second time he touched you, you pressed yourself against the furthest wall next to a chess table with no pieces.

“Darling-”

“No, don’t fucking call me that!” Stamping your foot on the ground, you ignored his warning tone.

“(Y/N), I told you-”

“I don’t give a damn! I don’t want to be part of whatever bullshit you said earlier! Just- just let me go!” You were getting hysterical at this point, your whole body was hot and sweaty and your face was on fire. It was hard to hear anything over the ringing and pounding in your ears giving you headache.

Except you were able to hear the sound of a knife going through the air and feel it graze your cheek before sticking into the wall behind you. Everything fell away as you looked at the silver blade glinting in the harsh fluorescent light above you. There was just the tiniest hint of red at the edge, further proof that what you felt was real.

“I don’t mind you getting upset, I don’t mind you yelling and screaming at me. It’s a normal reaction to such a new situation.” Yuta’s low voice cut through the sudden silence and he stood up slowly, swaying slightly on his feet before planting them firmly on the ground. “But what I won’t have is such ugly words coming out of your mouth. That type of language doesn’t belong in a mouth as pretty as yours.”

He walked over to you slowly, building the tension with every step he took. It was then that you noticed, when he was only a foot away, that the silver of the knife matched the silver buttons on his shirt.

“If I have to remind you again, I promise I won’t miss.” Letting the sentence hang in the air, Yuta gave you a once over before grabbing onto your wrist and upper arm tightly and dragging you back to the couch. His strength was much more than you first assumed, there wasn’t a chance in hell that you could ever hope to wiggle out of his hold.

Sitting down with a huff, he pulled you onto his lap, forcing you to straddle him. Putting your hands on his shoulders, he settled his on your hips, making sure you were properly seated on his outstretched legs. Staring at the buttons on his shirt, you tried to avoid getting too close - keeping at least some semblance of an arms length between you and making sure your sex was far from his.

“This isn’t so bad, is it?” It was amazing how easily his mood shifted from one to the other. What had just been a quite heavy and intense moment was washed away by a little uptick of his lips and the tilt of his head to the side.

The things you wished to say were lodged in your mouth, waiting on the tip of your tongue for you to open up and let them fall out. But you couldn’t afford to keep testing his patience like this, not after what just happened.

“I suppose.” So you bite your tongue hard and say what you think will get you closer to getting out. Whatever it is he wants you can give him so long as it keeps him happy and lets you walk free.

“I knew you’d come around.” The smile on Yuta’s face takes proper form, pushing the apples of his cheeks up and wrinkling his eyes. One hand on your hips dares to venture further onto the small of your back. The warmth of his palm would be comforting in another setting.

“Y-yuta.” It almost makes you sick to say his name.

“Yes?” It makes his eyes light up.

“When will I get to leave?” Somewhere along the line you’d stopped crying and now only your eyes burned with the memory of the tears.

“When I know you’re ready, (Y/N).” He said softly, rubbing a hand on your back.

“Ready how?”

“I just want to make sure of a few things before we start our new life together. Is that okay?”

Did you really have a choice?

“What things?” You pushed, your fingers digging into his shoulders.

“Don’t worry about that right now. We’re together now and that’s all that matters.”

“Please tell me, I really want to know.”

“(Y/N).” He sang your name but it was anything but cheery. “I don’t want to talk about that right now, so drop it please.” Even though he was speaking his mouth barely moved, jaw locked tight in hardly hidden frustration.

“Okay.” You quickly let the subject go.

“Now darling…” Yuta brought a hand up to your face, trailing his fingers down your cheek softly. “Won’t you smile for me? You have such a pretty smile.”

The question of how he knew what your smile looked like cropped up in your head but you quickly stamped it out. Now wasn’t the time to worry about those things. Doing as he asked, you gave him your best smile.

“Absolutely gorgeous.” Skimming his thumb along your bottom lip, Yuta grasped your chin in his fingers. “I’ve been missing your smile so much lately, the recent missions I’ve been on have really put a damper on my mood.”

“I’m- I’m sorry to hear that.” Extending an olive branch wouldn’t hurt, right? It was clear he wanted your compliance in this scheme of his, desperate to have you love him. Your words shot straight into Yuta’s heart, making him bite his lip in to stop a shy giggle from coming out.

“It’s okay, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I have my darling with me.” A light blush went over his cheeks and Yuta let a sliver of the giggle out. “But there is something that would make me feel even better.”

“What’s that?” It didn’t take a genius to figure out what he meant when his thumb touched your lip again.

“A kiss. Just one, I promise.” Licking his own lips, Yuta grabbed onto your jaw more firmly. “I swear I’ll be gentle.” Weighing your options, the inkling that it wouldn’t be ‘just one’ was in the back of your head. But as long as it stayed just kissing, maybe you’d be okay.

“One.” You repeated, allowing him to pull you in and close the gap between you. Kissing Yuta was something that, once again, would feel nice in any other circumstance. The texture of his lips wasn’t bad, his breath didn’t smell and he seemed to know what he was doing. Maybe in another world, you really could have been soulmates.

Breaking the first kiss to take a short inhale, Yuta immediately went in for another. The hand that was on your jaw slid up to the back of your head, holding it firmly in his calloused hand to make sure you didn’t move.

“Y-yuta!” Whining against his lips, you tried to push away from him.

“Just one, I know! I know but-” He mumbled back, the tip of his tongue daring to touch your pursed lips. “I can’t help it, I love you so much.” Crushing you against him, Yuta got his tongue into your mouth when you gasped for air. The urge to bite him arose and you almost did, but he pulled away right as you made the decision to.

“You said only one!” Giving his chest a hard push, you wiped the spit off your lips in disgust.

“I know, I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Putting his hands on your back, Yuta grimaced at you. “I’m sorry darling, I just got excited! I’ve been dreaming of kissing you for so long, can you blame me for wanting more?”

You could blame him for that and a few other things. Wiping your mouth off again, you huffed angrily and avoided his sorry eyes.

“Don’t do it again.”

“I won’t lie to you anymore, I promise.” Yuta mumbled, already forcing you closer again. “Let me make it up to you.”

“Yuta, no.” Shaking your head, you put a hand over your mouth. The blush that was on Yuta’s cheeks got darker and a hand gripped the back of your neck.

“It may be a bit soon, but there are other places where I can kiss you.” Latching his lips onto the side of your neck, Yuta sucked on the skin lightly. He didn’t want to leave any unseemly marks on you and he wouldn’t dream of using his teeth.

“Yuta, get off.” Tugging on his collar, you squirmed at the feeling. “P-please, Yuta, get off.” You were getting more desperate by the moment, accelerated by his lips going down the column of your throat and to the collar of your top.

“I just want to kiss you, (Y/N).”

“No, no I don’t-” As his head nudged your chin up, you started to sweat and really yank at the fabric in your hands. “I don’t want you to kiss me there, Yuta!” Your voice reached a crescendo and the soft sound of his kisses stopped. Pulling away slowly, Yuta kept his head ducked down.

“I’m sorry (Y/N), I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Releasing the hold on your neck, Yuta smooths his hand down your back once more and threads his fingers together at the base of your spine.

Struggling to catch your breath, you force yourself to relax and let your head dip down, uncurling the fingers fisting the fabric of Yutas shirt and letting the blood naturally flow back to them.

As the silent seconds tick by, there’s something that comes into your consciousness that can’t be ignored. There’s already a good amount of heat built up between you and Yuta from the kisses you shared and the struggle that ensued.

But was he that much of a repressed man that just kissing your lips and neck had his cock standing at half attention? It seemed so, because when you made a face at it, he chuckled sheepishly.

“Sorry.” Yuta wasn’t sorry for what was happening. He didn’t feel remorse for any of this, especially not the thing that was causing you distress now. It was only natural for such a reaction to occur! You were squirming so much on his lap while he kissed you that it was like you were begging him to get hard.

Gently raking his nails up and down your back, Yuta stared hard at your lips. His gaze almost pierced right through you and he wasn’t subtle about wanting another kiss. Another slurry of apologies left Yuta’s lips as he once again grabbed the back of your head and forced you to kiss him. His words got mushed together, spoken against your lips as he tried to work his tongue into your mouth.

Whatever screams of protest you had didn’t matter in this moment, Yuta was a man on a mission and desperate to take what was his. He felt bad about pushing your boundaries and ruining the chance of growing an actual relationship any time soon, but those were things he was willing to sacrifice.

And after all, good boyfriends help their partners grow in uncomfortable situations.

Moaning in a high pitch when your crotch just barely grazed his, Yuta took advantage of the fact you were too busy trying to push him away to focus on your lower half. Grabbing you tightly at the hips, he dragged you forward and fully pushed you against the front of his pants.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He panted as he moved your bodies in tandem, getting bolder and bucking his hips like a sad teenager dry humping for the first time. This continued for a while and you were sure he was going to cum when he suddenly stopped and flopped his head back against the couch.

Fervently wiping off your lips, the urge to slap him came over you in a blinding rage, and you quickly swiped your hand down. Fully expecting to make contact with his face, you put all the strength you could into the motion only to be stopped by Yuta grabbing your wrist.

“Hitting isn’t very nice, (Y/N).” He sounded like a disappointed preschool teacher and when you raised your other hand to try and slap him he caught that one as well. Holding both your wrists tightly in his grasp, Yuta stared at your heaving chest as he thought about what to do.

“Let me go.” You said, trying to tug yourself free.

“Sshh, I’m thinking.” His eyes wouldn’t leave your chest and he licked his lips. “I think I know a better use for your hands.” Letting go of one of them, Yuta was quick to go to the button on his jeans and undo them.

Your fingers were touching his clothed cock before you had a chance to protest. The speed Yuta moved at was dizzying and you seemed to be about 10 seconds behind him, left to scramble and catch up on whatever he’d done.

“Just a little, please?” Yuta whined and gripped your fingers around his cock, digging into the fabric of his dark underwear and outlining the shape of his cock.

“Yuta…” Back were the tears, a light misting this time that blurred your vision. It was gross touching him, even as the scent of a minty body wash rolled off him. This was gross, the heat from his cock and the way the skin moved beneath your fingers all felt horribly off.

“Just be good for me, (Y/N), I know you can do that.” Giving your lips a quick peck, Yuta let out a shaky exhale. His hand was holding yours so tightly your hand pulsed, throbbing from lack of circulation.

Touching him through his underwear quickly became not enough for Yuta and he hurriedly pulled his cock out, shoving his underwear down his thighs a bit to make more room. Unbuttoning the large overshirt he had on, Yuta let out another exhale as the sweat evaporated off his body.

“Are you shy? Here, touch it like this.” Gingerly now he wrapped your hand around his shaft, squeezing with just enough pressure to make sure you were really holding it. You tried to avoid looking at it, staring at the tanktop Yuta had on underneath his other shirt.

Tilting your head up, he kissed you gently as he worked your hand up and down his cock, slowly loosening his hold the longer he went until he was able to let go and you were still stroking him.

“I love you so much.” He whispered, breaking the kiss to press his forehead against yours. “So, so much.” You whimpered in response, keeping your eyes tightly closed to avoid looking at him. “I’ve followed you for so long now, it feels amazing to finally be here with you.”

“Followed?” You didn’t want to know, you didn’t want to know, you didn’t-

“Six months. For six long, agonizing months I watched you from the shadows. Making sure you were safe, following you home from work to make sure no one messed with you, going into your home when you weren’t there to make sure you didn’t have the stove on-”

“Stop.” Sniffling back another wave of tears, you shook your head. “I-I can’t, please-”

“You’re right, I’m killing the mood.” Chuckling softly, Yuta kissed at the corner of your eye. Putting his hand back on yours, he sped up the pace and bucked his hips up. “A-and I really don’t want to do that.”

Kissing you again lest he start rambling again, Yuta moaned freely into your mouth. He had dreamed of this moment and so many others, staying up late at night just fantasizing about you touching him and finally being in his arms.

To say he was pent up was an understatement. Ever since he saw you, Yuta vowed not to touch himself, wanting you to be the only one that gave him such pleasure. It was a painful wait, but every time he saw you he knew it was worth it - and it was. He was already nearing an orgasm and it hadn’t even been that long.

“Oh darling-” His face started to screw up and Yuta broke the kiss, putting his head on your shoulder and making your hand go faster. “God I love you, (Y/N)! I lo-love-” He was babbling now, unable to focus on any full sentence coming out of his mouth. “Say it- tell me.”

“Say what?” You asked, struggling to keep your breathing even as you felt him get closer to the edge.

“You love me. Tell me you- tell me you love me, even if it’s not true yet.” Yuta was so close it hurt, but he refused to cum unless you said those words.

“I-I-” The desire to not say it was strong, keeping you from really forming the words. It wasn’t true right now and it would never be true. You would never love Yuta for as long as you lived.

“Say it, say it please!” Yuta wailed, his other hand gripping your waist so hard you were afraid he was going to break something. “I love you so much, just say it back!”

“I love you! Yuta, I love you, okay?” His hold was really starting to hurt and as soon as you said it, he let go. “I love you, I love you.” You repeated over and over until his body locked up and he came with an almost sobbing moan.

“Oh god, darling, I love you.” Yuta wasn’t crying but he might as well have been. His hand stopped for a brief moment before continuing, coating the back of his hand and your fingers in his cum. He kept going until he was able to squeeze the last drop of cum out of him, swiping at the tip with his thumb until the sensation began to hurt.

It was too quiet now in the room without Yuta’s frantic breathing and mindless babbles. Taking deep, gasping breaths, he forced himself to calm down and let go of your hand, letting his softening cock fall down against him.

“Here.” In his pocket he had a handkerchief and Yuta wiped your hand clean, diligently going between the digits and getting every last pearly drop. Throwing it onto the coffee table, Yuta collapsed back onto the couch with a heavy sigh.

His face was impossibly blissed out, a dopey smile stretching his face and showing off his teeth. He couldn’t be happier in this moment, the weight of your body on his lap a constant reminder that this was real life, the reality that he had been dreaming of and striving for for so long.

The door he had entered from creaked open much faster than when he entered, and there were thundering footsteps descending the stairs quickly. Yuta immediately perked up, hugging you close to his chest as he turned over his shoulder to look at who came in.

“This is a surprise.” There was a tall, lanky man standing at the bottom of the steps, his white hair sticking up in all directions. You wondered how he could see with a blindfold on and Yuta seemed happy to see him.

“Gojo, hello!” Rushing to fix his pants, Yuta helped you off his lap and stood up.

“I see you’ve finally made yourself acquainted.” Gojo grinned, his head flicking towards you for a moment.

“Mhmm! We uh- we’re having a great time getting to know each other.” Yuta flushed, trying to not make it obvious that his pants had just been undone and that you’d just been jerking him off.

“Well I hate to break up a happy couple, but there’s a visitor here for you. I think you’re going to have another mission soon.”

“Really, so soon? I just-” Glancing at you, Yuta bit his tongue. “I’ll be back soon.” Grabbing his sword and the knife still stuck in the wall, Yuta gave you one more look before walking past Gojo and up the stairs. As soon as the door clicked closed, you shot up from the couch and walked around to Gojo.

“Please, you have to help me, get me out of here!” Clasping your hands together in front of you, you pleaded as hard as you could. “H-he’s absolutely crazy, please help me!” Unable to look Gojo in the eye, you could only assume he was looking back at you from the way his head moved.

“That’s not very nice, now is it?” He questioned, quirking a brow and crossing his arms. “Yuta loves you so much, you shouldn’t say those things about him.”

“Sir please, you don’t understand!” Shaking your head hard, you let out a frustrated groan. “I don’t belong here! He kidnapped me, don’t you understand?!” It felt like you were the only sane one left in the world. Gojo chuckled and sighed, placing a large hand on the top of your head and leaning forward.

“Actually, Yuta wasn’t the one that actually kidnapped you.” A soft ‘no’ escaped your lips and Gojo laughed again, drinking in the sinking feeling in your gut and the way it twisted your face in agony. “It was me.”

[reeshyz]

Ich hätte gerne eine Frau

Pairing: Till Lindemann / Richard Kruspe Warnings: cross-dressing, Dicke Titten - AU Word Count: 7.577 Summary:  Everyone knows that Till wants to fall in love again. Richard is already in love with him, but there’s a small problem. Till only likes women. Paul has a 'brilliant' idea. Author's Note: Since a lot of people like this on AO3, I thought I could post it here. I hope you like it! <3 Link (if posted on AO3): https://archiveofourown.org/works/40752312

♪

“What got you in such a bad mood tonight?” Schneider asks, from where he sits on the large couch. Till is sitting next to him, looking like he’d rather be anywhere than here. Till shrugs and almost seems to pout.

“He’s still angry that he couldn’t find a girl yesterday at the party,” Paul answers easily for Till and he snickers. Till’s pout grows bigger and Richard has to hastily look away. That mouth should be forbidden, really.

“Really? Man I mean with the way you always drool on their chests, I’m not surprised,” Schneider answers and this time he’s laughing too. Even Olli on the couch next to them snorts into his beer, only Flake shakes his head at those big kids.

“Maybe next time try not to touch them without asking,” Flake says, voice flat.

“Not my fault. I can’t see them and I miss some nice breasts,” Till says and Richard sighs quietly, before he gets up from his seat next to Paul. He’d need another beer for this conversation. 

Richard knows that everyone’s eyes are probably following him, besides Till’s. It’s not exactly a secret that Richard has been crushing on Till for years, but he’d never acted on it and why would he anyway?

The earth is round. Water is wet. Till loves women.

“You okay?” Paul whispers, when Richard comes back. Richard nods shortly, he doesn’t really want to talk about it while Till is still sitting in his living room.

“What about Richard, he’s also still single. Maybe you could all annoy him,” Till says then and he actually looks over. Richard stares into his gray and dull eyes. He misses the sparkle in those eyes sometimes. But Till is still the most perfect individual in his eyes. 

Richard sighs again. It’s hopeless.

“I’m single because I wanna be single,” Richard stays stiffly and everyone around him starts to laugh. Richard is glad that at least Till can’t see how badly he’s blushing by now. He hates it to be in the spotlight like this.

“Sure tell yourself that,” Schneider feixes and Richard kicks him against his shin. Schneider swears at that and even manages to spill some beer on himself. Richard smiles all sweetly at him.

“Do I have to remind you that just yesterday I managed to get two numbers from two girls?” Richard asks and Schneider rolls his eyes. Olli’s smile is soft, while Flake’s smile turns a bit sad. He had seen how Richard had thrown the numbers away.

“But don’t you wanna be in love?” Till asks then and he sounds as if it’s hurting him that Richard is still alone. Richard almost shrugs his shoulders, but he knows Till can’t really see that, so he thinks about an answer that’s not too obvious.

Damn these old men and their need to talk about their feelings all the time.

“I do, but maybe… I’m waiting for someone special,” Richard answers and he can feel himself smile against his will. He knows that he found his special someone already, even though nothing would come out of it, he’s glad that Till is in his life. 

That he’s allowed to call him his best friend.

“You were always a hopeless romantic,” Till laughs then and the other guys join in with laughter. Now it’s Richard’s turn to pout at those stupid idiots.

There had been a time where Richard had thought he’d found the perfect relationship, but something had always been wrong and soon enough he had been alone again.

Richard is a perfectionist, he’s a workaholic, he never does as he’s told. Yeah he’s probably a handful. He remembers his last girlfriend who had been jealous of his damn guitar, just because he couldn’t go anywhere without her.

And then there were those thoughts about his best friend. Richard doesn’t even remember when it had first started. It seems like he's been crushing on him for more than twenty years. Too late to do anything about it anyway.

“Hey Till, you know I’ve got a cousin that would be perfect for you,” Paul says then and Richard looks back down to his beer. It’s already getting late and he’s got work tomorrow, he actually hoped the guys would leave soon.

“Really? What does she look like?” Till asks and Flake rolls his eyes again. Sometimes Richard wonders if they’d get stuck like this.

“Blonde long hair, nice lips. Big eyes. Huge boobs,” Paul says and Richard frowns at him, when Paul is looking so weirdly at him. Till actually slaps his thigh at that and it reminds Richard of the old days, when they still had tried to become famous with their stupid band. Back then Till had always slapped his thigh and knees so badly. 

He smiles at the memory. 

“Sounds perfect to me. I wanna meet her,” Till says and Richard gets up to start with the dishes. He tries to tune out the conversation as best as he can. No need for him to be sad over another relationship that would Till start. It always went like this.

He needed to stop to pine after Till each time the man was single. He knows he’s just embarrassing himself at this point.

“Sure thing, I’ll see when she’s got time,” Paul answers and then Schneider yawns so loudly that they all start to laugh again. Maybe Richard should take their beers away.

“Okay time for bed, you want me to bring you home?” Schneider asks towards Till, who nods. It’s always easier for Schneider to take Till with him since they live right next to each other. Olli and Flake get up as well.

“Aren’t you coming, Paulchen?” Schneider asks, when Paul stays on his seat.

“Nah I wanna stay with my guitar husband for a little while longer,” Paul says and Richard can’t help but grin. It’s an old joke between them and everyone always groans at that. Paul is happily married, but he loves to rile the guys up with it every damn time.

“Alright, I’ll see you idiots next week,” Flake says and with another wave he’s already out of the door. Olli shakes his head, smiling, but he offers at least a short handshake before he follows Flake into the night.

“It was nice, I’ve missed you,” Till says when he slowly comes over and hugs Richard. They meet up weekly at Richard’s or Till’s place but last week Richard had been too sick to come. Richard smiles and he feels how his cheeks heat up.

“Me too,” Richard whispers back. Till even leans over and tries to kiss Richard’s cheek. He almost catches his mouth in a kiss, but Richard turns away, so he wouldn’t make a mistake. The kiss on the cheek is appreciated anyway.

“See you next Saturday,” Till says and then he briefly hugs Paul and even runs his fingers through Paul’s hair, while Paul whines at that. Richard shakes his head and then hugs Schneider.

It’s quiet when they are both gone and Richard wonders what exactly Paul wants from him now that everyone is gone. He lets Paul figure out how to start the conversation and continues with his dishes. 

Luckily he’s got an open kitchen towards the living room. He always likes to cook for his friends and he’s glad he’s able to talk to them while cooking. It comes in favor in moments like this as well.

“So I have a great idea,” Paul says and he sits down at the bar in front of Richard’s kitchen.

“You know everytime you say something like this, somebody gets hurt. And it’s almost all the damn time that I’m the one who gets hurt. So no, thank you,” Richard says and he rinses another beer glass.

“Are you still mad that I burned your hair one time, like twenty years ago?” Paul whines and Richards snorts.

“It was twice and yes! My hair was fabolous back then and you ruined a wonderful night for me,” Richard snickers and Paul laughs as well.

“You’re an idiot,” Paul mutters then and Richard shrugs. That’s not exactly news.

They sit together in dead silence before Paul sighs loudly. Once. And then again.

“Okay fine! Tell me your brilliant idea then,” Richard says and throws his towel onto the bar next to him. Paul’s smile turns almost dangerous and Richard knows he has already made a mistake.

“Well as you heard I want Till to meet my cousin,” Paul says and Richard nods.

“Yeah, thanks again for that. I didn’t need to hear that Till would get fucked next week,” Richard says and Paul snickers. He’s not even ashamed, even though he knows about Richard’s crush.

Richard isn’t sure if he should be offended.

“I don’t have a cousin. At least not a female one,” Paul says and Richard isn’t sure if he understands.

“So?”

“So we’ll make you into my cousin! You can go on a date with Till and finally stop crying about your undying love for him. Win win!” Paul seems rather excited and Richard rubs over on ear, he isn’t sure he heard that right.

“What?”

“Don’t play stupid! You understood me,” Paul says and there’s that damn whine again.

“I’m pretty sure that you saw my dick before, Landers, there’s no way I’m going to pass as a female in Till’s eyes. You know that I support any woman but I don’t wanna be a woman,” Richard says and Paul nods.

“Yeah and I admit it’s a nice dick.”

“Not my point, but thanks,” Richard answers and Paul laughs loudly.

“Come on. You know that I can get you a nice wig from my hairdressing salon. And we can surely get you a nice dress or something. You could at least get a nice evening and a kiss or something,” Paul explains and Richard can feel himself agreeing already.

Even though it’s a stupid idea.

“He’d laugh at me,” Richard whispers.

“No he would never. Just try it, maybe it’ll get you over him or maybe you can make him finally fall in love with you,” Paul says and for some stupid reason Richard agrees.

Paul holds out his hand and Richard takes it.

He knows he’s fucked.

But what does it matter at this point?

♪

“This will never work out,” Richard says six days later, when Paul had already closed his hairdressing salon and looks for a suitable wig.

Sometimes Richard remembers all their dreams. They had wanted to become a famous band but somehow that didn’t really work out. Now he’s cooking in the restaurant of this small town while his friends all got normal jobs as well. He has to admit he likes this life as well.

“Shut up. I’m doing you a huge favor here,” Paul says and he walks over with a long blond wig. It does look very nice and also very expensive.

“I knew I shouldn’t have listened to you,” Richard says, but he stays in the damn seat, while Paul tries the wig out. It’s way too long and Paul shakes his head, walking back to the back of the shop.

“Hey, I mean at least he won’t really see you,” Schneider says to his right. Richard rolls his eyes at the damn joke, because that was just tasteless. Schneider holds up another makeup brush. .

“Why would I even need make-up?” Richard complains, but he knows that Paul and Schneider won’t make him look ugly. They both can do their jobs, otherwise they would be jobless by now.

“It’s not like you wear nail polish every day already, so shut up and look towards me,” Schneider says and Richard obeys. He can feel Flake and Olli staring at him, but thankfully they both stay quiet. Olli had already shown him the white and long dress that he’d bought out of his own designer shop.

Richard has to admit that the dress looks beautiful, but he’s not sure if he can actually pull it off. Flake the idiot even bought him heels out of his shoe shop down the street. Richard is scared to walk in them.

“I mean it’s your own fault for trusting an idea from Paul,” Flake speaks up now and Richard chuckles, when he hears Paul’s scandalized yelling from the back. There is a loud bang and then even more swearing.

“Flake, don’t be mean!” Paul yells back.

“I’m not being mean, I’m being honest.”

Richard focuses back on Schneider and closes his eyes. He’s not sure why he needs eyeshadow but at least it’s a pretty black one. Richard loves only three colors: red, black and white and he’s glad his look will fulfill that.

“God, he looks stunning already. How are you doing this?” Paul asks, when he comes back into the room and looks at Richard, who actually feels a bit ridiculous being stared at by his friends.

“It’s my job. Also I feel like black always looks good on him.”, Schneider says and Richard sighs a bit. He feels already exhausted and the worst part is still to come.

“Lipstick?” Schneider asks and Richard shrugs. It wouldn’t be his first time wearing some. He actually really likes to wear makeup, but he’d never done it like this. 

“Go for it,” Olli says and then Richard has to pout a bit, so Schneider can put it on.

“All done.”, Schneider announces a few minutes later, when he’s satisfied with his own work. Richard finally turns around and looks back to the huge mirror he's sitting in front of.

To his own surprise he does look rather good. He can’t help but smile the tiniest bit.

“Hey, don’t fall in love with yourself!” Paul laughs, when he sees how Richard looks. Richard gives him the finger and leans closer to the mirror. Schneider really knows how to do this. Richard would need to ask him sometime about a few tricks.

Secretly. Without Paul hearing.

“Now let’s get you into the dress,” Paul says and he’s already holding it up again. Richard rolls his eyes, but he takes the dress and then goes to the back of the shop, where he can change without everyone cheering on him.

It doesn’t take long for him to change into the dress, but he isn’t sure if he feels comfortable. Yes the dress looks good, but Richard is nervous as fuck by now and he hates to feel nervous. He even sees the garter belts Paul had laid out for him. He swears but pulls it on anyway.

Never does something good happen to him when he’s this nervous, but he would try.

He even shaved his legs, armpits and chest for this. Paul had messaged him that earlier. To ‘save the deal’. Richard normally shaves his chest and armpits anyway but it had felt new to shave his legs.

What exactly did they all think Till would do to his legs?

 “Richard, I wanna go home. Come out now,” Flake says and Richard chuckles. He knows they all have families to go home to. He wishes he’d share that with his friends.

Richard looks at a mirror and smiles shyly at his reflection. He has to admit that he actually likes what he sees. Yes, he loves to be a man and he likes his boys, but… but he likes this side about himself as well.  Is that wrong?

Richard shakes his head. 

“How do I look?” Richard asks, when he steps back into the room with the others. He’d meant to ask it as a joke, but he hears his own insecurity in his voice and against his will he can feel himself tearing up.

Why does he feel so pretty in this? And why does he feel stupid at the same time?

“Stunning,” Paul says and to Richard’s relief, Paul doesn’t seem to make a joke about it. He’s smiling his soft smile and even holds his thumbs up. Richard chuckles a bit wetly and Paul hastily holds his arms out for a hug.

“Thank you,” Richard whispers and Paul nods against his shoulder. 

“Now lets finish this up, so you can finally go and meet your prince,” Paul says softly and Richard breaks the hug. The other three look very happy to see Richard like this as well.

Paul holds a new wig up and this time the hair is a bit shorter. The wig looks good and even though Richard is still not sure about all of this, he nods again and Paul helps him with a hairnet. After that it only takes a short moment and then he’s wearing the wig.

Richard can’t help his tiny smile again.

“Damn, now I kinda wanna marry you,” Schneider jokes from his seat next to Richard. He knows that he’s not serious, but Richard can’t help but feel a bit flustered at those words. He has to say he likes what he sees in the mirror.

Paul brushes his hair for a short moment and then smiles at Richard.

“Thank you,” Richard whispers.

“Oh we need something for his chest. I bought straw,” Schneider says and he picks up his bag from the floor. Richard’s eyes widen at that.

“Straw?” Richard asks, a bit bewildered.

“I didn’t have anything else at home,” Schneider says and with that he gets up and takes a step forwards to Richard. Before he can even say anything Schneider already puts the straw into his dress. It does fill out his lack of boobs, even though Richard does have a nice chest already.

“See looks good,” Schneider says and Richard sighs. It’s a lost cause anyways.

“Then let’s go! I’ll drive you to Till. And don’t forget your heels,” Paul says and he’s already grabbing his keys. The other three guys are all clapping and celebrating loudly now. Richard’s cheeks heat up. They are so embarrassing.

“Go get your tiger!” Olli.

“Be careful, Richard.” Flake.

“I’d totally fuck him like this.” Schneider.

He hates his friends. And he loves them.

♪

“Okay, here we go. I’ll bring you to the door,” Paul announces as if Richard doesn’t know Till’s house. He’s been there more often than in his own home. Richard hastily pulls his cigarettes out.

He’d actually need like twenty to calm his damn mind.

“Paul… I can’t talk! He will know it’s me, when I’m starting to talk!” Richard says then, just when he takes the first drag of his cigarette. What the fuck were they even thinking? This plan was so dumb.

“I already told Till that my cousin was shy. You don’t really have to speak. And we both know as soon as Till is on you, you really turn shy,” Paul grins at him and Richard slaps him on the arm.

“You’re an asshole,” Richard announces and then he stomps out his cigarette. He wants to get over this. It would end in a disaster anyway, but maybe his feelings would finally go away after this.

“But a pretty one,” Paul answers and then he kneels down to help Richard into the heels. Richard blushes badly. 

Luckily the walk to Till’s door is very short, but Richard manages just fine. Luckily the heels are rather sturdy and not super high. He’d worn boots that were more tricky to walk in sometimes.

“Hey Till!” Paul yells, when the door opens. 

Richard’s heart stops when he sees Till. He looks damn good in his white shirt and the damn Lederhosen. He’s not sure he can pull this off. He knows Till can still see a tiny bit and surely he would recognise his best friend?

“Hello my dear. Aren’t you a lovely sight?” Till says, when he seems to spot someone next to Paul. Paul chuckles loudly into Richard’s ear.

Richard can’t help the quiet giggle.

“Hi,” Richard whispers. His voice is lighter and even a bit higher than usual. He’d kill Paul later for being able to witness this. Paul’s smile turns almost mad, but he does turn around and walks back to the car.

“I wish you so much fun. Till uses condoms please,” Paul yells and with that he’s done. Richard is still standing outside the door and isn’t sure what he should do now. Till is smiling though.

“I must say your cousin can be really rude sometimes. Leaves a Lady standing outside like this. Please come inside, I managed to make us something to eat,” Till says and he steps back into his house, but he even holds the door open.

Richard hastily walks inside and looks around. It looks like always, but it seems like Till did clean a bit up. That’s a cute touch.

“Please sit down,” Till says and he even pulls the chair back so Richard can sit down on it. The table is fully laid with Till’s best dishes. Richard can already smell the nice food. When they were younger he had always tried to teach Till a few things.

“Thank you,” Richard whispers. 

He does want Till to have a nice evening now. Till had told him all week how excited he’d been for this day, because it’s been so long since anyone would even agree to a simple date with him.

Richard knows that Till craves affection, even though he would never say it out loud or well at least not sober.

So Richard would behave and be the best date he could be for Till. Because that’s what his best friend deserves. Richard coughs slightly, he’d need to talk a lot higher than usual. He puts one leg over the other and sighs.

He has no idea how a lady behaves. And isn’t that though alone sexist? A girl could walk and talk how she wanted!

But Till knows his voice, so he should cover that up.

Till brings some food over to the table. It’s a simple pasta dish, but Richard knows that it’s Till’s favorite.

“Oh that looks so good, thank you,” Richard says and he hopes Till doesn’t recognize his voice. He seems safe for now, because Till doesn’t give him any weird stares or anything.

“I hope you’ll like it,” Till says.

After that it’s a bit quiet. They both eat in silence, while Richard tries to calm his racing heart down. He has no idea how to behave or what to do. His own last date has been years ago.

“So uhm Paul didn’t tell me a lot about you Ricarda,” Till starts and it’s already awkward.

Richard would murder Paul for that name.

“Oh uhm, there’s not much to tell. I’m… living a boring life to be honest,” Richard says quietly. 

“I bet that’s not true. A beautiful woman like you has probably lots of adventures,” Till says and Richard giggles again. He isn’t sure what is going on with him today. He never giggled like that before!

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Richard asks then and he leans a bit more over the table. Till uses that and puts his hand over Richard’s. He carefully strokes over his hand and Richard shudders under the touch.

“You have wonderful hands. So soft,” Till whispers and then he fully takes Richard’s hand in his own. Richard stops breathing, when Till lifts their hands and presses a short kiss to the back of Richard’s hand.

“Oh uh thank you,” Richard whispers back. Voice still so high. He’d pin it on the butterflies in his stomach later.

“So please tell me about yourself,” Till says again and Richard sighs. The next hour they talk about everything and nothing. Richard has to be super careful, so he doesn’t spill too much but there are things he never talked about with Till before and he focuses on that, even though of course he also mentions music a lot. Sue him.

“And I enjoy rainy days actually. They make me feel safe when I’m home alone. I like hearing the rain on my windows, it calms me down and I could read books all day,” Richard admits and normally he’d be embarrassed, but if Till doesn’t know it’s him he can talk about the real him.

Or at least about the part he never told anyone about.

“Yeah I share that. I write the best poems, when I’m alone and it’s raining all day,” Till admits and Richard looks up. He hadn’t known that Till was still writing poetry. He had told them all he had stopped after the band broke up.

Richard had never understood how he could so easily stop doing what he always loved. Richard and Paul often sat together to play some stupid old tunes and he knows Schneider even taught his kids to play the drums.

“You write poems?” 

“Yeah, I uh… a few. Not so many anymore, but I do have a few,” Till admits and he seems a bit embarrassed. Richard wishes he could kiss him right. He always loved it whenever Till turned shy and he often did that about things he loved.

“Can you show me something?” Richard asks. He knows he won’t tell the guys about this. Till obviously didn’t want them to know, but Richard can’t help it. He’d always loved the way Till could tell stories with beautiful words that nobody else seemed to know.

“Yeah,” Till whispers and he gets up. 

It doesn’t take him long to find his laptop and Till comes back to the table. Richard had already taken their empty plates and put them back into the kitchen. Till smiles all cutely at him when he realizes and expresses his thanks. 

Till opens a few folders and Richards sits next to him now. He wishes he could take Till’s hand in his own hand again.

“Uhm here,” Till says and opens a document awkwardly. Richard smiles and then starts to read. The poems still have the same pain like his old song texts always had. It’s about so much hurt and love, that Richard feels like he stops breathing.

“Oh, they’re beautiful,” Richard whispers and he even strokes over the screen. The last one is called “Diamant” and Richard has to say it’s his favorite.

“They’re sad,” Till answers and Richard sighs.

“Many things are sad and beautiful at the same time,” Richard says and Till nods. Richard is sure they both could be found under that definition. He knows Till is always sad and a bit broken, but that doesn’t matter. He’s still beautiful and Richard would do anything to make him feel better. 

Till deserves happiness.

Richard tries to swallow his own feelings down. He wants Till to have a wonderful date no matter what would happen between them. He knows that Till often believes that he doesn’t deserve anything good.

“Who’s your Princess of Darkness?” Richard asks then, when he sees that folder on Till’s Desktop. Till hastily closes the laptop and grins a bit embarrassed at him. Maybe it only contains porn videos.

“And old crush. Nothing to worry about,” Till says and Richard’s heart squeezes painfully in his chest. So Till does have someone that he really likes. Richard is kinda hurt, that he never knew that. They thought they were best friends.

“All good,” Richard says, but he can’t help but wonder. And worry.

“I’m glad that you’re here though, that is what matters right now. I could never resist such a beautiful woman. And since I’m almost blind I want you to know that I’m not talking about your looks, I mean this,” Till says and he pokes into Richard’s chest. Richard chuckles. Old Pervert. 

“My chest?”

“Your heart!” Till says and they both start to laugh. Richard almost leans over and just kisses him. Even now he feels comfortable around Till. Sure he’s nervous but there is the same trust he always has in the man.

“You’re adorable,” Richard whispers and then Till actually leans closer. Richard can already feel his breath on his face and he smiles.

“Would I… uh can I kiss you?” 

Richard smiles wider when he sees how nervous Till seems now. Richard finds it endearing, even though he knows that there’s another side to him as well. He shudders under Till’s gaze, he’d love those eyes no matter what.

“Please,” Richard whispers back, this is everything he’d ever wanted.

Till finally closes the gap between them and kisses him. Richard gasps quietly into the kiss, already opening his mouth for Till. He’s desperate, so what? Till doesn’t seem shy now either and he groans against Richard’s lips.

The kiss is as good as Richard always imagined it, but he may be a bit biased. Till’s tongue finds his own and Richard is glad that they’re still sitting otherwise he’d probably make a fool out of himself.

“Fuck,” Till mutters, when he breaks the kiss. Richard agrees.

“Do you want to take this to the bedroom?” Richard asks then because now he really has a goal. He would make Till happy whatever the cost may be. Richard’s heart would be broken either way, because he doesn’t want to pretend for the rest of his days to be something he’s not.

“You’re perfect huh?” Till laughs, but he’s getting up and takes Richard’s hand in his own. Richard hastily follows him. He has no idea how he would pull this off, but he’s always been good at faking basically anything.

“Sit down,” Richard whispers, when they’re in front of Till’s bed and Till kisses him again. Richard chuckles, when he sees that Till had cleaned here as well. There’s not even any dust anywhere.

Cheeky Bastard. Not that Richard minds. He had known that Till had this as his goal of the night. 

“Bossy,” Till whispers, but he does as he’s told. Richard shudders, but he sits quietly on Till’s lap and kisses him quiet. This feels better than any of the countless dreams he’s ever had. Richard carefully wiggles a bit on his lap.

“Are you trying to kill me?” Till asks, laughing. Richard carefully opens the white shirt and carefully kisses Till’s neck.

This time Till seems to get on with the idea, because he puts his hand on Richard’s ass and squeezes him closer against himself. Richard gasps, he has to be really careful so Till doesn’t feel that he has something between his legs.

Something that feels rather interested in the turns of the night by now.

Richard is a bit surprised that Till is not really going for his chest, but he can’t help but relax a bit. He probably would know in an instant that his chest was fake. It had already been a close call when he’d touched it earlier, but there he hadn’t squeezed it or anything.

“I really wanna blow you,” Richard whispers against Till’s skin and he can feel how Till shudders at that. Richard had never done this before, but he knows that this will be his only chance. 

Till groans, but he helps Richard to get his shirt out of the way. Richard hastily gets up from his lap again and he nearly adjusts himself in his underwear, until he remembers. Instead he kneels between Till’s knees.

Richard looks up at Till and for a moment they are just looking at each other. 

Till blinks.

“I don’t think anyone would look hotter than you on your knees,” Till says and Richard looks down to the ground. He’s not sure what to do with words like this, when Till doesn’t even know who he is.

Till throws his shirt away now and Richard groans. Damn he’s sure Till could fill the dress out without any of the straw in it. He strokes carefully over the hot skin, while Till clearly enjoys the attention.

“Now be good for me,” Richard says and he opens Till’s trousers. It’s obvious that his hands are shaking, but Richard wants this so bad.

“I’ll do anything for you,” Till promises and that feels like too much. Richard wishes that Till would mean that promise. That they could do this more often, that he could be Till’s until they stopped breathing one day.

Richard giggles a bit when Till tries to get out his pants. He has no idea how they actually manage to pull it even down, because Till wiggles so much, but he’s laughing as well. Richard is glad that the atmosphere is still so casual. 

Then finally Till pulls his underwear down and Richard groans. Till’s dick is already hard, Richard licks his lips. He really has just an idea, what to do now, but he couldn’t just chicken out now.

“FIrst time?” Till whispers, when Richard doesn’t move.

“Yeah. You must think I’m nuts,” Richard whispers, but Till shakes his head and then pulls him up for another kiss. He kisses him so softly this time, Richard is sure his heart almost jumps out of his chest.

“You don’t have to,” Till says and Richard puts his hand against Till’s cheek and strokes him there carefully. Richard knows Till is often enough just all talk. This is almost cute though.

“I want to. I’m just scared it won’t be good for you,” Richard admits, but Till carefully kisses along his neck. Richard leans closer and arches his back. Fuck he hopes he’s covered in Till’s marks tomorrow, so he could always remember this night.

“It will be good for me alone because it’s you,” Till says and Richard kisses his cheek. Who knew that Till could be such a romantic. Not that he knows this character that Richard plays, but it’s cute either way.

Richard kneels down again and this time he carefully takes Till’s cock in his own hand. It’s almost burning hot and so hard, Richard gasps.

“Fuck yeah,” Till groans above him.

Richard carefully strokes over the full length and he has to say that he really likes this feeling. He’d always wanted to know how this would feel and he’s not disappointed. Till sighs all happily, when Richard carefully rubs over the red tip.

Just when he sees that Till is closing his eyes, Richard leans forward and takes the tip into his mouth. Till almost falls off the bed, he’s that surprised, but Richard holds his hips down. Fuck he never had more power than this.

“You taste so good,” Richard whines and then he licks over the whole length, before h e dares to put more into his mouth. He carefully sucks on Till’s cock and moans around it, because fuck that is actually pretty hot.

Just as he thinks, he does know what to do, he actually chokes on Till’s dick.

Till laughs a bit and Richard pulls away to catch his breath.

“You’re doing really good,” Till says and he strokes Richard's long hair. Richard really hopes the wig will stay on otherwise he’d be fucked. And not in the fun way he wants to be fucked.

He kisses Till’s hip a few times, before he tries again. This time it works better and he can carefully swallow around Till’s cock. He doesn’t even dare to put him fully inside his mouth, instead he helps with his hand.

Richard’s own cock is aching badly by now and he wishes he could touch himself. He kinda wants to come just from sucking Till’s cock but he’s sure that won’t happen. If he could at least hump against something…

Just then he carefully licks over Till’s tip again.

“Richard,” Till moans softly and Richard’s heart flutters. He can’t believe this is happening, this is what he had always dreamed about and - 

Wait.

Richard?

Richard hastily sits up again and wipes over his mouth. This couldn’t be true. He looks into Till’s eyes, he sees the smirk on his face.

“Uh uhm…,” Richard doesn’t even know what to say and isn’t that a first for him.

“Don’t get mad, ok sweetheart?” Till says and he sits up. Richard looks away, while Till pulls up his underwear again. He’s still hard and Richard can’t help but lick over his lips. It’s too bad he couldn’t finish his job. That isn’t the problem though.

Then Richard frowns, Till knows, he feels used.

“How long?”

“What?”

“How long did you know it was me?!” Richard can’t help but yell. He hastily takes the wig off and throws it to the ground. He can see that Till is a bit surprised at his reaction, but Richard had never been more embarrassed.

“Since… since Paul called me last Saturday after he told you his plan,” Till admits and Richard gets up. He walks around the small coffee table and shakes his head. This isn’t true. He’s just dreaming all of this, no way would his friends do that to him.

“And for what… to m-make fun of me and my feelings?” Richard asks and he has to turn around. He can’t help it and he feels himself tearing up. God why had he told Paul about his feelings for Till.

“No, what? Richard, please come here again,” Till begs, but Richard can’t do anything but start to shake. They all had known how much in love he’s been with Till and they had done all of this stuff to embarrass him?

“I can’t do this,” Richard says and then he wants to leave. Even almost blind Till is still fast and he’s out of his seat in a second, only to hold Richard on his elbow.

“Richard, wait. I can explain!” 

“Yeah how?”

Richard knows his voice is cold, but he’d never felt more betrayed in his life. He had thought Paul was his friend. He had thought Till was his best friend. Why would they hurt him like this on purpose? 

He’d never been more embarrassed, he feels exposed and shamed.

“Paul knew that I was in love with you and he wanted… he said that you liked me too,” Till says and he looks down at his hands. Richard feels like someone knocked his breath out of him.

Because what?

“You’re… joking.”

“I’m not. I was annoying them all with my talks about you. I’ve been crazy about you for years and I never knew… you had your wife and when you didn’t… you said you waited for someone special,” Till explains carefully. He sounds a bit broken.

Richard likes to fix things. Something as special as Till doesn’t deserve to be hurt and broken.

“I found my special someone already, I just thought he wouldn’t like me. All he did was talk about boobs,” Richard says quietly. He’s still standing in the middle of the room. This time Till looks up again.

“Yeah, eh sorry. I mean I like them a lot, and especially yours, but that was mostly so you wouldn’t find out. Schneider said my longing was so obvious,” Till admits and Richard carefully walks back to the bed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I could ask you the same question. I was just… not sure I’d be the one you would want. You deserve someone better,” Till says. Richard sits back down next to him and carefully reaches out to take his hand again.

“I never wanted anyone else but you.”

Till’s smile at that is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.

“I still don’t understand why I had to dress like this then,” Richard says and Till chuckles a bit.

“Paul said you’d never ask me out and since I didn’t either, he wanted to take things in his own hands. Guess he thought you’d only kiss me if you thought I wouldn’t recognize you,” Till says and Richards sighs.

He would kill Paul. And kiss him too maybe.

“I was scared and now I made an ass out of myself,” Richard says and Till shakes his head.

“No, you look gorgeous and I… I like you in every way, Reesh. You could never look bad for me. It was the best date I had in years,” Till answers easily and Richard blushes badly at that.

Fuck how would he ever get used to this.

“You’re being such a charmer.”

“Is it working?”

Richards nods and then he kisses Till again. He’s glad that they finally talked about this, even though he can’t believe that Till likes him back.

“Would you have recognized me even if Paul hadn’t told you?” Richard wants to know and he’s surprised that Till nods.

“Sure would. You do know that I’m not completely blind? And my favorite face in the world is something I’d always recognize. Even under all that beautiful makeup,” Till says and he presses another shy kiss to Richard’s cheek.

“So you like it?”

“It’s important that you like it. But yes I love how you look today. But I also love you in your ugly sweatpants, so I’m a bit biased. I don’t need any women’s tits, when I’ve got yours here,” Till laughs and he pokes into Richard’s chest again.

“Oh now that you mention it. The straw really itches like hell,” Richard says and he gets up again. He finally pulls the straw out of his dress and then throws it into the garbage can in Till’s kitchen. He then walks back, but stops at the doorway.

Till is still on the bed, still hard and Richard almost laughs.

“You want a show?” Richard asks and he wiggles his hips a bit. Till hastily nods and then Richard walks back over to him. He gets out of his shoes and throws them away. This time he sits fully on Till’s lap and can relax, he even wants Till to feel his hard dick.

“I want nothing more than everything of you,” Till says and Richard shudders in his arms. It’s something he can promise Till easily.

They kiss again and this time it feels even better, because they both know now. Richard’s dick presses against Till’s stomach this time and then Till’s hands finally find their way under his dress.

Richard’s breath hitches, when Till strokes over his cock. 

“Now you’ll be a good girl for me, yeah?” Till whispers directly into his ear and Richard is sure that he will die right there in his lap. Till chuckles and then carefully kisses Richard’s neck.

It doesn’t take long before Richard starts to thrust up in Till’s fist. Till rubs his own cock against his ass and Richard wishes he could stay forever in this moment. Just then Till opens his legs a bit more and Richard sits a bit back. Till gets his cock out again and Richard grins.

“Make me come, will you?” 

Till does exactly what Richard had wanted and he takes them both together in his strong hand. The moment they touch, Richard moans loudly and Till kisses him so hard that Richard is sure his lips will bruise as well.

Not that he will complain.

“You feel so damn good,” Till says and Richard can only nod at this point. He feels already too far gone. He’s still wearing the dress, his garter belt fully seen now that the dress is pulled up a bit, while his shoes are under the bed somewhere.

He’d never felt more sexy.

“I love you,” Richard whispers and that’s the moment Till comes over their stomachs. Richard groans at the feeling and it only takes a few more strokes until he’s coming as well.

Till falls back on the bed and RIchard giggles, when he falls on his broad chest. This has to be his favorite space in the world now.

“God I’ve been in love with you for such a long time,” Till mumbles against his skin and Richard smiles at that. He can’t believe that Till even likes him at all, but he’s glad they finally talked about it.

Just then Richard sits up again.

“Wait, am I your princess of Darkness?” Richards wants to know and Till laughs loudly at that. Richard pouts at him.

“Of course who else would it be?” Till says then and his smile turns so soft. Richard can’t help but smile as well.

“You are so adorable. So you wrote poems about me? Can I read them?” Richard asks and Till kisses him quiet, not that Richard really minds. He kisses him happily back. ANd then again just because he can.

“Sure if you want to,” Till whispers and then he lays back down. Richard cuddles against his chest and closes his eyes. 

He’s never been happier.

“I love you,” Till hums and presses another kiss into his hair. Richard sighs happily. 

“I love you too.”

“You’re thinking about reading the poems right now, am I right?” Till asks then and Richard is out of the bed before Till is even finished with his sentence. Till barks out a laugh at that.

He knew why he fell for that idiot so long ago.

Till takes his time, but he follows Richard back to the living room and sits down next to him. Richard holds his hand out and Till takes it, only to press another kiss to the back of his hand. Richard sighs happily.

“In exchange for that I wanna feel you in that dress again, since I feel like I consider myself an ass-man now and yours was just fantastic in that,” Till says and Richards snorts.

“You don’t even have to ask,” Richard answers.

It starts to rain.

Life is good sometimes.

[oops-aquarius]

tainted kisses

summary: steve needs some relaxation, which you provide to him

warnings: smut (!!!!), praise kink, slight degradation kink, a little bit of angst cuz a hoe is sad, oral fixation (duh), slight dom/sub dynamics (?), mentions of sadness/depression, tiny mommy kink (like barely there)

pairing: steve rogers x reader

word count: 2.2k

note(s): not edited well at all, also i used a prompt generator to get the promt i used (which is below !!)

prompt: “baths or water (tubs or jacuzzis; hot springs; water houses or steam rooms; the ocean; swimming pools.”

kink: “Oral fixation or fetishization (lips, tongue, or whole mouth; french-kissing; licking; oral displays using food or beer bottles; smoking cigarettes, cigars, or pipes; biting or chewing one's lip(s))”

--

***this is post-endgame except nobody died, cause im a hoe for all of the avengers***

Steve never realized how much he liked things in his mouth. Not always in a sexual way, at least not until after fighting Thanos.

After fighting for so long, bottling up his emotions was not at all how Steve needed to cope. He tried the yoga and meditation route Wanda had so kindly suggested. Yeah, after one session of hot yoga, Steve decided that it wasn't going to happen. Tony, obviously, suggested sex. Said something about it being a “healing experience for the soul”. That’s bullshit were Steve’s first thoughts when that came out of his mouth. Bucky told him to get some goats and raved about how therapeutic it was to raise them. But Steve could barely take care of himself, how would he even take care of a goat? Steve felt a hot sense of hopelessness burn against the back of his eyes as he sat on the floor of his bedroom, back pressed against the adjoined bathroom door.

“Steve?” A soft knock came from the front door. He took his thumb away from his mouth, he had resorted to subconsciously nibbling on the tip of it. Pulling himself off the door and towards the voice, he rubbed his tear-stricken cheeks in attempts to clean himself up a bit before seeing you.

“One sec, Y/N/N.”

When he opened the door, your face softened a bit before the smile that Steve, secretly, loved so much dropped off your face completely. “Stevie, what happened?”

Stevie, a nickname he hated for his entire life. A name that reminded him of the days before the super solider serum where he was a little guy getting beaten up on the streets of Brooklyn. Stevie, a nickname he loved hearing from your caring voice. Nobody else’s. 

“Just tired, Y/N” he sighed, “so,so tired.”

“Stevie,” your voice caught at the back of your throat. Seeing him in so much pain made your life turn upside down. He doesn't deserve to be in pain. “ S’there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“Just stay with me? Please?”

You took him back into his bed and sat with him, just talking about life until his breathing turned back to normal and he seemed partially-okay. 

“Do you want to take a bath?” you asked, still stroking the blonde strands of his hair.

“Are you saying I smell?” He took his face out of the crook of your shoulder, feigning a look of hurt.

“No, punk, I meant to relax. You seemed pretty shaken up and I just wanted to help. I mean, that’s what I do when I feel down, relax in a bat-”

He cuts you off, “I appreciate it. Really, Y/N, I don’t know many people that are as loving and caring as you, sweetheart.” The nickname made a pang in your heart. You had like the super solider since you had met him, but never felt like he reciprocated the feelings. Even though you both cuddled often, and had movie nights, and he always let you beat him while sparring, and that one time you came down with a stomach bug and he fed you soup and-holy shit. Did Steve like you? “Sweetheart?”

“Huh?”

“I said, ‘A bath does sound nice’. What’s got you so suddenly zoned out?” He says, donning a smirk.

“It’s nothing. Let’s get you into that bath, mister,” you had a faux grumpy look on your face as you got up and walked to the bathroom, starting to fill the white, ceramic bathtub with warm water. “Okay, big boy. You need help getting up or are you okay?”

Rolling his eyes at your inauthentic tone, Steve pushes his tensed frame off the body and managed to stumble into the bathroom, while you following him closely to make sure he doesn't fall over from exhaustion.

“I get it, I’m old, but damn Y/N. I can walk perfectly fine,” He chuckles as he pushes himself up to sit on the counter top.

You start to fill up the bathtub with warm water, adding bubbles and lighting a few scented candles. He looked so pretty, hair sticking out in every direction, lips pink and puffy from biting them, his ocean blue eyes still misty as he looks down at his cuticles, picking them slightly. 

“Okay, I’m gonna leave so you can take this bath,” you say, shutting off the faucet, “Got it?”

“Y/N?”

“Yes, Stevie.”

“Stay, please.” His eyes were watering more than earlier. He had those puppy dog eyes, lip quivering as his voice cracked and wavered even with just a few words. He looked so vulnerable, how could you say no to him?

“Of course, Steve. I mean, the bubbles with kind of cover everything. I’ll just sit next to the tub with you, alright?” You awkwardly giggled and scratched the back of your neck. He nodded, hopping off of the counter and starting to undress himself with a wobble. “Stevie, you’re shaking like a leaf, let me help you.”

His eyes never met yours as you helped him pull his t-shirt over his head and looped your delicate fingers through the waistband of his sweatpants, dragging them down his muscular thighs. “You’re not gonna finish your job, doll?”

His boxers. The only clothes he had left on were his grey boxers. You wanted to give him privacy and not look, especially in such a broken and vulnerable state. But god, you could see the outline of his partially-hard cock through the soft cotton. You thought about what it would be like to have your mouth around his hard length, chocking on it as he rammed himself into the back of your throat.

“Ummm, I just--I thought--I mean I can---Only if you want--” The dirty thoughts clouded your brain. It made speaking a speaking a sentence almost impossible as your mouth watered just thinking about his cock.

“It was a joke, sweetheart,” he laughed heartily, “You’re too adorable.”

Pulling his boxers down his legs, he waddled tiredly over to the tub before stepping in. He groaned in pleasure at the feeling of the warm water encapsulating his exhausted body. You imagined that’s how he’d groan if you sucked his cock so hard he was seeing stars.

You were still facing the door, like you were as Steve got completely undressed. You knew if you turned around and look at him, naked and at ease, you’d jump his bones in a heartbeat. “Come sit with me, Y/N”

And you did. You turned around cautiously, like you expected, the bubbles covered his body enough for you to be able to handle yourself as you sat down next to the tub. You grabbed his hand away from his lips, running your soft fingers over his rough calloused ones. “I always see you biting your nails or cuticle or lips or your pens. Why?”

He sighed, “I’m not sure, I guess it just distracts me?” He said it more like it was a question rather than a statement. “I guess I don’t truly know why I do it, I guess I just enjoy having things in my mouth.”

You could read Steve like a book, his pupils blown with lust, his lip stuck between his teeth, a blush heating up his cheeks. You took a leap of faith.

“Yeah, like what?”

“You.”

His lips were on yours in a flurry, it took a second for you to react, but as soon as you did it felt amazing. Neither of you seemed to care about the water splashing over you as his hands trailed up your body, tugging at the hem of your shirt.

He pulls away panting, “F-Fuck, Y/N, I need you. Please. Oh my god I need you so bad,” His eyes looked as if they were welling up with tears and he looked so pretty still in the relaxing bubble bath, whimpering and whining for you. 

“God, I need you too, baby,” you stop to look in his eyes sincerely, “Are you sure you want this? I don’t want to do anything that you don’t want to do or that you will regret.” Your hand caresses his cheek.

“Just get in here with me and I’ll show you how much I want you,” he whispered, “Need you, really.”

You sighed before your hands moved shakily to take off your t shirt. As much as you wanted this, you were still scared of how the ripped super solider would feel about you and your body, As soon as your shirt was off, Steve was whimpering, dipping his hand into the soapy water to massage his aching cock. This only spurred you to take off your clothes and join him faster. 

“Did I say you could touch yourself, puppy?” Your stern voice caught him off-guard, making him pause his actions with a look of fear on his face. You step into the bathtub, straddling him. Your nails raked up his milky white thighs, trailing up his body admiring the beauty of it. “Y’Know I was planning on being nice to you because you’ve been so good to me, but you might need to be punished, baby? Do you need to punshied like a brat?”

He mewled, bowing his head in shame. You could feel him growing harder and harder by the second and you were starting to go crazy with the empty feeling inside of you that on he could fill. “No, ma’am. I’ll be good, I swear!”

“Mmmm, that’s my good boy.” Your hands slid up his chest and rested on his cheeks, hearing him preen at your praise, as you repositioned yourself over his cock. “Are you sure you want this?”

“If you dont ride me into next week right fucking now I’m going to scream, Y/N,” He breathed out with a chuckle, Grabbing your thighs, he helps you sink down on his cock. Both of you were moaning and whimpering messes by the time you were sitting at this base of him, trying to get adjusted to his large size. 

Hot tears burned at the back of his eyes as soon as you lifted yourself up off of him, only leaving the tip of him inside of you, and slamming back down on his dick. 

“Baby-please,” he whimpered, “n-need, shit, need your fingers, bad.” 

You were confused, slowing down a bit to make sure he was okay. But his puppy dog eyes showed that he was okay. Slowly taking your wrist from his cheek, he puts your fingers in his warm mouth. Moaning around them and swirling his tongue around them. He did it the same way you always dreamed about sucking his dick, chocking and gagging on his length.

“Yeah, you’re such a needy little slut for me, for this pussy. Look at you, so ruined and fucked out just because I’m fucking you.” He moaned sensually at your words making your core tighten impossibly. 

You had gotten a good idea as you were riding him. Slowly, you start to thrust your hand in and out of his mouth, watching the saliva dribble out of the corners of his mouth as he choked on you. The band in your tummy starts tightening as you feel yourself getting close. 

“Shit, fuck, baby, I’m gonna come. Oh my god, you’re make me come with your beautiful cock, puppy. So good for me, aren’t you?” Your free hand dips into the water, cupping his balls and rolling them around your soft palm.

He nods, choking on your nimble finger yet again his you massage his sensitive balls. “Gonna come,” he slurred and spit around you.\, “almost there.”

“I didn’t” you moaned as you feel his balls tighten, fall back down on his cock at a faster pace, “give you permission to do that. I thought you were going to be good for me?”

“I am” he spluttered loudly, “i am good, I swear. Just please let me come. I need it, oh shit, mommy.”

The name went straight to your core, making you grow weak as you feebly give him permission to come as you come undone with one more bounce on his large member. His hands come up to grope your breasts as he come with hot spurts inside of your tight cunt. 

“Oh my god,” you stifle a giggle as you stand up on shaky legs. You wordlessly helped him out of the tub and wrapped him in a white towel, walking him to bed while you dried yourself off. Collapsing on the bed with a grunt, the solider hollds out his hand to you, signalling you to lay down with him. You could easily tell he was still coming down from his sex high, starting to regain his self back.

“I dont know what possessed me to,” he pauses, trying to figure out a way to word the rest of his sentence, “to suck, I guess, on your hand. I’m sorry, Y/N, that was really weird of me.”

“What do’ya mean, baby? Having an oral fixation isn’t something to be ashamed of.” The words make him smile with droopy eyes, tucking his head into your neck and starting to fall asleep, happy and comfortable, cuddling you.

“And to be honest, puppy. I think it’s really hot.”

[potassium-pilot]

FFXIVWrite 2022 Day 24: Vicissitudes

No, he did nothing with the Warrior of Light last night, much as he would have liked to have said otherwise any other night.

It wasn’t much, really. Dia entered into his room last night at his behest, dressed in just her nightgown, late in the night when even he was just in his nightgown. Not that it mattered. She had been here so long at this point that it was like a family member entering his room. He begged her sit down on the sofa in front of his fireplace next to him.

“Forgive me”, she said, “for intruding on your rest, Haurchefant.”

“Think nothing of it. I hadn’t begun to sleep just yet. Tell me, what brings you by? And with such a sad look on your face?”

She took a deep breath. “I am trying…so hard to hold it together in front of Alphinaud and Tataru. They need me. They really need me right now to be the level-headed one.”

“Dia, for all the power you wield as a warrior, not even you are immune to the effects of banishment. Why do you not share these things with your comrades?”

She shook her head. “They’re hopeless. Last thing they need is all three of us looking like we’re giving up.”

“Are you giving up, Dia?”

“No, of course not.”

“Then what would confiding in one another do?”

She sniffled. “I don’t want to look weak.” She wiped her eyes with her sleeve. “Not in front of them. I’m supposed to be their champion for gods’ sakes.”

“I don’t think you look weak right now.”

She stared into his eyes, sad and wet.

“Far from it. You look like you need help, aye, but that is not weakness. That is life. And if you don’t believe your fellows can help you, if you wish to be their rock, then let me be yours. The Syndicate and the Crystal Braves delivered you unto me, now make it mean something.”

She lunged into him and let out wracking sobs. Gods help her, she tried to avoid it, but she couldn’t. Haurchefant held her tight. It was all he could do. A few minutes passed, letting her go as much as she was capable, then soon, she raised her head off of his chest. “I’m sorry”, she whimpered.

“Nonsense. I told you I would help you, and I shall.”

She blinked a few times, staring into the fire.

“I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“Then don’t. My bed is here for you, and my sofa shall do for me.”

“Wait, no!”

Haurchefant stared at her confusedly.

“I-I don’t want to make you give up your bed when I have one of my own. Forget I said anything.” She stood up when Haurchefant begged, “Hold for a moment.” He turned to stare back at his bed and suggested. “You know, my bed is quite large…too large, even, for one man. Tell me, would sharing it make you uncomfortable?”

That shocked her. “Er…well…it’s kind of…isn’t it a little…I…”

“I’ll take that as yes, it would.”

“No!”

That took him aback. “Forgive me, Haurchefant, I was just…surprised by your willingness to suggest it. No, I’m not uncomfortable with the idea.”

He smiled. “Then we have our solution. We share for a night.”

“We share for a night.”

Dia’s no stranger to sharing beds. Just not with men she was secretly in love with. Nevertheless, she climbed into the bed, and he joined her soon after. “Good night, my friend”, he bid as he shut off the light.

“Good night.”

She turned to her left side towards the side of the bed, and attempted to close her eyes and pretend like she hadn’t just done this. Minutes passed before she reopened it, the terrible sleeper she is, and heard her bedfellow snoring.

Damn, out like a light.

Out of sheer curiosity, she turned. Completely unexpected to her, she found Haurchefant lying completely prone. She did always like sleeping on her side, and never quite understood the necessity of some to lie fully on their backs. It was curious.

And maybe a bit too intimate of information to ever share with anyone. She decided to stick to this side and closed her eyes. There was something about hearing someone nearby that made her feel safer, almost, though she knew she could take care of herself. It made the sleeping process much easier.

Of course, she didn’t expect that the sleeping process would end with the two of them wrapped around each other like vines on a tree the following morning.

She shouldn’t have enjoyed this, she knew. Her head rested on his arm, and his left arm was draped over her side, his hand hitting the small of her back. Dia knew in the end, she had to leave, so she gently lifted up his arm to place at his side, then softly shuffled out of the bed. Dia tiptoed towards the door, opened it slightly to see if anyone was out there that would notice her, sighed in relief when no one was there, then slowly opened and closed the door to hurry back to her room.

When she was gone, Haurchefant grabbed her pillow and took a deep sniff. After that, he used it to hold onto so he could sleep a while longer.

[atlabeth]

everything happens for a reason part 6 - zuko x fem!reader

The thing about forever is that it's a fucking lie

part 5 | masterlist | part 7

a/n: you all know whats coming lmao i got nothing to say for myself

wc: 3.5k

warning(s): pakku's usual sexism, typical siege of the north stuff, mostly angst but a lil bit of fluff in there

chapter title comes from forever is a lie by bea miller!

“I can’t believe that your tribe doesn’t teach waterbending to women!” Katara fumed, the snow beneath her feet packed tightly from her continuous pacing. “I mean, how can they even do that? Master Pakku’s all about ‘his culture and his teachings’ but his teachings are completely sexist!”

Y/N just nodded along as she listened to Katara — Master Pakku had refused to teach Katara, and after a disappointing healing lesson she had found Y/N to rant. “Yep. It’s unfair, but there’s not much we can do about it.”

Katara frowned and stopped in her tracks. “Don’t you want to learn how to fight too? I love being able to heal and help people, don’t get me wrong, but healing isn’t all I want to do.”

A shaky sigh fell from her lips and she shrugged, adjusting her position on the platform of ice she had made to sit on. “Well… yeah, I guess. I know a couple of martial moves, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to know more. But Katara, I—”

Y/N was silent for a moment as flashes of the past played behind her eyelids. “I’m not like you. I’m not the kind of person to challenge the rules. Not anymore.”

Katara shook her head, already back to her pacing. “I think you’re selling yourself short. I saw your healing during your class — you’re really talented, Y/N, and I know that skill will transfer over to fighting.”

“Thank you, but— but it doesn’t matter how good we are. Master Pakku is just as stubborn as he is talented, and I think he’d rather die than be a decent person. It’s a shame though. I’d really like to see someone knock some sense into him.”

“Yeah…” Katara sighed. “Hopefully Aang is having a better time than I am.” She looked up at the sky then fixed Y/N with a wry smile. “Speaking of Aang, I should probably get back to him and my brother. Sorry for talking your ear off the whole night.”

Y/N waved her hand around nonchalantly. “Don’t worry about it. You have my permission to rant to me any time you want while you’re here.”

Katara grinned and offered her hand, which Y/N took with a small smile as she got up from her ice platform. With a slight movement of her hand she bent it back into the ground, and the two girls began their walk back to the city. “I just wish I knew how to get Pakku to let up.”

“You’ll think of something,” Y/N reassured.

-

Katara did indeed think of something. Y/N’s wish of Pakku getting some sense knocked into him was granted when Katara challenged him to a fight, which was quite possibly the best thing that Y/N had ever witnessed. Though she ultimately lost, he still decided to take her on as a student — and in a move that Y/N would forever be grateful for, Katara had gotten Pakku to take her on as well. Katara made history that day, and she felt a shining sense of admiration for the girl for shaking things up.

And now, her days consisted of early mornings spent training, afternoons in classes, and nights doing homework, as well as fitting in time to hang out with Yue — it was a miracle she had any free time at all.

Lately though, it seemed like all Yue could talk about was Sokka. She liked him just as much as he liked her, but Yue was good — no matter how much she cared for someone, her tribe would always come first.

(“Did I hear that you and Sokka have a date later tonight?” she teased. “Aren’t you moving a little too fast?” Yue was silent at her attempt at humor and Y/N frowned. “Yue, are you okay?”

Silence lingered in the air for so long that Y/N almost thought she didn’t hear her, but finally the princess spoke as she pulled down the collar of her jacket to reveal an engagement necklace. Y/N gasped.

“It’s from Hahn,” she said quietly. “He proposed an hour ago, and I accepted.”

“You what?” Y/N cried, prompting a slight grimace from Yue. “Hahn— you can’t stand him!”

“Y/N, please,” Yue sighed. “He’s not that bad — he’s handsome, I guess. And he’s the son of a noble, and he’ll be really good for the tribe.”

“Yue, you’re the one who has to deal with him. He proposed to you, not the tribe — Spirits, half the boys in this tribe like you, why him?”

“It’s best for the tribe,” she repeated, her words an attempt to convince Y/N as much as herself.

“But what’s best for you?” Y/N countered.

Yue hadn’t answered, and had made up some half-baked excuse that she had to be somewhere. She had watched her go sadly, hoping that she would figure something out with Sokka.)

And it’s not like she wasn’t happy that her friend had found someone, it was just…

Y/N was upset that someone wasn’t her. And she didn’t know how to deal with that revelation.

But one morning, while making idle conversation with Katara as their lesson came to an end, a matter much more pressing came to hand.

Black snow. Soot raining down from the sky, tarnishing everything it touched.

A feeling all too familiar brewed in her chest as she met her friend’s eyes, and one thing was clear.

The Fire Nation was coming.

-

The air was even more frigid than usual with the knowledge of an imminent invasion, and Y/N had parted ways with her friends once they reached the town hall to be with her grandparents. The tension in the air was thick as Chief Arnook stepped up to address the people.

“The day we have feared for so long has arrived — the Fire Nation is on our doorstep. It is with great sadness I call my family here before me, knowing well that some of these faces are about to vanish from our tribe, but they will never vanish from our hearts. Now, as we approach the battle for our existence, I call upon the great spirits. Spirit of the Ocean! Spirit of the Moon! Be with us! I'm going to need volunteers for a dangerous mission.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Sokka stood up. “Count me in.”

Her eyes widened as she met Katara’s from across the room, and she looked equally surprised. “Sokka…”

“Be warned: many of you will not return.” Several other men stood up after Sokka, including her grandfather. Despite his age he was a skilled fighter, but that was no comfort to Y/N. She reached up for his hand and shook her head almost desperately, but he smiled sadly and squeezed her hand, a sentiment to express words unsaid. “Come forward to receive my mark, if you accept the task.”

As he walked forward to join the line, she found the only solace she could in her grandmother’s open arms, burying her face in the fur of her jacket. “He will be okay,” she soothed. “He’s just as strong as he is brave. You have to have faith.”

She hoped that her grandmother was right. She couldn’t handle another loss.

Once all the men had received their marks, they left to confer about the battle plan. Y/N found her way up to the stage where a tearful Yue sat. It pained Y/N to see her in such a way, and when she sat down and offered her hand the princess immediately took it.

“I saw that your grandfather volunteered,” she said after a beat of silence. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too. For Sokka.” Y/N adjusted her position so their shoulders were touching, and she sighed heavily. “I can’t stop thinking about my village. My father.” She met Yue’s eyes, her own beginning to tear up.

“What if it happens again?” she whispered, her voice cracking. “I can’t— I can’t do it again.”

Yue let go of her hand to wrap the girl in a hug, the warmth of the embrace managing to chip away at some of their hopelessness. “You won’t have to do it again,” she stated, the reassurance seeming like the truth when coming from her. “You’re not alone this time.”

She finally pulled away from the hug as she wiped the tears off her face, and Y/N nodded. Yue somehow always knew exactly what to say. “What would I do without you?” she asked, her voice slightly watery.

“You’re never going to know,” the princess smiled. “Because whether you like it or not, you’re stuck with me.” That got a laugh out of Y/N and the two of them stood up as Yue gestured outside with her head. “I think I saw Aang and my father out there. It’ll help to talk with them — I think you need some fresh air anyways.”

Y/N nodded and the two girls walked out hand in hand, a small reprieve from carrying the weight of the world.

-

Things were so much worse than she had been anticipating.

After a short talk outside the hall with Katara, Aang, and the Chief, Yue had been transported somewhere safer as Y/N steeled herself for the front lines. After all, as a student of Master Pakku, she could fight damn well — it was just a matter of putting it into action.

But a line of warriors and children alike were no match for the strength of the Fire Nation from afar, and the first few fireballs had done their job at disrupting both the fighters and the wall — Seeing her home get destroyed hurt nearly as much as constantly getting thrown around.

After Aang had taken off on Appa and Chief Arnook took a section of his soldiers off for a different plan, the work on the ground began. The fleet of ships seemed endless , and the same went for their artillery — the fight went long into the day as Y/N worked with various other waterbenders to stop fireballs and repair broken parts of the city’s infrastructure, but just as the full moon began to show, the attacks stopped coming. Limbs heavy with exhaustion from their work in the field, Y/N and Katara met up with the princess back at the balcony of the palace.

“They’ve stopped firing,” Yue noted as they all gazed off into the distance.

“Thank the spirits,” Y/N muttered as she worked out a knot in her shoulder. “I don’t know how much longer I could’ve kept going.”

Just then, Appa came into view and a grin spread across Katara’s face. “Aang!”

He landed below them and the three girls hurried down to meet him. Aang landed on the ground, exhaustion clear in every part of him. “I can’t do it,” he muttered as he placed his head in his hands. “I can’t do it.”

“What happened?” Katara asked as she ran up to him, Yue and Y/N close behind.

“I must’ve taken out a dozen Fire Navy ships, but there’s just too many of them!” His large grey eyes were full of hopelessness, and Y/N’s heart ached for the boy. “I can’t fight them all.”

“But— you have to!” Yue pleaded. “You’re the Avatar.”

“I’m just one kid,” Aang countered wearily. He buried his face in his arms and Katara kneeled next to him in an attempt to comfort him. Y/N could almost forget about the pain in her body at that moment, feeling an odd responsibility to this boy as she looked down at him.

“Aang,” she muttered, following Katara’s example and kneeling next to him. “You’ve already done so much for us. Just by being here, you’ve inspired hundreds of people — you’re a beacon of hope all on your own! We don’t expect you to take out this whole navy by yourself. As long as you’re here, fighting with us? You’re helping us more than you know.”

He managed a slight smile at that and he took her outstretched hand, getting pulled back to his feet with her help.

“We’ll have a better view from up there,” Katara noted, pointing back up to the balcony. “You can help us keep watch, Aang — in case they start attacking again.”

He nodded and the four of them began the walk, the Avatar in slightly better spirits.

“The legends say the moon was the first waterbender,” Yue said once they had reached the balcony, all of them gazing at the sky. “Our ancestors saw how it pushed and pulled the tides and learned how to do it themselves.”

“I’ve always noticed my waterbending is stronger at night,” Katara mused, causing Y/N to hum in agreement.

“Our strength from the spirit of the moon, our life from the spirit of the ocean,” she said. “They work together to keep balance.

Aang’s expression brightened at her words as he popped up from the ground. “The spirits! Maybe I can find them and get their help!”

“How can you do that?” Y/N questioned.

“The Avatar is the bridge between our world and the Spirit World,” Katara explained excitedly. “Aang can talk to them!”

“Maybe they’ll give you the wisdom to win this battle!” Yue exclaimed.

“Or maybe they'll unleash a crazy amazing spirit attack on the Fire Nation!” At that, all three girls met him with strange looks. Aang coughed and straightened his posture. “Or wisdom. That's good, too.”

“The only problem is, last time you got to the Spirit World by accident,” Katara said with a frown. “How are you going to get there this time?”

Yue’s eyes lit up and she looked at them with a smile. “I have an idea. Follow me.”

-

A few minutes later, they were standing in the Spirit Oasis, the most spiritual place in all of the North. Yue, Y/N, and Katara all shed their coats as Aang walked around, marvelling at the beauty.

“I can feel… something,” Aang said as he sat down, getting into a meditating position. “It’s so tranquil.”

Soon enough, after a few moments of silence, Aang’s eyes as well as the arrow on his head began to glow.

“Is he okay?” Yue gasped.

“He’s crossing into the Spirit World,” Katara reassured. “He’ll be fine as long as we don’t move his body. That’s his way back to the physical world.”

“I’ve never seen anything like this,” Y/N whispered, astonishment etched into her face. For as much as she had been taught about the ocean spirits, she wasn’t well-versed in the Spirit World as a whole — she was thoroughly fascinated by every part of this.

“Maybe we should get some help,” Yue suggested, still on edge as she took a few steps away from the gate.

“No, he’s my friend. I’m perfectly capable of protecting him. Besides, I already have some help here.” She smiled at Y/N, a sentiment that she returned happily.

A deep voice, almost mocking, broke the silence as it echoed throughout the oasis. “Well, aren’t you a big girl now? Even got yourself a little student.”

The three girls all whipped around to find the source of the voice, and Katara’s whole body stiffened. “No…”

“Yes. Hand him over and I don’t have to hurt you.”

Y/N immediately eased into a bending stance along with Katara as the princess fled to get help, but her confidence faltered when she took the time to focus on their assailant.

She almost didn’t recognize him — it had been nearly four years since she had last set eyes upon the boy, but it was as if he had become a completely different person. His head was shaved completely save for a ponytail, and blues and reds marked his skin in various cuts and bruises. His eyes held an anger she had never seen before, an expression only heightened with the addition of a large red scar across his left eye.

“Zuko?” she breathed, her chest tightening up beneath the weight of the revelation. Katara stared at her in bewilderment — she had no idea that Y/N knew the prince that had chased them halfway across the world, but Katara supposed that she had no reason to ever suspect she did.

His eyes flashed with recognition as they ran over her, and it seemed as if he had a similar epiphany as he staggered backwards. “I… I thought you were dead.”

“You’re with them,” she muttered, blood turning to ice. “Your nation is invading, and you’re helping them— you’re after the Avatar? What are you doing, Zuko?!”

The momentary surprise was replaced by steely determination as he shifted his weight forward and kicked up his leg, sending a blast of fire that she barely managed to dodge. “You know nothing!”

Y/N fell back into position next to Katara, but the newfound knowledge was like a fog over her mind. “Whoever he was when you knew him, that’s not him anymore!” Katara yelled as she bent water out of the pond and blocked his following attacks. “He won’t hesitate to hurt you, so you can’t either!”

“O-okay!” she stammered. This was the moment she had been waiting for, wasn’t it? After training with both Katara and Pakku, her martial skill had increased tenfold, and she was desperate to try it out — she only wished her first opponent didn’t have to be him. But another fire blast snapped her out of her paralysis, and she jumped into action.

The two girls worked impossibly well together, one stepping forward when the other fell back, the bending between them nearly seamless. Any fire that the prince sent their way was quickly extinguished, and with two against one on home turf, Y/N and Katara were able to hold him off with relative ease.

Y/N bent another jet of water up from the oasis and shot it at Zuko, the force of which knocked him several feet back. Katara took the opening and froze his feet to the ground, then began to move her arms about as she formed a ball of water around him — one more movement and it was frozen solid.

“You little peasant,” he growled. “You’ve found a master, haven’t you?”

The orb of ice began to glow, the air around them becoming hotter and hotter until it melted around him. Blasts of fire were flying at them as soon as Zuko hit the ground, and they were forced to retreat back towards the oasis as they grew more intense.

Y/N drew up a shield of water, extinguishing the flames on impact. Zuko dodged around them, his fingers inches away from Aang’s collar. Y/N propelled the water already at her fingertips towards Zuko with a grunt of effort, which sent him flying into the shallows on the other side of the oasis. She conjured up a large wave and sent it towards the prince, sending him up the side of the wall and trapping him once Katara froze it.

She breathed a sigh of relief and let her arms fall, a part of her wondering how they were still connected after the tediousness of the earlier battle. But this, one on one in a fight with real stakes? It was as exhilarating as it was nerve wracking, and she had never been so thankful that Katara had gotten her in with Master Pakku. Y/N felt intensely guilty over the pain she had inflicted on Zuko, but she tried her best to push it out of her mind — like Katara said, he would’ve done worse if she hadn’t fought back.

“You fought well,” Katara smiled. “I told you that you were talented.”

She chuckled and shrugged, cheeks heating up slightly at the praise. “It’s not exactly my first fight, just… the most intense.” It reminded her of the early mornings and late nights spent sparring with Zuko, a memory that only twisted the dagger in her heart even more.

The two girls smiled at each other as they began to walk back over to Aang — it seemed the boy was undisturbed by the fight by virtue of his glowing tattoos and closed eyes — when Y/N found herself squinting from the rays of light filtering in.

“Huh,” she mumbled. “The sun’s out. The sun’s out— Katara!”

Y/N turned to find the prince free from the ice, and the pair barely had time to draw water from the pond to shield themselves from the impending flames. But it was too little too late, and the power of the blast sent them back several feet. They slammed into either side of the gate, the force of it immediately knocking Katara out.

Y/N gasped in pain as she tried to push herself up, but the fight combined with the impact of her landing had taken a toll on her and she collapsed once more against the gate. When the smoke from the fire cleared, Zuko was there with Aang’s collar in his grasp.

“You rise with the moon,” he muttered, his face tinged with the slightest bit of guilt as he met her eyes. “I rise with the sun.”

The last thing she saw before her consciousness faded out was the boy she loved escaping with the Avatar.

-

why did i make yue and y/n like this when i KNOW what i have to write next omg i hate myself

perm tag list: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77

ehfar: @chandies-sideblog @persica27 @anzanity @randomthingssss @escapingthoughtsandsecrets @shanksfav @shephard17895 @ilovespideyyy

atla: @marianne1806

[maybe-theres-hope]

Those Four Words

So yeah I JUST finished Desperate Measures and I literally had to get this out before I could sleep. 

5.03 Coda | 1.6k | Summary: How I would love to see them get their shit together. Title from the episode, referring to Eddie saying “We need to talk” because YES YOU FUCKING DO. *puts on clown nose*

Buck finds Eddie sulking on the bench in the locker room. Because this was becoming a pretty common occurrence as of late, he takes it on himself to do the best friend thing he always does, and walks in to sit beside him. 

The fact that Eddie doesn’t automatically look up at him with annoyance--like he has most of the time Buck has done this in the past few weeks, when they both know what the conversation is going to sound like--is unsettling but not off-putting.

“Hey,” is his opener. Quiet and courteous of Eddie’s obvious pain. Buck’s good at this best friend thing. Had a lot of practice lately.

He gets nothing in reply for long, long moments. He waits it out. Eddie’s a closed-off guy at the best of times, but when he’s hurting, it’s like a steel wall is up between him and the world. Buck’s taken a sledgehammer to that wall a few times and it hasn’t ended pretty. Lately he’s been just simply knocking at it, hoping the man on the other side can hear that he’s not alone. That’s all he can do. 

Then, “I broke up with Ana. Like. Officially.”

Buck is quiet for a moment. “Was there an...unofficial breakup before that?”

“I don’t know. Probably when I panicked twice in front of her at the mere mention of us as a family. Think that set off a few warning bells in her.”

Buck very carefully remains silent. 

“Well, actually. I don’t know if it did because...she was pretty devastated when I told her it wasn’t going to work. Like she didn’t see it coming after all.”

“What did you tell her? At the official breakup, I mean.” Buck doesn’t move, doesn’t speak above a low tone that barely breaches the two-foot divide between them. 

“Not the truth, that’s for damn sure. But. Something maybe close to it.” Eddie still hasn’t looked at him. His hand is half-over his eyes, fingers pressing at his temples like he’s trying to stave off a migraine. Buck’s presence is sometimes migraine inducing, he knows, but he doesn’t think he’s ever done it to Eddie.

...Maybe?

Nah. 

Hopefully not.

“What’s...something like the truth?” he asks.

“Basically that I thought I could grow to love her eventually. I tried hard to do that, but...it’s never going to happen. I know it’s not.”

Buck remains silent, waiting.

“She...she’s not stupid. She figured out that what was sending me into...whatever was happening to me--”

Buck very pointedly does not point out that what was happening were full blown panic attacks, Eddie--

“--was triggered by the thought of a future with her. It’s not even that she’s a bad prospect. She’s perfect, actually. In every way except that she’s not... Nevermind.”

“So, she was good with Christopher, right? I mean, you said she was--” Buck’s concern is hard to hide. If she did anything to hurt Christopher or make him feel...any type of way, Buck will be livid. But he doesn't think that’s the case. He even likes Ana. She’s nice, friendly, caring. She’s just...

“She’s just not for me.”

Buck can clearly see this is distressing Eddie to the nth degree, but he doesn’t know how to fix it. He’s never had to save a relationship before. And is that what he should be doing? Sure, he’s great at this best friend thing and he wants his friend to be happy--more than anything in the world--but he’s at a loss as to what the actual problem is here.

“But Eddie, you said yourself she’d make a great mother for Chr--”

“He doesn’t need another mother! He had one, and she’s gone. He doesn’t need another.” The raised voice makes Buck pause for a moment. It’s the loudest either of them have spoken the entire time, and he’s sure it has a lot to do with the Shannon of it all, but...it doesn’t seem like that’s the whole thing. 

“I don’t know why I tried to force it. I knew it wasn’t going to work from day one. But she’s just...she was the best alternative.”

“Alternative to what? Eddie, what--”

“I’m in love with someone else! Okay? And I know I should have told her that, but I couldn’t. I can’t even...” he cuts himself off with a huff, but for the first time, he looks up to meet Buck’s gaze. His eyes are shining, but he’s not sad. He’s frustrated. Buck’s learned to tell the difference over the years. 

Best friend and all.

He weighs his options, because this is brand new information to him, which is saying something, and he’s not quite sure where to go from here.

Sure, he absolutely knows where he wants this to go, but. He’s also learned over the years that that’s just...not in the cards. Not for Buck, anyway.

Finally, he opens his mouth again. “I...didn’t know you were seeing anyone else besides Ana. Thought you two were, like, a serious thing.” Understatement of the year. How on earth was Eddie seeing someone that Buck didn’t know about? They practically lived out of each other’s pockets half the time. 

Eddie huffs out a small, horrible laugh. “I’m not. Seeing anyone. In that sense, anyway. Though we do see a lot of each other. A disgusting amount, if I’m being honest.” The laugh he lets out here is not horrible. It’s almost...fond. 

“O...kay.” Somewhere inside, Buck’s heart falters. “So, what’s the problem? Do they...not feel the same way?”

Another huff of a laugh. “Dunno. I never asked.” Eddie’s back to rubbing his temples again, almost hiding his face on purpose. 

“Alright, well, that should probably be step one.” Buck can’t keep the hint of scolding out of his tone, but he can see that it makes Eddie smile. “I can help you, if you want?”

This makes Eddie smile even wider, but it turns sad in an instant. “I know you would. But you can’t.”

Buck takes a moment--or several--to consider himself. To weigh all his options and arrive at a logical and sensible conclusion.

Who is he kidding? Buck opens his mouth on impulse, praying to every deity he’s ever heard of that he’s not wrong and he’s not about to ruin everything.

“I can try.” Another small laugh from Eddie in response, a hopeless, resigned one. “Eddie.” When he gets no reaction, he tries again. He really needs eye contact for this, no matter how much he knows Eddie hates it during emotional conversations. “Eddie.”

Slowly, Eddie’s eyes meet his. Buck goes for broke. 

“Step one. Ask.”

Eddie stares at him for a moment, no discernible change in his features. Buck’s eyes plead with him. And then, it’s like Buck can watch the switch flip behind his eyes. When he catches up to what’s being said here. 

Buck holds his breath for what feels like ages and feels his skin grow cold with shame because he was wrong, he was wrong, he was so so wrong--

“Are--” Eddie begins, strained. Buck’s heart stops. “Are we--” Buck’s sure his heart can’t actually stop twice, but it definitely does at this addition. 

His eyes are glued to Eddie’s, though. Like magnets. Pulling in the only direction they can ever go. The way the universe wills them. 

Eddie seems to come back to himself for a moment, flicking his eyes to the glass. Buck’s eyes tear themselves away to look at what’s caught his attention. The entire B shift and some of the A are still milling around outside. 

“Are we really going to do this here?” is the question Eddie actually poses to him. But, when Buck’s eyes snap back to their target, he sees something that kickstarts his heart again, and he lets out the breath he’d been deliberately holding for the last 45 seconds, give or take. Eddie’s tiny, timid smile seals the deal. 

“We could go to my place?” Buck offers. Tries desperately not to think about what could happen. What he wants to happen. 

“I need to get home to Christopher.” Eddie’s standing, grabbing his duffel. Buck’s nodding, because yeah, that’s true. He scrubs his mind of the...thoughts that were just playing through it.

“And so do you,” is what’s tacked onto the end, just thrown out there, like it’s the most normal, logical thing in the world. Eddie’s face is still a little timid when Buck looks up, but his own face must give away his heart because Eddie’s smile after that is radiant. He hands Buck his own bag, also giving him a hand up off the bench.

Yeah, his legs are a little wobbly. Good best friend actions, Eddie. Thanks. 

Though. Buck doesn’t know if that term still applies. Are they friends? Are they more now? But they haven’t talked about anything so, like, they’re not anything yet, right? But Eddie said he was in love with--

His thoughts halt when Eddie lands a small kiss to his lips, there and gone again in a nanosecond and wow, that had no right to be as earth-shattering as it was, it was just a peck, for Christ’s sake, and--

“Buck. Get your shit and lets go, yeah?”

“Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.” Smooth. 

But Eddie’s smiling. For real this time. Buck will take that.

lbr, the show wouldn’t acknowledge Taylor during this conversation. It’d be wrapped up the next episode and she would storm out and never be heard from again. Definitely NOT how I’d want that to go, but. We all know it would. *honks clown nose*

[supercorpkid]

Extraneous Variable

Error: n1.

Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader, Alex Danvers x Niece!Reader, Brainy x Reader

Word count: 3220.

So what if Lena told you not to mess with alien technology, and that ‘whatever comes from it, it’s clearly evil’? They had a device to erase the mind that you couldn’t crack, it should be obvious to her that eventually you would find your way to it in your lab and try to figure it out. You are an inventor after all, you should know how this thing works.

And it’s crazy, the number of things you can think with just a few changes here and there. This piece of tech is so groundbreaking that if you figure it out, you’ll change the world completely. If you just find the courage to press that little button.

You can do it. You’re a scientist. If your mind gets erased, then you already have the device to bring the memories back. And if something else happens, you sure can think of a solution too. Here’s to not dying.

You press the button.

You’re pretty sure this wasn’t supposed to be happening. The machine seems to be overheating and you’re positive that the entire room shouldn’t be blue. Maybe you should get out of the lab.

You run to the door, but halfway through you fall on the floor. You look around, confused. How-how did everything get so big? Oh, no. Oh, wait. Oh, dear Rao. Things didn’t get bigger! You got smaller! How? You get up and try to walk, but you fall face first on the floor.

Ouch, that hurts. Wait, wait. What are these weird little fat hands? You look at the shiniest surface in the room and then, BOOM, you realize. You’re a baby. A BABY! You got turned into a BA-BY! Shit. What do you do now?

Your phone is on top of the table, and you obviously can’t reach it. You try to fly, but you don’t leave the ground. You look at the surface again just to be sure. It’s you, it’s really you. You look like all the old photos of yourself you can think of. So, you’re stuck in your old baby’s body, but you still think like a 16-years-old-girl? Ok. Not weird at all.

You’re sorry about what you’re doing next, but you need help out of this mess. You press the emergency button on the super watch and wait until Kara appears. No longer than two minutes later.

“Baby! Did you call?” You hear from the other side of the door. “Please, open the door.”

Well, that’s just it. You can’t.

“Little one, if you don’t open it, I’m gonna have to break it.” Kara waits a beat, and when nothing happens, she pushes the door. You look at the door coming off on her hands, and she puts it on the side. “Baby, where are you?” She is looking up, so she hasn’t seen you yet.

“Mommy!” You yell, to get her attention and she looks down at you.

“What the-?” Kara kneels down in front of you, blinking slowly, trying to take in what’s in front of her. She furrows her brows, tilts her head, then looks up again. “Baby, did you make another baby with your DNA?”

“Mommy!” You say again, and she looks down on you one more time. You open your arms, so she can pick you up, and Kara does just that. “Baby!”

“Well, you certainly look and sound like my daughter.” Kara sits you on your table and looks around. It takes her a couple of minutes to finally look back at you with wide eyes. “You ARE my daughter!”

“Yes!”

Kara paces around the lab, looking at you a few times and looking around. She looks as shocked as you think she would.

“Mom!” You ask and she comes back to the table. “Mom, hi!”

“You want to go say hi to your mom?” She asks, to which you shake your head agreeing.

“Peas.”

“Oh.” Kara holds your face between her hands with the biggest smile, and eyes full of tears. “It’s you little one! You’re a baby again. You said, ‘peas’ instead of ‘please’.” One tear falls from her eye. “It’s you! You’re my baby again!”

Ok. This is going to go on forever if you let her, so, you might as well speed this up.

“Mom, mom, mom!” You chant, until Kara stops kissing your face, and picks you up again.

“Well, I do not miss you only wanting Lena, but ok.” She makes her way out of the lab, and you feel bad for chanting for Lena so annoyingly. You reach for her face, and she looks down on you. You smile at her, and she smiles back.

“Sowy mommy.” Kara looks at you, and she looks like she’s about to explode from happiness.

“Can we just keep you like this forever?” Kara asks, kissing your face a few more times.

“No!” You frown and she laughs.

“Ok, ok.” Kara goes into the elevator. “Let’s get Lena and try to figure out how to reverse this.”

Kara stops on another floor, and you look around trying to figure out why you didn’t go to Lena’s office. Oh, no. She might be in a meeting. Kara makes her way to a room, and knocks on the door, waving at Lena on the other side.

“Let’s surprise her, shall we?” She hides you with her cape, watching Lena coming closer.

“Supergirl, I’m in the middle of a meeting. I can’t talk right now.” Lena spits out of gritted teeth.

“Well, this might change your mind.” Kara takes the cape out of your face, and you smile at Lena.

“Aah!” She yells, but soon covers her mouth with her hands. “Where did you get this baby?”

“This is our daughter!” Kara shows you again.

“Mom!” You say, so you can confirm Kara’s theory.

“This is not our daughter! Our daughter is sixteen!” Lena says, looking at you, and you open your arms, throwing yourself at her. She doesn’t pick you up. “What in the fucking hell is going on?”

“I was hoping you could answer!” Kara says and you fight out of her arms and into Lena’s. “She wants you.”

“I-I, dear God, why are our lives so damn weird?” Lena asks and bends over a little to look in your eyes. “Ok baby. I mean, actual baby. If you are somehow my teenage daughter trapped in a baby’s body, talk.”

“Yes. Baby.” You talk.

“This can’t be true.”

“Mom! Mom!” You open your arms again, Lena still doesn’t pick you up, much preoccupied with the meeting happening behind her. Ok, well, you’re sorry, but this meeting has to end now.

It’s not one of your finest moments, you have to admit, but you yell loud and cry even louder. Kara rocks you gently, while shushing you, and Lena is begging you to stop.

“MOM!” You yell, mid-cry, throwing yourself from Kara’s arms.

“Please pick her up!” Kara begs desperately, putting you in Lena's arms and you stop crying as soon as she does so, giving them a little satisfied smile.

“I have a meeting!” Lena tells you, and then looks at Kara asking for help.

“Not anymore. Now, you have a baby. Again.” Kara gives her a forced smile, and Lena looks back at the room with every man staring at her. Because, obviously, your crying has caught some attention.

“I’m sorry gentlemen, but it seems that this-” Lena shows you to them. “Matter is more urgent. The CFO will proceed with the meeting, if you can excuse me.”

She leaves, before anyone even has time to answer. Kara closes the door behind them, and they rush to Lena’s office.

She puts you sitting on the couch, and you stare at them, with a little smile on your face. So you don’t have a lot of words to explain what’s going on. What do you do now?

“Little one, how did this happen?” Kara kneels in front of the couch, and Lena sits on the floor next to her.

You smile sheepishly to both of them.

“Mom. Mommy. Baby.” Are those the only words you know? You might as well try every single one in your vocabulary. “Booboo!”

“What?” Lena asks, looking at her boobs. “There’s no more milk left in these booboos, my love.”

Oh no. Rao, no. Wrong word.

“Poopoo!” You try instead, and watch Kara trying to hold a chuckle.

“You want to go potty?” Kara asks. What? No! This is ridiculous. What kind of stupid baby only knows these stupid words?

“Peepee?” Ok, you know this won’t work.

“Ok, I’ll take you potty.” Kara stands up, ready to pick you up, and no way you’re going potty in front of her! Although, yeah, you could go to the bathroom right now. Guess you’ll have to hold it. You cry when she mentions picking you up, and she huffs, before kneeling again.

“I don’t understand what you want!”

“Kara, I think she’s trying to find a way to tell us what happened.” Lena gets up from her chair and takes a piece of paper and a marker. “Maybe you can draw?”

She puts the paper in front of you and the marker in your hands. Great! You just have to draw the machine and tell them to reverse it. You finish your drawing and show it to them.

“Is that a-” Kara closes one eye, backs off a little, gets very close to the paper, blinks twice, then furrows her brows. “A poopoo?”

No, it’s not a poopoo! It’s a… You look down at your drawing. Shit. It’s a poopoo.

You cry. And this time you actually cry because you’re feeling sad. Hopeless. Stupid. What the hell have you done? And how are you going to reverse it?

“Oh no baby, it’s ok!” Lena picks you up, gently rocking you in her arms. “We’ll figure it out. I promise. You’re not going to be a baby forever.”

“Baby no?” You ask. Wow, good for you, you added a new word to your vocabulary. And it’s not even grammatically correct.

“Baby no.” Kara repeats, kissing your forehead. “Shall we get home?”

“Yeah.” Lena stands up and grabs her purse. “You go buy diapers and I’ll take her home.”

Wait, what? Diapers? You’re not wearing diapers!

“No!” You say to them. “No!”

“Well, you can’t stay wrapped around your t-shirt forever. What if you need to pee?” Kara asks and you poke Lena’s cheek.

“Peepee.” You look back at Kara, with a smug look on your face.

“Oh, really? So you’re not going to pee your pants? Ok. If you say so.” They are almost walking out of Lena’s office when you realize you can’t really hold your pee forever, so you poke Lena again.

“Mom, peepee, peas?” You ask, and Lena does instant heart eyes at you.

“How is she so adorable?” Lena says before taking you potty. Rao, you can’t believe you’re thinking things like ‘potty’ now.

“Ok, can we go now?” Kara asks. You think that maybe you all should be heading downstairs to your lab, to figure out how to reverse this, but at the same time you’re so sleepy, your brain is kind of foggy and you can’t think right now.

When you wake up, unfortunately still as a baby, you’re already at home. You’re laying in a very improvised crib that Kara must have put together last minute.

“Mommy?” You call, and Lena’s head appears in your eyesight.

“Hey, babygirl. Oh!” Lena looks down and smiles at you. “You peed your pants.”

“No!” You yell, making her laugh.

“I’m kidding, baby. Come here.” She picks you up, and you smile at her. Lena spends a few seconds just staring lovingly at you. “Our lives are so weird, but it feels good getting to hold you like this again.”

“Baby.”

“Yeah. But the cutest one.” She kisses your cheek, making you smile wider at her.

“No booboos?” You ask, when Lena sits you on the counter, in front of her.

“Stop saying that, you know what it means.” She jokes, but quickly understands you’re hungry, so she picks up baby food from the fridge. “Kara picked it up on the way. Do you wanna try them?”

“No.”

“It was a lot easier when you were a baby baby.” Lena sighs and you open your mouth, giving up. What else is there to do? Starve? No, thank you. She puts some food in your mouth, but before you can’t even swallow-

“OH MY GOD!” You hear a voice coming from the backyard door, and you look there only to realize the truth. It’s Jamie. Real life-size Jamie. Looking at a miniature life-size you. “It’s true! She is a baby again!”

“I told you!” Kara comes from behind her, giving her a shit-eating grin, and you wish you could roll your eyes to both of them.

“Oh my God, little Danvers! You’re actually little again.” Jamie comes closer getting face-to-face with you. “Oh, wow. I always knew you would do something hilariously dumb, but this is-” She points at you, and starts laughing at your face. “Next level stupidity even for you.”

HA-HA. And you’re hilariously dirty, big Danvers. You think, before spitting all of your food in her face.

“Hey! No!” Lena picks you up, getting you away from Jamie. “That wasn’t nice! Say you’re sorry to your cousin. Come on. She’s here to help.”

“Sowy.”

“Sorry Jamie, come get cleaned up.” Kara holds her shoulders, directing her to the bedrooms. “You can pick any of your cousin’s clothes you would like.”

What? That’s not fair!

“Oooh, I know just which one!” She rushes out of the kitchen, and you look at Lena.

“She came to help you. I can’t believe you’ve done that.” Lena scolds you a little too seriously. Ok, so apparently being a baby doesn’t give you carte blanche to do whatever you want.

“Sowy, mom.” You ask and wink your big blue eyes at her and Lena wavers in front of you.

“God, you’re so cute. It’s not fair!”

It doesn’t take long until Jamie comes downstairs wearing your favorite T-shirt, and you stick your tongue out at her when none of your moms are looking.

“Ok, well, Jamie is going to babysit you, while we go to L Corp figure out what you did and how to undo it.” Lena says, picking up her purse, and you see Kara following behind.

“Mommy, no!” You ask, and Kara turns around, to look at you.

“Little one, mommy is going to help, ok? You stay here with Jamie and be nice.”

“MOMMY NO!” You don’t want to be left alone with Jamie. You know for a fact she has zero experience with children. She almost killed her doll! Let alone you!

“Hey.” Kara comes back to you. “Stop that. We have to undo the mess you made.”

“Mom, yes. Mommy, no!” Ok, fine. She seems to want things the hard way, very well! You can do it the hard way. You stare into her eyes, before starting to cry as loud as you can. “Mommy no! No!”

“Ugh!” Kara picks you up, looking at your red face, and watery eyes. “Good time to just need me, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” You stop crying, and smile at her.

“Ok, fine. I’ll call Alex and Brainy to help. You two stay with the needy baby and try to figure out a way to get information.” Lena leaves, and Kara looks back at Jamie.

“Any idea how to get information out of an 18-month-baby?”

“How about this or that?” Jamie asks, to which Kara furrows her brows. “Ok, get me your computer.”

You can’t believe Jamie had this idea and you haven’t. Well, you’re a baby so it doesn’t really matter what ideas you had, they wouldn’t understand you. She shows you a bunch of pictures, and asks questions like “was it an experience or an alien?” Then you point to the machine in the picture. They keep asking questions until they have a brief grasp of what you have done.

“I’m going to call Lena.” Kara passes the baby food to Jamie. “Keep feeding her.”

Jamie grabs the food and looks at you, squinting her eyes. You hold her gaze defiant.

“If you want to eat, you need me to feed you. And I will only feed you if you promise you won’t spit on me again.” Jamie says, holding the spoon full of baby food just a little too far from your mouth. “So, do you want it?” You agree with your head. “Will you spit it?”

“No.” You admit, feeling defeated. Jamie puts the spoon on your mouth.

“Good baby!” She jokes, and Rao, how much you wanted to have more words in your vocabulary right now. Anything from ‘shut up’ to ‘fuck you’, would do just fine. Oh well, you can always tell her that once you come back to your old body.

Jamie keeps feeding you the most disgusting food you ever tasted in your life, and you keep eating because goddamn it, you turned yourself into a baby! A baby! Kara comes back a little later saying that with Brainy’s help, it looks like they’ve figured out the problem.

Kara flies to L Corp with you in her arms. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay like this for a while longer? It would solve all of your problems.”

Sure. Then add some more, like, having to go potty in front of people. Ugh, what a nightmare. You hope you never have to do that again in your life.

“No, mommy.”

“Just another day. Please?” Kara begs and you do your best to roll your eyes. You don’t think you’ve accomplished that, though, when her reaction is ‘awww’.

“Mommy. Baby, no. Peas.”

“Ok, ok. Can you, maybe, make a copy of yourself and-”

“Oh, there she is!” Lena says, when Kara walks in the lab with you. You’re glad she cut Kara’s absurd request off. “Look at my baby, Alex!”

“Oh, hey kiddo!” Aunt Alex looks at you with an amused expression. “What a mess you got yourself into, huh?”

She can say that again.

“Ok, I reverted the command she gave. I’m positive it will work. Well, I’m 80% positive, which in this scenario is a good percentage.” Brainy says, and your moms look at you, almost like they miss you already. “Ok, she has to be alone in the room, so maybe put her on the floor, and put the clothes she’ll need next to her.”

“Hey, are you ok?” Kara asks, and you agree with your head. “I love you.”

“I love you, babygirl. You’re the cutest baby I’ve ever seen, but I want my beautiful teenage daughter back.” Lena kisses your face a couple of times and smiles at you. “God, look at you! We should’ve made ten of her. Just look at her face.”

“There’s still time.” Kara jokes with a smile, putting you on the floor. “See you in a few seconds, little one.”

The room flashes blue again, and, in a few seconds, you look in front of you and see long hairy legs, instead of baby ones. Wait. Hairy legs? You stand up and look down on yourself.

“AAAAAAAAAAH!”

Notes:

@oncemoonie gave me so many awesome funny ideas, hope you enjoy this.

[ssa-thotchnerr]

A Certain Hopelessness

Aaron Hotchner x Daughter!reader

Warnings: angst, kidnapping, violence, swearing, sad!hotch

a/n: some sad Hotch stuff for your angst needs!! Also, there is a creepy unsub here, just a warning. This is set in around s7 and the reader is 15-16

word count: 2.1k

—

There was a feeling of hopelessness that had settled within the BAU over the past 2 days. A feeling of helplessness that was most felt by Aaron Hotchner, who'd been listening to his daughter screaming in pain, begging for him to come and save her. The whole team had the same thought in their head;

They couldn't come and save you because you'd been hidden so well.

But that didn't mean that they weren't going to try, they would try their hardest to find and save the little girl they'd watch grow up for years. But they also know that they couldn't save every single person, they just hoped that you wouldn't be that next person that they couldn't save. No one had even tried to get Hotch to move from his position at the round table, he'd told them that he wouldn't leave you, even though you had no way of knowing that he was there.

He would always be with you.

—

You'd pulled your knees up to your chest to try and obtain some body heat, since sitting on a cold, concrete floor of a basement where it was always constantly breezy didn't give you much of a high temperature. You wished that you hadn't left school early, maybe then you wouldn't be in your current situation.

"Good morning," You looked up at the door at the top of the stairs in fear, seeing the shadow of your kidnapper standing in the door. You winced as you pushed yourself into a corner, trying to make yourself as small as possible. He laughed as he stepped down the creaky stairs, and you saw the silver glint of a knife in his hands. "I hope you slept well, you got a long day ahead of ya'."

"Pl-please don-don't hurt me, I-I won't try to run again! I-I promise," You stuttered, fear filled eyes looking up at him. Through the little light in the basement, you could see the malicious grin on his face. "I'll-I'll do whatever you want, just-just please don't ki-kill me." You begged.

"Oh honey, I don't know if you got this, but I'm not gonna kill you, mainly because I wanna hurt your daddy," He said. "Make him feel like the awful person he is."

"This is about my dad?" You asked him, letting yourself relax a tiny bit. He nodded and crouched down in front of you, pulling you forward by the collar of your no bloodied hoodie.

"Damn right this is about your dad," He snarled, pushing you back into the corner roughly. "Don't you feel awful when he leaves you and that little brother of yours own your own? But then again, he worries about what you'll do to the only child he cares about, he couldn't give a shit about you." You blinked and couldn't help but furrow your eyebrows, feeling your heart sink. You shook your head as you looked up at him.

"Wh-what?" You asked quietly. He chuckled at your confusion and obvious hurt, his plan coming together. He was reversing everything you'd ever known, he knew that your dad loved you and Jack equally, but he could easily make you believe that your dad hated you with every single fibre of his being. He knew you were easily manipulated, and he knew exactly what to say to get you upset.

"Don't act like you don't know, darling. Your dad despises you, he hasn't even got that team looking after you," He said. Your eyes filled with tears as you thought about being left with this man a minute longer, but it hurt even more to think about that your dad didn't care about you enough to look for you. "They left on a case this morning, he told them you didn't matter."

"You-you're lying," You didn't know if you were telling him that he was, or you were trying to convince yourself that he was. "My-my dad wouldn't leave anyone." You said. He chuckled and came closer to you.

"Well, maybe you aren't anyone, you've never appeared to be to your dad," Tears leaked from your eyes as he'd finally, truly broken you down. "Why are you crying? I haven't even started hurting you yet."

—

Hotch couldn't bare to watch this man hurl abuse and untrue thoughts at you much longer, he couldn't watch you be broken down anymore. He shut his eyes as he heard you start screaming, presumably in pain. There was a knock on the door, Hotch spun around on the chair he was sitting on to see who was there.

"Sir, we think we've found a possible suspect on who has Y/N," Garcia told him. "Based on what he'd said in the video earlier, we found that he believes your a bad father to her and Jack, and that she'd be better off with him," She said. It didn't take a criminal profiler to see the hurt flash on the normally stoic Aaron Hotchner's face. "So, taking information with males that had lost a child, we found Craig Brock, he lost his daughter Leona in a car crash last year, And she shares a very, very striking resemblance to your daughter,” Garcia watched as Hotch took in what she was saying. “And with that, Reid determined tha5 he wants you to feel the same helplessness that he had felt when he lost his daughter.” She finished, sliding a picture of the girl across the table to her boss. Hotch took the picture and saw the resemblance, he sighed. He didn't want you to share the same fate as this girl, he didn't want to lose you.

"Do you have an address yet?" He asked.

"I'm working on it sir, but you should have her back by the end of the day," Garcia said, smiling at Hotch, who gave her a small sliver of a smile in return. "You should probably turn that off, or at least go home and see Jack, if anything happens with Y/N or  our Unsub, you'll be the first to know." Hotch sighed as he turned the TV off, turning the volume down and standing up.

“I never thought the day I’d be taking orders from you would come, Garcia,”

—

You grunted as you finally built up enough strength to rip the sleeve off of your hoodie so you could wrap it around your waist where you had been slashed. His words had echoed in your head since he’d even muttered them, did your dad even care about you? Were the team even looking for you? Hell, were they even in the country? You broke down into tears again, your blood coated hands coming up to cover your mouth. They fell back down to your sides when the door was yanked open, almost coming off of its hinges.

“Get up!” He snarled, huffing out in anger when you pushed yourself further into the corner, making yourself as small as possible. “I said, get up.” He practically growled. You sat still, crying out in fear when he grabbed the collar of your hoodie and pulled you up onto your feet roughly.

“Okay! Okay! I-I’m sorry,” You whimpered, holding your hands out in fear. He dragged you up the stairs, you crying all the way up as the pain from your wounds shot up.

“Looks like I was wrong about your dad not caring for you, he and his team are on their way here,” He said in your ear, his arm snaking around your neck and then his free hand holding a gun to your temple. You were shaking, your entire body trembling with fear. “He’s not gonna know what to do when he comes through that door, you’re cut up like a piece of paper.”

“He’ll probably fucking kill you,” You snarled. He was taken back by your sudden change in attitude, and righted his arm around your neck and pushed the barrel of the gun closer to your head.

“Anymore of that, and I’ll put a bullet through your skull,” He said in your ear.

That shut you up quickly.

It felt like hours before the door creaked open, and from the back room, you could see that Emily, Morgan and Reid were entering the house.

“Help! Help!” You screamed, only for a hand to be clamped over your mouth and to be thrown to the floor. His foot was on your neck, a gun pointed between your eyes. Emily, Morgan and Reid all cornered him, their eyes watching as you struggled to breathe, coughing and gasping as you tried to bring air into your lungs. You were beaten black and blue, and covered in blood, they almost didn’t recognise you.

“Craig Brock, let Y/N go,” Emily said calmly. “We know what happened to Leona, and we know that there was nothing you could do to help your daughter. Do you really wanna put another father through the pain of losing their child?” She asked him. In a moment of hesitancy, he removed his foot from your neck, allowing you to cough and then slide away from him. In what seemed as though a move of panic, he shot down at the floor, narrowly missing your head, but just clipping the side of your ear. A ringing noise deafened you, and you screamed.

—

Hotch felt his heart drop as he heard a gunshot and then a scream. Emily had ordered him to stay outside, she didn’t want him doing something that he would end up regretting. Minutes later, the front door opened again, only this time you were there, Spencer’s arm around your waist to support you and your arm around his shoulder. Walking out of there, you looked so small and scared. There was no way that Hotch couldn’t run towards you, gently taking you from Spencer.

“Da-daddy?” There was a small smile on your face as you saw the blurry figure of your dad. Hotch smiled in relief and nodded, arms going around you gently so’s not to disturb anymore of your cuts or slashes. “You-you came.” You stuttered.

“Of course I came, I wasn’t gonna leave you, honey,” He assured you. You couldn’t properly hear what your dad was saying, but you could make it out. “Alright, let’s get you to the hospital.”

“Can you carry me?” You asked, holding your arms out to him. Hotch nodded and lifted you gently, holding you close like if he let you go, he’d lose you once again.

-

“Can I see Y/N yet?” Jack asked his dad. Hotch smiled as he nodded at his youngest child, who was clearly eager to have his older sister back. Hotch was getting Jack from school while you were asleep at home, with every door and window locked to improve your safety.

“Yeah, she got home this morning after I dropped you off at school, she’s been missing you too,” Hotch told Jack. When they got home, Jack practically shot upstairs. “Jack, do not go into Y/N’s room.” Hotch called up to him. Jack sighed as he waited for his dad to come up the stairs.

“Can I go in yet?” Hotch laughed as he nodded, opening the door to your room and sighing at you when he saw you were now awake, Greys Anatomy playing on your TV. “Y/N!”

“Hey bubs!” You cheered, smiling at your brother as you pulled your brother up onto your bed. Hotch sat down on the end of your bed and took the TV remote turning it off. “Dad.” You whined.

“You’re supposed to be asleep, Y/N,” He reminded you. You sighed as you flopped back onto your bed.

“Can I stay here?” Jack asked, looking at your dad. Hotch shook his head.

“No, Jack, Y/N has to try and get some sleep,” He said. You pulled Jack to sit beside you and you both pouted up at your dad, who sighed as he shook his head. “Fine, fine.”

“We love you, dad.”

—