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thestuckylibrary · 5 years

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Anon 1 said:

HI! Anyone know of a fic (2 part series) where Steve and Bucky watch a dodgers game, walk around the neighborhood, and make out in bucky's apartment after buck cracks open 2 beers? Set in 1950s, shrunkyclunks

mille-baci and stevesbi sent in A Home Game by 743ish (series | 10,937 | E)

doctorenterprise said:

I’m looking for a fic I read a while back where Steve and Bucky are cops who raid a drug operation run by an elderly couple. The house has a bdsm dungeon in the basement which Bucky finds hilarious and Steve is crazy turned on by. Bucky spanks/paddles him in the basement after telling the other detectives to head out. Can’t remember the name!

Anon sent in Lawful Discovery by SoftObsidian74 (oneshot | 3,654 | M)

Anon 2 said:

Thank you guys for everything you do! I was reading this fic that I can’t find-I think it’s a series that goes from catfa to post ws? The only scene I remember is Steve calling Peggy post-avengers and they talk about bisexuality and Peggy says something like “[shield]didn’t tell you? It’s like they don’t want you to be happy.” And I think she and Angie were together. Lots of pining and I think it was mostly from Steve’s perspective.

ysbrd sent in Fool For Sacrifice by girlbookwrm (complete | 52,383 | T)

Anon 3 said:

i can't remember if it was a/b/o but i know there was something like sex pollen involved and steve and bucky jerked off together in the same room and then later met up to do something like a friends with benefits sort of thing. bucky sat in a chair and watched steve at first - steve's heat may have been involved ?? thank you so much <333

bennettmp339 and awydd sent in jamais vu by Claudia_flies (oneshot | 13,856 | E)

Anon 4 said:

Hi! First, I just would like to thank you for the time and work you've put into your tumblr. It's AMAZING. <3 Second, I was hoping you could help me find a fic I lost please. Sorry in advance since I probably won't word it well. It was Cap!Steve/Modern!Bucky, and there were moments when Bucky would cup his hands around Steve's face - so Steve's face would seem smaller - as a symbol of Bucky seeing and loving Steve as STEVE and not just as Cap. Thanks for your help! :)

Anon sent in Trust Enough by geneticallydead (complete | 27,374 | E)

Anon 5 said:

Hello! i've been looking for this fic i read awhile ago but can't find. basically it's 1930s!stucky and bucky comes home drunk and tells steve he saw two gay men kissing in an alley and couldn't look away because he thought of steve and himself. he asks steve to try it and they end up having sex on the floor because the bed springs squeaked

dragonflybeach sent in Pianissimo by Odsbodkins (oneshot | 15,216 | E) - bucky/omc

Anon 6 said:

Hello! Okay, so let me start by saying thank you, I basically exclusively use your library for finding the gifs I read, you are amazing! I’m looking for a fix that I think was a 5 +1, but basically in one of them Bucky talks to two of their gay friends about convincing Steve to dress up like a girl, and they say something about how it’s cruel because he tries so hard to be butch. When he gets home, Steve’s all dolled up and he’s reeeeallly into it, such a hot fic and I can’t find it!

Anon 7 said:

Hey, I'm looking for a fic and I can't find it anywhere. I've searched here and on ao3. It's a mob Bucky fic. Steve is pre-serum and he's an officer's son and meets Bucky at the precinct (I guess?). They fall in love and start dating. Natasha is also in the mob and Nick Fury too. There's a scene where Steve talks to Fury because he's dating Bucky. Thank you for any help.

Anon 8 said:

hey! i can’t seem to find this one fic where i believe it is post-catws and bucky feels that steve does not need him around anymore and runs away. sorry if this description is so vague. Thanks !

dolphinqueen10, stevesbi and Anon sent in took my love, took it down by LaughsAtThunder (oneshot | 31,785 | E)

Anon 9 said:

hi i'm sorry i looked through every tag i could try and i cant find this fic but, it's like modern setting? and i think bucky is drunk and breaks into steves house instead of natashas, bucky has ptsd and so does steve? nat is buckys bff and also has an evil cat?

Anon 10 said:

i've been searching and searching for this one post-IW fic that was published pretty quickly after the film came out. it was something like steve takes bucky's gun that was left after he died and natasha takes it from him bc he wants to cling to it bc it's all he has left of him, and she says that she knows they were lovers. it also talks about how steve loved wanda and sam too. something like that? thank you! i need angst!!

Anon 11 said:

Hello, im looking for this one fic i found on here. The plot was Bucky was in college and Steve (post-serum) who was his ex in high school (i think they were just friends w benefits tho) just shows up after going incognito for a couple years. Steve has an alter motive of becoming Bucky’s boyfriend i think. In one part Bucky says he likes guys who speak more than one language and Steve whips out his Italian after Tony does (Bucky and Tony are bestfriends in it)

Anon sent in Lessons In Chemistry by Brenda (complete | 42,392 | E)

Anon 12 said:

sos what's the fic where steve is taken by pierce to be experimented on in a base in the antarctic and they take bucky out of cryo to go rescue him and tony has to pretend to be a drunk in order to get to the base with antman in his pocket?? I can't remember what else was tagged but i've tried a few combos and i can't seem to find it please help!!

finduilas88 sent in Perilous Underside of the World by eyres (complete | 53,412 | M)

Anon 13 said:

Hi thank you for your works they are amazing♡♡♡ also i want to ask something....i found this good quote of sb fic "captain america has more important things to do" "nothing has ever been more important than you." and i was wondering if you can tell me which fic it comes from??? that would be awesome thank you♡♡♡♡

Anon 14 said:

Do you guys know the fic where Steve visits Bucky in Wakanda but he’s only going to be there for like a week? I think on of the days it’s Bucky’s birthday too and Steve gives him this pair of matching brecelets that light up when they touch it? I found it through your blog but I lost it again. Thanks in advance!

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canumoveurseatup-no · 6 years

Text

The Mission

Part 2 of Puffballs; from my new Honeybee Series.

Summary: You went on a mission and while trying to save everyone you could, it wasn’t enough. You go home and the dynamic of your family changes because of it.

WC: 4.5K

Pairings: Bucky x Black!Stark!Reader, Bucky x OC!Daughter, Avengers x Black!reader (SB stands for Stark-Barnes)

Warnings: descriptions of civilian casualties during an attack, child death (not Anna), angst, arguing, nightmares, disruption in family dynamic, fluff!

A/N: If you are tagged/ want to be tagged or even just like it. All I ask is that you leave verbal feedback please as I put a lot of effort into my work.

——-

“Come on SB, we gotta go!,” you heard the quinjet start up through your earpiece as Clint’s tone was stressed and strained.

“I can’t. Not yet. There are still people out here!!,” you rushed civilians out of the houses on the block, running in and out of each one to get them to safety.

“Mommy!! Someone help!,”

You heard someone yell from one of the houses, “Clint there’s a little girl,” you said into the com.

It was just you, Clint, Steve and a few SHIELD agents to run the other carriers. Steve was helping get families out of their homes and to safety as their city was being bombed to smithereens. You ran as fast as you could to the house, hearing the little girl scream. One part of the house was on fire and that was the part she was trapped in.

“Mommmyyyyy!!!,” you could hear her over all the commotion.

“Y/N lets go, everyone is out. We gotta go before they hit again!,” Steve was out of breath and tired.

“I can’t! There’s still a little girl in one of the houses!,”

Without any hesitation, Steve came to help you. The little girl was in the window, the fire blazing behind her.

“Help please!!,” she cried. She was hyperventilating and screaming her head off. She was little, no younger than your Annalise, which prompted you to act fast because she reminded you of your little girl.

“I’m gonna need you to jump. I’ll catch you!,” Steve yelled up at her. The bottom part of the house was now in flames and collapsing.

“I’m scared,” she whined. And you tried your best to talk her down, “My mommy was downstairs then I heard her screaming, is she with you? I want my mommy,”

“Steve, we didn’t get anyone out of this house,” You whisper to him. Trying to find a way to get her down, Steve swore under his breath.

“I’ll help you, you just have to jump. I promise I’ll catch you,” Steve knew you were all running out of time before the house burst fully into flames or the enhanced come back to attack to finish the job.

“I want my mommy!,” she cried.

“Sweetheart, please,” you pleaded. You felt tears in your eyes as you envisioned Anna up there, which was the worst thing to do, “I’m not your mommy but I’ll protect you, I promise. I’ll keep you safe. Just jump and I’ll catch you,”

You wish she wasn’t so far up, you wish the house wasn’t so big and tall. It makes everything so much harder. You wish there were dark places so you could shadow travel but the fire kept you from doing that. She started slowly climbing out of the window and slowly crept to the edge of the roof. She looked down and froze.

“It’s not so bad, it’s okay!,” Steve tried his best to ease the little girl’s thoughts but she stepped back.

“It’s okay baby girl, I’ll catch. I promise. I won’t let you get hurt,” Your soft, motherly tone seemed to calm her down.

“Guys! We gotta roll out!,” Clint yelled at you two. The other carriers started to leave because they got everyone.

She started coming closer to the edge the more your promising voice talked to her. You reminded her of her mother and that’s why she trusted you so much. Steve’s rushed and loud voice didn’t do much help in this situation. She reminded you so much of Anna so that’s why you took the motherly approach rather than Steve’s.

She was just about to jump when everything happened in slow motion. You had a smile on your face with your arms out, she finally trusted you to jump. But it was all ripped from you both when you felt Steve’s arms wrap around your waist and pull you back, running away. You had gone deaf in that moment as you saw the little girl preparing to jump when the missile hit her house. The blast sending you and Steve further back than he had ran.

You were spread out on your back, ears ringing staring at the sky. You slowly sat up and saw the ruined house where the little girl just was. You stared wide eyed at the scene. You swallowed heavily, taking in what was splayed out in front of you. Gasping for air, you started crying before screaming as loud as you could, “NOOO!,”

You tried to get Steve’s arms from around you but he had an iron grip on you as he dragged you back to the jet. Bucky and Tony made Steve swear he would look after you and while the scene was heartbreaking he had to get you out of there.

“No! Steve NOO!,” thrashing in his arms as the door shut. The scene slowly being closed off from you as Clint flew you guys away to head home. He set you down and you started punching his chest, straight up sobbing and screaming.

Clint had heard you sobbing but he had to get you guys home. He’d have Steve fill him in on everything later. It hurt him to hear you cry like that so that prompted him to speed up the jet to get you guys home faster.

“I almost had her! I could have saved her!,” you fell to your knees looked at your empty arms. She could have been there, she was so close.

“She had no one, Y/N. I know it hurts but she’d have to live with knowing what happened to her family. You on the other hand have a family to get back to. Casualties happened,”

You wondered how he could just be so closed off about it. Maybe he’d seen so much that he takes it as is and keeps it pushing.

“That could have been Anna!,” another wave of strong emotion washed over you, “That could have been my Annalise. Our Annalise standing on that roof getting ready to jump!,” you’ve seen some shit in your time as an Avenger but that was all before you had Anna. You and Bucky had mainly been doing logistics during and after your pregnancy that way you wouldn’t have spend too much time away from her. But lately you felt like you could get back in the swing of things. After her identity crisis you spent more time with her until Bucky told you it would be fine to go back out, as long as whoever went with you looked out for you.

You wish you didn’t go back out there.

“She still had so much to experience. So much life to live and it was stripped from her, Steve! That could have been Anna,” you just couldn’t shake the look of relief on her face as she was about to jump just for it to turn into pure horror as the missile came near.

“Those guys are being taken care of, Y/N,”

“She’s fucking gone, Steve. It’s a little too late for me to care about that,”

----------

“Bucky...” Steve sighed into the phone, he peered over at you, you were in a haze, your mind playing the series of events over and over again. You wish you could go back in time and do something different.

“Steve, what is it?,” Bucky’s tone was laced with worry.

“It’s, Y/N,” sure Steve could have worded it differently and gotten straight to the point but he wanted to ease Bucky into it and let him know what he'd be dealing with.

“Steve, I swear if you fucking let her get hurt I am going to kick your fucking ass!,” Bucky’s voice boomed in the speaker. You and Bucky used to go on missions together all the time so he got anxious when it came to you going on missions with other people without him. If it was all of you then he was still there to protect you but without him there, he felt like no one else had the capability to protect you like him. Of course you could protect yourself but Bucky would never stop worrying.

“She’s not hurt... physically. It was a mess out there today and she had a front row seat to something that might take a while to get over,”

“Steve, what happened out there?,” Bucky lowered his voice.

Lowering his head and shaking it, he hesitated before speaking into the phone,

“Just...just let Annalise know her mama still loves her,”

------

You stalked off the quinjet like you were dead. Nothing has ever rattled you this hard. As much as it’d make sense for you to actually want to see Annalise, you shut down and hoped that you could avoid her long enough to get yourself together. You saw Bucky once you walked inside and you ran into his arms automatically resorting to crying again.

“Baby, what happened?,” He held you tight as your fists clenched and tugged on his shirt hard.

“I couldn’t save her. I promised I’d save her!,”

Bucky made the connection from what Steve said on the phone to how hysterical you were and what you were rushing out of your mouth. You always had a soft spot for kids even if they weren’t yours. You always tried to save kids first if they were ever involved. This one must have involved a child. That was the only explanation and that child must have reminded you of the one you came home to every night. Hurting you to your core even more.

“She trusted me and I failed her,”

Bucky didn’t know what to say. No matter what he said, it wouldn't ease you. “You did all you could” would just make you feel like shit, making you feel like your best wasn’t good enough. “Casualties happen” would just make him seem aloof about the situation. He knew if he was in your shoes he’d react just as you were but more violently.

“I’m here for you, baby doll. You know that. We are in this together, always,”

Bucky didn’t want you to know he was hurting as well. Something about Bucky that no one knows is that he is an empath. When you’re hurting he’s hurting just as bad. When his daughter was having her own problems, it discombobulated him and threw him off kilter.

“Mama,” the little sleepy voice rung through the room.

Bucky felt you tense up in his arms, “Mama, I missed you,” she came forward but all you did was step back and away from her, looking at her in horror.

“I can’t do this right now,” you told Bucky and walked away out of the room, leaving your daughter standing there looking sad with her stuffed bee in her arms.

“Did I do something to upset, mama?,”

As if he wasn’t hurting enough, he saw the was his little honeybee’s bottom lip quivered. He knelt down to pull her into a hug.

“You know how mama and papa go out to fight bad guys to keep you safe?,”

She solemnly nodded her head, “Well today... the bad guys did something that hurt your mama really bad and she’s having a hard time right now. We just need to give her time. It’s nothing you did,”

He wiped the single tear that fell from her eye, “I hope she feels better soon. The way she looked at me looked like she was scared of me,” Anna played with the antennas of her bee.

Bucky dropped his head and sighed, “There is just a lot for mama to process right now and as bad as it sounds, seeing you right now is hard for her. But remember she still loves you no matter what. We just have to give her the time and space to collect herself. Just like we tell you to do when you’re upset. You understand?,”

Annalise nodded her head and sighed, “I understand, papa,”

--------

The nightmares wouldn’t stop. You found comfort staying up late in the lab with your father to keep your mind off of the mission from weeks ago. Every night it was the same, the little girl screaming at you, telling you that you broke your promise and didn’t keep her safe. You'd wake up in a cold sweat and a sore throat from screaming and you’d end up in the lab, tinkering with one of your dad’s projects.

“Sweetie, you gotta talk to someone about this. You’re losing sleep,” You were surprised that out of all people, your dad, the man who has to be forced out of the lab to get sleep was the one preaching to you.

“Dad, I’m fine,” cutting a green wire to fuse it with a blue one, the once defective project lit up.

Things between you and Bucky have been tense and you can’t even be in the same room as your own daughter without having flashbacks of your nightmares. It was taking a toll on your entire family and as much as you knew you need help, you couldn’t admit it.

“Anna needs you, Y/N. Don’t become estranged,” he took a seat beside you and handed you a cup of steaming chai tea.

“Bucky has explained this to her, dad. She’ll be okay until I get over this,”

Tony sighed and wiped a hand over his face, “You’re making that little girl think you hate her,”

“Dad! Enough,” you snapped. You were exhausted and weren’t in the mood to argue. You felt tears burn your eyes and you angrily shook your head, “I don’t need you guilt tripping me. This isn’t easy for me either but pulling back is what needs to be done until this blows over,”

“That’s the thing, Y/N. This isn’t going to blow over until you sit and talk this out. She needs her mother. You have to take this situation into your own hands or else it will only get worse. Annalise needs her mother,”

“So did that little girl, dad!,” Slamming your fist on the table, you scared Bruce awake from his power nap at the computer, “She needed her mom but she was gone! I was the closest thing to comfort in that moment. She was so close to being saved and I failed her. How am I supposed to live with that? How am I supposed to live with the fact I let a child die? That could have been Anna and that’s what hurts. Seeing that little girl as my daughter. I didn’t just see some little girl get bombed, I saw my daughter up there and I don’t even know how to put it in words but it hurts seeing my daughter look at me and then the little girl standing on that roof about to jump in my arms and it all get ripped away!,”

That’s the most you had to say about that day. You avoided everyone, you avoided talking about it, harboring all the feelings and nightmares.

“I can’t sleep because I see the little girl crying, screaming, begging, asking me why didn’t I do more to save her! Do you know how that makes me feel?,”

Tony stepped slowly toward you before wrapping you in a hug to let you cry. Bruce had slipped out to give you privacy.

“I understand, Y/N. I’m your father, I’ve seen some things that have hurt me and made it hard to face you but I realized you needed me. You didn't let anyone die. I know it hurts but you still have a little girl that is here, cherish that, appreciate that. It might be fucked up but that little girl and her family are together again even though the circumstances aren't the best,"

You knew he was right but you were nervous about facing your own family. You hadn't even been home, you'd been staying in the tower. But you figured after everything your dad was telling you, you should head home to fix things.

------

The next day you cleaned yourself up and headed home, making it seem like you weren’t battling memories in your head. You slid the key into the keyhole and unlocked the door, slowly walking into the house. Anna’s toys littered all over the living room floor. You heard her giggles in the exercise room and slowly walked up to see her and Bucky lifting weights together.

“I lifted 175 pounds today, papa!,” she clapped and he was so proud of her. She came out of the womb strong a hell. Sam held her as a newborn and she broke his index finger just by gripping it really hard. Bucky always helped her channel her strength that way it didn’t get too out of hand.

You stood against the door frame and smiled, “That’s so much more than the last time,” you said with a small smile.

You wrapped your hands around yourself as Bucky looked up at you and Annalise turned around and frowned at you. She walked out the room right past you and Bucky sat on the weight bench.

“I see you’ve been working with her. It’s crazy she’s only six and can lift that much,”

Bucky awkwardly nodded his head and stood, wiping his hands on his sweats. The silence was deafening, your ears rung and it was making you breathe heavily.

“I’m going to therapy,” you tried your best to smile but your eyes started watering, “I- I realize my daughter needs me and it’s just... it was a mess that day,” you tried to laugh it off to ease the tension but it only caused your voice to break. Bucky stepped closer to you and he started to feel bad for your current state.

“I saw Anna up there,” you tried to explain but it all came out choppy and jumbled, “I know it wasn’t her but the girl reminded me of Anna and that’s why I took it so hard. Dad says I didn’t let her die but that doesn’t change the fact I broke my promise and didn’t protect her. She was so close, so close but those fucking enhanced they just had to attack at that exact time. It sickened me, I couldn’t take it. The nightmares, the flashbacks. It hurts. She wasn’t even my kid, Buck but she needed me. She deserved so much better. Annalise.. deserves so much better than what I have been giving and I- I don’t know-,” you choked on a sob and Bucky instantly pulled you into his arms.

“I’m so sorry,” you knew you were soaking his shirt but it’s not like he’d care.

“I knew you’d come around. It was just hard trying to explain to a six year old why her mother can’t stand to be in the same vicinity as her,” Bucky kissed your head as he held you tight.

“I guess it hurts so much because I don’t know what I’d do if that happened to our little girl.” You pulled back a little bit and wiped your face, “Now she resents me and I totally get it because I was so cold to her as well,”

“Just give her time. That’s all this family needs is time. You know that. She’ll come to terms with understanding. She knows you still love her, but she’s been missing you,”

You nodded your head and he took your hand, kissing it lightly, “Lets get you some rest. You look like you could really use it,”

You stopped him and your breath hitched in your throat, “I- I can’t sleep,”

Bucky ran the back of his hand along your cheek, sweetly smiling at you, “I’ll let Anna know what’s up and I’ll be right there with you. Just like you were my anchor when it came to my nightmares, I’ll be yours,”

---------

It’d been about a week since you came back home and you were still trying to get Anna to talk to you but she would just ignore you and talk to Bucky. While you knew you deserved it, it didn’t make it hurt any less. Especially knowing you were trying to make amends after everything and have your daughter in your arms.

“Anna, I figured we can go shopping today,” You smiled across the kitchen at her as you made her breakfast. She just continued coloring, not saying a single word. Bucky had taken up your missions while you were back home and spending time with Annalise like you needed all along.

You felt your eyes water at her silence as you plated her breakfast and handed it to her with her juice, “Let me know if you change your mind, I’ll be right back,”

You rushed to your bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed, the tears finally falling and you did your best to keep your whimpers to a minimum so Anna didn’t hear you. Anna sat at the table, eating her waffles, fruit and oatmeal as she heard you crying from down the hall. She felt really bad, she knew her mama was going through a lot but she wanted to give you a taste of your own medicine but hearing you cry broke her heart.

She climbed out of the chair and went over to the house phone to dial her pop pop.

“Y/N, hey, how are you feeling?,” The phone only rung twice before Tony answered.

“Pop pop,” Anna whispered into the speaker.

“Anna? Where’s your mother? Is she okay?,” he was shooting a bunch of questions at his little granddaughter.

“She... she’s in the room crying. I can hear her,” Anna’s little voice sounded so sad, “I don’t know what to do,”

“Do you know why she’s crying? Do I need to come over?,”

Anna shook her head but she knew her pop pop couldn’t see her, “No but... I think she’s crying b-because I’ve been mean to her,” Anna started to feel guilty. Her mama rarely ever cried and most of the time when she did cry, it was happy tears.

“What do you mean?,” Tony started to walk around his office to focus on his granddaughter’s words.

“B-because she hasn’t been home lately and been ignoring me so I ignored her back so she felt how I felt,”

Tony sighed into the phone and she could tell her pop pop was disappointed in her, “Honeybee... listen,” Tony sat in his chair and stared out the window, “That day your mama saw a little girl go away for good. I know it hurt for your mama to ignore you but it was because that little girl she saw reminded her of you. I know it doesn’t always make sense but people cope in their own way and mama just needed time to collect herself to realize that you’re still here with her. She blamed herself for what happened... it wasn’t her fault and she felt like she let that girl down so she was beating herself up a lot over it and when she saw you she felt like she let you down all in the same,”

Tony took his time slowly explaining what happened that day and how you’d been having nightmares, how you had to come to the tower so you didn’t wake her up with your screams and cries in the middle of the night. Anna finally understood it all, you didn’t intentionally hurt her but she was intentionally hurting you and family doesn’t do that.

“Okay pop pop, thank you. I gotta go,”

“Bye, honeybee. I love you,”

“I love you too,” Anna hurriedly put the phone back on the dock and walked down the hallway to you and her papa’s room. She could still hear you crying. She slowly pushed the door open and she felt saddened by your state.

“Mama,” she called out. You sat straight up and wiped your tears, smiling, trying to act as if you weren’t just bawling your eyes out.

“H-hey. Is your breakfast okay? Are you okay?,” you stood up off the bed and Annalise dropped her gaze to your feet.

“I-I would like to go shopping with you today,” her voice was low but her words restored a little faith in you. Wiping your face again you nodded your head.

“O-okay. I’ll get you dressed and I’ll straighten up then we can go. Is that okay?,”

Annalise realized how nervous her mama sounded talking to her. She felt bad that she made her mama feel bad. She now understands that some people witness bad things and they might not always react the best. She forgives her mama because she knows every time she goes out to fight bad people that she is a strong woman and she does what she does to not only protect her but little kids like her as well.

--------

“Want to get ice cream? We’re not that far from your favorite place,” You placed the bags in the trunk. Shopping went smoother than expected.

“Yeah that sound good,” Anna smiled up at you as you put her in her booster seat. You drove to her favorite ice cream spot while blaring her favorite kids bop CD. You ordered her favorite and yours, sitting on the bench and looking out at the lake as the sun started to set.

“I’m sorry,” You and Annalise spoke in unison. You look at her and frowned, “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, baby,” you wiped some ice cream from the corner of her mouth.

“I made you cry and family doesn’t do that. Especially not ours,” She stared into her cup of ice cream before making eye contact with you, “I didn’t get it when you started acting weird but when I heard you crying.. I called pop pop and he explained it to me. I’m sorry I made you cry. I’m sorry I hurt you,” Anna’s eyes started welling up and you shook your head.

“No no no, honeybee,” you kissed her nose and smiled at her, “You don’t have to be sorry. I’m so sorry for shutting you out the way I did. But mama is getting help to make sure in case anything like what I saw just so happens to happen again, I’ll know how to deal or at least cope with it better. Mama is so sorry,” You placed her in your lap and hugged her tight. She kissed your cheek and rested her head on your shoulder.

“Figured I might find you guys here,”

You and Anna looked behind you and you saw Bucky in jeans and a hoodie, walking up to you, “What are you doing here?,” You asked him as he took Anna’s ice cream, scooping some in his mouth as he sat right beside you, resting a hand on your thigh. Anna muttered a small “heeey” before snatching her cup back from him, eliciting a chuckle from him.

“Tony filled me in on his phone call with Anna and when I got home you guys were out so I came to look for you guys to make sure you were both good with the tension but I’m glad to see it’s all sorted out,” he kissed Anna’s cheek and kissed your lips which caused her to scoff in disgust.

“I love you, honeybee,” you played with her tight curls and she smiled up at you and you finally didn’t feel your stomach twist in pain as you looked her.

“And I love you, mama,”

---------

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tisfan · 7 years

Text

If You’re Everything You Say You Are

(Would You Come Close and Hold My Heart)**

Title If You're everything You say You are (Would You come close and hold my heart?) Link A03 Square Filled B5 Ship WinterIron Tony x Bucky Rating explicit Major Tags Dom/sub, Alternate Universe, Mildly Dubious Consent, Nature of the D/s Universe, Intercrural Sex, Kneeling, Dom Bucky Barnes, Sub Tony Stark, Drunkenness, Background Pepper/Rhodey, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse

Summary Everyone knows that Tony Stark is a dom. And everyone knows the Winter Soldier is a sub. So why is Tony on his knees? In which what everyone knows is wrong and trust is treasure greater than gold. Word Count 4,288 Created for @mcukinkbingo

Thanks to @kamaete for “domasses”

For @anythingpastorpresent who gave me the prompt “I didn’t know you were a dom and when I called you Sir/Ma'am you almost jumped me” sex

Drinking was a terrible idea. It had never been a good one, but at Pepper and Rhodey’s wedding, it had seemed like the only one. Watching the only person he’d ever been able to make any sort of relationship work with marry someone else was bad enough, but that it was Rhodey, and he was happy for them -- he really was -- was even worse.

They both knew he was hurting. No one wanted that for him Not Pepper, who was thrilled to find love and stability, didn’t want to hurt Tony. She loved Tony. And not Rhodey, who’d been brother/best friend/surrogate for so long that sometimes Tony forgot that they weren’t actually related at all. Rhodey would have cut off body parts to avoid hurting Tony.

But what they all knew was that there was no way around what had happened.

One person could be hurt, and probably get over it. Or all three of them would be hurting, and probably never get over it. Even at his very-most selfish, Tony couldn’t deny the math.

It was just gonna suck for a while.

Thus, drinking.

Booze didn’t change anything, but it did make all the jagged edges hurt a little less.

That was the theory, at least. He hadn’t quite gotten around to it, yet. The drinking until he couldn’t see; pick up someone who was also drunk and who wouldn’t notice Tony’s secret. Having a not-completely satisfying fuck, but that might hold off the depression for a while. Have Happy drive someone home that he’d never see again. He’d done it most of his life, ever since Howard had filled him in on the Truth of the Matter.

He drained the glass. Pondered throwing it off the side of the balcony. He’d skipped out on the reception as soon as he wouldn’t be missed. Well, Rhodey might miss him, but he wasn’t going to come looking. Not tonight.

Tony had done his bit. Stood at Rhodey’s side for the joining ceremony.

“That was generous of you,” a deep, rumbling voice came from behind him.

“What was?” Tony wasn’t drunk enough to go with Bucky; he’d need a lot more booze before he was willing to force himself to act the part. But oh, sometimes he wanted to. Bucky was a beautiful man. Luminous.

“Back in my day,” Bucky said, “two men like you and Rhodes, you would have fought over someone like Pepper. Didn’t matter that you were all but brothers.”

Tony scoffed. Checked his glass. Still empty. Boo.

(more below the cut)

“She loves him,” Tony said. “I’m supposed to, what? Fight Rhodey for a woman that’s never going to love me?” It wasn’t like Pepper could bond with him, anyway. Even if she hadn’t found her true match with Rhodey, they’d have gone through their lives together, incomplete. Tony scowled at his empty glass, gave in to temptation and threw it, hard as he could, off into the garden where it smashed against one of the cement walkways.

“You should go clean that up,” Bucky said, and despite the mild tone, it did not come out sounding like a suggestion.

Tony glared at him suspiciously. “Yes, sir,” Tony snapped, and that came out sarcastic, but also… wanting.

Even in the dim light, Tony watched Bucky’s eyes widen, his pupils go round and dark. The fucking hell? The Winter Soldier was a sub. Tony knew that. Everyone knew that.

And almost no one knew that Tony was a sub. He’d been on black-market drop-suppressants for decades. He even had a special blend of cologne that masked most pheromones, including his own.

“What did you say?” And Bucky was crowding into Tony’s personal space, forcing him back, forcing a retreat. Tony was shivering even before his back hit the wall, because damn, it’d been such a long, long time, and he was just a little bit drunk, and he was caught unaware by Bucky’s powerful Dominating presence that--

Tony went to his knees.

Slow and easy and as graceful as if he did it every night. His gaze dropped to the floor, hands went to the small of his back, and if Bucky didn’t back off right that instant, Tony was going to be groveling, because he hadn’t felt a Dom’s command in so long, he’d almost forgotten it.

No one tried to Dom him; everyone knew Tony Stark was a Dom. And that just wasn’t something you did in public anymore, unless you wanted to be arrested. (Mostly. There was still a hard push back movement from the Dom-ass contingent, who were of the opinion that all a sub wanted was to be dominated, and they were only doing what biologically came naturally by ignoring consent.)

“Oh, my god,” Bucky said, “look at you. Good, oh, that’s so good, baby.”

“No,” Tony managed to snarl, between clenched teeth. “No, back off, back--” He wasn’t going to submit, not again, no. Not--

“Hey.” Bucky’s hand, cupped under his chin. “Hey, baby, can you look at me, come on, it’s all right, come on… there you are. Tony. Tony, what’s wrong?”

God, that voice… it was like quicksilver down Tony’s spine, keeping him supplicant on the ground. All he ever wanted, needed, swirling in his stomach. Heat that seeped through him, from Bucky’s hand down to Tony’s toes. This was exactly what Howard had warned him about. Jesus, he hadn’t responded to a Dom’s voice…

… since Afghanistan.

“Don’t call me that,” Tony gritted. “I’m not yours. How are you fucking doing that? You’re not a Dom.”

Bucky spluttered, made a protesting noise in his throat. “You’re not a sub,” he whispered. “What the hell, Tony?”

It took everything Tony had left to raise his head and glare. “Well, now you know the truth,” he spat. “What are you gonna do about it?”

He’d be lying to himself if he tried to say he didn’t want Bucky to just tell him what to do. To finally be conquered. To let go.

“Nothin’,” Bucky said. He twisted into a squat and then was down on the ground, sitting cross-legged, on Tony’s level. “Didn’t mean t’... I was bein’ an ass, Tony, that’s all. You just. You looked sad an’ angry, and I thought you might need an argument. So I was--”

“You were domming me to piss me off? Well, congratulations, mission accomplished!” And fuck, he still couldn’t get off his goddamn knees. Bucky was holding him right there, he’d whipped his words right around Tony’s spine. Compelled him, crushed him. Tony fought against it, and it hurt, and it kept hurting, because he knew as soon as he stopped fighting, everything was going to be fine. “Stop it! Let me go, goddammit! You’re a goddamn sub, everyone knows that!”

“Winter Soldier’s a sub,” Bucky said. “I’m not. That’s how they broke me. How they made him. Forced conversion, sublimate the base instincts. Enough pain, enough drugs, enough… force and reward, and anyone will break.”

Didn’t Tony just fucking know it? Ten Rings had offered him subs at first, thinking he was a Dom, but exposed like that, deprived of his suppressants, on limited food and water and crude medical care and exactly zero human decency and privacy, Tony had eventually lost control of his secret, and then they had a dozen Doms in there with him, working him over, until he would have promised anything, would have given anything.

If it hadn’t been for Yinsen, for the arc reactor, and for a glimmer of hope in the form of the Iron Man Mark I, Tony would have given up, given in. As it was, three months of that, and Tony was never going to be all right again.

He didn’t really want to feel sympathy for the man who’d put him on his knees. Tony wanted to know what the fucking consequences were going to be.

Tony was dizzy. Sparkles of color danced in front of his eyes. He swayed, but had no urge to get off his knees, he could just--

“Fuck,” Tony said, and that came out almost as a request, a suggestion, and not a swear. “What-- what’s your rating, I’m…”

“You’re dropping,” Bucky said. “I see that. Tony, before the War, I was a DT-9. I never got tested, after…”

Everyone knew the serum enhanced… everything. Pre-serum Steve had been a DB-2, barely able to control even an excessively submissive sub; afterward, a DB-10, with subs doing violence for the opportunity to stand near Captain America. And Jesus, if Bucky had already been over a nine, no wonder Tony couldn’t resist it.

“How… why…”

Bucky shrugged. “After everything? I can control it. Keep my pheromones down, unless I’m actively prowling. I don’t need a dozen subs hanging on my word. I just… want one. Someone special. Someone I can trust, that’ll be good for me. That I can be good to.” Bucky sighed. “It’s strong enough that I used to knock Steve on his ass from time to time, when we was growing up. Learned I didn’t want that. I don’t… Tony, I don’t want you to submit to me, if that’s not what you want. Please. Please get up.”

And it just had to be Tony’s contrary fucking nature, because as soon as Bucky said to get up, told Tony that he wasn’t wanted… well, Tony didn’t want to go anywhere.

“You’ve already got me down,” Tony said, still spiteful after everything, because Bucky might be a ten, or even one of the rare ones who broke the ten marker, but Tony was also a damn nine, and he was an SB-9 who’d learned to suppress the shit out of his instincts and cycles, and he wasn’t going all the way down without a fight. But he could play to that. He’d done enough pretending to Dom to know. Doms wanted a sub who would fight them, just a little. Just to enough to have to exert their control. “You may as well take it.”

Flashes of images raced through Tony’s mind. He was a strong sub, he needed a strong Dom to handle him. Fantasy became fear. Maintenance spankings and loss of privacy. Being told what to wear and how to act. Providing sexual service to his Dom and knowing he’d have to be good as gold to get any satisfaction of his own. Being told he couldn’t masturbate. Tony was shuddering; whether with need or loathing, he couldn’t even tell anymore.

“The fuck? Tony, Tony, wait,” Bucky said.

“I don’t want to wait,” Tony snarled. “Either get me the rest of the way there, or back the fuck off and--” He could smell his own pheromones now, and they always smelled to him like Howard’s office, stale whiskey and furniture polish and fear. Pathetic and craven and cowardly.

“Oh god…” Bucky leaned forward, nostrils flaring. Tony wanted to press against Bucky’s body, cuddle himself against that heat, lay on the ground in front of his boots and show his belly. Bucky drew back, suddenly, and Tony couldn’t help letting a small, dismayed whine slip out of his throat. He was never, ever going to be good enough. Certainly not for someone who was that--

Jesus fucking Christ, did Tony actually want to behave? To deserve someone like Bucky?

“How long has it been? Since you last went into subspace?”

… Afghanistan… “Eight years,” Tony managed to say. Bucky was no one’s fool; he knew the timeline as well as anyone, knew what that meant, and his eyes widened with horror.

“Before that? With someone you trusted?”

That morning, Tony would have rather ripped his own heart out rather than admit the truth. “Never.” Who the hell was he ever going to trust? Tony knew the consequences of being a sub in a position of power. Doms would have been lining up for the opportunity to bring him to heel; to be able to take what they wanted from him, whenever they wanted. And they wouldn’t have just stopped with Tony’s utter and complete subjugation. They’d have taken his money, his influence, used his genius brain… if he’d had any sanity or self-will by the end of that, it would have been a miracle. Howard was very clear. He’d used Tony’s nature against him a few times, to teach him a lesson. To--

Tony was gagging, choking for air.

“Shhh.” Bucky was holding him and Tony both wanted to, and didn’t want to, and was anyway, clinging to him. “I’ve got you. It’s all right.” Wrapping Tony up in that smell, like motor oil and heated metal and dark soil in the forest, the sweet tang of fallen leaves and a bitter note, like coffee, underneath. “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

Protected.

And when had any ever wanted to protect Tony Stark? He could have wept, if he knew how.

Tony was being carried and he didn’t know where. He didn’t struggle, but he did look up, curious. It was dark, and Bucky was moving quickly, as if he already knew where he was going, and had no fear of running into anyone in the darkness.

“You probably want some privacy,” Bucky said. “Listen, I’ll… I won’t tell anyone, but if anyone saw us…”

Tony shuddered. It would all be over, the grand facade.

“What--”

“I’m not going to do anything you don’t want,” Bucky promised, and he said it with his Dom voice, and it sounded like a promise that meant something. “But I can’t leave you to hit subspace alone. I won’t let that happen.”

Tony was put down, like he was a precious package, on something soft, the fabric under him some sort of microfiber. A sofa? Bucky left him there a moment and Tony heard the sound of a lock being engaged. “Not to keep you in,” Bucky promised, “but to keep everyone else out. Do you want light? Or would you rather not look at me?”

As if not looking at Bucky in any way diminished the aura of authority he put out. It might be easier in the darkness, though. Whatever Bucky was going to do. “Dark,” Tony managed.

“All right. All right,” Bucky said, soothing. “Look, Tony… I don’t want to leave you alone. If all you want is me to sit here, that’s what I’ll do. I want to help. Tell me what you need, an’ what you want, an’ I’ll do whatever I can t’ get you safely into subspace an’ back out again, okay?”

That wasn’t right, that wasn’t right at all. “Aren’t you s’posed to hit me?”

Bucky’s eyebrow went up. “Do you want me to?”

“I’m a sub-nine,” Tony retorted. “You need to push me down.”

“No,” Bucky said, and his voice was full of Command, and his scent was in Tony’s nostrils and Tony didn’t want anything in the world aside from to please his Dom. “I don’t need to push you down, honey. What I’m gonna do is lift you up.”

“Then do it. Sir.” Tony let go of the last bit of his control. He was tired of fighting. Let Bucky have what he wanted, and Tony would clean up the mess when he was done. Just like he always did.

“Tony,” Bucky said, “only if you want. Okay? If you want, then I want you to undress. Kneel down, facing the sofa, okay? An’ I’ll take care of you.”

It felt weird, and wrong, and strange, and frightening -- and also exciting and freeing and tempting -- to have Bucky cajoling him into accepting what had to be accepted. To at least allow Tony the illusion of control, of choice.

But he was Tony Stark, and he could never, ever resist pushing. “What if I say no?’

“Then you said no, Tony,” Bucky said. “And I won’t touch you. I promise.”

That… that was a concept that Tony was going to have to come back to, at length. “And what… what if I said I wanted to fuck you, instead? If I wanted you on your knees?”

Bucky gave a shiver, and even in the dark, Tony could see his eyes widen.

He was going to say no, Tony knew it, he knew it and it shouldn’t hurt that he was lying about trust and about what Tony wanted, but it did and Tony was--

“If that’s what you want,” Bucky said. “If that’s what you need t’ feel safe.”

Tony blinked. A DT-10+ would… there weren’t even words for it. “We’re gonna talk about that,” Tony promised him. “Later. I don’t have lube here. You’ll have to settle for hands and mouth tonight.”

“I can do that,” Bucky said, and his voice dropped into a low growl that sent shivers down Tony’s back. “Take your clothes off, if you want me.”

Tony stripped and by the time he was done putting his clothes in an untidy heap to one side of the sofa, Bucky had likewise gotten naked. And he was a step ahead of Tony, because he’d put one of the sofa cushions on the floor for Tony to kneel on. Like Tony was already a coveted pet, a-- No. Bucky wasn’t doing that, and if Tony was going to have his trust broken once again, he was at least going to extend it in the first place.

He got on his knees, faced the sofa like Bucky told him to.

Obeying… obedience… submission. He bowed his head and damn if that didn’t feel good. Accepting his place.

“Look at you,” Bucky said. “So good, baby. God, you look so good, you’re so sweet for me.” Bucky was touching himself, stroking up that proud, fine cock. Tony shivered. He heard Bucky spit into his palm and if there was one moment that Tony really wanted to run away, it was that one, because spit did not work, he knew it--

“What are--”

Bucky pushed Tony’s knees together, just a little, and slid himself into the hollow between Tony’s legs, rubbing at his thighs, at the bottom of his balls. Wrapped his arm around Tony’s waist and took Tony in hand. “Trust me,” he whispered. “I’ll make you feel good, baby, if you’ll just… be good for me, okay? Can you do that? Do you want that?”

Bucky’s movements were slow, sinuous, a delicious tease against Tony’s dick, and he couldn’t help but respond. A Dom’s scent around him, a Dom’s hands on him, a Dom telling him how good he was, how much Bucky liked him, how sweet, how perfect.

Tony whined in his throat and pushed into Bucky’s touch.

“That’s it. That’s a good boy,” Bucky praised him, and it had been so long since anyone had told him that he was good. Even Pepper, who was a level two switch, had never told Tony that he was good. Mostly she’d scolded him and teased and they’d had fun, but it had never… never been like this.

Bucky rocked against him, the head of his cock teasing, a hot pressure against Tony’s ass. “I’m not going to hurt you,” he promised. “Not gonna force anything. Just let me make you feel good. I want that. I want you to feel good. Show me, show me what you like.” And that Command voice, pleading with him, asking him. It was… heady.

Tony covered Bucky’s hand with his own, showed Bucky how Tony liked to touch himself. And Bucky was a fast damn learner. In moments, Tony was braced against the sofa, arms spread to keep himself still, while Bucky worked him over with one hand, the other one hold fast to Tony’s shoulder, metal fingers pressing out little bruises along his collarbone, a sparkle of pain against what was an overwhelming amount of pleasure.

“Oh, god.” Bucky was bent over him, hot, lean body lightly coated with sweat; they rubbed together as he moved. Tony could feel every inch of him, and it wasn’t enough. “I… can I bite you, please?”

Marks? Oh, fuck, no. Not yet, not-- “Don’t,” Tony told him. Denied him, and Bucky whined in his throat, but he didn’t touch Tony’s back with his teeth, didn’t do anything except the one protesting whimper and then kept moving, his hand on Tony, stroking him out in delicious shivers.

Tony’s thighs clenched up and Bucky was still fucking through the hollow between his legs, that tight, hot gap.

Being allowed to say no, no to anything, no matter how small, and that Bucky didn’t punish him, didn’t assert his authority, and Tony was flying-- he gasped with the power in it, and all the heat in his body pooled into his balls.

Everything went soft and fuzzy, like being wrapped in a blanket straight out of the dryer. A spill of carbonated water over his skin. Not a sense of sinking down, but of floating up. Not compliant, but accommodating. He didn’t have to fight with this anymore. It was easy. It was… comforting. He found a single, bright spot of serenity, where he would have, could have, given Bucky everything. And knew. Trusted. That Bucky would never take more than he needed.

Tony arched back, cried out.

He came, spilling over Bucky’s hand with a moan, nearly fell into his own come when his arms gave out, but Bucky was holding him up, rocking him through his climax. There was a warm blossom of wetness against his thighs and Bucky was calling his name, praising him, telling him he was so good, that Bucky was so proud of him, and he knew this was hard, he knew it, but Tony had done such a good job, and Bucky was grateful for it. Honored by it.

“I got you,” Bucky was saying, and… he was wiping Tony’s legs clean, using Bucky’s own undershirt to do the job, instead of leaving Tony on his knees in a puddle of come. “You’re so good, baby.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Tony protested, absently pushing at Bucky’s hands.

“Yes, you did,” Bucky said. He put the shirt aside and tipped Tony’s chin up to look at him. “You trusted me, and that’s big. That’s huge Tony, even if you hadn't been through some terrible shit, and you didn’t just watch the woman you love marry someone else. You let me help you, and… I’m happy that you allowed it. Proud, that you let me.”

Bucky hadn’t just… fucked and run, which is what happened with most other Doms that Tony had gone to -- in clubs or bars where he could wear a mask and pretend to be someone else -- or the subs that he’d sometimes make time with, barely able to satisfy them, much less himself. Maybe it was that. Or post-orgasm glow. Or maybe it was just that it was nice to hear someone saying he’d done well, done something right. He didn’t quite want to go back to kneeling at Bucky’s feet, either.

Instead, Tony had an overwhelming urge to curl up against the man and go to sleep. And he thought, maybe he could sleep, longer than forty-minute power nap or the restless up every twenty minutes or so that were his normal habit.

“So, what now?” Tony yawned, and tried not to look at how Bucky was sitting and how easy it would be to just… crawl into his lap and stay there.

“I’m gonna help you get dressed, and walk you up to your hotel room,” Bucky said. “And then I’m going to make sure you have some aspirins and some water. If you still want me to stay, I’ll help you with a shower, an’ tuck you in.”

“I--” Tony waved his hand around, trying to indicate the room and everything that had happened there. “--I mean… us?”

“Is there an us, honey?” That was said so, so gently, like Bucky didn’t want to scare Tony off and not at all like Tony was being mocked, scorned… rejected.

“I don’t know,” Tony said. His bottom lip pushed out, and he knew he was pouting, and he couldn’t help it, because… well, he didn’t know why. He didn’t want Bucky to leave. And it wasn’t like he couldn’t remember trying, really hard, to get him to back up, back off, not an hour ago. None of that seemed to matter anymore. “Stay.”

“I’ll stay the night,” Bucky promised. “But no more messing around until you’re sober, and off this drop. We need to talk. About limits and consent, and what I want from you, and what you expect from me, and that’s not talk we can have tonight.”

Tony scoffed.

“I’m serious,” Bucky said. “I know you’ve been at the hands of some terrible people, and you don’t have any idea what… you don’t know enough about the situation to make an informed decision, honey. And I would be doin’ us both a bad turn if I let you decide anything tonight.”

While he was talking, Bucky helped Tony into his clothes like he was a recalcitrant toddler. Tony didn’t look like the same rich playboy type in his bespoke suit; he looked like he’d been tumbled and that done quite thoroughly, but it covered his bits and pieces, and would get him up to his room without too much attention.

Tony turned his wrist slowly, gazing down at his watch. “It’s tomorrow,” he said, pointing at it.

Bucky made an adorable scowl. “Not until you’ve slept. Come on, honey, be good for me, for just a little longer, yeah?”

“No,” Tony said. “You… should know that. I’m used… used to getting my own way.”

Bucky chuckled, low and wicked in Tony’s ear. “I know.”

World building notes:

People are tested on the strength of their advertising pheromones and sexual preferences: Dom/sub/switch Top/Bottom/switch So, Bucky, as a DT-9 is a dom/top rank 9 (of 10) Steve, pre-serum, was a DB-2, a Dom-bottom, rank 2 Tony's a S/switch-9 Also, pheromone and drop-suppressants are illegal, but Tony is rich and he can get a hold of them.

Pepper is a mid-level switch D2/S5 essentially, so she and Tony were able to make it look like he was a "normal" Dom, but her submissive nature is stronger than her dom and Tony's a REAL BRAT, so they weren't compatible for each other, long term.

**title note: the title is selected from lyrics from Tenth Avenue North, which is a Christian Praise song, but I've often thought that Christian Praise music sounds an awful lot like D/s relationships :D (I'm going to hell. You're all coming with me.)

#mcukinkbingo #winteriron #intercrural sex #kneeling #Dom/sub AU #mild dub con #implied child abuse/past child abuse

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